The Career Move That Changed Everything | Leadership, Resilience & My Military Story (Part 3)

What happens when you stop settling for what's comfortable and pursue the path that's truly calling you?

In Part 3 of my military story series, I share the pivotal career transition that took me from an administration role in the Defence Force to becoming a Personal Development Instructor (PDI).

This chapter wasn't easy. It came with challenges, difficult leadership experiences, personal growth and some of the biggest lessons I've ever learned about resilience, confidence and self-leadership.

I open up about navigating military culture, finding mentors who shaped my journey and learning how to grow through adversity rather than allowing it to define me.

Whether you're navigating a career change, stepping into leadership or moving through a season of personal growth, this episode offers powerful lessons on trusting yourself and backing your potential.

In This Episode:

• My transition into becoming a Personal Development Instructor (PDI)
•  Leadership lessons from the Defence Force
•  Navigating a male-dominated environment
•  The role mentorship played in my growth
•  Building resilience through difficult experiences
•  Learning to trust yourself under pressure
•  Career transitions and personal development
•  Why growth often comes from discomfort

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If you're ready to embrace personal growth, strengthen your mindset and lead with confidence, subscribe to Unapologetically Wild for weekly conversations on leadership, resilience, nervous system regulation, women's empowerment and authentic success.

About Kadi

Meet Kadi Sonntag, the unapologetically wild woman leading the charge on living life boldly and breaking free from the limits society tries to set. Born in Maitland in 1992 and raised in Newcastle, Kadi’s love for sports (anything but school!) started early.

From swimming at a national level to competing in high jump at nationals and playing representative basketball, Kadi was always moving, growing, and pushing herself. In high school, she was the sports and school captain, proving leadership comes naturally.

At 19, Kadi took a leap and joined the army, starting as an admin clerk and eventually becoming an army physical training instructor in 2019. She’s served on peacekeeping missions in the Middle East, taken part in exercises in Asia, and now holds the rank of sergeant. Talk about resilience!

When she’s not leading in the military, Kadi’s got her sidekick—her dog Piper—and she’s all about empowering women to tap into their inner strength, unleash their wildest selves, and live unapologetically. Whether she’s playing for the Defence National Basketball Team or sharing her journey on Unapologetically Wild, Kadi is here to help women break free, find their power, and live on their own terms.

