Finding Community and Connection with Mingle Jewish Singles - Guest Ronit

Hosts Kathryn and Marina welcome Ronit, a local realtor who created “Mingle” a Facebook and WhatsApp community for Jewish singles ages 40–70 across Southern California and nearby Baja Mexico. Ronit says rising antisemitism and a common midlife identity transition—aging parents, grown children, divorce or being single—drive the need for a safe, warm community that goes beyond dating apps through real interaction and in-person events, including her active facilitation to connect people. The conversation explores post-pandemic social isolation, reduced flirting and touch, shifting social skills, introvert/extrovert dynamics, and ideas like pairing extroverts with introverts to help people feel comfortable. They discuss misinformation and antisemitism, immigration experiences, fear of being visibly Jewish, and Jewish values like Tikkun Olam -- healing the world, ending with ways to connect with the group and the podcast.

00:00 Welcome to Love Liaisons

00:26 Meet Ronit and Mingle

00:46 Tea and Wine Check

02:12 How Mingle Started

03:37 Why Community Matters

05:46 Beyond Dating Apps

06:52 Chemistry Online vs Real

08:51 Why We Feel Isolated

12:19 Relearning Flirting and Touch

16:34 Helping Shy Guests Connect

18:20 Introverts and Extroverts

21:48 Safe Spaces and Antisemitism

23:48 Interfaith Dating Realities

26:42 Kindness Over Labels

29:46 Judaism as Culture Too

30:59 Mezuzah and Netanyahu Debate

32:23 Israel as Lifeline

35:13 Soviet Jewish Escape

37:16 Why the Hate

38:49 Bigger Picture War

41:36 Isolation and Fear

47:48 Hanukkah Decor Targeted

49:34 Pride Over Fear

52:48 Tikkun Olam and Community

55:10 Song and Sign Off

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For more information about relationship and mindful life coaching  or speaking engagements contact Marina at marinaismindful@gmail.com

Transcript

Kathryn 0:04

Welcome to Love Liaisons, the ultimate deep dive into the highs and lows and hilarity of modern relationships. I am Kathryn

Marina 0:14

and I'm Marina. And we'll be your love liaisons. So pour yourself a nice glass of wine

Kathryn 0:21

or a hot cup of tea, and let's dive in.

Marina 0:26

All right, so today we're really excited to have Ronit here with us and she's gonna talk about a special community that she created called Mingle., But before we get into that and the need for community right now in our country, I'm curious, Kathryn, what are you drinking today?

Kathryn 0:46

I'm so glad you asked that because in the heart of what we're talking about today, I poured myself some tea and it's rose tea, but I actually put in rose and mother wart. So for all you listeners out there that are like, what is mother wart? This is traditionally used to open the heart and soothe emotional upset rose petal or mother wart. Tea offers warmth and comfort during times of grief or racing heart caused by stress. So I chose that tea today and it's quite tasty. What about you, marina? What do you have there?

Marina 1:24

Well, I wanted to share that, they have a couple of pretty good organic and kosher wines at Trader Joe's. So I recently found this one. It's, from Chile. It's called Fi Finca. Roso. It's a semi-sweet cabernet. It's a little bit different than what, I usually like,'cause I like a dryer wine. But for today's theme, I found a really nice kosher wine. So cheers and cheers. What about you? What are you drinking today? I'm

Ronit 1:53

actually drinking a cup of hot water because I've had my coffee for the day. I can't handle more than one, but the hot water feels really good throughout the day. It takes the place of another cup of coffee when you're trying to limit.,

Marina 2:11

Cheers. So Ronit, tell us a little bit about yourself and how you came to start this Mingle community.

Ronit 2:19

I'm a realtor by trade and I moved back to the United States a few years ago and I noticed some antisemitism and it just fell into place that we need a little bit of a community sometimes. Especially lately, and it started with just a group of friends and it grew from there. I was shocked to see how much people loved it. We have 350 people so far within just a few months, and it's growing every single day. It's opened my eyes to a lot of different things and it just keeps going and it keeps enlightening me. So. Wonderful.

Marina 3:07

This is a Facebook group, right? It's called Mingle. What is it called exactly? Mingle Jewish Singles is

Ronit 3:12

singles. Yes. It has another part to it. That's a WhatsApp group, but it's mostly, the bigger portion of it is online on Facebook, and it covers anywhere from Tijuana, all the way to Los Angeles. We have people coming to our parties from all over Southern California and Mexico.

Kathryn 3:36

Yes. So what do you think Ronit is the biggest reason why this has such a big impact and why there's a need for this, would you say?

Ronit 3:45

The age group is from 40 to 70, and what I learned that I had no idea about before is that, first of all, again, with antisemitism outside of us, we like to sometimes be in a safe place in a community where. We have a lot in common. But what I also realized is that this age group is very unique in that we are having a change of identity and we're just not that ready for it. And this community really helps. It really helps because our parents are maybe not well right now. Our kids don't really wanna hang out with us. They have their friends or they've gotten married, moved on, and we're not married. We don't have a significant other. And this group gives us that warmth and the community that we need.

Marina 4:47

It's this life transition that a lot of people don't talk about. When you were saying, when, oftentimes it's people, over 40. That are single, divorced, separated, where you have to find a new identity.

