Down But Never Out: A Journey Through Trauma, Growth, and Human Connection with Amber Fuhriman

Amber Fuhriman: Success Architect, Author, Speaker, Attorney

• Website: successdevelopmentsolutions.com
• Social Media: @AmberrayFuhriman (all platforms)
• Podcast: Break Your Bullshit Box

Episode Highlights

The Netflix Special Question (1:00) Amber opens up about her challenging year, describing it as "Down But Never Out" - a raw look at overcoming trauma while maintaining resilience.

The Shooting Incident & PTSD Journey (2:18)

• Experiencing a shooting at an event one year ago
• The unexpected onset of PTSD symptoms
• How trauma shifted her perspective on victims and defense work
• The identity crisis that followed losing her ability to "find good in people"

The Art of Being Present (8:12)

• Why saying "I know exactly how you feel" destroys credibility
• Creating safe spaces for people to "not be okay"
• The importance of asking: "Do you want a friend, a solution, or just someone to listen?"

Intention Behind Communication (14:30)

• Before speaking, ask: "What is the purpose of this statement?"
• Is it to make you feel better or actually help them?
• Personal example: Dating after abandonment trauma and checking motivations before reaching out

The Power of Vulnerability (18:30)

• "True growth comes when we stop trying to hide our insecurities through behavior that society has told us is okay"
• Being honest about needs instead of disguising them in "acceptable" behavior
• The cycle of vulnerability, potential rejection, and sitting in discomfort

Feelings Are Choices (25:00)

• "Their actions are all about them, and your response to their actions is all about you"
• The difference between warranted and unwarranted emotional responses
• "Choice is a powerful thing, and suffering is always optional"

Reframing Grief (25:50)

• Grief can be experienced with sadness OR with joy, gratitude, and acceptance
• Stephen Colbert quote: "The things I'm most grateful for are the things that caused me the most pain"
• "I prayed for flowers so I can't be upset that the rain came first"

Current Work & Projects

NLP Coaching & Speaking

• Neurolinguistic Programming for business success
• Focus on sales, communication, and leadership blocks
• In-person networking in Vegas, speaking engagements nationally/internationally

Upcoming Project: "Life Lessons: What My German Shepherd Taught Me About Play, Purpose and Perspective"

• Book, calendar, and workbook inspired by her 5-year-old German Shepherd Jasmine
• Each chapter structured as dog commands (example: goal-setting chapter called "Fetch")
• Exploring what life would be like if we approached business and relationships from a dog's perspective

Key Takeaways

1. Accept Where You Are: "Wherever you are in your journey right now is exactly where you're supposed to be"
2. The GPS Analogy: You can't get where you want to go if you pretend you're starting from somewhere else
3. Sit in Discomfort: Growth requires sitting in uncomfortable feelings rather than trying to fix them immediately
4. Check Your Intentions: Before offering advice or solutions, examine whether you're trying to help them or make yourself feel better
5. Create Safe Spaces: Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is a place where someone ca

Transcript

Rob Pene: 0:16

Great welcome everyone. I am excited to talk with a very smart person author, speaker, attorney. I'm really interested in the Personal development side, and how you kind of conquered that. And as a success, architect. Amber Furman is gonna school us today. Yeah, yeah.

Amber Fuhriman: 0:43

I mean, I don't know about that.

Rob Pene: 0:45

What I usually like to do is to kick, start the conversation with this question that will more than likely lead into everything else. So the question is, if you were to look back in the last 6 to 12 months.

Amber Fuhriman: 1:00

And you were to turn that timeframe into a Netflix special. Oh.

Rob Pene: 1:06

What would that be? What would be your title? What would the series be about? What would the special be about?

Amber Fuhriman: 1:17

The answer might surprise you. So it's interesting that you said 6 to 12 months, because it's been a rough year. So I'm just going to be completely vulnerable like. I know that most people want to come in here and be like man. It has been the best year ever, because that's what I'm here for is to share my my expertise. But, man, I'm human, and it has been a year. So I would say that the title of my Netflix Special would be down, but never out.

Rob Pene: 2:05

Wow! Down, but never out, and that would be the the past year. Now.

Amber Fuhriman: 2:13

Yeah.

Rob Pene: 2:15

Would the time prior to the past year have anything to do with the what transpired recently, or or is it completely different.

