SPEAKER_00: Well, uh lately my wife, Christine, has been really into the Golden Bachelor.
SPEAKER_00: Has anybody heard of The Golden Bachelor?
SPEAKER_00: Uh so it's like The Bachelor, but for old people.
SPEAKER_00: Uh so it is about as interesting as it sounds, which her watching it means I watch it.
SPEAKER_00: Uh the finale is tonight, by the way.
SPEAKER_00: Don't ask me why or how I know that.
SPEAKER_00: But uh it's a show, right?
SPEAKER_00: And and I will say it it gets pretty gross from time to time.
SPEAKER_00: Like just watching like Mama and Papa Mac on each other is just not I guess it's not my idea of entertaining TV.
SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
SPEAKER_00: Uh the interesting thing, uh, in all seriousness is that you actually get to hear these people's stories because unlike the normal bachelor or bachelorette, which again, as your youth pastor, do not recommend you to go to watch, but uh these are older people further along in life.
SPEAKER_00: Most of them have had marriages, most of them have had kids, and so you start to hear their stories.
SPEAKER_00: And so what draws people together on this show more than just like physical attraction or hobbies, uh, is much more about other people.
SPEAKER_00: It's about this, there's this depth to the connection that they're looking for on this show.
SPEAKER_00: And what you see is you start to watch the show, and what I really picked up on, is that all of these people have been profoundly shaped by other people.
SPEAKER_00: And really the truth is that most of our pivotal moments in life come from or in relationships with others.
SPEAKER_00: If you think about all the biggest moments in your life, you're very rarely ever alone for those moments.
SPEAKER_00: And most of the time it comes because of a relationship with someone else.
SPEAKER_00: The true uh this is true for me.
SPEAKER_00: My lowest moments in life have come because of other people.
SPEAKER_00: Uh walking through my parents getting divorced when I was younger, being in middle school and running with the wrong crowd who drew me further away from the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: And then some of my best moments have been because of people.
SPEAKER_00: Mary and Christine, having two beautiful children, getting to be y'all's youth pastor, and the times we've seen God show up again and again and again, my community that's both been at college and here.
SPEAKER_00: The truth is your life will be shaped by your relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And the reason I'm telling you that tonight is because we're starting a new series this week on that very thing: relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Because if our life is shaped by relationships with other people, it's probably a really important thing to make sure that we get right.
SPEAKER_00: And so we're gonna walk through what the Bible has to say about relationships.
SPEAKER_00: And yes, we're gonna get to dating, we're gonna talk about singleness, but we're actually backing up.
SPEAKER_00: And tonight we we are simply starting with friendship.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, something that feels kind of like a lost art in our world.
SPEAKER_00: Most of you probably feel that, right?
SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about how the uh the high school and the middle school reacted to the phone ban.
SPEAKER_00: It's like, you mean we gotta talk to each other at lunch?
SPEAKER_00: Like, I barely like these people, and now I have to talk to them for 45 minutes, right?
SPEAKER_00: It's like we've forgotten how to be friends.
SPEAKER_00: And so um, the idea here tonight, what we're gonna see is that God designed us for real community, and not just any community, but gospel-centered community.
SPEAKER_00: And gospel-centered community is built on vulnerability, honesty, and invitation.
SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna unpack that because I know that's super dense.
SPEAKER_00: But if you have your Bible, go ahead and flip open to Genesis 1, 15 through 18.
SPEAKER_00: We are no longer in Exodus 34.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, so it will be up on the screen uh if you um if you don't have your Bible with you.
SPEAKER_00: But if you do have your Bible, Genesis, sorry, I lied, 2, 15 through 18.
SPEAKER_00: I saw that earlier and said I was gonna change it on my notes, but clearly didn't.
SPEAKER_00: So, Genesis chapter 2, verse 15 says this The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
SPEAKER_00: And the Lord God commanded the man, you are free to eat from any tree in the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
SPEAKER_00: For when you eat from it, you will certainly die.
SPEAKER_00: And then the Lord God said in verse 18, It is not good for the man to be alone.
SPEAKER_00: I will make a helper suitable for him.
SPEAKER_00: Would you pray with me?
SPEAKER_00: Father, we thank you for your word tonight.
SPEAKER_00: God, I pray that even now you would be opening our minds and our hearts to your word tonight.
SPEAKER_00: God, God, the truth of Scripture, that we would be shaped, we would be formed, we would submit to it, and Lord, even tonight that we'd see the miracle of salvation as you call us to yourself through your word.
SPEAKER_00: We love you and we praise you, and we praise things in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_00: And everybody said, Amen.
SPEAKER_00: So, who remembers earlier this semester when we went through creation, right?
SPEAKER_00: Eden, uh, ver chapters one through eleven.
SPEAKER_00: We walked through all of that.
