“Borrowed Confidence”

If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I feel small around certain people?” we go straight to the root: confidence that depends on someone else’s opinion is confidence you can lose overnight. We’re here to remind you of a steady truth you can build a life on: your worth is nonnegotiable. No relationship status, comment, or rejection gets to rewrite the value that’s already in you.

We talk about the “burning building” as a metaphor for toxic relationships and emotionally unsafe spaces you’re tempted to revisit. Maybe you feel lonely while still being “with” someone. Maybe your self-esteem has been worn down by disrespect, manipulation, or a one-sided love story. We break down why their inability to see your value is not proof that you don’t have value, and why it’s not your job to convince them. Owning your self-worth becomes the boundary that keeps you out of what’s already burning.

Then we get practical about personal growth and healing. Your worth stays constant, but your confidence can expand as you take real steps: education, launching the business idea, writing the vision, developing your skills, and choosing positive support. We also speak to the weight of the past, because shame is one of the most common traps. Your past experiences can become stepping stones, not chains, and healthy people will celebrate your progress instead of using your history as a weapon.

If this helped you breathe a little easier, subscribe to Sweet Fire the Podcast, share this with someone who needs an exit plan, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. What “burning building” are you done returning to?

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Transcript

Is Your Confidence Borrowed

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Is your confidence borrowed from other people's opinions? Other people's opinions of who you are, what they think of you, what they say about you, how they feel about you. Is your confidence borrowed from other people's opinions? We are here today to encourage and empower you to let you know that your worth is non-negotiable. Your worth, your worth, your worth, you, you, you that are listening. Those of you who are listening, your worth is non-negotiable.

Welcome And Worth Reminder

SPEAKER_01 0:46

I am your host, Dr. Lydia Michelle Young. I'm here with my co-host, Intercessor Janine Nicole. Uh, this is midweek, middle of the week, Wednesday, midweek refreshing fire, where we come here on Sweet Fire the Podcast to share words with you, to refresh you, and then also to remind you of your worth. We appreciate you for tuning in to Sweet Fire the Podcast. And um, come on, intercessor, jump in, have words, speak, say hello, how are you today?

SPEAKER_00 1:20

I'm doing good, thank you. Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Sweet Fire the Podcast. Yes, your worth is non-negotiable. Hear us when we say that your worth is non-negotiable when we come to realize, you know, just how valuable we are when we come to realize that we are worth something. We are worth something, that we are of value. You know, it is this perspective about ourselves that keeps us from the burning building. So, again, good evening and welcome to another episode of Sweet Fire the Podcast. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Thank you. I

