The Glamorous Grind
Where grit meets glamour, and the law is always in style.
Hosted by attorneys Ilona Antonyan and Mila Arutunian of Antonyan Miranda LLP, The Glamorous Grind delivers bold conversations at the intersection of law, lifestyle, and mindset.
Each episode features riveting stories from inside the courtroom, celebrity interviews, and real-life legal battles that shape lives and headlines. From empowerment and entrepreneurship to manifestation and vision boards, we explore the hustle behind the glam with fearless insight.
No topic is off-limits! Expect unfiltered talk on relationships, mental health, success strategies, and building your legacy.
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The Glamorous Grind
Ask Attorneys Anything: The Questions You’re Afraid to Google
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Ever Googled a legal question at 2 a.m. and felt worse after reading the results? We’ve been there. This episode brings clarity to the messy intersections of love, work, and money, grounded in real cases and straight answers you can actually use.
We start with privacy: what you can see on a shared phone plan, what you can’t, and why snooping through a locked device crosses legal lines. From there, we unpack how evidence works in no-fault states like California—when cheating doesn’t sway the divorce itself but the money trail might. If community funds pay for gifts, transfers, or secret expenses, we explain how breach of fiduciary duty claims can lead to reimbursements and sanctions, and the right way to obtain records so they hold up in court.
Money stress ramps up with fraud and debt. We break down forged signatures, joint credit cards, and community debt rules, including gray areas like cosmetic surgery charged near the date of separation. On the work front, we dig into dual-consent recording laws, Zoom notifications, and the crucial domestic violence exception for secret recordings. You’ll also hear how HR tackles post-breakup harassment, retaliation claims, and fraternization policies that require disclosure to prevent favoritism—even when rumors outpace proof. An OnlyFans case highlights how off-hours content can collide with social media policies and employment rights.
All of this leads to the quiet crisis many face: financial control at home. We draw the line between budgeting and coercive control, showing how patterns of isolation, denial of essentials, and intimidation can amount to abuse under the law. Along the way, we offer grounded relationship guidance for navigating radical belief changes, plus practical mindset tools for handling overwhelm—one step at a time, with receipts instead of panic.
If you found this helpful, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs clarity, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. Got a burning question? Send it our way for a future Let’s Get Gritty segment.
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🎙️ Hosts: Ilona Antonyan & Mila Arutunian
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Cold Open: Tough Legal Questions
SPEAKER_00Can I be sued for harassment if we used to hook up regularly? I had a case just like this. There are some questions people Google at 2 a.m. that instantly make them panic when they hit search. Can I sue my partner for ragging up debt in my name, even if I don't want to divorce him?
SPEAKER_01And then there are the questions that people don't Google because they are afraid of what the answer might be. My husband controls our finances since he works and I don't. To spend any money, I need his permission. He controls everything.
SPEAKER_00Is this a form of abuse? So today we're answering the questions you were too afraid to Google, but brave enough to send us anonymously.
Reading A Partner’s Texts
SPEAKER_01OnlyFans? Joint credit card. Violation of their social media policies. Sabina the friend. Sounds messy. It's so important to talk about things in a relationship. Is it illegal to read my partner's text if they are on my phone plan? No judgment, just real legal talk. Happy New Year and welcome back to the glamorous grind, where law meets life and we talk about the things that people are actually dealing with behind closed doors. We usually have a segment called Let's Get Gritty where we answer an audience question, but this episode we thought we'd do something a little different.
SPEAKER_00We asked you to submit anonymous questions and you showed up. Some of these questions are heavy, some are messy, and some are well, you'll just have to wait and see. But that's why this episode matters. Because Googling legal questions without context can make things worse, not better. So today it's simple.
SPEAKER_01You ask, and we answer. Time to get gritty. Okay, you ready? I'm ready. Do you I'll do the first one. All right. Okay. Is it illegal to read my partner's text if they are on my phone plan?
SPEAKER_00The first question is why do you want to read your partner's text? Makes me think of uh myself. There were times when I was younger where I would have loved to read my partner's text, but as a lawyer, I know first of all, if anybody catches you reading someone's text, that's gonna be a huge fight. You're gonna break up because that's immediate loss of trust.
