The Silly Goose Society
A podcast for the delightfully curious and easily distracted. Kyle and Angi chat music, movies, cryptids, ghosts, weird history, and whatever derails them next. Half research, half chaos, all goose energy.
The Silly Goose Society
S1E6: Yule Folklore
Winter didn’t always come wrapped in twinkle lights. We pull back the garland to meet the older spirits of the season—figures that enforced survival with iron noses, claws, chains, and consequences—and ask why these stories still stick to our bones when the power flickers and the wind goes mean.
We start with Frau Perchta, the Alpine “winter auditor” who walks the Twelve Nights checking spinning, social rules, and respect for the old ways. Pass and you’re spared. Fail and the metaphor turns visceral: bellies opened, organs traded for straw and stones. From there we tumble into the Kallikantzaroi, Mediterranean goblins who spend the year sawing at the world tree, then abandon their post during Yule to foul food, snuff hearths, and scramble your house into chaos. The fixes are wonderfully small: keep the fire hot, hang a sieve to trap them in endless counting, burn the shoes you should’ve thrown out years ago.
Iceland raises the cost with the Yule Cat, an enormous black predator who hunts the unproductive. New clothes mean you helped process wool; no clothes mark you as prey. It’s a harsh labor law written in fang, born from a place where winter isn’t a vibe, it’s a verdict. When the sky rips open, the Wild Hunt rides: Odin’s spectral cavalcade thundering through blizzards, a sound you don’t answer. Don’t whistle. Don’t stand at the crossroads. Don’t look up. Do a genuine good deed before Yule ends or accept a hard year stamped by omens.
And then there’s Krampus, the horned anti-Santa with a single KPI: punishment. Chains, birch, baskets, and the eerie quiet of children who return different. We talk about how modern culture keeps trying to sand his edges and why the overexposure misses the point. These tales weren’t crafted to comfort—they organized communities around work, warmth, and watchfulness when winter could end everything.
If you enjoy sharp folklore, dark humor, and stories that make holiday lights feel a little braver, press play. Share this with a friend who swears they’re “team cozy,” subscribe for more, and leave a review with the winter spirit you’d least want at your door.
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They're just they're little pranksters, they're little shitheads. That's it.
SPEAKER_00:Um I can see how you relate to them.
SPEAKER_05:Well, yeah, this is exactly why I was very like, I read these guys and I was like, I don't think I have ever felt so seen by a borderline demonic entity in my life. Like everyone's like, oh, I'm the devil because I'm so mean and nasty. It's like, no, you're not. You got daddy issues, you have to fucking go into therapy yet. You're not the fucking devil. Sit the hell down. Like, I'm reading about these guys and I'm like, I actually am these. Like, I am also too fairly short, very hairy. I have weird deformed feet and I'm misshapened and grotesque. Like, I am them. They are me. We are one.
SPEAKER_01:Before we begin today's episode, we would like to share a quick disclaimer. The views, opinions, and statements expressed by the hosts and guests on this podcast are their own personal views and are provided in their own capacity. All content is editorial, opinion-based, and intended for entertainment purposes only. Listener discretion is advised. Welcome to another episode of the Silly Goose Society. Before we start, I have a quick question. Did you finish your work? Did you behave? Absolutely not. Did you get new clothes?
unknown:No God, no.
SPEAKER_01:Because tonight's episode is not about joy. It's not about magic. And it's definitely not about some fat man breaking into your house to reward you. Tonight, Uncle Tony. Tonight is about winter justice. We're talking about the old Christmas spirits, the ones that existed before Christianity put a bow on the season. The ones that don't care if you're trying to be your best. The ones that enforce survival with teeth, iron, claws, and consequence. These are not Santa adjacent creatures. They don't negotiate. They don't teach lessons. They punish, they take, they correct the balance. So pour yourself a drink, get into your coziest sweater because apparently that really matters. And remember, if you're hearing this, you've already survived the winter audit. So let's begin.
SPEAKER_05:Wait, I'm getting fucking audited?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. This is all about auditing.
SPEAKER_05:Like, nope, it's about audit. It's about people with pocket protectors, a stick up their ass, and the man barking down their neck.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:The first one that I want to talk about is Frau Perchta, who is the original winter auditor.
SPEAKER_05:You're calling winter auditors, and I'm sorry. I'm just seeing like a bunch of like suits with like an abacus.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_05:You know what I mean? But like trutching through the snow in like a parka. You know what I mean? Like you just can't call them auditors. You can't. You just can't.
SPEAKER_01:So if you thought Santa was watching to see if you were naughty or nice, congratulations. You've dramatically underestimated winter because Perchda doesn't bring coal if you're bad. She brings fucking surgery.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:So some origins about Perchda. Perchta comes from the Alpine regions of Austria, Bavaria, Switzerland, and she is ancient. Like pre-Christian, pagan, ancient.
SPEAKER_05:Like older than your mama.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Back when winter wasn't cozy vibes or hot cocoa, it was pretty much please don't let everyone die.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, isn't that still Christmas? Isn't that still winter? Please. Please make sure no one dies.
SPEAKER_01:You're right. So she began as a fertility goddess and a household spirit, and casually a bringer of death. Um, her name came from, and I'm gonna butcher this, but it came from Birat, meaning bright, which is fascinating because later descriptions of her are like, yes, bright, bright, like a corpse lantern with an iron nose. So Perchda has basically two, she's dual-formed. Because, you know, what woman doesn't have two sides to her.
SPEAKER_05:I hey, I let you say it. I let you have any idea how hard I've been biting my fucking tongue so far because of like all the shit I could be saying about all so much of this.
SPEAKER_01:So there is the white perchta who is radiant and beautiful and rewards hard work. And she's like the winter's HR manager that really likes you. Then you have Black Perchta, who is depicted as she's a broken down, crooked woman, very ragged, has an iron nose, and she literally looks like she lives exclusively on spite and unfinished chores. And so guess which most people meet.
