S1E13: Elevators, Airports, And The Golden Rule

Ever notice how one person can jam an entire elevator, stall a grocery line, or derail a flight with one clueless move? We dive headfirst into the unspoken social rules that keep crowded spaces humane—then say the quiet parts out loud. From elevator silence and button duty to why gate-crowding never helps, we break down the tiny behaviors that make public life smoother, kinder, and faster for everyone.

We go deep on airport etiquette: keep your bag near your seat, sit tight after landing, and save the moving walkway for, well, moving. In grocery stores, distance matters—leave room at checkout, don’t tailgate in self-checkout, and park your cart when catching up with friends. Big-box tip: step aside after grabbing a cart and keep entrances clear. We also get into escalator and moving walkway rules—keep right, pass left, and clear the landing so the entire line doesn’t accordion behind you.

On the personal side, we talk modern chivalry and practical safety: walk curbside, remove hats at the table, stay visible when opening doors, and pay attention to surroundings so others feel safe. With friends, the code is simple: arrive together, leave together, back each other in public, and course-correct in private. If you’re the designated driver, you’re the designated adult—no evidence, no drama, everyone home. And when you’re a guest? If you didn’t buy it, don’t take the first or last piece without permission.

It all lands on one line that solves 99% of daily friction: don’t be a jerk. Save the lane, clear the exit, return the cart, respect space, protect your people. If you’ve ever wanted to scream at a crowded gate or a blocked aisle, this one’s cathartic and useful. Enjoy the ride, then tell us your biggest public-space pet peeve.

If this episode hit home, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a refresher on basic decency, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show.

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Stage: Social Rules
• 2:25 Elevator Etiquette And Awkwardness
• 8:20 Buttons, Capacity, And Holding Doors
• 12:10 Airplane And Airport Pet Peeves
• 23:40 Grocery Store Boundaries And Lines
• 31:55 Big Box Store Traffic Jams
• 36:10 Seating Distance And Waiting Rooms
• 39:40 The Shopping Cart Social Contract
• 43:50 Escalators And Moving Walkways Rules
• 49:20 Chivalry, Safety, And Manners

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Social Rules

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Before we begin today's episode, we would like to share a quick disclaimer. The views, opinions, and statements expressed by the hosts and guests on this podcast are their own personal views and are provided in their own capacity. All content is editorial, opinion-based, and intended for entertainment purposes only. Listener discretion is advised. Got me. Hey, I need your opinion on something.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

No, go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

What do you think about people that watch videos full blast on their speakers in public?

SPEAKER_04 1:12

Have you heard of enemas? That's what they should get.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Combine those two together.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

Yes, a napalm enema. Cool million percent.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

I'm glad you think that. Because today we're gonna be talking about napalm enemas. That and uh social rules that people we just follow, and people who don't follow are judged heavily.

SPEAKER_04 1:40

Oh yeah. Yeah. Are you here for that? Oh, you have no idea how how genuinely fucking here for this I am. Because this is shit that just like we're flirting with the line. Exactly. We're flirting with the line with this episode being called like grinding gears.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 2:01

Because like I'm telling you, man, like there's just some shit I just want to slap the sons of fucks. Anyhow.

Elevator Etiquette And Awkwardness

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah, so I I I have a list of things that grind my gears, I will say, that just absolutely make me become unhinged. Um okay. I think that there is a unspoken rule that when you're in a fucking elevator and you're the only two people, or there's like three people, and there's enough everyone needs to give everyone body space, and you pretty much just don't speak to each other. Like you just don't like conversations on elevators, I think, are weird.

SPEAKER_04 2:50

Even to like each other. Like, let's say you and I are out having a good time, and we get an elevator, and like three more people get in the elevator, you and me are gonna shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Exactly. Like you just shut up.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

You just you kind of you give the white people, you tighten your lips a nod, and that's it. And you shut the hell up. That's it. You stop fucking talking.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

And and if at all possible, you just stand forward. You know, you you don't get you don't stand like facing another person in an elevator.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

I swear to God.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

All right, well, far as far as the electric, okay. So a credit, so like if you're in the elevator, right, and you know that your party is going to put the elevator over the your average elevator, I would say, is like nine, maybe ten people.

unknown 3:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

Right? You stand three, you know, you stand three by three in your average elevator. Um if you're a party of three and there's seven people in that elevator, fucking wait for the next one.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:50

Like, you can't if you're gonna be one over, doesn't matter. Like, I guess it's it's nine. You only get the ten if it's like old people or kids. You know what I mean? Okay, yeah, I'm helping my grandma to the doctors and so, you know, and my grandfather's with me helping him with my grandma to go to the doctors and shit like that one. Yeah, if we're the three and the elevator is ten, you know, we're gonna be ten. Yeah, we're getting on that fucking elevator because I got fucking old people with me. I got kids meet the kids are going. That doesn't count. But if it's like grown fucking adults, yes. Nine it fucking stops.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Unless there's some kind of emergency, like you've really gotta get up to the hotel room to poop.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Use the stairs, use the fucking stairs.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

You know, you just there's a there's a there's a people capacity, and I am not for like rubbing up on people in strangers in public. Just not for it. Which leads me to another thing.

SPEAKER_04 4:45

Wait, really quick before we get off the elevator things, hold the door. Um when you said that my fucking dude.

unknown 4:51

Hold the door.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Hold the door!

SPEAKER_04 4:53

My younger brother is one of the funniest sons of bitches I've ever known and probably ever will know. Any type of like fun little social pranks that he can do, at least there was a time, I don't know if he does it anymore. He he would he would do them little fun social pranks. Or I just remember sometimes we would go like the mall or you know, at hotels where we're staying or whatever, just like, yeah, if there's a busy elevator, he would make a point to be the last person to get like he would hold the elevator for everybody, he'd be the last person to get on the elevator. And like I said, if you're standing there, everyone stands the same way, everyone faces forward at the door. If you're along the wall, you face towards the center, everyone faces towards the door. Yeah. He would be the person who would be, you know, and you leave that one spot dead center in front of the elevator. That's the last spot, right? Yeah, yeah. He would stand there and he would face into the elevator. I swear to God. No one is the fun. He would do it on purpose of fucking you. He would stand there like at almost at attention, or he would uh parade rest. He would stand there. God just never like not stared at anyone, but like he would try to look and try to get eye contact with everybody. I swear to god, he was doing because it's completely harmless. Like, you're not doing anything. Right. But it's just so awkward. It's so it was so fucking funny. I swear to God. And one time, one time, he made the joke. We saw this meme one time, and we were just like, if anyone's gonna do it, it's gonna be Tyler. He's the last one in a crowded elevator, and like we made a point, like we definitely should have waited for the next one. We made a point to get on this elevator for him to do this. Same thing. He's standing there, he's facing the entire elevator. I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today. Oh no. He starts trying to talk to everybody. He starts trying to like a like a stand-up routine, and they've like there's 12, 15 people in this fucking elevator, and he's facing all of them.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Did everyone laugh or were people like people looked like he was weird.

