{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":1.2,"endTime":4.41,"body":"Welcome to Real World Peaceful"},{"startTime":1.2,"endTime":4.41,"body":"Parenting, a podcast for parents"},{"startTime":4.41,"endTime":7.08,"body":"that are tired of yelling,"},{"startTime":4.41,"endTime":7.08,"body":"threatening, and punishing their kids."},{"startTime":7.62,"endTime":11.73,"body":"Join mom and master certified parent"},{"startTime":7.62,"endTime":11.73,"body":"coach Lisa Smith as she gives you"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"actionable step-by-step strategies"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"that'll help you transform your"},{"startTime":15.15,"endTime":17.4,"body":"household from chaos to cooperation."},{"startTime":17.82,"endTime":18.36,"body":"Let's dive in."},{"startTime":23.28,"endTime":27.96,"body":"Welcome, welcome, welcome,"},{"startTime":23.28,"endTime":27.96,"body":"welcome to today's episode."},{"startTime":29.009,"endTime":32.009,"body":"I am so excited to be with you here today."},{"startTime":32.88,"endTime":34.68,"body":"As we ease into today's episode."},{"startTime":34.68,"endTime":36.0,"body":"Let me paint a picture for you."},{"startTime":37.14,"endTime":39.81,"body":"It's five 30 on a Tuesday."},{"startTime":40.35,"endTime":41.879,"body":"You're starting to think about dinner."},{"startTime":42.84,"endTime":46.62,"body":"There's a lot going on in your"},{"startTime":42.84,"endTime":46.62,"body":"home, and one of your kids asks,"},{"startTime":47.16,"endTime":48.36,"body":"can I have some screen time?"},{"startTime":49.8,"endTime":53.25,"body":"And you say, maybe, let's"},{"startTime":49.8,"endTime":53.25,"body":"see how homework goes first."},{"startTime":54.33,"endTime":57.12,"body":"An hour later, the homework's"},{"startTime":54.33,"endTime":57.12,"body":"done and they ask again."},{"startTime":57.975,"endTime":62.775,"body":"You say, we'll see, it depends on"},{"startTime":57.975,"endTime":62.775,"body":"how your attitude is Through dinner."},{"startTime":63.855,"endTime":68.985,"body":"They push back and you say, if you"},{"startTime":63.855,"endTime":68.985,"body":"keep arguing, the answer will be no."},{"startTime":70.365,"endTime":73.605,"body":"Fast forward to bedtime,"},{"startTime":70.365,"endTime":73.605,"body":"and they're still asking."},{"startTime":74.265,"endTime":79.035,"body":"They're still negotiating, and"},{"startTime":74.265,"endTime":79.035,"body":"you're both exhausted and frustrated."},{"startTime":79.845,"endTime":80.655,"body":"Sound familiar?"},{"startTime":81.765,"endTime":82.81,"body":"Here's what just happened."},{"startTime":83.925,"endTime":85.605,"body":"You thought you were setting a boundary."},{"startTime":86.52,"endTime":91.53,"body":"But what you actually created"},{"startTime":86.52,"endTime":91.53,"body":"was uncertainty and uncertainty"},{"startTime":91.89,"endTime":93.27,"body":"for a kid's nervous system."},{"startTime":93.66,"endTime":100.14,"body":"Well, let me tell you, that creates"},{"startTime":93.66,"endTime":100.14,"body":"more testing, not less, more, not less."},{"startTime":101.64,"endTime":106.74,"body":"And today I'm gonna share with you"},{"startTime":101.64,"endTime":106.74,"body":"the one boundary mistake that you're"},{"startTime":106.74,"endTime":112.229,"body":"probably making that makes everything"},{"startTime":106.74,"endTime":112.229,"body":"exponentially harder in your home."},{"startTime":113.94,"endTime":115.5,"body":"And here's what's really wild."},{"startTime":115.92,"endTime":118.53,"body":"Most parents don't even"},{"startTime":115.92,"endTime":118.53,"body":"realize it's happening."},{"startTime":119.79,"endTime":124.83,"body":"In fact, you might be doing it right now"},{"startTime":119.79,"endTime":124.83,"body":"and thinking you're setting boundaries"},{"startTime":125.31,"endTime":127.41,"body":"when you're actually creating more chaos."},{"startTime":128.49,"endTime":128.91,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":130.08,"endTime":133.23,"body":"Well, by the end of this episode,"},{"startTime":130.08,"endTime":133.23,"body":"I'm gonna give you the exact"},{"startTime":133.23,"endTime":137.61,"body":"language to shift from vague"},{"startTime":133.23,"endTime":137.61,"body":"boundaries, to clear boundaries."},{"startTime":138.27,"endTime":142.2,"body":"And this shift, it's gonna"},{"startTime":138.27,"endTime":142.2,"body":"change everything, everything."},{"startTime":143.265,"endTime":146.205,"body":"So let me name the mistake"},{"startTime":143.265,"endTime":146.205,"body":"clearly right up front."},{"startTime":147.255,"endTime":153.795,"body":"The biggest boundary mistake many"},{"startTime":147.255,"endTime":153.795,"body":"parents make is being vague, negotiable,"},{"startTime":154.185,"endTime":156.225,"body":"or mood dependent with your limits."},{"startTime":157.305,"endTime":158.955,"body":"What I know."},{"startTime":159.195,"endTime":159.885,"body":"Hang in there."},{"startTime":160.485,"endTime":163.065,"body":"Here's what vague"},{"startTime":160.485,"endTime":163.065,"body":"boundaries might sound like."},{"startTime":163.965,"endTime":165.645,"body":"That was vague, so let me say it again."},{"startTime":165.885,"endTime":167.985,"body":"Here's what vague boundaries sound like."},{"startTime":169.305,"endTime":170.775,"body":"They sound like maybe."},{"startTime":171.6,"endTime":172.38,"body":"We'll see."},{"startTime":172.89,"endTime":175.23,"body":"It depends if you're good."},{"startTime":176.04,"endTime":177.03,"body":"Not right now."},{"startTime":178.29,"endTime":181.86,"body":"If you finish your work,"},{"startTime":178.29,"endTime":181.86,"body":"and here's what's happening."},{"startTime":182.1,"endTime":186.72,"body":"When you use these phrases, you"},{"startTime":182.1,"endTime":186.72,"body":"think you're buying yourself time."},{"startTime":187.77,"endTime":189.33,"body":"You think you're staying flexible."},{"startTime":190.26,"endTime":195.39,"body":"You think you're avoiding a battle"},{"startTime":190.26,"endTime":195.39,"body":"by saying a hard no, but what you're"},{"startTime":195.39,"endTime":197.82,"body":"actually doing is creating a game."},{"startTime":198.359,"endTime":203.04,"body":"Your kid has to play to be"},{"startTime":198.359,"endTime":203.04,"body":"successful because when the boundary"},{"startTime":203.04,"endTime":208.56,"body":"is unclear, your kid's nervous"},{"startTime":203.04,"endTime":208.56,"body":"system asks, is this a real limit?"},{"startTime":209.34,"endTime":211.32,"body":"How hard do I need to push to change it?"},{"startTime":212.19,"endTime":218.13,"body":"What if I ask again in a different"},{"startTime":212.19,"endTime":218.13,"body":"way and that my real world, peaceful"},{"startTime":218.13,"endTime":224.19,"body":"parent is why you end up in 30"},{"startTime":218.13,"endTime":224.19,"body":"minute negotiations about something"},{"startTime":224.19,"endTime":226.59,"body":"that should have taken 30 seconds."},{"startTime":227.114,"endTime":229.005,"body":"Potentially a meltdown at the end."},{"startTime":230.054,"endTime":231.315,"body":"Let me tell you why this happens."},{"startTime":231.315,"endTime":235.394,"body":"Neurologically, kids need to"},{"startTime":231.315,"endTime":235.394,"body":"know where boundaries are."},{"startTime":236.535,"endTime":238.785,"body":"It's how their nervous"},{"startTime":236.535,"endTime":238.785,"body":"system learns to feel safe."},{"startTime":240.195,"endTime":242.234,"body":"Think about it like"},{"startTime":240.195,"endTime":242.234,"body":"bumpers in a bowing alley."},{"startTime":243.165,"endTime":246.795,"body":"Kids need those edges so they"},{"startTime":243.165,"endTime":246.795,"body":"know where they can place safely."},{"startTime":247.965,"endTime":253.215,"body":"And when boundaries are clear and"},{"startTime":247.965,"endTime":253.215,"body":"consistent, a kid's brain relaxes."