Connect with Kadi: @kadi_sonntag

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Unapologetically Wild with Katie Sontag. I'm Katie, a woman's empowerment coach, healer, and your guide to embracing your most powerful, authentic, and unapologetically wild self. As a sergeant and physical training instructor in the military, I've spent over a decade thriving in a male-dominated industry, pushing boundaries and helping people discover their inner strength. Beyond that, I'm a certified success in life coach, Reiki and Lightcoat healer, and NLP practitioner. I'm also a proud dog mum of my big fur baby Piper who reminds me daily to stay present and playful. Oh. And when I'm happy, you'll find me dancing like nobody's watching. Yes, I'm spiritual and bring a little bit of magic to everything that I do. This podcast is for high achieving women ready to break free from social norms, reconnect to their strength and sensuality, and own their unique essence. Here we'll dive into topics that are often considered taboo, share personal stories and life lessons, and host empowering conversations with incredible guest speakers, all while keeping it real, raw, and relatable. Let's get wild. Tap into your feminine power and unapologetically lead your life on your terms. Hello, hello! Welcome back to Unapologetically Wild With Me, Katie Sontag. And so excited. We're on round three or three part third part of the series. And that's exciting. Now each part has been so interesting in what it's taught me. So I hope you've got something out of this. But this part feels big. I think it's more because it starts to take direction and talk a little bit more into how the second half of my career went. And I'll be honest with you, when I was at the SF unit, I honestly needed to change to be a PDI, otherwise, I wasn't planning on staying in the defense force. So I had realized that I had reached a pinnacle point. And working with these incredible people who were so high performing, I couldn't imagine going back to the regular army. And I don't know if I spoke much into this before, but there are little bits and pieces that keep coming back to me throughout. So I might just pepper pod them if they make sense today. And they've kind of been coming through since I've been starting this series. It's amazing what you start to remember that you forgot during your journey until you revisit it. And that was a really interesting point because it was like, you know, that moment in life when you're on the edge and it's like, if I don't do this now, the like I will then have to make a different decision in life. And those pressure points I think are really, really important because they really make us decide and honey on what we truly want. And that was exactly where I was at. And I was like, this end of this posting, I have to move into becoming a PDI. Otherwise, I've got no other option. I even got offered a posting to Perth, which would have meant I would have stayed in SF. And the reason I turned it down and took an another posting to Brisbane was because I wanted to say to myself, it's an all or nothing. You go in, you become a PDI, you have no other thing that can pull you to stay in admin. Because if I had chosen that Perth posting, I would have been like, oh, I've got an out, I can go to Perth. I want, I've always wanted to go to Perth. That would be an epic posting. It was in a sergeant spot as a corporal. So it would have been, you know, all of these like like the golden ticket of like what you would want. That was literally what was like presented to me to stay in admin. And at the time they obviously didn't know, all they knew is I wanted to stay in social forces. They didn't know that I was well transferring, I don't think, at the time. I'd told everyone in my circle and my unit, but I hadn't really spoken to the person doing the postings about it. So I had decided I was going all in on becoming a PDI. Like that was it. No other option. So I didn't want that posting to Brisbane. I wanted to be a PDI. So that's why I chose Brisbane because I was like, Perth would have been really exciting, but because I was like, nope, I'm gonna be a PDI, so I won't even need that posting, right? Anyway, I then passed my test, got into being a PDI. Amazing. It was the fucking best day of my life. I remember when I passed it, I cried. It was a really big moment. People had been with me forever. My actual PDI from Kapuka was posted there at Holsworthy when I was doing my testing. And like it was huge for him to see it too, because I'd said I wanted to be a PDI. And he gave me the PT award when I was at Kapuka. So it was a really beautiful, like whole circle moment. And I had obviously was in quite a high-performing environment. So I'd had a lot of opportunity. But also, I think the other thing, being an admin, you're actually pulled so much into your job that there was a lot of balance. And I had to learn how to really juggle a lot of things, like running lessons in the morning, coming back, doing a full day's work, trying to train at lunchtime, trying to train after work, and then doing it all again the next day. So it was a real great way to learn when you really want something, you will absolutely do anything to get it. It's a really beautiful reminder. And so then I went off to PDI course. So I went down to Cerberus, it's freezing fucking cold there. Um, but luckily it was January, so it was actually the best time. I always wanted to go at the start of the year, not in June when it was the coldest. I thought better to start when it's warm and end when it's cold. Now, when I went down there, I had been actually really sick. And I think I spoke a little bit about this in the last episode. And so I think if you've listened to the last episode, you know that I did the fitness test, I ended up in hospital, and then I ended up going back into the group and they were like, who is this chick? Because no one really remembered me unless they knew me, right? They're like, Who the fuck's this chick? She hasn't been here for two days. Anyway, did the retest, passed, all well and good. Can't believe that I had a virus. Anyway, moving on. Because I'm sure I went over that in the last episode. Then the course, any course you do in army, you're in like a bubble. So, like, I like to think of the army as like high school. And so there's like all these things happening, and people have got like, you know, their little groups, and there's like, you know, always drama, and there's things going on everywhere. So it's pretty crazy time during that very intense six months because you're all together, you're all trying to perform really well, you're also quite tired, you know, they get you all these things, and