SPEAKER_04 6:53

There was this other dude in there who just he was hysterical as the rest of us, but everyone else just kind of ignored him and didn't fucking care. But but you could see that the other most of the other people, they were very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Very uncomfortable, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:05

It was worth every goddamn second. Holy crap. But when he would stand there with the dumbest face and just face the elevator. Fuck, it was so funny.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

I will say that the only the only conversation, I will say there's there is, I think, some etiquette, like depending on like how many people are in there, like if you have to get into a crowd, whoever is by the buttons should be asking you like what floor.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

Exactly. If if that's your area, that's your designated, that is your job. Yeah. Like what floor, what floor, what floor? Like, don't stop them and you know, like you're a fucking bouncer at a club, like I do, like, hey, what floor are you going to? Like, but like just kind of look. You don't have to say anything, just kind of look, and then people will just look at you because same thing, it's a social thing. They know the person there is the buttons. You just look at them. Number three, please, number six, please, one, please. You know what I mean?

Buttons, Capacity, And Holding Doors

SPEAKER_00 7:56

What I I hate getting on an elevator and it's crowded like that, and then like that person doesn't acknowledge you, doesn't like one, I'm not reaching over you. And it enrages me that I have to be like, hey, can you hit floor five for me or whatever? Like, that's your job. If you're gonna stand by the buttons, then you're the button person.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

It's like if you if you if your seat on an airplane is by the emergency exit, you have to comply. Will you help? Yes. Yes. All the time, just like standing there. He goes, like, will you push my button? No. Fuck off. You know what I mean? Right. Like, uh, I don't know what's worse. The people who like don't acknowledge that, or the people who like they have to push their button because they're a strong independent cunt who don't need no whatever the fuck. Like, they're in literally like the farthest opposite corner of the elevator. And they have to go through everybody. And it's always once the elevator started moving that they, oh wait, I forgot to push the button. I have to now push the button and get through all these fucking people and push through this crowd. Like, Mr. President, get down. Like to push a fucking, to push the like, it's always like the top floor. So it's not like, oh no, like we're gonna, you know, like it's not like you know, you're on floor three and the next number is like floor seven and they're gonna miss floor five. Like, they always need to go to like level like 42.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:23

And they're just like, I have to push you have time. We gotta go to 77 other floors, lady.

unknown 9:27

Right.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

Do me a favor. When you get to your floor, get fucked.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Or jump out of a window. Exactly. So I was gonna talk about one thing, we'll we'll circle back to that, but you talked about uh airplanes. I have a fucking laundry list of airport rules that I think should be followed. Do you have any airport pet peeves?

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Literally all of them, just airports in general, just airports, period. The only good thing about an airport is the bars. Like that's it.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

It irritates me that like as soon as the plane lands, you got people that are popping up like prairie dogs standing up.

SPEAKER_04 10:13

Like I meet them more than the people who clap.

unknown 10:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Clapping people are also on my list. Um, people who like go crowd the gate before they've even called like boarding order or something.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

Oh, there's always, and I'm sorry, I I'm a coach motherfucker too. Like, I'm not saying I'm in first class motherfucker, but it's always people in fucking coach that are standing right at the fucking door. Yeah. And like there's 99 other things. Like, you are getting on the plane after they've begun taxiing to the runway. Why are you standing by the door? You know, once they start their pre-pre-Comboard shit that they do, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Like it's like 12 minutes before you can even think about your lines, you have assigned seating. Like you have a seat. You will get on the plane. You don't have to be first on the plane. Unless you know, unless you've paid for that privilege, like calm down.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

Like everyone But even then, you have that. Like if you paid that privilege, you're not standing. You got there, you're fucking you're sitting.

unknown 11:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:19

Because like once you get on the plane, everyone else is still like fucking with all their shit down the coach or whatever, you can start drinking the second you get on. And then yeah, come on, man. Like, dude, just yeah. The people who crowd the gate, the people who the just the same thing, just people who don't respect your fucking legroom. Everything's gotta go in the they have this like it's like they gotta pop it in the prairie dog and they gotta like aggressively like stand up in the aisle. Like, we just landed. We have at least five minutes before we can now turn to start taxiing to the gate, then we gotta get to the gate, then the giant fucking like door thing's gotta come over, and it's just like, dude.

Airplane And Airport Pet Peeves

SPEAKER_00 11:59

The other thing that I don't is okay, so you're sitting clear back in, you know, I don't know, row 23, right? People come in, they're assigned row 23, they get to row five, put their put their luggage in that overhead bin. Like, you put your luggage where you're sitting. Like, why are you putting your luggage not where you're sitting? I hate that. I swear to God, that's so much.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

I am taking your bag and I'm beating the fucking kid three aisles ahead of me while I stare at you. Look what you've done. This child is being bludgeoned now because you put your fucking organic like ass cream in this fucking bin when you're sitting six more rows back. Fuck you. Exactly. I fucking hate why are you like, oh, open bin. Here we go. Like, just put my shit up here. Asshole. No. Right. Put it with you. Put it with you. Exactly. Now you put with your fucking carry on, what it's like your back, what if it's your personal item and you put it in the fucking overhead? It's your personal item. It's as big as your fucking scrotum. Do me a favor, shove it up your scrotum. And fucking don't crowd the fucking because it's always halfway through. Oh, I need to get my fucking body wand and let me get my butt plug into the fucking thing. So let me stand up now. And it's always a person on the fucking window seat. Well, you guys in the fucking aisle seat, like, why did you not already have this with you? Why?