},{"startTime":254.115,"endTime":256.065,"body":"Okay, I know where the limits are."},{"startTime":256.545,"endTime":257.865,"body":"I can stop testing now."},{"startTime":258.945,"endTime":264.375,"body":"But when boundaries are vague or"},{"startTime":258.945,"endTime":264.375,"body":"negotiable all the time, the testing"},{"startTime":264.375,"endTime":268.785,"body":"increases because their nervous"},{"startTime":264.375,"endTime":268.785,"body":"system is asking, where's the edge?"},{"startTime":269.115,"endTime":270.165,"body":"How far can I go?"},{"startTime":270.915,"endTime":273.975,"body":"Is this boundary solid or is it flexible?"},{"startTime":274.935,"endTime":277.845,"body":"Can I help it be more flexible by pushing?"},{"startTime":279.45,"endTime":284.31,"body":"The only way they get those answers is"},{"startTime":279.45,"endTime":284.31,"body":"by testing, pushing, and negotiating."},{"startTime":285.48,"endTime":287.94,"body":"Decades of research on"},{"startTime":285.48,"endTime":287.94,"body":"parenting backs this up."},{"startTime":288.69,"endTime":293.31,"body":"Parents who are both firm and"},{"startTime":288.69,"endTime":293.31,"body":"kind, setting clear limits"},{"startTime":293.94,"endTime":295.26,"body":"while they stay connected."},{"startTime":296.34,"endTime":297.48,"body":"So let me say that again."},{"startTime":297.48,"endTime":299.64,"body":"Parents who are both firm and kind."},{"startTime":300.12,"endTime":303.21,"body":"That means setting limits"},{"startTime":300.12,"endTime":303.21,"body":"while staying connected."},{"startTime":303.99,"endTime":306.69,"body":"Raise the most confident secure kits."},{"startTime":308.039,"endTime":310.2,"body":"It's not about being"},{"startTime":308.039,"endTime":310.2,"body":"strict or controlling."},{"startTime":311.789,"endTime":316.65,"body":"It's not about yelling the no, it's"},{"startTime":311.789,"endTime":316.65,"body":"not about demanding cooperation."},{"startTime":317.039,"endTime":321.06,"body":"It's about being clear"},{"startTime":317.039,"endTime":321.06,"body":"and kind at the same time."},{"startTime":322.229,"endTime":324.51,"body":"But here's what happens in most homes."},{"startTime":325.349,"endTime":326.25,"body":"So check this out."},{"startTime":326.969,"endTime":330.84,"body":"Monday, your kid says, can I"},{"startTime":326.969,"endTime":330.84,"body":"have a cookie before dinner?"},{"startTime":331.59,"endTime":332.49,"body":"And the answer's no."},{"startTime":333.78,"endTime":335.909,"body":"Tuesday they ask, can I"},{"startTime":333.78,"endTime":335.909,"body":"have a cookie before dinner?"},{"startTime":336.675,"endTime":337.665,"body":"You say, fine."},{"startTime":337.785,"endTime":342.915,"body":"Just one Wednesday they ask, can"},{"startTime":337.785,"endTime":342.915,"body":"I have a cookie before dinner?"},{"startTime":343.155,"endTime":346.095,"body":"And you say, maybe after dinner."},{"startTime":346.185,"endTime":347.625,"body":"Let's see how much dinner you eat."},{"startTime":348.585,"endTime":349.515,"body":"Same question."},{"startTime":349.665,"endTime":350.715,"body":"Three different answers."},{"startTime":352.035,"endTime":356.685,"body":"And now your kid has learned the boundary"},{"startTime":352.035,"endTime":356.685,"body":"changes based on my parents' mood."},{"startTime":357.825,"endTime":362.32,"body":"If I push when he or she's tired"},{"startTime":357.825,"endTime":362.32,"body":"or distracted, I might get a yes."},{"startTime":363.69,"endTime":366.75,"body":"So they keep pushing every single time."},{"startTime":367.89,"endTime":372.27,"body":"You're not dealing with a defiant kid,"},{"startTime":367.89,"endTime":372.27,"body":"you are dealing with an unclear boundary."},{"startTime":373.62,"endTime":376.409,"body":"Hopefully light bulbs are"},{"startTime":373.62,"endTime":376.409,"body":"going off for you right now."},{"startTime":377.28,"endTime":379.95,"body":"Let me share a story from the"},{"startTime":377.28,"endTime":379.95,"body":"hive that really illustrates this."},{"startTime":381.87,"endTime":386.88,"body":"A mom named Sarah came to coaching,"},{"startTime":381.87,"endTime":386.88,"body":"completely exhausted her 8-year-old,"},{"startTime":386.88,"endTime":389.43,"body":"asks for things constantly, constantly."},{"startTime":389.775,"endTime":394.665,"body":"Snacks, screen times, sleepovers,"},{"startTime":389.775,"endTime":394.665,"body":"soda, go to the park, something"},{"startTime":394.665,"endTime":395.955,"body":"at Target, you name it."},{"startTime":397.125,"endTime":402.285,"body":"And Sarah's go-to response was, we'll"},{"startTime":397.125,"endTime":402.285,"body":"see, we'll see, we'll see, we'll see."},{"startTime":403.515,"endTime":408.285,"body":"Sarah thought she was avoiding conflict"},{"startTime":403.515,"endTime":408.285,"body":"and helping her kid, but what was"},{"startTime":408.285,"endTime":415.935,"body":"actually happening, her son asked 50"},{"startTime":408.285,"endTime":415.935,"body":"times because we'll see meant maybe, and"},{"startTime":415.935,"endTime":418.245,"body":"maybe signaled to him to keep trying."},{"startTime":419.534,"endTime":424.125,"body":"Yeah, so inside the hive we worked"},{"startTime":419.534,"endTime":424.125,"body":"on getting crystal clear with her"},{"startTime":424.125,"endTime":430.065,"body":"boundaries, what was a yes, what was a"},{"startTime":424.125,"endTime":430.065,"body":"no, and what actually occasionally, small"},{"startTime":430.065,"endTime":432.495,"body":"percentage of the time was, ask me again."},{"startTime":432.495,"endTime":436.094,"body":"Later, I need to think about it,"},{"startTime":432.495,"endTime":436.094,"body":"which is different than we'll see."},{"startTime":437.115,"endTime":442.515,"body":"So instead of, we'll see, Sarah started"},{"startTime":437.115,"endTime":442.515,"body":"saying, screen time is from four to five"},{"startTime":442.515,"endTime":444.405,"body":"on school days after homework's done."},{"startTime":445.094,"endTime":447.435,"body":"This is the boundary in our family."},{"startTime":448.425,"endTime":452.085,"body":"Snacks are at three and seven,"},{"startTime":448.425,"endTime":452.085,"body":"and if you're hungry between those"},{"startTime":452.085,"endTime":454.785,"body":"times, you can have some veggies."},{"startTime":456.045,"endTime":461.085,"body":"Sleepovers happen on Friday or Saturday"},{"startTime":456.045,"endTime":461.085,"body":"nights, and we decide one week in advance."},{"startTime":462.015,"endTime":467.155,"body":"Within two weeks, the constant asking"},{"startTime":462.015,"endTime":467.155,"body":"dropped by 80%, not because their"},{"startTime":467.155,"endTime":471.555,"body":"sun suddenly became cooperative,"},{"startTime":467.155,"endTime":471.555,"body":"but because the rules and boundaries"},{"startTime":472.065,"endTime":474.555,"body":"suddenly became clear to both of them."},{"startTime":475.695,"endTime":477.285,"body":"And when our kids know the answer."},{"startTime":477.96,"endTime":479.07,"body":"They can stop asking."},{"startTime":479.43,"endTime":483.719,"body":"They can rest in the boundary"},{"startTime":479.43,"endTime":483.719,"body":"and the consistency even when"},{"startTime":483.93,"endTime":485.46,"body":"they don't like the answer."},{"startTime":486.659,"endTime":490.289,"body":"Let me show you what vague boundaries"},{"startTime":486.659,"endTime":490.289,"body":"look like at different ages and what"},{"startTime":490.349,"endTime":492.24,"body":"clear boundaries look like instead."},{"startTime":493.5,"endTime":499.14,"body":"So in the toddler range of two to"},{"startTime":493.5,"endTime":499.14,"body":"four, vague might sound like maybe you"},{"startTime":499.14,"endTime":500.94,"body":"can have a snack if you stop whining."},{"startTime":501.96,"endTime":505.44,"body":"A clear boundary would be at"},{"startTime":501.96,"endTime":505.44,"body":"three o'clock we'll have a snack."