God’s Grace in Suffering: Christian Encouragement for Women Facing Illness

When your health suddenly turns your entire life upside down, how do you keep your faith from crumbling with it?
In this powerful episode of Encounters at the Well, Amy Donathan sits down with guest Traci Broeker to share her honest journey of walking through chronic illness and discovering the sustaining presence of God in suffering.

After a Covid vaccine reaction triggered mast cell activation, Traci’s life changed overnight. What followed were months of fear, confusion, countless doctor visits, and prayers that gradually shifted from pleading for healing to praising God for survival, strength, and breath.

This is a raw and hope-filled conversation about learning to live with a new normal, advocate for your health, and cling to God’s character when healing is slow.

You will hear:

• The early days of illness and the confusion of searching for answers
 • How finding the right doctor finally brought direction and hope
 • The physical and emotional challenges of daily life with new limitations
 • How prayer evolved from desperation to gratitude
 • The vital role of family, coworkers, and faith community in seasons of suffering
 • What it looks like to hold onto God’s promises in the unknown

This episode is not just about illness — it is about faith in suffering, resilience in weakness, and a God who never leaves us.

Key reminders for your heart:

• You are not alone — God is close to the brokenhearted
 • Prayer may change, but God hears every whisper
 • It is okay to wrestle with doubt, fear, or grief
 • Healing may be slow, but hope is found in God’s nearness
 • Community matters more than we often realize

A heartfelt prayer is shared at the end for both the woman who knows Jesus and needs renewed strength, and the woman who is still searching for His love and salvation.

If this episode encouraged you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who needs hope today.

📌 Connect with Amy:

• Facebook: Hope and Healing Christian Life Coaching
  
  
• Website: www.hopeandhealinglifecoach.com

Website: www.hopeandhealinglifecoach.com

Email: amydonathan@hopeandhealing.faith

Website:  www.hopeandhealinglifecoach.com

Email:  amydonathan@hopeandhealing.faith

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey friends, and welcome back to Encounters at the Well. I'm your host, Amy Jonathan, and today's conversation is one that I believe will bring both hope and encouragement to anyone who has ever walked through a season of suffering or uncertainty. I'm joined by my good friend Tracy Broker, who has been on a long and difficult health journey after developing a condition following her COVID vaccine. Her story is one of confusion, fear, perseverance, and most importantly, faith. Through months of searching for answers, countless prayers, and learning how to live with a new normal, Tracy has seen God's hand sustaining her even in the hardest places. So in our conversation, she is going to share openly. And if anybody knows Tracy, you know it's going to be open and honest because that's who she is. About what her daily life looks like now. How her prayer life has changed through this process, and what she's learned about faith, patience, and hope when healing doesn't come quickly. So, sweet friends, if you have ever wondered how to keep trusting God when life doesn't go the way you planned, or if you need encouragement that you are not alone in your struggles, this episode is for you. So let's dive in. So, Tracy, thank you so much for just agreeing to come on my podcast and um just tell your story about what has gone on and what has happened and where God's brought you. So um just introduce yourself a little bit so our listeners know know who's talking.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

