Jennifer Mackey-Mary: How well do you really know your personal style—like, beyond “I own a lot of black” or “I want to look classic”? We spend so much time learning the rules of style that sometimes we forget to pay attention to our own actual habits, preferences, and quirks. Today, we’re turning the spotlight inward with ten personal style fundamentals every woman should know to make getting dressed easier and more fun. Let’s get started.

Hello gorgeous, welcome back to the Everyday Style School, the show that teaches you everything your mom never did about getting dressed.  I'm your host, Jennifer Mackey Mary. After 25 years of dressing women with real bodies, budgets, and lives, I know great style isn't about following one-size-fits-all advice - it's about learning what works for you.

All season long, we’ve been talking about some Style Fundamentals–the basics everyone should know when it comes to a style education. We’ve talked about fit, which is the most fundamental of all the style fundamentals. We’ve unpacked color theory, and talked about the importance of having a strong style vocabulary. We dove into proportion and talked about truly understanding your body shape, instead of just trying to label it. Along the way, I gave you homework to practice these fundamentals, and I loved seeing our Style Circle members practicing these skills and sharing their wins. 

Carmen shared that thanks to her increased style vocabulary, she FINALLY found a white shirt that worked for her, and lots of our members worked on dressing their vertical proportions, and practiced creating golden ratio outfits. It's a great reminder that listening is one thing, but doing is where the magic happens.

In our last “official” style fundamentals episode, we’re going to look inward. We’ve been talking about things that every woman should know. Every woman is served by knowing the difference between knits and wovens, or being able to determine if a color is warm or cool. But today, I want to talk about some things that only you would know–because what we’re talking about are YOUR style fundamentals. These  are completely subjective–there are no right or wrong answers–but the deeper understanding you have in each of these areas, the better, and easier, style will be. You’ll find that getting dressed is easier, that you’re buying fewer wardrobe mistakes, and wearing more of what you have. The best part is, you don’t really have to learn anything new. All you have to do is think about your answers, which–spoiler–is your homework for this episode. 

Today, we’re talking about 10 things every woman should know about herself if she wants style to be easy. Here we go:

#1 Your natural uniform

What is it: This is the outfit recipe you can throw on any time and feel confident, or simply what you prefer wearing. This can be pretty specific–I love wide leg jeans and a boxy sweatshirt, or it can be higher level–I prefer wearing pants and tops, or even skirts and tops, over wearing  dresses.

Knowing your natural uniform is important for a couple of reasons: First, while it might sound counterintuitive, it actually helps you AVOID style ruts and buying too many of the same thing. I know I love wide leg jeans and boxy sweatshirts–so when I’m about to click add to cart on another one, I say to myself–hold up, I bet you already have enough of this. Knowing what I naturally gravitate towards keeps me from filling my entire closet with it–I’m aware of my wardrobe blindspots.

On the other hand, knowing your natural uniform gives you a blueprint for evolving your style. Often, when women want better style, they go to the store and buy whatever they think style is to them that day. Maybe they saw a stylish woman in a maxi dress and thought–yes, I’m going to buy maxi dresses and then I’ll be stylish, too. And then they never wear the dresses because they’re really a 2 piece outfit person. Instead, if you know you prefer 2 piece outfits, you know even though that woman in that maxi dress looked great, it might not be the best place to start a style evolution–but maybe you could try a maxi skirt, or an even wider leg pant. 

And if you want to boost your style, a good way to do it is stepping outside of your comfort zone within your natural uniform. For example, you could start with wide leg pants with more pattern or color, or tops with a different neckline. Improving your style within your natural uniform is much more likely to be successful than going too far out of your comfort zone right away. 

The second personal fundamental you need to know is your real-life wardrobe needs. What I mean by this is that by understanding where you actually go, what you actually do, and what you actually want to wear, you can right size your closet and your spending, and dress better for the way you really live. If you find yourself frequently not having things you enjoy wearing for your everyday life, there’s a good chance that you’re not buying for the life you really live. 

There’s nothing wrong with having a few things that are not everyday pieces–as a matter of fact,if you don’t, it’s tough to get dressed for things outside of your regular routines–but you should not be struggling to get dressed, or feeling frumpy for the majority of your days. Think of your life as a pie chart–divide it into how you spend your time–maybe work is 20 percent, and date night is 5 percent, and running errands, doing family stuff is 30 percent..you get the idea right? Well that pie chart should mirror your wardrobe. If you spend 30 percent of your time in casual outfits, running errands, hanging with your kids, 30 percent of your wardrobe should be for that. Now, it’s not a hard and fast mathematical equation–I just made up the analogy–but hopefully you get what I’m saying. What I’ve seen over the years is women who spend 75% of their lives in casual situations, and have 15% of their wardrobes–and not the best 15%--dedicated to those activities. You should build your wardrobe around what you do the most, not what you think is the most important. Don’t forget those things–but focus on your real life wardrobe needs first.

