Episode 7: Matchmaker Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

In this heartwarming and insightful episode of Love Liaisons, Kathryn and Marina sit down with professional Jewish matchmaker Layla Book to discuss the real work of finding love in the modern age. From the wine in my glass to the sparks of connection, this episode dives deep into what it truly means to be matched with intention.

Key Topics Covered:

•What is a matchmaker?

Layla explains her role as a modern matchmaker—connecting individuals based on shared values, long-term compatibility, and emotional readiness.

•How the process works

Clients approach Layla, but she also actively seeks out matches using her  network, and deep client insight. Her focus is on connection beyond the swipe.

•Biggest challenges in modern dating

Layla notes that many people struggle because they don’t fully understand what they want in a partner. Societal pressure and fear of being alone can lead to settling.

•Post-pandemic dating trends

There’s a noticeable shift toward intentionality. More people are craving authentic, long-term relationships over casual flings and endless app swiping. More people are willing to try long distance.

•Social media’s double-edged sword

While it can help people connect, it often promotes instant gratification and surface-level interactions. Matchmaking, in contrast, fosters depth and genuine compatibility.

•Skepticism about matchmaking

Layla acknowledges the skepticism but emphasizes that a professional matchmaker can provide support, insight, and a safe space for exploration—especially for those stuck in dating patterns.

•Advice for the love-seeking listener

Be clear about what you want. Know your non-negotiables. Don’t rush. Be open to guidance and don’t hesitate to get support from a matchmaker, therapist, or trusted friend.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook, share the episode, and join us next week for more deep dives into love, dating, and relationships.

You can connect with Layla Book on FB @ Dating Concierge, by Layla Book

IG @ laylafindslove

www.laylafindslove.com

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Remember to like and Follow Love Liaisons on FB @ Love Liaisons

IG @ loveliaisons

www.love-liaisons.com

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If you are interested in relationship coaching and/or meditation instruction contact

Marina Dorian  -  marinaismindful@gmail.com

IG @ marinaismindful

Follow us on FB @Love Liaisons, IG @loveliaisons, TikTok @love.liaisons

www.love-liaisons.com

For more information about relationship and mindful life coaching  or speaking engagements contact Marina at marinaismindful@gmail.com

Transcript

Kathryn 0:13

Welcome to Love Liaisons, the ultimate deep dive into the highs and lows and hilarities of modern relationships. I am Kathryn...

Marina 0:25

and I'm Marina and will be your love liaisons. So pour yourself a nice glass of wine or a hot cup of tea, and let's dive in. So today we're gonna be talking to our guest Matchmaker Layla Book, and we'll introduce her in a minute. But first I'd like to ask, what are you drinking today Kathryn?

Kathryn 0:46

I am so glad that you are asking me. I am drinking something called love tea. It's a mixture of hibiscus, lemon, orange, and it's just going to spread the love, which is perfect for our episode today. What about you, Marina? What do you have there?

Marina 1:04

I've got a nice glass of PS Match Red Roso, and I think it really fits well today because it's actually a wine by Millionaire Matchmaker Patty Stanger, and our guest today, while not a Millionaire Matchmaker, just as valuable, we have the wonderful Layla Book. So Layla, I'd like for you to introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit about yourself and what really is a matchmaker for us contemporary folks that wanna know.

Layla 1:39

Thank you so much, first of all for having me and it's a pleasure. Both of you. I'm Leila Book. I am based in Southern California, but I do matchmaking for Jewish singles all over North America. And I basically take the leg work out of. dating so I do all of the heavy lifting, so all you need to do is to show up on a date I can't date for you. That's the only thing I can't do. I do all the research, I do all the background checking and trying to find a good potential match. A matchmaker for me. My definition is someone really is a connector who networks well, who brings, two people together and makes sure that they're compatible before they even meet. It's someone who helps find love, of course, but also in a more. And more personalized way. So like I go back and check people, like before I even, set people up on dates. There's a lot of background work that goes behind the scenes to get someone ready for a actually going out on dates. I'm your personal matchmaker as well as a on-call therapist. As well as coaching. So unlike dating apps, it's more where the algorithm picks the dates for you that matches for you. It's, this is old school way of having someone being introduced to you.

