B E Z Podcast
.As fate would have it, three friends, Bucky(Chris) Earl(Eric) , and Zack, reunited years after parting ways and found solace in each other's company once again. Having grown up in a tight-knit community in Texas, they had shared countless memories and adventures, but life had taken them down different paths. However, a shared struggle to cope with the challenges of adulthood sparked an idea - they would merge their passions and experiences to create a podcast, "The B E Z Podcast ," where they would offer honest and relatable discussions on navigating life's trials and tribulations, ultimately providing a sense of comfort and community to their listeners.
B E Z Podcast
E-3 -Draper-Faith, Friendship, and the Healing Process
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As we sit down with the remarkable Sharon Draper in the shadowy halls of the old Chillicothe Hospital, we're reminded of the power of memory and friendship. Sharon shares delightful and poignant tales of her son Chris, whose zest for life touched everyone he met. From his cheeky classroom antics to the unending laughter he sparked, Chris’s stories serve as a touching reminder of the importance of capturing each moment with loved ones. Join us as we laugh and reminisce, painting a vivid picture of small-town camaraderie and the joy that accompanies cherished memories.
Shifting from laughter to heartache, we confront the harsh realities of tragedy and loss. The haunting details of a car accident that shattered Zach's world provide a backdrop for exploring the unpredictable nature of grief. Through shared experiences of sorrow, guilt, and anger, we unravel the complex emotions that accompany profound loss. Our candid discussions highlight the universal struggle to find light in the darkness, reminding us that while every grief journey is personal, the support of a community can make all the difference.
As we prepare for a new chapter in Tennessee, we reflect on the intertwining themes of friendship, faith, and healing. Spiritual struggles and raw emotions surface as we discuss the challenge of finding faith amidst life’s trials. Yet, through genuine conversations and shared stories, we find strength in community and belief. Our episode closes with heartfelt farewells and a commitment to sharing our future adventures, echoing a promise of authenticity and hope. Join us as we navigate this rollercoaster of emotions, with gratitude and a resolve to keep moving forward.
Memories and Stories With Friends
Speaker 1All right, coming to you live from the old, abandoned Chillicothe Hospital in Chillicothe, texas. This is the B to the E to the Z and that is Be Easy, be easy, baby. This episode of the Be Easy podcast is sponsored by If you're looking for a barbecue of mouthwatering state, come down to L Love's Barbecue and make your own plate Up pulled pork, brisket, sausage and ribs With appetizers from all over yeah. That's Love's Barbecue.
Speaker 5Get a taste of Texas. That's Love's Barbecue, 13 miles west of Burney, texas. Chilli Coffee, texas 79225.
Speaker 1Today we have. We gotta introduce ourselves. Right, let's introduce ourselves. So I'll go ahead. I'm Chris. Some people call me bucky. My friends that really know me call me bucky, family, close friends and uh, I'm here today and we got people at work call me eric, but most people know me by some nickname.
Speaker 4My parents call me one thing. Most people were here. I guess y'all both call me ear. Yeah, to some I'm E or Easy, e or Lightning. That's one I've had recently. Yeah, because I can be a lot of places Not recently, but that used to be my MO.
Speaker 1And then over here.
Speaker 5I'm Zach Flynn, they just call me.
Speaker 1Zach, Now he don't have no nicknames or nothing. No, not really that's enough, though I mean we know he's a Flynn, but you don't really say Zach. And then Sharon, do you want to introduce yourself? We got our first guest today.
Speaker 2I'm Sharon Draper, hi.
Speaker 4All right. Interviewing Sharon Draper.
Speaker 1We have a lot in common, sharon. Yes, what do you think about the hospital coming back, coming back to it?
Speaker 2coming back to it. Oh, I don't know. I hear just what little part I've seen brings back so many memories.
Speaker 1Good, and bad memories, I imagine, because you know work not always fun.
Speaker 2But no, not always. I didn't. My part wasn't all bad, I didn't, I was just kind of do my stuff.
Speaker 1Yeah, you didn't have to be like all into the.
Speaker 2No, I didn't, you didn't have support. Were asked to do my job, but they didn't want to do it. It's okay, that's fine, I'll get it in the morning.
Speaker 5So those that are listening, her son, chris, was a very good friend of all of ours. Yes, I'm talking very good friend of all of ours. Yes, I'm talking very good. One of the funniest people you've ever met in your life. I just remember when he came to school and went to science class. We had a substitute one time Y'all had a substitute and he went into science class and I was in the hall going to the bathroom. I see Chris, he's fixing to going to the bathroom. I see Chris, he's fixing to walk out the door. I said where are you going, man? He said I'll tell you. Right now a female can grow a better goatee than me. I'm going to go home and shave. He went home and shaved. He, completely. He went home and shaved and I love you. You remember that, oh man.
Speaker 2But she grew one better. He's in the hell with that, yeah. So his daddy said oh, what are you doing? Oh, okay, Tamara said get rid of it, get rid of it. He said well, dad's got one. Benny grew his first mustache. Chris was just a baby and as he got older, that's all he saw was, you know, his daddy with a mustache. So I guess he was not quite a year old and he came home one afternoon and he went to pick him up and Chris ran the other way and he said what's the matter with him? I said I don't know. He said oh, yeah, I don't know what it is, my mustache is gone and he wouldn't have nothing to do with it.
Speaker 2He didn't know his daddy, so he grew it back on Right. Yeah, yeah, chris was something else.
Speaker 1He was quite a character. We had some good times together, very good times, some of the best times. I wish I could remember more of them, some of the best times. I wish I could remember more of them. And that's kind of why, when we started talking about this podcast, that's what a lot of us had talked about. It's like, man, I wish you know I remember more. You know like that, Like he wishes he remembered more about his girls. Every day, he forgets a little more about you know, when somebody's gone and not there, like you start forgetting little things and then somebody has to remind you and you're like oh yeah, and so we wanted to create some memories of people that we love and cared about and something that we can look back on and listen to and talk about, think about and say, man, that was a great story, I remember that.
Speaker 2You remember when y'all got your Broncos stuck down the river?
Speaker 1Oh yeah.
Speaker 2Chris came in and he couldn't raise his arm.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think we like tried to manhandle him.
Speaker 2I mean yeah, he couldn't raise his arm and he said what's wrong with you? And he said oh, he said I hurt my shoulder.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2He said well, how did you do and he said well, we was trying to get the bronco out and they forgot to put it in neutral.
Speaker 1Then he said there may or may not have been some alcohol involved in that? There might have been some alcohol involved, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4Were drunken minors ever in your bedroom. Woke you?
Speaker 3up at night.
Speaker 2Well, y'all weren't drunk. Y'all were too young to be drunk at that time. Y'all did that yeah no, they used to.
Speaker 2They get out, walk. Well, anyway, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, they'd get out, walk around at night, you know, like kids always do, and we we'd be there as a home and we'd hear this mom, mom, can we come in? I said, oh, you know, they walk into the bedroom we need to talk. It's these four or five guys standing there at the end of the bed in our room talking to us and Benny's going, and then we turn around and Tamara and Ellen, ellen Gilbert, her best friend they come in and they have three or four girls with them and it was confusion. And then Chris said he said my friends think y'all are cool, got cool parents.
