{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":1.2,"endTime":4.41,"body":"Welcome to Real World Peaceful"},{"startTime":1.2,"endTime":4.41,"body":"Parenting, a podcast for parents"},{"startTime":4.41,"endTime":7.08,"body":"that are tired of yelling,"},{"startTime":4.41,"endTime":7.08,"body":"threatening, and punishing their kids."},{"startTime":7.62,"endTime":11.73,"body":"Join mom and master certified parent"},{"startTime":7.62,"endTime":11.73,"body":"coach Lisa Smith as she gives you"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"actionable step-by-step strategies"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"that'll help you transform your"},{"startTime":15.15,"endTime":17.4,"body":"household from chaos to cooperation."},{"startTime":17.82,"endTime":18.33,"body":"Let's dive in."},{"startTime":21.81,"endTime":26.13,"body":"Welcome, welcome, welcome,"},{"startTime":21.81,"endTime":26.13,"body":"welcome to today's episode."},{"startTime":26.97,"endTime":28.11,"body":"I am so grateful."},{"startTime":28.785,"endTime":33.614,"body":"To be with you here today, and I wanna ask"},{"startTime":28.785,"endTime":33.614,"body":"you something personal right off the bat."},{"startTime":34.515,"endTime":37.964,"body":"Have you ever had one of those"},{"startTime":34.515,"endTime":37.964,"body":"moments where your kid does"},{"startTime":37.964,"endTime":42.915,"body":"something and your body reacts"},{"startTime":37.964,"endTime":42.915,"body":"before your brain even catches up?"},{"startTime":44.025,"endTime":48.195,"body":"You know your child refuses to do"},{"startTime":44.025,"endTime":48.195,"body":"the homework, your toddler loses it"},{"startTime":48.195,"endTime":50.055,"body":"because you gave them the wrong cup."},{"startTime":50.894,"endTime":54.015,"body":"Your teenager rolls their"},{"startTime":50.894,"endTime":54.015,"body":"eyes and says something that"},{"startTime":54.015,"endTime":55.845,"body":"just cuts right through you."},{"startTime":56.669,"endTime":61.26,"body":"Before you even realize what's happening,"},{"startTime":56.669,"endTime":61.26,"body":"your heart is pounding, your voice"},{"startTime":61.26,"endTime":67.08,"body":"gets sharper, your jaw tightens, and"},{"startTime":61.26,"endTime":67.08,"body":"suddenly your brain is no longer in"},{"startTime":67.08,"endTime":69.72,"body":"the present moment at all, right?"},{"startTime":70.32,"endTime":74.85,"body":"And instead of being in the moment,"},{"startTime":70.32,"endTime":74.85,"body":"you're 10 years into the future, and"},{"startTime":74.85,"endTime":78.84,"body":"your brain is saying things like, what"},{"startTime":74.85,"endTime":78.84,"body":"if they never learn responsibility?"},{"startTime":79.38,"endTime":80.88,"body":"What if this becomes a pattern?"},{"startTime":81.42,"endTime":83.94,"body":"What if I'm actually"},{"startTime":81.42,"endTime":83.94,"body":"messing this whole thing up?"},{"startTime":85.05,"endTime":85.95,"body":"A small moment?"},{"startTime":86.73,"endTime":92.19,"body":"Suddenly the interaction with your"},{"startTime":86.73,"endTime":92.19,"body":"kid feels like a five alarm emergency."},{"startTime":93.09,"endTime":98.01,"body":"Well, if you've ever felt that, and I"},{"startTime":93.09,"endTime":98.01,"body":"mean really felt it like in your chest,"},{"startTime":98.49,"endTime":103.35,"body":"in your throat, blood whooshing through"},{"startTime":98.49,"endTime":103.35,"body":"your ears, a gorilla sitting on your"},{"startTime":103.35,"endTime":106.29,"body":"chest, today's episode is for you."},{"startTime":107.4,"endTime":109.83,"body":"Over the last few weeks,"},{"startTime":107.4,"endTime":109.83,"body":"we've been building something"},{"startTime":109.83,"endTime":111.105,"body":"really powerful together."},{"startTime":112.17,"endTime":117.15,"body":"In episode two 70, we talked about"},{"startTime":112.17,"endTime":117.15,"body":"what emotional regulation actually is."},{"startTime":117.78,"endTime":122.16,"body":"We talked about how kids aren't born"},{"startTime":117.78,"endTime":122.16,"body":"knowing how to handle big feelings,"},{"startTime":122.64,"endTime":128.55,"body":"how behavior is communication, and how"},{"startTime":122.64,"endTime":128.55,"body":"our kids literally borrow calm from us."},{"startTime":129.63,"endTime":134.82,"body":"Then in episode 2 71, we busted the"},{"startTime":129.63,"endTime":134.82,"body":"four biggest myths about emotional"},{"startTime":134.82,"endTime":138.72,"body":"regulation, the things you might"},{"startTime":134.82,"endTime":138.72,"body":"be doing thinking you're helping,"},{"startTime":139.35,"endTime":140.91,"body":"but that are actually backfiring."},{"startTime":142.08,"endTime":147.24,"body":"In episode 2 72, you had a chance"},{"startTime":142.08,"endTime":147.24,"body":"to hear Dina's story, A Real mom,"},{"startTime":147.93,"endTime":153.57,"body":"three years of real work and a family"},{"startTime":147.93,"endTime":153.57,"body":"that's genuinely transformed today."},{"startTime":153.57,"endTime":158.22,"body":"I wanna go underneath all that"},{"startTime":153.57,"endTime":158.22,"body":"because there's something I see in"},{"startTime":158.22,"endTime":163.02,"body":"almost every single parent I coach"},{"startTime":158.22,"endTime":163.02,"body":"or work with, including myself,"},{"startTime":163.62,"endTime":165.06,"body":"that is quietly running the show."},{"startTime":165.78,"endTime":170.25,"body":"And until you understand it,"},{"startTime":165.78,"endTime":170.25,"body":"no strategy in the world."},{"startTime":170.625,"endTime":172.394,"body":"Is going to stick the way you want it to."},{"startTime":173.355,"endTime":174.165,"body":"And here it is."},{"startTime":174.915,"endTime":180.885,"body":"Your kid's behavior can feel like"},{"startTime":174.915,"endTime":180.885,"body":"a five alarm emergency, and your"},{"startTime":180.885,"endTime":182.804,"body":"brain is the one pulling the alarm."},{"startTime":183.945,"endTime":185.924,"body":"Now you might be saying, what, Lisa?"},{"startTime":186.375,"endTime":189.165,"body":"No, my brain is not the"},{"startTime":186.375,"endTime":189.165,"body":"one pulling the alarm."},{"startTime":189.975,"endTime":191.804,"body":"I know, I know."},{"startTime":192.674,"endTime":196.334,"body":"But I want you to hang with me"},{"startTime":192.674,"endTime":196.334,"body":"here and be open-minded as you"},{"startTime":196.334,"endTime":198.285,"body":"listen through today's episode."},{"startTime":199.154,"endTime":200.114,"body":"So let's dive in."},{"startTime":200.97,"endTime":205.05,"body":"I wanna start with some brain science,"},{"startTime":200.97,"endTime":205.05,"body":"but don't worry, I'm gonna keep it real"},{"startTime":205.05,"endTime":209.4,"body":"and practical because that's what we do"},{"startTime":205.05,"endTime":209.4,"body":"here at Real World Peaceful Parenting."