All right, thank you for having me, Amy. I um you are so welcome. And uh I uh well guess uh I'll start out with the fact that I my name is Tracy Broker and I am a speech pathologist, and um I have had a uh a terrible reaction to my COVID vaccine four and a half years ago. Uh I didn't understand what was going on. What basically happened was that my the chemicals in my COVID vaccine made me severely allergic to chemicals in general. Uh the only medication that I took prior to the vaccine was my thyroid medication, and I just bought it at a good old Walgreens drive-thru like everybody else, and uh it wasn't any kind of special type of uh medication or anything. I just bought it just through the drive-thru, and it what happened was that the fillers uh they call it excipient ingredients, the fillers, the dyes, the flavorings in the medication became extremely toxic to me. And I the main symptom was oral burning. Well, I just told you that I'm a speech pathologist, so I make my living with my mouth, and it was on fire for uh uh a significant most of every day. And um uh as a speech therapist, we are nothing if we're not data-driven. So I immediately began documenting the correlation between when I swallowed my pills, um, as you're supposed to take them one a day, and I would start taking them and immediately feel this fire inside my mouth. And I would start to shake, I would start to sweat, I would start to uh my eyes would water, it would be shaking, and um I started correlating that with the swallowing of my medication. So I started documenting that, and then I became a professional pill cutter upper. Um, I would start uh chopping them up into tiny little pieces and trying to take them, thinking um that if I could just break them in half, that would work, and then I would break them into eighths of a little tiny pill. And um, so I began having um just these major reactions and with uh no real answers to why all of a sudden I'd been on those medic that medication for eight years, and all of a sudden I was allergic to them.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Um so you were you were cutting them up and doing all that and doing all your data before you got any answers from the doctor. Correct.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Uh I immediately called my endocrinologist who is the prescriber of that medication and saying, something is terribly wrong with me. I'm falling over, I'm um, I have brain fog horribly, my mouth is on fire, and that was the primary thing that was the most painful and the most um prominent of the symptoms. And so at that point, I, you know, like I said, I'm calling my primary doctor, I'm calling my endocrinologist saying, please call the company. Did they change the recipe? What's going on? All of a sudden, something I tolerated very easily and with no issue at all is something that is feeling like it's killing me. Um and uh so she's calling the company, she's calling the the manufacturers and so on, and all the while I'm you know getting my little my phone out, my notes uh uh thing on my phone, and I'm documenting like what's going on of the sizzle that happens and all of this, and for and having absolutely no rhyme or reason as to why this is happening. My endocrinologist wasn't getting any answers. My primary doctor was yelling at me because I was chopping these up, and uh, he's like, Oh, you're not supposed to do that, and like it's killing me if I don't. So um, I was in a state of complete confusion and fear. And um, you know, the focus of our talk here is on prayer, and at that time I was praying for mercy um because it was, and it's very emotional, so I know I'm gonna cry, but at that time it was, I thought I was dying. And um quite honestly, if I had continued to take that medication that was wound up to be toxic to me, I would have died from this. And um it was just a time of complete giving the Lord all of this and just begging for um mercy and that, you know, please let me survive this. Um, and I and I, you know, we have a daughter. Um, she is a uh graduate student in college, also in speech pathology, um, and a husband, and I had actually written them goodbye letters because I was so terrified that, you know, somebody who was very healthy prior to this, it was um, I was kind of at the peak of my physical fitness. I was very fit, very um healthy. Um, I was doing like high-intensity cardio Zumba exercise. Um, if anybody can bust a move, it was me. Um, and I was doing that um multiple times a week and you know, was you know, for hours of high intensity cardio. And then after this situation started, I was not able to walk from my car to the first park bench in the park that we used to walk for hours at. So um for for this to happen with no precursor or no, you know, target um or trigger, I think is the word I was thinking of. Um no known trigger, it was just so debilitating and so frightening. Um and so that's kind of how this all started. And um it wasn't until um months later. So, you know, you can imagine being a speech pathologist and having the primary symptom being oral burning, thinking, what am I being punished for was the first thing that I went to. You know, what is the Lord punishing me for? Something I'm doing, something I'm not doing. And I know that that's not how God works, and I know that that's not the way it is, but being just my own heart, thinking I am, you know, I am being punished for something because it immediately attacked my livelihood, you know, and uh so that that's just hard knowing that I've been a Christian