Speaker 2Yeah, he said, okay, good, cool parents, cool parents. Yeah, anyway, it was fun, we didn't mind it.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 2We liked having y'all come. We'd hear that latch on the gate, pop open. Yeah, there we were, those dogs go crazy barking. I remember the dogs. Yeah, he named them after GI Joe guys.
Speaker 4That's y'all. I remember when y'all lived right there by the football field by the high school.
Speaker 2I mean by the football field or what Football field, yeah, I lived right by the hospital.
Speaker 3Yeah, you still live right by the hospital. Yeah, you used to live right by the hospital.
Speaker 1Oh, right over here.
Speaker 4All that internet. That was not in the 80s. That's when you started Right, oh yeah, that's right, Right behind the hospital. No reason not to.
Speaker 1Yeah, I thought let's start your car, go in the back door.
Speaker 2Go in the generator room and come in Come in yeah, come in the back door.
Speaker 4I was like you know, I was like so you never drove, right, sharon? See, chris never drove. He had like a thing about that.
Speaker 1But then yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4He wouldn't sit behind the driver's wheel. He wouldn't sit behind the wheel, he wasn't interested in it.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know, one time we had to tow a car and I don't remember whose car it was, but we had to drag some or something. So he'd get in the car and just stay behind me. So all you got to do is just stay behind me and hit the brake. So I took off and I looked back there and I don't know why, but he like turned all the way this way. Yeah, I was like dude. I was like what are you doing? He's like man, I can't.
Speaker 4I'm like dude, just hold the wheels, yeah he's like he hit the brakes real hard, he turned. He's like he can't do it.
Speaker 1He's like, yeah, he's like I can't do this. Just I was like the dude, just yeah, he didn't want to like I think it scared him, maybe he, I don't know, it was weird, huh, but yeah he just wouldn't even sit behind the wheel of a car, sit in their parks.
Speaker 4We could all be like, whatever, we're just going to sit down a minute. He's like he wouldn't sit in that seat, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, he did have a weird thing about cars.
Speaker 2Well, he was literally always staying in the back seat. He never wanted to ride in the front seat. I don't know why he never did.
Speaker 1Well, we could ride in the front seat back, you know, back in them days. Now you can't, it's against the law.
Speaker 4He likes to sit. I already ride. Even in the passenger seat. I have to drive. I drove so much that I have to be.
Speaker 2Yeah, benny didn't like sitting in. He had to drive. Benny wanted to drive. He didn't like sitting over there, benny always did drive.
Speaker 1Benny didn't like sitting in the passenger seat either, so when did he retire from the or when did he stop working at the hospital?
Speaker 2Didn't he have a heart attack? And that's when he quit? Right, that's when he had to quit. They told him it was too much stress for him to work.
Speaker 1Was that what it was? The stress of work? They were stressing him that much, or he just taking it.
Speaker 2Well, he was fed up and stressed with demand and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1Yeah, they were trying to put too much on him. Yeah, yeah, do more with the same amount of money, or less money, right?
Speaker 5Don't show them what you can do, they'll expect you to do it all the time. That's exactly it.
Speaker 2You come over here and the cold weather or something, the generator would go down and you'd have to stay with it to make sure it started and kept running because gasoline generator. Back then they got it from the Army. It was the Army-issue generator, that big old generator over there. Yeah wasn't that right?
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not there, no more. The room's still there, but the generator is gone.
Speaker 2He liked the weather to see when he might have to hang out, he'd have to light the vertices in the nurse's station and all that kind of stuff. They were always wanting something. They'd hear a noise or they'd see some lights.
Speaker 4He wasn't getting called out at all hours.
Speaker 1He didn't get called out all hours.
Speaker 2Anytime yeah.
Dealing With Tragedy and Loss
Speaker 4Like I said, he had probably. How many keys did he have in the building? You've already discovered so many keys. There had to be it's crazy how many doors have different locks.
Speaker 1Every one has two. Every door has two locks on it, so yeah, he did ambulance runs.
Speaker 2He'd have to do those.
Speaker 1He did drive the ambulance he drove the ambulance. I kind of think I remember that He'd pass me.
Speaker 2I'm gone, I'll see you. Bye, I'll be okay.
Speaker 1He liked that for a while but, like I say, it just got too much. So, yeah, we wanted you to talk about the hospital that was a good one of the reasons we brought you here but we also wanted to talk about how comfortable he was. Talking about the tragedy and everything that happened with that. You okay with talking about, you know, the tragedy and everything that happened with that. You okay with talking about that? Or, I mean, we don't want to upset you, we don't want. I mean you know, zach went through some similar circumstances. He's having a hard time. I don't think those hard times ever, right?
Speaker 2No, they're just you learn to live with it.
Speaker 5It's variable, you just Variable.
Speaker 2You learn to live with it so.
Speaker 1That's another reason. Like I say, I don't know. I think Zach has a couple of questions. He's been struggling. We want to try to help him and maybe even help you. You help us, we help each other cope with the troubles that we have, tragedies that we have, because we all have them, different variations and different levels, and some can say, oh, that's the worst thing I've ever seen. You know, life is really hard.
Speaker 5Did they? Did y'all drive out there to the scene when it happened?
Speaker 2No See, it happened at midnight.
Speaker 1It was at midnight.
Speaker 2It was at midnight and we didn't go out there. Oh, I guess it was a month or two before we ever went out there, and, of course, I know with you it's right down the middle. It's a blessing, yeah.
Speaker 1So, eric, do you want to recap what happened so we can kind of like I mean, just give us a Kind of so what year was that? 99?. They had been.
Speaker 4I guess to Alta's it had been. Yeah, tamara got. It was like the 25th. That was teacher pay today. What year was that? 99. 99, yeah.
Speaker 1August of 26th.
Speaker 4Okay, yeah, and they had gone to Altus to go eat and shop some. They had picked Chris up. He worked at Watts and they were coming down that road to 432. What is that? I don't know. It was 91. 91 to 432. And when they were coming at, the girl, teenage girl, 16-year-old driver was I don't know. She was late for her curfew, she was 10. It was past that. She was hauling ass Excess of 80, they said, t-boned them, hit them in the side. Instantly they were, necks were broken.
Speaker 3And then the car caught on fire.
Speaker 4It was a terrible scene and she, the girl, the driver of the other car was surprised.
Speaker 1She had a bilateral femur fracture.
Speaker 4That's a big deal, she's lucky.
Speaker 1I mean, she was lucky.
Speaker 4Yes, yes, but she was at the scene. She was still conscious at the scene.
Speaker 5She had quite a trauma. She had gotten in a fight with her boyfriend right, yeah, yeah, there were circumstances, I heard driving that way.
Speaker 1So what she's saying that she?
Speaker 2was driving and she looked down and then when she looked back up, if you look, it's like in a hill, there's two hills, a low spot, a shelter barrel.
Speaker 5There's been other dash there too Sure, Of course she was running double the speed limit.
Speaker 4Yes, at least they don't know she's not being more fascinated by the barrel. Here's the deal.
