E-1...Finding Light in Dark Times

How do you find solace after enduring unimaginable loss? Join us as we share an intimate narrative from the heart of the abandoned Chillicothe Hospital in Texas, where our conversation becomes a lifeline amidst personal hardships. We uncover how speaking our truths—especially in the wake of Zach's devastating loss—becomes more than just a cathartic release; it transforms into a powerful tool for healing. Our candid discussions aim to turn shared grief into a routine of support, offering a space that might not find a vast audience but serves as a crucial anchor for us.

Exploring the intricate dance of masculinity, family, and societal expectations, we challenge the norms that define strength and vulnerability. Through personal stories, such as a tense Thanksgiving tale, we juxtapose traditional discipline methods against modern perspectives, reflecting on how these forces shape parenting and the fierce love that binds families. We delve into the resilience expressed across genders, highlighting how boys and girls navigate these societal expectations differently yet with equal courage.

As we journey through childhood memories, the role of early relationships and family dynamics in shaping our identities comes into focus. Friendships forged through laughter, family nicknames, and the influence of upbringing become cornerstone topics, reflecting the importance of connection and authenticity. Finally, amidst tales of haunted hospitals and personal reflections on life, we ponder the impact of legacy and the power of capturing and cherishing moments for future generations. We invite you to listen, not for fame, but to partake in a shared human experience that seeks to find light even in the darkest times.

Transcript

Starting a Podcast for Support

Bucky 0:00

All right , coming to you live from the old , abandoned Chillicothe Hospital , Chillicothe , Texas . This is the B to the E to the Z and meant anything to me .

Speaker 2 0:27

And with those baby blue eyes and that smile , that smile , this year she turned three . You better grab a hold of something , for something grabs a hold of you . Grab a hold of something for something grabs a hold of you , and don't ask a question if you can't take the truth , because I'm just a reflection of you .

Bucky 1:01

He said I'm just a reflection of you and start recording . You got it All right . See , we're going now we're recording .

Earl 1:09

If you read some simple instructions , I mean .

Earl 1:11

Word for word .

Bucky 1:12

Hey , I don't know what the hell we're doing here .

Earl 1:15

Hey , so I guess a couple times .

Bucky 1:17

We are here at the old , abandoned Chillicothe Hospital , abandoned In a new studio . It In a new studio .

Zack 1:26

It's not a new studio , who abandoned it , it's what it is .

Bucky 1:29

It's a new studio but I think we're going to work on a .

Earl 1:32

It's the original studio .

Bucky 1:35

Yeah , this is the original boardroom of the Chillicothe Hospital . Lots of decisions have been made here , shit , but uh , that's not why we're here it didn't end well .

Earl 1:44

The place closed down , yeah it closed down , so now .

Zack 1:48

Some people got rich , some people didn't . They know shit .

Bucky 1:51

Some people got away . Hey , that could be a topic for another day .

Earl 1:54

Yeah , it is , because that's some Shit .

Bucky 1:56

Some people were forced to retire .

Earl 2:02

Some people should . Hey , I ain't going to say yeah , I just seen one of them this weekend .

Bucky 2:07

Hey , that's another topic for another day .

Zack 2:09

Right .

Bucky 2:10

But we're here to start a podcast and we don't know what we're doing .

Earl 2:18

Nah , this is how you do it , though .

Bucky 2:20

You just start talking , I mean hey , we got sound .

Earl 2:21

Well as far as recording and shit like that .

Earl 2:23

Yeah , we got different hookups like that we got equipment you done , invested some money in it . Why are you doing it , bucky ? Why would you do that ? A podcast , yeah . Why would you put some money in this and take this ?

Bucky 2:33

as something to do . Okay , let me tell you a story of what really happened .

Earl 2:36

This is a true story .

Zack 2:46

Zach knows about it because he started the whole thing told me , so it was after Christmas .

Bucky 2:48

You know , I don't know if it's Christmas Day , I don't know what day it was Christmas Day , yeah , I don't know . Thinking about Zack and how probably he was having a hard time now someone texting man to see how he's doing . So I text him in bro , how you doing Merry Christmas . It might have been more to it and I don't think . I think that was it and the reply I got . I'm just gonna read it , because that way it will be word for word . Are you good with that ? That's fine , and so that was a while back .

Zack 3:13

I'm a long ways from it , I know . That's why I can't hear you . Am I too close ?

Earl 3:16

No , you're good , no , no , no .

Bucky 3:17

Couldn't hear you , so I have to go . Oh man , I'm going to have to go back here .

Zack 3:22

I said , trying to find reasons to keep breathing there you go .

Bucky 3:27

So when he told me that I damn near had a wreck that day because I was going to Wichita , the highway was shut down because of a wreck so I had to go around one of them roundabout deals from the overpass . I was just driving and I got , got to the intersection and I didn't stop . I just ran right through it and the guy was like , yeah , and I was talking to him , I think I was called you right . Then after you texted me , didn't I call you ? Yes , and so I damn near had a wreck . Then I got up , uh , about a half mile they were looking for a body out in the woods . I'm like , man , that's crazy . So I just said I called Zach and told him . I said we're starting a podcast , Yep , and so we can rewind .

Zack 4:15

We need to rewind about 13 months , something like that . So the reason that I said that I was trying to find reasons to keep breathing is that both of my girls died in a car wreck on September 1st of 2022 .

Bucky 4:33

So yeah , so it hit me when he told me that you know I've had other friends , that we've had other friends and people we know that had a hard time and didn't make it not here with us anymore and so we've just been through a lot of shit yeah , I've been through a lot of shit and so I'm like man zach is going through some shit you know , hey , yeah , we all do .

Earl 4:56

But well I can't say his is worse than mine or you know nobody's to to uh debate that everybody's bottoms different , but when you tell me that that's when , when I said we're starting a podcast , motherfucker's one of the toughest people I know . I knew that right away that day .

Bucky 5:09

Yeah , but I said , I'm starting a podcast If it don't do anything , if it don't help , if we don't ever get one listener , and we may not .

Zack 5:16

Oh , we will , but I'm not worried about that .

Bucky 5:19

I , we can do this to help one another . You're right , if I can make it , to say all right , zach , every friday afternoon at three o'clock try to make a routine .

Earl 5:29

Yeah , try to make it a routine something to . It's like we're set to do that now .

Bucky 5:34

Yeah , yeah , that's what we're working on so now , maybe this podcast will give you a reason to breathe , right ? I mean , maybe not , I don't know but you got .

Earl 5:45

You've tried some different ones , haven't you different ? A reason to breathe , right ? I mean , maybe not , I don't know . I don't know , but you've tried some different ones , haven't you Different ?

Bucky 5:50

what Reasons to breathe ? Yes , oh , that's so weird . Yes , you know what I mean . Maybe some of them are working and some of them aren't .

Earl 5:54

Well , some things are temporary .

Bucky 5:56

Exactly . There's short-term and there , yes , women .

Earl 6:02

Yeah , there's different things that can .

Bucky 6:04

But I mean , yeah , that's a long discussion .

Zack 6:06

Well , yeah , I mean , I like them all .

Earl 6:09

Well , yeah , to some degree you got to be careful with all that shit .

