I Calmed a Nervous Groom with a Dirty Joke

Weddings are days full of emotions, especially nerves, and as an officiant I often step in to calm anxious couples, attendants, and family members before the ceremony begins.

• Nerves stem from the significant time, money, and planning invested in creating the perfect day
• Helping calm nerves can involve everything from reassuring flower girls to tying ties for shaking fathers
• Humor, particularly "clean dirty jokes," can be especially effective with nervous grooms
• The "12-inch pianist" joke has become my go-to for breaking tension with groom's parties
• An unexpected encounter with a curious 10-year-old boy added an extra layer of humor to the joke
• Situational humor must be appropriate to the audience and consider religious and family dynamics
• My philosophy: "If you can laugh at yourself, you'll be fine; if you can allow others to laugh with you, you'll be great"
• Flexibility to add or remove elements from the ceremony in the moment enhances the wedding experience

Send me your favorite "clean dirty jokes" that might work for wedding day situations via email at theweddingwearpodcast@gmail.com or reach out about officiating services at officiatingbyamanda@gmail.com.

Chapters

• 0:05 Welcome to the Wedding Wear
• 0:25 Understanding Wedding Day Nerves
• 1:27 Calming the Groom with Humor
• 5:23 The 12-Inch Pianist Joke
• 11:20 Humor as a Tool in Weddings
• 13:38 Closing Thoughts and Contact Info

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Free audio. Post production by Alphoniccom. Welcome to the Wedding Wear, with officiating by Amanda the Wedding Wear. I call them the groom's nerves, with a dirty joke. We all know that weddings are days full of emotions, especially nerves, and there's a lot of reasons for nerves. One there's a lot of time and money and energy and planning that has gone into the day and everybody wants it to go off without a hitch. For the couple specifically, there's a lot put into. This is the beginning of your life together. This is, you know, you're going to see each other for the first time at the end of the aisle and kind of a build-up of momentum. If there are personal vows being shared, you're going to have to speak.

Speaker 1: 1:13

Just a lot with nerves and I had been very proud put it on as my minister, plus titling. I've been more than pleased to calm nerves, to remind flower girls and ring bearers you know, a few minutes before we go down the aisle, that they're going to do great and what they're supposed to do. Walk through yet again with groomsmen walking a good speed, not being crazy, getting their hands out of their pockets, little reminders and tips. I've gotten to tie the tie for a father of the bride because his hands were shaking so bad. I have taken words of advice from grandparents as they're, you know, preparing for the day, and just listened, just listened, provided whatever I could to calm in the situation, giving you know, type A brides more of a check-in like, hey, this has been done, I'm doing this next. I'm following up with you Just so that there's maintained control for those that want its are often the hardest. Thankfully, a lot of times their groomsmen have keeping them calm, in check and sometimes it doesn't go so well because there's a fair amount of drinks. But there have been other times where I have I've stepped in a little bit more and worked to calm grooms down and I really do think of it as an honor to be asked, you know, not even asked, but just in the situation where I could help that way.

Speaker 1: 3:07

And I have found jokes are great, especially if they are slightly off humor and a little more thinky. You know, don't spell it out, don't use improper language, you know, make you really think about how the joke is a little dirty. You can think my father. I grew up with a very diverse group of men. I got to hang around as my dad's friends and co-workers and I learned the jokes from them. I learned the jokes from them and they live in my head, rent-free. They are in my back pocket. I have at times better judged the situations to when to pull them out and on the day of Amanda and Tito's wedding I really knew that this was what was needed. You know, we were all circled up.

Speaker 1: 4:03

The groomsmen are saying don't worry, man, it'll be fine. I've been married before and that's not seeming to do anything. To ease his nerves. He had a lot riding on it. A lot of family came in. He knew his daughter was getting carried down the aisle, his wife was beautiful, they had a lot of really personal and sentimental touches in for the day and just everything else wasn't really panning out quite yet to ease his nerves.

Speaker 1: 4:34

So, with all the fellow groomsmen around, I decided I was going to tell the following joke that I will tell you all I want to preface with. If you're listening with kids, please know that this is a thinking joke, no foul language, so you don't have to change the episode on that. But to quote the wenches at the Renaissance Fair, if your kid goes to public school, ask them to explain the joke to you because they will probably get it, and if your child laughs at the joke and you don't, you know, take that for what it's worth. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. So another thing to preface with before I tell this joke, which has been often told joke, and ever since I've told it at Amanda and Tito's wedding, I've also let people know. Put yourself in my shoes Midway through telling this joke. On this wedding day I had a 10-year-old walk up for his dad to ask a question and in the moment I had to make the decision whether to tell the joke or to stop or to pivot, change up the joke. Please know that I told the joke and I will also tell you what the 10-year-old said and how we get into this whole gosh darn thing. So nervous groom, groomsmen not helping yet to really ease the nerve, and I come up and I said, all right, I've, I've got a joke.

Speaker 1: 6:01

So there's a guy, local yokel, at the end of a bar. He's sitting there and he just got done working like 60 hours at the factory. His life is absolute, absolutely in shambles, hates his job, not happy with his life, wife left him, you know all of these things and he's drinking a beer and just wanting that kind of peace and calm at the end of a work week. Just to drown out his sorrows, in walks another guy who's carrying a big box almost tote bin size if you will and he puts it on the bar top and he lifts the lid of it all. And I'm laughing, because if you were watching this but I don't have video you would see me narrating out with physical actions. This was try. I'm sure I do every time I tell this joke.

