We Stayed Married When Everyone Else Was Getting Divorced | Flip That Switch Podcast

In this episode I sat down with Money and Mikey, a couple who have been married for 22 years, to discuss the realities of building a lasting marriage. They share how they overcame outside doubts, People saying their relationship would not last, the importance of faith, communication, commitment, and continuing to grow together.

The couple opens up about raising children, becoming empty nesters, rediscovering each other after parenting, and the role counseling, humor, and mental health awareness have played in strengthening their relationship. Their story is a powerful reminder that lasting love requires intentional effort, open communication, and choosing each other through every season of life.

00:00
Introduction to Love and Resilience
06:02
Fighting for Your Marriage: The Importance of Commitment
12:04
Growing Together: Continuous Improvement in Relationships
18:08
Navigating Arguments: Communication and Compromise
24:07
Conclusion: The Power of Togetherness
30:04
Spirituality and Commitment in Marriage
35:02
Rediscovering Each Other as Empty Nesters
46:08
The Joy of Grandparenting
55:19
Counseling and Open Communication

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#marriage, #relationships, #commitment, #love, #family, #resilience, #communication, #growth, #challenges, #faith #parenthood, #marriage, #spirituality, #counseling, #emptynesters , #relationships, #commitment, #love, #family, #grandparenting #parenting, #grandparenting, #relationships, #marriage, #counseling, #mentalhealth, #familydynamics, #communication, #emptynester , #advice

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

When others thought we wouldn't make it, I mean, we had the naysayer saying, Man, we don't see you guys making the year. So we would hear all the riff raft, and those same people who were married are no longer together. And not to brag or boast, but it was just like, Man, you shouldn't speak on someone else's marriage. But and they were close friends, man. And and uh yeah, we've seen at least five to seven of best friends that were together 15 plus years separate. So uh it was rough because you know we we build those relationships with those friends and their spouses and everything, and it's kind of rough to see that separation, but it happens and it's part of life.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

If you want to be a guest on the Flip That Switch podcast, you have a story that you think uh would resonate with people, please hit me in the comments, or you can hit me up on IG at the Flip That Switch podcast page. One way or the other, if you want to be a guest on the show, hit me up. But uh I have today a couple that um I am happy to be interviewing, and their names are Money and Mikey, and I'm gonna let y'all guess which one is Money and which one is Mikey. But um, it's a couple that they've been married 22 years and um just really out here getting it. Five beautiful children. Um, and you know, they're out here really just representing what it means to have black love and what it means to have family, what it means to be close to family. And so um, I thought they'd be the perfect people to interview today. So without further ado, welcome to the show, Money and Mikey. Thank you. Thank you. How y'all doing? Good, man. We're great. Good, good, good. So let me ask y'all this. Y'all have been married 22 years, five kids. Wow. First of all, let me start by saying congratulations on 22 years, because a lot of people don't make it 22 years. Yeah, and what's funny is I read a statistic a couple years ago. I was uh we were actually doing a church conference um for couples, and I had told the the uh couples that in 2023 there were over 600,000 divorces. 600,000, not even exaggerating. Which means if you if you multiply that by two, that's 1.2 million people got divorced. Yeah. And so the enemy is really out here trying to make sure that marriages don't succeed. Right. The enemy does not want us to stay married. Um, and so to make it 22 years in the midst of everything that's going on, that is so commendable and respectable.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

Thanks, man. Thank you. Appreciate it. Yeah, it's it was work, trust me. I I tell people, you know, but you gotta know what you fight for, what's important to you, what you value. So uh, you know, men, we tend to fight when you talk about our moms. We tend to fight if you mess with our money, our vehicles, but do you fight for your marriage? So that's what a real fighting should be, in my opinion. But so that's why we kind of made it thus for this long. When others thought we wouldn't make it, I mean, we had the naysayer saying, Man, we don't see you guys making the year. So we would hear all the riff raft, and those same people who were married are no longer together. And not to brag or boast, but it was just like, man, you shouldn't speak on someone else's marriage. But and they were close friends, man. And and uh yeah, we've seen at least five to seven of best friends that were together 15 plus years separate. So uh it was rough because you know we we build those relationships with those friends and their spouses and everything, and it's kind of rough to see that separation, but it happens and it's part of life. But uh, some things I get it, sometimes you just kind of go separate ways. Fortunately, God has blessed us, and we've been on the same path from kind of somewhat day one, and so yeah, we support, she supports me wholeheartedly, saying likewise on this end. I'm always supporting her as well, so that it works out for us.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Let's rewind. Who's the naysayers?

SPEAKER_03 4:29

Friends, yeah, naysayers, friends. But yeah, I didn't know about them. But uh, not only friends, family even I knew about family. Family even said we wouldn't make it, but hey man, like you say, 20 plus years, we're still standing strong.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

So wow, yeah, that is that is amazing. You know, the people that were saying you weren't gonna make it, did you buy did you feed into that? Did you start second guessing things at first when they were saying, or all along you knew that, hey, as long as we got God, as long as he's in the mix, like we will grow old together. Like, kind of talk to me a little bit about what that looked like when they were telling you, oh, you ain't gonna make it.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

For sure, Brad. I'll let you start and then I'll I'll uh give my version as well. I'm not talking already. So okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

So we did have family members that just thought we were not gonna make it. And I I wouldn't call myself stubborn, but I am the type of person who says, if somebody says I cannot do it, I will do it. Um I'm gonna, and not for the sake of like it's a game, but it's just that I don't like to be challenged in that way, that I hear someone speak negatively on my life. So when I would hear things like that, it wasn't that I would be combative about it. It's just I knew in my mind, God, I just need you to make sure we make it. So for me, um, when I heard those things, and it was very close family members that would say those things, I really didn't have much to say back to them. It's just I knew what I knew. I knew what he was when he came into my life. I knew how he healed me from uh previous relationships. Um, and when I mean healed me, only God can do that. But God brought him in my life to heal my heart and that part that someone else had broken. So I knew that he was the one. They didn't know that, and they're not supposed to know that. That's between him and I. So that's where I went with that. It I mean, you know, people are gonna say a lot of things, but um for me, I just knew that that's what that was gonna be. No, of course, we're not perfect. Um, we have our ups and downs too. He knows, well, I get on his nerves. I'm just gonna put it. I get on his nerves. I know that.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

But you know, she challenges me.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

I mean, and that's so you know that's the best way of putting that. I love it. I love it. Brownie, hey, that's brownie points right there.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

But you know, I think we had a non-verbal understanding that we were just gonna fight through that, you know. Um, I don't think we ever discussed it. We knew we discussed what people would say, but we didn't discuss how we would combat it. So I think we just had a non-verbal um agreement that we we were gonna make it, and he wasn't going nowhere, no way, because I wasn't gonna let him.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

So, and then my version of that, Brandon, is so I've so I was a PK's kid. Uh, my father was a pastor, mother was an evangelist. And so as a kid, I probably seen and heard more than what I should have that was going on in the church, and so I would see these uh unhealthy marriages and all of fidelity and just extra going on. And I just remember just the way I was built, and I'm kind of old school still, somewhat, and I'm like, I won't do that to my wife. Uh, you know, if I ever get married, and then that's the thing when I finally when she and I finally decided because we dated a good two years, and it was for real.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Like, we dated four years.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