},{"startTime":506.294,"endTime":509.865,"body":"Right now we're playing and you"},{"startTime":506.294,"endTime":509.865,"body":"can have water if you're thirsty."},{"startTime":511.305,"endTime":514.304,"body":"A vague boundary might sound"},{"startTime":511.305,"endTime":514.304,"body":"like we'll leave the park soon."},{"startTime":515.324,"endTime":516.164,"body":"A clear boundary."},{"startTime":516.794,"endTime":520.934,"body":"We're leaving in five minutes and you have"},{"startTime":516.794,"endTime":520.934,"body":"time for two more trips down the slide."},{"startTime":522.074,"endTime":524.174,"body":"Toddlers can't read clocks and understand."},{"startTime":524.235,"endTime":526.935,"body":"Soon they need concrete information."},{"startTime":527.655,"endTime":529.455,"body":"Two more slides is clear."},{"startTime":529.905,"endTime":530.985,"body":"Soon is a mystery."},{"startTime":531.525,"endTime":532.064,"body":"See that?"},{"startTime":533.085,"endTime":534.915,"body":"Let's talk about elementary kids."},{"startTime":535.77,"endTime":541.89,"body":"Vague is if you behave at the store,"},{"startTime":535.77,"endTime":541.89,"body":"maybe you can get a treat clear."},{"startTime":542.13,"endTime":545.16,"body":"We're going to the grocery store"},{"startTime":542.13,"endTime":545.16,"body":"and we're not buying treats today."},{"startTime":546.27,"endTime":550.86,"body":"If you can stay with me, we"},{"startTime":546.27,"endTime":550.86,"body":"can pick out a fruit you'd like"},{"startTime":550.86,"endTime":553.29,"body":"for snacks this week, vague."},{"startTime":553.29,"endTime":555.75,"body":"Get your homework done now and"},{"startTime":553.29,"endTime":555.75,"body":"we'll see about screen time."},{"startTime":556.74,"endTime":560.55,"body":"Clear homework needs to be"},{"startTime":556.74,"endTime":560.55,"body":"finished by five o'clock and"},{"startTime":560.55,"endTime":561.87,"body":"if we can accomplish that."},{"startTime":562.275,"endTime":565.214,"body":"Then you can have 30 minutes"},{"startTime":562.275,"endTime":565.214,"body":"of screen time before dinner."},{"startTime":566.385,"endTime":571.844,"body":"Elementary kids can handle conditional"},{"startTime":566.385,"endTime":571.844,"body":"boundaries If this, then that,"},{"startTime":572.775,"endTime":574.694,"body":"but we'll see isn't conditional."},{"startTime":574.785,"endTime":575.564,"body":"It's uncertain."},{"startTime":576.375,"endTime":585.704,"body":"And then my brain gets stuck on the, we'll"},{"startTime":576.375,"endTime":585.704,"body":"see at that age range tweens vague is your"},{"startTime":585.704,"endTime":587.594,"body":"phone privileges depend on your attitude."},{"startTime":588.795,"endTime":589.484,"body":"Clear."},{"startTime":589.724,"endTime":592.454,"body":"Your phone is available from"},{"startTime":589.724,"endTime":592.454,"body":"four to eight on school nights."},{"startTime":593.505,"endTime":597.974,"body":"If you speak disrespectfully to"},{"startTime":593.505,"endTime":597.974,"body":"me or your father, your phone goes"},{"startTime":597.974,"endTime":599.655,"body":"away for the rest of the evening."},{"startTime":600.255,"endTime":604.785,"body":"The next day starts fresh, and"},{"startTime":600.255,"endTime":604.785,"body":"you might even need to define"},{"startTime":604.785,"endTime":606.824,"body":"what disrespectful is be."},{"startTime":607.214,"endTime":608.625,"body":"Maybe you can go to the mall."},{"startTime":608.864,"endTime":613.694,"body":"If you get your chores done and"},{"startTime":608.864,"endTime":613.694,"body":"you behave clear, you can go to"},{"startTime":613.694,"endTime":616.005,"body":"the mall on Saturday afternoons."},{"startTime":617.13,"endTime":622.08,"body":"If all your chores are completed"},{"startTime":617.13,"endTime":622.08,"body":"by noon to my satisfaction, tweens"},{"startTime":622.08,"endTime":623.64,"body":"are testing for consistency."},{"startTime":624.57,"endTime":627.72,"body":"If the boundary depends on your"},{"startTime":624.57,"endTime":627.72,"body":"mood, they'll wait for the right"},{"startTime":627.72,"endTime":632.64,"body":"mood or they'll try to cajole and"},{"startTime":627.72,"endTime":632.64,"body":"compliment you into the right mood."},{"startTime":633.42,"endTime":636.69,"body":"And finally, let's talk about teens vague."},{"startTime":636.99,"endTime":639.45,"body":"We'll talk about getting you"},{"startTime":636.99,"endTime":639.45,"body":"a car if your grades improve."},{"startTime":640.17,"endTime":640.65,"body":"Clear."},{"startTime":641.22,"endTime":645.96,"body":"When you maintain a B average or"},{"startTime":641.22,"endTime":645.96,"body":"higher for a full semester and have"},{"startTime":645.96,"endTime":649.68,"body":"a thousand dollars saved from your"},{"startTime":645.96,"endTime":649.68,"body":"job, we'll discuss getting you a car."},{"startTime":650.37,"endTime":653.28,"body":"These are the two requirements, vague."},{"startTime":653.28,"endTime":656.61,"body":"Your curfew depends on where"},{"startTime":653.28,"endTime":656.61,"body":"you're going and who you're with."},{"startTime":657.42,"endTime":657.9,"body":"Clear."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":658.41,"endTime":661.05,"body":"00 PM on weekends."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":662.105,"endTime":667.14,"body":"If you choose to stay out later for a"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":662.105,"endTime":667.14,"body":"specific event, we can discuss that, but"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":667.14,"endTime":669.09,"body":"you need to ask me by Friday afternoon."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":669.449,"endTime":673.709,"body":"With details about where you'll be and"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":669.449,"endTime":673.709,"body":"who's driving, and I'll let you know."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":674.61,"endTime":676.11,"body":"Teens need to know the rubric."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":676.8,"endTime":679.829,"body":"What are the actual"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":676.8,"endTime":679.829,"body":"requirements to teenagers?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":680.13,"endTime":684.99,"body":"Vague boundaries feel like moving"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":680.13,"endTime":684.99,"body":"targets and nobody likes a moving target."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":685.86,"endTime":690.6,"body":"Okay, so if vague boundaries create more"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":685.86,"endTime":690.6,"body":"problems, why do we keep using them?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":691.59,"endTime":693.15,"body":"Let me tell you four reasons."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":693.15,"endTime":695.31,"body":"Parents default to vague boundaries."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":695.775,"endTime":702.285,"body":"You can sort of check in to which 1, 2,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":695.775,"endTime":702.285,"body":"3 are all four categories you fall into."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":703.245,"endTime":707.955,"body":"Reason number one, we're trying to avoid"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":703.245,"endTime":707.955,"body":"the meltdown, which I totally understand."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":708.435,"endTime":713.715,"body":"However, when you say maybe instead"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":708.435,"endTime":713.715,"body":"of no, you're most likely hoping"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":713.715,"endTime":714.915,"body":"to delay the disappointment."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":715.455,"endTime":717.495,"body":"You're hoping maybe they'll forget."