SPEAKER_01I've been married for 14 years this year. I've never opened my husband's phone. Like, I don't wanna know what he's like how he talks to other like that's his privacy. How I talk to my girlfriends, like I wouldn't want him to know. He's never read my phone either. I mean, I don't think he has, but if he had, if he opened my phone, I'd probably have 250 unread text messages in there.
SPEAKER_00Have fun reading through all my texts. I think it's because you're comfortable in your relationship and you know your husband is a good guy and he's not cheating on you. When you suspect someone may be cheating on you because they're acting strange, they're playing hot and cold, they're pushing you away and then pulling you back in and playing games with you and makes you feel very uncomfortable inside, and you don't have a better answer because they're not willing to talk to you. Because you may be dealing with a partner who is acting like you're crazy and your feelings are not valid. Similar to you, I have not checked my boyfriend's cell phone. I don't look at his because I trust him, he trusts me. We don't check each other's cell phone. I mean, maybe you checked mine, I don't know. He has my password, but in the past, yeah, I've been personally in relationships where I wasn't sure where I stand. I think, oh, I'm pretty and I'm smart. There's no reason to cheat on me. Why would anybody ever, right? But look at all those celebrities and beautiful and smart people that there's beyoncing matter. It doesn't matter who you are. Cheating happens. It's about who you are with. If you feel that you have to go there to check whether something is going on, that's a red flag. So if you're in the same phone plan, it doesn't mean that you get to see all the text messages. Your phone plan will show you the phone numbers that someone texted throughout the month under each phone number, but you're not going to be able to see the content. Now I had a case where my client did text the phone numbers because they were in a shared plan, text the phone numbers to find out who it is. And she did catch her husband, it was a married couple. She caught her husband because that woman was did text back and say, yes, I'm with him. And then obviously they went through a divorce and I was representing her. But she had to text each individual number to find out who is this?
SPEAKER_01And is it legal? No. Are there any claims that the husband could bring against her if she actually went in and looked at his text messages?
Cheating, Evidence, And Privacy
SPEAKER_00Two different issues, right? Look into your phone bill, seeing different numbers for which you're payable and you're a custodian of records for this bill, it's all under your account, shared account. Think there is nothing wrong with texting directly the different phone numbers you see on your bill to find out who it is, or even calling those numbers to find out who it is. That is legal, you cannot be in trouble for that. However, looking at someone's cell phone, if it's password protected, would be an invasion of privacy. Let's say you're going through a divorce. And I mean in California, whether or not you cheated does it matter does not matter at all. It's a no-fault state. If you found in a text message that someone is promising to send money to someone or using MoneyGram or Western Union and sending confirmation texts of using community money, join money, to support a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or to give something that would be divisible in a divorce proceeding. Let's say a husband gifted a car to the girlfriend. You saw text where it's like, here, baby, I bought you this car and I'm gonna pay cash for your rent until you know I finalize my divorce. That would be breach of fiduciary duty and in legal issue that you can litigate in a family law proceeding to get a reimbursement for that money, plus attorney's fees and costs and potential sanctions. You could potentially use that, but how you legally introduce that evidence in court is different. You reading someone's text message and then testifying about it in court as if that's the truth, that'll be an hearsay. That's an out-of-court statement offered for the truth. You'll have to either subpoena the text messages from Apple, or you have to compel uh a production of those records through court. Anyway, it's a whole legal proceeding. It's not so easy to get someone's text messages unless they're voluntarily produced. Then you're able to use them to impeach, to show they're lying if they're not admitting to it. But the best way really to get that evidence, if you found something really juicy that's impacting your finances in any way or what you're receiving in divorce, then is to go directly to the source. Subpoena the car dealership, subpoena the friend, subpoena whatever direct evidence or witness that can come and prove what you saw in a text. Bottom line, it's not legal to go through someone's cell phone that's password protected because there's expectation of privacy. Shake. Sounds messy. Yeah, but we live in America, so you can sue anybody for anything.
SPEAKER_01Literally.
SPEAKER_00Right? It sucks, but that's true.