Four? Oh, I thought it was two, but she says four. But uh we dated that long. See, she doesn't know, so never mind. It's the number is it two, three, or four? So hey, in there. We're in there. Uh but uh, and as though this isn't romantic and it was for real. Like, I just woke up, like, hey, what are you waiting on? And I was like, hey, do you want to get married? And I was like, that's not the most romantic thing, but it was like, you know, I was just so down there, and she was like, Yes, like I'm like, let's do it. And so we didn't plan a big wedding or anything. It was like, this is our covenant with God, let's go get it done. And so to her point, we have been together, and uh, but you know, I don't want people to think that although we've been together, like it's been perfect marriage. I mean, there's been plenty of times you've heard that D word come out, divorce, like, hey man, well, maybe you do your thing, I need to do my thing. And so we both, I'm sure, have uh testimonies of you know how God got involved even in those conversations, and then uh, in which, like I said, there was plenty of times when we felt like we probably should both go our separate ways, and God always kind of stepped in. So, to your point, it's not anything per se that what we've done alone, but you know, through God. And that's why I say with her challenges, she's made my relationship with God stronger. Because when I can't deal with her, the odd thing is I have to go to God, and then somehow God says, Well, now you know how you feel in our marriage, so to say, my relationship with you. So when she's doing things that you feel like is unfair, how do you think I feel when you're doing things and when we're not having that same communication? So a lot of that comes, like I say, just through God and Him just talking to me, like, so you need to go back and make this right. And and even then, some of the weird things which I always have with some of our friends that divorce, I'm like, do you guys even remember really what the divorce was about? Because a lot of times we get into these arguments, but and at that moment we really think like, oh man, that's it, last strong. But then when we think back on all the times we use the D word, it's like, well, what were what was we really fighting about? And we really can't remember. So how important or how critical or how bad was it really when you really can't think about it 10, 15, 20 plus years later. So uh, but yeah, like I say, uh it's not something that's always just been perfect, but we both learned to fight for it if you believe in it. Yeah, so as long as there's a fight, then hey, there's a chance. But it has to be by both parties, of course. So we both always kind of when I felt like throwing in the tile, she would fight for me. When she was throwing in the tile, I was fighting for her. So somehow it just always worked perfect for us. And like I say, with God's intervention, of course, it worked out.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

No, that's awesome, man. It duh it takes a it takes a different type of fight, you know. It takes a different type of maturity to be like, you know, you say you leaving, well, fine, go and leave. That's what that's what the easy route is, right? Taking the easy way out. Oh, you gonna leave? Well, go ahead and leave then. Hey, you replaceable. I'll be all right. You know, you know, like, and so the fact that you guys stuck it out and now you're here to have a testimony about it, that's what it's all about. The fight, not throwing in a tout and really fighting for it. Because I always tell people, I I never tell people marriage is bad. I say it's it's great, but it's work. I say like anything else you do in life, it's work. You can't just expect to go in here with somebody who is from a different background, grew up differently, seen things differently, their environment was different. You can't just go in here and expect to mesh with them right away overnight. You know, there's going to be clashes, there's going to be arguing there. There might be things, I mean, you might go to war with the person verbally. Yeah. But like you said, man, it's all about what is inside of you, the desire inside of you to be like, you know what, I'm not gonna let this tear us apart. You know, and that's how you make it 22 plus years and all that, just because of that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 12:30

And also, um, to me, I feel like when you when you say you're gonna fight for it, that means you truly have to be intentional about that. Because just to be in it because you don't want other people to say, oh yeah, they got a divorce, or you're in it because it's like, well, I mean, what else am I gonna do? You have to be intentional about doing the things that you're going to do to make it work. Like, what's the point in saying I'm gonna fight for something and you're not trying to make it better on the other end of that? So there's at one point that light has to come on and say, what can I do so that we both can because you you got there, you got to the part where you got married. So what can you do now to get that back or get what we because even with us now, um I believe that our relationship is better than it's ever been. Do you feel like that?

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Yeah, always growing. Yeah, like so. We never stagnant. I mean, there's always room to grow in everything. Your relationship, your business, your personal life, your finances. There's always room, your relationship with God, you know, whatever that is, there's always room to grow. We're never there yet, quite yet. Yeah, and I don't know if we'll ever get there, honestly, in anything, but at least we're trying to grow and just be better better uh people overall. And even I think for both of us, we both had somewhat great examples in this instance. So uh both her father and mother still married. My parents are both passing away, but they were married. But we've seen them go through a lot during their marriage. Crazy, everything you could think of, but they still stuck it out. So I think I had that example on my end, she had her example on her end, and Brandon, you won't believe, like, so we're so used, and our kids are so blessed to have both parents in the house. When we started to talk to our kids, like, hey, we realized out of all of our kids' friends, let's just say there's 20 kids out there, only three had both parents in the house. And that was like, oh man, just things that we tend to take for granted, like two parents in the household, and it does make a difference. I don't care what anyone says, something about having both parents, in my opinion, makes the difference. And I'm not saying that a mother or a father can't do it and hold it up on their own, because we've seen it happen plenty of times, but there's something about, and statistics will even show you, something about a two uh family household, as far as parents are concerned. There's just different, there's they're built different. And so we had those examples to go off of because we seen our parents fight. That's why when we fight, it was like, okay, we've we we've seen that model before. They stuck it out. At the end of the day, we were in the same bed. Even though she had her back turned that way and I had mine that way, but we were together in it. Uh, you know, emotions got involved, and we didn't want to talk to each other, but that's perfectly fine. At some point, you know, we have to come back together and say, okay, are you good? I'm good, all right, I'm sorry, or whatever that that conversation is, and we move forward. So that's kind of what marriage is. It's like knowing what to fight for for sure, and knowing what battles to pick, and knowing what you have to compromise. That's the biggest thing I take from. Like, life is about compromising. And so it's not about winning or losing, per se. The real win is being together at the end of the day, and that's the win. So, me being right or she being right, it doesn't matter. It's like, okay, all we together and are we on the same page and all we good, yeah. Okay, it's a win. Let's move forward.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

So our arguments are different too. It's like, did you leave them eggs out? No, I didn't leave the eggs out. Ain't but us here. One of us had to leave the eggs out. We empty nesters.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

Hey, we get we get no, we don't even remember who we got.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Right, who left the eggs out? But anyway, but that's that's that's that those are the arguments now. So and then it it's weird because our kids will laugh at us because we'll have an argument about something. Uh our our oldest daughter, she laughed at us because we had a uh a really great argument about passionate. A passionate argument about uh the green tea.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Passionate or disagreement. See, we gotta be real, you know, careful with our words.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

I basically told him he didn't know how to make a green tea. And he went in. And I was just saying, no, when you make a green tea, it's not a green tea. It was just a crazy argument. And after that, I was like, babe, you want something about this grocery store? You want so she she texted me, she was laughing, like y'all just was arguing, and then he was like, babe, you want a drink out this door? I mean, when you've been together that long, it's like, okay, we done with that. But it's I think for our kids, it's funny for them to hear those type of arguments as opposed to some of the other arguments that everyone does.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