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":718.065,"endTime":719.835,"body":"Maybe circumstances will change."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":720.075,"endTime":724.215,"body":"Maybe you're tired of being the bad"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":720.075,"endTime":724.215,"body":"guy, but here's what actually happens."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":724.995,"endTime":731.594,"body":"You trade one small meltdown Now for"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":724.995,"endTime":731.594,"body":"a bigger meltdown, when maybe becomes"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":731.594,"endTime":733.245,"body":"no, because you get their hopes up."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":734.234,"endTime":738.584,"body":"They believe they have the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":734.234,"endTime":738.584,"body":"capacity to change your mind."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":739.515,"endTime":745.364,"body":"Reason number two, we wanna seem"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":739.515,"endTime":745.364,"body":"flexible and not too strict sometimes."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":745.364,"endTime":750.104,"body":"This is because we grew up in a"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":745.364,"endTime":750.104,"body":"very strict household and we know"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":750.104,"endTime":753.015,"body":"as a kid how it felt to have that."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":753.615,"endTime":757.515,"body":"Level of too strict applied to us."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":758.505,"endTime":763.545,"body":"Somewhere along the way, we absorbed the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":758.505,"endTime":763.545,"body":"message that good parents are flexible."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":764.475,"endTime":768.045,"body":"That saying no makes us"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":764.475,"endTime":768.045,"body":"rigid or worse even mean."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":769.095,"endTime":773.445,"body":"So we say, we'll see, or it depends"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":769.095,"endTime":773.445,"body":"because we wanna seem reasonable."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":774.735,"endTime":778.065,"body":"But here's the truth, clear"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":774.735,"endTime":778.065,"body":"boundaries are flexible."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":778.8,"endTime":783.12,"body":"We can have limits and adapt"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":778.8,"endTime":783.12,"body":"to circumstances, but the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":783.12,"endTime":784.71,"body":"baseline needs to be clear."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":785.88,"endTime":790.319,"body":"Reason number three, we genuinely don't"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":785.88,"endTime":790.319,"body":"know what the answer should be yet."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":791.01,"endTime":796.02,"body":"Sometimes we say, I don't"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":791.01,"endTime":796.02,"body":"know, or we stall because we"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":796.02,"endTime":798.21,"body":"legitimately need time to decide."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":799.41,"endTime":800.1,"body":"Well listen."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":800.1,"endTime":800.88,"body":"That's okay."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":801.12,"endTime":805.11,"body":"I do that all the time, but instead"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":801.12,"endTime":805.11,"body":"of being vague, I want you to"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":805.11,"endTime":806.4,"body":"say, I need to think about it."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":807.6,"endTime":812.46,"body":"Come back and ask me again later, or I'll"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":807.6,"endTime":812.46,"body":"give you my answer by 6:00 PM tonight,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":812.97,"endTime":817.71,"body":"or let me sleep on it overnight and"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":812.97,"endTime":817.71,"body":"I'll get back to you in the morning."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":817.77,"endTime":821.34,"body":"Or, this is too much to discuss right now."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":821.61,"endTime":826.41,"body":"Let's put it on the in the parking"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":821.61,"endTime":826.41,"body":"lot and discuss it this weekend,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":827.46,"endTime":832.47,"body":"because now your kid has a clear"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":827.46,"endTime":832.47,"body":"timeline, the uncertainty has an end"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":832.47,"endTime":834.15,"body":"point and they can deal with that."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":835.98,"endTime":839.55,"body":"Reason number four, maybe it's"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":835.98,"endTime":839.55,"body":"because you were parented with"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":839.55,"endTime":840.75,"body":"vague boundaries yourself."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":841.62,"endTime":845.52,"body":"If your parents said, we'll see, or it"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":841.62,"endTime":845.52,"body":"depends on your behavior constantly."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":846.15,"endTime":848.16,"body":"This is how your brain is hardwired."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":848.4,"endTime":849.54,"body":"This is your default."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":850.14,"endTime":854.73,"body":"You may not even realize you're doing"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":850.14,"endTime":854.73,"body":"it because honestly it feels normal."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":855.69,"endTime":857.43,"body":"But I want you to think back."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":857.55,"endTime":860.61,"body":"How did it feel as a kid when"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":857.55,"endTime":860.61,"body":"the answer was always maybe."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":862.005,"endTime":867.645,"body":"It probably felt like an awful combination"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":862.005,"endTime":867.645,"body":"of confusing and hope, and it led"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":867.645,"endTime":872.295,"body":"to feelings of deep frustration like"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":867.645,"endTime":872.295,"body":"you never quite knew where you stood."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":872.775,"endTime":873.194,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":873.854,"endTime":874.064,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":874.064,"endTime":875.354,"body":"Your kids feel that way too."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":876.344,"endTime":878.535,"body":"Let me tell you about my"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":876.344,"endTime":878.535,"body":"own journey with this."