Episode 6: Dating Through the Decades: From Situationships to Lasting Love

Dating Through the Decades: 20s to 40s and Beyond (with Guest Kat)

In this episode of Love Liaisons, Kathryn and Marina pop open a bottle and welcome special guest Kat to explore the ever-evolving world of dating from your twenties to your forties and beyond. Kat, a 24-year-old adventurer navigating a budding relationship shares her generation's take on the modern dating scene—especially the now-infamous "situationship."

The trio dives deep into how relationship norms have shifted across generations, reflecting on everything from flings to the ambiguity of today’s no-label romances. Expect laughs, honest reflections, and a few head shakes as they compare hookup culture, dating expectations, and the curious concept of “taking a relationship to the previous level.”

Whether you're figuring out your twenties or navigating love later in life, this episode reminds us that dating may look different through the decades—but it never stops being confusing, funny, and totally relatable.

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Transcript

0:04

Welcome to Love Liaisons, the ultimate deep dive into the highs and lows and hilarities of modern relationships. I'm Kathryn And I'm Marina. And we'll be your love liaisons. So pour yourself a nice glass of wine or a hot cup of tea, and let's dive in. Today We're talking about dating through the decades, from twenties to forties, and we have a special guest, Kat, that we'll introduce in a minute. But before that I'm curious, Kathryn, what are you drinking today? I am drinking some spicy hot chai tea to go with our theme today. And what do you have there, Marina? Thinking about dating all the way back from the twenties I'm doing a throwback in drinking what I used to drink in my twenties, which was Boones strawberry Wine. And believe it or not, they still make this stuff, and it's actually owned by the Gallo company. So I'm having a glass of this and it, sure tastes different than when I was in my twenties. We didn't know any better then. I did not have good taste until I was in my thirties. And so we wanna thank Kat for coming on to our episode today We want her to take a moment to introduce herself and then we'll dive right in. Of course. And thank you so much for having me. So I am 24 years old. My name is Kat, and I am currently figuring out a, newfound relationship with one of my best friends. Dating in my twenties actually started during the pandemic, and so I'm happy to dive into that a little bit later. But a little bit about me. I love adventure. I'm an avid rock climber. I love to travel and just to explore new places and things going on in my community. Wonderful. Thank you so much we just love it that you've come on this episode and we're looking forward to hearing more about dating in the twenties. We're gonna dive into one of the most confusing yet common experiences in modern dating. The Situationship, which I had no clue what that is. I'm aging myself right now. But I'm guessing you can tell us a little bit more about it. I believe it's that gray area, like between casual dating and a full blown relationship. Yes. The Situationship is such a common thing, especially in my generation, and I wanna say. part of a situationship, there's usually a twofold reason for why it's happening. The first is to placate those commitment issues, whether that be on the part of both parties or one or the other. And the second is just this term of exclusivity and maybe the idea that you don't wanna be tied down in your twenties. You wanna be able to explore other options and so it's the gray area between a relationship. It could be that maybe they just don't want the title. Or it could just be that there's so many fish in the sea. Yeah that's interesting. I'm glad that we're talking about this because this phrase and this phase, I guess it's really been popping up everywhere. It seems to define people that are just texting each other. They're hanging out, they're doing things that seem like they might be a couple, they're going out on dates, but they haven't really defined what are they yet? And I dunno about you, Kathryn, but that's really different from what things were like when we were younger. There was no such thing as a situationship when I was in my twenties. Either you dated or you didn't. People could hook up. There was a hookup culture but nobody was so worried about putting a label of dating or even a label of boyfriend girlfriend, like that was done a lot more liberally than I think it is right now. And I'm just wondering what's up with that. Yeah, I've shared in other episodes, I had two relationships before 30, so I was a completely different ball of wax and I shared the story of my dad and how he told me dating was gonna be where the guy just shows with some flowers. This whole situationship, I think it was there. I just never knew about it. And maybe we called it something different. I think we called it dating, that's what we called it. If you're hanging out with somebody, you're going out with them. Maybe you're even being intimate with them. Hey, you guys are dating. Or it's friends with benefits. So it's just interesting. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the situation ship and I'm wondering, is this gonna happen, in forties, fifties, sixties, when potentially you're dating? And I have to tell the gentleman I'm going to be in a situationship with you. It just, to me that's gonna sound really off. I think it's interesting also, Kathryn, that you mentioned friends with benefits because one of the biggest issues with the Situationship in my experience and with my friends is the definition of one. What does it mean? What does it consist of? I've run into situations where one person thinks that it means casually hooking up and you know you're friends, but maybe you don't go on dates, you don't hang out as often just to hang out. And my understanding of it was always essentially that you're dating without the label There's this lack of pressure. You're just hanging out the way that friends would, and then there's that added element of it. So that is an issue that is definitely present. All of this is just an effort to take relationships to a lower level. There's this really famous and funny joke News called The Onion. Have you guys heard of The Onion? One of my favorite articles from them, this is from years ago, it was called Boyfriend, takes Relationship to the Previous Level, and it was a whole joke article about how this couple, this boyfriend and girlfriend, they were living together. They were exclusive. And then one day he decided that was all too much and he needed to backtrack instead of take the relationship to the next level, he's backpedaling it and taking it to the previous level of basically, they didn't use the word situationship'cause it hadn't really been coined, but that's what they were describing. When I think of Situationship it seems like there's no clear boundaries. There's, no, okay, here's what we're doing, here's the expectations, the boundaries. So it leaves a lot of room for possible miscommunication, maybe mixed signals. One person might thinking, oh, this is casual. The other person may thinking, oh, I'm totally falling for this person. So that's where I'm a little bit confused. 100% communication, I think is a very important pillar of any connection, any relationship, regardless of how serious or casual it may be. And I think that's why situationships are so commonly seen in your twenties because we're struggling to communicate and as I previously stated, I turned 20 in 2020, and so Covid was an opportunity for us to get even more disconnected than we already were from technology. And that just involves yes, what we just we're talking about taking the relationship to a lower level, making it so there's not this sense of pressure, and that comes with a lot of confusion with a lot of mixed messages and communication. Something that's super important is often not a part of situationships. Interesting. Because communication is, the forefront of any relationship, and when you're in your twenties, it makes sense because you want to be having fun or possibly focusing on your career, but you're still figuring things out. This maybe a way to not have it be so stressful the whole dating or being in a relationship or posting on Facebook. So gives people a little slack to be like, okay, we don't have to make this such a serious thing and so dramatic. The situationship, I think the essence of it sounds like the end goal is really different than with dating. When you're dating, then you can go up the rungs of this ladder you're dating, you're exclusive. Maybe you'll get engaged and then maybe you'll get married or live together, cohabitate, something like that. But it sounds like the situationship is in this nebulous area where it's not really gonna go anywhere. And you kind of like in a, don't ask, don't tell about whether you're seeing other people or you're not. You just are with this person. It's almost like a placeholder, like a placeholder boyfriend or girlfriend. Yeah. And I can imagine this is also a way that people can stay longer in these situation ships because maybe they're afraid of being alone or don't wanna face the discomfort of having to communicate and talk. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I think to both of your points about miscommunication about how long they can stay in this relationship, that's not a relationship, one of the things that is talked about frequently on social media, at least from what I've seen, is what my friends and I like to call the courting phase. So that's before you get into a relationship when the guy is being really nice. He's getting you gifts, he's doing all of that cute stuff. And unfortunately, that was a very uniquely high school experience. And the gestures get smaller and smaller as you enter into your twenties. But it's almost a way of prolonging that courting phase and never having to get to that important and serious discussion. And I wonder if it's a way for us to avoid confrontation, to avoid having to exercise that big C communication. It's something I hate to say it, it can be in your thirties, forties, and beyond, where people still have challenges with that other part. They can have the fun part, but when you really know that a relationship is going to move forward successfully, is because they know how to deal with conflict. They've discussed finances, and so a lot of people must feel in these situationship type relationships. I don't gotta do any of that. So it's interesting you had mentioned, this song by Chapel Row basically it talks out, you can kiss a hundred boys in bars. Shoot another shot. Try to stop feeling well I told you you can say it's just the way you are. Make a new excuse, another stupid reason. Sign of the Times. That song is very reminiscent of the situationship. And I think there's another part that I wanna add on. And Marina, you touched on this when you mentioned the metaphor of climbing up rungs of a ladder. And oftentimes in a