Amber Fuhriman: 2:26

It's completely different, and I'm more than happy to share. So I was on a very steady upward trajectory. I had closed my law firm. I'd walked away from a career that didn't fulfill me. The personal development and coaching business was going fantastic. And then, almost exactly a year ago, I was at an event. and somebody started shooting at the event, and I got to experience what Ptsd felt like. For the 1st time.

Rob Pene: 2:57

No.

Amber Fuhriman: 2:57

And what was really interesting for me was. it was over in seconds, and I remember coming back from that event, which is a place I should have felt safe coming back from that event, and I had a speaking engagement 2 days later, and I was shaking so bad that water like I couldn't hold a cup of water, and I remember messaging my coach going. I don't understand, like I don't get afraid speaking in front of people, I mean. For the last 15 years I've done jury trials. I've been defending really less than desirable choices of people. I've been on stages with 3, 4, 500 people like a room of 15 entrepreneurs shouldn't bother me.

Rob Pene: 3:51

Yeah.

Amber Fuhriman: 3:51

And she said, Welcome to Ptsd, and it's been a year of it's been a year of regulating my nervous system and then reengaging in my business.

Rob Pene: 4:04

Ow! And boy, that must have been tough, I mean obviously, probably still is.

Amber Fuhriman: 4:12

Yeah, we're we're getting over it. You know. It's it's there was a lot to it. That some is my story to share some isn't so. That's why I'm hesitating a little bit. It was. There was a combination of the dynamics, of the actual fear, combined with the dynamics of family, combined with the dynamics of like forgiveness. And I and I will say the parts that's mine to share is, it was so much more than just sitting behind a rock with bullets ricocheting and hoping that we're good to go right. I remember getting in my car and driving home, and I had a 9 h drive home at the end of this weekend and that's when it hit me. That's when the adrenaline hit. So I I was calling. People that I know have been in similar situations, saying, Hey, like I need to know how I'm supposed to feel right now, like I don't know how to feel. and on that drive it hit me that I've called victims overreactive. For the last 15 years I've thought about the people I've defended over the last 15 years, and I remember talking to a friend of mine saying, if I had to walk into a courtroom right now and defend a client. I don't think I could do it like I had 0 desire to defend somebody's poor choices, and I thought back to, you know, victims of domestic violence or shooting, or things like that, where they weren't physically harmed. And I didn't understand. I didn't understand why they were so vindictive. At least that's what I would call them overreactive and vindictive like, you should just be okay walking away. Yet I still have 0. Desire to look at or talk to the person that that created this scenario. So it's just been regulating my emotional system, regulating my nervous system, reengaging in my business, because for about 6 months I was a non present business owner dealing with the identity crisis that comes along with having your values. I mean, I've always been able to find the good in people. That's what made me such a good defense, attorney, and for the 1st time in my life I couldn't. So it's just been a year of completely rebuilding who I am.

Rob Pene: 6:39

The identity piece is huge.

Amber Fuhriman: 6:41

Yeah. The identity piece was the hardest part. You know. I work with a lot of people who have long term Ptsd diagnosis as people from the military, and I understand it intellectually, and I always thought that because I understood Ptsd intellectually that I understood it emotionally. But I've never been in a fear-based situation like that before, I've never. And so when I talked to my business coach, who is a combat veteran, she says, now imagine 4 to 8 years of that on a daily basis.

Rob Pene: 7:18

Oh!

Amber Fuhriman: 7:19

And then they walk into your training room, she says, and I know that this isn't what you want to hear right now, she says, but this experience is going to make you a better coach and a better trainer because of the way that you will be able to empathize with people on another level. and she said, I know you're not ready to hear that yet, but someday you will be.

Rob Pene: 7:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what? What's the 1st thing you do? Now that you've got a little bit of the experience of going through it like, if you were to meet someone that was in a similar situation, obviously it's hard for them to express themselves. You would notice something you'd pick up on something. What's the 1st thing anyone can do to make that person feel safe.

