Is fear driving your parenting?

In this heartfelt and transformative episode, I sit down with Dawn Ward, the author of: ‘From Guilt to Grace’ and the founder of the Facebook community 'Christian Moms of Addicted Children.' 

Growing up in a household marked by addiction and now walking the difficult path as a mother of children facing similar struggles, Dawn shares her powerful journey marked by deep faith, resilience, and hard-won wisdom.
We delve into essential questions like, 
"Is fear driving your decisions?" and explore the tension between control and faith.

Dawn opens up about the emotional and spiritual battle of trying to 'fix' versus choosing to let go and trust God with the healing process. Our conversation touches on what true surrender looks like and how to recognize blind spots that can hinder growth and healing. And more importantly - how the answers you need are found in His presence.
Together, we discuss the importance of building a supportive community and how her own experiences led her to create a space where Christian moms can find understanding and encouragement. One of the most moving parts of our discussion is Dawn's 'tombstone revelation' – a profound insight that reshaped her perspective on life and love.
Whether you’re a parent navigating similar challenges or seeking encouragement in your own faith journey, this episode is a powerful reminder that, even in the most difficult moments, God’s grace and healing are always within reach.

Get in touch with Dawn Ward:
https://www.thefaithtoflourish.com
https://youtube.com/thefaithtoflourishwithdawnward

Transcript

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[Music]
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hello and welcome everyone thank you so much for joining us this is the embracing Grace podcast and I am so
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blessed to have Dawn Ward visiting with us today I met her recently through a
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beautiful friend of mine and um Samantha I just want to always give Samantha a
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shout out cuz she so good at connecting me to so many people and I am so
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grateful that we have connected you have such a beautiful heart and such a beautiful message and such an important
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message to share from God and um for many many families and I know that the
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work that you're doing Dawn is absolutely amazing so I'd love for you to just introduce yourself tell us where
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you're from and share a little bit more about what God has laid on your heart for today first of all thank you for
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having me Cindy I'm really glad to be here and just have enjoyed getting to know you and what God's doing in your
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life and in your ministry as well so thank you Where Do We Begin let's see
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you know I I can go right in and I'm just going to jump right in feet first
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the ministry itself orig originated out of my own personal story of Pain
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heartbreak because I was mothering children who had struggled with with addiction and both of my boys at one
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point or the other were were dealing with uh abusing substances and so that
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was one of those things that you just never wish on your worst enemy you would not want any mother or any family to go
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through it and my natural response when I found out that my younger son was actually while he was in high school was
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experimenting and using some things that he shouldn't got himself into trouble my natural response was want was to want to
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fix it make it go away clean it up and then forget about it and move on I you
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know as a Christian family I just thought we could just get through this with prayer and you know don't ever do
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it again and move on and it didn't prove to be that way it proved to be something bigger than I could control you know
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while my children were younger I made sure they were safe I made sure they were healthy I picked their teachers and
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their schools and did everything I could for them and now all the sudden I was dealing with something that I couldn't
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control and that feeling of pow powerlessness and helplessness was a
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really hard thing for me and so I had God had a lot of work to do on me of
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course going through this experience with not one but two sons to even prepare me to be able to start a
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Ministry the ministry is called the faith to flourish and on Facebook we have a support group called Christian moms of addicted children and that was
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quite a journey for me that was many many many years before I got to the point where God was like okay um I want
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you to start you know helping and and working and serving other moms and wives who are going through this
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situation that's so amazing and then the thing that you've just mentioned the the control versus powerlessness you know I
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think one of the big things for us even as as Christians is there is a a a part
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of us that need to well all of us a part of all of us needs to be able to
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surrender to God because having the control we know that that that just does
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not work how did you I would love for us to just explore that a little bit more how did you feel that there was the
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sense of powerlessness even though you were trying to hold on to the
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Reigns I think we all have those things in our life that could control us if we're not careful we all have something
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in our flesh that either is fleeing pain or pursuing pleasure that you know that
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thing of what we we think makes us feel good makes us feel whole as a person and for some people it just happens to be
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substances for most of us it's mindsets and behaviors and things that we go to that are kind of our goto when we are
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feeling either out of control or feeling like our life is falling apart or we're
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just feeling intense pain I realized that while my sons were going after
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drugs I I needed to feel in control that was my drug of choice to be fixing
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rescuing controlling probably was really related to the environment I grew up my
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father drank too much I grew up in an alcoholic home and there was always that need for
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perfectionism performance feeling like if I was good and behaved well and got
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good grades then Daddy wouldn't drink so much and so naturally when I raised my
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children I look back now and control was symptomatic in my mothering in the form
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of fear my you know I was trying to control things because I was afraid bad things would happen to them wow and I
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was always like don't touch the hot stove you might get burned don't run out in the streets you could get run over uh
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don't take candy from strangers it could be poison you know yeah now that we're recording on Halloween I think about
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that and so all these things were going on in my mind and I wasn't really aware
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that they were triggering me that these fears were triggering how I parented so one of the worst case fears