SPEAKER_05:Guess which one most people meet?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I guess it depends which area we're talking about. I'm assuming I'm assuming Black Perchda.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So from December 25th to January 6th, during the 12 nights of Yule, Perchda will visit homes. Not metaphorically, she physically visits homes. And she checks three things. Did you finish your spinning? Did you obey social rules? And did you respect the old ways?
SPEAKER_05:So all you all you fitness influencers, your fit influencers out there, did you go to your spinning class? Did you tell everyone about detox teas? And some joke about the old ways.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. So just so yeah, just to clarify, spinning wasn't a chore. Spinning was basically cosmic order, uh, like a thread equals fate, life itself. So if you did finish your spinning, you didn't just procrastinate, you like insul insulated your destiny. So if you failed at any of these tasks, she doesn't scold you, she doesn't like ground you, she doesn't leave you passive aggressive notes. This is what she does. Per my last email, none of finish your fucking spinning. Um, she will slit open your abdomen, remove your organs, and replace them with straw, stones, or garbage.
SPEAKER_06:Ooh.
SPEAKER_01:Which is a very pointed metaphor for you did not contribute to society. And children were especially vulnerable to her auditing. I'm gonna say auditing. So, you know, like finish your crafts, kids out there listening, or become a haunted scarecrow.
SPEAKER_05:Or garbage can.
SPEAKER_01:And this fits right in with us um because some traditions describe Perchta as having one iron nose and one goose foot.
SPEAKER_05:That's true.
SPEAKER_01:That is true.
SPEAKER_05:That's not us being cute. Look that shit up. It's not a bag leg, it's a hunk leg.
SPEAKER_01:So the folklore basically is like it's it's like she is not human, she walks between worlds, and she will absolutely ruin your evening. And the goose foot likely likely ties her to older animal spirits, fertility, migration, which is kind of beautiful on its on its face value. Um, but the iron nose just screams like I've survived something you would never survive.
SPEAKER_02:See some things, man. I've seen some stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Wouldn't recommend it.
SPEAKER_05:So back to the She said like a haunted Vietnam vet from years past.
SPEAKER_01:So back to the children. Um, in Darker Lore, Perchda didn't just punish children, she claimed them. Um, specifically, she would claim unbaptized children, sickly infants, and babies born during the 12 nights. And instead of condemning them, she basically became their keeper in the afterlife. So she's terrifying, but she's also kind of like, I don't know, some kind of like grim winter foster mom. Just some notes on why the church hated her and tried to erase her out of existence.
SPEAKER_05:One, she was a woman who was empowered.
SPEAKER_01:True. Right. Um, but they tried to erase her by calling her a witch, calling her a demon, uh evil old woman, every trope that you could think of. Um, and the villagers basically would say, you know, like, cool sermon, bro, but look, we'll we're still even we're still leaving her food.
SPEAKER_05:Cool sermon, bro, but I was like, I'll do my own research. Thank you very much.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, like you know, we we are still in fear of a winter goddess who removes organs. Uh we're not debating this. We are cooking her dumplings.
SPEAKER_05:We're cooking her dumplings. Wait a minute. Is that all I gotta do is get free dumplings? Is just like disembowel people and turn them into scarecrows?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I mean basically I love dumplings, man. Basically, like that's how you got on Perchda's good side is you had to finish your spinning before the Yule. You had to eat traditional foods like gruel or dumplings, and then you had to leave offerings. So basically, it was just like be productive, be respectful, and feed the winter hag.
SPEAKER_04:I'm just off the plague.
SPEAKER_01:So today uh she survives because um their annual um Perchdenloaf festivals, and I hopefully I said that right. Um so basically they're mask winter parades with horns, grotesque faces, um, nightmare-fueled craftsmanship. These masks are not fun. And I will be posting photos of these masks of Perchda on our Instagram. Um, but they're meant to basically appease her or scare her away or to confuse her into thinking she's basically already did the murdering.
SPEAKER_05:So, you know. She's like, Oh, I've already been here. My bad. Yeah, I've already been here. Like her little mouth.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. So just remember, Perchda is not Santa adjacent. She is winter justice. Um, and she doesn't care whether you were naughty or nice, she just cares whether you were useful. And that's all I have for Perchda.
SPEAKER_05:She just cares if you were useful. So she's just like a fuckboy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Perchsta's just a fuckboy, like an ancient Germanic fuckboy. Nice. Yeah. Good to know. Good to know. Uh also, the like masks and all of that kind of shit. Isn't that like the ones that it's aren't they like elk and like deer skulls that people would wear? Wasn't that isn't like the same idea or the same um or am I getting that mixed up with the uh the Gaelic traditions?
SPEAKER_01:So I'm looking at, yeah, I'm I'm looking at some of um oh maybe I've got pick no the the pictures of perched it are um very much like the quintessential stereotypical like old hag with the with a big crooked nose. They're they're very, very scary though. These are fucking scary masks.
SPEAKER_05:I mean I believe it. If it's if it's if it's being used to scare away the spirit that literally turns you, like you said, into a walking-talking scarecrow from hell, I don't see them being like a my little pony kind of like cutesy wootsy fucking masks. Like, you know? If it's supposed to scare that away, I can only imagine.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Hang on, I'm shooting those pictures over to you so you can see what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_05:Oh god, yeah, because for the love of fuck.