SPEAKER_01But like he'll want to divorce you when you do that. Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what a way to save a relationship. You can sue them for racking up debt in your name. Technically, that would be fraud, because I mean, what I've seen happen a lot actually during divorces is when things get bad, one of the spouses may apply for credit in the other person's name or forge your signature to a credit card or a loan application, or even on tax returns, they'll sign for them so they can file jointly. And if you can prove in family court that this was without your consent, so you have to get the records from the credit application center to see whose signature is on it. Nowadays you often see an electronic signature, not an ink signature like it was back in the days. So it would be important to get an IP address and live testimony that it was not you who applied for it, then it's just a matter of apportioning who owes what debt.
SPEAKER_01And my other question would be: isn't it if you are in a married relationship, at least in California, any debt on either party accrue during the time of the marriage is community property debt, wouldn't it be?
Debt, Fraud, And Divorce Money
SPEAKER_00All debt accrued during the marriage is community property. If you had debt prior to marriage that's being paid off during the marriage, the community, uh if they have assets, would still be responsible, but you can seek reimbursement at the time of divorce. If you have joint credit card and only one of the parties is racking up debt in both names, it will matter whether it's for the benefit of community or for the benefit of one party. I had a client who did breast implants and a bunch of surgeries before she officially filed for divorce, but shortly before the date of separation, and she racked up debt on their joint credit cards. Now it's community debt, right? Because it was during the marriage. Now, husband argued he did not get the benefits of those plastic surgeries because he was in preparation for divorce. So presumably it is community debt because it's while they're still together. And presumably it was racked up in both names, and he was the payor, he was the one with the money paying it, but he did not feel like it was fair. And I was actually on both, I've been on both sides of it. I represented husbands where wives did it, and vice versa.
SPEAKER_01So, how did the courts rule on those? Did the community get reimbursed?
SPEAKER_00Both cases settled, so nobody went to court to argue over that, but the pleadings were pretty juicy because of the size of the implants and the drama and cheating that went on as well. So this was an issue that in court made the other person look bad. It wasn't just about the debt itself, but in both cases, when it was close to the date of separation, it was charged to the wife because it was like within a month of them separating.
SPEAKER_01I mean, that makes sense. I think honestly, with plastic surgery, especially with women, but men too, part of the benefit is your own confidence.
SPEAKER_00Well, the other argument is like, hey, I ruined my body during the marriage to have your kids. Okay, facts. All right, and I don't feel comfortable with my own body because it got ruined, so pay for it before I'm out.
SPEAKER_01But where's the causation? Would she have needed the surgery anyway, notwithstanding the children?
SPEAKER_00Probably not, but had she not been married and only had children with him, she would have no right to compensation.
SPEAKER_01This is true. This is true. Can I record a meeting with my boss without telling him? And it the answer is it depends on what state you're in. Let's say California. In California, you are not allowed to record a meeting with anyone with without telling them. It's a dual party consent state. So both parties have to know that their the meeting is being recorded, that the conversation is being recorded. In fact, I've had so many cases where people call me and they say, Hey, I have this recording, this happened, and I have to be like, whoa, stop. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know about it. Because recording someone without their consent is a crime in California. And so if I find out and I hear the recording and then later charges are pressed, and this is my client, I'm gonna be called in as a witness to testify. So I don't want to ever hear the recording. I'm like, I don't want to know, don't tell me. The hard part is when the other party lies. Like I've had situations where, you know, they have on recording that the boss said X, Y, and Z, and then, you know, the boss tells their attorney, I never said that. And I can't go in and be like, oh, my client recorded the conversation because I could get them in a lot of trouble. It's always just like a delicate, delicate balance.
SPEAKER_00You can waive the right to privacy, right? If you keep the door open or there's third party present.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Do you have those situations where they record the conversation with the boss? But let's say an HR person is in a room or another.
SPEAKER_01You still can't record without everyone's um agreement and consent. And usually I say, like, if you are gonna record, you should start say, can can I record? Then start the recording and say, Hey, just you know, just so you know, like we just talked about, I am recording this conversation.
Community Debt And Cosmetic Surgery
SPEAKER_00Nowadays we have a lot of meetings, whether it's with the boss or others, through Zoom. Yes, and some people have AI recording, transcription, or video on right away. Have you dealt with any AI-generated transcripts of any Zoom meetings or any termination videos impacting what you do?
