More Than Money: Supporting Clients Through Life’s Hardest Moments

When a loved one begins to experience cognitive or physical decline, families are often left facing difficult emotional and practical decisions. In this heartfelt episode, PCM’s Irvin Schorsch and Steve Palmer join Lesley Buck to discuss the critical role financial advisors can play during one of life’s most challenging transitions.

Drawing from decades of experience, Irvin and Steve share how they help clients navigate the financial, logistical, and emotional complexities that come with long-term illness—whether it’s dementia, Parkinson’s, or age-related physical decline. From initiating sensitive conversations to coordinating care, managing assets, and supporting multiple generations of family members, this episode highlights the human side of wealth management.

Key themes include:

·       How to recognize and approach early signs of decline

·       Supporting the healthy spouse and family members

·       The importance of early planning and open communication

·       Tools and services that can ease the burden during transitions

·       Real stories of clients and families navigating change together

This episode is a must-listen for anyone caring for an aging loved one—or planning for the possibility.

🎧 Listen now to hear how empathy and planning go hand in hand.

Thank you for listening. For more information about how we can help you achieve your financial goals and live a life you love, please visit PCMAdvisors.com.

Transcript

Lesley Buck: [00:00:00] Welcome everyone to our podcast. I'm joined today by Irvin Schorsch and Steve Palmer, our two most experienced members of Pennsylvania Capital Management. We're going to talk today about what happens when a family member or someone in your life starts deteriorating physically, mentally, declining with a bad diagnosis. So Irvin, why don't you take it away for your podcast? 

Irvin Schorsch: Thanks, Lesley. I'd be happy to. After spending 20 plus years with you, Steve, this is one of the most difficult things I have to face when, you know, we have a spouse who is losing either they have dementia or Alzheimer's or maybe even Parkinson's.

And I have to deal with this spouse and help them to not just respond, but to reorient their entire life because, their spouse doesn't recognize them or is fading [00:01:00] or is just out of it. And it's it's tough. It's really tough.

Steve Palmer: Well, I find it's difficult when you depending upon where the source of the degradation comes from.

Is it something that we observe as advisors? Is it something that a family member has told us? Is it a spouse said it, depending upon where we get that information really can dictate how we approach the subject and, with the individual. And I think that, that's the real tricky part of things because many times the spouse is protecting their spouse from the drop off.

Other times they're in denial and you really don't want it to go too far along because this decision making can really be a problem. 

Irvin Schorsch: It sure can. Actually, I want [00:02:00] to add to something you said. 

Steve Palmer: Sure.

Irvin Schorsch: Oftentimes, I find the spouse who's in good shape wants to keep it a big secret. They don't want to tell the world.

They don't want their friends to know. They don't want to make this a public spectacle because they hope it's gonna go away. How do you see it? 

Steve Palmer: I totally agree with you. And I think that it's it's a way that denial, I think, is part of not wanting to have a life change because the spouse is going to be aware that if there is a drop off physically, mentally, it could mean that they might need to move to a continuing care community, right?

There's additional responsibility that's being moved from one to the other spouse, which might already be taking place. We're not aware of it could be a little embarrassing whether it be to friends and family members. So it's really trying to understand the whole [00:03:00] situation and every situation is different.

Irvin Schorsch: So true, Steve. That is so incredibly true. I was working with a client this week and we went through that kind of a long in depth conversation for almost 90 minutes talking about, how do I break it to my spouse that I see them in decline, when they think they're doing just fine? That's a hard situation to be in because in this case, it's right within the family and other members see it and they're not sure what to do about it.

And they don't want to talk about it because they don't want to offend Mom or Dad. This is a tough spot to be in for the family. 

Steve Palmer: It's acceptance. At what point is the person going to accept this? And the reason that somebody like ourselves and our position want to really come forward with it is it can really have adverse effect for the family.

If this [00:04:00] individual is, the one, is the primary decision maker for the financial end of things. And, you don't want anything to go awry. And it really can be a problem. And I think that it really is, as fiduciaries, we need to do what's in the best interest of the client. Many of the clients, are very good friends because we've got to know them over the years and it's really difficult.

It's almost like speaking to a family member. 

Irvin Schorsch: So incredibly true. It's funny when you talk about how close we are with the clients. We go to many of their weddings, bar mitzvahs, whenever something important goes up and we're already included, it's hard being in the middle and wanting to explain this is surmountable.

We can't make the disease go away, but we can help the family cope. And I really believe that it's an opportunity for the, for three generations in many cases. You've [00:05:00] got one of the grandparents or great aunts or great uncles suffering. You've got the kids underneath that want to help them. And you have the grandkids watching.

And here's an opportunity where they can circle around and support that grandparent or great aunt or uncle. And we want to be in that position where we can facilitate that and encourage them. Of course, there's the financial part that we were already dealing with and guiding them as their life changes.

But this is one of the biggest life changes there is. And I think we need to be even more supportive. Personally, I get a lot of satisfaction about seeing how the families cope and to see how we can help them to cope even better. Obviously making available funds when they need them, dealing with getting specialists or therapists or others that we can recommend from our professional network.

Steve Palmer: Or a bill paying service to help them during that period of time. [00:06:00] But, if I and one of the real drivers to want to be able to communicate this and to make it right for the family is that if I were a child and my parents were across the country and I didn't have contact with them on a regular basis.