SPEAKER_01:I told you they are they are they are scary.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I'm good. I'm good with that. I'm good.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Anywho, so my turn, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I'm sending you I'm sending you pictures of your guy.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, I already know, I just look in the mirror and that's exactly what I can only imagine what this asshole looks like. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Elkheads. There you go. I'm getting those. Anywho. Um Right, so I apologize to anyone of this um ethnicity or culture if I'm butchering the name on this one. But I'm I'm also gonna be completely honest. I first heard about these guys like the other day when we were planning out this episode. It was the very first time I've heard of these guys, and I kind of love them. I think they need their own like sitcom. Some type of a TV show, you know what I mean? There needs to be some type of a fucking there has to be a show. Send these guys over to like John Mullaney and Nick Kroll, and once you know they've finished with Big Mouth, they just need to make their own version of these little shitheads. Anywho. I'll the uh let's see, the uh Kalikansroy? Kalikansroy, something like that one? I don't know. Greek and Baltic folklore, so Mediterranean all around that kind of area. So I apologize if I've butchered the name, the pronunciation. Either way. Yeah, these little furry red-eyed goblin dudes who live underground, and they're not like super evil, like some of the other like evil Christmas spirits that you'll hear about. Like they're not gonna go and like eat you and kill you and turn you into a scarecrow or whatever the hell that's. They're just gonna like fuck with you like so much. They're these little mischievous little menaces, which I kinda love. It's almost like I almost feel like they should be a part of Halloween with like the trick-or-treat kind of thing. And now I'm really starting to think that these guys were the inspiration for Lock Shock and Barrel for the nightmare before Christmas. Swear to God, like tell me they are not these little bastards. They oh my god, they absolutely are. They literally live underground at the tree. No, they live in the tree. Whatever. There's a tree in the lair. They are absolutely doesn't matter. So they appeared through the 12, the uh the 12 days of Christmas. Or or Yule, my mistake. Yule. My bad. Um, pretty much their sole purpose was sawing at the uh the world tree. Or the tree of life, or whichever one you go on to with that one. So that's literally their job. They were just like, this fucking tree has got to go. So I'm just seeing like a dozen of these little bastards, just like with one of those giant saws going back and forth.
SPEAKER_01:Back and forth, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:And like one's like, I don't know, I don't know why, but I kind of picture them in like those big like foreman. No, no, no, no, they're all, you know, yeah, maybe there's one who's just sitting there. They they in my brain they're kind of like gremlins, like little furry gremlins, like with like clothed hooves and all things, so it's like little satyrs or kind of like. But I don't know why they're in like some of them are in like those old timey like long johns with like the big buttons, and for whatever reason, as they're doing that big saw, one of like the buttons gets caught on it, and now he's getting like sent back and forth through it. Like you've seen like cartoons and cheese like that's what I'm picturing in my head right now, these little shitheads trying to cut down the tree. Um But during the holidays, during Yule, they abandon the uh they abandon their task, their job. They're like, alright, we've had it, we've we've been trying at this all year. What's the worst that could happen if we leave for the next couple of days and we go and fuck with everybody? Um and the only reason why they would leave during those times is because like the gods were you know busy like being celebrated and going getting all their foods and their offerings and so on and so forth. So like their little gatekeeper was watching, so like, hey, the guard's not here, let's go out. Anywho. And that's literally they would, like I said, they're not going out, they're not killing, they're not murdering. I swear to God. They will just head out to the villages, to the towns, to the whatever the hell. And they'll they'll break into your they'll they will break into your house. They're not gonna eat the food you leave out, they're gonna sp they're gonna leave your fridge open. They're gonna turn your microwave on its side. Shoutouts to mom and my friends on that one. They're gonna spoil all your food. They're gonna put your fireplace out, they're gonna extinguish the fire, do all that other kind of bullshit. They're just gonna mess at you in your sleep, they're like your paralysis demon, and they're gonna like, you know what I also see them doing? Putting like the whipped cream or like the shaving cream in your hand, like tickling your nose with like their fat with like their tail or something like that. So you They're just they're little pranksters, they're little shitheads, that's it.
SPEAKER_00:Um I can see how you relate to them.
SPEAKER_05:Well, yeah, this is exactly why I was very like I read these guys and I was like, I don't think I have ever felt so seen by a borderline demonic entity in my life. Like everyone's like, oh, I'm the devil because I'm so mean and nasty. It's like, no, you're not. You got daddy issues, and you have to fucking go into therapy yet. You're not the fucking devil. Sit the hell down. Like, I'm reading about these guys and I'm like, I actually am these. Like, I am also too fairly short, very hairy. I have weird deformed feet, and I'm misshapened and grotesque. Like, I am them. They are me. We are one. They're not exactly the most, like I said, they're not the most efficient killers, if you will. Yeah, I'm sure there was one or two witnesses they kind of had to get rid of because, you know, they were like, oh yeah, get that fucking kid or whatnot. But like, they are just like they're just little shitheads, man. They are chaos unbound, released onto the earth. Like they inconvenience you so. So much. They'll hide the remote. They'll take all the labels off of your cans.
unknown:Oh god.
SPEAKER_05:They'll switch all the DVDs around on you. I think the only potentially really dangerous thing that they do is putting the uh is extinguishing the fire because, like, you know, way back when in ancient times, you know, you didn't have fucking, you know, well, let me just go turn the thermostat and turn my heat out. No, you had to fucking keep the goddamn fire going. So like they would put the fire out and like you could freeze to death. But at the same time, I don't know if anyone would sleep through that. Doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_01:Um when you said taking the labels off of cans and stuff, I was thinking, and I was, oh no, how are we gonna find our soup for our chips?
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god, I hope this is Michael Cheddar, son of a bitch.
SPEAKER_01:You know what? That's what you call a callback.
SPEAKER_05:Well, at least we never regret meeting them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, true.
SPEAKER_05:Anywho. Unlike some people, unlike some people, honk, honk. I know you're probably sitting there thinking, hey, hey, Goose Wayne, we've been saying all these things about these little mischievous bastards. However, will I protect myself from these little shitheads?
