Elevathers

S2 | EP 20: The Life You Want Starts With No

• Elevathers • Season 2 • Episode 20

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What if the life you want starts with the word no? We get brutally honest about how fast time is moving, why our priorities sharpened in our 30s, and the boundaries that keep our peace intact. From money to messages to nights out, we map the small decisions that compound into a calmer, happier, more intentional life.

We start with a mindset reset: stop giving easy yeses and soft apologies that dilute your choices. If you take a job, go on a solo trip, or choose the gym over brunch, you don’t owe anyone a sorry. We also reframe “access”—who gets our time, our replies, and our presence. That means answering when we’re ready, skipping three-screen texts, and letting “let’s get together” go unless we genuinely mean it. Planned social energy beats being seen everywhere. An Irish exit can be self-care.

Money and energy management run through it all. We cut overspending—not just cash, but patience and attention. We share real tactics: rewear your staples, find and use those forgotten store credits, and pick maintenance that fits your schedule and budget. Convenience isn’t always smart; sometimes it’s just a time-prioritization problem in disguise. We also call out a hard truth: busyness is not productivity. Every task should answer the question, what’s the return—revenue, rest, skill, or joy?

There’s power in language, so we end on accountability. When someone apologizes for a real hurt, resist the reflex to say “it’s okay.” Let it sit, let it mean something, and decide what reconciliation really looks like. Growth is the throughline here—reintroducing ourselves as we evolve, protecting mental space, spending on what serves us, and living at a pace that feels human. If you’re ready to trade noise for intention and people-pleasing for peace, this one will meet you right where you are.

If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs the reminder, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Tell us: what are you no longer doing this year?

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Setting The Tone: No More “It’s Okay”

SPEAKER_03

Another one that I want to add to the list is I am no longer saying something is okay when someone is apologizing.

SPEAKER_00

Sometimes you gotta let people sit in the stupidity that they try to pull. Let them marinate it. Don't say it's okay. Just let them sit in. Hey

Welcome And Community Check-In

SPEAKER_00

y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Elevators Podcast. We're so excited to have you back with us.

SPEAKER_03

That's right. Hey, friend. Welcome back. And if you're back, that means that you are sticking with us. You are kicking it with us. And we love that for us. And we love that for you. So make sure you are tapped in wherever you are listening or watching this podcast. Make sure you're getting all the push notifications. Like, follow, subscribe, and all of the things because as you can see, we have been consistent for the past couple of seasons. We are so okay. And we want to make sure that you are here with us. Wherever you are, okay.

Time Moves Fast And Priorities Shift

SPEAKER_03

Yo, it's kind of hard to believe, but we are middle of the first quarter. Okay. We are in the middle of what's going to almost be the first quarter of the year. And once we hit March, then it's done. Um, and I don't know. I feel like the year has been good so far. However, what's going on outside? I'm trying to keep my peace over here and maintain it because everything is just girl.

SPEAKER_00

I think I I mean I think you've said it best. Like, I feel like we looked up and we are already mid-February. And it's kind of scary, like how fast time is going. And I think the older we get, the more the more we are very conscious and selective with how we spend our time, what we're doing. There are so many things that I'm no longer doing in my 30s in this social economy that I can't, I don't even real I don't even know how I was able to do said things in my 20s for so long. But now that we are in our 30s, like we like to say on the case. Now that I'm in my 30s, yeah, now that we're in our 30s,

Purpose, Gratitude, And Sharing Lessons

SPEAKER_00

there's so many things that I'm no longer doing or wasting my time on because time is just so precious and it's moving so fast. Literally, in two more weeks, we're gonna be oh no, in like six more weeks, we're gonna be at the end of Q1 of 2026. We're gonna link and it's gonna be 2027. So we have to be very cognizant of like what we are spending our time on and what we're not spending our time on and making real like conscious decisions on those things.