all my life, and I know that's not how that works, but it's the first thing that hit me that I was being punished for something. So that had been so hard, and then not knowing, and and you know, and that's the thing is that nobody knew. I I had excellent insurance. It was before I retired, and I had primary and secondary insurance, and I am have always been a go-getter type of person. Like if something's wrong, let's get it dealt with. I don't put it under the rug or whatever, I deal with things head on. And that was make that's what also made this ordeal so humbling, I guess, and so such an exercise in patience because I want things done and I want things done now, and I want them done right. And when nobody knew what was happening, including myself, it was very humbling to think that I'm at the mercy of you know the timing of this. I it's not gonna be my own timing. This is gonna be the Lord's timing. And I and I just once I once I got some answers, which you know that kind of takes me to the next step of this, is that um one of the seven disciplines of med the medical folks that I that I went to to seek help, one of them said, What is your COVID status? And it was just kind of like what do you what do you mean? What's my COVID status? So, well, have you had the vaccine and have you had the infection itself? Yes, to both. Yes, I have had both. And it was kind of like the bell, I had prayed fervently for the Lord to send me the right physicians, the right medical folks to figure this out. Um, the mayo clinic declined me. Um, they said that I was getting the best treatment that was known at the time. And um that was kind of after this doctor kind of like gave me the aha moment. Oh my goodness, this is probably COVID related. And um the uh the timeline is that I wound up discovering that this is probably COVID related. And one of the wonderful ladies in my church one day um blew up my phone saying, get it on channel two right now. Get it on channel two right now. And I was on a um, I was on a snow day, actually. I was doing a uh uh virtual therapy um on a snow day, and I heard my phone going crazy in the other room. And this, there was not only she did this, but there were a couple of my close friends that had sent me multiple texts, get it on this news broadcast. And I um thought I thought somebody died in my family. When I heard my phone going off like crazy in the kitchen, I kept hearing the vibration like something's happening, somebody has died, and and now I'm I've gotta, you know, I've got to concentrate on getting off the therapy and running into the other room. And when I got there, I saw all this channel two, channel two. So I wound up turning it on. And lo and behold, there was a COVID scientist uh who was a gastroenterologist in my area that was talking about his vaccine-injured patient who happened to be a speech pathologist in the same uh county that I work in. And I think that my family thought, this is her. Why didn't she tell us she was going to be on the news? And so I kind of felt like that was also a God thing. Uh, you know, that um here is a speech pathologist in the same county, working in the same area that I work in, with this horrible oral burning and horrible vaccine injury type symptoms. And it was at that point I thought, this man was sent to me and I need to get a hold of him. And sure as anything, within, oh, I don't know, I missed the broadcast, of course. That's just my luck. And um within about 20 minutes of that broadcast that I missed, I had found that man's personal email address. They should hire me at the FBI if the speech therapy gig goes bad. Um and I wound up writing him um a couple paragraph synopsis of what has happened with me. And um he within 10 minutes of me hitting send, he responded to me. And he said, you know, Tracy, I'm not gonna do any more um uh trials or or scientific studies on this, but um, you know, best of luck to you or whatever. I'm like, oh no, sir, I'm a paying customer. I'm gonna get an appointment with you. And uh so I sure enough, I called his office um the very next morning, and his secretary says, Oh, well, you know, we only have we have appointments six months out. And at that point, I was just so deflated and absolutely crushed. And she was not the most, I don't know, she didn't seem to be that that uh willing to look for me. And I just said to her, ma'am, I will be dead by then. If I have to wait six months, I will not be here. And uh so she did not care. And um I uh wound up just kind of just trying to be as you know, trying to hold myself together. I mean, you see, I'm an emotional racket about this, but um, you know, trying to hold myself together and just saying, oh yeah, okay, thanks, ma'am, and you know, whatever. And so I um just kind of put put an appointment down or whatever. And then it was about, I don't know, two or three weeks later. I was on my way to uh from one school to another within the course of my job, and I could feel that it was gonna be a bad day. I had some okay days, none of them were good days, but some days were absolutely horrifyingly painful. And I would sit with an ice cube in my mouth for eight hours of a day when I'm supposed to be teaching kids how to communicate, and then then I'm I hate to see what they sound like nowadays, but uh those kids that I taught to uh talk around an ice cube on my tongue for hours of a day. And uh I just I was sitting there, just I was driving, bawling, and you know, sucking on an ice cube, and I was just like, oh, I just have to get in to see this person. And