{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":1.23,"endTime":4.41,"body":"Welcome to Real World Peaceful"},{"startTime":1.23,"endTime":4.41,"body":"Parenting, a podcast for parents"},{"startTime":4.41,"endTime":7.08,"body":"that are tired of yelling,"},{"startTime":4.41,"endTime":7.08,"body":"threatening, and punishing their kids."},{"startTime":7.62,"endTime":11.73,"body":"Join mom and master certified parent"},{"startTime":7.62,"endTime":11.73,"body":"coach Lisa Smith as she gives you"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"actionable step-by-step strategies"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"that'll help you transform your"},{"startTime":15.15,"endTime":17.4,"body":"household from chaos to cooperation."},{"startTime":17.82,"endTime":18.36,"body":"Let's dive in."},{"startTime":22.92,"endTime":24.69,"body":"Welcome, welcome, welcome."},{"startTime":25.44,"endTime":27.45,"body":"Welcome to today's episode."},{"startTime":27.96,"endTime":29.22,"body":"I am honored."},{"startTime":29.61,"endTime":33.93,"body":"Be with you here today, and one"},{"startTime":29.61,"endTime":33.93,"body":"of the reasons I'm honored is"},{"startTime":33.93,"endTime":35.97,"body":"because today's episode is special."},{"startTime":36.87,"endTime":39.51,"body":"For the past few weeks we've"},{"startTime":36.87,"endTime":39.51,"body":"been talking about meltdowns."},{"startTime":40.29,"endTime":44.37,"body":"We've been talking about emotional"},{"startTime":40.29,"endTime":44.37,"body":"regulation, and we've been talking"},{"startTime":44.37,"endTime":50.43,"body":"about the mistakes parents make, and"},{"startTime":44.37,"endTime":50.43,"body":"we've been talking about our nervous"},{"startTime":50.43,"endTime":55.44,"body":"system Over the last two weeks, we've"},{"startTime":50.43,"endTime":55.44,"body":"been building something together."},{"startTime":56.01,"endTime":57.3,"body":"In episode two 70."},{"startTime":57.93,"endTime":61.05,"body":"We talked about what emotional"},{"startTime":57.93,"endTime":61.05,"body":"regulation actually is."},{"startTime":61.65,"endTime":64.89,"body":"The kids aren't born knowing"},{"startTime":61.65,"endTime":64.89,"body":"how to handle big feelings."},{"startTime":65.58,"endTime":71.91,"body":"The behavior is communication and that"},{"startTime":65.58,"endTime":71.91,"body":"your kids literally borrow calm from you."},{"startTime":72.57,"endTime":78.84,"body":"Then in episode 2 71, we busted the four"},{"startTime":72.57,"endTime":78.84,"body":"biggest mistakes parents make when they"},{"startTime":78.9,"endTime":84.87,"body":"think they're doing emotional regulation,"},{"startTime":78.9,"endTime":84.87,"body":"but it's actually backfiring and today."},{"startTime":85.725,"endTime":92.354,"body":"Today is episode 2 72, and this is the one"},{"startTime":85.725,"endTime":92.354,"body":"where all of that comes to life because"},{"startTime":92.354,"endTime":97.514,"body":"today you're going to hear what three"},{"startTime":92.354,"endTime":97.514,"body":"years of this work actually looks like in"},{"startTime":97.514,"endTime":100.574,"body":"a real home with a real kid on hard days."},{"startTime":101.804,"endTime":107.414,"body":"Because I have one of our longtime Hive"},{"startTime":101.804,"endTime":107.414,"body":"members with me here today, Dina, and."},{"startTime":113.835,"endTime":116.505,"body":"Her daughter didn't suddenly become easy."},{"startTime":117.225,"endTime":119.085,"body":"Life didn't suddenly become smooth."},{"startTime":120.045,"endTime":121.035,"body":"Isn't that the truth?"},{"startTime":121.395,"endTime":124.515,"body":"And there wasn't some"},{"startTime":121.395,"endTime":124.515,"body":"magical overnight fixed."},{"startTime":125.235,"endTime":130.09,"body":"What changed was drum roll, please, Dina."},{"startTime":131.385,"endTime":133.845,"body":"And when she changed, everything shifted."},{"startTime":134.625,"endTime":136.635,"body":"If you're parenting a strong-willed."},{"startTime":137.16,"endTime":143.16,"body":"Kid or an A DHD kid, or a dyslexic"},{"startTime":137.16,"endTime":143.16,"body":"kid, or a highly sensitive kid."},{"startTime":143.73,"endTime":148.2,"body":"If mornings feel like a battlefield,"},{"startTime":143.73,"endTime":148.2,"body":"if you feel like you're bracing for"},{"startTime":148.2,"endTime":153.42,"body":"impact before your feet even hit the"},{"startTime":148.2,"endTime":153.42,"body":"floor, today's episode is for you."},{"startTime":153.96,"endTime":156.27,"body":"So join me and welcoming Dina."},{"startTime":156.57,"endTime":157.47,"body":"Dina, welcome."},{"startTime":157.89,"endTime":158.85,"body":"Thank you so much."},{"startTime":158.85,"endTime":160.65,"body":"I am happy to be here."},{"startTime":160.65,"endTime":163.32,"body":"I'm excited again to be"},{"startTime":160.65,"endTime":163.32,"body":"able to share with everyone."},{"startTime":163.95,"endTime":164.85,"body":"Yes, I am."},{"startTime":165.12,"endTime":166.56,"body":"We're just so grateful."},{"startTime":166.965,"endTime":172.364,"body":"For your contribution and your willingness"},{"startTime":166.965,"endTime":172.364,"body":"to share your story and pay it forward."},{"startTime":172.665,"endTime":175.035,"body":"So Dina, let's jump in here."},{"startTime":175.035,"endTime":176.864,"body":"Take us back to the beginning."},{"startTime":177.105,"endTime":180.795,"body":"I think it's been about three years,"},{"startTime":177.105,"endTime":180.795,"body":"and you can correct me if I have"},{"startTime":180.795,"endTime":184.635,"body":"the number wrong, but take us back"},{"startTime":180.795,"endTime":184.635,"body":"what were mornings like in your"},{"startTime":184.635,"endTime":187.035,"body":"house before you joined the hots."},{"startTime":187.875,"endTime":190.035,"body":"All right, I'm gonna take you"},{"startTime":187.875,"endTime":190.035,"body":"back 'cause it's actually been"},{"startTime":190.035,"endTime":191.894,"body":"more like close to six years."},{"startTime":191.954,"endTime":193.67,"body":"I found you back in 2020."},{"startTime":194.475,"endTime":198.135,"body":"I joined a three day challenge in 2021."},{"startTime":198.525,"endTime":202.335,"body":"That's when I joined the Hive, and"},{"startTime":198.525,"endTime":202.335,"body":"that's when I started getting a"},{"startTime":202.335,"endTime":204.975,"body":"lot of my coaching from the get go."},{"startTime":205.335,"endTime":208.485,"body":"Mornings were such a struggle."},{"startTime":209.085,"endTime":213.975,"body":"I can't even tell you how much I did"},{"startTime":209.085,"endTime":213.975,"body":"not like mornings with my daughter."},{"startTime":214.545,"endTime":218.625,"body":"As much as I am a structured"},{"startTime":214.545,"endTime":218.625,"body":"type a person, follow routine"},{"startTime":218.625,"endTime":220.515,"body":"and stuff, my daughter is not."},{"startTime":220.575,"endTime":226.665,"body":"She's also, as you say, very often"},{"startTime":220.575,"endTime":226.665,"body":"a full context for it and I with"},{"startTime":226.665,"endTime":228.765,"body":"the different in our personalities."},{"startTime":228.885,"endTime":231.795,"body":"I was not finding a way"},{"startTime":228.885,"endTime":231.795,"body":"through my mornings."},{"startTime":231.825,"endTime":236.355,"body":"They were meltdowns, couldn't move"},{"startTime":231.825,"endTime":236.355,"body":"forward, couldn't follow direction,"},{"startTime":236.745,"endTime":238.019,"body":"and I didn't even know where to start."},{"startTime":239.16,"endTime":243.15,"body":"And when I came on with you and"},{"startTime":239.16,"endTime":243.15,"body":"started getting coaching right away,"},{"startTime":243.18,"endTime":248.55,"body":"I'll never forget this, you suggested"},{"startTime":243.18,"endTime":248.55,"body":"a checklist and I was like, Hmm."},{"startTime":248.64,"endTime":250.89,"body":"Because that brought some buy-in from her."},{"startTime":251.31,"endTime":252.0,"body":"And we did."},{"startTime":252.03,"endTime":255.93,"body":"We started a checklist, and"},{"startTime":252.03,"endTime":255.93,"body":"this was really for me, the"},{"startTime":255.93,"endTime":258.0,"body":"first, um, empowering moment."},{"startTime":258.75,"endTime":261.0,"body":"I kept all of these checklists."},{"startTime":261.75,"endTime":264.75,"body":"For, I don't know how long,"},{"startTime":261.75,"endTime":264.75,"body":"but I had over a hundred."},{"startTime":264.81,"endTime":270.27,"body":"I did them every day with her, and"},{"startTime":264.81,"endTime":270.27,"body":"she got so excited that before I"},{"startTime":270.27,"endTime":275.37,"body":"knew it, things were just getting"},{"startTime":270.27,"endTime":275.37,"body":"done and I couldn't believe it."},{"startTime":275.609,"endTime":281.609,"body":"And it was just simple getting her excited"},{"startTime":275.609,"endTime":281.609,"body":"about it, having her engagement in it."},{"startTime":281.969,"endTime":283.89,"body":"It was just unbelievable."},{"startTime":284.43,"endTime":285.15,"body":"That's awesome."},{"startTime":285.45,"endTime":286.68,"body":"And as I remember."},{"startTime":287.1,"endTime":292.74,"body":"There was yelling in the beginning and"},{"startTime":287.1,"endTime":292.74,"body":"power struggles and constant negotiating"},{"startTime":293.22,"endTime":298.53,"body":"and maybe a little bit of anxiety and"},{"startTime":293.22,"endTime":298.53,"body":"urgency, and I remember you saying every"},{"startTime":298.53,"endTime":301.26,"body":"meltdown felt like the end of the world."},{"startTime":301.89,"endTime":305.16,"body":"When you think back to that"},{"startTime":301.89,"endTime":305.16,"body":"season, what did it feel like"},{"startTime":305.16,"endTime":306.96,"body":"inside your body every morning de."},{"startTime":307.89,"endTime":312.48,"body":"I was a nervous wreck and the thought"},{"startTime":307.89,"endTime":312.48,"body":"I always had, and I do wanna share"},{"startTime":312.66,"endTime":317.61,"body":"in case anybody else has this thought"},{"startTime":312.66,"endTime":317.61,"body":"is, my thought was, this is so hard."},{"startTime":318.27,"endTime":318.42,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"startTime":318.42,"endTime":319.5,"body":"This is so hard."},{"startTime":319.92,"endTime":325.17,"body":"And I, it wasn't till a little later in"},{"startTime":319.92,"endTime":325.17,"body":"my journey with you, but that was one of"},{"startTime":325.17,"endTime":330.96,"body":"the biggest things that held me back from"},{"startTime":325.17,"endTime":330.96,"body":"moving forward with her and being able"},{"startTime":330.96,"endTime":335.4,"body":"to change my mindset and how I approached"},{"startTime":330.96,"endTime":335.4,"body":"mornings and I finally got rid of that."