},{"startTime":210.3,"endTime":212.04,"body":"Here's what you need to know."},{"startTime":212.97,"endTime":218.64,"body":"Your brain has one primary"},{"startTime":212.97,"endTime":218.64,"body":"job, one job above all others,"},{"startTime":219.48,"endTime":221.19,"body":"and it's to keep you safe."},{"startTime":222.09,"endTime":222.63,"body":"That's it."},{"startTime":223.05,"endTime":226.71,"body":"You self-preservation your brain."},{"startTime":227.325,"endTime":232.095,"body":"Specifically your lower brain, your"},{"startTime":227.325,"endTime":232.095,"body":"downstairs brain, your survival brain"},{"startTime":232.305,"endTime":236.535,"body":"has been wired since the beginning"},{"startTime":232.305,"endTime":236.535,"body":"of human history to scan for danger"},{"startTime":236.835,"endTime":238.935,"body":"24 7 and protect you from it."},{"startTime":239.895,"endTime":242.954,"body":"And this part of your"},{"startTime":239.895,"endTime":242.954,"body":"brain never clocks out."},{"startTime":243.435,"endTime":249.255,"body":"It never takes a day off, it never goes"},{"startTime":243.435,"endTime":249.255,"body":"on vacation or gets fired from its job."},{"startTime":249.945,"endTime":252.615,"body":"Its dedication level is extreme."},{"startTime":253.365,"endTime":256.334,"body":"It works 24 7 365."},{"startTime":257.399,"endTime":260.339,"body":"And here's what happens"},{"startTime":257.399,"endTime":260.339,"body":"when we become parents."},{"startTime":261.089,"endTime":264.81,"body":"That survival instinct doesn't"},{"startTime":261.089,"endTime":264.81,"body":"just cover you anymore."},{"startTime":265.17,"endTime":272.61,"body":"It expands your kid or kids become an"},{"startTime":265.17,"endTime":272.61,"body":"extension of your sense of safety and a"},{"startTime":272.61,"endTime":278.43,"body":"threat to them registers in your nervous"},{"startTime":272.61,"endTime":278.43,"body":"system, almost the same, not completely,"},{"startTime":278.43,"endTime":281.37,"body":"but almost the same as a threat to you."},{"startTime":282.105,"endTime":286.545,"body":"Which means your brain is now"},{"startTime":282.105,"endTime":286.545,"body":"scanning for danger for two people,"},{"startTime":286.905,"endTime":289.395,"body":"you and them, or maybe more."},{"startTime":290.474,"endTime":291.105,"body":"Now."},{"startTime":291.795,"endTime":296.805,"body":"Thousands of years ago, these"},{"startTime":291.795,"endTime":296.805,"body":"threats were physical, predators,"},{"startTime":296.835,"endTime":298.844,"body":"famine, danger in the wild."},{"startTime":299.685,"endTime":304.094,"body":"But today for us parents, these"},{"startTime":299.685,"endTime":304.094,"body":"threats look very different."},{"startTime":304.485,"endTime":306.825,"body":"They look like a failing grade."},{"startTime":307.485,"endTime":308.895,"body":"A childhood won't listen."},{"startTime":309.495,"endTime":310.664,"body":"A meltdown in public."},{"startTime":311.22,"endTime":316.44,"body":"A teenager who pushes back hard, a"},{"startTime":311.22,"endTime":316.44,"body":"toddler who seems to be behind where"},{"startTime":316.44,"endTime":319.83,"body":"you think they should be, siblings"},{"startTime":316.44,"endTime":319.83,"body":"that can't seem to get along."},{"startTime":320.55,"endTime":326.22,"body":"A kid who has big emotions and struggles"},{"startTime":320.55,"endTime":326.22,"body":"with friendships in your brain."},{"startTime":326.34,"endTime":329.73,"body":"Your brain doesn't just register"},{"startTime":326.34,"endTime":329.73,"body":"what's happening right now."},{"startTime":330.3,"endTime":332.37,"body":"Unfortunately, it fast forwards."},{"startTime":333.06,"endTime":336.93,"body":"It runs a threat detection"},{"startTime":333.06,"endTime":336.93,"body":"simulation at lightning speed."},{"startTime":337.56,"endTime":339.39,"body":"Your kid refuses homework tonight."},{"startTime":340.185,"endTime":343.335,"body":"And your brain shows you a"},{"startTime":340.185,"endTime":343.335,"body":"movie of them failing in school."},{"startTime":344.115,"endTime":349.035,"body":"Your kid lies once and your brain"},{"startTime":344.115,"endTime":349.035,"body":"fast forwards to them being dishonest."},{"startTime":349.035,"endTime":353.025,"body":"As an adult, your toddler melts"},{"startTime":349.035,"endTime":353.025,"body":"down in target and your brain"},{"startTime":353.025,"endTime":357.195,"body":"whispers they're never going to be"},{"startTime":353.025,"endTime":357.195,"body":"able to function in the real world."},{"startTime":358.005,"endTime":361.665,"body":"Now, here's what's so important"},{"startTime":358.005,"endTime":361.665,"body":"to understand about all this, this"},{"startTime":361.665,"endTime":364.515,"body":"mental movie, it happens fast."},{"startTime":365.085,"endTime":368.595,"body":"We're talking milliseconds"},{"startTime":365.085,"endTime":368.595,"body":"faster than conscious thought."},{"startTime":369.72,"endTime":374.43,"body":"And before you've decided to feel"},{"startTime":369.72,"endTime":374.43,"body":"anything, your body is already reacting."},{"startTime":375.15,"endTime":377.1,"body":"You with me on this, right?"},{"startTime":377.1,"endTime":378.81,"body":"Your, your heart rate increases."},{"startTime":379.41,"endTime":383.76,"body":"Your muscles tighten, your voice"},{"startTime":379.41,"endTime":383.76,"body":"gets sharper, maybe louder."},{"startTime":383.94,"endTime":385.56,"body":"It gets a distinct tone."},{"startTime":386.01,"endTime":390.33,"body":"Your thinking gets more rigid and"},{"startTime":386.01,"endTime":390.33,"body":"urgency takes over like a wave."},{"startTime":391.23,"endTime":395.145,"body":"You are no longer calmly guiding"},{"startTime":391.23,"endTime":395.145,"body":"your kids through a moment."},{"startTime":395.955,"endTime":400.185,"body":"You are in emergency mode trying"},{"startTime":395.955,"endTime":400.185,"body":"to stop what your brain has"},{"startTime":400.185,"endTime":402.825,"body":"already decided is a crisis."},{"startTime":403.545,"endTime":406.905,"body":"But here's the truth, that will"},{"startTime":403.545,"endTime":406.905,"body":"start to change everything for you."},{"startTime":407.685,"endTime":412.784,"body":"Most of the time, what's happening"},{"startTime":407.685,"endTime":412.784,"body":"is not actually an emergency."},{"startTime":413.565,"endTime":416.534,"body":"Your kids' behavior in"},{"startTime":413.565,"endTime":416.534,"body":"this moment is a moment."},{"startTime":417.405,"endTime":418.545,"body":"It's not a prediction."},{"startTime":418.605,"endTime":419.805,"body":"It's not a destiny."},{"startTime":420.735,"endTime":423.375,"body":"It's not proof of anything terrible about."},{"startTime":424.169,"endTime":426.09,"body":"Who they are or who they'll become."