“Encore Replay” “Is it Costing You”

Attraction can be powerful enough to feel like destiny and dangerous enough to make you disappear. We go straight at the hard question: what happens when chemistry is real, but the connection is costing you your peace, your voice, and your identity? If you have ever found yourself shrinking back to keep someone interested, tolerating situations that clash with your values, or second-guessing your worth because the other person has “status,” you will recognize the pattern immediately. 

We break down the difference between healthy attraction and an addictive relationship, where the pull starts to control your thoughts, time, and choices. We talk about self-abandonment, emotional boundaries, and why the red flag is not desire itself, but what you’re sacrificing to maintain it. We also explore why turning to someone who is unhealed can feel magnetic yet still be unstable, and how two broken people often cannot provide the security and trust both are trying to find. 

You will walk away with language for what you’re experiencing, clarity on warning signs, and a grounded reminder that you do not need anyone else to validate your value. If this conversation helps you name what has been happening, share it with a friend who needs peace, and make sure to subscribe and leave a review so more people can find the message. What is one sign you now see more clearly?

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Transcript

When Attraction Becomes A Problem

SPEAKER_00 0:01

It is a well-known fact. It is a well-known fact that two people or how deeply attracted two people uh can become. It's known. Uh, I'm well aware of it. I've had the experience where two people uh can become deeply attracted to one another. But here's the problem: that that's okay. It's okay. The attraction is fine. There's no problem with the attraction. The problem presents itself when one of the persons, or maybe even both persons, um betray themselves, betray their own needs, uh, for the attraction or for the other individual, or not uh not only betray their own needs, but they abandon themselves, they abandon who they are, they abandon their identity, they abandon their own strengths, they abandon uh their calling, their purpose, uh, their ability, their gifting, their talent, who they truly are, the core of who they are. That's when the problem steps in. That's when the problem presents itself, when that addictive relationship um is costing you your peace.

Stop Shrinking Back From Your Worth

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I am your host, Dr. Lydia Michelle Young. I'm here with my co-host, none other than mentor intercessor Janine Nicole here in the studio. Today is Wednesday. Wednesday, it's the middle of the week, and we refer to Wednesday as midweek refreshing fire, where we are here to share words with you, phrases with you, uh, metaphors with you, insight with you, wisdom, knowledge with you. Um to uh to ignite a fire in you and to refresh in you. Um, also words to remind you of your worth. We are sharing words with you uh with the intention to not only carry you uh this midweek through the rest of the week, but words that we are hoping and we're believing will change your life for the rest of your life. And so now, uh come on, jump in, uh, intercessor, greet the people, have some words. How are you today?

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Doing I'm doing fabulous, thank you. I hope you're doing the same, and I hope everyone who is tuning in uh doing the same as well. That is food for thought, food for thought, then you know, just thinking about, I'm sure, as you know, you were going forth in the introduction, it caused many people to think, even if they're not necessarily experiencing it right now, but just thinking back in past relationships, how that happens a lot of times, where you two people are so attracted to one another, and the attraction is fine as long as the two people are single and the availability is there, then that you know the attraction is fine, but when you when you are you know shrinking back, when you're you're shrinking back, you know, denying who you are, denying your worth, and just you again, you're shrinking back all because you're attracted to another one, and especially if you're attracted to someone who was in a position of power, okay. You know, that their the uh their professional status is is of uh some reputation in their community, in their society. That person who's attracted to such a one, they they find themselves shrinking back because they feel as if they're not worth that attraction that's being exchanged from another. You know, so it's just so many different reasons that people can shrink backwards all because of an attraction for somebody else, and that's when it becomes a problem. Because when you're shrinking backward, when you're denying yourself because of that attraction, you're also denying yourself that peace. Because when you realize your value, when you realize your work, there is a peace that is adopted as a result, but you deny yourself of that peace when you're shrinking backwards.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Do you deny yourself of that peace? It's costing your peace. You deny yourself of your peace when you shrink backwards. In other words, uh, what I was hearing when you were saying that the shrinking backward aspect is uh we want to encourage you, empower you to not shrink back. Absolutely, uh, but to be forthright. Right. Be forthright about who you are, be forthright about your worth, be forthright about what you stand for, be forthright about what you believe in when it comes to relationships. Absolutely. You have a voice, you have a right, not just an opinion, but you have a voice, you have a right to speak up for who you are, to speak up, to stand up for who you are, who you are designed to be, who you were created to be. You have that right. So it doesn't have to cost us, I'll just say us because we've been through it. Absolutely. Our peace, right? I've sacrificed my peace, I've sacrificed my mind, my my emotion, I've sacrificed my soul, honestly. I've I've sacrificed myself and really have pushed myself to some limits, and it's cost me, uh, it cost me very dearly. Um, that's why I can sit here today and share with you words, phrases, uh, insight, wisdom to help you, to lift you, to strengthen you, to empower you.

Why Two Broken People Cannot Hold

SPEAKER_00 6:14

And and and and here's here's another problem that I that I see uh that many of us have experienced or are some people are in this situation right now is when you turn to someone who is broken, when you turn to someone who is broken, think about something or someone who's broken. When you think of something broken, it's not whole. There are pieces. So when you turn, when we turn to someone who is already broken, um, how can they hold us? Right, how can we be secure uh in in how can we be secure? Where where do we get our security? Where do we get uh the foundation of trust when we turn to someone, we confide in someone, when we put all of our energy, all of our time, our love, you know, into someone who is broken. How does that work?