SPEAKER_03

I agree. We actually need a in our 30s t-shirt, sweatshirt, coffee mug. If we do that in the comments, let us know. Would you tap in and would you get one? I know I would because we say it all the time. And I think the reason why I say it, Crystal, I don't know if maybe you want to speak on why you say it. I think I'm almost at disbelief that I'm at this age. Not because I'm not happy to be here. I love the 30s, right? I love what's to come. I think growing older is a blessing. As you mentioned, life is so short. I'm not hiding, like, I'm here for another year. There are some people that didn't make it to where we are and are, you know, not here with us, unfortunately. And it's it's a reason why you're still here, your purpose still exists. There's a reason why um God didn't say your time is your time is not here on this planet, is it's done. So I think because of that, there are lessons that we've learned both together separately along the way in this journey of life that we want to share with someone that's in their 30s, someone that's in their 20s, someone that's in their 40s. Because let's also be clear, we are always relearning or we're always even just learning some type of new um life lesson to help us push through and get to where we need to go. So no one in this life has done this before. This is literally our first go-around experiencing this thing. Um, I almost wish we can go back and fix some things, but we can't, right? So I think where we are, there's so many things that we've learned that we want to share with you guys. Some are like cute, funny, some are just like we need to be on our Zoom and you know, just everything in between. So I think this is great. I love this. This is like a this is like a lesson or like an episode I would want my younger self to to hear. And even my future self, because it's important for us to know like how far we've come and where we're going. And just the mindset shifts and changes that happen along the way, they're like so important.

SPEAKER_00

So I'm proud of us. We're growing. I always say I'm um in our 30s, allegedly. Like, I I don't know if I'm really in my 30s. I'm not gonna lie. Allegedly, I'm in my 30s. I really don't know because the way time is moving so fast, it's incredible and it's incredibly

No Overspending Of Money Or Energy

SPEAKER_00

scary. But now that I'm in my 30s, in this social economy, I am no longer overspending on anything. Not my money, not my energy. I'm not giving anything like to the world if I'm not receiving something back. And it's crazy for me to even feel like that and say and and speak like that because coming from you know my culture and background, like we don't do things. We're very like, you don't do things for something in return. And now I'm at a point where I'm like, no, no, no, I'm only doing things for something in return. Because in this world we live in today, maybe not the world my mom lived in and my grandparents lived in, but in this world we live in today, the takers will take.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And that's your money, that's your energy, that's your time, that is your opinions, your thoughts, your style, whatever it is that you feel like you are giving to this world, and you feel like people are just taking from you, or the world is just taking from you, they gonna continue to take. So I am no longer overspending on anything that is not actually bringing me a return. Like I know last year we went viral on like the maintenance category, but even that, I'm like, I have scaled back significantly, partially because I have no patience for half the things that I used to have patience for, but also because I'm like, this is silly. I'm gonna do my lashes in five minutes in my house for one-fourth of the price. I'm not overspending anymore. I'm done.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. I also think we have a bittersweet thing to thank

Pandemic Lessons On Time And Loss

SPEAKER_03

for that. And I feel like it's the pandemic. I feel like the pandemic taught us so much about how precious time is. The time that we were all in our homes for those few years felt like a lifetime, right? And in that time that we spent in solitude, a lot of us learned different things that we needed to do, whether it's hair, makeup, nails, whatever maintenance things we needed to learn, that was one. Um, also, we understood how precious time was. A lot of, you know, even for me, like a lot of people closest to me lost loved ones during that time, right? Not to, you know, take it there, but just to put into perspective like what Crystal is saying. Like you are very limited on the time that you have here. So whatever it is that you're doing, make sure it's something that you wholeheartedly want to do, right? Because you may not get a second opportunity to do that said thing. And you may not be able to go back and like fix whatever you put out there in the atmosphere, whether it is you gave something to somebody that you can't get back. And that's also something like, don't ever do something or give something that you feel like if you don't have it, it's gonna really ruin your, your, your spirit and just upset you because then that's something that you also can't get back, is you know, your emotional um awareness of that thing. But yeah, I'm with you on that. I think that's also on my list as well, is I'm not, I'm not, I'm not doing those things like in my life right now. Like maybe back in the days in my 20s and my, you know, like my late um teens, like I had the time and the energy to just do all of that. But no, time is money, energy costs, and it kind of is what it is. Not to be like that, but like it is. Like the average person's life is what, 75 years old? Like, we closer to that than we are on the other side. You know what I mean? So it's just like, baby, if you with me, like we we gotta be in this where we're we're both putting something out, but we're both also, you know, equally getting something here. And I think, you know, of course, everything has its um its scenario, but for the most part, you know, you you know what we mean when we say that. But yeah, I I agree with you. I I love that take.