situation ship, it's almost like there's one person climbing down the rungs of the ladder and another person trying to climb up the rungs of the ladder. But you're tied together so you both just end up falling or being stuck in the same place. And I think that's why situation ships can last a long time if, both parties are not willing to stand up for what they want. It was last year but it was one of those situations where it was in between, I started seeing somebody that I really liked, but they told me right away that they were gonna be moving, they were actually gonna be going back to school. They were gonna be moving to another state and leaving their job. And that they were gonna be leaving in about a year or so. And we really hit it off. We liked each other. We had a lot in common. We both worked in education, but we knew that there would be some kind of an end to it, so it wasn't like we're going to be exclusive. And then what? And there was also a large age gap between the two of us. So it was in a way a situation ship. Except guess what? The guy's not leaving anymore. He decided to keep his job and they even gave him a promotion. So now what? The situation ship expired and now what? You know now there's no excuse. So it's a really difficult thing to navigate and I'm just wondering, how you all do it in your twenties because I don't think it gets a whole lot easier in your forties. You just run outta time. It's not easy. As someone that has been in a situationship, there's always an excuse, right? There's always an excuse. And for me, when I was in my situationship, I had just gotten out of a year long relationship. I knew I didn't want to enter into another one, but. That being said I was looking for more friendship elements. I was looking to, in addition to the casualness of our interactions, I was looking to do fun things, explore new areas, go on adventures together, and for him, it was just about as casual as you could get. And his favorite excuse was, I'm leaving the exact same thing. I'm leaving in a year. I'm leaving in a year. And it changed, it ended up being two years. But once again, the situation. Stayed a situation until I ended up standing up for, as we like to say, I stood on business. I said, I'm not gonna be the one that plans everything, that does everything. And that's how it ended. Not so clean cut as I just put it. There's a huge difference in your twenties, although I do see some people even in their forties and fifties that do this. In the twenties, the way I think of it is like idealistic. There's this endless what ifs. It's the age where you're looking for that high value partner, maybe college sweetheart. But you're talking about dreams, this and that, but it's just different than your thirties, forties, fifties, and I think when we talk about dating through the decades, we'll get into that. We're gonna have episodes on this. But if we go back to you, Kat, tell us a little bit about how you go about, planning, your dates or what it looked like for you and maybe your circle. So I think I'm definitely my friends like to say, oh gosh, okay. She was the man in that situation. And I wanna emphasize, there are gender norms and they don't always have to be followed. I think though there should always be a balance, and I'm definitely someone where if I want something to happen, I make it happen. My love language that I like to give is quality time. And so I will put in that effort to make it happen, to plan a fun date, et cetera. But it got to the point where that was all I was doing. And so there should always be this balance. Yeah, this balance. And so with my friends they're able to find that a little bit, but there's the other side of the spectrum where there's people that just sit there and wait, wait for someone to do it, wait for someone to do everything. So with the dating process and how I approach that is changed, it is more important to me to find a foundation of friendship. And it's harder to do that now just because everything is so disconnected and not as personalized. Especially with dating apps. You're right to think that friendship is a foundation, because that's exactly what one of the most famous couples researchers, Dr. John Gottman, found. That the foundation of a lasting relationship is fondness, admiration, trust, and a sense of friendship with your partner. That you have to like them in the long run, because eventually the lust wears out. Eventually the sex becomes something that you are accustomed to. And all those fun dates and wherever you're going, restaurants, dinner, dancing, all that. You're stuck with the personality of that person and you have to like them. You have to be friends as well as lovers. So you're right on about that. You're a smart gal. I'm gonna tell your parents that they did a good job. I appreciate that. And that still trips me out, we are your parents' age. And it's really rare that I get an opportunity like this to talk to somebody in their twenties that I am not their teacher, I'm not their therapist. That we can just talk freely about this. So I think it's really unique. But, taking a little trip down memory lane, having you here, it reminds me about how I used to to meet people when I was in my twenties in college and then I went to grad school. I would just meet people at the university, cause we were all there. Or people that, that were in my same living situation, I lived in a co-op. I went to UCLA. So we had a whole group of people there. And also when I went to college, the internet was just starting to be popular. This was