SPEAKER_04:You piece of shit slop. I'll tell you.
SPEAKER_05:I don't mind being so mean. I need to cut it back in the caffeine, that's why.
SPEAKER_01:No, these are these creatures have infected you.
SPEAKER_05:I am them. They are me. We are one.
SPEAKER_01:We are one.
SPEAKER_05:I'll tell you how. Keep the fires burning. Okay? Well, take some goddamn accountability. Start the fire, keep it going, get it hot, scare them away. Cause you make more work for them. Make a big fire. Big fire. I am chief. Want big fire. Burn your old shoes. I'm gonna be completely honest. Don't know why, but that's what my notes say. Burn your old shoes. You haven't worn them since college. Oh yeah, I'm gonna fit it. No, you're not gonna fit in those pumps anymore. It looks like you're trying to stuff a loaf of bread into a fucking Barbie dream house. It's not happening. Like, throw them out. Burn 'em. Protect yourself. Um hang colanders, sifters, meshes, those things, you know, your little cooking things you dump your pasta in. Hang them up. Because guess what? They are so ridiculous. They're gonna sit there and they're gonna have to count all of the fucking holes in them. But here's the catch. Why they're doomed to eternity, and one more reason why they're so angry. They can't count past two. So I'm gonna pick these little goblin bastards. One, two, one, two, fuck. One. Two just forever. They're just gonna sit there forever and ever, just counting up to two. Because three is sacred, the holy trinity, three is company, three strikes and you're out. Like, they're afraid of the word the word, the number three. So yeah, they can't they can't count past two. So put something, put something with three holes up, and you know what? I'm gonna leave that joke right there. Put something with three holes up to run away. Never mind.
SPEAKER_01:Moving on, your turn. Oh my god. There's so many it's low-hanging fruit, though.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it's very low-hanging fruit. Very low-hanging fruit. Yeah. And you know, like holy water and other typical stuff to like ward off like demons and spirits. Like throwing salt over your fucking shoulders. Throw the salt.
SPEAKER_03:Keep these little bastards away because they're gonna jump up going salt in my eyes.
SPEAKER_05:Or whatever the hell they say. I don't know what the hell that voice was. Um, but I think I think one of my favorite things about these little shitheads. Um, when everything's over and they return back to their lair, and they're like, Wow, man, that was a great timeout, and they're high-fiving each other. Hey, remember that old lady you threw eggs at? Yeah, but that was funny. That goat you stole, and you kind of wrote, yeah, that was your mother. No, it wasn't. They get back to their layer where the world tree is, and guess what? It's healed. And they just look at it and they go, ah fuck. See, that's why they go out and they screw with everybody, is because they think the humans are fixing the tree. So then they gotta go back out. And they gotta go all over again. The heat they they worked all year long to cut this damn tree down, and all of their work, they didn't save before the power reset. They didn't like back anything up to the cloud, none of that shit. They come back and it is a fully grown, repurposed tree. And these bastards gotta start all over again. Yeah. Yeah. That was um pretty rough. Pretty rough. Um there things that kind of keep the way, uh, apparently they hate like order and good things in prim and proper. So these guys are definitely ADHD.
SPEAKER_06:Hands down.
SPEAKER_05:They they're sounds like it. They hate clean homes, they hate symmetry, they don't like people who are disciplined, so all I'm saying is they're gonna fit right the fuck in here. Like, they they probably do live in here. Those are probably little shits that are messing everything up in my goddamn living abode.
SPEAKER_01:Um They're in direct, they're in direct odds with Perchda.
SPEAKER_05:They really are, like, y you know, yin and yang, heads or tails, lamb and tuna fish. Like, there is one, there you cannot have one without the other.
SPEAKER_01:I want to talk about the Yule Cat.
SPEAKER_05:You would.
SPEAKER_01:Yule cat or the Yolakaturen. I had to I had to hear a pronunciation of that because it's not spelled how it sounds.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, no, I had that once. I went to the doctor, he gave me a shot and cleared up in like a day or so. So if you'll cock is torn. Thanks.
SPEAKER_01:Oh shit. Okay, I'm not pronouncing that word again. You got it once. Um, so if you thought Christmas monsters were about morality, being kind, sharing, learning lessons, Iceland basically said, no. The only thing we care about is did you work?
SPEAKER_05:Such lovely people.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Um, so this the the Yule cat is a creature whose entire job description is identify the lazy and eat them.
SPEAKER_05:From a cat.
SPEAKER_01:From a cat.
SPEAKER_05:Um pound for pound, one of the laziest animals known to man. Proceed.
SPEAKER_01:Basically, the yule cat comes from Icelandic folklore. Um, and it was basically born in a place where winter isn't festive, as we've learned from the last two creatures. Um, yeah, none of these, none of these are happy creatures. Um, but you know, winter in some of these places, you deal with hostile living conditions. And so this myth isn't about fun, it was about basically survival. Everyone had to help process wool. Everyone. There were no vibes, no excuses, no, I was too tired. Um so, yeah. So this cat, um, it is not a you know, ps ps get in the bag kind of cat, right? You do not want to take this cat home with you. It's enormous. So it's not you. If it's if it's wait, if it's not meant to be friend, why is it friend-shaped? But the Yule cat is basically enormous. Um, it is black as the polar night.
SPEAKER_05:She says a big old pussy.
SPEAKER_01:Eyes like ice. It's large enough to peer into a second story window, and it basically stalks villagers during Yule time very silently, very patiently.
SPEAKER_05:Silently.
SPEAKER_01:Very silently.
SPEAKER_05:It's the size of a fucking whale. How the hell can it peer into a second-story building?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and it stalks very silent. Cats are very silent, even big cats.
SPEAKER_05:Not when they're the size of a fucking semi. I'm sorry, but I have doubt I have yuletide doubts. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Well.
