Elevathers
Hosted by entertainment pros Amanda Booz and Krystal Vega, each episode dives into the real stories behind modern womanhood, from the highs of entrepreneurship and personal wins to the lows of heartbreak and self-doubt.
They break down trending topics, relationship dynamics, career pivots, and everything in between, all with honesty, humor, and a dose of sisterhood. Whether you're chasing your next level or rebuilding from scratch, this is your space to feel seen, supported and inspired.
El·e·vat·hers: /ˈeləˌvāt/hers/ Women who continue to transcend through the peaks and valleys of life's journey while maintaining authenticity and grace.
Elevathers
Modern Love Without The Old Rules
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If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “Do we even need each other anymore?” you’re not alone and we’re not sugarcoating it. Amanda Booz and Crystal Vega dig into the question behind so many modern relationships: when women don’t need men financially and men don’t need women for traditional roles, what’s the point of partnership now? The answer isn’t in outdated rules or social media hot takes. It’s in peace, emotional safety, shared purpose, and whether both people are willing to do the internal work.
Before we go deep, we warm up with some real-life 30s talk, including what’s actually worth spending money on right now, from health screenings and supplements to Invisalign, TSA PreCheck, bamboo sheets, and the never-ending debate over car packages. We also share a practical negotiating tip for anyone tired of hidden dealership fees and inflated add-ons.
Then we get to the heart of it: shifting gender roles, emotional labor, and why “doing too much” can quietly train a relationship into imbalance. We talk about the girlfriend package versus the wife package, why you should stop playing house while dating, and why being your partner’s planner, parent, or therapist kills attraction and burns you out. We also challenge the idea of “high value” and ask what it looks like when both partners bring ambition, emotional intelligence, and real effort to the table.
If you’re redefining love, boundaries, and what you want in dating in your 30s, this conversation will hit. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your answer: what does peace in partnership look like for you?
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Welcome Back And Weekend Check-In
SPEAKER_00Hey elevators, welcome back to a brand new episode. For those who are listening and tuning in, I'm Amanda Booz.
SPEAKER_01I'm Crystal Vega, and we're so excited to be back another week of elevating. Top of the week. Happy Monday.
SPEAKER_00How are you, Amanda? Yes, happy Monday. I'm good, girl. I just was literally thinking how the weekend is never long enough. And I know we're gonna always feel this way because we try to cram everything in like the last two days. But girl, I am ready for the new week. Had a great weekend. And of course, always excited to be back with my people here on our podcast. Shout out to y'all for tuning in. You guys have been rocking with us for a while, and we would not be able to have this show and to make this possible without you. So kudos to you because honestly, I don't think you guys realize how much weight that is for us to be able to do this, but then also have like a loyal listeners and you specifically who are with us each and every week. So yeah. Mm-hmm. How are you, girl?
SPEAKER_01Um, I'm good. I was gonna say the weekend feels short because it is short, and legally, we need to have like a three-day weekend implemented because it's ridiculous how much people work in the United States and still can't afford anything. But that's a topic for another day. But I'm good. Um, excited for the new week. Excited for new opportunities, all the things like properties.
SPEAKER_00I love that. You know it's so
Summer Fridays And Drink Lessons
SPEAKER_00funny. You saying that we need a three-day weekend. I gotta say, I miss living in New York because when I was living in New York, just like as a Florida girl, one thing I didn't know and wasn't hip to was something called Summer Fridays. If you have lived in New York or you know anything about summer Fridays, it's literally like you go to work in the morning, you get off, like I wanna say, like 12, 1 o'clock. Like it's a quick work day. And for me, when I was working back at BET, we would go happy hour. We would go, like me and my coworkers, we would hang out. Like it was like you were really starting off your weekend in the middle of a work day. And it was fire. I like miss that so much.
SPEAKER_01Those are the good old days, child. No, I know. You know what? It's like, you know, when you went to school and it was the half a day. That's what it was. Early release. But like the adult of half a day.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it was early release from adult work day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know it used to be in blackheads, blockheads going crazy.
