“Relationships - 1st Moments”

That first glance can feel like lightning, but what if the spark is the start of a fire you’ll later struggle to escape? We sit with the uncomfortable truth that the earliest moments of a connection often set the tone for everything that follows, especially when we are hungry for love, attention, or relief from past pain. We talk about how fast trust forms, how quickly we can reveal intimate details, and how easy it is to confuse excitement with safety.

We also unpack our “burning building” metaphor for a toxic relationship or any addictive attachment that starts sweet and ends in smoke. When people jump from one relationship to the next without a real healing process, they carry residue from old heartbreak into new situations, then try to carry someone else’s baggage too. That is how “dead weight” builds, and how two people can end up repeating the same patterns with a different face.

Along the way, we name real relationship red flags: oversharing too soon, instant emotional bonding, flirty physical contact that creates false closeness, and the rescuer mindset that says, “I can fix what they went through.” We speak to men and women about looking past appearance and choosing self-worth, boundaries, and wholeness. We close with a simple challenge: accept no, stop forcing access, and don’t let anyone force you.

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Transcript

Why First Moments Matter

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Each of us have experienced those first moments. Those first moments, that initial stage, uh, the eye contact, the first time you laid eyes or made eye contact with that individual. Um, that first hello, uh, that what's your name, preferably and hopefully and preferably, preferably, excuse me, it it wasn't uh directly what's your number, and many of us have dealt with that, you know. Right away, uh, someone will ask, What's your number? or can I get your number? Um, but those first moments, those first moments really set the tone and laid the foundation for where that potential relationship could go, and that's what we want to talk about today. Um, how we have a tendency um when we don't even have the ability to carry our own weight, we have a tendency to carry dead weight. And when we talk about dead weight, we're talking about in a relational matter. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. Um, I am your host, Dr. Lydia Michelle Young, here with my co-host intercessor Janine Nicole. This is Sweet Fire the podcast. Today is Wednesday, it's the middle of the week. We refer to this day as midweek refreshing fire, where we share words of encouragement uh to lift you to bring about change, and not only that, to but to remind you also uh of your work. And so here we are. Uh, intercessor, come on, jump in, have some words.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Good evening, everyone, and yes, welcome to another episode of Sweet Fire the Podcast, How to Survive the Flame when What Attracts You Burn. And that is so true. How those first moments, and that's the key word right there: the first moments of meeting someone, that you know, that moment that can lead to a lifetime of devastation, that moment can lead to turmoil, that the excitement of that moment can lead oftentimes to something that you know can be so deadly, something that uh begins to strip a person from the truth of their identity, from realizing their value, their worth. And the key is that moment, that you know, those the that that those mo those few moments in that encounter, in that initial interaction, that can, you know, determine a person's uh uh pathway, can determine, you know, how a person winds up, what their destiny may wind up being, that moment in that first encounter.

When Attraction Turns Into Devastation

SPEAKER_01 3:05

That moment, that's right, in that first encounter, that initial moment. Uh, you know what it sounded like, you know what it felt like, you know the rush you experienced, the electricity. It's electrifying, it could be electrifying. Now, listen, we're saying this because uh there are the relationships uh that don't work out outweigh marriages, outweigh relationships that actually last 40, 30, 40, 50, 60 years. Uh, more times than none, um, relationships don't work. People are going from one relationship to another, and then not only from one relationship to another, but they're going outside of I don't really want to get into this. We're going outside the order. So now they're uh they're choosing relationships, a woman and a woman, a man and a man. Why? Because they tried it with that uh the other uh sex, right? Uh, but it it just didn't work out. It just didn't work out, and they found love or they found emotion, I'll say, or they found passion, they found the spark, the fire somewhere else. So that initial moment is uh is critical uh to setting the tone or what the what that uh, like you said, uh intercessor, is really going to determine one's destiny. Uh, it could be a short-lived situation, it could be a long-term situation, it could be a situation where you know the metaphor, everyone who's listening.