Kathryn 5:03

Right.

Marina 5:03

I actually have a friend in Colorado that's working on this very issue is helping especially mothers or women find their identity of who am I now that my kids don't need me every day. Like they used to. And what am I gonna do? I mean, a lot of people may have their careers, if they're still working. But in terms of who your main social group is, I think that that's really important, so it's not just. Really a singles dating group. It seems like it's a social group, right? For Jewish men and women that are in this life stage to really find community in a safe space.

Ronit 5:46

It goes further than that because even when you're thinking about dating, it's introducing something a lot more human than the online dating that we have. I'll use an example. There's a couple that met on online dating and they didn't like each other. They just didn't like,, their pictures or the description. But later they got to interact in my group in mingle, and they fell in love. They're now getting married. So without mingle, that might've not happened because there's a lot that we're missing out on. When we just focus on the apps. Here you get to see how that person interacts with other people with you, how they smile, how they laugh, what they choose to talk about when they're around other people, not just when they're put on the spot, talking to just you. It's a whole different world.

Marina 6:52

Yeah. And it's interesting you use that example because I personally had a similar experience, but a little bit opposite where I knew a guy for years in person, we were in the same meditation group. We would go to the same Buddhist monasteries. Folks know I'm kind of a Bu-Jew. Uh, and, and this guy is as well. He is a Jew we're both from the same part of the world. Recently he got divorced and we just, we did so many things. Not together, but like the same thing. But we just didn't really like click. There was like really no chemistry. Even as like friends or colleagues, we didn't really have a lot of chemistry. I would always joke this man could only tolerate talking to me for maybe one minute, and then he would run away and talk to somebody else. But then I recently started online dating again and I saw him on a really, nice online profile and he had a great profile and, and online we matched a hundred percent. And literally if you would just change the gender, we have the same profile, you know, mindful person looking for kind, compassionate, loves nature, blah, blah, blah. It's like we're the same person online. We matched a hundred percent, but in real life we have like no chemistry at all. And in fact, I actually just saw him the other night at an event. And of course I said, hi. I've known this man for like, se 16 years. He reached out to shake my hand instead of giving me a hug. So you, what does that

Kathryn 8:29

tell you? So that's the another thing which we can talk about in a minute about, how people, whether they're extroverts, introverts, whatever their personality style is. We had an episode on attachment styles, but a lot of people just do not know how to communicate in today's modern relationship world. But I wanna take this back. So if we go back to 2020 and we talk about pandemic, this is a huge reason I feel as to why so many people are feeling socially isolated. Feeling lonely is because we were locked in doors., I wasn't, I still went out. I've never got COVID. Who knows why, but I still went out. I'm not gonna let anything stop me. And I still went out. But most people learned how to get along with the comforts of in their home. So that's one thing. Pandemic promoted this social isolation. But also, I think, especially living in California, that a lot of people, they buy these big homes, they have movie theaters, they have everything they need in the home. So why go out? I'll just have dinner parties at my home with me and my dog, And so it's a, big problem. If you go to Europe, a lot of people do not have these big homes. They're forced to go out, they're dancing in the streets. All of these things here in the States, especially in the Midwest, your neighbors are far down the road, right far down the road. So it's really promoting that even more. So I think that's one of the things that promoted this, I also think this whole billion dollar industry of video gaming I can't tell you how many men will tell me, oh, I loved a game, and I'm thinking you're like 55. But it, it's a thing and I'm not necessarily judging it, but I, it's just not what I'm looking for. I have a son that likes to do video games and. I wouldn't date somebody that's, 22 or 21 years old. I'm looking for someone that can find other things. But it's a billion dollar industry for a reason. And this is promoting people do not know how to act socially. And also finances. I think finances is another big thing. I know I don't go out as much because I don't know if I wanna spend$60 on a dinner and it's a salad. So things have just gotten really expensive. So I think there's a lot of factors, but, if we go back to why this is happening, I think that's a big thing. What do you think?

Marina 11:00

Kathryn, let me just chime in'cause there's this wonderful article from the Atlantic, that I shared with you recently, and it's, and it was a whole issue called the antisocial century, talking about just these very things. How here in the US and again, this is for the us, really not even just starting COVID, COVID was basically a major turning point where a lot of people got comfortable being isolated because we were forced into it. But that it's still continued, it's continued to today to, 2025 or 2026. People are still preferring to be alone to go get takeout instead of go sit in the restaurant to go watch a Netflix and Chill instead of going to the movie theater and. Really preferring their own company. And even instead of like fear of missing out, like the fomo, there's this new trend of people just wanting to cancel plans and to be home alone, safe, with their pet, with their Netflix, without any anxiety. And it's leading people into this isolationism, this personal isolationism. So yeah, Ronit, how are we combating this? I

Ronit 12:19

actually see a lot more than just that. I see a culture where we're afraid. To touch. They did put a little bit of a fear in all of us. So people are not doing things the same way they used to do. For instance, we used to flirt. People don't flirt. I mean, in public. I remember men staring at you and smiling at you, and a lot of relationships started that way. But nowadays, think about it, if somebody stares at you and smiles, you're gonna think he's creepy. And I've actually heard this. We don't hug as much. We don't touch as much. And in my group, what really does it for all of us, I have to say, I put a lot of old fashioned things in there. Like we hug each other, I go up to people, I hug, we take pictures close, we, the other thing is a lot of things have become taboo to speak of. So within the group, we talk very freely. We're okay talking about certain things that in the outside people don't talk about. So we're careful, we're respectful of each other's feelings, but we discuss things and there's a lot of different things that have changed in the last few years and it makes it very difficult. But I would love to just bring us back a little to the natural ways that things are usually done, especially with love and chemistry and whatever. Because when you're going online on a dating site, you're just putting a few things and we're constantly evolving and discovering things about ourselves. Maybe those few things are not as important as you think if you meet the right person.

