Episode 4: Single on Purpose

Single on Purpose: Redefining Happiness Without a Partner

In this episode of Love Liaisons, Kathryn and Marina take on a topic that challenges traditional expectations: choosing to be single on purpose. While society often pressures women to settle down, more and more are embracing independence, prioritizing their peace, careers, and personal happiness over relationships that don’t serve them.

Kathryn and Marina break down the statistics—singlehood is on the rise, and studies show that single women often experience greater life satisfaction than their male counterparts. They explore why financial independence is empowering women to be more selective, the double standards that label single women as “waiting” while single men are simply “independent,” and how pop culture icons like The Golden Girls modeled fulfilling, community-based living.

With humor and insight, they tackle outdated stigmas, the emotional labor burden many women face in relationships, and the expectation that older women should take on caregiving roles. Whether you’re happily single or just questioning the rush to couple up, this episode is a celebration of self-sufficiency, high standards, and rewriting the narrative on love.

Key Takeaways:

•Statistics show singlehood is on the rise, with financial independence playing a key role.

•Women often face stigma for being single, while men are seen as “waiting for the right one.”

•The Golden Girls proved that friendships can be just as fulfilling as romantic relationships.

•Choosing yourself is a valid, fulfilling lifestyle—not a waiting room for love.

Tune in as Kat and Marina remind listeners: If someone asks why you’re single, you can say, “Because I’m happy that way.”

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Transcript

Kathryn 0:05

Welcome to Love Liaisons, the ultimate deep dive into the highs and lows and hilarities of modern relationships. I'm Kathryn

Marina 0:14

and I'm Marina and we'll be your love liaisons. So pour yourself a nice glass of wine.

Kathryn 0:22

or a hot cup of tea and let's dive in.

Marina 0:26

So Kathryn, what are you drinking today?

Kathryn 0:32

Ah, well, today I am having hot water with fresh mint in it. I call it mint tea, has lots of benefits, reducing anxiety, all kinds of things. It's wonderful. Fresh. And what are you drinking Marina?

Marina 0:47

I'm having a nice glass of red wine. It's a red blend called Pessimist from Paso Robles. I think it goes well with our episode today because a pessimist is never disappointed. And today we're going to talk about challenging societal norms, being single on purpose. And I have to tell you, sometimes these men do disappoint me.

Kathryn 1:16

Yes. I think that's happened to the majority of women out there. I wanted to bring up something before we kind of dive into this. In my household growing up, My mom used to listen to music a lot. We always had music playing in the household. And one of her favorite singers was Liza Minnelli. Do you remember her?

Marina 1:40

Oh yeah. Of course. From Cabaret and all those great she was in.

Kathryn 1:47

Yes. So one of the songs, and I think it goes quite well with what we're talking about, being single on purpose, is a song called Live Alone and Like It. And I cannot believe this. I had to look it up. This was like 33 years ago. Okay, around 1992. I want to sing because this really talks about what we're going to be talking about. So she kind of goes into, you know, I'm a one ticket gal. I'm as free as the breeze. I go where I like and I do as I please. When I lock up my apartment, I've got all the keys. Fast forward to 2008. Most people listening to this are going to know Beyoncé. You know, the, the, all the single ladies song. To, you know, you go all the way to Destiny's Child 2000, where the song is talking about, you know, all the women who are independent. So, this is, this has been going on for a long time. This is nothing new. So, let's be real. This is a radical concept in society obsessed with relationships. Women in particular face a lot of pressure to settle down, whether it's from family, friends, and the constant floods of, you know, when are you getting married, right?

Marina 3:08

Absolutely. And so we're talking about a relationship status that's not just single, but you're single, not because you can't find a man or because there's something wrong with you, but you're single on purpose because you choose to prioritize yourself, your career. kids, just your own overall happiness. I think right now more women are saying. That they'd rather be happy alone than in a relationship that's draining to them. And so they're single on purpose, not because there's something wrong with them. And I guess the question is, why are more women and people, in general, men and women choosing to become single?