you're like got tests, and you're, you know, doing lessons, you're trying to help each other, and then there's, you know, you're going out and you're drinking, and there's all of these different parts to it, right? And you form different relationships with different people, and it's just really interesting time, but you're in that bubble. And I remember um a girlfriend calling me, and I don't know if I went through this last time, but and it was like she was like, Wow, you really are in a bubble, aren't you? And I was like, Yeah, this is kind of what course is like. She was like telling me what was happening on the outside world. It was actually crazy time. And so by the end of that course, it was emotionally draining, physically draining, mentally draining. To be honest, it was a really, really hard course. And I don't mean that as in like, I mean because there was so much going on, maybe not the course itself, but everything to do with it. You know, um, had some personal drama, had lots of other things happening. And so it was just an exhausting course. I was really glad to see the end of it, I'm not gonna lie. And also, like I put so much pressure on myself to be the best, and I wanted to be really good at lesson taking and all the things. And then it got to the end where it was posting time, and this is always a crazy time when you're like trying to put out where you want to post. And I remember years and years and years ago, I had said I wanted to go to Kapuka. And I kind of once I got to posting, I was like, I don't really want to go to Kapuka, you know, like you think, oh, I want to go somewhere else. But I did put it as one of my preferences, and then someone, no one wanted to go to Darwin. And I was like, oh, I'll go. And then I'm like, no, we're gonna send you to Kapuka because I'd get so nervous around lesson taking that I was like, they're like, you it'll be best for you to go to Kapuka. And they sent someone else to Darwin. And I was like, okay, Kapuka. I had said years ago and manifested that I'd always wanted to be posted there. And so, especially as a PDI, like I had heard a lot about PDIs, you know, you either go to a training establishment or you go to a brigade. And when you go to a training establishment, you learn to do your skill and craft obviously systematically, because every 12 weeks there's a new group of people and you're running the same lesson. So for me, amazing way to learn to continuously do the same thing over and over to get better at it, right? So so excited, also so scared because it's like obviously we are taking recruits, like there's 120 of them, or you know, there's two platoons in front of you. Uh, and I laugh because, you know, talking about the kid who actually would hide under the desk and would not be able to give a speech to my teacher, let alone my class as a child, then became school captain and then went on to be a physical toning instructor in front of all of these people, right? I mean, hilarious how the universe puts you in places that you're always meant to be. And so I was nervous, excited. All these other PDIs I get to learn from. It was very like when you went in there for the first day, you're like, oh my gosh, it's so overwhelming, but so exciting. I got to meet my group. So my, you know, my sergeant and the whoa, and like all of these other corporals that had those a bit of a hierarchy of how long they've been there. So you kind of get to work out who's gonna be your mentor and then who's also going to help you with the lessons and things. So I was very cool and very scary. And then I remember when I first got out of my lessons, I was more scared of them than they were of me. And it actually was pretty wild because normally, you know, you take lessons, you look at them, the whole point of it is to look at them, to be you're meant to be this person that stands out and it's scary. I remember practicing my first lesson, like my uh intro to PT, for five days on a squash court with two PDIs, two of my friends. And they were like, no, go again, no, go again, no, go again, because I was like, kept fucking it up for five days in a squash court. I was yelling this lesson. Finally, I got out there because this is how they would judge you as a PDI. And I got out there, and thank goodness I crushed it. And I was like, oh my gosh. And the sergeant would come up and they like did a good, really good job, and they were like, it was like amazing. I was like, thank fuck. Because I had spent five days practicing the shit out of that. This is how much of a perfectionist I am. And everyone watches you when you do your first intro to heat. So it was a really big deal, and I was very grateful. But the one thing I didn't think about was the fact that while I was learning, because I was so scared of them, at the end they get to do a sort of interpretation of you slash they get up and they mock you, which is totally normal and totally fine. It's kind of funny to watch, and then normally though, they only really do the boys, like it's very rare that they get up and um mock a girl. And it's really interesting, actually, but I think it's more with PBIs, like we all say the same stuff anyway. So when they say things, sometimes they're mocking all of us because they're literally saying things that we would all say. And it was interesting because it's yeah, it's pretty rare that they do the the girls. And this girl got up and she started imitating me and looking at the ground and not being confident. And I was like, oh, that's so interesting. And at first, of course, like anything, you're completely taken back by it. You're like, my God, that hurts, you know, seeing that people think that you look at the ground that you don't look at them, and you're obviously not as authoritarian or as as you know confident as you know, you're trying to be, because you're so busy trying to learn all of the different things that you don't think about how you come across. And it also was a blessing because here's the thing if she didn't pick that, like point that out, I would not have worked so fucking hard to make sure I looked every recruit in the eye after that. And I was so my presence grew 10 feet, and I was like, ah, this is a great life skill. And although part of me was like, fuck you, because let's be real, nobody likes to be embarrassed in front of people. The other part of me was like, thank you, because you actually taught me a valuable lesson and you made it so I never did that again. And sometimes we need to learn that way. I think, you know, sometimes it's the hardest moment that we're like, okay, cool, we get to choose how we lead from here, right? And I was like, I will never do that again. I never did. I made