I Gave a Drunken Toast

Unexpected moments can define our professional boundaries. After officiating a beautiful ceremony for Amanda and Tito, I found myself unexpectedly called upon to deliver the reception blessing—a task that had specifically been assigned to the bride's uncle. Three Jolly Rancher cocktails deep and with absolutely no preparation, I somehow managed to cobble together a meaningful blessing that incorporated Bob Dylan lyrics and brought the house down.

This pivotal experience transformed how I approach my role as a wedding officiant. While I once eagerly attended receptions as a young professional looking to network (and yes, enjoy free food and drinks), this unexpected spotlight moment forced me to reconsider where my professional responsibilities begin and end. The incident raises fascinating questions about vendor boundaries at weddings: When is it appropriate to have a drink? What happens when you're asked to perform duties outside your agreement? How do you maintain professionalism while still honoring the celebratory atmosphere?

The wedding industry presents unique challenges for setting boundaries. Unlike typical 9-to-5 jobs, weddings blur personal and professional lines in ways that can catch even experienced vendors off guard. Whether you're planning your own wedding or work in the industry, this story offers valuable insights about clear communication, setting expectations, and handling those inevitable unexpected moments that make each wedding uniquely memorable. And for those curious about that Jolly Rancher cocktail that played a supporting role in this tale—you might just find the recipe in our show notes!

Chapters

• 0:05 Welcome to The Wedding Wear
• 1:17 Early Days as an Officiant
• 3:46 The Unexpected Blessing Request
• 8:16 Pulling a Toast Out of Nowhere
• 10:01 Setting Professional Boundaries
• 15:02 Post-Wedding Business Challenges
• 18:23 Episode Closing and Teaser

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Free audio. Post-production by Alphoniccom. Welcome to the Wedding Wear, with officiating by Amanda the Wedding Wear. I gave a drunken toast. Welcome back to the Wedding, where I hope that you all have gotten to listen to the wonderful interview last week with Amanda as we recap her wedding. It was also the Wedding wedding where I cried, and for the next two episodes as well, both of these are also from that wedding. It was a memorable wedding, to say the least, and given that it was early on in my officiating career, it has definitely played an impact in me learning the ropes, figuring out what the lines are, how involved to get, where I should insert myself or not.

Speaker 1: 1:17

So today we are talking about a question I get asked. A lot really is from couples will you be at the reception? And let me preface with saying that in my early days I very much was. As we mentioned in a previous episode, I had a pretty significant era where I would work for food and drink. So my early days yes, of course I will be at the reception. Plus, not only was there free food and free drinks, but I also got to network very significantly with bridesmaids and groomsmen, younger siblings, friends of the couple, who were all around the same age group as myself and the couple and oftentimes that was really great for referral business and could, in my world, hopefully lead to other weddings. And I was young. I was 22 years old when I got ordained and so fresh out of college I was working for a college so I wasn't kind of able to hang out and go out in town for fear of running into my students or any sort of thing like that. So weddings were a safe place for me to let my hair down a little bit and hang out. Plus, I was single. Back then. There were always single groomsmen. There were always single male guests. Hey, why not chat them up and see how it went? So previously that answer was always yes, I will be at the reception.

Speaker 1: 3:05

As time has gone on, and certainly this wedding as one for context. But even just with the time it takes to get to weddings and home from weddings, that I don't want to be wearing a dress and heels all night long, that I have more referrals than I know what to do with the business, I am less and less inclined to say yes to receptions. Certainly I'll go family, member, friend, I know multiple people in the wedding party or if there's a specific role for me. If you, as the couple, need me to do a blessing or there is a request that I play a part you know, show off the marriage license as part of the reception space then yes, of course, you know I'm not going to ditch out and bail, but if you don't need me partly partly from this story I won't be there.

Speaker 1: 4:17

So, diving into the wedding where I gave a drunken toast, wedding where I gave a drunken toast, when I met the Vegas Amanda and Tito, I had asked hey, this all sounds really, really great. What all do you need for your wedding and it was early on that I even brought up. Do you need a blessing at the reception? Majority of couples do not, or they already have somebody's father uncle slated to do it. It's really a great way to get other members of the family involved. So if the parents are already making respective toasts, maybe this is a grandmother that makes a nice little blessing. Maybe this is a cousin who is just a little too old to be a ring bearer but a little too young to really be a groomsman. Maybe, you know, 18, 19 years old.

