The Redeemed Backslider
“Welcome to The Redeemed Backslider—with your host, Kathy Chastain, Christian-based psychotherapist and a redeemed backslider. This podcast dedicated to those who have wandered but are ready to return to the life-changing power of grace and the freedom found in Jesus.
In Luke 4:18, Jesus proclaimed: ‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.’
This is the heart of our message. Whether you’re wrestling with regret, despair, seeking freedom from spiritual chains, or longing to see the light of God’s love again, you’re not alone. Here, we share testimonies, biblical truths, and encouragement to remind you that no one is too far gone for God’s redemption.
This is your invitation to find healing, hope, and restoration in Jesus. Welcome to The Redeemed Backslider—where grace is greater than your past and your future is abundant when God redeems your story.”
The Redeemed Backslider
Love, Marriage, Deliverance TRB #37 Luis & Eileen Pena
A teenage romance. A gang neighborhood. A near-fatal drive-by and an overdose scare on the job. Then a quiet, stubborn decision by a young mom to move across town, climb on a church van with two babies, and keep walking to the altar for more than a decade. That’s the spine of this episode: the slow, steady courage that makes room for miracles.
We sit with Luis and Eileen Pena as they unpack the real story behind a 32-year marriage that almost didn’t make it. Eileen’s early encounter with God at 13 becomes a compass she returns to after parties, pain, and a divorce that upends her family. Lewis shares how belonging to a well-known gang brought status and danger—bullets flying, friends wounded, and a moment when a round missed his head by inches. He also talks about the day cocaine spiked his heart and he begged God not to let his kids attend his funeral. Through it all, one soundtrack repeats: a mother-in-law’s intercession and a wife’s refusal to stop showing up.
Tune in to hear the rest of their love story and how God showed up for them both.
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Kathy has two books out and they can be found on Amazon or Barnes & Noble online:
Redeem California, With God it IS Possible:
God of the Impossible: 30-Prayers for the Redemption and Restoration of California
Welcome to the Redeemed Backslider. With your host, Kathy Chestane, Christian-based psychotherapist and Redeemed Backslider. This podcast is dedicated to those who have wandered but are ready to return to the life-changing power of grace and the freedom found in Jesus.
SPEAKER_03:Hi, welcome to the Redeemed Backslider. I'm your host, Kathy Chastain. I'm a Christian-based psychotherapist and I'm a Redeemed Backslider. And with me today in the studio are my friends from church, Lewis and Eileen Pena. And this is the first time that I've interviewed a couple. And I think their story is really incredible. They've been married 32 years, coming up in February. And when you hear their backgrounds and you hear what they've been through and the fact that they're still serving God and all their children are serving God, and two of them have been on this podcast, I just think that it really offers hope for anyone who has a spouse that is still struggling in life because God is in the process of restoration and redemption. And there is no one too far gone and nothing too hard that God doesn't see, that God doesn't know, and that God can't redeem. So I know that their story will bless you today. And so with that, we're just going to jump in. We're going to hear a little bit about each of their childhood and background and then talk about what life has been like as a married couple uh in the church and and uh what they've been through in the church. So well, welcome to the podcast, guys.
SPEAKER_06:Thank you for having us. We're glad to be here. Yes, thank you.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you for having us. It's a blessing. Yeah, I I am um so grateful for I'm gonna cry already. Um the the transparency of the people that's been willing to come on and to share the story because um I say it over and over. We go to church with people we don't even know. And so it's been a blessing for me to get, I know you're a powerhouse when you pray with me. And I and I, you know, I really appreciate that. And it's just so wonderful to get to know these people we've seen for so many years and and get to see the deeper sides of them. So um I'm grateful and and even more so as I know very little about you guys' testimony. Um it just makes it just makes it so worthwhile, you know, on Sundays and Wednesdays when we get to worship together and look across the aisle and see, you know, because we know we know just a little bit more about the people we go to church with. So it's a blessing to me, and I'm grateful you guys. I'm really grateful that you have made it to this point in your life, you know. So um, ladies first, Lewis. So, Eileen, mostly what I know is you got the Holy Ghost at 13. So tell us a little bit about your life growing up.
SPEAKER_06:So, growing up, we did not attend church. Um, I really didn't know anything about Jesus. Um, my sister Valerie, she started visiting with my aunt, um, apostolic church, well, Pentecostal. Brother Um Wright used to preach at our church. Um and his wife, and they passed. But he's the one who baptized me, my mother, my sisters. And um, I remember just struggling as a teenager. You know, my mom and dad were just lots of things going on in the house, and um, it was a struggle. You know, you're 13, 14, trying to figure out your way. And we got baptized. I really didn't understand, you know, why we were doing that. Um my sister really loved the Lord. She was growing to have a she was building a relationship with him. Is she older than you? She's younger than I am. So your sister had been a church.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. And so your aunt, and this was down south before you guys moved here. So your aunt was already the connection to an apostolic church.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. Her and my mom's brother, they were going to an apostolic church there. Um, and I think we visited when we were children, you know, very young, because we have pictures in front of the church.
SPEAKER_03:Did your mom was your mom raised in church? No. Her siblings just found.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, her siblings just found. And then my uncle, I think he was a um he was a minister at uh apostolic church down south. So we would visit when we're kids. Um, you know, on Sunday it was Easter because I remember we had hats on and these matching little outfits. And I remember those Easter services. Yeah. So I do remember that um as a memory, but as I got a little bit older, um, I think there was like, you know, some stuff going on in the news, and my mom was like, we need to be saved, we need to go to the church, we need to get baptized. And my aunt was already going to brother um Doug Wright's church. Um, so we went, um, we started visiting, and um we all got baptized there. I remember him baptizing us. And then I just remember it was like time to be, you know, go to high school. I think I was a freshman. And um I was just really struggling. My dad was a functional drug addict and alcoholic. You know, he worked, made money, we had a home, we normal as normal could be. Right.
SPEAKER_03:What you would think it'd be normal. Yeah, my dad is. Because you don't know any different, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Um, but obviously my my I knew something was not right because I mean you struggle as a teenager anyways, trying to find yourself and figure out life, who you are, you know, just so many things. And I just remember one time we went to church and um I was really like just going through changes. And I remember going to um church, it was a maybe a Wednesday night service, and we went um to the altar to pray. And I remember uh Brother Wright praying for me, and I got the Holy Ghost. It literally took me from the front of the church to the back of the church, and I didn't know how I got there.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_06:And I never forget that experience.
SPEAKER_03:Um so what what was that? Were you just dancing in the spirit?
SPEAKER_06:Were you were you honestly could not even tell. I just remember speaking in tongues. Yeah. And um, I remember that really did something to me. I was trying to serve God. Um, that church did a lot of outreach. So I remember as a teenager going from house to house, door knocking, we would go actually sit inside homes and uh minister to people with the old the elders.
SPEAKER_03:Um I remember those days, you know, that it was life was so different then. It was we did Saturday outreach and visitation, and people would drop by and visit unannounced and and people were uh much more welcoming, you know.
SPEAKER_06:They would they would uh accept you, you know, welcome you in their home and allow you to share with them. It's not really like that anymore, but that is a fond memory of mine. Yeah. Um and then high school started, and you know, you're in high school, I was a freshman, and I I was I didn't want to be different than everybody else. So I remember just kind of straying away. And then my mom and dad got divorced, and we moved out here with my grandparents. When we moved out here, I I was uh probably almost a sophomore in high school. Kind of moved around a little bit because my grandparents lived in Visalia, and then we moved to Tularie, and then that's where I met my honey. Um you're from Tularie Lewis, yes, born and raised Tulary.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. So obviously when the parents are divorced, um, get into divorce, there's a lot going on, you know. My dad was down south, my mom was up north. Um kind of take advantage of that as a teenager because they're going through their own thing trying to navigate their lives with their children involved.
SPEAKER_03:They're preoccupied with other things, so easy to lose track of where the kids are and what they're doing.
SPEAKER_06:I think just a lot going on, you know. Yeah, yeah. And of course, my mom had been baptized and she had been filled with the Holy Ghost and my sisters as well. The enemy, you know, was there's some opportunity here. Like I can, I can mess with this family. Right. And and it wasn't um something that was I think hard for him to do because we were children, you know, teenagers. You're vulnerable. Yeah. So I think that everything else looked better than what was right in front of us. Right, right. Yeah. So that got us involved in just a lot of different things that I should not have been involved in as a young teenager. Um, I think the first time that I actually did any drugs was um I was probably maybe 14. My neighbor, her sisters um did drugs. And she's like, come over. My sister, you know, they would smoke cigarettes or whatever. You know, you're a teenager, you don't know. You're like, okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um, it's so easy to say yes because it's peer pressure and you want to fit in, and you don't really have a gauge to know other than we're told don't do that, right? Right.
SPEAKER_06:Right. So I think w I remember the day we I went over there and we um we did drugs that day. I think it was um crystal meth. Um I I don't think it was something that I really liked because I don't remember doing it again after that. I remember those I started drinking at a very young age. Um and then when we moved here, it made it just that much easier to do, I guess. Yeah. Um but once I met Lewis, um, we kind of did those things together.
SPEAKER_03:And were you going to church all of that time? So once you guys moved here, you weren't in church. Okay. But the Lord, the Lord just filled you at an early age to plant that in you.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, he did. Because I remember when we moved here before meeting Lewis, um, my husband, I remember um my mom, you know, after a while, she did go back, she went to the lighthouse. And um we started going to church again. But I mean, I was a teenager. She's like, Well, you have to be in church. So I would go, but I wasn't in, I wasn't, I didn't have a relationship with the Lord. Right. I was like, okay, I'm going because my mom's making me go, but I wanted to be out on the streets hanging out with my friends and partying and everything else. So I would I would sneak out of the house and do all the things that teenagers do.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Um, I remember though, my mom would pray for us because we'd be out and my friends, we had it, we'd be in one car, and the car would break down. And then I'm like, why? You know, in the back of my mind, I was thinking about the Lord, you know, yeah, at that young age. I was like, what if, you know, God comes, like, I'm not gonna go to heaven? Right. It didn't stop me, but it was still there in my mind.
SPEAKER_03:I know, I think a lot of backsliders wonder about that, you know, because we understand that if we're in sin, we're separated from God. If God, you know, I wasn't worried about the rapture as much as I was worried about something happening. Yes, you know, and then I just would not make it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So she would pray, and there was times I was like, my mom's praying, that's why I can't get to where I'm trying to go. Yeah. Um, so she those prayers did stop a lot of things from happening in my life, most definitely.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, good. And so um, how old were you when you met Lewis?
SPEAKER_06:I was um 15. Um I started going to um he actually I met him at my grandmother's. He came over with some friends. Wow because my cousin lived with us, and um they came over and we started talking, and then I ended up going to the same high school as him, Tillary Western.
