My Golf Source
Attention Golf Enthusiasts! Level up your golf game with hosts Darren Penquite and Noah Horstman, PGA as they keep you up to date on the latest trends, equipment, training aids and more. Learn tips and tricks from PGA Professionals to lower your score and grow your love for the game of golf.
My Golf Source
What If Worthiness Isn’t In Your Scorecard?
A one-round qualifier shouldn’t feel like a marathon, but it can when you’re rusty, running a growing business, and trying to be present at home. We open up about chasing a mid-60s number in Palm Springs after limited play, why short game and speed control are the fastest route to readiness, and how to structure practice that actually transfers from the bay to the course. You’ll hear the honest hurdles too: injury history, fitness that supports rather than drains, and the fight to avoid swinging harder under pressure and paying for it the next day.
Then we go deeper with mental performance coach Daniel Schuler, who cuts through clichés and gets to the story beneath performance. He challenges the “always/never” language that sneaks into our identity, reframes what it really means to say no, and shows how boundaries protect presence. We explore why affirmations fall flat without truth, how social media and results-only praise shape false narratives, and the power of defining opportunity, worth, and success on your own terms. The goal isn’t just a better score; it’s an identity that travels with you—same hat, different settings, clearer choices.
If you’ve ever watched a new swing feel evaporate after seven swings, or felt torn between family time and a can’t-miss project, this conversation will give you tools to reset expectations, design smarter reps, and cut through the noise. Daniel also shares how he’s expanding his coaching with a new site, online community, and workshops, plus a free onboarding call to see if you’re a fit. Tap play, share with a friend who needs a mindset tune-up, and subscribe to catch the next round. If this helped you, leave a quick review—it helps others find the show.
Welcome to the My Golf Source Podcast. It's been a minute, man. Yeah, it has, buddy. Thanksgiving, vacation, Mexico.
SPEAKER_02:Sí, senor. Sickness. Oh. Yeah, exactly. No, Mexico was a good time for sure. Yeah, first family vacation in 15 years since Kimberly and I's honeymoon in St. Lucia.
SPEAKER_00:St. Lucia's awesome. I've been there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, we uh spent most of our time on the Sandals Resort, but uh it was an amazing country to visit. Did a little uh zip lining, played a little golf. Nice. So yeah, the grass over there is a lot thicker than the grass here.
SPEAKER_00:If you haven't had the opportunity, go to Barbados. Oh, the oceans look good. It's so much nicer. It's so much nicer than St. I mean, St. Lucia was great, don't get me wrong, but nothing compared to Barbados.
SPEAKER_02:Uh I'm like that with the Dominican. I like the DR a ton. You get down there in the Punta Cana, Costa Campo, really good golf courses, really good food, service is perfect. So you didn't even have Thanksgiving. You came home Thanksgiving day. Yeah, we were on we were on airplane Thanksgiving, um, but we were there for 10 days. So there's actually quite a few golf courses in the area. Um how many did you play? Sero. Yeah, Riviera Maya.
SPEAKER_00:And how is that helping you prepare for a tournament coming up?
SPEAKER_02:I think the idea is uh when you get to a certain level, the goal with this whole thing that we'll talk about is that you can prepare pretty quickly. A lot of it's mindset, um, performance. I think the hardest thing about being on vacation with my mentality is sitting. Like I have a really hard time sitting still. Everything I do is like wanting to move around.
SPEAKER_00:A wise word of advice I heard once was to prepare for a job interview. Don't think about the job interview.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. No, I don't know. Don't do anything to prepare. Just I think there's there's some get your mind off of it. Some truth to that. Yeah, for sure. But ultimately, though, I think by practicing a certain way and by doing it the right way, it will um make sure that you don't have any doubts in your mind as well. So I think there's definitely some performance attributes. I mean, you need to be able to see your ball doing what you want it to do to prepare, but um, should we tell the you know what what we're up against here for the podcast? So yeah, so I am trying to qualify um through Tailormade Golf. I was invited for the Tailormade TP Classic. It's a um it's an event that they have all over the country, and there's five of them, I believe. And this one's in Palm Springs to qualify for Pebble Beach. Okay. So um there's a few hundred pros down there. Um, we're gonna see new product launch launched while we're down there as well. Trying to do some new technology, new drivers. Played at Ironwood Country Club. Um, so a really nice facility in Palm Springs. And uh yeah, I just haven't played a lot of golf with golf garage going on. I played sim leagues, so basically touched my clubs once a week prior to leaving. It's been almost 20 days. Um, but I started training yesterday. So how'd it feel? Uh first time grabbing clubs.
SPEAKER_00:It's not quite like riding a bike, is it?
SPEAKER_02:No, it is. It is so funny how you still have to hold the club and grip it and how the grip feels a little foreign, and and you just kind of get used to that and you just try to get comfortable, you know. And I think ultimately mentally, it's always there. Like I know what it feels like to hit a 50-yard shot. I know what my eight iron should do. I know what my swing should feel like, but then sometimes maybe the ball doesn't do exactly what you want because you're, you know, you haven't been using that motion.