},{"startTime":426.419,"endTime":430.5,"body":"It's just a moment, and the most"},{"startTime":426.419,"endTime":430.5,"body":"powerful thing you can do in that"},{"startTime":430.5,"endTime":435.479,"body":"moment is stay in it instead of"},{"startTime":430.5,"endTime":435.479,"body":"living 10 years in the future."},{"startTime":436.5,"endTime":440.669,"body":"One of the most important shifts"},{"startTime":436.5,"endTime":440.669,"body":"parents make in this work is learning"},{"startTime":440.669,"endTime":445.32,"body":"to separate two things that the"},{"startTime":440.669,"endTime":445.32,"body":"brain loves to mash up together."},{"startTime":446.25,"endTime":450.539,"body":"The moment you're in and the story your"},{"startTime":446.25,"endTime":450.539,"body":"brain is telling you about the future."},{"startTime":451.815,"endTime":453.465,"body":"These are not the same thing."},{"startTime":453.555,"endTime":454.365,"body":"They are not."},{"startTime":455.235,"endTime":459.015,"body":"But when the alarm goes off,"},{"startTime":455.235,"endTime":459.015,"body":"they feel like identical twins."},{"startTime":459.855,"endTime":463.875,"body":"The fear about the future feels just"},{"startTime":459.855,"endTime":463.875,"body":"as real as what's happening right now."},{"startTime":464.775,"endTime":467.685,"body":"And so we parent the future"},{"startTime":464.775,"endTime":467.685,"body":"instead of the present."},{"startTime":468.585,"endTime":469.005,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":469.635,"endTime":471.825,"body":"Let me show you what this"},{"startTime":469.635,"endTime":471.825,"body":"looks like at different ages."},{"startTime":472.125,"endTime":476.055,"body":"'cause I really want you to"},{"startTime":472.125,"endTime":476.055,"body":"see yourself in these examples."},{"startTime":476.91,"endTime":481.05,"body":"Your 3-year-old has a full meltdown in"},{"startTime":476.91,"endTime":481.05,"body":"the grocery store because you said no"},{"startTime":481.05,"endTime":487.2,"body":"to the candy bar, and your old brain"},{"startTime":481.05,"endTime":487.2,"body":"story is she's learning the tantrums."},{"startTime":487.2,"endTime":488.31,"body":"Get her what she wants."},{"startTime":488.73,"endTime":490.2,"body":"She's going to be manipulative."},{"startTime":490.56,"endTime":492.12,"body":"She doesn't respect boundaries."},{"startTime":493.14,"endTime":497.61,"body":"Now, what's actually happening in"},{"startTime":493.14,"endTime":497.61,"body":"this moment, she's three and her"},{"startTime":497.61,"endTime":501.21,"body":"prefrontal cortex, the part of the"},{"startTime":497.61,"endTime":501.21,"body":"brain that handles self-regulation"},{"startTime":501.21,"endTime":503.46,"body":"and impulse control is barely there."},{"startTime":504.12,"endTime":504.96,"body":"She's overwhelmed."},{"startTime":505.92,"endTime":510.0,"body":"She wanted something, she was told"},{"startTime":505.92,"endTime":510.0,"body":"no and her nervous system flooded."},{"startTime":510.84,"endTime":511.71,"body":"That's it."},{"startTime":512.28,"endTime":513.51,"body":"That's the whole story."},{"startTime":513.99,"endTime":515.88,"body":"There's no manipulation."},{"startTime":516.09,"endTime":517.409,"body":"There's no character flaw."},{"startTime":518.189,"endTime":523.409,"body":"Just a tiny person with a big feeling"},{"startTime":518.189,"endTime":523.409,"body":"and no tools to manage it yet."},{"startTime":524.61,"endTime":525.39,"body":"Can you see that?"},{"startTime":526.41,"endTime":526.74,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":526.74,"endTime":530.16,"body":"Let's say your 6-year-old lies to"},{"startTime":526.74,"endTime":530.16,"body":"you about finishing their homework."},{"startTime":531.06,"endTime":533.4,"body":"In the past, your brain might"},{"startTime":531.06,"endTime":533.4,"body":"have told you the story that"},{"startTime":533.61,"endTime":534.9,"body":"your kid is being sneaky."},{"startTime":535.41,"endTime":537.0,"body":"I'm raising a dishonest kid."},{"startTime":537.6,"endTime":538.77,"body":"He's gonna be a liar."},{"startTime":538.95,"endTime":540.12,"body":"No one's gonna believe him."},{"startTime":540.6,"endTime":541.68,"body":"Yeah, been there."},{"startTime":541.71,"endTime":542.7,"body":"I know I had been."},{"startTime":543.45,"endTime":544.71,"body":"Here's what's actually happening."},{"startTime":545.52,"endTime":549.39,"body":"Lying at this age at six"},{"startTime":545.52,"endTime":549.39,"body":"is developmentally normal."},{"startTime":550.11,"endTime":554.01,"body":"It often signals that your kid"},{"startTime":550.11,"endTime":554.01,"body":"is starting to understand cause"},{"startTime":554.01,"endTime":558.27,"body":"and effect, and they're scared of"},{"startTime":554.01,"endTime":558.27,"body":"disappointing you or getting in trouble."},{"startTime":558.99,"endTime":562.785,"body":"And if you can stay present in the"},{"startTime":558.99,"endTime":562.785,"body":"moment, this is a moment to teach."},{"startTime":563.565,"endTime":567.015,"body":"Not evidence that the character"},{"startTime":563.565,"endTime":567.015,"body":"train has already left the station."},{"startTime":567.885,"endTime":568.275,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":568.995,"endTime":573.735,"body":"Let's say your 9-year-old refuses"},{"startTime":568.995,"endTime":573.735,"body":"to do chores every single time."},{"startTime":574.545,"endTime":578.145,"body":"Your old brain might tell you the story"},{"startTime":574.545,"endTime":578.145,"body":"that you're raising, an entitled kid."},{"startTime":578.685,"endTime":580.815,"body":"They expect to have"},{"startTime":578.685,"endTime":580.815,"body":"everything handed to them."},{"startTime":581.385,"endTime":582.555,"body":"They don't have a work ethic."},{"startTime":582.645,"endTime":584.715,"body":"They're never gonna"},{"startTime":582.645,"endTime":584.715,"body":"survive in the real world."},{"startTime":585.615,"endTime":589.695,"body":"Well, what's actually happening is they're"},{"startTime":585.615,"endTime":589.695,"body":"a kid who doesn't like to do chores."},{"startTime":590.07,"endTime":596.1,"body":"Which honestly is pretty much every kid"},{"startTime":590.07,"endTime":596.1,"body":"who's ever lived the skill of doing hard"},{"startTime":596.1,"endTime":601.83,"body":"things, even when you don't want to, that"},{"startTime":596.1,"endTime":601.83,"body":"takes years to build and your 9-year-old"},{"startTime":602.01,"endTime":603.36,"body":"is in the middle of building it."},{"startTime":604.11,"endTime":604.92,"body":"Can you see that?"},{"startTime":605.79,"endTime":608.94,"body":"Let's say you have a 12-year-old that"},{"startTime":605.79,"endTime":608.94,"body":"rolls their eyes and snaps at you,"},{"startTime":608.94,"endTime":610.59,"body":"and you ask them how their day was."},{"startTime":611.31,"endTime":613.02,"body":"I remember these days very well."