S3E2: Free Time? You Mean The 10 Minutes I Hide In The Bathroom?

Ever eaten a cookie in the bathroom just to get a minute of peace? Same. In this wildly relatable episode, Tessie and Diana confess the hilarious lengths moms go to for alone time—and why we shouldn’t have to hide to get it. From the “17 minutes of free time” stat to secret mom hideouts, we’re calling it what it is: survival. Tune in, laugh hard, and send us your best mom hiding spots!

Transcript

Tessie (00:01.25)
Hi, welcome to Pearls of Motherhood. I'm your host Tessie.

Diana (00:05.577)
And I'm your host Diana. Okay, tell me you're a mom without telling me you're a mom. I'll go first.

I eat a cookie in the bathroom with the fan on so she doesn't hear me unwrapping the cookie. That's the truth. She hears a wrapper and she comes running because she knows it's a treat. So I actually, I do that to try to drown out the noise. I'm very embarrassed to admit that.

Tessie (00:36.75)
Well, mine is when random strangers or people tell me that I look really tired.

Thank you. I am. Thank you.

Diana (00:50.273)
Oh, I've gotten that too. Oh, I have another one. It was when I was flying home with my baby and she had just gotten over a really bad cold. And the lady next to me saw me take out my phone. I was going to text my husband that we just landed and she saw a photo of me, my baby and my husband. And she goes, Oh my God, that's you. You look so good there. And I was like, what? And I looked in the mirror.

my gosh, I look like death warmed over. that's how I know I'm a mom without telling you I'm a mom.

Tessie (01:26.21)
yep, that's so funny. You know, I don't know why this reminds me of this, but like I get asked all the time in public if all of these kids are my kids. So either like maybe I look too young to have this many kids, know? I just like don't understand that question at all.

Diana (01:43.711)
You do look great. You do look great.

Tessie (01:51.564)
Yes, why would I have them with me if they weren't mine?

Diana (01:54.975)
Maybe you're the teacher or the sitter? I don't know.

Tessie (01:57.038)
I guess I'll take that one as a compliment and the other one like, you look really tired.

Diana (02:01.705)
Yeah, I would. Okay, another question for you. What's the weirdest place you've ever hidden to get a moment to yourself?

Tessie (02:13.23)
I feel like I hide in the pantry.

in the dark, so I don't even turn the light on. Like they're gonna sense me. I don't know.

Diana (02:25.195)
I wish I would hide in the pantry because I can't. My daughter would go to the pantry looking for food. That's the first place she'd look.

Tessie (02:32.838)
Yeah, like our kids probably live in the pantry. I don't know why I try hiding there. But I can't really hide. Like they have like a honing device on me. It's the freakiest thing. I swear. It's so freaky. They always know where I'm at no matter where. I have to leave the property.

Diana (02:51.219)
don't get to leave the property because as soon as I open like the door it's like the umbilical cord is the metaphorical umbilical cord is stretched too far it's like a bungee cord she comes running to my side I'm like but you know where I hide I hide in my tub because I can lay down in it

Tessie (03:10.606)
Hey, you're not taking this glorious bubble bath. You're just like hiding in the tub.

Diana (03:14.497)
I'm just in a dry tub, in this porcelain tub that is hard and cold because at least I can lay down.

Tessie (03:22.03)
lay down and read a book for 20 minutes.

Diana (03:24.225)
No, not even read. I don't think I had the brain capacity to read right now.

Tessie (03:30.734)
I have for 100 % like hidden underneath the covers when they come in my room.

Diana (03:41.739)
So for our listeners, if you haven't noticed, this episode is called free time. You mean the 10 minutes I hide in the bathroom. This is taken from real life.

Tessie (03:47.886)
No!

These are our free time moments. We're going to tell you all about them.

Diana (03:54.209)
the great escape. Okay. So really moms don't get time. We steal it. I think we use this in a mom fact in earlier episodes, but moms only get on average 17 minutes a day to themselves. One, seven, not even half an hour to see a Netflix episode, but 17 minutes. And most of that is not even downtime.

It's productive time because we're, for me, I know I'm folding laundry. What about you? What, what, do you do Tess during your 17 minutes theoretically?

Tessie (04:25.368)
Yeah.

Tessie (04:31.626)
Yeah. I'm actually like wondering if that is consecutive minutes. I don't know if I get 17 consecutive minutes. But yeah, like I'm like sending I'm like checking it checking my email really quick or making a quick little phone call or I'm like doing something. Sometimes I'll just go sit on the porch. But that doesn't last very long, you know.

Diana (04:49.419)
Mm-hmm.

Diana (04:57.601)
because they find you. Okay. So to escape, what's your go-to line when you need to vanish?

Tessie (04:58.878)
I I gotta be productive.

Tessie (05:07.954)
Yes. I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna go use the restroom. I'm gonna go potty really quick and then I never come back.

Diana (05:18.047)
Me too. I say I have to go pee and then I disappear for 20 minutes. And my husband looks at me when I come back like, did you fall in? I'm like, no, I did laundry or I just laid in the tub.

Tessie (05:32.173)
It's like very, I do this a lot at bedtime when I'm like laying with them and they want me to lay with them and then I'm like, oh, mommy has to go potty. I'll be back. And then I'm just like hoping they just fall asleep and I never come back. It's like 90 % of the time, 90 % probably, but depends on how long I've been laying with them.

