S1E29: Stoffel Doesn't Give a Damn - The Honey Badger Escape Artist

A honey badger kicks open a fridge, raids a tourist lodge, and turns lock design into a full-time sport, then decides his life’s mission is to fight one specific lion. That’s not a bit. That’s Stoffel, and once we started pulling on this thread, we couldn’t stop.

We break down what makes honey badgers so wildly fearless and why Stoffel became the most infamous escape artist in a South Africa wildlife sanctuary. We talk tool use, problem solving, and the escalating “enclosure arms race” that includes double locks, smooth brick walls, trees getting removed, rocks getting hauled away, and one unforgettable mistake: leaving a garden rake behind. When Hammy joins the picture, it stops being a solo jailbreak and turns into a coordinated two-badger operation, complete with teamwork that feels almost scripted. We also dig into how the BBC documentary Honey Badgers: Masters of Mayhem helped make Stoffel an unlikely conservation ambassador and fundraiser.

Then we take a hard left into our other favorite topic: absurdly heroic animal stories from history and war, and finally the emotional gut punches of Bluey. We land on a real takeaway: animals and people are both more complicated than we like to admit, and behavior always has a story underneath it.

If you laughed, learned something, or just can’t believe any of this is real, subscribe, share the show with a friend, and leave a review so more new ears can find us.

Transcript

Disclaimer And Warm Open

0:14

Before we begin today's episode, we would like to share a quick disclaimer. The views, opinions, and statements expressed by the hosts and guests on this podcast are their own personal views and are provided in their own capacity. All content is editorial, opinion-based, and intended for entertainment purposes only. Listener discretion is advised. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Silly Goose Society. You almost did it again. I you know what? You almost did it. You get that I give me that half second pause. You give it a half second, it's your it's your brain goes. Welcome back to the in your brain you go flat. Fuck. I I think now like it's been like so yeah, it's it's become a thing. It's um I need to get over that real quick because I cannot do another year of thinking about the past like that. I said it plenty of times on here. You can't enjoy a sunny day without some rainy ones. True, true. We're having a lot of sunny days on this fucking whatever we call this. Maybe. Something.

Meet Staffel The Honey Badger

1:36

Alright, well, Kyle, I've been dying to talk about this for a long time, and today's the day. Oh god, you're gonna talk about Stalingrad also? No. No. Well, you know, well, he scares some similarities in um personality, maybe. Um, I need to tell you about the greatest criminal mastermind that ever lived. And before you ask, it's not a person. Uh you have my attention. What's the what's the Leonardo DiCaprio thing? You had my attention, but now you have my curiosity. Or vice versa. And what I'm talking about, so this is this is an animal, and it's not even a particularly large animal. This creature that is roughly the size of a medium dog, has little tiny legs, looks like somebody crossed a skunk with a wolverine. The result a complete and total absence of self-preservation instinct. And this little creature's name is Staffel. Oh, so I was about to say, if we're going down this one, it was like, oh, this it sounds like you're describing my first marriage here. So it was just like Yeah, Staffel. Staffel the honey badger. Honey badger, don't care. Honey badger don't give a shit. Right. Look at him, he's a little badass. And let me tell you, over the course of roughly 20 years, he made one man's life a living but beautiful, chaotic nightmare. And a living, beautifully chaotic. Yes. So why? It's just never mind. Proceed. Just yeah. And and in in the course of his, you know, little little life, um, he has become internationally famous for it. And so this is the story of Staffel. So I need to back up, and for you to understand Staffel, we need

Why Honey Badgers Fear Nothing

3:48

to understand honey badgers. Okay, so I did a little research about honey badgers, and the Guinness. I told you, they're they don't care, they don't give no shits. They're a little badass. That's all you need to know about honey badgers. They are, they are. Um in and side note, uh, we always call my my niece, uh, she she's definitely a honey badger in in spirit. She has no fear of anything. But the Guinness Book of World Records has officially named a honey badger as the most fearless animal in the world. You need to understand this. They didn't name the lion, not the great white shark, not a crocodile. It was the honey badger. I mean, this creature, a honey badger, you know what a honey badger looks like. You know, they're they're like a honey badger. Yeah, barely a foot tall with stubby legs, looks like he's wearing a toupee, you know, that doesn't quite fit. They're they're weird-looking little animals, but they're adorable. But the thing is, honey badgers genuinely do not process danger in the way normal animals do. Seriously, it's it it with their brain chemistry, they they have been documented attacking lions, buffalo, cobras. Um, and not necessarily because they had to, it's just because the opportunity presented itself and they're just like, okay, you must die today. They gotta be poster children for fucking around and making other people find out. Exactly. Because they're also pretty hardcore. This one thing of being like brave, but also like you're just like because like people always joke, there's like, oh, were the Dodos really stupid, or were they just brave? Because no, they're really stupid. It's like you can be brave, but like still get your ass kicked. Like they're brave and they kick ass. So I can respect it. So there's like the the the chunk of your brain that's dedicated to the fear response, the honey badgers are just running a different program. They're they're that center of the brain is is doing something completely different than any other animal. Um it's like they are just constantly running like a to-do list of enemies. It's it does their brain does not function like any other animal. Um the other thing to understand about their brain is proportionally, they have enormous brains for their body size. And they are one of the only few animals on earth that use tools, okay? So you need to understand all of this, and now we enter into Staffel, Staffel's story.