Kathryn 3:55

Absolutely. I mean, I can't speak for all the men and women, but I can speak, for myself and I, enjoy my privacy and I've been in, relationships and, you know, as my mom always said, if you can enjoy the pleasure of your own company. You're going to rise above a lot faster than someone who can't I'm totally pro relationships. I would ultimately like to be, in a serious relationship. I recently just got out of a relationship. So I'm recently single, but I think the reason, you know, I'm doing so well. At least I'd like to think I'm doing well is because I've been down this road. I'm not in my 20s. So being single out of a relationship in your 20s versus 40s, 50s, 60s is going to look a lot different, right? Yeah,

Marina 4:40

absolutely. And I have to say, I've gotten this annoying question in the past. I've had men ask me, why are you single? You're attractive, successful, smart. what's wrong with you? And the best response that I've had to that is Sadly, I had a partner that passed away and that shuts them right up but it's the truth only, but only partially, yet many times I have been single on purpose because I've chosen to take a break. I've chosen to have high standards as I should, and I've chosen to focus on my career and

Kathryn 5:22

So basically, they both have the same experience and they both have the same goals. And so there's a lot of parts. There's a lot of loneliness that comes with that. And there is not much that's in between. It's just I'm in a position to do what I have to do. And I have to do it. Because I'm there because that's how I am.

Marina 5:39

work on themselves.

Kathryn 5:41

Absolutely. And I think it's a sad commentary that this is still going on. I mean, this is 2025 and we still have people out there, men and women alike of all different ages, that's putting this negative Energy towards being single, you know, like what you said that I think you told me a woman came up and said, Well, lower your standards. Why? Why would we want to do that? Like, there's something wrong with someone, a man or a woman that chooses to be single. And I just, I can't believe it in this day and age that that that's the reason there's more and more women wanting to focus on their career, prolonging, childbirth or what have you, or just, they want to spend their money like the Liza Minnelli song, they want to spend their money the way they want, they want to dress the way they want, they don't want to come home and the man says what's for dinner,, I'm not saying, I just got out of a relationship with a man that cooked, and a lot of men cook, but just, Really, I think from what I hear from the women that I would say are successful, and when I say successful, they're mentally healthy, you know, they're going on with their lives, they get out of, bed that, you know, we all have our down days, right? We're human. We're not perfect, right? We're not robots, but. There's so many men and women out there that just, you know what, I don't want drama. I don't want to have to go places. I don't want to go. I like traveling alone. And so it works for them.

Marina 7:06

Yeah. And believe it or not, it was actually a former mother in law that told me I should lower my standards a little bit because her son wasn't meeting the expectations. That's not gonna cut it with me. Are you familiar with this guy? Derrick Jaxn, that's all over the internet. He's, got a YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and he's a relationship coach, but very pro women. And one of his viral quotes is if a woman is paying over a thousand, 2, 000 in bills by herself, she does not want to hear. W Y D, what you're doing, or hey late at night, that's not what she wants to hear. You're going to have to do a little bit better. If a woman is financially independent, she's paying her own bills. She doesn't want to hear hi. Late at night. That's not what she's about. So yeah, it's okay to

Kathryn 8:01

Exactly.

Marina 8:03

Yeah.

Kathryn 8:03

You should not sell yourself short. You should not. And that's going to lead to resentment. That's going to lead to possible depression, anxiety. You're in this relationship that you don't want. You're ultimately not happy inside. And then you're wondering, Wait a minute. Do I even have respect for myself in this sense? or the fear of what happens if I am single, you know, we talk about finances, all of that. So there's a lot of reasons why somebody might stay in a relationship or might choose to be single. Of course, there are pros and cons, but you this episode We're talking about the power, and it is. Keyword power, the power in being single and owning it. There's a lot of stigma, which I still don't understand. You know, this is 2025, when a man is single, people assume, Oh, he's just waiting for the right woman. But if you say a woman is single, there has to be something wrong with her. And that's where that needs to stop. But it's still today where women are not considered, On the same level as men, and that's unfortunate.

Marina 9:03

I've known quite a few older women that choose to be single and people Like won't leave them alone. They think that there's something wrong with them. For example my, aunt ever since she became a widow, which was over 30 years ago, she

Kathryn 9:20

It

Marina 9:22

to be single and to enjoy aging with other women, with friends and family, being able to travel, being able to exercise and just doing her own thing. She said. She didn't want to settle down with some other old guy and end up being his caregiver for the rest of her life or his life. So she really wanted to enjoy her golden years and I've known quite a few other women that have made that choice. That they really wanted, to have fun, they wanted to travel, they wanted to do their own thing. there's really nothing wrong with that. There's, and I constantly felt like other people were judging them and wanting to set them up with, their grandpa or something like that.

