B E Z Podcast
.As fate would have it, three friends, Bucky(Chris) Earl(Eric) , and Zack, reunited years after parting ways and found solace in each other's company once again. Having grown up in a tight-knit community in Texas, they had shared countless memories and adventures, but life had taken them down different paths. However, a shared struggle to cope with the challenges of adulthood sparked an idea - they would merge their passions and experiences to create a podcast, "The B E Z Podcast ," where they would offer honest and relatable discussions on navigating life's trials and tribulations, ultimately providing a sense of comfort and community to their listeners.
B E Z Podcast
E-9-Grief, God, and Guitar: Navigating Loss with Friends
Raw, unfiltered, and straight from an abandoned hospital in Chillicothe, Texas comes one of our most emotionally charged conversations yet. This episode strips away pretense as we navigate the complex terrain of grief, faith, and finding meaning after devastating loss.
Fresh from attending a funeral, we dive into the uncomfortable realities of how we process death differently. Zach courageously shares his ongoing journey through grief after losing his children, exposing the anger, spiritual questioning, and daily battles that persist long after others expect healing to have occurred. His candid admission—"I get angry at God"—despite being what he calls "a 100 percenter" in his faith, creates space for listeners wrestling with similar contradictions.
The conversation takes a turn toward the isolating aspects of profound grief, particularly how social interactions become complicated when well-meaning people don't know what to say. "Don't ask me how I've been," Zach suggests, highlighting the impossible choice between honesty that makes others uncomfortable or platitudes that feel dishonest to one's experience.
What truly sets this episode apart is the music. Throughout our discussion, Zach performs several soul-stirring songs including "Peace in the Valley" and "Amazing Grace," each triggering palpable shifts in the emotional atmosphere. These musical interludes demonstrate what words alone cannot express—the therapeutic power of artistic expression amid overwhelming pain.
Throughout it all runs a thread of genuine friendship and the understanding that healing isn't about returning to who we were before loss, but finding ways to carry our grief while still creating moments of meaning. As one poignant exchange reveals: "We don't want to be remembered, we just don't want to be forgotten." Listen, reflect, and perhaps find some comfort in knowing you're not alone in your darkest moments.
And with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine. This year, well, she turned three. You better grab a hold of something, oh something, rather, hold you and don't ask a question if you can't take the truth, cause it might be a question, and you can't take the truth Because it might be a reflection of you. I said it might be a reflection of you Coming to.
Bucky:You live from the old, abandoned Chillicothe Hospital in Chillicothe, texas, are we recording.
Zack:Yeah, Okay so this is the B the. E and the Z coming to you from an abandoned haunted hospital, so we went to a funeral today.
Bucky:Yeah.
Zack:That was I know man, that was terrible.
Bucky:I mean, it wasn't terrible. No, I mean, I know, man, that was.
Zack:Yeah, I mean, it wasn't terrible. No, I mean, you know it was yeah but uh, uh, man, the funerals don't do me right, you know if I'm not singing it one day because I can sing it. I can sing it anybody's, I don't care hey sing it mine.
Bucky:I will, if I'm right, we talked about that man, but. But the thing is I want you at mine for sure.
Zack:I can block myself, I can block it out. Yeah, I mean, I just can do it when it's just music.
Bucky:But if I have to sit there it's man, you can play a whole concert at mine.
Zack:Dude, you can play like four songs, I'll be all right. You tell them my leg was bouncing, boy, I'm telling you right now I know, I know, I know, it was tough. It ain't that man.
Bucky:No, it is man yeah.
Zack:But you know, it's like when they go, he was preceded in death by, or he preceded in death to, you know, talk about all his kids and grandkids and all that shit and how he loved his grandkids and all that stuff. It's a great thing and he did. Don't get me wrong, but I just get so mad, yeah, I mean, I get mad, I get angry, I get angry at God, I mean, but there's no reason to be angry at God, I mean but there's no reason.
Zack:But I mean I get angry and I've been letting it go. I mean I mean you know I shouldn't, it shouldn't be that way. But especially, you know I'm 100 percent, I'm 100 percenter. You know it is what it is. I believe, I believe 100 percent, so, but I'm still for me to be somebody that can say that I'm a hundred percent and that I mean that's one of the questions I'll ask you is do you believe in god? You know, when I first meet you, you know what I'm saying. Uh, it's all about how many souls you can bring to you know, it's what we're here for. But for me to be that way and that to happen, man, it's like a Still going to have a personal struggle.
Earl:Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Bucky:Yeah, you can help somebody else easily but yourself.
Zack:It's always harder.
Earl:Because you have that feeling of anger, jealousy, like you say. Those are human. I mean it's a matter of well, kind of like not dealing with, but not even like distracting and putting it out of your head. Like you said, there's still other ways. Hey, that works for a while, don't it For a minute? But I mean there's also other things to move on. In a way, I mean none of the words fit it. You know I'm a firm believer.
