Flip That Switch: The Podcast

Addiction To WEED, Overcoming DEPRESSION | Flip That Switch Podcast

• Brandon Sudduth • Season 5 • Episode 8

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0:00 | 1:05:11

In this episode, Ryan shared his journey from childhood challenges to overcoming depression, pursuing a music career, and building a strong family legacy. Discover how resilience, authenticity, and faith can transform your life.

00:00
Introduction and Guest Introduction
02:01
Childhood Experiences and Family Dynamics
05:22
Navigating Relationships and Family Bonds
09:03
Reflections on Pain Points and Challenges
13:13
Breaking the Cycle: Lessons from Childhood
17:10
Fatherhood and Legacy
20:16
Struggles with Depression and Recovery
24:08
Influence of Music on Behavior and Choices
25:45
The Influence of Entertainment on Behavior
27:48
The Journey into Music
31:42
Overcoming Doubts and Pursuing Dreams
35:07
The Importance of Support and Encouragement
42:20
Navigating Marriage and Relationships
47:37
The Importance of Communication
50:12
Navigating Conflict in Relationships
53:45
The D-Word: A Dangerous Argument
56:07
Authenticity in Relationships
01:00:32
Surrounding Yourself with the Right People

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Ryan's IG @ryan.deshon12_

#PersonalDevelopment, #OvercomingAdversity, #MusicCareer, #Family #Legacy, #MentalHealth, #Motivation, #Faith, #Relationships, #Growth


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SPEAKER_02

So I used to make fun of people that would smoke weed and things like that. Well, somewhere along the way, I picked up the habit myself. And I used to make fun of people also, like, oh yeah, they just spent all their money on on that and not trying to, you know, get out of their situations and this, that, and that. So during that time period, that's all I was doing. I would Uber. I used my mom's car to Uber. And the money I made from Uber, the little, it was $20 to $60 a day. I use that for a pack of diapers and wipes. And I'd use it for weed. And I'm doing that every single day. Or a matter of fact, I would send people to one of my friends that was selling it. And he would give me some, you know, something free just for, you know, giving him a sale. So I'd be waiting for that. You know, and I was just like, dang, I'm just doing all this, you know, you know, running a circle just to get weed and get high. You know, I wouldn't brush my teeth someday, I wouldn't wash my face someday. They'd just wake up, smoke, chill for 15 minutes, be lazy, smoke again. Like that's, you know what I'm saying? It was just like, and I was really like, you know, if it killed me, it killed me. I don't care. Um, because I just wasn't happy with anything.

SPEAKER_00

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of Flip That Switch. I'm your host, Brandon, aka B to the Cis Nai, and we back with another episode. If you want to have a chance to be on the a guest on the Flip That Switch podcast, you got a story that you want to get out there to the masses, please hit me in the comments. Or you can DM me on IG at Flip That Switch Podcast. Um, but either way, if you want to be a guest on the show, just hit me in the comments or DM me. But today we're gonna be diving into a new episode, and the person that's stopping by today is my boy Ryan. Ryan, welcome to the show, man.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00

For sure, for sure. Appreciate your time, appreciate you coming on. Uh, so we'll get right to it, man. Um, Ryan, childhood, childhood, bro. Talk to me a little bit about what that was like for you and how did it shape you to where you are today?

SPEAKER_02

So I feel like I had like a mixture of three different worlds, and I say that because my parents split when I was four. So um I spent all my summers with my dad's side, and then I spent a school year with my mom and my three brothers. And so I had a stepdad at a point in time, and he had his kids, and there was times where I felt, you know, I didn't feel apart simply because it was it's five, you know, five on one. Right. So there was times where I felt like, eh, you know, I'm not getting the same type of, you know, um, you know, love. I want to say love, but it's just you know, I just felt a little bit different. But then I go to the other side with my dad, I'm the only child, so in East Texas, I'm the only grandchild too, and I'm getting whatever I want. You know, it's like going from you know, having to struggle and share with multiple people to you know almost being like a mini king. I'm getting whatever I ask, I get it on demand. My mom had to check me at one point in time, like, hey, whenever you come back from there, like you're not better than nobody here.

SPEAKER_03

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02

Like, you, you know, you you still your brothers, I'm still your mom, you know, we're all still the same, we still all believe the same, you know. And so that that kind of you know changed the way I started to look at things. Because that was she told me that when I was like eight or nine, and I was getting a big head. So after that, I just became more, you know, in sync with like, okay, yeah, this is family, regardless. Regardless of, you know, the differences, regardless of the difference in, you know, um resources that I may have than they have. It's still my family at the end of the day. It's my closer family, it's my brothers, you know, we in the same house majority of the year. So um, with that, it just kind of going to visit, spend time with my grandma. Um, I had two great-grandmothers that was also a big role. And um when I would go to my East Texas in summers. So spending time with my grandparents there, being at home with my mom and my brothers, and then going to my great grandma's house that stayed down the street from me, it just kind of created an even larger sense of family. And they kept me tapped in with different sides of my family. My grandfather said the same thing. So it's just I just love family.

SPEAKER_00

I feel that. So I know you were kind of back and forth. Um, was there like I'm trying to figure out how the best way to ask this. Did you like one situation more than the other? Like, was one situation more favorable than the other? Like, did you have more?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's a tough question, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, look, uh And I mean, just off generalities, you know what I'm saying? You don't have to go on the specifics like the you know, just generally younger.

SPEAKER_02

When I was younger for sure, like in moments, you know, and in moments, you would prefer like peace and quiet as opposed to somebody being annoyed, and you know, annoying you. Because my brothers will annoy the they would they would annoy me. Oh my goodness. But I'm also saying when I was younger, I liked it because it was peace and quiet. I got all the attention. All kids wanted attention, I could do whatever I wanted, you know, I got whatever I wanted, didn't have to ask for anything. But as I got older, I was like, no, I like being around my brothers, you know. I'm the eldest, so like I need to I need to be there for them to, you know, show them different things, be a part of their lives, not be that distant, you know what I'm saying, brother. And then we also had this thing in my house, like, you know, how you have like half brothers and all that other stuff because different parents. My mom was like, hey, y'all came from me, so we all whole, you know, y'all, y'all a whole brother, y'all a fool brother. So like as I got older, I started to resonate with that a little bit more. And it's like, you right, we grew up in the same house with you, you know. So, like, yeah. So uh when I was younger, definitely like going to my grandparents' house a lot more, you know, being idle, being between myself. But then as I got older, I did want to have, you know, more company and stuff. So I started staying home more.

