Episode 5: Social Media and Reel-ationships

The Role of Social Media in Modern Romance

In this episode of Love Liaisons, Kathryn and Marina, along with their guest Gideon dive into the impact of social media on modern relationships. From “reel-ationships” built on meme exchanges to the high-stakes decision of making a relationship Instagram official, they explore how digital connections shape love today.

They discuss the pros and cons—how social media can bring couples closer but also fuel jealousy, unrealistic expectations, and privacy concerns. Is posting a partner a sign of commitment, or is it just performative? Should couples set boundaries on social media use? And can a relationship survive on shared memes and reels alone?

Tune in for laughs, insights, and real talk about love in the age of likes and follows.

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Transcript

Marina 0:06

Welcome to Love liaisons, the ultimate deep dive into the highs lows and hilarity of modern relationships. I'm Kathryn. And I'm Marina. And we'll be your love liaisons. So pour yourself. A nice glass of wine. Or a hot cup of tea, and let's dive in. Today. We are talking about social media and its impact on modern romance, how it can bring people together, drive them apart, and even redefine relationships. We have a guest, Gideon, my friend, he's a social worker and social media enthusiast. A meme connoisseur. We used to date a few years ago now we mainly have a reel. reel-ationship, which if you don't know what that means, it's like he sends me a reel. I send him a reel. So it's a reel-ationship relationship. Welcome Gideon. Hello. Nice to be. Yeah. So before we get started I wanna tell you a little bit about what we're drinking today. Katherine what have you got in your hands today for this? I have some sage tea. It's very good for oral health, blood sugar control. So that is what I'm drinking today. What do you have there, Marina? I have a glass of one of my favorite go-to organic wines. It's called Well Read, red blend, and, I'm drinking. Well Read today because I don't just like to read memes or texts. I really like to read a lot of books. But today we'll be talking about the role of social media on relationships, and as social media has really changed the way we date, whether it's sliding into people's DMs making your relationship Instagram official or sending memes back and forth as a form of affection. But the question is. Does it help your relationship or is it destroying relationships? That's our question here. And Gideon, we have this joke that we are in a reel- relationship. So can you explain a little bit what that means and what's up with all the reels? I always go back to the story of, when you're friends you go throughout college and they tell you these different experiences of going on in their life. And for guys, it's much different from the guy can explain the story or this what I'm going through. And a lot of people try to fix things through humor and just oh my gosh, that happened, or I'll tell you some extremes. Like friends tell me oh my gosh, they got a DUI and the only way you can really show sympathy is okay, tell me the exact detail what happened. And I would always think to myself, I wish there was just like a Hallmark card of sorry, you got a DUI or, sorry you got laid off and basically that's what memes and reels do. It reminds you of certain instances and stories and able to connect with friends. And then also it's a good opportunity to connect without actually connecting at that particular time. It's like leaving a note at your friend's door and being like, Hey. I sent you something, whenever you have time, take a look at it as opposed to someone calling you or texting and you have that feeling like, I have to respond to him right now, you might not check your social media for a week or so, but when you see it, ha. I'm thinking of this person, that person is thinking of me and thinking of this particular story.'cause I also think of like that song it says it goes down in the dms because whereas people post one thing and then it, I think now in our worlds, it's become like a bunch of silos because one person might show something to the whole world and then they'll. Show the weirdest meme privately to some friends, and that's who that friend is able to connect with as opposed to having that phone call, yeah. So that's actually real. Some people feel connected, sharing funny stories or sharing some relatable content. It's like a digital form of intimacy, yeah is that enough? Can a relationship survive just on shared reels? Don't you need to have real conversation? That's a good point. But then also that's that saying a picture's worth a thousand words. You might send something to somebody and they're like, oh, I remember when I was 21, I got drunk like this, or this particular story happened. Instead of having that breakdown. You can both just look at it, laugh, and then move on, so that's like a form of connecting.'cause it's who wants that? We need to talk, and then the first thing you're like, okay, we need to talk. I get defensive. But then it's also Hey, I saw something that we both saw. You both can connect. Maybe we both experienced something in the eighties, and then I send you this reel, and you're like, oh my gosh, that's what was going on in Russia or wherever, and then I would be like, okay, like one of the ones you would get is the immigrant family or the Russians who don't smile, but it's the same way'cause I'm Ugandan and it's there's certain mannerisms that we have as well