E- 5-When Your Mind Plays Tricks: Friendship Through Life's Darkest Moments

From the abandoned hospital in Chillicothe, Texas comes a powerful conversation about healing, vulnerability, and the human condition. Three friends(Bucky-Earl-Zack) sit down to share stories that have shaped them, struggles they've faced, and lessons they've learned along the way.

The raw authenticity hits you immediately. There's no script, no polished narratives—just real people talking about real life. They dive into how technology has transformed our social connections, remembering Walkmans, jam boxes, and a time when going to town on Saturday was the week's big event. These nostalgic reflections serve as a gateway to deeper discussions about mental health and personal struggles.  Zack shares a gutting account of loss and grief so profound that his mind began creating alternative realities to shield him from pain. "I don't care how strong you think you are," he reflects, "the mind is a fragile thing." This vulnerability creates space for honest conversation about the masks men wear and why asking for help remains so difficult, especially when society expects stoic strength.

The friends explore the delicate balance between body, mind, and soul, acknowledging how each affects the others. "One can lead the other out," they observe, discussing how physical symptoms often manifest from emotional struggles. There's wisdom in their words, but no pretense of having everything figured out—they openly admit they're learning as they go.

What makes this podcast extraordinary is its unflinching commitment to authenticity. These are conversations we rarely hear but desperately need—reminders that we're not alone in our struggles, that healing happens in community, and that sometimes the most important step is simply showing up and being honest about where we are.

Listen, reflect, and perhaps find the courage to have your own healing conversations.

Transcript

Starting the Podcast Journey

Zack 0:42

And with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine. This year, well, she turned three. You better grab a hold of something, hold something, rather, hold you and don't ask a question if you can't take the truth, cause it might be a question, and you can't take the truth Because it might be a reflection of you. I said it might be a reflection of you. This is the B-E-Z Come on to your life From the abandoned hospital in Chillicothe, texas.

Zack 1:27

So back to the B and the E and the Z. I'm the B, the E, I guess I'm the Z, and here we are.

Bucky 1:36

So we're still learning. It's been some time we've been doing this and we're still learning.

Earl 1:40

Putting stuff together.

Bucky 1:42

Putting it together is harder than we imagined.

Earl 1:44

Well, and then putting it out kind of has some new difficulties, Like some expected, and then it always surprises.

Zack 1:51

Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there. I want to go ahead and apologize to everyone out there that I'm going to offend Because you're going to For for? No, I won't do it on purpose, I swear Not that we say it's going to harm anybody.

Zack 2:05

I don't want to hurt anybody. That's right. A person that hurts somebody on purpose is evil. But so I'm going to go ahead and apologize for the little things that we say, because we may not think of it like you think of it, or just this is for everybody, this is for future apologies. So if you want to get an apology, you have to go back to episode number three. But for real, we're trying not to offend anyone.

Bucky 2:30

No, this is not what we attended this for, if we offend you drop a comment, but we appreciate it.

Earl 2:37

Yeah, sure you can reach out. There's nothing wrong with that, just because you say but yeah, we apologize, don't mean to offend nobody. Our intent is not to hurt anybody's feelings.

Bucky 2:46

We're actually trying to.

Earl 2:47

We're kind of I think our intent stated in that thing, as far as we're trying to help other people, because these are the kind of things that helped us yeah.

Bucky 2:57

And we're still trying to help each other.

Earl 2:59

It's a work in progress, like everything else, and, yeah, we apologize if we ain't figured it out. You know what? And yeah, we apologize if we ain't figured it out. You know what? Like I said, we're trying to figure this out.

Bucky 3:07

We don't know what we're doing. Yeah, we are still figuring it out.

Apologizing in Advance

Earl 3:09

Not that that's a qualifier for any kind of anything I mean, but, like I said, we also discovering new problems as we go along with all kinds of stuff, not just stuff like that. But we ain't trying to offend people. We're not out there to be shocking or, uh, to get after somebody.

Bucky 3:22

You know what I mean. Yeah, we're here to heal and grow, and we said that in several of our episodes. We've already talked about.

Earl 3:28

This is how you wrote that in the deal. Whenever you put the first thing before it came out. This is what this is about, this is what it's about.

Bucky 3:33

Yeah, read it, it's really good.

Zack 3:35

So we apologize now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I apologize.

Bucky 3:40

Nice feelings, not purpose.

Earl 3:43

Sincerely. I mean, why don't you just put them words out there? We are sincere good people?

Bucky 3:47

No, we're not. We try to be. Yeah, for the most part, that's right. We do our best. I mean, you know we do fall.

Zack 3:55

Like everybody else. You know, I got to thinking, you know, after we had my dad on here not very long ago and it was very interesting, very funny, and I got to thinking you know, can you imagine all the things that he has seen change?

Bucky 4:11

just in his life, the change. I like that.

Zack 4:14

Just think about what's changed since we've been kids.

Earl 4:17

I was thinking that recently.

Zack 4:18

Cassette, you know VHS, you know rotary phones.

Bucky 4:22

Oh yeah.

Zack 4:23

I mean come on.

Bucky 4:24

We are in the Stone Age. Discman Because, yeah, there was a lot of other little steps. Walkman, Walkman, you had to walk with this right, yeah, because.

Earl 4:33

I mean before the phone changed the world, our cell phone or whatever smartphone.

Bucky 4:37

Oh yeah, there was all kinds of little steps.

Zack 4:39

But we used to carry stuff around the end the jam box.

Bucky 4:42

Oh, the jam box. Oh yeah, I used to carry one around. I'm telling you Really.

Zack 4:46

Took 38D cell batteries that weighed like 20 pounds.

Bucky 4:50

It was like your damn guitar case there.

Zack 4:54

It's like. You know, I talked to my grandpa about this before he passed away and he was like you know, it is it's technology that's killing us Because, you know, back in the day, they went to town on Saturdays. You know, it's like let's go to town, that's on Saturday, and that was a trip and that was something special. You know what I'm saying, and this town used to be big and happening, I guess, but it ain't like that now. Now you can get see. That's when you got to see your friends, or at school, school, you got to see your friends, just like us, you know, and.

Earl 5:28

But you know, now it's hell you don't see your friends.

Bucky 5:29

The side effect time. I think it's a change side of technology. It changed that socialization.

Zack 5:32

Oh yeah, yeah, well, yeah I mean, but that's I mean, hey, that's nothing wrong with that, it's accidents happen, man, because that's just how we were raised, I mean, or we taught ourself to be that way.

Bucky 5:41

I should say because because we were raised in that way.

Zack 5:44

My mama has never said the F word. I promise you.

Bucky 5:46

Yeah, when I say that, I don't mean no disrespect to him.

Earl 5:49

Yeah right, Absolutely. But only some people understand that.

Zack 5:54

Here's a Jerry Flynn story right here the night before this happened it was like on a Friday or Saturday she used to be in charge. Oh, dropped a name, cut that out. No, no, no, we don't. We ain't gotta cut that out. You used to be in charge of the police department who hired and fired. You know I'm saying so back when we were in school, me and dave and y'all. You know we got away with a bunch of shit that we shouldn't have got away with.

Bucky 6:15

Is that why we did that you?

Earl 6:16

can't you can't know that you can't. Are you serious? A time or two?

Bucky 6:19

a time or two oh, absolutely, I didn't live in town. Oh, oh, right, right, right, I don't know who's in the dark.

Zack 6:26

I better come to town, me and Dave. We got out, we were drinking and Dave got really drunk and it's like, right at dark and right here, matter of fact, right up here by the hospital, by the Baptist Church I turn right there and a new cop pulls us over and he comes up to me and he's like you've been drinking, shine the light, follow my pen. And I followed his pen. You know I didn't have but like two or three drinks and he's like okay, so where are you headed to? Well, right down the road. Okay, you need to get there, don't be out drinking.

Zack 7:00

Blah, blah, blah. Never even seen this dude before. Kind of a dick. Well, hell, as I'm driving off, I hit a bump and David wakes up out of the backseat. See, there I go. He never saw David. He never saw David.