Kathryn 14:16

So I just wanna say, and I think it's so true, and I was at your event, and thank you so much for putting that on. And I think you saw firsthand my personality. I definitely am an extrovert. I am a hugger. I am, and I realize people aren't like that. And for me it's a total turnoff. If a, you know, I'm interested in men, it's a total turn off. If a man can't even ask me for my phone number, can't even. But it goes beyond that, you know, now that I listen to what you're saying, I think I need to be a little bit more sensitive. And maybe since I am the extrovert, you know, talk to them a little bit more before just going, okay, why didn't, it's obvious he's attracted to me. Why did he not just take down my phone number when I literally said, would you like my phone number? Like, I'm pretty, you know, and I'm thinking it shouldn't be this hard. And you're absolutely right. I don't remember it being this way. I never, never had a gentleman. Ghost me. I never had any of this, and I'm finding this more and more, and I'm thinking. What's going on? Is it just a little bit older? Do I not still have that right stuff? Do I not, you know, and I'm thinking, no, this isn't about me. Going back to the whole loneliness, I think there's two parts to this. Yes, there are the people that have succumbed to the whole, what I'll call pandemic complexity, right? Where they're like, okay, now this is our lives and they're having trouble. Getting back out there, so to speak. But there are generally people who really do wanna meet people who really feel isolated, who don't feel safe. So these are a lot of components. So what can we do to help people feel more safe? Because even at the event. I felt like if I didn't go up and like really just put my arm around, another lady or something like that, I'm thinking she probably would've just been sitting there. So how do we help people, not to change anyone's personality, but how do we help people feel more safe and actually move forward? Beyond, because at the end of the day, we only can have so many events. People have to get to a point where they feel comfortable, men and women alike to be independent and to branch out. And that's my fear is just we've lost a lot of social skills. I don't know. What do you think?

Ronit 16:34

For me, what I do, I don't know if you noticed at the event I was going around, first of all, people tell me, oh, I have a crush on this person. I'll do a little magic there, I admit it. I can't believe I'm admitting to this. I do a little magic, but I also will see the person who's sitting by themselves and I'll bring them over. To another person who's sitting by themselves. So I get them to mingle a little'cause we're learning not to do that. And it's a shame. So people are starting to do that. And the fact that within Facebook or on the side, we have a chat that we mingle at anyway, we talk, there's a lot of people who want to do that and they do wanna talk and stay social. We mingle and chat 24 7. Some people don't like that, so they're only on the events side of it. They kind of get to choose. But I do notice, and this is something I've noticed since since COVID, is that you and I. We're extroverts. So we seek it out. We go crazy if we don't talk to somebody for a few days. I go crazy. I go, I don't completely cuckoo. If I don't get to be social for like two weeks, I'm like, okay, I gotta get out. But those who are in complete introverts, there's a danger in that too.'cause they go deeper and deeper in their own world and they, it's very hard for them to come out. So I think remaining social is a very important thing for everybody, even if you don't crave it.

Marina 18:20

So I want to chime in as an introvert. So I really am an introvert. I've done personality testing and actually one of the highest. Characteristics that I score on consistently is introversion. So really what that means is that I get energetically burnt out with too much social interaction and I need to recharge alone. And I thought I was weird growing up. Like I'll go and hide, I'll go to the bathroom when I don't even have to pee just to like close the door and be like I need to recharge. I don't feel at war or attacked when I'm in a group of people. But yeah, I did go to the bathroom. Even at the event, I think I went to the bathroom three times. I do not have a bladder control problem. I don't need, depends quite yet. And I could just say that in my life I get adopted by extroverts. So Kathryn, you adopted me for this podcast, last year. You literally, talked to me about it at Chinese food for the not Christmas party. You adopted me.

Kathryn 19:30

You didn't seem like an introvert at the party. Maybe it's because I said I know. Sit down, my boots are killing me. Take over. But you were going, you were telling people about secure attachment style and you were on fire, baby. That's what I thought.

Marina 19:43

Well, so I need to explain that I do not have anxiety problems. I do not have social anxiety. And I get energetically depleted from too much social interaction or being on too much. Especially with a lot of people. And this is an issue, but I get adopted by extroverts. You know, one of my best friends she's an extrovert. She actually just called me this morning. She's like, marina, I'm back from my trip to Germany. What's up? What's on? When are we gonna get the kids together? You know? And that's just, and, and Kathryn, you met her, she did our pictures before. Oh, yes, yes. So, so yeah. I get adopted by extroverts. I get that

Ronit 20:27

too.

