{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":1.2,"endTime":4.44,"body":"Welcome to Real World Peaceful"},{"startTime":1.2,"endTime":4.44,"body":"Parenting, a podcast for parents"},{"startTime":4.44,"endTime":7.08,"body":"that are tired of yelling,"},{"startTime":4.44,"endTime":7.08,"body":"threatening, and punishing their kids."},{"startTime":7.65,"endTime":11.73,"body":"Join mom and master certified parent"},{"startTime":7.65,"endTime":11.73,"body":"coach Lisa Smith as she gives you"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"actionable step-by-step strategies"},{"startTime":11.73,"endTime":15.15,"body":"that'll help you transform your"},{"startTime":15.15,"endTime":17.4,"body":"household from chaos to cooperation."},{"startTime":17.82,"endTime":18.36,"body":"Let's dive in."},{"startTime":22.77,"endTime":27.48,"body":"Welcome, welcome, welcome,"},{"startTime":22.77,"endTime":27.48,"body":"welcome to today's episode."},{"startTime":28.53,"endTime":29.73,"body":"I am so thrilled."},{"startTime":30.135,"endTime":37.335,"body":"To be with you here today, and I need to"},{"startTime":30.135,"endTime":37.335,"body":"start today's episode with a question."},{"startTime":37.845,"endTime":39.045,"body":"Has this ever happened to you?"},{"startTime":39.855,"endTime":45.465,"body":"You tell your kid no to something"},{"startTime":39.855,"endTime":45.465,"body":"completely reasonable, like, no, we"},{"startTime":45.465,"endTime":49.635,"body":"can't stop for ice cream today, or,"},{"startTime":45.465,"endTime":49.635,"body":"no, you can't have 10 more minutes of"},{"startTime":49.635,"endTime":52.905,"body":"screen time, and they absolutely lose it."},{"startTime":53.715,"endTime":57.345,"body":"We're talking tears,"},{"startTime":53.715,"endTime":57.345,"body":"screaming, maybe door slamming."},{"startTime":58.724,"endTime":64.785,"body":"You know, a reaction so big and so intense"},{"startTime":58.724,"endTime":64.785,"body":"that you find yourself just standing"},{"startTime":64.785,"endTime":67.725,"body":"there thinking what just happened?"},{"startTime":68.535,"endTime":69.825,"body":"It was just ice cream."},{"startTime":70.785,"endTime":72.615,"body":"Or maybe it's even smaller than that."},{"startTime":73.215,"endTime":78.074,"body":"Maybe it's that you cut their toast"},{"startTime":73.215,"endTime":78.074,"body":"into triangles instead of squares,"},{"startTime":78.164,"endTime":83.025,"body":"or their sock has a seam in the"},{"startTime":78.164,"endTime":83.025,"body":"wrong place, or their sibling looked"},{"startTime":83.025,"endTime":86.025,"body":"at them weird and boom, a full."},{"startTime":86.61,"endTime":87.96,"body":"Scale meltdown."},{"startTime":88.74,"endTime":89.22,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":89.82,"endTime":90.119,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":90.839,"endTime":99.359,"body":"And the truth is you're probably"},{"startTime":90.839,"endTime":99.359,"body":"exhausted and confused and maybe a little"},{"startTime":99.359,"endTime":105.149,"body":"embarrassed if it happened in public,"},{"startTime":99.359,"endTime":105.149,"body":"and you start wondering what's going on?"},{"startTime":106.199,"endTime":107.669,"body":"Is something wrong with my kid?"},{"startTime":108.419,"endTime":114.869,"body":"Or you think, are they being"},{"startTime":108.419,"endTime":114.869,"body":"manipulative or are they spoiled or."},{"startTime":115.35,"endTime":117.089,"body":"Did I do something to cause this?"},{"startTime":118.53,"endTime":121.259,"body":"Well, real world peaceful parent."},{"startTime":122.009,"endTime":126.99,"body":"I hear this all the time, and today I want"},{"startTime":122.009,"endTime":126.99,"body":"to give you something really important,"},{"startTime":127.86,"endTime":135.329,"body":"an explanation that isn't about blame, and"},{"startTime":127.86,"endTime":135.329,"body":"three tools you can start using this week"},{"startTime":135.99,"endTime":141.885,"body":"to actually change this pattern because"},{"startTime":135.99,"endTime":141.885,"body":"here's the truth, your kid isn't broken."},{"startTime":143.07,"endTime":144.989,"body":"They're not manipulative."},{"startTime":145.53,"endTime":146.76,"body":"They're not spoiled."},{"startTime":147.69,"endTime":152.01,"body":"They have what I call a"},{"startTime":147.69,"endTime":152.01,"body":"narrow tolerance tank."},{"startTime":152.88,"endTime":158.43,"body":"And the good news, the really good"},{"startTime":152.88,"endTime":158.43,"body":"news is that you, yes, you can help"},{"startTime":158.43,"endTime":160.649,"body":"them expand it into a large tank."},{"startTime":161.459,"endTime":163.709,"body":"And that's what today's all about."},{"startTime":163.95,"endTime":164.85,"body":"So let's dive in."},{"startTime":165.959,"endTime":169.38,"body":"I wanna take you back to a"},{"startTime":165.959,"endTime":169.38,"body":"moment from Malcolm's childhood."},{"startTime":170.415,"endTime":172.965,"body":"Malcolm is my son, as you"},{"startTime":170.415,"endTime":172.965,"body":"know, and he's now 21."},{"startTime":173.295,"endTime":178.365,"body":"He's a junior in college and he is"},{"startTime":173.295,"endTime":178.365,"body":"without question one of the most"},{"startTime":178.365,"endTime":180.405,"body":"strong-willed humans that I've ever known."},{"startTime":180.795,"endTime":188.775,"body":"And I say that with so much love and"},{"startTime":180.795,"endTime":188.775,"body":"joy and pride that strong will is a"},{"startTime":188.775,"endTime":190.635,"body":"part of what makes him who he is today."},{"startTime":191.295,"endTime":198.705,"body":"But back when he was five or seven or"},{"startTime":191.295,"endTime":198.705,"body":"nine, it felt a lot as his mom, a lot."},{"startTime":199.53,"endTime":203.13,"body":"So, um, I remember when"},{"startTime":199.53,"endTime":203.13,"body":"Malcolm was about seven."},{"startTime":203.22,"endTime":206.94,"body":"It was a Saturday afternoon and he"},{"startTime":203.22,"endTime":206.94,"body":"had been inside most of the morning."},{"startTime":207.63,"endTime":210.21,"body":"He came bouncing into"},{"startTime":207.63,"endTime":210.21,"body":"the kitchen, so excited."