My Dad & Uncle Died by Suicide... I Was Next | Flip That Switch Podcast

In this episode, I spoke with Garrett  to discuss his incredible journey through grief, addiction, and transformation. After losing both his father and uncle to suicide, Garrett turned to substance abuse and later battled food addiction after getting sober. He opens up about overcoming the mental barriers that kept him stuck, losing over 225 pounds, and the power of accountability, vulnerability, and embracing discomfort. Garrett also shares his experience with infertility and why men need to have more honest conversations about their struggles.

00:00
Introduction to Garrett's Journey
00:58
Facing Tragedy and Addiction
06:04
The Impact of Family Dynamics
11:55
Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Struggles
17:53
Transformation and Weight Gain
24:04
Recognizing Food Addiction
29:56
The Path to Sobriety and Self-Discovery
30:20
The Journey to Weight Loss and Health
33:20
The Transformation Journey: From Struggles to Success
36:38
Finding Motivation and Accountability
39:30
The Importance of Diet and Exercise
45:36
Navigating Infertility and Hormonal Health
51:27
Breaking the Stigma: Male Infertility and Vulnerability
55:55
Advice to My Younger Self: The Power of Action

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#addiction, #transformation, #mentalhealth , #familydynamics, #grief, #copingmechanisms, #foodaddiction, #sobriety, #emotionalstruggles , #personalgrowth #weightloss , #transformation, #healthjourney , #sobriety, #infertility, #malevulnerability , #dietandexercise, #personalgrowth , #motivation, #accountability 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

It was a rough time, but um before my dad actually committed suicide, his brother committed suicide a few years before that. So I think that took a toll on him where he fell into addiction again because I didn't I didn't talk with him probably a few months before it happened, but I think from just like my perspective of maturing now is understanding that the impact that happened from his brother committing suicide allowed him to fall back into old ways which he knew because he was always growing up, doing drugs and alcohol as well, because that's all he knew from his family. So it's like a generational pass down. Um and obviously with like your family breaking up, going through a divorce, like trying to fight custody of your children, like all of these things, I could see why he fell back into addiction. But again, when I was 13, 14, I was just like, why are you leaving me?

SPEAKER_00 1:14

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of Flip That Switch. I'm your host, Brandon, aka B to the Cis Nai, and we're back with another episode. If you want to be a guest on the Flip That Switch podcast, you have a story that you want to get out there that you think will inspire others, please hit me in the comments, or you can DM me at Flip That Switch on IG. Um, one way or the other, if you'd like to be a guest on a show, do one of those two things. Today we're gonna be diving into a new episode, and the person I'm interviewing today is my good friend Garrett. Garrett has a story that he wants to get out there, and I think it's gonna inspire and help a lot of people. And so we're just gonna be talking about his journey. Um, we're gonna be talking about his transformation. I mean, his story is is nothing short of amazing. Um, just when I got to talk to him and hear it, I was inspired by it. Uh, and so hopefully you guys will be too as he shares his journey. So, without further ado, I'd like to introduce Garrett to the show. Hey, how you doing, man?

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Good, man. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I appreciate you jumping on. I know you're a busy man, so thanks for taking out the time to talk with me here a little bit. So, Garrett, um I want to start off by talking about your journey and more specifically some of the major tragedy that happened, right? Take me back to when you were in the trenches when things were were really bad for you. Talk a little bit about that space and what you were dealing with.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Yeah, so I I grew up overweight. Like my whole family has an addiction of food, drugs, alcohol, so it's kind of like what I've been surrounded with when I was a kid. And um my parents ended up getting a divorce when I was a young teenager, which is you know very common nowadays, unfortunately. But when I was going through it, it kind of hit me different, and so I started experimenting with like smoking weed and trying to figure out who I am and things like that. And then a few years, I don't even want to say a few years after that, my uh dad actually committed suicide. And once he committed suicide, it kinda threw me in a spiral because I was I think like 13 or 14 at the time. Like, how do you handle that as a child? How do you process that, right? So like I was just trying to escape. I didn't want to feel it, I didn't want to I didn't want to remember it, and so I kind of just fell more into the addiction side. Um I was in high school hanging around with the wrong crowd per se, and we were just partying. I was doing I ended up starting doing pills, and then it got to the point where I didn't even know what I was taking at the time, as long as I could afford it, which was like five bucks a pill at the time, and I was like, I got five bucks for lunch here.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

And it was uh it was a rough time, but um before my dad actually committed suicide, his brother committed suicide a few years before that. So I think that took a toll on him where he fell into addiction again because I didn't I didn't talk with him probably a few months before it happened, but I think from just like my perspective of maturing now is understanding that the impact that happened from his brother committing suicide allowed him to fall back into old ways, which he knew because he was always growing up, doing drugs and alcohol as well, because that's all he knew from his family, so it's like a generational pass down. Um and obviously with like your family breaking up, going through a divorce, like trying to fight custody of your children, like all of these things, I could see why he fell back into addiction. But again, when I was 13, 14, I was just like, Why are you leaving me? You know?