SPEAKER_00I mean, blackheads specifically, the margaritas, the natural niche, yeah, very niche New York. Empanada mama. We would go there. I don't think they had drinks at Empanada Mama, though, but we definitely was going there. What else did we do? There was like a um, was it Rosa Mexicana? I don't know. That sounds right. We was going to all the places because I was like off of Columbus Circle. So, like, yes, blockheads for sure.
SPEAKER_01Wow, to be a lab. No, girl. Rest in peace of blockheads. I wish. Blockheads is what taught me how to drink alcohol. It taught me my limits. It told me how much I can push it. No, for real. And I think about uh cheap liquor, all the things.
SPEAKER_00Growing up in Miami, I think that for me was like Fat Tuesdays and wet willies on the beach. Like I, to this day, I cannot drink a frozen alcohol beverage. Like, I'm not a frozen girl. I mean, I might be like a froze girl, you know, somewhere in Europe, but I do not like frozen drinks. I'm not a frozen drink girl. I like it on the rocks. I don't know. I get brain freezes because I'm drinking it thinking it's like a regular drink. I'm not thinking it's an alcoholic beverage. I'm drinking it too fast, and I just can't deal with that. I'm just, I'm over it. I'm over it.
SPEAKER_01I'm guessing you're a frozen. I love frozen drinks so bad, but the older I've gotten, the less I can tolerate it. It's really annoying. I'm like, oh my God. Everything that people said would happen in my 30s are happening in my 30s, and it's really pissing me off. Because you were right. You was absolutely right.
SPEAKER_00But anyways, child. We are here, and you know what? I know we always say in our 30s, because we do, we do, we're speaking for the girlies and the guys, if you're tuning in, who are listening to our podcast at this specific stage in your life, because you could either be one figuring things out, trying to go through the motions, or you're probably younger than us, and you want to make sure that you are on the right path to get to where you need to be and not make the same mistakes
Who Needs Who Plus Money Trends
SPEAKER_00we did. So I want to talk to you guys for a second and introduce today's topic for our podcast. And it is titled Who Needs Who?
SPEAKER_01Who needs who in these days? I'm into it. Who needs who? I think this is such an important conversation because we are watching societal roles, quote unquote, change and shift in real time. And we're watching people, couples, learn how to navigate those things in modern day because so much of what we taught doesn't work anymore. And it's not accurate, it's not a reflection of where we are as a society. We always talk about like platonic relationships, but we never talk about like relationships with partners. So I'm excited to have this conversation. But yeah, y'all, who needs who these days? Because it seems like the girls don't need guys, the guys don't need girls, the girls don't need their girl partners, the guys don't need their guy partners. It's like everybody, it's like every man for himself. It's the craziest thing. But before we jump into that, we wanted to talk about things worth purchasing in your 30s that is worth the money.
SPEAKER_00Yes, we've been seeing all the social media posts and in true elevators fashion, we are with the trends and we are with all the hot topics. So we figure this would be great to open up the show. So I I love this, honestly. I think it's so good that people are sharing the things that they like. Because I'm on one hand, I'm looking like, oh girl, are you really spending your money on that? And on the second hand, I'm like, yes, I agree.
30s Purchases Worth The Splurge
SPEAKER_00So if I had to pick things that I feel like are worth the money, what I think is worth the money is one, having a tire package for your car. If you are anything like me and you are up and down them streets, you may hit a nail, I don't know, you may scratch a rim. That tire package comes in handy. Second thing would be regular health screening and taking your supplements. I am big on making sure, you know, I make it to all of my annual appointments, my gyno, you know, the doctor, all that. And then two, supplements because preventative measures, honey, we just gotta make sure we are all in tip-top shape, especially with all these viruses going around. Can't even have a Caesar salad these days. I'm irritated about that, by the way. Um three, I would have to say laser hair removal, self-explanatory. Four, I would say a broomate water bottle. I don't know where mine is, but I was never like a water bottle kind of girl. But I like the tumblers, the brewmate tumbler, a one. They have them in so many colors. Love that. Um class pass or the gym, having a tailor or a cobbler for your shoes. And the next thing I'd say is honestly, because I'm literally just did this yesterday, tithing in church. Like going to church regularly, but also tithing 10% of your earnings in church because you get it back tenfold. Like once you pour into what you've received and give it back to God, He is going to give it back to you. So that's what I would say is worth the money every single time. What about you?