Marina 3:01

Speaking of old school, it really reminds me of that song from Fiddler on the Roof, and Kathryn, you were just talking about

Kathryn 3:08

that. Yes. I love seeing Fiddler on the Roof at the Civic Theater, and as you know, sometimes I sing I'm gonna have to sing this. So most people know this matchmaker song, it says, make me a match, a find me a find, catch me a catch, and it goes on from there. So it's just something that goes with our episode today.

Layla 3:30

Beautiful. I gotta hire you to do my, song, little slogan.

Marina 3:34

Layla, I'm curious, how did you get into matchmaking how did you get into this field?

Layla 3:40

I started in 2014. You would say what is a woman with two business degrees, an MBA marketing, finance, doing in matchmaking? I feel like there's the connection for me to bring two souls together. It might sound very cliche, might sound cheesy for some people, whatever you wanna call it. But I really have a desire and I've seen the struggles people have and I really wanted to make a difference. I get a good feel of people and when I get a good vibe, I like to make introductions so why don't I. set people up. And I'm like what is one way to do it? 2014, I'm home. I had a little baby, so I wasn't that mobile what can I do? So I created a Facebook group for Jewish singles. Let's match our single Jewish friends. And from that I people posted about themselves and I love this. This is wonderful. This is giving me it's giving me life, it is a Jewish word, but it's giving me something that I love to do. I have a business degree. I want to, leverage that. So I created a business a matchmaking agency. I put a lot of heart and soul. You put a lot of sweat, blood, sweat and tears. Okay, this is working. I love what I do. And I'm having good results, so why don't I use that? That's how it came about. It was through just a simple Facebook group. I still have that Facebook group. But, it's, it evolved through, the times, doing events, doing singles events, doing online events trying to connect people and that's where it all came from

Kathryn 5:09

Wow. Thank you for sharing. So it's giving you that sense of purpose and you're also giving back because you're helping the community and bringing people together.

Layla 5:17

There's a definite need all throughout centuries of matchmaking. That personal touch is nothing that you can ever get, that is ever gonna leave. You're not gonna get that on an app. You're not gonna get that when you're on your own. And having someone on your side is, I find very useful because. If you're doing on your own, you don't really have, of course, one a person to vent to. You don't have a person to guide you, give you the right guidance and the right tools to really date better and date more effectively. So that's what I do I don't just set people up on dates. I don't tell 'em, here's the, her number, call her, have a good time. It's very handheld. You get a better result that way, I find, than going at your own pace and people, doing things that they shouldn't be doing. I tell them no, I'm really, I bring people down to earth and tell 'em, what they should be doing.

Kathryn 6:11

Yeah. So on that note you mentioned guide them. So tell us a little bit about day one, all the way through. What is the process? How many times do you meet with them? Do you ever meet with them in person? Do you go to their home? Do you do a whole background? And do you only match Jewish people with Jewish people?

Layla 6:30

Yes. So my niche, is Jewish singles. But some people who are non-Jewish come to me and I can refer them to people who I can help them. But my database is only Jewish and I work with all different types of observance levels from the just Jewish. Spiritual to the more conservative traditional side. Not really ultra-orthodox So you can be from all different types of walks of life and how you observe it. If you're in person, you happen to be in LA I could definitely meet you for coffee and or if you're Dallas, I have clients all over at North America who aren't really able to come. So we do it online and it's a one-on-one consultation so I really get to know the person and really see what their values are, what their personality is. We start from day one. I wanna know from. Birth till now, all about you. Because if we don't know about ourselves, if we don't know who we are, how are we gonna attract the right person? Start from ourself and then from there we move on to who could be the best potential match. During the consultation we talk about your wants, your needs, your deal breakers, your must haves, past relationships. I wanna see is there a recurrence or maybe something you don't want, you wanna avoid. So all of that is done From there, then we move on to the actual matchmaking and everybody gets, special perks, photography sessions, so that more we can get into in more detail. Most people are not cookie cutter. How I do my matchmaking is personalized and everybody's customized. The people wondering like where the pool of men and women come from. It comes from my database, from the network that I've built over the years with other matchmakers. Through social media from my famous Facebook group. And of course through events, in many other different ways. Now, when you're on a date, I have to see you go on a date. I get feedback. So when go on your own on a date, you don't get that feedback. You're like, oh my God what did the guy think of me? How did I actually do? So I'm like, the fly on the wall. I asked the guy let's say if you're client is a man or a woman, whatever. I asked your date, like, how did it go? What are your thoughts? What are your feelings? Was there good eye contact? I asked a lot of questions cause I know. From experience that feedback is vital. So if you're dating on your own, you don't get that. You're like, oh my God, I'm just dating and dating. I don't really know. Maybe some people think it's them. The other person is, there's something wrong with the guy, there's nothing wrong with me. But you don't really get that perspective when the guy tells you. She wasn't giving me eye contact or she wasn't asking the right questions, or maybe she's doing too much talking or these are things that you can learn from your date that I'll, give to you as constructive criticism, feedback, it's not just like only personal things, but it's also just about you. You go on a date, you tell me, okay, this is what I liked about him. This is what I didn't like about him, so I can, use that feedback to really see okay where are we going from here? Are we tweaking it? So it's a whole guided process. So I'm really there all the time. People were like, how often do you communicate with your clients? Like almost on a daily basis? They get my personal phone number, my WhatsApp, they can send messages with me they can ask me whatever questions they have on their mind. So we work together. It's a very handheld thing, and you don't get that if you're dating on your own. You don't get that with a lot of other matchmakers because I wanna see results and if I don't put my heart and soul in it, you're not gonna get that.