eye contact with everyone. And I loved that posting. I grew so much from being the girl that would stare at the floor, literally, to give my lesson, to remember my lesson, to be able to give it out to the people in front of me, to then the one who is running pre-recruit programs and, you know, adapting to the people in the room. Literally, as they'd come in, I would feel the energy and I would adapt my program to how they were coming in from their day, how we could best get results out of them in seven weeks to get them to the standard of passing a fitness test. And that is a real skill because you're not just getting recruits in, you're getting pre-recruits. So they are recruits that have not yet made the physical standard. So they can't do the push-ups and the run and the sit-up. So you have to find a way in seven weeks to get them to that standard. And I was really lucky to have a girlfriend who had gone out to rehab for six months, learnt from the incredible people up there, uh, and I've spoken about this story, but obviously not in this context. And there was an exercise physiologist. Yeah. And his name was anyway, he was up at Kabuka. If you've been to Kabuka, you'll know him. He did the recruits who were injured, him and some other physios. They had this incredible program, and he used to be he went from recruit instructor, I think medic, PDI, and then now he was he's working at Kabuka. And he's amazing. Like him and the physios out there are incredible. They're so on top of everything. Pain management, like they are always flying to learn more, to then implement it. It's just incredible how they look at the person in front of them and they treat that person, no matter what they know, which is so powerful because they are so smart, and people like that could easily turn around like I know everything. But they literally look at the person in front of them like, cool. From what I know, I'm gonna try and, you know, obviously see if it works. If it doesn't, I'll try something else. They don't just keep flogging a dead horse. And I find that so empowering. It was such a beautiful thing to watch incredibly smart, capable people honestly say, even to me sometimes, they would be like, Look, try what you know. If it works, great. If it doesn't, let's find something else. Like they were like, we're not gonna sit and keep doing the same thing over and over again, right? Because that's stupid. And though we don't know everything, and not everything works for everyone. And I was like, ah, again, another really high-performing environment. That was very different to where I was. So when I first got to Kapuka, I had a really good team, I was learning, it was very, all, very new to me. And I think when you're in that bubble, you're just trying to get your head switched on. And then obviously I had this girl imitated me, and that completely switched who I was. And then I got really fucking good at recruit lessons to the point where they would actually I had a couple of names for me. I was Quadzilla, because my quads are amazing, and also the smiling assassin, because I could be smiling or I could be mad, and no one would know what was coming. And I think that's a really powerful place to be because when you're down there, you're put on a front. That's not who you are, because that is how it's meant to be. You're meant to cut them down and then build them back up to the soldier that they're going to become. And they need that. They can't be doing the same habits, the same things that they were doing as a civilian to then become a soldier. Like it's just not the way it works. And it was so weird, but so amazing to be on the other side and having an impact on these recruits because you really had to think about your leadership in every aspect of who you were, because what you showed them is what they walked away thinking the leadership was. It was their first exposure to the defense force. You literally were their first exposure. So I might have been the first PDI they'd ever seen. And they needed to learn, you know, words of command and all of these things and how to react and what to do. And you were teaching them step by step. And also you were teaching them how to behave because how you behaved made a difference on them. And it was really, really interesting. And I remember, you know, the times when we were freezing cold and we're in shorts, like doing a demo because that's what our boss wanted us to be in. Like the recruits, we had to be exactly like them in shorts and a t-shirt, and it's freezing cold in Wagga Wagga when you were wiping ice off the obstacle course before you were doing a demo because you had to demo it before they got in. And it was really fun. I think it was great that you always had a number two instructor, or you were the number two instructor. So you got to do lots of different lessons with different people. I loved watching different instructors because I felt like you learned a lot from when I first got there, you had to do a six-month period where you had to watch every lesson, number two, every lesson, then number one every lesson. And I thought it was a really good way to do it. Apart from the fact that you hadn't run a lesson for a while, if you had to watch them all. That was the only thing that was a bit like made me a bit nervy when I went into my first lesson. But I did enjoy watching other instructors because I enjoyed seeing how they could all be really effective in different ways based on who they were and how they were good at instructing. And they were still teaching the same lesson, which is pretty incredible. And it's really interesting because you would watch when men would stand up and instruct, naturally, people would listen to them way better. Their voice is better, their presence is bigger, their men, most men will listen to men, right? So it's really interesting watching the recruits react. And then you would watch a female get up, and it was a totally different dynamic, which is actually really sad, but it's really true. If you watch recruits, their faces, the way they react, the way that they do things, a lot of recruits would react very differently to a female standing in front of them. And it was kind of sad, but it also showed a lot about how defense moved forward. There were a lot of great recruits who were very good at doing it either way and didn't really think much of it. But that was few and far between when it came to male recruits, from my experience. Female recruits are completely fine, because obviously a female in front of a female, although that also could be a thing too, in the fat dog, they would be like wanting to impress the male, not really caring about the female. We'd almost become