},{"startTime":335.79,"endTime":339.12,"body":"Thought, threw it out and replaced"},{"startTime":335.79,"endTime":339.12,"body":"it with something different."},{"startTime":339.72,"endTime":345.33,"body":"And today, so many years later,"},{"startTime":339.72,"endTime":345.33,"body":"mornings are still messy at times."},{"startTime":345.33,"endTime":347.16,"body":"Don't get me wrong, she's 11 now."},{"startTime":347.31,"endTime":347.79,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":348.09,"endTime":353.46,"body":"However, the things that I thought"},{"startTime":348.09,"endTime":353.46,"body":"she could never do, like get herself"},{"startTime":353.46,"endTime":359.31,"body":"dressed, brush her teeth, you know, basic"},{"startTime":353.46,"endTime":359.31,"body":"things are just like a no brainer now."},{"startTime":359.88,"endTime":360.63,"body":"That's awesome."},{"startTime":361.26,"endTime":361.47,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":361.47,"endTime":364.2,"body":"So I want listeners, I"},{"startTime":361.47,"endTime":364.2,"body":"want you to hear this."},{"startTime":364.89,"endTime":366.99,"body":"Dina wasn't a bad mom."},{"startTime":367.86,"endTime":374.19,"body":"She was someone who was reinforcing every"},{"startTime":367.86,"endTime":374.19,"body":"day a nervous system in survival mode."},{"startTime":374.64,"endTime":377.219,"body":"By thinking the thought, this is hard."},{"startTime":377.969,"endTime":383.219,"body":"It was almost pret triggering the"},{"startTime":377.969,"endTime":383.219,"body":"trigger to go into a dysregulated"},{"startTime":383.55,"endTime":385.95,"body":"nervous system every morning."},{"startTime":385.95,"endTime":391.469,"body":"And when we're parenting a strong-willed"},{"startTime":385.95,"endTime":391.469,"body":"kid, which Dina's daughter has officially."},{"startTime":391.919,"endTime":395.039,"body":"You know, where's the title"},{"startTime":391.919,"endTime":395.039,"body":"of Full Contact Sport?"},{"startTime":395.7,"endTime":397.77,"body":"Our nervous system goes into overdrive."},{"startTime":398.28,"endTime":402.33,"body":"We brace, we anticipate, we"},{"startTime":398.28,"endTime":402.33,"body":"overexplain, we over-function."},{"startTime":402.599,"endTime":406.26,"body":"We try to control the outcome"},{"startTime":402.599,"endTime":406.26,"body":"because we're terrified of"},{"startTime":406.26,"endTime":407.609,"body":"what happens if we don't."},{"startTime":408.45,"endTime":408.84,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":408.87,"endTime":414.03,"body":"And this is something good to"},{"startTime":408.87,"endTime":414.03,"body":"recognize if you, the listener,"},{"startTime":414.03,"endTime":415.59,"body":"are relating to this right now."},{"startTime":416.099,"endTime":416.549,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":417.179,"endTime":419.4,"body":"So let's have Dina share with us."},{"startTime":419.925,"endTime":423.585,"body":"At what point did you realize"},{"startTime":419.925,"endTime":423.585,"body":"this wasn't about controlling"},{"startTime":423.585,"endTime":428.565,"body":"your daughter's behavior, it was"},{"startTime":423.585,"endTime":428.565,"body":"about regulating yourself first?"},{"startTime":429.165,"endTime":434.085,"body":"I don't remember the exact moment, but"},{"startTime":429.165,"endTime":434.085,"body":"I think it became more of when I was"},{"startTime":434.085,"endTime":438.969,"body":"having trouble with my own emotions"},{"startTime":434.085,"endTime":438.969,"body":"and besides just the yelling, I was so."},{"startTime":439.92,"endTime":445.47,"body":"I don't wanna say down on myself, but"},{"startTime":439.92,"endTime":445.47,"body":"just so depleted after engagements"},{"startTime":445.47,"endTime":447.69,"body":"with her and these meltdowns."},{"startTime":447.75,"endTime":449.7,"body":"And I was exhausted."},{"startTime":449.79,"endTime":452.79,"body":"And I was exhausted every day at"},{"startTime":449.79,"endTime":452.79,"body":"the end of the day, and I'm like,"},{"startTime":453.18,"endTime":455.16,"body":"I can't keep functioning like this."},{"startTime":455.19,"endTime":457.35,"body":"I can't have a household like this."},{"startTime":457.35,"endTime":458.28,"body":"I have a husband."},{"startTime":458.28,"endTime":459.54,"body":"I'm a daugh daughter."},{"startTime":459.54,"endTime":460.47,"body":"I'm a sister."},{"startTime":460.77,"endTime":462.78,"body":"I can't keep doing this every day."},{"startTime":463.23,"endTime":463.83,"body":"And so."},{"startTime":464.67,"endTime":468.84,"body":"At the depletion point, I said,"},{"startTime":464.67,"endTime":468.84,"body":"this isn't about her anymore."},{"startTime":468.9,"endTime":475.02,"body":"This is about me looking at me, because"},{"startTime":468.9,"endTime":475.02,"body":"we're just butting heads, you know?"},{"startTime":475.02,"endTime":476.49,"body":"We're responding to one another."},{"startTime":476.49,"endTime":477.42,"body":"She does something."},{"startTime":477.42,"endTime":478.47,"body":"I come back at it."},{"startTime":478.47,"endTime":479.76,"body":"I'm talking too much."},{"startTime":480.06,"endTime":482.01,"body":"She's like, just negotiating"},{"startTime":487.68,"endTime":491.695,"body":"as defiance, but as a skill,"},{"startTime":487.68,"endTime":491.695,"body":"needing to be learned."},{"startTime":492.81,"endTime":495.21,"body":"As a superpower."},{"startTime":495.659,"endTime":500.159,"body":"So one of her superpowers is"},{"startTime":495.659,"endTime":500.159,"body":"she is a great negotiator, man."},{"startTime":500.159,"endTime":500.849,"body":"She's good."},{"startTime":500.909,"endTime":506.94,"body":"And right now it's just diff, you know,"},{"startTime":500.909,"endTime":506.94,"body":"it's a challenge to parent, but I want"},{"startTime":506.94,"endTime":508.95,"body":"her to have those skills when she's older."},{"startTime":509.685,"endTime":512.115,"body":"So I just had to come"},{"startTime":509.685,"endTime":512.115,"body":"at things differently."},{"startTime":512.385,"endTime":516.674,"body":"So now when she's constantly come back"},{"startTime":512.385,"endTime":516.674,"body":"to me with different talks or we wanna"},{"startTime":516.674,"endTime":520.905,"body":"negotiate this, but now I've learned"},{"startTime":516.674,"endTime":520.905,"body":"boundaries and I've learned how to set up"},{"startTime":520.905,"endTime":524.145,"body":"boundaries to begin with being very clear."},{"startTime":524.775,"endTime":528.285,"body":"What I've also learned"},{"startTime":524.775,"endTime":528.285,"body":"the skill of is I can."},{"startTime":528.93,"endTime":531.69,"body":"Rework those boundaries"},{"startTime":528.93,"endTime":531.69,"body":"if they don't fit us."},{"startTime":531.72,"endTime":533.91,"body":"But we don't do it at that moment in time."},{"startTime":534.03,"endTime":538.47,"body":"And I feel more empowered now"},{"startTime":534.03,"endTime":538.47,"body":"than before where I felt like"},{"startTime":538.47,"endTime":539.76,"body":"everything was a reaction."},{"startTime":539.82,"endTime":541.05,"body":"Nothing was proactive."},{"startTime":541.05,"endTime":542.25,"body":"It was all reactive."},{"startTime":542.64,"endTime":547.2,"body":"And for me, I can't live in"},{"startTime":542.64,"endTime":547.2,"body":"that reactive world too long."},{"startTime":547.23,"endTime":550.68,"body":"Yes, there are reactive things you"},{"startTime":547.23,"endTime":550.68,"body":"have to get, you know, you have to do."},{"startTime":550.68,"endTime":552.75,"body":"Like is somebody, is she in danger?"},{"startTime":552.75,"endTime":554.85,"body":"Is there something that needs"},{"startTime":552.75,"endTime":554.85,"body":"to be addressed right away?"},{"startTime":555.15,"endTime":555.48,"body":"But."},{"startTime":555.855,"endTime":560.175,"body":"I got thinking about myself and"},{"startTime":555.855,"endTime":560.175,"body":"preparing and being more proactive."},{"startTime":560.925,"endTime":561.435,"body":"Beautiful."},{"startTime":561.435,"endTime":564.465,"body":"Now listener, listen to what Dina said."},{"startTime":565.185,"endTime":567.615,"body":"She didn't say her daughter changed."},{"startTime":567.615,"endTime":573.885,"body":"First she said that Dina,"},{"startTime":567.615,"endTime":573.885,"body":"the mom talked less."},{"startTime":574.305,"endTime":575.265,"body":"She paused."},{"startTime":575.745,"endTime":577.245,"body":"She stopped over explaining."},{"startTime":577.965,"endTime":579.824,"body":"She started using when."},{"startTime":579.824,"endTime":582.079,"body":"Then she stopped chasing behavior."},{"startTime":583.005,"endTime":584.145,"body":"She put up boundaries."},{"startTime":584.175,"endTime":587.445,"body":"She stopped trying to fix"},{"startTime":584.175,"endTime":587.445,"body":"every uncomfortable feeling."},{"startTime":588.465,"endTime":589.335,"body":"What does that mean?"},{"startTime":590.205,"endTime":595.245,"body":"All that translates into Dina worked"},{"startTime":590.205,"endTime":595.245,"body":"on regulating herself first, and we"},{"startTime":595.245,"endTime":600.855,"body":"worked a lot on this in the hive,"},{"startTime":595.245,"endTime":600.855,"body":"and it is a skill within ourselves."},{"startTime":601.365,"endTime":606.525,"body":"Regulating is is not just a"},{"startTime":601.365,"endTime":606.525,"body":"skill our kids need to learn."},{"startTime":607.335,"endTime":609.195,"body":"Most of us come into parenting."},{"startTime":609.615,"endTime":614.235,"body":"Not knowing how to regulate ourselves,"},{"startTime":609.615,"endTime":614.235,"body":"because we grew up in a time when it"},{"startTime":614.235,"endTime":618.615,"body":"wasn't modeled for us for a whole host of"},{"startTime":614.235,"endTime":618.615,"body":"reasons that we don't need to get into."},{"startTime":619.305,"endTime":627.495,"body":"But talk to us about the process, Dena,"},{"startTime":619.305,"endTime":627.495,"body":"day to day, of regulating yourself first"},{"startTime":628.275,"endTime":630.735,"body":"and just kind of what that looked like."},{"startTime":631.064,"endTime":631.995,"body":"The messy middle."},{"startTime":632.775,"endTime":633.645,"body":"The messy middle."},{"startTime":635.235,"endTime":637.574,"body":"We talk about all the that all"},{"startTime":635.235,"endTime":637.574,"body":"the time in the hive, right?"