Marina 9:53

That's amazing. So you're really not just a matchmaker, but a relationship coach along the way., I do couples therapy and relationship coaching, but when people already have problems, you're really a dating coach and you're working with them through the process. So I think that's really quite remarkable.

Layla 10:12

It's a one stop shop.

Marina 10:13

Yeah. So I'm curious, what do you think are the biggest challenges that people face when they're trying to find the right partner?

Layla 10:22

I think one of the biggest challenges is dating with Clarity. A lot of people they date without really knowing what am I actually looking for? So they go on dates, nothing's working, nothing's clicking. But I bring up in a different perspective. You went on this date. Okay. There wasn't so much chemistry. There was, dialogue. The conversation was okay, but. Is there some potential there? So some people in this day and age, Want instant results. I need instant results. And it's not always gonna be that way. Dating with clarity, can bring better results. And I provide that as a matchmaker. I had a client who wanted a specific profession. And I need her to be within this specific age range. And I'm like, okay what else can we do to broaden that? Because, it's very small. We're talking about a very small population here. If we really want only a specific profession and then everything else that goes into place in, in matchmaking, we're talking about like 10 women here. My job is hard enough and you're making it harder, but it's okay. That's why people come to me.

Kathryn 11:20

That's hilarious. So there's so many people out there, there's billions of Jewish individuals, and if you only have, let's say a thousand people in your database, how do you get to everyone? So if that gentleman is saying, I want specific someone in this profession, how do you go about to actually find someone that may not be in your database?

Layla 11:40

We're matchmakers, not magicians, so we have to work with realistic things. So if we have a long list of expectations. we're not gonna get anywhere. So for going back to this gentleman who wanted a specific profession, a specific age range, I dug deeper to see okay, what else is there that, is missing? You only want two things, but that's very specific. So it turned out he was really craving emotional stability. I told him about, shared values is important. I told him about, a good nurturing connection that's important. So these are things that he didn't really realize that actually could work and not just based on what she does for a living. So that opened up many more possibilities to him, and he was more willing to consider that so that's how I do it. There's thousands of people in my database and all it takes is just one. At least in our society.

Kathryn 12:34

So it sounds like you're helping redirect them and I think that's a big loss. I think Marina's gonna agree with me here and many listeners will, is they just don't know what they don't know, so they say this is what I'm looking for, and then you're helping them say wait a minute, did you think about this? Did you think about that? And I think that's really helpful and beneficial.

Layla 12:53

They dated for so many years, they missed opportunities. I'm not saying we can't go back in time. I'm saying some people probably have dated someone who could have been good for them, but they just brushed it off because they were just looking for those two criteria and they didn't match, they didn't make the match. So they moved on.