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for a mother is when her child either has some illness or something that she cannot fix or whether it's a a diagnosis
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a health diagnosis in my case it was that my child got in with the wrong crowd thought he was smoking marijuana
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it was laced with very addictive substances that's the case today now this was close to 20 years ago but but
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still it goes on today and a mo a mom you know she will do everything she can to warn and protect her child which she
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should do but it can come from a place of Faith versus a face of a place of
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fear I realized I parented all the time with fear so when things became out of
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control my natural response was to try to control them more instead of
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surrendering and that was a real process for me to say Lord I can only influence
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I have there's power in my prayer there's power in how I live my life as
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an example but when they go out and do their own thing especially once they're
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adults we have little or no control in that situation so one thing was with my
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younger son he was still in high school and realized I was suspicious but I
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didn't know much about drugs or anything I knew what it looked like to see somebody drinking but I didn't know anything about drugs i' never been
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around them I was working fulltime I saw some changes you know in his behavior
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and his how he would take care of himself his hygiene his grades were
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starting to slip but it didn't the thought didn't cross my mind that it was something like that now the first thing
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I caught him doing was smoking cigarettes and so now all of a sudden
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the world of substances is opened up to him and I'm like well what else is he doing kind of wondering if he was
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smoking some pot or something that might have something to do with it and he was just acting like Mom was Dumb and I
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didn't really know that you could go out and buy a drug test I mean this is how naive I was I figured I would have to
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take him to an emergency room and have them do it so I was just trying to
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figure it all out when he came and said Mom and Dad this is what's going on and
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he actually asked us for help and so we were very grateful you know to be able
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to get some professional help some professional counseling kind of steer
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him in the right direction it wasn't without its hiccups it wasn't without you know him having some problems where
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he thought he could go back and hang out with the same crowd again kind of that got him in trouble but he was in his
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senior year and so he had goals you know he wanted to go to college he wanted to
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do some things and now he's messed up and so we were able to offer the support
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because he was of the mindset that I want to put this behind me and move
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forward in my life and so that involved when he graduated moving out of state which kind of got him away from some of
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the bad friends and and I don't want to blame the friends I'm just saying the bad influence where they did to each other because you can't ever put it on
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one kid it's always kind of a group mentality but but so feeling like we
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dodged a bullet there I wasn't prepared when it happened again a few years later
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and at that point it happened to that addiction happened was really more of the traditional thoughts on addiction
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and what I mean by that was at that point there were pharmaceutical drugs
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that were coming out that were we were told were non-addictive and my son had a surgery my older son had a surgery and at the
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time they gave him these opiates that turned out to be very
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addictive so he was also dealing with stress anxiety different things that
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when he started taking these for pain it helped numb and he felt better and he felt like he could function better he
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had just graduated from college made him feel more like I'm on top of the world I'm normal like everyone else is
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something he would say and so we take him to the doctor and we're like what's going on and she's like he's actually
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addicted to these substances well we didn't think they were addictive that's what we were told turns out they were so
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it kind of brought him down more he was uh DUIs breakdowns uh getting onto Psych
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meds and things to kind of help with the anxiety and the depression and then they use some and then they use others they
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medicate they self-medicate and it kind of can have a really ugly spiral
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downward and that's what happened with him and so that one took us as a family
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lower and the whole process has taken longer and it's had many more highs and
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lows so what I thought I learned from the experience with the younger son I
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got this all figured out you know I'm doing okay we we dodged a bullet there
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this one just came in like a tsunami and it just it just ran us right over and so
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at that point I amped up all my fears amped up and all my need to control
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amped up and that would be in the form of how do how do we control we want to
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watch their every move we text them constantly we put tracers on their cell
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phones we are constant telling them how to live their life there's just all
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these things that you know it was like taking a hit of a drug for me because if I would send that text
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message I'd feel a little relief if I'd bail them out of jail I'd feel a little
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relief if I would buy him a new car because the other he wrecked the other one with the promise he was going to pay
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us back I'd feel a little temporary relief and those were all issues I had
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to deal with inside myself self letting go and learning to trust that the process was going to be painful and
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uncomfortable but God was doing a work in me and that's what I had control over
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is what God was doing in me I could say yes to to him I couldn't force my son to
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say yes to him and yes to the things that were good for him that was between
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him and God and what God was doing in his life and so that was you know it's
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kind of in a nutshell a quick synopsis of a period that has taken us almost 20