Kathryn 10:15

I always say do you what's good for you may not be good for someone else and I see either way I see see the benefits, but I see a lot of my friends who are single and they're loving their life that their career has never been better. they travel. They can travel by themselves, they know what they're spending money on. They don't need to say, okay, well, what restaurant do you want to eat at? or they go with a group of girlfriends, you know, and they don't want the drama. They're enjoying their life. And when that person is supposed to come in their life, if it's supposed to happen, it'll happen. And that to me and my mindset is such a healthier. Way of thinking like if you're just always going, okay, I'm getting on that other dating app You know our episode about are we dating the same guy and getting all these dating apps and just it's like a second job and Think you think about what you could be doing with your life. Maybe you could get another certification Maybe you could you know spend more time meditating, you know, instead of taking blood pressure medication get off the blood pressure medication and actually Meditate, or do yoga, and that'll lower your blood pressure. I'm just hypothetically, like, there's so many other things that you could do for your health, for your finances, for your mental stability, instead of just always going, okay, now I need to spend an hour tonight on the dating app, because the goal is you want to get into a relationship.

Marina 11:42

You're right, it is another job. You could literally just get another job be responsible for your financial security. But yeah, this idea of you mentioned traveling by yourself. I really like traveling by myself sometimes. And I grew up as an only child and, I've also had the opportunity to travel both, within the U. S. and internationally, and a lot of it I've done on my own, and I really do. I enjoy eating out by myself, going to the theater by myself, and there's something really freeing about it. But I think it freaks people out because I remember some years ago, I was on a date with a guy here in San Diego and we were at a Indian restaurant downtown and he was looking over at a table next to us and there was a lady dining by herself and he made this comment. He said, Oh, my God. Do you see that woman sitting by herself? That's so sad. I hate to see that a woman should never be sitting by herself. I feel

Kathryn 12:45

Oh, wow. She

Marina 12:46

And I was thinking, Oh, my God, maybe she's a businesswoman. Maybe she's traveling, maybe she's at a conference, or maybe she's just taking her own darn

Kathryn 12:55

wants some peace and quiet.

Marina 12:58

Exactly. Because I've certainly done that many times. A lot more when I'm traveling somewhere and I don't want to just get takeout. I want to go to the nice restaurant, if I'm in Spain, I want to go get tapas. I want to go get paella and a glass of wine and enjoy it. And yeah, I'll be there by myself. And sometimes I meet people that way. So there's really nothing wrong with that.

Kathryn 13:21

Absolutely. You know, piggybacking on what you just said, I had a friend years ago who went to a fine dining restaurant because she could and because she wanted to get out of the house. And she actually ended up, the irony, she actually ended up meeting her partner. She was at a table by herself. doing her thing. There was a gentleman at another table. He happened to see her sitting, didn't want to interrupt, her time for herself, but he could tell she was about to get the bill. And so he came over and he said, would you like to join me for a dessert? I see we're both here alone. They just started chit chatting, hit it off. So you never know. And I always say, do what makes you happy. And from that. Everything will come together.

Marina 14:02

And that's the thing. Women aren't single because they have to be, they're single because are protecting their peace. And, especially in your older years, I think the golden girls knew what was up. They had it together you remember Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and,

Kathryn 14:21

Oh, yes.

Marina 14:22

They were living their best lives together. No men needed. They had friendship. They seemed to be financially stable. They were independent. And yeah, some of them were dating here and there but that's the dream, like normalizing women, just choosing to live in a community of friends without rushing into a relationship just to avoid being alone.

Kathryn 14:45

Absolutely. We create our lives. And I always say to people, when they're in relationships, or they have a fear of, well, what happens if I'm single? I get this asked so many times, and I always have to bite my lip. Because I've always been that person that I've never felt there's anything wrong with being single. If you want to be single, great. You want to be in a relationship, great. enjoy the journey. But whenever I have people come up to me and they're so sad because why am I still single? Or this What's gonna happen if I'm in this relationship and it doesn't work out? And I always say, well, what if pigs fly? Just to like, kind of, you know, make them laugh a little bit and be like, okay, what if pigs fly? Are you happy right now? If you're happy in where you're at right now, go for it, then be single. Be in the relationship, you know?

