“Secret Lovers”

That rush of attraction can feel like proof, but sometimes it’s a warning. We’re talking to the “secret lovers” and anyone fighting temptation when it feels so good you can’t say no. If you’re hiding a relationship, meeting behind closed doors, or living with the stress of being found out, we want you to pause and ask the harder question: why does this have to stay in the dark?

We dig into what makes secret relationships so common and so hard to leave, from the first moments of chemistry to the way charm, humor, and attention can mask control. We also name the realities people avoid saying out loud: being involved with someone married, stepping into something that isn’t age-appropriate, or staying tied to a partner who isolates you, threatens you, or chips away at your confidence. We’re not talking about healthy privacy. We’re talking about toxic relationships and emotional abuse that thrive on secrecy.

Our practical takeaway is simple but powerful: find a trusted confidant and seek wise counsel. Not everyone can handle your truth, so choose someone safe who sees your worth and helps you make sound decisions. We also share why getting comfortable being alone for a season can be the turning point that rebuilds self-worth, strengthens boundaries, and stops the cycle of settling for whoever crosses your path.

If this message hits home, listen all the way through, then subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway. What’s one sign you now recognize as a red flag?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Today

When It Feels Too Good

SPEAKER_01 0:02

we wanted to talk to or share with all you secret lovers out there. All you secret lovers, uh, those of you who are who are fighting temptation, fighting temptation, secret lovers. Uh, when it's so good, you can't say no. When it's so good, you can't say no. And the question with that we raised today is what do you do when it feels so good? What do you do uh when it looks so good, it tastes so good? What do you do when it feels so good you just can't say no? I am your host, Dr. Lydia Michelle Young, here with my co-host, intercessor, mentor Janine Nicole is in the building, and this is Wednesday, middle of the week. We refer to today, Wednesday, as Midweek Refreshing Fire, where we are here to share words with you to hopefully uh our endeavor is uh to refresh you, to give you something that's going to carry you through the rest of the week. Not only that, we're here to remind you of your work. This is Sweet Fire the Podcast. Our mantra, as many of you know, is how to survive the flame, when what attracts you burn. So we're just gonna jump into this. When it's so good, you just can't say no. Come on, jump in, intercessor.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Good evening, everyone. When it's so good, you just can't say no. And I know how you opened it up, it got a lot of people's attention.

Why People Keep Love Secret

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Secret lovers, secret lovers, so many people in all walks of life, different capacities, different veins in life, are in those secret relationships, in those secret relationships that they don't feel comfortable with talking to anybody about because they know that that relationship, number one, they're in a secret relationship for a reason, right? There's something about that relationship that they're not wanting to bring to the forefront. They don't want people to know that they have that relationship. It could be that they're in a secret relationship with a married person, they're in a secret relationship with a with a person who is not age-appropriate. They're in a secret relationship because they're in a relationship with somebody of another ethnicity, somebody from a whole different culture that their family may not approve of. Hence the word secret. You're in that secret relationship for a reason. People are not gonna approve of it, and you just you don't want to be talked out of it. What do you do, doctor, when you're in that secret relationship that you don't want to be talked out of?

SPEAKER_01 3:13

That's good stuff. Really, you know, really thinking about the words, hear the words, those of you who are tuning in. What do you do when you're in a uh relationship and it's not age appropriate? Right. And you're holding it a secret. Yeah, that that's good stuff. What do you do when you're in a relationship with a married individual? Right. It's a secret. Things are happening behind closed doors, or you're meeting up in a location where you believe and hope that no one will see you. Right. A secret fighting temptations is when you first lay eyes on someone, right? You could be attracted to their confidence, attracted to their smile, someone whom you find yourself attracted to. I mean, they have a magnetic or about them. How do you fight that temptation?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Right. Come on, right, right. You're attracted to them, you know, the very first moment you you lay eyes on them. Something about them has attracted you to them, but then you go in the closet with them. What do you do? What do you do when you are attracted to somebody, but then you find that that attraction is not appropriate for whatever the reason?

Find A Trusted Confidant

SPEAKER_00 4:44

What is it that you do? The answer? You find somebody that you trust, you to confide in, you find that confidant that you can trust with that information. There has to be a level of trust there. Because not everybody can handle our truth, not everybody can handle those secret temptations that you know some of us may be faced with. Not everybody can handle that level of honesty. So it's not safe to just disclose that information to just any and everyone, even if they are family. You we need to have that confidence that we are able to share that information with and know that it's safe there. Know that we'll be we'll walk away from that conversation with some wise counsel.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Right, right, and that's uh really the key. Uh that's the nugget. Catch this. That's the nugget. Wise counsel, uh, exercise, knowing wisdom, gaining knowledge, knowing wisdom, exercising good judgment, right? Um, making a sound decision, not just jumping in because look, it is they're captivating, they have uh they're charismatic. Um, their presence literally uh draws you, it woos you uh uh because of that ore uh that we talked about a little bit ago, about the magnetic ore that they carry. So you're you're drawn to them automatically. Right. There's a chemistry there, it's something about what's on the inside of them, even though it's external because that's really what you see. Right. But it's something that's drawing, there's a connection there, what's in you and what's in them. Drawn, but you're drawn because of what you see on the outside. You don't even know that person. Right. Right? Right. And so this is what happens. Last