The Fridge Raid And Exile

6:38

So Stauffel was hand-raised by a farmer near the Kruger National Park in South Africa, and there was a wildlife conservationist by the name of Brian Jones, who would basically become Staffel's primary caretaker, his greatest fan, but also like holy shit, what are you doing to me, man? Um, he and this is a direct quote. He said, I've had in my house hippo, rhino, brown hyena, spotted hyena, leopards, cheetah, lion. I've had the whole lot, but the honey badger, there's nothing near the honey badger. This man had an actual lion in his house, and the the animal that broke him was was this honey badger. Oh Christ. So um basically at some point everyone that that the Brian and everyone that was on this farm um in this reserve, basically they reached their limit because Staffel had broken into the house. He literally went one night, he found the fridge, he laid down on his back, kicked, kicked the the door open with his back legs, and helped himself to whatever was in the whatever was in the refrigerator. He there's actual video of him doing some. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like was like this little furry emperor, like, bring me your food. Bring me numbs. I require nourishment. So finally they were like, we've got to do something, and I know I'm gonna butcher this um wildlife rehabilitation center's name. Um, but I think it's Mohalohalo, Wildlife Rehabilitation Center. Um, so basically they were like, we are sending you Staffel, and he's gonna be your problem now. It's the baby not wanted to leave it on the doorstep of the firehouse. Bye! So this was like a 1200-acre wildlife sanctuary, and initially he was allowed to kind of like roam freely, and there were other female honey badgers there at the time, and they thought, okay, he'll have some other of his kind, and he'll be fine. He was not fine. The other females, they eventually were returned to the wild, but Staffel could not because he had imprinted on humans way too young, and he was way too comfortable around people, so he could not be returned to the wild. He was too dependent on people, but he was also very dangerous around people because he like treated them like everything else in a honey badger's life. They were either a source of food or an obstacle that needed to be taken down. Correction. It was nourishment or correction. Right. So, what do you do with a fully grown, fully chaotic, human-imprinted honey badger who could not go back to the wild? Ooh, ooh, wait, wait. That was the question on Final Jeopardy last night. Yeah. Um, hold on. I shit, I knew it. You try to contain him, and this is where the story really begins.

Lodge Chaos And The Lion Grudge

10:19

So we're gonna go into like the lodge era of Staffel. Okay. So um, let's see here at my notes here. So yeah, he was he was roaming the the sanctuary very freely, um, but this again was not a peaceful time for anyone in the vicinity. So this nature preserve also sits next to a tourist lodge, and it's a very nice lodge, and and people travel to South Africa just to stay at this lodge, and it's like a whole thing. Well, Staffel, of course, found it, and they started getting frantic calls from like the kitchen staff and saying, Hey, there's a wild animal, um, there's a honey badger in the kitchen, and he chased us out of the kitchen. Um, and like he was just constantly helping himself to the food. There's no way Princess Donut was not based off this fucking honey badger. There's no way donut we're because I'm just sitting there and goes, hey, there's this goddamn stoffle. God damn it's doffel. There's no way. So yeah, he he had discovered that the lodge had better food than the sanctuary, and decided, hey, this was um, I don't care who's here, this is now mine. And um he stayed, he would, he would eat, he would come and go as he pleased, and really like the kitchen wasn't his only target. So he also would find his way into guest rooms, and he was really interested in what the guests would bring to them because he would open their bags and their luggage and just get into anything that he was curious about. They could honey badgers are, or at least this honey badger is a toddler. Yes, he is a toddler. Um the other problem that Staffel had, and this was back at the sanctuary, is that he not only made himself comfortable there, he also killed a lot. He would kill small deer, he would kill rabbits, um he also killed an adult tawny eagle. Now, this was a full-grown eagle. Fucking Christ. And he had Staffel had very, very deep opinions about the eagle and acted on them. Apparently. Yeah. So they they got to the point where they, you know, just Staffel had to be contained. So Brian, his original keeper and the team at the reserve, um, built him um about a two and a half acre habitat with it had natural grass and trees, plenty of space, nice surroundings, like it was a real effort. Well, Staffel broke out immediately, and he broke out Almost immediately. Immediately, and he had a bone to pick with a very particular animal, and that was a lion. So he had beef with one particular lion, and he would break out and go into the lion enclosure to fight one particular lion. He would do this over and over and over. And I we need to really talk about this lion situation. I'm all ears. So, you know, lions outweigh a honey badger by a little bit by like three hundred pounds, probably, you know, like about a lot more than that. Yeah. So eventually the lion absolutely just tore Staffel a new ass. They really like he was mauled very badly, and Staffel spent two months in a sanctuary's hospital clinic. Two months he had to recoup from the ass whooping that he got from the lion that he picked a fight with for no reason. Waiting, waiting, plotting. Right. So you would think you would think that this experience would like recalibrate something in his his little brain. Um no. No, no. No. As soon as he got out of the hospital, he broke out and went straight back to the lion and picked another fight with the lion. Like hey, yo, Mufasa, I ain't gonna hear no bell. I don't know why he's got a I don't know why he's got a a fucking a Brooklyn Italian accent, but hey, yeah, well, Ron. I ain't hear no bell. Let's go. Yeah, and it's just like they were just exhausted. Every type of lock that they would put on his enclosure, he would figure out a way to pick it to undo that lock. Um, it got to the point where they they just set up cameras and started observing him because they were absolutely exhausted at trying to figure out how was he getting out, what was he doing, and what was his beef with the lion. And it didn't seem to be like it wasn't food driven, it wasn't like territorial instinct, it was just like this I'm gonna finish what I started with you. Um, and so they they really got worried about Staffel, and um so they decided, okay, here's a solution. So