The next personal style fundamental you need to know is your signature colors. Now, I don’t mean what colors are best on you. We already talked about that. This is different. This is what colors you feel best in. And your signature colors can be the colors that are best on you–it’s great when those two things align, but they don’t have to be. Think about what colors make you feel confident, or beautiful, or feminine–whatever… If black makes you feel sexy and powerful, wear it when you want to feel sexy and powerful…even if its not your best. Think through different scenarios–first day in a new job, a party where you’re the guest of honor, a romantic date night, giving a speech…what color would you wear? Once you know a few of your signature colors, make sure they’re in your wardrobe, so you can feel the way you want to feel, when you want to feel that way.

#4 on the list of personal style fundamentals is your nonnegotiables. If you refuse to wear anything except natural fibers, cool–do you, sister. But know that, and own it. And when you’re tempted to break it because you really love that dress, remember that your feelings might go away temporarily when you’re faced with the pretty new thing, but your standards will come back in real life, and you’re not going to wear that dress. Or if you need shoes with some room in the toes, remember that when you’re trying to convince yourself it will be fine because those pointed toe boots are just so cute–and onsale! Those are shoes you’re going to buy, and then regret. 

The key here is that not everything can be a non-negotiable. When you have too many, it gets really really hard to find anything to wear. If you say, I only wear my best colors, and I only wear my best necklines, and I only wear natural fibers, and I only wear tops that are mid hip length, and I only wear—you get my drift, right? A lot of women have a lot of unnamed non-negotialbles that are keeping them from easily finding clothes–so really examine your own list, and see if there are any that are preferences, but not actually non-negotiables. A few non-negotiables helps you build a wardrobe you actually want to wear, too many keeps you from building a wardrobe you can wear, so find a happy medium. 

On the filp side, we’ve got #5 and that’s your Your “not for me” list. I’m a big believer in never say never, but you can believe me when I say I will never, ever wear the kind of low-rise jeans we wore back in the aughts. I won’t do it. If that’s all that’s out there, I will start having my clothes made. I tried them, and I didn’t like them, and I’m not going back. They’re not for me, and that’s ok. 

Your not for me list can be colors that make you feel terrible, fabrics you can’t stand, silhouettes you don’t feel good in. Mockneck tops are on my not for me list. I’ve tried them, and I don’t like the way I look in them. Every once in a while I come across a cute one and I think…hmm, maybe. But no, I know myself well enough to know I’m not going to wear it. Just like your non-negotiables, your not for me list should be big enough to keep you from buying things you’re not going to wear, but not so extensive that you’re not open to anything new. I think it’s a good idea to keep your must haves and must not have lists pretty specific. So instead of “colorful pants aren’t for me”, say light colored pants arent’ for me. Or bright colors on the bottom aren’t for me…and remember, if you’ve never put it on your body, you probably shouldn’t put it on your not for me list. This list should be from experience, and learning  from the “mistakes” you’ve made in your past. 

A good thing to do, when you’ve bought something you end up not wearing, and even wondering “what was I thinking” is to really examine WHY you don’t like it. This is the only way to ensure you don’t keep making the same mistakes. For example, I don’t mind crewnecks–but what I have found through lots of trial and error is that crew necks with a really wide band at the neck aren’t for me. Now I make sure I look at that before I buy anything…it’s saved me a lot of money and hassle. Maybe for you its skirts that hit at a certain place on your leg, or pants with on-seam pockets. Notice the little trends, and add those things to your not for me list. 

Moving on to #6, your next personal style fundamental is the kinds of accessories you like to wear. For many many years, I have been asked to give a list of must have accessories, or must have jewelry. And for many many years, I have said, I can’t give that to you, because accessories are incredibly personal. Often, when people would push, I’d say, ok…rings and bracelets are must haves, and usually they’d go–well, not rings and bracelets, i don’t like to wear those, and I’d be like, your honor I rest my case. The thing is, you’ll wear clothes in your closet you’re not crazy about–a lot of women live most of their lives doing just that. But you don’t wear accessories you don’t love. And what’s the difference? Well, you have to wear clothes. You can’t go to work half naked. But accessories, by nature, are extra. You don’t have to wear them, so unless you love it, and really want to wear it, you simply won’t, which might explain all the neglected scarf piles I’ve come across over the years. 