},{"startTime":638.084,"endTime":638.444,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":639.06,"endTime":643.23,"body":"What I learned about myself is"},{"startTime":639.06,"endTime":643.23,"body":"regulating myself, is giving me enough"},{"startTime":643.23,"endTime":648.45,"body":"time to have a moment to myself again."},{"startTime":648.45,"endTime":650.58,"body":"I just talked about being reactive, right?"},{"startTime":650.88,"endTime":652.14,"body":"I wanted to fix everything."},{"startTime":652.14,"endTime":653.13,"body":"I wanted to be in the middle."},{"startTime":653.13,"endTime":657.03,"body":"I wanted to explain everything,"},{"startTime":653.13,"endTime":657.03,"body":"and I had to start catching myself."},{"startTime":657.72,"endTime":660.75,"body":"And in one of your podcasts,"},{"startTime":657.72,"endTime":660.75,"body":"I believe you talked about"},{"startTime":660.75,"endTime":662.52,"body":"the CEO and the Castle Guards."},{"startTime":663.36,"endTime":667.53,"body":"So the Castle Guards are the ones that are"},{"startTime":663.36,"endTime":667.53,"body":"reactive and they run around, they bump"},{"startTime":667.53,"endTime":670.8,"body":"into each other when something's going"},{"startTime":667.53,"endTime":670.8,"body":"on, and the CEO is the one that's like,"},{"startTime":670.8,"endTime":673.14,"body":"Hey, let's, let's, let's slow this down."},{"startTime":673.86,"endTime":679.025,"body":"And for me, I, I got this picture in"},{"startTime":673.86,"endTime":679.025,"body":"my head, so every time I want to just."},{"startTime":679.845,"endTime":684.075,"body":"I get triggered or I get surprised or"},{"startTime":679.845,"endTime":684.075,"body":"I get unexpected from her, or she's"},{"startTime":684.075,"endTime":685.665,"body":"has a reaction I'm not expecting."},{"startTime":685.995,"endTime":688.995,"body":"I think of my castle guards like"},{"startTime":685.995,"endTime":688.995,"body":"running around and I'm like,"},{"startTime":689.055,"endTime":690.375,"body":"okay, they're just running around."},{"startTime":690.435,"endTime":695.655,"body":"I don't have to respond to that, and"},{"startTime":690.435,"endTime":695.655,"body":"I just take a deep breath and I say,"},{"startTime":695.955,"endTime":704.055,"body":"okay, now I'm going to actively talk to"},{"startTime":695.955,"endTime":704.055,"body":"her or actively listen to her before I."},{"startTime":704.444,"endTime":708.585,"body":"Just blurt something out, and it's messy"},{"startTime":704.444,"endTime":708.585,"body":"still because there are times that I"},{"startTime":708.585,"endTime":712.605,"body":"will just still, I go back into old, old"},{"startTime":708.585,"endTime":712.605,"body":"habits and I will blurt something out."},{"startTime":713.295,"endTime":718.605,"body":"The thing now is I catch myself"},{"startTime":713.295,"endTime":718.605,"body":"so fast and I'm like, okay, hey,"},{"startTime":718.995,"endTime":720.704,"body":"I'm sorry you didn't deserve that."},{"startTime":721.305,"endTime":722.355,"body":"I needed a minute."},{"startTime":722.625,"endTime":724.185,"body":"So let me take that back."},{"startTime":724.215,"endTime":726.51,"body":"Let me have my minute and"},{"startTime":724.215,"endTime":726.51,"body":"then we can talk about it."},{"startTime":727.215,"endTime":731.055,"body":"Because I, I'm not a hundred percent"},{"startTime":727.215,"endTime":731.055,"body":"there, and there are some times when"},{"startTime":731.444,"endTime":737.685,"body":"I'm tired, I'm hungry, I've had a rough"},{"startTime":731.444,"endTime":737.685,"body":"day, and whatever goes on with her, I"},{"startTime":737.685,"endTime":740.685,"body":"react to and I need to slow myself down."},{"startTime":741.135,"endTime":741.225,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":741.255,"endTime":743.444,"body":"Does that kind of answer your question?"},{"startTime":743.6,"endTime":744.585,"body":"It, it does."},{"startTime":744.585,"endTime":749.895,"body":"And, and the CEO is the one"},{"startTime":744.585,"endTime":749.895,"body":"who pauses in response, and the"},{"startTime":749.895,"endTime":751.965,"body":"castle guards are the reactive."},{"startTime":752.505,"endTime":756.255,"body":"And you've done a great job"},{"startTime":752.505,"endTime":756.255,"body":"promoting yourself to CEO."},{"startTime":756.915,"endTime":762.225,"body":"I think, I mean, you're an example to"},{"startTime":756.915,"endTime":762.225,"body":"all of us really of what's possible."},{"startTime":762.704,"endTime":771.225,"body":"And in the same breath, no CEO, no parent,"},{"startTime":762.704,"endTime":771.225,"body":"no human is perfect and it's never, our"},{"startTime":771.495,"endTime":775.064,"body":"goal inside the hive is to be perfect."},{"startTime":775.214,"endTime":776.595,"body":"It's progress, not perfection."},{"startTime":777.105,"endTime":778.365,"body":"We all lose it sometimes,"},{"startTime":784.275,"endTime":784.964,"body":"sometimes."},{"startTime":785.67,"endTime":792.6,"body":"And what I always say is when we lose it,"},{"startTime":785.67,"endTime":792.6,"body":"we're showing our kids that we're human,"},{"startTime":792.75,"endTime":799.2,"body":"we make mistakes, and then the goal shifts"},{"startTime":792.75,"endTime":799.2,"body":"like a good CEO into recover and repair."},{"startTime":799.89,"endTime":802.14,"body":"And I think you also do that beautifully."},{"startTime":802.68,"endTime":809.31,"body":"You've really transformed from"},{"startTime":802.68,"endTime":809.31,"body":"a parent into a calm leader of"},{"startTime":809.31,"endTime":811.08,"body":"your household, don't you think?"},{"startTime":811.98,"endTime":812.52,"body":"Absolutely."},{"startTime":812.52,"endTime":815.25,"body":"And that's actually something"},{"startTime":812.52,"endTime":815.25,"body":"I keep reminding myself."},{"startTime":815.459,"endTime":819.839,"body":"I'm the calm leader, and so"},{"startTime":815.459,"endTime":819.839,"body":"before I approach a situation,"},{"startTime":819.839,"endTime":821.79,"body":"I'm like, I'm the calm leader."},{"startTime":822.06,"endTime":823.38,"body":"It's like a little mantra."},{"startTime":823.709,"endTime":827.73,"body":"I have my other mantra, which I'll"},{"startTime":823.709,"endTime":827.73,"body":"share that I, I say every day."},{"startTime":827.969,"endTime":831.99,"body":"It's one day at a time, one"},{"startTime":827.969,"endTime":831.99,"body":"week at a time, one quarter at"},{"startTime":831.99,"endTime":833.67,"body":"a time, and one thing at a time."},{"startTime":834.3,"endTime":839.069,"body":"And I say that every morning so that"},{"startTime":834.3,"endTime":839.069,"body":"my brain gets wrapped around how I'm"},{"startTime":839.069,"endTime":841.17,"body":"approaching everything that I'm doing."},{"startTime":842.04,"endTime":844.83,"body":"That gives me like something to solidify."},{"startTime":844.83,"endTime":847.2,"body":"But I also do say I'm the calm leader."},{"startTime":847.5,"endTime":847.59,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"startTime":847.89,"endTime":852.54,"body":"And when that thought of like, this is"},{"startTime":847.89,"endTime":852.54,"body":"hard or it's gonna be a rough day, floats"},{"startTime":852.54,"endTime":857.85,"body":"in, I let it float in, but then I push it"},{"startTime":852.54,"endTime":857.85,"body":"out because my next mantra is I got this."},{"startTime":858.3,"endTime":860.28,"body":"And that took me a long time to get there."},{"startTime":860.28,"endTime":863.46,"body":"So listener don't think this"},{"startTime":860.28,"endTime":863.46,"body":"happened like overnight."},{"startTime":864.03,"endTime":868.95,"body":"A lot of reflection had to happen"},{"startTime":864.03,"endTime":868.95,"body":"for me to see what was going"},{"startTime":868.95,"endTime":870.75,"body":"on and what I could work on."},{"startTime":871.62,"endTime":871.89,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":871.89,"endTime":880.199,"body":"And, and, and I think that I, I wish that"},{"startTime":871.89,"endTime":880.199,"body":"we could all understand even on those"},{"startTime":880.199,"endTime":887.43,"body":"really rough days, what our kids need is"},{"startTime":880.199,"endTime":887.43,"body":"to rest in the safety of a calm leader."},{"startTime":888.03,"endTime":892.56,"body":"When our kids are being at their"},{"startTime":888.03,"endTime":892.56,"body":"absolute best, they need a calm leader."},{"startTime":892.98,"endTime":897.63,"body":"And when they're showing us their,"},{"startTime":892.98,"endTime":897.63,"body":"you know, absolute most storming."},{"startTime":898.77,"endTime":901.71,"body":"High feeling, high energy side."},{"startTime":902.1,"endTime":903.27,"body":"They need a calm leader."},{"startTime":903.27,"endTime":909.42,"body":"And what I know about your family,"},{"startTime":903.27,"endTime":909.42,"body":"Dina, is just how much your daughter"},{"startTime":909.42,"endTime":912.51,"body":"benefits from your calm leadership."},{"startTime":912.93,"endTime":915.72,"body":"And I want you to tell us the"},{"startTime":912.93,"endTime":915.72,"body":"orthodontic story because it"},{"startTime":915.72,"endTime":918.689,"body":"exemplifies this so beautifully."},{"startTime":919.05,"endTime":924.21,"body":"So tell us what happened and"},{"startTime":919.05,"endTime":924.21,"body":"tell us what that also would've"},{"startTime":924.21,"endTime":925.51,"body":"looked like three years ago."},{"startTime":926.295,"endTime":927.135,"body":"Quick background."},{"startTime":927.135,"endTime":930.255,"body":"My daughter has two expanders, upper"},{"startTime":927.135,"endTime":930.255,"body":"and lower if you don't know, and"},{"startTime":930.255,"endTime":934.335,"body":"it's also called the Herps device,"},{"startTime":930.255,"endTime":934.335,"body":"which is some arms in her her mouth."},{"startTime":934.335,"endTime":937.905,"body":"So basically she's got a lot of metal"},{"startTime":934.335,"endTime":937.905,"body":"in her mouth and the herps device"},{"startTime":937.905,"endTime":941.865,"body":"is a modern version of headgear for"},{"startTime":937.905,"endTime":941.865,"body":"anybody that wants to understand so"},{"startTime":941.865,"endTime":945.375,"body":"you can get a mental picture from"},{"startTime":941.865,"endTime":945.375,"body":"wherever you are from a listener."},{"startTime":946.005,"endTime":950.985,"body":"So I was working, she knocked on the"},{"startTime":946.005,"endTime":950.985,"body":"door and she goes, mom, I have a problem."},{"startTime":951.105,"endTime":951.975,"body":"I said, what's up?"},{"startTime":952.035,"endTime":952.515,"body":"And she goes."},{"startTime":953.52,"endTime":958.319,"body":"Look, and part of her device had popped"},{"startTime":953.52,"endTime":958.319,"body":"off well since everything's connected."