SPEAKER_01You know what's
Negotiating Cars Without Hidden Fees
SPEAKER_01so funny? I actually thought about you yesterday because tire packages are not worth the money, in my opinion. Anyway.
SPEAKER_02Really?
SPEAKER_01I did the math and I thought about you because we had this conversation about how like you end up paying interest on those said packages versus paying the hard price for them. Um, and I ran my finance, because I used to no, I ran my lease contract against my finance contract in um in Chat GPT. And I allegedly have spent $10,000 with interest and like the actual like packages more than what my car. So I think my car was like $20,000 or something. And I have spent $30 something,000 on like having the packages and my cars all together because I've had those packages. I'm like, there's no way that I have spent $10,000 worth of tires, um, services, all the things in the last six years. So I disagree.
SPEAKER_00I agree. I agree with you, but I'm going to rebuttal really quick because I negotiated my car this time around way better than my last car. I don't know how, but I am paying so much less for a brand new car than I was paying for my brand new car when I leased the first one. What do you think? Well, no, give us the tea. Yeah. I want to tell you guys the T. I faked had someone I know that worked at a dealership. Shout out to my boy. I'm not gonna say who he is. Um basically, the dealership that I got my car from, they were really irritated with me. They were like, girl, just please walk out the door with this car right now because I figured out all the loopholes that they tried to put on people who are leasing vehicles, like extra fees, extra taxes. And because I had someone who was inside a dealership help me negotiate my deal, I was able to take out all those extra hidden line fees that you don't see as just a regular person. So tip. So on those packages, they do charge interest. I was able to get the interest off. So that's why I was saying my car payment, girl. If I would tell y'all my car payment from before, which was during COVID, so I get it. I needed a vehicle at the worst time to get a car. How much? But now that, girl, my car payment last during COVID was about like eight something. And I had no tire package, I only had a service package. Right now I'm paying five something.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_00For a brand new car. And it's a and it's a higher class than my last car. So I say all that to say. If you have any friends who are inside the dealer, um, and I think five is too much girls. I don't want to crap even at all. But if you have to find somebody that is inside of a dealership that is a salesman that is really cool with you, a family friend or somebody, have them on the vehicle, have them on the phone when you are negotiating that vehicle. And they will tell you, look for this. And I literally was on the phone as if he was like a family member or a friend, and I was like, Yep, no, we gotta take this out. And they were literally over me. I was negotiating that deal down to the pennies in the sense. So that is my tip for you. If you are doing anything, there is ways that dealerships do make money off of you, but then you also can walk away. And I was planning them to walk out and they tried to get it. I'm pissed.
SPEAKER_01I'm so pissed. I I looked at the number yesterday. I said, there's no way I spent $10,000 in tires over the last couple years. I can count on my hand, on both my hands, how many times I took my tire in. And sometimes they be trying to play with you. Like, oh, uh, this is okay. Yes, this package only covers nails and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, yo, fix my tire before you piss me off real bad. Um, but yeah, I'm gonna need your friend's number because I need a new car. I want a new car. But anyways.
SPEAKER_00Listen, he's it he's in Florida. You may gotta drive a little north, but he got you. I will connect you guys for sure. I'll take it. Listen, help each other out, y'all. Do not let us all fall into the loopholes. But I want to hear your things that you feel are worth the money.
SPEAKER_01Um, okay. I don't have that many because I have been very strict with myself on like what I spent my money on. But the things that I have spent my money on, TSA pre-check. Baby. Tenfold. Love it. I just walk in the airport and I'm like, whenever I want. Um, Botox, a really good mattress. I messed up and I was like buying mattresses on Amazon and like cheap under a thousand dollars. You pay for what you get when it comes to a mattress. Invisalign, my god. Yes, the best investment ever. And bamboo sheets. If you are a hot sleeper like me, bamboo sheets, they're worth every single penny. Wait, what's bamboo sheets? They're like silk, but not silk. They just have like a cool finish to them that's like really like uh it's just amazing. It feels so good on your skin. I need bamboo sheets.
