S1E3: Food Fights And Molasses Waves

A 25-foot wave of hot molasses ripping through Boston at 35 mph. Cadets at West Point turning Christmas into a full-blown eggnog riot. Potato thieves hijacking trucks across Idaho like a farm-town heist movie. We pull the thread on why food keeps lighting the fuse—how price, policy, and pride mix into some of history’s strangest, stickiest showdowns.

Between the history, we trade confessions: cafeteria food fights, spaghetti skirmishes, jello crossfire, and a legendary shop that sold exactly two things—donuts and wings. We cap it with a buffalo chicken manifesto: bone-in for the game, boneless for the couch, crisp skin only, and zero breading. If you’ve ever felt weirdly protective of your favorite dish, you’ll get it. Hit play for a fast, funny, surprisingly deep tour of edible unrest—and tell us: which food would you defend with your whole heart? Subscribe, share with a hungry friend, and leave a review to help more curious weirdos find the show.

Transcript

Cold Open: Potato Mafia Tease

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And then this thing about potatoes, you're gonna love. I do know that there was uh a a potato mafia that was in effect in the nineteen seventies.

SPEAKER_05 0:20

The spud foda.

SPEAKER_04 0:26

Oh god. Potato mafia.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Yes. In the nineteen seventies in Oregon and Idaho, they were Of course it was Idaho. They were stealing potatoes, and we're talking millions of dollars worth of potatoes. Farmers had to hire armed guards for their crops. People were hijacking trucks full of potatoes, like fast and furious, the tuber drift. I I don't know. Fast and furious tuber drift.

SPEAKER_07 0:59

I'm just picturing like Ezekiel and the Faniol with like their fucking carriages trying to do that whole like shooting under the tractor trailer in the first movie. I'm just seeing Ezekiel just like waha, waha, whatever the fuck, and then just like meow and then boom, there he fucking goes into the ditch.

Disclaimer And Host Vibe Check

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Before we begin today's episode, we would like to share a quick disclaimer. The views, opinions, and statements expressed by the hosts and guests on this podcast are their own personal views and are provided in their own capacity. All content is editorial, opinion-based, and intended for entertainment purposes only. Listener discretion is advised. Welcome back to the Silly Goose Society, where I'm bringing facts, chaos, and questionable research. And Kyle is going to show up with whatever gremlin energy he's carrying today.

SPEAKER_06 2:09

I'm just doing my goddamn best.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Aren't we all? Well, today I have something special for you. Because apparently in America, and honestly, humanity in general, we have a long, stupid, absolutely glorious history of going to war or battles or having tragedies happen over food. Yes? Food. The stuff we've got. The things we eat. The things we eat, the things we argue about at Thanksgiving. And then some people burn on purpose. Not looking at you, Kyle, since you were cooking this morning.

Why Humans Riot Over Food

SPEAKER_06 2:53

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't burn on purpose, alright? Like it was just never mind. We're not getting into that.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

All right, buckle up. The first thing that I want to talk about is the great molasses flood.

SPEAKER_07 3:09

Oh my god. I literally just heard of this yesterday through a fucking TikTok.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Great. So this is the great this is the great molasses flood of 1919. So I get to do this. Picture this. Boston. January, 1919. You do it better though.

SPEAKER_07 3:32

Well, yeah, because you gotta do the Sicily part first. Picture this. Sicily, 1919. No, wait, wrong one. Picture this. Boston 1919.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

There's a giant 50-foot tank full of 2.3 million gallons of hot molasses.

SPEAKER_07 3:52

That was my nickname in high school.

The Boston Molasses Flood Story

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Hot molasses.

SPEAKER_07 3:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

So this tank had been leaking for months. And residents literally complained that it groaned. And instead of fixing it, the company just literally just painted it brown so you couldn't see the leaks. Fucking Boston. It'll be all right. Right. That was the solution. Just paint over the problem.

SPEAKER_07 4:20

I gotta go see the socks. It'll be fine. Fucking Boston, man.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So then one afternoon, the tank straight up explodes. It doesn't crack, it doesn't leak. It just fucking explodes. And what ensued was a 25-foot wave of molasses coming barreling through Boston at 35 miles an hour. Imagine that.

SPEAKER_07 4:48

It could have literally gotten a speeding ticket.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Right.

SPEAKER_07 4:51

The residential area is cool as zone. It could have got a speeding ticket.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Right. It was moving faster than some cars move in the mornings. And it swept away buildings, twisted an entire elevated train line. It knocked people over like bowling pins. And so, like molasses obviously is denser than water. So once you were down, you were not getting back up. There were people who were suffocated in the syrup. Horses got stuck like they were.

SPEAKER_07 5:24

That's a song title. I'm sorry. Suffocated in the syrup. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

But horses got stuck in like, you know, stuck in this. It was like some kind of bad, I don't know, Jurassic reboot or something. Firefighters were literally trying to chop through molasses with axes. And then the wildest part of this whole story is that then for decades on hot days, the neighborhood smelled like molasses. I mean, this went on for decades.

SPEAKER_07 5:58

Well, I mean, it's better than the smell of Boston now. Well, you know. Upgrade.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

And here's a question. Could you imagine? Okay, you died in this thing, right? And you come back as a ghost. Do you think the ghosts smelled like molasses?

SPEAKER_05 6:15

I think does.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Just imagine if you have a haunted house, somebody comes in and is like, why does your house smell like pancakes? Oh, it's I just have a sticky ghost running around.