SPEAKER_00:I w I want to pick up on that real quick, but first, this tournament in Palm Springs you're playing in, what what's the goal?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, my goal is to win. So I'm not I'm not going down without any other thought other than that. And so I think a lot of it right now, I'm in the stage of knowing what the goal is. And then I wake up and say, oh, I gotta go to work still. Okay, where am I gonna practice out? So really preparing. Um, and ultimately, in short, I think it comes down to um mindset more for me right now, and then also making sure my body's gonna hold up through a course of a round from not playing because when I get into the competition, I definitely notice that physically I will swing harder at the golf ball and then I will strain something or feel fatigued after one round. So the beauty of this event is it is 18 holes, it is not a 72, you know, whole snail race. Yeah, I just have to go make birdies and try to eliminate bogeys. And so, you know, 63 is on my mind. That's like literally it. I think if I if I go down there and shoot anything between 63 and 66, I'm gonna be pumped, right? Because the last time I played competitive golf um and shot that number has probably been a year um to, you know, shoot in that mid-60s range. What's at stake? Um, so nothing, right? I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So I think that's ultimately it. And, you know, the road to Pebble Beach is exciting, but that's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because it's just a goal and it's um it's a fun event for me, too. So I'm looking at just trying to get down there and trying to get comfortable as fast as possible.
SPEAKER_00:Love it. And if you play well in this, where do you go? What yeah, so you disqualifies you for what?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so you have to win. So if you win, you immediately get invited to the Pebble Beach um event, the Taylor Made TP Classic.
SPEAKER_00:Um now we're talking some tour exemption stuff, right? Have you you know I don't know?
SPEAKER_02:So so this one, no. Um, but because of yeah, so this isn't a PGA tour event. Um, this is the Tailormade. So this is something that's a national event for Tailormade. Um, and there's some good prize money in it for sure. Um, and if you win these events, there's prize money. I think you get a surfboard and like some things like that. But um, at the end of the day, um, I think it just comes down to my my bigger goal isn't necessarily Pebble Beach. Um my bigger goal is to qualify for the national um professional championships in the next couple of years and to get my game back to where it used to be. And and primarily in order to do that, I have to play pain-free. And I've had some chronic injury and some things like that in my shoulder that we're working on right now, just to see what that does in tournament play. Um, and actually giving myself a chance. Cause when I play in pro amps, I mean it's like, all right, I'll show up an hour early. I haven't hit balls in a week, it's not a big deal. If I shoot under par grade, if I shoot, you know, it's not going to be above 75 very often, you know, that's fine. But um, in an event where I'm actually preparing, I'm I'm a little bit more excited for it. I wake up um excited. I would say that this morning, because it was the first day after going, I woke up a little tired. Um, I am also trying to get more sleep. So, you know, I think there's just this big process um in play here that I played enough competitive golf that I know what I need to do two weeks out and a week out, but I also need a lot of help from my friends. And so the biggest keys are number one, already checking the box of saying that I went to the doctor, the PT says your body's fine. Um, go do these things. Here's a few motion things that I would do differently, right? Just to help eliminate some of that pain, right? So now we're training properly. Then I go to our fitness professional, just our lead trainer, Matt Preston. And from there it turns into, okay, based on what the doctor said, we're gonna get into this stuff. We're not gonna make you feel really sore from the workout, but we're gonna try to stimulate your body to say, okay, cool, you're in fighting shape, you're in the middle of the tour season, it's time to go play competitive golf and you know, functionally move the way I need to move for 18 holes. Right. Right. And then it's up to me to create my feels. So what does that look like? It turns into, okay, I need to chip and putt my brains out. I need to feel really, really good around the greens just with contact. So is my speed good? Right? Is my distance control good on my chips? And then it turns into um, you know, the pitching side of it and then some full swing. Ultimately, full swing for me is the least of it. I just want to make sure that I'm hitting it on the center of the face.
SPEAKER_00:So when you're playing when you're hitting your ball well and it feels right, but you've made a little bit of a change or adapted a little bit to get to that feeling, how many strokes does it take or how much time does it take to kind of cement that muscle memory?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So I figured that I could take six months off and I could be ready for a tournament in six days. Wow. So I've already sorted that out probably about five years ago. Um, because I was going, I've gone through so many swing changes due to injury. Um I had a ganglion system, my wrist, we got rear-ended by a car that hit us at 40 at a standstill. Um, so whiplash, um, just so many different things where muscles are overworking because of that. Um, and so I think having to change my swing fully two times plus growing up learning how to swing, and then finding my swing, those are all different, right? And so finally, when I found my swing, it made me realize what my body's able to do and for how long it can do it before it needs rest.
SPEAKER_00:Now, I just had a major, major change in my swing that Coach Ryan has been working with me on. And I've I gotta be honest, I was super, super excited because all of a sudden I'm striking the ball well, I'm hitting the ball 15 yards further, I'm hitting the ball straight, but then it gets discouraging because you tend to revert slowly but surely, you revert back to your old habits. How long for somebody like me, how long for an amateur golfer does it take to really cement this new movement that you're trying to create? I mean, I've I I I I go in there, I work with some some some training aids, I get everything dialed in, I feel good, I go over to the bay next door and I start swinging clubs without the training aids, and I hit five, six, seven great shots, and then it starts to revert back. And I don't know how, I don't know why, and I have to go back to the training aids to dial it in.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and what it sounds like is you're paying attention to the result, right? So are you actually going back to your old habit or are you in the middle of making these motion changes that do take a long time because you're creating new neuropathways in your brain to say it's okay to swing this way, right? You're learning how to trust a new feel that you haven't created because you haven't done it enough times. Maybe you haven't seen the shot shape enough times to have the confidence to step foot on a T or on an uneven lie to pull that off, right? Because in golf, it's not the every shot is so different. Right. Right. And you're not just hitting a stock eight iron 150 yards on a level line every time, right? So in the in the simulator setting, it's great because you are able to do that. And it's giving you the opportunity to rinse, wash, and repeat. And so if you can't do it 10 out of 10 times in here, then you're probably not going to do it more than one to two times out of 20 out on the golf course. Right. And so that thought of 10,000 balls, I don't buy that. I think ultimately you do need to see something different happen in order to your in order to create change, right? Because you have to say, oh, that's what's supposed to happen when X happens, right? Right. And if you can kind of understand that, so if you go back in for another lesson, you're trying to maybe even dial in what your goals are even to a smaller level than what you think. Because when I saw you and you're using the training aid, I didn't think you were using the training aid the right way. And so I gave you a little modification in the And you were 100% right.