Marina 20:27

Yeah.

Ronit 20:28

The opposite. Yeah, all my best friends, so I get it.

Marina 20:32

So kind of knowing that, because I don't struggle with anxiety, it's more of just that energy depletion. And I'm also more of a mindfulness oriented person that I like the more quiet, meditative, contemplative aspect, but I can understand what it might be like for somebody who is anxious. So even at the last party you know, I noticed a lot of people didn't really get a chance to open up and share their three turnons or turnoffs for dating. So I physically like went up to them and said, I want to hear what you have to say. You know, even if it's too loud, we'll try to hush people, but I want to hear and kind of sitting with them and giving them like an amplification for their voice. Help them when I said I wanna hear it. So I think, we oftentimes may need to kind of buddy up to or adopt an introvert. And especially an introvert that has some anxiety, some social anxiety.

Kathryn 21:33

You know, listening to you speak, I, I thought of something because there's something called like big pals, and that's what we could be, pair an extrovert with an introvert, let them hang out. And, I think there'll be that balance there. I think that would be beneficial. But bring this back to how can faith-based organizations, nonprofits, community leaders, work together to help people that are feeling like this sense of loneliness and maybe unworthiness or just being socially isolated. So what can community. Leaders do you think to really help pivot this?

Ronit 22:10

There's a lot of misinformation out there and it kind of portrays us in a bad light, and we're getting a lot of reaction that we didn't necessarily see immediately in our last few years. So the community makes you feel like a safe place where you can open up, where you can be who you are and you don't have to hear the negativity and think about how to react towards it. You don't have to react. Everybody's like you. So I think that's important. I'm not saying that you should isolate the rest of the world, for a few hours a week you get to hang out with some people that are like-minded. And actually in my group, it's not a hundred percent Jews. We have one or two people who have asked me to join us just because they have a love for Jews. And I think it's so beautiful actually. And they're so open to us and, one of them didn't really know that much about what we were going through. She just sees. Both sides. And as she came in and she heard a few people speak, she was like, my goodness, I had no idea that your community is going through this. So it's doing, it's actually doing a lot community wise, but we're all like the same age. We're not just all Jewish, we're all the same age. So there's a lot of different aspects that feed into it.

Marina 23:48

I think a lot of people just in the us in the world don't realize what a small minority we actually are. It's less than 1%. It's a lot less than 1%. It's like 0.2%, 15 million out of the 8 billion humans on a, but we've made a lot of noise. Yes, we've made a lot of impact, in the world and I could really attest to the struggle of interfaith, dating, interfaith, friendships. And, you know, my, myself, I mean, I have a son that is the product of interfaith interracial relationship. My son is black and Jewish and he really identifies as Jewish and, and I do date people that are not Jewish, but I want them to be friendly. And I've had experiences, believe me in the last two years of dating people that. They're intelligent, they work with people, they work in like social work fields, education fields, and yet they have fallen prey to this anti-Zionism anti-Jewish and anti-Zionism, which I think they go hand in hand. And I've been forced to have conversations with them. And sometimes they just really don't understand. Like they don't understand. I've had people, I've had men tell me that I am the first Jewish person that they really knew was Jewish. You know, they know Adam Sandler on TV as Jewish Wow. Singing the Hanukkah song. But I'm the first person and you know what, yeah. I grew up in la there were like five, five synagogues within a 10 mile radius. Okay. But people from other places that have moved here to Southern California, I've had a few people tell me I'm first Jewish person that they really knew was Jewish, that they had some kind of like close friendship with, and now they're talking to me and I can tell them what it's like. Yeah, I think it's important to talk to people,

Ronit 26:01

so that's why I think it's so important to communicate. And a lot of times people who are antisemitic have been brainwashed. They don't want to hear it, they'll shut you down. But the conversation is important because a lot of social media misinformation out there, it are lies. They're not really who we are. We're very nice people that like people and we wanna help. And we have a lot of medications and technology and things that we've developed that actually help everybody, even our enemies, like, it's important that we speak, I feel