},{"startTime":958.8,"endTime":961.38,"body":"Part of it popped off, meaning"},{"startTime":958.8,"endTime":961.38,"body":"she couldn't close her mouth."},{"startTime":961.74,"endTime":964.23,"body":"She now couldn't eat, she"},{"startTime":961.74,"endTime":964.23,"body":"couldn't open her mouth."},{"startTime":964.23,"endTime":965.67,"body":"And I'm like, oh dear."},{"startTime":966.0,"endTime":968.699,"body":"Like, and my castle guard"},{"startTime":966.0,"endTime":968.699,"body":"started running around and I was"},{"startTime":968.699,"endTime":970.23,"body":"like, I gotta get this fixed."},{"startTime":970.26,"endTime":974.64,"body":"It's 5 0 5 Eastern time,"},{"startTime":970.26,"endTime":974.64,"body":"so the office is closed."},{"startTime":974.64,"endTime":977.79,"body":"And I'm like, never"},{"startTime":974.64,"endTime":977.79,"body":"been in this one so far."},{"startTime":978.09,"endTime":979.949,"body":"And she's just extremely hungry."},{"startTime":981.074,"endTime":982.545,"body":"So I make my phone calls."},{"startTime":982.545,"endTime":986.115,"body":"I'm trying to talk to the on-call person."},{"startTime":986.115,"endTime":991.125,"body":"My husband comes home and we get"},{"startTime":986.115,"endTime":991.125,"body":"some direction to try to disconnect"},{"startTime":991.125,"endTime":992.444,"body":"some of this stuff in her mouth."},{"startTime":993.165,"endTime":995.895,"body":"Mind you, her mouth is small."},{"startTime":995.985,"endTime":997.545,"body":"This is not something we've done."},{"startTime":998.444,"endTime":1005.375,"body":"So she loses it, I mean,"},{"startTime":998.444,"endTime":1005.375,"body":"loses it beyond losing it and."},{"startTime":1005.99,"endTime":1012.62,"body":"My husband and I are trying to un loosen"},{"startTime":1005.99,"endTime":1012.62,"body":"this thing to get her and the on-call"},{"startTime":1012.62,"endTime":1016.85,"body":"person's on the phone with me hearing all"},{"startTime":1012.62,"endTime":1016.85,"body":"of this too, which is stressful enough."},{"startTime":1016.85,"endTime":1018.23,"body":"You've got a screaming kid."},{"startTime":1018.23,"endTime":1019.79,"body":"We're trying to get into her mouth."},{"startTime":1019.82,"endTime":1020.96,"body":"It's not working."},{"startTime":1020.99,"endTime":1022.37,"body":"We don't have anything."},{"startTime":1023.09,"endTime":1026.24,"body":"And your daughter is very sensitive?"},{"startTime":1026.9,"endTime":1026.99,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":1026.99,"endTime":1030.08,"body":"Very emotional and very"},{"startTime":1026.99,"endTime":1030.08,"body":"scared in this moment."},{"startTime":1030.77,"endTime":1031.28,"body":"Correct."},{"startTime":1031.28,"endTime":1033.53,"body":"She was all over the place like."},{"startTime":1034.655,"endTime":1038.615,"body":"I don't even know how, it's like"},{"startTime":1034.655,"endTime":1038.615,"body":"a volcano exploded and that is it."},{"startTime":1038.615,"endTime":1041.284,"body":"Everything was all over"},{"startTime":1038.615,"endTime":1041.284,"body":"between tears and screaming."},{"startTime":1041.284,"endTime":1042.845,"body":"She just wanted it out of her mouth."},{"startTime":1042.845,"endTime":1045.304,"body":"She literally wanted us to rip"},{"startTime":1042.845,"endTime":1045.304,"body":"the whole thing out of her mouth."},{"startTime":1045.395,"endTime":1049.205,"body":"That's, she was to that point, and she's"},{"startTime":1045.395,"endTime":1049.205,"body":"getting it out, but that at the same"},{"startTime":1049.205,"endTime":1053.495,"body":"time, we're trying to, she's fighting us,"},{"startTime":1049.205,"endTime":1053.495,"body":"so at the same time, help, help, help."},{"startTime":1053.675,"endTime":1055.145,"body":"We're fighting against everything."},{"startTime":1055.145,"endTime":1059.22,"body":"So everything is just, you"},{"startTime":1055.145,"endTime":1059.22,"body":"know, and we're doing our best."},{"startTime":1060.215,"endTime":1063.515,"body":"Finally the on-call person's like, Hey,"},{"startTime":1060.215,"endTime":1063.515,"body":"bring her into the office, and she is"},{"startTime":1063.515,"endTime":1065.525,"body":"like flat out, no, she wants nothing."},{"startTime":1065.525,"endTime":1066.935,"body":"She just wants it out of her mouth."},{"startTime":1067.925,"endTime":1071.735,"body":"But at the moment we got to"},{"startTime":1067.925,"endTime":1071.735,"body":"a point, I said, no enough."},{"startTime":1071.855,"endTime":1074.285,"body":"We just need to go into the office."},{"startTime":1074.405,"endTime":1077.195,"body":"I said it very calmly and she was."},{"startTime":1077.585,"endTime":1082.295,"body":"Freaking out and I simply got myself"},{"startTime":1077.585,"endTime":1082.295,"body":"up, got the stuff I needed, moved"},{"startTime":1082.295,"endTime":1084.605,"body":"into the car, poked her into the car."},{"startTime":1084.605,"endTime":1088.625,"body":"Even though she is thrown on the pit,"},{"startTime":1084.605,"endTime":1088.625,"body":"she didn't wanna get in the car, nothing."},{"startTime":1088.625,"endTime":1091.625,"body":"Got her into the car"},{"startTime":1088.625,"endTime":1091.625,"body":"and we started driving."},{"startTime":1092.225,"endTime":1098.345,"body":"And the beauty of all the work that"},{"startTime":1092.225,"endTime":1098.345,"body":"we just had been doing is that this"},{"startTime":1098.345,"endTime":1102.875,"body":"meltdown would've continued in the"},{"startTime":1098.345,"endTime":1102.875,"body":"car and screaming and everything, but"},{"startTime":1102.875,"endTime":1104.735,"body":"the two of us were able to breathe."},{"startTime":1105.425,"endTime":1109.804,"body":"And I was able to start to"},{"startTime":1105.425,"endTime":1109.804,"body":"just break it down for her."},{"startTime":1110.105,"endTime":1114.754,"body":"And the first question I said"},{"startTime":1110.105,"endTime":1114.754,"body":"to her is, Hey, I understand you"},{"startTime":1114.754,"endTime":1116.044,"body":"don't wanna go to the office."},{"startTime":1116.044,"endTime":1117.875,"body":"I understand you're really scared."},{"startTime":1118.415,"endTime":1119.885,"body":"I said, what do you need right now?"},{"startTime":1120.395,"endTime":1124.054,"body":"And she's like, I just need, I just"},{"startTime":1120.395,"endTime":1124.054,"body":"need a quiet, quiet for a minute."},{"startTime":1124.085,"endTime":1125.345,"body":"Can I just look at my phone?"},{"startTime":1125.764,"endTime":1128.975,"body":"And that's just her way of like"},{"startTime":1125.764,"endTime":1128.975,"body":"just decompressing per a minute."},{"startTime":1129.485,"endTime":1133.325,"body":"And she did it for a few"},{"startTime":1129.485,"endTime":1133.325,"body":"minutes and then we started to"},{"startTime":1133.325,"endTime":1134.885,"body":"talk about the whole process."},{"startTime":1135.695,"endTime":1137.945,"body":"What had happened, what we were gonna do."},{"startTime":1138.245,"endTime":1140.254,"body":"I explained to her, she did nothing wrong."},{"startTime":1140.615,"endTime":1142.534,"body":"'cause that was the other"},{"startTime":1140.615,"endTime":1142.534,"body":"thing is my daughter always"},{"startTime":1142.534,"endTime":1143.764,"body":"thinks she did something wrong."},{"startTime":1144.095,"endTime":1145.534,"body":"And I was like, you did nothing wrong."},{"startTime":1145.715,"endTime":1147.095,"body":"It, it just popped out."},{"startTime":1147.215,"endTime":1149.945,"body":"I said, what we're gonna"},{"startTime":1147.215,"endTime":1149.945,"body":"go do is get this handle."},{"startTime":1149.945,"endTime":1153.514,"body":"We're gonna get this so you get it out"},{"startTime":1149.945,"endTime":1153.514,"body":"of your mouth so you can close your"},{"startTime":1153.514,"endTime":1156.965,"body":"mouth so we can get, um, you able to eat."},{"startTime":1156.995,"endTime":1158.195,"body":"He goes, yeah, I'm really hungry."},{"startTime":1158.195,"endTime":1159.155,"body":"I said, I get that."},{"startTime":1159.215,"endTime":1161.915,"body":"And I said, that's why we're"},{"startTime":1159.215,"endTime":1161.915,"body":"gonna solve this together."},{"startTime":1162.004,"endTime":1163.925,"body":"I said, we're gonna go"},{"startTime":1162.004,"endTime":1163.925,"body":"and we're gonna take that."},{"startTime":1164.54,"endTime":1165.5,"body":"So we get there."},{"startTime":1165.5,"endTime":1167.78,"body":"She's pretty calm, but I know better."},{"startTime":1168.47,"endTime":1168.68,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"startTime":1168.686,"endTime":1170.33,"body":"That was just the surface cover."},{"startTime":1170.75,"endTime":1174.59,"body":"We get to this office, this lovely"},{"startTime":1170.75,"endTime":1174.59,"body":"lady is there to help us, and"},{"startTime":1174.59,"endTime":1178.04,"body":"Kenzie lost it all over again."},{"startTime":1178.4,"endTime":1179.6,"body":"All over again."},{"startTime":1179.6,"endTime":1185.15,"body":"It went beyond what I, you know,"},{"startTime":1179.6,"endTime":1185.15,"body":"luckily there was three of us"},{"startTime":1185.15,"endTime":1189.2,"body":"only in the office, but it, you"},{"startTime":1185.15,"endTime":1189.2,"body":"know, I was like, oh my goodness."},{"startTime":1189.2,"endTime":1190.725,"body":"And the lady was very nice."},{"startTime":1190.725,"endTime":1191.045,"body":"She's like."},{"startTime":1191.825,"endTime":1192.815,"body":"Don't worry about it, mom."},{"startTime":1192.935,"endTime":1194.135,"body":"This happens all the time."},{"startTime":1194.135,"endTime":1198.275,"body":"I said, I understand and I'm trying"},{"startTime":1194.135,"endTime":1198.275,"body":"to keep Kenzie calm to try to,"},{"startTime":1198.335,"endTime":1199.745,"body":"so she can get into her mouth."},{"startTime":1200.165,"endTime":1204.185,"body":"Well then the lady offered, she"},{"startTime":1200.165,"endTime":1204.185,"body":"got it all out, cleaned it up, then"},{"startTime":1204.185,"endTime":1205.715,"body":"she offered to put it all back in."},{"startTime":1206.105,"endTime":1209.525,"body":"Well that just sent"},{"startTime":1206.105,"endTime":1209.525,"body":"off another true alarm."},{"startTime":1210.125,"endTime":1213.725,"body":"And the reality was I didn't wanna"},{"startTime":1210.125,"endTime":1213.725,"body":"pull her outta school to bring"},{"startTime":1213.725,"endTime":1217.115,"body":"her for an appointment tomorrow"},{"startTime":1213.725,"endTime":1217.115,"body":"where there she can do everything."