like in 95. Internet was just taking off, starting to be popular. There weren't any dating apps. You had to meet people in real life. And I have to tell you, it was really easy. I said this before, but it was like, it was raining men in Los Angeles. Like it's raining men. Hallelujah. And then the older you get, it dries up a little bit and everybody goes their own way. But what's it like with you? How do you meet people? How do your friends meet people? I also have to say there is a huge distinction now because it did feel that way in college actually. It felt, quote unquote, like it is raining men. When you're in this community that is, everyone that's around your same age range, there's that commonality immediately because you all go to the same school or maybe are in the same area. It's easier to connect and it's easier to meet with people. So when I was really in my early twenties, it was frat parties. Then it moved on to going out to bars or the club, and these weren't so much long lasting. Not all of them were very long lasting relationships or anything like that, it is a way to meet people, go on dates. But at least what I'm finding is the difference between college and post grad is huge in your twenties. once you leave that area, that kind of safety net for dating, it's. A lot more disconnected and sparse. And I guess I'm wondering if that's how it was when you guys were in your twenties. Yes the farther away I got from college and it's really that cohort effect, the farther away you get from school, like in high school, everybody's going through it together. Everybody goes to the dances, to the football games, and then college, it's a new cohort, but everybody's going through that together. And then when I got to graduate school, we already had people that were married and some had kids. I had a colleague who was married with three kids in graduate school because, you could go to grad school forever and you could be also an older student or just at that point people are having kids. So it gets more and more difficult when you get pulled apart from that centralized cohort and everybody's going their own way, and now you have to find your people or you have to find your person and figure out, how am I gonna do that? For me, I really loved salsa dancing. I dated quite a few people that I met salsa dancing because that was my thing. That's what I was doing two, three times a week. And it's a partner dance, so men show up. So one of them has to like me, I have to like one of them. But whether it's salsa, dancing, pickleball, tennis, cooking classes, yoga, whatever it is, that's a way for people today to now meet once they leave college. So it is a little bit more challenging'cause who are the people that are going to these events and it's not. As vast of people in college, there's thousands of people. There's not gonna be a thousand people going to your salsa class. It depends who's teaching, but no, it's like dozens and then the choices also gets smaller, and smaller. Because people are doing different things and not everybody's single. We have married couples that go salsa dancing together that have been going for years and years. So yeah. Basically the freely available pool to pick from become smaller and more widely spread throughout pretty much the country. I know back in the day, if you were in your twenties, you could potentially still be considering a very serious relationship. What I'm hearing from you is now in your twenties, you're going to college, you're enjoying the ride, you're having fun. We talked about situationship that what it is or are there are a lot of people, and I know you can't speak for everyone, Kat in their twenties, but from what you're seeing, are people more prolonging the idea of a serious relationship like marriage, potentially having kids? It's definitely being prolonged, and another factor is people are pursuing more and more. People are not only going to college but pursuing further education. There are more people that are moving around and I'm guessing commitment issues have always been a thing, but it feels as though they're at an all time high because there is an increase in disconnect and there is an increase in distrusting others because everyone is so connected digitally, but it takes away from the physicality of it, and then that leads to dating apps, which breeds a whole new set of issues that I don't think were originally present. So I wonder what happens if, let's say hypothetically we got rid of dating apps, would that force people then to go out more, do you think? Would that force people? So are we in this trap, this internet, this web trap that is now creating our own demise? I think that the dating app situation is a quick fix, and I don't know if taking away that fix would take away people's need for that quick fix. We're in such an instant gratification world now. Gosh I don't know if I'd wanna take away all of the online availability because the older you get, the thought of actually going out takes a lot more effort. I have to think about this. Do I really want to shave my legs? Do I really wanna wash my hair? Or can I just chat with somebody online and kinda get my connection filled that way because I'm really more of an introvert when it comes to people I don't know. So yeah, I always have to think twice. Is it worth it even for me to get ready? And the older I get, the more energy it is and the more that sort of threshold has to be, is it worth it for me to shower, shave my legs, put pants on to actually have to leave the door? I hear what