Diana (05:45.281)
Does it work?

Diana (05:55.745)
So basically, of course, we all know moms, like I said, we on average we get 17 minutes of free time a day, but we also work 98 hours per week. That's crazy. That's an average mom, an average mom. That doesn't encompass like if you have more kids, if you have pets, if you are single parents or whatever, but 98 hours per week. That's insane.

Tessie (06:06.824)
jeez,

Tessie (06:20.288)
Yeah, okay. And so the average family is supposedly what, like 2.5 kids or something or like, what is that? So if you have four or more, like I do, probably it's, yeah, because this is what happens, okay? If you don't have more than two kids, okay? This is what happens. One of your children will ask you for like a glass of orange juice, okay? Get you a glass of orange.

Diana (06:26.677)
Mm-hmm.

Diana (06:33.203)
Mm-hmm. Double it. Double it.

Tessie (06:49.058)
Then one will see it and then they'll want it. Okay, get you one. And then the next one will see it and they'll want it. Okay, I'll get you one. You literally might as well just pour four glasses of juice at once and call it a day. But like, I'm not that smart, clearly, because this happens to me all the time. They're like, can I have a beef stick? So I give them a beef stick and then I go sit down and then one after the other sees it and you're up four or five times.

Diana (07:20.213)
So, you know, if you did pour four glasses of orange juice or got out four beef sticks, they wouldn't want it, right? Exactly. You know what my mom would do because there was four of us and I'm sure we all did. I want this after we saw the other one. She said, share. You have to share.

Tessie (07:25.762)
They wouldn't want it. That's what would happen. And that's why I don't do that.

Tessie (07:36.738)
Yeah. Share. I love that. I totally get that.

Diana (07:44.341)
And let me tell you, this day, the four of us, we are adults and we have our own kids. And when we get together, we still share a glass of juice or we share a small little snack bag of chips. Or I remember a while back, I had one Oreo cookie, one Oreo cookie, and I split it four ways between us. To this day, it still sticks.

Tessie (07:57.23)
you

Tessie (08:05.096)
my gosh. I love that. That's a great actually thing to teach your kids to share and work together and be a team, which is all things that I want them to be. I want them to be very close and I want them to be number one in each other's life and to always look out for each other, you know, and that's like, so maybe I'm going to start making them share. This is an interesting thing. Okay. When I do make meals for them, which

That's like hit or miss, because sometimes I get so annoyed that they don't eat it. I'm just like, you're getting apples for three days. Go get an apple out of the fridge. I don't even care. But when I do, if I put their food in individual plates, they don't eat it. But every now and then, I will put, I'll make a charcuterie board for them with sliced tomatoes, cheese, ham, olives, just all this. And I'll put it on one.

big cutting board and it is devoured. And it's almost like a competition thing or something that they are like afraid that if they don't eat it, someone else is gonna eat it. And so they all eat instead of, but if I give them their own individual plate, they don't. And my husband and I were like talking about there's certain cultures where they, that's all they do is like shared meal, meal plates, you know what I mean? And we're like, I wonder.

Diana (09:04.704)
Really?

Diana (09:24.662)
Mm-hmm.

Tessie (09:29.262)
I wonder what the kids are like in that culture. They probably like don't waste time. Because if they don't get in there and get food, they're not going to be eating. It's like, I would say brilliant.

Diana (09:38.581)
So it's like family style. So Chinese culture is very much family style and we put everything in the middle. We all have our own bowls of rice basically and all of the like chicken, veggies, the meats and veggies, all the sides are in the middle and you just take. And we usually do finish it. We usually do finish it. And it's funny you say that because I thought it was just my daughter, but.

Tessie (09:43.597)
Yeah.

Tessie (10:01.056)
Interesting, right?

Diana (10:07.165)
I love to do a charcuterie board, you know, once a week, something easy on the weekends after I went food shopping or the farmer's market, dump it all on one plate and then that's dinner. I'm not going to cook. And she loves it. She will go, yeah, she gets to pick and choose and it's the best thing ever. So I think there's something to it. Like this feeding trough and it's either do or die.

Tessie (10:16.78)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. They love it.

Tessie (10:31.662)
And then maybe they also like that aspect of like they get to be in control of what they eat or what they pick versus me putting it on their plate and then they You know, I feel like it's a little bit of a rebellion like well, I didn't want that, know, whatever So I'm just not gonna eat it. I don't know but it's Literally never a fight when I do a charcuterie board never an issue. Nobody says I don't like that I don't want to eat that it just disappears

It's amazing. I even put like slices of cheese that normally I'll be like offered to them. And they'll be like, no, I don't want that. I'll put that on the board and it'll all disappear. Like it will be gone.

Diana (11:03.777)
That is it. That's clever.

Diana (11:14.005)
That's so interesting. That's so interesting. I mean either, but we like food. So that makes sense. I mean, we both like food, so it's okay. Okay, so let's go back to our episode. So we only get a fixed amount of time. We don't get really anytime to ourselves, but why do we hide? And why do we feel, we shouldn't feel shameful for it because here's a mom fact. Moms are interrupted every three minutes. And I have to say,

Tessie (11:19.15)
on that topic.

Tessie (11:23.146)
Yeah.