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years at this point and in my case my entire life because I grew up in it yes so definitely this is something that
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probably over the last eight to 10 years is when God God really started to work
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on me and really started to work on my heart and revealing to me these things
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that that felt very comfortable I felt very comfortable in my own skin with those behavioral patterns and mindsets
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but he had to reveal to me that even though they were comfortable didn't make them right yeah so that was my process
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as a mom going through this it is so amazing that God
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will reveal that to you at such a time right because like you say we tend to
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want to fix everything and everyone around us because we see the problems
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that they have and you see the consequences to the with the decisions that they're making right right but we
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don't necessarily see that within ourselves it's sort of like we've got blinders on right because we we think we
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know and we have the answers and that is why we try and help other people so what
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is that process that God really took you through to get you to where you are today because you are doing an amazing
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work I mean you mentioned the Facebook group and I know that that is really big and I'd love for us to chat about that a little bit more but what is that
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transformation that has happened within you well it's still a work in progress I
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still tend to try to go back to old ways so I'm much better thank God because now
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the light's been you know it's been shined shown on to me and I can see those areas that I didn't see before
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that were blind spots before so now that they've been revealed it's much easier to be aware but before they were blind
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spots and when you have a blind spot it's a blind spot and until such time as something happens that you see it for
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the first time it's a blind spot and we tend to take those things that are
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painful and put them into closets right and seal the door and forget about them and then we put tons of coping
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mechanisms over the top of them and so until holy spirit says bam and shines
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his light of Truth on that situation we don't see it yeah and that's what happened to me what happened to me was I
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was busy fixing saving rescuing doing all the things okay so some of it looked
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some of it didn't look as damaging and dangerous or as obvious as other behaviors whether it's chasing your kid
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down into a bad neighborhood where bad you know you could get hurt or something something that's obvious versus those
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phone calls and those pep talks and the all the hours and hours I spent of
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research researching trying to understand what I could do what's the best program out there what's the best
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solution do I need to take him to Mexico do I need to take him to Canada do I need to take him to Europe where do I
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need to go to get help and coming to that place of realizing that when he's ready God is
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going to provide the help I don't need to be a multi-millionaire to save my
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child you know God will provide ACC our needs according to his riches and Glory
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so there was this whole thing going on where I had to come to that place where
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I realized the way I was doing things wasn't working and going around that same Mountain over and over and over
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again expecting a different outcome that's kind of like the definition of crazy right we that and Insanity I guess
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is another way to say it but so what what happened with me was that I started
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ruminating to the point where I couldn't turn my brain off other moms will say
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other things or other women will say and in the process of all this and in my book I reveal my husband also struggled
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with a pain pill addiction and a gambling addiction so in the midst of everything going on every man in my life
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had struggled with addiction in one area or another and so as I was processing
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all of this something happened where my brain couldn't turn off and I would just
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worry about it no matter if I was having this conversation with you right now or sitting and having tea or at work my
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brain was constantly trying to process and fix the situation to the point where
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I would hear repetitively you have to fix your son you have to fix your son you have to fix your son talk about
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rapid firing fiery darts of the enemy just boom boom boom and I wasn't
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addressing it or turning it off until one day my husband just happened to say
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you're going to worry yourself to death and I stopped and I thought about
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it and I said I don't know I just saw the vision of this big gray Tombstone with the words carved in it she worried
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herself to death and I said you have permission to carve that on my Tombstone she wor herself to death you're
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absolutely right and all of a sudden I heard the Holy Spirit I heard the Lord say to me no I wanted to say she trusted
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God and when that intervention took place when the Holy Spirit intervened
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something in my mind clicked and I I quit hearing that like all of a sudden
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there was like a stutter or a hiccup in that thought process and I realized that
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I would have to make changes on my own part I couldn't expect it to just change on its own I was going
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to have to start to do things to to walk in that position of trusted
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God and I didn't know what it was going to look like because I was in such a habit of rescuing and I i' done a lot of
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not enabling anymore not giving money and not bailing them out of jail and all of that but I was still trying to
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prevent and fix with all the power I had in me and at that point okay Lord what
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does it look like to say she trusted God and he did start challenging me like I
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want you to take the energy you've been putting into saving your child and I want you to draw close to me I want you
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to hear what I have to say about the matter I want you to let me work in you
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that same fervency that you've been pursuing fixing and saving your
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son and that um could seem selfish for for moms we tend to we've had this