Bucky 6:12

Yeah , you can't over and over .

Earl 6:14

There's an old country boy saying it's okay to carry on , but don't get carried away . Hey , I like that .

Earl 6:26

It's different .

Earl 6:28

It's different with different people . It's hard , it is . That's why it's like an old school thing . It's not PC anymore . You know what I mean ? It's the Me Too , and all this shit . What are we ? White dudes ? We got the least . Now we live during the wrong time of white dudes now we live during the wrong time of white , there we go .

Bucky 6:48

See , there we go . It's tattooed , bearded and racist . I am , that will get . I'm all about whitey . Yeah , yeah , I probably put race in it .

Zack 6:53

My god , every one of us , every one of us are are married to the other race , you know so , yeah , you're right , you're right , I ain't thought about that , dude .

Earl 7:01

Wow , I thought about that interesting , so we're not prejudiced , you know well , well , no , well , prejudice is a different thing , so you prejudge certain things . There's stereotypes , there's racist , there's like hating other race . There's different degrees . It's like love there's different kinds of love .

Zack 7:14

There's different kinds of hate . Well , there's a big difference between love and lust .

Earl 7:20

There's misunderstanding . There's fantasy .

Bucky 7:22

We all know we grew up in this small town in Texas .

Earl 7:25

No Asians in the crowd .

Bucky 7:26

No Asians have that , yeah , that's right In Texas , in Texas .

Zack 7:29

We're trying not to use names or anything else .

Bucky 7:31

But we grew up in a small town and I've seen some of that racist stuff . Oh yeah , yeah , we still do .

Earl 7:36

I still do , Brother , I still do in all these little towns . I ain't got very far .

Bucky 7:41

I'm not saying I broke any barriers here , but oh yeah , no , there was a time and a place you fought for the cause , your time was it .

Earl 7:49

You were ahead of your time . That's a story for another day .

Zack 7:51

We're going to talk about . What are you going ?

Earl 7:54

to talk about .

Zack 7:54

There's two people here that can't be named . You know what I'm saying . So here's one of the things that talk about racism . Since we're on it , the things that happen in chillicothe , texas . Uh , there was a uh , a farmer and when I say big farmer , I mean he was a big dude , he was actually uh , I wouldn't say he was a farmer , but he helped farmers out because he run combines . Then there was a , a guy that had moved here from out of town and was dating his brother's daughter I don't know if y'all witnessed that or not Right outside the new gym .

Zack 8:31

Oh yeah yeah , yeah , he picked him up by the throat , slammed him on the car . Said leave my niece alone , or you're going to die and nobody will miss you .

Bucky 8:39

Yeah , so we know it's not okay .

Earl 8:47

I feel like that's how we knew . Then you didn't have a little tingle . Then you had a little tingle , then Like what the fuck ?

Earl 8:52

Right , that's something different . Not everybody has .

Earl 8:55

Different people have different lines and conscience .

Bucky 8:58

That's part of that little voice in your head .

Zack 9:01

Yeah , but that's how the new generation heard it . I'm sorry , go ahead , brother . Here's what it is . That type of attitude was bred into them .

Bucky 9:07

Yes , yeah , it was learned , it's a learned You're soaked in , it's soaked in .

Earl 9:11

You don't know anything Over time it gets different too , hey , but I didn't either . That's right , that's what I'm saying . Over time it's different for each generation .

Bucky 9:18

It doesn't mean anything .

Earl 9:24

I've done it . It's a conscious thing . It's like I told you to take the C word out of my mouth .

Speaker 2 9:27

Things like that or what else , sorry I try not to say I'm sorry .

Bucky 9:30

Yeah , gd is a good one , that's a hard one , but it's a good one to put on there .

Earl 9:36

I've been trying to cut back on that word .

Zack 9:38

Hey , that's it , except for I know when to If we all want to stop saying GD which I've done this before and I've caught myself because I'm mad at God right now but saying the GD word . But every time you say GD , if you slap yourself , you'll stop saying it . You're right .

Earl 9:54

I had to do that with one of my twins . I told you about my definition , right , GD , it's a real thing . Something is God damn right .

Earl 10:01

Some things are damned by God .

Earl 10:05

Like these things , like this phone . It's going to perish from the earth . Things are . There's just things that are gone . They're damned . It's not going to carry on these buildings , things like that . They're damned by God .

The Nature of Masculinity and Strength

Earl 10:16

I don't know what about dogs and cats ? I mean there's family .

Zack 10:19

I don't know about shit like that .

Bucky 10:20

okay , there's families okay , there's families , there's family , there's names , family names that are damned by god , but generation curses .

Earl 10:27

Yes , yeah , yeah , yeah , you talk . Yeah , there's things such a thing that people didn't make that up that hate that's inside of them , it's strong , it's a feeling . It's more than that . We can talk about feelings , but that's part of what that is .

Bucky 10:38

It's a strong kind of why we started this podcast right maybe the mystery of life well , maybe we don't talk about our feelings enough , and maybe we should . You're right about that , Because as a man you're , I don't know about you guys , but I don't . I guess I was taught as as , growing up as a man , you don't . You don't cry , you ain't got to cry .

Earl 10:59

Get up , Get up , boy . Yeah , like get up .

Bucky 11:01

Yeah , put some dirt on that , let's go yeah .

Earl 11:03

And I still do that , but I cry more than I ever did you know fucking as an old man ?

Bucky 11:07

When you get an adult you're like it's different .

Earl 11:09

It's hard to explain .

Zack 11:10

I'll give you a reason .

Earl 11:11

It's okay . Yeah , oh well , yeah , hell , yeah , like right , well , you couldn't anymore . I was raised a little more physically , that's what I'm saying . Like if you , if you was in a grocery store and you're .

Bucky 11:30

I went to court for spanking my child . Once you better get over here .

Earl 11:32

I'm gonna give you something to cry about , yeah maybe up there in the corner saying nine better , not , I don't know , people do yeah , I've seen both . I've seen extremes .

Zack 11:39

It's kind of putting a halt to this . But here's a story . Let me tell you a story that happened one time . So I'm at my brother's for , uh , I believe it was thanksgiving , or yeah thanksgiving and uh , my brother's wife , mom's boyfriend at the time was there and he was uh , so he was a chaplain , and uh , my daughter well , lexi , I can say her name , so Lexi's acting pretty bad , you know .

Bucky 12:08

How old is she ? I mean Four or five . Okay , yeah , I'm just trying to get a picture . All right , all right , all right .

Zack 12:15

No , she was younger than that , because Zoe was a baby . Okay , zoe was probably one , so she's probably three or four , but my daughter , but Lexixi let's just go ahead and throw this out there lexi never did baby talk , so as soon as she started speaking , she was full sentence . She's telling you yeah , so anyway . So , uh , she's acting bad and my mom has just told her . You know you need to stop that . And you know , and you know , finally , I had , I heard of that . I , I heard you need to stop that . Enough times I said now , listen to me , you need to stop that right now . And my brother's , wife's mom's boyfriend .

Earl 12:56

I'm following you brother , this person of interest .