SPEAKER_00: We talked about how God uh created the world with order.
SPEAKER_00: There's like a logic and a reason to how the world works.
SPEAKER_00: There's different laws and principles.
SPEAKER_00: For example, you plant crops at a certain time and then they get rain and they get sunlight and then they grow.
SPEAKER_00: The sun rises and sets.
SPEAKER_00: We breathe air and we exhale carbon dioxide, and plants do the opposite.
SPEAKER_00: Gravity holds us down.
SPEAKER_00: But it's not just laws of physics and things that you'd learn in science class.
SPEAKER_00: There's things that we know to be true about us in our lives.
SPEAKER_00: If you eat good food, you know, stay active, your body gets stronger, you get healthy.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you try to live off of pizza rolls and bloom, you're gonna feel like hot garbage.
SPEAKER_00: Anybody have found that to be true?
SPEAKER_00: Anyone at all?
SPEAKER_00: A lot of you are lying because I've watched you walk in with the blooms, right?
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's not pizza rolls, but it's something.
SPEAKER_00: You eat trash, you're gonna feel like trash.
SPEAKER_00: Or if you get eight to ten hours of sleep, you're gonna feel rested, you're gonna feel energized.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but if you try to get three hours and 300 milligrams of caffeine, you're gonna feel like your last two brain cells are having a fist fight.
SPEAKER_00: Uh and that's I feel that.
SPEAKER_00: I have experienced that.
SPEAKER_00: But the point is there's an order that God has woven into creation.
SPEAKER_00: And when we live in that order, things typically go well, but when we live outside of it, things typically don't go well.
SPEAKER_00: And on that topic, there's a line in the verses that we just read that we usually like kind of just nod our heads at and then move on.
SPEAKER_00: But I want to zoom in on it a little bit tonight.
SPEAKER_00: And it's it's that verse we just read that God created the heavens and the earth, he created everything in them, and after each day of creation, God says, it is good.
SPEAKER_00: But then in Genesis 2, it zooms in a little bit.
SPEAKER_00: And God creates Adam, and he he says something that is supposed to be like the scratch of a record, right?
SPEAKER_00: Like the music stops, everything comes to a halt.
SPEAKER_00: It's this weird just interruption in the narrative.
SPEAKER_00: He creates Adam and he says, It is not good for the man to be alone.
SPEAKER_00: I will make a helper suitable for him.
SPEAKER_00: Think about how huge that little line is.
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we think, well, as long as I have God, I'm good.
SPEAKER_00: And yes, at a level that's true, but here Adam is living in perfect relationship with God, and there's something wrong.
SPEAKER_00: He says it's not good for him to be alone.
SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't mean that God wasn't sufficient or enough for Adam, but it means that God hardwired Adam for relationships with other people.
SPEAKER_00: Because we're made in God's image, right?
SPEAKER_00: That means we're supposed to be a visible representation of the invisible God.
SPEAKER_00: We look like him.
SPEAKER_00: His kids look like him.
SPEAKER_00: And he is relational.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, God exists in what we would call the Trinity.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's one God and three distinct persons, and it's really, really difficult to wrap your head around.
SPEAKER_00: But just understand this that the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have been in relationship for eternity.
SPEAKER_00: And so when God made us in his image, we were created for relationship.
SPEAKER_00: We need other people.
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing, if you really think about it, we know this to be true.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I've said this before, but has anybody in here ever watched the show alone on the History Channel?
SPEAKER_00: A few of you, right?
SPEAKER_00: So this is like the hardcore survival show.
SPEAKER_00: They basically give people 10 things in a backpack, drop them off in the absolute middle of nowhere, and say, hey, don't get eaten by a bear.
SPEAKER_00: Good luck, right?
SPEAKER_00: Don't die.
SPEAKER_00: And so they don't have DoorDash, they don't have a camera crew, like it's just them, a knife, and their spiraling mental health.
SPEAKER_00: Like that, that is them.
SPEAKER_00: And then they give them a camera and say, hey, film yourself.
SPEAKER_00: And it always starts out like really positive because if you make it till the end, you win half a million dollars.
SPEAKER_00: You can tap out whenever you want, but if you make it to the end, you win all that money.
SPEAKER_00: And so at first, everybody's confident, right?
SPEAKER_00: They're building huts, they're like catching fish, the weather hasn't taken a turn yet, and they're feeling great.
SPEAKER_00: But then, like two weeks later, they're like talking to squirrels, uh, like crying over sticks that they lost and like naming rocks.
SPEAKER_00: Like they they go downhill quick.
SPEAKER_00: But there's this one really interesting contestant in season three, and her name was Callie, and she was crushing it.
SPEAKER_00: And she was this kind of like weird, new agey spiritual hippie vibes, but she was killing it.
SPEAKER_00: Like you can tell she was crunchy as crunchy gets, like she makes her own bread, like she was squared away.