SPEAKER_07 6:30

Wait, first off, why are you panc why are you putting molasses anywhere near your pancakes? One. Ginger snaps. Like ginger snaps. Yeah, do you know who people do? Dumb people and old people. Oh my god. It's just I can't think of that's a that's a that's a specific level of hell is to be like drowned andor boiled by molasses. A 25-foot wave of molasses. When it first started like oh, the molasses blood of Boston of 1919. It made me think of that scene in Austin Powers. No with like the steamroller, and he's like a hundred feet away, just going so slow. Like it's molasses. Like, get out of the way. Just like step. Look, I'll do it again. I'm not even tired. You know what I mean? But like, no, it was like it was 30 miles an hour. Like, yeah. That's fast as fuck.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

That is, I mean, like, oof, I can't even imagine. And like it it twisted, it twisted metal.

SPEAKER_07 7:29

Great video game. Um yeah, because it was like hot. And it's just like stuck on you. Right? Like it was boiling, it was being cooked, so like that's even that. So the the fact that people suffocated and they didn't like cook to death.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Right.

SPEAKER_07 7:47

That's not a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I don't know what what kind of person this makes me, but anytime I hear stories like this, I always think like the poor animals. Like, I just see them as like they're so innocent. Like, what why did the horses deserve? Not like people deserved it, but like some of them probably did.

SPEAKER_07 8:09

It was Boston.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Right, but like let's not forget that. The poor horses and you know, the animals that got caught in like what did they uh can you imagine just like you know, you're just a squirrel up at a you know, going up in a tree, and you just all of a sudden are frozen in molasses.

SPEAKER_07 8:26

Like, yo, Tim, Tim, he ain't gonna fucking believe this. Tell me.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 8:35

That's horrible.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Well, now I want to slide into some Christmas lore. You ready for this one?

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Help me with that.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

All right. So this is the year is 1826.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Picture this.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

And this is the West Point eggnog riot. You ever heard of this one?

SPEAKER_07 9:02

No, but that's so fucking ridiculous.

Sticky Aftermath And Ghost Jokes

SPEAKER_00 9:06

So they had a the military academy West Point had a full-blown riot over eggnog. Tell you that, right? Right, because of course they did. So in 1826, the cadets were not allowed any alcohol. So they smuggled in whiskey from the local taverns, but it wasn't like one bottle or two bottles. Um, it was enough to turn Christmas Eve into some kind of like frontier frat party. They mixed it into all of the eggnog. Um, and they got obliterated. And I mean absolutely obliterated.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

As you do.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

So then, you know, the officers come in and they try to shut the party down, and the the cadets are basically like, nah, nah, it's not happening.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Nah nah.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

So they start grabbing chairs and canes and sticks and fireplace tools. Um, one guy grabbed a fucking sword.

SPEAKER_07 10:10

That's probably Edgar Allan Poe.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Grabbed a sword to defend eggnog, and then a gun goes off.

SPEAKER_07 10:20

That was Edgar Allan Poe, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Yeah. Doors are kicked in, officers are getting punched, 90 cadets are drunk in rioting, and it becomes an actual like battle over a dairy product.

SPEAKER_07 10:35

A horrible dairy product, mind you.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Right.

SPEAKER_07 10:38

I hate eggnog.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

So, and here's here's my favorite fun fact future Confederate president Jefferson Davis was involved in this riot, but he did not get punished.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Right. Classic.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

So there you have the eggnog riot. What would have okay, if you were in that, what would have been your weapon of choice?

SPEAKER_07 11:03

Whatever the fuck I could grab. Whatever's closest to me. Is it a bottle? Is it a fire poker? Is it Tim from Barracks C? Probably. Whatever the fuck I grabbed at the time, man.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

I think the I think the ladle would have been a good weapon.

SPEAKER_07 11:20

The ladle.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Ladle, ladle, ladle. So yeah.

SPEAKER_07 11:26

Um is he just swinging a fucking ladle? I don't know why, but my brain immediately went to Bug's Life when the ladybug grabs the stick and he was like, Little John, my sword. The way he just like parries it. I just see you like that with a fucking ladle. And like one of those giant fucking like West Point like cadet hats, which is which looks it's just those giant, it's like the top hat, but without the little just a little brim in front and not a hole around. You know kind of fucking hat I'm talking about, like a marching band hat. I just see you with one of those, just like fucking like parry this, you fucking casual, with a goddamn ladle.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Alright. Well, you know my one of my favorite foods, right?

SPEAKER_07 12:07

Brown gravy.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

No, the other one.

SPEAKER_07 12:09

Coleslaw.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

No, the other one.

SPEAKER_07 12:12

Sadness.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

Okay, you're you're you're three for three. No. Madame Thousand. Potatoes. Potatoes.

SPEAKER_07 12:23

Boil the mashum, stick them in a stew.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

I don't know that. What is that? There's a song, right? Boil the mash, stick them in the steps. It's Lord of the Rings.

SPEAKER_07 12:39

Potatoes, boil the mashum, stick them in a stew. I mean, it might be a song, but he literally says that in Lord of the Rings.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

I swear those lyrics are in some stupid song.

The West Point Eggnog Riot

SPEAKER_07 12:49

They might be, and that's probably what he did with it, but like I'm I that that's just that's Sam Wise Gamge, and I will put both of them on a chopping block against you on that one that it's not.

unknown 12:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

All right. Anywho, um, so this is uh the Great Potato War. So this is a warfare that was fueled by carbs. And all of them. All of them. So this is in 17 the 1770s, um, and it involves the Bavarian Succession War.

unknown 13:29

The Bavarian success.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

So you're ready for it?