Zack 7:14

David leaned up in the backseat and turned around. The bright lights were on. He's like big old, deer eyes. So he pulls me back over immediately and he's like he'd get David out of the car, like David was hiding from him. Where were you hiding at? Oh, in the back seat, laying down. I mean in a Mazda three, in a Mazda three. Two, three. I don't see how you didn't see him. You know what I'm saying, but anyway. So he gets him out and he says and David goes, like this, and if y'all can see what I'm doing, I'm taking like I'm holding a flashlight and David doesn't use his eyes, he uses his whole head.

Zack 7:51

And oh, dude, this dude went to Thornfield. Oh yeah, and he said, well, who are you? He said well, david Hopkins. And he yelled at us, did all sorts of shit. So we went to the house from he let us go. Of course, we told ray and uh, I bet he got fired. But uh, the very next day my parents come by his house and it's the very first time I ever cussed in front of my mother and uh, well, I was like, keep saying them f-bombs, you're gonna be cussed in front of my mother.

Bucky 8:25

Well, you keep saying them F-bombs, you're going to be cussing forever again.

Zack 8:28

I was like 14, 14 years old. I'm talking to my dad, my mom's standing right there, david's standing right there. Down 91 goes the cop. I said Daddy, there goes that son of a bitch right there. My mama's eyes got this freaking big dude. She said what, what? And my mama's eyes got this freaking big dude and she said what, what did you just say he? My daddy immediately never missed a lick. He looked at me. He said I can't believe you use that type of curse words in front of your brother. What's wrong?

Zack 8:57

I believe, I believe it, he was saving my ass. Boy right there, he saved me. I laughed, I laughed. I still laugh about that shit. But that he was a funny man he is. I enjoyed it. He got me out of all sorts of trouble with my mama.

Bucky 9:12

Like all sorts. We talked about it. He's like the last man standing.

Earl 9:17

Well there's a lot of those in the military. You know what. They've been debriefed. Whenever they get debriefed and they get them when they come back, you don't talk about it.

Bucky 9:23

No.

Earl 9:23

Except to you can talk to like a psychiatrist. You can talk to somebody, but you don't. Yeah, you're not sharing that story. You're not, they tell them that shit. And when you do that, when you do that. Well, a lot of them are like on because they did shit or their missions were something that were sensitive to.

Bucky 9:39

But when you see people die in front of you, well, yeah, seen that, but I can only imagine.

How Technology Changed Our Lives

Earl 9:42

I know yeah, well, I know a lot of people that have explained that experience to me do some damage to your mind yeah well, but you might not come back from well, you get put in a situation not everybody's put in that, uh, yeah, well, some. Well, you know what we get judged for our decisions. People don't look at us for the choices we had to make. People don't know what you know like. Don't know somebody you don't know. At us for the choices we had to make. People don't know what you know. You don't know what they were faced with or this is the choice they had. But we live with decisions we made and people would judge us on that.

Bucky 10:17

Yeah so you know, that's kind of why we're going to have guests on here, because our stories are pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, I know ours are, but other people's are too.

Zack 10:29

Oh yeah, no, those are real stories.

Earl 10:33

So, I mean, we can talk about ourselves and our stories. Yeah, that's all yeah, but I mean, that's personal identification.

Bucky 10:39

Yeah, I mean, we're trying to get other people heard too, absolutely. So when we do episode, one day we may talk about all of our stories and next time we have two other perspective well, you got to change it up, like you say you can't just have one thing, like you can't have every show just to be oh, just off crazy, no topic everyone can't be yeah, crazy.

Bucky 11:00

I think they all can be like that they might, just I think they might be, hey I told people, I did tell. I told a few people about it but I was like what I figured out is the attendance span of adults now is like oh nothing.

Earl 11:16

TikTok Not included. Tiktok yeah.

Bucky 11:17

That's exactly what it is.

Zack 11:20

That's why they call it TikTok because it's like seconds it's like a clock.

Earl 11:23

It's like a clock, it's seconds it's like you, just keep moving, it's probably 15 is about the maximum 15 seconds. Yeah, To get your attention.

Bucky 11:31

You're like no what is that you called it the dopamine or something you get? Yeah, you get that from too. What do you mean?

Earl 11:36

You're looking for the next one, that's what anything that's chasing the dragon and that's a real chemical in your brain. That's all any of them do Really. That's what they're making you do. They dump that shit in your brain.

Zack 11:50

You're something you already got With everything really and steal your information Most of the time If you don't wear a ten-fold hat.

Bucky 11:58

China's stealing all your info.

Earl 11:59

China will give you.

Zack 12:00

No, they'll give that might wrestle a feather or two.

Bucky 12:05

Bring it right, we're not going to talk politics on this one thing we will not do I try to stay away from myself.

Earl 12:11

Yeah, no, no I know, but I don't listen to it I try to stay out because it's just crazy.

Bucky 12:15

Yeah, I don't you lose a lot of friends. I'm such a political person.

Earl 12:19

I don't, that's what I mean. I don't participate, I keep up with. I'm not, let's keep so we're not gonna talk politics.

Bucky 12:25

You don't have to worry about that.

Earl 12:26

That's one of the quickest things to make folks crazy, yeah.

Bucky 12:29

Yeah, stupid, crazy. It's politics. We're not going to talk about kids.

Earl 12:32

I've heard that lately though.

Bucky 12:40

Everything.

Earl 12:41

I hear though, is like you know, eggs are so high now because Biden oh, hey, that's what.

Bucky 12:47

I heard pull up your.

Zack 12:48

I think, craziness everything I heard is, you know, my favorite thing on TikTok the day after he got elected was how they went to the grocery store filming themselves. You know, like see when Trump said he was going to bring down prices, I don't see the prices, the next day six hours later.

Earl 13:04

Yeah, or with the inauguration, yeah, like whatever it was the Monday, whatever this, whatever mass Monday everybody. Oh, it's going back to normal.

Zack 13:10

We weren't talking about it.

Bucky 13:11

Back to normal yeah.

Earl 13:12

Look at the price of gas.

Bucky 13:13

Yeah, let's stop there, and so we're going to have a conspiracy theory episode.

Zack 13:18

Write that down.

Zack 13:19

I know who killed.

Zack 13:20

Kennedy.

Bucky 13:29

I think I got that over there on mine too.

Zack 13:32

I know who Kennedy tried to kill.

Earl 13:35

Hey your dad tells that story remember. Yeah, oh, he was trapped there. A lot of folks, what's that?

Bucky 13:41

He said he went to war the day after that. That's the greatest one ever. That's like a grenade.

Zack 13:46

I don't know. Boom About five minutes from now. Y'all don't realize what happened?

Bucky 13:50

What, what?

Earl 13:52

Who killed him? What?

Bucky 13:52

happened to him. Well, what's going on here? Huh, you just got to say it.

Zack 13:58

That's why I said I don't know who Kennedy tried to kill. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry.

Zack 14:02

I was confused. That shit was hilarious, I forgot.

Zack 14:05

It was hilarious though it was, it was.

Earl 14:08

Well, there's, you know, international conspiracies.

Bucky 14:12

So, hey, we got. This is going to be our first B-Easy meeting, so we're recording it too, so we may play some of it. Oh, this is the minute song. Yeah, okay, got. What are we going to do about name drops? Are we going to?

Earl 14:28

shoot his heart.

Zack 14:29

Okay, so I think it should be like this If they're no longer here with us, then we can't offend them.

Bucky 14:38

But can we offend their family? Okay, but we're not. Yeah, but we're gentlemen, we don't. I'm just trying to figure out.

Zack 14:46

No, I'm just saying, sometimes it's funnier if you know who it was, but you know what I'm saying, but we did make a mistake.

Bucky 14:54

Could it be embarrassing to some family members?

Earl 14:56

Well, I'm sure.

Bucky 14:58

I'll let you know right now. That's a matter of opinion. I mean, if you say something, say you tell a story about yourself, zach, and nobody's ever heard it. Parents never heard it, and they hear it and they're like I got one for you right now.

Zack 15:13

I got one for you right now. Okay so we used to have a principal in Chillicothe that went out of town for a weekend but we had something going on that weekend, so he wanted his daughter to stay at my house, but I already had it planned a sleepover.

Earl 15:36

I can't help it. You done stepped in it.

Zack 15:42

Anyway, I'm just kidding. All that's a joke.