SPEAKER_00:And then I started practicing that way, and I got my shots dialed in the way I wanted them. I took them next door to the bay without the training aids, and I'm hitting good shots like I was with the training aids. But then after about six or seven of those good shots, my ball striking, my shot shape begins to revert back to where to being problematic. Yeah, and I think I go back into the training aids, fix it, go back to the bay next door, and after seven, eight, nine shots, it starts to revert back to the old habit.
SPEAKER_02:So what you need to do is let's say you hit 10 golf balls, right? And of those 10 golf balls, you need to create what your expectation is. You just created a new change. Of those ten balls, how many of the ten should be the way you want to hit them? But what do you think that would be? In the sim? Yeah. 10. So as of right now, with a week of practice, you think you should already be 10 out of 10?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, of course not.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so where should you be right now?
SPEAKER_00:After just after warming up with the training aids, I'd like to hit five out of ten, six out of ten.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, that's a super high standard. Right. So the way I look at it, when I learn something new, especially in a golf swing, which is a huge motion change that has like infinite moving parts, it might be one out of ten the first week. And then it's two out of ten, and then three out of ten, and then all of a sudden, yeah, maybe you might jump to five or six out of ten. But think about it as walking, think about it as throwing a football, think about it as all those things. How many times did you try? Right. And you also have some coaching going on to help you, but you don't have somebody helping you while you're practicing, and that's probably the biggest lost art is how am I supposed to practice? So maybe that's the the question you need to be asking um in your next session is what am I doing? How many reps? What am I looking for? If I get frustrated, when should I stop? How do I practice?
SPEAKER_00:It's pretty easy. Yep. Well, enough about me, enough about our vacations and making everybody jealous. Yeah, for sure. You know, I'm excited. So let you introduce our guests today.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, our guest is none other than the Daniel Schuler, our mental performance coach at the Golf Academy, and he's got some new things coming up. We've had him on the show once before. Welcome, Daniel. Yeah, welcome.
SPEAKER_01:How are you guys doing? It's good to be back. Yeah, welcome.
SPEAKER_02:Good to have you, man. Can you tell us a little bit about your new new endeavor? Because obviously, last time in your journey, you were in Texas, you're still in Texas, but your your focus might be changing a little bit. Can you share some of that with us?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So it's not uh it's not essentially that the focus is changing, but the way in which I'm sort of promoting myself is changing. So I've been doing referral and word of mouth essentially since I started, and which has been great. But I've just come to this point. I've I've coached just over a thousand people in the past six and a half, seven years, which has been amazing. Um, and now I'm at the point where I have a team that's building out a website, and so there's gonna be an online community, there's gonna be free resources for people. Um, you know, I'm getting more into the keynote speaking corporate workshop situation. I'm still gonna do one-on-ones, but uh, I just realized that in order for me, it's like I can either help less amount of people a ton, or I can help a ton of people a little bit, you know, and so that's kind of the the idea of now I'm still doing word of mouth and referral, but now it's just gonna be on a digital, more of a digital scale than I was before. So revamping the website, you know, people will be able to book me through there, um, doing a lot more marketing promotions, starting my own podcast uh to get some um traction there as well. So it's pretty, pretty exciting.
SPEAKER_02:Dude, that's exciting. Congrats on taking the leap. So um this will be your full-time job moving forward, or are you still doing some other stuff?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so this is this is takes up about 85% of my time right now. Um, and so the other stuff I've actually transitioned into now more of a leadership development role because that that's that was always the plan. Um, but I was I also held a lot of value in what they needed over there. Um, and then now I'm working a lot more closely with the reps and one-on-ones and doing corporate workshops for them and that sort of thing.
SPEAKER_02:So you you have a clientele base, you're looking at going global at this point. How hard is it do you think to break into this market?
SPEAKER_01:Uh for who?
SPEAKER_02:Just for you to get get this thing going to where you see it being.
SPEAKER_01:So I don't know if it's a because I'm already global in the sense of you know, some of my clients are in Asia and Europe and you know, kind of around the states, but I think it's just more of the the presence because I'm I'm already sustaining based off of where I'm at now. So now it's just making it more available to other people. Um, so I don't I don't necessarily think it's quote unquote hard to break into. I think it's just more of a matter of to what extent is it gonna explode to and how fast will it take? Because it could, you know, with social media, you never know. You can post really good videos, post 10 videos, and they get 10 views, and then the 11th video you get a million views, and now you've got 500 clients, you know. So it just it really depends. I think it's just gonna be a matter of consistency, just getting more value out there, and then I'm also creating a course so people will be able to pay to have access to um modules on essentially kickstarting your identity and uh how to walk through on your own. Because that's my whole the whole goal is to create autonomy for people. I don't want them to need me, and I know that's not necessarily a good business model, but the whole the whole point is for someone to leave me not needing me anymore. Yep. That's the whole thing. That's why even with one-on-ones, it's one session every two weeks for six weeks. After six weeks, you're done. And if you want to keep working with me, you can, but you usually don't need to because you've been equipped with the tools that you need. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I feel that way about golf. I mean, ultimately, at some level, your goal is not to need the coach. Yeah. Right. And then you've you've done your job. Yeah. So I think that that's awesome. So you're also obviously a good golfer, you're a good soccer player, you know, you've got all these things going on, you're working out all the time. So um, who is your ideal candidate as far as like who do you think you personally enjoy working with the most? What type of uh is it like an athlete? Is it does it does it even matter?