Speaker 1: 6:51

So big tote box with holes in the top is laid on this table and he hoists out this small piano I mean it fits a decent length on the bar top and he pulls out a bench and he picks up and plucks with his fingers a little guy. I mean he's not know, he's not tall, he's not as long as a baby, he's small. But he's dressed head to toe top hat, coat, tails, black tuxedo, the nines Looks immaculate. And the little guy sits on down at the piano little bench and starts playing Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Everybody in the bar thinks that this is amazing and so they are all night long buying this guy and the little piano man drinks Any drink, all the drinks, free drinks around. They're taking song requests, they're having a great time and with each passing song the curmudgeon at the end of the bar is just getting madder and madder and madder, because this guy's getting all the attention, this guy's getting everything he wanted, he's getting, you know, compliments, he's getting free drinks. He seems to have this great life. He's got, obviously, a companion with the little, you know little, maestro.

Speaker 1: 8:18

So last call comes, end of the night and the curmudgeon has finally had enough of this. So he walks up to the other guy and goes man, dude, what, what the heck is this? What? What do you think? Coming in here like this and bringing you know your sideshow act and everything, and the guy goes oh, you know, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. You know, it's how I get by, it's how I do what I do.

Speaker 1: 8:43

You know it all came about because I have a magic lamp. Dude, you have a magic lamp. Oh, my gosh, what I wouldn't give for a magic lamp. It would solve all my problems. The guy chuckles and he goes. Well, you know what I carried in my back pocket? It wasn't a big lamp. He pulls it out, hands it to the curmudgeon.

Speaker 1: 9:11

Life just got infinitesimally better. He is so excited so he takes the magic lamp and he runs to like the back corner of the bar he doesn't want anyone to steal his wish or to hear him or anything like that and he rubs the lamp and goes I wish, oh, oh, how I wish, I wish I had a million bucks. Bing, boom, clap, about a hundred ducks show up in this bar. Okay, he now just went from zero back down to 100. He is zero. He went from zero to 100. He is furious. Once again comes back to the guy at the bar yelling and screaming what the heck, this is rigged, it's broken, it's you ripped me off. And the guy laughs and he says yeah, of course it's broken. Dude, do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist? Think it, think it, laugh it. Hopefully you get it.

Speaker 1: 10:11

So in the wedding at the, I didn't say in the wedding, we are going to change that. In the wedding, I didn't say in the wedding, we are going to change that. Talking to the groom and the groomsmen ahead of the wedding, it was a great joke. They laughed, they got it. The 10-year-old remember. There's a 10-year-old in all of this. The 10-year-old says Dad, why did the minister just say pianist? She didn't, son, she said pianist. Well, what the heck is a pianist? A pianist is a piano player. Then why is the joke funny? Well, son, the joke is funny because pianist sounds like penis. But she didn't say that. No, she didn't say that.

Speaker 1: 10:59

And again, just having to explain the joke to your kid in front of me, in front of the groomsmen and the groom, it added a little something special to the day. And that is one of many, many that I have told to grooms when they are a little nervous Brides. I haven't found one quite fitting. I'm sure that they would all love kind of similar dirty jokes, but the guys just seem to love it a lot more and I'll keep it with them.

Speaker 1: 11:34

Humor can be a really, really great tool in high stakes moments. Certainly assess who you are talking to and who you're talking with, whether the humor would be appreciated, whether it, you know if it might be insensitive. I don't know. If any of the groomsmen were actually piano players, that would have been really, really funny or kind of interesting. If you're not too sure where they fall with their religious beliefs, family beliefs, you know, maybe some jokes are best kept in your back pocket so that you are not alienating. Certainly if you are doing more religious studying, I wouldn't walk in, being like a bishop or rabbi and a prophet walk into a bar, maybe not.

Speaker 1: 12:27

I like to make sure that there's laughter when fitting within the wedding process and I often go back to the quote of if you can laugh at yourself, you're going to be fine. If you can allow others to laugh with you, you're going to be great. So that's the model I like to use, especially with situational humor, especially with you know, seeing how puns, jokes, metaphors, all of that could land not just with the couple but with the wider audience and leaning in. I am not afraid to cut out the script in the moment. I'm also not afraid to add in within the moment and so far I haven't had any couples be like, wow, crickets, that was not good, so hoping I've judged everything really, really well.

Speaker 1: 13:26

But do you have a favorite, favorite joke of this category, of this nature, slightly off kilter? I call them clean, dirty jokes. You know, I don't say foul language, I don't say anything bad. You really gotta think about them a little bit to be like oh, that's what it is, so let let me know. Send me a message, an email, a video and anything. Let me know what some of your favorites are. Maybe I will learn them too. Add them to my arsenal and make sure that you tune in next time. We're getting really, really close to a bonus episode, so I'm hoping that we will have that hit sooner rather than later. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 14:08

Thank you for listening to the Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Buzzsprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the Wedding Wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at Officiating by Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, weddingwire and the Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwearpodcast at gmailcom, and if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom. Thank you so much for tuning in and until next time. This has been Amanda.