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umbilical cord we've carried this baby in us that he's been attached to us and
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now they come out in the world and while the doctor cuts the umbilical cord and hands us wraps the baby and hands it to
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us we still have that attachment and that's a normal healthy
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attachment to have that kind of Mother's Love but there's also phases that we go
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through in mothering where we learn to let go and let them have more autonomy and what add does is it says no
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they're not allowed to have that autonomy they're not allowed to have free will they're not allowed to make their own choices because those choices
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could kill them but the Lord had to kind of share with remind me well the choice for them
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to get on a motorcycle and write it the choice for them to text when they're driving in their car you know the choice
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for them to uh go out and drink too much and get in a car there's all choice to smoke or to vape and that that could
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lead to health problems and so he was he was showing me that H as human beings we
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do have free will and we have free choice to do good and to do good to
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oursel or to do harm and do harm to ourselves and either way those are
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choices that we have to learn to make as adults and we have to learn to make in
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the process of learning to trust God and I knew that I had raised my boys and my
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daughter to love the Lord and to trust him I'd had them in Christian School I
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taught them the word of God and at that point I had to say holy spirit they all profess you as Savior so I have to trust
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that they'll will learn how to make you Lord of their life it seems like they're making bad choices yeah so part of that
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surrender that you were asking me about was trusting in the process of what God was doing in them as well you know
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letting go and surrendering was saying well the same holy spirit that has been so gracious to me and led me throughout
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my life when I wasn't raised in a Christian home is working in their life
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and I can surrender in faith and trust him to do what he's doing even if it doesn't look good or feel comfortable or
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it's scary if I'm doing that I was making room for him to do what he needed to do with them so he could be working
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more on me and the energy I was putting into them could now be put where where I could say Okay Lord show me what you
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want to do in me and what you're teaching me about yourself and what you want to do in my life that needs work
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and so that's how that took place it was definitely a process that's why if there are any moms here whose children are
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struggling with addiction or they have a loved one who's struggling with addiction and they think it's all an overnight fix and that we can just you
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know it will hit on every pain point it will hit on every area of your life where you deal with insecurity or fear
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it it just will obliterate any areas in your life that you had any conf in
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that's what addiction does and I'm sure there's other areas that other people can speak into but for me that was the
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personal assault against me and my family and I praise God for the lessons
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he taught me in the process and is still teaching me yeah I love how that he
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always brings us back to his presence right because everything we
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need is right there in his presence it is and he will reveal all of wisdom that
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you need the understanding that you need the love that you need the patience that you need the grace and the all of
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everything that you need is found in his presence not only for you because that is what you needed and
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that is the comfort that you needed but it is for the people that you will eventually serve right it was for your
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sons as much as it was for you yes it was and that's another thing I found for
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myself myself that I had to be really careful about what support groups and things I went to as a woman of Faith the
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Lord the first thing he had me do was take a deep dive into the scriptures God is Not silent on any matter that
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concerns his children and that includes addiction to substances to destructive behaviors mindsets any of that he is he
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has an opinion and it's the right opinion because it's truth on every matter that concerns us but what I found
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is that there's some areas some things out there some subjects out there that the world tends to think it has more to
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say about it for instance let's just use politics you know I'm not really want to talk about politics but that's a thing
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where we will just banter back and forth about politics and kind of leave God out of the conversation altoe and and think
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that the government is the answer to our problems but government isn't the answer to our problems Jesus is the answer to
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our problemen and so it's the same thing with whatever going through so I took a
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deep plunge into really understanding idolatry and the mindsets that we have
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in our flesh to pursue things that Comfort us and US pleasure and make us feel good about ourselves and so the
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addiction is just one more tool of the devil you know to separate us from Christ separate so that we feel we feel
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okay you know I'm autonomous I'm independent I'm a strong woman and I'm a strong person I'm doing okay okay it's
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just one more tool he uses yeah to kill and destroy and for moms and for the
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support the people and that are supporting and the caregivers and things it tends to be worry control fear all of
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these things that we're working on and they're working in us and so once the
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Lord started to reveal that to me I found that it was necessary for me to
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really cling to the truth and I found you know good education from Biblical
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counselors biblical teachers on addiction that are out there they're just quieter voices and saw so much hope
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in that message in the in the Bible everything we need a hope that gives us hope is in the word of God and so any
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situation where you feel hopeless turn to Jesus I don't care what that
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situation is I don't care if they say that's stage four cancer I don't care what they say it doesn't matter because
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our hope is in the maker of heaven and Earth Jesus Christ so that's where I turned my attention and as I did that
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and the Lord said now I want you to start a Ministry and I remember him giving me a