},{"startTime":211.05,"endTime":216.66,"body":"You know, he had that kind of energy that"},{"startTime":211.05,"endTime":216.66,"body":"you can feel radiating off of them and he"},{"startTime":216.66,"endTime":219.75,"body":"said, mom, mom, can I go to Will's house?"},{"startTime":220.56,"endTime":220.95,"body":"Now?"},{"startTime":220.95,"endTime":222.06,"body":"The timing wasn't great."},{"startTime":222.54,"endTime":225.48,"body":"We were getting ready to entertain"},{"startTime":222.54,"endTime":225.48,"body":"that night, and I had things"},{"startTime":225.48,"endTime":228.45,"body":"to prep and Will's house was."},{"startTime":228.81,"endTime":229.799,"body":"A 20 minute drive."},{"startTime":230.67,"endTime":234.72,"body":"So I said very calmly, very reasonably."},{"startTime":235.109,"endTime":236.07,"body":"Not today, bud."},{"startTime":236.489,"endTime":239.67,"body":"We've got people coming over"},{"startTime":236.489,"endTime":239.67,"body":"tonight and that was it."},{"startTime":240.03,"endTime":241.29,"body":"That was the full sentence."},{"startTime":242.01,"endTime":250.56,"body":"And Malcolm, he fell apart, I"},{"startTime":242.01,"endTime":250.56,"body":"mean, fell apart, tears screaming."},{"startTime":250.56,"endTime":251.88,"body":"That's so unfair."},{"startTime":252.39,"endTime":256.05,"body":"He stomped down the hallway,"},{"startTime":252.39,"endTime":256.05,"body":"slammed his door so hard that"},{"startTime":256.05,"endTime":257.19,"body":"a picture fell off the wall."},{"startTime":257.985,"endTime":262.935,"body":"And I stood there in my kitchen"},{"startTime":257.985,"endTime":262.935,"body":"thinking what just happened?"},{"startTime":263.955,"endTime":266.145,"body":"At the time, I did what most parents do."},{"startTime":266.535,"endTime":267.855,"body":"I thought he was being dramatic."},{"startTime":268.425,"endTime":272.715,"body":"I thought he needed to learn that"},{"startTime":268.425,"endTime":272.715,"body":"he doesn't always get what he wants."},{"startTime":273.345,"endTime":277.605,"body":"I thought if I give in now,"},{"startTime":273.345,"endTime":277.605,"body":"he'll learn this behavior works."},{"startTime":277.965,"endTime":283.755,"body":"So I held firm, but not in a real"},{"startTime":277.965,"endTime":283.755,"body":"world peaceful parenting kind of way."},{"startTime":284.025,"endTime":286.245,"body":"At the time I marched."},{"startTime":286.695,"endTime":287.505,"body":"Down the hall."},{"startTime":287.864,"endTime":291.794,"body":"I raised my voice and I started"},{"startTime":287.864,"endTime":291.794,"body":"lecturing him about his, how"},{"startTime":291.794,"endTime":293.655,"body":"his behavior was unacceptable."},{"startTime":294.284,"endTime":300.974,"body":"And the result was we both ended up"},{"startTime":294.284,"endTime":300.974,"body":"more dysregulated and angrier than we"},{"startTime":300.974,"endTime":303.315,"body":"were before he even asked the question."},{"startTime":304.155,"endTime":305.984,"body":"The visit to Will's house was forgotten."},{"startTime":306.825,"endTime":310.215,"body":"But what wasn't forgotten was"},{"startTime":306.825,"endTime":310.215,"body":"the way that afternoon felt"},{"startTime":311.174,"endTime":313.905,"body":"bewildered, disconnected, tense."},{"startTime":314.265,"endTime":315.945,"body":"Both of us licking our wounds."},{"startTime":316.815,"endTime":321.285,"body":"And what I didn't understand then that"},{"startTime":316.815,"endTime":321.285,"body":"I completely and deeply understand"},{"startTime":321.285,"endTime":326.655,"body":"now, is that Malcolm wasn't having"},{"startTime":321.285,"endTime":326.655,"body":"a character failure in that moment."},{"startTime":327.075,"endTime":329.205,"body":"He was having a capacity failure."},{"startTime":329.925,"endTime":335.235,"body":"His tolerance tank was almost"},{"startTime":329.925,"endTime":335.235,"body":"empty, and my no was the thing"},{"startTime":335.265,"endTime":336.735,"body":"that pushed him over the edge."},{"startTime":337.755,"endTime":340.815,"body":"I wanna introduce you to the concept"},{"startTime":337.755,"endTime":340.815,"body":"that I think is going to be a"},{"startTime":340.815,"endTime":345.315,"body":"total game changer for how you see"},{"startTime":340.815,"endTime":345.315,"body":"your strong-willed kid or kids."},{"startTime":346.5,"endTime":351.33,"body":"Every single one of us, all human"},{"startTime":346.5,"endTime":351.33,"body":"beings have a tolerance tank."},{"startTime":352.2,"endTime":359.07,"body":"Think of it like the fuel tank in your"},{"startTime":352.2,"endTime":359.07,"body":"car, and your emotions are the gauge."},{"startTime":360.0,"endTime":363.659,"body":"When the tank is full, you've"},{"startTime":360.0,"endTime":363.659,"body":"got resources you can drive all"},{"startTime":363.659,"endTime":365.25,"body":"over town, go anywhere you want."},{"startTime":365.58,"endTime":366.63,"body":"You've got capacity."},{"startTime":367.349,"endTime":370.469,"body":"You can handle bumps in"},{"startTime":367.349,"endTime":370.469,"body":"the road without swerving."},{"startTime":370.77,"endTime":373.65,"body":"When someone cuts you off in"},{"startTime":370.77,"endTime":373.65,"body":"traffic, you take a deep breath."},{"startTime":374.31,"endTime":376.29,"body":"When meetings run long, you adapt."},{"startTime":377.07,"endTime":382.11,"body":"When the coffee place is out of your"},{"startTime":377.07,"endTime":382.11,"body":"usual order, you roll with it, right?"},{"startTime":382.83,"endTime":388.38,"body":"But much like the fuel tank, when"},{"startTime":382.83,"endTime":388.38,"body":"your tolerance tank is low, every"},{"startTime":388.38,"endTime":390.18,"body":"single bump feels like a crisis."},{"startTime":391.14,"endTime":393.18,"body":"You snap at your partner over nothing."},{"startTime":393.87,"endTime":395.55,"body":"You burst into tears at a commercial."},{"startTime":396.39,"endTime":401.25,"body":"The smallest inconvenience sets you off"},{"startTime":396.39,"endTime":401.25,"body":"in a way that later when the tank is"},{"startTime":401.25,"endTime":402.9,"body":"full, again, you can't even explain."},{"startTime":403.83,"endTime":404.58,"body":"Sound familiar."},{"startTime":404.64,"endTime":405.81,"body":"You get where I'm coming from."