SPEAKER_01:It does not matter. It is anyone who has a false narrative that is hindering them from doing what they want to do in any capacity. Uh well articulated. Huh? Yeah. Well articulated. Yeah, it's just, you know, and and it's, you know, I get asked as like, what's your ideal client is like someone who believes a lie about themselves that's keeping them from living out the truth. So youngest client's 11, the oldest one was 73. Um, what's really cool is when I work with the younger kids, I watch the lie getting formed in real time. And I get to work on it with them and nip it in the bud because usually age 25 and up, we're going back to that age to work on it. So with the 73-year-old, we're going back to age 12. With the 12-year-old, I'm watching what they would need to work on by the time they're 73. And yeah, but it's, you know, it's it's athletes, it's teachers, it's students, it's sales, it's, you know, relationships, it's uh, you know, I I did a one-on-one for a gentleman who I believe is like 46 or 47, and then the second session you brought in his wife. And so I was doing essentially marriage counseling, you know, and it's it's anybody.
SPEAKER_02:How much do you think social media plays in a false narrative?
SPEAKER_01:Big.
SPEAKER_02:And what what are what would be the other factors? Is it parents?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because it's you know, it's it's funny. When we think of a lie, we usually think of a nefarious intent. Like I'm directly lying to you by either omitting the truth or implanting a false piece of evidence to deliberately mislead you. But the way that I have always explained it is, for example, when I was growing up, I was a pretty good golfer, and the level that I was at was from not even training all year round. Like I was a plus point five when I quit, and I probably played four or five months a year because I played other sports. So I was getting told you're gonna play in college and then you're gonna be able to go pro. And so I'm I'm young, and so someone in authority in the field I want to be in is telling me the capacity at which I can function. The longer that doesn't happen, the more of a lie that it becomes. And so then I start to question myself and my abilities. And so that is an example of a lie where they're not saying anything bad. They're even encouraging me, you know, like you're gonna be pro one day. We hear that and we get so excited. But again, the longer that that doesn't happen, that starts to become a lie. And then you don't know it's a lie until you're years down the road, and then you get performance anxiety or you disqualify yourself or you feel unworthy. And there's a guy named Case Kenny, and he's a really uh he's just very intuitive with all of this stuff. He's a really well-known coach. And one of the things that he talks about, which I love, is he talks about us needing to affirm kids for their um for their qualities, not their results. So rather than saying, hey, you scored seven touchdowns or whatever it is, or hey, you shot a great score today, even if that's true, you know, affirming them more in I you had a great attitude today, and the effort that you put forth was valiant, or however you would say it, you know. And so by doing that, you're reinforcing behavior and mentality rather than the result. And because you can you can play, um, you know, you can have a bad result with a good mentality.
SPEAKER_00:So so you know, driving over here to the golf garage today with my son, uh story came on the news. So it's listening to radio news, and they were saying like children who have smartphones and social media at 12 years old have a 60% higher risk of depression by 16.
SPEAKER_01:I wouldn't doubt it. I uh yeah, I would even say by 13. Like, you know, I'm not gonna argue with that one bit.
SPEAKER_00:No, but I I mean e even that statistic, yes, I I'm with you. I believe it's worse than that. But even that statistic should should give parents, you know, the thought to okay, let's pump the brakes on this a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:Well, think about this too. That you have the rate of antidepressants that are being prescribed are going up at the same rate as depression is increasing.
SPEAKER_00:Which isn't even resolving a problem, underlying issue of just masking it.
SPEAKER_01:Those should be inverse correlation. So, number one, we learned that an external factor can't fix an internal problem, while at the same time, you have an increase in sales in the self-help industry while depression is also increasing. So you look at the two things that should be working to sort of combat depression or anxiety or whatever it is, and they're not, which means we're missing the problem.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I think uh the majority of the self-help industry is a scam anyway.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think I mean they're I think the context of it is good. I think that the delivery leaves out a lot of the equipping. I think there's not a lot of equipping, there's a lot of telling, there's a lot of distribution of knowledge, but the difference between wisdom and discernment, wisdom is just knowledge and discernment is knowing what to do with it.
SPEAKER_00:Like that saying I say it's smart and educated are two very different things.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And so that's the same principle. So I think that again, like even with what Noah does with his coaching, is he's anybody who is in some coaching space, we should look at ourselves not as a coach, but an equipper. Right. We're not telling them what to do. We are we are putting them in a position to do what they're supposed to do in their way without needing this us after a certain period of time. And I think I think there's a big gap in the in the self-help industry. Not that I'm a standard per se. I mean, I would consider myself one. Like my my main goal is to be a well-known thought leader. Like I'll just I don't need a title, I don't need a word this, blah, blah, blah. I just want to be known as a as a world-renowned thought leader. Like you look at Simon Sinek and Tim Ferris and Jay Shetty and all these guys who are sort of getting, you know, 40s. There's they're paving a new way, they're paving a way for sort of the younger, you know, mid-20s, late 20s, early 30s to take over. And I definitely want to be in that space. And I think if we can close the gap between what they taught us and what we're experiencing, I think it's gonna be pretty powerful for the upcoming generation. Agreed.