},{"startTime":1217.534,"endTime":1220.895,"body":"I just very calmly looked at Kenzie"},{"startTime":1217.534,"endTime":1220.895,"body":"and I said, honey, I understand"},{"startTime":1220.895,"endTime":1223.745,"body":"you don't wanna do this, but we"},{"startTime":1220.895,"endTime":1223.745,"body":"are gonna get this done tonight."},{"startTime":1224.135,"endTime":1227.375,"body":"And she very simply turned around"},{"startTime":1224.135,"endTime":1227.375,"body":"and she goes, I hate you, mom."},{"startTime":1227.885,"endTime":1231.334,"body":"And the lady goes, I think she"},{"startTime":1227.885,"endTime":1231.334,"body":"might hate me a little bit more."},{"startTime":1232.324,"endTime":1233.465,"body":"It was kind of comical."},{"startTime":1233.735,"endTime":1236.225,"body":"And I looked at Kenzie and I"},{"startTime":1233.735,"endTime":1236.225,"body":"said, I understand that right"},{"startTime":1236.225,"endTime":1238.925,"body":"now, honey, but we are still gonna"},{"startTime":1236.225,"endTime":1238.925,"body":"move forward and get this done."},{"startTime":1239.615,"endTime":1240.514,"body":"We got it done."},{"startTime":1240.544,"endTime":1241.745,"body":"She was very upset."},{"startTime":1242.12,"endTime":1244.04,"body":"We walked out, we got into the car."},{"startTime":1244.28,"endTime":1246.56,"body":"I asked her if she was still"},{"startTime":1244.28,"endTime":1246.56,"body":"hungry, and she said yes."},{"startTime":1246.77,"endTime":1251.899,"body":"We went up to a restaurant and within"},{"startTime":1246.77,"endTime":1251.899,"body":"10 minutes everything was calm again."},{"startTime":1252.59,"endTime":1256.01,"body":"And I don't believe we ever"},{"startTime":1252.59,"endTime":1256.01,"body":"would've gotten there if I hadn't"},{"startTime":1256.04,"endTime":1258.08,"body":"been able to stay calm myself."},{"startTime":1258.17,"endTime":1262.19,"body":"And in the past I would've"},{"startTime":1258.17,"endTime":1262.19,"body":"been like, stop that."},{"startTime":1262.25,"endTime":1263.3,"body":"Why are you doing that?"},{"startTime":1263.3,"endTime":1263.555,"body":"Just, just."},{"startTime":1269.72,"endTime":1270.889,"body":"She's fighting against us."},{"startTime":1270.889,"endTime":1273.08,"body":"We would've been like, we're,"},{"startTime":1270.889,"endTime":1273.08,"body":"we're trying to help you, but"},{"startTime":1273.08,"endTime":1274.129,"body":"you're not helping yourself."},{"startTime":1274.129,"endTime":1274.22,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1274.639,"endTime":1276.83,"body":"And I would've been in"},{"startTime":1274.639,"endTime":1276.83,"body":"a whole different state."},{"startTime":1277.31,"endTime":1277.52,"body":"Yep."},{"startTime":1277.85,"endTime":1281.87,"body":"And in the meantime, I was letting"},{"startTime":1277.85,"endTime":1281.87,"body":"her just have her emotions and"},{"startTime":1281.87,"endTime":1286.85,"body":"just being there because just"},{"startTime":1281.87,"endTime":1286.85,"body":"being there was what she needed."},{"startTime":1287.45,"endTime":1290.63,"body":"By me being calm, as you"},{"startTime":1287.45,"endTime":1290.63,"body":"say, it's co-regulation."},{"startTime":1290.87,"endTime":1295.7,"body":"She was able to pull from my being"},{"startTime":1290.87,"endTime":1295.7,"body":"calm through at home, the car"},{"startTime":1295.7,"endTime":1300.02,"body":"ride at the office, leaving the"},{"startTime":1295.7,"endTime":1300.02,"body":"office, going to the restaurant."},{"startTime":1300.38,"endTime":1301.7,"body":"And I didn't have to say a lot."},{"startTime":1301.73,"endTime":1305.6,"body":"I just needed to be there,"},{"startTime":1301.73,"endTime":1305.6,"body":"but be very calm and be very"},{"startTime":1306.02,"endTime":1307.61,"body":"firm about what was happening."},{"startTime":1307.67,"endTime":1307.91,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1308.0,"endTime":1310.91,"body":"And explain things to her"},{"startTime":1308.0,"endTime":1310.91,"body":"that she needed to know."},{"startTime":1311.78,"endTime":1312.14,"body":"Listen, I."},{"startTime":1316.415,"endTime":1319.355,"body":"The example it is Dina didn't give in."},{"startTime":1319.835,"endTime":1323.885,"body":"She had a strong spine and"},{"startTime":1319.835,"endTime":1323.885,"body":"a soft heart, and that's the"},{"startTime":1323.885,"endTime":1325.385,"body":"definition of calm leadership."},{"startTime":1326.105,"endTime":1329.075,"body":"Dina, you didn't get embarrassed."},{"startTime":1329.075,"endTime":1330.815,"body":"You weren't worried"},{"startTime":1329.075,"endTime":1330.815,"body":"about being embarrassed."},{"startTime":1330.815,"endTime":1333.125,"body":"You weren't worried about"},{"startTime":1330.815,"endTime":1333.125,"body":"the I hate you in the moment."},{"startTime":1333.485,"endTime":1335.915,"body":"You weren't telling her"},{"startTime":1333.485,"endTime":1335.915,"body":"she was being difficult."},{"startTime":1335.915,"endTime":1337.595,"body":"You weren't attacking her character."},{"startTime":1338.045,"endTime":1340.895,"body":"You walked in and expected"},{"startTime":1338.045,"endTime":1340.895,"body":"the second explosion."},{"startTime":1341.48,"endTime":1342.71,"body":"Which happened, right?"},{"startTime":1343.25,"endTime":1347.12,"body":"The woman, the, the orthodontist"},{"startTime":1343.25,"endTime":1347.12,"body":"said, we can put it back in."},{"startTime":1347.63,"endTime":1351.62,"body":"You guided your daughter through that"},{"startTime":1347.63,"endTime":1351.62,"body":"because you were, and, and you know,"},{"startTime":1351.62,"endTime":1357.65,"body":"the idea that you were able to say,"},{"startTime":1351.62,"endTime":1357.65,"body":"I don't wanna pull her outta school."},{"startTime":1357.8,"endTime":1359.45,"body":"She's in an intense school."},{"startTime":1359.63,"endTime":1360.71,"body":"There's a lot of work."},{"startTime":1361.295,"endTime":1363.44,"body":"It's not good for her to"},{"startTime":1361.295,"endTime":1363.44,"body":"get behind in homework."},{"startTime":1363.44,"endTime":1367.095,"body":"I know this, but the fact that you"},{"startTime":1363.44,"endTime":1367.095,"body":"could stay in your higher brain."},{"startTime":1368.389,"endTime":1374.629,"body":"Not be triggered with rage, embarrassment,"},{"startTime":1368.389,"endTime":1374.629,"body":"frustration in your middle brain."},{"startTime":1374.629,"endTime":1378.56,"body":"You were able to stay in your higher"},{"startTime":1374.629,"endTime":1378.56,"body":"brain and say, this orthodontist"},{"startTime":1378.56,"endTime":1382.07,"body":"is offering to put it back in,"},{"startTime":1378.56,"endTime":1382.07,"body":"which it has to go back in."},{"startTime":1382.31,"endTime":1383.27,"body":"We can't progress."},{"startTime":1383.27,"endTime":1385.669,"body":"We're not gonna suddenly get rid of this."},{"startTime":1385.94,"endTime":1389.33,"body":"And if I let her put it in,"},{"startTime":1385.94,"endTime":1389.33,"body":"now I don't have to miss work."},{"startTime":1389.48,"endTime":1393.56,"body":"Take her outta school because you"},{"startTime":1389.48,"endTime":1393.56,"body":"were the CEO, the calm leader."},{"startTime":1394.159,"endTime":1398.929,"body":"You're able to use your logical prefrontal"},{"startTime":1394.159,"endTime":1398.929,"body":"cortex to sort through all that and say,"},{"startTime":1399.29,"endTime":1404.479,"body":"yes, we're going to do that, and then calm"},{"startTime":1399.29,"endTime":1404.479,"body":"Kenzie down enough to allow it to happen."},{"startTime":1405.35,"endTime":1411.919,"body":"And that is a regulated parent who"},{"startTime":1405.35,"endTime":1411.919,"body":"then turns around and co-regulate"},{"startTime":1411.919,"endTime":1418.82,"body":"with her daughter even in a really"},{"startTime":1411.919,"endTime":1418.82,"body":"protracted, long, stressful experience."},{"startTime":1419.66,"endTime":1425.3,"body":"Yeah, and I'll tell you in the past when"},{"startTime":1419.66,"endTime":1425.3,"body":"I would've gotten dysregulated by all"},{"startTime":1425.3,"endTime":1428.12,"body":"this and been all in a a storm myself."},{"startTime":1428.6,"endTime":1430.52,"body":"I couldn't have thought"},{"startTime":1428.6,"endTime":1430.52,"body":"of all those steps."},{"startTime":1430.76,"endTime":1435.08,"body":"Like I just would've been trying to"},{"startTime":1430.76,"endTime":1435.08,"body":"pick up the pieces the next day and the"},{"startTime":1435.08,"endTime":1440.12,"body":"ability for in her being all upset in"},{"startTime":1435.08,"endTime":1440.12,"body":"that moment, I was able to put pieces"},{"startTime":1440.12,"endTime":1446.12,"body":"together and think is only like the true"},{"startTime":1440.12,"endTime":1446.12,"body":"reason of being in my frontal court, you"},{"startTime":1446.12,"endTime":1447.95,"body":"know, executive functioning right there."},{"startTime":1448.28,"endTime":1452.39,"body":"Because in the past it's like when"},{"startTime":1448.28,"endTime":1452.39,"body":"things like this, it's like it set the"},{"startTime":1452.39,"endTime":1456.68,"body":"tone for the rest of my evening or just"},{"startTime":1452.39,"endTime":1456.68,"body":"threw me completely off and it's like."},{"startTime":1456.995,"endTime":1461.165,"body":"I didn't mean that she's"},{"startTime":1456.995,"endTime":1461.165,"body":"allowed to feel, be scared, do"},{"startTime":1461.165,"endTime":1463.235,"body":"exactly what she wants to do."},{"startTime":1463.504,"endTime":1470.705,"body":"I just need to stay calm so I can"},{"startTime":1463.504,"endTime":1470.705,"body":"think for us, set the boundaries"},{"startTime":1471.034,"endTime":1473.104,"body":"and be very connected to her too."},{"startTime":1473.465,"endTime":1474.875,"body":"I knew she was uncomfortable."},{"startTime":1474.875,"endTime":1476.854,"body":"I knew this was an awful experience."},{"startTime":1477.59,"endTime":1480.74,"body":"But at the end too, I told her,"},{"startTime":1477.59,"endTime":1480.74,"body":"I said, Hey, you did a good job."},{"startTime":1480.889,"endTime":1481.7,"body":"We got it done."},{"startTime":1482.06,"endTime":1486.83,"body":"And I said, and we talked about too,"},{"startTime":1482.06,"endTime":1486.83,"body":"like, okay, now the orthodontist told you"},{"startTime":1486.83,"endTime":1488.72,"body":"not to do some of this with your mouth."},{"startTime":1488.72,"endTime":1490.52,"body":"Be so that it doesn't pop up."},{"startTime":1490.61,"endTime":1493.52,"body":"You didn't do anything wrong, but"},{"startTime":1490.61,"endTime":1493.52,"body":"let's make sure, 'cause we really"},{"startTime":1493.52,"endTime":1495.11,"body":"don't wanna do this again, do we?"