SPEAKER_00I've never been like a hot sleeper until like my like I've gotten older. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm I'm just sweating in my sleep. What's happening here? I had to look it up a couple times. I'm like, is everything okay?
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, it's very normal, girl.
SPEAKER_00I'd be happy. Girl. Oh my gosh. But yes, if you guys have anything that you feel like is worth the money or things we didn't mention, because I could have gone on and on on some beauty items. Let us know if you want us to run it back with some beauty items for next week's show. Hit us in the comments and caption what you think we should do um for beauty may beauty maintenance. We gotta run that beauty maintenance back. You remember that episode? If you know, you know. Um, but yeah, girl, so let's get into the show. I'm excited for you.
SPEAKER_01Let's do it. Okay, so who need to? And this is because these days, women
Why Independence Changes Relationships
SPEAKER_01don't need men financially anymore, and men don't necessarily need women traditionally anymore. You know, they're hiring like niggling ladies and like somebody to cook for them. We're meal prepping all the things. So it's like we are really seeing the shift in society where men don't need women, women don't need men. It just seems like nobody needs a partner. And it's like, what is it? Is it because women are intimidating to men, or are men just under pressure that they have never experienced before because all they had in the past was finances to hold over the heads of women? You know, I mean, in a lot of places, some women weren't even able to get their own bank accounts until what, like the 1960s or 70s in some places, like it really depends. So finances have been the one thing that has kept that like scale very one-sided, and these days that's no longer the case because baby we catching up. Okay. So it's like, why women are choosing the bear? Why are we choosing to stay single? I know why we're choosing the bear though, because child.
SPEAKER_00Listen, I know too. I think women are choosing to be single these days because women are financially more independent. We are career driven, we are goal getters, we do not want to settle for the bare minimum. There is no such thing as bare minimum when you are a high-value woman. We always talk about high-value men. There are some high-ass value women that men also would be crazy to not be with, in my opinion. Um, but I just think that we have higher standards. I think we are more interested in having a partner, a life partner, and someone that really brings us peace at the end of the day than someone who was just gonna stress us out because it's like it's one of those things where you know how women are like, I could do bad all by myself. I'm seeing so much more of my friends who are single traveling, seeing the world, living their best life, buying whatever they want to buy for themselves. And they don't really need a man to do those things. Having a man is an added bonus. Um, I think when you can really find somebody that loves you for who you are and not what you bring to the table, because like I hate that. What do you bring to the table? Me? What do you mean? What do I bring to the table? Like, no, literally. My purse is emptied. What if we're going out to eat? I don't got nothing in there. Like, no, but seriously, like, and then even if I did go out to eat, like I can also pay for myself. Like, that's the other thing. Like, we don't really need men for a lot of things, but we want men. I'ma speak for myself. Yes, I I'm happily, you know, in a relationship. But like, let's say I wasn't and I was back out in the field. I would want to be with somebody that I genuinely want to be with, like a best friend. Like, I don't want to be stringing along somebody that doesn't have any ambition and is not really doing anything that excites me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think women just don't need men anymore because, like I said, the one thing that they held over our heads for so many years is no longer like a thing for us because we are catching up. We still have so much more catching up to do financially, but like we're just catching up in so many different ways with all the resources and help that now men have to do like the real hard part. And that's why I say that they're under pressure because now they're under pressure to do the hard work that they have been avoiding doing for so many years. And I want to talk about that a little more later, but there is so much internal work that needs to be done now, and the pressure is getting worse because of it. And they don't want to do it, they want to skip over the internal work, the unlearning that they need to do, and all the things. So I also think like the economy plays such a big role in where we are because we have to work. Unless your partner is bringing in over three to four hundred a year, you're not like now the average cost of like being able to be comfortable in the states is like what 250 a household. So it's like, think about how many people, like how big that middle class gap is getting between those who are, you know, making over 250 to 300 to 400 a year versus those who aren't. Like there are so many more people who are falling under that threshold. And now women have to work, right? Like it's not really a choice. You have to go 50-50 on things in your household. And because of that, when there's also an expectation in your house to do half the work outside of the house and then come to the house and do 100% of the work, that's where