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":879.435,"endTime":884.505,"body":"When Malcolm was around eight"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":879.435,"endTime":884.505,"body":"or nine, I caught myself saying,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":884.505,"endTime":885.915,"body":"we'll see about everything."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":886.814,"endTime":890.025,"body":"I noticed this as I was going"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":886.814,"endTime":890.025,"body":"through my parent coach training."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":890.865,"endTime":891.975,"body":"Can I have a friend over?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":891.975,"endTime":892.515,"body":"We'll see."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":892.935,"endTime":893.895,"body":"Can we go to the park?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":893.925,"endTime":894.435,"body":"I don't know."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":895.065,"endTime":897.495,"body":"Can we stay up late on"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":895.065,"endTime":897.495,"body":"Friday and watch a movie?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":897.765,"endTime":898.455,"body":"It depends."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":899.865,"endTime":900.945,"body":"And you know what I noticed?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":901.185,"endTime":905.085,"body":"He asked me the same questions"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":901.185,"endTime":905.085,"body":"over and over and over again."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":906.015,"endTime":911.325,"body":"I mean, this kid was not gonna"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":906.015,"endTime":911.325,"body":"take we'll see for an answer"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":911.925,"endTime":914.09,"body":"sometimes five times in one day."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":915.34,"endTime":917.12,"body":"One day I got really frustrated."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":918.24,"endTime":920.79,"body":"I said, Malcolm, I already answered you."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":921.21,"endTime":922.68,"body":"Why do you keep asking me this?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":923.28,"endTime":926.79,"body":"And he said something that"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":923.28,"endTime":926.79,"body":"stalk me in my tracks."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":927.6,"endTime":930.45,"body":"Because you never really answer mom."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":930.93,"endTime":932.19,"body":"You just say, we'll see."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":933.06,"endTime":935.64,"body":"And I don't know if that means yes or no."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":936.81,"endTime":937.59,"body":"Oh my goodness."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":937.8,"endTime":938.46,"body":"He was right."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":939.6,"endTime":942.39,"body":"What I learned is that"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":939.6,"endTime":942.39,"body":"we'll see isn't an answer."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":943.71,"endTime":944.67,"body":"It's avoidance."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":945.39,"endTime":946.47,"body":"You're avoiding deciding."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":947.73,"endTime":953.31,"body":"You're avoiding committing to the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":947.73,"endTime":953.31,"body":"answer and side note that causes a"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":953.31,"endTime":957.3,"body":"lot of decision fatigue because you're"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":953.31,"endTime":957.3,"body":"revisiting something as the parent"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":957.63,"endTime":962.64,"body":"over and over and over again, and that"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":957.63,"endTime":962.64,"body":"moment taught me something crucial."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":963.839,"endTime":968.55,"body":"Kids aren't asking repeatedly to"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":963.839,"endTime":968.55,"body":"manipulate you or to wear you down."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":969.599,"endTime":972.329,"body":"They're asking repeatedly"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":969.599,"endTime":972.329,"body":"because we'll see."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":972.329,"endTime":975.63,"body":"Literally means keep drawing there's hope."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":975.78,"endTime":976.02,"body":"Hang in there."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":977.145,"endTime":977.895,"body":"Keep going."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":979.425,"endTime":981.345,"body":"I realized I wasn't setting a boundary."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":981.825,"endTime":983.595,"body":"I was creating a guessing game."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":983.895,"endTime":988.035,"body":"Malcolm had to play over"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":983.895,"endTime":988.035,"body":"and over and over every day."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":988.995,"endTime":992.025,"body":"So I started getting clear, really clear."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":992.295,"endTime":998.865,"body":"Well, before he asked, I sat down and I"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":992.295,"endTime":998.865,"body":"figured out what the answers were to the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":998.865,"endTime":1000.935,"body":"critical questions he was gonna ask me."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1002.165,"endTime":1003.605,"body":"I started saying things like."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1004.91,"endTime":1009.23,"body":"You can have a friend over on Saturday"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1004.91,"endTime":1009.23,"body":"in the afternoon between two and five."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1010.16,"endTime":1012.949,"body":"No, we're not able to go to"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1010.16,"endTime":1012.949,"body":"the park today, but we can"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1012.949,"endTime":1014.18,"body":"go Wednesday after school."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1015.41,"endTime":1017.99,"body":"Yes, you can stay up"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1015.41,"endTime":1017.99,"body":"till 10:00 PM on Friday."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1018.92,"endTime":1023.3,"body":"Yes, you can have a half an hour"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1018.92,"endTime":1023.3,"body":"of gaming between five and five"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1023.3,"endTime":1028.16,"body":"30 if your homework is completely"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1023.3,"endTime":1028.16,"body":"done, and you know what happened?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1029.24,"endTime":1029.99,"body":"Everything got easier."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1031.34,"endTime":1036.53,"body":"He stopped asking multiple times because"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1031.34,"endTime":1036.53,"body":"he had a real answer that was firm and"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1036.53,"endTime":1040.07,"body":"kind, and he knew what the limits were."