It Doesn't Have to Hurt

Meera took a Pilates class this morning and almost didn't go, because the last time she tried Pilates, six years ago, she hated it. What changed wasn't the exercise. It was everything around it.

In this episode, she unpacks why that matters for your financial life. A better financial advisor helps, but what if the whole model is the mismatch? What if the way mainstream finance was built just... wasn't built for you?

Meera talks about moving from the modalities that felt like boot camp to the ones that actually fit her body (hiking, climbing, lifting) and what it looks like to bring that same permission into your relationship with money. She also tells the story of her doula, Flame, who carried her through both pregnancies with zero anxiety and full support, and asks why we curate every important relationship in our lives except this one.

Your financial life doesn't have to feel like pulling teeth. There's a version of this that actually feels good. And that version works better.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

So I walk into this room and it's full of these reformer machines. If you've ever done Pilates, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Springs and straps and platforms, the whole shebang. And you know, it would be easy to be a little bit intimidated, but the instructor was so sweet and just took the time to really explain to me how the machines worked, what side was the front, what side was the back, the different ways that you use them, what the spring colors mean, all of it. And right off the bat, I knew this was going to be a different experience because six years ago I went to a Pilates class. It was a few months after I gave birth to my daughter, and it was the first workout I'd really done. And it was, I don't want to say awful, but it was not fun. It was not fun. It was very like boot camp-esque. The instructor was the type of person who was like, push through the pain, you got this, kind of like yelly. Um, just totally not my style. And today's class was, you know, she definitely was like, Yeah, you got this, only 10 seconds left. But it was much more like, if you need to take a break, that's fine, you know, come back to it. We're all gonna be here. It felt so much more accommodating and not like I had to be uncomfortable in pain, fight myself in order to get strong. It was more of like, you're choosing to be here, and this is what you can do. And if at any point you need to pause, that's fine. And that changed the whole way that I viewed Pilates. And I got out of the class probably about an hour ago, and as I've been reflecting on it, I was like, this is probably the same way that a lot of people feel about finance. So that's what today's podcast episode is gonna be about. It's gonna be about this Pilates class, but it's also obviously gonna be about so much more than this Pilates class. So let us get started. Okay. Raise your hand. I can't see you, obviously. Raise your hand if you've ever done Pilates. You know what it's like, right? You know the like the muscles shaking, the seconds that feel like minutes, you know all of it. And maybe you love it. Maybe that's something that you absolutely enjoy. Um, I had a good experience in today's class, and I think part of the experience was the person who was teaching it, who just was warm and kind. And I think a lot of time, a lot of the time, our first experience with money, maybe it's with like a kind of a Dave Ramsay type of person. And I'm not pro or against Dave Ramsay, whatever your feelings about Dave Ramsay are are great. But his methodology is very much this like boot camp instructor type of thing. I remember at one point he was saying, like, if you have credit card debt, you should never see the inside of a restaurant. And, you know, things like that, the it creates this fight inside of us to where it's like, well, I want to do these nice things, but I have credit card debt, so therefore I can't do these nice things, which means that like I'm not no longer enjoying my life because I'm trying to be good with my money, which means that in order to be good with money, life is not going to be enjoyable, which means I'd rather not be good with money. And like that method does work for some people. I have clients where they love being super strict with their budget. They love having these parameters and controls, and it makes them feel very safe and secure. And that's great if that's you. But if that's not you, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means that the instructor and the methodology is not suited for you specifically. It just means that there is probably a different way for you to achieve financial success that doesn't feel as restrictive, that doesn't feel as um limiting. And, you know, when I think about finance, you know, I think about when I first got into finance, I also felt really constrained and restricted. I remember like looking at articles and like all this jargon and seeing these bros in my finance classes and being like, this is not my world, this is not for me, I don't belong here, what am I doing here? And it's not that like there was a problem or anything wrong with that. I just think that everybody deserves to have experiences that feel good in their body. And obviously, if you were raised around that type of financial world, that's gonna feel good to you, right? Familiarity always feels good. But if you were not, then it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means that there's probably a different slash better way for you specifically. I think a lot of women, smart women, capable women, high-earning women, are avoidant when it comes to their money because they're going through the world with the assumption that it has to be this they have to use this methodology that kind of goes against who they are and what feels good to them. But as I found in my Pilates class today, a different instructor, a different, you know, a different way of operating, a different person who's guiding you through it makes such a huge difference. I went from being like Pilates is the worst and I hate it and I'm never doing it, to, you know what, I'm gonna go back next week. Because even though I was super shaky and awkward and like might have like popped my strap a couple times today, um, now I understand how it works and now I can try it again and maybe get better at it, versus me being like, this was painful and