“Foundations & Rubble”

Attraction can feel like destiny, but what if it is just heat from a burning building? We go straight to the root: trust should be the foundation of every relationship, and the first stone you lay matters more than most people admit. From the first words spoken to the earliest boundaries, we talk about how a shaky start can quietly become a life-shaking collapse, especially when insecurity, low self-esteem, and old wounds are doing the building.

I’m Dr. Lydia Michelle Young, here with my Co-Host Intercessor J’eanine Nichole, and we use our ongoing metaphor of the relationship on fire to make this real. This isn’t about passion or desire. It’s about toxicity that turns love into smoke: mistreatment, name-calling, emotional harm, and the kind of chaos that leaves you feeling tormented inside. We unpack why so many of us walk back into what already burned us, reaching for memorabilia and memories as if they can replace safety.

We also step into the role of first responders, not to judge you, but to stop you from running back inside. “Don’t chase the poison” is more than a line, it’s a survival strategy. If your partner is trying to make the exit, we explain why letting them go can be the moment you finally reclaim your worth and start rebuilding a solid foundation through healing, reflection, and strength.

If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of returning to rubble, listen closely, share this with someone who needs an exit sign, and leave a review. After you listen, what boundary are you ready to set today?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Trust should be the foundation of every relationship. Trust, I'll repeat that, should be the foundation of every relationship. Unfortunately, um, when we look at the foundation of a relationship, whether that relationship is with an individual or um just the way we structure our lives overall, the foundation should be secure, it should be solid, the ground should be level. Um, and and that that that the foundation is really dependent on um that first stone that's laid, that that first instant, that first encounter, that first uh encounter, those first first words spoken is really what's gonna set the stage for uh the structure of that relationship. The foundation is everything. So we're gonna talk about that today. The foundation. I am your host, Dr. Lydia Michelle Young, here with my co-help, co-host, excuse me, intercessor Janine Nicole. This is Wednesday, uh, middle of the week. We call this midweek refreshing fire, a moment, a time, a day set aside to uh give you a word to share a word with you to refresh you, and then also to remind you of your worth. Our mantra here is how to survive the flame when what attracts you burns. Again, sweet fire the podcast mantra is how to survive the flame when what attracts you burns. Um, and so intercessor, come on, jump in, greet the people, and let's get to it.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Good evening, everyone. Thank you for tuning in to Sweet Fire the Podcast. Yes, we stop by uh every week to do just that to remind each and every one of you of your worth, of your worth. Because when we come to understand our worth, that's how we survive the flame. We survive that fire, we survive, you know, uh um the attraction to that very thing, to that very one that meant us no good in the first place. Right. That was a trap set in place to try to, you know, stop us from realizing our worth. So, again, thank you to each and every one of you for tuning in for another episode of Sweet Fire the Podcast.

When The Foundation Is Rubble

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Absolutely, we do appreciate you. Uh, we talk about the first stone um to in laying a foundation, much like the cornerstone. That first stone is really what sets the stage, uh, the strength, the solid, solid, you know, that relationship or that building being solid. And we've been using for a metaphor now here for several weeks a metaphor of the burning building, a relationship on fire. Now, I'm not talking about passion, I'm not talking about fire and desire. I'm talking about a relationship uh that went up in smoke uh because of um you know the the toxicity, um, abuse, name-calling, mistreating, um, misusing so many things that go on in a relationship. Uh, that relationship really uh wasn't purposed to be, but we engage ourselves in things and in relationships um that actually cause us pain and bring us harm and chaos and commotion and trouble. Let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah, definitely. And it all begins with you know, with the foundation. You know, what what is the foundation um that you one is building that relationship on? You know, because if that foundation is what we've talked about, that foundation is rubble, then you can't really say that that relationship is built on a solid foundation because rubble is not a foundation. Right, you know, um, and and oftentimes, unfortunately, and I can speak from experience, I know you can as well, and many out there, we have entered into relationships, and the foundation that we entered into that relationship with was mistrust, low self-esteem, insecurity, and we enter into you know those relationships thinking that we're going to uh uh have a successful, established, solid relationship. When the fact of the matter is that relationship is not gonna be solid, that relationship is not gonna be successful because the foundation is not solid. The foundation was wobbly, the foundation was toxic. And last I checked, you know, there's nothing toxic that's good for you, right? And what's gonna wind up happening, I know for me what wound up happening, you know, it ignited, you know, it it went up in a blaze because you know, the foundation that I entered into, you know, relationship with it wasn't solid.