I just felt like the Lord was telling me, and I was praying out loud, and I think people thought I was nuts driving around because I was visibly talking and and just crying and begging, you know. So, you know, that part of my prayer was still the mercy. Give me mercy, give me answers, give me wisdom, that kind of thing, and the begging kind of prayer. And um, and the Lord just told me, you need to call that office, call that lady who I already kind of expressed I, you know, didn't have a great connection with, I guess, and a good feeling of. And um, I called her and made up a whole story of, you know, I really just want to be prepared in six months, whenever you know my appointment is, and I just want to be prepared. You know, is there any kind of a sheet or any kind of like a questionnaire or anything that I could be working on in this time frame? It was sitting on my nightstand at home. But I that was just kind of like my way to have an excuse to call her, right? And do you know that she said to me, you know, honey, when is your appointment? And I think she was just having a better day than she was having the last time I talked to her. And um, and I said, Oh, it's not until um August or or whatever it was, January, like around August. And uh she goes, Oh, you know what, honey, let's just get you in there. How about next Thursday? That was that was five months earlier than what she had originally said to me. And I just and I said, that's absolutely, and I just was just rejoicing, you know, I was just so thankful. And and I said, absolutely, I will move heaven and earth. I don't care what I have going on next Thursday, I will see you then, you know, type of deal. And she was just so, and I just was so grateful. And I just couldn't, I couldn't even go to the next school I was going to without sitting in the parking lot and crying. I was late getting there because I just sat there and cried for, you know, in relief. And so at that point, my prayers were of thankfulness and gratefulness, and just, you know, thank you for leading me through that and just giving me the sense to call right at that moment because this lady was a completely different person, you know, than she was the first time I I, you know, talked with her. So um that was an amazing blessing to me. And sure enough, next Thursday I went in and he diagnosed me with uh COVID vaccine-induced mast cell activation and said to me on that Thursday, you are extremely sensitive to the toxic, now toxic fillers in your medication that you take every day and that you chop up into tiny little crummy type some pieces, you know, and that you're licking from you know your finger because you can't stand the sizzle that it takes once you get a substantial chunk. And I thought, well, no wonder, you know, no wonder that this is making me burn all the time because it is poisonous to me. And, you know, all these doctors that I had gone to, who at that time they were they had no idea what was happening. You know, the world didn't know what was happening. COVID was new and it was there was no data, there was no baseline for any of that. And um, so they were very well-intentioned, but they were killing me by telling me keep taking that medicine, take bigger pieces, take bigger chunks. You can take your whole dose. And thank heaven that also that I feel like, you know, the Lord gave me the self-confidence in myself to know you keep doing that, that's gonna hurt you, even though you respect the medical community and you respect your doctors and you've loved them and you know they're educated, but you also know yourself. And it was it was killing me. I've never gone against medical advice in my entire life. I'm a rule follower. I am a rule follower. If there's anything about me, that is what I am. And I was not following their rules because I just knew, and I feel like the Lord gave me that discernment to know that you know, that is not what is right for you. You need to do what is right for you. And um, so that's just that's that's really shocking to me when I look back and and see that I actually did that because I I don't do that often. I'm I'm a rule follower. So, but um, so after that, um he made me drive to a special pharmacy to get my medication to keep me alive, the the uh thyroid medication that keeps me alive, and it was made with all natural ingredients, um, with no colors, no flavors, no nothing. Um, the binder was I think tapioca or something very um natural like that. And um, from that point on, it was a matter of acclimating my body to get used to different dosages. And I mean, it was just appointment after appointment after appointment after appointment, and just begging for mercy that that my body would hold out while we figured this out, and that, you know, um, and it was just um a matter of you know, having everybody in my life that was praying for me. I always tease that half the Midwest was praying for me to get through this, and um, you prayed for me, our our small group friends, and and uh I don't know if I mentioned this earlier that um how that you and I know each other because we go to church together and we're in small group together, and um, that small group was of of an amazing support to me. And uh Um, you just mentioned something to me earlier that I forgot that when I was um sitting in small group, I would apologize to people um sitting next to me because I had to ice was in my mouth all the time early on. And I think that was that was probably maybe what a couple years ago, Amy, that or three years ago? What did it be?