Amber Fuhriman: 8:01

Yeah. So I think that the very, very 1st thing we get to acknowledge, and this goes for everything right. There's another situation in my head coming from grief and loss like we want to try to relate to the person. So we're like, I know exactly how you feel, and anybody who's ever been in a grief or loss situation, or ever been in like a emotional dysregulation of like a Ptsd situation, when someone says, I know exactly how you feel. You're like, how the hell do you know how I feel? You lose credibility instantly. And so one of the things that is interesting about human behavior is, we want to feel comfortable. So when we're with somebody who's not okay, we want to make them okay, so that we can. And sometimes the strongest thing we can do is say, this is a place where you can just sit and not be okay, like, I know you're not okay. And I know that there's nothing that I'm going to be able to say that's going to make you okay, right now. So I just want you to know this is a place where you can come and not be okay.

Rob Pene: 9:43

Wow! Well, that's that's empowering, but also discouraging. At the same time, you know, is.

Amber Fuhriman: 9:53

I mean, I think the key to all success is sitting in the discomfort, right? We we get to sit in the discomfort of growth. You know, if we're making sales calls, we get to sit in the discomfort of the sales calls. If we're entering a new relationship, and we've never been in a healthy relationship. Or maybe we just left a relationship. And we're putting ourselves out in the dating world again. We get to sit in the discomfort of that. If we're building a team, we get to sit in the discomfort of letting go of control. This is no different like we just get to sit in our own discomfort and allow that person to tell us what they need, and I can go scientifically into the ways. I know that I can help this person right? Because I know that I have training that will process the trauma that this person's going through in a way that can get them out on the other side, but I can't force them to do it. If they're not ready, then my training's worthless, so I have to find a way to sit in the discomfort so that they feel like they're not alone, so that when they are ready my training can be useful.

Rob Pene: 10:59

So it's knowing that there's someone there is probably the biggest thing that somebody's not gonna try to teach them or talk, or or, you know, obviously not judge them, but do all this other stuff. But just there.

Amber Fuhriman: 11:14

Yeah, and I'll share this story with you. From years ago, when I 1st started my coaching business, I think when we find a new industry, and I don't know where your listeners are on in their journey, so they'll be able to take something from this, no matter where they're at. When we start a new venture. There's this period where we want everybody to know what we know, right? Like we see people, and we're like, I can help you. Let me help you, and we almost chase them right. And when I 1st started this journey I understood how powerful the words that we say are, and so I would encourage people to avoid using negative words to describe their circumstances, and I have a friend of mine who is a combat veteran in the military, and he had lost some members in a platoon that he was leading. and he was going through some really severe negative thoughts, and Ptsd and suicidal ideations, and all of that. and he called himself broken. and the human in me should have sat there and said, Interesting, what what about your situation makes you use that word. The inexperienced coach in me said, you know you shouldn't describe yourself as broken because nobody's broken, you know. You immediately want to get them to shift that word. and years after this conversation we stayed friends, and years after this conversation he says, we are so lucky that we were on Zoom. he says, because I have never wanted to jump through a computer screen and yell at somebody so much he's like, because you might tell me that I shouldn't feel broken. You might tell me that I shouldn't say the word broken that it's not beneficial, but that's how I, fucking feel is broken. And so sometimes we know that the way somebody's describing their situation isn't beneficial for them. We know that the way somebody's showing up isn't beneficial for them, and we know that we can help them through it. But sometimes what they need is somebody just to validate that. The way they feel is the way that they feel. Not that it's okay, and not that it's beneficial, and I'm not going to validate their excuses. But I can't tell them how to feel I can't tell them that what they're feeling is inappropriate. It's how they feel. And then we get to move on from that. So there's a question I'll ask people all the time when they approach me, and I'll say, before we go into whatever it is you're going to tell me. What are you coming to me for are you coming to me for a friend? A solution? Or do you just need somebody to listen like, do you want somebody to bitch with. Do you want somebody to give you a hug? Or do you just need a sounding board? And then that's how I show up. If they say, I just need a sounding board. Then I get to curb every impulse I have to try to solve their problem.

Rob Pene: 14:23

Yeah, yeah, that's tough.

Amber Fuhriman: 14:29

Because we want to fix it, you know. And here's what's so funny is, I hear people say all the time men want to fix things. Women want to fix things, too. It is a human thing, right? So I always hear people say, men do this. Women do this. No, it's humans do this. And and it may be that that's what we've stereotyped them to be. But we are problem solvers by nature, and we get to remember that our clients, our friends, our associates, our colleagues, our employees. They're not problems to be solved. They are human beings.