SPEAKER_00

Got you, got you. And are you still close with everybody today? Yeah, yeah, super close, super close. Got it. Okay. So when you were coming up, um, what what were some of the things that you experienced that might have been like pain points for you? Like when you were a child? Like, was there anything that you experienced that you were like, you know what, man, I'm just battling this right now, I'm going through it, or was everything just good? Like you just had a great childhood, you had a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_02

I had fun as a kid, but there were times where I went to be around my uh my dad more. There were times where she was like, hey, you know, I went to get put picked up on the weekend, and then you know, like I spent I I feel like the time I spent with my grandparents pretty much replaced the time that I spent with him. Because when he would pick me up, he dropped me off to them. Okay. Now there now there was times where he stayed with them also, you know, and I you know, I get to both the best of both worlds, but pretty from pretty much for me, it was just times where I wanted to be around my dad a little bit more. I used to have a huge issue where if I had to go spend extended time with somebody else that I was leaving his presence, I would cry. Um, same with my mom too, but you know, it's just a bit different when I have to leave my dad saying it's him as much. So um that would be one thing. And then like the house where I grew up in with my mom and my stepdad, there was a lot of things that I would hear late at night that would kind of just, you know, keep me up. You know, sometimes for the points where I'd be shaking. Not to go too much in depth on it, but like uh, you know, I just you know, I just hear hearing certain things and stuff, and it's just like whoa, or seeing certain things. And you know, that sticks with you. So like now when I'm dealing with, you know, the women that I deal with now, um, or have dealt with, and my wife and everything, like I there's certain things that I don't ever want to cross lines with, cross lines with because of what I saw growing up. So I would say yeah, I would say those are two of my biggest, my biggest pain points, uniform my dad more spending one because he was always a phone call away, but you know, that phone call don't do anything. Like, yeah, I get some words, but not quality time. I want to go outside and let's look at the trees for a second. You know what I'm saying? It's stuff like this that I wanted to do. Um, so yeah, I'll say uniform my father for uh more quality time, and then just the toxicness, the toxicness of um the relationship my mom had with my stepdad.

SPEAKER_00

Got you. Uh no, I I totally get that, man. I I was the same way. I'm like, man, if I could have just had time with my dad, man, like went out and hooped, you know what I'm saying, or played football, you know. Yeah, just simple things like that.

SPEAKER_02

And then I also found it, it was also odd because when I would spend time with him, he would get on my nerves. So it's like it's it's he would say things. I'm just like, bro, you get on my nerves. Yeah. It was a catch-22. We too much of the like we have similar uh mindsets and everything. So it's kind of like a it's like I'm seeing an older version of myself, and it's that's kind of annoying. I feel that.

SPEAKER_00

I feel that. Let me ask you something. So you you basically said how like how that situation was, it affected you when you got in relationships with women. Um, but obviously there's a turning point, right? You you you figure out, like, okay, you know what, I'm gonna break the cycle. Like, I'm not gonna treat my because you're married right now, correct? Yeah, okay. So there was a turning point for you to be like, you know what, I'm I'm not gonna treat my wife like this. Even though this may have shown up, what I saw, the example that I saw may have shown up in other relationships. The the light is gonna go off in my head, and I'm gonna be the light bulb's gonna go off, and I'm gonna be like, you know what, I'm not gonna treat my wife like that. What made you have that turn, like what was it that gave you that turning point or that inspiration to be like, you know what, I'm not gonna do the things that I saw as a child?

SPEAKER_02

I just wanna say it clicked immediately when I saw it happen and you know in full. Like as soon as I saw it happen when I was a child, I'm like, I don't want to do that because it's not it's not cool. I remember going into I spent time with my uh my grandma and my great grandma on my mom's side. There was something I'd be, you know, we'd have like little huddles. I spent time with my great grandma simply because of how I was being treated at the house. Sometimes my mom was like, oh yeah, you gotta stay at your grandma, great grandma's house. So I'd be with them, we'd have like little, you know, uh sessions where I'm just telling them what's going on in the house. You know, they'd call the police sometimes just to get you know insight as to how they could combat certain situations and stuff. Or, you know, I would just, you know, just spill, I don't want to use the phrase spill tea, but I just I talk too much. I talk too much. And then I would see how their reactions were, and I'd also see how my mom's reactions were to some certain things. Granted, granted, as I got older, I realized sometimes she started things, you know what I'm saying? So it's you know, as a kid, it regardless if you started or not, I still don't want to, you know, that's not an excuse to for the preceding actions that follow. So um I just I just you know, just seeing that stuff and then seeing how everybody reacted when I was young and how they were responding to it, I never want that to be how I lived or how I did things. And then I also there's like this there's been a ton of people that I've run across um older men in my life, older cousins, uncles, grandpas, things like that, where they have different stories where like, you know, like yeah, everything is smiley, you know, happy go lucky in the face. But then we hear about the closed door situation, like uh, he used to do this tour, or he used to do that to her, or he was like that. I don't want that associated with my man, with my name whatsoever. But I'm in the room.

SPEAKER_00

So you knew this as a child.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Because it's it's just, you know, it's it's so like that's why I'm real big even now. It that like just certain certain things that are associated with my man, with my name, it kind of just it bothers me because it's like I don't ever want to like I want you to be able to say the same thing in front of me that you say behind me, you know. And like for me to see that all the time, it's like, okay, are you sure I'm okay? You know, are you sure I'm good? Because I don't want to hear nothing different, you know. Like that stuff bothers me. It's bothersome like hearing, like, oh, I heard this about you. You heard what? Well, I never heard that. I didn't do that, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, that's pretty much how I was. I just never wanted to be like that. Um and then you know, I'm I'm 30. So the generations before me when it comes to man, you know, they get a bad rep.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And it's all about changing that cycle for me. Like, I don't want to be associated with that. I don't want to be the drunken father that came home beating on you know his wife or whatever. I don't want to be the one that was tapped into the hardcore drugs and did that. You know, I don't want I don't want none of those affiliations.

SPEAKER_00

I feel that. That's I I get it. That is awesome. I I was the same way, man. I I was like, you know what? And it's it's it's just gotta be in you. Because a lot of times these cycles they trickle down and you become the example that you see. And that's why I asked you what was that turning point, because a lot of people they just take the easy way out and they're like, you know what, my dad did this, so I'm gonna do this. My dad beat my mom, so I that's the example I see. So that's I feel like that's right. You know, a lot of kids when they're when they're looking at their parents, they're like, they can do no wrong in their kids' eyes, right?

SPEAKER_02

Heroes, they're doing this, so I yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So it's like if I see them doing this, then I then because I it can do no wrong in my eyes, then I think that it's okay, so I'm gonna do it, right? And so how do we have that internal desire to be like, man, I'm not gonna do this. I'm gonna turn over a new lead. Just because my dad was in and out of prison, that doesn't mean I that doesn't mean I have to be out in these streets. You know what I'm saying? I could I can be a productive member of society, you know what I'm saying? So the fact that you realize that as a kid, man, that's kudos to you, bro. That is kudos to you, because a lot of people, it follows them throughout their lives.

SPEAKER_02

You're not lying. I remember uh on a lighter tone, just like with just different, you know, school things and whatnot. My dad, uh, on the many phone conversations we would have, there was one time he was like, hey, make different mistakes than me. Don't make the same mistakes, you know, like you know how you fell at tests or something like that. Don't make the same mistakes, but make different mistakes. And so that can just apply to anything and anybody that you follow or that you like or that you love and that you look up to. Like, don't make the same mistakes that those people make. You know, I always try to do something different. You know, you gotta make a mistake with human, it's human nature. Yep. But try to, you know, but at least differentiate from it. Don't be an exact replica of the person you're looking up to. That's how I look at it.

SPEAKER_00

I love it, bro. I love it, bro. As you're fathering your your two, because you have two kids, right? As you're fathering your two kids, what when you leave this earth, what are the things that you want your kids to say about you? Like if, if, if, I mean, and I know this sounds a little bit more a little morbid, but after you after you're gone, because I mean we're all gonna we all gonna pass away. I mean, it just is what it is. After you're gone, what type of legacy do you want to leave for your kids?