},{"startTime":1495.11,"endTime":1495.83,"body":"And she's like, no."},{"startTime":1496.73,"endTime":1497.81,"body":"I was like, okay, good."},{"startTime":1498.139,"endTime":1498.98,"body":"We got a little progress."},{"startTime":1498.98,"endTime":1503.03,"body":"Now that's not to say it won't happen"},{"startTime":1498.98,"endTime":1503.03,"body":"again, but the thing is, is we have the"},{"startTime":1503.03,"endTime":1505.55,"body":"experience of it now to know what we."},{"startTime":1506.03,"endTime":1508.1,"body":"You know, like how we can move forward."},{"startTime":1508.13,"endTime":1511.1,"body":"I learned something from the"},{"startTime":1508.13,"endTime":1511.1,"body":"orthodontist too, so that I could"},{"startTime":1511.1,"endTime":1513.47,"body":"disconnect it next time, you know?"},{"startTime":1513.47,"endTime":1514.73,"body":"So we all learned."},{"startTime":1514.73,"endTime":1518.6,"body":"So I was even able to learn something"},{"startTime":1514.73,"endTime":1518.6,"body":"at the same time while she was"},{"startTime":1519.26,"endTime":1521.3,"body":"really upset there at the office."},{"startTime":1521.93,"endTime":1522.68,"body":"It's beautiful."},{"startTime":1523.01,"endTime":1527.27,"body":"It's beautiful and you know, real"},{"startTime":1523.01,"endTime":1527.27,"body":"world peaceful parent listener."},{"startTime":1527.87,"endTime":1534.08,"body":"I really want you to sink in and hear Dina"},{"startTime":1527.87,"endTime":1534.08,"body":"didn't try to eliminate the big feelings."},{"startTime":1534.71,"endTime":1535.34,"body":"Her daughter."},{"startTime":1535.58,"endTime":1536.87,"body":"That was never the goal."},{"startTime":1537.8,"endTime":1543.56,"body":"The goal was to shorten the recovery"},{"startTime":1537.8,"endTime":1543.56,"body":"time in between the storms and offer"},{"startTime":1543.56,"endTime":1545.69,"body":"her daughter the co-regulation."},{"startTime":1545.75,"endTime":1550.88,"body":"And we can only do that when"},{"startTime":1545.75,"endTime":1550.88,"body":"we're regulated ourselves first."},{"startTime":1550.88,"endTime":1556.85,"body":"So I'm pretty sure Dina, that"},{"startTime":1550.88,"endTime":1556.85,"body":"many times you took a quick pause,"},{"startTime":1557.51,"endTime":1559.79,"body":"checked in, regulated yourself."},{"startTime":1559.79,"endTime":1562.55,"body":"I know you told me the story"},{"startTime":1559.79,"endTime":1562.55,"body":"that you said something."},{"startTime":1563.375,"endTime":1566.555,"body":"Like it's imperfect, but"},{"startTime":1563.375,"endTime":1566.555,"body":"I've still got this right."},{"startTime":1566.555,"endTime":1567.155,"body":"You, yeah."},{"startTime":1567.215,"endTime":1571.625,"body":"You found a mantra that was your"},{"startTime":1567.215,"endTime":1571.625,"body":"regulator, which is what you do"},{"startTime":1571.625,"endTime":1573.485,"body":"a lot and it's very impressive."},{"startTime":1573.485,"endTime":1577.205,"body":"I used to do this too, and you, I"},{"startTime":1573.485,"endTime":1577.205,"body":"still do it with Malcolm outcome."},{"startTime":1577.535,"endTime":1584.345,"body":"Having a mantra that is like a"},{"startTime":1577.535,"endTime":1584.345,"body":"guiding post and setting an intention"},{"startTime":1584.405,"endTime":1588.545,"body":"and a regulator that you repeat"},{"startTime":1584.405,"endTime":1588.545,"body":"over and over and over again."},{"startTime":1589.475,"endTime":1591.305,"body":"Talk to us about what that does for you."},{"startTime":1592.175,"endTime":1596.345,"body":"Well, it, it started, and I'm"},{"startTime":1592.175,"endTime":1596.345,"body":"going to go back is it started"},{"startTime":1596.345,"endTime":1599.585,"body":"with, one of your suggestions on"},{"startTime":1596.345,"endTime":1599.585,"body":"coaching was to start journaling."},{"startTime":1600.095,"endTime":1602.825,"body":"And I was like, I don't"},{"startTime":1600.095,"endTime":1602.825,"body":"have time to journal."},{"startTime":1602.825,"endTime":1603.095,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1603.095,"endTime":1605.585,"body":"That was the first thing in my head"},{"startTime":1603.095,"endTime":1605.585,"body":"and I was like, I don't have time."},{"startTime":1606.335,"endTime":1609.635,"body":"Well, I went and found something"},{"startTime":1606.335,"endTime":1609.635,"body":"called the Five Minute Journal."},{"startTime":1609.635,"endTime":1609.725,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"startTime":1609.92,"endTime":1610.04,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1610.415,"endTime":1611.764,"body":"Literally five minutes."},{"startTime":1611.96,"endTime":1612.575,"body":"Yep, yep."},{"startTime":1612.665,"endTime":1613.085,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1613.355,"endTime":1616.385,"body":"And I, I just said, okay, I'm"},{"startTime":1613.355,"endTime":1616.385,"body":"gonna commit to doing this."},{"startTime":1616.385,"endTime":1617.915,"body":"This is five minutes of my day."},{"startTime":1617.915,"endTime":1619.385,"body":"You do it in the morning,"},{"startTime":1617.915,"endTime":1619.385,"body":"you do it at night."},{"startTime":1619.79,"endTime":1625.64,"body":"I started doing this and it"},{"startTime":1619.79,"endTime":1625.64,"body":"was such, I, I found a newfound"},{"startTime":1625.64,"endTime":1628.76,"body":"like relax and calming in this."},{"startTime":1629.21,"endTime":1634.22,"body":"And I was like, you and I came up with"},{"startTime":1629.21,"endTime":1634.22,"body":"a saying and I, and my saying was,"},{"startTime":1634.25,"endTime":1639.56,"body":"I can, and I will be a calm leader"},{"startTime":1634.25,"endTime":1639.56,"body":"today and do the job I'm supposed to"},{"startTime":1639.56,"endTime":1644.33,"body":"do because one of my other thoughts"},{"startTime":1639.56,"endTime":1644.33,"body":"was this was a really tough job to be."},{"startTime":1645.095,"endTime":1646.145,"body":"My daughter's parent."},{"startTime":1646.355,"endTime":1647.435,"body":"And I didn't like that thought."},{"startTime":1647.435,"endTime":1648.545,"body":"It wasn't helping me."},{"startTime":1648.545,"endTime":1649.595,"body":"It wasn't serving me."},{"startTime":1649.595,"endTime":1651.755,"body":"Just like, you know, this is hard."},{"startTime":1651.755,"endTime":1652.625,"body":"So I got rid of it."},{"startTime":1652.625,"endTime":1656.105,"body":"So I changed the mantra around and"},{"startTime":1652.625,"endTime":1656.105,"body":"every day I would change it just"},{"startTime":1656.105,"endTime":1657.545,"body":"a little bit to tweak the day."},{"startTime":1657.815,"endTime":1658.415,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":1658.415,"endTime":1661.445,"body":"But I can, and I will be a calm leader."},{"startTime":1661.445,"endTime":1667.145,"body":"Today was one of the ones I really started"},{"startTime":1661.445,"endTime":1667.145,"body":"with, and that was kind of my guiding."},{"startTime":1667.475,"endTime":1668.585,"body":"To start doing that."},{"startTime":1668.585,"endTime":1671.975,"body":"And then, like I said, now I've"},{"startTime":1668.585,"endTime":1671.975,"body":"got this one day at a time, one"},{"startTime":1671.975,"endTime":1673.504,"body":"week at a time, and it morphed."},{"startTime":1673.504,"endTime":1676.504,"body":"So I didn't, you know, I didn't feel"},{"startTime":1673.504,"endTime":1676.504,"body":"like I had to be structured into one"},{"startTime":1676.504,"endTime":1681.034,"body":"thing, but what I found for me is"},{"startTime":1676.504,"endTime":1681.034,"body":"it's kind of like everybody has a"},{"startTime":1681.034,"endTime":1684.304,"body":"different little thing, but it's like"},{"startTime":1681.034,"endTime":1684.304,"body":"maybe you hold onto something, maybe"},{"startTime":1684.304,"endTime":1685.715,"body":"you look at a picture or something."},{"startTime":1685.715,"endTime":1690.965,"body":"But for me to say out loud, and my mantra"},{"startTime":1685.715,"endTime":1690.965,"body":"is, I don't even just write it down."},{"startTime":1690.965,"endTime":1695.014,"body":"I say it out loud too because I"},{"startTime":1690.965,"endTime":1695.014,"body":"hear it come back to me and then"},{"startTime":1695.014,"endTime":1696.725,"body":"it actually solidifies for me."},{"startTime":1697.46,"endTime":1698.03,"body":"I love it."},{"startTime":1698.24,"endTime":1699.08,"body":"I do it too."},{"startTime":1699.08,"endTime":1701.99,"body":"And you know, it counteracts"},{"startTime":1699.08,"endTime":1701.99,"body":"the negative thoughts."},{"startTime":1702.41,"endTime":1702.5,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"startTime":1702.74,"endTime":1702.83,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1702.83,"endTime":1708.26,"body":"We, I don't for sure don't think we"},{"startTime":1702.83,"endTime":1708.26,"body":"realize how often we're setting negative"},{"startTime":1708.26,"endTime":1713.27,"body":"intentions by saying things like, oh,"},{"startTime":1708.26,"endTime":1713.27,"body":"this is hard, or I can't handle this."},{"startTime":1713.27,"endTime":1715.879,"body":"Or, what is she gonna throw at me today?"},{"startTime":1715.945,"endTime":1718.34,"body":"That is a lot of negative self-talk."},{"startTime":1718.76,"endTime":1725.51,"body":"That then, you know, sets the direction"},{"startTime":1718.76,"endTime":1725.51,"body":"of, it's almost like we're pret triggering"},{"startTime":1725.51,"endTime":1728.0,"body":"ourselves before the trigger comes."},{"startTime":1728.24,"endTime":1728.54,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":1728.54,"endTime":1733.07,"body":"If listener, if you are saying, you"},{"startTime":1728.54,"endTime":1733.07,"body":"know, your feet hit the floor in the"},{"startTime":1733.07,"endTime":1737.18,"body":"morning and you're like, Ugh, what"},{"startTime":1733.07,"endTime":1737.18,"body":"is he or she gonna throw at me today?"},{"startTime":1737.42,"endTime":1737.96,"body":"Parenting is so hard."},{"startTime":1739.28,"endTime":1745.46,"body":"You're walking yourself into pret trigger,"},{"startTime":1739.28,"endTime":1745.46,"body":"then you go to the kitchen and you've"},{"startTime":1745.46,"endTime":1748.01,"body":"made the toast and you've cut it in half."},{"startTime":1748.865,"endTime":1752.345,"body":"In squares and suddenly your"},{"startTime":1748.865,"endTime":1752.345,"body":"kid wants triangles and they"},{"startTime":1752.345,"endTime":1753.965,"body":"make a little peep about it."},{"startTime":1754.265,"endTime":1757.775,"body":"Suddenly you're dysregulated"},{"startTime":1754.265,"endTime":1757.775,"body":"because you pret triggered"},{"startTime":1757.775,"endTime":1760.235,"body":"yourself into the dysregulation."