},{"startTime":613.05,"endTime":617.28,"body":"I used to say, oh my gosh, my"},{"startTime":613.05,"endTime":617.28,"body":"breathing irritates Malcolm."},{"startTime":618.3,"endTime":621.93,"body":"So if you're stuck in this cycle,"},{"startTime":618.3,"endTime":621.93,"body":"your story might be your kid doesn't"},{"startTime":621.93,"endTime":624.12,"body":"respect you, we're losing connection."},{"startTime":624.329,"endTime":625.74,"body":"It's only gonna get worse."},{"startTime":626.43,"endTime":632.22,"body":"So what's actually happening is your"},{"startTime":626.43,"endTime":632.22,"body":"kid just endured seven long hours of"},{"startTime":632.22,"endTime":634.62,"body":"school along with social pressure."},{"startTime":634.8,"endTime":638.31,"body":"They can barely name and a"},{"startTime":634.8,"endTime":638.31,"body":"nervous system that's being"},{"startTime":638.31,"endTime":640.47,"body":"reconstructed from the inside out."},{"startTime":641.1,"endTime":644.25,"body":"They're exhausted, they're overwhelmed,"},{"startTime":641.1,"endTime":644.25,"body":"and maybe they're starving."},{"startTime":645.15,"endTime":650.04,"body":"You're the safe person that they can"},{"startTime":645.15,"endTime":650.04,"body":"fall apart in front of that snap."},{"startTime":650.55,"endTime":652.5,"body":"It's not rejection, it's trust."},{"startTime":653.4,"endTime":659.4,"body":"Let's say your 15-year-old fails"},{"startTime":653.4,"endTime":659.4,"body":"a test and your old brain story"},{"startTime":659.4,"endTime":661.17,"body":"is they're gonna take their GPA."},{"startTime":661.709,"endTime":663.15,"body":"No college is gonna take 'em."},{"startTime":663.599,"endTime":664.38,"body":"They're not smart."},{"startTime":664.38,"endTime":665.67,"body":"They're not gonna be able to make it."},{"startTime":665.939,"endTime":668.37,"body":"I'm watching their future"},{"startTime":665.939,"endTime":668.37,"body":"collapse in real time."},{"startTime":669.42,"endTime":670.53,"body":"What's actually happening?"},{"startTime":670.89,"endTime":672.0,"body":"They failed one test."},{"startTime":672.78,"endTime":674.04,"body":"Maybe they didn't study enough."},{"startTime":674.43,"endTime":675.51,"body":"Maybe they froze up."},{"startTime":675.84,"endTime":677.85,"body":"Maybe it was a really hard week."},{"startTime":678.24,"endTime":681.42,"body":"Maybe they need some extra help"},{"startTime":678.24,"endTime":681.42,"body":"understanding the concepts."},{"startTime":681.96,"endTime":686.22,"body":"But the point is, one test is"},{"startTime":681.96,"endTime":686.22,"body":"a data point, not a destiny."},{"startTime":687.18,"endTime":691.68,"body":"And maybe you have a senior who's"},{"startTime":687.18,"endTime":691.68,"body":"procrastinating on college applications."},{"startTime":692.34,"endTime":693.66,"body":"It happens a lot."},{"startTime":694.2,"endTime":695.52,"body":"Your old brain story is."},{"startTime":696.074,"endTime":697.275,"body":"They're self-sabotaging."},{"startTime":697.545,"endTime":698.775,"body":"They don't appreciate this."},{"startTime":698.984,"endTime":700.484,"body":"They're gonna miss every deadline."},{"startTime":700.635,"endTime":702.944,"body":"How are they gonna go away"},{"startTime":700.635,"endTime":702.944,"body":"to school and be successful?"},{"startTime":703.694,"endTime":707.025,"body":"I, I remember those days too,"},{"startTime":703.694,"endTime":707.025,"body":"but what's actually happening?"},{"startTime":707.415,"endTime":708.194,"body":"They're terrified."},{"startTime":708.734,"endTime":712.844,"body":"The thought of leaving everything"},{"startTime":708.734,"endTime":712.844,"body":"familiar behind is overwhelming,"},{"startTime":713.805,"endTime":718.214,"body":"and procrastination is often"},{"startTime":713.805,"endTime":718.214,"body":"anxiety, wearing a lazy outfit."},{"startTime":719.025,"endTime":719.839,"body":"Can you see the pattern?"},{"startTime":720.915,"endTime":724.725,"body":"In every single one of these moments, the"},{"startTime":720.915,"endTime":724.725,"body":"brain is treating normal developmental"},{"startTime":724.725,"endTime":727.125,"body":"behavior like a five alarm emergency."},{"startTime":728.025,"endTime":731.685,"body":"And when we parent from that"},{"startTime":728.025,"endTime":731.685,"body":"emergency feeling with urgency,"},{"startTime":731.895,"endTime":736.035,"body":"with lectures, with fear, with"},{"startTime":731.895,"endTime":736.035,"body":"anger, our kids don't feel guided."},{"startTime":736.515,"endTime":738.735,"body":"They feel like a problem to be solved."},{"startTime":739.515,"endTime":740.385,"body":"And here's the kicker."},{"startTime":741.105,"endTime":745.635,"body":"When we show up with urgency,"},{"startTime":741.105,"endTime":745.635,"body":"it escalates our nervous system"},{"startTime":745.965,"endTime":747.465,"body":"and their nervous system."},{"startTime":748.515,"endTime":754.245,"body":"So now we have two dysregulated people"},{"startTime":748.515,"endTime":754.245,"body":"in the room trying to interact two"},{"startTime":754.245,"endTime":759.525,"body":"nervous systems in alarm mode, and"},{"startTime":754.245,"endTime":759.525,"body":"suddenly the moment there was never"},{"startTime":759.525,"endTime":761.805,"body":"actually an emergency has become one."},{"startTime":762.555,"endTime":763.455,"body":"Can you see this?"},{"startTime":764.325,"endTime":768.165,"body":"I wanna share a story with you that"},{"startTime":764.325,"endTime":768.165,"body":"I've never told publicly before"},{"startTime":768.165,"endTime":773.235,"body":"because I think it captures this moment"},{"startTime":768.165,"endTime":773.235,"body":"better than anything I can explain."},{"startTime":774.045,"endTime":776.985,"body":"Malcolm was about 11 and"},{"startTime":774.045,"endTime":776.985,"body":"it was a Sunday afternoon."},{"startTime":777.72,"endTime":780.6,"body":"Which in our house usually"},{"startTime":777.72,"endTime":780.6,"body":"meant homework time."},{"startTime":781.5,"endTime":784.05,"body":"And he flat out refused."},{"startTime":784.68,"endTime":791.61,"body":"Not the ugh, fine, kind of refuse"},{"startTime":784.68,"endTime":791.61,"body":"the arms crossed, jaw set, full body."},{"startTime":792.03,"endTime":792.87,"body":"I'm not doing this."},{"startTime":792.87,"endTime":793.77,"body":"Kind of refuse."},{"startTime":794.545,"endTime":798.57,"body":"And I remember feeling"},{"startTime":794.545,"endTime":798.57,"body":"it happened inside me."},{"startTime":798.87,"endTime":801.12,"body":"The shift first came irritation."},{"startTime":802.245,"endTime":803.835,"body":"Then came the Fast Forward movie."},{"startTime":804.105,"endTime":805.245,"body":"He never follows through."},{"startTime":805.695,"endTime":808.455,"body":"He's going to develop"},{"startTime":805.695,"endTime":808.455,"body":"a pattern of avoidance."