Stop Over-Apologizing For Your Choices

SPEAKER_03

One of the things I feel like I'm no longer doing in my 30s, even leading into 40s, that I feel like I did a lot of in my and younger is I'm not apologizing. It is what it is. No. And there was a book actually that an author wrote, um, Girl, stop apologizing. Um, because I feel like a lot of the times we are overcompensating for other people's feelings rather than leaning into how we really and truly feel. And sometimes that comes and shows up as us saying, we're sorry for something that we think someone was unfavorable, like something that was unfavorable to somebody else, when in fact it is something that you probably felt or wanted to do. Um, so it's like, I'm not overcompensating another person's emotions over my own, right? If I really feel genuinely that I did whatever I want to do, um, then I'm not gonna apologize for it. You know what I mean? And and I that could be anything. That could be um if you're taking a new job and your family may not be, you know, in favor of you going to this place or whatever that can that may be. That may be a relationship. You may be in a relationship that someone's like, oh, I don't, oh, I'm so sorry that you feel no. Like it, whatever it is that you like and that you love that means something to you or that you wanted to do just because you want to do it, take a trip by yourself, a solo vacation. Like, don't apologize for doing something in the moment that you wanted to do to please yourself or to satisfy yourself. Like you are in charge of your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. And because someone else doesn't like something doesn't mean that you have to instantly want to apologize to make that other person feel like their emotions are more superior to yours, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, that makes a thousand percent

Guarding Access: Texts, Boundaries, Responses

SPEAKER_00

sense. I think kind of like similar to that, I am no longer giving people access to me.

SPEAKER_01

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_00

That is on every level, like not only just you know, in person and like emotionally and having like friends close to me, but I'm talking down to the text messages. And I might be late to the game in this sense, but there was a point in my life where I felt like I had to respond to everybody and every message that I received because I was scared that people would perceive me as like, oh, she stuck up or like oh she thinks she's too good, or whatever the case may be, like just anything. And that was draining a lot because you know, just like based on what we do, what I do, it's like people are always gonna want to talk to you, people are always gonna want to connect with you, and that's great, but it takes a lot of energy to do those sorts of things. So I'm talking like down to the text messages, uh sometimes I just won't respond. And it's not because like I'm being rude or whatever, like I'm not even gonna overexplain myself, which is another thing I'm no longer doing in my 30s, but it's just a matter of like if it doesn't make sense in the first minute of me reading the message, I'm not responding because I'm doing 20 other things right now, and like maybe I'll get back to you later, but who knows?

SPEAKER_03

Can I say something that you like said that made me think instantly? If you're this person, please don't ever text me. I'm not reading three paragraphs, sis, or sir, or whoever, family member, friend. Don't send me a story. Okay, that's an email. Like I'm no longer doing that. I'm the the passages of text messages that you feel a person should that is a voice note, you know? It just it you just made me think about that when you when you said that, like the text messages. Cause I used to be like that. I used to get like anxiety where like even I hate saying it, like I'm driving in it, like you get a text notification, you're like, oh, I gotta respond really quickly. Like you have to respond in the instant. You feel like you have to respond in an instant. And I feel like you've said this on one of our shows as well is sometimes you need to process the response. You might need to process what it is that you want to say, and everything doesn't require um a 10 a 10-minute or five-minute or two-minute turnaround. Sometimes you need a second, and no one knows what you're in the middle of. You could be at work, you could be with your kids, you could be traveling on a plane. Like, no one is owed that. Like, I feel like you respond whenever you want to respond. And I too also agree with the giving access to um to you point. I think that's something that a lot of people should establish as they're getting older because your time is