Zack 12:59

Says boy , that is a child you're talking to , you don't need to be talking to her like that and yelled it at me . And I turned around and looked at him and I was holding my youngest and I stood up and I said I walked , you know , to the next room , but it's all open concept . So I walked into the next room and I said God , he really does not know who he's yelling at . And I said I think I'm just going to go outside . So I went outside . Well , my brother's wife decided that she was going to come out there and tell me . She said I don't know why you didn't say something to him . Really .

Earl 13:39

She called you on that . Yeah , she did Well . Oh , june , did you ? Yes ?

Zack 13:41

she did , she did . Well , I threw her , my baby .

Earl 13:44

And I went back inside and I slid the table all the way up . I'm not there .

Zack 13:47

You know , I slid the table all the way up against him . I said , listen here . I said you don't know how much I love my kids . I said you have no clue . It's no measure . They are my children on top of that , and just I mean that I don't love my kids .

Earl 14:01

That's right , do you know me so ?

Zack 14:02

if you don't want your ass whooped , I think you need to mind your own business . And he went to say something else and my mom said she said you need to mind your own business . He said you need to . I said what . Yeah , what . What were you fixing ? You know ?

Earl 14:13

Yeah .

Zack 14:22

But you know that goes back to what we're saying . You know , like we're talking about being in the grocery store and start crying , and I'll give you a reason to cry .

Bucky 14:29

But that's how we were raised . Yeah , oh , sure , for sure , yeah , yeah , but .

Earl 14:33

I'm just saying you better be tough , rub dirt on it .

Bucky 14:35

Yeah , like as a man you're supposed to be tough , Walk it off .

Zack 14:39

Walk are a lot tougher than girls . We should say that .

Earl 14:42

There's just differences . I'm not denying that In different ways .

Earl 14:45

Hey , girls are tough , different Right as in babies .

Zack 14:47

You know , a boy can run and run into the wall and hit his head and fall down and he's not going to cry about it .

Bucky 14:51

But if we had a baby , I would be crying .

Earl 14:54

Girls are tough at a different stage and shit , girls are three . I'm just saying men can't do physical pain . No , they're different , dude , they're just both different . It's like , uh , seeing joe rogan talk about like there's a difference in a man and a woman you just can't it's like even in athletics . They still separate them for a reason . They argue about transgender and shit like that see , this is topics we're gonna .

Bucky 15:16

I know , I'm just saying , but that's why they argue about it because you know what men are bigger and stronger , and generally they overpower women . So talking about that , the man thing , and I think we talked about this the other day and I talked to my wife about it . She didn't really like it , but I told her a man was created different from women .

Zack 15:37

Correct Women were made from our rib bones . Yes , you're right .

Bucky 15:41

And a man was made .

Earl 15:42

Hmm Well , and you see it in all , species , mankind rib bone , you're right , and a man was made .

Bucky 15:44

Well , you see it in all species .

Earl 15:49

They have different roles . The man and the woman have different roles . The libido is what it is .

Bucky 15:54

The man is physically driven . Correct , physically driven .

Earl 15:58

To mate with anything that will slow down long enough to mate with , to make more of him .

Earl 16:06

That's a natural drive . That's a natural drive .

Bucky 16:07

It's a natural drive , and so it's like every day you have to resist that . You know what ?

Earl 16:12

I mean Well , yeah .

Earl 16:13

It's a natural force .

Bucky 16:15

Yes , and so that's really hard , even if you're just perfectly happy with everything . You have everything you ever wanted . That's right , beautiful wife .

Earl 16:23

Yes , you wake up every day and you got to see her , you have everything .

Bucky 16:27

Just say you had everything you ever wanted . That's right . That's the next , and you still have an urge sometimes to be like man .

Earl 16:31

Well , you know , king Solomon . Well , yeah , I mean , you know .

Zack 16:34

Tried everything .

Bucky 16:46

And it's that dude that's sitting on you . Sure he's hot boy , okay . So I do raise some animals . I have some goats , okay . So the other day I had all my females on this side . I'm saying I'm gonna take all my males off because I want I don't want them to breed right now so I'll take all the males and put them over here . It wasn't that far away and so I put them over there . There's like five males and they're running around . You can tell they're just like man .

Earl 17:00

What the hell just happened oh yeah , he took all .

Bucky 17:01

He took all our women away . So he's just like crazy , they're crazy , stirred them up , stirred them up . And I said I better watch these guys because they look like they're fixing to get into some shit .

Earl 17:11

No , really , I know you can tell , you can tell you sense it .

Bucky 17:13

Yeah . So I'm like , all right'm going to jump this fence , yeah . And then you know , right over the fence they're going to get back together , straight back to them female , I'm like and treat them rough .

Earl 17:28

Oh yeah .

Bucky 17:28

When they get there , just be like yeah , so I'm like the forces of nature are strong , oh yeah absolutely , so you know . And it's not just physical , there's other that's for men .

Earl 17:40

Yeah well there's different parts .

Zack 17:42

And here's the deal . You know , we talked about this the other day . This is true . You know , a guy will sleep with anybody that slows down long enough and says okay .

Bucky 17:56

But a female to lay down with a man usually has to have some feelings . But you know , so I'm going to say 97% of all women . I have seen some women that are quite that's right 97% of women will lay down for feelings .

Earl 18:06

The other 3% are evil you know , hey , one time I bought it . It's like psychology of how to pick up women . You ever seen those Like ?

Earl 18:14

a thing . You ever buy those .

Earl 18:16

It's like the psychology of it , how to pick up women and shit like that , and I've seen people do it . Okay , well , basically the basics are there's two kinds of men and there's like 12 kinds of women when it comes to sex . As far as , like , all men are sexually liberated , whereas most women are not , and that's the two kind there are . There's the one that's sexually liberated or there's the one that takes a whole lot of work to get her there , and that's the basic difference .

Earl 18:38

Yeah , and then there's like 12 kinds of what oh , I'm sorry , like the girl that's going to give it up to anybody . There's like the private dancer that's only going to finally do one and it's going to be that way .

Zack 18:48

There's like 12 kinds of and there's like two kinds of dudes psychologically in that way , I'm hoping that a woman wrote that book , because if not , he's wrong , you know what .

Earl 18:56

I'm saying no , well , it was one no worked for me quite a bit , but you know what I ? Mean , you know , it explains a lot . It's not . No , nothing's perfect . It's all like shit that people studied into and tried .

Zack 19:08

But the thing is we're kind of missing topic here , but we're trying to all be better . Is that what we're trying ?

Bucky 19:12

to . We're trying to get together grow talk about our problems , our struggles , heal , heal and grow our addictions , because we all have some sort of addiction .

Zack 19:24

Oh , yeah , yeah . So can I throw you on the spot here ? I mean , go for it .

Bucky 19:27

Why not ?

Zack 19:28

Okay , so here's the deal . Do you think that you're trying to be better ? Because you got up one morning , you looked in the mirror and you realized you were old .

Earl 19:36

You know what I'm saying ? That's midlife crisis .

Bucky 19:38

You know what I'm saying ?

Zack 19:38

That has a lot to do with it , right .

Bucky 19:40

Well , well .

Earl 19:42

Or the days that have already passed . You know what ? Yes , no .

Zack 19:46

That's slowed me down a lot because you know I sure would hate . You know the reason . I say slowed me down . I don't even . I know , you know , because you know there's going to be a time where the yeah , I can't say it was a day .