Bucky 15:44

This is for entertainment purposes only. Remember all this stuff we're telling you is just you said a preacher's daughter, preacher's daughter.

Zack 15:49

That's what I said I got a story about that. Oh that.

Bucky 15:53

You don't want to tell them. Nobody wants to hear that I'm just no, no, definitely not.

Earl 16:07

I'm on the highway to hell. Who did kill JFK? Oh man Boy, here we go.

Bucky 16:13

I'll tell you what.

Earl 16:14

Yeah, what Can't stay on topic.

Bucky 16:15

Is there a?

Zack 16:16

topic Was there a topic? We haven't had one.

Bucky 16:18

I started a topic. We started a minute. What was the?

Zack 16:20

topic. The topic was what we've seen change.

Stories from Small Town Youth

Bucky 16:22

We're trying to. No, that was a question we're going to ask the guest. Oh.

Earl 16:27

We had one of those, so we got to figure out the name thing. We had one question for one person Name drops.

Bucky 16:32

Do we want to change names to stripper names or name?

Earl 16:35

names, that'd be hard.

Zack 16:36

So what we can do I mean that would be kind of cool If he could keep up with the name, if we know who they are, if they're our friends, we're going to go ahead and ask all our friends right now, if you're listening to this podcast, if you don't want to be mentioned in our podcast in any way negative or positive, but we probably won't have any negative ways. But if you're friends of ours, please just text us and let us know that we can't say your name, but I'm pretty sure all my friends are cool enough that they don't give us flying.

Earl 17:00

Maybe. Yeah, you need to know that we're going to talk about you so that you can give us permission.

Zack 17:05

Right, I mean just hey it's all Is that?

Bucky 17:08

what we want to say.

Zack 17:09

Everybody's going to love the podcast until they're in it, exactly.

Zack 17:14

I kind of have ideas.

Earl 17:16

Yeah.

Bucky 17:17

I know I texted Zach and that's right.

Zack 17:19

I mean, come on. I mean I have some funny-ass stories, like wearing a pair of panties in my head in the If you're listening to me, lindsey, that was a long time ago and they were my moms. I'm just kidding, they were not my moms Long time before we ever met.

Bucky 17:37

But anyway that's a decent hour. I mean, I don't have any crazy stories now because I don't do shit. Oh, we're too old to do shit, yeah, we're too old, we got to talk about the shit we used to do.

Earl 17:46

Oh yeah, it's all old. I mean, we kind of passed it.

Zack 17:49

Relive it, we got to relive it, that's why, we talk about it that goes back to what I was saying in the beginning.

Zack 17:54

Remember, we were in that foxhole with Nam and all I could think about was getting back on.

Bucky 17:59

Yeah, no, but now that, yeah, our stories aren't that cool yet. They might someday. But we got them now. We tell them. We tell them, somebody's going to hear them.

Zack 18:10

We got some funny-ass stories. I mean we really do. But now I'm all concerned about, I'm all gun-shy about telling these stories.

Earl 18:16

I know because, yeah, Well, there can just be a part in it that comes out.

Zack 18:20

Let's just use can we use? No, can't use first initials, because somebody will guess it.

Bucky 18:23

Yeah, well, that's. Hey, I told you Stripper names, names and porn star names, I don't know. Hey, now look, that's a puzzle to figure out.

Zack 18:31

Little Red Corvette.

Bucky 18:32

Listen, listen, I'm going to put a board right there on that deal. Zach, you're going to help me, I'll fix that. We'll mount it up on there White board Code names.

Earl 18:38

We come in here, we're going to say who we're talking about.

Bucky 18:47

We're putting their it up there. We're talking about Billy White Shoes.

Zack 18:52

Johnson Can't even talk about it, just go ahead and write his name down.

Bucky 18:55

Yeah, write his name down Every time we say his name. We're like Billy White Shoes Johnson, that one time you know what he did, you know what that dude did. That boy, that boy, I cannot believe that boy, I cannot put that.

Earl 19:15

Does that?

Zack 19:15

uh, does bucky have more trouble talking without teeth or the f word I did? Oh, you didn't get. I ain't saying that I can't say you're trying not to so hard. You couldn't even talk. Did I send that text to you in our mass text? You know we started out uh, bearded, tattooed and crazy okay, so porn names, stripper names pimp names, but what do you know?

Bucky 19:27

okay, I don't know. I mean, I don't know either well, those are good, but choices.

Zack 19:31

But we know lots of people that have actual porn names and stripper names.

Earl 19:35

Yeah, I tell you what you use those kind of names and dog names and horse names. You know what I mean, you know they're Rover.

Zack 19:42

Somebody in your family was married to one of them. What To Red? No Adams, he wasn't married to her.

Bucky 19:49

No Adams, he wasn't married to her Flavor. They were married?

Zack 19:52

Oh, they were married.

Bucky 19:53

Yeah, she still goes by that name yeah.

Earl 19:56

I mean, I wouldn't change my name back either.

Bucky 19:58

No, she uses it, I believe, why not, hell yeah?

Zack 20:01

Badass name. It is a badass name actually. One thing that could be better is your first name was Wild and your last name was Outlaw. You know, I actually knew a dude locked up with the dude. Did I say I was locked up? I was actually locked up with the dude's last name was outlaw.

Bucky 20:15

Was it an abandoned?

Zack 20:15

literally yes, so you had to live up to it.

Zack 20:18

No, my brother's locked me up, my brother's locked me in the barn one time.

Zack 20:21

And this guy I don't know how he showed up, but he was. I'm, I'm rambling.

Bucky 20:24

Yeah, hey, I had a guy come tell me the other day. He's like like well, it's been a while back. He's like hey, chris.

Zack 20:35

I'm sorry, huh, I was interrupting.

Bucky 20:37

I'm just being rude. He's like hey, you bought a hospital now. I was like yep. And he said, now you can be Dr Love. I'm like oh.

Zack 20:43

Ooh yeah, I can't believe you didn't already think.

Zack 20:46

I'm like what how?

Bucky 20:47

did I not know, dr Love.

Zack 20:49

That could have been the name of the show About the hospital now no shit From the love doctor. This is Dr Love in the B-E-Z.

Bucky 20:56

That's a call-in show. B-e-z Late night. Absolutely a call-in show hey, that would be cool.

Zack 21:01

Hell yeah, no, it wouldn't. Well, I want to be the one to interview PDD, if we get famous. I'm early.

Bucky 21:16

Hey, that would be pretty cool. Who wants to talk to the?

Zack 21:18

devil.

Earl 21:19

Oh, I thought you were talking about Suze. You ain't the first one, though that's too big a ticket.

Zack 21:23

No hell, no I don't know about that.

Bucky 21:35

People with money could mess you up People with money.

Earl 21:36

That ain't no shit.

Zack 21:38

Oh man, we were just talking about. I'm just kidding.

Bucky 21:44

They're pretty powerful people in town.

Earl 21:46

Are you talking about green privilege or white privilege? Oh, they got both.

Zack 21:51

In between the gray privilege.

Earl 21:54

Let's take all that shit out.

Bucky 21:56

Man. Green privilege this episode, Zach. So you're going to play something. What are you going to do? We're going to. Ooh, you want me to play.

Zack 22:03

I mean I don't know. Yeah, I'm actually, I actually kind of need a little bit of help, help, but you know, help, what's what? Getting that so much out of the case, or what eric's the closest? One, I know, with the degree that could help me a degree of what just I just need help. Oh, like, I'm just not right. You know, I have moments where I'm just completely oh yeah, I'm serious, though I mean I'm going blind go to them.

Earl 22:29

I don't I said, well, there's a couple of doctors you could probably go to. Oh yeah, I can guess dude, I'm not, I agree. Hey, you know what that's a good observation.

Bucky 22:39

Good glasses really help me. I ain't gonna lie.

Earl 22:41

Observation is one thing, diagnosis is another.

Zack 22:47

Okay, so I've been having headaches, so I started checking my blood pressure, or my wife started checking my blood pressure. Last night, oh God, my blood pressure was at this normal 169 over Sorry too much 98.

Earl 22:59

That bottom number is more important.

Zack 23:00

169 over 98?.

Earl 23:02

For what you got.