The Burning Building Metaphor

SPEAKER_01 4:40

The burning building, now you're in the burning building and you're having a hard time getting out, making your way out of that situation, out of that relationship. The burning building is a metaphor for a relationship or any addictive, toxic, poisonous uh situation, person, thing, substance. Uh, it could be money, it could be uh food that we find ourselves attracted to. It was sweet in the initial moment, it felt good the initial moment, it tasted good, it sounded good, it was off the chain, off the charts, but then it caused some trouble and trauma in your life. That first moment. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Yeah, that that first initial moment, and you said something, you said a lot that uh uh something really uh uh stood out to me in what you said um that initial moment, right? That that initial moment that can be it's really defining, it's really defining at that initial moment, but if you live any kind of time, you have several of the same initial moments as you interact and meet you know various people throughout your life. It's very rare nowadays that a person has that initial moment, that initial encounter with meeting somebody, and then they wind up together and live happily ever after, so to speak. We go from one exciting initial moment to another exciting initial moment to another, and before you know it, you become of a certain age. You didn't had about 10, 15 of those initial exciting moments. 20 boyfriends, 20 boyfriends, yeah, 50 girlfriends, right? And and in each of those initial moments, they led, you know, somewhere that wasn't satisfying, they led somewhere that caused a lot of pain, they led somewhere that caused a lot of devastating moments, they led somewhere that caused a lot of heartache, they've even led somewhere to, you know, where people have questioned uh have uh encountered suicidal ideations because of what they experience as a result of that initial moment leading them along the pathway that they thought was going to lead to uh uh uh happily ever after. So many initial moments that many of us have experienced throughout our lives. And those initial moments have led so many inside a burning building, and wondering, you know, what happened because of that initial spark at that moment in time, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:29

The initial spark, and what happens as well, uh, intercessor,

Dropping Your Guard Too Fast

SPEAKER_01 7:35

in that initial moment. You know, it's it's almost like a there's a reservation there, but it's almost like an automatic trust. Right. We are too quick to let our guards down, we are too quick to drop our emotional guard. Now we've opened ourselves up again after healing, after getting better, after gaining strength, after you know, surviving the trauma that we went through in the last toxic or you know, relationship or relationship that wasn't meant to be, where we experienced a heartbreak, uh where we experienced the struggle, the depression, the loneliness, uh, you know, all of the things you battle when you when you tie your heart to someone, and now there's a breakup. That's a hurtful thing. So you you've healed, um, but here came another, like you said, initial moment. Now you've dropped your emotional guard, and and you're also revealing your personal intimate thoughts with this person or with this individual, or you're speaking your heart into their heart. Now you're intertwined. Oh my goodness. Now you've caught up again. And and and it's it's almost like some of you, and as I was studying and preparing for this particular session, I was seeing many people where you feel like uh you're in a box, you feel like there's a barricade around you. You you feel like you know you're actually in that burning building. If there's a battle in your heart, a battle going on in your mind because you're engaged in a relationship uh that is not intended and purposed for your life. Now you're having a hard time getting out of the situation. Now your life is ablaze, there's no breaking away. And so that initial moment again is is it's breathtaking because we get captivated in those first moments. It's breathtaking, literally breathtaking. Oh, it's so exciting that feels so good. And so now many, many of you, many of you, or you may know someone, it may not be you, it may be definitely someone you know are finding it hard to breathe because of that breathtaking

Rescuing Someone With Baggage

SPEAKER_01 9:50

moment in the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Right. Come on. Yeah, I like that. And it it's it's funny because within those initial moments, you you meet someone and and that person begins to open up to you, and then they share the experience about their past relationships. And they share, you they're so quick to share about what the other person did to them that hurt them in that past relationship. They're not very, you know, they're they're not too quick to reveal how they went wrong in that past, in that past relationship, those past relationships, and we find ourselves listening to the you know, these sorrowful stories where the person that we're having that initial encounter, that initial moment with, we've experienced that initial spark with, we hear them expressing the the pain that they endured in that past relationship, and we're so quick to want to step in and show them that we're different. We're so quick to want to step in and take that pain away. We're so quick to want to step in and and and show them, you know, what love really looks like, how love really feels. All the while, both have entered into that initial moment carrying baggage, carrying unresolved issues from burning buildings. Just because, you know, we've escaped burning buildings, many of us, it doesn't mean that we're scot-free, so to speak. There's still some ashes, some residue there that we need to come face to face with before we even think about entering into another relationship. And unfortunately, people don't realize or understand this. And I've been guilty in times past, and we've been so quick to jump from one relationship to the next. Like you said, at way back in the beginning, carrying baggage, go going into the relationship, you know, with baggage of our own, and then trying to pick up and carry somebody else's baggage. Dead way. Dead way. And now we're two people in a relationship that's going nowhere but back to a whole but back to a burning building, just with a whole nother face. Right. Both both both of us way down. Way down.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Way down with the baggage, way down with the issues, way down with the stress, way down with, you know, when a person enters into another relationship, a new relationship, and they still haven't resolved the issues from previous relationships, because I mean they they're connected. Right. Right? You're bringing all of those issues from all those other relationships into this new relationship. We have to be very careful of the initial moment. We can get caught up and and and and uh go down the wrong pathway, of the wrong direction, take the wrong journey, uh, and miss our destiny, miss our purpose uh in that initial

