Transform Your Relationships By Healing Your Inner Child | Tammy Cox

FOR EPISODE LINKS & MORE INFO VISIT: https://samhorton.co/blog/ep38

In this powerful episode of Soul-led Creative Women, I sit down with transformational coach Tammy Cox, who specializes in inner child healing and relationship transformation. 

Tammy shares her deeply personal journey of overcoming childhood trauma and how it led her to support other women in breaking free from emotional wounds, rewiring limiting beliefs, and fostering healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Key Takeaways:
✨ Tammy’s personal healing journey and how becoming a wife and mother became her catalyst for change
✨ The connection between childhood trauma and relationship struggles
✨ How subconscious beliefs shape our identity and behaviours
✨ The power of emotional processing and healing trapped energy
✨ The role of creativity in personal transformation
✨ Practical tools and powerful self-reflection questions to shift limiting beliefs

FOR EPISODE LINKS & MORE INFO VISIT: https://samhorton.co/blog/ep38

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Transcript

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Ep 38: Soul-led Creative Women - Tammy Cox
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[00:00:00] Sam Horton: So today I have Tammy Cox with me. Tammy is a transformational coach with a passion for helping women transform their lives and relationships inspired by her own journey of healing and empowerment.

[00:00:13] With a unique focus on inner child healing, Tammy uncovers the root causes of relationship breakdowns, guiding her clients on a deeply transformative journey toward rekindling emotional connection and love. So welcome Tammy. 

[00:00:28] Tammy Cox: Oh, thank you so much for having me, Sam. I'm really, I know that this conversation is going to be a lot of fun.

[00:00:37] Sam Horton: So first of all, Tammy, can you share your personal story with us and how that's led you to the work that you do today? 

[00:00:46] Tammy Cox: Yeah, absolutely. well, like so many of us, uh, I had a really rough start. my childhood, there was a lots of abuse, physical, [00:01:00] mental, emotional, lots of control. I grew up in a very religious home, so it was really aboutdirecting who I grow into by fear based tactics, right?

[00:01:11] Do exactly what I say or else. so it, it was a very unsafe feeling growing up. I had an older sister, I have, she's still around, she's developmentally delayed, severely. And, overall, our house, it was just very, it was very aggressive. There was, physical violence every single day. And so, that's how, that was normal for me.

[00:01:39] Going, going out into the world, I found that it wasn't appropriate behavior. You know, the feedback was like, yeah, you can't do that. It's all I knew. Right. And so then I get to the age 11, and my parents sat us kids down and said, Hey, your, your dad's dying of AIDS. [00:02:00] And as a very sheltered 11 year old, I had no idea what a sexually transmitted disease was.

[00:02:07] I had no idea what sex was. I had no idea what was going on. And so I watched my father, you know, pretty much disintegrate. I don't know if you've ever seen someone, die from AIDS, but it's pretty brutal.he went from this big 250 pound man to like skin and bones in three months. just trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma, then he passes away.

[00:02:33] And I'm stuck with this pain because I really, I loved my dad and then also a feeling of relief because he scared me so badly and then shame because I felt bad that I felt relief. So, I spent my teenage years very angry, upset, searching for meaning, a few times in some very, very dark [00:03:00] places and, you know, then I approach, I go into, I make it through my teenage years, get into adulthood, thought I left everything behind me, but then I become a wife and a mom and oh no, all the triggers just started resounding in my system.

[00:03:18] Like I just couldn't, I was, Constantly triggered and I just looked at my beautiful baby and I was like There is no way I'm going to pass on this programming to this perfect little baby. I'm not going to screw her up like I was. And so it was at that point where I knew that I had to change the patterns.

[00:03:44] especially as, you know, I went on to have more kids and as I started to see, see me, kind of passing on a lot of those, those traits that I had. You know, experienced as a child, I started to see those abusive [00:04:00] and controlling tendencies in myself and I was like, no, no, no, no. And so I'm on my healing journey.

[00:04:07] I'm looking for anything to help me. I was. heavily steeped in religion. I went to all, uh, read the books. I did, counseling, therapy. I did retreats. I did anything I could to fix this pain, to fix me, because I had such a deep self hatred. And, nothing seemed to work long term. And then, I, then I started doing like the trauma work and that's where I started to really shift things.