Hammy Joins And They Team Up

16:12

they got Staffel a girlfriend. Ooh. And her name was Hammy. Hammy. Yes. Jesus Christ, who the fuck names these? Never mind. Staffel. That better be some play on Mephistopheles. It makes sense, but like Yeah, I don't know why they named him Staffel. I didn't see that in my research. But um, yeah, so Hammy, they thought Hammy's presence would give Staffel something to focus on, uh, rather than his beef with the lion. Um, and it, you know, I don't think that was an unreasonable idea. Maybe Staffel was just bored shitless and needed, you know, needed to have a girl to have fun with, you know. I guess maybe that's like, listen, maybe that's it's just way way too much pimped up uh, you know, fucking honey badger, honey badger testosterone. Let them just discharge a little bit here and there, see if that sells them the fuck out. Exactly. You know, like I I think I think that was, you know, it was a good idea. It was it was an effort. I'll just say this. It was an effort. The effort was made. Yeah. But what Brian did not account for was that Hammy was also a honey badger. And as it turns out, Equally doesn't give a shit. Hammy had a type, and Hammy's type was chaotic escape artist with a grudge. Because they, as it turns out, they were perfect for each other. Jesus Christ. Because together they were like the greatest challenge. So, um Staffel and Hammy would team up together to figure out how to unlock the locks. And there is there's video of like Staffel like hoisting Hammy up because they ended up putting two locks on the gate. So he would hoist her up, she would do the first lock, he would get the second lock, and they would they would leave, and they would go and again go to the lion to try to pick a fight with him. So this situation was not good. It was it was just what do you do with two honey badgers that have teamed up? I don't know if you're gonna be able to do that. So yeah, so um it's just so funny because like you could see like his little his little like claws through the chain link fence, you know, and just you know, yanking at the bolts and trying to figure out how everything slide you know slides open and what do you do. It it really is fascinating to to see like how they were able to work out together and and communicate with one another and how to how to undo the gate so they could get out. When you see animals problem solving like that, yeah, it f it blows my fucking mind. When you see a wild animal showing intelligence like that, it's it's just go on, because I'll go forever with that. So all of this gained the attraction of the BBC, and they sent a Whoa, hold on. Nope, never mind. British broadcasting. Never mind. Never mind not that, yes. Never mind. I was like, I'll fix them out anyway. Yeah, not that one, the the the television company. Um so anyway, yeah. So they um they took uh a film crew out there and you're not making it easy, Jesus Christ. I know, I know. Film crew, I know sorry, this is this is devolving here. Um and but they anyway, they got footage of like her working um at the top uh latch, and then when she climbed up, um she would push the like the wire off the top bolt and open it, and then Staffel would like then open the gate for her. So he would work out the bottom, then he would Jimmy the gate open, but he would hold it open for her to get out. Like they literally is kandom. He's holding the door for her and shit. If a cleaner badger's out, you know? Yeah, if a honey badger can can show chivalry, men do better. Yeah. We just picked the man of the bear, so it's the fucking honey badger. Honey badger, exactly. Um, so everything they did. I mean, they would go to like wrap extra wire around and make it harder, and you know, just I'm I'm using the wrong words here. Um I'm letting it I'm just letting it go. Yeah, just let it just let it go, just let it go. Um so anyway, like the way that everything that was happened, it just gained a lot of like international um attention because this was something truly quite amazing. And they would almost then start like like making puzzles to see if they could if they could figure it out, you know, like everything that they threw, they would figure it out. So finally, but you know, experiments are over, and they were just like seriously, suffle is going to die. We have got to do something. something.