Speaker 5They do know, but from what I heard I want to ask this is one of the questions I wanted to ask From what I heard was the only reason that she didn't get in trouble was because Benny went and talked to them. Is that true? No, because she didn't get in trouble because of that. I remember that In Vernon. But I remember that.
Speaker 2But I was just All the Vernon cops flew to her aid.
Speaker 5Oh yeah, there was at least. I went out there the next morning and there was probably 20 cop cars there. I've never seen so many cop cars in my life. Yeah, they were just, and everybody was out with tape measures and trying to figure stuff out.
Speaker 4Yeah because there wasn't much. She didn't break, she did break.
Speaker 5And State of Texas, State of Texas. State of Texas, double speed limit.
Speaker 4It was a terrible tragedy. Yeah, that can only, but yeah yeah, but let's not.
Speaker 5that's where. Let me hash. That's what I mean. It's part of the. But here's the deal. You know, I lost both of my girls on September 1st, 22. Right, and I was the second one on the scene and that is a. That's my hardest deal, that's what.
Speaker 5Saying that, well, you know I cause I get out. The car was T-boned, you know same. And uh, lexi was up over against Zoe, like, but my girls didn't have a mark on them, they didn't have blood on them. Them, they didn't have blood on them, they didn't have a cut, not nothing, and it's part of the fortunate thing.
Speaker 5God. God knew I couldn't handle that. I promise you that because I jumped out of the vehicle and, of course, lindsay. She jumped out and she slipped and fell, thank God before we got to the car, because it gave me just enough time to close my daughter's eyes. So it's a—.
Speaker 2You see, Chris got thrown out of the car through the windshield. I know Tamara Shanna had a huge cut on her forehead. They didn't tell me what happened to Jordan. They said that it was bad. Tamara's neck was broke and all kinds of stuff. I think they were all.
Speaker 1That's part of the thing, that accident in a way, t-bone is one of the ways you you're instantly, we have pictures we have pictures of Tamara's car and the other girl's car too, tamara's car and the other girl's car too it does yeah it's great.
Speaker 2Tamara's car is like this. It's the left side. It's about like that, yeah.
Speaker 4I didn't see the car, but I'll tell you what I saw the spot, you could see where it had happened. The car had been on fire. You could see, and that's enough. That's in my mind.
Speaker 2Brother, not my kid, so I understand. Her car was white. I had never seen the pictures. I came across the pictures when I was cleaning out Benny's file cabinet.
Speaker 1You got pictures.
Speaker 5Yeah, there's, pictures.
Speaker 2I didn't find the pictures no.
Speaker 5PTSD is a real thing.
Speaker 2You did, brother well, see, I didn't know, vinny had the pictures until I cleaned out this fall he had hit them under some probably a good thing.
Speaker 5You know, maybe of course, you know, I had one that still had a heartbeat, but I knew. I knew as soon as I saw her.
Speaker 4I know that doesn't mean it's a thing too.
Navigating Grief and Healing
Speaker 5I mean that's yeah, it's uh, man it's, it's you it's it's unexplainable. There's, there's nothing that no, there's nothing that you can say nothing that she can say, nothing that I can say to make anybody or anything feel better.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 5I'm so mad still.
Speaker 2Oh yes, You'll be mad for a while Forever. You will be mad for a while.
Speaker 5My other question was was do you ever think that you've been truly happy since ever?
Speaker 2No, no, it's not the same. You make a difference, you take a different life and you make a different way.
Speaker 1It changes, it changes. You're doing this and that's what life happens. Then you'll laugh every once in.
Speaker 5A lot happens with them. Then you feel when you go to then you'll laugh every once in a while.
Speaker 1Then you feel bad because you laughed right right cause you don't cause you don't think you should be happy or you don't, you know, like why am I happy and I shouldn't be?
Speaker 2well, see, she wanted us to go. She wanted me and Biddy to go with her, and the kid didn't have her insurance. She didn't have her insurance and Biddy said no, you don't go over there to Alta's without your car insurance. I bet that killed him Well she said well, I got to go, Diddy, I got to go.
Speaker 1Got to get supplies, got to go.
Speaker 2So Chris had left a note on her front door that he was supposed to be back to me I don't know if it was y'all or who it was. He was going to go somewhere about 10.30 and he was going to be back by 10.30 so he could go wherever it was he was going. Well, she was going to have him back by 10.30.
Speaker 5Oh so did.
Speaker 2Benny resent not going well did he feel bad we were at the point where when, when we first found out about, we talked about it a lot on two or three nights later and I said, if we had gone with it, maybe we could have stopped it. He said yeah, but he said listen, he said, if we had gone, we might have all been killed which, which to me would have been a blessing for me.
Speaker 2And then I said well, maybe if some of them had stayed, which one's going to stay? One could have stayed and three could have gone. Two could have stayed, two could have gone. It just happened. It happened all of a sudden. It happened and you can't. Yeah, you're going to be angry, zach, you're going to be angry and you're going to be hurt. It's going to take years to get just to a point. It'll take you a while just to get to a point.
Speaker 4Okay, they're gone In your daily life. You know that's what it is right now.
Speaker 2It will come. It will come. It's going to take a while. You don't have moments. You're going to hear things and see things and feel things. I know, there you go. I know I've been through the same thing with Benny. I'm still dealing with that. Yeah, it's not the same thing. You just have to take one day at a time, zach. Just handle one thing at a time. That's the way we do it.
Speaker 1It's still tough even doing that.
Speaker 2Well, yeah.
Speaker 1It's real man, life is real and that's what this podcast is about Real life man we're not dealing with it.
Speaker 3Dealing with it.
Speaker 1yeah, we're not trying to sugarcoat it. We're not trying to.
Speaker 4That's part of life. It's special because there is a man Just remember yeah, there's a lot of philosophies to that, and then you get a slap in the face. There's a moment and there's also a wearing of time it's hard to carry.
Speaker 2That's what we do.
Speaker 1We're focused on how they wear and the weight that you carry is what makes you struggle so much. That's why they call it weight yeah, different weight.
Speaker 4I mean we're talking about it's not really weight. It's not really weight, it's not a physical, it's awful it bears down on you.
Speaker 2You blame yourself you blame everybody in the world and you know those people didn't do it you blame everybody, you blame God for taking them, but you'll get them, it'll work, I promise you.
Speaker 5You said, you even blamed God. We blamed God, oh yeah.
Speaker 2You've been there. I know you've been there. Oh, we still are. Yeah, of course, we're still angry. You don't understand why God would take them. We didn't understand why God took ours and we were very resentful Well, biddy was more resentful than I was, but we learned, he learned. You've got so many emotions you have to go through and you're going to hit every one of them. You're going to hit resentment, anger, sadness, grief. Why, why is the biggest question? Why? Why is the biggest question? Why? Why them?
Speaker 4Why did I?
Speaker 3do that Sure.
Speaker 4It's part of the process.
Speaker 2It's the healing part. You don't think you're healing. I know you don't feel healed at all, but it's part of the healing. I promise it will get better. Like you say it's not ever the same.
Speaker 4Some of that scars you heal a different way. You become somebody else Everybody deals with grief a different way.
Speaker 2It's true that we all handle grief a different way.
Speaker 1Yeah, and nobody knows how to do it the right way.