[00:04:40] as I, as I went back through my childhood and started, neutralizing the traumatic events and I really just had no idea how much of that was still activated in me. So as I started going through and healing that younger version of me, everything started to shift in my life. I started to see.

[00:04:58] different colors. It [00:05:00] wasn't so dark. It wasn't so scary. And, I sort of started to untangle, the web that had, had me like stuck in, you know? So then of course, once I started and found what really worked for me, then I was like, Oh. The whole world needs this. This gets to be my gift that I give the world, right?

[00:05:21] We all need this healing. And so that's what led me to, you know, helping other women do the same thing. so yeah. Sure. 

[00:05:32] Sam Horton: So it sounds like really it was, you know, the journey of, You know, creating a family and motherhood that really was the catalyst for you going on your own healing journey.when did you make the link between the childhood trauma and the issues that you were having and the triggers that you were experiencing in that family container?

[00:05:51] I get, I mean, it's sort of like obvious, most of us don't, we don't want to look at it. But if I got really on it, I had [00:06:00] to be really honest with myself and, I've always been very curious about human development. How do we become. what we become, you know, the whole nature versus nurture. I've just studied human beings my whole life, just very curious as to how the system works.

[00:06:18] Tammy Cox: And so I guess for me, what really started clicking is when I started learning about the subconscious mind, and the conscious mind and how our whole system works, you know, the trying new nature of human beings. And so once I started to see how. It's created, for instance, the, our identity is created in the first five years, of life.

[00:06:41] And so when I started to research this stuff and study it, I was like, Oh, that makes so much sense. That's why we find herself wanting, you know, we get to adulthood and we're like fighting against pieces of herself that were downloaded into our system. Very early on in life. And we're like, why can't I [00:07:00] get rid of this thing?

[00:07:01] And it's because that stuff is so deeply hardwired onto, onto the system in those first five years that like, if we're just dealing with. Our human behaviors, that surface level, we really, it's all about the beliefs that we hold in the identity. And until we start shifting those, we really, there's nothing that we can change permanently.

[00:07:25] And so I think there's not this one moment where I'm like, aha, I kind of always knew, you know, I knew because when I tell people the things that I went through. Growing up. They would have a very shocked look on their face. Sure. And so when we tell our story and we get that feedback of like, Oh, yeah, that's not my experience.

[00:07:49] You know, we all have that perception of like, we think everyone else's experiences like us when we're young. 

[00:07:55] Sam Horton: Sure. 

[00:07:55] Tammy Cox: And then we get, as we get older and we start telling our stories and like [00:08:00] that feedback of like, Nope, I didn't have that experience. And you're like, Oh, I guess this is not, this is not a typical thing.

[00:08:09] However, I really didn't because, because my, my father's abuse was so wrapped up in the religious part. He would, he, you know, he really believed in his heart of hearts that for him to. beat me. It was his duty. And he believed that he was doing right by what he called God. I, I hate using that word because it's been so it's been jacked up, but he really thought what he was doing was good.

[00:08:42] He was trying to keep me from all the pain that he experienced. And so I, I, I look at it not with judging eyes now, but just like he thought he was doing. what was right by me, but because of all the religion tied in there, I actually didn't know it was abuse until I started doing the trauma work. 

[00:08:59] Sam Horton: Sure, [00:09:00] sure.

[00:09:00] Yeah. and I asked you, you know, that question about, you know, when did you realize the link between the childhood trauma and the issues that you're experiencing and the triggers? Because I do think that it probably is a leap for some people. They're not, you know, I think, I think some people are probably sitting there thinking, you know, I've got issues in my relationship, but are they really connecting that it's to do with childhood trauma?

[00:09:21] You know, what's your experience in terms of when people kind of, you know, have, uh, have that realization that it is about, you know, stuff that stems from childhood. 

[00:09:32] Tammy Cox: So what I do when I first start working with a woman is I say, okay, we're looking for the themes. Okay. So the theme could be, okay, I'm just attracting all toxic men.

[00:09:43] Okay. Or the theme could be, Every man I get with leaves me eventually, or that it could be anything. So we look at this, the theme, right? We zoom in. We say, okay, what are the emotions held within this theme you have? And [00:10:00] then we track it back. We track it all the way back to the beginning. And sometimes she can't in the very first session, because I work with my ladies minimum of 12 weeks.