SPEAKER_01I haven't seen it negatively impact in any way because when the Zoom meetings are recorded, it always gives you a notification. When there's a transcription, it gives you a notification. So it's very clear to all parties and they have the option to opt out by turning off their Zoom or not participating in the meeting. As long as they are aware it's being recorded, you're fine. It's when there's no knowledge that it becomes a problem.
SPEAKER_00I think criminal evidence code 632.5, there's an exception for domestic violence.
SPEAKER_01I should say that that is that is an exception. If you have a demestic violence issue, you actually can record without them, you know, to obtain evidence for a domestic violence. It is a safety thing because if you tell them that you're recording, they might hurt you if you're in a DV incident, so you can record it secretly without their consent and then produce that video to the police. Okay. Next one. Are you ready? My husband controls our finances since he works and I don't. To spend any money, I need his permission. He controls everything. Is this a form of abuse?
SPEAKER_00That in and of itself is not abuse, but generally, if someone controls finances and you're in a tight leash, things happen that add to the what you may consider to be financial abuse.
SPEAKER_01Like if they're not being reasonable and are like, you can't spend money on XY. I don't know, it just sounds so abusive to me.
Recording Your Boss And Consent
SPEAKER_00Well, the statute, the family code uh 6320, which uh defines domestic violence, includes coercive control as a form of domestic violence, and that would be financially controlling someone, but it depends to what extent. And the court has to take all factors into consideration, and it has to be type of financial abuse that will cause you to feel severe emotional distress. So if it's a one-time thing, like, no, you're not gonna buy this on Amazon, it's too expensive, and you really want to buy something that your spouse says no, we can't afford, and you're distressed over it, like that would not be abused, although you feel like life is unfair. Yeah. But if it's systematic and it's used as a way to control you, for example, you can't go see your parents. I'm not gonna give you money to purchase airline tickets to go see your parents to isolate you from your family or friends. You have no ability to purchase things for life necessities without being directly controlled and having to ask for permission. Now, that is excessive, so it's different, right? So it depends on your lifestyle, depends on what you've been accustomed to and what else is going on in your relationship aside from that. The other, the controlling spouse probably blew up and was angry and there was probably a verbal fight. Maybe they threw things at a wall, maybe they made threats. That then adds on to it just being financial control over someone. Because financial control in and of itself is not unreasonable. People have to manage and budget to make to make their bills, to support their kids. And actually, a lot of people get divorced because they have different saving habits. One wants to spend, another one wants to save. So that doesn't mean in and of itself that it's abuse. It's really a totality of circumstances. Okay, it's again another one from me, I think. How do I talk to my wife about her crazy new radical beliefs without starting a huge fight? You don't.
SPEAKER_01You just don't. Honestly, I always say like you keep politics out of it. This is like relationship advice as opposed to legal advice. Well, I like a hot conversation. You do? I do not in the household, no. I'm like, I don't want to know. I like to express my opinion. My mother-in-law gets really upset at me. She's like, You're like an ostrich putting your head in the ground. I'm like, yes. I need to focus on things that bring me joy and money.
SPEAKER_00Well, look, sometimes new radical beliefs, if they impact your life, can lead to divorce. It just depends what they are. Like, if when you got married, you were both the same religion, and that's what you brought you together based on your values, and now your spouse completely changed religions, then do you talk about it without starting a huge fight? It's gonna start a huge fight. Exactly. But you gotta talk about it. You can't ignore it.
SPEAKER_01The thing I've learned in life is like you're not gonna change anyone's opinion.
SPEAKER_00It's so important to talk about things in a relationship. If you're not gonna go file for divorce because somebody believes something, as a matter of mutual respect, because you go back assuming everything else is fine, you need to have a conversation. If it's a very difficult conversation, maybe go to a good therapist and have them guide your conversation. If you are part of a church or have, you know, have someone at the church help you or at the mosque or a synagogue or whatever it may be, or a trusted friend. I just don't see any conversation like that ever going well. Still gotta talk about it and conclude it one way or another. I think that and the way you do it is either, okay, we're just not gonna talk about it at all because it may be a radical issue that does not impact your life, does not impact your values, right? Just to be like your radical belief, but you still like each other as people. But if it's a type of radical belief that you think that they're a terrible person, terrible human being for believing that, then you probably can't be with them because you don't respect them anymore. See, I don't have that problem because I have no time to talk whenever I have. I run zip in, zip out, this, this, that. I have no time to talk.