Speaker 3And.
Speaker 2I'm about to be standing here and you're thinking no. I don't want to. No, you don't. I'm going to do it, but you may not think I'm, it's always personal.
Speaker 5I know you do. It's reasonable, it's reasonable. That's the main reason that I wanted you to do this interview, yeah.
Friendship, Loss, and Coping
Speaker 4We thought that you could create some insight on the situation A lot of things, a lot of things, a lot of things, things we've dealt with like that in the past or we still do Well, because I mean we lost a part of us too.
Speaker 1Maybe not as big as a part of what you did, but you know we lost a big part of us too, and I don't think I ever really dealt with it. Probably. You know, I just like it just kind of man.
Speaker 2Well, I remember y'all were in a state of shock, yeah sure. Y'all just kind of went through the motions. I mean, yeah, it was a lot to ask y'all to do what you did for Chris and just be pallbearers. That was hard enough, man. That was Because y'all were do what you did for Chris and just be pallbearers. That was hard enough Because y'all were just like zombies.
Speaker 4It's hard, it's hard.
Speaker 5To be honest, I don't hardly remember doing it.
Speaker 1I remember we walked from the church to the. I remember what cemetery. I remember we walked from the. I remember we walked from somewhere like either from up here to the church, because we was like we're doing this because Drake always walked around town yeah, because he used to like to walk all the time.
Speaker 4That's why I picked him up, most of the time like dude what are you?
Speaker 1doing, walking, trying to get away. Drake would have walked, I was like, let's go, yeah, we'll go. So, yeah, I don't think I had really dealt with that losing, you know, one of my best friends yeah, and a cousin he was your cousin too, yeah we were 24 yeah, I had just started a telephone company. How old was Lexis?
Speaker 3maybe I don't even know she was 99, we basically all just moved on.
Speaker 1Yeah, we had just kind of started our own my kid was two my kid was two.
Speaker 4My dad went to tech then you know we lived with Drake for a year.
Speaker 5Yeah, then, it came back, then we came back, then we went to Wichita he never met.
Speaker 1Seneca. For a while I was there by United and then he lived in the apartment area he used to do the motel.
Speaker 4At that time it already wasn't a motel, it was an apartment. Yeah because we lived there.
Speaker 2We were living there and he was living next door. He said get up out of that ant bed.
Speaker 5He said you know you're laying in the ant bed right? I said yeah, I know they're biting me. How did you know I?
Speaker 1was a little bit drunk.
Speaker 4You lived with Draper for a while. Bucky and Draper got a little behind the United.
Speaker 1They lived above us and me and Draper.
Speaker 5Okay, that's right.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 5That's crazy.
Speaker 1It was a little b big apartment and you can just like United was faced the other way it's upstairs though, yeah, I don't remember it's across the alley. I've lost so much, I know it. Memories yeah, my daddy can remember things when he was three. He has not forgotten nothing, but I mean, I don't remember, I can't remember.
Speaker 4I can't remember, I can't tell you where I was yesterday, but I'll tell you too.
Speaker 1Yeah, I can tell you a story about when I was way younger, way younger, yeah, but yeah, that's when United was facing the other direction.
Speaker 4Yeah, and there wasn't a fence there. What is that? Tolar they faced Tolar.
Speaker 3And y'all were at the side.
Speaker 1I bet you know what redhead bid I'm talking about. So he just walked to work and did that.
Speaker 5It's that red ant bed right in front of that tree, great big great big red ant bed oh my god, yeah he, he stayed with us.
Speaker 1I think Lexus had just been like Seneca. Seneca had just we had Lexus and Grape was living there with us for a while because he was working at United, until he because he had just started there. He didn't have a car or nothing, so he just. I said hey, come stay with me for a while, you can just work here.
Speaker 5How old?
Speaker 1were you 24?, 21, 22. I thought he was 21.
Speaker 5I thought he didn't hit 21, did he?
Speaker 2He was 24. Yeah, he was 24.
Speaker 1So we were like this was like probably when he was 21, because Lexus had just born and then he started working at White's the rock apartments.
Speaker 5He had an apartment in the back apartment right on this side this corner. Yeah, he did stay there for a while he did for a while. We lived over there too, right next door to him. Oh, y'all lived there too. Oh, so she knows everything that happened, I never even realized that there were places that happened.
Speaker 2Well see Tamara and her husband Billy, bobby, bobby, tamara was a pretty girl. They had, they were, I don't know exactly what was going on. Anyway, she wanted to move back to Chillicothe, so they moved. He moved her into the apartments on 6th Street, the ones down.
Speaker 3Oh, I remember when I moved up, yeah, and she was living there and Chris was.
Speaker 2I don't know where Chris was at that time. I don't know if he's still in Vernon or yeah, yeah he was working. Yeah, he was in Vernon.
Speaker 4He worked at White's.
Speaker 2He was working for, probably working for White's there. Bobby moved her up here and then he left her for somebody else and then he moved in with her over there. He moved with Chamberlain Bobby, who Bobby Lane, bobby Lane. They were married there. And he moved with tamra and the chamber bobby, who bobby lane. They were married, he was for corner.
Speaker 1Yeah, he had a brother yeah that's where I mean great. I mean we went to school together forever, but first time we hung out was over the corner because he was over there at bobby's house, I think they went to a party.
Speaker 4What was Bobby's brother's name? I remember he had a younger brother, richard Richard, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, we liked Richard yeah.
Speaker 4I was like I know, yeah, I didn't know Bobby, I didn't know Bobby.
Speaker 1I didn't know Bobby that well, but Richard, he always seemed cool.
Speaker 2Well see, after her and Bobby split up and everything she was talking about, it Damn. She said I wish Richard had been older, I would have married him instead of Bobby, as far as, like, bobby was just like you know, just kind of yeah, he was, richard was a nice kid, that's what I remember.
Speaker 1He was closer to our age, right yeah?
Speaker 4He was probably like two years younger at least.
Speaker 2Yeah Well, Richard and Chris got along, Bobby and Chris Well yeah, it's hard when it's your sister.
Speaker 1I don't know how he treated her.
Speaker 2I remember the rehearsal dinner at the Pizza Hut and Chris was sitting across from Bobby and I noticed that Chris' face was getting really red. I thought, oh, he's getting mad, he's getting mad. So he had leaned over the table towards Bobby and Bobby leaned over kind of like this, and he was telling him something. I have no idea what he told him. I don't have any idea what he said. And then he sat back down and Richard sat back down and Richard was just as white as that plastic bag there and Tamara looked at me and she said I said but then, after they split up and everything, of course, benny got his words of wisdom in on the subject. I'm a lady, I'm not going to say what those words were, that old Southern kind of language that we all know. So, chris, chris went around, he knew about it and something had happened and she was telling us. I hope Chris doesn't find Bobby.
Speaker 2I sure hope he doesn't find Bobby, because he said there won't be no more Bobby. Yeah, chris had a chip already. Yeah.
Speaker 1I said fine Bobby.
Speaker 2Yeah, he did have a little Because he said there won't be no more.
Speaker 1Bobby. Yeah, Chris had a chip bar.
Speaker 2Yeah, I thought he did punch a tree, he could punch a hole through a wall. I know that he punched a hole, yeah he would get mad, he could get mad.