Homebody Era And Planned Socializing

SPEAKER_03

so precious, right? So I know I may ruffle some feathers when I say this, but if you knew me in high school, you do not know me. Okay. If you knew me, maybe even my early 20s, you may not know me. We change so much every single day. Like we've changed so much in the last six, five, two, three months since the year started. Um, and what I mean by that is I feel like so many people try to use that like, well, I knew you back in high school, or I knew what you used to be. It's like, honey. I did. You did? I don't even remember her. Like, I don't even like what was she doing back then? Like, I don't remember because I think people got life kind of like they're out of tune and out of touch that I feel like because they know you or they knew of you at a certain point of your life, that they do have that access. And no, you do not. Like, you have to be reintroduced to this version of me if I give you that opportunity. And it's not to be mean, it's not to be shady, it's not to be like, I'm better or I'm not better. It's literally none of those things. But you don't know what people have endured or gone through in the span of their life from where they are now from when you knew them back whenever it was. So it's just like you have to just respect that. Sometimes people may not give you that opportunity to see you. I've literally had people, and I'm saying this because I've had people, whether it's like a DM, I've had people randomly text me, and I maybe you can say the same thing too, where it's like, hey girl, let's do dinner. I see you back here. I see you, and I'm like, I haven't talked to you since high school. It's like, mm-hmm, slow down. Savannah, slow down. You know what I mean? Like, I like we may not like each other. We may not even want to be in each other's space. And I feel like if certain relationships were supposed to stand the test of time, then they'd be people you'd still be communicating with. And I think even more, even more importantly, on top of that, I feel like another another version of giving people access to you is foundations of relationships that you built over time. Um, and what I mean by that is I feel like, I don't know, maybe it's just me. I think it maybe is a current feeling. I speak to my friends a lot less than I used to, right? And those friends do have access to me, but I feel like it's so important to build your foundation, your friendship foundation so solid that you do not have to talk to people every day. Like, I don't even want, I don't think in this stage in my life, I

Ditching Fake “Let’s Get Together”

SPEAKER_03

want to talk to my friends every day because it's just not, it's not one, I don't know, it's just not realistic currently. Like, I think back then we had so much time in the world, it's like now, baby, I don't even know when I don't need the time to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Like, I don't even remember what time I ate lunch today. Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

We don't have enough hours in the day. Like, this is not real.

SPEAKER_03

It's very weird. It's crazy. Like, my mom will be like, Oh, did you catch up with so-and-so? House-so, and I'm like, huh? I've really caught up with myself. I have no sense. I'm still trying to catch up with what I needed to do today. But all love always, of course. And the people who know, like, who you who is your tribe, who is your circle, they understand that we're all just at different seasons of our lives, just going through different motions. So I love that you said that. Okay, something that I am no longer doing in my 30s currently and also leading into the next decade is I have become a homebody. I love being at home. I do go outside occasionally. I'm not gonna lie. Do go and have a little fun here and there. But with that being said, I am not leaving my home out of the sake of just going out just to be out, just to say that you've done something. I feel like I'm at the age where reservations are set like days in advance. Um, if we're going somewhere, like we know exactly where we're sitting, we know exactly what we're doing, like things are not popping up. And I get it, things happen here and there, right? But for the most part, if I'm leaving my house where I'm so comfortable and where I love to be, I wanna make sure that things are in place. We're not, I'm not just popping out. Like, you know, I just also feel like as women, we don't gotta be everywhere. Hello, we got we gotta sit down sometimes. Let people miss you. Like, why we see you out all the time? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Like, I just feel like that's a good one. We don't talk about that enough. Another thing is staying for the let out. Not in my 30s.

SPEAKER_03

Crystal, teach them how you Irish exit. They need to learn. There's time out when crystal. I'm in and out. I mean, Crystal and I could go at this said

Unapologetic Self-Care That Refuels You

SPEAKER_03

place and we come at the same time. Girl, we could even ride together. And I turn around and I'm like, I'm gone. Like the wind, girl.

SPEAKER_00

Like I'll rob.

SPEAKER_03

Should I have her boyfriend come pick her up something?

SPEAKER_00

But Crystal, hey, did you I just see I'm the girl, I'm in and out like a robbery for real. I just it's just like let's go handle business and go home. Let's handle business and go home. Cause at home I got more business to handle. Like I can't. I I I can't and I love to show up for people and I love to like go show face and stuff like that and and do what I said I'm gonna do, but I'm gonna do just that and I'm gonna be out.