[00:10:11] And so maybe she can't get there in that first couple of sessions, but eventually we're going to find. The seed. So I like to think of us human beings were like, so all the beliefs that we hold are all seeds that were planted and the ones that are, that have the, the biggest imprinting on us is from those first five years.

[00:10:32] So all those seeds are planted. We go through life, they get watered, watered, watered with, you know. the universe bringing us these experiences, right? And it's confirmation. Oh, these beliefs are true. They're true. They're true. They're true. And then we get to adulthood and we're like not understanding why our relationships aren't working well, if something's not working how you want it to in life, it's.

[00:10:55] Always, 100 percent of the time, due to a belief. [00:11:00] So it's all about finding the belief and simply changing it. I say simply, it's not always simple, but it goes back to a belief. So she could think it has nothing to do with trauma, but I could prove it to her in a very short experiment. 

[00:11:17] Sam Horton: So at the heart of this, you know, these beliefs that we're carrying around that do impact, you know, our lives as adults.

[00:11:24] Would you say that this is really about, you know, developing a deeper connection, and a healthy relationship with ourselves? Is this really where it stems from? That's 

[00:11:34] Tammy Cox: all of it, girl. That is the, that's the whole story. It is, it's, it's all about, it's all about going inside, looking at that little girl within you, having so much compassion and love for her and saying, what, what, what do you have to say?

[00:11:50] How can I help you? How can I help you? and getting so, because every age you've ever been still exists within you. You know, you may look at [00:12:00] me and say, No, you're a 42 year old woman. No, I am every single age I've ever been within. This essence being all of it. And so if you're looking at me and thinking, I'm just this, no way.

[00:12:15] And you'll know, because when I get triggered, I act like that little four year old girl who's still in pain and it's a big tantrum and I'm all grown up, but I don't look like it in those moments, you know? And so, yeah, you, you, you hit it right on the head. It's all about your relationship with you. 

[00:12:34] Sam Horton: Yeah. I mean, left it out.

[00:12:36] Sure, and in order to have healthy relationships with other people, if we don't have a healthy relationship with ourself first, you know, we're always going to be, you know, going around in circles and causing ourselves pain, right? Yeah. 

[00:12:50] Tammy Cox: Yeah, and, and really, because the trauma, okay, this is how it works.

[00:12:55] The trauma within you has emotion attached to it. [00:13:00] And so when we go in and we neutralize the emotion, meaning allow you to feel that emotion all the way, it dissolves that of your system. So it's really. It's all old pain just sitting inside of you that hasn't been fully felt yet. So we're systematically going through the events in order to pull the pain out of your physical being so that you can experience that space, that freedom, that right, that lightness.

[00:13:30] That's what happens when you, when you start excavating all this old stock energy by way of emotions. 

[00:13:38] Sam Horton: And so what are some of the ways or the tools, whatever that you use to really help people create that connection to themselves and to, you know, to process their emotions and their beliefs and things like that so that they can, you know, let them go, I guess, and, welcome a new uplifting energy.

[00:13:58] Tammy Cox: Well, the first thing I, [00:14:00] biggest part of what I do with, my ladies is neutralizing the trauma. So we go back each week. We go back and neutralize the different traumatic events. we neutralize the the traumas one by one and then really In, in our time together, the in between times, she's really fostering, like you said, a relationship with herself.

[00:14:24] She's getting curious about who she is. Why does she do the things that she does? Why? Why does she have this behavior? Why does she respond this way to this? She's learning her and she's. Kind of coming to terms with who she is and she's choosing from this place of like, oh, my, my identity was formed by all these negative events.

[00:14:49] Now I get to reform it by way of who I choose to be. And so in those, in those, So, so there's the first part, which is neutralizing the trauma, [00:15:00] second is forming the new identity. The third part is like taking a good look at what the relationship gets to look like from this new standpoint. And then the fourth part is, is the life purpose part.

[00:15:13] You know, when we, take out all the old stuck energy, what ends up happening is she can now see clearly. And she's like, Oh, Same like I did. Oh, my life purpose. This is what I want to do. This is what I get to give the world because some of us are so stuck in negativity because of all the pain. We don't get a chance to really even look at life and say, well, what would just bring me so much joy to do?