},{"startTime":407.16,"endTime":408.81,"body":"Now, here's where it"},{"startTime":407.16,"endTime":408.81,"body":"gets really important."},{"startTime":409.08,"endTime":410.28,"body":"For our strong-willed kits."},{"startTime":411.3,"endTime":415.89,"body":"Their tolerance tank tends"},{"startTime":411.3,"endTime":415.89,"body":"to be smaller by design."},{"startTime":417.27,"endTime":422.34,"body":"You might have a 20 gallon tolerance tank,"},{"startTime":417.27,"endTime":422.34,"body":"and they might only have a five gallon."},{"startTime":423.39,"endTime":424.77,"body":"This isn't a flaw."},{"startTime":425.34,"endTime":428.94,"body":"This is actually connected to"},{"startTime":425.34,"endTime":428.94,"body":"how their brains are wired."},{"startTime":429.84,"endTime":433.29,"body":"Strong-willed kids have nervous"},{"startTime":429.84,"endTime":433.29,"body":"systems that are often more"},{"startTime":433.29,"endTime":439.59,"body":"sensitive, more reactive, more alert"},{"startTime":433.29,"endTime":439.59,"body":"to change and perceived injustices."},{"startTime":440.4,"endTime":441.96,"body":"I feel like I need to say that again."},{"startTime":443.01,"endTime":448.56,"body":"Strong-willed kids, including mine,"},{"startTime":443.01,"endTime":448.56,"body":"have nervous systems that are often more"},{"startTime":448.56,"endTime":455.91,"body":"sensitive, more reactive, more alert"},{"startTime":448.56,"endTime":455.91,"body":"to change and perceived injustices."},{"startTime":457.275,"endTime":461.355,"body":"It's the same wiring that makes"},{"startTime":457.275,"endTime":461.355,"body":"them creative and passionate and"},{"startTime":461.355,"endTime":463.455,"body":"intensely curious about everything."},{"startTime":464.925,"endTime":471.165,"body":"It also means their tanks drain"},{"startTime":464.925,"endTime":471.165,"body":"faster and refill more slowly, right?"},{"startTime":471.165,"endTime":471.795,"body":"Think about it."},{"startTime":472.785,"endTime":477.825,"body":"If you had a five gallon tank in your"},{"startTime":472.785,"endTime":477.825,"body":"car, you'd have to fill it up much more"},{"startTime":477.825,"endTime":480.945,"body":"often than my 20 gallon tank in my car."},{"startTime":482.025,"endTime":485.055,"body":"So strong-willed kids tanks drain faster."},{"startTime":486.195,"endTime":488.145,"body":"And refill more slowly."},{"startTime":489.135,"endTime":492.945,"body":"So when you see a big reaction to"},{"startTime":489.135,"endTime":492.945,"body":"what seems like a small thing, what"},{"startTime":492.945,"endTime":498.435,"body":"you're actually witnessing is a kid"},{"startTime":492.945,"endTime":498.435,"body":"whose discomfort is just outpaced"},{"startTime":498.525,"endTime":503.955,"body":"their coping skills, their tank kit,"},{"startTime":498.525,"endTime":503.955,"body":"empty, and when the tank kits empty,"},{"startTime":504.255,"endTime":507.465,"body":"behavior escalates every single time."},{"startTime":508.395,"endTime":512.115,"body":"Here's what that looks like when"},{"startTime":508.395,"endTime":512.115,"body":"their tolerance tank is low."},{"startTime":512.505,"endTime":514.095,"body":"Disappointment feels enormous."},{"startTime":514.815,"endTime":517.815,"body":"Not, oh, well maybe next"},{"startTime":514.815,"endTime":517.815,"body":"time I can go to Wills."},{"startTime":518.355,"endTime":520.815,"body":"More like, this is the"},{"startTime":518.355,"endTime":520.815,"body":"worst day of my life."},{"startTime":521.805,"endTime":523.155,"body":"No feels threatening."},{"startTime":523.395,"endTime":526.305,"body":"Not like a limit, but"},{"startTime":523.395,"endTime":526.305,"body":"like a personal attack."},{"startTime":527.115,"endTime":530.205,"body":"Mistakes feel like failure,"},{"startTime":527.115,"endTime":530.205,"body":"not, I'll try again."},{"startTime":530.445,"endTime":532.425,"body":"More like I'm terrible at everything."},{"startTime":533.205,"endTime":536.445,"body":"Small frustrations trigger huge reactions."},{"startTime":537.285,"endTime":540.285,"body":"That wrong sock seam,"},{"startTime":537.285,"endTime":540.285,"body":"that's not about the sock."},{"startTime":541.14,"endTime":544.47,"body":"That's about a tank that was"},{"startTime":541.14,"endTime":544.47,"body":"already an empty, but before the"},{"startTime":544.47,"endTime":546.09,"body":"sock even came into the picture."},{"startTime":546.99,"endTime":549.63,"body":"And here's what I need you to"},{"startTime":546.99,"endTime":549.63,"body":"hear, because this is so important."},{"startTime":550.41,"endTime":552.18,"body":"This does not."},{"startTime":552.689,"endTime":557.939,"body":"Capital N, capital O, capital T, this"},{"startTime":552.689,"endTime":557.939,"body":"does not mean your child is fragile."},{"startTime":558.66,"endTime":560.1,"body":"Fragile means they'll break."},{"startTime":561.0,"endTime":563.64,"body":"Your strong, strong-willed kid"},{"startTime":561.0,"endTime":563.64,"body":"actually is the opposite of fragile."},{"startTime":564.36,"endTime":566.22,"body":"They're actually incredibly resilient."},{"startTime":566.985,"endTime":573.555,"body":"Once they have the tools to manage"},{"startTime":566.985,"endTime":573.555,"body":"what's happening inside them, a small"},{"startTime":573.555,"endTime":580.064,"body":"tolerance tank doesn't mean weak, it"},{"startTime":573.555,"endTime":580.064,"body":"means under-resourced Right now, it"},{"startTime":580.064,"endTime":587.115,"body":"means they haven't yet built the capacity"},{"startTime":580.064,"endTime":587.115,"body":"to handle big discomfort, and that"},{"startTime":587.115,"endTime":593.564,"body":"capacity can be built, that tank can"},{"startTime":587.115,"endTime":593.564,"body":"be expanded, and you have a big role."},{"startTime":594.645,"endTime":597.735,"body":"Expanding that tank"},{"startTime":594.645,"endTime":597.735,"body":"from five gallons to 20."},{"startTime":599.055,"endTime":605.745,"body":"So here's where we get really practical,"},{"startTime":599.055,"endTime":605.745,"body":"because I know you didn't tune in"},{"startTime":605.745,"endTime":607.995,"body":"today just for the explanation."