SPEAKER_07 13:33

I was about as ready as I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

All right, so you know, it's wartime, and these people are you know, because Europe, right? You're right, because Europe. But in this particular skirmish, um, the soldiers spent more time stealing each other's potatoes than actually fighting. And I'm not even kidding about that. So we have two armies running around Europe like raccoons in uniform, raiding farms. Uniforms? Raccooniforms, they're raiding farms, potato sellers, and the civilians are like loudly complaining. Like, you know, you guys are do, you know, have your pissing contests, but can we at least have our potatoes?

SPEAKER_07 14:18

So talk to my fucking spuds.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Right. So it it gets better because in America, potatoes also sparked some violence. So during literally every day. Right.

SPEAKER_07 14:34

Literally every day.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

During World War II, there were rationing that led to grocery store fights. Actually, people during World War II were getting in brawls over potatoes. And then this thing about potatoes, you're gonna love. Did you know that there was uh a potato mafia that was in effect in the nineteen seventies?

SPEAKER_05 15:08

The spud foda.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

Oh god. So yeah, in potato mafia.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yes, in the nineteen seventies in Oregon and Idaho, they were Of course it was Idaho. They were stealing potatoes, and we're talking millions of dollars worth of potatoes. Farmers had to hire armed guards for their crops. People were hijacking trucks full of potatoes, like, you know, I don't know, like fast and furious, the tuber drift. I I don't know. Fast and furious tuber drift.

SPEAKER_07 15:48

I'm just picturing like Ezekiel and the Faniol with like their fucking carriages trying to do that whole like shooting under the tractor trailer in the first movie. I'm just seeing Ezekiel just like waha, waha, whatever the fuck, and then just like meal and then boom, there he fucking goes into the ditch. Just a goddamn nightmare. Fuck, what do we got? Family. And also the Sabbath. I don't know why I'm going Amish with this, but oh no, because these are just farmers.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:21

Yeah, I don't know why I would Amish and farmers, they just it's that's just my brain goes.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

So I have like uh like a little bit of a compilation of a bunch of I mean I found so I I did not realize the history that the world had fighting over food. Um but in Harvard in 1766, there was the Great Butter Rebellion.

SPEAKER_07 16:48

They That's great.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

They the students rioted because the dining hall served rancid butter for too long, and then they refused to attend classes, they protested in the yard, and eventually the college was shut down over this.

SPEAKER_07 17:06

Harvard shut down over butter.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Over butter.

SPEAKER_07 17:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

And then we moved to France in 1775. And so they had um basically a deregulated grain market, and bread prices like skyrocketed.

SPEAKER_07 17:29

Okay, now that I did know because of the French Revolution.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:33

That was one of the things that led up to the French Revolution. Because like, ah shit. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Because of this riot, this was like the prequel to the guillotine era era. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:44

Just a little funny. Because they had like horrible, like literally, they had like like three or four years straight of like fuck awful weather, which like destroyed the crops. So like the peasants and the farmers had no wheat, no grain, no nothing for bread. But all the rich cunts still had more than enough bread. But like, yeah, the price of bread went from like let's we'll say like a dollar a loaf, like you know, like US dollars, like went from like a dollar a loaf to like a hundred dollars a loaf or like two hundred dollars a loaf almost overnight.

Enter Potatoes: Wars And Heists

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then in the 1950s, um, there were the pasta protests of the pasta protests in Naples.

SPEAKER_07 18:34

In Naples checks out, all checks out.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

So back in the 50s, Italy tried to push rice as a new national carb. And it was used to think like they wanted to boost rice production. And basically, the people said over our dead bodies, it's pasta or nice.

SPEAKER_07 18:55

We're talking about Italy. It's not over mind, it's over your dead body there, Jack.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Like literally, people were marching in the streets waving like macaroni Imagine that. You talk about pasta in my son.

SPEAKER_07 19:16

Just scream at him. Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

So in 1871, there was the orange riot of New York.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

Well, there's about to be another orange riot in New York in 2025. But I digress.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

But we digress. Um, so this started as a parade involving the Protestant Orange Order, and it ended in a street brawl um because of all of the uh food vendors, you know, and they had their oranges, and like oranges were flying everywhere. Orange peels, like dozens of people were injured. And it wasn't like food wasn't necessarily the cause, but it absolutely lit the match because it was just like an endless supply of oranges to chuck at each other.

SPEAKER_07 20:14

God, that's like oh yeah, no, people were absolutely. I wouldn't be surprised if a couple people died because of that. Because man, oranges aren't like even like tangerines and like clementines and shit. I mean, you get the right arm behind it, man. You just get it. You can have a bad fucking day. You take one of those to the eye.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Right, right.

SPEAKER_07 20:32

Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

So we we as Americans, we we kind of know the uh, you know, our our history, or we should know our history a little bit. But um, you know, the sugar, there were there were the sugar act protests of 1764. And this was, you know, basically the sugar taxes. Um yeah. You know, we had a sweet tooth, we wanted our sugar, and King George did not agree. So there were protests over the sugar taxes.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 21:08

Once again, fucking Boston and fucking shit up because of food. Sugar, the tea, the molasses, it's all come full circle with this one.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

And then the probably the only time I don't know that much about Canadian history, but I don't, you know, as a nation, I don't see them as particularly violent.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

But in 1945, they had a candy bar strike.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

A candy bar strike.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

So candy bar prices doubled overnight, and teenagers revolted.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

Like you had Hershey bar yesterday, it cost me a fucking loony, and I was costing me a toonie, but go fuck yourself. Your mom's gotta be taking a piss out her ass on that one, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Oh god, yes. Yeah. Um, yeah, so they they started protesting in the streets, and they had signs like we want fair prices.