Diana (11:43.359)
I don't agree with that mom fact because I'm pretty sure it is less than three minutes. I sent my daughter to a challenge earlier today. She wanted to come up while we record this episode right now. And she says, I'll be quiet. I said, can you be quiet for five minutes? And I started counting. She got to five seconds and that was it. So I'm pretty sure that is an inaccurate mom fact because she talks incessantly. And I love her little voice.

Tessie (12:11.79)
Three minutes is a long time. Yeah.

Diana (12:13.799)
It is. I could meditate probably. I don't know how to meditate, but maybe I'll figure it out in three minutes.

Tessie (12:20.476)
there is no way I go three minutes without having one of them like interrupting me. You know what drives me crazy? My three year old. I don't know what it is about this. Every time we're in the drive through, the second I go to order, he's back there talking in my ear. I don't know what he's saying. Like it's like, it's like a flip switches and he's, a switch foot, whatever. Like literally every time.

Diana (12:47.179)
I get you.

Tessie (12:49.942)
Like the interruptions are just like, drive me crazy. It's definitely less than three minutes.

Diana (12:55.617)
Definitely. And so that's why we feel like we need to hide, right? Because we don't have that time because someone is always talking to us and at us. But OK. What was when was the last time you had a truly guilt free alone time test? And I know it's really hard for you, but can you think of something? Can you think of a time?

Tessie (12:59.342)
Mm-hmm.

Tessie (13:13.422)
Okay.

Tessie (13:17.208)
Well, this is what something that I've started doing recently is like on the weekends, I'll be like, tell my husband like, okay, I'm just gonna go to a restaurant and eat by myself, you know? And it's so funny because one afternoon, one afternoon, like he had a friend come over while he was watching the kids and they were kind of like chit chatting or whatever. And he's like, yeah, Tessie, she went out to lunch and his friend's like,

Diana (13:30.955)
I love that.

Tessie (13:47.054)
with friends or like I hope she's with friends and I'm totally not with friends. I'm by myself with my phone and my headphones watching my whatever episode I want to watch while I'm eating at a restaurant like totally shamelessly. I don't care. I am the weirdo at the restaurant by myself.

Diana (13:50.177)
Question mark.

Diana (14:04.481)
You know what? Now that you mention it, that's what I want to do now. But if you mentioned that to me, like college age me, eating by myself would have been like the worst thing ever. Now I'm like, yes, please let me be by myself. I want to eat by myself. No one come near me. Don't talk to me. Just let me have my food.

Tessie (14:09.386)
You

Tessie (14:14.188)
Yes! No. Please.

Tessie (14:22.794)
Yeah, exactly. I like to eat by myself. Well, number one, my food doesn't get stolen. number two, I can actually sit through the entire meal. So I mean, this is like a great thing. Yeah, my college age self, I couldn't even imagine going to a restaurant by myself or going to a movie by myself. One time I went to a movie by myself. I've only done it once in my life and it was like.

Diana (14:30.079)
Mm-hmm.

Tessie (14:48.866)
the best thing I've ever done. I don't even understand what was so nice about it, but I like loved it.

Diana (14:57.629)
love to go to a movie. I forget what theaters are like.

Tessie (15:01.614)
know what's playing ever. Like I don't even pay attention to that. You think I get to go to the movies? No. Yeah, so what was yours?

Diana (15:07.055)
Mm-mm. Nope. Nope.

Diana (15:12.565)
Honestly, it was last night. actually, because my body just gave in, it just quit. I had no choice in the matter. I try to have a set amount of time every weekend for just me, but it's never guilt free. I always have a to-do list running in the back of my head. But last night, I was, I'll be honest, we just came back from vacation and it's the first, actually,

Tessie (15:21.902)
haha

Tessie (15:34.232)
Mm-hmm.

Diana (15:41.141)
big vacation that we took as a family. And what everyone says is true. A vacation with your kid is not a vacation. It's just parenting in a different location. And yes, so much because I don't have my normal resources. Although it was so, it was so much fun. I loved it. I will, will a hundred percent do it again. But my body just gave out. was nauseous. I was dizzy. And every time I sat down for even two seconds, my eyes closed and my husband was like, that's it. You're done. You have to go up. And it,

Tessie (15:46.094)
Okay.

Tessie (15:51.214)
harder.

Yeah.

Diana (16:10.849)
I had that guilt-free alone time because my brain and my body literally quit on me last night. So I went to bed relatively early. It was still like 10 o'clock, but I slept until like 1 a.m. and then I switched out with my husband so he could get some sleep. But that was my last guilt-free time because my body quit on me.

Tessie (16:17.143)
Hahaha.

Tessie (16:30.304)
Yeah, that's that's like me every night at eight at 8pm. I'm like, my god, I'm still doing this bedtime routine. I'm dying over here.

Diana (16:41.471)
And that's honestly, bedtime is usually when I want to hide. Bedtime and nap time. I think because I'm just tired, I just want to hide. That's what I really want to say. I have to pee and disappear, but I can't.

Tessie (16:47.048)
it's so hard. Yeah. Yeah, my husband's always telling me for like bedtime routine, he's like, I got this, I got this, like go to bed, you go to bed, I'll put them all to bed. And I'm like, you cannot handle that, you know, of course, because I'm a control freak, like you cannot handle all of them. Because here's the reality, I cannot handle all of them at bedtime.