SPEAKER_02:It's awesome. Well, Daniel, um, one of the cool things we have for our guests on the show today is that you get to use your expertise on me today. Now I gotta practice with my face for uh for a few minutes here. We're just gonna, we're just gonna chat a little bit. Um, and I'm really excited to uh to learn a little bit more about myself, my identity today, and what that what that could look like. Yeah. And and again, this isn't the first time we talked. So yeah. So it's you know, we're friends also, um, you know, obviously family friends at this point. And uh I'm just I'm just looking forward to um always growing, as you know. And I think um at the end of the day, I just kind of want to wanna chat a little so our our viewers can see what this really is about and um how much it has helped me, how much it's helped um our business, our team. Um, and like you said, I mean, I think, you know, we have started with you and then and then stopped for quite some time. And I think at some level it's time to to start again because our um our business has changed. And that would be the main reasons why, you know, some of these fundamentals I feel like need to be reinstated and and just getting everybody to feel like um, you know, this is a big family again. And that's what I'm look really looking forward to in the near future with you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. A hundred percent. And yeah, I I think that again, there's creating this base foundation to start and kind of like what Darren was alluding to earlier about um sort of the those fundamentals when he's when he thinks that he's reverting back to old patterns, but he's really just using a result to assess something. You know, there are times when you if the result is consistent enough and and you've been doing a certain pattern long enough, then it is time to ask the question and look at that pattern and you know, say, okay, is this regardless of this result, what is the pattern that I'm doing? And if this is continued, um, do I like where it ends up? You know, and so I think, you know, as businesses change, as your swing changes, as life changes, it's really good to ask that question of what are the patterns that I'm doing? Where did I learn them from? Are they helping me or not? Um, you know, and especially with your tournament coming up, I think that's a good segue into uh your current, and it's not even your self-belief level. I I think a lot of people misunderstand what I do in terms of I just get people to think about themselves better. Um, but it's really just understanding how you arrive at the conclusions that you make and the stories that you tell yourself. And um, so I guess the you know, to kind of get into it as you're preparing for this tournament, um what would be an inconvenient behavior or mindset that you have where if you could shift it, you could feel a positive change in where you want to go.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, when I'm away from my family, I feel like I should be with my family. And when I'm, you know, with my family, I feel like I should be working or something else, right? So I would say that I am so busy with for all good good things, right? But so so busy in a way that sometimes I'm not present, right? And I think that being on this last vacation, it's made me even more aware of that. Um and also I've kind of caught myself in the act of that a few times to where um it's a frustration when I'm in both places and when I have three young kids, it's the last feeling I want to have.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So what would the uh ideal outcome for that be? Or what what would you want that to look like? If you were a genie and you could change not the circumstance but the way in which you went about it, what would that look like?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I would I would just say just being more um grateful for everything I get to do and being more in in the present, um, I guess would be the opposite feel of that. So um I think I've been trying to express more gratitude in everything I do. Um, you know, I also see my wife working a lot more too, um, because she wants to. But now it's something that originally when we um were gonna have kids, it was like, hey, I'm gonna be my role is to be at home, my wife, and you're gonna work. And and that was perfect. And we did that, and then all of a sudden the kids got to a certain age and wanted to um, you know, now she wants to work and totally support it, and she's killing it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But she's also now doubting sometimes a little of like, oh, maybe I should be home more. So, you know, there's just a lot of these external kind of stressors that are going back and forth. Um, and then there's a lot of those things that are out of my control too. Yeah. That on a daily basis you're putting out a fire as a business owner or something didn't show up, or things that do matter for the business at some level, at least I think they do.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So, what would you say are some of the biggest things that are out of your control that you're currently? Thinking that you actually can control.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, one of the things is personal, which would be uh getting our home renovation done. Yeah. That is like a huge one. You come home to a mess and you're like, what is going on here? You can't even relax when you go home. Yeah. Um, so that's something actually I'm working with your dad on that we're gonna be looking at hopefully uh by spring um and by the end of next year for sure, having everything kind of wrapped up at the house. Yeah. Um, so it's frustrating still, even though we have a goal just because it's not done yet. Um, but again, it's it's somewhat out of my control, um, unless I just quit my job for, you know, two months. Yeah. Um, and I would say the other one is um, I don't know if it's completely out of my control, but when I make choices to um go travel to help the business, which is really also helping my family, um, it's being away from the kids. Yeah. Right. So that is really hard knowing that I don't have at that much time with them before they're gonna go to college and have their own lives as well. Yeah. So just trying to figure out how to make the most of it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So as you look through all of these different factors, obviously for those listening, you can kind of see how the context tends to sort of blend together. Where now we have this jumbled story. Those all of the things that you're saying are true, they're valid, they're happening, they're distracting, they're all of these different things. But behind all of this, there is a story about what all of those things mean about you. And so when you look at the things you're doing, you're a father, you're renovating a home, you're running a business, you're preparing for a tournament, you're uh a husband, like you're all of these different things. And so with, you know, a lot of people I think would say, oh, you have to wear all of these different hats. But thinking that you're wearing a different hat for each thing means that there's you have to take on this different persona. And so the whole point of identity and the narrative is to know the thread that goes through all of those things so that rather than putting on a different hat, you can wear the same hat and just sort of enhance different things at different times. And so if you were to pick an area that you want to experience transformation in right now, where again, if you were a genie and you could just snap your fingers and change something, what would it be?
SPEAKER_02:Somebody check my email for me. That's a pretty easy fix. Yeah. Uh I mean, yeah, ultimately, I think you hit the nail on the head with the feeling of there's a lot, right? So, like the clutteredness, um, my personality trait is is more of a planner type A, obviously, knowing what I intend to do. And I think the hardest part about all of this is just the time. I don't have the time. So if I was a genie and could snap or had a genie and could snap the finger, it would be how do I get more time? And um, yeah, I mean, I I think that's number one because you don't get that back.