The Burning Building Metaphor

SPEAKER_01 2:00

like that. You said it is knowing it's knowing our worth, knowing your value that will help you to stay away, to walk away from that burning building, that relationship uh that has gone up in smoke, that relationship, that toxic, intimate toxic relationship uh that has uh you know burned down to rubble, um, where there's just a dark space, you're you know, a lack of confidence, um, low self-esteem, depression, heartache, uh, loneliness. When you're actually in an intimate, toxic relationship, uh, you're intimate, but you're still lonely. You're intimate, but you still feel like you're by yourself. You're intimate, but you still uh have thoughts that nobody loves me, no one has my back. You feel alone. So today it's uh we're talking about, we want to share words with you uh to build up your confidence so that you have unshakable confidence. It's not your fault uh that they have the inability to see your value, it's not your fault that they can't see your worth, it's not your fault that they don't value you. You are valuable, you are worth it, and so today um we just want you to be lifted and you know that your heart will be lifted because I'm sensing there's some people who are listening um who have heavy hearts today because you're just not happy, you don't have the joy, you're not satisfied. Uh there's an emptiness there, an incompleteness there. But today we want to build up your confidence.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Come on, yeah, absolutely. Uh definitely on point with that. There's, you know, uh there's many tuning in right now who they're tempted to go into a burning building. And again, Bernie Building, we're using as a metaphor. Bernie Building as a metaphor, not a literal burning building, but you know, many of you are tuning in right now from all over the world, and you are tempted, you know, you're being enticed uh uh to enter into uh a toxic relationship, to enter into something that you know uh uh there's no value there, to enter into something that you know is only going to bring you down, it's gonna take you down a dark path, it's gonna lead you down a dangerous road. And so it's not by happenstance that you're tuning into this episode on this evening. It is intentional, it is on purpose because you need to come to understand your worth, your value. That burning building doesn't have anything positive in there, that burning building is not doesn't have anything to offer you to contribute to you know the value that's already on the inside of you. You are worth saving you, and it's unfortunate that you know that's why a lot of people, Doctor, enter into burning buildings. You know, they enter into burning buildings because you know, somebody else has driven them into that burning building. You know, there's there was somebody in their life, somebody in their family, you know, an abusive relationship, a relationship that they were in, and it was one-sided. They did all the loving, but they didn't receive it in return, you know. And as a result, now they're left standing all alone and they don't see, you know, the value in their self, they don't see the worth in their self. So their experience has, you know, driven them into that burning building. Many people, you know, today they are in burning buildings because they were driven in there behind, you know, somebody else. There was a driving force that led them inside that burning building. So we're here on this evening to encourage those of you who are being tempted to enter into that burning building because of what your experience has been in life. You are worth saving you. You are worth saving you.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

That's it. I like that. You you you are worth saving you. Um, and and and to to when a person, when an individual has a problem or it's difficult for you to see your worth or to know your worth or your value, um it's just knowing that um you your worth is authentic, it's real, it exists. Why? Because you exist. Right. Again, remember, it's their inability to see your worth, it's their inability. Inability, catch that word. It's their inability to see your worth. Um, and so uh your worth is non-negotiable. I I mean I can't say that enough. Your worth is non-negotiable, it won't be negotiated. Um, it's it's it's set in stone. It's who you are, you're unique, you're special. And there's nobody like you. There's nobody like you. You're unique, you are special. Oh my god. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Yeah, yeah. And it you're you, you know, it's it's something key that you're very that you're saying here, you know, it's their inability to see your worth.

Own Your Value For Yourself

SPEAKER_00 7:15

How about it's not their responsibility to see your worth? Right. It's not it's it's not their responsibility to see your worth. And from my own personal experience, I had to come to that understanding. I had to get comfortable. I'm gonna say that again, everybody. I had to get comfortable with others not seeing my value, with others not seeing my worth. It wasn't until that moment in my life that I got comfortable with people devaluing me, with people, you know, not deeming me uh worthy enough, with people, you know, having their low opinions of me, if you will. You know, it wasn't until I got comfortable at that moment in my life and began to say, you know what? Let me get to know me for myself. Let me stop looking at you know everybody else and putting the pressure on everybody else and you know, and having a pity party because others weren't seeing my worth or seeing my value. It's not their responsibility to see how valuable I am. We have to get comfortable with identifying and coming to know who we are and finding our own value and taking hold of our own worth, owning our own worth, and walking in that, therefore gaining the confidence that is going to keep us away from those burning buildings. We got to stop putting the responsibility on everybody else. Right, we are responsible for our own self.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Right. Stay away from the burning building. We are definitely responsible uh for ourselves, and that is a true statement. Um, your worth uh remains constant, your worth remains constant, it's consistent. It doesn't change or alter or decrease because of what other people think of you, right? It's constant. Your worth, right? Your value remains constant, it's consistent, it's solid. It can't be shaken, it can't be changed, it can't be altered, no matter what people think, no matter what people say about you.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Yeah, I