Like it's impossible. Well, first of all, they all want me and there's only one of me and there's four of them. That's like physically impossible right there. But my husband doesn't, I feel like he doesn't have that same, like the same dynamic. mean, so this is like really interesting. We randomly have this, we don't normally have a camera in our house, but there happened to be a camera in our house. And I went out to dinner with one of my girlfriends.

And I was like, hmm, I wonder how it's going at the house, you know? And so I took the opportunity. My husband was doing bedtime, right? And he was like so calm. The whole, everything was so calm. He was like super calm. The kids were all super calm. And literally one after the other, I heard them being like, I'm tired. I'm ready to go to bed. And then they just like went to bed.

And he's just like, okay, you're ready to go to bed, go to the bathroom, go to bed. And then he just stayed in the living room with the others until they were ready. And I'm like, wait a minute, this is not how bedtime routine goes when it's us two or me. Like what is going on?

Diana (18:31.553)
Well, that just confirms you need to leave more often. You need your you time and let him do it.

Tessie (18:37.08)
Well, it definitely makes me feel less guilty if I do decide to not be there for bedtime routine because he can handle it and for whatever reason, he's just like, I just like watch them and observe them and, cause I do try to force it. I'm like 7.30, it's bedtime. What if they're not tired? Or what if they had a late nap? I'm still just so like regimented.

and his personality is easygoing. And he's like, well, I just watched them and I just kind of observed. And when they got tired, I took them to bed. And I'm just like, well, maybe I should let you do this more often without me.

Diana (19:17.049)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. I always have this vision of like my husband on his phone while my daughter is on her iPad or really my iPad the whole time while I'm away. But the other day I come downstairs and we've been having big conversations with my daughter about growing up because she doesn't want to grow up. And potty training is one of those things and she's been pushing back against me.

on that. Like she literally looks me in the eye and tells me she is going to the bathroom in her diaper, but refuses to go in the potty. Anyway, so I come downstairs and she runs over to me. goes, look, mommy, and takes me over to the potty and sits on it, which I have not been able to do for ages. And I said, what, what inspired this? And she goes, I talked to daddy and I said, peace out.

Tessie (19:49.518)
Hmm.

Tessie (20:01.806)
that's great.

Tessie (20:10.542)
Aww.

Diana (20:12.181)
I'm going for a walk. You got this. You don't need me. But in my head, I think that they're not doing anything, but it's not true because he's either running with her or having like important conversations with her. And they're different when I'm not there. It's like they have a whole separate dynamic that I wish I were a part of because apparently it's very poignant and very important. But apparently when I'm there, it's like chaos.

Tessie (20:20.588)
Yes. Yes.

Tessie (20:31.266)
Yes.

It's so true. Every time I leave the house, I fully expect to walk in and just the kids are like watching television and he's doing whatever. And it's never like that. But they have like, it's such a different dynamic when we're not. It's a great thing for the kids to have too, to have with their dad. And they're also glad to have with them, you know. You should try telling her.

Diana (20:54.251)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Tessie (21:00.782)
This is what I tell my kids all the time, because it's true. I'm like, I don't want you to grow up. Stay my baby forever. I tell them this all the time. I'm probably screwing them up. But then they're like, no, I'm a big boy. I'm not a baby.

Diana (21:15.201)
She's in between. So I tried that and she goes, okay. But now that she's in her no era, she's all like, no, I'm going to be a big girl. And then she goes, no, I'm not. I'm a baby. And I'm like, nuts. So close. But yeah, I think that when I feel so bad when I get time to myself, that I think that it's chaos and it's really not. And all the things that I am

Tessie (21:19.566)
I

Tessie (21:25.57)
Yeah.

Tessie (21:39.073)
It's not.

Diana (21:42.655)
doing during my quote unquote 17 minutes of downtime, the laundry's gonna be there. Hey, it's clean. You can find your own underwear. It's fine. But no, I'm crazy. And I'm like, no, it has to be put away. And I'm like, no, it doesn't have to be. You can go sleep.

Tessie (21:57.624)
I know, I was actually like folding my boys pajamas over the weekend. I'm like, why am I folding these? I fold them, put them in their drawer, and then they go picking out their pajamas and totally mess them all up anyways. That is one thing I'm not doing anymore is folding their pajamas.

Diana (22:15.871)
When I was younger, my mom, of course, with four of us kids, it was always laundry all the time, as you well know, Tessie. And my mom never folded the laundry. It was always in a basket. And I get it now. I get it. Because there's no point. Because we are just elements of chaos and it's just going to get thrown away, thrown around. So why bother folding?

Tessie (22:22.68)
yeah. yes.

Tessie (22:29.806)
Mm-hmm.

No.

Tessie (22:39.711)
It doesn't even stay folded. It's ridiculous. Like I do this for my own OCD, but I'm just like, why do I do this?

Diana (22:48.799)
Yeah, and it's so dumb why we do this in our limited downtime and we feel bad about it and there's just no point. There's no point. We need to stop feeling guilty. Yeah. Now we feel guilty for feeling guilty. When does his mom guilt stop? I mean, really.

Tessie (22:55.488)
Okay. Thank you.

There's no point. And we feel guilty if we don't. Don't feel guilty. Yeah.

I know, does it get worse as they get older? And then like, what happens if your child like makes poor decisions as an adult? Like how much guilt do you feel or do you just like go of it and be like, they're an adult. Like, you know, I don't know. That's, it's the unknowns about all that that kind of keep me up at night. I don't like unknowns. I know.

Diana (23:19.47)
yeah.