Rob Pene: 14:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. That's so good. So for that proactive person that that's always. you know. Yeah, how would you encourage them to. Okay, pump your brakes. You're moving too fast. Slow down. Just like, how would you? It's it again. It's it's a tough mental switch, emotional switch.

Amber Fuhriman: 15:18

It is.

Rob Pene: 15:19

We mean, well, right, continue.

Amber Fuhriman: 15:21

Yeah.

Rob Pene: 15:22

Yeah.

Amber Fuhriman: 15:24

so they're not going to like it. So remember you love me when I tell you this. You don't know me, but I promise you love me. Intention is incredibly important, and not necessarily the intention that we deliver things with. But maybe the intention that we don't deliver things with. So what I mean by that is when I am in a conversation with somebody, and and this takes a lot of awareness. It takes a lot of practice. So be patient with yourself when I'm in a conversation with somebody, and I feel the urge to say something. I will ask myself, what is the purpose of this statement? What is the purpose of me saying this? Is it to make me feel better? Or is it to solve a problem for them is the purpose of me saying what I'm about to say, to show how much I know and and validate myself with their response? Or is it to actually benefit them in some way, and we'll find often that if we ask that question oftentimes, what we have to add to a conversation is more self-serving than it is actually beneficial for the conversation. And we get to then step back and say, Okay, maybe I don't need to make this statement right now, maybe what I need to do is sit back. How else could I show up in a way that would serve the intention that this person has just told me that they needed. Because if and I'll tell you exactly where this has come into play, the most for me is. I recently started dating again, and I have a history of abandonment. and I have a history of pushing people away. You know my my story involves a ton of grief and a ton of loss, and I have in the past had a hard time building any type of relationship, personal, professional, or romantic, because I've never let myself rely on anyone because people leave like I've I went to 10 funerals between the age of 10 or before the age of 18. I'm sorry. Went to 10 funerals before the age of 18. People just always leave. That's how my brain was formed. So as I've started dating again. I will find myself constantly needing validation that the other person is still there. So when I go to reach out to them, I have to ask myself, what's the purpose of contacting this person right now? Is it because I actually have something to say to them? Or is it because I need them to respond and tell me that they haven't disappeared, and if the answer is, I need them to respond so that I know that they haven't disappeared. Then that's a text message I probably shouldn't be sending, and a call I probably shouldn't be making, because that's all about me. and that means that I get to sit in the discomfort and acknowledge that, like they can't fix me. I get to acknowledge that I get to sit in this for a little bit. The same thing goes for communication when we're trying to support others.

Rob Pene: 18:30

Hey? That's interesting. That's I. I appreciate you sharing that. I don't think this is push.

Amber Fuhriman: 18:37

And I know this conversation has probably gone a completely different aspect than you thought, but.

Rob Pene: 18:41

No, no, no, this is perfect. Yeah, it's it's flowing. And that's that's what we do. Would you think that if you send that text message, it could be part of the process in your healing journey.

Amber Fuhriman: 18:58

Yeah.

Rob Pene: 18:59

As long as you're okay.

Amber Fuhriman: 19:00

And I've done that. I've done that before where I think it's just about being honest and being aware of where we're at right. It depends on where I'm at in the conversation and where I'm at in the relationship. If we're in a talking stage, and there's no expectation of commitment or problem solving at this point, like that person gets to decide how much of making me comfortable they are willing to take on right. So what I mean by that is like, sometimes I've sent the message where I've said, Hey, I'm really feeling disconnected and vulnerable today. and I kind of just need to know that you haven't left yet, and and I'll say that instead of just sending the message that's like, Hey, good morning! When what I don't mean is, good morning. What I actually mean is, please tell me that you haven't left right. So if I think that true growth comes when we stop trying to hide our insecurities through behavior that society has told us is okay.

Rob Pene: 20:14

That's so good. Oh, my gosh! That's so good! Push back.

Amber Fuhriman: 20:21

Yeah, yeah, I love pushback.

Rob Pene: 20:23

Yeah. Yeah. So insecurities can be synonymous with being vulnerable. And being vulnerable in reality, could also equate to rejection. Yeah. And and then it's just a cyclical kind of thing. it sounds like you're challenging people to. If it does happen that when you're vulnerable you get rejected. You got to live with it, sit in the discomfort of it. and.