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vision for the ministry and I was like this is great I love to teach the Bible and I love to hang out with women who
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love the Lord and you know I love evangelically I love to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ okay what do you
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want me to do and I remember saying anything but addiction to him and he
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went radio silent on me he just went and I was like uh oh I knew I'd hit that
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you know I'd hit it and I was like but it wasn't because I didn't want it to talk about it it was that I didn't feel
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prepared every single weak area ugly area area where I felt like I had failed
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that those were the as a mother as a woman as a wife any of those addiction
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hit those triggers I still felt so broken wow and so I was like Lord You're
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just working on me how can I possibly be ready for this how can I offer hope
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healing and all of that to somebody who's going through this I'm gonna get drink of water real quick yes for
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sure for your listeners I'm in the dry desert Sara desert so anyway I I had to
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allow myself to to understand that it was it that was a process and if everybody waited to do what Christ asked
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them to do and until they had it all perfectly figured out there wouldn't be anybody out there sharing the gospel and
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sharing the message of hope so he then we started to kind of work through that
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what what that would look like and I just knew that that somehow or another
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if I could help somebody who was going through what I was going through and what I had gone through and offer them
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some hope and just remind them who they are in Jesus that that was Ministry enough like it didn't have to be this
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big formal thing and so for me one of the things was you know when you go to
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like a 12-step program uh there's 12 steps or if you go to celebrate recovery
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there's eight steps in the program and I didn't have any steps so I was like well what am I supposed to do Lord what do
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you want me to do with this and he didn't give me any steps it was I mean I probably could have come up with some
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but but that wasn't at all what he was giving me so I felt like I was just this Blank Slate with nothing to offer and
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now he's asking me to do this and so one of the first things he did ask along with starting to write and blog and
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share what he was teaching me and share devotionals and and hope filled messages
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was to start that online support group on Facebook and I hadn't been on Facebook very long myself at the time I
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had just jumped on because my pastor was struggling with cancer and they were updating us on Facebook and so then when
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I got onto Facebook I'm of course my cousins and a few people were there it was nice to keep up with them but and
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I've been in a few groups so I starting to see oh I see where this is a community it's a whole lot e it was a
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whole lot easier back then to have a Facebook group than it is now the reach is a lot more limited now but it's up to
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it's up to the Lord anyway and so I said well we don't need another Facebook group Lord why do you want me to start a
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Facebook group and he said just do it so if anyone wonders if the Lord uses
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social media at least did me I mean it was so it was such a clear direction for
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him he was like just do it I had no idea I said what am I going to talk about what
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what do you want me to do in there and and he's don't worry about it just started so I Googled how to start a
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Facebook group and I started it and I pushed you know live and it went live
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and the next thing he said was now what I'm going to tell you the purpose and the purpose is to pray for your children
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encourage the moms and glorify me wow and so he didn't really want me to have a Facebook group or start one that would
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be about advocacy and education and legislature that was kind of my argument
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with him was that there were so many out there doing that I could steer people I could Point people that direction I didn't need to do it myself it would
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just be senseless work yeah and so instead we became a group where the moms
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really minister to and encourage each other and sometimes they'll come in and
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just be suicidal despondent really just hopeless and the other moms now will
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jump on and really encourage them share scripture with them pray with them so the group is doing what it was meant to
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do just in the beginning I I didn't know what that would look like and so now
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after all these years it's it's a nice place because it's a refuge and and I
29:44
often hear them say it's a safe place and so that was kind of the beginning of what I was doing and when I got to the
29:50
place of writing the book that I'm that I wrote from guilt to Grace Hope and healing for Christian moms of addicted
29:56
children that really was birthed out of what I learned through all that study uh
30:01
that deep dive into the Bible what the Bible says I was originally going to write a Bible study and the Bible study
30:08
was uh based on the book of Hosea and it was God's Relentless love for wandering
30:13
heart faithful and so everything that I studied about God's love for the
30:19
wandering for wandering hearts for these for all of us who are prodigals is that his love is so relentless and he never
30:26
gives up and he's always always pursuing and he's always pursuing our children
30:31
the same love he has for us is he doesn't have less love for someone else he doesn't have he is God his character
30:39
is go after that one sheep who is lost and return them and bring them back that
30:45
is his character he says I will never leave you or forsake you but we in our
30:50
mind think he picks and chooses his favorites and he doesn't do that and so
30:56
that gave me hope like Lord you are doing everything for my child you love
31:04
my child you want my child in the fold you want my child to have a relationship with you my child to know how loved and
31:11
cared he is well I feel like the moms needed to know that too they felt
31:16
abandoned they felt unseen they felt forgotten so as I observed not only the
31:23
scriptures but listened and talked to and learned what the hearts of these
31:29
moms that is where so much of what is in the book came from yes I share my own
31:35
personal stories but also Insight that I learned from observation and and just all the time
31:42
watching the faithfulness of God as he worked in their lives and that's how it
31:47
all came about yeah it is so amazing to hear I mean there was so much even in the beginning as you were talking about
31:54
being a broken vessel that God was using and it is so important that we don't
31:59
think we need to be perfect before we do something that God's called us to do because if we wait for Perfection we we
32:06
like you said we will never reach it and we will never fulfill that calling because we will never be perfect right
32:13
they will never be that right time now is the time and I love that it was