Marina 15:33

I think that the best time to meet somebody is when you are happy with yourself when you're healthy, when you're doing well, rather than being with yourself and your life and feeling like you need somebody to fulfill your life that doesn't really go well for a stable, successful, secure attachment bond. But that's, been my experience sometimes when you're not looking and you're doing just fine. you may stumble upon the perfect person. I

Kathryn 16:13

I remember going to a lecture a long, time ago, and the gentleman who was speaking, he was talking about relationships and how this young lady came up to him. And he was also a little bit of a matchmaker, and he asked her, what are you looking for? Because she was complaining that she was single, and she made this comment about, well, I'm looking for someone that's, financially savvy, someone that's funny, someone that can play a musical instrument, and she just had this whole long list and he's writing it down and he's looking at her and it was quite a long list of all the things that she's looking for in someone and, what her non negotiables are and, what the values are. And he looks at her and he says, so let's just backtrack for a second. So you're looking for all these things in a man. What is it that you can provide for him? And there's like dead silence. And this can go to man, woman, woman, man. She's asking for a man to play a musical instrument. But she didn't play a musical instrument. And so this goes back to, he's like, do you think maybe that may be why you're single? So that's another part of it is what are expectations and are we thinking realistically, idealistically, this has nothing to do with lowering standards, but we also need to be realistic in what we're looking for, what are we going to give and what we're getting in return, right?

Marina 17:33

Also what comes to mind is, can you be a good partner to yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you like your own company? do you enjoy hobbies? I like to take myself. On dates, yes, of course, I have men taking me on dates and I date and they're wonderful. Don't want to forget that, but I like taking myself out on a date too, Not everybody likes to do the same thing. Not everybody wants to go wine tasting. Not everybody wants to go. Salsa dancing or go look at the flower fields. So it's wonderful to be able to enjoy your own company and there's something really powerful and freeing in that you do not need somebody else to make you happy, to make you complete to basically fill your time.

Kathryn 18:33

and that's the thing. Once you do get into your groove, as I call it, like you start hiking or whatever it is, playing pickleball. Pickleball is a really big thing right now. Or like you mentioned, salsa dancing. Once you start doing these things, then you do become more attractive, not only to yourself, And I'm not talking about physical attraction, right? I'm talking overall, all the pieces emotionally, mentally, you know, and physically you look in the mirror and you're like, ah, this salsa dancing is kind of, you know, maybe, you know, get a little bit of tone. Oh, this hiking, you know, has really been helpful for my anxiety, like whatever it is. Then once you start appreciating yourself and respecting yourself, not to say that people aren't. But once you get to a place where. You're like, okay, I'm in my zone. Then things will happen if you want them to, right? But there's nothing wrong with even being in your twenties all the way to your fifties and being single. Some people don't want to have kids. Some people want to just be left alone. So if you are one of those people and you're listening to this episode and thinking, I want to be like that. I want to be the person that's happy being single. Thinking about who's in your circle. Is everyone in your circle married, partnered? Then start thinking about adding people in your circle that are single and actually successful in being single. And what I mean by successful, once again, is that they're mentally happy. They're going out. You see them posting, you know, social media or they're calling you and saying, Hey, would you like to go here next time? Say yes. Say yes. Start living your life not thinking about, I need to be in a relationship with someone and from there, everything will come together.

Marina 20:18

So why are more people choosing to be single and more women? I wanna actually just take a look at some of the numbers. According to a Pew Research Center analysis, there's close to 40% of American adults. As you mentioned, ages, twenties to fifties are unpartnered, meaning they're not married and they're not living with a partner. And that's gone up sharply from the nineties. So we're close to 40% of Americans are not

Kathryn 20:50

Mm hmm.

Marina 20:51

And even looking ahead into the future, there's a prediction that 45 percent of working age women, also aged 20s to late 40s, may be single by 2030. And that's going to be up significantly over

Kathryn 21:10

Mm hmm.

Marina 21:10

decade. I think it's remarkable that single women are reporting higher levels of well being, relationship satisfaction with people in their lives, not just partner, life satisfaction, sexual satisfaction compared to single men. So according to a social psychology study that looked at over 6, 000 adults, single women are actually more satisfied than single men. And that reminds me of a joke,. So I think many people know that married men actually live longer.

Kathryn 21:49

Yes got to change that. No, I'm kidding.

Marina 21:52

So here's the punchline. Married men are known to live longer, but more willing to die.