Kathryn 26:42

so what I'm about to say I, I know it's controversial, but I mean, I am a Libra. Just like Marina is, we actually have the same birthday Ronit. Oh really? I don't know if you know that. Wow. Um, both boy moms, same birthday, all of that Ukrainian. But, um, I've had a lot of people say that because of what's happening in Israel and they don't like what's happening. You know, that they, are moving into a different direction. So you can't like lump everybody, just like you couldn't in any Christianity, any religion or group of people, you can't just lump them all and just label them. You should never do that. Just like you wouldn't lump all the men in the world and be like, well all men are players. And so I think this comes back to what I always say, being kind and I know I was posting on social media some of the things that I felt and I had to stop because I was getting even like my blood pressure was getting raised with some of the responses. And basically I was surprised by their responses because they said something like, look, Kathryn. Post all you like, but when it's affecting your health, your mental health and your blood pressure is going up and anxiety, she says, because sometimes no matter what you say, what you do, they're already brainwashed and let's just leave that word out. Right now, they just see what's happening and what the news is, presenting and they just don't agree with the politics in Israel, which, no country has perfect politics, including the United States. Exactly. Yeah. So let's not get too much into that, but that they just see what's happening in Gaza, this and that, and they're like, no, I'm not gonna support anything that has to do with Israel and therefore I'm not gonna support any Jews. And it becomes like, people are not being kind. The other day I went to go feed the homeless. I didn't feed the homeless that are Jewish. I, I didn't even ask them their religion. I do this every year. Why? Because it's the right thing to do that I wanna do. And so it's going back to doing onto others as you would have done unto yourself. Bless my mother who's no longer here. She would always say, treat people how you wanna be treated. So even if, whatever your views are on what's happening in the Middle East or anywhere, I mean, look at what's happening in Ukraine. Look at what's happening in Africa. I could go on and on and on here, but I mean. If I had a person come up to me that's Palestinian or whatever, I wouldn't just, I would have a conversation with them. I, I'm not gonna hate anyone. I'm not gonna, you don't know, right? And so that's the whole thing where I feel very disconnected and is when I see people spitting on Jews, saying these things, it's like, what did I personally do to you? Why did you just spit on me? Because I have a star of David around my neck or whatever it is. Like, would you like to have a conversation with me? Would you like to get to know me better? And what I believe in, like, we are human beings, so where did we get away from treating people as human beings and lumping everyone into this whole sum? That's my problem. What makes

Ronit 29:46

it extra hurtful is that Judaism it's very unique. It's a unique religion because it's not just a religion, it's a culture. Other religions are not that way. We feel a certain unity. Some of us don't believe in God. Some of us are atheists and some of us are like, you Marina, you have some beliefs that go into another religion. But we all love we love being Jewish. We feel a connection of that Judaism, people don't really understand that and they, the people who don't really want us to live, they start playing with psychological games saying it's, you are not Israeli, you're a Jew. I'm okay with you if you're a Jew, you're not Israeli. We're all Israeli. Really, in my world, we're all Israeli because once you've run away from a country and Israel was there to save you, even though you weren't born in Israel, or you didn't live in Israel, you understand that you're similar.

Kathryn 30:59

I have a question, and this is for either you Ronit or Marina, and you may not have an answer, but I run into somebody, I'm not gonna name names, and once again, I always listen to all sides, and then I go home and I think about, and you're like, what they just said, but they said because they don't agree with. What's happening in Israel and the killing in Gaza and this and that. They understand what happened on October 7th, all of that. And this is what's happening all over the world, not just in the United States where, there's a lot of antisemitism. Some people call it Jewish hate going on. As Marina mentioned, we are a very small percentage of the world already, and so we have to protect ourselves. But they basically said that because Netanyahu, made a comment, and I actually didn't hear him say this, made a comment saying that basically he. Represents all the Jews, meaning Israel, that she immediately took down her mezuzah off her door.'cause she's like, I do not support that. She did all this and I didn't know how to respond because everybody is entitled to live their lives the way they want. But she's like, no, I don't agree with what's going on, in Israel and Gaza. Netanyahu does not own me. This is what she's telling me. I'm taking down my mezuzah anything that has to be Jewish related because of the comment that he made. She's like, no, I don't agree with this at all. And I just didn't even know how to respond.

Ronit 32:23

I have a very good response for her. She lives in the United States of America. Mm-hmm. Which for her lifetime has been peaceful. I'm a Persian Jew. I had to run away from Iran. A, a member of my far family was hung for being Jewish, and we had to run for our lives. Israel sent airplanes into Iran. Iranian Jews piled up on top of each other, and they got us out as quickly as they could to that. I say I, even if I'm not Israeli, I'm Israeli. Now, I would love to tell you a story. A cousin of mine who is part of my family is Syrian. There are Syrian Jews. And so at the same time that I was running away from Iran at the age of nine, she was nine and was trying to run away from Syria. In Syria if you were caught, running away, and my family were a few times you were put in jail and tortured. And if they saw your child missing at school, they'd start looking for you and they'd torture you. So her family left her in school and they ran away. And as cruel as it sounds, and Arab Mann came and took her outta school and he started hiding her from one Arab family's home to the other, to the other. This 9-year-old girl is crying. I didn't even know this when she told me I was. Shocked he was hiding her and she kept crying. I want my parents. And then he kept promising her to see that he would unite her with her parents. And he kept saying, next week, next month, next month. And this turned into months and months. And this little girl was devastated until finally one day he took her to the middle of the ocean, and a Mossad agent came to the middle of the ocean and took her and delivered her to her parents. What am I trying to say here? They protect us. They save us one by one. This little girl in the big scheme of things, was insignificant. But they care about us. And that's why, that's what connects us to Israel. Israel is our. Insurance policy. So no matter how much you don't like what Netanyahu is doing, he's doing his best to protect us right now. The other thing is we don't really know what their intelligence is seeing, for all we know, there must be something that's growing that they're trying to protect us from. It's pretty obvious at this point. It wouldn't have been so obvious six years ago.