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Yeah. I get it. Um, well, so well, first I like to express my condolences for your uncle and your father. Um so sorry to hear that. When you said your uncle passed, right, and how did that change the trajectory of your dad's life? Like, what were some of the things that he started doing um to kind of like grieve or cope with grief? What were some of the things that you were seeing that your father was doing?

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Drinking. It's all we knew. Like that's just how it was, I guess. And you know, like how when my dad passed, I fell into drugs and alcohol, and like that's what I wanted to do is escape and not feel my memories or be able to feel what I'm feeling right now. I think that's what he did. He just drank away his sorrows, and then like I said, with his with the whole family kind of like going apart, um, he just fell back deeper into old ways.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

So now obviously your dad's in a position where he's you know doing drugs, doing alcohol, and then you know, the moment comes where your dad decides to take his life. Did you automatically start doing the uh kind of coping with drugs and alcohol, or did it take some time? Talk a little bit about how that process worked for you.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

So I think like a week after I started diving deeper into it, because at that time where I found out my dad committed suicide, I actually was going to church um with a family, with a friend's family, and I loved it. I would go stay the night at his house every Saturday, every Sunday morning. We would go up to church, then go out to lunch with his grandparents, like it was an every weekend thing. And as I was leaving to go to a service, um, I think it was like Sunday morning or something like that, I just heard my mom like crying and screaming on a phone and saying, like, what the hell am I supposed to tell my children? Or like something like that. And then I just like immediately knew something was wrong. And then I got a text from her uh when I like arrived at church that my dad took his own life, and then I still went into the service and tried again to like kind of just brush it off in a way and pretend like it wasn't real. But then when I got home and we had to go through like the celebration of life, and we had to go through like all of his things and things like that, like it started hitting me where I just kind of ran back to what was familiar with. And I already was smoking weed, so I was like, you know what, it's not too bad if I were to drink more. You know what, let's go party here and there. Hey, there's a couple pills over there. And then it got to the point where I literally just told myself, you know what? I will try anything as long as I don't inject myself. And now when I say that like out loud, I'm just thinking in my head, I'm like, you're an idiot. You know, like like why would I set that expectation on myself, especially when it comes to something as dangerous as drugs and alcohol and the addiction that I already know runs in my family? And if I'm trying to not be like them, why am I falling back into the same path?

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Yeah. Were you so you were obviously your your mom's probably in a state of like she's probably just devastated and hurting, and she's got so many emotions going on? Did you have your did you have any brothers or sisters?

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Yeah, I have two older brothers.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Okay. So with your mom going through all these emotions, did you kind of lean on your siblings to help you get through? Because I mean, I I'm sure your mom was just like just going through it, right? Um did you and your siblings say, you know what, we're just gonna lean on each other to get through this, we're gonna bond, we're gonna get closer, stronger to help us get through this. Like, kind of talk a little bit about how the family dynamic was when this all happened.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

So my brothers and I never really leaned on each other. Um I kinda I've always wished I had a better relationship with my brothers, but again, it's like what the way that my family was raised and the way that my dad showed us, you know, it's like that kind of tough love of like, you know what, they're blood, and so um you always have each other's backs, but you know, it's not manly to show your emotions or things like that. Like, this is all things I'm still trying to break, like talking to my wife about my emotions, hardest thing ever. But you know, I'm trying to do it, and when um it happened with my mom, I think my mom was grieving in a way where she was trying to be strong for us, but overall I think that she needed to play that part of being strong to help her the most, if that makes sense. Yeah, because my oldest brother, he was already over 18, like he was living at my grandparents at the time. My other brother was 16, and I was 13. We're all three years apart. Um, so he was 19, yeah. And uh, you know, they they kind of handled it with their own ways. Um yeah, I think the the biggest part was just kind of all of us doing our own thing and not really talking about it. And when I see like, you know, movies of people with happy families sitting down together talking about their emotions or like how their day is going, and I'm just like, it's kind of weird because I've never had that.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Even with my uh my wife and her sister, they they talk every day, and sometimes they'll get like very, very personal on like what they're going through, and I'm just like sitting here like I would never say anything like that to my brother.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Yeah, but you know what? Like, we as men, that's just how we're wired, right? Versus women, women can just talk to each other, like you said, on a personal level, get deep in men because we're just so they're taught to just be this macho person who shouldn't show emotions or shouldn't be vulnerable, which I mean to me it's all a facade, right? I mean, that's what society and social media tells us, but um that's just kind of naturally how we're wired. But I will say kudos to you um for even just even like knowing that you know, I gotta I have to speak to my wife about this because at the end of the day, your wife that is the number one person to you um under God, right? So it's like you know, I would encourage you to keep being vulnerable because if there's anybody that you should be able to be vulnerable with, it is your spouse, you know, unless the spouse is just not creating an environment for you to do so, but that's a different type of conversation. But if they are, then I I would encourage you to, you know, it's it's not gonna be something that happens overnight. Um I mean you went through a lot, man. You went through, I mean, your uncle committing suicide and your dad committing suicide, that's that's enough to take a person over the edge, right? Yeah, um, and so it's not something that happens overnight, but you you know, you got it. You you're gonna continue to do it, continue to just dig deep and allow yourself to be like, you know what, I can be vulnerable and open in this space.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