Speaker 4It's like he's always over a line. Well, he'd get mad at his boss at work or he's going, so pissed off.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, he's doing that in Lubbock too I got a bunch of pictures go sit in his room and like listen to music and especially, come out.
Speaker 4He'd be cool. I got a decompress, several pictures from that when we came to stay with y'all yeah, yeah, he had that bedroom up there and he and David just like just looking at each other. He'd be there yelling with some music going, or he'd be punching the wall. Then he'd come out and it'd be cool, we'd hang out and stuff. But he was so mad. So then he'd tell us like my internet's okay, but that's what he was doing that's to do that.
Speaker 1It's called it's decompression. Didn't you say you got a punching bag, or something like that?
Speaker 4Yeah, yeah, I hit a speed bag. Speed bag's good. Yeah, I need to do that. I wish I could physically do anything right now. I do it just by working out doing that.
Speaker 5I work out a lot of stuff yeah.
Speaker 1I'm pretty fast. That's a good workout. I imagine Do what. It's a good workout. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Drape. He got upset sometimes, which we all do.
Speaker 2We deal with it differently. When he was at home, he would sit. It'd take him a long time to get mad when he was at home, of course, y'all. And then he exploded when he did. Then when he exploded when he did, yeah, he exploded when he did. We're all that way to some degree. Yeah, we have lines. I know, tamra, she was just. She just blowed up right then and that was it. Short fuse, just like Benny. Benny was the same way. He had a short fuse.
Speaker 4I'd say Drape had a pretty short fuse. I'd say Drape had a pretty short fuse. Yeah, I'm thinking he got pissed off pretty quick. Right, there were certain things. Well, man, I can't be too Certain things rub you the wrong way. Yeah Right, I'm sure people can rub you the wrong way, zach.
Speaker 3Real quick.
Speaker 4What are they?
Speaker 5Yeah, you don't always have the same fuse, do you? No, I don't have a short fuse?
Speaker 1No, yeah, but there's certain people that fucking I don't know Some people just get knocked out.
Speaker 4I'm sorry to share after a few.
Speaker 5Yeah, he didn't know what he. He did not know what he was thinking. I promise you, just wrong day.
Speaker 2I used to get mad like that too. I'd slam doors, I'd slam doors and all kinds.
Speaker 1Yeah, we had a lot of good times. It just sucked. You know that it ever cut short because he could have been here with us right now. Making a podcast Wouldn't be a story then. Huh, I don't know, it'd be different. It'd be a different story. Yeah. We'd probably have way more stories, because we got a lot of stories of the crazy stuff With time.
Speaker 4you think you'll.
Speaker 1Make memories when you got it, when you got time, because they will be gone.
Speaker 5That was the hard pill to swallow was just stripping away of my future.
Speaker 4What you thought.
Speaker 2We thought we would think the same thing. What would Chris and Tamara eventually have done? Shannon and Jordan what would they have done? They'd grown up. You're right with that For sure, and we envisioned them well. One of these days, shannon will have children, jordan will have children. We'll be great grandparents.
Speaker 5A whole different life.
Speaker 4Oh yeah, the one you stepped through, yeah.
Speaker 2And 26 and 24,. Tam was 26 and Chris was 24, was just way too young and then Shannon and Jordan I can't believe we were that old.
Speaker 5I can't believe we were that old. I didn't feel that.
Speaker 1I didn't feel we were that old.
Speaker 4I didn't feel that old, then you know what.
Speaker 1Well no, because you think you're so young, I know old. Then you know Well no, because you think you're so young, I know. At that time I didn't your time.
Speaker 4Not from what I feel. Now you know what Right.
Speaker 2We've all been through stuff like that, yeah.
Speaker 4Some years are harder than others.
Speaker 2At my age, it's just.
Speaker 1I know that's what I've learned. As you get older, you go through so much tragedy and death and loss and friends All right, zach.
Navigating Faith and Anger
Speaker 4How long has it been? Has time changed for you, Right, isn't it? Oh yeah, at first, at first everything drug, out it drug out for so long A month was a year Sure.
Speaker 1Slow motion.
Speaker 5Then, about after a year, it starts just flying by, and then that makes you mad.
Speaker 2Right, because you want that back.
Speaker 5Yeah See, oh yeah See. I always, I still do. I always get up and make breakfast and I still do. It's going to be more than that. That's the one day. I was late, I didn't get up.
Speaker 2You're feeling that if I had just done something.
Speaker 1Something that would have changed.
Speaker 2Yeah, same way we felt too, yeah, one second.
Speaker 1I mean you, you know, can change to yeah, some people don't make it through.
Speaker 4Some people don't make it through some people. That's why suicide is one of the highest it's a big, yeah, it's a big deal and it's, it's really tragic, that's really tragic yeah. I feel, I I know I have a lot of feelings about a lot of that.
Speaker 5I would never do something like that but, I'm not scared. I have no fear of anything.
Speaker 4I know exactly none oh, you can whoop me, I don't care.
Speaker 5I know, I know, yeah, I'll go right into that.
Speaker 4I'll dive into that nose first.
Speaker 5Don't care all the things that kept you from being. I always say this I am teeter-tottering on the verge of catastrophe.
Speaker 4I imagine you want to hurt somebody. If somebody pisses you off, don't you just want to hit them?
Speaker 5I almost killed a doctor. The doctor came down there and said she's going to be okay. He said Zoe's going to be fine, she's going to make it. And 20 minutes later he came down there and said she's not going to make it. I could have killed him, and I almost did. I couldn't have blamed you.
Speaker 2See, we were told at one time Chris is still alive. Really, yeah, it was midnight when it happened and I guess about four or five o'clock in the morning we got a call and said that he was still alive and I thought, oh my.
Speaker 5Who ever did that? And he's their ass real bad.
Speaker 2We've got the highway patrolman and we've got the funeral home people saying they're gone and they're telling us who caught you. Then it was somebody I don't remember now it's been too long ago who it was.
Speaker 5The devil immediately tries to tear you down Absolutely.
Speaker 4As far as me to get to the right, that's what he does?
Speaker 5I mean? I got a story to tell you, but it's just not for today. Yeah, it's pretty. I stopped in the middle of the road there in Lubbock and I got out and I was going to kill somebody. I mean, it's just Talk about God and things like that. You believe in God?
Speaker 4no, I do so. You're a spiritual person. You believe in the spirit. There's more than this life, oh yeah.
Speaker 5I believe it wholeheartedly. I do too, my brother. I believe, I know that's right, and that's what was so hard for me to swallow.
Speaker 2That God will take them yeah.
Speaker 5And I knew it then and I know it now. It's not People have said this forever. It is not God giveth and God taketh away. That's not true. It's God giveth and the devil taketh away Period. You can't conceive, because you know, hey, you have no idea what your value's worth. You have no idea what y'all's plan could have been before that. That's right. Everything that could be happening bad to you right now, eric, is because, hey, the devil sees value, anything of value the devil wants. So God may have a plan in store for you that you may not be able to see right now, but the thing is that the devil can see it and the devil will try to do anything to take that from you right now. And that's what I'm talking about when I say I have a story. I know what it was and I knew what it was then and I know what it is today. But the thing is I still having problems with my anger issues because I believe wholeheartedly that God got everything in this world.