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1142.26,"endTime":1145.71,"body":"He knew what the edges were to"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1142.26,"endTime":1145.71,"body":"the questions that he was asking."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1147.03,"endTime":1149.61,"body":"Okay, so how do you"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1147.03,"endTime":1149.61,"body":"actually make this shift?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1149.61,"endTime":1152.79,"body":"Well, here's your framework"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1149.61,"endTime":1152.79,"body":"for clear boundaries."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1154.14,"endTime":1156.33,"body":"Step one, I've alluded to it already."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1156.81,"endTime":1159.42,"body":"You decide the boundary"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1156.81,"endTime":1159.42,"body":"before you're asked."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1160.74,"endTime":1164.64,"body":"Please do not make decisions on the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1160.74,"endTime":1164.64,"body":"fly when your kid is standing in front"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1164.64,"endTime":1171.09,"body":"of you with big, hopeful eyes, and on"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1164.64,"endTime":1171.09,"body":"the verge of a meltdown, decide your"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1171.09,"endTime":1175.65,"body":"family's boundaries about common issues"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1171.09,"endTime":1175.65,"body":"ahead of time, screen time rules,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1176.04,"endTime":1181.3799999999999,"body":"snack, timing, bedtime exceptions,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1176.04,"endTime":1181.3799999999999,"body":"homework routine, weekly activities."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1181.77,"endTime":1183.87,"body":"Do you do sleepovers or not?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1185.19,"endTime":1188.8799999999999,"body":"Can they go outside and play in the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1185.19,"endTime":1188.8799999999999,"body":"neighborhood and during what hours?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1190.245,"endTime":1194.445,"body":"When you've already decided ahead of"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1190.245,"endTime":1194.445,"body":"time, while you're calm and regulated,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1195.075,"endTime":1199.335,"body":"and the question gets asked by your"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1195.075,"endTime":1199.335,"body":"kid, you can answer clearly and calmly."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1200.475,"endTime":1202.725,"body":"You're not making up curfew on the fly."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1203.955,"endTime":1208.545,"body":"You're not deciding whether they can drive"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1203.955,"endTime":1208.545,"body":"the car based on how you feel that day."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1208.545,"endTime":1212.955,"body":"So step one, decide the"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1208.545,"endTime":1212.955,"body":"boundaries before you're asked."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1214.0049999999999,"endTime":1217.455,"body":"Step two, state it clearly,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1214.0049999999999,"endTime":1217.455,"body":"specifically, and confidently."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1218.25,"endTime":1221.04,"body":"Not, maybe you can have"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1218.25,"endTime":1221.04,"body":"screen time if you're good."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1221.43,"endTime":1227.22,"body":"Instead, screen time is from four to five"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1221.43,"endTime":1227.22,"body":"on school days after homework is completed"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1227.49,"endTime":1234.51,"body":"to my satisfaction that my friend is a"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1227.49,"endTime":1234.51,"body":"boundary not we'll see about a sleepover"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1234.84,"endTime":1240.84,"body":"instead, sleepovers happen on Friday"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1234.84,"endTime":1240.84,"body":"or Saturday nights when we've confirmed"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1240.84,"endTime":1243.24,"body":"plans with the other parent by Thursday."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1243.69,"endTime":1245.97,"body":"So yes, we can check with them as mom."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1246.885,"endTime":1252.375,"body":"That's a boundary, that's a guideline"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1246.885,"endTime":1252.375,"body":"for the family, not bedtime."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1252.375,"endTime":1254.625,"body":"Depends on how tired you seem."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1255.225,"endTime":1259.305,"body":"Instead, bedtime is eight o'clock"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1255.225,"endTime":1259.305,"body":"on school nights, that's when you"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1259.305,"endTime":1261.045,"body":"need to be in bed with lights out."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1261.945,"endTime":1262.965,"body":"Notice the pattern."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1263.415,"endTime":1266.475,"body":"No qualifiers, no mood dependent clauses."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1266.895,"endTime":1269.805,"body":"No if you're good, blah, blah, blah."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1270.225,"endTime":1272.865,"body":"Just the clear boundary set ahead of time."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1274.02,"endTime":1277.98,"body":"Delivered in a clear, calm, confident way."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1279.15,"endTime":1284.22,"body":"Step three, this one is"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1279.15,"endTime":1284.22,"body":"difficult, but uber important."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1284.94,"endTime":1287.25,"body":"Answer once and then stop talking."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1288.6299999999999,"endTime":1289.5,"body":"See what I did there."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1290.28,"endTime":1293.49,"body":"Here's where most parents"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1290.28,"endTime":1293.49,"body":"sabotage their own clarity."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1294.42,"endTime":1297.69,"body":"You give a clear answer and"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1294.42,"endTime":1297.69,"body":"then your kid pushes back."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1298.62,"endTime":1302.22,"body":"Then you start explaining, like"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1298.62,"endTime":1302.22,"body":"the teacher on the peanuts,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1305.43,"endTime":1308.01,"body":"they ask, can I stay up late tonight?"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1309.0,"endTime":1313.68,"body":"And you say, bedtime's eight o'clock,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1309.0,"endTime":1313.68,"body":"and you see the frustration on their"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1313.68,"endTime":1318.149,"body":"face and then you go, well, the reason"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1313.68,"endTime":1318.149,"body":"bedtime is 8:00 PM is because you need"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1318.149,"endTime":1321.72,"body":"eight hours of sleep and research shows"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1318.149,"endTime":1321.72,"body":"the kids your aide, blah, blah, blah."