So absolutely. And what helps but doesn't help on my end, because it frustrates me, is my wife uh has a bachelor's degree in psychology because she wanted to be uh she wanted to be a therapist, but she relates too hard with people that tell their stories to her, so like she'll be able to like feel it. And as a therapist, you really can't do that. And so she's like, Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. And uh now she knows like the cues of when I'm upset, when something's not right, or when I'm sad, or when I'm not saying anything, and I'm just like, damn it, being called out on my own stuff.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Yeah, no, for sure. Um when you were going through your addiction, do you think it was a way of grieving, or was it a way of avoiding grief?

SPEAKER_03 15:03

Avoiding grief, for sure. Um The only time I really like cried about everything going on in life is when I've been up for two days and I barely I have barely eaten, but I'm doing a bunch of cocaine and drinking for those two nights straight, and I I like everything starts to hit me of like, damn, my life really sucks right now. But I'm not doing anything to progress it. So it's like I was just like, you know what? Let's get another bottle. My life's already shit. So I mean I think it was more avoiding grief than trying to face the grief head on, and that's actually one of the most difficult things about getting sober is having to feel your emotions now rather than just numbing it and having to face your like your own decisions head on. Because everything that you do now, when you're sober, you have to have a clear head on. And when you don't, it's kinda like scrambled, and I hope that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Yeah, it does. Yeah, for sure. How often did you drink?

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Uh probably four nights out of the week. And two of the nights I didn't sleep.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Got it. Okay. So just what? You just down a whole bottle and oh, it was uh it was a whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

So like um me and my buddies, my buddy would pick me up, and then we would go straight to the liquor store. Um, we'd pick up probably a 36 pack in a bottle, and then we'd go to their house or the party that we're going to. Um, we'd get a couple what we call roadies, so like a couple road beers, which I'm not proud of, but it happened. And um we would drink on the way there, we would drink there, and then once that bottle was gone, because everybody kind of picked up the 36 pack, um, once the bottle was gone, we go get another. So I say in a night of partying with maybe five people in total, we would go through two or three bottles and two thirty-six packs.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

It was uh hell of a time.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

No, I uh I wow. Uh it's you know, it's hey, look, you were going through stuff, and I mean there's a no-judgment zone here, and nobody should be judging because at the end of the day, you were experiencing a lot, you know, and so um what so you you know you're drinking, you're going through this addiction, and then as you're doing this, a transformation starts happening in your life. Like you you start gaining weight. Um talk a little bit about what was going on there because I mean you obviously got up to a certain weight, and then well, and we could talk about the transformation that happened after that, but talk a little bit about what was going on to where you started, you know, picking up weight, and then what is the weight that you actually got up to?