SPEAKER_02

You know, I think about this. I went to the funeral a few days ago, and it always, I'm always in awe when people go up there to speak on behalf of the person that passed away, whether it's, you know, um a co-worker, family member, whatever the case may be, just simply because it's like, dang, how am I gonna be remembered when it's, you know, when that time comes? But for me, I want my my kids to be able to say, like, you know, no matter what it was, no matter who it was, my dad was there. My dad was always there, you know. He all did this together to just make sure it could align to benefit me the most. I work from home so I can watch my daughter so she didn't have to go to daycare. Uh my my oldest, I work from home. I build my schedule around her school schedule, so I can always be the one to pick up, so I don't have to worry about nobody else saying, Oh, I can't do it. Or, nah, not today, or sorry, this was you know. So I just want to be able to say, like, okay, he was always there. Um, he put me first when he didn't have to. He sacrificed a lot. Um, he just he's he loves his family. I really want them to still be close, you know. They have different moms. I want y'all to be close regardless. You know, if I follow up, y'all both have to go out separate ways. I still want y'all to be close. You know, that's just how I look at it. Closeness, family, love, sacrifice. That's Ryan.

SPEAKER_00

You know, for sure. I love that, man. It's it's being present, bro. Yes, yes. It's funny because in my eyes, being present would be like just the basic entry level. But bro, like for a lot of people who don't experience a father's presence, that's like half the battle. Like, be present.

SPEAKER_02

Be present. And I could say being around my mom, like I said, raising four boys by herself, um, because she didn't end up, you know, leaving her marriage. But like raising four boys by herself, like the sacrifice and dedication that she put into it, that kind of I that ripped off on me. I remember plenty of times seeing her crying in a corner, you know. I do everything on my own, or hearing that when she gets mad at us, y'all daddies don't help. It's all me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, so like just the negative aside, negative rhetoric aside, just seeing her, you know, what she did and everything she put into it. You know, I I gotta match that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

As best as I can, I gotta match that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we gotta be a great example, and we gotta leave them better off than when they came on this earth. Yes. Want them to be better than we were, uh so much more better than we were that way better.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, it's so bad. I don't even want my daughters bringing nobody home that's like me. Nah, bring some bringing some things.

SPEAKER_00

And what's funny is, bro, like we we gonna be able to tell, like, we gonna like as soon as they knock on the door to come take them, take them out on a date, we're gonna be like, nah, you ain't it, dog. Nah. Nah. Or even if you can't tell just by the physical, all it takes is one conversation, bro.

SPEAKER_02

One conversation.

SPEAKER_00

It's like one conversation.

SPEAKER_02

I'm real big on words and verbiage. So, like, for me, it's just depending on how depending on how you break down your sentence, it's like, yeah, that ain't it. Oh no. Oh no, no, uh-uh. Oh, you can't cold switch, yeah. No, that's not cool.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you forming a sentence, my boy. Like, come on, dog. Like, yeah, you gotta walk away from that. But uh, no, that's hilarious. You uh you battled depression, right?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can say I did that. Yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_00

So talk to me a little bit about what led to that and how did you come out of it?

SPEAKER_02

I just want to say that I think it was well for one, it was undiagnosed, but I feel like I just I knew what it was because of how I was how I was reacting. So for me, um I had I had a couple accidents. Me and my BM had broke up, and then I was back at home in my mom's house as a 23-year-old, 24-year-old. Not saying that's bad, but you know, you know, in the black community, sometimes it's just like, oh, you gotta get out of the house at 18, go to school, go to the military, or get your home, or just go to work, you know. So for me to uh actually leave and have to come back to the nest, that kind of messed with me. And then the breakup, the way it happened, that kind of messed me up. Um, then I just felt inadequate. Like I was working as a server, didn't have any health benefits, uh, didn't have any money saved up, wrecked my car. My car, my grandparents got me on my dad's side, so it's like, you know, I didn't really work for my car. I was just hand giving the car. So it was just kind of like all that was started hitting me at once. And I became a person that I didn't like. Like I used to always make so in high school and stuff, I had asthma. So I used to make fun of people that would smoke weed and things like that. Well, somewhere along the way, I picked up the habit myself. And I used to make fun of people also, like, oh yeah, they just spend all their money on on that and not trying to, you know, get out of their situations and this, that, and that. So during that time period, that's all I was doing. I would Uber. I used my mom's car to Uber, uh, and the money I made from Uber, it was $20 to $60 a day. I use that for a pack of diapers and wipes, and I'd use it for weed. And I'm doing that every single day. Or a matter of fact, I would send people to one of my friends that was selling it, and he would give me some, you know, something free just for you know, giving him a sale. So I'd be waiting for that, you know, and I was just like, dang, I'm just doing hardest, you know, you know, running a circle just to get weed and get high. You know, I wouldn't brush my teeth someday, I wouldn't wash my face someday, they'd just wake up, smoke, chill for 15 minutes, be lazy, smoke again. Like that's you know what I'm saying. It was just like, and I was really like, you know, if it killed me, it killed me. I don't care. Um, because I just wasn't happy with anything. But I would say what got me out of it really was um being honest with myself.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Being honest with myself about what it was that I was doing. Um, because you know, a lot of times people try to tell you what you're doing wrong, you don't want to hear it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like, hey son, you shouldn't be doing this. You don't know that, blah, blah, blah. You start bringing up old stuff from the excuse me, from the past, that don't have really have nothing to do with that specific moment. But you just want to use it because you're deflecting. And I had to get out of that for myself. So uh I took it, I looked in, I looked in the mirror, I started looking at my daughter, and I'm like, this ain't really what I want, you know, I don't want to do that. And then like my mom, like I've heard, you know, stories, I don't know how true it is, but uh my biological grandpa he died from a heart attack. They said he had a bad batch of weed. I didn't want that for me. Yeah, you know, so it was just like just that, and then just starting to get like super anxious whenever I would smoke. Everything just kind of decided, you know, hit me in the face. I was like, that's not a I don't want to be anxious. I don't want to be escaping from anything because I'm not really escaping anything. I'm just wasting money standing in the same circle because I can't there's no way I'm gonna be able to get ahead if I'm spending 200 to 300 dollars, you know, in the span of three or four days on weed and I'm not doing anything else with it besides just sitting idle and twinling my thrones. So it was just that and then having my daughter, and then um there was a point in time when I wrecked my car. I didn't really have oh, I wrecked another car. I didn't really have a form of transportation. So um my daughter's grandma on that side, just because I had a bad two week span where I didn't pick her up. Usually I had a you know majority of the time. Okay, uh, she was messing with me calling me, you know, a bum and this, that, and that. I hate those kind of phrases. I hate that. Like damn a bum now because I just because I'm I'm just, you know, on down on luck for these past two weeks. I um so it was those different things and then just listening to music just kind of got me back to where I wanted to go. I changed what I was listening to. Instead of listening to music about, you know, taking drugs and feeling good off of them. I just started listening to I I started listening to rap for a little bit. Because I do feel like sometimes just listening to the same thing over and over, it just kind of makes you just want to do it. Like, oh yeah, he said this in this line. I want to do that right now too. Like, you know, so uh I just started changing everything, changed the way I think and stopped hanging around people for a little bit. Um just focused on like, hey, I need to get uh these set of things done first before I commit to anything else. And then from there I got out of it.

SPEAKER_00

That's awesome, man. When you when you would smoke, was this a was it a temporary um coping thing? Like when you smoked, it'd give you like this little temporary disconnect from what you were going through, and then it would take you right back into it once you were done. Was that kind of why you were how you were coping with it?