SPEAKER_03

We out. I'm staying for the let out. We are not at that age. We are not staying if you are the last if the if the lights come on someplace, you've overstayed your welcome. There's a such thing as overstaying your welcome at public locations, at public destinations, and that is just somewhere I don't want to be. I think Irish Exit is a flex. That was we were working, y'all, but that's different. We were that's a fast food restaurant, Crystal. Don't bring that up. Like, you gotta go. I don't know where y'all gotta go, but y'all gotta get up out of here. Right. Uh but yeah, I I'm mm-mm. Yeah, I think I think sometimes we just need to, we need to go back to leaving things to the mystery. Like, oh my gosh, have you seen Crystal? Have you seen Amanda? It's been a minute I've not seen them. Like, I love that. Like, so then when you pop out, it's like, oh my gosh, we haven't seen you in forever. Not like, girl, we just seen you last week. Hello. Like, you don't get tired of being outside. So that's that's that's something I'm I'm no longer doing in my 30s.

SPEAKER_00

Another thing we've been talking about outside, I am no longer saying we need to get together when I know it ain't gonna happen. And I'm no longer agreeing to, oh, let's get together. I'm not agreeing to it. I'm not. When I know it's a good one.

SPEAKER_03

So wait, when someone says it to you, because you know that's something that the girls always say, is let's get together. What would your what is your response to that? Because that might be a good thing. I feel like a lot of us get hit with the, oh, let's get together, or oh my gosh, let's get together. And you know what it I think it is too? I don't really want to say it's like diarrhea of the mouth, but I feel like we say things sometimes just to be respectful.

SPEAKER_00

Not like we just say it to be like We say it almost to be like, hey, how's your day? Like, we should get together. Like it's in the same sort of cadence. It's like you don't even need to say all that. Like, just bye, hi, nice to see you. Like, we don't even need to do that whole song and dance of yeah, let's get together. I haven't seen you in a long time. Let's do lunch, let's do brunch. I literally only say that when I genuinely like

Outsourcing Versus Prioritizing Time

SPEAKER_00

want to link with a person. I'm no longer saying that for people who are just like casual, yeah. Casual. I'm just not. You know what it is? Because it does something in my brain. Like, this might just be me, but I hate letting words come out of my mouth that I do not follow up on in smallest ways. I don't know what it is, but it it almost makes me feel like I didn't complete a task that I said I was gonna do. Maybe I should go to therapy about it. But does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03

Like, yeah, you get what I'm saying? Especially if you feel like you have like a bunch of windows and you just trying to close, yeah, you trying to like close tabs because I feel like you've talked about like being that type of person. I I think it's okay when you're building and establishing like a relationship with someone that you both equally genuinely want to, right? Because I know that some people are at in it in their 30s at this stage and phase where they feel like I have the friends I have. I don't really know if I barely could manage the friends I have. I don't know if I could add any other friends to the group. But I think if you are open to accepting new friendships and like actually cultivating those friendships, then it's okay to say. But I do agree with you that I feel like we sometimes just say it to say it and may not genuinely mean it. And I think it's okay, but like realizing that, like I'm not. No longer doing this thing just to say it. You know what I mean? And also, if we're outside at the same place at the same time, why can't this be us getting together? Why do we gotta get it together outside of this? What do you gotta say to me outside that you can't say right now? That's a good point. That's a very good point. That's a good point. Does it just need to be a one-on-one? Because we could move to the side at this set of party. We could have a conversation and kiki. I'm just trying to figure it out. I don't know. So something that I'm no longer doing in my 30s is apologizing for the self-care time I spend to do the things I want to do to refuel myself. And I know that some people take it as like, because I know you mentioned, like, oh, like I like it depends on what is of interest to you and the things that matter to you, right? Some people don't enjoy certain things as it relates to self-care. And self-care can look a lot different for a lot of people, right? I like working out. I'm not apologizing for working out. Some people may be like, dang, girl, like you don't want to give it a break. Like, and I'm like, no, if I don't work out, I might want to like slap

Spending Smarter: Credits, Rewearing, Staples

SPEAKER_03

somebody. You know what I mean? Like, so me working out is also like a part of self-care. And I'm just using that as an example because it just makes me feel good, right? So I'm not apologizing for working out. I'm not apologizing for how much time I spend when I go to the hair salon, because I know it is a lot of time. But when I have my hair done, I'm a better person. I'm more fun when my hair's done. I'm not fun when, you know, I'm not as fun. I'm not gonna say I'm not fun, but I'm just not as fun.