SPEAKER_03 18:38

So I've actually been overweight my whole life, right? And like even when I was a kid, I played sports, I was outside all the time, I was still overweight because I had no nutritional guidance in my house. My parents loved to cook, and even if we didn't have money for rent, we always had money for food. Like, that's what they said. It's like we may go homeless, but we will not go hungry. And I mean, at the time I respected it, but then I thought to myself, like, we can make like now I'm like, oh, we can make better choices for cheaper, right? But um, that's like all that they knew. So like I can't really I guess downplay what they did because they didn't they only did what they knew the best. Um but like even playing sports, I was called like a power hitter when I was uh playing baseball. And now that I realize I was just a power hitter per se, even though I was pretty good, it was just because I was a large kid up at that. And uh that kinda like I realized that like last year, and I was like, damn it. And uh I I started getting more weight through like high school. Um, I think that's where most of it tacked on because I started I think high school at like 230, 40 pounds, and then by the time I graduated I was maybe like another hundred. But then after high school, I still had no nutritional education, I didn't learn anything, all I knew was like just making sure I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And those breakfast, lunch, and dinners, they could be two or three meal portions for somebody else. As long as I ate, like that's what I knew, right? And uh I think when it got to the point after my sobriety, so I remember when I got sober. The whole way I got sober is I went to a party and I moved I moved from San Diego to Arizona to kind of like start over um to try something new because I needed to get out of the environment that I grew up in and the people I was hanging out with, and so my mom moved to Arizona and I moved in with her, but then when I moved there, I didn't change anything. I still was at dive bars every every other day, um, and I would take an Uber to get there on the way home. I'd have the Uber stop at the taco shop that was right down the street. Like, I wasn't changing anything, and so I woke up after a party one time, and it was a pretty dangerous party. Um I woke up and I just literally thought to myself, I can't keep doing this same shit anymore. I can't keep waking up and like feeling like I'm dying. Like I'm 26 and I've been feeling the same way for 12 years now or more because I started smoking when I was 12. So like I started feeling terrible every day I woke up as a teenager in my young adult years. Like I I shouldn't be going like this. This should be my prime. And I thought to myself, you know what? Let's just do it. Let's get sober. Let's try it. And my friends didn't believe me at the time. They were like, Oh, call me when you're ready to drink. Uh nobody really believed me, but I did it. And it was in the middle of COVID. I just went cold turkey. Once I went cold turkey, I actually transferred addictions. So I was always overweight, but I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, right? So I had the two addictions, or three addictions technically. Drugs, alcohol, and food. But then I realized I only did drugs when I was drunk. I never did it while I was sober. So I knew that alcohol was the source of all of my problems. If I didn't do if I didn't drink, I wouldn't want the drugs. So I cut out drinking, didn't do drugs, and that kind of coincide with each other. But then all of my focus and my attention went to just food. So I was close to 400 pounds in Arizona. And then once I got sober, again, I just kind of went reckless trying to distract myself of being sober. That I would just eat and eat and eat. And I got up to 435 pounds. But that 435 pounds is kind of like guessing in a way because I had a scale that went up to 400 pounds, and I stepped on it, said error, and then I stepped on it again and it said 435, and then I stepped on it again and it said error. I was like, I'm just gonna go with 435. Um that transfer addiction kind of it wrecked me. But again, it's because in the beginning I had no nutritional guidance. This was all that I knew was just eating and trying to find comfort in places that keep you complacent.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Yeah. So basically eating was your drug.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

Yeah. And it's crazy because I never knew food addiction was a thing until I started losing weight. When people told me before, ah, I'm addicted to Twinkies, I'm just like, I'm gonna help you be addicted to Twinkies. Like, like in my head and process, and when I started learning more about the addiction personality and things like that, it's just like you can be addicted to anything. Really? So it was more putting my addiction towards something that could actually benefit me.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Well, I'll tell you this. Kudos to you for you know realizing what was going on, and it and you know, I mean, I know obviously addictions transfer, but at least, you know, you were able to stop the drugs and the alcohol, and you know, even though that addiction is transferred to food, at some point you had a goal to okay, I'm gonna get the weight off, I'm gonna go through this transformation. But I think knowing that the main culprit and the main battle was the alcohol that was fueling everything else, for you to escape that addiction, that I mean, that's major, man. You gotta give yourself props for that, and you gotta give yourself grace for that too, man. Because a lot of people, they have these addictions and they don't know how to escape them and they can they can't escape them, you know. And the next thing you know, they go through life and it's just like a part of their journey. I mean, it's their life, you know. And so um kudos to you for for even recognizing that and then finding figuring out a way to overcome that. Thank you, man. It was uh difficult. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

Yeah, it was difficult because we're then like everybody was telling me how I should get sober, uh, what I should be doing, and it's kind of like when you try to lose weight, right? People are gonna tell you what you need to be doing and what you need to do. You just need to find what works for you. For me, AA, all of these like rehabs and things like that, it didn't work for me. Now I went to AA one time because it was court ordered after I got a DUI, but I didn't enjoy it. I it actually made me want to go drink a little bit more because I felt bad for the other people who have been in addiction for 30 plus years, and I'm sitting here with eight years, and I'm just like, you know what, their life is way worse than mine. Who am I to complain? Or, like, you know, like I just I wanted to go out and escape what I heard so that I didn't have to remember it. And it's weird because I was just addicted to escaping, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

And it's even weirder because that's my first time getting sober.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Oh wow. Yeah, it's ironic, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Would you say the DUI was the turning point? Was that what kind of was that the the thing that happened to make you realize, okay, I gotta wake up or was it something else?

SPEAKER_03 27:53

I thought it was when I was sitting in jail. Um, and then when I got out, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna try to stop drinking, but that only lasted for a weekend. And it's the same thing I tell myself all like I told myself all the time, is like I only told myself I was not gonna drink again when I was hungover on a Sunday, and then when Wednesday came around and it was half off uh mixed drinks at the bar, I was there. And it was just like they get you with those sales, don't they? Dude, it was ladies' night and it was cocktails. There's no ladies in sight, but cocktails for five dollars, I'm there.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Yeah, they they get you, man, with the happy hours and all that. Oh man, they get you. Yeah. But that's the only time I really did it. Yeah. Yeah, they lay it up on a silver platter, man. They're smart. Yeah, for sure, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

But that um that never really was a turning point for me. Like, like I said, I I just went back to drinking right after, and no matter how hard I wanted to do it, I just kept telling myself that it wasn't possible because everything that changed in my life within that span of like 10 years, from the age of 12 to say 21 when I got my DUI, that span, everything that changed was always for the worst. And so I convinced myself that if I were to change, if I were to try to do something that would benefit me, it's just gonna end up worse. And so I kept myself in the same spot so that I couldn't get worse, even though I was getting worse by staying in the same spot.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Yeah, I totally get it. I totally get it. So talk a little bit about what this transformation, because obviously, first and foremost, um, again, I'm gonna give you your your flowers. I know I've been doing that all episode, but you lost a lot of weight. Um and so talk a little bit about what inspired you to stop the eating, how much weight you lost, and what was going through your mind as you were losing this weight. Like what what were you looking to accomplish with that?