Kathryn 22:00

Oh, gosh. Yeah, you know, it makes sense what you said, though, about, higher levels of well being life satisfaction, sexual satisfaction. I mean, relationships take a lot of energy. And let's be honest, so many women and. end up in relationships where they're doing all the emotional labor, so what I mean by that is they might be cooking, they might be cleaning. I mean, yes, this is 2025 and lots of men cook and clean. So all you men out there that are listening, going, what I cook and clean, we love you. We need more of you. Okay. But for the most part, you know,

Marina 22:34

cooking

Kathryn 22:34

What are the cooking, the cleaning, the planning, the laundry, like, you know, picking the kids up from school, whatever it is, they remember the birthdays, the anniversaries, the projects, you know the hey babe, don't forget about your mom's doctor's appointment, all those things. And then what do they get in return? You mentioned earlier about that half hearted WYD text at 11 PM, right?

Marina 22:59

I was just talking to another sports mom recently. Lee. Talking about how much she does for the kids, works full time, gets the kids up in the morning, cooks, cleans really has to hold down the fort because her husband works a lot and often has to be in other locations for work and it's just, So much that she puts in it's truly a double shift. So literally for many

Kathryn 23:29

Okay.

Marina 23:47

slavery. It's a lot. It really

Kathryn 23:50

I mean,

Marina 23:51

really is.

Kathryn 23:57

it. And then even when I worked, I still loved, keeping a nice house. That is one thing about me. I like things organized. I like, to do the grocery shopping and the laundry and, so. That's just me. So I never saw it as an issue if I was doing the bulk of that because he would, mow the lawn or fix the cars or, if a toilet broke, he fixed it. So there was defined, goals and chores and, what the responsibilities were. And everybody makes that. In their household. And once again, as I mentioned earlier, it's never going to be equal. So if you're looking for it to be equal, good luck to that. Someone is always going to be putting in more and you just have to know that and be okay with that. Not in every relationship. I do see some where literally, I feel like both the man and the women have divided it in half and that's fabulous. But the reality is. In most relationships, that's not going to happen. And so this kind of goes back to what I was saying about being realistic about what's going to happen on both sides. Right. So, I think so many people rush. They rush into the relationship. They don't take the time to really get to know the person or possibly live with the person. And I'm not saying I have friends who literally they knew each other for two weeks and they've been married for years and years right. But. The likelihood, like if you do, you were talking about numbers, the statistics are the longer you take time in that courtship process to really get to know someone, it's more likelihood that that may work out. I mean, if you think about it, it's common sense.

Marina 25:32

It could also be the opposite. The longer you take, the more you realize, this isn't worth it.

Kathryn 25:38

Then you leave. You know, I'm not going to waste any more time. This was a learning lesson. I've grown from it and I'm going to move forward.

Marina 25:45

I've seen it work both ways. My parents actually got married my father proposed after knowing my mother for about a month and they were married for 50 years until he sadly passed away. And I remember my mom she told me the story that she said, you're asking me to marry you after only a month. And that's not a lot of time. And he said back to her sometimes you can know somebody a lifetime and still not really know a whole lot about them. And she had been in a situation where she was dating somebody for eight years and hadn't gotten married yet. So she said, you know what? You're right. Let's give it a shot. And they were together for 50 years.

Kathryn 26:23

That's beautiful.

Marina 26:24

There's no right way. Yeah.

Kathryn 26:32

isn't, it's not a waiting room for a relationship. Okay, it's a valid fulfilling lifestyle. So if you're on purpose, which is what we're talking about being single on purpose. Own it. I always say that in every episode. Own it. High standards are a good thing. And if somebody tries to tell you otherwise, I always, I call these people toxic people. Say, you know what? Fine. I don't need to have you in my circle. I mean, you don't need to say that out loud, but you can say it in your head. If people aren't serving you and bringing positivity into your life, Or you're having a friend who tells you like it is, but you know they're a good friend, that's fine. But if there are people out there, like, not allowing you to have your high standards, Bye! Next, choosing yourself is a good thing. And if someone asks, why are you single? Just tell them because I want to be that's it. You don't need to say anything more.

Marina 27:30

Yeah it's time to rewrite this narrative about what it means to be single and about on purpose being an actual relationship status.

Kathryn 27:42

Absolutely. Well, I hope we've motivated some people that if you are single to own it, love it. There's nothing wrong with you. And you're on your journey. This is the path you're supposed to be on and everything will be the way it's supposed to be for you. So I think we said a lot. I'm going to take a sip of my tea,

Marina 28:02

and I'll have a sip of my wine.

Kathryn 28:06

so keep sippin

Marina 28:07

Keep loving,

Kathryn 28:08

and keep laughin

Marina 28:10

cheers for now, from your love liaisons.