Yeah, like, hey, who is Shanikwa and why she paid for you? You know what I mean? So absolutely don't have those arguments, thank God. So uh we're good.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

No, that's that's awesome, man. I hey th I love them type of arguments because you're right. You you know, you're you're talking and all of a sudden, okay, it's over with, and now it's on to the next thing. You know, it is is life is too short. And you know what's funny? I had to learn that early on because I was the type where if we got an argument, I ain't want to talk to you for a while. Like, I'm mad, I'm pissed. I'm like, and my wife would be the type where she'd be like, she'd be ready to move on. And I'm like, I'm not ready to move on. Like, you trying to small talk with me, nah, I'm mad. I'm still irritated right now. And it took me a while to come to the realization that you know she's one of those who is like, okay, we got into it, it's time to move on. Yeah, and and uh look, I still haven't fully arrived with it, but I'm better.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

Yeah, I'm much hey, there's something called pride that all of us men have be, and it's something about that pride is like, no, you don't listen to me with me. Listen to you.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Yeah, so at the end of the day, too, you'll feel that you're gonna feel this attitude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, we're not don't don't don't try to come to me and small talk with me. I'm mad, I'm still mad about the argument, you know.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Right. Because you think about it, and I'm sure you may have this, like, my wife would just start a conversation in the middle of a conversation that we had yesterday. And I'm like, like, she said, Oh, yeah, you know what? Uh, it is the blue ones. And I'm like, we talked about that, so that's how women are built, like, they can just move on, and we like, wait a minute, men are like, hey, we to the point, like, let's stay on one topic. Yeah, let's finish it out and then move on.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

But y'all are no, y'all give y'all that. Y'all, y'all are definitely multitaskers. Y'all can definitely think about one thing and we're just we just like we got just a one.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Laser focus. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Laser focus.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Final vision.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. So let me ask y'all this. So obviously 22 years. What what year was it, if you can remember, that you guys looked up, looked at each other, and felt like, you know what, we gotta hold on this. This is we I I feel like we can, we really doing this. So, like, you know, you you first get married, you're going through your ups and downs, highs and lows, but then you get to a certain point where, but like, to your point, you haven't fully arrived yet, but you're like, you know what? I think we gotta hold on this marriage thing. What year or time frame would you say that was for y'all?

SPEAKER_03 20:28

Ooh, do you know? Do you have one? I do. Okay, I'm gonna let her tell her. I don't know the actual year, but I'll tell you something when she's done.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

So for me, and the thing, and it could be another instance, but for me, um, we had taken our first trip to Cabo. Okay, and um, we hadn't even been there two hours, and I walked down a flight of stairs and broke my ankle and there for seven days. And I was in a lot of pain, but I can deal with pain um very well. So, yes, I was in pain. Everyone there was like, no, you probably just sprang it. I was like, nah, it's broke. I know it is. He could not have a good time. I kept saying, Yeah, go with the guys, they're going on the boat, do this, do that. I'm cool. Like, I was just gonna be there with the rest of the women. You know, the older women stuck around, they were cooking dinner and things like that. And I was like, Yeah, I just hang with them in the kitchen. We're gonna do some stuff. He just could not get his mind off of my wife broke her ankle, and he I'm in the bathroom. You you okay? I'm like, I broke my ankle, okay? But I still need to use the bathroom alone. So it and it was like to me, it was saying it was there for better or worse because there are a lot of men now that are like, uh uh, she wouldn't decide when I met her. She doesn't. I be you know, all that stuff comes into play, and it's like this was my time. That was a very difficult time for me. Very difficult. Um, I didn't even want to let people know how much pain I was in, but I was in a lot of pain. And he was there.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

Like, I was like, yeah, he's like, Yeah, as soon as we got back in the States, she fractured her both sides, her ankle on both sides, had to have immediate surgery and just a whole lot. It was a mess. So yeah, pretty bad. And it's hard to have a good time, of course. Like that guilt alone was like, I can't be out here enjoying myself when she's in pain.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

But I want him to.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Who does that?

SPEAKER_01 22:42

Like a mature individual. Because, like you said, a lot of people would have been like, look, call me if you need me, but I came here on vacation. I'm finna go out and kick it. And the fact that you was there for her, it's the same thing I would have did. But it's just it's just a you're just people are just built different. Yeah, you know what I mean? And you're supposed as the protector, as the husband, you're supposed to be there. No matter, I mean, yeah, we're on vacation, but again, we just had an unforeseen circumstance. So now I gotta drop all what I'm doing and tend to my wife. And it takes.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

I did need like five to ten minutes to cry by myself. And I needed him to get away from me. And he wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

So what so how did you get what did you do to make him get away?

SPEAKER_00 23:29

I was like, babe, go go with the guys on the boat. He didn't end up going on the boat, but you know how men do like, oh, I forgot my wallet. Oh, I forgot. I was like, babe, they are going to leave you if you don't go. That was my time to get my five or ten minutes out to cry.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

And you know what was funny, Brandon? I never like so we so we do a lot of couples things. So that's what I'll uh encourage others that are in couples, like just hang out with other healthy marriages and healthy couples and enjoy each other, you know, as friends or whatever. So when we do travel and go out out sometimes, it's with three to four other couples, and we just have a good time just enjoying, you know, each other. But uh, I say that to say I rarely just be like, man, I'm gonna relax. And I literally went into relax mode. I told all the friends, the couples that were there, like, look, I don't care who's getting in the hot tub, but I'm slapping the hot tub on. When I went and slapped it on, I was in there like five minutes, B, and they say, uh, you might want to go check on your wife. And that's why I'm like, oh man, what happened? They like she fell down. If you've ever been to Cabo or anywhere in Mexico, they have marble floors.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

And when I saw where she fell, B, like from the top down, I'm like, it's a miracle, uh, yeah, something else than that. But she ended up having back surgery, ankle surgery, everything. So kind of going. Yeah, that was that was our first trip.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

Well, what year was that?

SPEAKER_00 25:02

What what uh was 2016?

SPEAKER_01 25:05

18. I just thought, yeah, so 2018.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

2018. 2018.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

How long was it 14 years?