Speaker 5You told me once the devil's on your back and he won't get off. That's right I understand that.
Speaker 4I understand how he's on your right now, right now. I understand that.
Speaker 5It's a deal, I mean.
Speaker 5I know what I'm supposed to be doing and I know lots of things. It's just a whole other topic, but you know it's. You know he wants to stop me before I get started and he knows that my whole life, ever since I was young, I've known this Because a few people your mama, my mama, Glenda Hall, Glenda Pounds was how we knew her. Okay, so here's the deal. Okay, the devil is on a leash, brother, and he can only do as much damage to you as you will let him. But the thing is he can hurt other people to get to make you weak. That's right, because he can't hurt me. The devil cannot hurt me. I am not scared of the devil period, that's right. But he can sit right there on top of my treehouse, you know, and watch my whole life and see what's the most important thing to me. He'll bark in your ear and then just take it away. He'll bark in your ear. I mean, that's a whole other story, that's right.
Speaker 3And if it wasn't for?
Speaker 5Andy Hurst, I wouldn't even be here. You know, I went to church on Sunday. I went to church in Lubbock. I walked in this church, andy Hurst, which was a preacher here at one point he goes, he looks at me, stops service. He said I can't believe you're here. I said where else do I got it? I was mad. I'm furious at God.
Speaker 3What took you there? Why did you decide to?
Speaker 4go there it was communion. Why did you decide to go there, Zach?
Speaker 5Because Andy heard us.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah yes, I know, but what's that Coincidence?
Speaker 5But why did I go to?
Speaker 1church.
Speaker 5Exactly all that shit, because you know, the doctor told me that because the night before she's going to be here she's not going to be here. I wanted to kill the doctor, the whole nine yards, and my cousin, which did not believe in God at the time. She was there with me and I went down there and they were doing communion and all that good stuff, hell, they even asked me to sing and I said I even got up and sang. You able to?
Speaker 4I can't, but I was numb, yeah you just went through, but I'm mad, so I sang Everybody got up.
Speaker 5Everybody applauded. So I just went and sat down. They did communion. I didn't move. Yeah, I was there and you know they prayed, you know, and I gave away every dollar I had. The whole time I was down there I gave away $800. I'd just given away my last money when I was there. We went to breakfast first. I just gave away my last $50. I was tipping people $100 a time. You know Anybody that gave me money I'd give it away because it means nothing. But anyway. So every dollar that I gave away that church stuck in my pockets as they were praying. I just feel people shoving stuff in there, shoving money in my pockets, and I'm still mad and I don't do communion.
Speaker 5Andy Hurst comes up, the service is over and I'm still sitting there. I'm still looking at this wood cross. It's gigantic and I'm thinking what's holding this cross on this wall? Because I'm thinking what's holding this cross on this wall? Because I'm about to tear it down and just beat this church down with it. I really was and I was thinking, I wanted to know what held that on the wall. And he came up to me. He goes where are you going? I said anywhere. But here he said you got all the right in the world to be mad at God. I said you have no idea. I said I have have unwavering faith. I ask you what's your name? Do you believe in God? And I've done it for a long time. And he did this to me he turned his back on me. My exact words, I said he turned his back on me. Why would he let this happen?
Speaker 5He says and Andy goes. You know what he said? I have no words for you. He said because I can't even imagine. He said because I can't even imagine. He said, but all I can say is this the next time you see them will be forever, if he wouldn't have told me that, I promise you. I was about to burn, I was about to destroy Lubbock. Yeah, I stopped when that doctor came back and said she's going to die, I like to kill them. And my wife said you need to just go, just go, just go. You're spiraling out of control my exact words. I said, like the Hindenburg, and when I hit, I'm burning this whole place down. And she said you just need to go.
Speaker 5So I got in the vehicle and as soon as I hit right there off the highway, got on the main road that goes in front of Texas Tech, the devil got behind me in a 1984 Chevrolet pickup and he goes to the student behind me. He's tattooed out, he's just screaming at me F you, you know, and he's just cussing me. And I gave him about two more blocks, dude, and I slammed on the brakes. It was all traffic, one lane highway. So we all stopped and I got out and pointed like this and I told him. I said you made the biggest mistake of your life. Brother, I'm fixing to beat you just lost your babies. Your parents are going to lose you. You are their baby and everyone will go down. Get back in the truck. I said, okay, I made a deal with him. I guaranteed that people thought I was crazy. I said, okay, I'll give him to the parking lot of my motel, which was three blocks on the same road. So I got back in my truck. I made a deal with God. I said if he comes in that parking lot, I'm beating him to death.
Speaker 5So I stopped as soon as my back wheels get in the parking lot, stop and get out. You know what the dude did? Looked the other direction. God drove him by. You know, I mean I'm talking cussing me like a rabid dog fool. I mean for what reason? No reason, it's because it's the same reason that doctor came down there and said that the doctor was not in control when he said that he knew better. Uh-uh, that goes back.
Speaker 5Hey, man, the shit gets crazier than that. Hey, when you start to get over it, hey, you wake up in the middle of the night about 5 o'clock in the morning. There's red blues everywhere. I go outside to see what the dogs are barking at. There's red blues everywhere down there. Here we are again. I walk all the way down there. You know what happens, hey, a guy stops right there at the crosses, decides he's going to end his life right here and stepped out from right there and walked out in front of a semi Boom. There's pieces of him struck down all the way to the next crossover and the sheriff goes. He comes over there to me and says I sure was hoping that you weren't going to wake up for this. Yeah, no shit.
Speaker 1I said what happened.
Speaker 5I said for this? Yeah, no shit, I said what happened. Hey, I said what happened. He said pedestrian got in a fight with a semi-pedestrian, lost. Basically, what we can see is that he came right here and looked at this and said I'm, you know, that's not the deal. He was going to commit suicide regardless.
Speaker 5And the devil said hey, I got a perfect spot for you. They're just about to get up out of this little rut that they're going to get back into. Let's just knock them right back down. That's what he tried and that's what it is, man. Hey, you better believe. And if you don't believe in that, then it's something wrong, it's. I have unwavering faith and that's my deal. And the devil knows I'm mad. I'm mad, I'm mad at God, and what he wants to do for me is strip the one thing that I have left from me, and that is my belief in my faith in god. Hey, and he's gotten real close several times, not not stripping it away, but got me mad enough to to to stop to try to pull that trigger on you?
Speaker 5yeah, because I'm quick to tell you right off the bat. You know, hey, if you don't believe in God, something's wrong, you know and here's the deal.
Speaker 5Hey, that's right. There are so many prophecies fulfilled. Just when he was born. It was unfathomable. You know, they were killing. Hey, they were killing the firstborn. What a thousand years before he ever was even born, because they were that scared that he was going to be born. But that's a whole other story, for a whole other day. A whole other day. Don't get me started on that, all right Me either. Because there was a time you know, what?