},{"startTime":608.955,"endTime":611.385,"body":"You wanna know how to expand that tank."},{"startTime":612.345,"endTime":613.905,"body":"So let me give you three tools."},{"startTime":614.955,"endTime":616.545,"body":"I call 'em, read the tank."},{"startTime":616.995,"endTime":619.095,"body":"Fill the tank, don't drain the tank."},{"startTime":619.935,"endTime":620.565,"body":"Sound good?"},{"startTime":722.79,"endTime":723.05,"body":"All right."},{"startTime":724.1949999999999,"endTime":725.725,"body":"Let's dig into tool number one."},{"startTime":725.785,"endTime":726.4449999999999,"body":"Read the tank."},{"startTime":727.495,"endTime":732.115,"body":"Before you do anything, you have to get"},{"startTime":727.495,"endTime":732.115,"body":"good at reading your kid's tank level."},{"startTime":733.045,"endTime":735.235,"body":"Think of yourself as a detective."},{"startTime":735.985,"endTime":737.215,"body":"You're looking for patterns."},{"startTime":738.145,"endTime":739.585,"body":"Really get to know your kid."},{"startTime":740.665,"endTime":744.115,"body":"Ask yourself, when does my kid"},{"startTime":740.665,"endTime":744.115,"body":"tend to fall apart the most?"},{"startTime":744.415,"endTime":745.645,"body":"Is it right after school?"},{"startTime":746.605,"endTime":750.085,"body":"Tank is often empty after a"},{"startTime":746.605,"endTime":750.085,"body":"full day of holding it together?"},{"startTime":750.595,"endTime":751.26,"body":"Is it when they're hungry?"},{"startTime":752.185,"endTime":756.115,"body":"When they're tired, when they're"},{"startTime":752.185,"endTime":756.115,"body":"overstimulated, is it when there's"},{"startTime":756.115,"endTime":760.405,"body":"a big transition back to school"},{"startTime":756.115,"endTime":760.405,"body":"after break a new sibling, a"},{"startTime":760.405,"endTime":762.745,"body":"change in routine summer break."},{"startTime":763.435,"endTime":764.305,"body":"Write this down."},{"startTime":764.8149999999999,"endTime":767.574,"body":"Seriously, this is your first"},{"startTime":764.8149999999999,"endTime":767.574,"body":"piece of homework today."},{"startTime":768.234,"endTime":773.125,"body":"Start noticing and tracking when"},{"startTime":768.234,"endTime":773.125,"body":"your kids big reactions happen."},{"startTime":774.175,"endTime":777.055,"body":"Not to judge them, but to"},{"startTime":774.175,"endTime":777.055,"body":"get ahead of the pattern."},{"startTime":778.104,"endTime":779.665,"body":"Here's the thing about strong-willed kids."},{"startTime":780.775,"endTime":786.175,"body":"Their reactions might feel random to us"},{"startTime":780.775,"endTime":786.175,"body":"because we're looking at the trigger,"},{"startTime":786.715,"endTime":792.085,"body":"the no, the wrong sock, the no to ice"},{"startTime":786.715,"endTime":792.085,"body":"cream, the it's time to do homework."},{"startTime":792.925,"endTime":796.435,"body":"And we're thinking that"},{"startTime":792.925,"endTime":796.435,"body":"can't possibly be the reason."},{"startTime":797.005,"endTime":798.595,"body":"And you're right, it's not the reason."},{"startTime":799.165,"endTime":800.8149999999999,"body":"The trigger is the last straw."},{"startTime":801.325,"endTime":804.25,"body":"It's what broke the dam that"},{"startTime":801.325,"endTime":804.25,"body":"was already about to break."},{"startTime":805.33,"endTime":810.28,"body":"When you start tracking, you can"},{"startTime":805.33,"endTime":810.28,"body":"begin to see the patterns and when you"},{"startTime":810.28,"endTime":815.41,"body":"see the patterns you can anticipate"},{"startTime":810.28,"endTime":815.41,"body":"and anticipating is enormously"},{"startTime":815.41,"endTime":821.53,"body":"powerful in helping you stay calm"},{"startTime":815.41,"endTime":821.53,"body":"and regulated and then offering"},{"startTime":821.53,"endTime":824.4399999999999,"body":"them co-regulation for Malcolm."},{"startTime":824.53,"endTime":828.25,"body":"One of the clearest patterns"},{"startTime":824.53,"endTime":828.25,"body":"I noticed once I started doing"},{"startTime":828.25,"endTime":833.41,"body":"this work was that his tank was"},{"startTime":828.25,"endTime":833.41,"body":"almost always lowest on Saturdays."},{"startTime":834.25,"endTime":838.42,"body":"He'd spend the whole week white"},{"startTime":834.25,"endTime":838.42,"body":"knuckling it through school, staying"},{"startTime":838.42,"endTime":843.31,"body":"in his seat, following the rules,"},{"startTime":838.42,"endTime":843.31,"body":"managing his impulses, and by Saturday,"},{"startTime":843.61,"endTime":848.59,"body":"the kid had nothing left any no, on"},{"startTime":843.61,"endTime":848.59,"body":"a Saturday afternoon was basically"},{"startTime":848.59,"endTime":850.5699999999999,"body":"an invitation to an explosion."},{"startTime":851.17,"endTime":854.05,"body":"Once I understood that,"},{"startTime":851.17,"endTime":854.05,"body":"I changed my approach."},{"startTime":854.71,"endTime":858.31,"body":"I made sure he got some outdoor"},{"startTime":854.71,"endTime":858.31,"body":"time on Saturday morning, some"},{"startTime":858.31,"endTime":862.3,"body":"movement, some connection time"},{"startTime":858.31,"endTime":862.3,"body":"with me before the day got going."},{"startTime":862.99,"endTime":866.92,"body":"I was filling his tank before"},{"startTime":862.99,"endTime":866.92,"body":"I asked it to run on fumes."},{"startTime":867.76,"endTime":868.15,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":868.78,"endTime":870.58,"body":"Tool number two, fill the tank."},{"startTime":871.09,"endTime":872.17,"body":"This is the long game."},{"startTime":872.83,"endTime":877.06,"body":"This is how you expand your"},{"startTime":872.83,"endTime":877.06,"body":"kids' tolerance tank over time."},{"startTime":877.84,"endTime":880.0,"body":"Here's what fills the tank for kids."},{"startTime":880.78,"endTime":885.8199999999999,"body":"Connection, movement, adequate"},{"startTime":880.78,"endTime":885.8199999999999,"body":"sleep, predictability, what"},{"startTime":885.88,"endTime":888.58,"body":"I call micro wins, and."},{"startTime":889.24,"endTime":892.66,"body":"It starts with connection"},{"startTime":889.24,"endTime":892.66,"body":"first, because this one matters."