miserable and uncomfortable, and I never want to try it again. Right. So like the instructor made such a big difference to how I interacted with this specific method of working out and my feelings around it and my feelings of wanting to do it another time. So that being said, a better instructor does make a difference, right? It does. It totally does. If you have a financial advisor who talks over you or who ignores you or who makes who makes assumptions about you understanding specific technical language and jargon, um, and then you find somebody who is able to communicate with you in a way that feels good to you, um, doesn't make those kinds of assumptions, gives you the space, not just like the time, but the actual emotional space to ask questions without feeling like you're gonna look stupid. Oh my gosh, you're gonna have such a better experience. You're probably gonna make way more progress with your finances. And that might not actually even be the answer for you. So, this is where we're really gonna get into the meat of it because this is actually what I want to talk about today. Actually, what I want to talk about today is yes, I did Pilates six years ago, and it was not for me. I did it again today, and I feel good. I feel a little sore, but also I I still know that I'm not gonna become this Pilates girly. I got a four-pack of classes. I'm gonna go back three more times, use my four-pack, it's gonna be great. Um, and who knows, maybe that'll shift. But I actually didn't consider myself to be an athletic fit person for a really long time. And when I was in college, I started dating this guy who was a rock climber. And so I started rock climbing. And that was when I realized that, like, oh, this is amazing. I could do this all day long, multiple days in a row, and still want to do it some more. I realized that like it wasn't just me battling myself through exercise classes and group fitness programs and things like that. It was the actual modality that needed to change. And so I got really into rock climbing and then I started hiking. Uh, I started running, I started lifting weights this year, and all of these things I absolutely love doing. They feel so good in my body, and it makes me want to go back and do more. Are things starting to click here? It's not just like you either are a Pilates person or you're never gonna be fit. And you know this. There are so many other ways of doing things, and once you find the thing that actually fits and feels good in your body, then you're gonna want to do it so much more. You're gonna get stronger. Like, I didn't realize that I could build up upper body strength until I started climbing. And then I remember my friend telling me, like, oh my gosh, you were like, you look buff. And I was like, What? I'm just this like you know, scrawny little Indian girl. Um and she was like, no, Mira. And she like showed me a picture and I was like, Oh, I have like muscles in my arms. And it didn't come through pain, and it didn't come through me beating myself up, it came through doing something that I really enjoy doing and wanting to do it over and over again. So when it comes to your money, there is this default model. There is this like group fitness model where somebody manages your investment portfolio and tells you how it's doing a couple times a year. You meet with them, they say you're on track, everything looks good, and you continue to pay them to manage your investment portfolio, and that's it. And for some people, that's all they need, and that's great. But I don't believe that that was designed for high-achieving, ambitious women building wealth. I think that was designed for people who either already have wealth or are comfortable with the status quo or are planning on having this very traditional life where they work a nine to five until they retire and everything is kind of following along this very straightforward path. But if you're a woman who sees a bigger picture, who wants to create more impact on this world, whether that's through your employment or through building a business, that model might not work for you. It might just not be the right one. That might be you forcing yourself to go to Pilates when that's not actually what you need. And I really think that, you know, we live in this present-day society where you have so many more options available to you. There are so many ways of operating, so many vehicles that you can take to get to the destination of your choice. And I think a lot of people don't realize that there is a version of financial support that goes way beyond someone at a big name firm managing your investment portfolio. There's a whole world where you get to have a real relationship with someone who cares deeply about your success and like your whole success, not just the net worth number on your statement going up, the success of your business, your income, your income trajectory, how you actually want to use your money, what you want to build in this world, what you want to leave behind, the impact that you want to make, the ripple effect, all of that. That's totally different from a guy at Schwab who chose you your investment portfolio twice a year, right? That's an actual collaborative partner who sees you and gets you and understands you and is working with you to create this dream that you're desiring at this point in your life. You know, I have been seeing the same hairdresser for 10 years. And it's so funny to think about. Um, you know, I've had a couple of haircuts here and there with other people, but I go to this woman because we she gets me. I can sit and have a conversation with her and tell her what I'm thinking, and we have conversations about life, and it's not just about hair. And by the end of it, it's a transformative experience. And I intentionally chose to work with this person because I understand that I'm getting more than a haircut. You know, when you pick a therapist, you don't just pick the first one you meet, and that's who it is, and you've there's no other options. Like we live in this world where there's so many options for therapists, for doctors, um, for personal trainers. When I was pregnant with my son, one of my colleagues told me that she was working with a doula, and I looked, you know, I researched different doulas, and then she introduced me to her doula, and her name was Flame, and she was amazing. And we immediately clicked, and I could tell that she had the