Marina 35:13

I could, comment a little bit, Kathryn on what your friend was saying in that it's a luxury for her to feel that way. Mm-hmm. It's a luxury for her living in the US because I wasn't born in the US as well. I was. Younger than I was three years old when I came. My family defected from it was a Soviet Union in Ukraine, but it was a Soviet Union at that time. And, I heard stories I have no actual recollection of our immigration. But my father told me when we were leaving, when they were in the airport, my father, was an artist. And he wasn't allowed to take any of his artwork that he made back. They were, reclassified as like property of the state or treasures of the state. And he wasn't any famous artist or anything like that. But he just wasn't able to take them. And then he was subjected to a full body cavity search. And they were asking him, okay, Jew, where's the gold? Where are you hiding the gold? Where are you hiding your gold? And he almost missed the plane to leave. So we left by plane. And we went to Austria first and then to Italy, and waited for a visa to come to the US and went to Chicago. And one of the things that I really understood, also as a mother to a biracial child is that, my family, we gained white privilege when we came to the us. Because back in the Soviet Union, we were dirty Jews. And my mother told us, my mother told me that she was, called, the bad word in, in English, it's kike, but the bad word for Jew. In Kiev, in, in her hometown all the time. And now, look at me unless I tell you, nobody knows I'm Jewish. So it's a privilege for your friend to do, to pick and choose.

Kathryn 37:10

I think for me, and thank you, for that, that's really helpful. But, and I'm sure it's helpful for other people listening. I just don't understand, the way I look at it is I feel like Jews in every industry, possible medical arts culture, we're such a small community, but we have brought so much to the world. You talk to your father was an artist. Just Israel alone. Ha finding cures for things. Some of the food, things that we use on our cell phones are technology from Israel. I don't understand. I guess I'm still having a hard time understanding why Jews are hated so much and why. What the fear is because usually rule of thumb, it's either lack of knowledge, right? Ignorance or, they just don't like the settlements that are going on or whatever. Or it's one of the oldest religions, right? I mean, Jesus was a Jew, you know? I have a friend who's very religious, she's Christian. And she'll say all the time, well, you know, my mom was Jewish. I'm like, but technically you're not Jewish. But she'll talk about the Judeo-Christian values and, all of this. And if you look, I hate to bring this up, but there are a lot of similarities between like the Koran and the Talmud. You know? So, I mean, there's a lot of things, if you go way back, were actually related. So it's really, really sad that this is going on. Mm-hmm. I don't know what the solution is, but this goes back to how do we resolve this where people are. More educated and being more kind. It doesn't even have to be you're Jewish. I just don't understand why so many people are doing this. I asked this person, what do you think would happen if Israel laid down all of its arms? What do you think would happen to the Jewish population?

Ronit 39:00

We would die everywhere. We would be killed everywhere. That's, you should know that. And not only would we be killed, I truly believe they wouldn't stop at this, but why they would not stop at us. They're gonna kill all the Christians too. They have said that they want world domination. This is not to say that all Islamic people are that way, but, a lot more and more are submitting to that. Because if the internet, anybody who says this should know that if Netanyahu lays down, it's not gonna be pretty for the rest of the world. He's doing everybody a favor. He may not be the favorite, prime Minister. There might be some things about him that aren't great. But in the big scheme of things sometimes you have to have wars, sometimes you have to kill other people for the betterment of the rest of the world.

Marina 39:59

I think that a lot of people don't understand that we're living in a time in history right now. And if you have knowledge of. Past history, ancient civilizations. People have heard of the Roman Empire. The sun never set on the British empire, but they're not opening eye their eyes to see that there is an Islamic empire. It is an empire And Israel is one of the missing puzzle pieces of completing this empire within the Middle East. And that's why it's so important.

Ronit 40:37

It's not just Israel. It's not about Israel. They've already said many times in diff many different places that they want to turn the entire world. And they've already done that in many countries. They killed Christians.. Even Christian people and I really do think that once upon a time, an empire would just take over the areas immediately around them. But right now, because of the internet, they're able to hit a lot bigger areas. They can, it should be very easy for them to take over the whole entire world. If they focus on the internet and they are doing that, they're brainwashing, I don't wanna say the word brainwashing, but I can't help myself. It's brainwashing When you are not able to see common sense because you've been fed lies that's brainwashing.

Kathryn 41:36

I just wanna bring this back to the whole reason why so many people in the Jewish population that are in their forties and up feel this isolation, especially now with so many people protesting and they're not peaceful protests. A lot of them are very violent and they're even violent towards. Are police officers, but moving forward, bringing this back to the whole loneliness and social I isolation, I think a lot of people, they're so livid. Even the people that are educated because they're like, why are so many people in Gaza being killed? And so. You know, when I think of an educated, answer, I have to really pause because I don't necessarily agree with it either. But I always go back to what is the alternative who's gonna help? So if we just leave it alone and let the hoodies, Hamas, you know, all these people just. Continue. And then they'll, there'll still be some people like this out there. No matter if you kill every last one it's going to be a problem. Like you said, Ronit, it's not just for Jewish people, for other people. I mean, they are killing their own people. And this is love liaisons. So I don't wanna get too much, I'm sure people are gonna listen to this, but for all those people out there that are now against Israel because they're like, look, there is a genocide. This is not a war, this is a genocide. There. This is a war and it's going to continue to be a war against humanity. It's like,