SPEAKER_07 22:08

If that's not too much of an inconvenience for you.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yeah, yeah. And I I just imagine all of their street signs end with dot dot dot a.

SPEAKER_07 22:17

No, probably dot dot dot please a question mark.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Uh but the you know, the police had to shut it down, and it was just uh like a historical big fight over big chocolate, basically.

SPEAKER_07 22:30

Fight over big chocolate. I'm seeing fucking Willy Wonka there, just like a beater, a fat fucking stogie, just counting just mountains of cash.

unknown 22:41

Right.

SPEAKER_07 22:41

Odd job comes in with a fucking orange face and green hair.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

And then speaking of going back to rice um in Japan in 1918, they they ri rioted over rice. Um the price of rice exploded and uh over a million twice. Shit. Oh the uh like over a million people protested across Japan, and it the riots lasted weeks, and government literally fell during this. Um, so it was rice that uh caused the government to fall in this instant, not gold, not weapons, just rice.

SPEAKER_07 23:37

God, I had like 50 jokes, like the entire time that you're doing that. So the rice, you know, the price of rice is doubled twice, you know. What's that? What is that? A stor uh a story about economic disaster by Dr. Seuss.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Yeah, I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_07 23:53

So that one's uh that the entire government shut down because of rice this time. Yeah, not not not gold, not war. Yeah, not waking the sleeping giant that is the American Navy, you know, this and not atomic energy.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Right.

SPEAKER_07 24:06

Other things about Japan, World War II, but but I digress.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

So in Germany, over multiple years, yeah, they yeah, um, they had what they call um a series of years of beer haul conflicts.

unknown 24:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

So like beer, you know, isn't technically a food, I guess. I don't know. But anyway, I found it amusing. But every time the government has tried to regulate beer prices or the purity of beer, it seems like everyone in Germany lost their fucking minds. Um and so beer, you know, is basically their emotional support animal.

Global Food Protests: Bread, Pasta, Oranges

SPEAKER_07 24:48

Oh, yeah. It's it's like like all seriousness, it's like sacred to the German people. Like they take it so fucking seriously. It's like white people in turtlenecks and Napa Valley and wine. It's like don't fuck with it, man. Like they'll they they'll be.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

So then we come back to New York. New York has had a lot of protests over a lot of things. It's New York, what do you expect? It's New York, what do you expect? So um if you can protest there, you can protest anyway.

SPEAKER_04 25:25

Forget about it.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

In 1907, there were milk riots. Um, so the milk sellers raised prices, and this one the literally the queens, the mothers and the children staged street revolts, and you had women out there overturning milk carts, smashing bottles, terrorizing distributors, um pushing their boobs together. Actually, I think I think that's kind of uh iconic, you know, for the for the women to get involved in this one.

SPEAKER_07 26:02

Exactly. Iconic? I think you mean ironic. I mean iconic, yeah. It's probably fucking great, man. Like, yes, queen, yas, down with big milk.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Right. Um, okay. Oh, wait, here's another can Canadian one.

SPEAKER_07 26:17

They had Oh wait, there's more. Angry Canadians.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Yeah, they had uh a lobster liberation protest.

SPEAKER_07 26:26

The lobster liberation protest of Canada.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Of Canada, yeah. So uh animal rights groups started freeing lobsters from tanks in seafood markets. And then, you know, basically the fishermen were fighting back, and it was just a shit show in Canada over uh lobsters. And so, yeah, you just had tiny lobster jail breaks ensuing all over the place.

SPEAKER_07 26:53

I'm just seeing PETA running into like red lobster with like the tank right there in the front with a hammer going like smashing and then just like pouring out, and this lobster is just like what the fuck? Yeah, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Bring in the dancing lobsters. So in Georgia in the 1980s, there was a peach boycott.

SPEAKER_07 27:20

Georgia boycotting peaches.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Right. So farmers protested the drop of wholesale prices um by dumping entire truckloads of peaches on highways. And uh yeah, like um, yeah, people were complaining over what the farmers are doing. The farmers were complaining over what the government was doing. Um, everyone was crying about something, and everything was like really, really sticky. And you know how I feel about sticky stuff.

SPEAKER_07 27:52

That was a great fuck. That was a great fucking line right there that can sum up. I feel like the past like 30 years of America. Everyone was yelling and fighting over something, and everything was just sticky.

unknown 28:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 28:03

The past like 30 years of American history. That's it. People are just fighting and yelling, and everything is sticky.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Everything.

SPEAKER_07 28:13

My family on the holidays.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Um, oh, this is a fun one. So um in Colombia in 1928, there was the banana massacre.

SPEAKER_07 28:27

The ban massacre.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Massacre, yeah. So this was a deadly tragic conflict between striking banana plantation workers and military forces.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

And this is this this whole like war that broke out is the origin of the term banana republic.

SPEAKER_07 28:53

Really?

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Mm-hmm. Huh. So it's a little dark, but historically huge, you know, pop culture moment.

SPEAKER_07 29:07

I I need to know how if you could if you could sum it up. If we need to talk about it later, that's fine. But say I need to know how Banana Republic came a thing out of like, you know, whatever, apparently about this massive tragedy and horrendous massacre, because that's a yuppie white people store.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Right.

SPEAKER_07 29:28

And I need to know what type of mass murder happened. We go, ooh, khakis. Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 29:38

You know, it's probably just one of those things that, you know, it it was gained like the moniker during the skirmish nineteen twenty eight. You fast forward, it becomes kind of like center stage and just everyday language. You know, what do you think, you know, your banana republic or you know? And then and then something.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

You think you want a fucking Banana Republic? Well, actually I do.