SPEAKER_01:Well, we'll see. We'll stick you in the snow and see if you can hear a mountain line tracking you. How about that?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, but that's different. A mountain lion the size of a mountain lion. You're talking about one the size of a fucking building.
SPEAKER_01:Cats are very stealthy.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Anyway. Anyway. Okay. So the rules for the the this cat is that if you did not receive new clothes by Christmas, you were considered lazy and you didn't contribute to the wool processing. And therefore, the cat, you are free reign for the cat to eat. Yes. And I said the cat will eat you, not in a good way.
SPEAKER_05:Because I'm poor. That's why. Because I couldn't afford new fucking clothes. This goddamn this cat's an asshole. That just goes to further proof. Cats are assholes. This is a judgmental fucking piece of shit.
SPEAKER_01:Well, no, you have George Clooney's shit in your box. If you would have, if you would have participated in the rule process, then you would have received your new sweater from the rule processing. Because you contributed, you would have received something. So the fact that you did not receive anything means that you did not participate with the rest of the village. Yeah. Iceland wool production was basically life or death, right? I mean, it's very very hospitable, hospital, hospitable conditions. Hostile conditions. Um, and so new clothes basically meant that you worked, you contributed, you pulled your weight before winter pulled on you. Uh, new, no new clothes meant you've been chosen by the cat. See you never. So this was basically terror-based productivity incentive. You know, it was like if you don't help, then you will die.
SPEAKER_05:So then Ford and Bezos were like, damn, this cat fucking spit in.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So the Yule Cat didn't target the wealthy. So you're very right in that that it targeted, um, it targeted children, farmhands, servants, orphans, the elderly, and basically anyone that didn't have any type of family protect protection. So it was it was very much like a social executioner with whiskers. This is not a very nice cat. The Yule cat is often linked with, oh god, here's another name that I can't pronounce. Um Grayla. Grayla? Grayla? Grayla? We'll go with it. Who was a mountain-dwelling giantess who boils naughty children, lives in the wilderness, and is mother to the Yule lands. And some stories say the cat belongs to her, or the cat hunts for her, or just brings her snacks. And the snacks are the people that it hunts. And so this is like the important part. The Yule cat doesn't hunt bad people, it hunts people who are struggling, people who are overlooked in society, the exhausted, and the ones who can't keep up with the main people.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, we get it. Just say it. The cat is after me. Just say it.
SPEAKER_01:The cat enforces survival by removing the weakest. Um so yeah. Um, another thing that it's said to do that it can smell failure. Um, so it can smell unfinished wool, hunger, fear, the quiet panic of falling behind. And it's said to walk without sound, but if you hear it, it's already too late because it's ready to eat you. So today, though, the Yule Cat has gotten kind of a PR makeover. Um in uh Icelanders still, it's traditional for them to gift clothes at Christmas. Um, the Yule cat appears in books and songs and arts. Um, Reykjavik even has a giant Yule cat statue. Um, it's very, it's it's become a very kind of cute cat. You know, it's become something to be celebrated. Um, you know, they've made it into a thing that's very Instagrammable. But historically, basically, you know, this cat is a walking crime scene.
SPEAKER_04:Walking crime. Oh, I don't know, it's so funny.
SPEAKER_01:Uh yeah, that's that's all I have on the Yule Cat. Meow.
SPEAKER_04:Which brings us to our next one.
SPEAKER_05:One of one of my one of my actual favorites. And if anyone out there knows I'm not gonna say why it's one of my favorites. Um, but if anyone who really knows me, you'll probably pick up why. Anyhow, this one is The Wild Hunt. This one's pretty great. I kind of fucking love this one. Anyhow, um, Origins of the Wild Hunt. It is Germanic, Norse, Celtic. It's very very European each of the different like tribes from that area. They all have um they're all incredibly similar. Maybe they call them different things, but they're all the exact same thing. So that's another thing that kind of makes really makes you think that these are different cultures that are separated by thousands of miles, but they have literally the same stories, just different names. Kind of makes you go, hmm. Anywho, um, they're often led by whoever their all-father figure is. So for the Norse, it is um Odin or I forget which I think it's Celtic once their all father is literally like Woden. So it's like Odin, and then just like throw a W in front of it, and then it's theirs. So we're like, fuck it, we can't fuck it, we don't got a name for it. Just throw another letter in front of it, call it say it's different. So, hey man, can I copy your gods? Yeah, but don't make it obvious. Okay, W. And then later down the lines, when there was more um monotheism as says of a polytheistic bullshit of governments as they saw them, governments uh religious as they saw them, it was just kind of just like demonic figures. Umly during winter storms is when the wild hunt would go to take its ride. Very meat and potatoes of it is exactly that. It was the hunting party of the All-Father. So, yeah, way back when ancient times there would everyone just get their hounds and their horses and they would fucking go hunting. It is essentially uh some of them, if I'm not mistaken, it was kind of like the I believe it was Norse mythology where if you couldn't get into Like you you were a noble warrior throughout your life, but you died of, you know, you were just too good, you just didn't die in battle, you died of old age. That's not considered like an honorable death. Odin you would kind of be in like purgatory in a way until the winter. And then Odin would take you out on the wild hunt, and if you um captured souls and so on, that was a way of redeeming yourself of like same thing, like feeding the fires of the afterlife or whatever it is. That was kind of your last chance to get into Valhalla um of the hunting party. Um so there's d different rituals that they believed of why it was why the wild hunt was important, but at the same time they'll fucking terrifying.