Bucky 20:00

I mean , I know I'm old , I'm a 50-year-old , I'm a 50-year-old , I'm a 50 . Right , we're 50-year-olds .

Zack 20:05

Well , no , 49 this year , 49 . Yeah , but I'm saying we're getting there Next month 50 years old I'm glad I'm not there .

Bucky 20:11

Nah , we're damn near there , but I mean Five-0 . I know a lot of people .

Zack 20:16

Hey To 50 .

Bucky 20:17

We know a lot of people that made it past 50 . We know a lot of people that didn't deserve to make it back .

Zack 20:24

There you go , and some people that should have made it .

Bucky 20:29

But that's not our decision .

Earl 20:31

That's right , that's conceptual thinking .

Bucky 20:33

So yeah , I think maybe it's like you know , because you see a lot of older people are into church and into religion , but when you're young , you don't give a damn .

Zack 20:49

It didn't mean no , forced to go , forced to go , yeah , you're .

Earl 20:51

Yeah , I mean exactly , and you grew up oh , my god , you're going to church and I'm like they were considered .

Bucky 20:53

But you know what , though , even though they forced me to go I'm so glad they did I still had a good time like oh , I met a lot of good people like oh yeah , I mean you were .

Earl 20:59

Yeah , that's how you learn what you learned . Some of the bad things too .

Bucky 21:01

You learn like , hey , some of these people are full of shit didn Well , yes , but I had some of my funnest memories on church trips .

Zack 21:09

Yeah yeah , yeah , oh yeah yeah , they were all nice and clean too , but no , I mean remember we used to go to .

Bucky 21:17

We went Colorado Springs , colorado .

Speaker 2 21:19

Colorado City .

Bucky 21:20

Six Flags A lot Whitewater . We went on a lot of trips .

Zack 21:24

We went to several wet and wild whitewaters . Yeah , that's actually where we were always doing so , that's

Early Relationships and Childhood Influence

Zack 21:29

the .

Bucky 21:29

That's actually where I met my first real girlfriend okay , you see , I'm not gonna , I'm gonna .

Zack 21:35

Just I don't know which one was your first well , I mean like I want to say real .

Earl 21:40

What do you mean by real ?

Bucky 21:41

yeah , when I second base . Well , no , okay , I was going into my freshman year , so it's eighth grade year , right from vernon , like freshman year , so it was eighth grade year Right From Vernon Like two home runs or what it was you know , okay , yes , yes , yes , yes , so anyway , no , I don't yeah . We're going on this trip . I'll just tell you a short story Okay , yeah , yeah yeah , go ahead .

Bucky 22:01

How it all went down . So , going on a church trip and there was this one girl man that always was trying to talk to me and she was really . She was probably going to listen to this and know who it is .

Earl 22:14

Oh yeah , yeah , that person's fine she ain't named .

Bucky 22:16

She just really annoyed me for some reason , because she was just overly wanting to talk to me and always wanting to be you know , go out with me , Force your way in , yeah . I'm just like ain't nothing . There was nothing wrong with her .

Bucky 22:31

She was a beautiful young lady just something about the way she came on to me . I didn't like right . And so we get off on the bus at I think it was at six flags . Yeah , and a friend of mine , she was a female as well . She's seeing what's going on . I'm like man . I wish this girl would just leave me alone she's like I got this competition she's like I got this and she went and told her .

Earl 22:49

You told her that you told her I wish this girl was mine . Yeah , and she went over there and was like I don't know what she told her .

Bucky 22:54

Maybe we'd have her call in one day . She'd tell me what she said . But she didn't the rest of the time .

Zack 22:59

Yeah and just sharing how I'm gonna get about girls , and so we hung out like four hours . So the one that that one made the girls stop is the one you started dating .

Bucky 23:14

Yeah , well , I mean , we weren't even like , we were just that's what kicked it off that's what kicked it off . We spent like the next four hours riding every ride , talking like we had the best . I had the best time of my life with the female well , not , not not the best time of your life ? Well , at that time , at that time , at that time , okay , right , I think I understood that that was understood okay . So yeah , you can't take everything . I say yeah , yeah okay what ?

Bucky 23:35

because we're talking about so at that time , yeah , editing for that it was great , and so we started going out after that and uh , yeah , so that's , that's one of my I still .

Earl 23:45

What do you mean by real first , real girlfriend like well , you want somebody you actually cared about , but more than just you felt that way that's what I'm saying , more than just a little kid saying like a second base , or a little kid feeling yeah , more than just like , yeah , like damn .

Zack 23:58

We had a good thinking like what should I buy her ?

Earl 24:00

well for her birthday like you said you had like a good ass time that day . You were just like you , just keep wanting to chase that day .

Bucky 24:09

Yeah , because you you had a good time , so you're like um yeah and so that was like we had several trips like that . That I just that's the one I remember , but we went on . So church was a big deal oh , it's huge , you know .

Zack 24:23

And the thing is , you know the my mom used to sit when me and my brothers all stayed in the same room , that's before they added on to the house and everything else . So we were always pretty much broke . I mean , we were not . There weren't any rich bone in our body . You know what I'm saying , but we never thought about that as a kid . Ever never ever , ever , ever ever .

Bucky 24:43

Yeah , same .

Zack 24:50

But see , my mom would sit there by our bed . She would read the bible to , to us , I mean , but I guess I'm probably .

Bucky 24:52

I probably listened more than most because she sat right beside me , you know well , but that's , that's a younger .

Zack 24:55

You was the youngest , I was , yeah I was soaking it up , boy , and uh , and I did , you know , I soaked a bunch of it up and you know I'm uh you're probably a better man because of it I mean , you know you're the man you are .

Earl 25:07

Because of it , you .

Bucky 25:08

It might help you through some situations that you might not even realize .

Earl 25:10

It's like everything else . You are what you are .

Zack 25:13

You are because of all that shit .

Bucky 25:15

Oh , a lot .

Zack 25:15

All the time it still does .

Bucky 25:19

Yeah , thank you .

Zack 25:22

We all come from pretty much the same style of raising around but , we're all different we all had different things

Speaker 2 25:30

going on A little bit yeah .

Friendship Through Laughter and Support

Zack 25:33

I had no nicknames in my family , but everybody .

Earl 25:36

That's all my family is . I've never . That's what we're talking about the other day .

Zack 25:38

Well , Chris was a kid . Everybody had a nickname .

Bucky 25:44

So what was your little brother's Beasley , beasley I was Bucky .

Zack 25:47

I don't know about your oldest , but he , we called him Bub . Yeah .

Bucky 25:51

Yeah . Yeah , we had a lot of nicknames in my family . I don't know why it's different .

Earl 25:55

And then certain people do , certain people , certain personalities call for it .

Zack 25:59

That's Bucky . What was that ? That was probably your freshman year .

Earl 26:06

Well , I'm just saying he was I know .

Bucky 26:08

If you wasn't family , you didn't .

Earl 26:09

The only people that ever call me Eric is people at work . So I mean , you were a white woman .

Zack 26:13

That was past junior high , that was .

Bucky 26:15

Yeah , yeah , I was high school , high school .