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yes. Or in like in they get up like a million times during the flight. Open the bin, get something out, close the bin. Like, get all the shit that you're gonna need for this three-hour flight in your lap. It's like just pull yourself together.

SPEAKER_04 13:46

Like you're just just fuck just fucking get it. Just get it together. Just fucking get it together. Yeah. Get your head out of your ass. Fucking get it together.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

The other thing is, and I know, oh god, I know this is gonna get it. I'm ready for it. Come on, let's go. People who take their shoes off on planes. Bare feet on bare feet.

SPEAKER_04 14:05

We're done moving on. Yeah. We don't need to elaborate. We don't need to elaborate. You're just taking your fucking shoes off on public transportation. No more explanation. Everybody knows.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Next. Yeah. Um, so when we were talking about personal space, okay. You're at the grocery store. There I have several about grocery stores. You're at a grocery store and you're at the checkout. There isn't there is an unspoken space that you should have. And we're not talking about this, you know, six feet COVID bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

You don't crowd up against me when I'm trying to put groceries on the belt or whatever on the on the you know the checkout thing. You gotta give personal space when you're standing in line. If if I'm standing in line and I feel your body press up against my ass, I am I I I I might lose my ability to stay calm.

SPEAKER_04 15:11

You know that soul punch that the bald chick does to Cumberbatch and Dr. Sange? That's what I'm doing to you. If like you're bumping into me at the now, if you're just like moving along and you weren't paying attention, you bump into me, completely different thing. My bad. But like we're at the checkout, and like like there's there's like literally like times where like it's a self-checkout, and the person like comes over and like they see only have like one thing, like the loaf of bread or whatever, so they know, okay. So they just follow me like they're with me, right? And they don't fucking wait at the goddamn queue all the way the fuck back there. It's like, okay, he's just gonna be quick. So I'll just follow. I've literally done that where I've turned around and the person I followed, and I was just like, dude, I swear to God, I'm going to break your goddamn leg off and beat you to dead with it. I'm going to shove your head so far up your ass, the lump in your throat is your fucking nose. Get the fuck away from me. Get away.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 16:05

I swear, oh my god, fucking people were like that when I worked at Hollister and Abercrombie. Fuck people would be like that when we go to when I would go to get them like a fitting room.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 16:16

They would literally so like I remember last time you seen you saw like a store fitting room, but some of them, they ain't that fucking big. No, they're not. Bathrooms on planes are bigger than some of these fucking fitting rooms. And I it was just policy. We have to go in, we you know, you know, open the door, go in, make sure no one left any merch there, no one left anything. In these things. So I would open the door and I'd walk in, and the person is now right behind me.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

They're in the room with you.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

They're in the fucking fitting room with me. In what fucking universe do I go, okay. Um what am I? Am I your fucking babies here? I gotta sit you. You're expecting me to sit there with you and help you get dressed?

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Right. No. Yeah, those pants do make your ass look big. You're right. Jesus Christ. The other thing that uh I can't stand. Well, there's two things that happen in aisles that drive me up the wall. Um, people who may know each other and they stop in the middle of the aisle.

SPEAKER_04 17:17

Oh my god, one's going one way, one's going the other.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Well, no, they what it doesn't matter. They any direction, but they just stand there in the middle and gab and talk. And I'm just like, I I just need to grab the catch-up. Can can you all take the social hour, you know, like at the Starbucks in the Kroger or outside or call each exchange phone numbers and call each other. Catch up later, not in the grocery store.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

Catch up later. I got it. Nice. You know, I didn't even know I did that. Yeah. But me, catch up now. You catch up later. Like, take it to the fucking end cap. Like, because the end caps, that shit, it's whatever's on sale, it's down that aisle. So, like, if I have to get like the fucking catch-up. If it's on the end cap, it means it's on fucking sales. It's the highlight thing. But it's in front of the catch-up aisle. I can now go down the aisle and get the fucking catch-up. But I I swear to God. I I wanna beat these people over the head with fucking spades, and they've been bleeding in the moonlight when you have one lady fucking going down one side of the aisle and another lady going down the other side of the aisle, and they sit there and they just talk with their carts, and you can't even like squeeze through. Yes. Yes. Oh yes. Fucking guys. Bitch, one side. If you're gonna talk, one of you, pull your cart to the bare minimum, pull your cart to the other side. Do not block up the whole fucking aisle like that. Goddamn tanker dead in the fucking Suez Canal. Don't you goddamn do that to me.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:43

Don't you fucking do that. I s God, I'm missing my doctor that is gonna put me on blood pressure medication.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Yeah. And then, you know, there's people who don't have situational awareness when they're shopping. So again, you're in the aisle and they're standing there looking at, you know, the the row of corn and beans, and they can't make a decision on what they can't even, they may not be able to find what they're looking, but they have no so situational awareness, and they can't see that you're standing there trying to like, can I, I I just can I just grab this? Like be aware of your surroundings, and you're supposed to be like, oh, hey, go ahead. I I'm I'm announce what you're doing. I can't find what I'm looking for. Yes, whatever the case is. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Fucking grocery stores, man. Grocery stores.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Fucking god grocery stores. I swear. I swear to fucking god grocery stores.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

We're not, we are not.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Can we talk about can we talk about like Walmart and Target?

SPEAKER_04 19:56

We can talk about those, but I'll tell you what we're not gonna fucking talk about.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

What?

SPEAKER_04 20:00

We're not talking about Costco or Sam's Club or any of those clubs. We are not talking about those fucking stores. I love those stores, but we're not gonna fucking talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

No, because I know, I know. Walmart and Target.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

Walmart and Target, please.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Yes. So people who, you know, they they go, you go in Target, you go in Walmart, you grab your buggy, right? I call it a shopping cart, buggy, whatever you want to call it. And sounds like they're buggies. Um, but anyway, you you you grab that piece of equipment, right? And people who walk in and then all of a sudden just stop right there at the front door.