SPEAKER_02

Or was At that point in time, yeah. At first, I was doing it just for fun for my friends, like, oh yeah, we are doing it.

SPEAKER_03

Woohoo!

SPEAKER_02

And we have you know, we laugh and we go eat something. But then I started realizing after a long day at work, I can't wait till I go smoke. Oh yeah, I got this in my car, like you know, and then it's like just escaping the the bruises of the day, pretty much. Yeah, and eventually the bruises of the day became the bruise of the month, bruises of the year, bruises of a you know, long span of amount of time, and it's like, okay, wait a minute, I'm not getting anywhere with this.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. You know, I was I was watching this uh video, and I think Birdman was at a funeral or something like that, and uh I don't I it was one of the church members or somebody had asked them, they were like, Why do you continue to put this secular music out when basically it's tearing it's tearing the community up, it's tearing the hood up, you know, what people are listening to, that is what is ingrained in their mind, and then they start doing, they start basically committing the the acts that uh based off of what they're listening to, right? So I I had a I had a uh I was kind of split on this because some people were saying basically like, you know, at the end of the day, I listen to rap music and I turned out great. Or some people are like, well, you they shouldn't be putting out rap music because rap music is what is causing all this. So what is your opinion? I I I'll tell you mine first. I think personally, because I listen to rap music too, you know what I'm saying? I listen to all types of music that's great, but yeah, exactly. But at the same time, it's not causing me to go out here and do all this stuff, you know what I'm saying? I know how to listen to music and let it just be music, and then at the end of the day, once that music is off, my mind is not even like even thinking about that. You know what I'm saying? So my question to you is do you think that when you when people listen to rap music, it's influential in the things that they do and how it lands them in prison and on drugs and things like of that nature?

SPEAKER_02

Honestly, I'm still torn by that. I used to say 100% no, that's dumb. Every time somebody brought that up to me, I'm like, that's dumb. Because there's still accountability on the person that's doing it. But I will say though, being in that space where I felt like, you know, nothing was going right. There were times while we hear stories on the rap song about, you know, hidden licks and things, I'm like, you know, I'm not a dumb guy. I'm pretty bright. You know, I'm you know, I watch, I watch snapped, I watch all these crown shows. I could get away with some if I wanted to do it. So I do think that just depending on what you're saying, what where you are in life and where you where you are in that moment of time, um, I do think that it could have an influence on you. Similar to like, you know, kids playing Call of Duty and Grand and Father at a young age, and they go out thinking that, you know, oh yeah, I can you know I'm gonna shoot you dead if you make me mad. You know, things like that. Like, I just you know, I think that all forms of entertainment are is taken too seriously, and it could play a role in how you respond to a real life scenario if you don't do anything else. You don't play sports, you don't go outside for anything else, and all you do is just sit down and listen to music, negative music, or play the game, or just doing, you know, hood politic-esque things, then yeah, it's gonna play a role on you. But if you escape from the box for a little bit and do other things and experience different forms of life, it's not gonna have that much of a role on you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I got you. Plus, I and I I totally agree with your perspective on it. Plus, I'm like, bro, it's like a million rappers out here. So if you tell one rapper to stop rapping, there's there's a thousand other ones out there, and then there's a thousand more that's coming up.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not gonna lie, everybody don't want to hear that, you know, that old school preaching that you used to do in the East Coast, everybody don't want to hear that all day. My brother, my brother, nobody, everybody don't want to hear that today. It's so cool for the moment, you know. So yeah, it's it just like I said, just play a role, but it don't it doesn't play a lot as large of a role as they try to make it. Because at the end of the day, it's your decision. You still, you know, Erman didn't tell you to do that, GG didn't tell you to do that, Davies didn't tell you to go do that. It's just, you know what I'm saying? It's just you wanted to go do it because you felt validated, and then like I said, you take the stuff too seriously. Too many people want to have stripes in the hood, they want to be cool to the next person, and it's like, okay. That's really why you're doing it. You want validation.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Speaking of music, uh, I know you are pursuing a music career. Um, talk a little bit about that and what inspired you to uh want to do music.

SPEAKER_02

I've been wanting to be, I've I've always had the thought of music since I was a kid. So I was a real big Romeo and Ballow fan, you know, as a kid growing up around that time frame. When you went to listen to rap music because everybody was still kind of like, ooh, it's rap music, they let you listen to kids, Bob. Well, you know, the kid rappers. So I followed them a lot. And so I always wanted to kind of have like that kid celebrity type of, you know, type of ordeal. And then as I got older, uh, when I was seven, I wrote my first song. Because my stepdad, he was from Louise, well, he grew up in New York. Well, he's African, spent time in New York, and spent time in New Orleans. And so from there, he just like he loves music. And then his brother did music. So there was one time he's had us all down, me, uh, my mama's second oldest child, and his two, his two daughters. We all had to write a song. I wrote a rap song. Uh I was I kind of bit Styles P when I wrote the song, but I wrote a rap song. Uh one of my sisters wrote a uh country song, another one wrote a reggae song, and my brother didn't write anything because he was too young at the time, really. But um, so just from that, I've always been akin to just music. And then like when I was in sixth grade, I was dating a chick that was writing raps. I was like, ah, this is cool. Then also in sixth grade, I learned about poetry. That's when I connected the dots. I'm like, oh, snap, poetry is like they all like they're basically cousins in a sense. You know, you gotta you can be poetic, you know, just learning how to rhyme can help you rap. And so I used to always want to do poetry battles. And so then just as time went on, I'd write something here and there, but I'd never fully commit to it. My friends, they would rap. Um, I would try to live through them. I'm like, man, y'all not pursuing it like that, like y'all need to. Y'all not doing this, y'all not doing that. Maybe you should do this. You know, I was just gonna be I was cool with just being part of the entourage. But then eventually, once I had my daughter, I um, well, right before I had my daughter, uh, my best friend, he uh almost died in a car accident.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

And so, you know, I couldn't even go out to uh West Texas to go see him. So I was like, best thing I could do is just write my feelings down because you know that hurt. So I just wrote my feelings down, recorded the video on YouTube, posted it, showed my mom, a couple people in my family, her boyfriend at the time, and he was like, man, if you're able to write that in a couple hours and make, you know, had an emotion attached to it, you should really, you know, think about doing something. And I was like, hmm. And then a few weeks later, uh, I was in the bathroom. I was hotboxing the bathroom, that's how I used to do it. And I was hey man, however, you gotta do it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I was crazy with it. So I just I uh I was doing that, I was listening to LMA's boot up, and then I was like, you know what, let me just write this because that that song was cold at the time. So I'm just writing, and I was like, man, I'm wasting all this time writing these lyrics. I would write lyrics all the time, college class, writing lyrics. I ain't taking notes, I'm writing lyrics. I hear a cool album, I'm yeah, I'm gonna write to this, you know. So I'm just I'm doing that all throughout throughout the span of my life, pretty much. So in that moment of time, I was like, you know what, I'm wasting all this time writing lyrics, nobody's really hearing it. F it. I'm finna rap. You know, so I just said, so I just uh I just put my head down and started doing that, and when my daughter came, I was like, you know, this is the reason, this is really the reason why I want to rap because I want to be able to uh provide a certain life for it, and I think I can get to it by doing what I think that I'm good at, which is writing. So uh that's how that's how that came to be. And I've had people, you know, along the way tell me, like, oh yeah, you're not gonna be able to do it because you have kids, or you, you know, it's a time restraint, this, that, and that. Which in theory, that makes a lot of sense because it does take a lot of time and a lot of sacrifice. Um But there's multiple ways to skin a cat. And I think with social media now, you don't have to be to make a superstar to still make it in that field and still get money from that field.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? Man, I'm gonna tell you this, bro. I I I we just talked about this on one of the last other, I think the last podcast I did with um one of my friends, Aaron, man, and we was talking about how like people will try and kill a vision, bro. Like all the time. Dude, oh no, you're not gonna be able to do that. You're not why not? Uh okay, yeah, I got a kid. Yeah, it might be a little bit tougher, uh, but you're right. It's like 700 different ways or different paths to get you where you want to go. You know what I'm saying? It's no longer, it's no longer a one-do entry way, you know what I'm saying? You it's multiple ways you can get to it. And so I just I don't like when people say stuff like that, man. I it's just so negative to me. Oh, you're not gonna be able to do man. Look, that's gonna make me even go harder, bro. It's not gonna be my vision.