we're falling. Like, that's where things are failing. Where it's like men are still expecting a woman to be a hundred percent on when it comes to housework and things that need to be done in a home because it is work. Like, especially if you own a home, you know it's not just like the cooking, cleaning, like it is so much work to maintain a house and anything that's broken, you gotta fix or whatever. Like, that's why people hire like management companies because it's a lot of work. Um, so when there's an expectation for women to be a hundred percent on inside the house and a hundred percent on outside the house, that's where the disconnect is happening between partners. Men, women, women, men, women, women, men, men, whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And us opening up this topic literally made me think about how so many successful like women
Give The Girlfriend Package Only
SPEAKER_00are quote unquote intimidating to men. And I really think successful women, I don't think it's intimidating to men. I think that it's just the right type of man. You know what I mean? I feel like men can be intimidated by women's success. Absolutely. I do believe that. But it's just one of those things where, like, why wouldn't you want your woman to be a boss? Like, why would you want your woman to be underus and because you feel like she's gonna surpass you? She very well could. And that means you just gotta step it up and can make sure that you're on your toes. And I love the idea of a power couple. Like, I love the idea of like, you're a boss, I'm a boss, we're doing it together, and we come and we got one pot that we just all, you know what I mean? Like we're it just, it's just ever flowing. So I would I if I was a man and thank God I'm a woman, I would love to know why men are so intimidated by wet women who got their things together. Like, there's nothing wrong with it. I see so many successful women that I'm just like, oh my God, like if I was a man and I was out there, that's who I want. I want her. You know what I mean? So I just don't get it. I just don't get it for the life of me.
SPEAKER_01Well, another thing is is like the amount of mediocre men that are out there is insane. And I think that we are seeing that now more than ever. We're realizing how much, like in the past, and when you're younger, you're like, oh my God, like all these guys so successful, blah, blah, blah. And now as we get older, obviously, like our frontal lobe has developed. We're like, oh, y'all are actually very mediocre. Yeah. There's nothing special about most of y'all, literally. And because of that, that's why I said there's the pressure is getting worse because it is now there's again, it's not just about the money, it's about everything else. And men just don't want to do the work.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think men, men do fall. A lot of men have fallen behind the dollar signs versus like, do you even have a good personality? Like, if we go on a trip together, am I gonna enjoy myself? Are you gonna do me? What about the bare minimum of flowers every week? Like, like what, like, what are you doing that's gonna be like, oh, he's different from the rest? You know what I mean? Because women are leaving boardrooms, they are taking charge, they are doing all the things that men can do, but even better and deserve to be paid and compensated for the work that they do. Um, because I know there's still definitely large gaps there.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, and quite frankly, I think women are doing too much and have always done too much. And now we're seeing again the shift because we have to be outside the house working and we kind of want to, right? Like we want our own, even if we didn't have to. I know so many women who are like, Yeah, my husband takes care of everything, but I want to work. Like I want to have something else going for myself, and I respect it. But when we we have just done too much in general, like I agree, super women, which don't get me wrong, I love me a superwoman. I like to think I'm superwoman too, but y'all set the standard high, okay? And now they're expecting that out of everybody, that and more. And I think that we just need to do much less, and that goes down to playing house when you're dating. Stop doing it, ladies. Stop playing house. I hate the idea of women having to prove themselves to be, oh, she's gonna be a good wife or she's gonna be, I'm not, I'm not. Take me from my personality.
SPEAKER_00Give them the girlfriend package. I know you've give them the girlfriend package. There's a wife package and a girlfriend package. The packages can't be the same. So, however that package looks like for you, whatever it is, if it's cooking and cleaning and all the things. Like if you feel like they haven't mastered or gave you a ring rather to get in the wife package, like, you know, make like make them work for it. I agree. I don't think women should do everything. Am I gonna sit here and act like I'm on my high horse and I haven't done things for for men that I am not really too proud of? No, I'm definitely, I've definitely done things that I'm not proud of as it relates to relationships, but I've also learned my lesson. And I think that's what we're talking about here. It's it's it's learning that you did too much and now scale it back. And if they want to remain there and be there for who you are outside of that, then maybe that's the winner for you. I I was gonna ask you, what do you think are some things that you may have done in a relationship that you felt like, ooh, I'm doing too much?