Boundaries For Touch And Oversharing

SPEAKER_01 12:45

moment. We have to be careful of prolonged eye contact. We have to be careful of the winks, we have to be careful uh of those smiles, and the laughter is so appealing, and you know, you can be sucked in by a person's smile.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

You have to be very careful of the gentle gestures, and may I say this and also have to be very careful. So many are so quick to reveal so much at that initial moment because of that smile, because of that wink, because you know, he smells good if you're a woman, because she smells good if you're a man. So if so many are too quick to reveal some very personal, intimate stuff about oneself because of that initial moment, and we have to be careful of that. We have to be more reserved and and not be so quick to just lay it all out at the table because of the spark of that initial moment, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Right, and what I appreciate saying that because when we were sharing that, uh, this thought came to mind. Um, I want to speak directly to men. Um, you know, because men hurt, I mean, you know, it's it appears that women are hurt more by men, but men get hurt too. Oh, absolutely. And I want to say this don't let the hips fool you. Right. Uh don't let the hips and the pretty lips fool you. And then women on the other uh side of that, don't be fooled by the biceps and the charm and you know the walk and the swag. Don't be fooled by what you see on the outside. What matters is what's in eternal. And if you are walking around or you're trying to connect with someone intimately, and and you are uh you're full of turmoil and messed up on the inside, it's not your time. Right. It's not time for you. It's this is time for you to set aside for yourself to gravitate to healing so that you can gain the strength. So be careful of those first moments, the physical touches, the holding hands, the brief embraces. You don't need to be embracing, right? You just met. You just met me. Don't touch me.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Don't

Healing, Wholeness, And Self-Worth

SPEAKER_00 15:05

touch me. Absolutely. I appreciate what you uh uh said right there. If if you are still carrying baggage, you have nothing to bring to a new healthy relationship. Absolutely nothing. Because a healthy person, a person who has gone through the healing process, a person who has dealt with unresolved issues, pains from past relationships, have dealt with the residue, the ashes from burning buildings, and now they are whole, they're not looking to go back to a burning building, ladies and gentlemen. They're not looking to get back into a whole nother toxic relationship. They have come to understand their worth, and they are looking to unite with somebody who has also come to understand their worth. So if you have not dealt with unresolved issues, this is not the time to beat yourself up. We are here, we come here, we're here every Wednesday evening to remind you of your worth. Because you haven't dealt with unresolved issues, it doesn't mean that you're you you don't have any worth. No, what we're saying is because you have so much worth, because you have so much to offer, because you are beautiful, because you are unique, what we're imploring you to do is that if you have not dealt with unresolved issues, deal with them. Deal with them, go through that healing process because the person that has been created for you to become one with, if they have not or if they have already gone through their healing process, they are whole and they are in need of you to go through your healing process to become whole. And they too could still be going through their healing process at the same time. You never know. But it is time to deal with unresolved issues and stop being so quick to jump from one relationship to the next when you are carrying baggage, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

And we're gonna close out this session, but while you were talking, this thought came to mind, and I must share this as we close out this session.

Accept No And Stop Forcing

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Um, if someone tells you no, accept that. Stop trying to force yourself into someone's uh life, don't force yourself into someone's situation into uh they're still in a burning building, they're still emotional, they still have, like you said, unresolved issues. There they haven't recovered from the last relationship. Don't force them. If you are meant to be, it'll happen, it'll come back around. But please don't force anybody because that could actually cause more damage to that individual. And then on the other hand, don't let nobody force you. Right. With that being said, peace be to you, peace be to your house, and peace be to all of you.