that you might see in a meme. I'm like, oh, I totally get it. Where someone else won't, yeah. I think I just sent you one the other day about the African father. Oh, absolutely. That's 1000%. The fact that you couldn't just come home and you were just lying on the couch. You always gotta feel like you had to be doing something productive, But can reels and images and, bitmojis replace, actual communication? That's the thing. I'll think of the example I shared with Marina earlier about how I found out about, my cousin passing was announced on Facebook. And my other cousin texts me, but going on theirs and just seeing old pictures and connecting. And they were in DC I was in Colorado, and so I felt like they were involving me like, video footage of what's going on here. But then it turned out that, went to DC for the funeral and I connected even more. But nothing beats, face-to-face contact, but at least I was kept in the loop, so it's really a way for you to connect with people. Yes. And, not everybody's really that into it. And I remember years ago when we dated briefly I actually got annoyed by all the memes and all the reels that you would send me and I used to tell you, I want you to talk to me when you really have something to say. I don't wanna get 10 memes a day, but now, we live in different states and it is a way to connect. Yes. So it's gone from, being in a real person relationship to now, we're friends and we're at a distance. So it is a way of connecting and sharing funny things with each other. But to add to what you're saying, there's a lot of times that you guys are in the people talking field, and even as a social worker, the last thing you want to do is talk at the end of the day, but then at the same time, I see something, I'm like, oh, I thought of you in this situation. I would send this, just being unconventional, but yeah, there's nothing that can be, the face-to-face, but at the same time, I think it's better than nothing. Sometimes it's better than something.'cause say you two are friends, and say you go through weeks where you're super busy a meme can be a way of connecting as opposed to discussing your day or what's going on. And that can be exhausting. But then you still get the gist. I think there's pros and cons to it. It definitely serves its purpose. Social media isn't all bad, it helps sometimes long distance couples stay connected. Family members. Yeah. Be able to post pictures, things of that nature. It allows people to express. Potential love in different creative, unique ways, it could potentially bring couples together. However, there's also that other side of it, if you're just using that, it's not good. It's what happened during pandemic, right? Where people, that's basically what they had. They didn't really have anything else. And so they had to use social media, texting,'cause they weren't seeing face-to-face. But we're no longer in a pandemic. There's still a lot of people though, I feel like, are still in that pandemic stage. Yes. But remember that with social media, you're actually the product, so it means they're trying to sell you so many things. So you have to be careful that's why, get out in nature and just get away from all that. But then at the same time it wasn't just, the pandemic, what do they say? Is it Sweden are the most shy people in the world? And they would rather text each other than actually talk and people connecting that way. Because there's also, even in relationships if I'm angry at my partner I'm not one of those people who would just wanna sit down and talk and hash it out. I am more of the one to be like, okay, I'm gonna send you an email of my thoughts. Then you can reply that way and then. I'll sit on it or you sit on it or figure it out, that's smart because it gives you an opportunity to get all of your thoughts out. And not say the wrong things. But at the same time, that's, one mechanism because some people might want to talk things out and some people might want to, intimacy things out. There's just different ways to skin a cat, and social media is also one of those things of Hey, if you saw something going on in Paris and then remember this, like I said, there's pros and cons, but social media can also have a tremendous impact on the way couples experience negotiate conflicts, how they express love, admiration, affection, so resolving conflicts and a relationship involves what? empathy. Empathy involves the ability to pick up on partners, cues, so how do you really understand the nonverbal cues or other subtle aspects of communication, if that's all you're using? I always say everything in moderation. When people are putting so much into social media, it's gonna have negative impacts. Oh, absolutely. And I also say with social media, be yourself. cause there's people who might project one way on social media because they can create whatever avatar they want. And that's a thing with this new generation. But then at the same time, even learning about what I learned about relationships, a lot of it would come from different reels. Because like they say the smartest person, if you can tell me something in 30 seconds and then it'd be like, oh, actually learning what the true meaning of empathy is, or, this is what this looks like. Because normally it wouldn't be a thing where I would go on YouTube and look it up. And I think that's also a masculine thing. We look what's around. But if everyone's just. Bottle it up inside. The social media also allows you to see a video from a woman's perspective and be like, oh man, I don't know that girls