},{"startTime":1760.265,"endTime":1765.755,"body":"And I would say, Dina, this was a lot"},{"startTime":1760.265,"endTime":1765.755,"body":"of what was happening in your home and"},{"startTime":1766.055,"endTime":1772.565,"body":"you recognized it and you worked on it"},{"startTime":1766.055,"endTime":1772.565,"body":"faithfully, diligently with intention."},{"startTime":1772.955,"endTime":1773.405,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1773.405,"endTime":1776.375,"body":"And I would wrap this up to say."},{"startTime":1776.99,"endTime":1779.15,"body":"You tell me if you agree with this."},{"startTime":1779.18,"endTime":1780.74,"body":"You're not bracing anymore."},{"startTime":1781.43,"endTime":1785.3,"body":"You're not parenting from fear,"},{"startTime":1781.43,"endTime":1785.3,"body":"you're not scanning for disaster."},{"startTime":1785.6,"endTime":1788.18,"body":"You're not yelling, you're"},{"startTime":1785.6,"endTime":1788.18,"body":"not over-functioning."},{"startTime":1788.69,"endTime":1792.32,"body":"You become steady, calm."},{"startTime":1792.56,"endTime":1796.25,"body":"You're a leader and your daughter is."},{"startTime":1796.67,"endTime":1798.735,"body":"She feeds off of it moment to moment."},{"startTime":1799.28,"endTime":1800.54,"body":"You're modeling that for her."},{"startTime":1801.5,"endTime":1803.57,"body":"She borrows your regulation."},{"startTime":1803.899,"endTime":1809.78,"body":"You guys even talk about it in your"},{"startTime":1803.899,"endTime":1809.78,"body":"home and it's really been transformative"},{"startTime":1810.32,"endTime":1815.659,"body":"for you, her, your relationship,"},{"startTime":1810.32,"endTime":1815.659,"body":"and your entire family, right?"},{"startTime":1816.23,"endTime":1817.49,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"startTime":1817.49,"endTime":1821.21,"body":"Bracing is a good way to put it,"},{"startTime":1817.49,"endTime":1821.21,"body":"but like, I like the pret trigger."},{"startTime":1821.21,"endTime":1826.46,"body":"I hadn't really thought of that that term,"},{"startTime":1821.21,"endTime":1826.46,"body":"but yes, I had pret triggered myself."},{"startTime":1826.835,"endTime":1831.785,"body":"Constantly, constantly, because I'm"},{"startTime":1826.835,"endTime":1831.785,"body":"a planner, so I, I wanted to, I, I"},{"startTime":1831.785,"endTime":1835.055,"body":"wanted to know everything beforehand,"},{"startTime":1831.785,"endTime":1835.055,"body":"so I was pret triggering every"},{"startTime":1835.055,"endTime":1837.305,"body":"situation, and it wasn't helpful."},{"startTime":1837.665,"endTime":1837.755,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1837.755,"endTime":1842.645,"body":"I get up in the morning and some"},{"startTime":1837.755,"endTime":1842.645,"body":"days I'm like, okay, I'm tired, so I"},{"startTime":1842.645,"endTime":1844.475,"body":"need to be more gentle with myself."},{"startTime":1844.655,"endTime":1847.955,"body":"I need to just have some"},{"startTime":1844.655,"endTime":1847.955,"body":"more grace this morning."},{"startTime":1848.225,"endTime":1853.265,"body":"So my whole mindset of that positivity"},{"startTime":1848.225,"endTime":1853.265,"body":"versus the negative of thoughts."},{"startTime":1853.565,"endTime":1857.795,"body":"Is definitely transformational"},{"startTime":1853.565,"endTime":1857.795,"body":"for me because that is what"},{"startTime":1857.795,"endTime":1859.985,"body":"I carry with me as I am."},{"startTime":1860.645,"endTime":1862.445,"body":"Whatever may come my way."},{"startTime":1862.775,"endTime":1868.265,"body":"And I also use the mantra, I've got"},{"startTime":1862.775,"endTime":1868.265,"body":"this, I, I got tools, I, I've got it."},{"startTime":1868.265,"endTime":1870.755,"body":"It may not be smooth every day."},{"startTime":1870.755,"endTime":1871.985,"body":"It could be very messy."},{"startTime":1871.985,"endTime":1877.355,"body":"It could be very noisy, but I've got"},{"startTime":1871.985,"endTime":1877.355,"body":"this and the biggest tool I know is that."},{"startTime":1877.7,"endTime":1882.8,"body":"Whatever happens when I look back on"},{"startTime":1877.7,"endTime":1882.8,"body":"it and reflect later, I'll be able to"},{"startTime":1882.8,"endTime":1886.82,"body":"learn what other tools I could have"},{"startTime":1882.8,"endTime":1886.82,"body":"used so that the next time something"},{"startTime":1886.82,"endTime":1891.2,"body":"like this comes around, I'm even more"},{"startTime":1886.82,"endTime":1891.2,"body":"prepared and I talk to myself about"},{"startTime":1891.2,"endTime":1896.96,"body":"that so that I am prepared the next time"},{"startTime":1891.2,"endTime":1896.96,"body":"and it's in my brain in a positive way."},{"startTime":1897.47,"endTime":1897.98,"body":"Beautiful."},{"startTime":1898.935,"endTime":1899.225,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1899.81,"endTime":1904.28,"body":"There are parents right now listening"},{"startTime":1899.81,"endTime":1904.28,"body":"to this who feel completely overwhelmed"},{"startTime":1904.7,"endTime":1906.14,"body":"by their kids' big emissions."},{"startTime":1906.56,"endTime":1908.96,"body":"Intense reactions in"},{"startTime":1906.56,"endTime":1908.96,"body":"daily power struggles."},{"startTime":1909.95,"endTime":1911.78,"body":"What do you want them to know or hear?"},{"startTime":1912.53,"endTime":1913.58,"body":"You're not alone."},{"startTime":1914.45,"endTime":1919.97,"body":"When I stepped into the hive back in"},{"startTime":1914.45,"endTime":1919.97,"body":"20 21, 1 of the things I felt, the"},{"startTime":1919.97,"endTime":1922.46,"body":"biggest feeling I felt was I was alone."},{"startTime":1922.97,"endTime":1927.44,"body":"And I said I, I couldn't be when"},{"startTime":1922.97,"endTime":1927.44,"body":"all of this was going down and my"},{"startTime":1927.44,"endTime":1930.95,"body":"daughter was just over the top,"},{"startTime":1927.44,"endTime":1930.95,"body":"that's the way I used to think of it."},{"startTime":1931.49,"endTime":1932.81,"body":"I was like, I'm so alone."},{"startTime":1932.96,"endTime":1934.31,"body":"But I said, I can't be."},{"startTime":1934.969,"endTime":1937.82,"body":"That's why I got into"},{"startTime":1934.969,"endTime":1937.82,"body":"listening to your podcast."},{"startTime":1937.82,"endTime":1939.11,"body":"Then I got into the Hive."},{"startTime":1939.35,"endTime":1940.159,"body":"You're not alone."},{"startTime":1940.699,"endTime":1945.02,"body":"There are tools out there, there"},{"startTime":1940.699,"endTime":1945.02,"body":"are people, and there's a wonderful"},{"startTime":1945.02,"endTime":1946.25,"body":"support group in the Hive."},{"startTime":1946.55,"endTime":1951.02,"body":"I would not be where I am now without"},{"startTime":1946.55,"endTime":1951.02,"body":"listening to the podcast, going to"},{"startTime":1951.02,"endTime":1952.79,"body":"the workshops, working with you."},{"startTime":1953.84,"endTime":1960.17,"body":"I, I've totally, in six years, I, I can't"},{"startTime":1953.84,"endTime":1960.17,"body":"even, it, it's, I, I, I giggle a little"},{"startTime":1960.17,"endTime":1965.18,"body":"bit because of where I was, but it's all"},{"startTime":1960.17,"endTime":1965.18,"body":"because I've taken the time to really"},{"startTime":1965.18,"endTime":1971.12,"body":"look internally to myself and want to"},{"startTime":1965.18,"endTime":1971.12,"body":"improve, and I'm seeing the benefits."},{"startTime":1971.12,"endTime":1972.065,"body":"It's not every day."},{"startTime":1972.065,"endTime":1973.46,"body":"It's still very messy."},{"startTime":1973.46,"endTime":1977.33,"body":"It's still changing and stuff like"},{"startTime":1973.46,"endTime":1977.33,"body":"that, but I can calm, and the,"},{"startTime":1977.36,"endTime":1982.79,"body":"the one most important thing is,"},{"startTime":1977.36,"endTime":1982.79,"body":"I know it may seem overwhelming."},{"startTime":1983.36,"endTime":1989.09,"body":"To you out there as a listener, but"},{"startTime":1983.36,"endTime":1989.09,"body":"learning how to calm yourself first"},{"startTime":1989.36,"endTime":1995.06,"body":"and being calm will set the whole tone"},{"startTime":1989.36,"endTime":1995.06,"body":"for anything that's thrown at you."},{"startTime":1995.33,"endTime":1997.52,"body":"It is hard to remain calm in the moment."},{"startTime":1997.64,"endTime":1998.21,"body":"I know it."},{"startTime":1998.63,"endTime":2003.1,"body":"Finding your mantra of finding"},{"startTime":1998.63,"endTime":2003.1,"body":"your thing that helps you stay"},{"startTime":2003.1,"endTime":2008.92,"body":"there is just something I'd say"},{"startTime":2003.1,"endTime":2008.92,"body":"work on because that will help you."},{"startTime":2009.37,"endTime":2012.04,"body":"Yeah, it is hard, but it is possible."},{"startTime":2012.965,"endTime":2013.775,"body":"Very much so."},{"startTime":2013.795,"endTime":2015.91,"body":"And if Dina can do it, you can do it."},{"startTime":2016.75,"endTime":2019.51,"body":"You know, Dina didn't become"},{"startTime":2016.75,"endTime":2019.51,"body":"calm because life got easier."},{"startTime":2020.05,"endTime":2022.3,"body":"Life got easier because Dina became calm."},{"startTime":2022.75,"endTime":2023.65,"body":"That's the order."},{"startTime":2024.1,"endTime":2025.48,"body":"Calm doesn't land on you."},{"startTime":2026.11,"endTime":2028.27,"body":"It's an intention that we set."},{"startTime":2029.35,"endTime":2029.44,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"startTime":2030.19,"endTime":2033.79,"body":"And I know it may seem like if you"},{"startTime":2030.19,"endTime":2033.79,"body":"think I'm too busy, I don't know how"},{"startTime":2033.79,"endTime":2035.92,"body":"to, it's just five minutes a day."},{"startTime":2036.415,"endTime":2040.225,"body":"And that's all I started with"},{"startTime":2036.415,"endTime":2040.225,"body":"is just finding five minutes."},{"startTime":2040.225,"endTime":2041.815,"body":"It's like the five minute journal."},{"startTime":2041.815,"endTime":2046.585,"body":"It's making one sentence, it's"},{"startTime":2041.815,"endTime":2046.585,"body":"writing down One note, I didn't"},{"startTime":2046.585,"endTime":2049.105,"body":"get to being calm overnight."},{"startTime":2049.315,"endTime":2054.565,"body":"This, like I said, I've been doing the,"},{"startTime":2049.315,"endTime":2054.565,"body":"the Hive here for almost five, six years,"},{"startTime":2054.985,"endTime":2060.085,"body":"and there were many times in many of"},{"startTime":2054.985,"endTime":2060.085,"body":"the coaching calls that I was not calm."