Chemistry, Humor, And Hidden Danger

SPEAKER_01 6:45

week we talked about relationships in those first moments. What takes place in those first moments, uh, how that very first moment uh those those moments of uh eye contact, uh inappropriate embracing, holding hands, uh all the laughter and the the gestures. It's okay to laugh, but you have to be careful and know who's behind the uh the humor. Right. Because people get attracted to a person's sense of humor. But who's behind the humor? You know, because I'm saying that because you want to be careful. Uh, because you're attracted to their energy, you could also be attracted to the enemy. Right. Attracted to their energy, right? But it could also be the attraction uh uh to the enemy of your soul, actually. And we talk about that, how people are able to escape, or if they got out of toxic, poisonous relationships and survived it, and many have not. They're in that relationship, they just can't seem to get out. Your life's been threatened, you've been abused, you've been called names, you can't leave the house, you can't dress the way you want to. There's so many dynamics and elements that go into these types of addictive relationships. We are here to help you uh to gain strength, to find your way out, uh, for you to understand and identify with who you are so you know your value and your worth and know that you're worth it. And we talk about um leave so you can live. Come on, jump right leave so you can live.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Yeah, that that's so true.

Toxic Love And The Need To Leave

SPEAKER_00 8:25

And the key, if it's a relationship that's meant to be, there's no need to hide it. There's no need for that relationship to go into the closet. Right, there's no need for it to be a secret relationship. Now, yeah, you know, you get to the point in life, sometimes as you get older, you you start dating, you know, you feel like you're you're dating the right one that you're eventually gonna say I do to, and you don't want everybody in your business. Yes, that's right. So we're not talking about that on this evening. What we're talking about is the toxic relationships. It it has a tendency, those toxic relationships, they have a tendency to be those secret relationships, those secret relationships where you're being physically abused, you're being emotionally abused, you you've been, you know, cut off from your family, you go into isolation. We're talking about those specific relationships. Those are the relationships that you know you really need to find somebody that you can trust to find that console, somebody who sees your worth. That's the key. Talk to somebody and confide in that one who truly sees your worth. They have identified your worth, they see you as being valuable, and they want to invest in you. Therefore, they're gonna share those jewels, those nuggets of wisdom. You plant that treasure in you to awaken you to the truth of who you are, and they're going to, you know, help you see your way out of that secret relationship that is doomed to fail.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Right, right. Exactly. That relationship, that one right there is doomed to fail. Now, there are some relationships that work out that have lasted. We've talked about that. Uh, that, you know, they met that one. Um, you know, wasn't always peaches of cream or perfect, but they worked at it. Um, they they hung in there, uh, they were treated, you know, right or fair, uh, to where it was tolerable. You know, you did there.

Get Comfortable Alone And Find Worth

SPEAKER_01 10:49

So, look, again, the mantra, how to survive the flame when what attracts you burns, and and it's that when there's an energetic pool. See, initially you're attracted, we just said this, and so you're attracted to that person's energy, but many people um unknowing unknowingly in the beginning, those first moments, you're attracted to the enemy. Let me tell you why, because people are drawn to the idea of not being alone, right? Right. So many people are drawn to the idea or captivated or caught up by the idea of not being alone. So you settle for who or what comes your way or crosses your path. You're better than that, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Come on, right, and truth be told, it's it's just it's the truth, and many, and many, many can be told is right, many can relate to what I'm getting ready to say. It is when we get comfortable with being alone that we find our worth, and I'm gonna say that again. It is when we get comfortable with being alone that we find our worth. It's that time that we spend alone with ourselves, getting to know who we are, admitting what our weaknesses are and not beating ourselves up because of our weaknesses, awakening to the beauty of our strength and not beating ourselves up because we have awakened to the beauty of our strength. It is at that very moment that we truly become familiar and identify with truly how valuable we are, that we are worth something, that we are better than what we have settled for in times past. And I speak from experience. It was when I got comfortable with being by myself and began to look within and you know, examine me. It is when that is when I found the truth of my worth. It wasn't when I was in toxic relationships, it was when I got out of those toxic relationships, when I escaped the burning building, that I truly awakened to my worth. Now I will not settle for anything less. That is when a lot of times we as people we truly learn our value, we come to understand our worth when we are comfortable with being alone for the time, for a time, not forever, but for a time, for a season.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

That's good. Uh learning to love yourself, learning to learn who you are, to become familiar with who you are, who you were, uh, you know, what your purpose is in life, and uh what your abilities are, you know, the jewels that you have on on the inside of you, your your value. I mean, you're really priceless. So when we say value, value doesn't really uh measure up to you. You're you're priceless, right? You're unique. My goodness, you are so unique. There's no one like you. No one can do what you can do, and you are so special, and it is important, it's imperative that you come to understand your worth. We're telling you today that you are worth it, that you are worth more, you are worth better, you are worth so much more. And so take that time to really consider and uh think about what we are sharing with you today concerning who you are.

Final Encouragement And Closing

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Um, and pretty much that that's that's what we have for you today. Um, gain the strength. We're here to back you, we're here to support you uh a million percent. Uh, we appreciate you. Peace be to you, peace be to your house, and peace be to all of you.