Practical Ways To Build Confidence

SPEAKER_00 9:52

like that. Your worth is it is constant, it's constant, it's constant, and with that being said, we gotta continue to do those things and take those steps, you know, to add to our worth. Right? We gotta continue to add to our worth. And how do we do that? You tuning in to episodes like this one, right? You know, taking uh taking little nuggets and and and and and just doing our part to build on our worth, to build on our value. Rather it's going to school, you know, uh rather it's opening up uh those business, that uh those businesses, you having those business ideas, but not putting you applying the the uh taking the steps necessary to launch those businesses, right in the vision and making it plain. It's things that we have to do to add to our value, to add to our worth that helps enhance and establish and stabilize and build that confidence that's needed, really focusing on who we are, really focusing on what we are called to do, really focusing on how we can add to society, add to your uh our environment. We we we are valuable and we are of worth for a reason. What is that reason to fulfill purpose? What is that purpose, what your destiny is, what you're called to, what you where you're talented, where you are highly skilled.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Right, your your talent, your skill sets, your ability, not inability, it's their inability, but right you have the ability to break through, you have the ability to overcome, you have the ability to make it, you have the ability um to look past uh what other people think of you. Right. You you have that that strength, you have that that ability. Um, and and so with that being said, I was sensing while you were talking that there are many people uh who have

Do Not Let Your Past Shrink You

SPEAKER_01 12:16

a past. We all have a past, right? But there's so many who um because of your past, because of uh some choices that you've made, because of experiences that uh you've had, because of some things you've done, um, you don't think you're worth it. Uh you feel less than. But here's a word to to help you today, to help build your confidence. Don't allow your past to diminish your value. Don't allow your past to diminish your value. Use your past as a stone to step on so that you can go further, so that you can go higher. Use your past experience as stones to step on, to step up in this life. Your worth remains constant. Come on, jump in.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yeah, and as we're uh getting ready to uh to close that, yeah, I had to get to that point as well because, like you said, we all have a past. I'm gonna say that again. We all have a past. Stop beating yourself up because of where you come from. We all have a past, and don't let anybody try to keep you down because they cannot relate to your past experience. I'm gonna say that again. Don't let anybody, anybody, I don't care who they are, what title they hold in your life, keep you down because of what your past experience or experiences were. You are still valuable, you are still worth it. Okay. I once again had to get to that place because uh because of our past, sometimes we can feel you and deal with, you know, the spirit of being ashamed, being shameful because of what our past experiences were. And I dealt with that. Now, you know, I had to get past that because that's a trick to try to, you know, to keep uh a person uh in a burning building. That's a trick to try to keep somebody who is worthwhile down. That's a trick to try to keep somebody who's truly valuable from realizing and understanding their value. Don't let your past and what your past experiences were keep you bound. Rid yourself of that shame. Step out of that. That is a trick to keep you trapped because you are valuable, you are worth it. And if anybody is trying to keep you down and try to beat you over the head because of what your past was, that's a clear uh uh indication that they're not worth, you know, you right, they're not worth you because those who are worth you, they're gonna celebrate you, they're gonna encourage you, they're gonna try to push you forward and push you beyond, taking you to your destiny. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yes, exactly. Yes. Uh people who value you will definitely push you, will have your back. Um, and you know, it's important for for you, for us, uh, to be surrounded by positivity, positivity, excuse me. Positivity, um, positive people.

Stop Going Back And Close

SPEAKER_01 15:42

It's just important because look, it's your worth. Uh, the burn the building has burned. It's it's in rubble. It's there's nothing left. That relationship didn't work. And so, as we've been saying for several weeks now, stop going back to the burning building. You've made your exit, you've made your escape. When the phone call comes, don't answer.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Um, especially those of you who who have been mistreated. You've been abused, you've been uh dogged out, you've you've been, you know, some people, domestic violence, there's so many things that happen behind closed doors. Um, I am a living uh witness to that. Things that happen behind closed doors that cause a lot of damage uh to a person's mind, to a person's heart. Um, and so the the point here is it's your worth, it's your worth, and when they dishonor you, uh use your worth, uh, your worth because your worth gives you the strength, it gives you the power, it gives you the wherewithal to walk away and stay away from that burning building. Peace be to you, peace be to your house, and peace be to all.