SPEAKER_00: Like she was catching fish, she built herself a house, uh, she got bored and she decided to build herself like a sauna.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, she built herself some musical instruments, like everybody thought, hey, this girl is obviously gonna win this competition.
SPEAKER_00: But then out of the blue, she actually just decides to tap out.
SPEAKER_00: And as afterwards, she taps out and they do these kind of like interviews after the fact, and they asked her why.
SPEAKER_00: And she says, Hey, as time went on, I started to realize something deeper in me.
SPEAKER_00: Like I was so focused on winning uh that I could just go and go and go.
SPEAKER_00: But but then the winning idea started to fade away, and I realized I'm not starving, I'm not sick, I'm just alone.
SPEAKER_00: I'm totally and completely isolated, and that's what broke her down.
SPEAKER_00: And she said, once I stopped trying to win, I realized that what I really missed was people, real connection, real love, and real presence.
SPEAKER_00: And this is coming from someone who's not a Christian, right?
SPEAKER_00: Who probably has the worldview that we are all just, you know, biological organisms on a rock that's floating throughout space.
SPEAKER_00: And even she realized, I need people because she was made for relationship.
SPEAKER_00: And in the same way, we need meaningful community and relationships in our lives.
SPEAKER_00: You can't go it alone.
SPEAKER_00: In Ecclesiastes 4 19 through 12, it says, Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
SPEAKER_00: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
SPEAKER_00: But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
SPEAKER_00: Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?
SPEAKER_00: Though they may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
SPEAKER_00: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
SPEAKER_00: And look, hopefully, uh you're never gonna get dropped off in the woods by yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, that wouldn't be great.
SPEAKER_00: But the reality is you're probably gonna go through hard things in life.
SPEAKER_00: Like it says in Ecclesiastes, if they fall down, you don't have someone who's gonna pick you up.
SPEAKER_00: There's a good chance you might go through the loss of a loved one or an illness that won't go away.
SPEAKER_00: A failure.
SPEAKER_00: Life doesn't turn out how you hoped.
SPEAKER_00: Um Christine and I realized this firsthand.
SPEAKER_00: Uh we she's posted about it.
SPEAKER_00: We haven't talked about it a whole lot, but back in September, uh, we found out that Christine was pregnant uh with our third child.
SPEAKER_00: Uh and then on September 24th, uh, see you at the poll, uh, we learned that she miscarried, that our baby had passed away.
SPEAKER_00: And we found hope in the gospel, um, being able to know that we'll see that baby again, that all that she or he will ever know is heaven.
SPEAKER_00: But the reason I tell you that story is not not for pity or anything else, but when we found out, we had friends who watched our kids so we could go to the doctor.
SPEAKER_00: We had people bring us food.
SPEAKER_00: People in this room were right there in probably the hardest moment of our marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And that is what I mean when I say you need relationships.
SPEAKER_00: Look, you might not go through that someday.
SPEAKER_00: I pray that you don't, but you will go through hard things in life.
SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, you can't do it on your own.
SPEAKER_00: You're not made to do it on your own.
SPEAKER_00: You need people to come alongside you to encourage you, to lift your eyes up from the situation that you're in and to point you to something greater.
SPEAKER_00: And that something greater is Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: And so I say that, and here's the thing: most of you probably agree with everything I've already said so far.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, your struggle is not trying to do life completely on your own.
SPEAKER_00: You need community, you just can't seem to find it.
SPEAKER_00: Or you can't seem to find the right kind.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: There's lots of people who want to be friends, but some of them are absolutely horrible influences on me.
SPEAKER_00: And we realize not all community is good community.
SPEAKER_00: Scripture says bad company corrupts good morals.
SPEAKER_00: What we're looking for is Christian community.
SPEAKER_00: People who are gonna push you to be more like Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: And even that begs the question: well, what does Christian community look like?
SPEAKER_00: What do real godly friendships look like?
SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're gonna spend the rest of our time tonight trying to unpack.
SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna talk about three things that are essential for the right kind of community.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I recently read a book by a guy named Justin Early who talked all about godly friendships.
SPEAKER_00: And so we're borrowing some of those points from him tonight.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and these are just three things that that really I think would resonate with you guys as middle schoolers and high schoolers.
SPEAKER_00: Um, but this is just the beginning.
SPEAKER_00: There's so much more that can be said about what Christian friendship looks like, but these are the three that I think apply to us most tonight.
SPEAKER_00: And the first one is vulnerability.
SPEAKER_00: And Early calls vulnerability the art of living without secrets.
SPEAKER_00: So, in a relationship, being vulnerable means that other person knows everything about you.
SPEAKER_00: And I mean friendship, right?
SPEAKER_00: Not romantic relationship, but in a friendship, that person knows everything about you good, bad, and ugly.