SPEAKER_01:So the story, so there's the first sort of story is that I don't have the time. So that's not true or false, that's the belief. So if you reframe it, and it's not I don't have the time, but what time do I have and what am I doing with it? How would you answer that?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I would say that what time, I just it feels to me that I don't have a lot because um I'm saying yes to so many things because I feel like they're valid instead of maybe delegating. Um, and part of it as well is um, you know, with the business growing, going into that realm for a second, we just or I just hired an operations manager. So I'm training that person to actually take a lot of the things that are taking my time off my plate, but we're not there yet. Yeah. So there's just so much transition that can turn into transformational growth for me, but it's it's becoming um, there's times where I'm so tired that I don't, you know, I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, oh, I need to do this, I need to do that, right? So then all of a sudden the rest part of it also isn't there. So um I totally kind of get the question, but I'm not certain what the answer is for me yet. Yeah, because I think I I'm working on it already. Yeah. And I think that's the the the biggest piece is like I'm happy I'm working on it, but I'm frustrated because I I'm not I'm not there yet. Yeah. And then, you know, well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And what's and what's interesting is that as a planner, of what to use your words, you know, type A planner need to know what to do. But then within the story, you don't know what you're doing. So there's this contradicting belief about yourself and then the way that you're performing. So then, you know, one of the things that you said is I'm saying yes to a lot of things. So, what is the belief about yourself if you start to say no to some of these things? What would that mean about you?
SPEAKER_02:Right. And I think ultimately for me is I feel like when I say yes, I can do them, and then I start doing them and realize, oh gosh, I don't have the time to do them. Yeah. And so I have been saying no more. Um, but yeah, I think I don't I think the belief might be just letting someone down. I don't know for certain if that would be the case. Um, but I've always been so I've grew up the little guy, right? So I think I always had to prove to others how to um make the varsity team in anything, right? And I don't think that was anything that was um anything other than just being physically small. Yeah. Right. And so, you know, that's probably part of it. And then also just always wanting to be the best, right? So I think my mindset was always that. And so to be the best sometimes meant, you know, doing more, right? And so by doing more, I think that's always kind of been my shift is oh, I can do that, oh, I can do that. And I can, right? But something will suffer because of it. Yeah. And the things that are suffering is that time with family andor then time to work on something else. So I do need to sacrifice more or delegate more in order to still have it. Because my my my thought process has always been put better people around you, you know, at certain items so you all boil up together. But do I truly do that? I don't think I do as much as I could because you get into it and then by the end of something that someone else did, half the time you have to fix it or do it the way that you want to do it or redo it anyway. And whose fault is that? Well, ultimately it comes down on the person training them at some level, unless the person just can't do it. Yeah. And so I think there's a lot of a lot of different things there that come up. Um, and then it just snowballs, right? So then after that day, you go home and then you know you see a mess that wasn't even a mess. The kids were just playing and you get frustrated, and and so then it just spirals, right? And so I think ultimately that's what I'm getting at when I'm like, man, I just need to figure out how to be a little bit more grateful, yeah, as opposed to for what I have and the time I have with them right now. And um, I do kind of get that thought process too of you know, there's it seems like there's got to be a little bit more thought before saying yes, yeah, and understanding that it's not that big of a deal if I don't do something. Because for lack of better words, I don't ever I don't necessarily feel like I'm missing out, right? That whatever that FOMO thing is, that I didn't even know what that was for the longest time. Um but I don't like to pass up on opportunities, right? So that's the way I've always kind of said it. So like somebody today um asked me if I'd be interested in a really big project. And I said, well, I said, I'm not really in a place to do it, but I'll always listen. Right. And I think the problem is then you take time to listen, right? And instead of just saying, I can't do that right now. Yeah. And what I've noticed too, now that you've kind of brought that up to my attention, is that some of the people I respect the most when I've talked to them about things like that, they immediately just say, No, I can't do that. Yep.
SPEAKER_01:So So here's what's cool for those of you listening. Um, I'll address Noah directly in a minute, but I kind of just want to explain what I've been listening to as you've been talking. So I've heard a couple different stories. The type of language that you're using is like associative language. So when you say always or never, and there are definitely times where it wasn't always and it wasn't never. And so one of the first things I'll listen for is when we generalize information to tell the story about ourselves. And so always being the little guy. Now, here's what's really important it's the same thing when I describe the difference between being a victim and victimhood, right? So, victim is something happened to you or you're living in the consequences of something that you did. No one would take that away. Um, victimhood is coming into agreement that, excuse me, that because that happened, that is now the narrative and the identity of who you are. So, for example, are you a small are you smaller in stature? Yes. Does that now mean I will always be at a disadvantage and I'll always have to work harder and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? False. So the story about the stature changes the way that you function and operate. And so um that's why I asked also, what is the belief about yourself if you say no? First thought that you gave was that it was letting someone down. So then my question would have been if we're doing a full session, obviously we don't have time. Where was the first time that you remember saying no and having someone say that you let them down by doing that? Um, so we can answer that in a little bit. But for those of you that are listening, I want you to hear and maybe re-listen after hearing me say this, re-listen to his story. Where are you in your life describing yourself in a way that's using associative language where the narrative is, I'm always like this or I've always been like this, and therefore that's why this happens. And you notice, Noah said, you have the belief, which then creates the pattern, which then creates not the result, but the experience of the of the circumstance that you have. And the my whole goal with clients, I don't care if your circumstances change. Obviously, that's a bonus, but the whole point of doing identity work is so that your circumstances don't have to. That's that's you know, really important to understand is that we're not doing this so that you make more money, get better at your sport, fall in love, all of the stuff. That stuff could happen, but it's so