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Close to three years ago.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

Yeah. So that was a year into, a year and a half into the ordeal. Um, and um I was still chomping ice um then. Uh now I don't chop chomp the ice, but you know, I'm you know, I I know that I've shared with you too that, you know, even though, you know, I it I I I'm not the same as I was before. Um I have thanked the Lord for letting me survive this. And I just feel like I am so grateful that I have survived this. I I will never be the same. Um I I this is my new normal. Um it's a different time for me. Um, but I'm so grateful that I survived this because I just my doctors did not think I was gonna survive this. Um, I didn't think I was gonna survive this. My family didn't think I was gonna survive this. And I just I almost feel like, you know, like I will not I don't know that I'll ever have the same level of fitness that I had before this because my stamina is way is very different than it was. And I'm also five years older or four and a half years older. But I almost feel a guilt to want to get that level of fitness back um when I should not, I should feel guilty because I'm so grateful that I'm alive. And I think I've shared that with you too, that I have this thing about um, you know, I almost have a um some sort of a guilt that I want to, you know, you know, get back to that point. But you know, I I know that I shouldn't feel that way. Um and I'm just gonna do the best I can.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Is it like feeling guilty that you're not as thankful for where God has brought you? You want to be who you were before.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Yeah, that that is kind of the way that I almost feel like I I should feel the a guiltiness that I'm um not quite as good as I was before, or I'm not quite as fit, or you know, I'm uh, you know, I I don't know. I just feel like and I and I really want to get back to the same kind of things that I did before, but it's dangerous for me to do that. Um my my daughter wouldn't let me go anywhere for quite some time without um without her, basically. Um, the one day that she was, she had something going on, and I decided I wanted to get just go drive somewhere by myself. She was absolutely terrified and she kept checking my location and said, Mom, if you get out of the car at the park, drop a pin every time you go from one bench to the the next. And you know, I went from going from, you know, multiple times a week, high-intensity cardio exercise, to being so grateful that I could walk from my car to that park bench that I can see 15 feet away. And then I'd have to like get there slowly, sit down, get my breath back for another 15 minutes or so, and then be so grateful that I could make it to the car. Then I'd sit there and cry, you know, for a long time. So, I mean, that's the the the intensity of what I had gone through and and dropping things at a certain time of the day. Don't the joke here was don't give mom the you know a cup of coffee after five o'clock because then it'll hit the ground, we'll break that mug, or you know, because I was so shaky and so um just it it was a very debilitating thing that you know I went from one height in my life and and being just the healthiest I've ever been to this, you know, person that needed total supervision and care. And, you know, I should mention that my coworkers that I wound up having to work all the way through this. I really kind of thought that I would sit here and die if I didn't go to work. Um, and my coworkers would, there were just days that I described earlier when I was crying, that it was good, I knew I was gonna be a bad day, I was burning, and I would lay on my desk, and I was the senior uh person at my job. So I it was just kind of like, you know, it was what I needed to do, they let me do. And um, I would sit on my desk with an ice cube in my mouth and ice packs around my neck and just lay down. And my coworkers would come on a rotation and come and check to make sure I was okay, like every 20 minutes or so. And I knew they were doing that, and I there were it was a time that I, you know, I just can't even describe how grateful that I was, and I realized now I should have never been driving during any of that time, and I drove um half an hour to work one way, and um, I shouldn't have been alone with other kids, with other people's children either, because it was such a touch and go illness that you know, and I I to everybody that I that I worked with knew what the code was to get into my phone because when the EMTs came and got me, I always used to tease. When I go down, you give this phone to the EMTs so they know what medication just was and entered my body that caused me to go down. And uh so that was, I was at that time I was praying for just protection. Lord, protect me that you know, it was I'm driving, as I'm working, as I'm, you know, taking all these medications and antihistamines and things that were supposed to try and quell the, you know, the burning and and all of that. How was that going to affect my body? And um, you know, so that that was just, you know, throughout the day, the type of prayer that I that I prayed just evolved, even just within a day's time of, you know, a thankfulness that I woke up another day and then a fear that, you know, oh, I'm burning really badly. Am I gonna have a really bad day? And you know, just help me, and and you know, and then you know, things in my family are were going on all at that time too. So, you know, my family have their own things going on and coupled with being terrified of what's going on with me. And so, you know, my family's prayers, I'm sure, were um all mixed up too, you know, when we had a good day, we'd pray, you know, for thankfulness for that. And then, you know, the next, and then, but then it would somehow evolve into this fear of what's good tomorrow gonna be like, you know, am I are they gonna find more answers? Are they not gonna find answers? Are we, you know, just you know, kind of at the end of the road here or whatever? But you know, four and a half years later, and I am still here, and I am at a point where I feel like I have survived this, and I'm so grateful that I have. And I pray now for you know, just that I'm my gratefulness, my gratitude that I survived this, but I can also get to a point where I'm not only grateful to be alive, but you know, want to, you know, better myself too. So without that guilt. So the antihistamines and everything that you were taking, was that prescribed by your other doctors, not the one that you got the so when we discovered that I I was having these horrible allergic reactions from the chemicals on my vaccine, the gastroenterologist who saved my life, um, who was sent to me, who saved my life, um, with the natural medications, he I was also um concurrently going to the COVID long haulers clinic, which was in um, you know, in our area, and it was um kind of um one of those things where it was still so new that I was the baseline group. So it wasn't that helpful to me. Um, they knew that they were treating symptoms. Um, they were treating the symptoms, not necessarily the etiology of what caused this. Um, and so they um both my primary doctor and the gastroenterologist, as well as an allergist, there were so many disciplines of people that I saw, they recommended these antihistamines to me, along with like other kinds of um nerve block types of things and um things um that to block the nerves and my lingual nerves and so on. And some of that I was able to tolerate, some I wasn't. I had to get a lot of things made by this very pricey um compounding clinic um to have all the natural ingredients. They also prescribed um the ivermectin, um which is kind of a controversial drug that um that is um has has been proven to um help with um the COVID, the vaccine injury types of symptoms and so on. Um, but you know, this long haul clinic was um, you know, you can have the long haul COVID from both the infection itself as well as um from the vaccine. And mine was all proven to be with all kinds of urinalysis and and all kinds of different blood tests and things like that to be from the vaccine. Um, and the reason, you know, I mean that it's when when all of this first happened and COVID was still a thing, and it was still, you know, just first um, you know, known, they, you know, if you recall, they they set out the vaccine in tiers, like the first responders got it first, then the essential workers got it, and then you know, then other folks, and I don't remember all the classifications, but at that time the um CDC was sharing that they they recommended that those of us with autoimmune disorders, um, which you know, the thyroid condition is considered an autoimmune disorder. I have Hashimoto's and um Graves disease um antibodies, and they were saying that we should get that vaccine because of we could die from COVID if we contracted COVID. And I'd already had COVID three months prior to getting the vaccine. At that time, that was what they recommended that we wait and that these folks with autoimmune disorders should be among the top tier, first tier. And now they've, you know, no more about it now. So now, you know, they they don't know that we should have ever got it, period, much less be the first people on the line to get that. Um, and again, very well-intentioned people. I wanted to, you know, be the first on the line to get it because I was scared to death I was gonna die if I had contracted COVID. And um, so I mean, it's just a matter of people doing the best that they can and working with the information that was available at that time, as you know, that's what we all were doing. And um, now it's been proven that, you know, it should have been several, even a year between having the infection and then uh uh obtaining the vaccine. It was three months for me, and I had an autoimmune disorder. So I am absolutely grateful that that did not come just kill me instantly and uh that um I was spared. I was spared because all it was like kind of like a perfect storm of things that um just um changed the trajectory of my entire life.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