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Yes, yes. Because we talk about this with a lot of people that you know the I don't I don't want to speak negatively, but new age, they're like, oh, we need a break from these kids. We need, we never got a break. We did not break. Like, I remember us trying to go on a date, and my mom was like, Yeah, I watched the kids, uh.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

We got in the car and he looked at me, I looked at him, I was like, No, we drove around, we tried, we tried to go on a date, and like I said, we kind of I'm old school, she a little old school too. And like, I'm just used to raising my kids. I don't need a break. You know, at the end of the day, I had them. And so I'm gonna raise them. And so we went out, caught ourselves trying to go out. I think the only thing we did, we went and ate, but we were gonna try to do something, like, hey, get movies, something. So movies, dance, and I was getting gas, and I just looked, I said, Well, babe, did you want to go or do you want to get the kids? She's like, I want to get the kids. And so we we were gone like long enough to grab something to eat, and we like, hey, picking up kids, and they like, well, I thought you guys were going on a date, like, yeah, we did, we good. What my kids said, we had it all.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

So, new age, they need breaks often. Um, we didn't get that, so we started late. Where I know a lot of couples now, to be quite frank, we had five children in the house. We didn't have the money to to go on vacation, let alone try to take the children on vacation too.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

We were paying bills. We had different priorities. Yes. Yes, and so you know, our priorities were with the kids versus enjoying a vacation. Right. That's that happens when you still have to be empty. Nesters that we'll talk about now. That's one of the different dynamics. It's like, hey, one while, you know, all of our attention was re with regards to the kids, making sure they had what they needed. And it's like, hey, put us aside, we good, let's get our kids off, and like you say, school, college, whatever. Hey, we just need to make sure we put you in the right path, and then you know, we'll come back around and enjoy each other. So uh now I'm gonna go back to that question. What you say, like, when did you know like this was it, like this is it? So I don't remember the year, uh, B Brandon, but here's what I can say. It was on that, it was a Valentine's Day, and she probably heard me say this before. And we, when I say we got into a probably a heated argument like this time, in my mind, I was like, I'm done, I can't fight anymore. So that's where I was at at that point, and I'm for real, if you like I said, I'm a PK's kid, and after blue, bro, the Holy Spirit, I woke up. This was on Valentine's Day out of all days, yeah. Love day, yeah, got into this just crazy argument, and so uh that morning, because I'm for real, I think I was at my tipping point in my mind, at least. I thought, and so that morning the Holy Spirit said, Turn on and go find out of all things. Sometimes the whole spirit is just real clear, and it said Ron Carpenter. So I don't know if you know Ron Carpenter, he's a pastor out there, cool dude, man. Uh, and it was that clear, like it wasn't like TDJ for this pastor, it was like, turn on Ron Carpenter. And so I woke up that Sunday morning because Valentine fell on a Saturday. He was had his live TV show on Sunday, and guess what he was talking about? He was going through some infidelity with his wife, but I first time I ever heard a mega pastor talk about fighting for your marriage, and so at that point I knew this is this goes beyond me. This is God telling me, hey, I'm telling you for a reason to watch this. You fight for your marriage. That's why I was telling you now, like how we always fight for men, fight for everything. We don't show emotion until we get angry. But in this case, you know, it was like as clear as day. So at that point for me, I was like, oh, this is not. I made, I had to remind myself, I didn't make a covenant with just my wife. I made this covenant with my wife and God. So at the end of the day, I still have to not only be accountable to my wife, but I gotta be accountable to God, which is being a PK's kid is more important than anything for me. Because I gotta answer to him. Yeah, and so if I were to make it to heaven and he said, Why did you divorce your wife, for instance, like after I gave you everything you needed, whatever, I would have had to respond. So my mind went there, but for me, it was like, oh, God is in this. Like, that's that's a little different now. It's just not me and my wife. Like, we're fighting spiritual beings as well that's trying to intervene and separate us, but God is literally telling me, like, for real, I've never heard a mega pastor come on national television and say, Yes, me and my wife separated, but I'm fighting for my marriage. After I just had an argument the night before, and a pastor that whose name was as clear as day to say Ron Carpenter. And I hadn't seen Ron Carpenter, I kid you not branded, in about a year and a half, just watching some of his television shows. And for that to happen that morning, I was like, I'm so good now, knowing that God even got our back and he's covered us. So I'm like, oh, this this we good. Like, I'm so for me, yeah, that was like my final like, man, this ain't even your battle that you dealing with, bro. This give it to God and you good. And so from then on, it's been easy for me because it's it's like, you know, in my eyes, he's always saying, Well, have I ever let you down? My answer's always been no, you never let me down. So until he lets me down, then maybe, you know, I'll go whatever way I decide to go. But we're not at that point. I don't think I'll never get to that point because he's never let me down. But that was so that was like my confirmation, and this had to be, oh gosh, maybe 12 years, easy a while ago.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

But uh, because we was in CD, yeah. So oh honestly, that's about 13, 14 years ago. But after that, man, I was good. Like, it was like went past our marriage to a spiritual thing and a higher being, and just knowing, like, oh yeah, man, this is this, you got it. If he has you, then yeah, this is small potato, so we good. So that was my that's my thing, FYI.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Yeah, I I love that. I I I asked y'all that question for a reason because I want people to understand that, like, yo, this is a marathon. Like, yeah, you're not, you you might it might take 10, 11, 12 years just for you to feel like you got a good grasp on things, a good handle on things. Yeah it may not be year one or year two, year three, but we want a microwave solution, and it's like, nah, man, turn on that oven, let that thing bake for a minute and get it to where you need to be. And I get it, it's it's the it's the new generation. It's like if my expectations aren't getting met right away, if things are not happening right away, if if I don't have overnight success with this thing, yeah, I'm gone.

SPEAKER_03 32:57

People people try marriages now, which is so interesting to me.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

Why are you trying, either you know this is the person for you, yeah, and you go into it with the mindset of, hey, did that do us part? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Off the sacred part, you know. Um, it's just a word sometimes now, or something to do. Like, oh, I'm gonna go to Six Flags. Oh, I'm gonna get married.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

It's and they're marrying for the wrong reasons. I I know I got married honestly because I love the person I was marrying. And so I can't get going to oh yeah, they had their finances right, they had perfect credit, and they had the nice career because all of that can come and go. So at the end, she just happened to be a good friend. And like, you know, when you're a friend and you love someone, it's like, okay, I can, you know, love conquers all. So we can make it through anything with love, but uh, you know, your finances gonna come and go, you know, career is gonna come and go. And so if that's what you're wavering your marriage on, and that's your basis for hey, I'm with this guy because he makes XYZ dollars, or I'm with this female because she's shaped like this, because that's gonna come and go. And I'm like, hey, bro, well, if you don't like the person and you don't love the person, then it's real shallow how like it won't last and it won't be sustainable uh in the long run.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

So or if you feel like you know, one day I'll feel this that I'm supposed to feel for them.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Um she's just saying going into a marriage, expecting the person maybe to change, right? Which is sometimes I see that happen a lot. The person saying, well, hey, he has potential, or she's gonna get better. She's you know, at some point they're gonna change, we just need to work and get together. And it's like, if you can't accept them for who and what they are at that point, then I would strongly advise you not to get married and or seek marriage counseling, right? Or just seek counseling. We both, before we got married, uh we did uh see a counselor and we both just talk life out through and just made sure we had the same, you know, personalities, goals, or whatever that looks like. With a lot of people now, they don't seek counsel.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

And so uh for whatever reason, and you know, we're older, we're not 50. Well, I'm 52.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Don't be putting me in.

SPEAKER_03 35:26

She's almost there, so don't run. Yeah, she's almost there.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Are you are you are you not 50 yet?