the bitch. And it's so interesting because obviously in the first episode, when I told you about that female instructor who wasn't uh wasn't my platoon, was in the other platoon. I now see why she was so seemed or came across as so like direct and and to the point. Because the problem is, is like females can't be soft in that environment because we get nowhere. And it's actually really sad how that sets us up for the rest of our career and not realizing that our softness is our strength. But it shows that really what people respond to is that like big masculine strength that's like, I'm gonna fucking tell you what to do and you're gonna do it. And so we all had to work out as females too, how we could be more authoritarian, how we could uh actually do our job better. And it was really interesting because as I sort of went through, I actually started to learn that the new generation was really different. And I started to look into that because I found that so interesting. And they were less responsive to yelling, but More responded to like the disappointed dad or disappointed mom sort of way of going about things. And so that could change your dynamic as an instructor. And for females, that was actually quite great. And I remember having this incredible instructor who he was my sister platoon's PDI when I went through Kapuka and he was down at Kapuka. And he said to me, Do you want to come and do a lesson together? I'm I'll assess you. And I was like, Of course. And so the night we were meant to do that lesson, we had had corporals to sergeants the night before. So if you know what that means, it means that the corporals go to the sergeants, may I say the sergeants buy the corporals' drinks? Can get a bit out of hand. Anyway, we had an early night, but we'd had a lot to drink. And so, funny story, I couldn't get into my house that night. So I actually had to bash my window in because my roommate wouldn't answer her phone. I had no my phone died. And so I ended up having to smash a window, go inside, go to sleep, and then go to work the next morning. Hilarious. Anyway, wild the next day when she realized that like I couldn't get in the house because I had no key, because I'd left my key on base and she didn't answer her phone. And that's not her fault, it's mine. But I just laugh because I'm like, well, I had to get in somehow. And there was no other way I could get in. I tried to jump the fence and use the back door, but that was locked as well. And I was like, oh my gosh. Anyway, bless. So the next day I go in and we're running this lesson, and it was good, but he was like, let's do it again. I want to actually do it again and actually show you how you can be an effective instructor. Now, this is gold, right? Like a male deciding that he's going to show me as a female how I can be how I am effective as a female and I don't have to be a man to instruct. This was one of my most potent lessons at Kapuka, and I will never forget him. He was incredible at teaching people how to instruct in their own way, but actually helping them be effective. I watched him do it so many times. And that was his thing, right? Like other things weren't his thing, but that was his thing. That was his like gift to the world. I love seeing people's gifts, it's so beautiful. So he was like, let's do it together. Anyway, so we're doing this class together, and it was actually awesome. He's super tall, incredible rope climber. And we had this group. Anyway, we bounced off each other, cream like, oh, do you think you could do that in two climbs, like two bites? And he was like, Oh, easy two bytes. Well, do you reckon we should show them? And we were like literally bantering back and forth. Anyway, there was one point where he did it in two bites, and we were trying to get them to do it in two bites and everything. And some of the guys got close, but not quite. And they got heaps better at rope climbing. But he was like to me during it, he's like, You have a skill that men can't don't have. If you at any point said to a guy something like, Oh, is that all, that tiny comment is going to make a ripple effect in how they perform for you. He was like, There are different little things. And he's like, You wouldn't use this all the time, but he's like, There are little, and he would show me these nuances and different ways to say things and do things that could inspire men to perform more. And he was like, I want you to know this because it's really powerful. And he said, Men do it in a different way, and we have we are big and we can, we can hold, we're bigger space-wise, right? But this is how you guys can actually disarm us in a way that promotes us to move quicker or to get better results. And honestly, I said to one guy, and that guy did it in two bites, and literally we were all like, oh my god. And he just looked at me and he was like, see what I mean? You don't have to yell and scream. And what I love so much about that was there are so many ways to motivate people, and also you don't have to be like everybody else. And I wish he was there to teach everyone that because that gets lost in the military. There's one way to do things, this is how you do it. No, there's a thousand ways to lead. Yes, you can still run the same lesson. We both were in the same lesson, we both were motivating in different ways. He obviously showed it physically, and I was able to do it through speaking and through, you know, challenging them in that way. And so it was really, really beautiful. And I just will never forget that lesson and how he showed me that you get to be whoever you are, and you are able to get just as good results as the next person. And as I then went through, I took this message. And as I did the pre-recruits, and as I I love that program, like my friend got posted out, and she was like, the only person I trust with this program is Katie. And I'm so grateful for her because it was such an incredible program. I definitely started on the back foot because I hadn't done three months rehab and learning all the moves and the classes like she had. And she ran like a quick one, seven-week program, or maybe she wanted on two, and I was part of the second one, something like that. And I had to learn on the fly in that program. And so I'm so grateful because I loved taking pre-recruits. I then started to have a voice for them in different ways when some of them got injured. And I was like, why is this part of the program? What does it achieve? How does it help? Because, you know, now I've got a recruit that's been put back that won't make it. And so it was really interesting because I got to be a part of the command team to talk about these issues. And that was really powerful because