Zack 23:03

That's bad.

Earl 23:04

Yeah, that ain't good Not to run all the time. It'll eventually cause you problems. You probably ought to be on some medicine.

Zack 23:09

Well, I've probably run that most of the time you might have been running that a long time.

Earl 23:11

See, that's another thing. You might have had that I don't know how long a couple years now, if not more than that If it had been a couple years ago.

Zack 23:17

I don't know what that is.

Earl 23:18

Well, it does other damage. It does damage to your kidneys, all your other circulation, really.

Zack 23:23

How about my eye, my vision, my feet are swollen up, mine will change in a day.

Earl 23:29

I can tell my blood pressure is. Sometimes my eyes will like I can't read something on the computer screen or something that's got to be what's going on, man it might be low when it gets high. Yeah, I didn't know it either when it first started happening, and that's what it was mine's been high all the time. I think that's why I can't see well both and it'll go low, too low.

Zack 23:44

Do it one of the two no I know, like there was a while I was switching.

Bucky 23:48

Like.

Earl 23:48

I had like glasses for this, reading glasses, sunglasses. You know I was like wearing three and four pair of glasses. Oh, hell yeah. And then it was yes, and then I was looking and then I was like not feeling quite right. Sometimes I couldn't read like a computer show, I'd be like looking at it, looking at it again.

Bucky 24:04

Had the wrong glasses on.

Zack 24:05

Looking at it, looking again, For I don't know how many years. Now that I'm driving down the road, it'll get blurry. Then I have to look off and look back to make it. Oh, that's why that's not normal.

Earl 24:15

No, I know, and then I'm getting better at driving at night.

Zack 24:17

That's really not normal. I thought everybody did that.

Earl 24:19

I know I thought so too, Like some of the stuff, like at night, like you see glare and stuff you can't see, I hear it.

Bucky 24:33

Oh, love barbecue. Hey, I've been singing that song like the whole week.

Zack 24:37

That's the deal it's got to be catchy.

Bucky 24:39

I know, I put it yeah.

Earl 24:41

I'm going to keep playing it.

Bucky 24:42

So I'll hold a new one.

Zack 24:44

No way, I can write it right now.

Zack 24:53

I'll write it right now. Hold on, for real, we're recording, aren't we? I hope, yeah, could it be the jingle of the year. Well, I was hungry. Outside of Chillicothe, texas, one time, saw this little white building right past the DQ County line. I said that looks pretty good. There's a bunch of truck drivers sitting in there. Probably serial killers Get out and go in, and there, on that appetizer menu, it said, I got Buck Nuts and Squirrel Nuts. My nickname, though, is Bucky, so you understand the nuts.

Zack 25:30

He thinks he's fooling somebody. That's about deer. I said you're a lying son of a yeah for the hunters man Buck nuts. He's like every time somebody orders that shit he laughs his ass off.

Bucky 25:46

I'm telling you right now. I mean, bucky is kind of big right now Think about it. Biggest thing. I mean Bucky is kind of big right now. Think about it, the biggest thing in Texas. Bucky, they spelled it wrong. Yeah, I'm the original Bucky. They're old, they're young, they're trying hard. I've been around for a long time, been going on 50 years.

Zack 26:05

Yeah, we all are old or not. I'm not. We all are old. It's a matter of weeks days. So I got several songs I'm working on. You want to hear the sad one?

Earl 26:17

Yeah, that's all I got. No, that one right there. What you been working on that one for you didn't just now do that.

Zack 26:22

Absolutely. I did that all the time.

Earl 26:23

You didn't think of that, the nuts you already been thinking of some. I do.

Zack 26:27

Well, I think you can.

Earl 26:32

Throw me a topic.

Zack 26:33

Just come on, I'll do it. Well, I think you've been thinking about the nuts. No, throw me a topic. Throw me a topic. Okay, the nuts, get the nuts. They're a good topic Well one time I lost my nut, so I went a little bit nuts.

Earl 26:49

Yeah.

Zack 26:50

Then on the ground I found a peanut and guess what? He told me Peanut. He said Bucky. I know a peanut.

Earl 27:01

You talking about cornbread?

Zack 27:02

I'm talking about peanut Bucky. You know who Bucky is. It was peanut and Bucky. That may be Kenan oh.

Earl 27:10

Peanut sells him wood, yeah, how can I say, maybe can't Peanut sells him?

Zack 27:16

wood yeah.

Earl 27:16

Well, you can't. It's hard to get off that on the menu. That catches you on the menu too.

Zack 27:24

Never thought I'd see you in here In a smoke-filled bar room.

Zack 27:33

I can't remember how it goes. It got Bucky and the Nuts. Bucky and the Nuts oh man.

Zack 27:40

Them Bucky Nuts got them down. What?

Earl 27:42

happens when you eat the squirrel nuts, them Nuts get on you. What happens when?

Bucky 27:45

you come to Love's Barbecue, you think about it for days on end.

Zack 27:50

I've been knocked down, thrown out, wasted and drunk I've been lied to and tried to.

Zack 28:04

Anyway, the chorus goes. I can't even get into it now. Shit, I got too many nuts in my mind. I was thinking that.

Zack 28:14

No, it's up, Cause I've been up and down. Seems like there ain't no angels around Since you went away. I found the bottom of every bottle in this town.

Zack 28:33

I can't remember the words to my own song.

Earl 28:34

Nah, you probably got some other diagnosis you need done. You probably got to see the doctor for some other reasons.

Zack 28:39

I got all sorts of things that I should be seeing the doctor for.

Earl 28:42

Dude, I can tell you Probably some similar shit to mine. You ever have a concussion, one or two. You probably had more of one, hadn't you?

Zack 28:55

I got knocked out.

Zack 28:58

The air pulled up, said let me take you for a ride and I'll show you the time of your life. I jumped in. He put that pedal to the floor. Hey man, that car it flies, said my dad. Said my old man, he's a son of a.

Zack 29:21

See, I can't use your name.

Bucky 29:23

So we're going to let people decide if they want their name used or not.

Zack 29:26

Can I use your name?

Bucky 29:27

right now.

Earl 29:28

They got to message us before.

Bucky 29:30

Is this okay or not? Okay, both.

Zack 29:33

No.

Bucky 29:34

No, because everybody can't say yes, you may use my name, Ain't nobody?

Earl 29:37

going to say it, but either.

Zack 29:39

Just ask. You know, it's better just to do it.

Earl 29:41

To tell us you don't want us to, instead of asking permission. Do what it's easier to ask for forgiveness later than ask for permission before. I used to tell me that it's better to ask for forgiveness.

Bucky 29:49

Well, you used to also get in trouble when you got home.

Zack 29:53

after you got home, now you just get in trouble immediately. Telephone ring ring.

Bucky 29:58

Yeah, or Facebook, like how dare you. I thought you meant like at school, See that could get something really messy if somebody got on Facebook like that's not true. That's not how that happened and try to argue with you. We're not going to argue with people about.

Zack 30:13

Absolutely not, absolutely not I know yeah.

Bucky 30:16

Like, this is how we seen it. Maybe we didn't see it the way you did.

Earl 30:19

That's right. That's part of the deal. Everybody's world a little different. Everybody lives in a different bubble yeah. And you see things different.

Bucky 30:27

And my view might be different than yours, that's okay.

Earl 30:32

You're going to see things different. You're going to feel things different. Bring it back.

Bucky 30:35

Man.

Earl 30:36

I tried to do it a while ago. There's something wrong with the deal. It keeps it's limp. Oh shit, that's a bad thing to do. Oh shit, it's kind of limp.

Zack 30:50

It's between limp and loosey-goosey. It needs the blue cord, don't it? I don't know.

Bucky 30:56

Oh man, okay, so if somebody don't want us to talk about them, what are we even going to talk about? We don't even know.

Earl 31:05

That's right, until shit comes up I used to talk about David didn't know, y'all got pulled over Like the police. You remember we got pulled over the police.

Zack 31:13

You remember we got pulled over another time on 2006 and Draper was passed out.

Bucky 31:17

As soon as the cop walked up, he was like what the fuck's going on with the police? He was like smoke, another one dude.