Alcatraz Builds And Tool Escapes

22:01

So let's talk about Staffel's Alcatraz years. Staffel Alcatraz. So then um the local rotary club in that local area they decided to do like an act of genuine community service. Okay. Um they sponsored the construction of a proper brick enclosure for Staffel and Hammy. They did high walls, smooth concrete, there were no gaps, no chain links, nothing to grab onto you know Brian, I mean literally you could there's a video footage of him saying like your days are over, buddy of escaping. Like your days are over. Well here buddy I'm not your guy buddy. Right. So the first night Staffel is in the enclosure, Brian got a call from the staff to say Staffel was out. Mm-hmm. Brian was like this is impossible. And they were like nope, nope. So what had happened is there were trees inside the enclosure tall trees but they were right in the middle. They were away from the walls which they all thought okay the trees were too far for him to climb to the edge. Well um Staffel climbed the tree grabbed branches and used the branches to like build like almost a ladder or like a bridge over to a gap in the wall and walked out. Because why wouldn't he? Exactly so then they cut down the tree in the middle of the enclosure. Okay so Brian cut down every tree in the enclosure except those in the very very very center and thinking again absolutely no way so what did Soffle do he starts digging up rocks and rolled the rocks with his back legs across the enclosure to the wall and started stacking them up high enough enough that he could just step over the wall he he did he actually rolled rocks to the wall with his back legs and stack them. Now mind you this is an animal with no thumbs tiny stubby legs the brain size of a tangerine what the fuck what the fuck does he say just I'm sitting a Russian guy in the beginning of John Wick too just your fucking will that's all I'm thinking right now. Yeah exactly I'm just picturing this guy talking about honey batteries right now. Yeah and Staffel is John Wick. He's the John Wick of the Animal Kingdom I absolutely I I love Staffel so much. Um buddy comedy with Staffel and Sergeant Seawall Seawall? I think it's Seawall something like that one. Yeah yeah um so then they go in and they remove the rocks no no no no we've had enough of that um so they remove all the rocks from the enclosure right and they're just absolutely just fucking exhausted with this animal and so there was the rake incident the rake incident so at some point uh a a keeper had accidentally left a garden rake inside the enclosure and just forgot it there. It was an honest mistake. Well Staffel picked up the rake carried it to the wall propped it up against the wall and like carefully adjusting it to it was like at the right angle and everything and he climbed it and there were animal behavior experts who watched this footage said they were just genuinely startled because not just because he used the rake but it was like because of how like how he used it. He balanced it he would go back and kind of like look at everything and then he would adjust its position. He treated it like a person would adjust a ladder right you know making sure that it's steady that it can get to where you know you want to go and it was like he was just calculating everything that's fucking it's awesome but that's kind of terrifying all of this is just a warm-up for his greatest masterpiece the guy the guy goes fucking what two three rounds with a goddamn lion right all the other it just now the rake this is leading up this is the pregame this is all this is all leading up yes this is my drink order they haven't even brought my appetizers in my entree yet proceed so Brian then okay they remove all the trees they remove all the rocks they make sure that there is absolutely nothing they re-smoot the walls they they made it higher they did everything that they could do to make sure that Staffel did not have any escape route well what do you think he did? Got spoons or fucking tunneling close close he then started making mud balls he collected mud from the ground and packed it into ball balls with his little paws carried the mud ball to the wall and stacked them and built like this compressed mud ramp. My brother in Christ now this honey badger invented construction of for his mank for his mankind for his for his badger kind I it's just think about like he has no thumbs how long ago was this and in what country? Because it's not recent US there's nowhere no no no no this was in South Africa. Okay so alright yeah South Africa and it's like at this point it may be I don't know fifteen years ago that this all happened. Listen I just knew it wasn't the US because I'm sorry let's just put it this way the the US would not have we would not have put up with this shit. There ain't a fucking sanctuary or zoo that would have put up with there's not one not a one here in the US I say that with my whole chest even 15 years ago that not a chance in hell would anyone it was like fucking put him down like I'm not dealing with this shit. It wouldn't have made it to the sanctuary dropped so it's so remarkable though like he's he's using raw earth materials to make architecture to solve a structural problem. Think about that. Exactly he's fucking s he's doing civil engineering right like it's just that is that's problem solving that's that is that is such a level of intelligence that is very unique. It's it's one of the it's those one in a million shots that like a fucking human can get it like that determination to keep that uh that that that just like that yeah that tinkering that problem solving. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here so then they decided to take a drastic step and this is kind of where the truce happened they they formed a truce because they finally installed an electric fence. It took them this long yeah so and that that's where the truce kind of landed is um an electric fence after double locks wire reinforcements smooth brick walls removing trees and rocks and tools and watching Staffel respond to each of these inventing new solutions finally the answer was electricity. It better have been the most fucking expensive electric fence in the world