that you don't need those things to happen in order for you to be solid. And so, questions I would tell Noah to ask himself again is you know, when you say no, you're saying no to an opportunity. What makes it? What makes something an opportunity? Is it just money? Is it getting your name on something? You have to, and you learned what an opportunity was somewhere. So for everybody listening again, you're only born with two fears, the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling, everything else you learn. So you learn guilt, you learn shame, you learn embarrassment, you learn that you're not good enough. And if it's something that you learn, it's something that you can unlearn or you can combat it with a proper belief system. So there is a belief system that Noah is carrying right now around opportunity, productivity, work ethic, et cetera. And so the belief is that if I say no, it means that I'm giving them a chance to believe that I'm incapable and I'm very capable, and I've had to show that I was capable my whole life. So saying no means this, but it only means that because that's the belief that you've put behind it. And it's why most people function within their suggestions rather than setting boundaries. And so people will feel like a boundary is being crossed in their life when in reality they didn't make it a boundary, you know. And so saying no is a boundary. You know, saying yes is a boundary. You've created a boundary around you saying yes. Now they have full permission to enter into the space of your yes to present the documents, to set up the phone calls, to do all this stuff. And then you're you're realizing, oh, I actually don't have time for any of this stuff. And I want to do more, but then you have to define what more is. Is it because more could be one minute more? More could be, you know, more money is one more dollar, more time is one more minute. So we have to get crystal clear on the definitions that we're using to describe ourselves, our workplace, our goals, our desires, whatever the case may be, to learn the place that we're coming from. That way, when someone asks you a question or makes a statement, you know, before you answer, you're like, what am I believing about myself? And if I'm only saying yes, because I believe that saying no will let them down and that I quote unquote miss out on an opportunity, I have to do some assessment before I give before I give an answer, or just give me some time to think about it as even a placeholder so you can figure out what the actual belief is.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, absolutely. I mean, that's all super, super powerful. And I think just as you started asking some of the questions, it got me to internalize it um pretty quickly as I just started talking through it. Right. So there was definitely a couple aha moments, even with just a few of the questions that you asked um that were like, oh yeah, that's kind of dumb. I get to make my own decision on how much time I have ultimately. But at the same time, you know, when you're an entrepreneur and you own a business, you have to set certain parameters and deadlines for yourself. Um, you know, and you know, when there's debt involved and all the other things, you have to do what you have to do at times. And so I think ultimately um that fight or flight type of a feeling of like is on a lot more for me just with trying to get this thing ramped up to a place where it can kind of take off. Yeah, you know, and so yeah, no, it's it's definitely this is super powerful. And I think ultimately for me, it's just gonna I need to take some time now to think about it and digest it a little bit too.
SPEAKER_01:So and the key is you're not ignoring the truth and you're not ignoring the facts, like timelines do exist, quotas do exist. You do have to get things done. People are victims of things, like for example, my father, he's an immigrant, you know. So the truth about him was that he moved to America speaking zero English with zero job. True. Does that now mean, and if his story is because of this, that means now I will forever have a disadvantage and nobody's gonna work with me because I wasn't born. That's false. So we cut, we cut the truth, or we we go to the truth and we use the truth to cut through the story about the thing that happened. And so a lot of us are living in the story when the circumstance is far removed from us. And again, no one will take away from the trauma, no one's ignoring any of that. And I think that's why it's really important as well to really evaluate how you do affirmations, you know, because a lot of affirmations are just lying to yourself about the things you wish you believed. And I don't have time to get into that right now. But again, it's, you know, you're saying, I am healthy, I'm wealthy, I'm pretty, I'm all these things, whatever it is, and that's all fine and good. But the reason you're looking into the mirror saying, I am pretty is because you learned somewhere that you weren't. And so rather than just saying the thing you hope you believe one day, you know, the fake it till you make it thing, I think is BS, you go to the point where you learn that you weren't pretty, which is most likely before age 14 or 13, and then you fit and you go back as your age now, you tell yourself the truth then is that other people's definition and description of you does not determine your exterior. And then you work on that, and then you don't need the affirmation. And that's true freedom. It isn't believing a lie about yourself that you wish you believe. And I think a lot of people miss that. Um, so I just want to make that clear. I don't want people to go and, you know, willy-nilly just ignoring the truth about facts that actually happened. No one, no one would ever deny that.
SPEAKER_02:I think every girl needs to burn all their Barbie dolls when you see a girl holding a Barbie doll up right next to it, right next to her in the mirror and say, I don't look like you. No, that's dude, that's awesome stuff.
SPEAKER_00:Trying to break my 12-year-old girl of her obsession with wanting makeup and beauty products. I'm like, oh yeah. You're 12. Your skin, yeah, it's perfect. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, and and also where did where did they, you know, when they start to say these things, like, where did you learn that? Where did it come from? You learn social media when you're 12, 13, whatever, you whenever they're learning adult things, it's because of how the generation is being structured because of social media. We learn these kids are learning things a lot earlier on than they should be learning them. And so then you have to obviously, because of social media and technology and everything, we just have to be really, really careful. And so, asking, you know, if you're listening to this and you have kids and they bring up something, and you know, where did you learn that? And what do you believe about yourself when you think of that? Like, where did you learn that you need makeup to be pretty? You know, where are you learning these things? And and what do you think the definition of beauty is? And so starting this young, where you're asking really adult questions, but it's in a childlike way. It's like, what do you think being beautiful is? And where did you learn that? And what does that mean about you? And where, you know, how and then you're learning how to affirm your children. And again, not in their results, but in their belief system. Right. Like I'm so proud of you for seeing the need to make someone feel better. Or, you know, there we could go on and on with examples, but you know, all we do is we make our decisions based off of the definitions that we have for things in the story that we believe in any given moment.