think this way. Or, because, if it's not in your forefront, then you don't think about it. And I'm sure many women figure out things about how guys think just by, listening to a guy that they might respect, it definitely has pros and cons. Yes, absolutely. so one of the things we've talked about in our other segments is the role of attachment and attachment theory. And I know Gideon, we've talked about this, between you and me and you've shared that you could be a little bit avoidant at times. And so communicating through memes, communicating through reels is a way for you to not feel so vulnerable. And it's a way for you to maybe safely get across what you wanna say. Kind of like you were saying. I wish there was a hallmark card for uncomfortable things. Yes, absolutely. Because there it's like many ways you skin a cat, there's the five love languages where someone might, need a hug. And then someone else, you go and hug them and they might have that trauma of that's not something to do. But then you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar. Because if I'm angry, I really don't want the person next to me, that makes sense. that makes sense. That's why they say, go take a walk. Go listen to some of your favorite music. The worst time to really communicate your thoughts, deepest emotions, feelings, is when you're in that. Rage in that anger absolutely, yes. And then also I'm big on listening to the energy of the universe because all of a sudden I would find if I'm thinking about something and then all of a sudden there'll be a meme appear about it, I'm like. Oh my gosh. And because it's an algorithm, they can figure it out for you cause they always say you're a culmination of your five people around you. But if you are like in raising a small town and all your friends are idiots, then it's actually okay. I need to go to experts. Yeah. So I know you were talking about different love languages and I actually think that sending memes is one of your love languages. So maybe there's six love languages. Yeah, ab absolutely. A picture's worth a thousand words. Yeah. I wanted to shift to a different phenomena here. We wanted to talk about, how people are using social media now in their relationship and something that almost feels as serious as meeting people's parents when you post your partner on social media. Like you post, you're in a relationship or you post their picture, like a status symbol or a sign of commitment. So Gideon, you shared with me you're in a relationship with a lady now. Is that correct? That is correct. Yeah. And so do you. Post your new girlfriend on your social media. I actually haven't stalked you, so I don't know. Yes, and it's also like a part of a thing of you can be private, but also if you're posting your life. That person's an important part of your life. It's okay. Like also one of those memes, there's a joke about guys don't share anything they can be getting married and all they'll post is a picture of the sky, like big day, and then people will never know. But I feel like if you're authentic, then yeah, you're going to, obviously you don't overshare but it's a great way to connect with others' lives. Watch friends and even kids grow, I remember watching this. When you say congratulations, in your mind, you're putting that story together, but I will say it's like a double-edged sword because it's good to post your partner, but then at the same time it's almost smart to, because like you don't post them. And then of course, people's. We'll be in the girl's ear oh, what is he hiding? It's almost going out in front of whatever's going on. I wanted to comment on that because if you think of Facebook or other social media, Instagram, it's a huge thing where people will post, okay, I'm in a relationship or I'm single, and it can cause a lot of arguments in a relationship. If one person posts I'm in a relationship, another person doesn't maybe they just don't like to be on that, or there was a lack of communication. But people sometimes will share their best lives. So there's a lot of pros and cons with social media, right? Yes. And these reel reel-ationships. And so couples will compare. They'll say, oh, look at the fabulous vacation they went on or look they were dining out this week. We don't go dining out. So it can cause a lot of issues. That whole fear of missing out called fomo, the idea that someone else is having a better time than you are. And so this can impact mental health, wellbeing, possibly, making people more depressed. And so for me, I think there has to be moderation. If I saw my partner constantly on social media or constantly sending memes or just texting, that would not be okay. That's a lack of respect to me, especially if I'm standing right there. Or you go out on a date and somebody has their phone on the table Big. No. Give the person your undivided attention. This goes back to the whole social media and how it definitely could have pros and cons. Alright. But then it's also we live under the phenomenon of couples would watch a show together while they're both on their phones sending memes. Don't do that. If you want, quality time then have quality time. but that can also be quality time. Because it's like one of the things of you guys are doing your own thing together. My girl, she is not a fan of sports, and I respect that. But that same time, like understands that, I love sports, so if she goes to a sporting event or whatever the fact that okay, showing up, but doesn't necessarily have to, do that whole, oh, ask all these questions. They're just being