},{"startTime":808.515,"endTime":810.465,"body":"He won't be able to handle hard things."},{"startTime":810.465,"endTime":811.275,"body":"As an adult."},{"startTime":811.845,"endTime":815.535,"body":"He's going to struggle and it's"},{"startTime":811.845,"endTime":815.535,"body":"going to be because I didn't hold the"},{"startTime":815.535,"endTime":820.755,"body":"line right now in this moment, and"},{"startTime":815.535,"endTime":820.755,"body":"listen, I'm not exaggerating that."},{"startTime":820.755,"endTime":825.165,"body":"I tell you within about 30"},{"startTime":820.755,"endTime":825.165,"body":"seconds I'd gone from Malcolm"},{"startTime":825.165,"endTime":828.135,"body":"is refusing to do homework to."},{"startTime":828.945,"endTime":831.525,"body":"He's gonna be living under a"},{"startTime":828.945,"endTime":831.525,"body":"bridge with a shopping cart."},{"startTime":832.425,"endTime":836.895,"body":"And I'm not proud of"},{"startTime":832.425,"endTime":836.895,"body":"this, but I came in hot."},{"startTime":940.135,"endTime":942.475,"body":"I mean hot."},{"startTime":942.5649999999999,"endTime":944.785,"body":"I use the, I mean business voice."},{"startTime":945.505,"endTime":947.515,"body":"I lectured about responsibility."},{"startTime":948.325,"endTime":952.765,"body":"I brought up every other time he"},{"startTime":948.325,"endTime":952.765,"body":"dragged his feet, I made that homework."},{"startTime":952.765,"endTime":956.665,"body":"Refusal carry the weight"},{"startTime":952.765,"endTime":956.665,"body":"of his entire future."},{"startTime":957.61,"endTime":963.0699999999999,"body":"And he, as a strong-willed, full contact"},{"startTime":957.61,"endTime":963.0699999999999,"body":"support kid, he shut down completely."},{"startTime":963.88,"endTime":965.83,"body":"Walls up, eyes down, not a word."},{"startTime":966.73,"endTime":971.62,"body":"And I remember standing there in"},{"startTime":966.73,"endTime":971.62,"body":"silence, feeling the heat of my own"},{"startTime":971.65,"endTime":976.93,"body":"urgency, hearing the blood whooshing"},{"startTime":971.65,"endTime":976.93,"body":"through my ears and my heart pounding."},{"startTime":977.8,"endTime":982.3,"body":"And I realized something in this"},{"startTime":977.8,"endTime":982.3,"body":"moment that stopped me cold."},{"startTime":983.2,"endTime":985.45,"body":"I wasn't parenting the kid in front of me."},{"startTime":986.245,"endTime":988.615,"body":"I was parenting the fear inside me."},{"startTime":989.515,"endTime":994.1949999999999,"body":"I wasn't responding to an 11-year-old"},{"startTime":989.515,"endTime":994.1949999999999,"body":"who didn't wanna do homework on a Sunday."},{"startTime":994.915,"endTime":1001.155,"body":"I was reacting to a story that I told"},{"startTime":994.915,"endTime":1001.155,"body":"myself about what that moment meant."},{"startTime":1002.115,"endTime":1008.205,"body":"So I took a deep breath, I"},{"startTime":1002.115,"endTime":1008.205,"body":"sat down, I lowered my voice,"},{"startTime":1009.045,"endTime":1011.535,"body":"and I said, Hey, talk to me."},{"startTime":1011.805,"endTime":1012.505,"body":"What's going on here?"},{"startTime":1013.6949999999999,"endTime":1018.465,"body":"He looked up at me slowly and he said,"},{"startTime":1013.6949999999999,"endTime":1018.465,"body":"what broke my heart a little bit."},{"startTime":1019.335,"endTime":1023.5649999999999,"body":"I don't understand the assignment,"},{"startTime":1019.335,"endTime":1023.5649999999999,"body":"mom, and I didn't wanna tell you"},{"startTime":1023.955,"endTime":1025.185,"body":"because I thought you'd be mad."},{"startTime":1026.355,"endTime":1028.425,"body":"He wasn't refusing because he was lazy."},{"startTime":1029.565,"endTime":1032.865,"body":"He wasn't exemplifying a character flaw."},{"startTime":1033.435,"endTime":1038.415,"body":"He was a kid who was confused,"},{"startTime":1033.435,"endTime":1038.415,"body":"had forgotten about what had been"},{"startTime":1038.415,"endTime":1041.2050000000002,"body":"taught that week in class, and"},{"startTime":1038.415,"endTime":1041.2050000000002,"body":"frankly didn't understand it."},{"startTime":1041.88,"endTime":1046.6190000000001,"body":"He was probably embarrassed about"},{"startTime":1041.88,"endTime":1046.6190000000001,"body":"being confused and scared of my"},{"startTime":1046.6190000000001,"endTime":1053.3690000000001,"body":"reaction in my urgency, my emergency"},{"startTime":1046.6190000000001,"endTime":1053.3690000000001,"body":"mode parenting had confirmed every"},{"startTime":1053.3690000000001,"endTime":1056.55,"body":"fear he had, so we took a break."},{"startTime":1056.76,"endTime":1061.05,"body":"We each went off and did something"},{"startTime":1056.76,"endTime":1061.05,"body":"fun, unloaded our emotional backpacks,"},{"startTime":1062.045,"endTime":1063.66,"body":"and then we came back together."},{"startTime":1064.32,"endTime":1066.839,"body":"We sat down and we figured"},{"startTime":1064.32,"endTime":1066.839,"body":"out the assignment."},{"startTime":1067.8,"endTime":1070.565,"body":"It took about 20 minutes"},{"startTime":1067.8,"endTime":1070.565,"body":"and we got it done."},{"startTime":1071.7450000000001,"endTime":1074.865,"body":"What I remember most about that"},{"startTime":1071.7450000000001,"endTime":1074.865,"body":"afternoon isn't the homework."},{"startTime":1075.765,"endTime":1079.605,"body":"It's what happened when I stopped"},{"startTime":1075.765,"endTime":1079.605,"body":"treating the moment like an emergency."},{"startTime":1080.834,"endTime":1086.204,"body":"The walls came down, the connection"},{"startTime":1080.834,"endTime":1086.204,"body":"came back, and he got the homework done."},{"startTime":1087.315,"endTime":1091.2450000000001,"body":"That is the power of"},{"startTime":1087.315,"endTime":1091.2450000000001,"body":"slowing down the alarm."},{"startTime":1092.204,"endTime":1094.935,"body":"That's the power I wanna tell you about."},{"startTime":1094.935,"endTime":1098.324,"body":"A mom who will call Joanne."},{"startTime":1099.3,"endTime":1104.43,"body":"She joined the Hive about eight months"},{"startTime":1099.3,"endTime":1104.43,"body":"ago, and she came to the hive in a state"},{"startTime":1104.43,"endTime":1106.1090000000002,"body":"that so many of you will recognize."},{"startTime":1107.0990000000002,"endTime":1110.219,"body":"Joanne had a 13-year-old"},{"startTime":1107.0990000000002,"endTime":1110.219,"body":"daughter, and we'll call her Zoe."},{"startTime":1111.18,"endTime":1120.8700000000001,"body":"And Zoe is intense, highly sensitive,"},{"startTime":1111.18,"endTime":1120.8700000000001,"body":"emotional, easily overwhelmed, and"},{"startTime":1120.8700000000001,"endTime":1123.3,"body":"constantly pushing back on every limit."},{"startTime":1124.229,"endTime":1126.99,"body":"And Joanne, well, she was exhausted."