SPEAKER_00: And this is so important because as part of our sinful nature, we are bent towards hiding.
SPEAKER_00: It's Adam and Eve's very first response after the sin in the garden.
SPEAKER_00: They hide from God, they run the other way.
SPEAKER_00: All they've ever known is relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00: And they sin once and now they hide.
SPEAKER_00: And we read that story and we think it's silly.
SPEAKER_00: It's like you think you're gonna hide from God, but we do the same thing.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you hide the pornography addiction that you've convinced yourself isn't that big of a deal.
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you hide that you hate the way that you look.
SPEAKER_00: Or you hide the crossing of boundaries in your relationship that you know shouldn't be crossed.
SPEAKER_00: You hide the way you try to cope with alcohol, nicotine, Netflix, you hide the anger, the jealousy, the anxiety.
SPEAKER_00: And if we're honest about why we hide so much, it's because you're afraid that if anyone knew the real you, they'd run in the opposite direction as fast as they could.
SPEAKER_00: And so you hide because you think it keeps you safe, safe from exposure, safe from rejection.
SPEAKER_00: But the truth is that's a lie from Satan.
SPEAKER_00: Because all hiding really does is keep you from being loved.
SPEAKER_00: It's just this cycle of pretending, constantly managing this fake version of yourself that you show to the world, and ultimately it locks you inside a prison cell of isolation.
SPEAKER_00: Early says that the loneliest way to live is living with sin and hiding it.
SPEAKER_00: Because God put this deepest desire in each and every single one of us to be fully known and fully loved.
SPEAKER_00: And if you never let yourself be fully known, you cannot be fully loved.
SPEAKER_00: Your whole life is just going to be pretending.
SPEAKER_00: And the only way to be fully known and then to experience the joy of being fully loved is to step into the light.
SPEAKER_00: To expose yourself, to have someone who's a believer who knows everything about you, every secret, every struggle, every tendency, and regularly confess sin to them.
SPEAKER_00: James 5 16 says, Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for each other that you may be healed.
SPEAKER_00: Or in Proverbs 28.13 it says, Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
SPEAKER_00: Mercy and healing come directly from confession.
SPEAKER_00: And now when I say confession, I don't mean just like sharing vague details.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Confession is telling the whole truth.
SPEAKER_00: It's letting somebody into the deepest parts of your life.
SPEAKER_00: Instead of, hey, I've been kind of anxious lately, it's saying, hey, I've been having panic attacks before school and I don't know how to tell my parents.
SPEAKER_00: Or instead of, hey, I've been struggling with lust, it's, hey, I can't stop looking at pornography and crossing physical boundaries with my boyfriend.
SPEAKER_00: Or hey, I've been struggling with friends.
SPEAKER_00: It's saying, hey, I've been gossiping about my best friend because I'm jealous that she's hanging out with other people.
SPEAKER_00: Or hey, instead of I've made some mistakes, it's saying, hey, I've been lying to my parents about where I've been and what I've been doing.
SPEAKER_00: Step into the light.
SPEAKER_00: I could keep giving the examples, but the point is tell the whole truth because that is the only place where true freedom is found.
SPEAKER_00: And I know that sounds like a tall task.
SPEAKER_00: I know that sounds scary, but I'm not telling you anything that I don't do myself.
SPEAKER_00: I've realized, y'all have heard my testimony and the struggles that I've had growing up and all sorts of things, and I've realized I can't live the Christian life without having that type of community.
SPEAKER_00: In college and even now, I meet with a group of guys every single week, and we answer three questions.
SPEAKER_00: How have you fed your spirit?
SPEAKER_00: How have you fed others?
SPEAKER_00: And then the hardest one is how have you fed your flesh?
SPEAKER_00: And that question is an opportunity each week for us to step into the light, to say, hey, this week I've sinned by doing this, by doing this, hey, I got angry at the kids and I spoke with a harsh tone and that wasn't godly, or hey, I um didn't serve Christine.
SPEAKER_00: I was selfish and I did things my way, or I fed these thoughts, or I fed this negative attitude.
SPEAKER_00: And the hardest part is having to own up to those sins and mistakes.
SPEAKER_00: But the best part, and don't miss this, is having my best friends look me in the eyes and say, hey, you know what?
SPEAKER_00: You're forgiven.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna pray for you, and I love you, and I'm here for you.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, just think about that right now, in your mind's eye.
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want you to share anything.
SPEAKER_00: In fact, close your eyes real quick.
SPEAKER_00: Let's let's practice this, right?
SPEAKER_00: Think of your deepest, darkest secret.
SPEAKER_00: The thing that you hope you can take to your grave, the thing nobody knows, the thing that keeps you up at night, the source of all that guilt and shame that you maybe have felt for a long time.
SPEAKER_00: And now just imagine telling that to someone, and for them to say, Hey, you're forgiven.