SPEAKER_00 35:31

No.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

Oh, me, okay. So you're in the 40 club with me.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

I am not that door ain't open yet.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

But I'm opening. Right. But uh, so yeah. But uh even then, just saying, you know, we're talking 25 years ago, we we saw counseling and and met with a marriage counselor, uh, and we talked life through. And she voiced her opinion, our voice minds, in several sessions, and and then we felt like, yeah, we can make it through based on you know what we talked through.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

So, yeah. Wow, that's awesome, man. That's dope. That's dope. It's it's a testimony, and it's an inspiration to people out there who are ready to give up, willing to give up. Um, I mean, these these type of messages be right on time for people, man. I you know, it's funny, like, when so me and my wife, you know, we do social media and content creation and all that, and I tell people this all the time. One of the highlights of our journey was we had got a comment from one individual, one individual, because we used to do like a lot of comedy stuff, but it was also like comedy and love and showing, you know, showing black love and stuff. And this one lady commented, she was like, Man, you you guys don't know this, and you may not even see this comment, but you saved our marriage.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

And when we heard that, I I just I I stopped and froze for a second. I was like, wow. I was like, because here it is, we just out here just doing us, being authentic, being real, but having fun. And next thing you know, we're all we're listening to people talk about we're saving their marriage. Like, that's crazy. You know?

SPEAKER_03 37:18

It happens, man. You never know who's really watching. Yeah, so we've had, and I've had this stimular conversation in the sense of, hey man, I love the way the two of you just interact. Because that's what I tell people like we do everything almost together for real. So we like, like, if she's like, hey, just if I'm going to the store, well, babe, do you want me to ride with you? Or whatever, and I'm like, you know, what do you got? If so, don't worry about it, I'm good. But she's always volunteering. If I need to take running an errand or whatever, she's like, Well, do you want me to ride? Or I'm like, Yeah, if you want to. And so typically she'll get in the car, we take our runs. You know, when we go out and just hang out. Uh, we went out with my uh brother and his wife uh to the club, but we're just always together. So you typically don't see one without the other. And they don't know if I don't have him. Yeah, and it's not that we're possessive of each other, we just genuinely like to be a resident.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

I like you. You know, I don't just love you, I actually like you.

SPEAKER_02 38:22

I like you, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:23

Yeah, some people I don't know, I don't know why that's so it's so hard for some people to like relate to. People are like, Man, why y'all always hanging out to that? Because I like hanging out where like that's my homie.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

Like we come up.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

That's how we met. That's you know, that's just who we are, you know.

SPEAKER_03 38:40

And some of her friend girls, even some of my homeboys, it's like, hey man, let's go out and do this. And I'm like, well, all right, cool. Can my wife roll? And I'm like, ah, like, nah, man, it's supposed to be boys. Like, man, I'm like, all right, man. Well, let me see what's going on. If she's good, I'm good. And this, and that's just me. Which we don't mind it, like, yeah, I know everybody needs their space, but it's like, we good as far as our space. Like, I don't know what they have going on to where they might need space, which is cool. I'm not saying you don't need, I think everyone needs that time. If you need that time, but I'm like, but we even when we're in the house, she'll have her space and I have my house, and I mean my space, and we can still be up under the same uh roof without being up under each other. But I know sometimes people feel like, hey, I need to just get out and get away, which is cool. I totally get it. Uh so I'm not knocking anyone to say, hey man, you need a hobby and I need a hobby. It just so happened our hobbies involve each other. So it's like we do music, like I think we just, you know, whether that's going to hear live bands or whatever, it's just like that's just kind of like everything we have in common, like we just really have in common. We we look at open houses on Sundays, and people say, Why you guys you have a house? Why? It's like we love it. We meant doing that 20 plus years ago, and we just love looking at model homes and just getting home ideals, and even when we moved into the house we're in two years ago, we wasn't looking for a house per se. It just happens like, hey, this is the house, I think it's time to move. So it worked out for us, so you never know, but we just love spending time with each other at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

And the next week that we were still looking at open houses, our ritual was like even after we bought the house, like why y'all still out? Like, that's just kind of that's that's what we do.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

I look corkiness and what we enjoy doing. And it's like, hey man, we're good. So yeah, and I always tell people, you know, it's one thing to be married, it's another thing to be happily married. And I'm always telling people, I'm happily married. So I'm good, bros. Like, I hate to say this not to be like me. I'm like, I'm not looking for new friends. Like, I'm really not at this age. I got a ton of friends, and they know, you know, I got their back. If they need me, give me a call, but they know where I'm at at the end of the day, and you know, who I'm with at the end of the day. So yeah. And then I even got friends who hold me accountable as well. So that's why I'm telling you. I used to have single friends when we were married back in the day, they were single, and they're like, hey man, I'm going to this club. I'm like, bro, I'm rolling. That's when I was young in the marriage. They're like, nope, you married, you need to stay at the house. But it's good to have those type of boys because that's you know, that's real with you, like, nah, I'll play, you're gonna get in trouble hanging out with me. So you need to stay at the house, and I'll holler at you, like I'll tell you about it. And that was for real. That's what happened.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

So you know what? Y'all are y'all are just like us because we we moved into our home um at the end of December, and we still go look at houses and stuff. We still go look at models. Matter of fact, what's crazy is there are houses being built in our community, and we go inside and look at those houses in our community. Yeah. We go inside and look at the houses, we be like, oh, look, we go into somebody's house before they go, before they go be in there, because it's being built. But we love going and look at new homes. That's our thing. And it's like we be asking ourselves, it's like, we literally just bought a house, and here it is. We go into new houses, but we've been doing it. You know, we we don't we don't know how to not do it. Like we love, we love getting inspiration. My wife loves getting inspiration. Yeah, I like looking at things like dang, like, could it shoot? Should we have gotten this or should we have gotten that? We always looking for that inspiration. So y'all are just like us, it's it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

The dynamic is different now, though. Um, we we we of course took our children with us when we would go look at open houses. Dynamic is a little different now because we don't have the kids in the house. Like, especially when time was like getting set up for them to be out of the house. I was seeing a counselor and I talked to her, and she was like, Well, do you wanna have your husband come and y'all talk? And I'm like, Yeah, I do. Let's talk about it. You know, I wanted to talk and say, you know, what do we need to do? Not that we lost the spark, but you want to continue because outside of us doing what we needed to do for the kids and they had our attention in that time. So now that they don't need that attention anymore, what do we do with each other? Um and I know for him, he'll sit out on the porch. He has, look, that was my worst mistake. Buying a projector with the little screen.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Oh, wow. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

He take it outside and I don't see him for hours. I'm in the house and I'm like, what I'm gonna do. But I'll go out there sometimes and sit with him. I love being outside, but sometimes my respiratory doesn't allow me to be outside outside, but he'll he'll go out there and he'll have his time. And that's what I thought was going to change because of the dynamic being. Different in the house because we didn't have any children. Sometimes it's quiet. But then I understand that's his time. And I have my time. That's our time to do. And when we when we get together and we go out to dinner, that's our time together. So um, though we didn't see a counselor, I I felt like it may have been something that we needed to do. We still worked through it though, you know. Um we're we're learning each other again. Yeah. I'll say that.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

