A Winning Heart
Welcome to A Winning Heart conversations about being awesome with a disability and raising awareness at the same time and absolutely Yes sometimes you have to say F…..CK you to your own mindset and especially your disability!
A Winning Heart
The Silent Struggle: When Faith Meets Mental Health
The silence around mental health issues can be deafening, especially in church communities where people often struggle alone behind a mask of Sunday smiles. This raw, honest conversation breaks open the reality of depression and anxiety among congregation members, offering pastoral care teams crucial insights from someone who's lived this experience.
Depression doesn't always look like sadness—it manifests as withdrawal, lack of motivation, and difficulty participating in church life. "I had difficulty getting out of bed and I honestly thought it was part of cerebral palsy," our speaker reveals, highlighting how mental health symptoms are often misattributed to other conditions. For church leaders, recognizing these subtle signs means noticing when active members suddenly withdraw or when someone seems perpetually disengaged.
Anxiety creates different challenges, instilling fears around church activities many take for granted—approaching the communion rail, interacting after services, or simply being in crowded spaces. The speaker shares personal experiences with medical anxiety and social discomfort, while offering practical guidance for pastoral care teams. From utilizing Psychology Today to find appropriate mental health professionals to understanding medication interactions with communion wine, this conversation provides actionable steps for supporting parishioners through mental health challenges while maintaining appropriate boundaries and confidentiality.
Most powerfully, this discussion emphasizes that breaking the stigma around mental health in church settings isn't just about awareness—it's about creating spaces where people feel truly seen and supported "no matter what shape I'm in." By recognizing the invisible struggles many face, pastoral teams can ensure their churches become sanctuaries for the whole person, mind and spirit alike. Listen now to transform how your congregation approaches mental health care.
If you see a petitioner who may not admit to you that they're depressed or have signs of depression or basically lack of interest in things like lack of interest in life, like lack of interest in going to church. And when I was undiagnosed for me I had difficulty and I'll admit this publicly difficulty getting out of bed and I honestly thought it was part of cerebral palsy. I I was, if I had anxiety and depression, that I didn't realize that getting out of bed, not getting out of bed, was a part of depression, of depression. So basically, if you have those, I don't want to call them ERs. If you have those people that you see in your congregation that owe a whole hum, I don't want to be here, that owe our whole home, I don't want to be here. I'm dragged to church by my family member. You kind of got to get to the bottom of it. And people won't tell you, yes, I have depression. People will come out and they will beat around the bush. They will, um, beat around the bush and what happens is that, um, people will get so concerned about people. Then they will wonder well, where's Susan Q? She's always at church, and then they don't show up for a week and you might you as the pastoral care team may have to call that provisional and say, look, I'm here to support you. I will keep it private unless you are planning to hurt yourself or hurt another. I know you guys are first responders and so what I would suggest, a resource I would suggest, is Psychology Today and guide that practitioner to Psychology Today, to psychology today, because, as Mike said in the last webinar, the police can only do so much, the deacons can only do so much. I mean, we all have our physical challenges, we all have our mental challenges.
Speaker 1:So, basically, depression is lack of lack of wanting to do things and lack of motivation to do things, like clean up, like if you ask a person, can you clean up after help me clean up the sanctioner. They might not want to do it because they might have a lack of motivation to do it. So my suggestion if you don't want to monthly ask unless they're publicly, I am and tell, tell you guys what goes on. But you may start want to, you may start want to ask look, I'm here. When you're ready to discuss it, come find me or I'll do it privately in your own home or we can talk on the sidelines. Most of the listeners have a good relationship with their priest and their deacons, so they will come out to a deacon or priest. But you may have to do a little bit of digging and for some weird reason you may just have to watch positioners like a hawk to make sure they don't do anything to harm one another or to harm you guys. But basically depression is a lack of motivation to do things. Now I will tell you, I am on depression medication. It has helped me tenfold and my lack of motivation doesn't exist anymore. But I will tell you, I had struggled getting up out of rehab after my back surgery. Also, they supported me so much that I felt that it was a duty to them, to human society, to have me be a functioning person in society, that I needed to figure my life out. So basically, what I'm telling you guys is to stand by those parishioners. Don't come out and bluntly ask unless you see some signs that you should bluntly ask, but just stand by them.