SPEAKER_02

That just makes me even like, all right, but I'm gonna show you. Yeah. I'm gonna show you. It's like me playing basketball. Oh, you can't go left. Oh, I can't, all right. Lay up left-handed. I'm finna get a bucket regardless. And I think um, it's that just naturally people like to kill your dreams just because they don't have them of their own. But a lot of times when people have tried doing what you've done and it didn't work out for them, I couldn't do it, so you can't do it either. Yeah, nah, um yo. That wouldn't work out for you. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's not that's not your vision, is not my vision. You know what I'm saying? What what what didn't work for you, that that we have me and you have nothing to do with each other when God is trying to fulfill plans and like help make you fulfill plans and purposes. I don't have anything to do with you. And they want you at the bottom with them. So when they tell you, like, when they try to kill your vision, they want you to be like, all right, well, I'm gonna just stay down here, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this with you and be down here in the trenches with you. Nah, bro. That's not that's not what I want for my life. I got kids, I gotta provide. I want, you know, I look, nah, nah, that ain't that ain't it over here. It might be for you over there, it's not for you. Nah. So bro, that's that's one of my pet peeves, bro. I hate when people try to kill a vision dog. And they'll and they'll and they'll almost have you convinced, like, dang, you know what? Maybe this is impossible. You'll start second guessing, bro. Like, when you finish, you'll start, you'll start doubting yourself, you'll start second guessing, and that's exactly what they want. That's what they want you to do. You gotta, man.

SPEAKER_02

You gotta have thick skin when it comes to that, for one. And then also you gotta, you also gotta remove yourself from people that think like that or try to put that on you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Um, because I've had I've you know, it's I heard that, and it kind of made me mad. I ain't gonna lie. But I didn't say that in that moment because it's like I'm not gonna argue with you about it. That's your opinion. You're tied to your opinion. Yeah, but it don't necessarily apply. And then like I also like what you said with you know, God has a plan for everybody. For me, one thing that I always do, or what I or what I've I've done consistently before I started writing something was like, you know, just use me when you when I'm writing. You know, whatever, whatever, whatever you want me to write, you know, let me, you know, do that. And I just feel like because I, you know, because I put I put him first in it, I'm gonna get to where I want to get to. It might take some time, but I'm gonna get to where I want to get to. And it's it's it's a slow bit. I'm not trying to blow up tomorrow. I'm not I'm not trying to I'm not I'm not trying to blow up in the next hour. It's like, yeah, I might have some kids, but that don't just that don't do anything besides make me want to go harder. That part of the story too.

SPEAKER_00

If he's giving you a vision, dog, the train is gonna continue to move, bro. It ain't none gonna be able to stop it. You could put anything in front of it, you know, you put anything in front of a train, what it's gonna do? It's gonna blow right through it. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's gonna do what it needs to do. Now, like you said, the timing, yeah, the timing may not be when you want it, but that's okay. Because it's gonna make, it's gonna make the destination that much more, uh, you're gonna be that much more appreciative when you get to the destination.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. I had a um just a couple days ago when I was at that funeral, um, uh it was a funeral from one of my cousins, or whatever, older cousins. Um his daughter uh had a he she had her friend around who whose husband was uh in a Tyler Perry movie. So whenever I'm around people that like have been in different spaces like that, I love just pick the rent and just ask them like, you know, what's it like in that's in that light? What's it like? Like how'd you know how'd you what what what happened before that? You know, things like that. So he was telling me his story and he was like, you know, uh I wanted to be an actor. I moved from Dallas to Georgia. I just told my wife, like, hey, God put it on me to, you know, we just moved to Georgia, moved to Atlanta. He didn't have he didn't have pretty much nowhere to go or nothing like that. No job or any no no guarantees, he just went. And then he was trying out for something. And then um one of the nights came by came about, and God was like, I need you to be a little bit more specific on what you want. That way you know it's me. He was like, I want to meet Tyler Perry. Well, a couple days later he met Tyler Perry. And Tyler Perry saw that he was like, he wasn't even like one of the main actors, he was just in the back, you know, doing different things. And he was like, hey, that was a good performance you did. And he was like, What? And so they chopped it up. Next thing you know, he's in, you know, he was in a uh a skit and he became you know a consistent person in a TV series or two. So it's like it's just things like that. Like you never know what this is, what you never know. That's why I never try to tell anybody anything bad. Like oh yeah, you know, you I make music, I'm not gonna tell you what's up. I'm gonna say, hey, there's a market for it. If I don't like it, I'm gonna say there's a market for it. What I would say is, you know, just maybe change this or maybe change that, but just keep doing what you're doing, keep grinding. If that's what you want to do, keep grinding.

SPEAKER_00

Bro, we need more of key encouragement, man. Keep going. I will never tell nobody not to do something, man, because like you said, all it takes is one opportunity. One with it. Bro, and you run with it. You milk it, you capitalize on it, but all it takes is one, my boy. You know what I'm saying? That would be my encouragement to you, bro. Like, keep going. I look, I know you got kids. I know it's a work-life balance, I get it. And you, you know, you you working, you got two kids, you got a wife, you know what I'm saying? Then on top of that, you're trying to pursue a career, but that's all a part of the grind, bro. It's all a part of the grind. Like, it just okay, so you may get two or three hours less of sleep. Cool, whatever. It's productivity, you know what I'm saying? Like, but don't stop, dude. And don't let nobody ever kill your vision. Because, bro, like, I have this model and it stuck with me for it's I I've had I've somebody told me this maybe about seven or eight years ago, and it stuck with me. And it basically said the opportunity doesn't go away, it just goes to the next person. And so if you ain't taking advantage, that's a bar. Yeah, no, like for real. It stuck with me, bro. If you're not taking advantage of it, it's just gonna go to the next person, and you just gonna watch them live in the life that you aspire to do, but you gave up. You know what I'm saying? So keep going, bro. You'll you'll figure out how to balance everything out. You'll figure it out. You're you're like you a go-getter, right? You're a go-getter, you're a grinder. So you're gonna figure it out. And God is gonna help you figure it out. But what God wants to see is do you really want this? Before I trust you with it. Bro, I'm telling you, dude. I bro. That's it. You you don't need a box of the cake, the icing, everything.