SPEAKER_07 30:04

All right.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

And then somebody in corporate, you know, a marketing team were like, this would be a good name for a store. And somebody else said, Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_07 30:15

You want to piss off the Colombians? This is what we're going to do.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

This is what we're going to do. Yeah.

North American Sweets And Milk Uprisings

SPEAKER_07 30:20

We're going to fucking dress like them. Um we're going to call it this.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Let's see. Uh in the 1930s, there was a raisin rebellion where farmers refused to sell raisins at low government prices. And so yeah, there were there was a whole standoff over raisins.

SPEAKER_07 30:43

Jesus Christ. It's not even over like bratwurst or like onion rings or you know, something buffalo chicken. Like, no, it's over fucking raisins.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Well, funny as it should say uh sausage.

SPEAKER_07 31:00

I said bratwurst.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Well, bratwurst in 1917 in Sweden, there was a sausage war.

SPEAKER_07 31:08

That checks out. That math. I don't need to show the Carfax. All of that makes sense to me. Moving on.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

So like food shortages led to riots, and politicians were literally attacked with strings of sausages.

SPEAKER_07 31:24

Strings of sausages. There's nothing we can do about your high tax process. Well, test my sausage there, Lundenvigel. My eyes in your sausage in my eyes.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

The thing I love about this whole episode so far is the sheer number of uh like accents you can do.

SPEAKER_07 31:49

Horrible accents that I've been doing. Wildly offensive and very broad stroke accents. I did a horrible Alberta. That's an absolute, like, that's more. It was like finish with like a Norwegian undertone with like a Danish topping, and I'm pass trying to pass it as Swede. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Um, okay, so in Bolivia there was a chicken crisis where we got oblivion. There were chicken shortages that led to protests, uh, political shouting matches, and uh black market poultry runs.

SPEAKER_07 32:26

So just any day in Bolivia. So just Tuesday for Bolivia.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah, just it's just a Tuesday.

SPEAKER_07 32:30

It's just Tuesday. Bah, big whoop.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Yeah. Um, let's see here. We've got the tamale riots in Los Angeles of 1894.

SPEAKER_07 32:40

I am very veteran. Tamales are one of my favorite foods. All the information you have right now.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

So the police were trying to crack down on tamale street vendors.

SPEAKER_07 32:52

Fucking assholes.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

The public basically said uh no.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Like, I'm dug.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

And uh yeah, there were street fights and a full-blown, like um like organized, calculated resistance about the crackdown of the street vendors.

SPEAKER_07 33:14

What's like the big song? It's this organized riots and rebellions again. I'm just seeing Le Miz. But and it's not even like the French flag, it's not even the Mexican flag, it's just a flag with a tamale on it, and they're just like marching in the streets, like waving the fucking flag, singing some song about tamales. And I agree. Fight the good fight, brother.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

So this one, it it's not necessarily a war or a fight. Um, but and I gave it this name. This is my uh I I'm nicknaming this one uh the Pudding Lane Incident of London of night of 1666.

SPEAKER_07 33:54

The pudding lane, you couldn't have come up with anything shorter, Jesus Christ. Like, what are you in charge of fucking naming Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco's fucking song titles? Yes. I write since not tragedy on a Tuesday night in Calcutta with my dog. Like, what get fucked, bud? Like, I came up with this name. The pudding incident of 1666 on Downton Abbey with ever the fucking shit in London. What the fuck? Call it Pudding Pop Off. Do that, call it that.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

It's pudding pop off.

SPEAKER_07 34:25

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Um in 1666, there was a it and it is known as the Great Fire of London, okay?

SPEAKER_07 34:34

But it already had a name and you renamed it Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

But it really had an easier name.

SPEAKER_07 34:40

I can make it better. Uh Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

So this started it, but it all started in a bakery. And uh usually does. Yeah, the bakery um it caught on fire, exploded, and then all of London basically caught on fire. It was it was a food-caused apocalypse of 1666. I said there were a lot of names I could have given that one.

SPEAKER_07 35:08

Yeah, and you took a word from each one of them and threw it all into the actual name that you gave it.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

What I want to do now is um I want to read a couple and you tell me whether these are real or not.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

I want them all to be real.

Rice Riots, Beer Purity, And Lobster Liberations

SPEAKER_00 35:27

Okay. Um So there was a great jello uprising of fifth 1954. Utah women were refusing to serve lime jello until husbands learned to season their meat properly.

SPEAKER_07 35:48

Okay, do you mean to actually season the meat or like season their meat?

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Like Oh, well, I think it's actually meat, not.

SPEAKER_07 35:56

Not like how to I thought it was just like we're not serving you any green jello till you know the fucking finger trick. Like, that's what you were getting at. It's not hysteria. You just got bitch-ass hands there, Arthur.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

Right. So what do you think? Is that real or fake?

SPEAKER_07 36:15

That was real. That sounds like some dumbass Utah shit.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

No, that's a fake one.

SPEAKER_07 36:19

No, it was real.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

In your head canon, it's now real.

SPEAKER_07 36:23

In actual canon. Technically, I'm not wrong because in the infinite universe uh thing, there is a universe where that happened.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

Yeah, well, you know, if you if you go in the the multiple.

SPEAKER_07 36:36

The multiverse theory. There it is. The multiverse theory.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

There we go. Yeah. All right, so the next one: the great cheese fire of 2013. A warehouse caught fire, and giant blocks of cheese exploded like grenades.