32:20
through your transformation so people would have seen well I'm I'm assuming right I you can
32:26
correct me if I'm wrong but I would assume that they were seeing the rawness
32:31
of what you were going through you weren't speaking from a mom that was already out on the other side you were a
32:37
mom walking this journey with them and that is where the
32:43
power is right and that goes back to when you know as a kid I wanted the all
32:49
outward appearances was Perfection yes I mean I wasn't and I wouldn't say if
32:54
anybody were to say you think you're perfect I would of course I'd say no I I don't but for me there was so much
33:01
involved in my identity it was so Performance Based and all of a sudden God is like
33:10
well we're just going to make sure that you don't feel comfortable in any role you're in you know because I don't want
33:16
you to feel like hey I got it all figured out and then go in approaching it that way I want you to go in
33:22
approaching not just Ministry but my own transformation yes as that there was any
33:28
area in my life that I could say confidently I had it all figured out and and so if he could have picked
33:35
anything he could have said you know talk about being a wife talk about whatever Ministry he would have wanted
33:40
to put me in would have had a huge learning curve for me because I didn't
33:45
feel adequate enough in any area because my my bar was set so high because it was
33:53
set towards perfectionism and and so there's an only one who's perfect and
34:01
Jesus is the only one who's perfect and he's a perfect father and yet he has children who run a mck and do their
34:06
thing and and so why would I think that if I did everything perfectly all the
34:12
people in my life would be doing okay yeah and and so those were things that he had to work on with me because it was
34:19
really about my identity it was really about seeing myself through his eyes as a daughter of the king and that my
34:27
identity was in who who I am not what I do and who's and I say who's I am really
34:35
because it's I'm a Child of God not who I am as far as my accomplishments but whose I am and and what I and not what I
34:43
do and so that was a process for me too because if I was going to talk about it
34:51
I I I didn't want to talk about it from a position of I have arrived and I'm an
34:58
expert but I also didn't want to be in such a place of Brokenness that I
35:03
couldn't offer hope and inspiration and I think that's important when we are on these Journeys and God's
35:10
calling us into Ministries is not that we have fully 100% arrived because that's not going to happen till the day
35:16
we meet Jesus face to face but that we also are in that process that journey of
35:23
healing and that we can say I was where you were but Jesus has been walking with
35:29
me bringing me through this and I feel like some of the things he's taught me I can offer to you now as hope and
35:37
inspiration and I couldn't do that if I wasn't being real and transparent sure
35:43
yeah I think that's that the topic of vulnerability you know
35:51
is a lot of people think they share things and they're being vulnerable so
35:57
so they will say I'm feeling really down today and they'll put that out on social
36:02
media and leave it right and that's not vulnerability no vulnerability is
36:10
exactly what you've done is you've used what you've gone through to
36:15
vulnerability would be to ask for help you're sharing because you need the help
36:20
or you sharing because this is an area where I can help you up right right it's
36:27
not just sort of spewing it out there and then everybody stressing about you going are you okay you know um so there
36:36
I think with this topic too A lot of times um you know moms want to protect
36:41
their children they don't want to put too much out there I've had to be very careful with what that looks like as I write a book especially you know one one
36:49
child was still a minor and he's preferring to kind of move on with his life and and you know live in his
36:56
success and and and his career and do the things he needs to do he doesn't want to keep going back to that thing
37:02
that took place 20 years ago and and stay stuck in that and so whereas my
37:08
older son has had his own podcast he's talked a lot about his own
37:14
experiences and he's was an adult where he could make those kind of decisions as
37:20
to how much he would say or wouldn't say and so in the process of being on social
37:26
media we often you we have we say it filters everybody's filtered you know we have
37:32
filters on our faces and filters on our lives and they look so perfect and all of this but we do need to have a holy
37:39
spirit filter where we're very Discerning about what why am I posting
37:44
this why am I sharing this why am I being vulnerable and transparent in this area what is how is God trying to use
37:50
this message to help someone else and that was a real balance for me as I learned how to
37:58
blog and post things on social media and then eventually write a book was to to
38:04
honestly sayl what good is going to come from this is this something you're asking me to write because good is going
38:10
to come from it yeah or are am I am I just writing it because I feel like it's
38:15
something I want to talk about because I may process that out in a different place than
38:21
publicly tell us a little bit more about your book would you mind holding it up so that everybody can at least see it and I'll definitely share a link to it
38:29
in the show notes absolutely gorgeous it it's a pretty cover they nice love it
38:35
from guilt to Grace Hope and healing for Christian moms of addicted children um when I first started writing the the
38:43
Bible study that would have had a different name I I love Bible studies I
38:48
love to do Bible studies I love to write them I love to do group studies and but all of a sudden the Lord was like I
38:55
really want you to start with a book because because a lot of these moms are not even in a position to open a Bible
39:01
study right now it's just too much their brains are frazzled they haven't they're not sleeping well and they also need to
39:07
know that there's that the person on the other end can connect with them and knows what they're going through so oh
39:13
by the way you're going to be sharing some of your family story and so when I wrote the outline for the book and I
39:21
eventually started writing some sample chapters and then you know was listening
39:26
to the feedback of the developmental editors and all of that and finally hand in my
39:32
manuscript she liked my manuscript and she said but the best parts were where you shared your own stories and I'd like
39:39
to see more of that and I said Lord are you serious you want me to put more stories in there and talk more about my
39:48
feelings and my thoughts and what I was processing as I was going through that and and yep that's exactly what I want
39:56
you to do so usually with developmental editing and with editing of a book they start cutting off words yeah they start
40:02
saying less less less in my case 70,000 I I went from uh
40:08
67,000 to I think it's 880,000 yes
40:13
that's what it was so I I added words to the book and I didn't I didn't want to
40:18
have you know too big too media of a book but I realized now looking back that each chapter takes time to process
40:25
and work through and there's some questions at the end and help the moms kind of work through what they're going through and so it wasn't meant to be
40:32
read through in one night or two days or something like that it really was meant to be a book that would take them on
40:38
their Journey from guilt to Grace and so how did we end up with that title from
40:45
guilt to Grace when I was originally writing it because I always have this sassy side to me and I like sarcasm and
40:52
stuff I was going to title my book from I was going to title it that Mom those kids
40:59
and I was like yeah you know that one that mom over there with those kids I throughout their entire going to church
41:04
and chrisan school it was always those kids you know it's that Mom and those kids over there those Renegades and and
41:11
so but my publisher said no your book is is not a memoir your book is taking them
41:17
on a transformational journey what is that transformational journey I don't know and they kind of put it out there
41:23
they put it out there for uh talking about the book and what the books was
41:29
about they put it out there and came up with some of these titles and so they
41:34
came up with a different version I think the subtitle was different but from guilt to Grace and so I still holding on
41:40
for dear life to my title was just the beginning and end all of a book title they put that one along
41:48
with three other titles out and they just put it out and asked people hey this is what the book's about what title
41:54
and this was a clear winner wow and so when I went back and started really reading through it I saw the thread I
42:01
didn't see the thread myself of that Journey from guilt to Grace and in the process of guilt to Grace we go into