SPEAKER_03:Was your cousin male? Female Okay, yeah. So how did you get into the mix with her well family?
SPEAKER_01:A friend of mine was, I guess, met met Eileen and her sisters.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:And her cousin.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay. And then So it was just a girl house.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but he was a guy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So my friends.
SPEAKER_03:He was interested in one of them.
SPEAKER_06:Well, he was just a real he was a really good um friend. Like he's just a funny half-like, he made a friend wherever he went. Like he was just that kind of guy. Okay. So he liked hanging out with us because we would just, you know, laugh and cut up and yeah. Oh, awesome. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:And then like we were at hanging out at my other friend's house, and I remember we used to drive around the neighborhood. At that time, they there was this group of guys that rented mopeds. And everybody thought it was cool. You know, hey, it's really good.
SPEAKER_03:I remember when mopeds came out, they were cool.
SPEAKER_01:Literally, like some guys from Tuleri had bought like, I don't know, maybe 20 of them and rented them out to to you know, people just to drive around the neighborhood. So I remember my friend coming over to our other group where we hung out, and he's like, hey, you know, I I got some friends over here, some girls, and you know, jumped on the back and just went over there. And he's like, Oh, let me introduce you to them. And that's when I met my wife, my lovely wife. Um, I just I don't know, we sparked interest right away, I guess you you would say.
SPEAKER_03:Did you guys like each other right away? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, yeah. Uh yeah. Won't get into detail, but yeah, we we that's the first time we ever had ever met.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01:You know, and then from there on we just started hanging out and talking and you know, dating and so you so you were how old were you?
SPEAKER_03:You were 15. I was 14.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was 14.
SPEAKER_03:One year younger. You guys have been together like all your life, 14 and 15. That yeah, it's unheard of, especially what you guys have been through that you have made it for so long because you guys are still so young. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so okay, so I'm gonna pause there and come to you. So, what was your childhood like growing up?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean it it it was good. I mean, at home. Sorry if I get a little choked up. Um my parents, they were awesome. Um my dad, he was uh self-employed gardener. So he was my mom would stay home, take care of us. Um I used to my dad was a gardener, like I said, so I used to work with him and um had a good childhood, I would say. You know, I went to school and everything, did did as best as I could, but growing up, um, the street that that I grew up on, you know, that's where my best friend uh I met my best friend and all his brothers and family and were gang related, you know, into gangs. And that's when, you know, I developed like wanting to be a part of a gang, I guess. You know.
SPEAKER_03:Well you probably wanted to be a part of your friends.
SPEAKER_01:My friends.
SPEAKER_03:And that's what they were doing.
SPEAKER_01:And and his older brothers, you know, and looked up to them. Like, hey, ain't nobody because they were pretty known, you know. Yeah. As far as known in Tularie County, you know, and Tularie and I just, you know seeing them every day, and and I mean they were literally across the street and wanted to be a part and thought, like, hey, this is cool, you know. I'm young, young at the time, and these guys are older than me, like I would say they're maybe 18, 19, and I'm probably only like 14. And here these guys are these, you know, tough gang members and right.
SPEAKER_03:It was a good role model probably for a young boy wanting to be macho.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So that that's like a lot where my I became, you know, a a gang member and you know.
SPEAKER_03:Did you go through uh initiation rights and all of the things that we we hear about, you know, but I haven't really ever sat down and asked anybody what the initiations are like. Do you do you mind talking to about that?
SPEAKER_01:Um I believe honestly, like at that time there was like initiations as far as like I I think I remember it was years ago, of course, but I think I remember at that time it was kind of more like hey, you're you know, you're gonna get socked in the chest. It sounds funny, but if you can survive these these amount of hits, which I believe honestly at at the time was you know, like 14 hits, for in other words, um by this guy, you know, you'd you'd be initiated, you know. It wasn't more like uh you know, you hear stories of uh people initiation, oh you gotta shoot somebody or you gotta do this or that. But it was nothing, nothing like that, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um that was pretty much just walk them walk them in with open arms. I mean, like my best friend, his brothers were th the guys, you know, yeah the leaders of certain gang, you know. And did you have to swear an oath? No, not not really.
SPEAKER_03:I mean or allegiance or anything like that?
SPEAKER_01:No, no. Like I said, I mean, his brothers were they just knew you. They they knew who I was, and you know, I just got into the wrong situation, I guess. You know what I mean? Like joining joining the gang, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Getting tattoos and doing things, you know, in my my younger teenage years, you know. Um his brothers and cousins, of course, did prison time and they're pretty pretty known out there, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then um you know, like back to my dad, not to get away from the gang part, but you know, back to my dad, you know, like I s I mentioned he was a functional drug addict, owned his own lawn business. I started to cut yards with him at a young age, and and my cousin, um they called him Punky. He was my d well of course, my dad's nephew, and he was older than me too, but Punky also was from the east side of town, you know what I mean? And um he influenced a lot to me, and I mean like that was my big cousin, right?
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And introduced me into methamphetamine and stuff like that, and you know that's basically where I started to do drugs at a young age.
SPEAKER_03:So were you already involved in that stuff when you met Eileen? Or were you in the process of kind of finding your way in both?
SPEAKER_01:I would say I was ours or already into it, doing it, you know, not not heavy, but just kind of maybe barely getting introduced, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, socially. But in gangs you were already in a game.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. That that was that do you remember if that was an attraction? The, you know, because girls are attracted to you know, bad boys, tough guys, because it really represents well, it's a false sense of strength, but for a girl, they don't always know that. It just feels like, oh, this is a strong guy. And I think subconsciously they're looking for some strength, you know, to come from a man.
SPEAKER_06:So honestly, I don't remember that being um I mean, maybe underlying it was, you know, if I really think back to that time, uh, I could probably say that was maybe a little bit in there that draw, but um I don't know. I just we met and I just really we just really liked each other and really his um family lived really close by, like literally there was a school between us from where my grandparents lived and where he lived. So it was you just crossed over through that schoolyard and you were at his um at his house. Wow. Yeah. Um so I think that we just started we went to the same high school and we just started spending so much time together. We, you know, he'd walk me to my classes, we'd go home to his house for lunch because the high school is right across the street from his mom's and his mom and dad's house. Um so I think just spending all that time together, just hanging out and I mean we did, you know, go with his his friends, they would we'd go to parties and stuff like that. Um we did like a lot of partying actually at that time. Um and I think that just we just were connected at that time and just um I would say it was probably a strong connection because um at one point we were dating probably for like a year and then we broke up and he was very upset with me and we still kind of kept in contact, you know. What made you guys break up? Did you break up with him? Yeah, I did. Well, you were mad at her, that's why I think part of it I was hurt. I think part of it is because um you know, you're young, you're a kid, you're like, where are you at? What are you doing? You you were used to all that attention because I moved back to Vicelia and he still lived in Teleri. And I think that it was just like, well, you're too busy, you know, and I was starting high school there and you know, just gonna kind of start my own life, so to speak. And he um he would come and visit me, but I think it was just hard. I think it was just, you know, you're you're a kid, you don't know. You just like felt like you're not you're not investing your time, so okay, you know, yeah. I think that was a big part of it. And you know, he was involved in what he was doing, and I didn't necessarily know everything that he was doing, you know. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So what was the gang life like for you? You don't have to be specific if you don't want, but like what did that consist of? Because we don't know. Um I would think back then it's just hang out at someone's house and everybody parties and you know, maybe you go do some criminal activity on the down low, but you know, but maybe not to the degree that gang activity is now. I don't know, maybe it was like that. But what do you what are your memories of being involved in that?
SPEAKER_01:Um, you know, there there have been times where we would fight, you know, like rival gang members and and you know, stuff like that. Was that all pre-planned out and kind of just basically when when we when we ran into them and they were like in our neighborhood? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Um it was so different back then. Yeah, it was it was different, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um there had been times like like I actually I was involved like in a in a drive-by shooting at one time. And um I believe like the whole time, you know, God had his hand upon my life, the the whole time, you know, like the whole time just edge of protection around me, you know. Um I was very young, and like I said, I during my my time, like my teenage years, I mean I did stuff like in a short span, you know, stuff that I could be locked up right now for life, you know, because I had friends that that are locked up for life and that are no longer with us and um been involved, you know, back to that drive-by. I believe God spared my life that time. You know, a rival gang had opened fire at a at a house we were at. Um a bullet barely missed my head by two inches.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, and I looked up after I heard the shot and everything cleared.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And seeing the bullet hole and thinking like that was my temple, you know, my head and I'd I'd be no longer around, you know. Um getting up from that scene, you know, seeing my my best friend at the time that his girlfriend's baby was holding on to her left leg and she had got shot in her right leg all in that same shooting that night, you know, and going into the house, seeing his brother shot in right in his stomach, you know, like I'm sitting there like in a movie, you know what I mean? Yeah, right, right. Blood everywhere, you know, it was it was awful, you know. It's nothing to be proud about. Right. But just thank God for for saving me through that situation, you know.
SPEAKER_03:And you were around for all of that. You guys were together.
SPEAKER_06:At that point, um, I think it was a time when we were broken up. Yeah. But um, of course, my mom knew he who he was, so she I think did you visit church with us one time?
SPEAKER_01:Possibly. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did with with my.
SPEAKER_06:And I think you even went to the altar and maybe let them pray for you.
SPEAKER_03:Was he always because one thing about you, Lewis, is you're um, you seem joyful. Yeah. Like, you know, you have a a great smile. It's always like it just looks happy all the time. Um, was he always like that? Because there there's an ease about it.
SPEAKER_06:That's what I think that's what uh Jimmy to him is he always smiled. Even he seems happy. Even when he would tell me, you know, he's a part, I was like, no, this guy can't be, you know, just because he would try to portray that that gangster hardness, but really he to me, he was just this happy go-lucky guy. Like I was like, how is that possible that he is a part of that because it doesn't really fit? Right, right, you know, yeah, right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it doesn't fit. No, it it doesn't. And that's I was wondering if if you were always like that or if that was new since he was always like that. The Lord has really taken over. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:I think that he tried to hide it, yeah. But even yeah, now that he is has been saved and with the Lord, it's just magnified, right?
SPEAKER_03:You know, because he tried to he's always supposed to be. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:He played he tried to play that hardness at the time, you know, of course, around his friends. Um, but I think it was always our his dad, though, he's an image of his dad because his dad is happy, go lucky man, he'd give you the shirt off his back. Yeah. Kindest man I've ever met. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And you lost him recently, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we we lost my dad in um I would say I think it's 2010. Excuse me if I don't know the exact dates, it's just you know, during that time we had a rough um six years. I would say.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was my dad, you know, um he had got diagnosed with uh cirrhosis of liver.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and we didn't, you know, at the time we didn't know like how um I guess what am I looking for, like how quick or how it really affected him. You know, we just heard, oh, you know, he's got cirrhosis of the liver. You know, thinking like, oh it's you know, it's not that we could take him to you know, put it up north down south somewhere to get help.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And the doctors had told us like like he had um three months to live, and we were like, you know, how shocked yeah. It's like three months, you know what I mean? That's that's not very long, you know. It doesn't seem possible, excuse me. I'm just trying to get a hanky.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, there's a lot of yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So my dad, we had lost him in 2010 or 11. You know, that was really hard for us.