And to her point, like I say, our whole lives have been based around our kids. Like literally, whether that's running them to school to practice to whatever, we had tight schedules. And so with her being a full-time working at the house, um at the job, and coming home to work, you know, taking care of mommy duties and same with me, just working full times. But we're running kids, hey, she has practice at this school and running to this game and run another one over there to that game. And so, like, literally, our life just felt like it's been surrounded. So, when the kids left, we were like, What are we supposed to do with all this time now? Like, literally, like, what do we do? Because we didn't do anything without looking at the kids' schedule. So, there would be times like we would go out, hang with friends, like, oh, okay, guys, we gotta be gone at 10 because I gotta see her game ends, and then I gotta pick up from the school, and you know, so we based our whole lives, oh gosh, forever, feels like, and it really have, because we've had five kids uh based on their schedule, and so uh being empty nesters, the next phase in our life, which we have started doing, like it's just almost kind of just dating again and hanging out, which is like we always do things together, but it's doing intentional things together and trying to go places we've never been before, is kind of what we want to do. And like we went to Belize last year, we had never been Belize and had a great time. One of my best friends got married, but those types of dynamics, like we wouldn't have been able to do that with the kids because we were always taking them to school trying to figure out who's gonna pick them up, and it's like we were gone for like a good week, and like I say, typically we couldn't take a five or six-day break because our kids would we were so involved in whatever they was getting into, and so uh with them being all like semi-adults, like the last the youngest is 18, should be 19 in June. Yeah, so she'd be soon, but yeah, uh all the way up into 30. So we have all of that, those kids, but yeah, so it's trying to rediscover uh who we are as a couple again. Like, okay, kids are gone. Like, who are we? What do we do in this last phase of our life? Now, phase two has kicked in because we got five grandkids. Oh, and so we are we're loving the grandkids, and for anyone who I I I would hear friends and family say, Oh man, it's different with your grandkids. I'm like, you know, kids are kids, they're all the same. And we got one over at the house now.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

But I'm telling you, man, it is it's different, it's just different, and even being empty nesters, like the first thing I thought is I'm not gonna be able to see my grandkids as often because the the time that they were here, it was because we had the kids here. Yeah, but they still come. Like, that was one of the reasons when you were talking to him, and I was laughing, because our granddaughter came and she knew we were doing a podcast, so she wrote this note letter.

SPEAKER_03 47:50

Wow. But but we got, yeah, but that's different phase in life, Brandon. Uh, and anyone who's fortunate to have grandkids are truly blessed. Because man, when I tell you they bless me, and I always call it payback. So I give all of them sugar and give them all the noisy toys, and I send them home to their parents, our kids, and like, uh-huh, get your back. And so uh, yeah, so I like uh-uh, eat all that shit because our kids try to tell us they can't eat cake. I was like, listen. That's why I told one of my grandkids, I said, I'm your daddy's daddy. He don't tell me what to do. I tell him what to do. So if you won't eat this cake, eat the cake. So I like your dad don't run this house.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:46

So we have fun with it, and uh, and I even called my son, like, yeah, she she here eating cake now. Like, what you gonna do? Or Doritos.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

That is a red dye, so they're not supposed to eat anything that has red dye.

SPEAKER_03 49:07

It's funny, bro, how you raise your kids, and then when they get their kids, they have all of the knowledge in the world on how to raise a child. And I was like, Well, bro, did you turn out bad? Because uh, why are you telling me how to raise your child when I raise you?

SPEAKER_01 49:24

Yeah, no, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

No, don't don't give them that, no, don't give them whole milk. Give them two to no, give them oat milk. Like, boy, you was raised on that bad cat. We just melt going on, but I get it. We we learn and we're learning, especially in the health realm, like we're getting older and and eating differently and trying to do right. So I get it. But it's so funny, it's still funny.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

No, that's what's up. That's what's up. Let me ask y'all this. Um, so that's a great point that you brought up because I was actually gonna talk about how the transition was initially when um the kids left because you went from a family of seven to a family of two. And so now it's like, wow, we're just do we twiddle our fingers? Like, like, is it? But my main question to you guys is this when you do start having kids, right? Uh, there are some relationships where the husband or the wife gets put second, even though they're even though biblically it's God, spouse, kids, and then everybody else falls, get in where they fit in. When you guys had kids, um, I mean, I'm sure at some point there was a level of, okay, he's not the priority, or she's not the priority. When those kids leave the home, do you now get a sense of okay, now that they're gone, I'm back to being number one. I'm back to being the five the first priority. Was it kind of like that for y'all, or was it a smooth transition to be like, you know what? We've always really pretty much made each other the priority. Like, there's no much, there's not much of a uh having to get that back after they left. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 51:07

Yeah, it totally makes sense. I for me, and I can only speak on my feelings, I've never felt like I wasn't a priority for her. And like she's always made me a priority. So I never felt like I came second to the kids.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 51:22

Personally. So yeah, so for me, it wasn't like, okay, now I get my attention back, or you know, we were spending more time with the kids. The only thing I did, like I said, mainly that we share was the responsibility of getting them typically from point A to point B or of some sort. But as far as uh, yeah, I so for me, like I said, I can't speak for her and how she feels about it. But I feel the same. Yeah. We never put our kids on a pedestal and act like, oh yeah, this is, you know, we're gonna do this for you, and then like, hey, babe, you know, this child needs our attention, so I'll deal with you later. So no, that we we had those priorities in place.

SPEAKER_00 52:03

But we were pretty aligned with that. So for us, we rarely have disagreements about how they should be raised, or if if there was a situation to occur, how we should handle it. We both pretty much would agree on how it would be handled. I think sometimes I may have surprised him in the past of how I handled it. Um but um that really wasn't an issue. Okay, because we we we pretty much are like-minded when it comes to them. If if we say no, we we not doing that, we both agree with that, you know.

SPEAKER_03 52:47

Yeah, so I don't feel like I was placed on the back burner because of the uh so that wasn't uh anything hard for us to overcome. Uh what was difficult for us, uh especially for her, she would still cook for five. And so, bro, I was like, She's like, Yeah, and she's like, I don't know how to cook small portions. And like, in my mind, I was saying, take half of whatever you get and just take half of it. So if you had two pounds of ground beef, you do one pound of ground beef.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

So it was so like, she's like, like all of my ingredients, like she doesn't measure much. She's like going off of just three, and just like, yeah, you need three, this one, that looks about right. And I'm like, well, just if you would do three shakes, and then my mom said, I don't get why you can't make just small portions. So believe it or not, as crazy as that sounds, that was something we had just tons of wasted food. We did when they left because we were so used to uh cooking for more than just our you know, two.

SPEAKER_00 53:59

But I felt so much freedom when he told me, babe, you don't really have to cook, it's just us.

SPEAKER_03 54:06

And so yeah, we started eating out. Yeah. And so when the kids would come around, like, hey, what's in the kitchen? Like, bro, Mono cook. We would have like, but that's it. We don't do all that. And she started even saying, I don't cook. I ain't cook nothing.

SPEAKER_00 54:21

But I will say this, it made me feel good when the college kids would come home and ask me to make something special that really made me feel like, oh, I really can cook.