},{"startTime":892.66,"endTime":897.91,"body":"Most kids who feel genuinely"},{"startTime":892.66,"endTime":897.91,"body":"connected to at least one adult"},{"startTime":898.54,"endTime":901.06,"body":"have more capacity for frustration."},{"startTime":901.66,"endTime":903.2189999999999,"body":"Now, this is not magic."},{"startTime":903.37,"endTime":904.63,"body":"This is neuroscience."},{"startTime":905.5,"endTime":910.54,"body":"When a child feels seen and safe in their"},{"startTime":905.5,"endTime":910.54,"body":"relationship with you, their nervous"},{"startTime":910.54,"endTime":915.579,"body":"system settles and a settled nervous"},{"startTime":910.54,"endTime":915.579,"body":"system can tolerate more discomfort."},{"startTime":916.9,"endTime":919.9,"body":"This is why connection"},{"startTime":916.9,"endTime":919.9,"body":"before correction works."},{"startTime":920.8,"endTime":922.5699999999999,"body":"When I ask you to connect first."},{"startTime":922.6899999999999,"endTime":924.58,"body":"I'm not asking you to be a pushover."},{"startTime":925.24,"endTime":926.95,"body":"I'm asking you to fill the tank."},{"startTime":927.37,"endTime":928.9,"body":"So there's something in there."},{"startTime":929.05,"endTime":930.37,"body":"When the hard moments come."},{"startTime":931.3,"endTime":932.77,"body":"Movement is another big one."},{"startTime":933.28,"endTime":937.84,"body":"Kids, especially strong-willed,"},{"startTime":933.28,"endTime":937.84,"body":"high energy kids need to discharge"},{"startTime":938.2,"endTime":941.245,"body":"the physical tension, the cortisol"},{"startTime":938.2,"endTime":941.245,"body":"that builds up in their bodies."},{"startTime":942.355,"endTime":946.675,"body":"30 minutes of running around outside"},{"startTime":942.355,"endTime":946.675,"body":"does more for your kids' emotional"},{"startTime":946.675,"endTime":952.075,"body":"regulation than almost anything else"},{"startTime":946.675,"endTime":952.075,"body":"you can do except connection before"},{"startTime":952.075,"endTime":956.275,"body":"a hard conversation, before screen"},{"startTime":952.075,"endTime":956.275,"body":"time ends, before a transition."},{"startTime":956.275,"endTime":960.115,"body":"You know, they struggle with"},{"startTime":956.275,"endTime":960.115,"body":"get them moving first, and"},{"startTime":960.115,"endTime":961.435,"body":"then there's predictability."},{"startTime":962.455,"endTime":966.175,"body":"Strong-willed kids often have nervous"},{"startTime":962.455,"endTime":966.175,"body":"systems that are on high alert."},{"startTime":967.045,"endTime":969.415,"body":"They're constantly scanning"},{"startTime":967.045,"endTime":969.415,"body":"the universe for threats."},{"startTime":970.675,"endTime":975.055,"body":"When life feels predictable, when they"},{"startTime":970.675,"endTime":975.055,"body":"know what's coming, when transitions"},{"startTime":975.385,"endTime":980.004,"body":"are telegraphed ahead of time, when"},{"startTime":975.385,"endTime":980.004,"body":"rules are consistent, their nervous"},{"startTime":980.004,"endTime":984.925,"body":"system is able to relax, and a relaxed"},{"startTime":980.004,"endTime":984.925,"body":"nervous system has a bigger tank."},{"startTime":985.9449999999999,"endTime":991.765,"body":"Now, the transitions telegraphed ahead"},{"startTime":985.9449999999999,"endTime":991.765,"body":"of time need to be age appropriate."},{"startTime":992.454,"endTime":996.084,"body":"So you don't tell a 3-year-old,"},{"startTime":992.454,"endTime":996.084,"body":"we're going to Disneyland in 10 days."},{"startTime":996.7139999999999,"endTime":998.129,"body":"You might tell them that morning."},{"startTime":999.25,"endTime":1003.66,"body":"You might tell your 7-year-old,"},{"startTime":999.25,"endTime":1003.66,"body":"we're gonna leave for soccer in an"},{"startTime":1003.6899999999999,"endTime":1008.91,"body":"hour and begin the countdown and the"},{"startTime":1003.6899999999999,"endTime":1008.91,"body":"reminder every 10 minutes for the hour."},{"startTime":1009.54,"endTime":1010.199,"body":"Make sense?"},{"startTime":1011.31,"endTime":1013.41,"body":"Okay, and finally, micro wins."},{"startTime":1014.3389999999999,"endTime":1019.079,"body":"These are small, intentional moments where"},{"startTime":1014.3389999999999,"endTime":1019.079,"body":"your child gets to experience competence,"},{"startTime":1020.04,"endTime":1022.38,"body":"where they do something hard and succeed."},{"startTime":1023.25,"endTime":1024.81,"body":"Where they feel capable."},{"startTime":1025.38,"endTime":1026.88,"body":"Where they feel a win."},{"startTime":1027.555,"endTime":1032.415,"body":"Because competence builds tolerance"},{"startTime":1027.555,"endTime":1032.415,"body":"every time your kid navigates a"},{"startTime":1032.415,"endTime":1036.135,"body":"hard moment, even a small one,"},{"startTime":1032.415,"endTime":1036.135,"body":"and comes out the other side."},{"startTime":1036.135,"endTime":1036.765,"body":"Okay?"},{"startTime":1037.4850000000001,"endTime":1042.855,"body":"Their tank expands just a little bit,"},{"startTime":1037.4850000000001,"endTime":1042.855,"body":"just a little more capacity for next time."},{"startTime":1043.575,"endTime":1046.365,"body":"This is not about sheltering"},{"startTime":1043.575,"endTime":1046.365,"body":"them away from discomfort."},{"startTime":1047.115,"endTime":1051.555,"body":"It's about building your tolerance"},{"startTime":1047.115,"endTime":1051.555,"body":"to discomfort gradually the"},{"startTime":1051.555,"endTime":1055.7250000000001,"body":"same way you'd train for a long"},{"startTime":1051.555,"endTime":1055.7250000000001,"body":"distance event like a marathon."},{"startTime":1056.25,"endTime":1060.69,"body":"You don't go out and start with 26"},{"startTime":1056.25,"endTime":1060.69,"body":"miles if you've never run before."},{"startTime":1060.93,"endTime":1064.17,"body":"You start with one mile"},{"startTime":1060.93,"endTime":1064.17,"body":"and you expand from there."},{"startTime":1065.04,"endTime":1068.01,"body":"And tool number three, I like"},{"startTime":1065.04,"endTime":1068.01,"body":"to call, don't train the tank."