The Lie We Live With: A Story About Being Deceived… and Being the Deceiver

What happens when we realize that deception isn’t always about lies—and that even the most honest people can play both roles: deceived and deceiver? 

In this episode of Let’s Talk About It, Dr. Sherry Stancil unpacks a powerful question sparked by one student’s comment:
“Is it possible for someone to go through life without ever being deceived—or deceiving someone else?” 

Transcript

 I didn’t expect it.
It was a regular discussion board thread—like dozens I’ve read this semester.
But then, one student asked something that made me stop scrolling, sit back, and say,
“Whoa…”
“Is it possible for someone to go through life without ever being deceived—or ever being a deceiver?”
At first, I thought, maybe.
But the more I sat with it… the more I knew—this question deserved more than a quick reply.
So today, I want to talk about Deceptive Communication.
Not with stats. Not with studies. But with stories—because this one’s personal.
A few years back, I was working with a remote team that was… let’s just say, very polite. People smiled in our virtual meetings. Nodded along. You could almost feel the hesitation in the air sometimes—but no one ever said anything.
One day, our project manager sent out this cheerful email to my Learning and Development team announcing a new policy shift with our instructional design process.
It said something like, “After full team input and unanimous agreement…”—you know, the usual.
And I remember thinking, Wait. What meeting was that?
Because I’d been in the room. And sure, nobody objected out loud—but that didn’t mean they agreed.
People were quiet. Uncomfortable. Some stared down at their notebooks. Others just... let it go.
And here’s the thing—no one challenged that email. Not publicly. Not privately. It just… became the story.
It wasn’t a flat-out lie. But it wasn’t the truth, either.
That moment taught me something big:
In the workplace, deception doesn’t always sound like a bold-faced lie.
Sometimes, it’s silence.
Sometimes, it’s letting something slide because you don’t want to rock the boat.
And sometimes, it’s telling yourself, “It’s not my place to say anything.”
Deception isn’t always dramatic.
It’s not always betrayal, manipulation, or bad intentions.
Sometimes, it’s a protective instinct.
Sometimes, it’s silence when we should speak up.
And sometimes… it’s hope—because we want something to be true so badly, we let ourselves believe it.
Unless someone has lived in total isolation—never speaking, never reading, never writing—it’s almost impossible to have avoided both roles: deceived and deceiver.
Deception, it turns out, is part of communication.
And communication is part of being human.
So, to the student who asked that question—thank you.
You reminded me that the biggest questions don’t always come from textbooks. Sometimes, they come from the courage to ask the obvious.
And to everyone listening:
Think about the last time you weren’t completely honest. Or the last time you discovered something wasn’t quite what it seemed.
What did it teach you about yourself?
Let’s talk about it.