Diana (23:25.099)
I don't know.

Diana (23:30.399)
I'm too scared to even think that. Yeah, I don't, I haven't even thought that far because I'm just trying to get her to not jump off the bed and crack her head open. That's where I am right now.

Tessie (23:37.184)
haha

Yeah, exactly. See, I'm clearly an over thinker. Those are the things I think about at night. Like what decisions are my 25 year old boys gonna make? Like I have control over that. And then, but I think I do. Okay, first of all, I don't because like God is in control of everything. But I am like, well, I'm just gonna like drill into their head like never buy a motorcycle. They're dangerous and this and that. And it's like, I'm not gonna be able to like control.

I think that if I drill it into their head now, I can control them at 25.

Diana (24:13.567)
Well, okay, so I'm with you in the motorcycle thing. So this is twisted, bear with me, but I know a lot of pathologists and I was gonna let them do a rotation in pathology. There you go. You get to see what motor vehicle accidents look like. This is why mommy said no. And that's what I was gonna do when she's older, get her, I made all these friends in my lifetime and I'm gonna use those connections.

Tessie (24:24.972)
Yeah

Tessie (24:28.711)
Yes. Yes.

Tessie (24:34.99)
Mm-hmm.

Diana (24:40.289)
Oh, do you need an intern? Do you need a summer intern? She's free. She'll work for free. Go.

Tessie (24:40.652)
Yes, I'm going to do that too.

Now she will forever drive the speed limit in a big SUV. I know, so this is my seven year olds like, I'm gonna be an inventor when I grow up and I'm gonna invent a motorcycle that has walls and windows and doors. Okay, that's kind of like a car, but you do that. I'm not gonna kill your dream.

Diana (24:50.497)
Probably with the helmet on.

Diana (25:08.449)
Give me a car, dear.

Diana (25:15.497)
You know what, buddy? Let me know when that comes out. I will buy the prototype. I support you.

Tessie (25:19.744)
I

So I just like encourage him, like, yes, be an inventor, go invent that.

Diana (25:28.513)
But seriously, if you ever invent that, I will buy the prototype. I will support it.

Tessie (25:33.73)
Me too.

I'll invest in his company.

Tessie (25:41.404)
kids are cute.

Diana (25:43.093)
They are, they are little stinkers. Okay, so we go from hiding and now we've discussed why we hide and why we feel guilty and why we shouldn't feel guilty. So let's start reclaiming our time. So did you know that moms make on average 1,500 decisions a day? I think I have to disagree with that mom fact again, because again, I'm pretty sure I make more than that. And I only have one. So.

Tessie (26:01.666)
Wow.

Tessie (26:07.052)
Hahaha!

Diana (26:09.089)
Tessie, if that's true for me at 15, let's just say I have 1500 in a day, you would have more than that. You have what, 6000? Because you have, yeah.

Tessie (26:17.514)
my gosh. This explains why my brain just feels like mush and I can't actually make like a big decision. I'm always just telling my husband, what you want. Yeah. my gosh.

Diana (26:27.029)
Well, it's decision fatigue. It's decision fatigue. That's really what it is. You're just, you make so many decisions. Your brain is so burnt out that you can't even, when comes to something as simple as what's for dinner, I don't know, which actually is one of the hardest questions I have to answer in a day. I don't like that one.

Tessie (26:44.418)
Why is that such a hard question? I feel like that's a hard question for like everybody. Because then you have to factor in and if you have multiple kids, like what are they gonna eat? What are they gonna like? Like I am not gonna put all this energy into making a meal that nobody's gonna eat, you know, or what's the point? Yeah.

Diana (26:50.356)
Right?

Diana (27:05.836)
And imagine they have, there's food allergies or like a series of versions. Oh my goodness. It's gotten so much harder. so okay. If we can dream for a second, if we don't have to make our decisions in a day for a full hour, what would you actually do in that day? What would you do, Taz?

Tessie (27:13.386)
Yeah.

Tessie (27:25.576)
I'd probably sleep. I would sleep and check out in my dreams.

Diana (27:29.089)
I want to say I would take that time and do yoga and workout and go for a good run, but I think I would just curl in, crawl into bed or just crawl into my bathtub and fall asleep.

Tessie (27:43.2)
Yes, like honestly, that's the only way that's the only time when I'm sleeping is when I'm not like overthinking everything and planning and thinking about like everything or having mom guilt or worrying about what I'm doing wrong or just like all these things. That's the only time is when I'm sleeping. Maybe that's why I sleep so much because I'm like, okay, I got to check out here.

Diana (28:03.123)
Yep.

Diana (28:09.409)
I wish I would say I could read, I'm reading a book, but I don't think I would. I would go to sleep, honestly. That's terrible. Maybe when they're older, maybe when they're older, if we have mom time, maybe it might be different. don't know. Moms with older kids, please let us know if that changes or is it still sleep is priority.

Tessie (28:19.126)
Yeah.

Tessie (28:28.396)
Hmm. Yeah, I don't know.

Tessie (28:36.438)
Yeah, because once you get to that stage where your kids aren't waking you up at night anymore and you actually do get like decent sleep during the day, I would imagine that you have more energy. And so you could actually do something that you want to do because I just sleep.

Diana (28:57.787)
Or are you worrying about them being older and the decisions they're making because they're 25 years old and you feel like you can control them, but you really can't and you're worrying about that instead. So let us know.