SPEAKER_03 30:25

So I think that once I completed a year of sobriety, I convinced myself I was able to do hard things and that all change doesn't have to be bad. And so I literally told myself, if I could get sober for a year, which at one point I thought was impossible, I can dedicate a year to getting healthy. Like the time is gonna pass either way. And so I made the decision. Then I'm not a picky eater, so it was very simple for me. Um, like I loved veggies, I loved fruit, like all of the things that are beneficial for your body. I love, I just ate in excess of. So um it was more of just dialing back and making healthier alternatives in the kitchen at first. I started walking around my apartment complex at the time, just getting a little bit more movement, eating a little bit better and a little bit less. I lost like 60 pounds in the first couple months, and obviously it was because I wasn't eating out as much, I wasn't drinking my liquid calories, and I was eating better, right? So it was a lot of water weight that I dropped. And once I started seeing the weight drop, I thought to myself, again, like I'm just proving to myself that I can trust myself. And that kind of was like a pivotal uh pivotal spot where I pushed myself to get a gym membership, and it was to the local uh EOS that I had by my house at the time, and I started showing up, so I think it was August of 2021. No, August of 2022. I went to the gym and I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea like how to fit in. I didn't wear all these cool clothes that people had. I felt like I didn't belong. Like I had all of these thoughts going through my head that I that are valid for people of my size at the time, but I showed up either way, and I got my work done and I left. And then I made it a habit. No matter how I felt, no matter what I was doing, I was gonna show up for myself because I spent mostly my whole life not doing so. And like I said, the time is gonna pass either way. So either I can do things that are gonna put me in a better spot in ten, fifteen years, or I'm gonna sit and just complain and uh cry, why didn't this happen when I put no effort behind my words? And so I ended up losing consistently in three years two hundred and twenty-eight pounds, and then I competed in a transformation show. Okay, and this was all without the help of surgeries or GLPs or anything like that. This was just diet and exercise over the span of three years. I ended up competing in a transformation show. Um, that was a hundred it the contestants for the division I was in all lost over a hundred pounds. And so um, out of I think it was like 27 people, I got fourth, which was pretty cool because what you do is you tell your story, you get up on stage and you show all your hard work that you've accomplished, and they put like your before pictures on the big screen behind you. And so I had luckily I took some pictures right before because I took that picture on the day that I was starting my weight loss journey, and I hated it. I hated the way I looked, I hated everything about it. Like, I look so depressed on that picture because I'm just like, let's get this shit over with.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Wow, 228 pounds in three years.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Yeah, it's amazing, man. What I've been doing recently is because that was two years ago that I was at my lowest, I actually have gained back like 60-ish pounds. So right now I'm about 270. And, you know, I I I like the weight I'm at, I like the way I look. I just had skin removal surgery, so it's like, you know, I'm I'm feeling more confident in myself and things like that. But I know I can do better because I have before. And also, this is kind of like going in advance, but my wife and I are um going through the struggles of infertility, and it's on my side, so I had to make sure like my hormones are in place, and that you know, I just had other priorities that I was really focusing on, that I wasn't really tracking my foods or working out as much and things like that. Even though I still train hard, it's like my nutrition wasn't matching what I was doing.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Understandable. And we'll get to the infertility here in a second. Um but I want to go back. So, you know, you said you're in a good place now as far as your weight. Um Do you think that it would be like, let's say, for example, you wanted to lose the weight again, right? You wanted to get back down. Do you think it would be harder now because back then it was like I was motivated, I was driven, I didn't like myself, I hated the way I looked. Do you think it would be harder now to drop the weight because now you're not as um self-conscious about your body, you're not as um depressed, you're not it like do you think it would be harder to drop the weight now or easier?