Electric Fence Truce And Retirement

30:52

because all the money they spent on everything else before just putting an electrified fence and I thought it was already there and he was just kind of working around it because like almost every zoo I've been into the fucking otter exhibit has like a little bit of like a little electric wire to it goes pop it just kind of pops them a little bit you know? Yeah but you have to remember like this is these are like nature reserves. So they try it's not in a zoo never mind it's not a zoo it's I thought he was in a zoo. No but he's in like a wildlife that like their thing is you know either protect concert you know conservation or try to rehabilitate to go back into the wild. I don't know why I thought he was in a zoo yeah no I'm just picturing him in like an enclosure and I'm like why why are they doing this? Why are they not? But for Staffel they did have to like install almost like a zoo enclosure for him for his own good because again they were trying to get him to not go into the and I forget um I remember reading and I don't have it in my notes here um the enclosure that they finally put him in was like this concrete and it was like down in the ground. So you know they they put him in a hole he had to climb up. Yeah basically this concrete hole it was like you know like that that's why I said it was like Alcatraz. But they they had moved this I forget how many miles away from the lions like in every different times they tried to move him to different locations further and further away from the lions and every time he'd break out he would go straight for the lion for one particular lion he would go for that one lion and so they did all this to basically try to save his life because like they couldn't keep him like the zoo like Brian or the the zookeepers couldn't keep him inside because he was just a menace. Like everything you know so the only thing to do was put him in an enclosure for his own good but you know Staffel had other ideas. So yeah um basically you know Staffel became famous um there was a um again the television company from your uh Europe England the BBC there was a documentary Honey Badger's Masters of Mayhem and uh featured him prominently and there are clips of him and you know trying to do his escapes and literally if you just YouTube Staffel you will see all of this it it's absolutely um amazing to see him in action and one of the good things that came out of Staffel in his story in all of his antics is because he pretty much became an ambassador for this wildlife reserve and they were able to raise a lot of money just from from Staffel's story. So you know through the chaos even though he literally drove everyone crazy he raised a lot of money for good okay so you know the chaos did pay off um which is all you can hope for right yeah yeah and so um and I checked to make sure Soffle is still alive. Hell yeah he um is now 27 years old he's considered a geriatric badger and they said you know he's slowed down considerably he spends a lot of his days napping instead of trying to escape um they said they he they do uh he does still love to get into mischief hammy is still his partner in crime um they are still together and uh they're they're doing wonderfully they're they're thriving and living a ripe uh old retirement I guess you could say honey badger retirement okay yeah so that's it that's the story of Staffel Honey badger retirement yeah the most fearless animal in the world finally retired napping in South Africa with his girl I mean what more can you ask as a honey badger that's just that's the life man he's out there living he won yeah you can't tell me that he ain't living it I know could you imagine though like you're a guest at that resort and you wake up and there's like a honey badger getting in your shit. I'd be fucking terrified if I said I'm gonna be fucking terrified off there if I just see a honey badger. Like I'd like to think I'm a relatively you know brave humanoid. I would love to know what the beef was with the lion though. You was just a dick that I mean they it was with one it just the thing that gets me so tickled is it was with one particular lion. He just had a burr up his ass about this one lion and and would just make a beeline right to that thing. That's probably some weird um goddamn dogs um it might be some form of like uh like like deep primal wiring like yeah and I I just would love to know what was going through his little brain he's he's like on the brink of death in the hospital for two months for two months recuperating from being mauled and the very first thing he does when he gets out of the hospital is go back. First thing he thinks he goes back so I'm gonna fight that fucking lion. Valhalla waited honey badger Valhalla he's a Norse he's a Norse honey badger right fucking hell man yeah so um yeah everyone like go and go and look up Stauffle and he has a there's a Facebook page for Staff of course there isn't I'd be shook us to my core if there wasn't um and that's they still give updates every so often about about Staffel and how he's doing um but yeah the the videos of him are just funny they're just so wild but I ever since I learned about this honey badger in his freaking name Staffel like of course this chaotic menace would be named Staffel. What a what a legend what a just a fucking legend fucking ledge yeah that is a fucking ledge man that's it could have been worse the name could have been like a human name is given to an animal that's just fuck it's fucking funny. You know like name him after some shit. That's like LSU's tiger is called Mike Yeah like what? Come on that cracks me up but even okay yeah it's funny uh you know tiger also even like Frosted Flakes Tony the tiger is the TT it's a long E noise so like that's okay because Tony's already a nickname for Anthony so it's like if it was like Anthony the tiger that's a different fucking story. Yeah yeah you know what I mean Tony Billy the Badger you know that's okay. Yeah that'd have been fine but fucking stop like yeah you can fucking Kevin or some shit and Hammy Staffel and Hammy Stoffel and my goodness so yeah Badger and Clyde man I'm telling you so uh you probably had had no clue where this story was going at any given point. I didn't know what story was happening as it was alright I got