Speaker 1: 5:14

Blessings are a really great opportunity for other people to be involved and I've had less and less couples want it to be me, which I am more than okay with. And so when I spoke with Amanda and Tito, they had said oh no, you're good, we're going to have our uncle do it. He really wants to, he's going to be honored, we're going to have him do it. Fantastic, cross it off the list. I'll include it in the quote. No additional time needed on my end. Don't craft a thing in the quote. No additional time needed on my end. Don't craft a thing, just do the wedding.

Speaker 1: 5:53

And, as we heard from the previous episodes, it was a wedding for the books. It was a wedding full of emotion and it was really great. So when I got done, I patted myself on the back, I took some pictures with the couple and I walked into the reception because it was planned that I would work for some additional food and that I would be there sitting with a bunch of the other vendors who have all become friends. They had a Jolly Rancher drink on tap. If you've never had one, I highly recommend it. May link the recipe in the show notes. It is very easy to make, very fruity, very good, very much a step up from some of the drinks I made in college. But yeah, I had one, I had two, I may have been on a third as they were bringing the couple back in for announcements and the dances and the cake and all of that jazz. And I'm having a great time. I was so excited.

Speaker 1: 6:52

I made friends with the couple, making friends with everyone at my table, really just excited with how the day went. And the DJ says and now we will have a blessing from the minister Amanda, and I wish that there had been a camera trained on my face because what? No, no, uncle, uncle Al is going to get the toast. Well, it was very clear that DJ said my name. Everybody at my table is looking at me like, oh, they said you like, go on up. I just did the wedding. Everyone knows what I look like, so they're all looking at me, ready for me to go give a toast, blessing a speech. I look at the bride and groom and they're both like I'm so sorry, like just in disbelief. And I catch a quick look over to the bride's uncle who is in a flop sweat, had a little piece of paper or a toast that he was planning to give but just was not in a state to be able to do it, though I'm pretty sure if the couple had watched me drink those three Jolly Ranchers, they would have also deemed I was not in a state to do it. But pulled myself together I can do this Got up and had nothing prepared, absolutely nothing prepared.

Speaker 1: 8:16

I went through, I think, about a minute or so of how I, like the couple, was venturing in the online dating space and how I was so proud that they had found each other and brought their family together and that may all of us who search aim for the same thing. But that didn't seem like enough of a blessing, because in my head was like blessings have to include God or well wishes, and more so than I hope. If you're looking for someone to date, you find them in the horrible pool that is online dating. Thankfully and I give all full credit to the TV show Parenthood and to Bob Dylan's Forever Young so I, after doing a little tidbit on online dating and perseverance for those of us still looking so we could find a love, like the couple I said, amanda and Tito, may God bless and keep you always. May your wishes all come true. May you always do for others and let others do for you. May we all enjoy this meal and celebrate tonight and stay forever young. Amen.

Speaker 1: 9:39

Yeah, pulled that out of my backside, edited on the spot, my backside, edited on the spot. Wasn't even quite sure if it made sense. I was praying it did and no one knew the difference. Everyone clapped. They said, great, yep. I sat right back down at my table, I switched to water because who knows what else I'm going to be asked to do later on in the night. This wasn't the plan and that was the start of me, kind of going.

Speaker 1: 10:06

Okay, there's some differences here of what my role can be, especially when I'm selected by a couple as a vendor, not a friend who could also marry us. What is the role at the reception? Is there a role for me? I now don't need to work for food, and I jokingly also say I have a husband who, if left his own devices, would eat croutons dipped in salad dressing. So if I'm not home at night because I'm at a wedding reception, I got to plan ahead a little bit of a meal for him. Plus, I like my own house, I like my own bed, I like things that just make sense and not needing to be an hour to two to three hours away in a dress and heels. And there's very personal things, very inside jokes at receptions that make sense to the couple, to their families, to their friends, and I don't want to be an interloper any further.

Speaker 1: 11:13

So after giving that drunken blessing, I did go to other receptions. I went to a few. I've got a story for later on. I can pinpoint the last reception I went to as a vendor alone, whereas I didn't know the couple prior to the wedding, and I'll tell you the reasons why I don't go to receptions anymore. But in thinking back on it, there are certainly some boundaries that I would have. Other couples think about, other vendors, think about as you go forward, and there are some vendors for weddings that their job starts at 8 am, is not over until the last dance. So obviously, having a drink while on the job probably not ideal.