SPEAKER_02

You just gotta go bake. Go bake it. Yeah, that's that's no, I agree with you. That's a no, that was a bar like you said. That's tough. Yeah. That's tough.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I've I've kind of seen that on a more negative aspect, like with my friends. Like I told you, I used to do it by curiously through them when it comes to rapping. And a lot of them, they've been doing this since I was, I'm 30 now, they've been doing this who's like 12, 13.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

I started when I was 22, 23 for real. Um I lapped them, you know, I lapped them pretty quick. I lapped them pretty quick to where now it's to the point to where I can kind of I kind of see certain certain looks, I guess certain comments. It's still, you know, it's still loving comments and everything. Then there are some comments in between where it's like a dang, bro. You kind of, you know what I'm saying? You kind of suck on my toes a little bit, and I'm like, ah, you know. But yeah, that's but it's a fact though. It's a fact. There's always something, you know, you you gotta say on it, you gotta stay consistent, or you're not gonna, you know, it's gonna leave you at some point.

SPEAKER_00

It's gonna leave you, man. And once it's gone.

SPEAKER_02

Good luck.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. Once something leaves, it's hard to get it back, man. I'm not saying you can't get it back. It's a possible, you know, whatever. God can do whatever God wants to do, so he could bring it back around, but you don't even want to be, you don't even want to put yourself in that position.

SPEAKER_02

You don't. No. Just take it back. You gotta go hard now. You gotta go four times as hard once you lose it to start after you start and stop. Yeah, you gotta. Because momentum plays a role too. Yeah. Momentum plays a big role too. And I think that like a lot of times when you curb stop your momentum and you try to get it again, people come look at you like, you know, because you still you still need you need support from people too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02

And you know, if they can see you doing something persistence, like, yeah, we we we we tell more people about it. But if you start, all right, you start back up again, okay. Yeah, he's doing it again. You stop, you start it a third time, you know. You might have had 10 people say it now, you probably got three sent it.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You stop again, you know, then everybody like, man, you just keep starting and stopping, but just stop.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, just just go ahead and give it, yeah, give it all up. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah. Because they want, I mean, even though we live in a hating society and a hating, like the true people that's in your inner circle, they want to see you do good. And so they don't really have time to be investing their wisdom and knowledge and energy into somebody that's just gonna quit, start, quit, start. Like they ain't got time for that. You know what I'm saying? You give me a vision, okay. I'm gonna, I want you, I want to, I want you to see it through just as uh much as you want to see it through. Yeah. But at the same time, if you start and stopping, starting, stopping, I'm just gonna be blowing to you and being like, bro, you if you're gonna do this, just don't even waste your time. You're gonna die, dog.

SPEAKER_02

I'm tired of it, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like uh, nah, dog. Like, just go ahead and give it on up and and and tap into something else, you know?

SPEAKER_02

100%.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, for sure. You mentioned, you know, we were talking about marriage earlier, um, and then you were talking about how you want to provide for your kids and wife and stuff like that. You know, first of all, how long you been married? Since October. Okay. October what? Uh 26th. Oh, okay. My birthday's October 2nd. I I thought, I thought. I was hoping you said something around there. No, no, no, no, no. I was like, dang, if he say October 2nd, we hey, we finna be locked in like real thrill. But um, how's how's marriage going? How's it early? Because I mean, you know, since October, what is that? No remember Eastern January, about seven months? About eight months?

SPEAKER_02

Going on seven?

SPEAKER_00

Going on seven, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, going on seven.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, how's it been for you? Just being a new husband and I and obviously tough.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like uh 'cause we have mentors, um, 'cause we was having we had a rocky spot. They help us navigate through it. Okay. I would say that, um I do feel like we get attacked a lot by the enemy, you know. Um just attacking like it's communication sometimes. It's just uh it's a it's a revolving door of you know, it's it's just gonna be ups and downs. But I think that's pretty much where like the biggest issues have come in there. But aside from that, um it was exciting seeing my last name. You know, she came home like, oh yeah, my last name changed. Like that was exciting. Yeah. Um, I do saying, you know, it was exciting saying, I gotta ask the wifey now, you know, instead of saying, I gotta check with my lady, I gotta ask the wifey. That's cool to say. Like it's it's it's it's a cool feeling, cool, unique feeling. Yeah, and um, it feels right, you know, whether you know there's good times and bad times, but it feels right regardless. Yeah, that's the biggest key. A lot of people um I don't know. I don't know what it is. Like you say, we live in a hating society, and then we also live in a society where just expectations are unrealistic. You're going to argue with people, no matter what. Like in a relationship, you're going to argue, you're gonna have disagreements. Just because you disagree one time doesn't necessarily mean it's the end of the world. You know what I'm saying? Like there are some things that might be you know unredeemable or whatever, but at the end of the day, having a disagreement and working through it or working around it is a part of the work you have to put in to maintain a healthy and stable marriage. And I think a lot of people just want people just to come perfect, and nobody comes perfect. Um, I had a friend that told me yesterday was asking me some questions about uh a relationship that was having with somebody, and they was like, I shouldn't have to tell them how to how to love me, or tell them how to do this, that that. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Actually, you do kind of have to tell and coach people into how being what you want them to be for you. You know what I'm saying? Because nobody comes 100% equipped for what you may need, everybody's different. Yeah, you know, and so you have to teach people how you want to be loved or how you want to be liked or how you want things done. And you know, they might not match it 100%, but you st there's still gonna be that process in there. And I just think that that's what it is with marriage. You just, you know, you're consistent, you're consistently growing, both people, and you have to find ways to continuously grow together, but also work through the hurdles and realize, like, hey, the end goal is to be as perfect as we can be. Yeah, you know, and like with us being my mentors, uh kind of they give us this this um this illustration to where it's like, you know, y'all just been married for six months. Think about a baby. This is y'all, this is y'all's baby. The marriage is y'all's baby. You don't expect the baby to talk in six months, the baby's not gonna be walking in six months, baby's not gonna be crawling, you know, doing all these different things that an adult would be doing. So you have to give it time, you have to continuously work on it.

SPEAKER_03

For stress.

SPEAKER_02

That's just you know, I put I put my backpack on every day. Let's go to work.

SPEAKER_00

I love it, man. I love it. I always tell people marriage is great. Uh marriage is a marriage is a blessing and it's a great thing, but it's just like anything, it is work. And like you said, two different people, two different backgrounds coming together, and you expecting them to just be all that you want them to be. And it's like, no, it doesn't work like that. You know, you are not gonna get a hundred percent of your expectations met in marriage. You're not gonna be a hundred percent happy, but what is gonna happen is is the marriage, you you get to a point where as you work, um, the marriage continues to get better and better, and it's glorifying God, and then God gives you the desires that you need. So, for example, like you said, communicate, you talked about communication earlier, that's a pain point for y'all right now. I would say communication is the number one thing. It will make or break a relationship, bro. Like, hands down, number one thing, in my opinion. I mean, this to me, communication is up there with like loyalty, fidelity, all that. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, it's just something that you gotta continuously work at. You know what I'm saying? Like, for example, when you wake up in the morning, you you gotta be asking yourself, man, how can I be a better communicator? And then start doing things, start putting that into practice. So, like, I don't know, for example, if you're not one, like, let's say, for example, and it's just throwing out something, like, let's say you didn't text your wife in the morning, um, or if she's on the way to work, you you'd be like, you know, you didn't send her a text like, hey, hope you have a good day today. That's something you start doing. Yeah. Just off rip. Um, if you're in an argument, maybe y'all getting to the point where y'all finna start taking shots at each other, okay. That's the time to walk away, be like, you know what? I'm gonna do something different this time. I'm not gonna take that shot at you. I'm gonna walk away, cool down.