},{"startTime":2061.045,"endTime":2063.655,"body":"Dina, what you've shared."},{"startTime":2064.315,"endTime":2071.034,"body":"Today is just solid gold, and I know"},{"startTime":2064.315,"endTime":2071.034,"body":"you are incredibly motivated to pay it"},{"startTime":2071.034,"endTime":2076.795,"body":"forward, and my heart is just filled"},{"startTime":2071.034,"endTime":2076.795,"body":"with gratitude for your willingness"},{"startTime":2077.065,"endTime":2078.654,"body":"to share your transformation."},{"startTime":2079.614,"endTime":2084.685,"body":"And I'm really grateful and I"},{"startTime":2079.614,"endTime":2084.685,"body":"know the listeners have enjoyed"},{"startTime":2085.074,"endTime":2086.214,"body":"hearing your story today."},{"startTime":2086.214,"endTime":2088.014,"body":"So thank you from the bottom of my heart."},{"startTime":2088.63,"endTime":2089.29,"body":"You're welcome."},{"startTime":2089.29,"endTime":2093.97,"body":"I'm, and as you said, I, I wanna"},{"startTime":2089.29,"endTime":2093.97,"body":"pay this forward because if I can do"},{"startTime":2093.97,"endTime":2099.85,"body":"it and I know how messy my life was"},{"startTime":2093.97,"endTime":2099.85,"body":"prior to, I just want somebody else"},{"startTime":2099.85,"endTime":2105.31,"body":"to feel the feeling of hope and know"},{"startTime":2099.85,"endTime":2105.31,"body":"you're not alone and get to the place,"},{"startTime":2105.61,"endTime":2108.97,"body":"but just understanding it doesn't"},{"startTime":2105.61,"endTime":2108.97,"body":"happen overnight and it takes work."},{"startTime":2109.6,"endTime":2109.84,"body":"Yep."},{"startTime":2109.9,"endTime":2113.02,"body":"I always say it's simple, but not easy."},{"startTime":2113.74,"endTime":2114.88,"body":"The tools are simple."},{"startTime":2115.27,"endTime":2118.149,"body":"But you have to implement"},{"startTime":2115.27,"endTime":2118.149,"body":"them day in and day out."},{"startTime":2118.419,"endTime":2121.72,"body":"When you falter, you've"},{"startTime":2118.419,"endTime":2121.72,"body":"gotta regroup and try again."},{"startTime":2121.99,"endTime":2122.41,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":2122.41,"endTime":2125.319,"body":"And the number one goal always."},{"startTime":2125.845,"endTime":2127.674,"body":"Is to regulate ourselves first."},{"startTime":2127.674,"endTime":2130.225,"body":"It is the rising tide"},{"startTime":2127.674,"endTime":2130.225,"body":"that lifts all boats."},{"startTime":2130.225,"endTime":2130.555,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":2130.825,"endTime":2132.714,"body":"I say that all the time inside the hive."},{"startTime":2133.044,"endTime":2134.274,"body":"Yep, absolutely."},{"startTime":2134.274,"endTime":2135.714,"body":"It's regulating ourselves."},{"startTime":2135.834,"endTime":2140.334,"body":"Yeah, and it's, it's something"},{"startTime":2135.834,"endTime":2140.334,"body":"you say all the time and."},{"startTime":2140.41,"endTime":2143.649,"body":"It took a couple years for"},{"startTime":2140.41,"endTime":2143.649,"body":"it to really hit home as to"},{"startTime":2143.649,"endTime":2144.819,"body":"what you were talking about."},{"startTime":2144.819,"endTime":2147.7,"body":"You know, it's nice when you think"},{"startTime":2144.819,"endTime":2147.7,"body":"there's just tools and you could just"},{"startTime":2147.7,"endTime":2149.17,"body":"use them and things will get better."},{"startTime":2149.17,"endTime":2153.879,"body":"But No, it's, it's talking about"},{"startTime":2149.17,"endTime":2153.879,"body":"looking into your inner yourself."},{"startTime":2154.359,"endTime":2154.48,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2154.48,"endTime":2156.52,"body":"And to help the whole situation."},{"startTime":2156.7,"endTime":2156.975,"body":"So, yeah."},{"startTime":2158.049,"endTime":2162.52,"body":"And you know, I even find having a"},{"startTime":2158.049,"endTime":2162.52,"body":"21-year-old that self-regulation,"},{"startTime":2162.52,"endTime":2165.73,"body":"working on myself, you know,"},{"startTime":2162.52,"endTime":2165.73,"body":"it's, it's like an onion."},{"startTime":2165.73,"endTime":2167.2,"body":"There's layers that give peel back."},{"startTime":2167.92,"endTime":2169.06,"body":"New things show up."},{"startTime":2169.06,"endTime":2174.46,"body":"We move into new phases and"},{"startTime":2169.06,"endTime":2174.46,"body":"I evolve, my son evolves."},{"startTime":2174.46,"endTime":2175.81,"body":"Times are evolving."},{"startTime":2175.84,"endTime":2179.98,"body":"There's new things out there to"},{"startTime":2175.84,"endTime":2179.98,"body":"tackle as the child or the kid"},{"startTime":2179.98,"endTime":2182.35,"body":"progresses through different ages."},{"startTime":2182.35,"endTime":2182.799,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":2183.25,"endTime":2188.17,"body":"And it's really, really,"},{"startTime":2183.25,"endTime":2188.17,"body":"really work worth doing."},{"startTime":2188.17,"endTime":2192.759,"body":"So to the listener, I wanna"},{"startTime":2188.17,"endTime":2192.759,"body":"speak directly to you."},{"startTime":2193.42,"endTime":2197.68,"body":"If mornings feel chaotic, if you feel"},{"startTime":2193.42,"endTime":2197.68,"body":"like you're constantly putting out fires,"},{"startTime":2198.37,"endTime":2203.35,"body":"if you've yelled at your kid and then"},{"startTime":2198.37,"endTime":2203.35,"body":"cried in your car afterwards, if you feel"},{"startTime":2203.41,"endTime":2209.74,"body":"uncomfortable, or even dare I say, ashamed"},{"startTime":2203.41,"endTime":2209.74,"body":"of how reactive you've become, hopefully"},{"startTime":2209.74,"endTime":2212.59,"body":"today showed you that you're not broken."},{"startTime":2213.49,"endTime":2217.66,"body":"You're not broken, I promise you,"},{"startTime":2213.49,"endTime":2217.66,"body":"you're not missing a parenting gene."},{"startTime":2218.29,"endTime":2221.32,"body":"What's going on is your"},{"startTime":2218.29,"endTime":2221.32,"body":"nervous system is overloaded."},{"startTime":2222.715,"endTime":2226.615,"body":"It's easy to understand how it gets"},{"startTime":2222.715,"endTime":2226.615,"body":"overloaded in this world we live"},{"startTime":2226.615,"endTime":2231.955,"body":"in, in this current environment,"},{"startTime":2226.615,"endTime":2231.955,"body":"and you know, in the year of 2026."},{"startTime":2232.465,"endTime":2237.055,"body":"But here's what I also know, and"},{"startTime":2232.465,"endTime":2237.055,"body":"hopefully you heard this from Dina today."},{"startTime":2237.475,"endTime":2242.905,"body":"When you regulate first yourself,"},{"startTime":2237.475,"endTime":2242.905,"body":"when you lower your urgency, when"},{"startTime":2242.905,"endTime":2247.975,"body":"you stop over explaining, when you"},{"startTime":2242.905,"endTime":2247.975,"body":"hold boundaries calmly, when you"},{"startTime":2247.975,"endTime":2250.795,"body":"allow big emotions and discomfort."},{"startTime":2251.47,"endTime":2256.0,"body":"From that calm place,"},{"startTime":2251.47,"endTime":2256.0,"body":"everything shifts, everything."},{"startTime":2256.6,"endTime":2258.79,"body":"I promise you, it's not perfect."},{"startTime":2259.3,"endTime":2261.31,"body":"Tina showed us that it's not instant."},{"startTime":2261.82,"endTime":2269.92,"body":"It's been a journey and it's beautifully"},{"startTime":2261.82,"endTime":2269.92,"body":"messy, but it's steady and steady calm."},{"startTime":2269.95,"endTime":2275.29,"body":"Leadership changes families, and inside"},{"startTime":2269.95,"endTime":2275.29,"body":"the hive, that's exactly what we work on."},{"startTime":2275.95,"endTime":2279.22,"body":"I teach you how to regulate"},{"startTime":2275.95,"endTime":2279.22,"body":"yourself first, how to hold"},{"startTime":2279.22,"endTime":2280.45,"body":"boundaries without yelling."},{"startTime":2280.855,"endTime":2286.015,"body":"How to use simple language, like when then"},{"startTime":2280.855,"endTime":2286.015,"body":"how to create personalized strategies."},{"startTime":2286.404,"endTime":2288.475,"body":"I'm not gonna give you scripts together."},{"startTime":2288.714,"endTime":2293.185,"body":"We're going to create personalized"},{"startTime":2288.714,"endTime":2293.185,"body":"strategies for your unique child, like"},{"startTime":2293.274,"endTime":2299.035,"body":"an 11-year-old Kenzie with mouth gear"},{"startTime":2293.274,"endTime":2299.035,"body":"and big emotions and a lot of homework"},{"startTime":2299.035,"endTime":2300.145,"body":"that she doesn't always wanna do."},{"startTime":2300.835,"endTime":2305.754,"body":"And Dina found her personalized"},{"startTime":2300.835,"endTime":2305.754,"body":"strategy for herself and for Kinzie."},{"startTime":2306.265,"endTime":2308.544,"body":"That's why I don't offer"},{"startTime":2306.265,"endTime":2308.544,"body":"cookie cutter solutions."},{"startTime":2308.95,"endTime":2314.11,"body":"You listener need real, practical,"},{"startTime":2308.95,"endTime":2314.11,"body":"nervous system-based leadership"},{"startTime":2314.32,"endTime":2316.21,"body":"that you can bring into your home."},{"startTime":2316.96,"endTime":2321.64,"body":"So if Dina can move from a hundred"},{"startTime":2316.96,"endTime":2321.64,"body":"checklists and daily yelling to calm,"},{"startTime":2321.64,"endTime":2324.88,"body":"connected CEO leadership, you can too."},{"startTime":2325.51,"endTime":2330.97,"body":"And if this feels like your moment,"},{"startTime":2325.51,"endTime":2330.97,"body":"come meet Dina, come join me, and"},{"startTime":2330.97,"endTime":2333.49,"body":"all the other Dina's inside the hive."},{"startTime":2334.39,"endTime":2337.45,"body":"Come join your village because"},{"startTime":2334.39,"endTime":2337.45,"body":"we're waiting for you and we"},{"startTime":2337.45,"endTime":2338.63,"body":"can't wait to welcome you."},{"startTime":2339.46,"endTime":2344.65,"body":"Help you transform into the calm,"},{"startTime":2339.46,"endTime":2344.65,"body":"peaceful leader in your home."},{"startTime":2345.4,"endTime":2349.57,"body":"Until we meet again, I'm"},{"startTime":2345.4,"endTime":2349.57,"body":"wishing you peaceful parenting."},{"startTime":2352.36,"endTime":2354.46,"body":"Thanks for listening to Real"},{"startTime":2352.36,"endTime":2354.46,"body":"World Peaceful Parenting."},{"startTime":2354.94,"endTime":2357.67,"body":"If you want more info on how you"},{"startTime":2354.94,"endTime":2357.67,"body":"can transform your parenting,"},{"startTime":2357.97,"endTime":2359.62,"body":"visit the peaceful parent.com."},{"startTime":2359.86,"endTime":2360.395,"body":"See you soon."}]}