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_05:Either way. Um, different types of many different uh dead and dying warriors, the different souls, demons, uh their hounds or the hellhounds. Umier, for the longest time, was another one of the big leaders in Norse uh of the Wild Hunt. Uh if you see the Wild Hunt, you just so like you just kind of hear it and you see it off, you go to see who oh what's that noise, you go and you see the actual hunt happening. Um it wasn't always a guaranteed like right then and there death. If they saw you, you died. If you saw them, it was still a a very bad um omen. You're gonna have a really shitty year if you see them, unless I think it's by the end of the hunt begins at the the hunt starts at the beginning of Yule and the last day of Yule. You have until the end of Yule to do a very, very good deed um to kind of relinquish that year of because if you don't, you are fucked. There's no way around it. You're gonna have a bad year. If you don't kind of get off the bad juju from the wild hunt. If you get the bad juju off of Yu-Yu. It's not just like, oh no, like I'm having kind of a shitty year. Like, no, literally death within the year. So potential death throughout the year. Um going insane, or forced recruitment into a military service. That's what's fun because it's very vague there. So it doesn't mean that you're gonna be conscripted to your army. You could be conquered and then forced to fight in another army's military. So either way. Um some of the different, like I said, so a lot of the different cultures, their um, like I said, their all father was one who was leading it. Um, even to the parts of like the um the druid tribes of um in like uh France or known as Galia and things like way back when in the days of ancient times and shit. Um King Arthur was actually said to be the leader of the wild hunt in some cultures back then. So way, way before. Um The noises you hear is uh like it's it any of the thunderstorms that happen in the winter. That was that was oh it's the wild hunt, stay indoors, stay away. So so just thunderous loud, hooves, horns, any type of extremely um gusting wind, so any type of any blizzard, that's what it was, was that it brought the wild hunt. And that's what it was. Um for your survival, dude for the love of Christ, don't look up. So the opposite of what'd I call it? So what they tell you to do on a bridge, don't do during the wild hunt. Don't look down! No fuck that. It's the wild hunt. Don't look up because you will see them. They're like I said, they're not necessarily looking for you. We don't know what they're looking for, but they're on the fucking hunt. Don't look at them because even if like I said, if you look at them, you're fucked. Um you're supposed to lie just lie flat, motionless. They can't see you. Maybe they're T-Rexes, they can't see you if you don't move. Um, stay indoors. They they don't got x-ray vision. Just stay inside, don't go do anything. And it's like, and never, ever for the love of God, ignorage them. Just ignore them. Look away. You see something, say something. You see something, know you the fuck you didn't. Keep your goddamn mouth shut.
SPEAKER_01:Kind of like kind of like Appalachian rules. You know, if you hear something in the woods, no you didn't.
SPEAKER_05:Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Absolutely. Or, you know, when you're at like Walmart and you see someone trying to steal food and to feed their family. Do you see something? No, the fuck you didn't.
SPEAKER_01:No, you didn't. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yes. Um a lot of the different um a lot of the different um things that it kind of symbolizes what it could what what it could be bring about, kind of where the stories kind of started. It was the transition from one year into the next. Um the absolute dominance that winter had. Like I said, it's it's all fun and cute and snow angels and happy times now, but you know, the going theme is that people were fucking terrified of the winter. They were absolutely terrified of the winter. So it was just the massive overhanging, you know, you know, the the the loom of impending doom that the winter had, just its overall power that it had on you know, your region, the world, if you will, to them, the world. And it's just in in you know, the the the spectral planes of because at least in Norse a couple of different cultures there's no actual fire in hell or the underworld. There's no burning and anguish. Specifically Norse pathology, it's it's cold. It's frozen. It is a never-ending, icy landscape. So that's where their feelings that that's where they're coming from hell is because it's just that's uh the the um they're coming from hell to take the souls to there, that and it's just so fucking cold that the actual gates of Hellheim have opened and it is pouring out into the realms. So pretty much anything that Christianity says, North mythology is like the hardest of opposites for the most part. Also, other things that you don't want to do. I'm just going through the notes notes. I'm just going through the heroes.
SPEAKER_01:You know what? All you have to tell me is stay inside.
SPEAKER_05:Literally that. Stay inside because you want to know something else fun about the wild hunt. You could join by accident. Like a drunken stupor and get join the military, kind of the same thing. Do me a favor, don't fucking whistle at night. Just don't. Because you're literally, it's you're like, the motherfuckers over there. Go get them. Like, just don't do it. Don't call out into the storm, which I don't know why people do that. Like, hey, fuck off, Odin. Like, don't do that because guess what? He's gonna come fucking get ya. Um, don't stand at the crossroads. Just don't, because they think you're gonna be waiting on a bus. And guess what? We're the bus. To hell. Get aboard. They will literally just scoop your ass up and take you. They will take you as a volunteer.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Last bit about them is there's all the fun superstition around black cats, but during Yule, there's actually a superstition around um just stray black dogs. You know, and black cats is, you know, bad luck and all this other kind of fun stuff. Stray black dogs during the winter are actually the um the precursor or the omen of the wild hunt, that like you're on their radar kind of a thing. So okay, so the story is that they're massive, like your fucking Yule cat, your four-story, apparently silent killer cat. That's dead quiet, apparently, though it's the size of a fucking truck. Anyhow. Um, but anyway, uh massive black dogs. Red eyes, they leave no footprints, almost like they just kind of hover through the snow and through the ice. Um they're very friendly. They'll just kind of come up to you and just be all like happy. Like, they're not gonna like growl and like stalk you and try to harm you at all. If anything, they're trying to entice you. Um, as they're like markers, they're the scouts for the wild hunt. Like, hey, get this man. So if you see a uh a random stray black dog during the winter, run inside and don't fucking whistle. Just stay the hell away. And now the moment everyone's been waiting for. Krampus. Krampus. Belshnickel.
SPEAKER_01:It's just so fun to say Krampus.
SPEAKER_05:Exactly. You gotta say with a really bad Dutch accent, Krampus.
SPEAKER_01:I can't do that.