42:08
grief we go into grit where we're trying to do it all ourself and then finally that place where we surrender in God's
42:15
grace and but guilt was the motivating factor I talked a lot about fear earlier
42:22
but guilt guilt shame and self-blame were very controlling as well fear and
42:27
worry and so the surrendering was letting go of that those areas that said
42:35
you caused this you did this when I didn't and so I wasn't responsible and
42:41
so and I could be responsible for me right and that's really what was about and so that's how the book came to be
42:49
and the journey in the book is that process that I went through to move from where I was at to where I'm at today wow
42:56
so beautiful do you you I know that you offer coaching and courses Etc as well so do
43:03
you want to just share a little bit more about that how can people get in touch with you to join one of your courses ju
43:09
if if you could share a little bit more about that that'll really be great sure so I was really in the throws of doing
43:16
courses and things when the Lord called me to write the book and everything kind of got put a little bit on hold I seem
43:21
to do I'll do ones like around Christmas I'll do a little um you know coping with the holiday type thing and I'll do some
43:28
of those and I've been doing some one-on-one coaching but I haven't been doing a lot of the group right now in
43:34
within my group on Facebook yes we've been doing some things but I haven't been doing a lot of group courses right
43:40
now and I building something out to go with the book so that'll probably be after the first of the year you know
43:46
sometime first quarter yes now that now that it's out I can move forward in the next thing that will surround you be
43:52
book I I do tend to do more one-on-one just because of the moms are going
43:58
through that are reaching out to me and then needing to have a situation where we can ask the Holy Spirit to show what
44:05
is really going on with them which might be a little bit different than someone else and because the Lord never has
44:10
given me those eight to 12 steps I was looking for it's very spirit and word L and so
44:19
and what that means is I ask the Lord to show me and to send the right people my
44:25
way without me really over promoting it and making sure that whoever I'm working
44:30
with does she need Christian Counseling is there a lot going on with her that she needs to deal with all of that first
44:39
because coaching would be more of I'm stuck here in these patterns but I want to move forward God's calling me to you
44:47
know to do this or he's calling me to go back to school or he wants me to just enjoy my life with my grandchildren or
44:52
whatever it is and I'm stuck and so like setting those kind of goals and helping them move forward but I've realized that
44:59
in the process those coping skills for sur for how to handle their child and
45:05
have set boundaries in that relationship and those type of things are are individual or we might go to certain
45:11
support groups and things that would say um everybody does it this way and and
45:17
for the most part that might work but with me we're working on what is the Lord showing you yes and and I found
45:25
that the moms who have gone through that process of learning to really listen to the Lord and do what he tells them to do
45:31
are in a much better place now in their own in themselves and in their faith and so when I say when I
45:38
tell you all of this about the coaching it's because it's I'm I'm working through that process too of just I'm not
45:44
throwing it out to the world and saying everybody come because I want the Lord to bring the right person for me to help
45:50
andc courage and bring them along you know in this process so they can find out more at the faith the flo fl.com
45:58
that's my website the faith to flourish.com if they're a mom who just needs a support group online Christian
46:03
moms of addicted children that's on Facebook and uh that's where they can find me social media they Dawn if they
46:10
look up Dawn rward or the faith the florish they'll find me either way okay I'll definitely put all of that in the
46:17
show notes so that people know where to go um are there any before we close up are there any final words that you want
46:23
to share the lord gave me a scripture today in the thinking about identity and it's
46:32
out of 2 Corinthians 3:18 and it says that we all who who with unveiled faces
46:40
contemplate the Lord's Glory are being transformed into his image with ever
46:45
increasing Glory which comes from the Lord who is the spirit
46:51
and the I felt like I needed to share that today because sometimes we get so so stuck in
46:58
everything we're going through and we get so stuck in the pain and we get stuck in and we don't feel like we're
47:03
making any progress I know when I was stuck I felt like I was knee high in wet cement and
47:10
that I couldn't the only thing I could do is move backwards a little bit but I couldn't move forward at all and I
47:18
needed to be reminded that God was is doing a transformation in me that I'm
47:23
being transformed into his image and that from Glory you know to Glory ever increasing Glory that he is working in
47:30
me and I want to encourage anyone who's maybe feeling stuck you know by their circumstances or or feeling that God's
47:38
never going to be able to use me I'm such a mess I he has so much work to do
47:44
on me that if he can use me like he can use anybody and and I may have shown up
47:51
to work with my hair done and my makeup on and I may have looked like I was doing life okay but I know what I what
47:57
was going on inside of me and that's exactly the place I was at when God called me to to step out in faith and be
48:05
used you know to allow him to use me it could be over a cup of coffee it could
48:10
be at the playground that moms are sitting there sharing with each other don't be afraid to share that thing that
48:16
God is doing in your life don't be afraid to say you know I know what you're going through let me pray with
48:22
you because he will work miracles if you just make yourself avail able and you just believe that he is working in you
48:30
and transforming you I love the when you shared your journey is that sometimes when when we
48:37
talk we sometimes talk about the future and we talk about the purpose that God has for us but we
48:44
both have started in his presence first yes and if you a mom listening to us
48:50
talk and and we're talking about ador's journey and where she is now it started
48:56
in the secret place it started with God saying let go of everything around you
49:01
and come and spend some time with me and we don't have to worry about the future
49:07
because your future is secure in him if you are rooted and grounded in who God
49:13
calls you to be you are rooted and grounded in Christ's love for you there is no fear in his love there is only
49:20
perfect peace and when you can spend time in his presence and just receive I
49:26
think there's such a beautiful message of just learning to receive from him
49:32
because we often feel like we need to do something right it's that control I need
49:38
to do it in order for it to happen or for it to to have the outcome that I
49:44
want but that might not be the outcome that God wants to happen right if we
49:50
actually take a step back and just say Lord I'm going to surrender to you and I'm just going to allow you to work in
49:55
me first help me transform because when I am filled up I am able to help somebody
50:03
else but it is really about first stepping back and saying Lord I just
50:08
give it all to you and I just want to spend time with you not with what you can give me and what you can do for me
50:15
and the promises and it's it's nothing it's just relationship it's just
50:21
building and spending time in his presence where you can just
50:27
you are going to receive so much even though you're not thinking about it when you're just focusing and turning your
50:34
attention towards him I love that song of Turn Your Eyes towards Jesus right
50:40
yes and look full in his wonderful face when you can just close your eyes and just look with your spirit man just see
50:48
him just see his eyes and just see the beauty of who he is you will experience
50:53
such love and such Amazing Grace in those moments and just receive it there
51:00
is nothing nothing for you to do but to receive his love um that's and that
51:10
is so necessary for each and every one of us um I loved what you shared today I
51:18
I absolutely it's such a blessing to have met you and to speak about this
51:24
topic that is so important um um I want everybody to go out and buy your book um
51:30
I will share all your details so that they know where to find you they know if if you're a mom and you need support and
51:36
you need prayer and you need somebody to pray with you over your kids then I will encourage you to please go to the
51:43
Facebook group um I've got it here uh Christian moms of addicted children go
51:49
and find it and join and ask for prayer you know when you mentioned earlier you