Tessie (29:07.288)
yeah.

Yeah, that would be interesting to know.

Diana (29:17.195)
What is your version of, so are you, when you go to sleep, are you just passing out wherever you find yourself like I would, or are you actually in a nice comfy bed with your eye mask on and scented candle go or scented vapors going? No, because that's what I thought it would look like and it's not.

Tessie (29:25.922)
Yeah?

Tessie (29:36.727)
Yeah

Tessie (29:41.486)
Okay, so if I'm first trimester in pregnancy, I pass out on the couch. Anywhere that I'm sitting, I pass out. But generally, I'm such a picky sleeper. I have to have my fan, I have to have my dark shades, I have to have my specific pillow. I literally can't sleep if I don't have my certain blanket. It's really bad.

I should not be so rigid, as I've gotten older, it's just gotten worse. It's only probably gonna get worse.

Diana (30:14.837)
I travel with my own pillow now, and I never did that. I have to have, I like a fan. So I'm particular about my sleep too. But I remember when I was younger, before momhood, and I would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. And I thought, when I have kids, that's gonna be so hard because kids wake up in the middle of the night, I'm never gonna fall back to sleep. Not true, I fall asleep sitting up.

Tessie (30:37.745)
yeah. No. I'm going to go back to sleep.

Diana (30:42.529)
Yeah, if I'm still for two minutes, that's it. Game over. The other day. Oh, the other day I was laying down on the couch with my daughter reading a book to her. And all of a sudden I opened my eyes and she's staring at me like what just happened? I fell asleep mid sentence reading to her. She's like, are you OK, mommy? And that happened two more times. And she goes, I think we need to go upstairs, mommy.

Tessie (30:45.87)
Especially nursing. Yeah.

Tessie (31:04.238)
you

Diana (31:12.161)
I was like, boy. Yeah, for mommy. For mommy.

Tessie (31:15.298)
Yeah, it's nap time. Yeah, you know, it's so funny when I was a kid, my grandma used to fall asleep just sitting there. She would just like fall asleep. I don't even know how you sleep like that. But she was like, obviously an old grandma. And it's so funny, like now my dad does that and he's like in his sixties and I'm just like, is this a thing that like old people do?

Diana (31:28.896)
Yeah!

Tessie (31:45.481)
fall asleep with their head like dangling.

Diana (31:45.953)
That's where I... That's me. That's me now. Yeah. I'm going to make a really good senior citizen. I'm not going to make a really good senior citizen. I'm going to rock it.

Tessie (31:49.961)
That's you now.

I can never do that. Yeah, you're already practicing.

Diana (32:01.331)
Exactly. So ideally, what is your ideal alone time? Barring sleep, let's say you are well rested. If you could have an hour to yourself while you're well rested, what would you do?

Tessie (32:08.525)
I

Tessie (32:16.834)
probably just go somewhere and eat peacefully. That's my ideal just by myself. mean, ideally, I would rather go with a friend, you know, but I mean, if if that's not an option, I'm perfectly fine being alone and going and having somebody serve me a meal and just like sitting there and having somebody get me more drink when I'm out and

instead of me being that person, that's what I would do.

Diana (32:50.207)
I love that, that's perfect.

Tessie (32:52.512)
Yeah, what about you?

Diana (32:56.031)
Ideally, I would do a workout class. I would do a high intensity workout class like I used to do, because I love those. First, I love group exercises, and I love the feeling of after a great workout. So that's what I would do. And that's what I lament now because I don't have the energy to work out regularly. And again, I'm running around with a toddler all day. I'm lifting her, I'm doing things.

Tessie (33:22.988)
That's a workout. Yeah.

Diana (33:24.575)
Right? But I miss, I miss exercise classes. I miss working out for me and not to move just to save her life or to entertain her. So that's what I would do. I would go to like a high intensity, like an orange theory or a kickboxing class and, or yeah, I would want to punch a punching bag for a while. I think that's what I would really like to do.

Tessie (33:32.628)
Yeah.

Tessie (33:48.078)
That is so funny. Like our things that we would do are so opposite. Mine is like go and be weighted on and not have to do anything physical, not even stand up, just chew. And you're like, I want to go do like this high intensity workout. Like, I actually can't stand workout classes because they're so long. I get bored with them. I'm like, are we really still doing this? Like 45 minutes later, like this is boring. I'm ready to move on.

Diana (34:16.321)
I love work out classes because it's the competitive side of me. So I picked the fittest person in the room and I'm like, I'm going to try to keep up with you. I don't, but I try because it just taps into that competitive side of me. And it's like, okay, I'm good. I'm good.

Tessie (34:19.626)
no.

Tessie (34:31.106)
would go on like a nice like light bike ride, you know, through the neighborhood through like one of those suburb neighborhoods that have like sidewalks that are flat throughout the entire neighborhood like in California. Unlike where I live. That's why I don't go bike riding in my neighborhood. It's too hilly. But the adjacent neighborhood. Yeah, like I just want to go

Diana (34:45.653)
Unlike where you live, unlike where you live.

Tessie (34:55.672)
I just want to go like to a Phoenix neighborhood that's like completely flat and ride my bike. That's the extent of the exercise that I would do.