Speaker 1:Next slide and anxiety. Anxiety is a fear of life, a fear of, let's just say, getting communion, for example, a fear of walking up to the rail, of getting communion. I know there's social anxiety, which I don't have. I get scared of the hospitals. I get scared I'm not necessarily scared of church. I get scared of people. I get scared of people I don't do well when people come up to me and invade my space. That's the only time I get scared of people. But as long as people and again you need unless they're hurting themselves, you need just to stand by the provisioners, and even another provisioner would stand by another provisioner.
Speaker 1:Now I've had the privilege of people saying to me I'll be your emergency contact and this was in 2019, if you want to go to therapy and if you want me to be your emergency contact. But my, my advice would um, obviously, if they're tending to hurt you, others or themselves, obviously, as mandatory reporters have to tell, but I want you guys to potentially have team meetings with the family members and say how could I support the family members and the support the family members and the is? So I somehow like this been designed, but what I was saying is that it takes a team effort to go support. The family members will say, no, my son or daughter doesn't have depression or they've been moved. The family members will beat around the bush no, my son or daughter doesn't have anxiety. They're just scared of life and until you get truly diagnosed, you don't know how to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Use psychology today as a resource and just say I'm here to witness what you're going through. If you need my help, let me help you. But anxiety is basically a fear of life. Depression is a fear of lack of motivation to do things and anxiety is a fear of life. Social anxiety, which I don't have, is a fear of going out and being around people Now woof.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. Can I ask a clarifying question real quick Go? So you mentioned going to Psychology Today. That's a magazine. What do you mean by going to Psychology Today?
Speaker 1:It's actually a good question. It's actually a website, it's not a magazine. They've made a website out of it and what it will tell you is there will be counselors in all 50 states. Now you will have to interview the. You will have to interview the. You will have to ask the professional to interview their own counselor. And depression Some specialize in it, some specialize in it, others do not.
Speaker 1:But basically, if you go to psychology today and pull down all 50 states, you can read bios of counselors. Read bios of counselors, let's say, in Arizona. You can read bios, let's say, in Alabama, and it should say what they specialize in, whether they specialize in single commerce or family marriages or disabilities, or I'm truly blessed that I have my own counselor that specializes. Well, I shouldn't say she specializes in disabilities, but she has a family member with cerebral palsy, so she gets where I come from, she gets the aid situations she gets me. So basically, what you're going to have to do for your parishioners is guide them to psychology today and maybe join them. If they're too scared to figure out to go see a counselor and then to go see a psychiatrist to get diagnosed, maybe you sit by a phone with them and have them dial the counselor and maybe you make it a pastoral care project, but at the same time, counselors will lead you to psychiatrists or psychiatrists will lead you to counselors. There's also a free mental health support group nationwide and it was founded here in Arizona. I'm actually a member of it. It's called Codependence Anonymous and basically what Codependence Anonymous does is teaches you how to have happier, healthier, happier and healthier relationships with people, whether it's colleagues, whether it's friends, whether it's church members, whether it's whoever you're dealing with. And basically people with depression, people with anxiety, try to control the situation. Well, codependents Anonymous teaches you how not to take over the situation and I know that's really hard for a priest not to do, and I know that's really hard for a priest to guide people from the counseling field because at the end of the day, how are we going to make our village happy?
Speaker 1:And when I um mike next slide, when I Mike next slide and when I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I was already in church. It just went its ugly head because and I had a deacon come um into the recovery room and it just really simply had, after five, five and a half hours of back surgery, all of a sudden depression and anxiety where it's ugly head, and I didn't even know what was going on in my head. But apparently this deacon said I have never seen you and my church knows my baseline, they know when I'm not feeling well. They know my history. I've done enough pastoral care with saying bun was on the desert, they know me sick and sin. Um, they supported good, bad and the ugly. And when this person came in to recovery to see me for the five minutes one, one of the first things she said is I have never seen you so scared in your life. The little that I know you and, of course, I know your baseline. So that really got me thinking. Now, granted, if you say to someone in the hospital or if you, as pastoral care teams, mention that this person may be depressed, they will doctors will take that seriously.