SPEAKER_06:It was um like my wife said um because he had his parents were amazing. Yeah, they were and they stayed together.
SPEAKER_03:They did.
SPEAKER_06:They got they were married young too. Um but they were very um welcoming. Like even when um they met me, they always were, you know, his dad really he treated me like his own. Yeah. And so did his mom, you know. She always was very loving and kind. Um they were just good people, you know. They didn't they didn't have um God in their lives, but when you met them, you're like, how can these people had love? Yes, yeah, big time. They did. Yeah. Big time. They were big, big, big hearts. They would help anybody in a heartbeat. You know, they would have they would help anyone. Just that's just who they were.
SPEAKER_03:So even though your dad was a functioning drug addict, um they made it work. Like, how do you when you look back and you know what you know now, like do you do you recognize where the addiction was at play in the family dynamic? Or do you feel like you just never really even noticed?
SPEAKER_01:Well like as far as my dad's addiction? Yeah. I just probably you know, never really did notice, I guess. You know, because I was like I said, I was introduced to methamphetamine through my cousin, which was my dad's. I probably forgot to tell you, but that was my dad's other helper doing lawns. Right, right. And then it led into doing drugs with my with my dad and him, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So what did that look like? Was it because I know people say, um, and I I'm not trying to be nitty gritty about the drugs and know so much about addiction, but um, you know, just because it affects so many people, but um was Was it just like for energy? Was it for the high? I mean, maybe for you as a kid, it was for the high. But like when you were doing it with your dad and your cousin, what do you think their disposition and mentality was around it versus what yours was?
SPEAKER_01:I I mean, I think, you know, because we used to be out there cutting yards, it was probably for the energy that picked me up, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then along with that, you know, the the drinking, just yeah, being out there working, drinking, doing your thing, you know?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It was like a party for me, you know. I was like, all right, let's go. You know, yeah, I'm working for my dad making money, but at the same time, I'm getting what I want. You know what I mean? What what I need, I guess, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right. Do you remember, Eileen, um, when your mom and your dad divorced, like how you felt about them getting divorced? Like what was that like for you and your sister? How many sisters do you have?
SPEAKER_06:I have two sisters. Okay. Yeah. Two sisters. Um I think as a teenager, you really don't understand, you know, what's going on.
SPEAKER_03:Um did you miss your dad? Did you know there were problems?
SPEAKER_06:There were lots of problems. Um but I did miss him. I didn't um really understand, I guess, how things got to that point, you know. I mean, obviously you're a kid, you're you're not blind to what's going on. Um and I mean that truly is their t story to tell. Um but I think it just was hard just not understanding, you know, part of me wanted for her to leave. Yeah. You know, um, because addiction is your dad was addicted too, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yes. Addiction is so chaotic. So for your house it wasn't, which is rare. I mean, I'm sure there were issues.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Because you can't not have issues with addiction, but yeah, because like the main issues that I seen growing up as a kid with my dad was, you know, they my mom and dad would argue about a certain situation, and my dad would just be crazy, you know. The loving man that he was, you know, which he was. Uh he just, you know, comes with alcohol parting.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know their situations if it was what it was about, but seen some arguments here and there, but not a lot.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I mean? My dad would just rage off and go with his friends or my uncles, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:What was your dad like?
SPEAKER_06:Um, he would be, you know, they would fight a lot, a lot of arguing. I think that's probably why I wanted her to go, like for us to go. You're a kid, you don't want to hear that or see that because you don't understand it, you know, and and that feeling of wanting to run, you know, I think is pretty normal for a child. Yeah. Um, and that's what I was.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, I was like, probably, to you to be out from under all of that.
SPEAKER_06:I I think so. I think that my me, myself, I think the the pressure and the stress and just seeing, you know, my mom and my sisters, I think it was just hard.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Um, you know, and I think that um I think my dad knowing that I wanted you know my mom to leave, I think that was probably hurtful for him. Yeah. Um, but I know that you know, God has a plan for everyone. Yeah. And even though it was a separate plan, God still has saved both of my parents.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. Your dad was just in church with us. Yeah. He's actually here in town again. So he is. Well, praise God.
SPEAKER_06:And I would I would say during this time a lot of healing has taken place. And that God is so good to heal.
SPEAKER_03:I I really believe He doesn't leave anything unanswered and turn.
SPEAKER_06:And his timing is always so perfect. It is. God is his plans, he amazes me. The Lord amazes me. Yeah. The way he does things. Yeah. You know, how he orchestrates everything. It's just like, wow, I was at this place and you brought me to this place. Yeah. And look what the Lord has done. You know, look what the Lord has done. It's amazing.
SPEAKER_03:And people who check out of life before they get to see, you know, you gotta live long enough to see how God redeems all the places, you know, that hurt us. Um, was he your first boyfriend? No. Was she your first girlfriend?
SPEAKER_01:No.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. But I was but I was gonna say serious girlfriend, yes. It's still a beautiful thing because you guys did um not have to have probably a lot of partners, you know, in your young years. And that that's really a gift and a blessing, I think, too. Yes. Oh, well, it's you're it's never gonna make it. You guys are in high school, it's never gonna last. And you guys are a story that actually did last all through high school and into adult life. So that also is beautiful.
SPEAKER_06:It wasn't always easy. I could definitely say that. Um, we when um we got pregnant with Brianna, um I I always say that she saved my life.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So I want to back up before we go there. Um so you're 15, you're 14. Yeah. How old were you when you started going back to church? And were you guys together when you decided to go back to church and live for God?
SPEAKER_06:I honestly did not go back to church. I did um when I found out I was pregnant with Brianna. Um I did for a a short time.
SPEAKER_03:Were you guys married at the time when you got pregnant? Okay. Okay, how old were you guys?
SPEAKER_06:Huge 16 and I was 17.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, you were that's so young.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. And when she was pregnant with our daughter, I I was actually in juvenile hall for a case that that uh I fell into.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Wow. So what did you think about that?
SPEAKER_06:That he was locked up and I I think I was trying in a state of disbelief. Um for one being pregnant, I was, you know, 16, terrified. I didn't want to tell my mom. I didn't want to tell anybody. I hid it for six months of my pregnancy.
SPEAKER_03:Um and what a miracle also that you didn't get an abortion at that age. Yes. Because that's what so many kids did. And um I have childhood friends who did, you know. I thank God that I never got pregnant because I I probably would have made that decision at that time in my life. I'm just so grateful I didn't. But I think that's another miracle that at 16 you get pregnant and you you have the baby. Yes. Yeah. And are we glad Brianne is here?
SPEAKER_06:Yes, my precious, my precious Joel, the Lord has given me. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. But so um, so when you found out he was in juvenile hall, he wasn't even we kind of um weren't really talking at that point. Um because you of what you did?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, that and just a lot of other things. Yeah. Um, my mom was obviously praying because I finally, you know, told her that I was pregnant. Um and my mom actually during my pregnancy um saw him at the courthouse. Yes. He was going to court for his case. And um she was praying for him. Yeah. She was just had been praying for him. And she said, I ran I saw him. She said, I seen him at the courthouse with his parents. Um I just remember her telling that she was telling me she was praying for him. And then um then his case went tell them about your case, honey. It was a miracle, truly a miracle what the Lord did.
SPEAKER_01:It was during the time we were we were separated, and you know, I was into all this gang activity and and you were hurt, so you're gonna just be around.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I'm just out there like a wild child. Yeah, yep, yep.
SPEAKER_01:Doing whatever, you know, going wherever, partying and 'cause you don't care when you're hurt. No. Yeah. I was just hanging out with the wrong crowd, you know. My my crew I always hung around with. Um so we were at a party one night at my friend's house. Um I remember leaving and then walking down the street for some reason, you know. Of course I was intoxicated, so I don't remember clearly. But some guys, you know, around the corner saying something, mouthing off to us or something. And another friend of mine opened fired at those the group of guys. Just for mouthing off. Just for yeah, just for randomly mouthing off. You know, it was dark, we couldn't see, but he opened fired on him. And then we go back to the to the house where the party was, and of course the cops came, arrived, and you know, you could they do their thing, calling us out by microphone and all that. And me like a dummy, you know, I go out there and me and my other friends, you know, and they told us to get down, arrested us for it. So they they take us in and and I'm up for attempted murder.
SPEAKER_08:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:For this case I didn't even do, you know. But being, you know, part of a gang.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:You're gonna go down. Yeah, you're you're gonna take the hit for you're not gonna be a rat, basically.
SPEAKER_03:Right, because I was gonna say they want you to rat them out so that you don't have to take the the charge. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I end up in juvenile hall for probably a good three months, I would say. And my parents, you know, would come and visit and try to get me to, you know, I was I was basically up to go to CYA for life. 25 to life was what they had given me.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:25 to life. And my parents would tell me.
SPEAKER_03:So you were already sentenced.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, because I remember those terms saying that you're going 25 to life and cali, you know, CYA. Right, right.
SPEAKER_03:California Youth Authority.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. And you know, I thought it was cool. You know, I'm not gonna lie. Here I am in there, like, oh man, I'm going to YA, you know.
SPEAKER_03:As if that's a thing that you should be proud of, right? Yeah, like But in the gang world it is, right? Because it's it's getting because the prison system is so like that's the status.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I'm sitting here thinking, like, I'm going, I'm going to see. Right.
SPEAKER_03:Now you're somebody.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I'm like those guys, you know what I mean? Like my my best friend's brothers, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you're somebody.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And um my parents, you know, going on the visits, whatever the visits were weekends, and my my mother just they're they're crying, you know, like like what are you doing?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And at the time I was like, you know, my dad was there, you know, he he would he would talk, he was mad. But my mom's all like, you need to tell him who who did it. Like, what's what's your problem? Like, I'm not ratting, mom. That's not that's not who I am, you know. I love you guys, and but I'm just not I'm take I'm I'm going to jail, you know. Thinking like, you know, it's gonna be cool, you know. Yeah. And you know, during all this, you know, I would try to write Aline and try to write her, and I don't know if sh I'm sure she received my letters, but never really responded.
SPEAKER_06:But I don't remember receiving letters.
SPEAKER_01:But back in my mind, you know, I mean I knew she was pregnant and everything, having having our daughter. And there was always my mother-in-law, you know, I knew my mother-in-law is a prayer warrior, you know. I thank her for that.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um but I don't know what happened, but I remember there was a day that they came, you know, I don't know, with the staff, I guess, or the juvenile staff. And my parents. And they had said my uh case had been dropped.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:So I thank, you know, my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law for that, you know, because I know she was pregnant.