Zack 26:18

But , yeah , okay , so I'm going to give you a physical picture of Mr . Are we using our real names , since my name has ?

Earl 26:26

If you want , we can still put that in or out . You still can decide that later , mr .

Zack 26:30

Chris Love here the physical picture of him when he was in fifth grade was Full grown man ?

Earl 26:36

No he wasn't gray though .

Zack 26:38

He had to go tee . No shit , I mean he was shaving . He did peak about .

Earl 26:42

I mean Well , eighth grade . Maybe you know my high school .

Zack 26:45

You're right , my junior high team .

Earl 26:48

We weighed more than the high school team .

Zack 26:50

People would play against us and line up against us on the other side , and they would look at Chris and Phillip Sorry , I used your name but they'd look at oh , I can't use his name KP . They'd see all of them . They thought , man , where are your kids at ?

Earl 27:05

You've got to have kids in the stand because you're full grown . Somebody told me the other day your picture up there in the hall . I still look like hey that's how it was a teacher , because he had like five o'clock shadow in the senior picture oh yeah , he's up toward the top too , and then , uh yeah , I'm pretty sure it's a teacher yours yeah , yeah , no , I look like because he has like a five .

Earl 27:21

I was like dude . He's getting old by then . I think he's losing hair . You should have sent him in about sixth grade .

Bucky 27:26

He looked good I think eighth grade , like , yeah , you're right , I peaked after that yeah , but by your senior .

Earl 27:33

Yeah , that's what I said . I was thinking that too , man , you're all hairlines are seeing everything .

Zack 27:36

That's like , yeah , you should have seen him yeah , but the man was made of rubber , though he bound he yeah till I didn't say rubbers , because he's got 28 kids , no shit but I said man was made of red .

Earl 27:47

We don't know .

Zack 27:49

I mean , I'm just saying I mean , that's a hey some seeds are strong .

Bucky 27:54

I did have some people try to put some kids on me and . I did have to take a DNA test once . Yeah , shit happens , and I was not the father , right .

Zack 28:09

Right , right . I mean , how do you remember ? But the kid was like I had it both ways . I had it both ways .

Earl 28:10

No , listen , talk about some disappointing times I've had it where it's not the dad . I've had it where it is the dad .

Bucky 28:13

Listen this is the crazy part Ten years old .

Earl 28:16

At the time they did it . Why would you tell me now yeah , that's a chick's turn . If you thought I was a daddy .

Zack 28:23

I'll tell you why so I remember this day very well and we were all kids still , basically and it was right over there at what used to be the dryer laundry place here in Chillicothe . Oh yeah . And remember you know who I'm talking about . You know your brothers . Basically you know they beforehand , before they were your brothers .

Bucky 28:48

Yeah .

Earl 29:09

At that time I forgot about it . It was too late .

Zack 29:11

After it was done it was done , but I thought that I'm sorry dude yeah , I never , and that kind of broke him apart a little bit .

Bucky 29:18

Yeah , it had to be .

Zack 29:24

You know what ? Well , absolutely which one .

Bucky 29:26

Well , I'm just saying that's one Right both .

Earl 29:28

Oh , it devastated , tony . Yes .

Zack 29:30

Yeah , he was crushed . I was there when he came back , when he got the results . Yeah , I mean .

Bucky 29:34

And then it just like Because you know , he told me .

Zack 29:36

Richie was like didn't know what the fuck he always told me .

Bucky 29:43

He said I don't think .

Earl 29:46

It's true .

Zack 29:46

You want one of these . They're gone . You know that's a sad thing , but I'm just saying that's kind of why it is a sad thing .

Bucky 29:53

We're just talking on some topics , on why we're doing what we're doing now .

Zack 29:57

Exactly .

Earl 29:58

That leads all the way to this . You're right .

Bucky 29:59

Yeah , so we're talking about these little nitpick stories .

Zack 30:04

We've seen lots of people go that shouldn't have gone .

Bucky 30:06

They were friends close friends we're just trying to help each other , I've got quite the relationship with death . We're just trying to help each other . Help each other . If we can help just us three , we're doing something . But if we can reach one more person outside of our circle , that's it .

Earl 30:24

It's all gravy .

Bucky 30:25

What if them people ? Share something and touch somebody else .

Zack 30:30

One of these days days we'll probably get down to where we actually have a topic that we talk about .

Earl 30:34

But you know , these first few years , yeah , we probably will . Soon , Probably will . I think we'll get some of this and we'll be like man , we got to talk about something else .

Bucky 30:41

Yeah , we got to stay . Yeah , we'll stay on topic .

Earl 30:44

Can't all be serious and bull . Oh , who wants to listen to that shit ? It's like depressing or something you know .

Bucky 30:49

So we are going to have some comedic interviews as well , oh absolutely .

Earl 30:55

I'll say this .

Earl 30:56

This is like man , it's like AA in a way , like you can keep going to meetings where people can and this one person comes in and pours out all their bad shit .

Bucky 31:05

I was so bad and I did this and this and this . That's all you're listening to . Yeah , but sometimes you can carry that with you out of there .

Earl 31:08

Well , that's no good , though , to hear that all the time you go in there and one person just talks about all the bad shit , all the bad stuff and so , yeah , sometimes we need that .

Bucky 31:16

So you've got to have some other stories . Well , we need that laughter to . Sometimes . Laughter just heals the soul Sure does .

Earl 31:23

Even if it's temporary , it's a thing , it it's just medicine . It is , it's just medicine .

Bucky 31:26

And it's free . It's free and it's temporary , of course , but if we can make somebody laugh too , we're helping somebody the swirl's temporary If ? Zach smiles over there . If I can make Zach smile , he's forgetting about maybe something for a minute .

Earl 31:43

Well that's what ? No , he just knows better than us that we're all temporary .

Zack 31:48

Well , yes .

Earl 31:48

Yeah , yeah . He's feeling it more every day because he's lost such a part of his life .

Bucky 31:53

Dude that something that is just unthinkable I don't that's all I can say dude , yeah , no , right now , that's all you can say . So that's that's why we're doing this podcast . We don't really know what we're doing and you nobody may not ever listen , but you know what I think ?

Earl 32:08

I feel pretty good about what we've already talked about , and I was going to say we might make three recordings and we're the only ones that hear it , okay .

Bucky 32:14

It's like that old tape we made in 99 .

Earl 32:16

Where's that shit at Remember when it was New Year's 99 ? We've got a capsule buried .

Bucky 32:20

We've got a deal buried somewhere , hey , right there in front of the new gym , where what let's go dig that shit up tomorrow .

Zack 32:27

We buried a time capsule . We buried a time capsule .

Bucky 32:30

I don't know that it was ever . I have to piece of that or we do it now . He made me laugh .

Zack 32:33

I don't know if it was ever dug up yet or not . We did .

Earl 32:36

I think somebody dug it up , didn't they ?

Bucky 32:38

Didn't Miss Justice class ?

Earl 32:38

we do that yes but somebody dug it up like in 20 years or something . Yeah it . I don't think ours .

Zack 32:45

I don't know . I think somebody did Coach .

Earl 32:47

Martinez . They've all been dug up . I remember several people doing that .