Amber Fuhriman: 20:56

Yeah, I mean you deaf. So one of my favorite phrases and I talk about this in my book is that their actions are all about them, and your response to their actions is all about you, so their actions are all about them, and your emotional response is all about you, so we can disagree with somebody's actions. We can be disappointed in the rejection that's human behavior when we feel so distracted by the rejection that, like part of my story is suffering from panic attacks, and like there was a period of rejection where I was quite literally hyperventilating in a hotel room for 4 days and couldn't function.

Rob Pene: 21:42

Wow!

Amber Fuhriman: 21:43

Like that's not normal. And I didn't know it wasn't normal, right? Because I had put the responsibility on everybody else around me to make me feel okay, right? The people that I was dating I had put the responsibility on them to make sure that I knew they weren't going to leave the people that I was working with. I had put the responsibility on them to make sure that my needs were met. My family. This is why my relationship with my mom was so hard was I needed her to reassure me of things she couldn't reassure me of.

Rob Pene: 22:16

Hey!

Amber Fuhriman: 22:17

So I have the responsibility to figure out why I'm hyperventilating in a hotel room for 4 days, where, like, it's normal to be disappointed by rejection. It's normal to have feelings to be sad. There's a warranted response to those emotions, and an unwarranted response to those emotions, and what we get to do is figure out which side we fall on. I do a lot of emotion work with people, and they always say, Does this mean I'm not going to be sad anymore. And I'm like, no, you're not a damn robot like you're still going to be sad. I can't take away your emotions.

Rob Pene: 22:57

It just.

Amber Fuhriman: 22:58

Means that the next time that somebody cuts you off in traffic you might not think about running them off the road right like that anger that that is unwarranted right like somebody lies to you. They steal from you, they they betray you in some way. Anger is warranted. Somebody cuts you off in traffic anger maybe not warranted. So we get to figure out what's warranted and what's not. And then I think what we get to do. And this is what I would love everybody to take from this conversation. And it's not easy. So I want you guys to know this is a lifelong journey. There's never an end point where we're like, I've got this figured out, which is why I laughed when you said I had conquered human or conquered personal development, because I don't think we ever conquer it right? We get to acknowledge that it's not anybody else's responsibility to to ease our pain is the best way I can put it.

Rob Pene: 24:04

And the.

Amber Fuhriman: 24:05

People that we love, the people that we've chosen to be in relationships with. They may choose to act in a way that they know, makes us feel comfortable. That is their choice. It's not our expectation that they act that way right? So we get to when somebody says to me, you know my husband. When he does this, it really makes me feel unloved. My 1st response to them will be like, how can somebody else make you choose to feel a certain way because your feelings are choices. So what that tells me is that you are tying a definition to their actions that may not actually be the definition that applies. And instead of having a conversation about those definitions, you're just choosing to internalize it and expect them to change their behavior, so that you don't have to feel a certain way. Now the beauty and and I don't want this to seem like I'm saying people should just be assholes all day, and you shouldn't care about it. The beauty of friendships and relationships is when you find that person that when you say this is my insecurity. It's not your job to fix, they say. I know what I want it to be right like. I know that I can't fix it. I'm willing to do whatever I can do to ease it as much as possible. And that's a beautiful place to be.

Rob Pene: 25:41

Yeah, even though they can't do anything or or or or it's it's not right, their thing, too, right? It's because we can only change ourselves per se. I like the statement feeling or choices.

Amber Fuhriman: 25:59

Feelings are choices.

Rob Pene: 26:00

Emotions are choices that's deep. That's.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:07

This.

Rob Pene: 26:08

Yeah, you have the natural.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:10

My my coach has a phrase that she shared with me when I 1st started working with her. That I steal, and it's choice is a powerful thing, and suffering is always optional. So if you are suffering.

Rob Pene: 26:28

It is because.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:28

As you are choosing to.

Rob Pene: 26:34

Brief.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:37

Grief. Is that what you said?

Rob Pene: 26:39

Yeah. Grief, grief.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:40

Yeah.

Rob Pene: 26:42

3 50. What about that screen? Yeah. Self-inflicted breed.

Amber Fuhriman: 26:49

Grief is self-inflicted as well in the way of how we experience it. Right? Because I think you can have a grief that is riddled with sadness, loss, and suffering. Yeah, or you can have a grief that is supported with joy and gratitude and acceptance. and the way that you choose to approach grief will dictate whether you suffer from it or not.