Earl 31:22

He was talking about public image. He didn't think we were, but the car is red and blue. It's lit up Highway. Patrol, he didn lights like lit up and he didn't know, he didn't know, he didn't know where to put it. Yeah, highway patrol out there in the country on 2006 yep, man, because we had drove down 2006 got almost to the

Bucky 31:40

highway turned around and came back and we turned around. I guess he seen us, he got behind us and we just took off and he sucked us up too yep, and he sucked us up.

Earl 31:48

I was going as fast as my little go, yeah, and he was. I mean we was going 90 to 100, I'm sure the time we look back, he was on a hand, that dude sucked us up. He was that Camaro, wasn't he I?

Bucky 31:59

think it was Camaro.

Zack 31:59

That's when I had that Camaro like 90-something, 90-something Camaro, like a 90-something Camaro. Was it the deer?

Bucky 32:06

Yeah, I don't remember.

Earl 32:07

Yeah, I don't, I couldn't believe it, dude, everybody had that.

Zack 32:09

No, we didn't. I thought we was going to. Oh yeah.

Earl 32:11

Yeah, I thought we was going to Hardeman County.

Zack 32:13

Yeah, he got me out. You'd be Hardeman County hard after that. Yeah, no shit, hardeman.

Earl 32:18

County hard baby.

Bucky 32:26

You'd be given the Hardeman County Harder.

Zack 32:28

The Hardeman County Harder but yeah, the cops stories. I mean you know.

Bucky 32:33

I can't remember, man, that's some of the stories that they'll tell the trouble they got into or out of. Most people you know like had stories. Well, your dad even talked about some when he knocked the whole power out of Vernon Texas.

Zack 32:43

Do y'all remember that gray?

Earl 32:45

Camaro.

Zack 32:49

I started at the swimming pool and I knew I had to take it back. So I started swimming pool and Steve Brown clocked me on 6th Street doing 113 miles an hour. When he finally got pulled me over I was like a mile past the Grinch house and of course he didn't know the car.

Zack 33:07

So he was mad.

Zack 33:09

He comes to that window. He saw who it was. He said go home not so fast 113 miles an hour. He said what are you doing? 113 miles an hour? It was over 100 miles an hour yeah.

Bucky 33:27

I try to stay away from the laws. I pause the law and no one. We got lucky that day. I don't even remember how we got there. I don't know either.

Earl 33:38

Really I like he said here who is you me Drape and who Was somebody else in the car.

Bucky 33:43

Dave was in there too yeah. Yeah, as soon as he let us go, because on my last I was about two miles from my dad's house. So he looked at my ID and was like, oh wait.

Earl 33:54

Yeah, because we was on that road, we live on this road I was like I'm just going home right now.

Bucky 33:58

He's like, all right, man.

Earl 34:00

Have a good day. Yeah, his address was on 2006.

Bucky 34:02

It was when we got out, that's right.

Earl 34:06

As soon as we left.

Bucky 34:08

we was like celebrating Drake never opened his eyes.

Earl 34:11

He stood up and everything else was talking shit, but I swear to God, his eyes were closed the whole time. Yeah, he never.

Bucky 34:16

But he woke up at some point and kept partying. Oh Drake, he might go down, but he's coming back up.

Earl 34:23

I remember we were driving. I was like who's out here? It was a crazy time of night too. We passed them Like shit, so we drowned away. They were trying to follow us.

Bucky 34:32

So we took off and they turned on red and blues and I was like. I was like we're spending the night in jail. I really thought we was going that night for real. Probably should have been.

Name Drops and Storytelling Rules

Zack 34:44

This episode of the Be Easy podcast is sponsored by If you're looking for a barbecue of mouthwatering steak, come down to Love's Barbecue and make your own plate. Pug pulled pork, brisket, sausage and ribs, with appetizers from all over the world oh yeah.

Zack 35:23

That's Love's.

Bucky 35:26

Barbecue. I mean, we wanted to tell stories on our friends that aren't here, right, because they're not here to tell their story.

Zack 35:35

Absolutely so.

Bucky 35:35

we can't have them here as a guest and say hey, what was the craziest thing you ever done? Because you know what. They're gone. So we got to tell our story about them for other people to remember. Our story about them for other people to remember. Because if we don't, people forget.

Earl 35:58

Well, we probably need to reach out to more people than them. Yeah, that's the right idea. Like I said, the way you're talking about like whatever Kinnott and Jerry getting like there may be something in that Parallel. Yeah, it comes up, we don't know about, right.

Bucky 36:17

Just crossing over. They got stories that maybe they won't remember. They might inspire each other, Exactly Like what I.

Earl 36:25

Well, now they're going to inspire other people Well to a story, yeah, but I mean to a story like one of our minds oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot about that.

Zack 36:34

Yeah, I can't help. Everybody can't do it. You can't do it, me and earl. Yeah, you can't do everything for everybody occupy well same.

Earl 36:41

That's like you talk about other people that are gone now too, but no, that's why I wanted the podcast because I feel like you don't want to have other regrets. There's some other regret in there. I don't think so either. That's what I'm saying. I'm just saying that.

Bucky 36:50

No, not regret. But I mean Zach talked about it Me and him, talked about it some last week about bringing people to God, Fisher of souls.

Zack 37:03

Into the church huh Fisher of men, yeah, what's our?

Bucky 37:08

purpose.

Earl 37:10

It's hard. Like I said, I just try to be a shepherd. It's hard to be a fisher, I mean Right.

Bucky 37:17

But, like I say, I'm trying to help you guys Help me. We've all gone through Hard times. We talk about it.

Earl 37:26

I mean, keep talking about it. Maybe we should stop talking about it.

Bucky 37:28

It's to guide and get through. But like I seen somebody post today that somebody took their own life today. Took their life.

Zack 37:39

I like they're gone.

Bucky 37:39

Yeah, I don't know how, I don't know the story.

Earl 37:43

But yeah, anyway that one.

Bucky 37:45

So that's what we're talking about. That's what we're kind of getting together. Me and Earl talked about it before we came up here. We was talking about grief and tragedy and how broad that is. It's common.

Earl 37:55

How common it is. It's a common thing between people. Some people share it Tragedy and grief.

Bucky 38:00

It's part of life. Everybody's family at some point has some sort of that, and sometimes they don't have it for a long time. Yeah, some people have a lot of them, me and Earl was talking about like hey, who do you remember the first person that died? Like the first person that you remember that was gone as a kid, that you realized, that you remember like dang.

Zack 38:19

JD Gilbert's brother Gilbert.

Bucky 38:22

The first funeral you kind of went to.

Zack 38:24

No, gilbert, the first person that I Knew that died. Well, that really sunk in Right, that's what I'm saying Permanence, like they're gone.

Bucky 38:34

Hey, write that down. We're going to have a Bradley Gilbert episode. That's going to be a big one, because that was during our time. We was what? 86, right.

Earl 38:45

Yeah, he was in my brother's. They were in first grade, we were probably like third or fourth grade.

Bucky 38:53

Yeah, so we need to have that and do that and get several people. What me and Earl was talking about is about grief, tragedy, loss, trauma, how it affects the topic is so broad. I was telling Earl I was like man, if we talked about sports, for instance, we would have no audience because not everybody, Zach, you don't watch sports or you don't watch football or none of that. So you would be, you wouldn't even think about listening to this podcast because it's like they're about sports. But what we're talking about is real life and everybody's living it. Yeah, and the, the experiences you have in your life.

Bucky 39:38

Sometimes they're hard, they're all hard, they are hard, I mean just life and sometimes it's offensive to you know right, right to everybody.

Earl 39:50

You said you used fencing.

Bucky 39:51

Yeah, but we're just talking about how broad the topic is. Like just when that first episode dropped, there were just so many people that responded that shared similar stories of tragedy and loss that they had. I don't know if you read some of them comments. Your wife even commented on them.

Earl 40:08

Feeling alone, Feeling like they were the only ones.

Bucky 40:10

Yeah feeling like they were alone and nobody cared that their loved one was gone.

Earl 40:13

So they yeah.

Zack 40:14

Yeah.

Bucky 40:15

And that was just that touched me and I had other people reach out and tell me some of the same things. Like man, I felt the same Like when Zach said this. It just made me feel like you know, a you know a certain way that just made them realize that. Yeah, connection, they connect. So, I feel like we connected with some people. Maybe not everybody, but I think we will.