War Animals With Real Kill Counts

39:20

story for it. Alright cool let's go for it. And I was picturing it was I I genuinely thought it was going to be another like um like a haunting one or a troop crime or whatever it was. I wasn't expecting it's like yo let's hear about this fucking like psychotic marsupial for a second. Yeah. I just I this is one of my favorite animal stories ever of of just about any animal is a honey badger. Hell yeah I gotta get I gotta get the story of um oh gosh I I looked it up too when we talked because it was killing me uh Sergeant Seawash is the uh the Marine Corps duck from World War II was Sergeant Seawash yeah that didn't he fight a chicken kill the Japanese chicken kill the at the fucking at the Oh my god at the fucking Battle of Tarawa everyone rightfully so there's a lot of medal for it he did he did it's well first off it's a duck and it actually r it received and worked through the ranks of the United States Marine Corps in World War II to the rank of fucking sergeant I shit you not it was the quickest and spark note story of Sergeant Seawash is it was a duck that was won by a bunch of Marines from the um second Marines in World War II in like New Zealand or Australia or whatever it was right that's like the staging area was for the Psi for the bunch of the Pacific. They wanted at a bar and like they are just like they they they're taking their shirts off everyone's back there, right? The Marines are just kicking everyone's ass and the guys just and then the the fucking it's like a farmer or something there's just like I don't got any money left I got this duck and the Marines are looking at each other and the Marines are looking each other like I'm gonna win this fucking duck and shit that's exactly what they did. It's like swart like I swear to God they do it and it's like she was enlisted or whatever the fuck because it was a shit she was like enlisted and and whatever so that she did that and technically if you were a marine that is like you you you're United States government property and like you can't be so like so like she wouldn't be killed and cooked and eaten or anything like that one. She was a United States Marine like it was government property property of the United States right? Oh my god it took place in the Battle of Tarwa rightfully so one of the if you think of the battle in the Pacific you think of like the big points like Pearl Harbor, Midway Iwo Jima, Okinawa the the massive is so Iwo Jima is probably one of the most proclaimed of like the worst and deadliest um amphibious landings just because that is I remember if it was the first battle or was the only battle where Allied casualties were higher than access. So we had more dead and wounded by the end of Iwo Jima than the Japanese did. We had more to lose doesn't matter. Um but the Battle of Tarwa was a much it was one of the first ones it was very early in the war it was one of the bloodiest the worst ones because it was like we didn't know what to expect. We didn't know how the Japanese were going to be fighting. So it was like the it was arguably the deadliest the most horrific one of the hardest landings um and this fucking duck took part in it literally stormed the beaches of Taro on like one of the first landings of it. And as they're you know kind of going through it all things like that I mean some of the animals on the um on the uh on the island on the beaches yeah it was a fuck was like a Japanese like rooster or a chicken or something like that picked a fight and f fucking the goddamn duck killed the Japanese rooster killed a cup killed a couple of like Japanese animals also like has a fucking kill count. It's insane Oh d what was the duck's name what was it sergeant Sergeant Seawash S-I-W uh S-I W A S H Wash. Wow yeah it's it's one of the most ridiculous Yeah there's there's there's Sergeant Seawash I remember but there then there was like a like a Lance Corporal like bear in like the Polish army in World War II. Yeah I remember yeah yeah it's nuts. I I love ridiculous animal like insanely badass animal stories like that. I saw a thing on um Instagram a couple days ago. They um it's like one of these little history blurbs and they were talking about like um how in World War II they released a lot of cats in the um foxholes to kill the rats. Yep, million percent. Started that in World War One. But they ended up becoming more of like um comfort animals for the soldiers and they would adopt them and like they became like part part of the the troops because you know they they became so integral to like the mental health. They actually started um uh deploying uh veterinarians. There was like so many animals just throughout this episode. So yeah, so like there's so many stories of like dogs, just like stray dogs through all these different areas in war tore, you know, the art of war. So there was that one, like I said, they would actually, yeah, they would bring cats like that to you know, exactly, to to clear out the like I said, to my knowledge, that started in World War One just because of just the rats in the trenches and shit like that one. Yeah. So they were kind of used to to yeah, clear out, you know, the vermin, if you will. It just ended up like hanging around. And uh yeah, on your downtown was like, oh shit, it's a cat, that's fucking cool. Yeah. It was like, oh shit, it's a person. That's kind of whatever. You know what I mean? I I remember, and I can't remember if it was I'm pretty sure it was a cat. They um I don't know if it was like on the and it was a navy thing. I think it was like a navy thing. Anyway, they adopted a cat and somehow they ended up having to make like a I guess like a like a card. There was like a certain um enlisted card, enlistment card. Like but so and they have to do a f you know, like a physical on every every um soldier, you know. And I I just remember seeing the thing and it was like um hair color, it was like orange. Like it was like all these questions, and finally it was just like it's a cat. Well, it's a cat. It's like this it's like the scene of fucking uh half buzz. Can you describe it? It's a swan. So it's a cat, like right. Oh, it was funny, but yeah, there's animals are one of my other favorite animal stories, and this has nothing to do with war, was the um elephant who um they they killed this woman who was over like this poaching empire. Okay, and the the elephants killed her. And then they traveled, I don't know how many miles it was to her funeral, crashed the funeral, and stomped the living shit out of her corpse. They were so mad at this woman. Fucking elephants remember, man. Hashtag team elephant. Yeah, see? Yeah, and that's when everyone learned that elephants are from the north. The north remembers, and so do fucking elephants. Elephants, yeah. But yeah, just there's so much more going on with animals that I think people give credit for. Um one more animal war story that I remember. There was a uh Oh fuck, what the fuck kind of a dog was it? Um it was like a shepherd mix, like a collie shepherd or a shepherd husky kind of thing. It was Chips uh it was Chips. Chips the uh Chips the Warhound, Chips the War Dog, I think it was called something like that one. The bloodhound. They called it. No, it wasn't an actual bloodhound. Um was the uh was one of the infantry divisions. I think it was the US 3rd Infantry Division. Uh in the Italian campaign. So it was like in Sicily or what I think it was I think it was pretty early on in Sicily. Um I think it was just one of the wild dogs that the you know the division just kind of adopted. But they got so close to the troops. By itself. Single-handedly, single paw pawedly, pawdedly, whatever. Fucking the origination the the originator of the Paw Patrol attacks a German uh attacks a German machine gun nest. Oh god. And forces the enemy to retreat. Nice. There's a there's like two, so in a machine gun nest, it's usually three. There's a spotter, there's a shooter, and there's like the the ammo guy kind of thing. There's about three people in this this nest. Runs up and attacks it, kills one of them, and the other two fucking run away. Nice. Sword of God, yeah. Chips. Chips the uh Chips the Chips the Battlehound or something like that. It's got a great fucking name. Yeah. Fucking it's a good one. Yeah, literally took out a fucking took out a fucking uh machine gun nest in Sicily. Killed a German soldier in Sicily. Jesus. Love it. I love badass animals. Don't you just? Yeah.