Ronit 42:58

to us, not

Kathryn 42:59

so it's gonna be a war against humanity is basically what it's going to be. And so they need to see the bigger picture. They're just saying, oh, all these people are dying. Well, you know what? There's a lot of people dying in Africa. Look at what's happening in Ukraine. But guess what? Are people protesting that? No, it's because we're Jewish. If we go back to, what happened with Hitler and all of this, and people you know are raising their arm and a lot of them didn't know. They're like, oh, he's just charismatic. He's this and this. And then all those people that died, all those Jewish people and some non-Jewish people, that weren't of the white Aryan race, were murdered. And I'm not gonna get into, the graphics on that, but the thing of it is we could. 100%. Get back to that. If people don't start to understand why Israel's doing this. Do I agree with the amount of what's happening? Do I think things could have been different about this? But I'm not president, I'm not prime minister. I wouldn't want that role. We don't know everything that's going on. And I haven't been to Israel that many times. I've only been to Israel three times. I was very close last year'cause I was going for a wedding, very close to where October 7th. I was very nervous where October 7th was, that's where they chose to have the wedding. And I was scared because you heard, the noises with the rockets going off. And I'm like, what do I do? And it's just, go back to bed. Go back to bed. But it's like people are out there, still en enjoying life. And if people go there, they'll get a different perspective. Because there are Muslims, there are Christians, there are Jews all together, all working together. There's so much that people don't understand, but the main fear for the Jewish population right now and why they feel so isolated is because people are not supporting them. People are not being nice. People are protesting, people are, literally killing, look at what happened in Bondi. I mean, literally killing and. This is why this has to happen or else if we just fall blind to it and just turn our cheek, then what does that say? What does that say about us as humanity?

Ronit 45:11

We have to give some power to the idea that we don't have to explain why we need to be alive. It is tiring to have to explain common sense to people, and it's very tiring. And the fact that, there lies out there. And by the way, I wanna mention that these three religions are not the only religions in Israel. There's also the Drews and everybody's protected equally. We don't protect one group over the other. A lot of people don't realize that when you go in Israel, you go on the bus, everywhere you go, you have everything written in three different languages, Hebrew, then Arabic, then English. So there's so many things that people just don't know and maybe they should travel there before they make their decisions. But in the big scheme of things, I'm tired of having to explain why I should be alive. And the other thing is, with the Holocaust, we all know the Holocaust was bad. It was extremely cruel. It was the most cruel thing that happened in history. And as Jews. We have a rule, it will never happen again. We will not allow it to happen again. So if we have to protect ourselves then we'll have to do it. And I don't apologize for that because I don't like to kill, and I don't like to see anybody dead. I don't like to see a Palestinian child dead. But their own parents are not protecting them. They're putting them in harm's way. So my responsibility lies to my own children. My children come first. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna apologize for that.

Marina 47:06

It's evident, why it's important to have a safe Jewish community like you've created, coming back full circle to this, you can see why Jewish singles, especially grown people that understand that really have a knowledge of history and have an understanding, many of whom have immigrated here themselves or their families have immigrated here themselves. Not young people or college students, but grownups like us. A lot of people are scared and are nervous about going outside, and I think that's actually the goal to intimidate us into hiding again. Right. You know, there's so much that's devastating, that's antisemitic going on, but there's a particular story recently about. A house in Los Angeles that had a lot of decorations for Hanukkah, you know, inflatables, stars, menorahs, inflatables, like people decorate for Christmas or for Halloween. Well you can decorate for Hanukkah as well. All this stuff is on Amazon and this house was targeted and it was like fire bombed because it had all of these Jewish Hanukkah decorations. And that just really hurt me so much because a few years ago when this war. With, Gaza in Israel started up again. I wanted I like decorating too. I was asking my son, should we get an inflatable for Hanukkah? And in particular, there was this cute one I saw on Amazon, it was called a Menorah sous. It was a tx holding a menorah. I mean, it's really funny. I have inflatables for Halloween. I put up and I asked my son, yeah, this is so cool. And it was on sale, should we get it? And he was like mom, do you really want everyone to know that we're Jewish? And he actually said to me, this was like this has been going, this is what, like two years? How long has this been going on with Israel? Like two years. Yeah. He said to me, what if somebody does something to hurt us? I live in San Diego, I live in Point Loma. Wow. And my son, this was two years ago at 11 or 12, was like, what if somebody does something to hurt us? So there was no menorah source. Like I cried not just for myself, I cried for him that my black and Jewish son literally said, what if somebody tries to hurt us? Because I put an inflatable menorah sous in front of my house.