SPEAKER_03 54:32

Oh yeah. So I so our kids' uh friends would come and they were used to coming by the house. Uh, and we've always just like, so the relationship that we've even had with our kids, man, just been open. Like we was that house where the kids or our kids' friends would come over, and we didn't know we were somewhat counseling, but we were just talking. And then when you start to realize some of the things that other kids go through uh that we take for granted, and it was like some of these kids were dealing with a lot from their parents because I was like, your parent did what? Like, no, that and so not to overstep how they their parents was raising them, but it was like trying to encourage them, like, hey, you know, just I can honestly say I don't think that that's normal. And so, and and it's always like, so get professional help, get counseling, and which I'm a strong, like I believe, like, hey man, when you can't get you don't have a close friend or someone uh like a pastor or a good person that that just knows what I call just basic life, I was like things that's so common ain't so common anymore. And I'm like, I just take it for granted. But we was that house, all the kids come over, came over, so we kind of miss that, just even like hanging and talking with those teenagers. Yeah, we've adopted our friends, friends to where they stayed with us during school years, and so we was that's kind of how we so you would think, man, you got that five kids and you still bring them more in. And I always tell people, trust me, when you get past three or four for sure, two or three more, it really doesn't matter. It just, yeah, it really doesn't matter. Once you reach that good, solid three or four or past four, five, six, eight, doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 56:28

But I want to go back to something he said as far as counseling um with those children. Like they would come and they would talk to us and they would ask our advice. And even here recently, one of uh my daughter's friends came by and he was like, Where mom and pops at? Because I want to ask them a question. And she was like, Well, there's my mom right there. He was like, Well, nah, I want to ask both of them together. Don't think it means something, but what I will say is I even encourage my own children to see a counselor. Like, we are not perfect parents. We didn't have a handbook, we didn't always do the right thing. I wish I would have hugged my children more, but I didn't. And if that is something that you needed, I want to apologize to you, but I also want you to see a counselor so you can work through that, and you won't do that thing to your children if they come. Now, you know, we have the grandchildren around. Sometimes my son is like, you didn't hug me like that. And I, you know, I kind of feel bad, but then I'm like, you know, I'm trying to get better because I'm a work in progress every day. So those that's one thing that I wish I would have done more, but I'm also the parent that's open to tell you, hey, go see a counselor. There's nothing wrong with talking to someone about your p feelings and someone that's not gonna be biased. So just do that, you know. So I will say that to anybody on here. Mental health is real. Talk to people about your feelings, just talk.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

I love it. Yeah, our people, I don't know. For some reason, our people frown upon counseling. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_03 58:08

We still have weakness for some reason. Yeah. We try to. But you know, we're taught to like, hey man, you're soft, you gotta be strong, you know, be hard. And it's like, man, we struggle like mentally. And I think I'm glad uh that we're getting to the point to realize that it's another illness, uh, just like a cold, a flu, or anything else when your mind's not right. You can't get anything right if your mind's not right. So uh that's like first priority with anything. It's like, man, you gotta be right in your mind first before you can figure everything else else out in life. So yeah, I'm I'm just glad we're finally at that point to where it doesn't look like you're weak, especially black men. It's like, man, it's it's already hard for us to talk to people, at least for me. It was like, hey man, you look weak if you're trying to explain something to someone of your feelings. Because if you really think about it, like, what does feelings have to do with at least, you know, as men, that's how we're brought up. Like, feelings shouldn't play a factor in anything. Yeah, you know. So uh that's kind of how I grew up, at least in my old school days. It's like, man, you don't show your feelings, don't cry, never see them let you cry. So it's like all these things that come with emotions and feelings, but they'll eat you up. And you know, that's why some men go from zero to ten because they don't know how to release feelings, uh healthy feelings in the proper way. So, you know, you end up punching the wall, and for some men, punching a woman, and just because they've never was taught how to work out their feelings, so the only way they know how to work it out is through wrath and anger. Yeah. Uh say that's what a black men, at least for young black men, we're great at showing anger. That feeling we have mastered and conquered, but that one that shows compassion and love and and everything else, like we don't know that one. You know, so we have to be trained on that one, typically and speak to someone like how do I forgive someone? Like, I don't know. I can punch them, I know how to fight. So that's how I was taught. Like, hey, you don't like me? Hey, let's let's take it in the streets. But we know that one, but we don't know how to just genuinely talk it out in a healthy manner. Uh, you know, show compassion, show love, you know, just be real with people. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

Wow, that's yeah, that's dope, man. That's dope. I have one last question for y'all, but I actually added a question, so I got two last questions for y'all.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:36

Uh hey, you say like a pastor when they say, I'm almost done. One more minute.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:42

Yeah. No, no, because this this is the type of conversation you could talk about for three, four hours, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:48

Because it doesn't feel like we're talking about it, and then I look up like, oh man, we've been talking 45, 50 minutes, and I like it feels like 15, but it's like no, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:57

Yeah, I love it. Um, you know, earlier we talked about how you had some friends that were couples that said y'all wouldn't go make it, and they actually ended up divorcing.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:09

Um, did they ever come to you for advice to try to talk them off the ledge? Or like, did you ever advise any of those couples? The ones that were saying you're not gonna make it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:19

Believe it or not, I think pride set in once again, because you know how hard it is to speak on someone else's life and failures, and then you're going through the same thing. Uh, and when you see them winning, it's like, you know, if anything, I thought they would have been at this point, and our mind would have been stronger. So it I think it's hard for people to to speak to someone that they felt like wasn't gonna make it for whatever reason. And uh, and like I say, we we both, in my opinion, are built different.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:53

I'm just old school. Like when when female friends of mine from school I would see on the streets and like, hey, uh, I want to stay in touch, which is cool. I would give my wife's number. I'm like, no, you'll never have my number. You can call my wife if you want to speak to me. And that's just how I'm built. Like to keep everything on the up and up. I'm like, well, if she needs to know when I'm talking to you, call her. And you can if you better speak to the missus first, and then you can holler at me. And if you can't do that, then we don't need to talk. But I'm just saying, you know, when you build different, that's but we didn't have issues like that, like you there, none of your friends, all of his friends, they they were my friend anyway.

unknown 1:02:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:37

So and we were real open, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:39

Yeah, so I think about Salita Late, you know, if they they'll they'll call him, but they'll also call me and be girl, what you know, so it was yeah, it for some reason it's always been like that, even with his guy friends.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:56