SPEAKER_04 20:36

Like, okay, where do we gotta go? Bitch, it's Walmart. You've been coming here for 44 years. Right. You know where everything just gets the fuck. I can't, I cannot stand that. And like I get it. Because I'm kind of the you know, kind of you know, you get into the store, at least the our Walmart is like fucking stifling. Like you can't, okay, even if you're just like running here quick. Yeah, it's not quick. Oh, let me just leave my coat on. No, I promise you, you will die of heat stroke before you make your organic produce. I promise you. Um, it's so hot in there. So, yeah, I get it. You it's in the winter, you gotta take your coat off, your gloves, all sorts of kind of shit. You gotta unbundle because it's been so fucking cold out here. I get that. But don't do you're literally standing like in the sensors.

unknown 21:16

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:17

Like you stop, like the second you walk in, you're gonna Jesus fucking Christ. I goddamn hate it so much people that I was just like, okay, we have to like move off to the side and like move over there and get out of people's way to like do this one. You know, we gotta do it because as soon as we get into the store, you know, you know, we're gonna put the kids in the cart, or the kids wanna go in the cart, or so on and so forth, or whatever it is. Okay, fine, cool. But I'm I don't want to stand in the way and do that. And people who just stand there and they put all their fucking little kids into the goddamn carts and shit like that, like just fuck off to the side. Literally take two extra steps over there to the side.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Right. Right. Yeah. Again, situational awareness. People don't have it.

SPEAKER_04 22:02

I hate people.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 22:08

Just the goddamn worst. Just the fucking worst.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Okay, here's a scenario for you.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

Ah fuck, I'm scared.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Okay. Now this could be like, you know, on a subway, public transportation, a waiting room, doctor's office waiting room. You go in and you're sitting there and there's like maybe two other people in there, right? And there's like plenty of chairs, plenty of seats. Somebody new comes in, and then all the empty seats, they choose to sit right next to you.

SPEAKER_04 22:51

Dude. I Good thing right. Hopefully, hopefully someone does have the doctor's office because there's medical professionals around you and you're gonna need medical care. Like if there's like 30 chairs and there's four people and I sit in one and you sit in the one right next to me.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Right.

SPEAKER_04 23:11

Bitch why? Bitch fucking why.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

It's like it's you know, you you it's the urinal. It's the urinal role.

SPEAKER_04 23:18

It's the urinal. It's the urinal rule. You got bear. I'm not saying you have to sit, well, you gotta now analyze it. Like, if I'm in this chair, leave a buffer chair.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Leave a fucking buffer chair.

Grocery Store Boundaries And Lines

SPEAKER_00 23:29

Yeah. And I get it. Okay, maybe, maybe it's closer to the door, and you know, you you I don't know, you have mobility issues or whatever, but still leave a buffer chair unless that is the only fucking option that you have is to sit directly next to somebody, leave a buffer chair.

SPEAKER_04 23:50

You gotta leave the buffer chair, man. Come on. You're killing me. You're fucking killing me. Jesus Christ. Fucking people. Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Have you ever um oh okay, yeah. Here's one. Going back to um grocery stores and Walmart and all those places. How do you feel about people who don't return their shopping carts to the little holder thingies? It's Yeah, you do, you should, you should always do that. Social, there's a social contract.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

There is a social contract, yes, for sure. I can understand some situations. I can understand, but not everyone can be having an insane emergency. It just like honestly, not even the weather. Like you're out in the store, you grab the cart, you knew what it was, you need to accept that. If you know you didn't park close to one, leave the cart in the store. Like, you know, if you're going to Walmart is right there, you leave the cart there. You don't bring it out into the fucking You take your shit with you. Yes. Like you take your goddamn shit with you and you walk that shit to the car. You don't just leave the fucking cart in the middle of the goddamn.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

I can't tell you how many times, and even okay, you know, single mom here, raising, raising a, you know, toddler. I can't tell you how many times, like, I would, you know, take her from the cart to the to the to her her car seat, load the groceries, then because I have to walk to take, you know, I then remove her, take her with me, return the sh the cart, come back to the car with her, put her in her car seat, secure her, and then get the hell out of there. I can't return it because I've got a kid in the car. Okay, part of the city. It's adapt. Or or just keep circling until you find a space close enough to one of those cart thingies that you can return it. There's a it's a social contract.

SPEAKER_04 26:01

It is. It is. It's just decent, it's just it's just mindless public decency.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Like I just looked at my list.

SPEAKER_04 26:11

Like what's next?

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Okay, people who who stop either at the top or the bottom of escalators.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

I'm done with this episode.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

I think he really left. Oh I told you I had a laundry list. Oh god. God.

SPEAKER_04 26:38

I refuse to use escalators with my kids just because they don't grasp the concept.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

It's tough. They're little. They're it yeah, it's tough for them. They are. It's tough for little peoples, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

But that that's the only, you know, like you know, like if you're dealing with a like a little, I'm talking about full-ass grown adults who just stop at the at the top. Like they do the do you not know how escalators work? You know when you're sliding down to like toward the bottom that you need to be ready to start walking.

SPEAKER_04 27:15

Well, we're on the topic of escalators. Keep to the fucking right. Just keep to the fucking right. That's all you gotta fucking do. Some people are in a little bit of a hurry. True. I get that. So everyone, keep right. If you're in a group, single file. Single file, keep right. Don't spread out. Just just just fucking don't. On the little speedy walkway to the airport, do me a favor. Fucking.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, keep right on those. Absolutely. Keep right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:52

Because I will absolutely scare the hell out of you. I will scream, make a hole. If there's people who are blocking my way, I that's just you gotta just be loud, proud, and confident. Make a hole. And people freak out, they just turn around, they get the hell out of the way. People just they know. Excuse me, excuse me. No, you need to lock up. Make a hole, make a hole. They fucking move. They move. People fucking move.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

I swear now, Loki, I just want to go through an airport with you, just once.