SPEAKER_07 36:51

Blocks, the blocks of cheese. The cheese themselves exploded like grenades.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 36:56

It was real.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

It was real.

SPEAKER_07 36:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Are you looking this up? Are you looking these up? Are you looking at this? No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_07 37:04

I'm serious. I'm just gonna say I'm just gonna I'm gonna say every single one of them is real.

unknown 37:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 37:08

I'm gonna say every one of them is real.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

All right. Uh, the baguette bayonet bayonetting incident.

SPEAKER_07 37:16

Okay, let's see. I almost said fake because it was too ridiculous of a name, but then you're saying it, so yeah, it was real.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

French bakers use stale baguettes as weapons during a protest. Marie! The baguette! I'm armed. Uh that is fake. That never happened. I mean, you know, okay, in the multiverse, maybe in the multiverse.

SPEAKER_07 37:44

In the multiverse, it definitely happened. In the multiverse, somewhere it never minds.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

In this reality, it didn't happen. Um, and then the last one, the beer shortage riot of 1637. Colonists nearly um mutinied because the uh ship rate ran out of beer.

SPEAKER_06 38:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Yes, that is real.

SPEAKER_06 38:06

It had to do with alcohol, so absolutely it was real.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 38:10

And people acting completely irrational over alcohol. Million percent real.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Um, and that's pretty much all I had for this.

SPEAKER_07 38:21

You ever been in a food fight?

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Not in it. I've seen one happen around me, but you know, I just got beat the hell out of there.

SPEAKER_06 38:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 38:33

Senior year. It was one of the greatest days of my life.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

I always think a fun a food fight would be fun.

SPEAKER_07 38:44

It was like the time of my life. It's like wedding day, birth of children, food fight. Like, and that's fucking close, man. Like, it was close. It's really funny because it happened at lunchtime. It was senior year, and when I tell you, it was like you see in the fucking, like in like the movies and like shows about like what a high school, like a school food fight is where it's just food fucking flying across. It's exactly it wasn't like a couple of tables just like screwing with each other. It was like a fuck, it was like the siege of Baston, just like fucking launching potatoes and shit, like across the fucking calf. Doors are barricades and no one can get in rounds, like couldn't get broken up, and it's just just trashed the place. And Lauren's pissed because that was the day she had like she wasn't at school that day. She was at she was like uh she had like a doctor's appointment, or she just stayed home, whatever the hell it was. She wasn't a part of it, she couldn't be a part of it. But yeah, it was an actual food fight. That was pretty damn awesome. That was fucking sick. Yeah. And I'm trying to remember what some of the other funny, you know, that I wouldn't call these wars, but I don't know. I I guess me and my brothers, we always had some type of uh, you know, kids they do some kind of shit or whatever. We always did stuff. All of us have at least one with food. I have like four. Like so, like I got into um I got into a spaghetti fight with uh with my older brother.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Of course she did.

SPEAKER_07 40:10

We just had you know, like the leftover spaghetti from like the night before when we were, I don't know, but we lads or something like that. I was like two. And uh we thought, hey, it'd be funny if we just picked up handfuls of spaghetti and chucked them at each other, or something like that one.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

I'm sure your mother loved that.

SPEAKER_07 40:25

Oh yeah. I don't know which one she loved more. Either the spaghetti fight that me and my older brother had or the jello fight that me and my younger brother had.

unknown 40:32

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

How do you fight with jello? Doesn't it just kind of like disintegrate in your hand?

SPEAKER_07 40:38

Well, you know, we were kids in creative, so we pretty much were taking handfuls of jello and just like yucking it at each other.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 40:45

Oh yeah, it was green and red too on our like eggshell painted walls.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 40:50

Just yeah, red and green jello. Fucking yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Yeah, not good.

Peaches, Bananas, Raisins, And Sausages

SPEAKER_07 40:57

Nah, not even a little bit. I can I can kind of if I close my eyes and I try to think hard enough, I feel like I can rem- I remember that day. Like I can see bits of that day.

SPEAKER_06 41:10

That's funny, man.

SPEAKER_07 41:11

I because same thing, I was like, because if it was my younger brother, I was probably like three, maybe four.

SPEAKER_04 41:20

Cause he's two years behind me, so yeah, probably I was probably about three or four years old when that one happened.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

I don't think my brother and I have gotten food fucking. It's I'm trying to remember. I don't think we ever did.

SPEAKER_07 41:34

Be a lot cooler if you did.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 41:37

Oh, whipping marshmallows at each other. That was funny. That was funny. We're like fucking teenagers when we were doing that one, but like we like this it was like Call of Duty. I feel like my younger brother actually like dolphin dove like over the couch and like flipped like a table over or something as like cover and was just like whipping them. That's funny as hell.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

I I take that back now that I I'm so my grandpa, he had like the lot of land and stuff, and he had these little apple trees, and they grew like these just tiny green apples. They were tiny tiny. I no, they weren't, because you could eat them.

SPEAKER_05 42:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

They were tiny, just tiny little green apples. I don't know, maybe perhaps I don't know. But anyway, we would um break sticks and then shove an apple on the edge of it and wing it at each other.

SPEAKER_05 42:28

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Yeah. And then we made and then we made potato cannons.

SPEAKER_07 42:36

Oh yeah. You and your fucking potatoes, you are a hobbit.

SPEAKER_00 42:41

Maybe.

SPEAKER_04 42:43

Guys, you are a fucking hobbit. Potatoes!