you're saying and I have this joke too with my girlfriends. Do I really wanna shave my legs for this? My last date, the guy was in flip flops, his nails were long, do I wanna do this again? But the thing of it is, whether you're an extrovert, introvert, or introverted extrovert, whatever it may be you're going to have to at some point in time, unless you only want a relationship, that's over the phone, texting, we were talking about memes and reel relationships. And the question is, we're going to have to get out there. Now you also wanna be real. So that's the thing. I know if I were to go on a date, I'm putting makeup on, I'm doing my hair, and I'm thinking, is that really what I do every day. No, my hair is up in a bun. I have my jeans on with the tank top. That's my look. I'm not spending all this time every day putting on makeup. But that's what you do normally on a first date, but do you have to do that? No, I would recommend shaving, wash your hair a couple times a week, but you do wanna be real, and the type of individual that you're looking for. Is going to want you to be real, not to be, with your face painted, with makeup and all this, be who you are and then the person will come. But how many times do you have phone calls? And I just had this conversation with a gentleman the other day and actually a few men, and they said, Hey, we wanna get off these apps. We wanna talk to you. And women have a tendency to want to prolong the conversations, Hey, before I go out. And, they don't say this out loud, but before I go out, shave my legs, what have you I wanna have some more conversations with this individual where the men are like, okay, I wanna meet you, we can talk in person. So there's a huge disconnect in that sense between a lot of men and women. I'd love to hear Kat, how do you deal with this? I personally talk on the phone and FaceTime with anybody before I go on a date with them. I'm not just gonna say, hi, how was your day? Hey, what you doing? And then meet up with them at night that no way. And I think I'm a pretty low threat for being kidnapped or whatever. But still, I don't want to waste my time. So I'm wondering, Kat how do you filter out these guys to decide who you'd actually go on a date with? Yeah, a huge part that matters is how I met them. If it's in person, if it was through some organic way, it's very different. But let's say it's digitally, let's say it's through a dating app. I personally am one of those, one of the few women maybe that doesn't like texting. I don't like the idea of feeding in my energy, talking to someone who might ghost me at any second, or, we have an initial consult, which I'll tell you what that means. And they look nothing like their photos et cetera. But what I do like to do is very similar to what Marina just mentioned. I do an initial consult, and this is, my friends all know this word. I'll tell'em, Hey, I had two initial consults today and they went surprisingly well. And it's a quick FaceTime call. It's to see, number one, how does the conversation flow, however brief it may be. Number two, are those photos recent or are these photos from before you dyed your hair and your mustache fire truck red, or before you made the decision to do some drastic work there. And it is for safety reasons as well, but that's a huge filtering process that I will go through. So it sounds like you went out with a Ronald McDonald. Is that right? Somebody who had red, red hair? Oh, and this Ronald McDonald. Here's the thing, right? There are people who have naturally red hair, and that is amazing. That is beautiful. That is awesome. And as someone that's dyed their hair a shade of red, a burgundy, like I, I totally get it. But not only did this man dye his hair bright fire truck red, he also dyed his facial hair. And personally, I'm not a big fan of facial hair, let alone a Ronald McDonald's mustache. Oh my goodness. Wow. I just remember what choices were like when I was younger, when I was your age, when I was in my twenties, I felt like there were lots of choices and I had the biggest gift of all in the universe, which is the gift of time. I didn't feel rushed. I didn't feel pressured. I felt like I've got time, I've got time to say yes or no, or to mess it up or to do it again and again. But now, when I meet people and while I'm dating somebody right now it's a complex situation because he lives in a different state than me. And works in yet another state. He took a job teaching in yet another state. So we barely ever see each other. But right now just dating it, it really feels like shopping at Ross. Like Ross dressed for less, you look through these discount bins and there might be one good thing there, but you've looked through 20 pink and polka dotted weird things. So I don't know. What's it like for you? I think it's this point that's so weird because you're at a crossroads, right? As we're noticing people are getting together, people are being married and meeting their partners a lot later. But at the same time, there is this pressure, and I think specifically on women to have this timeline of if you do wanna get married, if you do wanna have children at some point when is that gonna happen? And sometimes it's not from us, it's. From our own personal voice. Sometimes it's from society. Sometimes it's little snide comments from relatives as you're hitting your mid to late twenties, which can put a lot of pressure in a world that is leaning more towards having these things happen later on in life. Definitely family plays a huge role depending upon the