SPEAKER_01But for those people that do have time to talk about it, for those who have time to go on dates, I think the way to bring it up is to just bring it up from an empathetic perspective and make sure you're not invalidating their beliefs. Like saying that. It's so hard to do. I understand where you're coming from and why this is appealing for you, this belief, and you believe that, and I respect that. However, I disagree because X, Y, and Z, and I hope that we can figure out a way to coexist and continue to have a good relationship, notwithstanding these differences in opinion.
SPEAKER_00And I think in a loving relationship or in a family, you can have those discussions. It's okay to talk about it and maybe laugh about it too. You know, some relationships can't handle it. Maybe talking about it during dinner table and laughing about it.
SPEAKER_01If someone tries to like talk to me at dinner about something negative, I just shut them down. I'm like, I don't want to hear about anything negative. I want to enjoy my food. Please stop.
Zoom, Transcripts, And DV Exception
SPEAKER_00I'm like, talk to me about it when I'm not eating. We have no time to sit down for dinner. We'll eat on a run. Oh, we have Sunday dinner every week. Okay. My grandma loved that. She's like, everybody just sit down. When she visited her family when she came from Armenia a while back. Maybe I'll do that tradition again when my kids get older. There's no freaking way we can sit down for dinner right now, any of us together. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Even now, I feel like so. Last night, actually, my kids didn't want to have dinner with us, and I was so happy because when we have dinner together, I am spending my entire dinner feeding everyone. That's what I wants to eat. And so my husband is always like, We need to have family dinner. I'm like, easy for you to say you sit down.
SPEAKER_00You gotta make dinner, you gotta put the table, set up the table. Yep, you gotta feed the babies. Then if they make a mess and drop everything, you gotta pick it up. So you kept cleaning during dinner.
SPEAKER_01And then and then clean up the dishes and put everything in the dishwasher. And I'm like, so like yesterday they were like, We want to eat dinner separately. And I was so happy. My husband's like, it's Sunday, we have to have dinner as a family. I'm like, so you eat while I feed everyone.
unknownCool.
SPEAKER_01And don't talk to me. Exactly. I like to be in my own little world. It's great in there. Okay, can I be sued for harassment if we used to hook up regularly? I had a case just like this. And the answer is yes, absolutely you can be sued for harassment. If you hook up, if you're in a relationship and you get out of your relationship, but the other person is still like bugging you or harassing you, you can absolutely still sue for harassment.
SPEAKER_00Hold on now. I have many questions about this. Let's say they were in a relationship before they both got a job at this company. And then while they're working at the company, they break up, they don't get along, and there are HR complaints. How should that be handled?
Financial Control Or Abuse
SPEAKER_01Like any other HR complaints are handled. I had a case where a woman and a man were together, and then they actually were on um, what is the site called? OnlyFans. Uh-huh. They would like post their videos of them like doing the deed on OnlyFans to try and make some money. And then um they broke up and he kept trying to come after her, get back together, and she got really pissed because she didn't want to get back with him. She ended up filing an HR complaint saying like he's harassing her, even though they, you know, and HR starts investigating that, and then he goes to HR and submits an anonymous complaint saying she has an OnlyFans channel and sends her OnlyFans info. He's in the videos, but you can't see his face. You can only see her. And they had the company had a policy that said that if you had explicit content like that, it's in violation of their social media policies, which is um cause for termination, and they fired her. We should have that. Then I tried to argue that it was the firing was retaliatory because she submitted a complaint of harassment, and then shortly thereafter they um, you know, you know, this anonymous complaint was submitted. Lo and behold, he's the only one who knew about our OnlyFans channel. Like clearly it's him. And the company said they did nothing wrong because there was cause for termination. They would have terminated any other employee if they had this kind of content up publicly. Eventually, I did get them to offer$50,000 before a lawsuit was filed, but she didn't want to take it because she thought it was worth more and she just said she didn't even want to proceed with it. She didn't want to take it because she was just very, very upset. But so the bottom line is you can if you are in a relationship, whether or not you're in a relationship before you start working together, or even after you start working together, you can get into a relationship. But if the relationship ends and one of the parties continues to harass, whether sexually or otherwise, the other party, they make an HR complaint. HR is required to handle it the same way it would any other complaint.