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna pray for you.
SPEAKER_00: I don't view you any differently.
SPEAKER_00: I still love you, I care about you, I'm here for you, and we're gonna walk through this together.
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna open your eyes now, the practice is over.
SPEAKER_00: My hope is that even just imagining that scenario, you can picture in your mind the amount of freedom that that would bring.
SPEAKER_00: Because that's the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: The gospel is not that Jesus died for the cleaned up, polished version of you that you put out to the world.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus died for you when you were a rebel, when you were a sinner, when you were an enemy of God, and he didn't sweep your sin under the rug.
SPEAKER_00: He knew more about it than you do.
SPEAKER_00: And he looked at it in his face and he said, Hey, look, this is sin, this is wrong, but guess what?
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to pay for it.
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to make a way for you to be forgiven and become my child once again.
SPEAKER_00: And so every time you practice that with a brother or a sister in Christ, you get to remind yourself that that's what God has done for us.
SPEAKER_00: The foundation of Christian friendship is vulnerability.
SPEAKER_00: Vulnerable b vulnerability?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's that word.
SPEAKER_00: But that's just one part of the puzzle, right?
SPEAKER_00: Confession is important.
SPEAKER_00: We all struggle in sin, but confession alone can turn into just venting, right?
SPEAKER_00: Let me tell someone about all the things I did wrong and then just move on with my day and not try to make any lasting change.
SPEAKER_00: It's meant to be a doorway into a changed life.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm going to share my struggles with someone, and they're going to help me process through it and hopefully walk out of it.
SPEAKER_00: And so the second point here, uh, that's why it's so important, it's honesty.
SPEAKER_00: And I know you might hear honesty, it's like, how is honesty any different from being vulnerable?
SPEAKER_00: But Early puts it this way: if vulnerability means having the courage to speak the truth about yourself, then honesty means having the courage to speak the truth about someone else.
SPEAKER_00: Which, just like vulnerability, this is not our natural response.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: We tend to avoid honesty because it feels uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_00: We we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or make things awkward.
SPEAKER_00: So we might see, hey, this guy's headed down the wrong direction.
SPEAKER_00: Like I need to tell them they need to stop this or they need to change this, but I'm afraid of what they might think about me, and so I'm just gonna kind of keep the peace.
SPEAKER_00: Or even worse, instead of talking to that person, we talk about them.
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we even convince ourselves that me just saying nothing is gonna be loving.
SPEAKER_00: Like the loving, most loving thing I can do is just nod my head and give them a pat on the back, even though I know they're they're taking their life to the dump.
SPEAKER_00: And that's the opposite of what scripture says.
SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 27, 6 says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
SPEAKER_00: And so Solomon here is not talking about literal wounding and kissing.
SPEAKER_00: That'd be weird.
SPEAKER_00: But what he is saying is that to know that someone needs to hear something, that they're in the wrong, that they need this correction, they need this honest hate, let me check you on what's going on in your life right now.
SPEAKER_00: To know that, but to say nothing is to act like an enemy.
SPEAKER_00: Yet to have a friend and see, hey, they're going down the wrong path, they're making bad decisions.
SPEAKER_00: This is not going to lead them to the place they want to go.
SPEAKER_00: And to speak into that is to act like a true friend.
SPEAKER_00: That you should be willing to say the hard thing for the good of someone else.
SPEAKER_00: And I've gotten to see this in my life too.
SPEAKER_00: I was blessed with great community in college.
SPEAKER_00: Um, I've talked about, and we'll talk more about this as we walk through relationships and stuff.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, my relationship life from middle school to pre-college was absolute dumpster fire, right?
SPEAKER_00: Uh, every single relationship ended completely horribly.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I liked to play the bit victim, right?
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, poor, poor pitiful me, like nobody loves me.
SPEAKER_00: And then I kind of hit rock bottom as I go to college, and I'm in this program called Stonehouse, and so we have these discipleship groups.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I had this one mentor, his name was Andrew Gillary, and we're talking about things, we're unpacking life, and I'm sitting here whining to him about all my relationship issues.
SPEAKER_00: And uh he goes, Garrett, you know, it sounds like a lot of your relationships have kind of gone the same way.
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yeah, you know what, Andrew, that's right.
SPEAKER_00: Man, that stinks.
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Well, you know, there's one common denominator in all of your relationships, right, Garrett?
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
SPEAKER_00: He's like, it's you.
SPEAKER_00: Like, brother, if this has gone the wrong way every single time, like you are the problem.
SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, do you think I wanted to hear that?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
SPEAKER_00: But that was exactly what I needed to hear.
SPEAKER_00: And it would have been much easier for Andrew to just kind of sweep it on the rug and ignore it, but he loved me enough to tell me what I needed to hear.