there for your support. But then to also answer your question about the mental health part I don't approach it that way like when I seriously see my friends go on vacation or do those kind of things, I am super 1000% happy for them. And unfortunately, I would find out that people would be upset about their friends, someone just got a new job or something like that. They created that wedge with people that if you can't tell people your highs or even your lows, then those are not your people, regardless. Ultimately, how does this impact relationships? Is where I'm going with this. I know there's pros and cons. But social media, just texting, memes and how much it, are you supposed to do, before you get on the phone or talk or say, Hey, let's connect in person. What are the pros and cons and how can this help a relationship and how can it hurt a relationship? When you're first texting somebody, you could get that frequency energy of wow, this person doesn't know how to spell. Or This person's short, or this person's doesn't laugh at this. And then you're like, this person's not for me. So it's a great way to weed things out I'm not saying reels and everything should replace all the other ones. But I know for like chatting with one of my buddies he's from El Salvador and just quickly we sent a meme and then he sent something about what's going on, and then I sent something and then we're done. But then we're like, oh. If he would've called or text, it would've been all that pressure and it wasn't a time that I would've had to just be like, oh, okay. Because I think that actually made the relationship better. cause it's that understanding that, we all have kids. We get busy. When my cousin passed away I said, okay, I'm gonna make it a plan over all of us do a zoom like once a month. And then I told'em all to send me emails and everything. Then they sent it and I was like, oh, wait, this day doesn't work for me. I had to put the kibosh on it because it would've been like a job to factor in the time we all get on the computer and talk. Yeah. There's a time and a place for everything. So for you it's really a way to connect with people using these kind of memes or these reels that you connect with and it is almost like a love language for you and that you're able to connect with them without the pressure of having to take all this time to really talk in person. It fits, with your personality and also your attachment style for certain people. But I wanted to go back to this big relationship topic about announcing yourselves on social media. This idea about being Instagram official or Facebook official to make it look like you're in a relationship. A lot of people put a lot of weight on that kind of thing and others. Just wanna keep it private. Like for example I'm dating somebody who completely avoids social media on purpose. He's a retired cop and he does it for safety reasons. He doesn't want to be searchable. And that can bring up a challenge. So I'm just wondering what you all think. Does it bring up a challenge if your partner doesn't wanna be online? Does it make you feel like they're hiding you? What do you think? I think that goes back to communication. You have to have good communication with your partner and it's something to discuss, I see you're not on social media and I am. Do you mind if I post that I'm in a relationship would you mind posting that we are in a relationship? So it goes back to communication, yeah. And then there's also, and I'm sure you ladies heard of this website. Are we dating the same guy? Oh, absolutely. One of our first episodes was about are we dating the same guy? It's a perfect example where some of the questions where. Women would psych someone out and a guy doesn't even know what's going on. All of a sudden, not everyone, is happy for you. There are women out there who would you post a guy and the person's so happy about meeting him. They're like, what do you guys think? And they have 75 comments probably anonymous and then it ruins this person because they might have a different agenda. So it all goes back to who you are off of social media as well as who you are on it. Because I think I'm okay with saying are you okay with posting? Yeah, you can do that, but I'm also gonna let you know that, it's giving the example of the cop, you want to go through my phone? That's an unreasonable search and seizure you can look, but what you find is, should not be admissible in court. And with social media, I hate to use the word obsess, but for lack of a better word, I think people are just too much into the whole social media. Focus on your life outside of the bubble. And who cares if you post? If you're in a relationship, the main people that you love that are in your heart, that care about you, you care about them, they're probably gonna know that you're in a relationship at some point in time. The long distance. Second cousin, it's okay if they know maybe a month from now, but I think that's the issue, we've just become the societal, mess, for lack of better wording, that we just feel like we have to post everything on social media and it's also become obsessive compulsive in a lot of ways. There's definitely a lot of pros and cons, a lot of positive and negative impacts. It can create jealousy, unrealistic expectations. And there's also positive impacts. It's not just you post somebody or not. People talk about doing a soft launch where they hint at the fact that they're in a relationship. Maybe it's like them holding hands with somebody, or a blurry picture of, the back of somebody's