Earl 40:36

You're not going to get anybody?

Zack 40:38

No, I think it's going to be all right.

Earl 40:40

Yeah, you're going to connect in different ways. Like I said, we got it.

Bucky 40:43

Okay, so back to the story. I know we jump around a lot guys and we're sorry, but we're talking about our feelings and our feelings are pretty, we're pretty passionate about them and sometimes we do get carried away and maybe jump from topic to topic. When I was talking about the guy that took his life, somebody had posted on there about how men sometimes are afraid to ask for help when they need it, Like they let things build up Like this guy took his life, so obviously he felt Pain, Overwhelmed, yeah, and that. Did he ask for help? Maybe, but nobody, you know like. Did he ask for help or was he afraid to, Maybe?

Zack 41:20

Was he afraid to talk about it? Maybe they didn't understand what he was asking for.

Bucky 41:23

Right so. I posted something a while back on our page just about that, that sometimes we don't know how much we're helping somebody just by saying a certain thing or checking on them or asking about them or talking about them.

Zack 41:40

I'm going to say this right now If anybody that's listening to this ever feels like they want to take their own life, please contact us somehow.

Bucky 41:48

Or somebody that can help you.

Zack 41:50

You because please, if you don't think anybody else can help you. But we can just just send it, drop us something.

Bucky 41:54

But that's why we're talking about this because, man, as men don't talk about their feelings because they people make fun of you, and this is real life and men hurt too and they have pain. They have and they do have to try to put up this barrier, shield away and be the man Well that's society.

Earl 42:11

People put on a mask.

Bucky 42:11

No, they put it on yeah society has put it on us. They put on a mask. You need to put on a mask For different reasons, I know.

Earl 42:19

But that's the one men are asked to put on yeah, we're asked to put on, that's the one, men. Well, I'm not saying, but that's the one we're asked to put on.

Zack 42:26

It's going to be tough for everybody else, yeah that you're not phased that stoic phase.

Bucky 42:32

But that's the thing that you know. It's okay to be that way because it's there, that's part of it.

Earl 42:39

Well, yeah, that's part of it. I think you can't get through it unless you acknowledge it. That's, I think you're going to live in some denial of reality.

Zack 42:50

Boy, I'm not going to. Yeah, I almost lost it. I almost lost it right. At two years I started hearing the. I told you I'd be watching TV and shit. And I started, or my wife would be in the other room watching TV, I'd start hearing the girls' voices, or girls' laugh, or you know, and my mind started immediately jumping to. You know defense. You know, and, uh, my mind started immediately jumping to uh, you know defense. You know it's trying to protect me, so it's trying to for me to. Almost taught me. I tried, seriously, I almost taught myself and believing that the girls were still alive for real, uh man, whoo uh I damn sure did.

Zack 43:29

I got, I got thinking that neither one of them had a mark on them. There's also. I just my mind was in overdrive. I mean it's so much overdrive that I'm going to go sit and talk to my parents. I mean I'm just saying, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I just got to say this. You know, that's that. But. But then I had a friend of mine that was a doctor, not from this country, but well, they didn't have any bruises on them, because when you die, immediately your heart stops pumping. You know one of those painful truths, you know.

Earl 44:01

That you're grabbing for, you're reaching Well, yeah, absolutely.

Zack 44:05

Yeah, I got that Absolutely. You're going to reach, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zack 44:08

I mean I reach on a daily basis just to remember what they sound like. I mean, it's the things that we take for granted that hurt the most. Oh yeah, the smell, the laugh, the arguing.

Earl 44:25

The routine of the day, just the regular shit.

Zack 44:31

It's overwhelming sometimes, and sometimes your mind wants to just go ahead and make some shit up for you, so you don't hurt as bad.

Earl 44:38

You're right, you're right. Well, you know what you realize? Some of that, that's a fact.

Zack 44:41

I mean, that's just what it is. That's crazy, though that happened.

Zack 44:44

I mean that's for real, it did. Yeah, I mean that's for real, it did. Yeah. I mean I ain't talking about it and shit, but I mean I almost talked myself into it. Then I started doing some backtracking and looking and everything was making sense, Everything. And then all of a sudden I came out of it and I was like whoa, your mind can? I don't care how strong you think you are, A mind is a fragile thing. Yeah, I mean, I'm just saying man, and I find myself a very strong-willed person. I got good sense, but it doesn't matter if you have good sense or not.

Earl 45:26

There's different kinds of sense.

Zack 45:27

I mean absolutely. I mean that's just what's up man is is your body. I'm sorry if we can talk about something else no, no, no, no.

Bucky 45:34

I feel like what we're doing here is for our mental health. Yeah, like this, I feel like this is a health show basically well, there's our mental health to make us be able to handle, get through oh man, I'm telling you situations that maybe we can't by ourselves.

Earl 45:52

Right, you know, it's just I, you know what you, you know what there's I talk about and people think okay, your mind, body and soul right right, you hear that they're connected they all get out of whack. One can take one out of the other. You got to have them in balance. It's very hard.

Bucky 46:08

Well, my body one can lead the other out of out right.

Zack 46:11

Well, when your body gets out to lead your mind, I know, I know the same way uh one time, I'm sure it's a, it's a.

Mental Health and Personal Struggles

Earl 46:18

That's the balance. That is a secret balance. Uh yeah, one will lead the other, one can help the other oh yeah, man, it's just that is crazy huh, it is, it's. It's a hard to realize and people will deny, people will be like, no, you know, they're just like, they have their body like all in shape and they're not worried about this or that. And they, a lot of people, have no, uh, spiritual life.

Bucky 46:42

Yeah, none no more of that none and I've been without it too.

Earl 46:45

Man, I understand. I understand a lot of sides of that. I've been there too or also being against God angry, and there's a lot of that.

Bucky 46:56

Yeah, Zach's talked about that, yeah yeah, yeah, right. It's not uncommon.

Earl 47:00

But man, it's a very personal feeling.

Zack 47:03

I mean that hurts my feelings too to even say that out loud, because you know it just hurts my feelings too to even say that out loud because you know it, just it's hurts your feelings. Hell, yeah, it hurts my feelings, man, because I'm a hundred percent, god, you know I'm saying yeah so when I say that I'm mad at god, that hurts my feelings only to understand okay, I got you I mean because I, it's all.

Zack 47:21

It's to the point that I can't. It's to the point that I can't help it, even though if I go to talking about god, that's's my favorite subject. You know, everything changes and I forget that I'm mad. But but then little things remind me that I'm mad, you know, on a daily basis, like when they tell me that I would never have to move my stuff from off the road. Then they tell me that I have to move it.

Zack 47:44

The highway department, yeah, and the thing that made me the maddest and they didn't do nothing wrong that they've. They've let us have it for two years, three years, and I'm very thankful for the highway department uh, it's when I'm driving out there after finding out that they want me to move that and they cleaned out the ditch and they knocked that hill down about three foot, where you can see that the first time I've ever been able to see the road from my house from the driveway yeah, so that right there, boy, you're talking about fuel to a fire, because you know I'm already not in the right state of mind.

Zack 48:18

I'm thinking, you know, if it had been like that to begin with, they wouldn't have gotten a wreck. That's how you, it's what your mind does now you did that.

Zack 48:25

Yeah, no, everything I mean so you know, it's just like when you think you're getting over it a little bit, the devil sends somebody down there step out in front of semi on the exact same spot. You know, hey, yeah, so, oh well, that's just a uh, gotta get just like you said, gotta get right with everything balance body and soul yeah so that's kind of there we go.

Bucky 48:46

So that's what we're doing. On the podcast well, we don't have a workout podcast yet for the body, but Well we're not on TV, so we could tell anybody whatever we want.

Zack 48:57

We are cut up, ripped ass.

Earl 49:00

We put the gym in first and we've been working out up here for a good while.

Zack 49:04

And you know If gym's gym bean yeah.

Bucky 49:08

We haven't quite hit the weights yet, but we're working on that. I got a weight set. That's what I mean. We're getting there.