SPEAKER_04 28:18

No, you don't. No, the fuck you don't.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Just just to see you in action.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

I swear to God, no. I'm literally the worst until like Yeah, it's I love my wife.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

I love my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

My wife is the one I love.

unknown 28:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

We get to the airport.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

I know you're saying this for her benefit. It's about what you're about to say.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

We get to the airport. And we got pl we got plenty of time. You know, this isn't always the case. Usually when we're going to where we gotta go, like when we're we're beginning our trip, we're at the airport very early. Doesn't matter where we are, and we know we have to get there early. Something always fucking happens. And I think the last like two or three times we've flown, we've had to literally run to the gate. Anyhow. Like it is like our flights at let's say 10. We're through security, everything's good. Blah blah blah. The terminal said it's 8 a.m. Right? And if I I will say this enough. I've been to enough airports, not a whole lot. I don't travel a super, super lot, but I've traveled enough and flown flown enough that I've seen quite a few of airports. I will say this. The Detroit airport is one of my favorite airports. It's arguably my favorite airport I've ever fucking been to. It is a straight line. Alphanumeric.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

I'm at, okay, when you walk in, it's the dead center. Cool. I'm at gate B6. I need to go to A1. I turn to the left. Everything is counting down. It's going B5, 4, 3, 2, 1, A, 10, 11, 12, blah, blah, blah. Okay, now it's blah blah, you know, B to whatever. Everything, it's down one side. It is the most organized, perfect airport. What's really cool. And it's very, it's very, so if you're all the way at like A1 and you gotta go to whatever E, whatever the ship, you know, the one, the exact opposite of the airport is a straight shot. Yes. But they have a cool little monorail system that runs like every 10 minutes, like back and forth, like each stop, which is dope. Um and so you can get literally across it in less than a minute.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Oh, that's nice. Oh my god, that's nice.

SPEAKER_04 30:51

Yeah, they do because it's it it's at the uh the stops are at the beginning of each letter. So like I said, so you skip all the A's, you skip all, you know, you so there's A1, and then B2 is the A. Oh, that's so efficient. It is so fucking. So you know if you gotta go to D, you know, you just boom, bing bong, like you get it is awesome. I love the Detroit airport. I really, really do. Anyhow, yeah. It's 8 a.m. We have, you know, like I said, we're at gate, you know, we go walking in at like whatever, like B4.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Yeah.

Big Box Store Traffic Jams

SPEAKER_04 31:19

We gotta go to A11. The A's are that way, yeah. Cool. I know exactly where our terminal is. As we're walk we have we are now walking towards our terminal. Oh, cool. There's the bar that's open. Let's go there. I want to go to the gate to know where the gate is. It's it's down there. It's it's it's down there. See how it's one giant line? And the numbers are going down, and then the letters are going down? We know that we have to go down. So we just look at the little sign, so when it's time to go, and we just count down. So we can stay here at this bar right now and chill. So I don't have to go all the way down to my terminal. Ah, yes, we have made it to our gate. Now we can No, the gate's not going anywhere. The terminal's not going anywhere. It's gonna get up and move. It's just it's right, it's it's right there. At least at the Detroit airport. It gets under my screen. Now, yeah. Well, we went to uh I'm not gonna go in detail when we flew out of our hair last year. But a more intricate, crazy one that I've ever been to before, yes. Please buy if it's your first time in the airport and it's not Detroit where it's a straight fucking line. They got the little maps. Look at the little maps and just kind of guess around that. Make a little more yes, yes, so I'm telling you, you see it's a line. You know, you've seen the thing. You know the line, you see the little map, it's a line, you see the way it's oh, dude. We don't need nothing. Just let me get my airport beer, okay? It's a random passage. I don't have to go find the fucking terminal. I know where it is, it's right there. I guess you know, it could all be summed up that like the unspoken rules is the number one unspoken rule is just don't be a dick. Yes. Just don't be a dick. Every unspoken rule can be generized in just that. Just don't be a dick. And there wouldn't have to be unspoken rules because people would just fucking act accordingly. Ass with them fucking act accordingly. Just don't be a dick. Don't be a dick. If you have to question what you're about to do, don't do it.

unknown 33:15

Right?

SPEAKER_04 33:15

Should I be doing this? If you even think about that, don't do it. Right? Don't fucking do it. Like I said, somehow, I don't know why, I didn't mean to do this. I promise I'm not sexist or any sort of kind of fun stuff. It's just like, I feel like men have really changed.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Oh, they have.

SPEAKER_04 33:33

And a lot of this whole like all these fucking Andrew Tate dickheads and these fucking alpha dudes, like, no, that's not alpha. That is actually like the most beta, whatever fucking. It is the most like weakest form of being a fucking man, like as possible. But it's like this is like simple. I felt like gentlemen things are like man things to like do, or like whatever the hell.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Yes. I I want to hear your manless.

SPEAKER_04 34:03

You never shake a man's hand while sitting down, and you you are never sitting when a woman enters the room. Never if I'm at a uh just doesn't matter. If I'm at some type of a social event and my friends show up, if it's just my buddy, I can stay seated to sofa. But when my buddy comes over, I'm standing up to greet him. I'm not, he's not gonna, you know, we're not gonna fist bump, we're not gonna high-five, we're not gonna hug, it's not gonna shake my hand while I'm sitting, so on and so forth. However, you greet your friend, you don't do it sitting. You stand the fuck up. If it's your friend and his girlfriend, your friend and his significant other, you stand the fuck up. If your mom comes up, you stand the fuck up. Like it doesn't matter. Woman comes in the room, you stand up. You're greeting your you're greeting a male, you you have to stand up to shake his hand. Shake his fucking hand, goddamn it.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

I like that. Do you know who else has that philosophy that you stand up when a woman enters the room?

SPEAKER_04 34:51

Henry Cavill.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

Pretty much everything he does, do.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Yes. And also if there's any way that you can look like him.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

I'm trying, but I can't get my hands on any trend. Anyhow. Uh so like there's there's there's that one. Okay, I'll ask you this. I'll ask you this one. Okay. I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this one. Mm-hmm. Walking down the street, male and a female.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Where does the man stand? Like, where does the man walk?

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Where does he sidewalk?

SPEAKER_04 35:29

You're walking down the sidewalk.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Sidewalk. Yeah. The man should always be closest to traffic.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

Yes, he should be closest to traffic and or danger. If you're walking through a parking lot wherever the moving cars are, the man stands on that side.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

Yes.