Why Bluey Hits Adults So Hard

49:29

It's not the actual origin of the Paw Patrol. I just thought it would be kind of funny if it goes like, yeah, fuck Paw Patrol's out there. Oh no, that's not the actual I'm fucking. I'm fucking though. I was like, oh, that's fascinating. That's great. Like there's an actual reason behind Paul Paw Patrol. Yeah, it's a great fucking show. That's the goddamn reason behind Paw Patrol. Paul Patrol! It's a catchy goddamn, that's a catchy goddamn tune. Well, only s maybe second to Bluey. No, listen. I've said it once, twice, a hundred bajillion times. Bluey's an adult show. Cosplaying is a children's show. The show is for the adults. Bluey is that that is a an amazing cartoon. I watch it. Thank God it's only like seven or nine minutes long an episode. Anything more than that, you're just you're fucked, mate. Oh man. Fucked. Some of those episodes are rough. Like, I've I have like ugly cried at a few of them. Oh the two there's two that get me all the all the time. I mean a lot of them get me, but the two that gets me is the uh the episode with the granddad. The episode when they first have the granddad. It's that last scene. Oh my god, that was ages ago. Nah, it was just yesterday. And it like, there's Chili and her father having that moment. It was just yesterday, and it like, you know, it like turned into like the little thing with like a phase, and she's like the little girl again, and I'm like, oh, oh god. Yeah. Oh, I cannot begin to describe how much that that one tears me up so much. That one, was that the one you watched with your dad? With my father. The very, very first time I saw that episode. I was on the couch at my parents' house. This was like, this was like the second or third time I've ever like seen. This was that was the first full episode I sat down and watched. Because like, oh, it's just the the kids' show. Yeah, I know I sound like a terrible parent here. Yeah, throw the TV on. You don't really pay attention. Yeah. Most of the time when you're if it's like screen time or whatever with the kids, specifically what's small because they're gonna want to get up and play and do things and then that was the first time I like act I like sat on the couch and watched it. And it was that episode. Oh yeah, I was we were back in Connecticut visiting my family, and I'm sitting on the couch with my dad, and uh, oh god, it's killing me watching this one. And then I just kind of look over, and I because I sit on my peripherals, my dad's just like looking over at me, and then sitting in between us is Luna. So it's like sitting to and then like looking down and seeing his and then like he wasn't okay, and he had to like walk out of the room. Yeah, like, you asshole! Oh yeah, no. But even now to this day, like it just I said like Luna just it just a couple of days ago was Luna's birthday, and I'm just like It's nuts. Yeah. Yeah, that episode that yeah, that one and uh one of the later episodes, they're like they never talk about it like what it is or or whatnot. It's a cup that they do like they do like a little mini arc where it's like three episodes in a row where they're on vacation, you know, wherever the hell it is. And you know, they're at the beach and whatnot. And the first episode is about like Chili just like trying to relax and like unwind, and like, mom, it's okay to relax. Like you don't have to like be the mom and like the worker and like you know the the the the you know the fixer and all this. You can just relax and then whatever the hell it is, and she just she just can't. So the whole base was around that one, but it's the one after that. They're just like on the beach, and it's like early on in the it's like almost like the opening scene of the episode. The dad's just like sitting there and he's just like thousand yards stared, like up to the ocean. And the kids are doing something, they're talking to him, and he's just like staring there, and he doesn't do anything, and he like, whoa, like snaps out of it, oh yeah, no, but no, no, everything's fine, everything's okay. And then later on in the episode it goes, oh, when you're doing something, when you're I forgot what what what the word is, like, oh when you're upset about something or whatever the hell it is. You know, when your thoughts are going great. It's i I forget ex exactly how they word it. You know, one of the kids is like going through something in the episode, like they're getting really angry because they can't do anything, or they're sad they can't do anything, they're having big feelings, you know, like they're anxious and sad and angry and so on and so forth. And like, oh, you gotta grab it from here and you grab it, grab it from the so that they grab, you know, Chili's telling whichever one it is, like, oh, you know, you grab it from you know behind this ear, boop, and behind this ear, boop, and they're laughing or whatever, and then we take all this stuff and we put it in a ball, and we throw it out, and blah blah blah, so that kind of