SPEAKER_03 36:34

I think it's a little harder for me right now. I actually just started this week um because I saw that number on the scale, and I wasn't disappointed by the number that was on the scale, but I was dis I was I was disappointed because I seeing that number made me realize that I've gotten too comfortable. Yes, I'm okay being where I'm at. Yes, I want to get bigger, but like bigger, healthier wise, but um I don't want to be comfortable, and I think that's what my journey has shown me is that if you do the uncomfortable things, you will be able to live a more comfortable life. You have to be uncomfortable being comfortable, and that has pushed me to kind of get back into my old ways of how I started posting on social media in the first place, which was just to keep myself accountable. So I made a post saying um where I'm at, what I plan to do, and this whole week I've just been posting all of my meals. I've been posting like my workouts on my stories and things that I'm going through to show up for myself. I could care less about likes and views. My whole thing, my whole platform has been just about providing value and making sure that people feel seen when they come into my page, and that's what I show by being vulnerable and continuing to show that life is not perfect, life is always gonna throw curveballs at you, but no matter what you do, if you continue to show up for yourself, you will reap the results.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

I love it, I love it, and you know what? You you did it like you say, you did it with diet and exercise, right? Nowadays and social media and society, you know, there's a lot of promotion of getting shots or getting injections, or you know, but what I want you to do is I want you to encourage people, um, just give a little bit of encouragement on why you think diet and exercise still works, even in the midst of people trying to kind of like um expedite this thing and get the shots. And look, I'm not saying shots are wrong, I'm not saying they're bad or anything like that, but I think what's happening is people are promoting that more than the exercising and the diet and things of that nature. Because even after you get the shots, you still have to do that anyway, you still got to maintain, right?

SPEAKER_02 39:18

100%.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

So kind of encourage people on why diet and exercising and doing things the old-fashioned way still works.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

So, with the diet and exercise, when you do it that way, you build your character throughout the journey, you discover who you truly are by kind of going through that suffering in a way. My old coach used to tell me all the time, embrace the suck. And, you know, like I said, this journey, if you're coming from over 400 pounds, if you're coming from over 500, 600, even 300 pounds, you are living a restrictive lifestyle that is going to suck getting out of. It's gonna be much easier to stay where you are. But if you embrace the suck, and I'm not saying you have to literally like starve yourself or suffer, but if you embrace the suckiness throughout the journey, you will again reap the results. And like, I I'm gonna be honest, if the GLPs were as popular as they were when I first started, I probably would have fell into like trying them more. And the reason that I'm saying that is because yes, it does expedite the process to an extent, but like you said, you still have to put in the effort. It it's not a magical pill unless you take the shots and you don't eat, and then you lose all the weight, you don't build the habits, and then you go right back to where you were once you're done taking it. Like these are all things that people don't realize because they are so focused on short-term gratification than the long-term results. So they want the weight gone, and I respect it. When I was 435 pounds, my biggest goal was losing the weight as fast as possible. I just didn't want to be that size anymore. So, like, that's why I don't judge people who take these shots or get surgery. If you need to do what you need to do to get healthy, do it. But I also want to show you can do it without these. And I even had a person one time saying, like, in my comments, oh, he thinks he's better than us because he didn't have surgery. I'm like, no, I'm just showing people that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish by doing the hard things. It's hard no matter what journey you go through. If you take a GOP, there's gonna be digestion issues that you deal with, there's gonna be side effects that you deal with, there's gonna be um a lack of uh uh like serotonin, so you're gonna be searching for serotonin in different ways. And then I think it's serotonin. I think that's sword. But you're gonna be searching for like um I think that's the word. That's gonna bug me now. But like that. Should I look it up? Yeah, look it up real quick. Because it's like uh or dopamine, dopamine, that's it. You're gonna be searching for dopamine because when you take a GLP. Yes. So like I've had people who um like my friends, they've gotten on a GOP and they quit nicotine a few years ago. Um, but when they started taking the GOP, they lost that dopamine and they started like searching for it and they got back into smoking. So like these are little things that people don't understand, and when you get surgery, that's a different kind of heart because your stomach is only this big. So there's gonna be a lot of times if you eat something wrong, it's gonna come right back up. There's gonna be a lot of times where you lose hair because you're not getting the micronutrients that your body needs. There's gonna be a lot of times where you're deficient in iron, you're deficient in vitamin D, they're deficient in a lot of different nutrients because your body can't absorb all of that from food. So I was able to embrace the suck and not have to deal with hair loss or deficiencies or anything like that. And that's why I try to make it clear that no matter what journey you go through, everybody's journey is gonna be hard. But choose the one that you know will work best for you and your long term self. Think of yourself not next year, but yourself in ten years. Can you continue to do this, what you're doing now, in ten years? And through diet and exercise, you just make it a habit.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

I love it. I love it. And again, I like how you said, you know, I'm not knocking anybody who does it the way that they do it. I'm just telling you that my way also still works, you know, versus you having to do the shots and maybe the side effects are coming, or you know, I mean anything can go wrong with surgery or shots, you know. It's it's not a guarantee. And, you know, versus you just exercising and working out and eating right. I mean, those are things that are in your control. Shots are not in your control, surgery's not in your control, you're relying on something else, you know. So um I like how you put that, you know, it still works, you know. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

There was a person I had on an intake call um to be a potential client of mine, and uh they were explaining their story, and they had gastric sleeve surgery, and then they had um they had like four like three different surgeries just trying to lose weight, and then they still gained it back. And I'm like, how why do you keep going through this when you can kind of use the tool to its advantage when you have it? Like that's that's literally the definition of right there wanting to lose the weight fast, but not wanting to keep it off long term.