The Burning Building Relationship

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Absolutely. Um, the foundation must be solid. Um, you know, and so uh people, a lot of us, um, and I myself, I speak for myself, have uh built relationships um that I knew wouldn't work out. I knew it wouldn't last. But there was an attraction there. Uh uh and it, you know, they caused a lot of pain. Um, I even uh dealt with suicidal ideations because of how I felt inside. Um, I was just tormented inside because I wasn't getting the same in return. Right. Is one thing, and then you know, it it was the fact that that person wasn't created for me. Right. That was not my destiny, right? And so it brought a lot of trouble into my life. Right. And we talk about the rubble, you heard intercessor uh say rubble, that's that burning building, that's that relationship that crumbled, the fire went up in flames, and now there's just debris, there's rubble, there's dust, there's there's ashes, there's nothing there. And many times when that relationship collapses, um, instead of us walking, instead of us making our exit, um, instead of us uh allowing ourselves to really heal and gain strength, we return to the burnt down building. We return to that burning building. And I mean, what how can any of us survive a burning building? Just picture that in your mind. Picture this, if that's our metaphor, the burning building, the relationship, the that that attraction. Um picture this in your mind walking into a burning building, you know, with hopes that you're gonna get something good out of it. Right. You're gonna get satisfied, you're gonna get a feel good, you know.

Don’t Chase Poison Back Inside

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Um come on, jump in. Yeah, and and and a lot of times, you know, uh uh when when a house is on fire, when a building's on fire, right? You have the residents, you have the owners, you have the proprietors wanting to go back into that building to grab memorabilia, right? To grab, you know, things of value. But what does, you know, the first responders, what do the rescue uh team on the ground do? They they stop that person from going into that building to grab, you know, what they see as as valuable. And that's where we are today. Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

We're first responders, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:49

We're trying to keep you from going back and trying to trying to help you make your exit. That's what we're here to do today. But but they do they they they stop them, you know. It you know, they're stopping them. Why? Because they're saying, okay, though it may be valuable to you, right, though you may have some memories attached to that thing, that thing is not worth your worth your life. Right. You're gonna go, but you're gonna go into that burning building to grab something that's not worth your life, and you're gonna wind up losing your life.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Because many have many have many have returned uh to those toxic relationships, toxin, toxic again, uh is is is poison. I mean, people have literally, you're making your exit, and and you know, that person that's so into you grabs you to try to prevent you from leaving. You say, no, I'm done with this, but you try to grab them to prevent them from leaving, ripping off their clothes because you know you're holding on so tight. So now the shirt is ripped, and you know, they're fighting to get away, fighting to get out, but you're trying to hold on, you're you're trying to hold on to that person, you're chasing the toxicity, you're chasing poison. And we've said it before, and we're gonna say it again. Don't chase the poison. Don't chase the poison.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Come on, it's deadly, it's deadly, poison is deadly, yeah. Poison is deadly, and you know, and if you're in that relationship and you're fighting to hold on, and that person is packing up their backs to leave, let them leave. Let them leave. Let them leave. If if if they're wanting to leave the relationship because they don't see your worth, you know, they too have acknowledged that it's a toxic relationship. And a lot of times, you know, a toxic relationship is not just one per it's not just you know uh one person in that relationship acknowledging that that relationship is toxic. A lot of toxic relationships, both people in that relationship, they realize that they're in a toxic relationship.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

That's a real problem.

Let Go And Rebuild Yourself

SPEAKER_01 9:53

They realize that that relationship has a lot of problems. But they stay. But they stay. So if you are in that type of relationship, an unhealthy relationship, and that partner that you're in that relationship with is trying to make the exit, they're packing up and they're getting ready to go. Let them go. Don't try to stop them from leaving, let them go, you know, and you take that opportunity again. We're stopping by to say, realize your worth. Take that opportunity to spend some time with you. Look within, look within, get to, you know, know you, deal with the unresolved issues that you entered into that relationship with, trying to build a solid foundation. Yes, yes, yes. Because that what you entered into that relationship with is not a solid foundation, it's unhealthy, it's a toxicity that means you know good. So spend that time by yourself to, you know, to look within and deal with those unresolved issues.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Right. Gain your strength so you can live, gain your strength so you can, you know, survive it and help someone else. That's the whole idea. Make sure your foundation is solid.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

And may I say something else I can tell we're getting ready to close? Spend that time with you so that you can prepare yourself for who is meant for you.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

That's it. Prepare yourself for who is actually designed, created, meant for you. Peace be to you, peace be to your house, and peace be to all.