I would appreciate an advisor coming to me and saying, Hey, your dad is having a little bit of an issue here. And. I think that, that would be very important, so I want to put that hat on. I, the reason gives me to drive to move forward and to truly make it right or to communicate to make sure everybody's aware so that the best decisions can be made is that if I were on the other side, I would want that to be done.

Irvin Schorsch: I would add to that. I find it especially satisfying for our clients that are in the Midwest and West Coast that when this kind of situation comes up and we [00:07:00] fly out to see them, and we invite them to invite kids and grandkids. And we bring together the family when it's appropriate, of course, only with the client's permission, or if they say, we don't want to involve the grandkids, but we want the kids there because we want them to take more of a leadership role in helping Mom or Dad or Grandma or Grandpa to deal with the situation and to figure out how to be a better support.

And in some cases with modern technology, I think of one example where they have a family meeting once a week on Zoom, or they text back and forth, or they give some support to that grandparent that's facing Parkinson's or dementia by having that weekly call so that individual going through it feels cared for and loved by their family.

Steve Palmer: Yeah, if we have any positives that come out of COVID is the [00:08:00] older generations are able to adapt with Zoom and learn the technology to communicate. And I think that obviously we've seen that with our meetings with clients across the country. But also connecting families. I think that the communication is going to be better today because of the technology.

And I think that you're right going through this process and we talk about it. at Pennsylvania Capital. When we go through any life change with a client, whether it be loss of a spouse or changing jobs, it's preparing as much as you can before, during and after the change and being there during this process. And I think that, you know, it's satisfying when we get to the other side or we get through the difficult change part and to see that the parties are okay and that we're back on track.

Irvin Schorsch: Makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. You know, it's funny, Steve, as I think about this [00:09:00] going forward and our growth as a firm, our younger members who are spending more and more time with the families and dealing with these issues, I think gives the families multiple levels of our team that they can tap.

I guess that's the way I look at it. Because if it's the grandchildren who are struggling with how to cope with it, we have younger members their age who can help the family cope. And I think that's a wonderful addition that's oftentimes not there. And then, of course, our professional network, we can recommend outsiders that we've vetted. 

To help the family cope and especially when it's a multiple stage need like taking a family member that fell down and broke something but who's up there in years that needs to move out of their single family home that they had into a continuing care retirement community and we're helping them with [00:10:00] all the steps of picking out what will fit into the apartment at the Continuing Care Retirement Community along with cleaning the house after the kids have gotten the furniture they wanted and we've set up the auctions, either internet or physical auctions, and then getting the house broom swept and taking care of all the blocking and tackling needed to help the family deal and to help that Grandma or Grandpa or whoever get to where they need to be.

The family members can take different parts and share the responsibility, which makes the family closer and tighter knit. And obviously that's an important goal. 

Steve Palmer: Absolutely. And change as people age is more difficult. So if you're moving from a home that you've had for 30 or 40 years, and obviously you've cited all the steps involved in getting the house ready [00:11:00] for sale and making a change to, let's say, a continuing care community a lot different living circumstances.

That can be difficult. Obviously we've gone through the physical aspects of it, but there's also the mental aspects. Even the one the couple that say that is, is doing just fine and is moving because their spouse is ailing. They, they feel a little bit more of the pressure and more of the stress of the move.

It can be hard. And I think that helping people to make the transition is something that is very satisfying. 

Irvin Schorsch: I find it too. Actually, I find many of the senior members aren't very good with technology, but when you show them how to do a FaceTime, or you show them how to do WhatsApp, or other things that they can do, relatively simply, they feel better and they feel more confident.

Particularly if it's something where they got hurt, [00:12:00] as opposed to it's mental decline. And they like using their phone and they like, they get used to that part, but, we can help facilitate the communication between the multiple generations and encourage them to do a weekly call or FaceTime or Zoom or something like that.

So that the family feels even more together, especially when they're all over the country these days and families move so often. 

Steve Palmer: And during this change, and obviously, we've seen this over the years where let's say the husband tends to be the more financially astute and the ones that want to take the initiative in the meetings.

The wife might come along or the partner might come along and be less involved or skip a meeting. If the key financial expert within the family has the issue our company stepping in and really helping them to [00:13:00] understand what the husband had been doing or the wife and really to educate, to make sure that everything's in place.

That's another huge step, but it's also stress on them. And I like the the feeling of being able to allow them to get more comfortable with things and make the transition feel more confident. We don't mind them leaning on us initially during the period of transition and period of time.

To me, there's a lot of satisfaction with that aspect of the life change as well. 

Irvin Schorsch: Steve, I agree with you. I feel the same way. I think that's part of what makes our team special, that we really do enjoy serving the family as their lives shape and giving them the tools they need as they evolve, because they clearly do.

I think that's the value in today's discussion we're having here that I hope we inspire many families to cope better, to [00:14:00] stay in constant contact with their different family members as they age and as they have greater needs. I also think there's a flip side to this, too. Before clients get to that stage, very often, when you look at the grandparent generation, without picking a specific age, they have decades of experience, and they can share it.

And that's part of what builds the bond, so that later on when the grandparent needs the support of the kids in reverse, the kids already have that bond and it's a wonderful thing.

Steve Palmer: Absolutely. Totally agree. 

Irvin Schorsch: This was fun today, Steve. 

Steve Palmer: Thank you. Yeah. 

Irvin Schorsch: Thanks for joining me and an excellent discussion.

Steve Palmer: Thank you.