},{"startTime":1127.95,"endTime":1130.109,"body":"And I'm not just talking"},{"startTime":1127.95,"endTime":1130.109,"body":"physically exhausted."},{"startTime":1130.139,"endTime":1136.5,"body":"Joanne was emotionally exhausted from"},{"startTime":1130.139,"endTime":1136.5,"body":"living in a state of permanent high alert."},{"startTime":1137.55,"endTime":1139.68,"body":"She described their evenings like this."},{"startTime":1140.399,"endTime":1145.23,"body":"The minute Zoe walks in the door, I"},{"startTime":1140.399,"endTime":1145.23,"body":"brace, I scan her face to figure out"},{"startTime":1145.47,"endTime":1149.52,"body":"what kind of night we're going to have,"},{"startTime":1145.47,"endTime":1149.52,"body":"and then I spend the whole evening"},{"startTime":1149.849,"endTime":1151.74,"body":"trying to manage whatever's coming."},{"startTime":1152.82,"endTime":1153.99,"body":"You might relate to this."},{"startTime":1155.1,"endTime":1159.99,"body":"So in one of our coaching calls inside"},{"startTime":1155.1,"endTime":1159.99,"body":"the Hive, I asked Joanne what she was"},{"startTime":1159.99,"endTime":1162.78,"body":"most afraid of, and she didn't hesitate."},{"startTime":1163.05,"endTime":1167.25,"body":"She said, Lisa, I'm afraid"},{"startTime":1163.05,"endTime":1167.25,"body":"Zoe's gonna be this way forever."},{"startTime":1168.12,"endTime":1173.399,"body":"I'm afraid she doesn't know how to manage"},{"startTime":1168.12,"endTime":1173.399,"body":"herself, and I'm afraid I'm failing her."},{"startTime":1174.48,"endTime":1177.57,"body":"When I dug a little deeper, when"},{"startTime":1174.48,"endTime":1177.57,"body":"I asked Joanne what was happening"},{"startTime":1177.57,"endTime":1181.47,"body":"inside her body, the moment Zoe"},{"startTime":1177.57,"endTime":1181.47,"body":"started escalating, Joanne said,"},{"startTime":1182.1,"endTime":1183.99,"body":"it's like a siren goes off inside me."},{"startTime":1185.01,"endTime":1192.45,"body":"Everything in me goes into fix it mode"},{"startTime":1185.01,"endTime":1192.45,"body":"and I feel compelled to make it stop."},{"startTime":1193.3799999999999,"endTime":1200.97,"body":"Well, that my friend is emergency mode"},{"startTime":1193.3799999999999,"endTime":1200.97,"body":"parenting and it makes complete sense."},{"startTime":1201.87,"endTime":1209.37,"body":"Joanne's brain is trying to protect her"},{"startTime":1201.87,"endTime":1209.37,"body":"daughter and herself, especially herself"},{"startTime":1209.82,"endTime":1212.669,"body":"from the intensity of her daughter."},{"startTime":1214.185,"endTime":1220.725,"body":"Joanne's brain had decided long ago that"},{"startTime":1214.185,"endTime":1220.725,"body":"Zoe's dysregulation is a threat that"},{"startTime":1220.725,"endTime":1223.365,"body":"needs to be neutralized immediately."},{"startTime":1223.605,"endTime":1224.385,"body":"Stat."},{"startTime":1224.715,"endTime":1227.145,"body":"Right now, right now."},{"startTime":1228.015,"endTime":1228.915,"body":"But listen to this."},{"startTime":1228.945,"endTime":1230.685,"body":"Here's what's actually happening."},{"startTime":1231.675,"endTime":1237.285,"body":"Every time Joanne came in with the"},{"startTime":1231.675,"endTime":1237.285,"body":"urgency trying to fix, manage correct"},{"startTime":1237.555,"endTime":1242.23,"body":"or stop the behavior, so his nervous"},{"startTime":1237.555,"endTime":1242.23,"body":"system would escalate further."},{"startTime":1243.54,"endTime":1249.03,"body":"Because to Zoe and to our kids,"},{"startTime":1243.54,"endTime":1249.03,"body":"urgency feels like a threat."},{"startTime":1250.08,"endTime":1255.96,"body":"So Joanne would come in with urgency"},{"startTime":1250.08,"endTime":1255.96,"body":"trying to calm her own threat, which"},{"startTime":1255.96,"endTime":1262.86,"body":"would activate Zoe's alarm system"},{"startTime":1255.96,"endTime":1262.86,"body":"because Zoe felt like a threat and Zoe's"},{"startTime":1262.86,"endTime":1265.41,"body":"alarm system would get even louder."},{"startTime":1266.7,"endTime":1271.5,"body":"Two nervous systems, both in"},{"startTime":1266.7,"endTime":1271.5,"body":"alarm mode every single evening."},{"startTime":1272.639,"endTime":1277.53,"body":"So we got to work, Joanne and"},{"startTime":1272.639,"endTime":1277.53,"body":"I, and the truth is we started"},{"startTime":1277.53,"endTime":1279.449,"body":"with Joanne, not with Zoe."},{"startTime":1280.32,"endTime":1285.6,"body":"We worked on Joanne learning to recognize"},{"startTime":1280.32,"endTime":1285.6,"body":"the moment the alarm went off inside"},{"startTime":1285.6,"endTime":1292.5,"body":"her and to pause before acting on it,"},{"startTime":1285.6,"endTime":1292.5,"body":"to pause and to ask herself, is this"},{"startTime":1292.5,"endTime":1299.1,"body":"actually an emergency or is this a moment"},{"startTime":1292.5,"endTime":1299.1,"body":"that needs my calm, steady presence?"},{"startTime":1300.975,"endTime":1305.055,"body":"It wasn't a quick fix, I wanna"},{"startTime":1300.975,"endTime":1305.055,"body":"be honest with you about that."},{"startTime":1305.925,"endTime":1308.595,"body":"It took weeks of practice"},{"startTime":1305.925,"endTime":1308.595,"body":"and there were setbacks."},{"startTime":1309.375,"endTime":1315.045,"body":"There were times Joanne came to our hive"},{"startTime":1309.375,"endTime":1315.045,"body":"calls and said, I did the thing again."},{"startTime":1315.945,"endTime":1319.815,"body":"And we debrief about it and"},{"startTime":1315.945,"endTime":1319.815,"body":"she'd go back and try again."},{"startTime":1320.775,"endTime":1326.475,"body":"And about six weeks in, Joanne came to our"},{"startTime":1320.775,"endTime":1326.475,"body":"call and said something I'll never forget."},{"startTime":1327.375,"endTime":1329.355,"body":"She said Zoe had a big meltdown."},{"startTime":1330.195,"endTime":1332.5339999999999,"body":"Night and I just sat with her."},{"startTime":1333.495,"endTime":1334.605,"body":"I didn't try to fix it."},{"startTime":1335.415,"endTime":1337.635,"body":"I didn't make it mean"},{"startTime":1335.415,"endTime":1337.635,"body":"anything about the future."},{"startTime":1338.565,"endTime":1345.435,"body":"I just stayed calm and I sat with her,"},{"startTime":1338.565,"endTime":1345.435,"body":"no words, just my calm, steady presence."},{"startTime":1346.695,"endTime":1349.305,"body":"And Zoe regulated in about 15 minutes."},{"startTime":1350.175,"endTime":1354.555,"body":"And Joanne said prior to the work"},{"startTime":1350.175,"endTime":1354.555,"body":"she did that would've taken about two"},{"startTime":1354.555,"endTime":1358.845,"body":"hours, 15 minutes down from two hours."},{"startTime":1360.2549999999999,"endTime":1361.604,"body":"Joanne didn't change Zoe."},{"startTime":1362.175,"endTime":1366.584,"body":"Joanne changed the emotional climate"},{"startTime":1362.175,"endTime":1366.584,"body":"she was bringing to Zoe's storms."