Zack 32:50

Coach Martinez , we did it , coach Martinez .

Earl 32:52

I know exactly where it is .

Zack 32:54

It's right there in front of the new gym .

Bucky 32:57

No .

Zack 32:57

It's right there in front of the new gym .

Bucky 32:59

Yeah , Okay , so , yeah , yeah , so yeah . Well , that's why we're kind of doing this podcast to help ourselves . Maybe if we just reach one other person , we're good or not . We may not reach no one . Oh , I mean , I need to , but I feel like , like I say , we do have some people already . Well , we have some people lined up for some interviews we're going to talk about . We'll talk about Chillicothe , We'll talk about life . We'll talk about stories in our life , maybe tragedies , maybe achievements .

Zack 33:53

I mean there will be a time that , uh , because for for everybody to understand the real reason that we're doing all this , I mean the , the stories will have to be told .

Bucky 33:58

I mean to a point yes , but it's not just going to be our stories . We're going to have other people , because I have a friend and we've already talked about some of the people we're going to interview and what that's going to happen to . But I have a friend that he is a living hero . He served in the military . I mean he saved countless people's lives during war . I mean he's decorated , he's got the medals to back it up . He's a badass , like he was in special forces , and he's already agreed to come on and talk about some of the stories he had in the military . And let me tell you guys , you want to hear it . It's going to be good .

Earl 34:45

It's good yeah .

Bucky 34:46

It's going to be good , and so we have guys like that . We're going to have just local people from this area that we're going to interview about . I don't know , it may not even be about anything . We may just say , hey , tell us the funniest story you ever had .

Zack 35:01

Then we have our people , like my dad , that's , you know . Yeah , we're going to have we dad , that's you know . Yeah , we're gonna have .

Bucky 35:05

We're gonna ask everything .

Earl 35:06

We're gonna have family he's gonna be on multiple times . Yeah , we may have episodes . We're gonna split them up .

Bucky 35:11

A set of episodes well , we're gonna sit down here the three-part jerry flynn episode . Yeah , so we're gonna have some guests .

Earl 35:18

We're gonna have some call-in guests . We're gonna have some in-studio guests we meet up here sometimes and we might be here an hour we might be here five hours .

Bucky 35:26

Yes , you're right , you're right , I think , and that's you know we're not in any ?

Earl 35:30

oh , that's how they do that , and then podcast , that way three to five hours .

Bucky 35:34

We're not putting any time limits on it . We're not doing anything right . It's going to go with the flow we can put together how we ourselves . We're not trying to script this shit , guys like this is just real life and we all have real life . That goes on outside of this , believe it or not , and we'll get into that later or not . Like I can tell you what I got going on , it's a lot .

Earl 35:55

Yeah , I know , we all have struggles , but anyway , it doesn't matter , but yeah , Chill Chucky . I tell you what . It's cold as a bucket . It is cold in here . It I tell you what it's cold as a

The Haunted Hospital and Ghost Stories

Earl 36:05

bucket .

Earl 36:05

It is cold in here . It is cold .

Earl 36:05

We're going to have to get our conditions , ain't it no warmer down here ?

Bucky 36:07

We're going to get our conditions better . What ?

Zack 36:08

the fuck is wrong with the heater . I mean I hope , because I wake up daily looking for reasons to breathe . So I mean that's just the truth , it's just I understand that dude .

Bucky 36:16

No , you ain't Dude , little thing dude , I hope we can give you more than that . Yeah , you know it , you know that right , or hey , I love you , brother , or maybe we just how it is , or maybe you can give somebody else a reason yeah , and I don't know what you can get out of that .

Earl 36:34

Right now you don't even see what you would get out of that . I understand that it's funny . Huh yeah , I did it .

Zack 36:39

I don't I don't know either , dude , I'm talking shit , probably this , but this month's pretty rough . You knowi's birthday's on the 24th . Yeah , it's next week . Yeah , we do the lantern thing , you know .

Earl 36:51

Yeah , you got to have a lot of that too . Dude , I believe , I believe , dude . You got to do whatever You're still questioning yourself dude , what did you do wrong , right , what's wrong ? You're thinking . Still , though , you're mad at God .

Zack 37:05

I'm mad at everybody .

Earl 37:06

Yeah , got that . I understand , dude . You're probably going to be that for a long ass time , dude , I mean you know , I woke up like five minutes late , you know .

Zack 37:14

Nah well see , there's several things . I always get up and I still do it . I still get up every morning to and I just I didn't , and they got up on their own .

Bucky 37:24

Oh shit , yeah , yeah but .

Zack 37:27

You know , if I'd have got up on time , they'd have left us .

Earl 37:29

No , that's not . You still do . You don't know that .

Bucky 37:32

You're saying that but you don't really know that . I'm just saying there's lots of yeah , in your mind . Your mind does that . Well , like I say , there's always that little guy on your shoulder trying to walk you off the edge of that cliff .

Zack 37:51

Yeah , you know they say , if you know . You may not know it right now , but you may be , you know your plan . God's plan for you may be so big that you don't even know about it right now . But , the devil already sees the value in you , so he's already going to try to destroy you .

Earl 38:07

He's trying to get you today . He's trying to get you right now .

Bucky 38:10

Yeah , I sometimes think he's trying to get you today . And then I buy an old , abandoned hospital .

Zack 38:17

I really like this place , though I know it's okay .

Bucky 38:21

I don't know what's going on ?

Earl 38:23

What did somebody tell you ?

Zack 38:24

It'll be great . What are you talking about ?

Earl 38:25

I mean because you're like having to defend it . I think it's like what's he doing ?

Zack 38:28

It'll be great . That's what's he buying the whole hospital . Well , I mean it'll be great come March , you know , april Well what I'm talking about is Not so cold .

Bucky 38:37

Yeah , we're going to , and on this podcast you might get some updates of what's going on in here because everybody might want to know it's going to start .

Zack 38:50

Yeah , there's going to be the talk around town , is this ? You know so ?

Bucky 38:54

I don't know what's going on yet . It's going to be in the dark until it's Well , I'm I ignore that shit . I don't listen .

Earl 39:01

I hear it , but I try to like I don't read nothing to it .

Earl 39:03

Like shit in town , like people , like stuff .

Zack 39:05

You hear shit . There's lots of things that you want to tell me . You just ain't told me yet .

Earl 39:10

I act like I'm not paying attention , but I am , yeah real close .

Bucky 39:14

No , people don't tell me . I mean , I ask and they'll tell me stuff .

Earl 39:18

Oh yeah , it's only limited .

Bucky 39:20

It's all good . You think I have no more . I think you know more than more . I think you know some currents of the city .

Earl 39:27

But the more we talk about this , the less you'll get to know Because I mean , hell , there's just different people Coming to your place regularly .

Earl 39:35

There's some old people , there's police . I don't get to talk to them that much .

Earl 39:42

There's business people from here in town . There's big farmers , there's other people .

Zack 39:45

That are probably . But you got people that come in there and they're supposed to know what they're talking about and they completely don't yeah , it's like take everything with a grain of salt yeah I have .

Earl 39:55

People have their own mode , I have major issues with . Some people have motives for their they've got something to sell or they got some problem yeah , they're trying to unload something on you , they're trying to get something from you or they're gonna unload something on you . That's just , that's people so yeah so the hospital ?