SPEAKER_02:That was God.
SPEAKER_01:That the the guy that did it actually came forward.
SPEAKER_02:He you don't hear that either. That doesn't happen.
SPEAKER_01:It came forward and said that he did it, you know. So so the day I got out, got released, um, my daughter. My daughter got uh she was born.
SPEAKER_06:The day you got out?
SPEAKER_01:So yeah.
SPEAKER_06:We were being released from the hospital that day.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so that was all all God.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_03:That was a miracle. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, it was it was a miracle.
SPEAKER_03:So And were you ready to take him back at that time?
SPEAKER_06:It took a little while. I would say it took about six months. Yeah. And then that's when we um he proposed to me. And we actually we actually had to go to Vegas um because we had to have our parents sign for us to get married. Yeah his parents agreed.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, we we were young.
SPEAKER_06:I mean and we didn't get married because we had a baby. I think we got married because all that time with each other, yeah. Yeah, that's so beautiful. And so his parents signed for him and my my dad signed for me. My mom didn't go with us. Yeah. Um, but my dad signed, and we've been married for 30 almost 32 years.
SPEAKER_01:32 years.
SPEAKER_06:Um but to God be the glory, yeah. You know, because without him in the middle, there is no, there's no way, there's no other way to have a marriage unless you have God in the middle of it.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you know, you you just know that there's so much purpose in your life when you look back and you can see how he intervened in all those areas, you know, and started you so young to receive the Holy Ghost. Um, and I kind of think you're just getting started. I think so many of us are just really getting started in what God created us to do and to be in this life, you know. Yeah. Um, and who knows what that's gonna be. I except soul winning, that's what it's all about, you know. And like I said, your whole family's in church. But um, so you guys had you started going back to church when you were pregnant then with Brianna or afterwards?
SPEAKER_06:Um during the time I was pregnant, I went back to church and started building that relationship with the Lord. And then I was And that was at Lighthouse. Yes, at the Lighthouse. So I've been at that lighthouse for like 29 years. Okay. Um, so when we got married, obviously I kind of just straight away and didn't, you know, I didn't have that walk anymore with the Lord. And I kind of would go back and forth with God, you know, a lot. Yeah. I would go in and go out. I remember um I just remember doing that so often. Um, and then but I know he was there.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. You know. Do you know why you would go in and go out with him? Like, do you remember what was going through your heart or your your thoughts?
SPEAKER_06:Honestly, I don't, but I feel like now looking back as an a grown adult, I feel like there was a lot of hurt and brokenness that just kind of kept within you. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I think that so we give in to that and look for ways to fix that ourselves. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And I did that, you know, since I was a teenager. I was constantly, you know, wanting to be intoxicated or, you know, the next high escape. Yeah. That's that's what I wanted to do. And um it wasn't until we got married when Ma uh Brianna was six months old, and she was there at our wedding. And um, we immediately got pregnant with my son um after we got married.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, so they're only six months apart, they're 15 more than that. Yeah, 15 months apart. You got pregnant right away, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And um, we lived in Tularie, we lived in an apartment in Tulari, and um we were just living life like you know, 2021, you could buy alcohol without having to need someone to buy it for you. You guys were so young. Yeah. Wow. Wow. We had an apartment. I remember having that little apartment in Tularie, and um I remember my mom, she would come and visit, and she's like, You need to get out of here, you need to move to Visalia. She says, It's time, you just need to make that, yeah, make that effort.
SPEAKER_03:When you got out, were you still a part of the gangs then? Yeah. So when you guys are married, you're still a gang member.
SPEAKER_01:You know, yeah, still claiming what I claim.
SPEAKER_03:And and she wanted you guys probably out of Teleri because of that, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. And she prayed, she would pray and you know, for God to to move us because we at that point when we were in Teleri, uh Brianna was probably two years old, maybe three, and then my son was already born. Um, he was probably about one, one and a half. Um almost two, maybe, and she probably was three, almost four. Um, we were just, you know, living life, and I I remember, you know, we were started selling drugs to make extra money.
SPEAKER_03:Um you then doing drugs with Lewis because you were still doing meth.
SPEAKER_01:I was still still doing math.
SPEAKER_06:Um I wasn't doing that, no. I was probably just drinking. Yeah, just you know, part the party life. Um, but I remember seeing my kids and thinking, what are we doing? Like, how I don't want to live like this. I don't want them to see this, you know. And I remember my mom telling me you need to move. So at one point I finally told him, I said, and we were on welfare. I mean, we had we were held and I was I just remember looking at my my two babies thinking, what are we doing? What what am I doing? You know, what is happening here? Like this can't keep going on like this.
SPEAKER_03:Like a moment of clarity, huh?
SPEAKER_06:Yes, and I know that was my mama's prayers. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Of course it was, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And um, so I told him, I said, I'm I'm gonna move to Vyselia and I'm gonna leave coming, I'm going with or without you.
SPEAKER_03:Um wait, hold on. That's such a direct way to say it. Did you anticipate that he would fight you on it? Were you guys fighting? Were you thinking about leaving him? Like what was your expectation?
SPEAKER_06:I just wanted to be out of Tulary. I think I didn't really have an expectation.
SPEAKER_03:You weren't gonna give him a choice.
SPEAKER_06:No, I think I was um in that flight mode of I'm gonna rescue my children and myself before destruction happens, you know. And I didn't want my children, you know, it was a moment, like you said, my mom was praying, and that moment came where it was like you want them to live the life that you had lived or all the things that you have seen. I was like, I don't want that, Lord. I don't want, I don't want my babies to live like that. Yeah. And um I think I said it without even thinking, yeah, not even realizing like what could happen or that I was married, you know, just like this is what I'm doing. And yeah, either you're coming or you're staying.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. I know that's that's what uh Carrie Rodriguez said when she decided to come back to church. She said, that she talked about on the podcast that she told Manuel, I'm gonna live for God no matter what, you know. Come, don't come, but this is what I'm gonna do. And he was totally supportive, you know, but she made up her mind for herself. Sounds like exactly what you're saying.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So how did you take that? Do you remember when that happened?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I remember. I was being stubborn, I would say. I was like, you know, go ahead and go. I was I didn't I didn't go with her at the time, honestly. I the apartments we lived in, my parents lived a block away. I was still in the hood, you know. And my friends right down the street. I was like, oh, I'll go just go down there and party, hang out at my friend's house. Wow. My cousin Punky that I mentioned lived in the apartment complex.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's where we were set. Yeah, still partied, you know. I was like, ah, Punky's right there. My parents, they'll let me stay. I don't remember like a time frame as far as how long I stayed with with her living in Bicelia in another apartment. Um, or it might have been with her mom at the time.
SPEAKER_03:And then so did you guys split up? I mean, I know you you moved different places, but in your mind, do you feel like you your marriage was separated, or did you feel like you guys are still together, you were just gonna go do something else? Um, I'd have to, I mean Honestly, I think that I can't remember.
SPEAKER_06:I don't think he stayed very long. Yeah, I don't think it was like maybe a one or two months, and then he came. The miracle though, when I came here is I had no money to get an apartment. And I remember my mom, she's like, We're gonna pray for God to open the doors, and you know, she's praying. And I remember these little apartments I went, and I told the lady, I have the first month's rent, but I don't have the deposit. She said, That's okay, you can make payments on that. Yeah, wow. So that's when I moved and I had God opened the door. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. He was there all along. Yeah. Even when we didn't realize he was there, he was there.
SPEAKER_03:It's beautiful to look back and see his hand you know, yes, amen. Orchestrating all the details. Yes. So you came and um and then what?
SPEAKER_06:Um, and then I just remembered making a commitment to the Lord, and I was gonna be in the house of God no matter what was going on. And um, I think I stood up and testified about this, but I didn't have a car. So there was a van that would pick up people for church, and there I was getting on the van with my babies and going to the house of the Lord. Wow. And I made that commitment. I was like, I'm gonna be in the house of the Lord no matter what happens. Yeah, I mean, there was times we were fighting, we were arguing, and I was like, I'm going to the house of the Lord. And I my mom taught me, always get to that altar. Yeah. And that's what I did. Thank goodness for that, right?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So I always remember that, and I would get to that altar. We could be bickering and fighting, but I'm like, I'm not gonna let that stop me from going to the house of the Lord. And being there and being at the altar, getting that strength from the Lord, you know, and that reassurance. Yeah, you can make it point right. You can make it. Yeah, that is. If you trust me, you can make it. Yeah, is what the Lord was saying. If you trust me and be obedient, you can make it. How old were you then? I would say I was probably about 20, 21, 22, roughly around there. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And that's that was a very mature, strong thing to do. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Like I said, I wanted my babies. I was like, God, I don't want them to have babies at my age. I don't want them to see all the things that I seen. And unfortunately, they did see some of those things, maybe on a smaller scale.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Um and they had to deal with some other things growing up, you know, that I didn't expect. But, you know, the sacrifice, the struggle. If you truly love the Lord and you trust him and believe that he will make that marriage work and you hang on, he can do it. Yeah. You know, this we're we're the the proof. Right. Because there were so many things in between that happened, you know, so many, so many battles, you know, and I would just keep going and a praying mama, you know, that support of your family praying. Yeah. You know, my dad wasn't really involved, but my mom, that praying mother that just said, I'm praying, just keep going, just keep going. And the support of the church, you know, so many people praying. Um, and I had that determination. I was like, I'm I don't want this for my family. I want them to know who the Lord is. You know, I want them to be raised in the house of the Lord. And they were, you know, they were teenagers and went through their own struggles, but they're serving the Lord, you know, their families, my grandbabies, you know, after all these years. Yes. Yeah. We have three beautiful children and seven grandchildren. Seven. Wow. And we have our son-in-laws that are our own, we call them our own, and my daughter, you know, my daughter-in-law, and we're just very blessed. The Lord has blessed us. Yeah. I just am so thankful, you know, that God, He's so sovereign, so merciful. So, yes, he is. Yeah. You know, and He has a plan for your life. Even when you don't understand what's going on, He's there. Yeah. Because He's called you from your mother's womb. Right, right. He knows every hair on the top of whether you're serving him or not, he knows those things about you. Yes, yes. And he has his eye on us.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, he does.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So how long was it before you went to church? How long did you go to church alone without without your husband?
SPEAKER_06:Um, wow, it went a long time. Yeah. Probably like um maybe 14, 15 years.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I would I would probably say somewhere around there. That is a long time.
SPEAKER_06:And it wasn't, I'm not gonna say it was easy because it it wasn't. It was it was hard, you know. It was hard to keep that. It wasn't hard for me to make it to the house of God and serve God. It was hard because our relationship would put a strain on it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, on our marriage, yeah. Sure. You know, it because you're still in the gangs and still doing drugs. Were you ever coming with her or did that happen later?