There is no universal must have list for items you don’t have to have. The trick is to come up with your own must have list, based on what you like to wear. If you own dozens of bracelets, but you never ever wear them, it’s pretty safe to say bracelets aren’t on your must haves. I don’t wear earrings..I have a metal allergy in my ears only, and after years of painful trial and error, I finally decided earrings weren’t worth the hassle, and I have survived just fine. Also, I hate scarves, but I’ve never met a chunky watch or a brooch I didn’t love, so I know what to avoid, and where I can spend a little extra because the items will actually get worn. Accessories make your wardrobe personal, so spend the time thinking about what kinds of accessories you like to wear, and what kinds you don’t, and build your collection accordingly.

Personal style fundamental #7 is Your seasonal wardrobe needs. There’s an expression, attributed to many groups, but mostly scandinavians, so I’ll just go with that, that says, there’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing, and it’s true. Having the right wardrobe for your weather makes living wherever you are a heck of a lot easier. 

Now, obviously I’m talking about things like outerwear. Living where I live, one winter coat wouldn't cut it. I have dress coats, casual coats, long coats, short coats, coats I only wear when it’s 25 below…but someone living in Florida who experiences a couple of weeks of winter might only need one. Same goes for people who live in raining climates, or who need sun hats every day. Those are obvouius.

But beyond the coat closet, understanding what seasons mean where you live is really important. Fall and Spring are good examples of this. We have this idea of fall–that like the day after labor day, it suddenly turns to sweater weather, and it’s time to pull out your jeans and boots. That’s what stores want you to think, but you and I know that’s not true. Even in Minnesota, I was in short sleeves into October. If you live in South Texas, you might never have sweater weather fall…so what does your wardrobe need for your version of the season? I’ve seen too many women sweating in their flannel shirts when its 85 degrees at the pumpkin patch to know we don’t spend enough time really thinking about what our specific needs are.

Think through your year–what does winter mean for you? When does spring realistically arrive? What do you need, and how much do you need to make the season easy. Think through holidays. Easter is challenging in cold climates, like I imagine Thanksgiving and Christmas are in warm climates–the clothes in stores aren’t really made for your weather. But if you plan ahead, you can find what you need.

#8 on the list of personal style fundamentals is Your “worth it” splurges. “Is ____ ‘worth it’?” is one of my least favorite questions, because there’s no way for me to know what is valuable to you. Worth is about value, not price, and you’ve probably heard me say before, that value is personal. Price is objective, worth is subjective. So the question is, is it “worth it” to you? 

Do you love it, will you wear it, does it make you feel amazing, does it make it easier to get dressed? These are all questions that determine value and worth. 

So the question is–what’s worth it to you?

Where are you willing to spend a little more in your wardrobe? And on the other hand, what do you think isn’t worth it at all? For me, most tops aren’t splurge worthy, but I don’t shy away from spending extra on cute sweatshirts, and I will spend anything to get cute shoes for my tricky feet.  For you though, maybe that’s different–it probably is

 And your worth it list doesn’t have to be pieces, either. It can be a color, it can be a designer, it can be a fabric, or even a feeling…like if you put something on and have that absolute heck yes feeling, you’ll buy it no matter what it costs. When you know what you value, it makes it easier to spend the money on those things. Over the years, I’ve worked with lots of women who have talked themselves out of buying things they loved, and look, you know I respect budgets, and I don’t believe in going in debt for clothes. But usually the pieces in question weren’t prohibitively expensive, and we were within the budget. These items were just more than they were used to spending, and they didn’t really know what they valued, so they couldn’t allow themselves to just commit. If you do that all the time, you end up with a low-value wardrobe, which ironically, ends up costing more money in the long run because you’re always buying. I could buy 4 $25 dollar sweatshirts that are fine, and always feel like my wardrobe is missing something, or I can buy 1 $100 sweatshirt, wear it to death, and feel like I have a wardrobe that’s truly me. That’s what understanding your worth it list will do for you

Number #9 on our list is you should know Your closet workflow. Or, as many of you have heard me say–how do you shop your closet? What does this mean–this means, how do you get dressed each day. Where, and how, are your clothes stored. Marie Kondo is a big believer in folding as much as you can, so you get the experience of touching your things more often. For me, dresser drawers are where clothes go to die a sad, lonely death, never to be seen again. I only put things in my drawers that I have to go find–like pajamas, and underwear. I’ll go hunting for those. But if I put folded tees in there? I’d never wear them again. Out of sight, out of mind. Neither approach is wrong, but you need to know what works for you. Another example is when we moved into this house, there was not one inch of long hanging space…like the previous owners never wore dresses or something, I don’t know–it’s a mystery. I like to hang my pants long, and I do own dresses, so when I redid my closet, I created hanging space. Also, the shelves for folded things were way at the back–but that’s what I wear most of the time, so I moved them to the front of the closet. 