Bucky 40:14

I'm sure people say I'm crazy .

Zack 40:15

No , old building what's he gonna do with it ? It was a great deal what why ?

Earl 40:19

because you got all these plans , you know what to do , what it was a great deal .

Zack 40:22

It was a great deal yeah , but who says as in that they don't make any more . They don't make any more of this that this thing sits on it , but there's potential .

Earl 40:30

Like I said , I think we're seeing you got a nice apartment over there , you know he already done that . That was potentially saw that he worked out .

Zack 40:35

Right , that's what I'm saying . But yeah , it worked out . But you know that then people , people start thinking why does he ?

Earl 40:41

people ain't seen that shit yet . See that people don't know , yeah , so somebody lives in the crowd , I do have big plans hello so yeah , so we don't know what's gonna come with this place .

Bucky 40:53

Uh , what's gonna come of it ? It may just be a studio I think it's got podcasting studio ?

Earl 40:58

I bet not , it is already . What do you mean really ? I mean , I don't know if it is , it's okay . Yeah , I know but it's already like two or three things at least . Okay , you've got an apartment over there . That could be something else , and I've been told these other facilities .

Bucky 41:12

But I have been told that the place You've got a zombie apocalypse , Munker . Well , I've heard the place possibly could be haunted , but tourism .

Zack 41:18

I'm not talking about that . That's a podcast , no doubt . Yes , yeah , yeah we'll go live .

Bucky 41:23

We're going to talk about that . How many people ?

Earl 41:24

have you offered anybody to stay up here and see who wants to do it ? Nobody , right .

Bucky 41:29

Nobody will Very few .

Earl 41:30

I would .

Bucky 41:31

I would too , but I mean , most people are going to be like hell , no , no . There's a lot of people say I'm not coming Ever , Ever past dark . There's people that won't come here in the daytime and we're going to interview him because he has said he has seen ghosts up here before while it was open .

Earl 41:50

I wouldn't doubt that , no really , I don't doubt it at all . No , dude , I ain't doubting it .

Bucky 41:53

No , billy , billy Ray . Oh , okay , okay , hey .

Earl 41:57

I'm not doubting he did see it .

Earl 41:58

No , I've seen other buildings . Why would there not be in this hospital ? I mean , you know , Sure You're lying .

Bucky 42:03

You didn't see no damn ghost Billy . I might tell him that , but I'm not you ever seen a ghost ? If I did , I didn't really pay attention .

Earl 42:11

I mean , I didn't like Different shit More than that .

Zack 42:13

So you believe in ghosts ?

Earl 42:15

Yeah , I do .

Zack 42:18

Do you . No .

Earl 42:19

No , I've had .

Earl 42:23

Dude , I've had .

Earl 42:25

I believe in evil . Yes , I do too . It it's not Dude . I've had the feeling of evil . I believe in evil . Yes , I do too . Dude , it's like the feeling of . Have you ever had the feeling of a presence ? No , absolutely not .

Zack 42:30

Do you ever know somebody comes in the room ?

Earl 42:31

behind you and you know who it is .

Zack 42:32

You know there's this , look , look , it's this . You know there's what they call the spirit of fear .

Earl 42:39

No , remember you talking about the phone call , talking about you got out any sign , and shit like that . Well , yeah , well , yeah , I mean , that was that's . That's a straight up .

Bucky 42:53

Yeah , dude , I've straight up , had , when I wasn't asking for a sign , had some weird shit like that you're a dead , people call you , but uh , what phone no oh , wow well , that's that's a whole nother story there really , yeah , it probably is hey , just write two of them one of them's , one that was like made me dude , there's I .

Earl 43:09

I didn't . I couldn't believe her if I asked for something . I said this is not who this is , and save that for another day , bro , okay yeah , I mean , that's a whole nother topic episode and , like I say , that's the kind of shit happened .

Bucky 43:22

Dude , it's complicated , it's a big story , yeah so that's gonna be an episode one day that we're gonna talk about that , and maybe one day , zach , you might want to talk about something oh , I mean .

Zack 43:33

I mean , there's lots of well , I know there's lots .

Bucky 43:35

But I'm saying you might just say , hey , today I'm digging deep , yeah , I'm letting this shit go or not letting it go , I'm letting it out there . Yeah , right , right because I got a whole , because you're right , it's whole other episode , yeah because there's probably some things that you might say that no one does and nothing I've ever heard or know of Absolutely .

Earl 43:53

Sure .

Bucky 43:54

And they might see you differently .

Zack 43:56

Good or bad . Yeah could be .

Reflections on Friendship and Loss

Zack 43:59

I'll be judged one way or the other .

Bucky 44:01

Well hey , we're judged anyway . You don't think I'm judged ?

Zack 44:03

every day .

Earl 44:04

Every day .

Bucky 44:05

Yeah , yeah , I don't try to judge , either I do .

Earl 44:08

You have to be like . You know what I don't like to judge people , but I'm a pretty good judge . I can judge people out pretty fast .

Zack 44:18

You know , when you hear somebody say so why are you hanging out with the likes of Zach Flynn ? I was like wow .

Earl 44:26

You can tell who asked that ?

Bucky 44:27

Somebody told you that no .

Earl 44:29

No , yeah Well , you know what Is it a surprise ?

Zack 44:32

who speaks those words to you no , no , no , no , because he's so mistaken about me . It's ridiculous .

Earl 44:37

As are most people that have ever said shit like that . To me , that's what I'm saying .

Bucky 44:45

People are going to judge me differently now , maybe or not , I don't know .

Earl 44:48

I don't know . People ain't going to know whatever . People know Some people . Dude , I try to stay unplugged myself , I wouldn't know whoever else in town had a podcast . Yeah , but would you listen ?

Earl 44:57

So I mean no , I don't know .

Earl 45:01

Maybe once or so . They better say something interesting , Because I'd be like Then .

Bucky 45:05

I'd probably be like Judging them . They suck .

Zack 45:08

That's all I want to do . Or it could just be Like how stupid are they See ? See , there it is , slap yourself , see .

Bucky 45:13

So here's the deal .

Zack 45:14

You do .

Earl 45:16

Here's the deal you just no , you didn't , I got to .

Zack 45:19

You . You might find out Things about them that just Make you where you can't Stop listening . Hey , what ?

Earl 45:25

You about them that just make you where you can't stop listening . Hey , what you think that might happen here . No , I mean I got to . Nobody's going to listen , I don't know .

Bucky 45:32

I'd see , but I doubt that sucks Better wives .

Zack 45:34

do you know what ? Either I got a positive attitude .

Earl 45:38

I can think of three women that will .

Zack 45:39

I've got a really positive attitude about the whole thing . For some reason , yeah .

Earl 45:43

I do too , dude .

Zack 45:44

Yeah , I'm going to tell you right now yeah , yeah , because I've listened to some podcasts and that shit sucks . I'm not going to lie to you .

Bucky 45:49

There's different . Yeah , yeah , yeah , I was listening to one this morning .

Earl 45:51

I'm like the ones that are how .

Bucky 46:01

The ones that are catch on are like Okay , it's like . Howard Stern's all the time . I mean I guess , but I mean Zach Flynn's famous Infamous .