},{"startTime":1068.76,"endTime":1074.55,"body":"And this is the one parents are most"},{"startTime":1068.76,"endTime":1074.55,"body":"grateful for and most humbled by because"},{"startTime":1075.089,"endTime":1077.579,"body":"this one is about us, you and me."},{"startTime":1078.24,"endTime":1081.69,"body":"If we're honest with ourselves, a lot"},{"startTime":1078.24,"endTime":1081.69,"body":"of what we do in the moment of a big"},{"startTime":1081.69,"endTime":1084.69,"body":"reaction actually drains the tank further."},{"startTime":1085.425,"endTime":1088.574,"body":"Think about what typically"},{"startTime":1085.425,"endTime":1088.574,"body":"happens when a kid melts down."},{"startTime":1089.324,"endTime":1093.375,"body":"We often, unless we're doing"},{"startTime":1089.324,"endTime":1093.375,"body":"this work, we get louder."},{"startTime":1093.7350000000001,"endTime":1098.2050000000002,"body":"We repeat ourselves, we lecture,"},{"startTime":1093.7350000000001,"endTime":1098.2050000000002,"body":"we add consequences in the moment."},{"startTime":1098.655,"endTime":1103.125,"body":"We remind them of other times when"},{"startTime":1098.655,"endTime":1103.125,"body":"they've behaved badly, when forecast"},{"startTime":1103.125,"endTime":1108.585,"body":"their future with doom, we withdraw"},{"startTime":1103.125,"endTime":1108.585,"body":"our warmth and we go cold and distant"},{"startTime":1108.915,"endTime":1112.665,"body":"because we're hurt or exhausted or both."},{"startTime":1113.505,"endTime":1118.125,"body":"Every single one of those responses"},{"startTime":1113.505,"endTime":1118.125,"body":"sends one signal to your child's"},{"startTime":1118.155,"endTime":1120.015,"body":"already overwhelmed nervous system."},{"startTime":1120.585,"endTime":1125.415,"body":"It sends the signal that you"},{"startTime":1120.585,"endTime":1125.415,"body":"are not safe right now to them."},{"startTime":1125.925,"endTime":1129.195,"body":"And an unsafe nervous"},{"startTime":1125.925,"endTime":1129.195,"body":"system cannot regulate."},{"startTime":1129.885,"endTime":1131.504,"body":"It can only react."},{"startTime":1132.105,"endTime":1137.355,"body":"So here's the in the moment tool"},{"startTime":1132.105,"endTime":1137.355,"body":"when your child's tank kits empty and"},{"startTime":1137.355,"endTime":1140.504,"body":"the big reaction comes your one job."},{"startTime":1141.57,"endTime":1145.109,"body":"Is to be the calm presence"},{"startTime":1141.57,"endTime":1145.109,"body":"in the storm at that moment."},{"startTime":1145.919,"endTime":1150.57,"body":"This might look like getting down"},{"startTime":1145.919,"endTime":1150.57,"body":"on their level, speaking slowly"},{"startTime":1150.899,"endTime":1152.85,"body":"and quietly instead of escalating."},{"startTime":1153.719,"endTime":1158.1,"body":"Or it might look like simply saying, I"},{"startTime":1153.719,"endTime":1158.1,"body":"can see this feels really big right now."},{"startTime":1158.729,"endTime":1159.449,"body":"I'm right here."},{"startTime":1160.74,"endTime":1166.3799999999999,"body":"Or it might look like offering physical"},{"startTime":1160.74,"endTime":1166.3799999999999,"body":"closeness, a hand on the shoulder if the"},{"startTime":1166.3799999999999,"endTime":1169.05,"body":"child accepts that, or it might look like."},{"startTime":1170.024,"endTime":1174.675,"body":"Being quietly present and letting the"},{"startTime":1170.024,"endTime":1174.675,"body":"storm pass without adding fuel to it."},{"startTime":1175.514,"endTime":1177.135,"body":"Now let me be honest with you."},{"startTime":1177.465,"endTime":1180.435,"body":"If you're not in the habit of"},{"startTime":1177.465,"endTime":1180.435,"body":"doing this, this is going to"},{"startTime":1180.435,"endTime":1182.385,"body":"feel really weird at first."},{"startTime":1182.955,"endTime":1183.495,"body":"It is."},{"startTime":1183.885,"endTime":1185.084,"body":"There's no other way around it."},{"startTime":1185.985,"endTime":1190.395,"body":"You've been in a habit for a while"},{"startTime":1185.985,"endTime":1190.395,"body":"of wanting to teach and correct and"},{"startTime":1190.395,"endTime":1196.125,"body":"address the behavior right in the"},{"startTime":1190.395,"endTime":1196.125,"body":"moment, and you can do all that just"},{"startTime":1196.125,"endTime":1198.735,"body":"not right in the moment of the storm."},{"startTime":1199.5,"endTime":1204.449,"body":"In the moment of the empty tank of"},{"startTime":1199.5,"endTime":1204.449,"body":"the big reaction from your kid, your"},{"startTime":1204.449,"endTime":1209.189,"body":"job is to co-regulate, to be the"},{"startTime":1204.449,"endTime":1209.189,"body":"calm so they can borrow your calm."},{"startTime":1209.85,"endTime":1215.669,"body":"The teaching, the fixing, the educating"},{"startTime":1209.85,"endTime":1215.669,"body":"that comes later after the storm,"},{"startTime":1216.33,"endTime":1221.07,"body":"when the tank has some fuel back in"},{"startTime":1216.33,"endTime":1221.07,"body":"it, that's when your child's brain"},{"startTime":1221.37,"endTime":1227.07,"body":"can actually hear you and learn"},{"startTime":1221.37,"endTime":1227.07,"body":"connection first, regulation second."},{"startTime":1227.864,"endTime":1231.195,"body":"Teaching third every single time."},{"startTime":1232.215,"endTime":1236.324,"body":"I wanna share a story with you"},{"startTime":1232.215,"endTime":1236.324,"body":"from one of our hi families."},{"startTime":1237.195,"endTime":1240.854,"body":"I've changed the details to protect"},{"startTime":1237.195,"endTime":1240.854,"body":"their privacy, but this is a"},{"startTime":1240.854,"endTime":1245.324,"body":"composite of conversations I've"},{"startTime":1240.854,"endTime":1245.324,"body":"had with parents just like you."},{"startTime":1246.705,"endTime":1249.614,"body":"So let's call this mom Rachel."},{"startTime":1250.245,"endTime":1256.604,"body":"Rachel is a 7-year-old named Eli, and"},{"startTime":1250.245,"endTime":1256.604,"body":"Eli was an explosion waiting to happen."},{"startTime":1257.7,"endTime":1261.6,"body":"Every single day, if"},{"startTime":1257.7,"endTime":1261.6,"body":"not every single hour."},{"startTime":1262.32,"endTime":1265.11,"body":"Rachel told me that she was"},{"startTime":1262.32,"endTime":1265.11,"body":"starting to dread mornings"},{"startTime":1265.8,"endTime":1267.36,"body":"every day something set him off."