SPEAKER_00Well, many I have other questions for you. In many companies, people get comfortable with each other and they begin dating. And then they no longer want to work in a same place once they break up and they may leave, and then you know they start dating other people. Can the company have policies against dating at workplace?
SPEAKER_01Yes, absolutely. And honestly, they should. It's called the fraternization policy. And usually it doesn't say you cannot date in the workplace, but what it says is if you enter a relationship, you have to report it to HR so that they can make sure that there's no favoritism or like you're not dating your subordinate, anything like that.
SPEAKER_00And if they don't report it, but you hear rumors that someone is dating, then what? That's tough. Is it grounds for termination for not reporting?
SPEAKER_01If they're in violation of the policy, it could be grounds for termination.
SPEAKER_00What if they're not in a relationship or they themselves don't consider it being a dating relationship, but some sort of other hookup relationship?
SPEAKER_01What happens then? Depends on the policy language, but usually those policies encompass any type of interpersonal relationship, whether sexual or otherwise. And I've had those cases where it's been reported that someone is sleeping together, but technically they're not in a relationship. And you know, HR is like, what do we do? Um, you can ask them. I mean, if you can't prove it, actually, I had a case just like that. I mean, you can't prove it. So I uh there was a case where um two parties there there were rumors that you know one individual was dating his subordinate, and that subordinate was, you know, not nice to other people, and the other people made complaints that she was being mean to them. Long story short, an internal investigator came to try and investigate and figure out what had happened because the company was required to investigate the underlying complaint, which was essentially favoritism. But, you know, it's all he said, she said at that point. There's no real way to prove or disprove anything.
SPEAKER_00For a glam tip this week, what helps you keep it together when you're overwhelmed?
Radical Beliefs And Relationship Boundaries
SPEAKER_01For a long time, when I would get overwhelmed, I would feel guilty and I would be hard on myself. Like, you should be handling this better. Why are you overwhelmed? Like, and I would just be very harsh to myself. That's my innate nature. Like, I'm never kind to myself. That's also why I am where I am because it drives you. No one cares. Work harder, Mila. But now I'm like, okay, I'm overwhelmed. You know, one step at a time. I I try, I was actually talking to someone about this today. I've learned to kind of disassociate myself from the outcome. When there's a big path in front of me and it's really hard, I used to feel extremely overwhelmed and not know where to start. And now I'm like, you know what? All I can do is what can I do right now? One step at a time. One step at a time. And it's like, as long as I do my best, every single step, I know that the outcome will be fine. I'm not gonna think about the outcome, I'm gonna think about the next step.
SPEAKER_00And I think when you're down, don't compare yourself to others you know, or things you see on Facebook, because people on social media put only the good moments most of the time. And if you are going through a difficult time, whether it's in your relationship or your job or somewhere else, like focus on you. Yeah. And talk to close friends, to a therapist if you have one. If you don't have a therapist, just know that life is always up and down. It's like a wave. Sometimes it feels like it's going down, but eventually it's gonna go up, even if the down period seems to be longer than you'd like. It's okay to have questions.
SPEAKER_01It's okay to be unsure. It's okay to have conflict. All of these things are normal things. And I think a lot of times we give ourselves a hard time because we think that we're the only ones experiencing this, and everyone else has it together because people don't talk about the bad things, right? And I think part of just accepting that it's okay to struggle sometimes is going to be half the battle of accepting that part, right? And I mean, therapy is one way to do it, you know, and just go to therapy and try to figure out whether you're in a relationship that's abusive or, you know, toxic to the point where you need to check their text messages because you're not sure if they're cheating on you. Like those are all red flags that maybe you should reconsider some things in your life. These questions remind us how many people are navigating fear, confusion, and power dynamics quietly.
SPEAKER_00If you're related to any of these questions, know you're not alone. You're not crazy, but maybe you should consult a lawyer. You know who you are.
SPEAKER_01And make sure to subscribe, follow us, and share this episode with someone who needs it.
SPEAKER_00And keep your questions coming. We answer an audience question every week in our weekly segment, Let's Get Gritty. Reach out and let us know what burning questions you'd like help with. We'll see you next time on The Glamorous Grind.