head versus hard launch where you are literally posting a picture of you and this person tagging them and saying, we're in a relationship together. People make a lot of noise about all of this. I remember a couple of years ago this happened, here in San Diego, somebody we know had posted a picture of herself with a guy, like they were just, out drinking wine, whatever. And this person had actually. Been flirting with me on a dating site literally the day before. And so I contacted her and I said, Hey are you guys friends or are you guys dating? And she said, oh yeah, I started dating this guy, and I told her. I was talking to him on a dating site and I actually liked him and She was shocked to know that he was still talking to women on dating sites and she really wanted to know the whole rundown about it, but they were not official. She went and hard launched this guy before they were official, so it blew up in her face. I certainly didn't mean to hurt her, but I wanted to go on a date with this guy and now she's posting his picture. So this was something like, to end up in this, are we dating the same guy saga? And those are the problems that happen. Or even you can give an example of an ex you broke up with 10 years ago who continually would try to lambast you, it all goes back to, okay, you're gonna be with me. Certain things come with that, it's a dog eat dog mentality where you could post your kids are achieving well. And then, someone would make a comment geez, do they ever come in second place? And I immediately had to block that person because I'm like, are you rooting for my kid not to do? That's a them problem, not, me posting about my kid. Your kids are always first in your life anyway. So there's definitely the negative impacts, like jealousy and insecurity. You could see your partner or the person, like someone else's posts and could spark fights, unrealistic expectations. Facebook, Instagram, everything looks perfect, but in reality, they just had an argument 10 minutes before and they go, okay, let's just take a selfie really quick and post it on Facebook so people know we're having fun in Jamaica. So you don't really know what's happening. There could be privacy and trust issues. Is your partner sending someone else a message? It can lead to addiction, neglect, couples scrolling instead of having communication one-on-one. But there's also the positive impacts. Like long distance relationships. This gives them an opportunity to see pictures, meeting new people. There's a lot of, apps on Facebook about meeting people girls, groups, all of that. People who are new in town, so it can, strengthen bonds, it can, have creative affection. We were talking about memes and love languages for sure. I was just gonna add me being, in Denver where there's not a lot of diversity. So connecting with, my friends from back home it kinda, would lessen the depression. So if I didn't see that, this person's in a relationship it's still like my boy or my cousin, but we don't pick up the phone and talk because we're all hella busy, the issue is be who you are off of social media, someone might have a thousand or 10,000 followers, but when they're sick in the hospital, only three people show up, it gives you that false illusion that you know more people around than actually not. But then it's also an example where you said a couple was fighting 10 minutes before when they were in Hawaii or wherever, but then it also reminds them like, Hey sometimes they need to hear oh my gosh, you're having so much fun. And then you're like, you know what? I am having fun. Let me have fun. It's like their own pep talk, some people listen to like morning affirmations to avoid negative self-talk. But if it wasn't with social media the world can get isolating. I guess false brotherhood, but then what's the alternative? You can't just hop on a plane to DC anytime. I mean you can have phone conversations, but that's the same thing where people have a hundred likes. Who are these people and what are they liking and why can't they, comment. It goes back to the song you said, by Chronixx"Likes", you know, everybody can do a like, but what about the love maybe I'm getting the song wrong. No, you got it. I'm not gonna sing it, but it's so true because. It's just really all those people liking, maybe they didn't even read it. Maybe they just liked the picture. What did they actually like? I always go back to this question of last year 50% of men have not experienced a hug. That reminds me of the new Drake song. Gimme a hug. People need hugs today. That's what I'm talking about. There is definitely a role that social media plays, but at the end of the day, if that's all that you have, there's gonna be a major disconnect in my opinion. You have to have that social interaction, whether it's a romantic relationship, a working relationship, a friendship, what have you. You need to get a hug. You need to be able to look into someone's eyes. You need to be able to have that meaningful connection. When you lose those meaningful connections, guess what happens? But at the same time, we live in a world where people work from home. Like you go to the grocery store and you choose the option of self-checkout. And there's only so many hours in a day and people are overworked and over everything. So you have your tea and you have your wine. Sometimes it's what you do to get through. And you have your memes. You work from home, There has to be, maybe not every day, but a couple days a week, there has to be some point in time where you are getting outta the