SPEAKER_00:The entire country needs to listen to this podcast, whether they're into golf or not.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yeah, I think that's the whole point of this, is it doesn't pertain to a sport, it pertains to just the fundamentals.
SPEAKER_01:And it's so funny how it expresses itself. Like people will come to me with the symptom, whether it's soccer or golf or their business or whatever. And it's just all they're doing is showing me where the where the belief system is being expressed. And I'm like, great, I don't need the contact. We have contact.
SPEAKER_02:We we've had these conversations. I've had you up to the OPGA teaching and coaching um summit with me, and we and we spoke on emotional intelligence essentially, which I don't think anyone in the room knew that because I didn't know what it was until I met you either. And um Christopher Smith, who's uh a leading golf coach around the world, was also speaking and he's very big into mindset. And um, I just thought it was so interesting how we we teach a game, we coach a game, and at some level, yeah, you have to develop these skills to perform at the game, right? Then you have to know the rules of the game, and then you start thinking about how to win, and then you have to have the strategy behind it to win. And then when you lose, there's all these different things of like, oh, well, my goal was to win and I didn't, so now I suck or I'm not good. And so there's all these beliefs that come into play there without getting deep into that. It's just like at what level, you know, because of parents and how engaged they get with junior golfers or sports, um, and then just fans in general and those pressures, it's like you need to have someone like Daniel working with you so you understand what to really believe, and you have to find that out for yourself. And I think what I love about this system is that you're not giving me the answer ever. I have to find out the answer. And I think you alluded to that earlier about when we talked about mental um illness in the industry, right, in general, and how they're being told what they need to do. Well, they're not that person, they can't internalize what they're feeling. Yeah, but something they're here. Right. But what you're doing is you're allowing some of the basic fundamentals to come out into play. And again, I think for me, it took about three um, again, these were group sessions, but by the third session that we did um with our team, I started to really understand a little bit more about it, right? And so I could see how in six sessions you could really grasp it and maybe not master it, but know what to do moving forward for yourself. So it's really cool.
SPEAKER_01:And it's and it's even, you know, I I'm very transparent. I'm like, I'm not sitting on this mountain of wisdom that nobody has access to. I'm not a guru that figured it out. Most of my sessions are asking the same question 15 times and their answer changes 15 times, which is why I ask it 15 times because I now within three to five, sometimes 10 minutes, I know the false narrative like pretty, pretty instantly. But what good is it if I sit there and I tell them? Because now what I'm doing, like people in the coaching space that tell their clients what they believe are just adding to the false narrative.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Because I'm like, well, my therapist told me and my coach told me, and well, whoever told me, and that now means this. It's like you're going in there with the same framework. Now I've just added a layer of false identity onto you.
SPEAKER_00:And you're enabling that false identity versus exactly offering tools to correct it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And the and the question, you know, if people what's the question that he had? Like, I'm my goal is to to give a TED talk within the next year. And, you know, the title would be your one question away from total identity transformation. People are like, well, what's the question? And I the answer is just the next one, you know. And so it's, but the question that I ask a lot is what would that mean about you? So people tell me their goals, this is this amount of money, this score. Oh, and what would that mean about you? And what would that mean? And what would that mean? And where'd you learn that? And what did that mean? And what would that mean? And what and it keeps changing until you get back to the root. And usually it's it would mean that I was worthy. Okay. So there's the lie is that this makes me worthy. And then that's what that's the start.
SPEAKER_00:And anything below that, you're not worthy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And then you you learned that somewhere. And so the thing that you're doing, you're either looking for significance, love, connection, or certainty.
SPEAKER_00:So, how much of this worthiness mindset is not learned? I mean, initially it was learned somewhere. All right, all right, I gotta achieve this benchmark to be worthy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But then once you achieve that benchmark and you're 22 years old, yeah, how are you gonna feel by the time you're 25 if you don't set a new benchmark for worthiness?
SPEAKER_01:And yeah, and it's again, it's just a way of snowball. Yeah, and it's also it's just a perspective of worthiness because the other thing is you don't it was actually really interesting. I saw a video yesterday, and during, you know, not to get into this, this was just for the sake of the video, during the the Russia-Ukraine situation in the Olympics, one of the uh Russian gymnasts they weren't using the Russian flag, so they he couldn't sing his anthem, he couldn't represent his country, he couldn't be on the podium, he got no interviews and he won gold. And he was just alone. And so it's like, have we decided that worthiness is doing the thing we want and being recognized for it, or just doing the thing we want? Because if there's no one there to see the thing that you decided you were worthy of, you know, where did you where did you learn that again? And so then that we have to ask the question, and what does that mean about you? Daniel, how can people get a hold of you? Um, Instagram is Daniel Schuler, so D-A-N-I-E-L-S-C-H-U-L-E-R-R. And then I have a website coming up very soon. Uh so we can put that in the link of this podcast as well. People be able to book me free onboarding call to see if we're a good fit. Uh, call it like a breakthrough call. And yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And what's that website gonna be?
SPEAKER_01:Um, we are still harvest, we're like harnessing the GoDaddy domain right now. So you will be there soon enough. Yeah, yeah. We've been there before. I think it's I think it's gonna be Danielshuler.vip. All right. I think that's the I think that's what we're leaning towards right now.
SPEAKER_00:So okay.
SPEAKER_01:Hey Daniel, thanks, man. That was Steve. Thank you. It was awesome.
SPEAKER_00:You know me. Until next week. We got to do this again, Daniel. Yeah, we will in person while you're in TensorFlow.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we will. All right. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00:Take care. See you next week.