SPEAKER_00

As long as you know yourself, that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So I'm not apologizing for the things I need to do to replenish myself. Because I feel like us women, especially if you have kids, like I can't even imagine. I'm not even, I'm not even a mom yet. I can't even imagine how mom's guilt, mom guilt feels when moms take time away from their kids to do things that they know that they need to just feel good about like themselves as a woman. Just like, you know what I mean? Like sometimes you just need to take a step away and say, you know what? I'm going to do my nails. I'm I'm going to the beach just me. Like, I don't want anyone else there. I'm going to sit in the parking lot of my favorite fast food restaurant or my favorite coffee shop and just be with myself. And I don't want anyone to say anything about it. I'm not apologizing for it. And no one ever should apologize for that because you can't pour him an empty cup, sis.

SPEAKER_00

Like, oh, you really can't. You really can't quarantine you for first.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know what's funny? This is kind of like superficial, but the one thing that makes me feel like refueled is getting my eyebrows waxy tinted.

SPEAKER_03

That is not superficial at all.

SPEAKER_00

Because I'm like, it's for months I felt like I was, oh, I'm like ill. I feel so ugly. Like, what is it? This is annoying me. And I couldn't put my finger on it because I was like, it's not the lashes. Like, I already got like my lashes done, whatever. And a couple weeks ago, I went back to my eyebrow girl who lives in West Bubba, which is why I stopped going to her. And I was like, oh my god, my hand. And I realized it was the brows this whole time.

SPEAKER_03

You might need to give me that brow girl. Because I literally thought about tinting my brows recently. Literally, like today, I was like, oh, do I want to get tinting? She's so good. I love her. Yes, I'll send you her. But there's like a chemical, there's like that then Dorphins that there's a chemical thing that happens in our brain and Dorphins are released, I'm sure. Whenever we do something that we enjoy and we love, you just feel happy about it. You're just like, oh my, oh my God, like I'm I'm me again. Like it's I know the feeling, girl. I love it. I want it every day.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, I love that. And for you, it's a gym. For me, it's like getting my eyebrows scented.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, on top of those on top of other things. But I I agree a thousand percent. What's something for you?

SPEAKER_00

I am no longer outsourcing unnecessary things under the guise of it making my life easier or making it easier for me. And I'll give you an example. Like, my friends come over and they door dash everything. And I'm like, there's a CVS down the block. It takes 10 minutes. Like, and that's just an example.

Busyness Isn’t Productivity

SPEAKER_00

But for me in my 20s, I would be like, it's just easier, like, just do that. And and it's like, yeah, it's easier. And that's why you know there's a big corporation making like billions of dollars from it. Because it is easier, but easier isn't always smarter. And we are at the age where we need to make conscious, smarter decisions. And even sometimes like down to having house cleaners. Maybe this month I will, maybe next month I won't. It really just depends on my schedule, but I'm not going to be outsourcing things again under this fake guise of it's making my life easier.

SPEAKER_03

So do you think do you think the whole phrase of like the work smarter, not harder, when it relates to like people using um a lot of these um I guess services to get things done is also just making people lazy? Like, do you think it's like in relation to lazy?

SPEAKER_00

It's making people lazy, but I think you know, to each his own, it really depends on somebody's lifestyle. If it costs you more money to

Evolving Standards And Reintroducing Ourselves

SPEAKER_00

do it yourself, then obviously that's dumb. But I don't know. I'm also like, there's nobody that busy in the world that can't do X, Y, Z or whatever the case is. You know, you get what I'm saying? Like, I'm talking about regular people, nobody's talking about the 1% of billionaires. Like regular people, there's no way you're that busy where you can't take care of whatever it is you need to take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00

That's just me.