then I felt like I got to really also show my skills of like getting people from like they don't know, you know, what it's like to run and heavy breathing, and that they're not having a heart attack or anxiety attack, but they're actually genuinely, this is what happens when you start running. And like teaching from the bare basics of what it feels like in the body, what it looks like, how it actually happens, what they need to get there, you know, even the psychological, the mindset shifts of how they're gonna get there. So you are literally looking after this four hours a day for seven weeks. And it was powerful, and it was beautiful and also like hard if they failed and they had to join the next round. And then you got to see them flourish in platoons, and it was trying to work out how to do this without injuring them. And I felt really blessed to lead that program, but also it was really exhausting. A lot of people disagreed. All the other PDIs hated it, didn't want to be a part of it. Sometimes I had to actually go and get a PDI to go and get on a lesson because he didn't want to do it. I remember walking in and being like, you're meant to be on this lesson, because we have multiple PDIs on the lesson due to the fact that these people needed more supervision and more help. Some people assimilated and did amazing and actually were really big drivers in making a difference in these girls and then becoming, and then it was men and women, their lives, because it then changed from not only a women's program to but to a co-ed program. And then some of them were just honestly, they were so hard to work with. It was really, really rough. And so during that time, I fought like sergeants didn't want to be involved, so then they didn't get let care if their corporals were involved. And I was a corporal in a sergeant's spot trying to make this happen. And I had some support, but not really enough to actually support it. So I was literally fighting a losing battle pretty much every day, and I'd be there till later than everyone else because I'd have these meetings with commander, there'd be so much more to this job, and it was so fulfilling and so exhausting. Some of the recruit instructors were good, some of them not so good, and you were just fighting putting something new into the world that was actually you could see the results. Like it was wild how we had like, I think even up to like 50% less injuries from the program we'd had before, which was just like a crappy, like it was not crappy in the way the program was, but it was like literally just a copy and paste of the recruit the recruit program for the normal recruits, and then they just shortened it. So they hadn't actually ever thought about anything to do with this demographic. And then you just had these people like, oh, this doesn't work, and like we've got like an like 50% increase in like success rate, if not more, with 50% less injuries. Like it's insane. Like the percentages were wild, yet people would just still not agree. And so after that six months, I was exhausted. And also I'd started to try and get the instructors to do the, like, instruct the lessons and take over a group for themselves. And some of that was great, but a lot of them didn't want to do the lesson because it was so different, I think, to when there were PDIs earlier. They were not having to actually do the lesson in front of the recruits. Whereas this meant you had to actually physically show up in front of the recruits. And if you weren't good at something, or say you were a lifter and you hadn't trained any bodyweight stuff and you, you know, couldn't do something, then you would look like an idiot. And a lot of these people didn't want to do that because it might affect their training and they, you know, they might not look good. And so that was a really rough road. I had a couple of great people that were great, were awesome, and then I had so many haters, like pretty much the rest of the office. And I felt big like it really hard for my friend who brought it in when she first did, because it was so hectic. And this is the thing in Army, if people don't like something, people think that like people follow the rules and they will to an extent, but a lot of people will make it really hard for other people. And just because they can. And because they don't like it. And it was really, really rough. And then I decided I didn't want to be a part of the group anymore. I actually really pulled back because I felt like I'd fought them all for six months. And they asked if I could go to the rehabilitation, sorry, yeah, to rehab, so I could learn from who my friend had learnt for. For the last six months of my posting, I thought it'd be really nice to learn from people who have incredi made this incredible program that I've just been teaching, and also learn what rehabilitation is like in the in the army, because I've never really had to learn that. So I got to go into physio um consultations if the members were happy for me to go in. I got to like see the recruits that were injured, and that was a really powerful place for me to learn and a really hectic time of my career. So at that time, I ended up getting a boss who I'm gonna be honest here, and I'm not sure if I should go into this story, but I think we need to. It might just be a bit of a longer episode. Where I was bullied for already that first six months from this person, but then obviously they became my boss because I was put back into a corporal position, and it got worse. It got so bad that they would come up and torment me. Um, we would have conversations, and I remember like I would go to all of these other leaders that I had as friends, and I'd say, look, can you tell me another way to go about this? I've tried this, this is, and I was trying so many things because here's the thing: I believe that, you know, I'm also not okay, clearly, because I'm stressed and there's a lot going on and I've asked to move, and I've gone through a lot in six months, and I could acknowledge that at the time. And so I was like, I want to make sure that I'm in a good headspace making these decisions. If I'm not, I want to ask people who know me and also who don't know me who can tell me if there's a different way I could go about it. I remember we had multiple conversations, emails, fucking everything you can think of. I tactically went around this a thousand different ways. Like, I honestly don't think I could have gone to more people. I went to OCs, I went to warrant officers, I went to people of sergeants, I went to my rank, I went to civilians. I asked them to help me understand a way I could make this better for both of us. How maybe I was reading, maybe I wasn't