Often, we just make do with the space we have, exactly as it is, and don’t give a lot of thought to whether or not it makes sense, or makes it easy to get dressed. In my years, I’ve seen a lot of incredibly dysfunctional closets–where my women had to go to like 3 different rooms to get dressed, and I’ve seen a lot of super functional closets–and the best wardrobes came out of the most functional closets. Which came first, I don’t know-but I do know when your closet workflow makes sense, it’s easier to get dressed and use more of what you have–so as you’re getting dressed this week, think about whether your closet is set up for maximum efficiency, and if it’s not, could you do something different.

Finally, #10 is Your wardrobe priorities. Wardrobe priorities really show up in two places–what you buy, and what you wear. Let’s talk about what you buy first. On the questionnaire I had clients fill out before we worked together, I asked them what was MOST important when it came to buying clothes–I don’t remember all the options, but I know price, style, quality, fit, flattery, and comfort were on there. This helped me guide what we shopped for, what I brought her to try on, even where we shopped. If quality was #1, we probably weren’t hitting up H&M, right? But if price was, we probably were. Like everything else on this list, there’s no right answer…you get to choose what’s important to you, but know that what you prioritize will determine the kind of wardrobe you end up with. If you prioritize quality, you’re going to end up with a high quality wardrobe. If you prioritize style, you’ll probably end up with a stylish wardrobe. Knowing what matters to you will help guide you to get the kind of wardrobe you want, but it can also help explain why your wardrobe isn’t working for you. For example, if you’re constantly frustrated because your clothes don’t last–they look worn out, get holes, whatever. You might be a quality person. But if all of those clothes are from Old Navy, I think we found the disconnect. If you always feel frumpy and like you never feel put together, it could be that in your head you prioritize style, but your shopping has prioritized comfort. When you identify your priorities, you can make sure your actions support that. 

The other reason knowing your priorities is important is that you can have anything you want, but you probably can’t have everything you want,and understanding that can cut down on frustration big time.  Here’s a good example of what I mean. In my local Facebook group this morning, there was a post that said this–Looking for plumber or roto rooter suggestions to come out today.... Our drain is backing up into our laundry room. We need help ASAP! Must be licensed and insured. Reasonable price, please.  If she’s expecting to get all of that, she’s going to be disappointed. But if she understands you can have anything you want, but not everything you want, she’s either going to be ok waiting, using someone not licesnced, or paying more. Like it is what it is–what are you willing to give up.

This principle shows up in outfit priorities. I’ve shared before that the guidelines for dressing my body shape and the guidelines for my best colors conflict with each other. One says go darker on top, the other says wear lighter colors on top. I can have anything I want, but I can’t have everything. I have to prioritize. 

Also, It would be great if the styles you like best and the styles that look best on you were always the same. That would be wonderful, but often they’re not. You might have to priorizitze–here’s the thing though. I wish women realized that style points count just as much as flattery points. It’s perfectly ok to wear a neckline that isn’t best for you if there’s a top or a dress you just love. It will be ok, I promise. 

Here’s the other thing I want you to know about priorities. They don’t have to be set in stone. You can prioritize on a case by case basis. When it comes to shoes, fit is my top priority. When it comes to tops, I go for style. Pants are all about comfort. There are some days I want to wear my best colors, and other days I want to wear my best styles. My priorities depend on the situation–but having an awareness of them helps me make the right choices to get the results I want

And really, that’s true of this entire list-there’s no right or wrong answer, and none of these are set in stone. But the awareness of them is what will help you get the wardrobe you ultimately want. 

So here’s your homework. Think through a couple of these. You don’t have to do all 10 at once. If there were one or two that resonated with you, start there. You don’t have to do any long, complicated journaling, just think about the answers, and how those answers are affecting your current wardrobe. Do you need to do anything different? Awareness really is the first, and most important step. 

This is our last style fundamentals episode. Next time, we’ll be wrapping up the season answering your questions–there are some good ones I’m excited to answer. I really hope this season has helped you understand the basics of style, and encouraged you to dig a little deeper to master these principles. If you want style to be easy, it happens here. I want to leave you with the same quote I shared in the first episode of the season, from James Clear– 

Mastery in nearly any endeavor is the result of deeply understanding simple ideas. For most of us, the answer to becoming better leaders, better parents, better lovers, better friends, and better people is consistently practicing the fundamentals, not brilliantly understanding additional details.

That’s it for this episode of the Everyday Style School. Thanks for spending time with me today. If you’re ready to master these fundamentals, and put them into practice so you can love the way you look every day, come join me in the style circle. We’ve got everything you need to become a personal style expert. The link is in the shownotes.

I’ll see you next time–and until then, stay stylish!