51:55
said there are some moms that are feeling suicidal it just sort of hit me
52:01
so hard and I thought that you know what our children do can sometimes
52:08
affect us to the point where we as moms want to commit
52:13
suicide that is really difficult and you don't have to walk this road on your own
52:19
there are other moms that have been there that have gone through what you've gone through and have come out on the
52:25
other side stronger and can I say just one more thing to that the Lord is giving me that the
52:31
scripture see striving and know that I am Lord the only way we really know that he is Lord is to spend time in his
52:37
presence in his word and that that will then be the result of it will help us to
52:43
cease striving because we know that he is Lord and but I do understand those
52:48
feelings now I never felt suicidal during the time that my children were going through this but I do remember
52:54
having a severe case of postpartum depression with my first child and along with my my son's going through this my
53:01
daughter's on the autism spectrum so I'm a mom I'm a real mom that have had all the same things that other moms go
53:06
through and this postpartum depression really you know it put thoughts in my
53:11
mind and things these wacky hormones and all the crazy things that were going on that I never would have thought had I
53:17
been in a different place physically and maybe not so exhausted and hormones
53:23
completely out of whack and that would have been he's 38 he'll be 38 in a few days so this was a
53:28
long time ago when there wasn't as much awareness of it was like and I went and talked to the doctor and felt so shunned
53:35
and so shamed and nothing was really done for me and I just remember that the Lord reminded me he said you aren't
53:43
always this way he said you weren't this way before and you're not going to be
53:48
this way forever this is going to go away this two shall pass he spoke that to me because I actually thought about driving in front of a truck like I
53:55
didn't have the kids in the my my one son in the car my baby in the car and I just thought he'd be better off without
54:00
me and immediately God grabbed me and said now wait a minute you you didn't you weren't like this before this is
54:06
something that's happening to you this isn't who you are and this will change
54:11
you just have to trust me if you're not going to stay this way forever and it gave me that hope to say you're right
54:17
Lord I I can get through one more day I can get through one more day and that light started to shine and that hope
54:22
started to come again and we get so focused on you know that we want it to
54:30
go away now and sometimes we have to say I it might not go away now so I need to
54:35
get people around me I need to get the Lord of course we need he's with me he promised to be with me but not be afraid
54:41
to ask for help not be afraid to ask to be transparent and tell people what you're going through so that you have
54:47
that support system because I knew what it felt like to feel alone and not have that support system back then and to now
54:54
know that we're providing a place for women who f this way I mean there were times we had to call you know Facebook
55:00
has a way of telling us how to handle because we don't know where people live we don't know how to get help help if
55:05
they're talking like that within a group try to private message them we have to do what we can but it is a Facebook
55:12
group we don't have names and numbers and emails and all of these things and so but we but 99.9% well first of all I
55:20
don't know of anyone who has committed suicide praise God but we've been able to connect with them and they felt seen
55:25
and heard heard and loved and now they're encouraging other moms yes and
55:31
so don't hesitate to ask for help to ask for encouragement to ask for prayer if
55:37
you're going through this because you're not alone and I promise this will pass and and tomorrow will be a brighter day
55:44
it'll be a better day but we have to get through that darkness that you know darkness of the soul that darkness of
55:50
the night where we just don't see any light and know that the light is there he's there and so that's my
55:56
encouragement if anyone is going through that because it doesn't have to just be addiction related they might just be feeling like me a mom who had post
56:04
severe postpartum depression they might be going through something else that's causing to lose
56:09
hope and I mean something that you mentioned on earli and I just want to touch it on it again is that Focus what
56:15
are we focusing on and I know that it's easier said said than
56:20
done um that switch of your mindset where you go you know what I'm making a
56:26
decision and I'm making this choice to choose life yes it can be easier said
56:32
than done however like you just said the decisions that you make is a moment by
56:39
moment day by day just choose to make the right decision today was that a one
56:46
degree shift you know inet um I was talking to my son today and I said Son
56:51
some of the people that are speaking into your life are making you small making you feel small and they're not
56:57
they don't see the gifts and talents that God has given you that your parents see because we've seen them since birth
57:04
and those things God wants to grow you in he's not pushing you down he's not
57:10
stifling you he wants you to be everything he's created you to be to use the gifts and talents for his glory yeah
57:18
and they make a way for you the Bible says that they make a way for you and so who are we surrounding oursel with
57:25
sometimes we're in positions where everyone around us is speaking down
57:30
negative you know and pushing us down and making and then we're feeling and then we wonder why we're feeling so
57:36
small and feeling so unseen and unnoticed by God and it's okay that's part of the soulare and the self-care
57:43
that God wants us to do is to say Jesus how do you see me and then putting
57:48
ourselves in that position where we start to make that one degree of change in our mindset that one degree of shift
57:53
in our behaviors that that step of Faith it's not like I'm gonna get over my fear
58:00
of heights so I'm gonna go jump out of a plane tomorrow you know it might start with climbing a couple rungs of a
58:06
ladder it might start by going on a short little bridge at the at the kitty park at the at the playground you know
58:12
might be something small like that but that's a step of faith and that's what he did in me he didn't change me
58:18
overnight he started to say I'd like you to Google help for Christian moms of
58:24
addicted Children books that help Christian moms of addicted children and I started to find some resources and now
58:31
all a sudden I put some money some time and effort into something that was helping me versus doing something for my
58:38
child and it felt a little selfish and it felt a little weird at first but in actuality it was doing out of obedience
58:45
what Christ was calling me to do little did I know where he was going to lead me through those small steps of obedience
58:52
and those small mind Shi mindset shifts that took place back that love it so
58:58
good so good I love that thank you so much once again Dawn it was such an
59:04
amazing time together and I just know the Holy Spirit was here today and is just touching and changing lives all
59:11
over the world with the work that you're doing your ministry your book I just pray that it's going to reach so many
59:17
people who need to read it I we as we prayed just before we started is that uh
59:23
you know God would just prepare the hearts of everybody who needs to hear this message because I think this is so
59:29
important and especially for moms um just because of the the weight that we
59:34
carry with our kids and the heart that we have for them so I just pray that you
59:39
will be blessed and that your book will reach so many women uh who need to hear this message and thanks again for for
59:46
coming on again that book is called from guilt to Grace by Dawn Ward and please
59:52
go and visit her website go and find that Facebook group and join it and as
59:57
you all know I'd love for you to just be encouraged by what we speak about
1:00:03
remember you're looking at us maybe a couple of years down the line from from
1:00:08
where we started don't look at your beginning and compare it to somebody else's you know 20 years or whatever it
1:00:16
may be God has got you where you are at exactly the right time that he needs you
1:00:22
to be all you need to do is open yourself up be available be obedient and
1:00:27
surrender to him please I would love for you to like And subscribe to the channel
1:00:33
share this with somebody who needs to hear this message you never know whose
1:00:38
life you are called to impact today and always remember that you are loved you
1:00:43
are chosen you're redeemed and that you are called lots of love and God bless
1:00:48
thank you so much again Dawn bye everyone
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[Music]