Seating Distance And Waiting Rooms

SPEAKER_04 35:42

Uh if it is if now if you're going through the threshold where like you're about to walk into the store, like away from that one, and you can have cars coming from any direction, you're at a diagonal thing. Wherever the cars are going to be coming from, you stand diagonally in front of them. Like, you gotta fucking do that. I can't tell you how much that pisses me off when I see guys like not doing that. Like they're a mile ahead of their wife or kids or girlfriend or whoever. They're a mile behind them, they're standing close to the girl. They're just not, I can't tell you how much that really pisses me off.

unknown 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:15

It genuinely does. I have gotten so much better. I literally had an entire therapy session. I swear to God, like talking to my therapist about it because it irked me so mad. I don't know what the fuck it is, but like we go out to eat. I can't tell you how many fucking jackoffs I see with their hats on at the fucking table. And that sends me for no reason at all. I should not be as pissed off seeing people seeing grown-ass men still wearing a fucking hat at the goddamn table.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

Now, if you're like at a like a like a pub.

SPEAKER_04 36:52

I don't care. If you're at a if you're at a table, if you're in the bar, different things. If you're at the bar in the bar area, at the bar, at the bar stools, at the high tops, whatever, that's a little bit of a different thing because that's a very but like even at if you're sitting down at a table, I don't care if it's fucking chilies, I don't care if it's the Ritz, I don't care if it's Applebee's, I don't give a fuck if it's McDonald's. You're sitting down at a table about to consume a meal, take your fucking hat off as soon as your ass hits the chair. Take your fucking hat off.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

I can tell you feel very passionately about that one.

SPEAKER_04 37:22

I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:25

But that one pisses me off so much. Take your fucking hat off. I just and I just I just I can't.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

If someone um go for it. Let me ask you this real quick. Just you know, uh on on this chivalry kick. Okay. So you you're in the car, driver's seat.

SPEAKER_04 37:50

Mm-hmm. You're this is a fantasy for sure.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

You're forgot. Oh shit. Okay. Um, and you're getting you're getting out of the car to open the door, or your intention is to open the door for the woman, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

When you exit the car, do you go to the back of the car, or do you walk in the front of the car?

SPEAKER_04 38:21

I mean, it depends on the situation. 99% of the time, I was gonna walk in front of the car so she can see you the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 38:29

You have to walk in front of the car so she can see you the whole time. You should you just to make sure that she's safe. You can see, you can see her, she can see you, all that other kind of fun stuff. You have to walk in front of the car. Million percent.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:42

Obviously, if there's, you know, there's the very rare cases where like it's not safe, or you literally cannot. But even that, you have, but if you're doing that, you have a hand on the car the whole time. And you and you leg it. You move as fast as you can around that car.

SPEAKER_01 38:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

You absolutely have to.

SPEAKER_01 38:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:00

Okay. When you're walking up the stairs behind a woman, you are immediately a stair inspector. You have to be a stare inspector. You do you look down. You don't look, you don't even look up past her. Like obviously, you know, because it's a sort of thing. Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you are not looking in her butt direction. You are looking down at the stairs there. You're not even like I said, you're not even looking up ahead over her shoulder or around. You look down. You you put your fucking eyes down, goddammit. Don't let me fucking trust you doing that. We'll fucking end you.

The Shopping Cart Social Contract

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Look at you. You're such a gentleman.

SPEAKER_04 39:40

I will also, I'll never forget this one too. But um I worked at uh it was a gym down the street here that I worked at, and it was a newer trainer. She was training with us, and then she was gonna be going to one of the other facilities that we had. We were doing like the door-to-door kind of stuff, passing out flyers and like our plaza and whatnot. It was a nice summer day out. Uh there's uh there's like a um a sports bar like in the same plaza, right? So we go over there and walk. And she's a young, attractive um lady. Um and I just saw a bunch of whatcha, I just you know, you just see like all love and respect to blue-collar workers, but at the same time, come on, guys.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:18

Like they were there on their lunch break, and she's there, and I'm just like, I'm not gonna let them do what I'm just I'm not going to. So I I let her walk a little bit ahead of me. I I I was telling her to goes like Which is really funny because she was like 18 at the time and her name was Muriel. Like I feel Muriel is the name you like you stop being Becky and you stop being and you start being Muriel, you know what I mean? Yeah. Anyhow. That's how it's just like, come on right, come on my right. She goes, stop on my right. So she stands, she's like walking on my right in kind of like that reverse, like you're crossing the street kind of situation.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

I I was walking behind her a little bit to the left to like kind of like block the show for the guys. Because I knew that they were gonna be very inappropriate.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Yeah. That's nice.

SPEAKER_04 41:00

Like that. Just situational awareness. When you're out with your, it doesn't like it doesn't have to be with your woman. With any woman, like I said, this is my coworker. We're just going around doing our job. Just fucking pay attention. Protect them, take care of them. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 41:13

Create create the aura about yourself that you are a safe person for women, period.

SPEAKER_04 41:24

You just you just have to. You just absolutely um oh, you never if you didn't buy it, you are not allowed to have the first piece or the last piece.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

So, like, um, you go into a friend's house, right? And you're you, you know, they just went grocery shopping or whatever the fuck it is. You hang out with your friends playing with so on and so forth, and you guys wanna, you know, it's like, oh, I'm gonna get a snack or whatever the fuck it is, like a closed bag of chips or whatever, you're not allowed to open that bag of chips. Bring it to your friend, your friend can open it, he can have it's his fucking house. Oh, you know, your your kids and siblings and whatever, that's a little bit different. But like if you go to your friend's house, you cannot open and have the first of whatever it is, and you cannot take the last without strict permission from the person who purchased it.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

That's just that's a that's a that's an interesting one.

SPEAKER_04 42:18

You just you just don't.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

I mean, and I guess, yeah, I guess I I kind of do that. I just have never really thought about. I've just always like that's I that's like an unspoken like rule.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

Yeah, the game that's not that's not specifically for guys. That that is just an unspoken, I feel like a life thing. It's good. If you didn't buy it, you don't take the last thing. If you're at your friend's house or whatever's house, or your significant other at the time, you're kind of whatever. If they got some type of uh, I don't fucking know, don't take their last apple, don't take their last whatever the shit they got. You know what I mean? Don't take the last soda, don't take the last beer.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

Like if you're uh you're at a you're at, you know, you're going to dinner with people and somebody says, hey, I'm gonna get the appetizer. If there, that appetizer is on their bill, when that appetizer comes to the table, I always they have to get their little plate first, and then you never take like the last cheese stick.