SPEAKER_01:So so when she had left to move to Vyselia, you know, to get her her journey going, you know, with with the Lord, you know, to be on the right path. Um, you know, I like she said, I probably stayed at my parents for a couple months. And then, you know, just being there by myself, lonely, you know, one night. You know, I was just like, like there, like I believe, you know, like I said, God has guided me the whole way. Uh like God had spoken to me, you know, even though I wasn't in church and I know it came from the Lord, you know, like was just like like what are you doing? You know what I mean? Like I'm like, you know, sitting there intoxicated, like, what do you mean? What am I doing?
SPEAKER_03:So you've you heard the voice of the Lord. Yes, you and you recognize that this is not me, this is this is God, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I wasn't raised in church, right? My parents didn't teach me nothing about church, right? You know, it was my I would say my mother-in-law, you know, her prayers, even though she was, you know, probably angry at me, you know, for doing all this to her daughter and stuff, but I believe my mother-in-law's prayers were truly answered, you know, because for me to get out of juvenile hall even going for life and getting out, you know, and the multiple times God has spared me, spared my life, you know. But that voice I just remember, you know, I was like, what are you what are you doing, you know? Your your wife and your your kids are over there and you're you know, I mean you're here. And I remember, like I said, intoxicated, probably crying and all that, like and I just wanted to go back. So I mean there was probably several times I went back to try to tell her, Hey, can I come home? you know. And um just eventually going back home. I don't know if it was on the first shot, I don't remember because I was always yeah drinking or you know, on math or something, you know, but eventually she let me back. Yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, I remember um he would sit through Bible because I wanted us to have a Bible study in our home.
SPEAKER_03:And I remember him So you were obligatory, you you would um oblige her, but you weren't interested at that time.
SPEAKER_06:Right. And he sat through a Bible study, but he was intoxicated. But I was like, okay, Lord, your word says your word does not come back void. Right. So if it's gonna plant his seat, yes. So I trusted the word of the Lord, and I was like, even if he's intoxicated, Lord, do a work, you know, continue to do a work. Um, I remember always asking him, Do you want to come to church with us? You know, he would come on the holidays.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I wouldn't go too much, but I would, like she said, go on the holidays.
SPEAKER_06:On the holidays. And then, you know, after a while, you're like, I've prayed every prayer I've I've could pray for this man. Like, what else is there to pray? And I remember the Lord telling me, just start thanking me. So on my way to work, same route every day, I just start thanking him. Thank you for saving my husband, for filling him with the Holy Ghost, for letting him be on fire for you and sold out. I mean, daily, that was my prayer for I don't know how many years. Yeah. And one morning I woke up and he's like, I'm going to church. I was like, okay. I didn't want to make a big deal of it. Yeah. I was like, okay. And I think that day, uh, brother Don Bengato got a hold of him and took him to the altar and he received the Holy Ghost that day. Yes. Wow. Yeah. Wow. How old were you?
SPEAKER_01:I was probably twenty nine or thirty. No, because I had started my job at twenty nine. So I that that instills in me because I know how long I've been at that job. Actual sober.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I believe that was my turnaround. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um I believe I was probably about twenty seven. 28 maybe.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, like like she had said, you know, um I remember going down actually God had been dealing with me several times, but I don't know if this was the right way. I know it's not the right way, but that was my way. Is like I wanted to let go of everything first.
SPEAKER_03:You wanted to make sure that if you went you were ready to make a uh commitment. Yeah. Because I think I think that's such an important point. People do understand what God is asking of them. You know, even though God has so much grace and and he takes people, you know, I feel like he does an individual work with them. But it sounds like for you, you just had this idea that, okay, if I go to church, this is what it's gonna cost me, and I want to make sure I can pay that price.
SPEAKER_01:I don't want to go to church, you know, receive the Holy Ghost and all that, get baptized and be, oh, I still drink or I I still do drugs, you know.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:So like I said, I know that's not the correct way to do it.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:You know, but that day I remember uh God dealing with me, and you know, I walk to the back of the church, you know. Of course, everybody, when God deals with you and you're not ready for, you know, yeah to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost or get baptized or you know, you you run, right? I mean, right you see it all the time.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:So I go to the back and I remember this hand come on me, and it's uh brother Don Bengato.
SPEAKER_08:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm like, what do you, you know, what are you doing? He goes, let's go. And I'm like, go where? You know, like let's go to the front. We're gonna we're gonna get the Holy Ghost. And I just remember going up there and God dealing with me and weeping, you know, and I'm and I'm praying, and the Spirit of God just comes on me and I'm speaking in another language, where I'm like, what's going on? You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I I know of the Holy Ghost and I know what it is and everything, but to to feel it for your soul, to receive it yourself, you know. I was like amazed.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And, you know, ever since then, I just fully committed to God, you know, doing doing the work for him and living for God. And I remember being so excited that day because because brother, uh his brother-in-law, uh Bloss Martinez, yeah, was always, you know, you know how Bloss is like you can you're gonna get the Holy Ghost, you know. One day, one day that's how Bloss talks. One day, brother, one day, you know, he goes, I know it. So I believe the Martinezes were at Disneyland or somewhere where they were out of town.
SPEAKER_07:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01:So I call him up, I get him on the phone that service, and I'm so excited. And um remember calling Bloss, and he's like, Lou? I'm like, I'm like, yeah, it's it's Lou. He goes, What's wrong? He goes, You got it, uh, you got it. And he knew like like instantly, like that I had got the Holy Ghost. I was so excited. Yeah, yeah, it was a blessing.
SPEAKER_03:So nice to have those relationships that celebrate that for you, knowing that they genuinely love you and care to celebrate that with you.
SPEAKER_01:Because he knew right away when I had called. That's what you were calling about. You got it, you got it. And I'm like, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:I want to say that um the next day, I said, we're just gonna not go to work and just bask in the presence of the Lord, and we did just you felt that peace, and yeah, the Lord was there. We didn't go to the world.
SPEAKER_03:Not to rush life again, you know. That's what I told him.
SPEAKER_06:I said we need to yeah, we need to hold on to what God has done, you know, for just for a moment. Yeah. That that peace and that quietness, that stillness of the Lord.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. And I there's so many parts to what you guys, you know, the story, because I think what I hear a lot um from women is, you know, my husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader. How come my husband's not the spiritual leader? You know, I want to leave him because he's not the spiritual leader. All the things that, you know, and I can see I think it's biblical. I feel like it starts with wives a lot, you know, not that it needs to be that way, but wives are mothers and wives are are the nurturer. And so, you know, you you stayed your course, you held your ground, and he followed. And I feel like if women could really grasp that, I feel like the man always follows, just like Adam followed Eve and ate of the fruit, knowing it was gonna take him to his death. I feel like men will follow the wife because God ordained it to be so. You were created for him, you know, because God created a a woman to fill the void of a man. And so, you know, I I just applaud you for being able to stay the course and make up your mind, whether he came, whether he didn't, your decision was made, because I do believe the men will follow. Yes, I believe that. And you did. Um, I want to quick ask because I think that the struggle with men is very different than the late than what women struggle with in terms of identity and fitting in and trying to be a man. Could you speak to that a little bit? Like you were willing to leave your wife and your kids to stay with the gang. Um, have you given that much thought as to what that was fulfilling in you and what role that played in your life to where you were willing to walk away from what you loved and who you loved to to hold on to that what whatever it was filling, whatever void that was filling in you. Have you thought about that much?
SPEAKER_01:Um not really. Um I think at the time I was just too wrapped up in the the the drugs, you know. Okay where it kind of over overtook everything, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:So it wasn't about a community of men or or it wasn't about being they man.
SPEAKER_01:They encouraged me to, you know, stay stay back, you know what I mean? Like like they want to be, you know what I mean? Like yeah, basically.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, because that's like your brotherhood, right?
SPEAKER_03:You know, and that is really supposed to be first above everything, right? That's part of the gang mentality. Yeah. I know they have a lot of loyalty towards family and all that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_06:You know what is an awesome miracle? Oh, most of his friends they're they're serving the Lord today. Yes. Kidding, wow. Yes, their wives are they they married women that were serving the Lord, and they I seen one on I seen one on a video and I said, that's him jumping for the Lord. I said, Wow, the Lord is so good. Wow. I was amazed when I saw him shouting and worshiping the Lord. I said, that's a miracle. Like those are just it's so amazing. I said, can you believe that the Lord brought all your friends, like all these guys that you used to run around with?
SPEAKER_01:I would say out of the group, the friends, yeah. I was the first to to draw away and to to go with my family. And I was probably the first to be married, too, now that I think about it.
SPEAKER_03:So when you moved to Viselia, were you then consciously choosing to leave that life behind?
SPEAKER_01:When I when I moved to Viselia, that's one of the reasons why I left uh Tillary. The only way I felt to get away from the gangs was to to move to another.
SPEAKER_03:And did they let you out easily? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, did you they were fine? I mean they they they knew I didn't have to, you know, how they say things are, you know. I didn't have to like, oh, you know, go through this and this to to be released, you know what I mean? I still had uh friendships with them, you know what I mean? I still still talk to some of them here and there, they're still alive, some are gone.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But it wasn't as hard as people make it seem, you know what I mean? Like but I believe the only way for me to to get away from the gang affiliated part and spare my life is to to move away and go with my family. Yeah, you know. Um still carried on when I left to Vicelia the drug part.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because I did have a drug addiction for a long time.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, after she let me back in, you know, there's there's several years that I still did drugs, still a functional drug addict, still drank without her well, I thought her not knowing.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. We always know. We always know. You know, and he being a functional drug addict, he did try to really be there for the kids. I mean, it's you're a loving person. It's kind of a part of, you know, he would coach their baseball teams and the they remember the you know, dad coached us, you know, and we tried, I tried, you know, as um a mom married to someone that you know was struggling um to do my best to make it work, you know, and somehow or another we all go through something growing up in our homes. Right, right. There is no normal. That's right. It could be the most godliest house that you could think of, and there's still gonna be a something just because we're people, right, you know, and not to say that God isn't able to because he is, but it's how he he creates us to become overcomers and to be resilient, you know, and to be able to trust him and know that we we are nothing and he is everything, you know.
SPEAKER_03:If we were perfect, we wouldn't have a need for him.
SPEAKER_06:That's right. And so it's just, you know, we try to do our best as parents, um even in a dysfunctional home, trying to guard them and protect them, and you know, the world is still out there. Um, and they have their own battles, and sometimes it's hard for them to open up to their parents, you know, who wants to tell their parents that they have an addiction or a problem.
SPEAKER_05:Right.