SPEAKER_01 7:08

It doesn't it can't, okay. Two broken pieces you you know can't hold one another up, two broken pieces cannot hold one another up, it is fundamentally impossible. So there's definitely danger with you turning to being attracted, for two broken people to be attracted to one another. Again, there's nothing wrong, you know, with the attraction. Again, we just want to reiterate as long as you're two single people that are attracted to one another, there's nothing wrong with that attraction. What makes it wrong is when it's two broken people, two shattered people who are attracted to one another, and then you act out on it because that attraction that you're acting out on, one broken piece with another broken piece coming together, you're gonna ignite, but you're gonna ignite, you know, a fire that's gonna cause your house to come down. Therefore, you're you're you're uh uh you're putting yourselves, both of yourselves, in position of denying that peace that could be if you didn't give in to that attraction, but both of you, you know, dealt with what was going on on the inside of you to obtain that healing. And then after being made whole from that healing process, if you two come together, you're coming together as two whole pieces. You're coming together as two whole pieces, hence, you know, making it a possibility for that for that piece, right? For that piece, you know. And then I definitely want to touch on something else that you uh hit on just uh a few minutes ago. Um, talking about um it was a point that you I can't even think of it right now. Go ahead and pick up, it should come back to me. It'll come back to you, it'll come back to you.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

So you're talking about attraction, right? You're talking about the attraction, it's like it's like magnetic. The chemistry is so strong. I got it. It's irresistible. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Um if if you find yourself being attracted to someone, that you know, the attraction is there. Both of you are attracted to one another, okay, and you're you find yourself shrinking backwards because you want, you know, to give in to that attraction, that is that's uh that's a red flag right there. Because anytime you have to shrink backwards, denying the truth of who you are, denying the worth that you can bring to that relationship, chances are that that relationship is not meant for you. Because you should be able to be the truth of who you are. If you're a powerful woman, a strong woman, you should be able to be that powerful, strong woman. Vice versa, man. If you are, you know, a powerful, strong man, you are, you know, you you uh uh you're a good provider, and you shouldn't have to shrink backwards because that woman also is is she has a good income and she's able to bring that financial stability and that support to the relationship. Both people should be able to appreciate one another and add worth to each other's relationship. Nobody should have to shrink backwards. That's a red flag.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Red flag. That's so true. But when you know your worth and the uh other individual they understand their worth, and then you come together, that it makes for a powerful, yes, uh, dynamic, you know, relationship, friendship, um, right, and then when two strong people, I mean we have weaknesses, so right. We're not saying, you know, you have to be strong. Yeah, tap into your strength, you know, gain strength, and the the more we tap into our strength, the stronger we become, the more we practice something, the better we get at it, the stronger we become in that thing, right? So, understanding that now, what this is what this is this is what I'm um thinking when you talk attraction.

Surviving The Flame Of Addiction

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Um, when you each of you are familiar with our mantra, some of you will hear it for the first time today. Sweet Fire the Podcast, our mantra is how to survive the flame when what attracts you burns, how to survive the flame, how to survive that thing that attracted you to it, whatever it might be, it might be food, it might be drugs, it might be uh uh alcohol, it might be money, um, it might be an individual, it might be um it could be a number of things uh where people become attracted to something, a substance, a liquid, a person, um, a thing. Um, how to survive the flame when what attracts you burns. Now, my point here is when the attraction becomes an addiction, that's an issue. When the attraction becomes an addiction is the issue. It's when you enjoy something or someone so much it causes you or compels you or consumes you to partake of it. You really can't help yourself. Uh, when you addicted, that addictive type behavior uh in addictive relationships. So, what happens here when we think about addiction or being addictive or addictive relationship, it's like uh being bound. Um, it's like enslaving yourself to that thing or to that person. It's when a person decides to give him or herself over to it. You're giving yourself over to it. Now it or he or she uh becomes your master. You enslave yourself so it becomes your master. It takes control over you, he takes control over you, she takes control over you. It, the substance, the liquid, the money, uh, whatever it might be. Fashion, if you so caught up in fashion, you look good on the outside, but messed up on the inside, it has taken control over you, it takes control of your thoughts, your feelings, your time, your energy.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Let's talk about that. Yeah, anytime something becomes an addiction, that's problematic. That that hence, you know, that's how uh stalkers are are are are uh they come to fruition, right? They are so attracted to somebody else, and chances are that person that they're so attracted to, the feeling is not mutual because they could be caught up in another relationship, they could be married or whatever. But stalkers they become so obsessed with the attraction that they hold for another, and then next thing you know, they're giving in to that obsession, they're giving in to that attraction, and it has become toxic. That is problematic. Anything that becomes so addictive to where it is distracting you, you can't even work, you can't even go to work. The healthy relationships that you had on the job, they've become poisoned because you are so focused on this attraction, and you want to realize the fullness of this attraction. You want it to manifest, you want it to become something, but for whatever reason, it's not becoming what you want it to be, and you're so just distracted behind it. It is it is a problem, it's a problem. We cannot allow something to distract us and to consume us. We can't even allow another person to become such a distract, uh distraction, excuse me, and consuming us to where we can't even think straight, we can't even, you know, go about our daily, you know, in a normal fashion because we're so consumed by the attraction, right? Anything that is so consuming and distracting, it is a problem, right?

Do Not Outsource Your Value

SPEAKER_00 15:22

And and so our point today, this is our driving point today. Um, that you, those of you who are listening and can identify with this topic, you are identifying with the words uh we speak today, you identify, you say, you know, that sounds like my situation. Um, that's exactly what I'm dealing with. Oh, or I know someone, someone who's confiding in me, who confiding in me, who is facing this exact thing. Um, we want to share with you to not look to someone else for uh your work, to not look to someone else for a sense of your work, the sense of your uh your value. Because, like we said last week, you are priceless, you have it within yourself. You don't have to look to someone else to validate your word, to validate who you are. You are amazing all by yourself. Peace be to you, peace be to your house, and peace be to all you.