SPEAKER_04 43:12

Exactly. You never do. You never physically give it to you. Yeah. Like, no, you take it. And and they have to physically, at least for me, they have to physically give it to me. It's like, no, I'm not gonna eat it. You don't have it, it goes, they have to physically take it off the plate and give it to me. Like, even that, I'm like, no, I won't. No, I won't, no, I won't. Yeah. You just you just can't.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

You just are some those are some good ones. What else you got?

SPEAKER_04 43:37

I'm trying to think of some of the other ones. Uh doot doot doot. Uh never laugh okay, so it's it's kind of like the yucking someone's yum thing.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

Mm-hmm.

Escalators And Moving Walkways Rules

SPEAKER_04 43:48

You never laugh at someone's hobbies. Whatever their hobbies, even if it's like the dumbest fucking if you have a friend who's just got like the meanest heart on for stamp collecting, fucking have at it.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Okay. I'm with you on that, but I'm telling I I'm gonna be really honest with you. I and I think I sent you this TikTok. If your hobby is doing competitive hobby horse running and jumping, I'm going to judge the fuck out because what is that? What is that? Yeah. You're doing a horse competition on a stick horse. What is that? If that's your hobby, I can't. I'm sorry. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:35

That is like it's a it's compet it's a competitive sport. What is that? So I I'm with you on like there's hobbies and then there's like there's weird shit. Like I said, that's also different.

SPEAKER_04 44:54

Like you never yuck anyone's yum unless it's dangerous. Like if it's gonna cause harm to sell to somebody else, you don't know. That's not cool. Like if their hobby is no.

SPEAKER_00 45:03

I'm gonna yuck Ed Gean's yum. He collected bones. That's a very different story. He collected bones and like the guy from Pennsylvania that that had the bone collection.

unknown 45:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

You know, um, that was his hobby, you know, digging up people and selling their bones. Like, I'm gonna yuck that yum.

SPEAKER_04 45:21

Yeah. Uh let's see what's in that um never. For the love of God, and I I can't, I get, I'm gonna do my best not to lose my shit here. I promise.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 45:35

No, seriously. No, this really pissed me off.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

Oh, okay. This is a serious one. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 45:40

Kinda. Um mainly because an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. Like, this is exactly what fucking happens when you break this fucking rule. Oh no. No man left behind. You go somewhere together.

unknown 45:55

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 45:55

You fucking leave together.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:57

You don't, there are especially if you don't know everybody there. Like, I've gone to house parties where I've known every Tom, Dick, and Harry there. That's a very different story. When you have a very solid rapport with everybody there, like you know where everybody lives.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:11

That's a very different. But if it's like a house party and you don't know, like you're going with your friends and other kind of, you fucking go. You goddamn buddy system. No one fucking goes anywhere alone.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

Like, even if something was like, hey man, I gotta go take a piss. Cool, I can use another beer. I'm not saying follow them, it's not like girl time, you know, go with them to the bathroom. Your friend goes to the bathroom, you go upstairs and you get a beer and you wait in the fucking kitchen until your bro comes out.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

When it when you're in an unknown environment like that, you don't fucking leave each other alone. God damn it, don't do that. Always have your always have your friend, whoever you're with. Once again. Very specific exceptions to this, but very extreme exceptions. You always have their back in public, you correct them in private.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 47:01

Like if your friend is acting a damn fool, and like, okay, they shouldn't be, they shouldn't be mad at what's going on. You back them up, you support them. You don't like fuel it in and you don't like go along with it and just like, yeah, and another thing with that, but no, no, no, you don't do that one. You have their back, but like once you're in private and she's you guys, you've got, yo, dude, you're out of line. Like, you shouldn't have fucking done, like, what the fuck's wrong with you kind of thing. In private. You don't do it in front of anybody. You pull them aside.

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Now, is that is that just like like bros with bros, and you don't like correct a guy in front of another guy like that? Or like what if a guy is like being like inappropriate and a dick to like a woman? Would you correct him in front of her?

SPEAKER_04 47:48

There's a that's that's one of those. That's one of those kind of like yeah, extreme exceptions. Because like if he's the wrong with her, like it's more at that one, it's not so much that you have his back, you you take him out of the situation.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:03

Like if you start like if like if your boy's like in an argument with his girlfriend and it's getting nasty and loud, yeah. Even if he's 100% in the right, you don't let this happen. You don't let it escalate to whoever it is. You just get the you just try to tell a situation, you just get people away, it doesn't matter, whatever the hell it is. You just get them out. You don't support him, doesn't matter who's in the right or who's in the wrong. This is a conversation to be had like adults in a private setting. Yeah. Not screaming at each other in the fucking Wendy's parking lot. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:30

So that's a little bit of But if like dudes are just like yelling and screaming and so on and so forth, like I said, if he was like, man, you sucked my girl, all sorts of kind of shit, and whatever the fuck goes, like, you have his back. He goes, Yeah, well, she a hoe anyway, kind of a thing, right? You have his back. And then when everything's all done, you know, wherever the hell you are, and then it's private and like, bro, did you sleep with her? Yeah. The fuck, man, come on.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Like, yeah.

Chivalry, Safety, And Manners

SPEAKER_04 48:51

You know, shit like that. But I said, but yeah, things like that when it's a man and a woman, you you gotta you gotta stop that situation immediately. Doesn't matter how good, bad, left, right, all sort of kind of shit. Your bro starts crying, don't make it awkward, don't make it weird, just let it happen. Just let it happen. Don't point it out. And that's you know, and this also kind of goes with another thing. If stuff just kinda happens, this not just bros, I mean, unless it that's you know, unless that's what you do, then you're with your bros and so on and so forth. But sometimes things just kind of happen. Don't draw attention to it.

SPEAKER_00 49:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:26

Like if you're out in a public setting or whatever, there's other kind of fun stuff, and you hear like the person you're with fart, don't go, you just fart, don't do that. Just don't. Let it happen. Say it later. Let it happen.