Rob Pene: 27:28

Suffers more that negative connotation. It doesn't mean you don't feel.

Amber Fuhriman: 27:34

Yeah, it just means, you know, there was an interview with I think it was Stephen Colbert. and he said, the things that I'm most grateful for are the things that caused me the most pain. because you can't be only grateful for the happiness you can't be only grateful for the good things. If you're going to be grateful for the good things you also have to be grateful for the things that didn't work out the way that you thought they would. That paved the way for the good things to happen.

Rob Pene: 28:08

Yeah, that's deep. That's definitely a sign of, I guess, emotional maturity pretty much.

Amber Fuhriman: 28:14

Yeah. there was a phrase I saw a quote I saw the other day that said, I prayed for flowers so I can't be upset that the rain came first.st

Rob Pene: 28:25

Hmm, hmm, wow, yeah, that that's a t-shirt.

Amber Fuhriman: 28:36

Yeah, isn't it, though.

Rob Pene: 28:38

Yeah, yeah, that's definitely a T-shirt. So what are you doing now? Like, what's your main thing?

Amber Fuhriman: 28:45

Yeah. So, coaching speaking, I work in the field of Nlp neurolinguistics programming. So for those of you who don't know what that is, if you break down that word neuro is your mind. How are your values formed your beliefs? Everybody has a different model of the world. Different morals, values, expectations that are formed, based upon how we were raised? Were we raised in a religious environment or a non-religious environment? What was our relationship like with communication that starts to form the way we see the world. And then the linguistics. What words do we use? People tell me a lot about who they are based on the words that they use and how they describe their experiences. And then the programming part of that which is, if that model of the world or the words that you use aren't creating the success that you want to have. How do we reprogram it? How do we adjust your relationship to experiences so that you can see the world differently. It's a science that was formed by 2 therapists who were tired of talk therapy, not working and creating results. And I hesitate when I say that, because I don't want to mislead anybody to think. Talk therapy isn't important, because I think it is. I also think that there's just multiple toolboxes or tools that go in a toolbox to create results. So I use Nlp in coaching in a business setting. I don't do a lot of personal work, although some people come to me for personal stuff. For the most part it's why am I not following through on sales calls? How can I make more money? How can I start a business? And it's what was your relationship like with sales, communication and leadership as a kid? Were you told, money was okay. Were you told open communication was, okay, how do we shift those things to create the life that you want to have the book, speaking, podcasting, traveling, just enjoying life.

Rob Pene: 30:38

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, where are you in? Vegas?

Amber Fuhriman: 30:42

I am.

Rob Pene: 30:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, that's not too far. I got ton of family out there. How do people end up finding you that end up work working with you.

Amber Fuhriman: 30:52

So there's a few different ways in person networking. I do a ton of in-person networking here. I also do a lot of speaking engagements nationally and internationally. So, depending on where I'm speaking. And this is great for the people that are listening, that are business owners, depending on what environment you you're in is going to depend on how you show up right in Vegas. I show up very heavily for my in-person trainings and coaching when I'm traveling. I'm not going to show up heavily as an in-person trainer, because they might travel to Vegas, but that's not the majority of them. So then I show up heavily for my online programs and online options. So it's just a lot of getting word of mouth out there and being in people's faces as much as possible.

Rob Pene: 31:42

Yeah, yeah, is there anything specifically that you're working on that you're super excited about either? It's.

Amber Fuhriman: 31:47

Yeah. So we published, break your bullshit box. 2 years ago. August of 2023, and.

Rob Pene: 31:58

Right. That's also your.

Amber Fuhriman: 31:59

Chat.

Rob Pene: 32:00

That's also your podcast.

Amber Fuhriman: 32:02

It is, that's also the name of the podcast. So the book was published 2 years ago. I'm working on recording the Audio book. I wanted to make some changes to the book itself. We rushed the publishing a little bit, because my dad's accident that he passed away from was August 23rd of 2,001. And it was really important to me that this book get published on August 23.rd So if I didn't do it in 2023. It wouldn't have happened till 2024. So we're making some changes and doing a second edition of the book. and then I'm going to record the audio book once that is wrapped up. The next project I'm going to work on is based on this little girl sitting next to me she's asleep, Jasmine. Say, Hello! I have an 8, or I'm sorry, a 5 year old German shepherd, and for the 5 years that I have they say, dogs take on the personality of their owners, and she is a total spicy like. And and I'm like, what does that say about me? But it kind of fits. Watching her grow up, I have more than ever thought. what would our life be like if we approached life, business, and relationships from the viewpoint of a dog. So I have a project that we're getting ready to announce. So I guess I'm going to announce it now called life Lessons. What my German shepherd taught me about play, purpose and perspective. It's a book, it's a calendar. It's a workbook. and it is 5 years of watching her, you know, embrace the world with gratitude and fun and love and forgiveness. And yeah, so that's the next project that we're digging into.