Speaker 1:So what I did? I squished it until I got out of rehab. But I wasn't in the best mood to be in rehab and people saw a lot of tears. People saw a lot of tears but I knew I had the safety net of church and I knew if I came out to church they would be proud of me for getting myself diagnosed. But what the straw was that broke the camel's back was my back surgery in 2024. I knew that something was wrong when I woke up after five and a half hours and I knew my head wasn't right. Now I knew that hospitals give me anxiety they always have but I knew that it was on a deeper level that I knew I had to look for help, and I wasn't relying necessarily on the church. The church is a great step and with my PCP, I'm lucky enough to have access to three registered nurses, and if you have registered nurses in your congregation, even retired ones, they can guide you to, they can guide pastoral care teams to getting provisioners help. I mean, at the end of the day, it takes a village, and until these parishioners start looking under rocks, they won't know what hit them, and so they might feel these feelings and squish it. So what I ended up doing is telling a registered nurse friend of mine that I felt these feelings and she said call your PCP. Well, what ended up happening is my PCP said well, I'm going. I said on the phone. I said give me a drug for depression. I feel like I have depression. And I always said after my mom died, which was in 2010,. I think I'm depressed. I think I'm depressed. I think I'm depressed. And everyone said to me when you're anxious, you're anxious, you're anxious. They used the joke against me, ha ha, not very funny Now looking back on it. And so it's like you've got to start digging under rocks.
Speaker 1:Medical advocacy is one of those things that you got to stand there quietly and witness a parishioner's sob story and with my particular PCP, I said give me a drug for depression. They said, well, what type of drug do you want? And I said, I don't know, I just have the feelings of depression. And they said, well, we can't get. And now this was at the end of May, the beginning of June. We can't get you in until July 23rd and we can't see. We need to see you before we give you the medication. And I'm like, didn't you just hear me say? I had the words I feel depressed. And so the medical advocacy. I know you guys can't do medical advocacy, but you can at least support the parishioner. You can at least stand by them, guide them to psychology today, to Psychology Today. Guide them to not necessarily Google, but guide them to Psychology Today and support them, ask them when you meet with them in a pastoral care, setting them in a pastoral care setting. Have you taken the steps to go to psychology today and actually look for a counselor or a psychiatrist or would you like a little bit more help? And you would be surprised how many people say yes or how many people say I need a little bit more help, because getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression is the most scary thing.
Speaker 1:Now I've told my church and they know this and they're trying to teach it to everyone else. They know this. Because of my anxiety medication, which is Zoloft, I can't take the wine at church. They know this so they don't give it to me. And that was the easiest. That was one of the and I told one deacon one deacon and she happened to follow suit and then work with everyone beyond the scenes I know she did to say this parishioner can't take the wine because she's on antidepressants antidepressants which I think churches need to know. They don't need to know their profession is medical history, but they do need to know whether they are on antidepressants, because mixing wine with antidepressants isn't a good thing, with antidepressants isn't a good thing. So the church has given me a lot of peace around me having anxiety and depression, because I know that God loves me, no matter what shape I'm in. So we've got to start breaking the stigma and we've got to start breaking the silence about anxiety and depression and we've got to start supporting those who are suffering like next slide.
Speaker 1:And so google definitions, um, google definitions. As I said, depression is lack of motivation and, um, lack of motivation, and possible causes are stressing at home and stresses financially, stresses with their own disabilities. A lot of disabilities have come with a bucket of anxiety and depression, at least minded. And I Googled it. I Googled does cerebral palsy come with anxiety and depression? And the answer is yes. And so what ends up happening is that you kind of have to look under every rock. And what anxiety is by Google is it's a fear of wanting to do things, it's a fear of. Now there's medical PTSD, medical post-traumatic stress syndrome, which is a fear.