Marina 13:10

I know I often talk about a 70 30 rule in relationships, and maybe that's something that you've heard about where, many people are looking for perfection and really I found as a couple's therapist relationship coach that, if you can agree with somebody on 70% of things that are important and the 30% are not deal breakers, like perhaps for me, smoking is a deal breaker for some people. Religion, like Judaism or even the level of Judaism could be a deal breaker. If those 30% are not actual deal breakers, but just, maybe a little bit mismatched, it could still work if you're willing to really accept the other person. And it sounds like that's a little bit of what you're trying to say. I'm curious, what do you think about this 70 30 rule?

Layla 14:03

70 30? Yeah, It could be 70 30, it could be, 60 40. It all depends on how flexible you are, how willing you are to be more flexible, how open you are. Because if we're. It, we're not gonna get good results. Again, it goes back into my consultation when I talk to people before we even get into the matchmaking, is, what are your wants? What are your needs? What are your must haves? And what are your deal breakers? And from there we can see how flexible you are. If we're talking about Judaism okay, she keeps, really kosher you're not so kosher. Are you willing to, compromise for that? So I'm not saying settle down and say, oh I don't care. Just let's do it. I'm not saying that. Of course not. You have to love, who you're dating who are you gonna spend, we're talking about the rest of our lives with, of course not. I'm saying, is there some gray area that we can work with? So it doesn't have to be always be so rigid. Again, if people are not willing to compromise, not willing to say, I really love blondes, but she's darker hair. Is that gonna be a deal breaker for you? Or she is, politically, middle of the road, but you're, a liberal, are you willing to compromise? There's so many variations in terms of matchmaking and I call it a puzzle. You put all little stuff, a puzzle together and pieces together. You get yourself a hole if there's something missing. The puzzle's not gonna be complete. I have a question. So what happens after somebody says, I think this is a match. Do you follow up with them to see if it's still a match six months down the road, or how does that process work? I set you up on a date. I'm there throughout the whole journey as much or as little as you want. So let's say you're dating within six months. Our contract has ended, but I always like to check in see things, how things are doing. I won't be there completely as I was, as if you're client. But I'm there. I really love to check in. I have a client who's dating long distance, He's in New York, she's in LA. Oh wow. So it's taking a little longer than usual, but I check in see how things are going And sometimes they tell me what's going on. Sometimes they don't. I don't wanna intrude. But if they're having a good time and things are going well why rock the boat? But I'm always there if anybody needs me for anything because I'm the middle person, You have a middleman. I'm the middle woman.

Marina 16:21

Being both Kathryn and I are Jewish single moms as we mentioned to you, and I've talked to you before, and I also know that finding the right partner is very crucial to people's lifelong wellbeing and having the wrong partner, having a child. With the wrong partner can really take away from your life wellbeing and from goals in life. And, I'm curious if you work with single parents as well, or what you've seen in terms of, matchmaking for single parents.

Layla 16:56

I've had clients. I have clients. I might even have a potential client A woman who had children on her own. If I know that I can help somebody, I'm very transparent. If I know that I'm able and she's willing to. Work with me and hear what I have to say. We can definitely work. I don't take in everybody that comes through, my doors per se, because I want, again, be confident that I will be able to help them. So again, it comes down to realistic expectations and how I am able to assist them. Being a single mom is it's hard work. Kudos to, those single moms out there, it's not easy. And having that, from where I stand when I'm setting these women up and the men say okay these are things that I see. How old are the children? If you have a ex, you might not be able to travel for dates, there's a lot of nuances that goes into it. But I'm willing to make it as easy as possible for my client because it already is hard as it is. Why make it harder? I work with whoever is able to. Again, hear what I have to say and be realistic and if that works, then why not?

Kathryn 18:08

Are there any specific trends that you've noticed recently in the dating world, especially since after 2020? The pandemic?

Layla 18:16

There's always trends going on. After the pandemic or even during the pandemic, people were really. In Search for Love, especially during the pandemic. Afterwards, people were isolated and I made it happen. We set out some people on dates, You can do zoom dates but. Right now I see a trend people are more apt to listening and hearing and reaching out to seek advice from experts and professional help. So not just doing it on your own. And I think that's a great trend because people like doing it on your own. Sometimes it doesn't help. Sometimes it's nice to have someone on your side, someone as an advocate. I always consider my clients, I'm their advocate. I've set you up for success. I set you up on the ladder. And that's what people are really yearning for is the guidance and as well as the, hearing from somebody, a professional. I think that's one trend. Another trend is again people are more willing to step outside of their comfort zone. A lot of people, ready to, get themselves out there and meet somebody who they might have not actually considered. And that's what I do, you're on the app like consistently swiping. Say Stop swiping. Take a moment. Look at this profile. I present people one at a time. I match people one at a time. So all of this confusion that you have on an app completely is poof, is gone because I'm saying, let's consider one person at a time. And people are willing to do that. People are more even apt Dating outta state, people are working remotely because of now after the pandemic,. They can work wherever they can go, so they're willing to travel. I've seen that trend. People long distance is happening more than regular because we have Zoom, we have video calls, so people are more flexible, which I love.