SPEAKER_06:And, you know, as much as we pray and and you want to help them, you really, you know, fasting and prayer is the only way that comes. There's, you know, with Mariah, there was a time that I didn't understand what was going on, and I remember fasting and praying, and the Lord revealed everything, you know. And with Bree and my son, I think that, you know, sometimes it was hard to see everything because I'm so trying to get to the house of the Lord and trying to work and do this and trying to keep him, you know, because you weren't living for God then when in their formative years.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So that adds so much stress on you, which the children would have felt. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So I do remember those times, you know, when I said it wasn't easy and it was hard, those were hard times. Yeah. But the Lord was there and he's the one who gave the strength for me to be able to continue on and to keep pushing, you know, towards him.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and I think that that's such a good important point because um there's such a misconception about Christianity. Well, if you're a Christian, you know, why do you do this or this or that, right? How are you, how's things chaotic at home, or how come things are such a struggle and they see if you know, we stumble, we fall, we make mistakes. Yeah, we're human. And I think that um the difference is you endure and you keep going. And even though there's mistakes, even though we hurt our children and we we um have regret, even in a Christian life, you know, the consistency of showing up and going to church and and doing your best to live for God is the difference maker, I think.
SPEAKER_06:It is, you know. And I could truly say that's what I did. I just did the best that I could for my situation and circumstances. Right. I do remember um uh Pastor Jeremy, he was the youth pastor before that. Um when Lewis got the Holy Ghost. I remember him saying, How exciting. I said, I am very excited. I said, but I said, and I know it sounds strange, but I said, I have to readjust. Like my yeah, you know, you live so long one way of functioning that I had to adjust my life and my defense mechanisms, my everything. Yeah, yeah. I said, I'm super excited. I'm I'm so thankful. I said, but pray for me because I'm the one that has to adjust now, you know, and and um people don't I remember him kind of looking at me like I never thought about that, you know. But that's so real, yeah. You know, it's so real once you're used to living one way for so long that you like, oh, okay, this is amazing. Help me, Lord, to adapt. And he does, you know, he does. But that was one of my first things, like, wow, this is amazing. What how do we function now? Like, how do we you become adapted to living one way for so long?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and in the recovery world, um, when a spouse gets sober, a lot of times the marriages fail. It's it's really weird how that works because spouses of addicts and alcoholics prefer their spouse to be an addict or alcoholic because the spouse that is not the normie um always gets to be the good guy. And the bad guy now, there's we can't blame them anymore for things. And it's just such a um a flip of how everything functions. And people have to find new rules, they you know, new roles, I should say, for how they function within the relationship and in the home. And as long as you're using drugs, it's easy to just blame you. Yeah, you know, yeah, no accountability for you know the fact that we yelled because you didn't put the toilet seat down. Yeah, right. And we as wives, we're so guilty of those things, you know. Um, but I love that you recognize that because it it is a it's a very common thing that happens when someone does get sober. The relationship stops working and people leave, you know, because they just don't know how to readjust.
SPEAKER_06:And I know that that was the Lord who quickened me in that moment to think, yeah, okay, you have to, there's gonna be some changes and I'm gonna help you and prepare you for that. Yeah. But that was quickly one of my my thoughts because I was like, wow, my life is gonna be different. How do I what do I do? Like I've I've been used to living this way for so many years. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And not that it was a bad way, but you adjust to your life and you know, you accept it, you learn what the bad parts are and you ignore them, or you just go along. Go to sleep and start a new day.
SPEAKER_06:You know, and and the thing about it is when we made our vows, you know, I for people out there, for better or for worse, rich or poor, you know. Yeah, and the worst he was at his worst. And if I would have walked away and not did according to the word of God, we wouldn't see all the miracles. My children are miracles. Yes, those grandbabies are miracles, we are are living miracles. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:I I believe that a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_06:And you know, it's tough when you're going through hardship in marriage, yeah, you know, and don't know, don't know who to go to to ask or are embarrassed, you know, but no marriage is perfect, and you have to really get a hold of the Lord, you know, and ask him to help you. I mean, you truly seek his face and tell him, ask him how to navigate through your marriage and to work it out.
SPEAKER_03:And it would have been easy for you to judge him. It would have been easy for you to be self-righteous. And um yeah. Do you feel like you struggled with that?
SPEAKER_06:I know that a lot of times through our marriage, yes, I did. And I remember saying, I think I've told him before, um, before he was sober and he received the Holy Ghost and built that relationship that he was lucky that I love the Lord because if it wasn't for him, I mean, I'm not, I wasn't. If you're not being a Christian and living to the word of God, you feel like I don't have an obligation to you. Right.
SPEAKER_03:But because I was living for the Lord, the scripture was holding you in the in the relationship.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, Lord, I I don't want to to disobey your word. I want to be obedient to the word of God. I want to see, you know, the word of God says obedience is better than sacrifice. Yeah, so you probably were resentful a lot. Yeah, I just remember I do remember throwing that at times. I mean, obviously, I don't anymore. We were so young, I would be like nothing but the grace of the Lord. And it is the grace of God that we made it, you know, this far. It really all glory to him because without him, there's no way we would have made it. Right. Because if, like I said, if I wasn't living for the Lord, if I didn't have that relationship with the Lord, I would have walked away.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And I'm just being very easy, just being very transparent right now. You know, if you're not living for the Lord, it's easy.
SPEAKER_03:It's so easy to walk away. Even when you are living for the Lord, you feel justified. Oh, they're a drug addict, you know.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, but the word of God doesn't say, oh, because he's doing this or doing that, you can, you know, you can do this or do that. No, the word of God is the word of God.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And I think the difference with you guys is uh you were still showing up in the relationship, you know. I think some people don't show up in the relationship and they they leave the relationship even though their body's in the relationship. They're having affairs, cheating, yes, you know, doing all kinds of other dirt that sh shouldn't be done. The the ones that make it is when you still keep trying to be in the relationship, which you are doing. Yes. So so that's huge. Um I was gonna ask you something, Lewis, about what was your walking out process? So you come to church, you get filled with the Holy Ghost, but you're a drug addict. So did God did God remove the addiction immediately? Okay. So you're craving for it, you're because I know that he does do that sometimes, and sometimes he doesn't. So God just took that addiction from you right away. You were no longer dependent. Did you did your mind think about it? Did you crave it?
SPEAKER_01:I I never really craved it anymore. I want to say God delivered me in that moment. In that moment. But if I could just backtrack a little bit, because I feel like it's important to somebody out there, maybe. Um one of my really last experiences as far as like like knowing that God had his hand upon me the whole time, you know, in several situations. Um working at a a foundry in Exeter, you know, is where I work, is still on drugs and all that. But I remember it was like a time uh I did some cocaine um that I know God hundred 100% was there for me because I remember um about to OD and my heart just You wait, wait, wait.
SPEAKER_03:You were not purposely trying to OD, but you felt like you were about to O D, like you were gonna die. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:And that's one part of my testimony, you know, that I I really like to share and let people know, you know. But I remember working and functional drug addict doing some cocaine, and my heart just like about to burst. I mean, I'm I'm literally I remember the guys were saying, like, oh, this is some peer stuff, you know what I mean? And yeah, me, you know, being hooked on drugs anyways. I didn't care. I'm like, oh, it's probably better. You know, so I remember at that moment just operating uh one of the machines because I was a machine operator and my heart I've never felt that like literally about to thumping so hard, and and I knew at that time that you're going down, you know what I mean? Wow and talking, my supervisor walks up and we have uh in the foundry we have a we wore wore a dust mask, and I remember just you know, everything getting so numb in my mouth and everything where I couldn't speak, throat dry and talking to him real quick, but probably just like a blank, and then you know he was gone, and I just remember like kind of blacking out, going in and out, and my heart just I could I could feel it like a drum and I remember praying so hard to God.
SPEAKER_03:You thought you were gonna die.
SPEAKER_01:I thought I was gonna die. Yeah, I remember praying so hard that day, praying so hard, like Lord, please do not take me at this time, you know. Don't let me die like this. I have a family, and um God spared me, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, and you this was before you got in church.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes. I just felt like I needed to share that, yeah, yeah. But God spared my spared me. Like everything just came back.
SPEAKER_03:You were talking to him at times, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I knew I knew God through through my wife and through attending church, right? And through my mother-in-law, you know, always instilling it in me, you know, which I thank her today for that, because look where I'm at now.
SPEAKER_04:Right, right.
SPEAKER_01:Um, but I remember going through that part of dying, you know, just like I knew like that you're done. You the you you drew the line and praying to God and I remember, you know, I was crying, but I was all numbed up, you know what I mean? Like just and instantly it like came back. You know, I felt like you know, just God, you know what I mean? Like gave me all my air, all my heart came back to normal. Being able to make it down the hallway, up the stairs, barely, barely getting up there. I remember going to the sink, you know what I mean, and just like getting water and everything, you know, I had to just you know stay there, you know what I mean? Because nobody knew what I was going through. But God's sparing me my life right there at that time.
SPEAKER_03:And those are moments that would be, you know, only you really knew what was happening on the inside with you and God.
SPEAKER_01:But I remember like that was one of my final straws. So I would say, you know, like, God, I'm I'm ready to serve you. You know, I'm not you you spared me from this. You you heard my prayers, you answered, you know what I mean? Yeah, like this is it. And then that's you know, eventually when I was probably basically pretty close to done, just like yeah, like God, you you saved me how many times already? Like, yeah, that doesn't just happen, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Right, right, right. And I guess you would have shared that with her.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she she knows. Like, I that literally was a true, true awakening call for me. Like, yeah, like you're done, dude. You can't do no more, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Like, so when you got the Holy Ghost and came into church, you never looked back, you've been serving.
SPEAKER_01:I honestly I never looked back. I was just so excited living for God, being saved, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Between tests.
SPEAKER_01:14 years being on methamphetamine, you know, working functional drug addict. But I have to say, like, that was the final straw for me. Like deathbed, you know. I didn't know if God was gonna save me or not.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I just remember praying, you know, I got my babies, I got my wife. You know, I I can't they can't be at my dad's funeral, you know, knowing my dad, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but yeah, wow.
SPEAKER_01:That was like a true awakening right there and for me.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, but and the Lord saved him before his mom and dad passed, and I believe that that timing of the Lord, you know, because so that he wouldn't suffer the heartache. That he would make it, yeah, that he would make it through that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Because I don't think I I tell him I don't think he would have made it. Survived it. No.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That that was a rough like I said.
SPEAKER_03:That's a really good point.
SPEAKER_01:Rough six years right there for for our family.
SPEAKER_03:Who who went first? Your mom or dad?
SPEAKER_01:My father, he had got cirrhosis of the liver, you know, and like I said, the doctor said three months, and it was literally three months we lost him, and that was a big uh impact to our family. Like, you know, my kids talk about him, and he was awesome, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lewis talked about him. Yeah. He still cries about, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because my dad, uh, he had a he had a big heart, you know what I mean? Like a functional drug addict, but he he would do whatever for his grandkids for his family, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, so when we lost him, it was tough, you know. And like my wife said, like, I don't think I would have made it, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_06:Like I never once that wasn't for the Lord, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I don't know. I think about it, I'm like, I don't know what would have happened if he wasn't serving the Lord, how we would have survived because that was a tough time. I mean, with a year later, his mom passed, and then two two years later, they were it was my mom. And then your brother.