house. Actually talking, having conversations, or what's gonna happen to society? Who are we gonna be as people? Nothing beats face to face, but at the same time, there's a lot of jerks out there. So everyone's in rush hour traffic and it's almost better that people are not communicating because once people open their mouths, then you're like go away. And it's all how you respond to it. We can't control other people, but we certainly control how we respond to other people. There's fight, flight or freeze, and oh, this person's super chatty, or this person might be negative energy. So what you usually do is you'll take a different route. I know Gideon, you're really into positive vibes and positive energy. And maybe sometimes that's to the point of avoiding any kind of conflict. Do you ever feel like you're hiding behind social media? That's funny. I wouldn't say I avoid conflict.'cause as a social worker you're a huge advocate. And then I fought for a long time to get custody of my girls. So it's I guess it is like picking my battles. But then also I remember I'll give an example I'm really into elephants and someone assumed that I had a dead elephant in my living room, but it was actually an elephant that was carved out. And I'm sure the fact that they brought that up to me on social media, I'm sure privately he probably told like 20 people before he brought it up to me. The reason why US weekly sells more than Wall Street Journal.'cause people want sensationalism. So I'm actually curious how did you meet your new partner? Did you meet her online or in person? We met online and that goes back to the algorithm, but it turned out that she had so many commonalities and qualities and all that. I was like, huh? Like the thing I was joking with you earlier. You laughed. She's Ukrainian Oh my goodness. They say don't meet a person at a bar. And then if you don't go to a bar and say you go grocery shopping or whatever. I have my ear pods on. I'm focused on my food and what I need to get, and I'm in and out. At least that's an option where if someone stops and talks to you in the middle of the street, you're like what are they trying to sell me? At least when you meet on, the internet, it's just oh, okay this might have potential. Singular purpose. Yeah. Because, looking for whatever type of relationship. So I get what you're saying. I've met people at bars and it's been fine. I'm not doubting meeting people at bars, but I don't go to bars anymore. Maybe I became avoidant of people in general, but I would go to the gym or I go to concerts and stuff or just be out in nature with my girls, but going to dance clubs is not really my thing anymore. So I know you spend a lot of time online, on social media. Does that ever come up in your relationship, like jealousy? Because I know it's come up for me in the past with other relationships. I was dating somebody and I wasn't able to go out with them. I was home with my son and I saw a picture of this guy I was dating out at a bar Sunday, fun day. And there he is with his buddy, with their arms around a girl. And of course I felt some kind of way about that. I think I even messaged the girl like, what are you doing with my boyfriend? I got really heated. It could have been a random girl in the bar. I have a friend Marina. We both have a friend, that constantly posts pictures of him with other women and probably that he just said, Hey, come take a picture with me. Thank goodness it's not that issue in this relationship, but it's just kind of, you know, the nature of a woman. But people can always try to do that because people might not be happy for you. It's like haters who are close friends. do you think couples should talk about social media boundaries and expectations? Definitely, I think a hundred percent. I'm really big on expectations early on, even in a dating profile, I think you need to put on there exactly what your expectations are. Some people love posting everything and some people are private, so there has to be that balance. I'm sure you probably had a podcast on this before, like you said, you have to be out there very specific of what you want and all that. And to me, I'm actually the exact opposite because your actions are gonna tell me who you are, and there's people who you can tell exactly what you want and then they can fake it. And that turns into gas lighting and you're like, wait a minute. Like people reveal who they are so you don't have to tell me what you are, your actions will show me. You don't need somebody to give you all of the names and labels up front. Wait and see what they really do. What their actions show. Yeah. And their social media does give you a glimpse. And like for example, back to, Maryland where I was raised some of the guys from elementary school and I see'em now in social media. Okay. I can see that. It's like how you do one thing, you do all things Yeah. Wonderful. we've learned a lot the positive and not so positive impacts on the role social media plays in relationships. We definitely wanna say thank you, Gideon, for coming on. Yeah, pleasure. Thank you guys. It's been fun. If you like this episode, follow us on social media. We're on Facebook, and definitely DM us your thoughts on social media and relationships. Also send us your favorite meme or reel and maybe we all can be in a reel-ationship as well. Wonderful. Yeah. So I'm gonna take a sip of my tea and I'll have another sip of my wine and I'll drink my H2O. Thanks for tuning into love liaisons. So keep sipping, keep loving, keep laughing. Cheers for now. From your love liaisons.