kind of experience I was looking for. We had such similar values. And I had so little anxiety during both of my pregnancies because I had flame, and she would, you know, she would encourage me to walk more and to, you know, eat as many vegetables as I could. And I remember at a certain point she was like, Yeah, you know, you like I recommend that my clients eat uh one cucumber every day. And I remember just eating my cucumber every single day, and I had the healthiest pregnancies. And obviously, like I can't make a direct correlation. I don't have any kind of anything to compare it to. But I know that by lack of stress, lack of anxiety, having this person in my corner who I could communicate with, who answered all my questions, who never made me feel less than or not intelligent or anything, made a difference to my pregnancies. If I wasn't able to sleep at night, she told me what I could be doing. Um, if I felt certain pains and I was nervous about what they might mean, she would, you know, ease my worries or tell me to see the doctor, whatever made the most sense. But it was really having this person who cared about my best interests. And yeah, I had to pay, pay her for this service, right? It wasn't obviously something that like she's just giving away for free, but it was worth it to have this level of support, to have this level of expertise, and to have a person in my corner from the beginning, all the way through to the delivery room who could advocate for me because she knew what I cared about and valued, and helped me bring my two kids into this world healthy and usefully. So that being said, when it comes to our money, why do we not try to create those same kinds of relationships? Why do we default to whoever showed up first, whoever our parents work with, whoever is just there? Our money is such a huge piece of our life. And your financial relationship can look like my relationship with Maidula, this person that knows you and gets excited about your goals and helping you reach your milestones and isn't just looking at your investment portfolio, but is looking at your business structure and is looking at your values and understands like the vision that you're creating for your life and take and helps you take the steps to reach that vision. You know, it can be such a bigger relationship, and I think so many of us just default to the status quo because we don't realize that there's a much better way to do it. I have I have a new client right now, and this client came to me with a pretty sizable investment portfolio. Um, and you know, we're going through all of my pre-work and mindset work, those types of things. And this client was telling me that they were paying their old advisor three times as much as my fee and just meeting with them twice a year, surface level meetings. And it, you know, the conversation always shocks me, right? Because it's like, oh my gosh, like as financial advisors, especially if they charge a percentage of assets, you don't really see how much you're paying them. But then when you zoom out and look at it, you're like, oh, that actually is quite a bit of money for what I'm getting. And yeah, it's somebody else having the responsibility over your portfolio. But what would it look like to have something even deeper than that? Somebody who can tell you how to invest your portfolio, but also carries with them an understanding of the life that you want to live. And you can have conversations with them around how your money can work and what your money can do, and all of the different things that your money is able to provide for you in this world. I mean, I think it's really, it's just, it's the difference between Pilates and rock climbing, right? It's the difference between doing something because you should do it, even though it's not super fun, versus finding something you absolutely love and doing it so much so that it effortlessly just grows and thrives. You know, we're living in this world where there we have the ability to connect to so many people. We have the ability to find our person, the specific person that we know is gonna jive with us and get us and support us and help us through. So why compromise when it comes to our money? Can we curate our relationship with our money the same way we do other areas in our life? So I want to leave you with that. You know, six years ago I walked into Pilates class and was like, nope, not interested. Thanks so much. And today I walked out and I was like, I'm gonna go back because I'm enjoying it. Um, and I'm having fun, and your money can feel like that. You can find the thing, you can revisit budgeting, but from a new lens with a new teacher, or revisit investing through a new lens and really enjoy and actually embrace that little piece of your financial picture. And you can also see how it how it is a piece of the bigger picture and how you can put all the pieces together to create this really robust financial strategy for yourself that feels fun and effortless and engaging and exciting. And um, I'm such a dork because I love financial planning. I love helping women with their money. I love when like things just click and I'm like, oh, look, if we make this one shift, you'll save$10,000 this year. And it's just I I enjoy helping women realize that money is not something to be intimidated by or scared of, but it really is an important piece of your whole life. It's like your health, it's like your relationships, it's one of these main factors that is going to create longevity for you. It's gonna create a foundation, it's gonna create safety, it's gonna create freedom. And if we just tend to it, if we find the person, the method, the thing that works for us, then we can just thrive. We create this flywheel where things just keep getting easier and easier and easier until we're like, oh my gosh, I'm effortlessly saving money and my money's going towards the things I care about and supporting me and building this beautiful, luxurious life for myself. Cool. That's exactly the point. That's exactly the point. Thank you so much for being here today. It's always fun to catch up with you guys. Um, if you're enjoying this podcast, let me know. I would love to hear from you if you listen to it. Um I have so many more episodes up my sleeve. I have amazing collaborations coming up soon that I can't wait to share with you guys. So, really looking forward to that. And I hope you have an amazing day. Goodbye.