SPEAKER_01Like doing the cooking and the cleaning and all the things like that in relationships that you do not foresee to be like long term. And you know in the bottom of your heart that that relationship is not gonna last long term, yet you are spending your time and energy doing extra things. Well, hey, first of all, you shouldn't have don't even be in it, but if you are gonna be in it, really minimize the things that you do because I'm a giver and I have learned over the years, oh my God, I say this all the time givers give and takers will take every time. So you have to be careful how much you give. So if that's like buying little gifts here and there, or you know, always making sure that the house is tidy, you know, those sort of things I feel like I don't do. Yeah. I don't do. Agreed. I can't. Agree. I can't. We're not in those times anymore. And and thankfully, I have a partner who, like, if I'm not able to do something, he's jumping in or he's he's taking the lead to do it himself. I'm not having to ask. But I have also noticed that the women who do less get more. Y'all. All the time. They get more. They get more. I know of a couple who she's got like three kids from him, and she don't do that man's laundry. I'm so flabbergasted by that. Because if I'm doing laundry, I'm also come from a household like I'm doing everybody's laundry. You know, we're all picking it in different ways. Upbringing. So everybody's everybody is very different, but she will do her kids' laundry and her laundry. She will not do her man's laundry. And it blew my mind up. I love her. I love her.
SPEAKER_00But she is married with three kids, honey. Listen. I know you guys have known, I know you guys know the saying.
SPEAKER_01There are women who are out there doing laundry and are not married, you know, like and who want to be married.
SPEAKER_00Chow, we gotta do less girlfriend package. Girlfriend package, do less. Less is more. You guys have heard the term less is more. Because when you get to the wife, when you get to the wife package or when you get to that point when you're actually with the person, what is there, what are they looking forward to you doing that's different from what you did before? That's my whole thing. So if you were cooking every single meal and get it, I get it. If cooking is something you're passionate about, or if cleaning is something you're passionate about, because some people are really just genuinely love doing these things for therapeutic reasons, do it, right? But I'm not taking no orders, don't be requesting nothing. Like, no, I'm just playing. But if you really want to do something nice for your partner, that's fine. Um, but yeah, I just think in moderation. Like it doesn't have to be every single night. Like some nights don't cook and see what he does, or some nights don't clean and see if he does. Like, definitely in moderation in what we do because yeah, when you become the wife, it's like, oh, well, you were doing all these things now. So, like, what next?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Stop. Oh my God, two things. Women need to A, stop doing the dishes and B, stop being your parent,
Stop Parenting Your Partner
SPEAKER_01your, your, your partner's parent.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Stop. Down to, and honestly, like, down to telling your partner that they can't hang out with XYZ. You're not their parent. That drives me insane. Like anybody who thinks that they can tell their partner what to do, I don't care if you're married or not, is crazy to me. Like, there's a certain level, obviously, of respect that you need to have for your partner. But to me, it's a very thin line between having respect and like, you know, catering to their feelings or, you know, considering their feelings versus doing what they say or don't and or not going against what they say, baby. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And think about it. Look, I was thinking about it. Exactly. You don't like when someone is lecturing you and dictating and telling you where and what you should do. And by the way, if you and your partner are sharing locations, that's weird touching. I think you should be. Nah, I am. That's weird. And I don't think you should be doing it. That's also a sign of just being possessive. And I don't think it's something you should be doing. But what I was gonna say is, you want to be fun. Like, you don't want to be the person where they're like, every time I get around this girl, it's an issue, or every time I get around this person, there's a problem. Like, be the fun, lighthearted person with like, it's so funny. I seen a post. I literally just thought about this as I'm getting ready to make my statement. And it was a guy, he was going to the airport with his wife, and he's like, I want to be my wife when she grows when I grow up. He's like, My wife. You seen it? He was like, My wife knows nothing about where we're going. She just is in her L'Ueve jacket and she just packs her bag and she knows we're at the airport. She's whimsy. Be more whimsy. Do the things that like they want. Listen, you gotta, even when you're a wife, be a girlfriend. And what I mean by that is like, you have to be that fun, energetic person that wasn't this person that all these rules and things like they don't want a mom. They want a partner, they want a friend. Like, be that. If you're not.