SPEAKER_05:Neither can I. I don't even know if that's Dutch or whatever, but anyway.
SPEAKER_01:Krampus! So if Santa carries a carrot, then Krampus is definitely the stick to that carrot.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, I thought you'd say Krampus is gonna take it and shove it up your ass.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Um No, he he actually, you know, is is made of birch sticks. And I thought he just wielded them. He's he's coming for your shins.
SPEAKER_04:Your shins.
SPEAKER_01:I can tell you that much. So Krampus is that holiday figure who eventually they tried to give a gentle correction to um and make him into something that he was never. Um no, Krampus was like, uh, no, I traumatize and I'm going to stay that way.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:He is he is he is nas. He is the anti-Santa.
SPEAKER_01:Anti-Santa. So he comes from Alpine Folklore. Alpine folklore, Austria, Bavaria um, all the surrounding mountains and areas, and he has very pagan roots. Um, and so, you know, um, very old, very, very pre-date. Hey, Christianity, we're just gonna make this our own and control the narrative.
SPEAKER_05:I'm pretty sure he's older than Santa.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, he is.
SPEAKER_05:Like he's he's way older. Like he is arguably, to my knowledge, I think he is the original, like holiday being. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Um, they try at earlier on the the church tried to kind of absorb him into the fold and paired him with Saint Nick. Um, but Krampus is like, nah, I don't need this, it's not a good cop, bad cop movie. I don't need a buddy. I am, I am Krampos.
SPEAKER_03:I am. You are, therefore I am.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So Krampus is described horned, hooved, hairy, long tongue.
SPEAKER_05:Enjoy Long's walk on the beach.
SPEAKER_01:Right. He likes to drag his chains and bells.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, this is He's a hear me out, isn't he? Come on, let's be honest. He's a hear me out. Krampus is a hear me out.
SPEAKER_01:To a lot of women, he's a hear me out. He is a hear-me-out.
SPEAKER_05:Um, hairy, tongue, hooved, hairy, tongue, chains, and bells. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I mean, what more could you want? This is better than any book boyfriend that you could possibly ever read about. Um he's less a holiday character and more of like hell if it learned how to play percussion.
SPEAKER_05:So the little drummer boy is Krampus. Got it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Safe. Yeah. Um, yeah, so in his job is very limited. He has one role, punishment.
SPEAKER_05:He's got one job, and goddammit, he's good at it.
SPEAKER_01:He's very good at it. He doesn't give gifts or spread joy or care about if you've, you know, spun spun your world or dyed your wool or anything else that these other cats and creatures care about. He just he doesn't care about any of it. Rewards are not in his department. And um he is all about punishment and enforcement.
SPEAKER_05:Listen, I know you're saying that he's he's not about a good thing, but then you described like let's just rewind a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:People with people with daddy issues.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Like you they're just sitting here listening to this and are like, okay, when's the bad? Like he's gonna beat me and suffer and punish me. Like, where's the bad in all of this? Like, wipe the fucking drool, okay? It's a monster. Go see a therapist, okay? Wipe the drool from both sets, okay? Both sets of lips. Come on.
SPEAKER_01:So I also want to like remind people, too, that the story of Krampus has always been a children's story. So this is like what they use to I guess get kids to behave. Like, we're gonna tell you this story about this person, and if you don't behave, then you're gonna be stuffed in a sack or a basket, and you're gonna be dragged off to hell or the underworld to someplace that you don't come back from.
SPEAKER_05:Like I said, negative and positive reinforcement. This was the original tale of Christmas, and they realized that the kids were just being traumatized and trying to conquer and conquest all of the world. So it's like, okay, let's switch it. So around holidays, instead of you better be good or you're gonna fucking die, to hey, if you're good, you get gifts and shit. Like, you know, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement. I'm just saying, once Nanta started to become a lot popular, a lot more popular, there was a lot less conquest happening and a lot less war.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you know what I mean? And it really just depends on what, like what area you lived in. Sometimes he would just come in and beat children with birch switches. Sometimes he would just take them and stuff them into a sack, and then that would be the end of that child. So it really just depends on where you live, whether you get beat or taken.
SPEAKER_05:This evil goat look inside it's it's the taller version of Phil from Hercules, just beating the piss out of your kid with a fucking stick. Just like, oh, you son of a I wanted to do that. Just beating the snot out of your little brat.
SPEAKER_01:So in the children that were taken by Krampus, are you okay? Did Krampus get you?
SPEAKER_02:No, I just my knee. We're good.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, God. See, I told you he was coming for your shins.
SPEAKER_05:He comes for the never mind.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, yeah, so the children, they were never seen again. But in some um, I guess iterations of the story, if they did return, they would be different. They would be very quiet and kind of hollow, but very obedient.
SPEAKER_05:Well, they were kidnapped by a fucking goat man in the middle of the goddamn night. I wouldn't talk much either. True. Like, just like tell me where that doesn't absolutely traumatize you. Like, honestly, he didn't even need to like take them anywhere. Just the middle of the night, he wakes them up, they see him, and he just puts him in the bag and just walks around town a couple of times. Like, doesn't take him now, never takes him out of the bag. Just like shows up raw in the bag, kid, walks around for an hour, brings him back, fucking be good. Guess what? That kid's gonna fucking shut the hell up.
SPEAKER_01:Like, so way back when um they different um villages and stuff in different localities would have on December 5th is oh god, I'm not gonna be able to say this. Can you say it? Krampa Krampus knock knocked.
SPEAKER_05:Krampus knock. Krampus knock. So Krampus Knight, night of Krampus.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Um, and basically men would be dressed as Krampus, they'd be wearing these terrifying masks. Uh again, when I read this, once again, doesn't sound like a bad thing to some people. Yeah. Um strap on chains and bells. They would be drinking heavily, chasing people through the streets. Uh, it was like controlled chaos.