[00:15:39] And I think we can only really do that when we've at least started on our healing journey. Sure. I mean, 

[00:15:47] Sam Horton: we are conditioned to, you know, believe that fulfillment and, you know, life satisfaction and life purpose comes from outside of ourselves, right? We're conditioned to [00:16:00] believe that it's all the stuff that we need to tick off the list, you know, and achieve and do.

[00:16:05] But in reality, you know, none of it really means anything unless we have this connection to ourselves.I mean, I believe that, you know, creativity plays a really big piece of that, you know, we're also conditioned to believe that creative pursuits or, you know, spending time, creating or being creative is kind of a nice to have, you know, how, how important do you see, that side, that creative side as part of this inner connection and self connection piece?

[00:16:37] Tammy Cox: Oh, I think it's. It's so big. because the creative, we are natural creators. it's our natural, that, that's our nature to be creators. And I think that's why our systems are set up to keep us so busy. Because for us to be creative is. It's for us to be in our power, fully empowered, right? And so [00:17:00] when we have this government and these systems, it's all around keeping us so busy that we don't have that space.

[00:17:08] And, and by the way, that creative space that like it's talked about in almost every religious text, real base of every religion is that that space. To create maybe not used in those words, but that, that space that you need, that you get to, tap inward because creativity is really just tapping inward.

[00:17:32] It's like going into this flow state. It's like, it's like meditation. It is like the most delicious meditation. Like whenever I'm doing Mike, if I have, if it's been a while since I've done any of my creative stuff, I'm like, I got, I got to go. I'm going to, you probably won't see me for a couple of days. I gotta, I gotta go.

[00:17:52] I gotta do this. It's like calling me. no, I think it's so important. And what, what lights [00:18:00] you up creatively? What do you love to do? So my first career was hair. Okay. So yeah, so that, that was my creative outlet for a really long time. But then I started getting into all sorts of different stuff. I've, I've painted, now I do like resin artwork.

[00:18:18] So I do like geodes patterns with resin, earrings. I mean, you name it, I have done. all the creative things. If you saw my house, you'd be like, Oh yeah, she's a creative person. 

[00:18:33] Sam Horton: And so, obviously, you know, our journey sort of never ends, right? So I'm sure that you still experience triggers from time to time for the, you know, the little bits that have, you know, still remain unhealed that you haven't discovered yet.

[00:18:47] Tell us a bit about how you keep all of that in check, and how you care for yourself, you know, on a regular basis and ensure that you are, you know, connecting within. 

[00:18:58] Tammy Cox: Well, a spiritual practice is pretty [00:19:00] important. whatever that is for some people. It's, affirmations, prayer, uh, yoga, going on walks in nature.

[00:19:09] I use all of it. I just kind of ask myself what I need. For me, my meditation is the gym. I love my gym. Working out, I just kind of get lost in, walking in nature, the hikes, but I also, so when I do get triggered, and yes, I most certainly still do, I get curious about myself instead of judging it.

[00:19:33] Yes, we are like onions. You take off the, the outer layer, you got like, it's endless, right? Sometimes I get so frustrated. I'm like, I've been working on these things for so many years, but we get to be compassionate and loving because we're these dynamic beings. Right. And, you get to be just like curious.

[00:19:54] So when I get triggered, I get very curious. I'm like, Hmm, I wonder what wound that's poking. [00:20:00] Okay. So then I sit down with my journal. Okay.my, my kid spoke to me in a not so nice way and I started to, you know, lash back out and got angry and got sad or whatever. And then I start. Okay. What, what's the belief that's coming out?

[00:20:20] And I just journal, journal, journal until it hits me. Oh, I believe, I believe that I'm a bad mom. Right? And so that's why I feel triggered when she's speaking to me in a not so nice way. So how do I want to, what, what's the new belief that I get to, to grab ahold of. I'm doing the best I can. I am not perfect, but when I mess up, I go to my kids and I apologize.

[00:20:45] And when I, you know, when I do something out of alignment or out of integrity, for me, I I cop to it, I own it, and I fix it. So, you, we get to give ourselves grace. We're all gonna get [00:21:00] triggered probably till the end. And if you could just become very curious instead of criticize yourself. Gosh, that judgment piece.