reading into it right, maybe there was something else I could do. Even when it came to my performance appraisal, this person could not tell me an example of what I had done wrong, but apparently I wasn't good enough. But in like the thing, it was like, you have not met expectations, or you've just met the expectations, whatever, whatever the thing, whatever it is on the tier of the PIR. I was just doing some of these the other day. I should know. But they were like, you haven't met expectations or whatever. I never got below, so it would have been met expectations, and then they'd be writing underneath, right? So it tells you what you've done or not done. And normally they need an example, right? Because you can't just write something or put a criteria if you don't have an example. They couldn't provide me a single example. I was like, Can you please provide me an example of this? Can you please tell me when this happened? They couldn't. They just sat there, dumbfounded, and they're like, you definitely just aren't good at that, or you can't do that, or you didn't do that, or you this is what I wrote. And I was like, Yeah, but you haven't given me a single example. How am I meant to improve or do better or understand what you're talking about if I can't, you can't even tell me what I did to get this grade? So it got hectic, as you can imagine. I then refused to sign it because this is a thing as well. If you're in the military and you get a performance appraisal, if you fucking don't agree, don't sign it. It's one thing that I will give you for free. Because people think that they just sign it dumbfoundingly and don't read it, or then they get told they have to sign it. Bullshit. You don't have to sign shit, don't sign it. That's the one thing I I told everyone, all my people underneath me, I was like, You're not happy with it, don't fucking sign it. We can talk it out and we can change things. And we'd already changed things, but we'd been back and forth a thousand times. She'd been up to torment me constantly, and I was like, I can't do this. And I have three pages worth of incidences where she had miss like not dealt with it properly, where she had um come in to torment me for no reason, like there was all of this stuff, right? Because I got told to document it, so I did. And so we got into this point where we're now with my warrant, who I've also gone to, to say that it's not okay and she's not treating me well. And he decided that that wasn't he, it wasn't true. And even when we did this PAR chat, he was like, Oh, Katie, just sign it. Or I was like, no, I was like, I will not do that. You will change it. I will not sign it. And here's the thing I've never done that in my life, ever looked at a performance appraisal and never not signed it. Ever, never even thought about it. And so as I'm doing this, I obviously have three pages worth of stuff because I am literally documenting everything that she does. And then it got to the point where I she came in and she decided to, she went like, can we have a private conversation? I was like, we can with the door open. Because I was like, you're not shutting the door, also it's not allowed. Because I had said I wanted to talk to our OC and she, our C O, I think, yeah, about it. I wanted to have an overconversation. Um, someone anyway. And she was like, You can't request that. You can't have a support person. Because I'd asked if I could have a support person in the room. That's a requirement as well. If anyone also tells you you can't have a fucking support person in the room, bullshit. You absolutely can, it is your right. It's in writing, I'll send it to you. I was furious. I was like, and I knew this being a clerk. I've been in many situations. I'd, you know, throughout my career, I'd sat in and and um, you know, been the defender of a charge. So I hadn't I knew the system. And I was like, that is actual bullshit. I can have a support person in the room, absolutely. And so I was like, that's cool. I'm gonna go talk to the OC. And I just walked out. I didn't, I didn't even get angry. I just sat there and she was like, you can't do that. And she was going at me. And I was like, actually, I'm gonna go talk to the OC. Thanks so much. And I walked out. And I went and went in and saw the OC. And then I was like, here's my three pages worth of stuff. And he's like, Oh, you should have come sooner. Here's the thing with the army, I'm gonna be brutally honest here, they say you should come sooner, but if you come too soon, they say that you're whining. So it's a really fine line of understanding when it's the right time to go in and actually fucking say something. So I finally did, and she got taken off being my boss. Also, I want to admit here that she had a lot of shit going on that no one was looking after her either. And that is white rolled down to me too. Not saying that, you know, but that is part of it. Because later, obviously, when you try and get perspective, because you want to understand the situation, I also saw that she was dealing with a lot of things that weren't sh that weren't being dealt with, if that makes sense. There was a lot she was going through that she wasn't dealing with either, and then I was just a really good scapegoat. And I learned that lesson really hard. And but also that taught me a lot for going into my next posting and becoming a sergeant because I refused to let my shit roll downhill into someone else. I was gonna be open about if things were happening so that someone else could understand that it wasn't about them and I wasn't there to put my shit on them. And that was a really rough end to my posting. I never really went back to the office. I also had a guy get up, and when that performance appraisal thing happened, I went down to my office and we were talking about all the, you know, things that happened were happening for the performance appraisals, and we all got ranked, which is also a really horrible thing. They don't do that anymore, thank goodness. And this guy that got ranked really low got up and said I was the worst leader he'd ever had, and he just he just literally laid in to me in front of everybody. And I remember sitting there, I didn't say anything, I just took it. And I remember the my boss at the time eventually got up and said something, but not enough for it to have any effect. It just said it stopped him from talking for a little bit, which I guess was good. Didn't say anything about me, nobody said a word, it was dead silent, and I just knew that it was time. Like I was like, I've here I am fighting for these recruits, the people we're actually here to serve. And these people care more about their own ego than they do anything else. And