So um, so you kind of touched on it, but can you go into a little bit more about like your day-to-day life like from beginning to now? Like, how has that changed?

SPEAKER_02 34:59

In the beginning, I was when I was going through all of this, especially all the stuff that I that was completely completely unknown for months, for about four months, there was no answer at all. Complete debilitation. Um I was brain fog, brain fog all the time, dizzy, running into things. I couldn't gauge door frames, I was bruised from my shoulders to my wrists and feeling absolutely impaired, um, just impaired and um fragile. Um I, you know, have had gone through a time I've always, you know, I've been a Christian for, you know, 50 years, 45 years. I just aged myself. Um, and um I have always relied upon prayer and scripture and things when things were hard, and you know, I've lost both my parents and you know, I mean, just those times, those events in your life that everybody goes through that are hard and you you grasp onto your faith and your, you know, things. And um, you know, I wound up just having times it that I would have to sit in prayer and just in private places that nobody could see me bawling, you know, and just crying out. And, you know, at that time there everybody had had new little places in their house that they that they learned to, you know, do their Bible reading in because we were all you know quarantined for months at a time, and now you have a whole new little nook that you can do your uh your your spiritual um stuff in. And you know, and I wound up finding a spot it on in my backyard, and um that is where I cried out. And I know that my neighbors heard me, I know they did, um, but I really don't care because I needed that release. Um, you know, at that time I was so debilitated and I was so upset that my mouth burned so badly that my job was being affected by all of the ice and and things and the antihistamines and things. And um now my life is such that I don't have to worry about that. I I don't have to feel like I'm so impaired that I can't even function. Um, I the things that have changed before before the injury and now are that my body still won't tolerate all of my medication at one in one swallow. Um, people who take thyroid medication know that you know you take it one time a day, the rest of the world, other than me, um, takes it one time a day, one swallow, and it lasts you until the next morning when you take it again. Well, I have to take it six times a day in in smaller chunks. And my wonderful doctors have that the Lord sent me, uh, and I know that for a fact. Um uh they have understood that I'm and can advocate for myself, that I've proven that um I will do what needs to be done, and you know, I I am a rule follower, but I'm also someone that um has you know the discernment to know what is best for me. And just because I am, like I said, data driven. I think I've shown you my my little records of of everything, but I every time that I a piece of medication enters my mouth for the last four and a half years, now that'll change your life for real. Um, knowing that you got to have your phone right here next to you and and mark it down right before we uh uh talk today. I my my six o'clock dose, I had to make sure that my phone was here to put that in there. And so that's a that's a different, you know, people don't normally do things like that. And I think that I will probably have to do that the rest of my life because I always want to know how many antihistamines and I don't take them nearly as much anymore. The um I just take a nerve block that helps with things, and and I really don't take a ton of medication anymore to calm the symptoms. Um, and I can, you know, so that so I'm so grateful for that, but I just know that like it, like I always tell you, this is my new normal, and um, and I'm so grateful to have survived this. It's manageable. You know, I I just you know, I kept telling all of my doctors, this will be over when I can take one swallow a day. This will be over. I won't consider this over until I take one swallow a day. Well, you know, I was taking 37 swallows a day initially, you know, in these tiny law, you know, little chunks and little little crumbs. And um, now I take six swallows a day. And that's okay. You know, if I have to do that the rest of my life, which I think I will. Um it's been, you know, about I don't know, maybe two years that I've been to that level, and I just don't think it's gonna change. And that's okay, you know. I mean, I still have I have a functional, I I uh retired from my on-site school district and work uh virtually now from this very space. And uh, and I, you know, I'm able to help kids and uh work with the kids I love and uh not have to worry about um an ice cube in my mouth. So there's that. Um and uh and I'm just I'm just grateful that I'm able to still do the work that that I know that I was um put on this earth to do. I love my job and I'm I do well uh at it and I'm and I feel like it's it's um kind of my ministry too to um work with the kids that I work with. And um, but I I'm sitting here looking right now. I have Bible verses sticking up that have been here for years. Um He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds is something. Psalm 147.3 is something that I had on a screensaver on my phone. And that's kind of another thing of you know, having I have nothing but um gospel music and spiritual music on my in my in my car radio. And there were times that I was belting that out while tears are streaming down my face because I was so, you know, you know, every minute I needed to be in prayer, you know, just to get myself through a day. And um, and I would send um people like, you know, people who were gr gracious enough to pray for me. And I, you know, those people that say they're gonna pray for you, and you know the people who know that that actually is gonna happen, you know, and I know that there were people that were absolutely fervently, faithfully praying for me because I could feel it. I could absolutely feel it. And I felt like I owed them an update, you know. So there were there were several people that, you know, I mean, I'm talking, gosh, probably 50 people that I would text personally and give them the same. I mean, I would copy and paste it to the next email and give them a little, you know, little personal thing at the beginning, but it would be an update. And I'm, you know, you can tell just from hearing me uh today how much how talkative I am. And I write the same way, thank you. And uh, but there, you know, it would be, you know, a six-paragraph update on this is what happened, this is what this doctor said, this is what has been decided, this test showed this, this or whatever. And these people would always respond back. I am praying for, I have been praying for this and this. I specifically prayed for that. And I, you know, and they were they were so um faithful, I guess. And and I never had to worry about asking somebody to pray that I didn't think was gonna pray for me. I just I I knew that the people that I asked to pray were gonna be the ones to pray for me. And uh I it just I'm so grateful. I am so grateful that I have the connections that I have and I have the the friends that I do, including yourself and our group. And uh I knew I I know I feel that that that support was just um I'm so grateful for it, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 43:55