SPEAKER_00 45:25

Yeah. Yeah, no, I I get it. I get it, totally get it. Let's talk about the IVF. So, uh, do you have any kids right now?

SPEAKER_03 45:35

No.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Okay, but you want kids, yes, sir. Got it. Okay. So, you know, you're going through IVF. Talk a little bit about how that process has been going and what has that been like um just trying to conceive via IVF.

SPEAKER_03 45:54

So we haven't started IVF just yet. Um we need to have, I actually just went to a urologist to get kind of like a game plan of what we could do. Um, and IBF may not be an option because my wife is healthy enough where she doesn't really have too much wrong with her to be able to carry like a full-term preg pregnancy and things like that, so she won't need the hormonal um injections from IBF. Um But we're still fairly new to it, and we've been married now for over a year, but together for three. Hopefully I got that right. My wife is watching this later on. My bad.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Um hold it against them.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

But um we're still fairly new to it, and we never really were safe per se since we've been together. And so since nothing really happened after we got married, I was just like, you know what, maybe I should get tested because I don't know where I'm at. I don't know if because I was an addict for so long or if I was overweight for so long that maybe I'm what's the word, sterile? And I I went and got um a semen analysis done, and my swimmers were not swimming at all. And my my urologist at the time told me that it's most likely due to the testosterone replacement therapy that I was on. Um when I was about 320-ish pounds or 340-ish pounds, uh, I started learning more about my hormones and how they affect the body and things like that. And so I was like, you know what, I have insurance, let's go get my blood work done. And I was high in estrogen and low in testosterone, so they put me on TRT at the time, and I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think that it was gonna, you know, depreciate my semen and things like that. And uh so when I got my semen analysis done, they said that the best bet is from the TRT because I didn't have an analysis done when I was a drug addict or when I was extremely overweight, so there's nothing to really reference to. And so the only guess that they can make was from the TRT. So I got put on clomophene, and clomafine is a a uh medicine that boosts your testosterone naturally, but it doesn't block your FSH and your LH levels. Like testosterone implements testosterone directly into your body, but it blocks the FSH and LH from producing. The clomophene boosts your testosterone not as much, but more naturally. That way your LH and FSH levels or hormones will be able to produce, and your LH and FSH are very prominent in how your semen move, swim, how they are shaped. There's so many different things about that, and I started sharing that on social media because I don't hear about males talking about the male infertility side of things, and I hear females going through it all the time or talking about how their husbands are going through it, but I wanted to kind of be that random outlier of like, you know, I'm going through something, and I want to be honest with you guys because I kind of want to keep my page as like a diary almost, so that if I can like say we have a kid next year, I could look back at all the struggles that we've been through and everything that I was sharing and be able to give hope to somebody else, but also be able to give myself grace of like seeing how far we've come.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

Yeah, I totally get it, and you're right, not a lot of men are actually. I'm pretty sure you're probably the only person that has really shared with it to that extent. Um because I went through it. I you know, me and my wife, we um we went through IVF three times. Um we got one daughter out of it. Yeah, so first time failed. Um, second time we had we got our daughter, and then um you know, we're going through it actually as we speak for a third time right now because we want to expand our family. And so, you know, I'm in the same boat as you, you know, it's it's it's you know, I have a lot of sperm, it's just they're just not moving, you know, or some other things.

SPEAKER_03 51:05

It's a weird thing to like talk about though, right? It's like especially coming from like how we said earlier, is like you as a man's perspective, it's like you kind of keep things in, and especially when they're very personal, like that. And I think that's why I wanted to push myself and talk about it more because one, when I talk about it on camera and I post about it, it it doesn't really give me a confidence boost, but it kind of helps me see it in a different light of like being vulnerable because I get so many messages from people. Like when I made my first one talking about how uh I got my semen analysis done, I wasn't asking for sympathy or anything like that. I was just letting people know this is what we're going through and this is how we plan to attack it moving forward. But dude, I got so many messages from guys saying me and my wife have been struggling for 12 years, me and my wife are going through the same thing, like thank you for bringing this up because I feel less alone. And I'm like, those are the kind of like validation that I get in my messages of like I'm doing the right thing by sharing what I'm struggling with, and then it opens the door for like later on in life. If I struggle with anything else, if I could talk about how personal this is, I can talk about really anything.