SPEAKER_01

Agree.

SPEAKER_00

Each is owned though. Everybody's lifestyle is very different. But me, I have noticed that a lot of times I'm like, oh, but this is just easier because I'm like busy doing this, busy doing that. And it's like, no, the reality was I just was not prioritizing my time properly. I wasn't getting off of Instagram enough. I wasn't getting off of TikTok enough.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my gosh, I love that. Agreed a thousand percent. Um, something I think a lot of us can agree on as it relates to things we're no longer doing in our 30s, is I'm trying my best. And I have to put my hand up when I say this because I am still, he knows, Jesus knows my heart. I'm still working on it. I'm not perfect. And these things that we're saying, although we are, you know, no longer doing it, sometimes we may do it here and there, and it's just a process of learning that we're trying to unlearn. I am no longer overspending for the sake of an event, for the sake of a vacation, um, for the sake of just to have it. Like I'm very much in my, if you have it and it has a tag on it, wear it. You don't need to wait for a specific occasion to wear your nice thing. You don't have to wait for an event to wear your nice thing. You don't have to break the bank just because you're going on a vacation. You don't have to pack a new suitcase full of new things when you're going to a new place. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm really trying my best to not overspend in areas that don't require it, right? I'm only like, really and truly in this economy, I'm a repeat economy and in just this part of my life currently, I don't know what's happening. Okay, in this world. I don't know if I'm gonna have to pack up and leave. Like, I just want to make sure I am saving up for a rainy day. So I haven't, you know what? I have not gone shopping in a long time. And when I realize I have not, and when I mean shopping, like, I mean like,

Let Apologies Sit And Truly Land

SPEAKER_03

you know how we, you know how we do girls. Like, you know how we go out, we're getting a couple pairs of shoes at this place, we're getting a couple like outfits. I may go to the store and get one or two things. But I mean, like, I haven't like shopped in like honestly quite some time. And I realized, and maybe you may need to do this too, girl. One time I went in my email and I'm Googling, like, not Googling, but I'm searching in my email. I had so many credits to stores. I had Revolve credit, I had House of C B credit, I had this credit because you know how you buy stuff and like if it doesn't work out, you exchange it or you return it because it's size. And sometimes I forgot that I did those things. I created a Word document the other day of just credits I had at stores, and it was disgusting. I was like, one, some of those stores, which I hate, um, especially like those UK stores, they give you an expiration date on the money you spent. Like I bought a, I bought two dresses one time for my best friend's um bridal shower. I kept one of the dresses that I ended up wearing and one I sent back. It was a UK brand, so I didn't think of it. And I'm like, I had like $200 something dollars that expired like this month, and I didn't know because I didn't go through my emails and I created a word document and I was just like, yeah, this gotta stop. So I don't know who this is for or if you need to do that thing too. If you have credits at these places, don't buy nothing.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not gonna lie, that sounds like it's against consumer laws, right? Right back to you.

SPEAKER_03

That's where Yeah, like they give you like a limit on when you're when you were supposed to use your credit. But anyway, like long story short, I'm like not overspending. I'm gonna just see what I have that I have not worn yet. And then also if I have a credit somewhere that I have not used, I'm using that thing. Um, and if I have something in

Listener Prompts And Closing CTA

SPEAKER_03

my closet, like you're going to places people never seen you in. So like they never seen you in these outfits, like rewear it. I wore a dress the other night. I'm like, oh, I wore this when I was in Europe for a friend's wedding and I didn't wear it here. I'm like, I'm wearing it. Like, it's okay. It's it's a part of in the name of fashion sustainability or whatever you want to call it. That's a good one. Save your money.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's a good one too. I have noticed more and more that I no longer shop by trends. Like when I'm shopping now, I'm getting staple pieces that I'm gonna wear over and over and over again. And I don't care if you see me with this top. Mind your business.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. It's meant to be reworn. We have to wear your clothes. Wear your clothes, okay? It's meant to be reworn, repeated, reworn a different way, like styled up a different way. Like, it's not meant to just sit in your closet. Like, we need to get out of that space and that habit. I don't care if you're going to the grocery store, like, wear your cute two-piece aloe set. Don't wait for yoga. Don't wait for, like, you know what I mean? Whatever it is that you want to do, do it. Because every day is not promised. So remember that. Pull that bag out, sis.