It makes me think of um the the friends that Cut the hole in the roof and lowered their friend down to Jesus. Um and he told them that that man was saved, not be it he didn't say not because of his face, but he said because of your faith. Because his friends. So, like, you know, our our prayers matter to God about our friends, and you are a living testimony. Like we we read that in the Bible that that that happened, and that's what Jesus said. Yes, but you are the right now proof of of how important it is to pray for our friends and to be prayed for by our friends.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

Amy, and too, you know, like and that it changed my own prayer life for other people too. Because I, you know, in my life, I mean, I I had lived through, you know, my both of my parents, my par my father died when I was in um first year college, and my mother um passed away three weeks after my baby was born, and um, and you know, I've had things happen, my house burned down, you know, so I've had traumatic events in my life, but until this ongoing, four and a half year long and and ongoing and and still um thing, I don't want to say that I was ever the type of person to say, oh, prayers for you, or you know, and not meant that, you know what I mean? But it was so different when I knew that I was relying on other people's prayer for me that I have, and you've probably seen me whip it out at, you know, um it's small group, that when there is a prayer need, it's a different level of organization for me, I guess. I don't know, it's kind of weird to say, but like I will get my phone out and I have a whole, you know, a note of different, there are different, you know, like categories of you know, ongoing prayer versus like a you know, a specific need or you know, like an illness type of a thing. And I'm I I guess this horrible ordeal with me and and expecting other people to seriously pray for me to get me through this has changed my prayer life for other people, if that makes sense. Um I I I never I mean, I'm never I I never was the type of person that would say that I would pray for you and I didn't, but now it's kind of like I have it very organized. If somebody asks me for a prayer need, it goes in my phone and it is it's right there, and that I will spend time on that page and have a whole prayer time with that. And I, you know, and I just you know, I kind of think sometimes, you know, maybe part of this uh situation you know, is was to get my prayer life in order. You know, part of you know, a factor of that might have been to get my prayer life in order. And I and I've never felt so prayerful and um I don't know what word I'm looking for, directly um organized in my in my spiritual life as I have since you know my life depended on it, you know, and I, you know, I've had I've had conversations with our pastor about this, and he, you know, has asked me, well, you know, what was your prayer life like before this? And I said, Well, yeah, I've always had a good prayer life. One of my New Year's resolutions, um, when it wasn't to lose weight, it was uh to wake up an hour early every day to make sure that I have time for prayer. And, you know, and that, you know, how New Year's resolutions go, you know, you you uh, you know, stick with them for a while and then it gets later and later. Yeah, I'm getting up later and later. And but man, since I have had such an unjust an unbelievable amount of people that have have prayed me through this, um, I realize how important it is to do what you say you're gonna do and spend time, you know, in prayer for others too, you know, and you know, not just the begging prayers. And like I shared with you, my my my prayer flavors have have changed, you know, even just in a day's time of thankfulness and fear and mercy and um wisdom, praying for wisdom and praying for physicians that know what's going on, and praying for the data, and praying for just medical advancements in general, and then the specific prayers for, oh, please, my mouth is burning so badly today, please just help cool my mouth, please cool my mouth. And just so I mean, I feel like, you know, you know, you have that whole overreaching prayer that you always have, I guess, in your life. But then there's those specific prayers that I guess um I always I guess when I was younger, I was too embarrassed to pray those specific types of needs, like heal my mouth, please just cool my mouth off. You know, I don't know that that, you know, maybe in my younger years I would have prayed that specifically. I would have maybe been, you know, thought that that wasn't as an important, but you know, even in our small group, I see and I I hear others pray all the time of for very specific things, and that, you know, you don't have to pray a big overreaching, you know, heal me. Well, you know, let's get specific. Heal my mouth, heal my tongue, heal my lips, you know, heal my nostrils that are burning, you know, help help my eyes from stinging. And and I just feel like that my my prayer life and just in the sp uh specificity, I guess, of of my prayers has changed throughout this ordeal too.