SPEAKER_00: And that actually started a journey where the Lord really got a hold of me and shaped a lot of different things in my life to where I eventually met Christine and was a much better place.
SPEAKER_00: Uh and then Andrew pops back up again in that story.
SPEAKER_00: So Christine and I start dating, and uh he asked me one day, he's like, Hey, so are y'all gonna have like a conversation about boundaries, right?
SPEAKER_00: Like emotional boundaries, physical boundaries in your relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Like you should do that up front.
SPEAKER_00: I was like, No, we haven't had that yet, but I mean we'll get around to it.
SPEAKER_00: That'll be good.
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_00: So you're going to Houston to meet her family, right?
SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00: He's like, so you're gonna be in the car for like three and a half, four hours.
SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_00: Well, you're gonna have that relationship then, or when you get back, me, you, and her can all have it together.
SPEAKER_00: And so we have that relationship in the car on the way to Houston, that that conversation, because that was not something I wanted to have with my mentor.
SPEAKER_00: But again, he cared enough about me to have that conversation, even though it might not have been what I wanted to hear, it's what I needed to hear.
SPEAKER_00: And in the same way, that should be a regular practice in all of our friendships.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: For example, if you see your friend drifting away from church, it's saying, Hey, I miss you, man.
SPEAKER_00: Like, like, where have you been?
SPEAKER_00: Has everything been good?
SPEAKER_00: Like, like, come on back, like come hang out with us, come play volleyball afterwards, go eat afterwards, whatever.
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want you to be here.
SPEAKER_00: Are you okay?
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's going on?
SPEAKER_00: Like, check in on them.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: If you see them getting involved with people who are bad news, like, hey man, like I care too much about you to let you run with the wrong crowd.
SPEAKER_00: Those people are pulling you further away from God.
SPEAKER_00: And here's why I can see it.
SPEAKER_00: Or if you see somebody uh who just keeps going to parties where you know they're gonna be tempted to drink or to compromise, say, hey, hey, I love you too much to let you keep putting yourself in those positions where you're gonna make mistakes.
SPEAKER_00: You're better than that.
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: honesty is not just pointing out flaws.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, honest rebuke is important.
SPEAKER_00: You want friends who are gonna check you on stuff, but you also want honest encouragement to point out the good that you see in someone, to say, hey, uh, man, I really love how you love people.
SPEAKER_00: Like you make people feel included, you care about people, like I love that in you.
SPEAKER_00: Or, hey, you know, you really, you know, inspire me, like you carry your faith to the football field, right?
SPEAKER_00: Like you don't cuss, you don't treat people poorly, or man, you really just make me love Jesus more by how you show up prepared to small group, whatever it is, right?
SPEAKER_00: Give someone it's really just the practice of giving someone a compliment, which is kind of sad how weird that feels, because that's where we are as a world, right?
SPEAKER_00: You turn on Instagram or X and it just feels like everybody's tearing each other apart.
SPEAKER_00: But what would it look like for you to just honestly like look at your friends' lives and say, hey, like, I'm proud of you for this.
SPEAKER_00: You're doing a great job in this.
SPEAKER_00: Randomly, unprompted, just compliment them, encourage them.
SPEAKER_00: And so, to recap, vulnerability is the foundation that leads to living uh with the freedom to be honest.
SPEAKER_00: And so these two things alone can completely change the kind of relationships that you can have, right?
SPEAKER_00: That vulnerability allows you to be honest with one another and to check each other and to hold each other accountable.
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing the goal of all of this is not just to give yourself one or two good friends and then like close yourself off to the rest of the world.
SPEAKER_00: The goal is to learn how to have Christ-centered friendships and then invite people in.
SPEAKER_00: It's actually gonna be one of the most powerful ways that you can share your faith because everybody desperately wants friendships.
SPEAKER_00: Like everybody desperately wants a relationship that's healthy and not toxic and horrible and a source of constant anxiety and fear and shame.
SPEAKER_00: Like people want that.
SPEAKER_00: And we as Christians are the one group of people on the face of the planet who can actually offer that.
SPEAKER_00: And so when we invite others in, we show them more about who the God we serve.
SPEAKER_00: And so that third point is invitation.
SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by this is opening up your circle to others.
SPEAKER_00: And it's so, again, different from what we normally see because we live in a world that's full of clicks and closed circles, right?
SPEAKER_00: It's it's the branch group chat that's separate from the main one, right?
SPEAKER_00: And the branch group chat is where all the real conversation goes on, especially the conversation about the people who aren't in the separate group chat but are in the first one, all right?
SPEAKER_00: The event that gets posted on everybody's story that all of your friends are at that you didn't realize happened until after it happened.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, or or the lunch table that feels like it's kind of invite only, like you can sit there, but they're just gonna stare at you and stop talking, right?
SPEAKER_00: How it feels like everybody at your school kind of already has their person and is not really concerned with letting anybody else in or spending time with you.