Zack 49:17

I got a free weight set at the house I need to put somewhere. Hey, we might as well just start giving ourselves some motivation all the way around, man.

Earl 49:22

Live here no.

Zack 49:23

I'm talking about working out, dude. It's hard to be our age and not having a partner to work out with. You know what?

Earl 49:29

I'm saying oh yeah, I need a spotter. Yeah, I'm weak Dude.

Bucky 49:34

My carpal tunnel is so bad I don't even know if I can do it, I know I wouldn't feel Like I probably would hurt myself. Like I know, sometimes my left arm just give out.

Earl 49:41

Yeah, no, that's not even no, you got to switch it up sometimes.

Bucky 49:49

Yeah, I'm right there with y'all the aches and pains of getting old.

Zack 49:55

It's like in a blink of an eye.

Bucky 49:55

We're just fixing to be 50. That's what I'm saying, and boy, I'm breaking down fast.

Zack 49:59

Shit. No Hell, no. 50 is a new 20.

Earl 50:02

But whatever, I don't feel like it Some people I don't know know they were preserving their bodies. I think I abused mine. Oh, I know I'd be not and we're talking.

Bucky 50:09

We're going to tell some stories about that yeah, I'm pretty aware I have. I mean, you only get one of them. You better take care of it. Too late, right? Yeah, well, not for us, but we have what?

Zack 50:23

can I take that back? Can I have a moment?

Bucky 50:25

hey, we got some young listeners listening. Maybe they can, we can help. One of them say you, you know what the BZ Podcast told me. They better take care of my body, wear a helmet. Absolutely, absolutely, protect yourself bro Helmet.

Zack 50:38

In more than one way Helmet up helmet down, I promise you.

Zack 50:43

Yeah, we talked about what can happen if you don't do that and we got in trouble for it.

Zack 50:49

Absolutely, and I want to apologize for that right now.

Bucky 50:53

We already did. You can apologize again.

Zack 50:57

She knows that I love her. I mean just hands down. She's got to know We've gone through the same stuff. But, Sue Love, I love you very much.

Bucky 51:05

Yeah, she even said there's no disrespect.

Zack 51:09

Nothing said, was you know? That never crossed my mind when I opened my big mouth. So I mean I apologize right now and I swear you know I love you.

Earl 51:20

Yeah, well, that's a huge deal. That's what she said, well, I mean, hey, forgive my trespasses, I don't know what they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bucky 51:34

So yeah, that podcast was good.

Earl 51:41

Yeah, I thought it was good A lot of people tell me it's still picking up, it's still.

Bucky 51:46

Yeah, I mean it needed work. That was a very. We got them umpteen viewers. It's still.

Zack 51:50

Yeah, I mean it needed work. That was a very like. We got them umpteen viewers, umpteen.

Bucky 51:54

Well, that ain't. I mean, that was over there when it was cold as hell and that side over there. I mean it sounded. I thought it sounded pretty good, but anyway it did. I don't remember, I mean, like I don't know that was. I thought it was pretty good for us.

Zack 52:10

So you know.

Earl 52:11

Well, it all came together.

Zack 52:13

What is that? What does the Bible say that some? I heard this on TV the other day and it sent me back. Really, it says that your daughters will pay for the father's sin. Have you heard that?

Earl 52:28

Something about children.

Zack 52:29

I don't know but uh daughters and fathers well, you know what I mean it's. It says your children pay for the father's sins yeah uh, I don't know if that's old testament or this, yeah, well, there's different but I mean it. So I looked at, I started looking it up immediately because, uh, that's a whole nother man. But anyway, yeah, yeah, man. No, I'm serious dude. That's the one that I wish we could tell, but I can't tell. You know, one of those, you know.

Bucky 53:01

Maybe one day.

Zack 53:02

No, never. Okay, I mean between us, but I mean.

Bucky 53:07

Not for the world to see, can't be.

Zack 53:09

That's the thing. I don't know us, but I mean Not for the world to see, can't be.

Zack 53:10

That's the thing.

Bucky 53:11

I don't know how many stories I'm going to tell either man.

Earl 53:15

I mean it's just oh, I don't know either.

Bucky 53:17

Like I said, I mean still, we talked about Drape I prospect, some others. Hey, that's why I wanted to delay the Drape episode, because JT wanted on it.

Earl 53:34

Well, like you said too, that's probably like a two or three part episode and you probably don't want to have that just as your second episode.

Bucky 53:36

Yet right, you already had a heavy. Like you said, we might want to line it up on the next one and then go back to the right. What do you think?

Zack 53:39

is that? How do you do your easter? We need to, we, so we're doing a topic of something that's light. I was stumbling my way from Old El with a guitar on my back when Chris Love pulled up beside me in his grandma's Cadillac.

Bucky 54:05

Hey, remember that time I pulled up on you in that black car. What was that Damn. What was that? Chevy, damn it. How can I not remember the car name? Your own car, brand new. They started making them again. They hadn't made them in like 20 years. Impala, yep, impala.

Earl 54:29

Do I remember what though I in like 20 years, impala, yep, impala. Do I remember?

Bucky 54:31

what though? I bought a brand new black Impala. I came to the country when I had it blacked out. It was me, dave Grape, it was either Earl or Dave. I don't have to ask Earl, he might remember.

Zack 54:41

What was I doing? Where was I at?

Bucky 54:43

Let me tell the story here.

Finding Balance in Life

Zack 54:44

Okay, I'm interested. It's a good one, I'm interested.

Bucky 54:46

It's a good one.

Zack 54:47

You might not remember I don't remember.

Bucky 54:49

It was badass, earl. I'm going to see if Earl remembers, because man, if he did, it's going to be even more funnier. Bad girl, earl. This was in 2000.

Zack 55:04

Oh shit.

Bucky 55:07

So I bought it.

Zack 55:07

brand Was I thrown off like Willy Poo Poo Did I buy it?

Bucky 55:12

No, I think I did buy that.

Zack 55:14

Was I acting normal.

Bucky 55:16

Yeah, I was in the dark ages.

Zack 55:17

Hey, Earl. No, I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want me to tell it? You can tell whatever you want.

Bucky 55:22

Hey, Earl, do you remember when I bought that brand new black Impala?

Zack 55:25

I can deny it all day long yeah.

Bucky 55:28

Was you with us that time when I came to Chillicothe? Pull your mic up, what about it? Was you with me that time when I got it and I came to Chillicothe and I picked somebody up, great, and I think Dave was riding around Chillicothe. I don't even know what you was driving then. You was in a car, gray.

Zack 55:45

Impala. I was in a two-door Impala.

Bucky 55:49

I was in the two-door Impala. Oh yeah, I remember that Like silver.

Zack 55:54

I mean that. Or I was in the white Chevrolet pickup. I mean I don't know.

Bucky 55:57

I can't remember what it was. Anyway, pull into town, go to the red light and I think, zach, you were coming to the red light and you was going across, going going like towards the co-op. Was he with Cesaro? Yeah, he's at a pickup. Chased him, yeah. So we got we. So as soon as you went through the red light, we got behind you and started following you.

Earl 56:19

You didn't know the car.

Bucky 56:20

Yeah, I just got it like that day. Blacked out. Apollo looked like cops all day. Okay, got behind you and started following you. Yeah, dude, you took off so fast, I couldn't even keep up. Dude, I had this Impala like brand new, like couldn't keep up, it was gone, it was going 120, 130.

Earl 56:41

Yeah, you were in a pickup. You were in a pickup, black pickup. I think that black pickup you had.

Zack 56:46

No, no, no, no way that that black pickup you had. No, no, no, no way, that's 2009.

Earl 56:50

I don't remember. I was thinking he was in a car, I thought it was a pickup, because he outran us in that fucking new car. You don't know, you don't remember. Did we ever?

Bucky 56:58

tell you that you never told him that shit. No, I never told you the story.

Zack 57:02

I owned a red Z71, too. No it, it was a car. Anyway, you start going out towards Odell. Was I still married?

Bucky 57:14

I don't know when did you get married? Not yet. When did you get divorced? The end of 2000. I don't know, probably was divorced by then. Maybe we were in the middle of it, I don't know. It was right around then. It was somewhere in there, anyway.