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1321.78,"endTime":1324.0,"body":"And when you don't get enough sleep,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1321.78,"endTime":1324.0,"body":"you're cranky in the blah, blah,"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1324.0,"endTime":1325.11,"body":"blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1325.68,"endTime":1327.389,"body":"No, just stop."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1328.29,"endTime":1330.45,"body":"You're the peaceful"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1328.29,"endTime":1330.45,"body":"leader of the household."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1331.14,"endTime":1333.12,"body":"You already gave the answer."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1334.2,"endTime":1336.96,"body":"Their pushback doesn't require a defense."},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1338.01,"endTime":1342.06,"body":"You can say, I know you don't"},{"speaker":"Your curfew is 11","startTime":1338.01,"endTime":1342.06,"body":"wanna go to bed right now."},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1342.21,"endTime":1348.93,"body":"00 PM And"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1342.21,"endTime":1348.93,"body":"then you pause and you give them a hot"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1348.93,"endTime":1354.48,"body":"minute to process what you've just said,"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1348.93,"endTime":1354.48,"body":"and they get to feel their feelings."},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1355.169,"endTime":1358.5,"body":"Of anger and frustration"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1355.169,"endTime":1358.5,"body":"and disappointment while"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1358.5,"endTime":1360.09,"body":"you hold the boundary."},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1360.929,"endTime":1365.22,"body":"And last step four, which is"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1360.929,"endTime":1365.22,"body":"the most important, is that"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1365.22,"endTime":1366.57,"body":"you follow through every time."},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1367.679,"endTime":1370.56,"body":"And this is where the rubber"},{"speaker":"I get it, and bedtime is 8","startTime":1367.679,"endTime":1370.56,"body":"meets the road completely."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1371.73,"endTime":1377.7,"body":"00 PM and"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1371.73,"endTime":1377.7,"body":"then you let it slide to five 30 because"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1378.0,"endTime":1381.899,"body":"you feel really connected with them,"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1378.0,"endTime":1381.899,"body":"or you guys have had an amazing day or"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1381.899,"endTime":1383.7,"body":"something difficult happened at school."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1384.165,"endTime":1388.514,"body":"You let it slide to five 30, then you've"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1384.165,"endTime":1388.514,"body":"just made the boundary vague again."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1389.354,"endTime":1393.975,"body":"If you say sleepovers happen on Fridays"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1389.354,"endTime":1393.975,"body":"and Saturdays only, and then you cave"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1393.975,"endTime":1398.475,"body":"to a Wednesday sleepover, you've taught"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1393.975,"endTime":1398.475,"body":"your kid the boundary is negotiable."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1399.524,"endTime":1403.215,"body":"Consistency is what makes"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1399.524,"endTime":1403.215,"body":"clear boundaries actually work."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1403.7839999999999,"endTime":1406.455,"body":"It's the implementation of the boundary."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1407.625,"endTime":1409.245,"body":"Here's my favorite phrase for this."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1409.814,"endTime":1411.554,"body":"Say what you mean and mean what you say."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1412.635,"endTime":1414.645,"body":"Not harshly, not with anger."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1414.915,"endTime":1418.425,"body":"Just calmly and"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1414.915,"endTime":1418.425,"body":"consistently, firm and kind."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1419.565,"endTime":1420.825,"body":"Here's your homework this week."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1421.815,"endTime":1424.305,"body":"Assignment number one,"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1421.815,"endTime":1424.305,"body":"the vague boundary audit."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1425.625,"endTime":1429.885,"body":"I want you to track how many times"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1425.625,"endTime":1429.885,"body":"you use these phrases this week."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1430.395,"endTime":1431.115,"body":"Maybe we'll see."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1431.865,"endTime":1432.525,"body":"It depends."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1432.525,"endTime":1434.805,"body":"If you're good, just track it."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1435.735,"endTime":1437.415,"body":"Notice where you default to vague."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1437.804,"endTime":1442.0339999999999,"body":"No judgment, not by me or you"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1437.804,"endTime":1442.0339999999999,"body":"just creating an awareness."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1442.844,"endTime":1446.834,"body":"And then assignment number two,"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1442.844,"endTime":1446.834,"body":"choose one boundary to clarify."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1447.705,"endTime":1451.514,"body":"Pick the one boundary that's causing"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1447.705,"endTime":1451.514,"body":"the most chaos in your house right now."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1452.264,"endTime":1456.374,"body":"Maybe it's screen time, maybe it's"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1452.264,"endTime":1456.374,"body":"bedtime, maybe it's asking for snacks"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1456.374,"endTime":1461.084,"body":"constantly when you're calm and by"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1456.374,"endTime":1461.084,"body":"yourself, and have a moment during the"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1461.084,"endTime":1465.2549999999999,"body":"day maybe when you're at work or you've"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1461.084,"endTime":1465.2549999999999,"body":"just gotten the kids off to school and"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1465.2549999999999,"endTime":1466.469,"body":"you're sitting having a cup of coffee."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1467.19,"endTime":1468.54,"body":"Maybe you're driving in the car."