Speaker 1:I'm looking as I give this webinar. I'm looking at a weighted Elmo which I found on Amazon. Yes, I said Elmo and yes, I brought him to my knee surgery back in February because he's weighted and the weighted toys help with anxiety and I don't know if you guys can get. I found Elmo off of Amazon. So if you type in weird toys, weird blankets, weighted something, and just guide the professional to Amazon and let them pick what they want, the weighted blankets are incredibly hot though, but that's the only way to the weighted buckets. But I know weighted buckets work to calm people down. I know medication works. And just talking to people and I hate to say rubbing people's backs, I hate to say rubbing people's backs, but just giving them for me, giving me a sense of a strong hug, a strong hug works for Sarah Balhalsi and people know this, that I am a hugger, I am like receiving hugs.
Speaker 1:But we've got, as I said, we've got to start breaking the stigma, and anxiety and depression could definitely affect one's self-esteem. I mean, it's the self-esteem issue. Do people like me? Am I received by my church family and anxiety and depression. In my case, anxiety, well, primarily anxiety and not depression. When I was undiagnosed I had trouble sleeping and that is one of the common signs there, because my brain wouldn't shut down enough for me to get sleep, and it's a whole host of problems when I don't get enough sleep. So it's daily behavior, it's energy levels, it's also self-esteem and it's concentration, and that's what I wanted to bring up tonight is more about concentration than anything else. Getting people to concentrate on the Holy Gospel when they have undiagnosed anxiety or depression is an absolute show and a half, because until the brain gets the metabolism boosted needs from those anxiety medications at least in my case then I'm able to concentrate more on what is being preached. And I know we all want our parishioners to take something away from church. We don't care what it is, maybe some of us do, but we at least want the parishion practitioners to be happy at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:Mike next slide and Google definitions of anxiety. I went over Google definitions of anxiety. I went over Google definitions of depression, google definitions of anxiety, and this has happened to me, if that may be a sign of anxiety, because breaking into a sweat is the person that's anxious around people and fast heart rate is another sign of anxiety, and then being tired is also. Now being tired is a sign of depression and a sign of anxiety. So you may have to ask a psychiatrist or ask a counselor. What is the difference between being tired and being depressed, and being tired and being anxious and being tired? Because until last night when I was putting this together, I didn't know that being tired was a common symptom of the both. So you guys may have to dig a little deeper and if you want, I will send you more information about that, because I want to know myself why the two coincide of being tired. I guess holding anxiety and holding being depressed and lack of motivation makes you tired and being fearful of every single little thing makes the body exhausted.
Speaker 1:Next slide, mike, please. And so pastoral care should remain private. But, as I said, if you see a parishioner hurting themselves, wanting to hurt others, hurting themselves, wanting to hurt others Especially, you guys have to let the cat out of the bag, but in the privacy. You can mention to them about psychology today, or have a family pastor care session and tell the family I'm here for your son, daughter or yourself and I just want to help. Here are some resources to help. I can sit on the phone with you guys as you call the counselor, or we can put an announcement in the bulletin saying we need the help of a retired counselor or psychiatrist.
Speaker 1:But basically, why we're here tonight is let's break the stigma, let's not cause any more opioid addicted people, because the depressed will go after the opioids like there's no tomorrow, and I know, um from my own personal experience that doctors, normal PCPs, have all the time diagnosing the opioids, but giving the opioids and diagnosing the final diagnosis, but they do have a hard time giving the opioids, and so what we need to do as church members and and as a human society, is support those in need. Next slide I'm sorry, but I need to leave. I've got a cat who's bugging the heck out of me. That's okay, robin, this has been really good. Thank you all. You're welcome.
Speaker 1:I have a 615, I probably need to drop off on so I can get ready for 630. Is that still possible? That's still possible. If you want to reach out to myself, or like primarily me, about how you can help with the Disabled Concerns Committee, great. Have any questions. I'm happy to email you and I'm happy to be a support to you and I'm happy to give you more information on what we're doing. Well, I think it's one.