SPEAKER_00: The friend group that's like, oh, we just like to keep it small, but what they really mean is we don't really just want anybody new.
SPEAKER_00: Like we're kind of good.
SPEAKER_00: Like you can go hang out with them.
SPEAKER_00: Like that's the world we live in.
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing clicks and closed circles are some of the greatest evils.
SPEAKER_00: And I know you're like, Garrett, that sounds really dramatic, but here's the thing it is a complete inversion of the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: The gospel is that when we had nothing to offer God whatsoever, he welcomes us into his family.
SPEAKER_00: He makes the way by dying for our sins, his blood pays for the forgiveness of our sins, and we get to be a part of the family of God, even though we have nothing to offer him.
SPEAKER_00: A click or a closed circle says, Hey, no matter what you have to offer, I don't care.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, we don't want you in here because you're not one of us.
SPEAKER_00: It's the complete opposite.
SPEAKER_00: It's a perversion of the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: You flip it on your head.
SPEAKER_00: And so when we as a church do that, um, it can be really, really dangerous as Christians.
SPEAKER_00: And I learned this lesson when I was in youth.
SPEAKER_00: We had a solid tight-knit group, and uh, if we were accused of anything, it would be that we were clicky, right?
SPEAKER_00: We'd hang out, we we'd do our stuff after church, we would go play board games, game night, whatever.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but usually the same seven to ten people got invited.
SPEAKER_00: And there were other people who wanted to be involved, but you know, we we can't invite everyone, is what we would say.
SPEAKER_00: And so we wouldn't evangelize that much, we wouldn't really, you know, try to reach out to people at school.
SPEAKER_00: We just kind of do our things.
SPEAKER_00: We were comfortable with our church friends.
SPEAKER_00: And you see, that group ended up turning out pretty well.
SPEAKER_00: Happy marriages, families, ministries, but there were so many of those other people that I knew but never brought um into our circle that have made a mess of their lives.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I have two guys that I played football with that both, unfortunately, took their own life not too long ago, like young guys.
SPEAKER_00: And I and I always have that thought in the back of my head of like, what if I just tried to invite them in?
SPEAKER_00: What if I tried to bring them into our circle?
SPEAKER_00: What if I just stopped being in this holy huddle and welcomed people into this Christian community that I had been blessed with?
SPEAKER_00: Because the work that God has done in us is not meant to stay with us.
SPEAKER_00: We have to open the circle.
SPEAKER_00: And so practically, when you see somebody new, greet them.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Ask them questions.
SPEAKER_00: When they show up to church, I did of all the places, guys, where we need to get this right, this is the place.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Like I've said time and it's been a while since I've said this, but of all the things, guys, that that as your youth pastor, a hill that I will die on, we cannot be a clicky youth group.
SPEAKER_00: That is not the gospel, that is not the message of Jesus, right?
SPEAKER_00: This should be the most welcoming place that any sixth through twelfth grader in this town steps foot through that door, they feel loved and heard and known.
SPEAKER_00: And look, I can train leaders to do that, I can do that.
SPEAKER_00: We're adults, they're not looking for that.
SPEAKER_00: But what will change the game when someone walks in here desperate for hope and for healing and needing change in their life, when they see one of you guys, especially older, older students in here, man, there's a middle schooler who walks in here and a high school senior takes an interest in them, that's game changing.
SPEAKER_00: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Because they look up to you and it's different from everything they experience.
SPEAKER_00: Think about what it feels like when you walk into the cafeteria at Champion, at Bernie, at north or south, right?
SPEAKER_00: When you walk up to the student section, just this anxiety.
SPEAKER_00: Look, dude, when I as a youth pastor, a 26-year-old man with two kids go to the lunchroom, I still get anxious.
SPEAKER_00: I feel like a high schooler.
SPEAKER_00: I hate it.
SPEAKER_00: I go there because I love y'all, but it's not fun.
SPEAKER_00: It is fun, but you get the point, right?
SPEAKER_00: And so, guys, if if when somebody steps foot through those doors, they feel loved and hurt, right?
SPEAKER_00: You ask them questions, you take an interest in them, right?
SPEAKER_00: If we're playing volleyball and you see somebody new that doesn't have a spot on a team, man, give them yours.
SPEAKER_00: Like actively be looking for how can I make everybody in this place feel welcomed and included.
SPEAKER_00: And to you, it might not seem like that big of a deal, but to them, it will change everything.
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm gonna close with this.
SPEAKER_00: To recap everything I've just said, God designed us for community.
SPEAKER_00: And it's not just any community, it's Christian, gospel-centered community, real gospel-centered friendship is really what we're talking about tonight.
SPEAKER_00: And that's built on vulnerability, opening your life up, not living with secrets, letting yourself be fully known so that you can be fully loved.