Marina 19:59

We had a recent episode about the role of social media in relationships, and I'm really curious on your opinion. You talked a little bit about like dating apps and, just the constant whirlwind of all these. Swipes. But do you think the rise of social media has made it easier or harder for people to connect authentically, in the search for love?

Layla 20:23

I think it's a bit of both. Social media has definitely made it easier for people to connect with more people than ever before. But it's also harder to connect because you can't really. Connect deeply and can't authentically, then you would, as if it's in person. So their one to two minutes of their day and they think, oh my God their life is perfect. I wanna be like that, but. This is only two minutes of their lives that they're showing on social media as opposed to the rest of the 24, hours that they don't show. So people, when they see that highlight, they're like, oh my God, look how? She's dressed. Look at her hair, look at her makeup, look at who she's dating with. Look at all the places that she goes to, like what she eats in a day. And then it's drowning. It's oh my God, my life is horrible. I don't do any of these things. So you're comparing yourself to these unrealistic, and it just brings people down and then people lose their self worth if she's like this, then I can't really compete with that. So what's the point of me even trying and doing anything for myself So that's one thing where they compare, it's not healthy to compare yourself to people and it's not right. But also I see good things too in social media because it goes back to. Me doing my Facebook group, if we're talking about Facebook or something like that. I, as a matchmaker, people come across profiles, people come across, she looks nice. He looks nice. Can you approach her as a matchmaker? And I do that my clients always send me profiles of people and people more apt to talking to a matchmaker than a random stranger on social media because I tell them who I am. I have a website, I have credentials, so you can know that I'm not really a scammer. And speaking of scammers, there's so many of them, so you don't really know like where to go, so that's also another issue. when used intentionally, social media can definitely give you good results, good connections. I've actually matched a lot of my clients through social media, so it does work.

Kathryn 22:18

Yeah. And like the whole Tinder swindler, I don't know if you ever watched that. That was, reality. At its finest as far as what can happen on these dating apps and how men and women can really get themselves into big time trouble. Not only romantically, but financially. All these issues that come up. But yes, I think you're absolutely right. Having that matchmaker provides that intimate. Personalized experience. Whereas when you're on an app, You're swiping left, you're swiping right, but you're not really delving into who is this person? You see maybe three or four pictures, maybe they posted something, you heard their voice. That's really not enough. So I hear what you're saying. We have a tendency to delete, when we really didn't give the person an opportunity. And I think you really do need to have those phone calls and then meet in person and give somebody a couple chances because maybe they're nervous on a first date or all kinds of things. That's, I think another thing that you mentioned is the coaching. Maybe you even coach them before they go out on the date. What are you gonna wear? What are you gonna say? Don't ask him 10 questions or Get out your paper with a thousand questions. That's not gonna work. I have a friend who does that? So it's really giving them the tools to have success from the very beginning.

Layla 23:34

I set you up for success. Talking about like swindlers and stuff like that. Every person who I introduce to my clients is interviewed by me before they even a potential match. So I screen them, video, call them, see if they actually match the pictures that they provide to me. And if I get a good vibe, if I get, a good, feel, this person could be a good potential, then I introduce them to my client. He or she can say yes, and then they go on the date. So you get that peace of mind The people who come to a matchmaker, you know that they're looking for something with serious intentions. You'll get that. You know that they're looking for something that could lead to something long term and that they're really ready and they're committed. Whereas you're on the app, you don't really know what their goal is,? Are they looking just for fun and games, or they're looking for something,, that can actually, you not waste your time. So I lead those type of people out and those type of people don't come to me and it's great. So you don't have to worry about that.