SPEAKER_01 49:59

So that God wants to be in the big overreaching prayers and the little bitty minute things that we need. Yeah. And and that it's important, and and they don't have to be beautiful, they don't have to be beautiful, wordy and eloquent and all of that.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

And yeah, I I and I I feel that you know I I've always been prayerful, but my prayer life has changed dramatically in these last several in these last few years. Um because I just feel because I know that it worked. I know that it helped. I felt it. I felt the support of all of the prayers that were being sent for me on my behalf. And um, and I just and I and I guess at that point it just made me know you gotta you gotta be consistent, you have to be specific. And I just I kind of feel like that has been like the biggest change of my of my prayer life, that I have a a a lot more of a prayer life than I had before, but my prayers, the quality, the quality of my prayer, that doesn't sound right, or that just the really just the the makeup of my prayer is much different than it was when you're kind of fighting for your life too, it makes a difference, you know.

SPEAKER_01 51:35

So, for someone listening who's in the middle of a health struggle, what encouragement would you give them today?

SPEAKER_02 51:43

Be honest with your emotions, be honest with yourself. Um make sure that you have a support system and that when you are praying, know that the Lord is hearing you. Um know that things sometimes things don't happen. Bam, bam, bam. Sometimes you have to be patient in your um in your your timing. You have to be patient. I am I'm not the type of person that likes things to take a long time. And that was in just an absolute humbling portion of this ordeal is that, you know, these doctors even said to me, this could take two years. Well, when you're saying that to me, when I'm in horrible pain, that was just overwhelming. But you know what? When I prayed for comfort, when I prayed for mercy, when I prayed for um just just healing, and you know, and I and I part of that was give me the patience, please just help me hang in there, help me just hang in there until this is over, until you know my body figures this out, until you heal my body. And I know for a fact that he healed my body. You know, it wasn't this that it just wore off. Because, you know, there are lots of people that have not healed to the extent that I have healed um with this disorder. And I know that um that the prayers that were sent to me have have made a huge difference in the timing of this, and but still it wasn't easy. It wasn't a quick time. Four and a half years is not, you know, a quick time for somebody who likes to get things going. And um, and I just would say just pray that the Lord will give you patience and that you will, you know, just let him take over the situation that you're not going to fix it, that he is going to fix it, and and that he is going to be the one to, you know, make make things better. Um, and just have patience um in your just in your spirit, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

Well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for um your realness and your rawness and just um just for you. Um it's always fun when we get together and talk and laugh and you know your stories and well, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

And I I you know this is still something that is ongoing and it's just hard. And I I told you before we started that I was probably gonna cry at some point. So I'm kind of grateful that I kind of held together a bit. I'll probably cry after we log off here, but but I appreciate you having me.

SPEAKER_01 54:50

Yeah, and and thank you because I think people really need to hear this and hear how you stayed faithful to God through this, even though it was hard, and even though there are probably times that you felt like he wasn't hearing you.

SPEAKER_02 55:08

Yeah, and I and I feel like, yeah, I felt like he was hearing me, but there was some reason that it wasn't going to be fixed right away. And so that's where the whole praying for patience and praying for the Lord's timing, that I think is probably, you know, the best advice that I could give is that it's in the Lord's timing and that um, you know, that that we have to realize it's not our time. Um, so um, and that is hard, I think, um, for especially women, I think, too, that you know, that you know, they have so many things, you know, going on nowadays, and there's just so many things, and you just want everything to be done so quickly. And I think that this also was a way that the Lord settled me down and calmed me and said, Hey, we're gonna work through this, you know, and it's just not something that um was easy, you know. And I think that um being being um prayerful and just accepting the Lord's timing is just the the best advice that I could ever give if somebody uh would be in this kind of a situation.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

So dear Jesus, I thank you for today. I thank you for Tracy and who she is and who you have made her to be, and I thank you for um just what you have taught her through this hardships come, but I thank you for her spirit of still holding on to you and knowing that you have a plan and knowing that it's in your timing and um just being that light to the rest of us when we go through hard times, that that's the way to handle it and that's how you handle it. And so I thank you so much for that and for that example that she is. And I pray for anybody who is listening that if they are going through a hard time to um really hear Tracy's heart and how she held on to God and believed his plan to be good even when it didn't look good. And so I just thank you so much for that and just pray blessings over Tracy. I pray healing for her. I pray um that things just keep getting better and better, and that she can always use this as her testimony to help other women just grow stronger and who they are in you and who they know you to be. And I thank you again so much for all that you have done, and I pray expectantly and excitedly for all that you're going to do. And I pray these things in your name. Amen. Thank you, my friend. You're welcome. And thank you again for coming on. And I'm sure I will see you next week at Small Group. Sounds good. Awesome. Bye. Bye.