SPEAKER_00 42:46

I'll never forget my cousin. He was so you had to like clean out the pipe, you know, that like just do like a false then nothing in there, and then let the, you know, blow some um aquanet hairspray down in there and just let it he like singed his. He just I don't know why he he looked down in the barrel and his face was engulfed, like it singed like his eyebrows and everything.

SPEAKER_07 43:19

Like old TV shows or whatever. He picks it up, hey goes, you think it's like this? Like old Looney Tune. He's licks he just picks his head up, his face is all black, his hair is like all blowing back, and just blink blink.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 43:30

And just fades to black, opens the next scene. That's funny. Oh, that is funny as hell.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

Yeah. Oh god, they were so destructive. Well, yeah. What do you expect? I mean they have nothing else to do out in the country.

SPEAKER_07 43:49

I grew up in the suburbs. We didn't have much shit to do there either, so don't feel bad.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

So if you if you were to go to war over any food, what would it be?

SPEAKER_03 44:02

Fucking gravy.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Brown gravy.

SPEAKER_07 44:09

Yes, it is uh we have declared war. I'm telling you, it it I guess it I guess it kind of depends on I guess it kind of depends on the situation. Because you know, it's not like oh, the people are just like, you know, a lot of the ones you talked about that were actual wars, it was due to a taxation over something like that one. So it's like it's not so much the people like, oh my god, we fucking love potatoes so much because you know, we should we love sugar so much, oh my god. It was like, no, it's because they were getting taxed like per fucking granule. Whatever. So like they weren't it, it wasn't it wasn't the object, it was the principle. Principle of what the fuck was happening. Um so I guess it really kind of depends on, but if they were if I was just like stand my ground and like I will fucking ride or die for this food.

SPEAKER_06 45:07

Probably donuts are buffalo chicken. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 45:15

Like if like if like one day you turn on the TV, Buffalo Chicken, you can't have it anymore. It's offensive, we're getting rid of it. I'm I'm starting the revolution immediately to that second. That fucking second.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

Well, let me ask you this about buffalo chicken. Do you is it do you like the like the bone in or like the boneless?

SPEAKER_07 45:39

Um I'm a slut for buffalo chicken, just like Tolkien. So, not saying that Tolkien was a slut for buffalo chicken, I'm a slut for Tolkien. So even if it's bad, it's good. So I so anything buffalo chicken, it could be it could be wings, it can be like wraps, it can be mac and cheese, any form of buffalo chicken, I'm a fucking slut for it. Now there are ones that are better than others, don't get me wrong. Um it kind of depends on uh the day in my we okay, maybe that's what we'll do. Another thing on like the food episode. I have very weird food OCDs, like I'm very particular about certain things with certain of my foods or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 46:18

Yeah, I am so.

SPEAKER_07 46:18

So if we're going out to get wings, like if we're getting wing stop or where the fuck ever, if the place has boneless wings, like I'm getting boneless because it's just like I'm stabbing it, it's chicken nuggy, I don't care, talk shit, I don't give a fuck. But like if I'm watching the game, like if I'm going specific, hey, let's go to wherever the hell to watch the game and whatever the thought, I need bone in. I need wings. Wings. If I'm if I'm there if it's there just to eat, I'm gonna get boneless. But if there's a purpose, like we're gonna be watching something or to be doing something else, or there's other type of an engagement. I want bone-in wings. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 46:54

I'll tell you where where I'm picky with the bone in is I do not like them breaded.

SPEAKER_07 47:01

Oh yeah, no, no, no, for sure. If it's a bone-in wing, don't you dare put that shit in a breading.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

No. No. I need crispy skin. Sometimes I'll have them like double double fry it.

SPEAKER_07 47:14

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Yeah, I need the crispy, I need the crispy skin with the buffalo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 47:20

Yeah. You know, you know w what I miss? Because I I'm pretty sure the company's gone or out. I know they closed a bunch of them or whatever, but now all seriousness, besides the obvious reasons, I fucking miss Hooters, man. Hooters.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

They had good wings. They had really good wings. Good wings.

SPEAKER_07 47:41

Like really good. The sauce was, listen, all love and respect to Hooters. Like I said, your wings were fantastic. Your sauces were kind of weak sauce, no pun intended, so and so forth. Like, I remembered like, okay, yeah, we got like a medium or mild, something like that. I was like, hey, we asked for sauce, and she was like, Yeah, there is sauce. I'm like, the fuck there is, lady. And then, like, you know, they had the little bottles of hot sauce. I would still like fuck it up. Like, me and my buddies, whenever we would go, we would go through an entire bottle of the hot sauce that's on the table. And it was still like just kind of like normal. So the sauce wasn't like that. There was no heat to it. It tastes good, it had decent flavor, all sorts kind of fun, but there was like no heat. And I don't want like my face to melt off. I don't want to look like the fucking Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Art. I don't want to look like that guy with the weird ass duck face. You know who I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Right, right, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 48:26

But like, I want a little bit of kick to them, but man, I but dude, their wings, they were so crispy. And they were whole wings.

SPEAKER_01 48:43

We gotta wait.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Whenever I hear it, I wait. She did it again.

SPEAKER_07 48:49

Oh no, she down did it. Oh, Lando again. Anywho, it was whole wings that you had to break apart yourself. You had the drum and the flat. Best of both worlds. Breast of both worlds, one would say.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 49:00

I love Readersman. Good shit.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

Yeah. You know who has good who has decent wings, and uh it always surprises me.

SPEAKER_07 49:12

Whom?

SPEAKER_00 49:13

Pizza Hut.

SPEAKER_07 49:15

Really?