stuff, right? And he goes, Yeah. And then the last thing you see is like it's it happens like another like one or two times where like the dad is just like staring out. You don't know he's just there. He's always the goofy one. Yeah, he's got his goofy moments, but every now and then he's just like locked in, like he literally just saw a ghost kind of a thing, right? And it's like the last shot where they're all there, like, oh yeah, that's all you do, kiddo, and they all go, alright, well let's go, whatever. They all run off, and the dad's just standing there staring out in the ocean, and he starts doing the thing, like pulling out like his worries and like his whatever, like he like when no one's around. He's like doing the thing of like taking his worries and his sat, like all of it, and he just really like throws it, and I was just like, stop it right now, you cartoon canine. What are you doing? I'm never okay with that. Because they never say what it is. Yeah. And they don't lead up to it like a couple of episodes. It's not like there's some big overarching thing like he's worried about work or or bills. They never say what it is. They're just on all I know is they do back-to-back episodes where it's like the mother's having like the hardest time with just like relaxing and unwinding and like being present in a moment like that and like leaving their crazy life away and just having vacation time. Yeah. And then the next episode they're doing the same exact thing with the father. Yeah. And it was just like, you know, you see so many similarities, and I'm like, fucking stop. You're a cartoon dog. I think it's so important though, because they, you know, you're they're ch they're teaching little kids like grown-ups have big feelings too. Like you have big feelings, we all have big feelings, and this is, you know, how you can cope with those big feelings. And yeah, it's it's a good message. Yeah, it is. And it's not because it it does it breaks down at such a level that like. There was uh the one of the episodes, um, Bingo's having stuff a thing where she's really sad and she's upset about something, she feels like she screwed something up, and then Chili tells her, like uh, you know, uh what's it called? I sit down, I have a cry, uh, you know, I stand back up, I brush myself off, and you know, more or less like it's okay to be upset when you get frustrated, you you know, you can get a little overwhelmed, cry, shake it off, and keep going, kind of a thing, right? Yeah. Fucking Luna does that. Like, and like she says the steps, like the episode too. She's she's like she like, yeah, so like, yeah, she's I've I've caught her doing it a couple of times. Where she won't like actually cry. She'll like in the mo like in the show, she was like, I have a little cry. Meh, right? She was like, I I don't know, trying to help put dishes away, let's say, right? She kept like dropping the fork, putting the fork, whatever. She was doing something, she kept messing up doing something. Yeah. That she was trying to do. She was getting frustrated. And um, so she would tell me, like, I'm getting frustrated, or whatever. It's okay. He goes, Do you need to just take a second? She goes, like, yeah. And she just like, sit down, have a little cry, and she goes, pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep going. And she went right back to just doing it. I was just like, Oh goodness. Why are you doing this to me? Like I'm just trying to I'm just trying to put balls away. Like not have an epiphany. It's ridiculous. I I I hate it. I hate it and I love it. Well, look at this.

Wrap Up And Share The Show

57:39

Look at this. Look at the time. Look, I don't know. Look at us. Getting getting it under control, getting under an hour and a half. Hey, listen. I'm not promising we're never gonna have an hour and a half episodes, but we're trying our damnedest. I'm still trying to cut some other shit I want to talk about too. I'm doing my best to just size out a bunch of information because there's no way. There's a couple coming up that was like, there's a I'm shooketh to my core that I was able to get Stalingrad down as much as I could. Yeah. Yeah, you did well. I'm fucking proud of myself of that one. Yeah. The key is just to turn the mic on and just let you go. Because if I sidetrack you, we will be there for two hours. Yeah. I can't I can't sidetrack you. No. And I genuinely think what happened was actually like having like actually right physically writing out bullet-pointed notes, like in order. Yeah. So I think that's it. We're gonna call it. You guys know what to do. Thank you so much for listening. Um share like that. If you don't, we'll send stoffle the waffle stealer at you. Right, right. We're gonna send stoffle after your ass. Um be a honey badger, do the things, and um tell tell people about us. Like, like share episodes, um, get the word out, help us reach more new ears. That's the greatest thing you can do for us. But other than that, I got nothing else. See you next week. Bye.