SPEAKER_00 52:30

Anything, yeah. And I man, I love that because we are it's it's funny that you say that because now I feel like when we're talking about these things, it's because it's our purpose, right? That we're given a vision to talk about this stuff. Because listen, nobody's gonna come out until you do. Nobody's gonna come out, nobody's gonna come out and say, I'm struggling with this until you do. There's certain there's certain people that go through certain things to talk about it for other people to band together with them so they can know, hey, I'm not alone. And so I really understand now why it's our purpose and why we're tasked with being more vulnerable, being more open. It's because it's because we've been wired to do so, right? And it it impacts and infects so many other people. Exactly. And for the longest time, I was I was like you, I was like, man, this is just too personal. Like, I'm not finna let nobody know my business. I'm a guy, I'm I'm I'm tough, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be vulnerable. And you know, it was God showed me, like, you know, no, you're the person to talk about this. You're the person, you're the you're exactly the person that I need to get the word out and get the message out to let people know and allow people to kind of bring their walls down so they can be more vulnerable and open. And that's how this thing works. So kudos to you, man.

SPEAKER_03 54:04

Thanks, man. You know, and I I completely agree. It's like once we're able to open up about vulnerability of like what we're going through, that opens the door for other people to be vulnerable as well. Cause like if I'm if I'm going through something and nobody else's, like when I when I posted first about my sobriety and the things that I struggled with in sobriety, or like even just in my life, I thought I was alone the whole time during. Like I I thought that nobody else's life was like mine, or nobody was thinking the same as me. But dude, I got so many messages again saying, like, oh, I thought I was the only one that did that. I thought, you know, uh I did this the same or a different way than everybody else, and I'm like, nope, I'm right there with you. And so being able to share that made me feel less alone as well as the person watching it.

SPEAKER_00 55:11

Wow. That's amazing. That is amazing. Well, I'm gonna get you out of here on this last question, Garrett. Uh, you know, let's say you're you're sitting across the table from 20-year-old Garrett, and he's going through the the similar journey as you, you know, and I mean obviously you're you're you're looking back on it, right? Um there's things that, you know, you would have hindsight, right? There's things you would have done differently or whatever, but he comes to you for one piece of advice. We're talking to you're talking to 20-year-old Garrett in the trenches right now. He's struggling, and he asks you for one piece of advice to help him navigate life better or to get out of his situation. What would you what would you tell him?

SPEAKER_03 55:57

I hate being that guy to recite to recite quotes, but there's a quote that always stuck with me since I read it, and I think what I would tell 20-year-old Garrett is this quote. And it's if you even if you fall on your face, you fall forward. And I think that's important because he was too scared to even try to do anything because of how bad everything was already. But all he needed to do was just try. And even if he eats shit on his face, even if he falls any other way, as long as he keeps moving forward and he keeps trying to do the right thing, he will reap the results. And I think if I knew that even five years before, I'd be five years ahead now.

SPEAKER_01 56:54

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 56:57

Wow. It's one of my favorite quotes. No, I love it. I love it. You still fall forward, man. You you gotta keep moving. You gotta keep moving forward. Your situation will change, like you said, but you gotta be consistent and you gotta keep moving forward. And that's the only way you can go. You know, you going backwards is just gonna get you in a worse situation. You gotta move forward and put one foot in front of the other and keep trucking along, man.

SPEAKER_03 57:27

Yes, sir, because you can be aware of everything that's going on that needs to be changed, but if you don't put action behind those words, that awareness is gonna keep you stuck forever. You just have to try to do the little things that you know works. Because I guarantee you, if you went up to somebody who's 400 pounds right now and you asked them, Hey, how should I lose weight? They can tell you. It's just about putting the action behind those words. Everybody knows how to do it, everybody knows how to get sober, but the action of doing so is the most difficult part. So if I was 20 years old and I actually dedicated the time, like if you if I was 20 and I saw where I'm at now, it would have made me start changing then. But I couldn't even see life for myself past 25. So I technically in my head had nothing to live for. So I just had to put that action in. And I think that's one of the most important things is just understanding awareness isn't action. Action is action.

SPEAKER_00 58:43

Yeah. No, you're absolutely right. That's a mic drop. I love it. Well, thank you again for coming on and giving your perspective and journeys has been a good combo, and I hope that people are helped or inspired by this because your story is is truly amazing and inspiring. And um my encouragement to you would just continue to put it out there, continue to be vulnerable, continue to be open, um, continue to be vulnerable with your wife. Um, anything that you're going through, anything that you need to talk about, continue to be vulnerable. And also just like you said, like what you're doing on social media, you're you're documenting your journey, you're inspiring people. And the more and more you do that, the more it's gonna give people confidence to be able to see say that you know what, if he did it, I can do it. And that's like I said, that's the goal. That's that's why we're here, you know. Exactly. And so yeah, so just keep doing what you're doing, man. I appreciate you. I'm inspired by you. And uh, I know a lot of other people are inspired by you, and the people are gonna be inspired by this. So continue to keep going and doing what you do, man.

SPEAKER_03 59:54

Absolutely. I appreciate it, brother.

SPEAKER_00 59:57

Absolutely. Well, we're gonna see y'all for the next episode, and we out. Peace.