SPEAKER_00: It's being honest, honestly keeping your friends in check.
SPEAKER_00: Say, hey, hey, I'm gonna rebuke you here.
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is something you need to watch out for, this is something you should be careful with, and honestly encouraging.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm really proud of this.
SPEAKER_00: You're doing a great job here.
SPEAKER_00: And then finally, invitation.
SPEAKER_00: That we're not about clicks and closed circles, but that we're welcoming.
SPEAKER_00: That we're we're hospit hospitable?
SPEAKER_00: Our hospitality?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you get the point.
SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want to leave you with.
SPEAKER_00: Tonight's talk is not about how to get more friends in 30 days.
SPEAKER_00: That's not the point.
SPEAKER_00: If that's what you took from the sermon, my bad, meet me afterwards, right?
SPEAKER_00: It's more about how to be a good friend than to get friends, but even that doesn't really capture the point of tonight's message.
SPEAKER_00: I'm not asking you to be vulnerable or honest or inviting just for the sake of having a better social life.
SPEAKER_00: In fact, you can do all those things and still not have a ton of community.
SPEAKER_00: It's hard.
SPEAKER_00: No, the reason we do these things, the reason we're honest, the reason we're vulnerable, the reason we're inviting is because Jesus did it first.
SPEAKER_00: That he was vulnerable, that he didn't hide his pain or his humanity.
SPEAKER_00: He was not sinful in any way, shape, or form, but he wept.
SPEAKER_00: He got hungry.
SPEAKER_00: And he didn't try to hide behind any walls.
SPEAKER_00: He shared that with his followers.
SPEAKER_00: He stepped into our brokenness and he bore our brokenness for all to see.
SPEAKER_00: So that we could be fully known and fully loved.
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus was honest, that he spoke truth even when it cost, even when it was hard.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, him speaking truth is what got him hung on the cross.
SPEAKER_00: He told the woman who was caught in sin, Neither do I condemn you, now go and sin no more.
SPEAKER_00: Truth and grace, same place.
SPEAKER_00: He encouraged her and he pointed her in the right direction.
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus was inviting.
SPEAKER_00: He constantly opened his circle.
SPEAKER_00: Tax collectors, fishermen, outcasts, sinners, the bottom rung of society.
SPEAKER_00: He looked people in the eyes and he said, Come follow me.
SPEAKER_00: And that is the gospel.
SPEAKER_00: That God saw each and every single one of us hiding, running, pretending, that instead of walking away, he stepped towards us.
SPEAKER_00: That Jesus marched into Jerusalem, not to end up on a physical earthly throne, but to end up executed in one of the most painful ways possible.
SPEAKER_00: Mocked, beat, spit on, rejected by all of his friends, all of his followers.
SPEAKER_00: That wasn't on accident.
SPEAKER_00: Wasn't because he got in with the wrong crowd.
SPEAKER_00: That was for you, and that was for me.
SPEAKER_00: That we were the joy that was set before him, that got him to the other side of the cross.
SPEAKER_00: That on that cross he became our sin.
SPEAKER_00: And though we deserved punishment for us breaking God's law, for us trying to become God ourselves, for doing it our own way, we chose to run the other way.
SPEAKER_00: But God chased after.
SPEAKER_00: He sent his son.
SPEAKER_00: And because Jesus has paid the penalty for our sin, we don't have to.
SPEAKER_00: We can receive his reward.
SPEAKER_00: And scripture says that God is faithful and just.
SPEAKER_00: If we confess our sins to him, or sorry, rather, if we believe in our house, our heart that Jesus is Lord and confess with our mouth that God raised him from the dead, that we will be saved and that we'll become his children.
SPEAKER_00: That even though we were running and hiding and pretending, that he invites us into his family.
SPEAKER_00: And so tonight, maybe you're here and you've been living alone in the dark.
SPEAKER_00: You've been living a lie, you've put on a mask, not just to your friends, your coaches, or your team, but to your family, to your mom, to your dad, to your youth pastor, to your adult leaders.
SPEAKER_00: My invitation to you tonight is not just to have better friends.
SPEAKER_00: In fact, none of that can happen without getting this right first.
SPEAKER_00: The invitation tonight is to become a friend of God by placing your faith in the one who laid down his life for you, the one who knows everything about you and still calls you his own.
SPEAKER_00: And if you need to make that decision tonight, we're gonna have a time of response, and I just encourage you to go find a leader.
SPEAKER_00: We're always around the room as we have this time of response.
SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's not the time for you.
SPEAKER_00: Grab someone on the way over to small groups, but don't just sit in that.
SPEAKER_00: This is literally your first opportunity, maybe, to practice honesty and vulnerability for the first time in your life.
SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
SPEAKER_00: It's a sweet thing.
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm gonna pray, then we're gonna spawn through worship.