Speaker 1: 12:05

There are some DJs and videographers who, yeah, you know the couple's having a mimosa. They invite you to do one with them. Do you turn it down? Is it disrespectful to Do you have one and call it together? I know a few DJs that will have a beer up next to them for the four hours of their set a beer, a water, a plate of food. They never sit down. They don't get to eat. At the same time. All of the rest of us kind of get to eat. But yeah, it's a fine line to walk. It is one. I learned to walk and I learned to walk hard.

Speaker 1: 12:41

With weddings I had a few where I made a fool of myself, did not do things the best way and had to learn from it, build out some of my policies on right, you know, in quoting, where do you need me, where will I be, and what sort of things could be thrown at me at the last minute. I don't mind. I'm often a yes and kind of girl, but I just want to know what's expected and the situations where it's not expected. For the time that I might have to really be up there front and center from everyone thinking on my feet that I should be compensated for. Obviously that's a hard thing. That I still struggle to do is turning back around to a couple and going.

Speaker 1: 13:37

I wasn't paid for this. You know, I was offered a plate of going. I wasn't paid for this. I was offered a plate of food. I wasn't supposed to be speaking. Where those professional lines fall where back charging falls. I do have it in my contract about incidentals or unforeseen things that could happen that I'll take care of. But please, you know, please, provide me with a means of electronic payment so I can back charge later, and I haven't done too well with that because it's a little awkward. I had a friend say that maybe I should use the deposit not as a true deposit but more of for incidentals and if there's nothing of additional charge, the couple gets back 100 bucks. I don't quite know how to work that yet. Please, if you have any thoughts on you know, whether it's late starts or unexpected speeches, or the wedding is supposed to run for five minutes and the couple decides that they want to do their own vows. So that is then more time within the ceremony, more time I'm standing up there.

Speaker 1: 14:43

A lot of my quotes, as we'll see in a behind the scenes episode of how I put together quotes, length, how long I am present and performing, Even if I'm not the one saying the words I. In pictures I am seen. The face has to be a certain way, the much like we talked about in the crying episode. You don't want me looking stone-faced, you don't want me looking absolutely ridiculous. I I have to present a certain way, and the longer I have to stand and do that, with or without speaking, is my time.

Speaker 1: 15:18

And I've had weddings where the couples thought, oh yeah, we'll just throw this in, it'll be fun, and I don't know necessarily how to uh stop them mid-ceremony and go, oh, this wasn't in your contract or this isn't what I was supposed to be doing here. But then on the back end, post a wedding, the license is signed, everything is legal. What do I do in that situation? So, please, any thoughts you have, let me know. It's kind of went on a slight bit of a tangent, but all in all, a great wedding, a lot of fun. I should also probably do it as a women's episode. This is the wedding that totally convinced me not to do bouquet tosses and garters for my own. Maybe I'll do that when I break down my wedding of why I chose the things I chose.

Speaker 1: 16:09

So, yeah, what? What has happened in weddings you've been to? Has there been somebody who gave a toast and probably shouldn't have? Did they run a little long? Got one of those episodes too. Yeah, seriously, highly recommend Time Limits on anybody speaking. No one should be pulling out pages. It should be a page, it should be bullet points and you know timed and cut down significantly.

Speaker 1: 16:40

Have you been put on the spot unexpectedly? Have you ever been put on a spot at a wedding? What would you have done if you were me? And, mind you again, we can't take back the fact that I had the Jolly Ranchers. They were really good drinks. So let me word it instead this way you are me, you just got done with work, you've had some great drinks with some good laughter and good people, and suddenly you are brought up to make a blessing. What are you pulling out of your back pocket? What do you have ready and raring to go? Is there another song that you think would be superb to quote out? Is there another song that you think would be superb to quote out? Let me know. I would love to just do a whole deep dive episode on what other people would have done in this situation. And next week we are finalizing out the stories related to amanda and tito's wedding, the wedding where I calm the groom down with a dirty joke. So until next time.

Speaker 1: 17:43

Thank you for listening to the Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Buzzsprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the Wedding Wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at Officiating by Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, weddingwire and the Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwearpodcast at gmailcom, and if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom. Thank you so much for tuning in and until next time. This has been Amanda.