SPEAKER_01No, but some of some of them want a mom. Some of them want a mom. And that's the ones you gotta. And that's the ones you gotta be careful for, in my opinion. Unless you want to be a mom to your partner and your kids, which I feel like though women who sign up for that sort of work end up being the most sick of it. They end up being the most sick of it because we need partners. We don't need additional parents. We don't need to be parents to people who are grown as hell. Okay. We don't need to be parents to them. And I think a lot of us has gro have grown up seeing their mom babying their fathers. Like doing doing parent work for their partners instead of being good partners. And that's the problem these days. People don't know how to be good partners. People don't know how to be good villagers. So, what's one thing you think women should stop doing in relationships, Amanda?
SPEAKER_00One thing I think women should stop doing in relationships is one overextending themselves. Um, if you have a date with your girls and your man calls you and he wants to go on a date, don't cancel plans with your girls. Make him fall into your schedule when you are available. Um, definitely on the, hey, not being the mom, I agree with you making that statement. Um, and also not being able to problem solve everything for them. Like they have to figure certain things out on their own. Whenever they're calling you and saying, hey, babe, this is going on. I don't know what to do. Well, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. Like, they have to learn to problem solve things on their own. You can't be the keeper of all the important things and know how to do everything because we love a leader too. We love a man we can look up to. We love somebody who gives us direction. Granted, we may already know the direction of where to go, but we love for you to tell us. Like, and I think that also is another point. Just because you can do it all doesn't mean that you should. Mm-hmm. You should be able to lean on your partner to be able to do certain things for you, and vice versa. And sometimes, listen, I love to say it. I am a damsel in distress all the time. I don't know how to fix this. My gosh, there's a a spider in my car. I don't know what to do. Like, yeah, I could get the spider out, but I want you to do it. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes you want to see how far they're willing to go. Test your manual. Test them a little bit.
SPEAKER_01The other thing, too, I will say is women need to stop playing therapists. If you know he needs therapy, let him seek professional help. No, let him get his own therapist because that's another thing, too. If you if somebody has a problem and they don't take initiative to fix said problem, that is not up to you to help them find a therapist or or a therapist that takes their insurance, yada, yada, yada. They need to take the initiative. They're not kids. Don't parent your partner. Partner, your partner. Okay? Do not parent your partner. If you know your partner needs help, they need to seek professional help. Stop dating people or being in relationships with people who have potential. You have to take them for who they are right now. Right now.
SPEAKER_00And I'm just gonna say stop being in relationships with people who aren't healed. People are not gonna be able to heal from a situation, whether it be traumatic or a past relationship. Don't be the rebound. Don't be the bounce back. Like let them get over that situation. And when they are ready and they are in their right mind fully, um, see if it works out after the fact. But have your fun, live your best single life, do what you gotta do. And yeah, I just don't believe in being with people who aren't healed yet. Like you can still be friends with them, be in the process with them as they're seeking help or finding ways to um be a better version of themselves, but that's not your job.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I think everything we are saying goes the opposite way too. So, like, this isn't like a I hate men episode at all. It's more so of like a where we are in society of this quote unquote like gender roles and and or just like house roles in general. Um, so please don't, don't, don't take this as this is a bashing men episode whatsoever, because the same thing that we're saying goes the opposite way to women as well. Sometimes men are like, hey, I don't want a damsel in distress. Like you need to do a little more. And it really just depends on who you are, your personality, what you want, and what works for you. I was gonna say, because also, like, some men are like, I don't need you to clean the house. I don't need you to to cook. I will hire somebody to do that stuff, but I do need you to be emotionally intelligent. I need you to be supportive, I need you to be my piece for real, for real. And honestly, even some women can't do those three things. They can't because they're also dealing with baggage, they need professional help and they're not seeking it. You get what I'm saying? So everything that it goes on both, it goes both ways. It goes both ways.