SPEAKER_02

That's the biggest thing right there. That right there makes that that hit home. Because it's like we get we get so frustrated, we like, I guess sometimes I might jab first. Uh well, we both take, you know, it just depends on the scenario. We we both take jabs, and it's like once you take them jabs, it's kind of like it's it'd be harder for us to come back after that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So it's so it's like, how do I how do I do something different? How do I have it in me to be like, you know what? I'm gonna do something different this time. I'm not gonna take that jab at you, even though what you said to me stung, hurt, and I really want to go to war with you right now verbally, because I'm petty like that. I'm petty like like for real, like, and I'm gonna win, you know, because I'm a I'm gonna say some real foul dis I mean you can't beat me at this.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, that's how I feel. You you're not gonna have you're not gonna out. Do you cuss on this? Uh nah, I don't. Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm trying to, yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. I haven't done it. Like, you're not gonna you're not gonna have talking, you know, but in a certain different word, you're not gonna have talking.

SPEAKER_00

You're not gonna say certain words better than I'm gonna say them.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? At all.

SPEAKER_00

Like you can't, you know, but and see we know that, right? And we know that. So it's like, how do we how do we be different and be like, you know what, in this situation, I'm gonna just walk away, bro, and cool down.

SPEAKER_02

And it's it's a lot of battle with pride, too.

SPEAKER_00

No, for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_02

Because I have friends, they'll say, like, they'll they'll go off on things. I had a friend in particular, he had a breakup. So he'll be sure he'll see this, but anyway, he had a breakup. And I didn't want to tell him at this moment, he was like, you know, my god, don't play about me. She's gonna XY this that, you know, this, that, and that. And I'm I I wanted to tell him like that's not how it works. It's not that's not really how it works. Yeah, but I didn't want to do that because it's like, you know, he's getting his, you know, he's getting his rocks off, so just go ahead and let him have his moment. But like a lot of people gotta understand, like, bro, sometimes we don't have to go low with them. We're here to we have different, they are more off of like uh emotional base. We're more, you know, tactical, in a sense, you know what I'm saying? You know, so with that being said, um, we have to be able to, oh, they they tripped out right now. Okay, let's get them from where they are. Like, hey, this is where we need to be right now, you know what I'm saying? As opposed to going that route with them, and that's that's what it is. That's what it's about being, you know, when it comes to being um the leader of the household.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And because I mean, at the end of the day, even people saying, Oh my god, don't play. Like, bro, you have a everybody everybody has a part to play in it. Yes. Like, you weren't just no, you weren't just no angel in this situation. It wasn't, you know what I'm saying? Every I'm bro, people be killing me how they feel like they don't have a part to play and stuff. Unless you just dealing with somebody, and excuse me for saying this, unless you just deal with somebody that's just real toxic and crazy, then at that point it's time for you to get on the body there. But because you stay, because you're in a relationship and you've been in it as long as, bro, we all have parts to play in it. You know what I'm saying? And so how do I play my part to the best of the ability to where it stops the situation from getting worse? The situation is where we at, and we can talk about that. Like we can talk about what happened, why did it happen, how we got here, but how do I stop it from escalating to the point where now we saying something that we can't take back, we gonna regret. And bro, even if we apologize and make up, two or three weeks later, you still gonna be thinking about that. You still gonna be thinking about the fact that I called you this or you call me that, that stuff doesn't leave, bro.

SPEAKER_02

It don't, because it's it's it's even there's you can forgive all you want, but when you're not gonna forget certain things, you just naturally not. And then like with me, with me and my issue specifically. I write my best when I'm mad, right? So it's like, you know, we got through a situation. I'm finna air it out. But then it's like look, look, look, the mixtape finna be great. That's your confessions, you know what I'm saying? Hey, that album finna be uh I'm finna air it out, but then it's like ah, you know, you you you can you there's a um there's a line that has to be drawn sometimes when it comes to that. Yeah, but man, yeah, you don't forget it. And then it's like um one thing that uh your mother-in-law also taught us this. She was like, don't ever mention the D word when y'all have y'all's arguments. Yeah, never mention that. Now we've had well, I haven't said it. Well, I've alluded to it, like why did we, why, why did you say yes, this is the case? But it's like sometimes you shouldn't you shouldn't allow yourself to get to that point. And then if you do get to that point, if you know that's what your next line is, if you don't have nothing else to say, just walk away.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, bro. That's what the enemy wants, man. Exactly. He bro, I I had we had this conference a couple years ago, and there was a statistic on there, and it was like over 600,000, in one year, over 600,000 couples got divorced. 600,000, bro. That's what that's 1.2 million people. You know what I'm saying? And so they don't want, they the enemy doesn't want us buried. He doesn't, he doesn't want us married, he doesn't want us living life, he doesn't want us, he doesn't want it. He wants us, he just doesn't want it, right? So we gotta do the best we can to overcome that. And you're absolutely right, man. Bringing up the D-word, that's I've been guilty of that before.

SPEAKER_02

Um, just being transparent and I was gonna ask you, but I'm like, no, I'm not gonna ask him that. If he said he's I mean, I'll be fully, yeah, I've done it before.

SPEAKER_00

And I was wrong, dude. That we should I shouldn't, we shouldn't be talking about that because divorce should not be an option. And you gotta marriage it's a different type of covenant, it's a different type of commitment, and it's just it shouldn't be that easy to just walk away. Now, if you're in a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship, oh yeah, I just if you piss me off, I'm out.

SPEAKER_02

You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_02

I wanna I want to go back to what you just said. I um it circles basically circling like the whole conversation in a sense. I like how you said what you said about like you should have been guilty of saying that word before. Yeah, because like a lot of times going back to like even with the music influencing people, things like that. A lot of times, like I said, people take entertainment too serious, they lose the reality of it. They can see Destiny and Brandon, they'll be like, Whoa, they don't ever have issues. It's like nah, everybody, everybody, everybody has issues, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Everybody, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Everybody that's that's now that's great that you're able to you know still you know speak on that and everything too. I I I like that. I love authenticity.

SPEAKER_00

Like that's really I'm not gonna sit up here and sugar go. Yeah, we we have issues, we all have issues, we're not perfect, we all have issues. The stuff that you see on social media with these couples, and they're just all lovey dovey, that's cool and all. They're giving you that little 60-second snapshot. I promise you, behind closed doors, they've had issues.

SPEAKER_02

Not the full day. And I saw I saw how Destiny get on that one step uh sketch I did when you was when y'all was uh driving the car, you called her a different name. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

What did you say, Brandon? I don't say anything.

SPEAKER_00

Ashley. Hey, we used to go.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, that was hilarious, bro. That was funny. That was something funny, but yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00

You know what's funny? She hates going back and watching the old uh pranks because they just all they make her cringe for real. I like I like going back and watching some of the old stuff. Yeah, we come. But uh yeah, she hates it, dude. A lot of that stuff is gold, bro. Yeah. Nah, for sure, man.

SPEAKER_02

It's it's crazy. I have friends that I've gone to school with and stuff, and they follow y'all. And it was one time, I guess one time in particular. Um, I don't know if it was the 4th of July thing y'all had or Ocean's birthday. Um, somebody had messaged me after they was like, How do you know them? And I'm like, bro, just leave me alone. Don't worry about it. Go away. They just don't worry about it. They're like, oh my gosh, tell them. I'm like, I'm not telling them anything, just leave me alone.