Diana (35:03.989)
Sign me up for hot yoga, orange theory, kickboxing. I don't know. One of my favorite workout classes when I lived in upstate New York was called butts, guts, and thighs. It killed, but it was an hour of working out those muscle groups and it was most exhausting, but the best thing ever. That's what I would do.

Tessie (35:08.558)
No, thank you.

Tessie (35:27.186)
my gosh, I have so many friends who do CrossFit and I'm just like, don't understand that. And they're like, you gotta try it, you gotta come. And I'm like, no way would I ever do that kind of intense workout. I am way too lazy for that.

Diana (35:42.773)
I tried CrossFit. I didn't care for it. I tried CrossFit several times. And even though I love the high intensity stuff, CrossFit wasn't for me. And that's okay. I'll do the other stuff. Orange Theory I love. I love Orange Theory and hot yoga. But no, CrossFit wasn't for me. And it's everywhere where you live.

Tessie (35:45.826)
Yeah.

Tessie (35:58.818)
Mm-hmm.

Tessie (36:03.018)
Everywhere it's like such a thing people love it. They love it. It's really intense. Yeah, I'm like you can have it I'll just like I'll sit over here and eat my salad. Okay, and yeah get my free refills

Diana (36:06.229)
And that's great. They stay healthy.

Diana (36:17.279)
One of my most favorite times was when I was working in New York City. And again, this is pre-baby and I think I was in my early 30s or late 20s or something like that. And my good friend Robin and I, would go do, we would work all day. We worked like 12 hour days in dermatology and we're on our feet. And then we'd go do hot yoga and then we'd go downstairs and get Chipotle. That was like the best thing ever.

Tessie (36:43.054)
Nice. I know I have a neighbor who, she's got to be like mid 80s and she's in great shape, but they used to live in San Diego or in Carlsbad. And she said that every day her and her friends would drop the kids off at school. They would go do like a two hour workout class. They would go get a Wendy's salad and go to the beach. And I'm like, I want that life.

Diana (37:11.946)
that.

Tessie (37:12.278)
I'm so good. Minus the workouts. I just skipped straight to the beach. I'll meet you there. Grab me a salad on your way.

Diana (37:19.457)
I want all of that. I want all of it.

Tessie (37:24.952)
Doesn't that sound great?

Diana (37:26.325)
It does. It does.

Tessie (37:28.334)
This is like back in the 60s, you know, life was good, I guess.

Diana (37:36.449)
But I guess we can dream, because in reality, if we even get an hour, I would be sleeping.

Tessie (37:38.786)
Yeah.

Tessie (37:44.683)
Yeah, me too.

Diana (37:45.505)
Tell us what you guys would do. What is your ideal, if you're well-rested, what is your ideal mom alone time? And what is your actual mom alone time, if you even get it? Let us know the differences. You've heard our crazy ones.

Tessie (37:59.374)
Yeah, yeah, let us know.

Diana (38:09.353)
Okay, and also, here's another one. I want to know where you guys hide. Tell me if I'm crazy for hiding in a bathtub or if Tessie's crazy for hiding in a pantry. I think it's brilliant to hide in a pantry because that's where all the snacks are. That's where I would want to be.

Tessie (38:17.664)
I'm

Tessie (38:23.534)
This is why whenever I'm house hunting, okay, I'm like, oh, no pantry, no go. I'm not buying, I don't care how much I like the house. And it actually is like, I don't understand why they would, why anybody would build a high-end house and not put a pantry in it, but you would be surprised how many times that happens. And I'm just like, really? A man designed this house, 100%. Yes. Okay, that's like.

Diana (38:46.943)
A man without children.

Tessie (38:51.37)
absurd to have a house without a pantry.

Diana (38:55.393)
or a hiding space. think if I were, okay, if you were to design your own house right now, where would you design your hiding spot? Yeah.

Tessie (39:04.845)
Me? I would like have a secret bookshelf, know that like Batman and like open and then it would close and there'd be this whole like cave inside behind the bookshelf because we have a library in our house and it it's a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf like wall-to-wall floor-to-ceiling. That's where I would like totally hide it behind there.

Diana (39:19.841)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Diana (39:28.693)
Would you have a grand piano, you hit the keys, or you tilt a statue or pull out a book or something like that?

Tessie (39:31.031)
You

Diana (39:40.053)
Okay, mine would be in the pantry, okay? Cause I would want to stop there, grab my snack and then a panel would open up. And then I go into my little oasis over there where I could get my work at it. And then I could just lay down and not move and eat my snack. That's where I would do it.

Tessie (39:40.056)
That's funny.

Tessie (39:58.776)
Hey, we should look into this on like having somebody build us an underground bunker that we could just like get to from the house.

Diana (40:07.359)
Okay, so I don't know if you have you ever followed on Zillow something called Zillow gone wild?

Tessie (40:14.417)
No, what is that? That sounds awesome.

Diana (40:16.673)
It's one of my most favorite things to scroll through when I have my quote unquote downtime. And we all know Zillow. It's the website where you look at houses that are for sale. And Zillow Gone Wild is literally taking those houses on Zillow that are bananas. And they are either decorated insanely.

they have crazy rooms, like some of them have golf courses in their basement. They have swimming pools as their tub. There was one that had a potato shed or several of them in the Northeast that have potato shed. And it's literally like a, this dug out hole in the ground that is becomes a man cave. It's insane. It's a big hall, a potato cave, but there is one that popped into my head and it was.