Rob Pene: 33:51

That's really interesting and different.

Amber Fuhriman: 33:55

I'm excited for it. We I'm trying to find out now, and I don't know whether I can do this or not, so I'm working with a publisher to answer it for me. I'm trying to decide if a non-human thing can be a co-author of a book right? Because I have. I would love to list her as a co-author. I had her stamp or her paw made into a stamp. So in the book each chapter is a dog command. So, for example, my my goal setting chapter is called Fetch, and what I've done is I've taken a call out box with her paw. and when I describe my perspective, then I give her a voice, and I imagine what it's like for her, like going after goals and chasing a ball, and like what must be going through her head. And then I share the experience from what I imagine her perspective to be. So. It was a lot of fun to write.

Rob Pene: 34:55

Yeah, I can see this as a like a a movie. You know.

Amber Fuhriman: 34:59

Yeah, it's it's gonna be fun. I mean, I'm neurotic when it comes to my dog. And I think most dog owners, you know businesses. I tell my clients all the time. If you're in business and you want to increase your revenue, find a way to incorporate pets because people are neurotic about their pets.

Rob Pene: 35:17

Right.

Amber Fuhriman: 35:18

You know, like coffee shops that offer pop cups make more money than coffee shops that don't like. It's it's just the way it goes so I wanted to honor what she's been in my healing journey and kind of go from there. So that's kind of where it started.

Rob Pene: 35:35

Man. Amen! That's amazing!

Amber Fuhriman: 35:37

Thanks.

Rob Pene: 35:38

Yeah.

Amber Fuhriman: 35:38

Thank you.

Rob Pene: 35:39

So if people want to find out more about you, and then here cause, boy, this was an incredible conversation, the the depth of insight that you were able to display and showcase is powerful. It's pretty powerful. So it's it's definitely re-listen for me. Yeah, a few times. So I appreciate if they want to find you, where do they find you?

Amber Fuhriman: 36:00

The best place is to go to the website at successdevelopmentsolutions.com. You can also find me on all socially. Excuse me. All social media platforms at Amberray, Furman, and I'll send you those links if you need them.

Rob Pene: 36:17

Nice nice. I appreciate it. Is there one thing that you want to tell people to encourage the the listeners that are that are struggling.

Amber Fuhriman: 36:28

Yeah, this was a heavy episode. So what I will say is. wherever you are in your journey right now is exactly where you're supposed to be that we can't. We can't get to where we want to be if we're not willing to accept where we are, and I share the example often of putting something in your GPS. So I live in Vegas. If I want to drive to New York, and I've never driven to New York, and I put it in, and it tells me it's a 38 h drive. And I say, man, I don't want to drive 38 h that's going to take too long. So I'm just gonna tell my GPS I'm in Nebraska, and then it cuts it in half like the drive is shorter, according to GPS. But I don't know how to get from Vegas to Nebraska, so I'm never going to make it there, and if I do, it'll be a complete accident. So we want to pretend that we're in a different position than we are, because we're ashamed of where we're at, or we don't feel like we've made it, as far as we should have in this point in our life. And That's the most harmful thing you can do for your success. So wherever you are in your journey is exactly where you're supposed to be, and acknowledging that, and moving forward from that, will allow you to get to where you want to go faster.

Rob Pene: 37:49

Boy, that's the episode right there, that's that's everything right there. Yeah, that's the clip that needs to. Yeah. Put some money behind it and push it out. That's really really good. I appreciate you.

Amber Fuhriman: 38:00

Of course.

Rob Pene: 38:00

Yeah, thanks again. And everybody go click on the websites and all that stuff and share this episode with people.

Amber Fuhriman: 38:08

You for having me. This was a pleasure.

Rob Pene: 38:10

Thanks.