culture. And how somebody dates in their twenties, if somebody is on their own at the age 19 where they're already outta the house paying their own bills, it's gonna look a lot different than someone who's 25 who gets to live at home with mom and dad doesn't have a worry in the world, if they wanna go shopping with the money they make. So it's completely two different scenarios. Just the differences in, dating in your twenties as opposed to now, back then, and dating, twenties, thirties, forties, dating through the decades, it sounds like there are a lot of similarities because I know I went on a date with someone. This was a long time ago, and we went to one of these speakeasies, the one in UTC mall. Raised by Wolves? Yes. We met there and we had a conversation on the phone beforehand. So we had a long conversation. We had texted, and then when I meet him. It was just, and I don't know if it's a California thing, but this guy was in his forties and literally every other word out of his mouth was, dude. So first off, I'm not a dude. I don't wanna sound, proper or anything like that. But when you're, he's saying, dude, so let me tell you about my day. Dude, when I went out with this girl and I'm like thinking, why are you talking about another girl and why are you calling me, dude? I said that in my mind. And the irony of it is. Afterwards. He's this date went so well. So when am I gonna see you next? I just looked at him and I'm just saying, okay thanks for the drinks and see you around, because, that's not for me that's just one example. I've so many examples and we talk about dating and. I had another one, it's pretty funny where a guy messaged me and he says, oh, I'm here in town, I'm in Old Town, come down. I'm staying at this hotel, and I'm thinking, I'm sorry, I don't know you. I'm not gonna meet you at your hotel. He goes, oh, I don't think you understand. I have a really big present for you. What his dick in a box. A big present. And I just blocked him because I'm just thinking, I jokingly said, oh, what you probably have a woman in every country and what? You're gonna fly me around? He goes we can talk about that later. I'm like, actually, we can't. Block, and so you would think that men would be more mature, women would be more mature in their forties, fifties, but sometimes you even get it in the forties and fifties. I hate to say it Kat, but when you do find that prince, if you will, or whatever you wanna call him, then you really realize, Hey, I've dated a lot, I've kissed a lot of frogs, and now I really see how wonderful this person is. It's really like a numbers game. Sometimes it feels like going on a job interview. You talked about going out with the dude. What, did you go on a date with your son? That's like going out with, a kid. But it feels like it could be an interview sometime. If I wanted to find a new job, I might go on five or 10 interviews until I get one job. But that's what it feels like with finding the right relationship and it's really tiring. Like the older you get, the more tiring it gets. You mentioned interview and I have a friend, I'm gonna talk about her mom right now. I grew up with her, she was like a second mom to me, but this is just really funny to me. You talk about an interview and she's older, I wanna say she's 80 and she still goes out and dates, but she has this long list, like it's literally an interview and I can understand why the men are looking at her like can we just have a nice date? And she's okay, so what do you do for a living? Okay, da. What is this? What are your hobbies? And she has like about a hundred questions. And I'm not joking. She'll ask this person a hundred questions. That is an interview. And I said, you need to tell your mom throw away that list, but she feels like she's at the age where she wants to know all these things. But I think the presentation is a little offputting to a lot of men. And that would be offputting to me. I don't mind asking a couple questions. Or have somebody asking me a couple questions. But if you have a hundred questions, that's a bit much. So it's funny though. It's funny, we were laughing about it. Wow. I have a friend that did even more than that, and this was years ago before it was really accessible to look through, verification databases, Been Verified. This was maybe about 20 years ago. I had a girlfriend who was friends with an apartment manager and used to run her dates through the verification database that apartment managers use to look at your credit history, your criminal record, your DMV record, all those things that you would need to potentially rent an apartment. She had a friend do that for her for potential dates, and she would find out, oh yeah, this one guy was divorced and he owes this much in alimony and child support. I don't wanna date him because we're never gonna get ahead together. He's gonna be behind with all of these payments. So she knew everything. She knew people's credit scores before she went on a date with him. And is that taking things too far? What do you all think? I think that this just goes to show that on both sides, among both men and women, people are doing some crazy things on the dates and everything. I don't know if it's going too far. I personally would not go to that extent. However, I do have friends that totally would I. You know, and I do wanna touch on that earlier point that Kathryn mentioned, because I am gonna tell my friends right now, so many women specifically and maybe it's men too, find solace in the idea of an older man being more mature. So it's great