Journey to Healing and Moving On
Speaker 4when stuff happened to Sharon and you lost your family, I tell you what I lost. God, I was so mad at God. If you talk about that, I was an atheist. Let me think how long that was when I was 24. For sure I lost it then, if I didn't before, and it was until I was 31 years old at least 34? 2011 before I refilled Because it made so much nonsense to me.
Speaker 2There's no reason for that. He lost his faith in God too. He was mad at God for six whole months. Oh shit, it took six months.
Speaker 5I'm just glad to know he got it back.
Speaker 4It took six months. I can't believe he got it back in six months. Yeah, that's good. It took me eight years. And then we're just talking shit. A lot, a lot.
Speaker 2I've done a lot of talking, A lot of, Because he told me. He said if you don't talk to me, I'm going to lose my mind.
Speaker 5I see, I don't talk, I don't talk.
Speaker 2No, you need to learn to talk. Yeah, that's another reason why we wanted to do this podcast is to talk. Don't think it. Don't think it Talk.
Speaker 1If I had, to talk to you. You're in the wrong circle, because that's why people go to therapy right, right to talk, yeah it doesn't even matter it's bad hey, there's things besides that, besides talking.
Speaker 4Oh yeah, right, you know, I've heard something.
Speaker 5I've talked to Sid. As soon as I close my eyes, I see it again. You know, as soon as it gets quiet, as soon as the TV's not on, it's, it's every.
Speaker 4I mean I'm not, it's probably it's probably a thing like that, but there's something but if I go to talking about god, everything giving it to god, you write it. That to me it works. If you write it down, it's like it's a letter and you write it out.
Speaker 4I'm, I write a lot of shit. You know I take weird notes and stuff, uh, but if I write it out and then this way I did that it was an a a thing give it to you, just write it down. You ain't got to give it to nobody, you might, you just hang on to it and then, but you're writing it down and for some reason, I don't know, it's kind of like saying it and things like that that make it true, but there's a thing about writing it and giving it to God. It doesn't just do it. I can't explain that. See, when I go to talking about God.
Speaker 5I'm not mad at God, I mean, that's just, I'm not.
Speaker 2Well, benny was mad. I mean he raved and he threw his fist and he threw the Bible at the floor and he done all like he raved.
Speaker 4Well, it's part of the what if? Part of the what if isn't it?
Speaker 5Well, that's doubt.
Speaker 4That's doubt, that's.
Speaker 5Those are huge things. We just talked about that. That's just one more of the many ways the devil can just Creep in your mind.
Speaker 4Creeps in your mind.
Speaker 5God knows your beginning date and your ending date.
Speaker 4Yeah but he's trying to influence that. He's still working on you Until that date. You know it, he don't know it. He's working on you until that day. Devil don't know.
Speaker 5You know, one of my favorite sayings or one of my favorite things is about the Bible, is people. Like you know, the story of Job is terrible. There's not nothing good to come from the story of Job. It was a bet between God and the devil. You know God's sitting at a table, basically, you know God's sitting at a table and he's sitting there waiting with the sons of God, it says, and they're waiting on the devil, beelzebub. And when he finally shows up, he says where have you been? He said I've been between two worlds trying to destroy man. He, you can't, he said. He said I would have them all destroyed if you didn't have your hedge around, joe.
Speaker 5They used to talk farming, so he said if you took your hedge down, I hit it because even for the day was up. He said I'll take your hedge away from his heart, but not his soul, or back, or is it back? So basically, he took where he could hurt joe, he took it. He took the hedge away from, but not around his soul. Took where he could hurt Joe, he took the hedge away from him, but not around his soul. He could hurt him, but he never cussed him. He killed all the livestock, all his, everything over and over and over and over. Of course, in the end, joe laid down in a ball and pulled all his hair out and tore all his clothes off, but he never cussed God.
Speaker 2He kept his faith in God.
Speaker 4That's right, but he still prays, god. It's hard, it's a hard thing to do. It's hard to do it every minute, every minute.
Speaker 5Believe me, my middle name may be Job. I understand.
Speaker 2I've been that way since many times the trials of Job.
Speaker 4You've heard that.
Speaker 5Are you going through the trials of Job? Don't call me Job, just call me Jobless. No shit, I know?
Speaker 4Yeah, jobless, a series of unfortunate events, yeah, yeah, that's what all that is. It looks a lot of different ways.
Speaker 5Well, I'm so glad that you came what time is it.
Speaker 3Yeah, sharon, do you have?
Speaker 4to take medicine or anything Like I need medication. Did you say you need medication or? Less medication yeah my five bucks.
Speaker 1We appreciate you coming Sure. It was very good insight yeah it helped me.
Speaker 3Anything else you want to say, Sharon?
Speaker 1What do you think?
Speaker 4About what Anything?
Speaker 1What do you think about this?
Speaker 4and everything else. Just what you guys About what? Anything? What do you think about this and everything else? You got something to say.
Speaker 2I'm glad that y'all got to the hospital. You're doing the work and everything and make it look like it is. It's nice.
Speaker 5I'd like to claim some of that, but it's all, chris.
Speaker 4I have a big question how do we go?
Speaker 5You're moving to Tennessee. What's in Tennessee? Tell us about that? You're moving to Tennessee. What's in Tennessee, tell us?
Sharing Grief and Moving Forward
Speaker 2about that. Well, Benny has family down there. Okay, His brother went down retired from the Air Force down there and he's got four nieces down there Because Benny's brother died in 21. And I'm just, I can't stay here.
Speaker 5No, yeah, I understand that. I see Benny everywhere I bet. Yeah, I understand that. I see, I see Benny everywhere I bet, yeah, I'm glad you have a place to go.
Speaker 2And I do not like. I have family in Corner. I have a nephew and two nieces in Corner, my brother's children, but I don't want Corner.
Speaker 4Still too close. Yeah, no, it's Corner. How many times have you been to Kona and Vernon, and all through your life?
Speaker 2I went to school in Kona. That was our hometown. I went to school for 12 long years.
Speaker 4I'm surprised you're moving around this long.
Speaker 5I know what you mean. I don't like Kona, I don't want to live up there.
Speaker 2They're all busy.
Speaker 5I never, ever thought I'd not call the farm my home. That's right. I never would have thought that I would. I'd not call the farm my home, that's right, right.
Speaker 4And I never would have thought that I would ever not want to be at the farm. I understand man, that's gotta be.
Speaker 2I'm just gonna go down there and start a different road, go down a different way, that's right, that's right none of them work. They're all retired and like.
Speaker 4I have a different part to your life, something different. Why not? Why not? That's a lot of stuff. Why not? Everything's changed. Have a different part to your life, something different. Why not? Why not? That's a lot of stuff. Why not? Everything's changed? Hurry. I mean, what's here? You don't have any family here anymore. All those things are remembered. I understand that. I think why not? There's more why nots than why nots.
Speaker 3Maybe get in there and share your story.
Speaker 1Maybe you'll help somebody there, that's right, I mean, I tell you you've already helped Zach. Maybe it was just anything.
Speaker 2His brother was 12 years older than he was and that's a lot of years apart. But then his wife, his wife is not doing well. She's kind of the same place you are. She hasn't adjusted at all. Nothing has adjusted for her. So the girls he's got four daughters. They're hoping that maybe I can come down there and talk.