Kathryn 49:33

Oh. So I just wanna comment on that because I think that's where our personalities are a little different. I think I don't have room to put an inflatable where I live, but mm-hmm. I think if I were to say that to my son or to really anyone, if my sister wanted to do that in front of her house or whatever, I would say let them come after us. You know what? If it's our time, it's our time. Like anyone who knows me, I would say I am a pretty strong person and I'm not gonna let anybody take away my life, my, the way I'm doing it. And that's ultimately what they want. They wanna put fear. So this goes back to the social isolation, feeling unsafe. You know what, even in pandemic, I went out. But that's my personality. So there's a lot of people out there that don't have that, and they really are living in fear. So what I say to these people it's hard and it's taking the first step forward every day. But think about it. You know what? I am strong. I'm proud to be Jewish. I am born Jewish. Or if you converted, whatever it may be, never let anyone, a man, a woman, another religion, another ideology, whatever is take away. Your values take away who you are. The moment that you do that, it's like you gotta start back from scratch. So it's like people who go out on dates and they try to be someone that they're not because they're like, oh, well he won't ask me out again if I don't do this, or I don't wear this. What are you doing? So it's the same thing, be you. And there will always be people that you connect with you know, like you said, Ronit, this is why you have this group. And we're hoping from this episode that not just people in the Jewish community, but all communities will start to come together. I have a lot of friends in different religions that feel. Isolated, you know, they're in their fifties, sixties, the kids are gone and they're like, I feel alone. Building communities, we want to try and build community so people reach out to us. We can help you build community, your own community, whatever that is. You wanna build, Christian community and do bible groups at your house, whatever it is. But never change who your core values never change. And don't allow a group of people who are terrorists take away what you are. So go do the inflatable. Go wear the outfit that you wanna wear. That's right. Go wear the star David. Don't ever if you're Catholic, wear the cross. And the thing of it is, at the end of the day, whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe in whatever, all whatever you believe in. I will say, if it is your time, trust me, I ended up backwards on a freeway. How I, my car wasn't even touched. I don't know. It was not my time. And maybe people are listening going, well I don't believe in that. You know, if it's my time, then it's my time. Okay, fine. But the bottom line is like go out, do what you need to. And if that means that you are no longer with us, at least you stood up for something, you believed in something. And that is very valuable.

Ronit 52:36

Further than that, we should, at this point in time, you shouldn't be scared.'cause that's exactly what people who don't like you want, we should be proud. You're absolutely right. Proud and clear about wanting to live, but I think it's very important to create light, pass that light, show that love and don't allow all of this to make you negative. We have a lot looking good for us and we should spread it.

Marina 53:10

A lot of people that aren't Jewish or maybe don't know a lot about Judaism, don't know, there's so many wonderful prosocial values. Like, Kathryn, you talked about feeding the homeless, uh, Tikkun Olam it's a Jewish value to heal the world. And when people only see how we, how Jews, and, politicians and Jews have to react. As a result of being attacked, this is a reaction, as a result of being attacked. They don't realize that the Jewish values of Tikkun Olam are really how people live. You Kathryn with Kat's cause feeding the homeless. My son did, Sunday sandwiches as part of his bar mitzvah project. He did a Tikkun Olam project and you. Ronit being a light to the Jewish community, creating this community where singles have a place to go that's safe while all of this is going on around.

Kathryn 54:15

So I think that's a huge thing is bringing back the light and love. We all have our feelings, but at the end of the day, we need to come together. We need to work as a village. Now there's gonna always be that outliers, right? The people that are just not gonna do that. And that's okay. But the bottom line is, and I hope what people take from this, because some people will be listening to this and some will agree, some will not agree. But the bottom line is if you really think about the person you wanna be at the end of the day, bring goodness. Like we don't have to agree on everything. We can agree to disagree, but be a good person. But some people we're just not gonna reach. And the bottom line is for all you people that are saying, you know what? I really would love to be a part of a group. I feel so alone. Reach out to us. We will find a way to get you into the community that's right for you. And that's what it's all about, is helping one another, being good, be going beyond yourself. And you know what I just realized? Like I didn't even get to sing a song. So I think I wanna do that because when I think about myself, I really love music. So it made me think of the Whitney Houston song. I Wanna Dance With Somebody, but this really goes back to when loneliness calls, that's part of the song. So I'll just go ahead and sing like a bit of it. So I've done all right, up until now. It's the light of day that shows me how and when the night falls and loneliness calls. Oh, I'm on a dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. And that's what it's what it's all about. We just wanna be with somebody.

Ronit 55:57

Your voice is actually good.

Kathryn 55:59

I always say, do you, I had one of my friends, and I'm not gonna mention his name, he'll say, you know, Kat, you really can't sing. So why do you sing in your episodes? And I said, well, to each his own, you know, maybe you feel I can't sing, but I'm having fun and I want other people too, to be empowered to get out there. Do karaoke, do, live your life. You don't have to be perfect at everything. Doesn't matter just don't be a hater is what I said. Like, just love me for me. And, that's it.

Ronit 56:29

You don't have to be perfect. If your voice isn't beautiful, you can still sing and be proud of it.

Kathryn 56:36

Knowing me, I will still sing. Yes.

Marina 56:39

Yes. And a singing is always fun. So thank you everybody for joining us today. And of course we'll post Ronit's group if you are Jewish, if you're single, if you're over 40 and you're seeking connection, we'll let you know where you could find her group. It's the Mingle Facebook group. And under 70, sorry. Oh, under 70. So remember to also follow us on social media. We are on Facebook love liaisons, Instagram and now TikTok. Please, like, and follow us for more information and clips. So

Kathryn 57:15

I'm gonna take a sip of my tea

Marina 57:17

and I'll have another sip of my wine.

Kathryn 57:20

So keep sipping, keep loving and keep laughing. Cheers. From your love liaisons.