Bucky 57:28

So we get behind you. I mean you're just gone, bam. I mean like smoked my ass. I was like God. And then we get like a mile ahead of us and turn down a dirt road. We see you stop brake light, turn, go down dirt road. I'm like we pull up to dirt road. I we was laughing.

Bucky 57:46

Next thing, you know, you pull back up, jump out of the car, come over there, run up to the car. You're like God damn love. You know he's like man. I thought you was a damn cop and I'm like man. We were just wanting to see what he was up to and all of a sudden he started. I don't know if he took off his shirt or what, but the water was full. The ditch was full of water. He started. I don't know he took off his shirt, what, but the water was full. The ditch was full of water. And I said what are you doing? He said man, I just threw like $300 worth of shit in there and like dove in the water. I swear dude. Yeah, and we was like we all looked at each other and we're like, oh shit.

Zack 58:29

You know, I was like man, really like, did I come back up with it? That I don't remember that'd have been classic.

Bucky 58:32

I think you did. I think you may have.

Zack 58:35

I don't remember that part, I just I dove into the ditch not on the first water, like it was like four foot of water man where was it? Where were we?

Bucky 58:44

at. It's like one of the roads off the dirt road, it just rained. That's why I was like I ain't going down there.

Zack 58:52

I don't remember that at all.

Earl 58:53

I don't believe you would have. I forgot about it.

Zack 58:56

I don't know that it's true.

Bucky 58:59

I think you threw your phone out or something. I don't know what it was.

Zack 59:02

I don't care what I threw out. This is possible. I threw out all sorts of shit. You thought we was the cops, so I don't know Whatever you had on you.

Bucky 59:08

you threw out Because, whatever it was, it was pretty important because you dove back in there to get it. But that was man.

Zack 59:17

That was crazy.

Bucky 59:19

I don't know how fast he was going, but way faster than we were. I don't think it was a pickup, it was a car.

Zack 59:28

But Impala was so fast.

Bucky 59:29

That's probably what it was then. Oh, but no, but man, that was. Yeah, I should have knew that day, zach, I should have tried to help you out.

Zack 59:42

Oh no, Wasn't no help from me?

Bucky 59:45

Well.

Zack 59:46

Not at that point in time, right.

Bucky 59:48

I mean, yeah, you're going through your own. Oh, but it started way earlier than that. Right, but that was like when the downfall.

Zack 59:56

Right, I mean after you got kind of fell off for a little while, what Well? I mean, I ain't jumping in that hole again.

Bucky 1:00:06

Yeah, I don't blame you.

Zack 1:00:08

Yeah, I ain't jumping in that hole again. Yeah, I don't blame you. Yeah, I ain't jumping in that hole again. No, yeah, shit like that ain't going to happen, can't? No, I'm just saying that I taught myself that a long time ago. My parents, I even do that to my dad Huh, what, what.

Bucky 1:00:27

I did what.

Zack 1:00:28

Never, no, I mean, there's no telling. All I can say is there's no telling. I don't know. I've done some stupid shit. I don't know that much.

Bucky 1:00:41

We all have. Yes, sir, Unfortunately we all have Some of us got caught.

Earl 1:00:48

That's part of the struggle.

Zack 1:00:52

Yeah, some of us are trying to get caught.

Bucky 1:01:00

Good old dark ages. We talked about that when I was editing in that part of this. I can't say that word.

Zack 1:01:07

But if you want to talk about the past, you've got to go before 1998, because that's before they took off the used to have the? What was it called the law? How many years? Oh yeah.

Earl 1:01:23

Statute of limitations.

Zack 1:01:23

Statute of limitations went off on drugs in September of 1998. So anything before 98, we can talk about anything afterwards. I don't know what you're talking about, because statute of limitations never run out now.

Bucky 1:01:37

Really, for real. I did not know that that's true. So I'm going to say 98, I think my daughter was in 96. Look it up, it's back. So I had two kids by that time. Probably Did you Mm-hmm, both my kids by that time. Yeah, and I didn't get to hang out much so I couldn't really Around. Yeah, I didn't really see what was going on. I remember you did live in Vernon, down the street from me, for a while, you and Trish Gordon or Indian Fan down the street from me.

Zack 1:02:07

for a while you can fish Gordon or Indian.

Bucky 1:02:09

Fan or something like that. Yeah, Fanon and whatever that.

Zack 1:02:12

Gordon. Yeah, I came over there a couple times Everything was okay, then huh.

Bucky 1:02:22

Yeah, it was getting. I mean, you know it was good you had your little shop in the back, it was cool, had a pool table. I don't know if it was good you had your little shop in the back, it was cool, had a pool table.

Zack 1:02:35

I don't know if it did at that time, I think you had just moved in when I came over there, or maybe you were just moving out. What was you?

Bucky 1:02:40

doing, hanging around with the likes of me. You know, I don't know what happened, I don't know.

Zack 1:02:46

People tell me stories all the time. My brother's like you don't remember that time. You looked at me, you told me as serious as our tech if you don't get that motherfucker out of my house, I'm gonna kill him. I said who are you talking? About right yeah, and then my brother explained it. I was like hmm, that sounds like something I'd do probably you did not believe it?

Earl 1:03:07

yeah, oh yeah, probably that sounds like something I'd do. You did not believe it? Oh yeah, probably right.

Bucky 1:03:10

I didn't really party much back at that time.

Zack 1:03:15

Oh, you never partied like that. Anyway, you did. What did I miss? I missed out on that, didn't I? I?

Bucky 1:03:20

mean no, yeah, not like that. But I mean, I went hard, but not that hard yeah no. Because I had a family already, absolutely so I had to chill, man, I was having to work all the damn time.

Earl 1:03:37

That's what we do well, that's a part of it.

Bucky 1:03:42

It's hard to do that all the time well mentally it can take its toll on you stress working and dealing with responsibility Well, mentally. It can take its toll on you Stress Working and dealing.

Earl 1:03:53

Responsibility, life Not everybody feels it.

Zack 1:03:55

Yeah there's responsibility. Not everybody feels it Too much. No, that's a fact.

Earl 1:04:00

Not everybody understands it, not everybody understands responsibility.

Zack 1:04:02

There's a bunch of people that don't understand responsibility, unfortunately.

Earl 1:04:06

Well it's an uncommon problem for our generation. Like daddy ran off, yeah yeah, so.

Bucky 1:04:16

I think we're all pretty lucky in that part.

Earl 1:04:18

We're pretty good. We had fathers and we've been fathers. Yeah, I think that's. That's just part of society. That's not exactly what we are. Society's kind of different now. Yeah, that's not exactly what we are Society's kind of different now.

Bucky 1:04:35

Yeah, it's the world we live in. Tonight we're going to say goodbye for the Be Easy podcast and we will be talking to you soon, but until then, I'm Bucky, this is Earl, I'm Zach, we are the Be Easy Podcast and we will see you later.

Zack 1:04:54

And I had to take a step back Because I swear I didn't recognize my own face. So I asked that man there in the mirror, just how he ended up this way and with a cry in his voice and a tear in his eyes.

Closing Reflections and Music

Zack 1:05:23

I heard every word the man had to say, man had to say. He said I lost my wife and I couldn't stop getting high and the lies caught up with me. And when she left, she took the only thing that meant anything to me and with those baby blue eyes and that smile, that smile, this year she turned three. You better grab a hold of something, for something grabs a hold of you, and don't ask a question If you can't take the truth, cause I'm just a reflection of you. He said I'm just a reflection Of you, just a reflection of you, oh Lord. Well, I could see the desperation in his eyes. Each deep breath it took for him to breathe and every word he said hit home with me.

Zack 1:07:00

I felt like my man could now see. And then, the more I stared, the more I realized that the man standing there in front of me, hell, he was just a reflection of me. I said just a reflection of me. You see, I lost my wife. I couldn't stop getting high and the lights caught up with me, and when she left she took the only thing that meant anything to me, and with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine. This year she turned three. You better grab a hold of something Close, something, rather hold. You. Don't ask a question If you can't take the truth, cause it might be a reflection of you. I said it might be a reflection of you, of you, you see.

Zack 1:08:45

I looked at myself in the mirror For the first time in a long time today, and I had to take a step back Cause I swear I didn't recognize my own fate.