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1469.05,"endTime":1474.21,"body":"I want you to think and write down"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1469.05,"endTime":1474.21,"body":"what is the boundary, be specific, when"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1474.21,"endTime":1476.82,"body":"does it apply, when doesn't it apply?"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1476.97,"endTime":1478.65,"body":"What happens if it's not followed?"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1479.49,"endTime":1483.9,"body":"Then communicate it clearly to your"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1479.49,"endTime":1483.9,"body":"kid before the next time it comes up."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1484.59,"endTime":1487.74,"body":"Hey, I've had time to think about"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1484.59,"endTime":1487.74,"body":"it, and this is what we're gonna do"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1487.92,"endTime":1492.93,"body":"with electronics each school night or"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1487.92,"endTime":1492.93,"body":"school day, or, here's how we're gonna"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1492.93,"endTime":1495.09,"body":"proceed with curfew from here on out."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1495.9,"endTime":1500.1,"body":"Communicate it clearly to your kid"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1495.9,"endTime":1500.1,"body":"before the next time it comes up."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1501.18,"endTime":1502.77,"body":"This is a total game changer."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1503.91,"endTime":1506.79,"body":"And then homework number three,"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1503.91,"endTime":1506.79,"body":"I want you to practice the"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1506.79,"endTime":1508.47,"body":"phrase I've given you my answer."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1509.46,"endTime":1513.96,"body":"When your kid pushes back on a clear"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1509.46,"endTime":1513.96,"body":"boundary practice saying, I've given you"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1513.96,"endTime":1520.32,"body":"my answer, or I've told you the boundary,"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1513.96,"endTime":1520.32,"body":"it's not changing, then stop talking."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1521.19,"endTime":1523.05,"body":"Don't defend, don't explain."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1523.05,"endTime":1526.59,"body":"Again, just hold the"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1523.05,"endTime":1526.59,"body":"boundary that you've set."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1527.55,"endTime":1527.94,"body":"Okay?"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1527.94,"endTime":1529.89,"body":"You know what I want you"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1527.94,"endTime":1529.89,"body":"to take away from today?"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1531.03,"endTime":1532.59,"body":"Vague boundaries aren't kinder."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1533.01,"endTime":1534.24,"body":"They're harder on everyone."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1534.72,"endTime":1536.97,"body":"You, your kid, the co-parent."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1537.93,"endTime":1540.9,"body":"Your child isn't being difficult"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1537.93,"endTime":1540.9,"body":"when they ask 47 times."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1541.68,"endTime":1544.53,"body":"What they're doing is they're"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1541.68,"endTime":1544.53,"body":"trying desperately to figure"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1544.53,"endTime":1545.7,"body":"out where the edge is."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1546.66,"endTime":1549.09,"body":"Your kid isn't testing you"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1546.66,"endTime":1549.09,"body":"because they don't respect you."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1549.21,"endTime":1553.59,"body":"They're testing because the boundary"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1549.21,"endTime":1553.59,"body":"keeps moving, and here's what I know"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1553.59,"endTime":1554.8799999999999,"body":"with a hundred percent certainty."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1555.78,"endTime":1563.04,"body":"When you get really clear, really truly"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1555.78,"endTime":1563.04,"body":"clear, the testing decreases because"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1564.0,"endTime":1566.07,"body":"kids don't need flexible boundaries."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1566.19,"endTime":1571.2,"body":"They need solid boundaries"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1566.19,"endTime":1571.2,"body":"delivered firmly and kindly."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1572.4,"endTime":1573.885,"body":"They need to know this is the limit."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1575.145,"endTime":1576.195,"body":"It's not changing."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1576.975,"endTime":1578.475,"body":"You can be upset about it."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1578.864,"endTime":1583.245,"body":"And I'm still here with compassion"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1578.864,"endTime":1583.245,"body":"and empathy while holding the limit."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1584.294,"endTime":1590.564,"body":"That is peaceful parenting, that's"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1584.294,"endTime":1590.564,"body":"secure attachment, and that's the steady"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1590.564,"endTime":1596.145,"body":"leadership that your kids crave, and that"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1590.564,"endTime":1596.145,"body":"creates emotional intelligence downstream."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1597.104,"endTime":1601.125,"body":"So get clear, stay"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1597.104,"endTime":1601.125,"body":"clear, and be consistent."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1601.965,"endTime":1602.385,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1603.104,"endTime":1603.405,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1604.544,"endTime":1609.074,"body":"That's the work, and I'm with"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1604.544,"endTime":1609.074,"body":"you every step of the way."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1610.094,"endTime":1613.635,"body":"Until next time, I'm wishing"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1610.094,"endTime":1613.635,"body":"you peaceful parenting."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1616.245,"endTime":1618.375,"body":"Thanks for listening to Real"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1616.245,"endTime":1618.375,"body":"World Peaceful Parenting."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1618.854,"endTime":1621.584,"body":"If you want more info on how you"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1618.854,"endTime":1621.584,"body":"can transform your parenting,"},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1621.885,"endTime":1623.715,"body":"visit the peaceful parent.com."},{"speaker":"If you say screen time is at 5","startTime":1623.745,"endTime":1624.34,"body":"See you soon."}]}