},{"startTime":1268.29,"endTime":1270.78,"body":"The cereal was wrong, his shirt was itchy."},{"startTime":1271.08,"endTime":1275.55,"body":"His sister was sitting in his spot"},{"startTime":1271.08,"endTime":1275.55,"body":"at the table, and when Rachel joined"},{"startTime":1275.55,"endTime":1277.5,"body":"the Hive, she was at her limit."},{"startTime":1278.34,"endTime":1282.57,"body":"She was exhausted and she was"},{"startTime":1278.34,"endTime":1282.57,"body":"starting to resent her own kid."},{"startTime":1283.7549999999999,"endTime":1287.415,"body":"And she felt like the world's"},{"startTime":1283.7549999999999,"endTime":1287.415,"body":"worst mom because of it."},{"startTime":1288.405,"endTime":1292.125,"body":"On our first coaching call in the"},{"startTime":1288.405,"endTime":1292.125,"body":"Hive, the first thing she said"},{"startTime":1292.125,"endTime":1294.765,"body":"was, I don't understand my kid."},{"startTime":1295.785,"endTime":1297.585,"body":"I feel like I don't know him at all."},{"startTime":1297.795,"endTime":1299.295,"body":"He's so unpredictable."},{"startTime":1299.535,"endTime":1304.485,"body":"Lisa, one of the first things we did"},{"startTime":1299.535,"endTime":1304.485,"body":"together was help Rachel start tracking"},{"startTime":1304.725,"endTime":1311.055,"body":"Eli's patterns, and almost immediately she"},{"startTime":1304.725,"endTime":1311.055,"body":"saw something she hadn't noticed before."},{"startTime":1311.85,"endTime":1317.969,"body":"Eli's worst mornings were always after"},{"startTime":1311.85,"endTime":1317.969,"body":"a night where he hadn't slept well or on"},{"startTime":1317.969,"endTime":1324.959,"body":"days when he had a transition coming, like"},{"startTime":1317.969,"endTime":1324.959,"body":"when school started back after a break or"},{"startTime":1324.989,"endTime":1330.6589999999999,"body":"there was something new on the calendar,"},{"startTime":1324.989,"endTime":1330.6589999999999,"body":"and Rachel quickly realized that his"},{"startTime":1331.499,"endTime":1336.12,"body":"tolerance tank was small and often empty."},{"startTime":1337.155,"endTime":1342.465,"body":"And she quickly realized that it"},{"startTime":1337.155,"endTime":1342.465,"body":"was often drained or empty before he"},{"startTime":1342.465,"endTime":1343.7549999999999,"body":"even got outta bed in the morning."},{"startTime":1344.5049999999999,"endTime":1348.525,"body":"Rachel also realized something"},{"startTime":1344.5049999999999,"endTime":1348.525,"body":"harder that her own reactions to"},{"startTime":1348.525,"endTime":1351.015,"body":"his meltdowns was draining his tank."},{"startTime":1351.015,"endTime":1356.745,"body":"Further, the raised voice, the"},{"startTime":1351.015,"endTime":1356.745,"body":"frustrated size and the why is"},{"startTime":1356.745,"endTime":1359.415,"body":"everything always a thing with you, Eli."},{"startTime":1360.315,"endTime":1363.735,"body":"She could see for the first"},{"startTime":1360.315,"endTime":1363.735,"body":"time how her reaction."},{"startTime":1364.3799999999999,"endTime":1369.96,"body":"Was feeding in to draining the tank more"},{"startTime":1364.3799999999999,"endTime":1369.96,"body":"so Rachel started working on two things"},{"startTime":1369.96,"endTime":1375.33,"body":"simultaneously, filling Eli's tank in"},{"startTime":1369.96,"endTime":1375.33,"body":"the morning by giving him 10 minutes of"},{"startTime":1375.33,"endTime":1380.04,"body":"one-on-one connection before anything"},{"startTime":1375.33,"endTime":1380.04,"body":"else was asked of him, and working on"},{"startTime":1380.04,"endTime":1381.99,"body":"her own response when the meltdowns came."},{"startTime":1383.01,"endTime":1385.225,"body":"Now this took some recognition."},{"startTime":1385.485,"endTime":1388.29,"body":"She had to get up a little bit"},{"startTime":1385.485,"endTime":1388.29,"body":"earlier in the morning and be"},{"startTime":1388.29,"endTime":1389.82,"body":"a little bit more organized."},{"startTime":1390.435,"endTime":1394.155,"body":"To be able to consistently give"},{"startTime":1390.435,"endTime":1394.155,"body":"him that 10 minutes of one-on-one"},{"startTime":1394.155,"endTime":1399.555,"body":"connection in the morning, but she was"},{"startTime":1394.155,"endTime":1399.555,"body":"committed to it and she made it happen."},{"startTime":1400.335,"endTime":1404.235,"body":"It didn't change overnight, but"},{"startTime":1400.335,"endTime":1404.235,"body":"after about six weeks, Rachel told"},{"startTime":1404.235,"endTime":1405.915,"body":"me something that made me tear up."},{"startTime":1406.455,"endTime":1411.855,"body":"She said, Lisa, I feel like I"},{"startTime":1406.455,"endTime":1411.855,"body":"finally understand Eli, and when"},{"startTime":1411.855,"endTime":1416.5049999999999,"body":"I understand him, I don't get"},{"startTime":1411.855,"endTime":1416.5049999999999,"body":"as scared by the big reactions."},{"startTime":1417.285,"endTime":1423.525,"body":"I am now able to see a kid with an empty"},{"startTime":1417.285,"endTime":1423.525,"body":"tank, and I know exactly what to do."},{"startTime":1424.545,"endTime":1425.295,"body":"That's the hive."},{"startTime":1426.285,"endTime":1427.185,"body":"That's the work."},{"startTime":1427.275,"endTime":1432.2549999999999,"body":"That's what happens when you stop reacting"},{"startTime":1427.275,"endTime":1432.2549999999999,"body":"to behavior and start understanding"},{"startTime":1432.615,"endTime":1434.835,"body":"the child beneath the behavior."},{"startTime":1435.855,"endTime":1439.425,"body":"All right, here's your homework, and"},{"startTime":1435.855,"endTime":1439.425,"body":"yes, I'm gonna give you two things"},{"startTime":1439.785,"endTime":1440.955,"body":"because I know you're ready for it."},{"startTime":1441.495,"endTime":1443.5049999999999,"body":"Homework number one this week."},{"startTime":1443.685,"endTime":1444.705,"body":"Keep a simple log."},{"startTime":1445.365,"endTime":1450.405,"body":"Every time your kid has a big reaction,"},{"startTime":1445.365,"endTime":1450.405,"body":"write down three things, what time it was,"},{"startTime":1451.0049999999999,"endTime":1455.475,"body":"what else happened that day, and what was"},{"startTime":1451.0049999999999,"endTime":1455.475,"body":"the tank level before the trigger hit."