SPEAKER_00That's why we're saying we're not, we're not just saying it to the men, ladies. We gotta say it to ourselves too. I love, I love my girls down, but sometimes we are not being his peace. I can say that. No, and I think that's so cool. We're not peaceful. And I think we have to take a step back and realize if we were on the opposite side, would we feel like these things are bringing us peace? So be his peace. I I think that it's not just a happy wife, happy life, happy girlfriend, happy life, yes, all those things. But I feel like one of the foundations of that is being super supportive, pouring into your partner as they're pouring into you, and also being peace for both sides. One other thing I was gonna say is I don't know if I clearly expressed this, but something that we need to stop doing as women is being the planner. Too many of us are planning everything. The dinners, the vacations, down to our life and how we're gonna live it, like with our said partner, like all those things. Like, let them plan. Take a step back, and if you don't do something, just see if they do it. So I definitely wanted to say planning. Stop planning everything. Stop. Let them know where you want to go and see if they make the make the reservation. Don't make the reservation.
SPEAKER_01That's it. I like it. I also think that we have come to a point in time where we're realizing that the point of relationships
Defining Peace In Partnership
SPEAKER_01is not necessarily needing someone, it's wanting that person. For so long, people dated and people got married based on their needs. And these days, people are needing less from one another in terms of physical delivery. So they're not needing you to cook and clean, or you're not needing him to pay your bills, so on and so forth. Now I think people are needing things that are not as tangible, and that requires the hard work of looking into yourself, which a lot of people, men and both women, do not want to do. They don't want to do the hard work of figuring out what their trauma traumas are, figuring out how to communicate better. Because going to work and coming back home is easy. Bringing home the bacon, doing the dishes is easy, but looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, I can be better is the hard part. And nobody wants to do the hard part these days, which is why it's like, who needs who? She doesn't need him for XYZ. He doesn't need her for XYZ. But the reality is we all really do need each other. But it's about what we're looking for from these people. And I just think that we're all avoiding doing the hard work, which is the direction where people are heading in terms of relationships. They're looking for relationships that are providing them more emotional peace, stability, things that are not as tangible, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00No, absolutely. It makes perfect sense. I think our mom and dads and our parents and our father figures, our mother figures, our grandparents, the whole nine literally were with partners because they needed somebody. They needed to be able to, yeah, they love them, but they needed to be able to compensate the bills and make sure that they had, you know, an equal, equal income household to be able to live and survive. We're not there. We don't have to, we don't need those things. So we do want people who are going to be someone that, quite frankly, they may get on your nerves, but you that's that's your person. Like you don't want to be without that person. Like they bring you peace. They are somebody that not only you love, but you just genuinely enjoy being around. Like those are the things that people are looking for. Like people who are, yes, you may not have the total package, but like, is this person bringing you peace? Do they have their own purpose and they fall within the purpose of what you have in your life and all that? But I love that we're having this conversation because sometimes it takes us to look back and do a deeper dive into our own lives to see like, are we genuinely with people because we want to be with them or because it makes sense? Or, you know what I mean? Like, so I think that as women, I'm glad that so many of my girlfriends are single and loving life and not settling. And I think that's what it boils down to not settling, not taking the bare minimum, knowing that God is gonna bless you with who you're supposed to be with at the right time. And I want to pose this question to everyone who is watching and listening. What does peace and partnership look like for you? When you think about relationships, when you think about partnership, what does peace and partnership look like? Let us know in the comments. Um, let us know on YouTube, drop down, type it up, and on social, let us know what you guys think. And if this episode resonated with you or you thought of somebody as you are watching or tuning in, share it with them. Let them know. Like, listen, we are not doing this just for ourselves. We are doing this to make sure that we are all in the group chat, making sure that we are up on our game, right? So definitely tap in and let us know what you guys think.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I just want to double down on what Amanda says. What does peace, partnership, um, and purpose look like for you, not what you have been taught. That's very different. What does it look like for you in today's society and tomorrow's society? Because what we used to need and what we need now are two very different things. Not the same. You gotta unlearn. We all gotta unlearn the things that we we thought and we we were taught was right. So, yes, like, comment, subscribe. And we're so excited to be coming to y'all every single week this summer. We appreciate elevating, and we'll talk to you next Monday, y'all. Bye.
SPEAKER_00Bye guys.