to hear, because I've always had the philosophy, I'm sorry, this is gonna sound a little anti-man, but if he's a man, you're automatically more mature than him. Women do have a tendency to mature faster than men. But I know of some immature women and we're definitely not about, male bashing here at all. But it is just a fact that women do have a tendency to mature faster than men. And I always say it's just an adult child. So you have to be able to compromise. You have to know which battles, you wanna pick, and go from there and be realistic. So I would say yes and no. At some point people do slow down and mature a little bit, but I very well know men in their fifties that are still chasing women. That are still, out there wearing tight jeans and cowboy boots and chasing women like they're 20 years old. So I think it depends more on people's personality and their values than age so much. Although of course it's hard to do that when you're 70, 80, and 90. You're gonna be chasing grannies in a walker at the nursing home. So at some point you do slow down. I don't have a problem with that, but just be honest about it. Be honest and upfront that you do not want a partnership that may even look like a companionship. So there's a difference between companionship and partnership. They may just want, the friends with benefits having fun, they wanna have a travel partner, and that's fine. Just be upfront and honest. I don't think there's anything wrong. We did an episode about being single on purpose. The problem is, when they have these two personalities, and they're presenting themself as, someone that potentially, may want that committed relationship. And they're really not that way. They have five other women, and now they have a date tonight, and they're on a date with you for lunch. But that could happen at any age. I hate to say it Kat, but there are still wonderful men out there. There's wonderful women out there. I hear it from my male friends that they went on these dates with these women and it was horrible. And when you do find the one, you know it because you're like, wow, this person meets all of the things that I've been looking for that I didn't get with these other individuals. If that's what you want is a relationship. It shows that it's not age specific maturity can occur at any age and you know the right person. It is personality specific, so I'm happy to see that. Final thing I'm really curious about is what are all of our goals with this? Kat, here you are in your twenties dating, you have the gift of time on your hand. So God bless you. And here's Kathryn and I which are your parents' generation over 40. I'm not planning on dying tomorrow. I'll be around here to torment you for a while. We have less time, so to speak. So I'm curious what are all of our goals? Because I think about that and people ask me what do I want? Do I wanna get married again? Having more of my own kids, the clock has stopped on that, but. Kat what do you want? What's your goal with dating? This is such a beautiful answer that I'm about to give, so I cannot take credit for it. My oldest cousin, who is much wiser than I am. She told me this and it really resonated with me, and that is, I'm looking for someone to compliment the lifestyle that I have and to add value to it. I know the goals that I have for myself, for my career, for everything, and I'm looking for someone who's going to compliment that. I think that hits it right on the nail, that's beautiful. For me, where I'm at right now I really just want a happy, healthy relationship with myself and if someone comes along that's, I can add to his life and, he can add to my life and a respectful, meaningful, connective way, fabulous that we have the boundaries, the respect. But I always will say it first starts with you What about you, Marina? Honestly, I would love to have a partner. I had one several years ago and he's not with us anymore. But. I'm the kind of person I'm good in a serious partnership. I don't like even picking out what clothes I'm gonna wear. I don't like worrying about who's gonna be my date for Passover. Who's gonna be my date for Valentine's Day? Why worry? Why worry about it? You just go by yourself. but I like being in a partnership. I really enjoyed that. So I would like to meet somebody that would be a good, serious romantic partner and then however that looks, whether it's getting married or living together or living part-time in one place or another. I don't know exactly how that's gonna figure out, but yeah, I would like to have a serious long-term relationship. This is Love Liaisons, and so for all you gentlemen out there, Marina has said it, she wants a long-term relationship. On our website, you can see her picture and send her a message. If I get it, I'll send it to her. But yes, here on Love liaisons, we definitely wanna match people up. We want people to be happy. We want people to have some sort of meaning that comes from us, whether they're laughing, from something I said, or Marina says, or the guest, or they can resonate. We want people to come off of these episodes feeling like, okay, now I can really start my day. I can really go to bed like this. I really resonate with this. I really hope that this insight is helpful and relevant. Yes, all you twenties, 20 somethings, men or women out there, I hope you got something meaningful out of what Kat said. And I'm gonna take a sip of my chai spice tea and I'll have another sip of my cheap wine. So keep sipping, keep loving and keep laughing. Cheers for now. From your love liaisons.