},{"startTime":1367.725,"endTime":1370.485,"body":"And when that climate changed,"},{"startTime":1367.725,"endTime":1370.485,"body":"everything else shifted."},{"startTime":1371.804,"endTime":1373.094,"body":"That's the work, my friend."},{"startTime":1373.665,"endTime":1378.044,"body":"That's the work we all need"},{"startTime":1373.665,"endTime":1378.044,"body":"to do, and I promise you it's"},{"startTime":1378.044,"endTime":1380.594,"body":"available to you at any time."},{"startTime":1381.915,"endTime":1384.104,"body":"So how do we actually do this?"},{"startTime":1384.225,"endTime":1386.655,"body":"How do we interrupt the"},{"startTime":1384.225,"endTime":1386.655,"body":"alarm when it goes off?"},{"startTime":1387.375,"endTime":1389.024,"body":"Well, here are two tools."},{"startTime":1389.5049999999999,"endTime":1393.675,"body":"I teach inside the Hive, and I want"},{"startTime":1389.5049999999999,"endTime":1393.675,"body":"you to start practicing them today."},{"startTime":1394.7549999999999,"endTime":1396.705,"body":"Tool number one is name the story."},{"startTime":1397.845,"endTime":1401.325,"body":"The moment you notice your"},{"startTime":1397.845,"endTime":1401.325,"body":"body reacting, the tightening,"},{"startTime":1401.325,"endTime":1402.735,"body":"the heart rate, the urgency."},{"startTime":1403.605,"endTime":1405.705,"body":"I want you to pause and"},{"startTime":1403.605,"endTime":1405.705,"body":"ask yourself one question."},{"startTime":1407.025,"endTime":1409.545,"body":"What story is my brain"},{"startTime":1407.025,"endTime":1409.545,"body":"telling me right now?"},{"startTime":1410.865,"endTime":1415.845,"body":"Not what's happening in the room,"},{"startTime":1410.865,"endTime":1415.845,"body":"what story is playing in my head?"},{"startTime":1417.405,"endTime":1418.905,"body":"Because nine times outta 10."},{"startTime":1419.415,"endTime":1421.935,"body":"The story in your head"},{"startTime":1419.415,"endTime":1421.935,"body":"is about the future."},{"startTime":1422.655,"endTime":1427.215,"body":"It's a prediction, it's a fear,"},{"startTime":1422.655,"endTime":1427.215,"body":"and here's what I know for sure."},{"startTime":1427.575,"endTime":1432.315,"body":"When you name it, when you actually"},{"startTime":1427.575,"endTime":1432.315,"body":"say it out loud or even just notice"},{"startTime":1432.315,"endTime":1438.345,"body":"it, something remarkable happens,"},{"startTime":1432.315,"endTime":1438.345,"body":"it loses some of its grip or impact."},{"startTime":1439.155,"endTime":1439.665,"body":"Try it."},{"startTime":1440.535,"endTime":1444.555,"body":"My brain is telling me that this moment"},{"startTime":1440.535,"endTime":1444.555,"body":"means my kid is going to struggle forever."},{"startTime":1445.635,"endTime":1447.86,"body":"Just say that and notice how it sounds."},{"startTime":1449.145,"endTime":1453.135,"body":"Because when you hear it that"},{"startTime":1449.145,"endTime":1453.135,"body":"way, your logical brain can, can"},{"startTime":1453.135,"endTime":1455.865,"body":"respond with like, wait, what?"},{"startTime":1456.495,"endTime":1458.055,"body":"Is that actually true right now?"},{"startTime":1458.385,"endTime":1459.315,"body":"Or is it just fear?"},{"startTime":1460.365,"endTime":1461.925,"body":"It's a very powerful tool."},{"startTime":1462.945,"endTime":1466.305,"body":"And then tool number two, I"},{"startTime":1462.945,"endTime":1466.305,"body":"call come back to the present."},{"startTime":1467.205,"endTime":1471.105,"body":"Once you've named the story, I want you"},{"startTime":1467.205,"endTime":1471.105,"body":"to ask yourself one grounding question."},{"startTime":1472.185,"endTime":1476.775,"body":"What is actually happening right"},{"startTime":1472.185,"endTime":1476.775,"body":"now, not 10 years from now?"},{"startTime":1477.51,"endTime":1482.01,"body":"Not the worst case scenario, not the"},{"startTime":1477.51,"endTime":1482.01,"body":"pattern you're afraid is forming, but"},{"startTime":1482.01,"endTime":1488.4,"body":"right now in this room with this kid,"},{"startTime":1482.01,"endTime":1488.4,"body":"and often the answer is something much"},{"startTime":1488.4,"endTime":1493.71,"body":"simpler and less catastrophic than"},{"startTime":1488.4,"endTime":1493.71,"body":"your brain has decided it might be."},{"startTime":1494.1,"endTime":1495.3,"body":"My kid is overwhelmed."},{"startTime":1496.08,"endTime":1497.76,"body":"My kid doesn't want to do something hard."},{"startTime":1498.3,"endTime":1501.57,"body":"My teenager is projecting"},{"startTime":1498.3,"endTime":1501.57,"body":"their emotions onto me."},{"startTime":1502.679,"endTime":1504.6299999999999,"body":"Those are moments that can be led calmly."},{"startTime":1504.899,"endTime":1508.02,"body":"Those are moments that don't"},{"startTime":1504.899,"endTime":1508.02,"body":"require emergency intervention."},{"startTime":1508.83,"endTime":1512.58,"body":"These are moments for your"},{"startTime":1508.83,"endTime":1512.58,"body":"steady, grounded, present tense"},{"startTime":1512.79,"endTime":1516.749,"body":"parenting, even while you're"},{"startTime":1512.79,"endTime":1516.749,"body":"setting limits and boundaries."},{"startTime":1517.62,"endTime":1522.899,"body":"Not fixing, not lecturing, not"},{"startTime":1517.62,"endTime":1522.899,"body":"managing the future, just being here,"},{"startTime":1523.56,"endTime":1525.389,"body":"being the calm, being the anchor."},{"startTime":1526.439,"endTime":1528.6589999999999,"body":"Remember what we talked"},{"startTime":1526.439,"endTime":1528.6589999999999,"body":"about in episode two 70?"},{"startTime":1528.899,"endTime":1530.55,"body":"Your kids borrow calm from you."},{"startTime":1531.525,"endTime":1535.575,"body":"They can't self-regulate until"},{"startTime":1531.525,"endTime":1535.575,"body":"they first experience co-regulation"},{"startTime":1535.875,"endTime":1537.525,"body":"with at least one safe adult."},{"startTime":1538.425,"endTime":1542.745,"body":"And you can't co-regulate when"},{"startTime":1538.425,"endTime":1542.745,"body":"you're looking 10 years into the"},{"startTime":1542.745,"endTime":1547.455,"body":"future, but you can co-regulate"},{"startTime":1542.745,"endTime":1547.455,"body":"from right here, right now."},{"startTime":1548.085,"endTime":1548.835,"body":"Make sense?"},{"startTime":1549.645,"endTime":1552.525,"body":"Are you like, oh my"},{"startTime":1549.645,"endTime":1552.525,"body":"goodness, this is incredible."},{"startTime":1553.545,"endTime":1557.925,"body":"'cause I feel like this is one of the"},{"startTime":1553.545,"endTime":1557.925,"body":"most important messages that I can"},{"startTime":1557.985,"endTime":1560.205,"body":"ever bring you and share with you."},{"startTime":1561.09,"endTime":1564.899,"body":"So let's bring it all together"},{"startTime":1561.09,"endTime":1564.899,"body":"before we wrap up today."