[00:21:09] It is the one thing my clients, probably cause I struggle with it too. It's what we struggle with the most is like judgment towards ourself. And self shaming. Get so, so aware of the Thoughts that are spinning around your head all day long and own them. You know, the Bible talks about taking your thought captive.

[00:21:29] And it was one of those verses that I just really grabbed a hold of because I'm like, Hmm, I'm going to not just let my thoughts run away and have their way with me. I'm going to snatch them when I, when they're making me feel bad. So. When we become so self aware of those thoughts, we, we can really start to direct our own life.

[00:21:54] but we can't do it by, by being like,not aware. Letting the [00:22:00] system just run itself and not really having, our consciousness fully present in the moment. Yeah. 

[00:22:07] Sam Horton: Yeah. And so, you know, within the pain or, you know, of the trigger, because it's painful, right?

[00:22:12] When you're experiencing this behavior that's not really us, you know, there's power, but there's also kind of like this new light, right? Like life can be beautiful, once you move through that pain. Would you agree with that statement? Yeah. 

[00:22:25] Tammy Cox: Pain itself is beautiful. Pain is a teacher. You know, it's the reason why it hurts when you put your hand on that fire.

[00:22:34] it's telling you, Hey, you're, you're hurting your vehicle here. It's all pain is, is. Is letting us know, Hey, there's something here that we need to deal with, or, Hey, there's a belief here that isn't serving us, you know, it's, it's a teacher and that's all. So we don't need to judge the pain. We need to feel it to see what it actually is, the belief it actually [00:23:00] is.

[00:23:00] And if we'll do one thing, it's just a little quick practice, but if you're feeling pain. Both externally or even in your body, I'll have my clients do this. I'll say, take your full focus, all of your consciousness into the pain. And it is, is residing in someplace in your body. I want you to all of your focus into that pain, and I want you to feel it fully.

[00:23:23] All it takes is 90 seconds for you to feel an emotion before it is emoted. Emoted. It's gone. Don't be afraid. Like we're, we're afraid to feel pain. So we go, no, no, no, no, no. Go into it. Take all your consciousness into it, feel it fully, and 90 seconds is all it takes, and it is emoted out of your system.

[00:23:46] It's like, so powerful. 

[00:23:50] Sam Horton: Uh huh. So for all the women out there who want to create healthier and more fulfilling relationships, what powerful questions would you [00:24:00] have them ask themselves today? 

[00:24:03] Tammy Cox: That's a good one. What would I have to believe about myself in order to attract the most divine, healthy, beautiful, romantic partner

[00:24:16] because if you, if you don't have it, it means that there's just beliefs in the way that's it. So you could either do one or the other. What would I have to believe about myself to keep it away? Or what would I have to believe about myself in order to attract it easily? Beautiful. 

[00:24:36] Sam Horton: So good. So how can people get to know you better, Tammy, and get a real feel for the work that you're doing?

[00:24:44] Tammy Cox: Well, you could follow me on my platform. I'd say I have probably a little more present on Instagram right now. I'll supply you with my link tree. It has all my links on there. and then [00:25:00] let's see, I have my own podcast behind the veil, anonymous transformations. And so a lot of times I'll, you know, tell people, Hey, if you want a little taste, come be on my podcast.

[00:25:11] Cause I take someone through a session. They, they come on and I take them through. So, so it's mostly women who haven't been able to find love and we, we figure out right there on that session, the, the trauma that was linked to the belief and then we find the belief. So, it is a very powerful, if you don't want to be on it.

[00:25:32] Just watch it like you will get you will get a transformation just from watching these every time I take someone through it I'm just it it shifts me it transforms me So I highly recommend that but also dip your toes in the water Come on, and let me take you through a session. It's completely anonymous So your screen is, there's a silhouette over your screen.

[00:25:57] And, yeah, but, uh, I also on my [00:26:00] link tree, I have some videos on there. I have, a mini series. I have all sorts of stuff, girl. Just, just click on that link and find something there's a discovery calls. If you're, if you're curious as, as to whether or not it would, we'd be a good fit to work with me. you could reach out that way, but there's like a million ways on there.

[00:26:25] Sam Horton: Thank you so much for coming and chatting with me today, Tammy. I really loved our conversation. Thank you so much. 

[00:26:30] Tammy Cox: Yes, Samantha, let's do it again sometime.