SPEAKER_01

Mouth the show.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, but a D word, like when you argue and you like when you when you feel that yourself coming to that, the D word shouldn't be used. And I would say, just like you don't ever want to talk bad about that person like by calling them certain names either. I try not to say the B word ever. I hate that word. Yeah, you know, even when I'm writing music, I don't like I I said it in a couple songs just because it's just I guess the song called for it, that's a bad excuse. But like aside from that, I don't like using that word because it's just you don't don't ever want to, you know, yeah, you don't want to degrade nobody like that. I don't even like being called the N-word from my great lady. I'm like, don't call me that. Yeah, like no, don't, don't call me that for sure, man.

SPEAKER_00

I yeah, it's just it's definitely stuff, certain things we gotta stay away from, and we just gotta be better, and it takes practice, it takes prayer, it takes surrounding yourself around people who you know are doing it, um, and just and just getting and just soaking in all the wisdom. But it starts with your circle, bro. You gotta have friends in your life that that's just got they they had a good head on their shoulders, and uh, you know, other married couples. I mean, you you don't really want to have too many single friends because they single. They can't really help you out in a marriage situation, they can't be an outlet for you. And so you just want to surround yourself around people and have a circle of number one, married couples, but also couples that's been together a long time, couples that's gone through things, but they're at a space now where they're like, you know what, I can share my testimony because we're a lot better based off of what we went through to help you navigate, bro. That's what it really boils down to. It's who are you keeping around you? Who is your environment? What's your circle like?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And yeah, so yeah, bro. And you know, it it I mean, I'm a phone call away too. So if you need to hit me up, if you know, if you need to be talked off the ledge or you can't. Hey, I'm definitely gonna, I'm I'll reach out more too. Yeah. Yeah, if you if you feel like it's somewhere you're finna go crazy, man, hit me up, bro, because I'm not gonna steer you wrong. I'm gonna tell you, you know, I'm gonna hold you accountable for sure, but also at the same time, even within me holding you accountable, I'm I can talk to you a little bit about my testimony. You know, I've been married before Destiny. Really? You know, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. And um, you know, we went through some things, you know what I'm saying? And so for me, it's like I've been there, so I know I like there's nothing you can tell me that I I wouldn't be shocked about. Or I've been there. You you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02

Hey, you straight like that, yeah. No, I get it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so like um, you know, I could be an outlet for you, bro. Like, um, you know, you got my number, so um, just hit me up, you know.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't even know that. That's that's yeah, yeah, bro. A lot of experience.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Lot of experience. Yeah. That's how my mentors were. They were um when they was doing like the counseling, they both had came from previous marriages, and they were able to like navigate nuts through our stuff, they were able to talk to us about the things that they deal with when it comes to each other, as well as what they dealt with before and past relationships. So it's like that's all it does just help you make you better ultimately, you know what I'm saying? And that circle thing is big simply because um, like when I was smoking weed and stuff, I felt like I had more friends that was willing to do things that I stopped. It don't hit me up as much. Yeah, you gave me a you gave me a token just now because at first I was like, ah, yeah, these people, you know what I'm saying, they they don't fool me like I thought they did. No, maybe, maybe some of them actually just don't want to put me in that scenario because they know that I'm on something else now. You know, it's it's it's you know, so that was you know, that's but that's real though. You do need to have like more like-minded individuals in regards to whatever it is you're trying to do. Whether it's own something, marriage, you know, whatever. It all makes sense.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because you can't you can't go through this alone, man. And if we if we try to go through it alone and we lean onto our our own understanding, it's not gonna work. Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna get you out of here on this last question, bro. Uh let's say you're sitting across the table from 20-year-old Ryan, man, and you know, he's going through a lot, he's battling the uh addiction, man, he's battling depression, and he, you know, he doesn't know how to come out of it. And, you know, all it takes is for him to have an outlet or somebody that he can be vulnerable and transparent with, and he comes to you for one piece of advice to help him better navigate uh his situation. What's one piece of advice that you will give him?

SPEAKER_02

Be yourself. You don't have to you don't have to conform and alter who you are to be around certain individuals. You know, authenticity is what makes, you know, is what makes and breaks people. And you being yourself could ultimately get you to where you want to get to. You know, when you when you when you're doing things because other people are doing it, you're becoming a follower. You're not really a follower. That's why you stick out like a sore thumb in certain scenarios and certain rooms. Be yourself. That was a big issue. I'd be in the situation and people would be like, I could tell you just hanging around just because it was something to do, but you didn't really fit.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Be yourself.

SPEAKER_00

I love it, man. I love it. Don't try to appease, you can't appease everybody. You can't don't be a people pleaser, don't be a yes person, be yourself. If you if you know that you hanging out with your friends, you know they finna get into a bad situation or go on to a bad situation, and you know, and deep down inside you know it's wrong, step away.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, I had a um a few years back, I went, yeah, my oldest daughter was born. This was around right after COVID. I was hanging out with like, you know, it was like 20 people swimming uh at a party or a little kickback, whatever you want to call it. One of my homegirls was drunk and she was playing with a gun. Now nothing bad happened, but she was drunk playing with a gun. Everybody else was in there laughing and a Kiki King, and I'm like, Yeah, y'all tripping. I'm gonna go to the crib because we one bad, you know, step, trip, fall, comment away from something spiraling to a completely different direction.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, and I just you know I left the scene without saying about anybody. I just alright, y'all got it. Where you going? Where it's safe. Home, fam. To the crib, bro. I'll get up with y'all later. But yeah, that's all it is, bro. You you can't you can't appease everybody. And just be true to yourself. Stand on your morals and your principles. And you know what you want to do and how you want to accomplish it. Don't anybody deter you from that.

SPEAKER_00

I love it, man. I love it. That's dope, bro. Well, man, this was good, man. It's a good convo, dog. Um appreciate you uh coming on and giving your journey and your perspective on things, man. And uh much appreciated. Def definitely had a good convo with you, man.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, I appreciate you, you know, having me on. This was hey, it was it was good. It was very fulfilling. I feel like I've known you all my life now. You know, because I at first I was like, oh man, is it gonna, you know, I don't know. I was gonna do it regardless. I was excited, but it was just like, you know, you're like, dang, I'm nervous. But like now, it's like I'm talking to my homie, to my cousin, to my friend. Like, you know, it's easy, you know, it's it's it's family, you know. So yeah, I appreciate you having me on, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, for sure, man. For sure.

SPEAKER_02

I wore this shirt for a reason, just so you know. Uh, bro, you well, you you know we playing this year. We're gonna talk, we we can talk about it. Yeah, let's let's get tickets or something. Let's go to it. Yeah, we can talk about it. Yeah, yeah, because uh yeah, yeah. We gotta get back. I'm tired of reading about it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we're gonna talk. We're gonna talk. Make sure y'all follow us on IG where we post reels from the episodes. And if you can't watch us, you can listen to us wherever you get your podcast at flip that switch. So whether you're watching or listening, just make sure you're tapping in. And again, Ryan, bro, good luck to you. Good luck to them with the music, good luck with being a husband, a father. Um, you're doing great. Keep doing what you're doing, keep grinding, keep putting in that work, and everything is gonna come to you the way that it's supposed to, bro. So I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Keep doing what you're doing, too. This this is great. It's real good. For sure, man. We'll see y'all the next episode. We out, peace.