It was actually because it's a jail. It's a converted jail. This person converted a jail into their house built on top of it, basically. And if you go down to the basement, it's a jail area. Like this old, and I'm like, I get it now why you would have this hiding place. Like all this time I thought, why would you have these potato sheds and these hiding places? Because you're trying to hide from your child to get two seconds of peace. I get it now.

Tessie (41:16.183)
What?

Tessie (41:35.694)
The jail is a perfect place. You can lock the door and nobody can get in. Even if they find you.

Diana (41:42.565)
Zillow gone wild. It's one of my most favorite things to like binge because it is so absurd and it's like real life. Some of them are like I look around like, ooh, are they near me? Can I drive by and see this place?

Tessie (41:54.84)
That reminds me of that house that I sent you one time I was looking on Zillow and they had the two story playhouse in the basement. It had this massive two story playhouse. I'm like, wow, that's a nice basement. That could just be my house alone. I'll just move into that and everyone else can have the rest of the house. Yeah. I tell my husband all the time, I'm like, Sadie, my daughter is gonna have to have her own

Diana (42:13.42)
The upstairs is theirs.

Tessie (42:24.674)
wing, you know, of the house. Like living room, kitchen, like with all these boys, she is going to need a place to escape. And I'm like, I'm just going to move in there with her too. So let's just make a house with two bedrooms. We need an in-law suite for me and my daughter.

Diana (42:27.947)
Mm-hmm.

Diana (42:40.353)
Ha!

Diana (42:45.417)
So the house I'm living in right now, the reason I picked this house is because when I went up to the attic, it wasn't finished, but it's attached, it's directly, the entrance to the attic was directly attached to a bedroom. And when I walked upstairs to the attic, I was like, this would be the perfect playroom for my daughter. And I'm thinking that she's gonna be really girly and everything. I would have these like beautiful, like this canopy of scarves and all that stuff.

Joke's on me, my daughter is not a girly girl, but that's what sold me on the house. was like, my gosh, this can be her playroom and that bedroom can be hers and she can just come upstairs. That's why I picked this house. But yeah, she doesn't want any of that. I didn't realize that the babies, like we talked about, they want you all the time and that's why we have this episode because we can't find free time.

Tessie (43:23.271)
Yes

Tessie (43:38.934)
Yeah, exactly. that's like not even, you imagine you can just send her up there and she'll play for hours. That's not a thing.

Diana (43:47.079)
Exactly. I did not know that. I know that now and I wouldn't trust her even when she's older and she does want to be by herself now. I'm be like, what are you doing behind closed doors? Where is your phone? Where's your computer? I don't trust you. So now, now the next house is going to be completely open floor plans and I'm not really sure if I'm going to give her a door to her bedroom. Not even sure about that.

Tessie (43:59.502)
Yeah, exactly.

Tessie (44:12.51)
yeah, no, when she's a teenage girl, no doors. No more doors.

Diana (44:22.005)
Anyway, so we digress. So listeners, we want to know where you hide. Where is your hiding place? Well, what do you do in your alone time? Share with us your thoughts and let us know if we're insane. And it's okay if we are.

Tessie (44:39.054)
fully admit it.

Diana (44:40.161)
you

Tessie (44:41.902)
Your kids will make you insane, I'm just saying.

Diana (44:46.433)
What do do? Do you like hiding your car? That's a good place too. I haven't thought of that one. It's summer right now. It's so hot. I don't want to do that. Where else could we hide? The garage. The garage. I actually thought of gardening just to get outside of the house and not have anyone come near me. like, I kind of understand why people like lawn work now. It's by ourselves.

Tessie (44:50.283)
Mm-hmm. I've hit in my car before.

Tessie (45:01.301)
Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't know if that would work.

Tessie (45:12.039)
I would have to hide underneath the deck if I go outside to hide. They would still find me there probably.

Diana (45:15.2)
you

Diana (45:21.569)
So let us know how you spend your free time, your very limited free time, how, where, what, when, let us know.

Tessie (45:29.194)
Yeah. Yeah.

Diana (45:34.913)
So, I guess that'll do it for us. Thank you so much for listening and sharing your time with us.

Tessie (45:42.88)
Yeah, and if you're sitting here thinking, like, why am I so tired all the time? This is your answer. You don't get any free time. Yeah.

Diana (45:50.933)
Thank you. Yeah. You're totally right. I mean, between the average two and a half jobs and 98 hours of really invisible labor, right?

Tessie (46:03.98)
Yeah, it's like no wonder. No wonder our brains don't work anymore, right?

Diana (46:04.8)
Thank

Diana (46:10.534)
Makes sense. Makes sense. And that's why we need the caffeine and the chocolate and the stolen cookie that I really need to unwrap before I get into the bathroom. That is what I learned from today's episode. I thought that through. Yes.

Tessie (46:14.318)
Yeah.

Tessie (46:26.368)
Yeah, you got to like hide the wrapper underneath your blanket or something so it's like quiet. You need to put it under something that muffles the sound.

Diana (46:33.011)
Yeah.

Diana (46:40.235)
So if hiding in the bathroom is the only space for you, own it. Right? Light a candle, put on a podcast, listen to us, laugh with us, make it a thing.

Tessie (46:48.494)
Thank

Diana (46:54.603)
So make sure to follow us on Instagram at pomcasts and tell us your best hiding spots. And until next time, we'll see you soon.

Tessie (47:03.756)
Bye!