Um and I think you set those boundaries early, in my opinion. Yeah. Once you set those boundaries, and and as far as you know, hey, we're one unit, so when you're talking to me, you're talking to her. When you're talking to her, you're talking to me. So we set boundaries early, uh, even with friends and family. But going back to what you said, yeah, some of those guys, they never approached us to have conversations. It was really unfortunate. Like, we just found out through other friends, like, well, you know, they're going through a divorce. Like, no, we never knew. And so uh we didn't know it was that bad. I did have a friend call, two friends call me, and they were going through a divorce, and I can tell they the guys, my homeboys, they didn't want to go through the divorce, but I think they had too much pride to say, um, I want to fight. And I was and I would tell them, like, hey man, just tell her how you feel. Like, you you're expressing to me about it, but I'm not married to you. You need to express to her how you really feel. So if you don't want to go through it, just tell her. And if she still wants to go through with it, then it is what it is. But you're telling me, and it's like, man, you don't have to act hard with me. So I did have only two friends call me and they still went through with it, but uh they never called their exes to let them know how they really felt, and they was trying to just say, hey man, if she wants to go her way, then I'll let her go. And I was like, but do you feel like do you want her to go? It's like that simple. Like, if you don't want her to go, put your pride aside and just say, Hey, babe, I don't want you to leave. Now it ultimately it's your decision, I don't want you to leave. Yeah, and it's simple, but men are like, nope, well, go and kick kick rocks, like, go and do you. And it's like, well, you don't mean it, so don't say it. So just for real, like once again, when I'm saying men, especially black men, we really don't know how to express our feelings, yeah. And so we're trying to put this hard wall up all the time to shell. And I'm like, bro, it's okay to just say, no, I don't want you to go. And so, and it's that's uh that sounds so simple, Brandon. But do you know how hard that pride thing kicks in? You think you weak and you begging her to stay? And I'm like, well, if you love her, I feel like you should beg her to stay. If you love her, yeah. What's wrong with begging? When I wanted ice cream, I'd be begging about my mom. I want some, please give me some.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:28

Please.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:29

Please. So you wouldn't think your marriage is worth more than your ice cream. So beg for it. Like, okay, and if it don't, if you don't get it, then at least you know, hey, I did everything I could to sustain the marriage. So there, I mean, I think you're guilt free, like, man, it's she wanted something different, which is fine. At the end of the day, you know, it takes two to have that marriage and that relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:54

So I love it, man. I love it. Well, I'm gonna get y'all out of here on this last question. Let's say you're sitting across the table from 20-year-old Money and Mikey, and you know, they're related. I mean, they're they're really their marriage is on the rocks right now. And they're it's not working out, you know, they're trying to fight for it. But at the end of the day, there's a lot of outside factors that are contributing to their downfall right now. And they just come to you for one piece of advice. You know, you've been married, we're we're talking to you now at 22 years of marriage, but now you're talking to the 20-year-old money and Mikey couple. What's one piece of advice that you would give them?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:40

You want you want to start, or you won't? You can start. So I had I hate sound like a broken record. So with me, um I believe in strongly talking to God about the situation. So for me, I'm gonna tell them, hey man, seek God for some answers. Now, some people may say, no, I'm not a spiritual person, so it's hard for me to kind of somewhat relate because that's where I get my guidance from. So then I would for real say, so, you know, you've invested 20 years, like you said, in the marriage? Like, what is so bad to where you can't fight for your marriage? And it goes back to what I'm saying. Hey man, if you will fight for your money, and if you will fight if somebody mess with your car, and you fight if somebody called your mama out her name, why wouldn't you fight for your marriage? Yeah, like that's not important enough to you. Like, this is a covenant that you made with God, and like I say, it's hard to relate to some people uh who don't have a relationship with God. So, but it's just real talk. Like, well, why wouldn't you fight for your marriage? Do you not love this person anymore? And and to me, I get it. Sometimes people can what say fall out of love, but I think they just have different paths in life, and they start to do their own thing, and they they're not joined, and they have different goals, and I get it, it happens, but for me, I'm like, if you really love a person, put your pride aside and fight for your marriage. And trust me, God will bless a marriage. Yeah, like man, like you can go stronger with two than one, and it's just a proven thing, yeah. And so uh that would be my advice to them. And like you say, at the end of the day, if they had that conversation with God and for whatever reason the spouse doesn't want to get with them, at least they know they did everything they could and they fought, fought a good fight, and if it, you know, if you go down, you go down, but at least you go out swinging. And that's that's just my scenario, what I would do uh as a person. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:54

Um I would say have a conversation. And I this is what I get from my dad. He's always said this just have a conversation. And what he means by that is have a conversation with God. I know for me, um, when things are difficult for me, I want to talk to him first, so that when it's time for me to talk to that other person, the words that are coming are not just coming from me, but from him as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:25

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:26

So that would be my piece of advice. Have a conversation. And I shouldn't say a conversation, have some conversations. Because the first conversation needs to be with God. You know, um, we we say a lot, yeah, pray, pray about it, just pray about it. Talk, you know, just ask God about it. And I'm like, that's good, it is, but have a conversation because conversation means it's a relationship going on.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:53

Well, not only that, conversation means there's uh uh there's back and forth back and forth, yeah. So for me, like I go to God real, man. I can't go to old holy dial or that thing. I mean God, a man, man. You said, you said, I always put his word against him, like you said, you said, you said. And of course, he always comes back and say, so well, did I lie? Did I lie? Did I lie? And so it's like, no, and have I ever failed you? No. So, like, so what's the problem? What are we talking about here then? And so every time I go to God, just personally, real quick, and I know you gotta go. When I go to God to tell somebody about another person, to tell on that person, he always reveals to me what I have in the you know relationship. Like, here's your part. Like, I work on that person, but I need to work on you. Yeah, and so whenever I'm saying, well, hey, I want you to get her, because she done made me mad, guys. She don't touch your child, you know, like get her. And he, like, no, I'm gonna get you. Like, because yeah, I I work on you. You let me deal with her, but I'm gonna work on you. So here's your part. This is the part you've done. And like I say, he lets me know where I was wrong and what I should have done better, and what I could have done better, and what I need to do better moving forward, and how I need to approach it to resolve it, or at least get some resolve. But uh, but yeah, so that's to the point like like we both go to God for a lot of our disagreements when it gets to that point to where like I I can't fight this no more, and then guys remember, like, hey man, that's why I'm here to fight your battles. And at the end of the day, you let me do my thing, you just go and make it right with your thing. So I love it.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:39

I love it, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:39

That's so that's what we do, Brandon. And and we've been in the fight, like I say, it ain't it ain't always just perfect. So a lot of people like, man, y'all always so happy. And we do, we trip out, man. We love to just laugh and have fun. We joke a lot, we joke, like, yeah, that's we knuckleheads. So, like, knuckleheads, no knucklehead. So when you're around people, like, oh yeah, I'm gonna get along with this knucklehead because we good, but you know, uh, yeah, laughter is good for the heart, man. So that's why we kind of also just enjoy each other. We just love having a good time and laughing with each other for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:12

I love it. I love it. Well, man, this was good, man. I I really appreciate y'all coming on and giving y'all journey and perspective, and um, this was a great combo. Definitely much appreciated from y'all.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:22

We appreciate it, we appreciate you too, man, and thank you for uh putting like this great content out too as well, man. So yeah, and uh and people need to know that others are going through and others can go through and sustain a marriage uh through time, so yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:41

Awesome, awesome. Well, make sure you guys are following us on IG where we post reels from the episodes. And if you can't watch us, you can listen to us wherever you get your podcast at flip that switch. So whether you're watching or listening, just make sure you're tapping in. And money and Mikey, again, thank y'all, and good luck to y'all. Hopefully, y'all yeah, y'all gonna grow old together because y'all doing y'all thing, and um, we're gonna be watching from afar. And we just want to thank y'all so much, man. All right, all right, take care. And we'll see y'all for the next episode and we're out. Peace.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:10

All right, bye.