admittedly, I probably I with him, I thought back and I I tried so many things to try and help him to talk about to him a thousand times. And I also realized that there were probably things that I definitely could have changed because I wasn't okay because I was fighting everyone else at the same time. Like it was really hard. Um, so yeah, I learned a lot from managing him as well, being like, yep, there's definitely a lot of things I can take away that I could have definitely done better. And I think that's the beautiful thing about leadership, is sometimes when you're so far in it, you don't see things. And I think you see what you want to see or what you can see, and unless someone on the outside can help you, that was what I wanted to make sure when I had the other finger on was like I wasn't the only one seeing it and unable to do anything about it. And I was like doing it wrong. Do you know what I mean? Because I was kind of the other person to her, right? That he was to me. And so I did have, I remember after that meeting, one of the guys came up, he drove up after me and was like, that was not true about you. You're he I was leading him at that time as well. He's like, You didn't do any of that, you're an incredible leader, I'm so grateful. And I was really grateful to hear that from him because he was my other like corporate I was looking after at the time. And um, yeah, it was a really hard posting. It was really rewarding and also really hard. And I was really glad to see the end of that place. I ended up having huge anxiety. Um, I didn't want to come to work, I struggled to drive on base and have to like pull off and like sit in my car and like coax myself to go to work. I would avoid that office, like the plague. Um yeah, I really struggled at the end of that posting. I can I have never really spoken fully into that. Um yeah, I found it really hard. And I think I also just had a lot of yeah, people that were really big personalities, and some of them would come at me with like science and facts, and I'm a feel-up, like I'm a person that wants to know about the human. And it was a really different scenario. And I had to learn how to use my voice when I could, and also when to just it wasn't worth it. I remember one guy came up to him one time and he was like, It's so annoying because you don't say anything, we don't know what you think, and it's like the worst. And I'm like, in my head, I was like, I don't have anything to say that's constructive or and I don't feel safe to speak here. And I don't think I realized how unsafe I felt in that environment. Um until like I left. I ended up being able to get one of my friends to be the only person that was in charge of me, because she ended up going into my spot. As a sergeant, an acting sergeant, and I refused to talk to anyone else. And yeah, that lady still kept trying to come up and torment me. She would uh come to her physio sessions and she'd walk in, and the I remember that physio and ex-fiz was like, what do you want? They try and like block her so that I could just sounds bad, but survive my last six months there. Um I'm grateful for those people. Was crazy. And I wouldn't have made it through that posting without them. The civilians that I met. And if I hadn't have done six months in rehab, that would have been the end of my career, but I would have been on stress sleep. I don't know if I ever really admitted that to many people out loud, but it was really rough. So yes. I knew this would be a really rough episode. It's been on my mind like this for a while. Not a way I'd really want to end, but obviously we've got don't worry, series number four next week. Hopefully it'll end on a happier note. Um, maybe happy tears and not sad tears, but yeah, I'm gonna be honest. Um, that was a really rough, a rough time, and burnout was real. I was still training a couple of times a day with the rehab group, and we do like strength and all different things, but I was gaining weight, I was mentally tired, I was anxious, um, I was drinking a lot because it was easier to cope. Um yeah, it was a really, really rough time. And I had had depression earlier in my career, and yeah, it was just another um really bad stint. And when people say like you get a good posting and then a bad posting, it's definitely a thing. And I want to say too, like, I actually got diagnosed with depression while I was at my SF posting at the start, but that had nothing to do with the posting, is like I was living on base and I felt really isolated. Um and so I moved off base. But yeah, like there's definitely times in my life I've been in huge ruts and I'm still high functioning, which is kind of wild. Um but this was this was not the same. This was like complete devastation of who I was. Um it was rough. It made me realize that I couldn't do it anymore. I was really grateful for the experience and the people that I did meet that I absolutely adore to this day. Um I still speak to the ex-vis, I still speak to one of my really good friends who gave me that program, and a couple other friends I'm still in contact with, but yeah, it taught me a lot. And um, it was a lot of the driving force of why I do what I do now. I just don't want anyone to feel that way ever. If it's possible, or I want them to see what they can get out of it, because I think that was a really big growth period for me too, and I learned a lot through it, and I think that's really powerful moving forward in actually allowing yourself to seek the growth instead of hold on to the shit. So I'm really grateful for that. But yeah, this was a little bit of a longer episode. Um, I hope you got something out of it. Um, if you ever had an intense experience like that or a job that's caused you any grief, uh you want to share, please DM me. I would love to see if we can get this subscribing up. So if you're listening to this and you're new, I'd love if you could press subscribe. If there is something in this for someone else you know, I'd love you to share this episode and put a like, put a comment of something that came up for you. And yeah, I just hope you're having the most magical, magical day and keep being you and keep being unapologetically wild, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to Unapologetically Wild with Katie Sontag. If you love this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with a friend who needs to hear this. Together, let's build a community of women who are ready to embrace their wild, unstoppable selves. If you don't already, follow me on Instagram or Facebook at Katie.sontag for more empowering content updates and behind the scenes button. I can't wait to connect with you. Until next time, stay wild and unapologetic!