Speaker 5That's great, that they want you there. That's great.
Speaker 4Because, I'm younger than she is. Feel the self-worth you know.
Speaker 5It's nice to know that. That's kind of inspiring actually. Yeah, it's nice to know that people may still want me around, you know oh well, oh yeah, everybody. Everybody needs everybody, we all need each other, so I'm just saying that you know your kids are supposed to take care of you when you get old, right? So, eric, I'm going to need some of your kids.
Speaker 1You can't man, you can birth me, you can birth me.
Speaker 5You want a male or female Preferably. I don't know. I like to sit at RJ. He may not like you.
Speaker 1I do no, he likes me.
Speaker 5We talk. He goes. I said man, I made your hamburger and I think I did pretty good. He said my dad would say it sucked.
Speaker 1But you know, luckily, me and Earl are pretty blessed with children, so we'll take that.
Speaker 2Well, if Bening was still alive, of course there would be no thought about it, but he's not here. The kids aren't here. Yeah, no, I understand.
Speaker 3I understand.
Speaker 1If they were all here, there'd be.
Speaker 3It'd be totally different.
Speaker 1Yeah, why would you leave?
Speaker 3Oh yeah, oh yeah oh yeah, so.
Speaker 5I understand We'd be about to. We'd probably be on our deathbed right now because life went by that fast. Yeah, and it's not. It don't go fast for us, no more.
Speaker 2I know Zach's felt it before too. When you get to a point, there's nobody you can talk to.
Speaker 3Oh no.
Speaker 2Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. And nobody can understand and nobody understands.
Speaker 5And you know, what I hate the most is when people come up and tell you man, I know how you feel.
Speaker 2No, you don't, no, you don't.
Speaker 5Or I loved him just as much as you did. I'd like to kill somebody over that. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2Excuse me. So she's saying nobody loved them as much as I did.
Speaker 5Yeah, Because nobody, I mean it's impossible.
Speaker 2I know it.
Speaker 5You know, hey, my wife didn't get to hold them when she had them Maybe first, you know.
Speaker 3And then it was.
Speaker 5You know, it's just, it's yeah. No, you can't understand, no, you can't, you can.
Speaker 2You have to walk down that road first before you can understand.
Speaker 5I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy yeah you're right, that sucks.
Speaker 1Yeah, tragedy, however you see it or however it affects you, does a lot of damage.
Speaker 5It's just like Makes everything else small.
Speaker 1Right, it's like the people that serve our country and they go over and see war. It changes Like when they come back they're not the same, like they've seen stuff that they can't. That's all my wife watches.
Speaker 5You know why my wife watches nothing but war stuff? It's because somebody is worse off than we are.
Speaker 1Oh, but that's what it does to the brain Trauma. Just it does something to you and some people can't deal with it.
Speaker 3Some of the different kinds of trauma.
Speaker 5Hey, you know, you never know.
Speaker 1That's what I'm saying you just never know when it's going to hit you.
Speaker 4I know that's right. I mean there's different kinds of dealing.
Speaker 1There's different kinds of dealing, and that's why suicide is so prevalent with our people that serve, and that's why suicide is so prevalent with our people that serve. It sure is. That's a huge thing.
Speaker 4They don't talk about that but like a homicide of people, killing people, a huge number of that is suicide.
Speaker 5People killing is huge. All I'm going to say is y'all, if y'all need somebody killed, just let me know. I understand, I understand. I mean, there's no use for y'all to get into any trouble.
Speaker 4I understand, I I mean there's no use for y'all if you're getting any trouble.
Speaker 2I don't want to hear that you killed him you will never hear about it, I promise.
Speaker 4I don't have a situation bad enough for you to have that person.
Speaker 2I don't want to hear Zach who Zach no?
Speaker 5hey, there's some things that you just can't forget. You may think it's forgotten, but it's not forgotten. That's why we're human we can't forget. You may think it's forgotten, but it's not forgotten that's why we're human. We can't do that yeah, that's right just when you thought it was safe to go outside by yourself is what they're going to say it's coming. I don't care. I said it to you the first time I've seen you and it's still coming. We might want to stop recording.
Speaker 1How long have we been going here? We've been going like two hours, yeah, yeah, so I thought this was pretty good. Yeah, we appreciate you coming.
Speaker 3Yeah, anything else you want to say about this whole deal. I mean if it helped you in just a.
Speaker 1I mean, yeah, Anything else you want to say about this whole deal? I mean if it helped you in just a. I mean anything.
Speaker 5I'm just happy to hear that you're going somewhere that you're wanted and you want to go. Because being here by yourself, you know, it would have to be terrible. Well, we were married, we were together 53 years be terrible.
Speaker 2We were married, we were together 53 years and we were always together, always worked here together, worked here together lived right there same town. We never lived in the other place but here at Chillicothe. Neither one of you could have made it by yourselves though, huh, you don't think you would have made it if it had been just of.
Speaker 5You could have made it by yourselves, though, huh, you know you don't think you'd have made it if it had been just you, and that what happened oh yeah, you know I've got to. You know I've got to worry about other people. You know that's that's other people worry about me, that's just how it is because if, If not, I guarantee you, I don't know I probably would beat everybody up. Well, see my family in Kona, preachers and all my family in Kona.
Speaker 2they lost their dad. Of course, they lost their dad back in 2013. That's been some years ago, but they're still handling that.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's hard, and then they're trying to help me and we start talking.
Life Updates and Goodbyes
Speaker 2Well, they can't help me because mine's just recently and the girls down there, I think they've lost their dad. It's been two years, but him and Benny were brothers and I think that's going to make more of a connection. Right, right, and we can talk more. Yeah, I can't talk to anybody, and we can talk more. I can't talk to anybody.
Speaker 5And if anybody can understand pain, I mean it's you. So I mean just being able to say, hey, I'm still standing here, I'm still breathing, I'm still getting up every day. That's a bunch of things that a bunch of people won't do, don't do.
Speaker 2We wouldn't have made it. Him, me and Benny, we wouldn't have made him, we wouldn't have made he said, we just got to stick together who was that?
Speaker 5that lawyer there in Wichita Falls, prominent lawyer, who was the bankruptcy lawyer? What was he? His daughter died in a wreck and he shot himself. Oh Elizabeth, what was his name, but he was a big time. I know what you're talking about, but I can't hear you. I can see, don't think too, yeah that's what I mean.
Speaker 4That's like it's a minute to minute decision, but you know.
Speaker 5I'm not going to have to kill myself, because if I'm much later than this, my wife's going to kill me alright, well, this will be the end of this episode and uh, sharon, we appreciate it oh, you're welcome we'll have somebody on we will be calling you after you get down there in tennessee yeah, okay yeah, down there, tennessee, for sure we want to know how everything's going down there. What's your life's like there? Yeah, we can call the good the bad the ugly. I mean the truth. All we want is the truth all right.
Speaker 1Well, I'm good, all right, I think we're good, all right, right. Over and out, over and out. Till next time. Did I wait? Did I wait too late? Tonight, we're going to say goodbye for the Be Easy podcast and we will be talking to you soon, but until then, I'm Bucky, this is Earl, I'm Zach, we are the Be Easy podcast and we will see you later.