Zack 46:09

Or that .

Bucky 46:10

Those are two things yeah , but I mean because you do music , so Right your name's on shit .

Earl 46:15

People do know you Well , your name's on shit . There's been like , oh , he's going to appear here .

Bucky 46:19

They know who you are , but do they know you ?

Zack 46:22

No no .

Earl 46:22

There's a lot of people who know your name .

Zack 46:23

You know , I got a which is not much .

Bucky 46:25

Well , that's the same with me , true .

Zack 46:27

I got like almost 3,000 hits in two days on a song I put on YouTube , you know .

Bucky 46:34

Yeah , and then they probably banned you because it was copyright .

Zack 46:36

No , it was the one I wrote . It's the two I wrote about the girls .

Bucky 46:40

Yeah , no , I know I'm just kidding Hell and hey , one day soon , we're going to have you on here , live playing them for us .

Earl 46:46

Yeah , I want to hear it , but I mean just because I want to hear it . Dude , you want to be famous or what .

Bucky 46:53

No , we're not doing it to be famous .

Zack 46:54

Do I want to be famous ? No you don't , here's what I want . You don't , look , here's my whole thing . And I write lots of music . You know , I , you know , uh , I , I'm not going to stop until I write a song that makes it big . No that , no that do you know ? People will remember the girls forever because you know I I'm at the point right now . You know that where you know it's it's I'm forgetting a bunch , and you know I'm their dad , you know yeah but the thing is I still understand so you so the hurt from people , not even the look you know when people move on with their lives and you can't .

Zack 47:33

It pisses you off , You're stuck , you feel stuck dude .

Earl 47:36

I feel that yeah With life , the things that are here .

Bucky 47:40

So that's another reason why we talked about doing this podcast is because we wanted to create some memories that we record and that could last and we go back and listen to them later , yeah , so . So maybe maybe one day you tell a story about your girls and then the next year you forgot about it until you listen to it again .

Bucky 48:01

You know what I mean , so that could help right yeah in the same same way we talked about with our parents and friends that we know You're right If we get Dave on here and he tells us a story about something and then one day we all know he's going to be gone , we're all going to be gone . What's going to ?

Earl 48:21

be left of us . I know , I was just thinking that when you said that I was thinking like our parents .

Zack 48:26

What's going to be left of us ? There'll be nothing left of me , you know . Let's see what I'm getting at .

Earl 48:30

That's how it ?

Zack 48:30

is no , I mean . Well , there's different philosophies for that . You'll have generations behind you . You know I'm done . Well , yeah , but I old . Our kids are supposed to take care of us type stuff You're right about that , yeah . So you know I lost not just my children , I lost my future , I lost everything . So that's the hardest pill to swallow is that when I get old , everybody else , that is , you know , is going to be gone .

Earl 49:03

So you know it's just like we talk about Fucking feel lonely .

Zack 49:05

It's just like our friends , Like our friend . Our good friend died when we were kids .

Earl 49:11

I mean not kids , but , you know , young adults .

Earl 49:12

And that's who that left . And then see you know , she's moving . Who .

Earl 49:16

To where .

Earl 49:16

Tennessee With who ?

Earl 49:17

What . Some of his family that's in Tennessee , well , that's good , don't ever worry .

Bucky 49:24

Okay , hey , before she moves , I want her on here . You're right . You're right , I want to interview her . I know I hadn't talked to her about that yet .

Earl 49:29

Misty told me that no , don't you think we should ? Yeah , but I hadn't talked to her since a little while . Oh hell , yeah , we should .

Zack 49:40

I've seen her at DQ's . Last time I talked to her no , listen , how have you made it ? You know she probably has some thoughts on us that we don't have no clue about hey , what you thought that were kids or what did you think that happened and shit she's getting on here .

Bucky 49:53

And another reason because she worked hey she worked here at the hospital . They ain't no shit too for a long time .

Earl 49:59

You're right , that's what we're . You're missing Benny already , like knowing Bitches and breakers and shit like that . You know what I bet you knew all that shit . Let me tell you something . Pardon my French , no , listen , I got to go .

Bucky 50:10

That's what I thought of . I was like when I was just thinking about buying this place , I told myself I'm going to go talk to Benny when I buy it so I can find out all these little things that I didn't know I was mad at myself . And so maybe that's when I started thinking like dude , like if you wait it's too late . You know , earl ?

Zack 50:30

They wait .

Earl 50:31

She's connected .

Zack 50:32

Earl hell , he still goes . He's the better of me , better than me , as in . He still goes talk-stirring .

Bucky 50:40

I know I dropped the ball on that . I know they do . They're not the only people I've done that with , no I know that's like .

Earl 50:47

These people can't talk to you , dude . Oh , yes , you know that .

Bucky 50:51

I mean , I feel like I wasn't there for you .

Earl 50:55

I talked to people though dude .

Zack 50:56

Well , we were all pallbearers , weren't we ? Yep ?

Earl 51:00

You're right . I seen somebody today , dude , that was involved in that . I seen Carl White and all the ways I'm connected to him . He was his boss right then . He helped some financially with that .

Bucky 51:09

He started a scholarship right .

Earl 51:10

Yeah , and he also did help bury him and all that shit . Remember , I've seen him today and I have some other connections with him .

Bucky 51:16

But that's how I felt . Even though we were really good friends , then it means that all of us were closer . I say We've always been really good friends , but closer friends , right , right , sure . And then , when all that happened to you , I feel like I wasn't .

Earl 51:33

I could have done more . Sure , there's always like could have , but , like I said , Would have , should have , could have

Reflections on Life and Regret

Earl 51:36

.

Bucky 51:36

But no listen , like I said , if you wait , it's too late , that's going to be my saying from now on . If you wait it's too late , bro . If you wait around , somebody's going to die . Or you're going to be gone or you're going to get sick .

Earl 51:48

Shit changes or you're going to regret it .

Bucky 51:51

Careful with that . Yeah , that's a whole other episode . It's like live it up . That's what I mean . That's what I said . You got to be careful . That's how .

Zack 51:59

I mean , can't just live it up ? That's all I got is regret .

Earl 52:04

Yeah , yeah , now maybe time back out .

Bucky 52:05

I gotta go alright , this is the end of whatever we're doing today . I think it's good . Yeah , we're good . Remember how to turn it off .

Earl 52:13

Get your toes wet yeah , yeah , two buttons , one , I'm about to piss again . I already had an hour .

Bucky 52:18

We still recording tonight we're gonna say goodbye for the BEZ podcast and we will be talking to you soon , but until then I'm Bucky Zerl Zach .

Speaker 2 52:33

We are the Be Easy podcast and we will see you later . The more I stare , the more I realize that the man standing there in front of me , well , he was just a reflection of me . I said just a reflection of me . You see , I lost my wife . I couldn't stop getting high and the light caught up with me and when she left , she took the only thing that meant anything to me , and with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine . This year she turned three . You better grab a hold of something close , something to hold you , and don't ask a reflection of you , of you . Oh , I love you . You see , I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in a long time today , for the first time in a long time today , and I had to take a step back cause , I swear , I didn't recognize my own fate .