SPEAKER_01:And then two years later after that, maybe a year and a half to my baby brother, 27. So you talk about like no grieving time, no like it's just boom, boom, boom, you know. And I'm like, you know, there was times like where I questioned God, you know what I mean? Like, why's happening? You know what I mean? Like, what's what's going on? I prayed to you, you know, you didn't answer, you know what I mean? It's just stuff that goes through you, yeah, you know, through your head, you know.
SPEAKER_06:His mom, though, did get baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. Yeah, wow, praise the Lord. So did his brother. Yeah, and during that time, like before they passed out, yeah. Praise the Lord.
SPEAKER_01:My dad, unfortunately, didn't. You know, my mom started to come to church with us, and my dad's my dad was still alive. He was very angry about it. Yeah, and that she got baptized, yeah. That she got baptized, and me as a Christian, you know, living for God, I'm like, this is the best thing ever, you know? Right, right. Like, do you not see, or maybe he didn't know, but what your son had been spared from, you know what I mean? Like, God did that.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And here you are, mad, you know, I'm thinking in my head, like that mom's getting baptized.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. You know, did you share any of those things with my dad wouldn't listen?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he was very stubborn, didn't want to. Good guy, but very stubborn. I remember I think the day she might have got baptized, like he was literally trying to go down there and stop it and stop it. But a lot of the times when we would pray with her and stuff, like, oh no, you're you know, you're not going to church. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Like so he had a very strong belief against it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, he like he grew up like Catholic, but yeah, not you know how Catholics are. I mean, you know, they just do their thing, you know. I don't want to get into their detail, but right.
SPEAKER_06:But but the amazing thing is God saved him and before his his mom and his brother.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that God saved them too, right? That gives you so much peace. Yes, yes, it is. It really allows us to let go and accept, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. That my my mom and my brother were able to get baptized before they passed away, filled with the Holy Ghost.
SPEAKER_03:So, how did you guys feel listening to Brianna's testimony and listening to Pops? Like, let's start with Brianna, because uh, for those of you listening, their daughter, their oldest Brianna, shared her testimony. Hers is called um something about the P word. Yeah, something about the P word. I can't remember what episode. Um, but um, but this is their oldest daughter, and um and it and she talks about what she went through because she did witness a lot and see a lot and felt a lot. Your kids are very sensitive in their in their emotions and their spirit. So, how did you guys feel watching her give her testimony on the podcast?
SPEAKER_06:Um, I was I'm very proud of her. Um, when she was going through that time, um, I knew something was wrong. I didn't know what. But I told her, I said, baby, if you can't talk to me, you gotta seek help from somebody. If you can't talk to I I I if you can't tell me, please, please reach out to somebody. And um, you know, that's a hard thing as a mom, knowing your kid's struggling. Yeah. And not being able to help them. Yes. And I don't know why. Maybe I I I I don't know. I didn't know what the struggle was. Um, a lot of you know, I was praying and a lot of things came to me, but that never really came to me. Um so I'm just thankful that the Lord heard our prayers and heard her plea and her cry.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And he pulled her out of that because I remember watching her at home, the struggle. What did you notice as a mom? Just she um kind of just pulled away, you know. It was true, and you could totally see it. Um, especially after their grandparents passed, you could really see um it was just it was so there was just so much going on. I mean, yeah, literally his dad passed and my grandmother passed nine days later, you know. We were just like in a state of That's a lot, yeah. Yeah, and then you know, after his um mom passed, his brother passed. Well, after his brother passed, I was diagnosed with the they found a tumor, a cancerous tumor.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_06:So he didn't get time.
SPEAKER_03:It was just like boom, boom, boom for several years. You said six, right?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, and everyone was trying to, I think that's a lot of navigate it and grasp it and deal with their emotions and feelings. You know, you have a husband that's a lot of crime that's struggling, a daughter that's about to graduate. You know, just it was so many things.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And I just remember saying, Lord, you're the only one that could take us through this and help us. And you know, um I'm just thankful. I'm thankful that Brianna was able to to sit speak it out loud to someone and that she didn't give up. Yeah, you know, and that she I know she loves the Lord. She's loved her him for her whole her whole life, you know, she has a love for God.
SPEAKER_03:Right. I think that that's such a common theme, is that you know, she did, and speaking of her her testimony, she did love the Lord through the whole thing, but we're wounded and our wounds you know, make us so much more susceptible to the voice of the accuser and and the need to escape the pain, which is all the things we shouldn't be doing. So, um, but yeah, the God never lets us go. What did you notice? Did you notice her struggle? Or were you just in your own world?
SPEAKER_01:I mean I was kind of like in my own world too, you know what I mean, and all the grieving and all that, and I mean I probably should have noticed, and I, you know, just didn't really notice. I'm not saying because my daughter's a female and and that's my wife's area, you know, with our daughter, but I'm just so thankful that she was able to get that out, you know what I mean, and and be delivered from all that, you know, because it takes takes a lot to to get the help and seek the help of the Lord, you know, for through all that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and I felt like it was such a um like pornography for a girl at that age is not the norm, you know, and I thought, you know, I'm I interested is probably the wrong word, but I'm I'm always very curious as how the enemy attacks people to like what is like why this attack, why this attack, what where did that come from?
SPEAKER_06:Because you know I you know, we talked about generational curses, and you know, I want to be the one to break those curses of the alcoholism, the drugs, you know, right, um teenage pregnancy. And you never you never think to pray that one, you know, because we don't know. We don't and we don't think about it. Is that a general is that a generational thing, you know, that you know, it back in the days, you know, the old days, you know, you would find Playboy books, those type of things. So it could it could be one of those things that is something that you don't automatically think to pray for as a generational curse. You know, I pray for all the other things, but I never thought to pray for that.
SPEAKER_03:Well, there was also a spirit behind it, and so you know, as where does that spirit come from here? Yeah, there's always like um there's an open door someplace and she didn't really know what drew her into that kind of a curiosity. Oh, I think I think she she saw it someplace on someone's screen or I thought she said that she saw it somewhere. Yeah, she saw it somewhere and she was curious about it.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. But so so I mean, you you pray all these prayers to protect your children, and that's why I say there's always a something. Yeah, you know, you don't want there to be a something, but now she's it's just you know, we're humans and life happens, and I'm very proud of the woman she is. Yes, mother, the wife. Wonderful, yeah. Yes, and she's writing a book about her. Yes. She's very uh even during those times, you know, she I know I remember I have video recordings of her um speaking at youth services, you know, messages, and she wrote a song, you know, her cousin sang it. Um, just so many things that you would never think that that was such an internal battle, you know. And I just we suffer violently as a parent, and you think, I wish I could have done something to help you.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right. Well, God placed other people in her life during that time because you guys had your hands full. And then how did you guys feel when when Pops recently shared his like as parents? How do you feel seeing your children?
SPEAKER_01:I was super excited for him, you know, that he was able to be delivered from what he was wrapped up in and being able to get that out there, you know, yeah, on the air, basically, you know.
SPEAKER_03:I'm very I'm very proud of it. Yeah, it's hard. It's it's hard to talk about. Yeah, you know, there's some people, you know, that still haven't shared their testimony. And I remember Brother Mahaney said when when I uh interviewed him, he said there's that God is still really healing him from shame, that there are some things that still he's ashamed of, you know. And I know that others have said that too. And so it is a very hard thing, even though you know it doesn't have a hold on you, right? It's still um, you know, the enemy is just such an accuser and such a liar.
SPEAKER_06:I'm just so thankful that they are were able to speak that and be free. Um seeing their picture, like even pops, I was like, wow, you could just see the difference in them.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:The Holy Ghost, the the the light of the Lord just shining through him. I was like, you could see the freedom and the liberty. Yeah, yeah. I'm so thankful for that because those are your prayers as a mother, you know. Keep my children, make your face shine.
SPEAKER_03:I love that as parents, we know the mistakes we've made, right? We know when we were not there, not because we didn't want to be, not because we didn't love them, but just because like we're wounded in ourselves and the world is falling apart in our own lives, you know, that and and I know the enemy comes against parents in that way too, you know.
SPEAKER_06:So I've I I myself I've taken the time before to apologize to them, you know. I'm sorry if I wasn't always available to you or that I hurt you, or whatever it may have been, you know, because that's the only way forgiveness comes, you know, is just like repentance, you know, that's the only way that forgiveness comes. That's the only way freedom comes, you know, true freedom and the joy of the Lord is right by doing those things. And and I feel like they've done that, you know. Yeah. And I'm just thankful for what God has done. I always say, look what the Lord has done. Yeah, look what the Lord has done.
SPEAKER_03:And you know, with Mariah, her testimony, which I think is beautiful, is she just stayed the course. She married a good Christian guy. Um, I mean, she she's just lived for God, and from what I know, hasn't really deviated from that path.
SPEAKER_06:She there was a time I just remember um I pulled her from high school for a while. She took a year from high school on a phone. And I believe that during that time I I would make her go to prayer. I said, We're going to prayer in the morning, you're going with me. And the Lord did a work during that time. And that is truly her testimony to tell. But from a parent's perspective, the Lord was in the middle of that. Yeah. You know, and I was like, I don't want to lose another one to something, you know. And not that they were lost. My my daughter or my sister.
SPEAKER_03:Just protect them from the the influence of the world, mostly the influence of the adversary who comes to take art. Yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_06:But seeing them was very, very amazing. I'm very proud of them. I know it took that takes a lot, you know, to put it out there, you know.
SPEAKER_03:It does. And you know, all of your children serving the Lord with their families coming to the same church, worshiping together. That is such a beautiful thing. Yeah. Um, so what do you I'm gonna ask each of you this? What do you think women need to know? Um we have some people that we know of coming to church without their spouse, and we also, I mean, you know, there's a lot of single women out there. And I mean, across across Christianity, there's women that go to church without their spouse, and they long for their husband to come. They long for their husband to be saved. Um, what do you think would be helpful for that woman to know from where you've been and what you lived through?
SPEAKER_06:I think that you have to get that determination to say, no matter what comes, no matter what goes, I'm gonna stay the course. And know that it's not easy. And you know, um when you when you read the word and it talks about that woman in Proverbs, that's what we are, you know, even when it's hard, right? When they're not where they're supposed to be. Yeah, if you keep pushing, God will bring you through. Yeah. And look at what the Lord has done in my family. I'm a I'm a testimony of what God's goodness and mercy and grace has done, and for just holding on and get yourself some women that pray with you that you can rely on that you can call.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Don't do it alone and don't do it in secret because that's what enemy is.