SPEAKER_00 49:49

You know what? I will call somebody out if they've crop dusted me like in the aisle at Target.

SPEAKER_04 49:54

If okay, if it's the strangers crop dusted you, call them the fuck out. But once again, like I said, this is kind of like your friends, your bros, your gals, your whatever.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

My own friends wouldn't crop dust me.

SPEAKER_04 50:05

I would say I think growing in a sense as a sense of uh companionship, friendship, not just guys. You know, like I said, it could be, you know, it could be you and me, it could be, you know, you and your homegirls, also that kind of fun stuff.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Like if something slips, like if a fart fart just happens and it slips. Yeah. If you don't just put it in your I would giggle because fart, I just farts are funny.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Um they are, doesn't matter what hole it comes from. Makes that noise, it's funny.

SPEAKER_00 50:31

Right. Uh I I would giggle, but I I don't necessarily would be like, announce it to everyone. Oh my god, you just farted.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

But they would know I knew because I would start laughing.

SPEAKER_04 50:46

You just kind of look at them. If you just look, if you hear it, you just kind of look their way. They'll know.

unknown 50:51

They'll know.

SPEAKER_04 50:53

Like, I know your secret. Exactly. Oh, also, um, you you gotta you gotta you gotta take care of you drunk bros, man. You gotta do it. Doesn't matter what it is, gotta take care of the drunk ones. Oh, yeah. You got long hair? Gotta hold that hair back to the phone. You're doing this one, you gotta do that one. You gotta you gotta clean them up. You gotta whatever it is. You gotta sober them up, you gotta get them dressed, whatever, you gotta take care of them, man. Yep. There has to be like when you're the designated, you know, when you're the when you're the D D, the designated driver.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 51:27

You you gotta, you know, you also gotta That's the thing. You just gotta look out for each other, man. You can't let them if they get too drunk. You if you got the one who's gonna text the ex, don't let them text the ex.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

Oh yeah, done the drug text, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:43

Don't let them send the text, don't let them no pictures, no videos, no fucking evidence of the night before. No fucking evidence. Never have evidence.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

I feel like it's an unspoken rule that if you are the designated driver of an evening of drinking and revelry, then you are also the adult in the room, and you have to you have to commit to that role and make sure everyone's okay and safe and gets home safe.

SPEAKER_04 52:12

Depending on the group, there has to be one sober person per two drunk people.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

It yes, because one like you can't get one drunk person is a lot to deal with.

SPEAKER_04 52:24

You can't put one person in charge of six others. You cannot do that.

SPEAKER_01 52:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

You absolutely cannot. That one person is in charge of the drunkest person.

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 52:36

They are in charge of the drunkest person.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 52:39

Hands down. Um unless there's a significant other um present, and depending on what they say goes. And I'm saying this from my own experience because I have very good friends on this next one. If you are out and the significant other, you gauge their reaction of how you should feel about a certain situation. Without going into like details and so on and so forth. Um Stone Cold sober, but I'm slightly reckless and a little impulsive.

SPEAKER_01 53:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:18

Slightly. Imagine me on a fairly empty stomach with like six bottles of six seven bottles of sake in.

SPEAKER_00 53:30

Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 53:33

Imagine reckless and impulsiveness. One of my closest, bestest friends in the whole wide world. She's out with us. So it's it's me, my friend, um, his girlfriend at the time, my other best friend, and uh, and Lauren. So we're all out. We're at an all-you-can-eat sushi place, and this all-you-can-eat sushi place sucked so much they had to give you all-you-can-drink sake. Oh Laura. Anywho, so we're doing some shenanigans afterwards, because me and my buddy are shit-housed. So we're all sorts of shenanigans. And one of the one of all the ladies were completely sober. So we're gonna go to the Dunkin' Donuts that's on the other side of the plaza.

unknown 54:12

Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 54:13

So they're like, Alright, I get my car, I can get the car. It's like, fuck it. So I get on the hood of the car and I just hold on tight and they start driving, and one of my friends is starting to absolutely lose her shit, and she's like, Ah, but you know, she's she's like mom-friendly, like too hard, like trying to like scold me and so on and so forth.

SPEAKER_01 54:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:26

And Lauren's completely fine. She was just like, Yeah, this is normal. Like, you gaze the significant other. If the significant other is chill, you are chill. If the significant other is worried, you are worried.

SPEAKER_00 54:37

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 54:39

Simple as that.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

Oh, well, you know, it's good to know chivalry isn't dead.

SPEAKER_04 54:46

Yeah. That's just you fucking got to, man. Manners maketh the man. Yes. Get fucked.

SPEAKER_00 54:58

Well, on that note, I think we'll call it. Unless you have something else that you need to get off your chest. I feel like I've wound you up pretty good on this episode.

SPEAKER_04 55:10

Thank God we record on Thursdays because I gotta go see my therapist in like an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

There you go. You can you can take all of this stuff into that office.

SPEAKER_04 55:21

Jesus, man. Fucking other god the fucking grocery stores and the fucking airports. I love my wife. The fucking airports.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:31

God.

SPEAKER_00 55:33

Once again, we love you, Lauren. Um I am not a willing participant in in the airport slander. Um, thanks for listening to this episode. Like and follow us on social media, tell your friends about us, share this episode with your friends. And uh that's again the greatest thing that you can do for us is just share our, I don't know, share our shit with people.

SPEAKER_04 56:11

So the greatest thing you can do for us is everything we talked about. Don't fucking do it. Yeah, yeah. Don't fuck, don't, don't, don't fuck, don't fucking do the things. Don't fucking do the things. I swear to God, don't fucking do the things.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

And just live by the golden rule. Don't be a dick.

SPEAKER_04 56:25

Don't be a dick. Two dollars the way you want to be treated. Jokes on you. I hate myself. I don't want to treat, I want to be treated like shit. Like, no. Don't be a dick. That's the new golden rule.

SPEAKER_00 56:34

Yeah. And that that literally covers everything that you'll ever need in life. Just don't be that peen. Yeah, pretty much. All right. I was gonna do a honk, but I I just I just it was there and then it just deflated. Uh I'm also going on twenty-four hours of no sleep, so hell yeah. Hell yeah. All right, bye. You honked for the both of us.

SPEAKER_03 57:13

I did.