SPEAKER_00 49:16

Yeah. They have a they have a thing now where it's like um you can get like 20 mini wing mini wings, and they're all drummies. They're like teeny tiny little drummies. You can get 20 of them for like 10 bucks.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:30

Um, they're really good.

SPEAKER_07 49:32

That's what's up. That's I always love, you know, like the little surprise things. And like, you know, all respect and also that kind of fun shit. But like when a chain place surprises you with having like act like legitimately decent food, like you're like, wait a minute, this is like actually good. Not just like chain good. Like chain good is like, for the most part, you know, that bad. You know what I mean? Like, uh home everyone knows that like home cooked is better, but like, you know, something if a chain has decent food, like well, you know.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

Yeah, either way.

SPEAKER_07 50:01

Um, that's always good. I I won't, yeah. I it's gonna be a very long time before I have Pizza Hut again, if ever. Not a not not a Pizza Hut person.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

Hmm.

SPEAKER_07 50:12

Fan of the Hut. Um, but I mean, I do I I I'll try the wings. I will try the wings, that's for damn sure. Yeah, 10 bucks for batch bachelor party trip. Way back when, many moon ago.

SPEAKER_06 50:28

Right? We went to um Dewey Beach in Delaware. And at the end of the street, you know, it was about a house, you know, we got like Airbnb, like off like the main drag there. And uh, if you walked right to the corner, there's this little mom and pop food joint.

SPEAKER_07 50:48

I call it a food joint because it like I said, this is like a like a summer tourist town. Like, think of like a summer tourist like beach town kind of thing, right? Like that's what it is. It's like every other store is either an ice cream shop, some form of booze, bar, or whatever the hell entertainment, and then like the knick-knack paddywax shop, where it's just like the name on like every fucking hoodie and shot glass you've ever seen.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 51:11

Well, this particular mom and pop slop shop, I'm telling you, it's this giant fucking sign, and it said donuts, wings. That's it. It was a white sign and big red letters, and not donuts and donuts wasn't a fun name, it just said donuts wings, and I'm like, let's go get breakfast from there, because they cut donuts. So it's not it's like me, my brothers and my buddy Mike, we go walking in there, and it is like it's about as big as your average like living room. There's no like tables, it's just like chairs. Oh my god. Just kind of sit there, and then it's like the then it's just like the counter. Right above the counter is the menu, and there's this one dude who definitely looks like just him being in the building alone, looks like they would fail their health violations something. He just looked like he would own a greasy spoon. And then you look at the menu, and guess what they sold there?

SPEAKER_00 52:20

Hot dogs and onion rings.

Personal Food Fights And Chaos

SPEAKER_07 52:23

So close. I'm telling you, they had two things and two things only on that menu. I shit you not. Now they had donuts, now they had donuts, and there was like a whole bunch of different donuts, and they had wings at whole, but when I tell you the only two things they sold at this place was donuts and wings. There was no fucking oh, we we we specialize in donuts and wings, but you know, oh, we also got a grill, so you can get like a breakfast sandwich, or you can get a hot donut. It's like, no, you want donuts or wings, you're in the right fucking place. You want anything else? Fuck off. I'm telling you. And you can order anywhere from one to ten thousand chicken wings. Oh, geez. Because I guess in this area they have like a chicken wing competition, whatever the fucking they're like the main sponsor, whatever the hell of it, so on and so forth. So they have like the chicken wing plug, or they are the chicken wing plug. Um, you can order anywhere from what, and I think once you get over a thousand, you have to like order, you know, like like what is it? Like Sam's Club and Costco. If you're gonna put like a big order with them, it's gotta be like a day in advance so they can kind of do it in the gord and prep it on. Yeah, it was just okay. Anything over a thousand. I can get a thousand wings just at the ready. I can walk in and order a thousand wings.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

Good lord.

SPEAKER_07 53:34

And they were just like, Bet, got you, give me like 30 minutes, and like that's all they fucking sold there was donuts and wings.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Wow.

SPEAKER_07 53:42

Oh man. And when I tell you that they used the same fryers for all of them, I was gonna say they found their niche.

SPEAKER_00 53:48

They it was like we're really good at two things.

SPEAKER_07 53:53

No, they're good at one thing, they just do it twice. And I said, We're good at one thing and one thing only fucking frying shit. We're gonna either gonna fry donut, we're gonna fry donuts until I want a chicken wing, and then I'm gonna start cooking chicken wings. And those wings were fucking delicious. They were they were so good.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

I bet.

SPEAKER_04 54:11

Oh man, it was so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_07 54:14

I love when a place gets a little shit like that. But yeah. Oh yeah, Buffalo Chicken Man, wings.

SPEAKER_06 54:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

Fuck, I want wings now. Well, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:26

You're welcome for that.

SPEAKER_02 54:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

All right, my silly dear geese out there in the audience.

SPEAKER_07 54:36

Wow, that was a fucking stretch.

SPEAKER_00 54:42

This has been your crash course in all the ways humanity has chosen violence over food. Molasses tsunamis, eggnog battles, potato thievery, exploding cheese. Basically, this has taught us that we are not okay as a society, as a as a species, and we never have been. So thank you for hanging out with us today. We will be back next week with more chaos, questionable facts, who knows what we're gonna do. So until then, stay silly, stay curious. And if you ever see a twenty-five-foot wave of molasses coming towards you, pal, do you want to say goodbye? Oh God. I wish you could see I was my body was at full tension. This is gonna be loud. Only for a little honk.

SPEAKER_07 55:54

That's what she said.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

Goodbye.