SPEAKER_00

Another thing I'm no longer doing is confusing busyness with productivity.

SPEAKER_03

That's good.

SPEAKER_00

I, and that's a hard one for me.

SPEAKER_03

That's good.

SPEAKER_00

Because it really takes like identifying what is busy work and what is work that's creating an actual outcome. That's hard. That's that's really hard. So yeah, now in my 30s, like I said before, everything has to come with a return. Everything. So if the busy work isn't giving me an actual return, cut it.

SPEAKER_03

It's gotta go. Yo, you know what's crazy? This list can keep going. Like I feel like there's so many things that we can say that we are no longer doing in our 30s as we lead to 40s. I'm sure we when we get in our 40s or maybe even the next six months, the list may even change and evolve. And I think that's longer. Yeah, it might get longer. And I think that's the beautiful part of just growing as a person and learning the things that matter most to you and the things that you care about and taking a stand on it and not letting other people's influences identify what that means to you, right? If someone that you love doesn't accept it, if you know someone that you care about just doesn't understand how you want to show up for yourself in this world, then it's okay to either reintroduce them or it's okay to be like, hey, maybe this is a seasonal thing. Maybe this is not, you know what I mean? This is not something that is working out for for you guys at that moment. But and I think it's okay. I feel like it's always good to unlearn bad habits and to learn new good habits. And I'm here for it. Another one that I want to add to the list is I am no longer saying something is okay when someone is apologizing. You know how like someone's just like, I'm so sorry, and you're like, oh, it's okay. Like, I understand. No, because if a person is apologizing for something they did that was unfavorable, that they knew that they had no business doing, we are not condoning someone making bad decisions out of the expense for your feelings, what they may have done, what they may have not done. Like, you need a person to apologize wholeheartedly and hear what they did wrong and be willing to forgive or just be like, you know what, I hear you. I either accept your apology, I, you know, but no, we're not going to just forgive bad behavior and say it's okay. Because then it's just makes basically what's the purpose of a person apologizing if you're just gonna tell them what they did was fine. There's nothing to apologize for.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Even though I know people typically feel like when that person says it's okay, they know it's not okay. But I agree. Sometimes you gotta let people sit in the stupidity that they try to fool. Let them marinate in it. Don't say it's okay. Just let them sit in it. Because that feels 10 times worse.

SPEAKER_03

If you tell me you apologize and that person's not saying it's okay, you're like, oh god, they're like listen, you you kill them with a you give a you give a nice don't don't even open, don't even, don't even open the lips to say yes or no or just like girl, that's that hurt. That's that hurt. That is that hurt if you ever felt it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

This was a solid list, though. I'm not gonna lie. I would love to know for our listeners, what are you no longer doing in your 30s or even in your 20s? Because you grow every decade from your teens to your 20s to your 30s to your 40s. I want to know what are some things you are no longer doing and maybe I'll implement it into my life.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Listen, it's a tight program. Okay, we're running a tight ship, dude. I would love to know, honestly, I'm gonna take a step further. If you're in your 40s or your 50s, what are some things on that list that we need to be looking ahead and be like, you know what? Let me let me take heed now. Like, let me really take these things into consideration so I don't have to walk into um my 40s or my 50s doing these things right now. Learning things new. Learning things wrong, yeah. Like, so like put us on game, let us know what we need to add to the list um and just things that we should be aware of because at the end of the day, we are all in the business of protecting our peace and protecting just you know our mental in ways that we don't allow other people to come in and just disrupt that, right?

SPEAKER_00

So we want to make sure that we are showing up positive, yes, as well as learning and growing and elevating and taking that next step in our life. So make sure you guys, if you like this episode or you feel like somebody needs to hear it, let them hear from us. So share this episode, like, comment, subscribe, leave us a speech pipe, voice note. We want to hear from you. It's anonymous, so be nice.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, talk, we talk back.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and thank you guys so much for listening. We'll catch you on the next episode of Evan's podcast.

SPEAKER_03

That's right, guys. Bye.