SPEAKER_05:But oh no, a man in a mask with chains chasing me. Oh no, good God, you all need therapy.
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, what shall we ever do?
SPEAKER_05:Whatever should we do.
SPEAKER_01:But like historical records showed that, you know, when they used to have these festivals and stuff, there were a lot of injuries, fires, riots, death. Um, and so his you know, like the authorities have repeatedly tried to ban uh Krampus knocked. And but they failed. Um, because basically you can't legislate a D's uh you can't legislate a demon out of your culture.
SPEAKER_05:I swear to God that you can't legislate these nuts. I thought that's what you were gonna say. I swear to fucking god, because you said d's, I was like, please.
SPEAKER_03:You cannot regulate these nuts.
SPEAKER_05:Cramp was just swinging his wang and chains around and shit.
SPEAKER_01:So um, yeah, the uh uh going back to Christianity, they they tried to sanitize him by like trying to make him into like a softer Krampus.
SPEAKER_05:Um he was kind of tried to sanitize him.
SPEAKER_01:Santitize him. Ooh. Um He's sanitized. That's exactly what I was thinking of. Um, but they try to make him into like, yeah, he's scary, but he's harmless. It's it's he's just giving you a warning. It's not anything bad, nothing's gonna happen. He's not evil.
SPEAKER_05:You know, he's just you know, like it's just like a little reminder that sometimes outcomes can be bad, but yeah, like I think I I think even like more modern telling is that like they both go like him and it they're like Batman and Robin, apparently, Santa and Krampus. It's like okay, if you're good, Santa leaves you presents and takes the cookies. But if you're if you're on the naughty list, Krampus leaves you coal and like no, ga fucked, mate.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. Yeah, yeah. Um, but yeah, I mean that's pretty much all we had for Krampus.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna listen, I'm gonna level with you. Yes. I think it's I think it's a good story. I think it's a great story. I love it. I do I don't know, like I said, it's it's interesting how cultures have changed and how humanity has changed and like the stories we used to tell kids and what they tell them now. You know, I made the jokes about positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, blah, blah, blah, all that fun stuff. Um I'm I gotta I gotta level with you. Krampus is he's right, he's right there, like on the line of me being fucking over him. He's right there with becoming pop culture.
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah, I yeah, I definitely think.
SPEAKER_05:He's almost famous enough to be like Winter's Pumpkin Spice. You know what I mean? He's right there.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I I and I'll tell you, it it has there we have an oversaturation of Krampus right now because again, it's become the popular thing, the the you know, addition of like book talk and you know, women getting their feelings out about you know it's not even so much that it's just that spooky stuff and spooky season and ooh, spooky this, and like it's all like what's you know, I don't want what the fuck ever, you know, it's not like a hipster, oh I've been like a spooky shit forever, but it's like when someone sent me an invite to the Krampus Crawl, which is a bar crawl that's happening in downtown, like that's a bit fucking much.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Like when you're starting to have like themed bullshit, like come on.
SPEAKER_01:Like you are like anytime anytime you bring cultural things over to America, they become like it goes to shit. It it it does kind of go to shit, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, because we've got to make a buck off of it, so it's just exactly, exactly. Because like my first introduction to Krampus, I was pretty, I was oh shit. I was I was a little bit of a kid, probably like in like uh, you know, preteens, teenage or something like that, you know, 12, 13, whatever. And like there was a couple of horror movies that came out. Like there was, you know, actual, you know, I think some of them were were just called Krampus, and it was that they were just little holiday horror movies. Um and I was like, hell yeah, I mean it's a little monster thing, and you kind of learn a little bit more, and also that kind of like there is some really good stuff out there which is great, but it's like and I have no problem with cultures trying to kind of use it, like I said, yeah, it's whatever it is with the uh you know, like I said, trying to tie it with Santa, going out as like sidekicks and whatever. But it's just like I said, it's just really annoying when it's just like everywhere because then you're just gonna get like it's gonna get lost and it's gonna get annoying very, very fast.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yep. Yep, I agree. So next time somebody tells you Christmas used to be simpler, warmer, and more wholesome. Huh. Just remember. No, winter used to come with rules and enforcement and checking your labor, labor, your clothes, uh, your behavior. And none of them really cared if you had a bad year. There were stories that weren't meant to comfort, they were meant to keep you alive or at least make you become more useful to society. So enjoy your lights, enjoy your songs, enjoy the sanitized version of the season, but just remember beneath it all, the old spirits are still watching, and they're gonna be very interested in whether you finished your work.
SPEAKER_04:And they eat and kill and maim anyone who thinks Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes. Thank you for listening to this episode. Um, this is our holiday episode, so everyone, please have a very Merry Christmas, happy holidays. However, you celebrate with your friends and family. I hope you have a good time. We've had a hell of a year, and uh I think everyone deserves a couple days to kick back, um, have some, you know, some good food, some good beverages, and relax. We've all earned it.
SPEAKER_05:Most of us have earned it. Some of us have earned the opposite, but still.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there's a couple people that, you know.
SPEAKER_02:But I digress.
SPEAKER_01:It's a couple people I regret.
SPEAKER_05:And that's our two per episode.
SPEAKER_01:Um, again the best thing that you can do for us is just to share our episodes with your friends, with your family.
SPEAKER_05:Like we we literally just not to be like that stupid, trendy bullshit at the end of the year or whatnot, but like we are literally just getting started. Like, yeah, we've been doing a podcast for a little bit, but like the silly gooses is just like you heard of the wild hunt? Yeah, well we're the wild honk. We're just getting started.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. So with that, goodbye.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-oh. You doing a honk? Or is it gonna be a honk?
SPEAKER_05:Happy days. There you go, you got three. Choose one.
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