Kathryn 24:31

You said screening. I know there's gonna be a lot of people listening and they're gonna say how detailed is the screening? Does she do a criminal background check? So how detailed is the screening process and for a person, let's say I wanna work with you. What do I need to know that you're gonna be looking into and what would I need to provide?

Layla 24:49

If a client comes to me and they're looking for potential matches. I don't screen, I don't do background checks for the potential matches I don't do criminal background checks period. You have to do your due diligence as well, but that's one thing I don't, I know a lot of matchmakers do, thank God, nothing has ever happened in the past and again the type of people who come to me hopefully are not. With that type of thing. But of course I can't, guarantee anything.

Kathryn 25:13

I'm just trying to think listeners, what they might be interested in. Maybe they had a bad experience before and so they're thinking, okay, matchmaker, they're doing all the work for me, so now I know that this is a solid person, before I go on a date, is this a person that's going to be safe? How far did they go? Did they go back into and talk to previous exes to find out more about this person? So I think that's where I'm going. But how do they know that this person is gonna be a safe person to go out on a date with?

Layla 25:44

Again, I can't guarantee, but thank God nothing has ever happened in the past. I can't predict the future E either, but I don't exchange phone numbers. I don't exchange last names. Pictures are exchanged. First names are only exchanged. When you meet for the first date, you meet at a public place. ,he or she's not gonna pick you up on the date. You go on your own and it's gonna be in a public setting. And then after that, we can exchange phone numbers You'll only have the phone number. On the first date if you need to reach each other, say you're running late or something, there's no phone calls or anything beforehand that also saves a lot of time and stress. So you don't have to be chasing each other and saying, oh, let's go on a date. No, he is busy. I set up the first date. you tell me where you guys gonna meet at a public place. You guys go on your own in your own vehicle. So that, seems a lot of, in terms of safety and it could be a coffee date, it could be something, very quick. Doesn't have to be a sit down dinner, so you're locked in for so many hours. if you don't like each other, you don't have to be there for so long. So

Kathryn 26:47

yeah, you'll get a text. This didn't work. I gotta ask you, what do you love most about what you do? Like I'm sure you have some of the best stories and I don't know if you can share them for privacy reasons, but what are some of the things that you just love most about what you do?

Layla 27:02

What I love most is that people date better, with better intentions date with more clarity. And even like somebody who might have not met their match while working with me, they come to me and say, Layla, I really appreciate that advice, the guidance and knowledge that you've given me throughout the whole journey that we work together. Yes, I may have not met, my person, but. I really found value in what you gave me and the service that you provided for me I'm dating better more effectively. I'm considering more, people that I wouldn't have. I'm helping them, meet someone on their own. I give them guidance. So that gives me a good drive when I see, they met someone, they're in a good relationship. Of course. Totally gives me e energy to keep going. But also just the value and the appreciation that people have is vital. And that's what I provide is just really top tier value and, top tier guidance it's not something that, happens overnight. 10 plus years, I've been doing this, married myself over, 15 years. You can't get it. You can get from a book sometimes, but really the personal touch is priceless.

Kathryn 28:09

Yeah, and I think learning about yourself, having meaningful connections. I think is key. And really taking the time instead of, like you said, just being so quick to swipe, left, swipe right, really taking the time to say, let me give this person a chance. And through that you do learn more about yourself and you said not having such rigid views, being more open-minded if that's the route you wanna go. So that, those are all good things.

Layla 28:34

You learn more about yourself. Especially when I give you the feedback from the dates, it's really a time of reflection, a time of growth, a time of opportunity and really, bring them down to earth. That's the key.

Kathryn 28:48

I think she should share like how someone could find her on Facebook. Email, how would one find you?

Layla 28:55

Sure you can find me on social media. My IG is Layla Finds Love. I'm also on Facebook the Dating Concierge. That's the name of my company, the Dating Concierge, and my website is Laylafindslove.com.

Kathryn 29:08

Wonderful. Thank you so much for being here with us. We really appreciate and we really hope that this provides insight and meaning for our listeners, I think I'm gonna take a sip of my tea.

Marina 29:21

And I'll have another sip of my wine here. L'Chaim So thank you all for tuning into this episode of Love Liaisons. And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and also check out Layla Book on all of her social medias which we'll list as well. We hope to see you next time. So let's keep on sipping, keep loving, keep laughing. Cheers for now from your love liaisons.