SPEAKER_06:And I had that. I had, you know, I may not have had a lot of, I know all my friends in church were praying, you know. I may not have always shared with them what was going on, but I know in the spirit they knew and they will pray. But my sisters, you know, I could confide in them. You have to be able to share with someone. Yeah because if not, it's so hard to get clarity and the enemy runs with those thoughts, you know. And you need to take it to the Lord and find someone you can confide in and trust and that will pray with you. You know, I have people that I can call and be like, I have a need right now. Like, I need you to pray. And sometimes they don't need to know everything, right? And just maybe a few words, and I know they're praying and I can feel those prayers. Right. And don't expect perfection from yourself because we're not perfect. Right. Um, there's times that we fail, you know, even in our marriage when we're angry and we go to the house of the Lord. Go to the house of the Lord. He didn't say because you had a fight, you can't go to the house of the Lord. Right. You know, it doesn't say that in his word because he's a sovereign, merciful God. You know, when you are fighting and bickering or don't know what to do, get to the house of the Lord. Stay that course because when you get to the house of the Lord, that's where your strength comes. Yeah. It comes in your prayer room, don't get me wrong. It comes from the word of God, reading it. Stay in those things.
SPEAKER_03:It comes through all those places.
SPEAKER_06:But I you draw strength from the house of the Lord.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. My last guest said something I'd never thought of before. And he said, you know, that the blood is flowing through the body, yeah, and church is the body of Christ, you know, and so the the blood of God, the blood of Jesus is flowing when we go to church and we gather. And I just thought that was so wonderful because it is more, there's more happening than just the fact that you punched a card and went to church, you know, checked it off your list. There's so much more happening in the spirit and just in community. Yes. Because it's it is the body. It is. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So that's and you need the body. You you know, you think I'm struggling, no one understands. They don't have to understand. They know, they'll pray for you, they'll hold you up in prayer.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:You know, trust them, trust the body of Christ to help you and go through your seasons of life because they are there. You know, the God puts them there for a reason. Right. Um, and puts that body together to carry each other. You know, when you're when we are weak, he is strong and he puts those people in there that are strong at the time to help you, right. To get to that next step in your life.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Um, and it can come from the most unsuspecting of sources, you know, which is also such a beautiful thing when you're like, you know, just take them by surprise.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, definitely.
SPEAKER_03:So what, Lewis, what do you think? So you are the men's uh leader at our church, and um what what do you think men are in need of in this hour with with their families, with their walk with God, um with their own identity? What do you what do you think men are struggling with? What do you think they're needing? And w where do you see men what do you see God calling men to? What's your burden?
SPEAKER_01:Well I see God, you know, like like they said, like for years women have been the prayer royals, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, the mothers birthing all these.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yeah, yes, and I believe it's time for us men, you know, as leaders of our homes to to step up to the plate, you know, and be prayer warriors and you know, up uplift each other, you know, have more prayer meetings. Um because God called us, you know, to to lead our families, you know what I mean? Or to lead our families, they'll they'll follow, you know. We have children, we have wives that, you know, they're tired, you know, for for good reason. For years they've, you know, I mean I I witness it at at my own church, you know. For years it's been ladies always, you know, just praying and prayer, you know, till the very end, you know, the wee hours of the morning, the wee hours of the night. But I just would like to encourage us as men, you know, and me, myself as a men's leader, to for myself and for them just to, you know, dig deeper, help each other, you know. Men are real prideful, you know. We we think like, oh, I can't call my brother, or you know, that's that's uh a prideful thing, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Um I just You don't want to show weakness. Don't yeah, men don't like to show that vulnerability.
SPEAKER_01:You don't you don't like to pick up that phone and be like, hey bro, I need prayer, yeah, or I need help in this. But if we just get together and as one, you know, and and help each other, um, I believe God will will um turn us around, you know, let us be the meters we're called to be.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Where do you think the struggle is for men? I mean, you can look around. Um what do you what do you think men really struggle with uh in in living as a Christian? What do you think they struggle with being a husband? Um I think it it might be harder to be a husband than it is to be a dad, because you know, we see the woman sees the man in all of their themselves, you know, and all the weakness and all the strength, and I think it's um it's harder. What do you think they what do you think men struggle with?
SPEAKER_01:Uh like as far as myself, I mean I would say I struggle with you know, we always have excuses as far as as reading the word, you know. I feel like even for myself I I need to to read the word a lot more than than I should. You know, and I believe that's where a lot of men struggle. They just don't want to take the time take the time or throw it out there, you know. But but I just think we need to to dig deeper as men, you know what I mean, and get into the word and that'll help us uh tremendously, you know, to get where we need to be as far as you know, that'll lead to more prayer, yeah, you know, more things for our family, you know, open up doors. Yeah, but um I think that'll help us a lot, you know, as as a man.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, okay. Um well what do you guys want to say to the backslider? I know uh you were not a backslider, you kind of were a backslider. I was a backslider. Um, but I I think the struggle is the same, you know, the apprehension about what God's gonna expect and the fear about going to church, you know. Um what do you guys think is important for someone that hasn't come back to God? Maybe God's dealing with them and they just haven't said yes yet.
SPEAKER_06:The first step is just getting to the house of God, even if you're not in the house of God talking to him. I mean he hears you no matter what you're doing, no matter where you're at, he still hears you and answers. Yeah. You know, he loves you and he wants you to call upon him. Because when you call upon him, that's when he can he can move in your life because he has to hear you say it.
SPEAKER_03:You know, he wants to hear it's free will, and when we ask God, we are giving him permission to move in our life because he's not gonna force himself. And I you know, I think we don't people just think, oh God should God should just do this, God should just know. But no, he he created our free will for us to desire him. So yeah, that's that's good.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, no matter where you're at, you know. I just I remember just telling God, I I I want help, I need how do I get out of this? How do I do this? You know, and call someone, yeah, tell them you need help, you want them to pray for you. Whatever it may be, the Lord loves you and desires to have you close to him. And the enemy will try to feed you all those lies to keep you from calling upon the Lord. But it just takes even saying his name. And that's that open that open door for him to be able to respond to you.
SPEAKER_03:What would you say, Lewis?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I would say you know, I'm a I'm a walking testimony myself, so just keep doing what you're doing, you know, keep asking God, you know, for forgiveness. God can deliver you, don't give up. You know, that's that's one thing don't give up. God's always there. I mean, I'm going 20 years sober, drug free. Wow. Living for God, and it's not baptized, Holy Ghost, just like that. Yes, amen. Um the gang life, the drug life, the drug world, whatever you want to call it, let all that down, you know, the devil's a liar.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it's gonna take people straight to hell.
SPEAKER_01:We're all here for you, the brothers are here for you, the sisters. Yeah, don't give up.
SPEAKER_03:And it's a good life, living for God. Oh, yes, sir. Right. I mean, if that life held any kind of comparison, you know, people would still be doing it, but there is nothing, you know. We we hear all those songs, you know, um, take the whole world and give me Jesus. Like when you experience Jesus, right? Oh, yeah, you know, you can really sing that song. There's nothing in the world.
SPEAKER_08:No, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know, we gotta live. There is a walking out process of learning how to live in this life.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_03:But um, but it is good when you have the Lord on your side. Amen.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, he's given us the Lord has given us a beautiful life and has truly blessed us.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And I'm forever grateful to him.
SPEAKER_03:Peace of God is like nothing else.
SPEAKER_01:And and knowing that all your children are saved. Yeah. You know, you go to church on Sunday, Wednesday revivals, and all your grandkids are there and your children, it's it's such a blessing, you know, knowing that they all serve the Lord. They've all been saved.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And I, you know, I usually ask you guys the second question, I know what you're gonna say, but you are both a testament of someone's prayer. Yes. And when when you love your child or your spouse or any backslider, um, when you love them, you pray for them.
SPEAKER_08:Yes, right.
SPEAKER_03:And so um, you know, so to the parents out there, to the spouses out there, you know, don't pray. It won't be a good thing. Don't give up.
SPEAKER_06:Keep praying, keep praying.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, because God does answer. I mean, I I was gone for I think I was about 15, 14, 15 when I slid away from the Lord. And I was 28 when I prayed back through. And when I prayed back through, I was committed to live for God, but I didn't know how. Right. So I still made mistakes and I got drunk again and I did crazy things. Um, but it but I never left God that time. Right. I just I did I was trying to figure out how to live in this life, you know. But yeah, but my dad said he would pray that God would torment me until I would return. And and the Lord did. I had nightmares, I had dreams about the whole church being on fire, I had dreams about the rapture taking place, you know. Those praying parents that it works, it works, and I know that I also am a fat it am a um result of my mom and dad's prayers, you know. So prayer works, guys, and um it it might take a long time, it might be years, it might have been years. Yes, um, but God is answering, and I believe God is really answering in this hour.
SPEAKER_07:Yes, he is.
SPEAKER_03:You know, that we are just seeing so many exciting things, and um God is on the move.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, he is, you know. So and I recently told someone that um going kind of through the same thing, I said I whisper to them, get to the house of the Lord no matter what you do. Yeah, they'll follow. Yeah, and I've seen it. Yeah, it's happening right now in this moment. It is happening. And I was like, wow, Lord, you did it quickly. And I told her it would be done quickly. The Lord will do it so quick. You come no matter what's going on around you because time is sharing and watch what the Lord's gonna do for you, and He's doing it so quickly, yeah. And I'm I know without a doubt that if you just stay steadfast and keep going, that He's gonna do it.
SPEAKER_03:Yep, yep, he is because He you know, our prayers do not fall to the ground, he's He holds them all, and and you know, if it's taking a long time, it's not because God isn't working, it's because God has to work on the heart. Yes, the person has to be willing, but God never stops working on the heart to get them into position. So well, I love you guys. We love you. And uh thank you for sharing your testimony. And I I just think that I I pray that this encourages couples. Yes, um, yes, because even though you guys are living for God and life is good, you know, marriage is hard.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, and um you have to wake up every morning to make the choice that I'm going to love this person no matter how much or how hard it is. Yeah, and sometimes, you know, we think uh love is oh, I'm so in love. Sometimes love isn't that type of action, it's I love coming up to stay here and see you through this and help you through this, yeah, yeah, and pray for you.
SPEAKER_03:And the love, the romantic love comes back. It it just kind of ebbs and flows, you know, you're not always gonna be in love, but when you love, yeah, um, you can stay the course and the in-love piece comes back. Yes, yeah, it does. All right. Well, thanks for being here. And uh to everybody out there, thanks for watching. Um, if you know a backslider, if you know any parents or spouses of backsliders, if you will share um our podcast with them, hopefully it will bless them and see you guys next week. Bye.
SPEAKER_00:We are so glad you joined us. If you have a story of redemption or have worn the label of a backslider, we would love to hear from you. If you'd like to support our ministry, your donation will be tax deductible. Visit our website at theredeemedbackslider.org. We hope you will tune in for our next episode.