},{"startTime":1456.195,"endTime":1458.085,"body":"Don't analyze, just write it down."},{"startTime":1458.955,"endTime":1464.205,"body":"Homework number two, pick one tank"},{"startTime":1458.955,"endTime":1464.205,"body":"filler and commit to it for seven days."},{"startTime":1464.685,"endTime":1465.2549999999999,"body":"Just one."},{"startTime":1465.675,"endTime":1468.585,"body":"It might be 10 minutes of"},{"startTime":1465.675,"endTime":1468.585,"body":"outdoor movement after school."},{"startTime":1469.425,"endTime":1473.264,"body":"It might be five minutes of"},{"startTime":1469.425,"endTime":1473.264,"body":"one-on-one connection before you"},{"startTime":1473.264,"endTime":1474.795,"body":"make any request in the morning."},{"startTime":1475.514,"endTime":1479.024,"body":"It might be verbalizing"},{"startTime":1475.514,"endTime":1479.024,"body":"transitions ahead of time."},{"startTime":1479.625,"endTime":1483.675,"body":"In five minutes, we're gonna turn off"},{"startTime":1479.625,"endTime":1483.675,"body":"this show, and I know it's gonna be really"},{"startTime":1483.675,"endTime":1485.895,"body":"hard for you and I know you can do it."},{"startTime":1486.645,"endTime":1490.935,"body":"Whatever you choose, commit to it for"},{"startTime":1486.645,"endTime":1490.935,"body":"seven days and see what you notice."},{"startTime":1492.105,"endTime":1495.165,"body":"You don't have to transition your"},{"startTime":1492.105,"endTime":1495.165,"body":"entire parenting approach this week."},{"startTime":1495.405,"endTime":1496.875,"body":"You just have to try one thing."},{"startTime":1497.5049999999999,"endTime":1501.195,"body":"One thing done consistently"},{"startTime":1497.5049999999999,"endTime":1501.195,"body":"can shift the entire pattern."},{"startTime":1502.0049999999999,"endTime":1502.365,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1503.205,"endTime":1503.5339999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1504.195,"endTime":1504.615,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":1504.885,"endTime":1506.895,"body":"Let's recap what we've covered today."},{"startTime":1507.495,"endTime":1509.715,"body":"Your strong-willed kid is not broken."},{"startTime":1510.105,"endTime":1512.235,"body":"They're not manipulative"},{"startTime":1510.105,"endTime":1512.235,"body":"and they're not spoiled."},{"startTime":1512.804,"endTime":1516.764,"body":"They have a narrow they to"},{"startTime":1512.804,"endTime":1516.764,"body":"tolerance tank, a very small tank."},{"startTime":1517.485,"endTime":1520.274,"body":"Wind discomfort outpaces"},{"startTime":1517.485,"endTime":1520.274,"body":"their coping skills."},{"startTime":1520.635,"endTime":1524.655,"body":"Behavior escalates not"},{"startTime":1520.635,"endTime":1524.655,"body":"because of bad character, but"},{"startTime":1524.655,"endTime":1525.855,"body":"because of limited capacity."},{"startTime":1527.1299999999999,"endTime":1529.139,"body":"Capacity it can be built."},{"startTime":1529.889,"endTime":1534.689,"body":"And we talked about three tools"},{"startTime":1529.889,"endTime":1534.689,"body":"to help build the tank, to help it"},{"startTime":1534.689,"endTime":1536.8799999999999,"body":"grow, to help the tank get bigger."},{"startTime":1537.6299999999999,"endTime":1542.07,"body":"We talked about read the tank track"},{"startTime":1537.6299999999999,"endTime":1542.07,"body":"patterns so you can get ahead of them."},{"startTime":1542.61,"endTime":1543.36,"body":"Fill the tank."},{"startTime":1543.719,"endTime":1547.02,"body":"Connection, movement,"},{"startTime":1543.719,"endTime":1547.02,"body":"predictability and micro winds."},{"startTime":1547.26,"endTime":1551.58,"body":"Expand your child's tolerance"},{"startTime":1547.26,"endTime":1551.58,"body":"over time and don't drain the tank"},{"startTime":1552.24,"endTime":1553.83,"body":"in the moment of a big reaction."},{"startTime":1554.04,"endTime":1555.99,"body":"Be calm, co-regulate."},{"startTime":1556.335,"endTime":1557.805,"body":"First teach later."},{"startTime":1558.495,"endTime":1559.845,"body":"You are not powerless here."},{"startTime":1560.715,"endTime":1562.395,"body":"Your kids are not running the show."},{"startTime":1562.605,"endTime":1566.625,"body":"You have more influence than you"},{"startTime":1562.605,"endTime":1566.625,"body":"know, and I wanna leave you with this."},{"startTime":1567.135,"endTime":1570.465,"body":"The next time your kid loses it"},{"startTime":1567.135,"endTime":1570.465,"body":"over something that seems tiny,"},{"startTime":1571.035,"endTime":1575.835,"body":"the wrong cereal, the wrong sock,"},{"startTime":1571.035,"endTime":1575.835,"body":"the no that cracked the dam."},{"startTime":1576.495,"endTime":1580.785,"body":"I want you to take a deep breath"},{"startTime":1576.495,"endTime":1580.785,"body":"and think this isn't a character"},{"startTime":1580.785,"endTime":1582.795,"body":"problem, it's a capacity problem."},{"startTime":1583.89,"endTime":1586.41,"body":"Capacity is something I can help build."},{"startTime":1587.22,"endTime":1590.61,"body":"That small shift in perspective,"},{"startTime":1587.22,"endTime":1590.61,"body":"that changes everything."},{"startTime":1591.48,"endTime":1592.745,"body":"It changes you."},{"startTime":1593.415,"endTime":1597.585,"body":"Your parenting, your kid and your"},{"startTime":1593.415,"endTime":1597.585,"body":"relationship, and I want that for"},{"startTime":1597.585,"endTime":1599.595,"body":"you, and I want that for your kids."},{"startTime":1600.345,"endTime":1603.825,"body":"Until next time, I'm wishing"},{"startTime":1600.345,"endTime":1603.825,"body":"you peaceful parenting."},{"startTime":1606.405,"endTime":1608.535,"body":"Thanks for listening to Real"},{"startTime":1606.405,"endTime":1608.535,"body":"World Peaceful Parenting."},{"startTime":1609.014,"endTime":1611.745,"body":"If you want more info on how you"},{"startTime":1609.014,"endTime":1611.745,"body":"can transform your parenting,"},{"startTime":1612.045,"endTime":1613.665,"body":"visit the peaceful parent.com."},{"startTime":1613.905,"endTime":1614.535,"body":"See you soon."}]}