},{"startTime":1565.889,"endTime":1566.67,"body":"Let's recap."},{"startTime":1567.149,"endTime":1574.86,"body":"First, your parent brain is wired to"},{"startTime":1567.149,"endTime":1574.86,"body":"scan the universe for danger 24 7 365."},{"startTime":1575.67,"endTime":1582.06,"body":"And your brain loves your kid or kids so"},{"startTime":1575.67,"endTime":1582.06,"body":"much that it treats perceived threats to"},{"startTime":1582.06,"endTime":1587.55,"body":"their future, a bad grade, a meltdown,"},{"startTime":1582.06,"endTime":1587.55,"body":"a lie as full-blown emergencies."},{"startTime":1588.51,"endTime":1590.1299999999999,"body":"Now this is not a flaw."},{"startTime":1590.1589999999999,"endTime":1594.3,"body":"It's your brain doing its job,"},{"startTime":1590.1589999999999,"endTime":1594.3,"body":"but it's also not always accurate."},{"startTime":1595.05,"endTime":1600.149,"body":"And when your brain fast forwards"},{"startTime":1595.05,"endTime":1600.149,"body":"to the future, you stop parenting"},{"startTime":1600.419,"endTime":1603.33,"body":"the kid in front of you and"},{"startTime":1600.419,"endTime":1603.33,"body":"start parenting your fear."},{"startTime":1604.199,"endTime":1609.27,"body":"And fear-based parenting escalates"},{"startTime":1604.199,"endTime":1609.27,"body":"your child's nervous system, making"},{"startTime":1609.27,"endTime":1611.1299999999999,"body":"the moment bigger, not smaller."},{"startTime":1612.27,"endTime":1617.28,"body":"So the shift from emergency mode"},{"startTime":1612.27,"endTime":1617.28,"body":"parenting to calm leadership."},{"startTime":1617.729,"endTime":1623.01,"body":"Happens when you learn to separate the"},{"startTime":1617.729,"endTime":1623.01,"body":"story your brain is telling you from"},{"startTime":1623.01,"endTime":1627.689,"body":"what's actually happening right now,"},{"startTime":1623.01,"endTime":1627.689,"body":"and that separation is everything."},{"startTime":1628.679,"endTime":1632.28,"body":"And I ask you to remember"},{"startTime":1628.679,"endTime":1632.28,"body":"that your calm is not passive."},{"startTime":1632.9089999999999,"endTime":1638.31,"body":"It is the most active, powerful thing"},{"startTime":1632.9089999999999,"endTime":1638.31,"body":"you can bring to your kids' hard moments."},{"startTime":1639.209,"endTime":1641.864,"body":"When you stay regulated, you"},{"startTime":1639.209,"endTime":1641.864,"body":"give them something to borrow."},{"startTime":1642.945,"endTime":1647.864,"body":"Over time, through hundreds of these"},{"startTime":1642.945,"endTime":1647.864,"body":"moments, you are literally building"},{"startTime":1647.864,"endTime":1650.235,"body":"their capacity to regulate themselves."},{"startTime":1651.104,"endTime":1654.165,"body":"And I know my friend, this is not easy."},{"startTime":1654.735,"endTime":1657.975,"body":"I know that alarm goes off"},{"startTime":1654.735,"endTime":1657.975,"body":"fast and it goes off loud."},{"startTime":1658.304,"endTime":1660.524,"body":"I experience this myself often."},{"startTime":1661.364,"endTime":1665.834,"body":"I know some days you're already"},{"startTime":1661.364,"endTime":1665.834,"body":"running on fumes before you even"},{"startTime":1665.834,"endTime":1669.764,"body":"say good morning to your kids, but"},{"startTime":1665.834,"endTime":1669.764,"body":"I want you to hear me say this."},{"startTime":1670.11,"endTime":1673.62,"body":"The fact that you're here, the fact"},{"startTime":1670.11,"endTime":1673.62,"body":"that you're doing this work, the"},{"startTime":1673.62,"endTime":1677.94,"body":"fact that you're asking yourself"},{"startTime":1673.62,"endTime":1677.94,"body":"hard questions about how you show up"},{"startTime":1677.94,"endTime":1680.7,"body":"for your kids, that is not nothing."},{"startTime":1681.06,"endTime":1684.57,"body":"That is in fact, everything, everything."},{"startTime":1685.35,"endTime":1688.919,"body":"And please hear me when"},{"startTime":1685.35,"endTime":1688.919,"body":"I say you are not broken."},{"startTime":1689.76,"endTime":1693.149,"body":"Your nervous system is doing"},{"startTime":1689.76,"endTime":1693.149,"body":"what nervous systems do."},{"startTime":1693.764,"endTime":1698.145,"body":"You are learning right now in"},{"startTime":1693.764,"endTime":1698.145,"body":"real time, how to lead your"},{"startTime":1698.145,"endTime":1699.945,"body":"family from a different place."},{"startTime":1700.814,"endTime":1703.274,"body":"One breath at a time,"},{"startTime":1700.814,"endTime":1703.274,"body":"one moment at a time."},{"startTime":1703.7839999999999,"endTime":1705.764,"body":"That's how it happens."},{"startTime":1706.544,"endTime":1710.625,"body":"And if you're thinking, Lisa, I"},{"startTime":1706.544,"endTime":1710.625,"body":"need more than a podcast for this."},{"startTime":1710.774,"endTime":1715.814,"body":"I need someone to actually show me and"},{"startTime":1710.774,"endTime":1715.814,"body":"help me practice this in real life."},{"startTime":1716.264,"endTime":1716.774,"body":"I hear you."},{"startTime":1717.465,"endTime":1721.725,"body":"That's exactly what we do inside"},{"startTime":1717.465,"endTime":1721.725,"body":"the hive, inside the hive."},{"startTime":1722.235,"endTime":1726.165,"body":"I can teach you how to interrupt"},{"startTime":1722.235,"endTime":1726.165,"body":"the urgency cycle with personalized"},{"startTime":1726.165,"endTime":1731.715,"body":"strategies created specifically"},{"startTime":1726.165,"endTime":1731.715,"body":"for your kid and your family."},{"startTime":1732.615,"endTime":1737.265,"body":"We will practice the tools together,"},{"startTime":1732.615,"endTime":1737.265,"body":"I promise, and you'll have a whole"},{"startTime":1737.265,"endTime":1742.0049999999999,"body":"community of parents who are in the"},{"startTime":1737.265,"endTime":1742.0049999999999,"body":"trenches with you doing the same work."},{"startTime":1742.785,"endTime":1746.5049999999999,"body":"You do not have to figure this"},{"startTime":1742.785,"endTime":1746.5049999999999,"body":"out alone, and if this feels"},{"startTime":1746.5049999999999,"endTime":1748.065,"body":"like the moment or the time."},{"startTime":1748.485,"endTime":1754.695,"body":"Come join us@thehivecoaching.com"},{"startTime":1748.485,"endTime":1754.695,"body":"and until next time, I'm"},{"startTime":1754.695,"endTime":1756.735,"body":"wishing you Peaceful Parenting."},{"startTime":1758.475,"endTime":1760.575,"body":"Thanks for listening to Real"},{"startTime":1758.475,"endTime":1760.575,"body":"World Peaceful Parenting."},{"startTime":1761.055,"endTime":1763.815,"body":"If you want more info on how you"},{"startTime":1761.055,"endTime":1763.815,"body":"can transform your parenting,"},{"startTime":1764.115,"endTime":1765.735,"body":"visit the peaceful parent.com."},{"startTime":1765.975,"endTime":1766.605,"body":"See you soon."}]}