Zack:I'm a firm believer. I'm a firm believer, so I mean, it's like you know that, how you gonna let that, how you gonna do that, let that, allow that to happen to me well, I think some people aren't even gonna say that you know what I mean.
Earl:Some people just gonna twist off and just let you know what I mean you know.
Zack:But what I'm saying, that's how I mean, that's me right now, that's how I feel. That's what I'm angry about.
Earl:I'm angry about but you're coming back to that base. Like you say you don't got that, you already know something different. Like you say it's just hard to find that spot personally. Well, I mean.
Zack:I'm good if I'm talking about him, but it's just the night I have time to sit there, have to be quiet and listen to. Yeah, you know it's envy, jealousy, it's a bunch of things. You know it's anger, uh, and that's my go-to in this, you know it's not. Yeah, anything that makes me even cry, it makes me mad, you know what I'm saying so.
Zack:Uh, it's just, it's a situation and I know I'm not the only mother out there that's had a loss like that and feels like they got the raw end of the deal and you know how could this happen. Yeah, but it is a I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I mean, if we went into war with somebody, I would not wish that on my worst enemy. There's no explaining, there's no understanding the loss, the pain, the anger there's, just you can't explain it. I mean there's no words for the daily battle. I mean it is a daily battle.
Earl:Yeah, I mean, oh my God. Well, it's a constant battle.
Zack:I'm sure, and you know, I'm sure people get tired of it. I don't talk about it much really, I just, but you know, then you have people.
Earl:Well, that's because you don't know what to expect from people, huh.
Zack:Oh yeah, some people like will look at you like you're still upset about that. You know, or you know, and I'm a. I punch you right in your mouth. Say what you're thinking. You know, that's what I'm, just they may not even be thinking that.
Zack:You know. But you know it's when people come up to you and say, ask you, ask you how you been, and but before you could even answer they're already talking about something else or you know how you been doing. I said you know. Well, you know I'm here and just turn around and go.
Earl:You know what I'm saying they trick quick to get away once yeah, they didn't really want to ask me that you know, I don't know.
Zack:Well, I probably hey, that's just a normal thing to say yeah.
Bucky:When you see somebody like hey, what are you doing? How are you doing, Earl? And that you know. Sometimes you don't want to know, but you say that that's just how we greet people.
Zack:I can understand how you feel that shit, that you know what I'm not. I love everybody that asked me about it, but you know the best thing for people to stop doing is just don't ask me about it. Yeah, don't ask me how I've been. Uh don't ask me, you know, because uh don't make me lie to you.
Earl:I mean I can lie to you right. I know it's hard to say, oh great, wonderful, I'm doing fine, or even anything, any of the fine.
Zack:You don't ask me no questions. I won't tell you no lies. I mean, it's hard to be honest. Yeah, shit, you know some people you got to act like you're strong for so they don't fall in a rabbit hole, true. But uh, yeah, true, aggravation is just it's building up. I guess it could still matter better right now, but uh, it's uh. You know, it'd probably help if I talked to somebody about it besides us but I'm not gonna happen.
Bucky:yeah, well, that's more than nothing. Yeah you can. I mean, it's a different thing, Well, there's different people to talk to.
Zack:I mean y'all are great. I mean, because y'all say this, I mean I can't even imagine, you know, and it's just you don't want to. You know, because you got to really think about it, man. Here, you got to really think about it, man. Here's my deal, here's my dilemma. My dilemma is this that not only did I lose both my children, I lost my future, my, you know, because most people have kids and their kids have kids.
Zack:You get to see your grandkids and you get to raise your grandkids better, you do your your own kids and then you have your kids that take care of you. When you get old, I'm gonna be one of them. That's an old corner, you know, and got shit because you know a damn string going this way I ain't never gonna have any money, uh. So you know, you know what I'm saying and money.
Bucky:I mean money about money, but it does help. It does help, but the thing is, you gotta have something. I know, so you know what I'm saying who's gonna who's?
Zack:but think about it, man, I know. So you know what I'm saying. Who's going to? But think about it, man. My parents will be gone, you know. And then who am I supposed to expect to? Who's going to come check on me when maybe they ain't see me in a couple of days?
Earl:Yeah, yeah, well, I don't know, you don't know that too. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I know that's an expectation.
Zack:But I mean as far as, Because when I get old y'all are going to be older than me, so y'all are. You know what I'm saying.
Earl:You know what I mean? I'm just kidding, but you know what I mean. Well, we never can believe whatever somebody tells our future to be, in a way. I mean, I'm not saying.
Zack:I need to die young. Well listen, but I need to, you know I'm not saying that.
Earl:Well, that's probably why you won't.
Bucky:I'm not saying kill me.
Zack:Exactly, but I'm saying that I don't want to. If I live to be 65, I'm going to be a mad Bleep. That out. Chris Love, I'm going to be mad. I mean, people want to live long lives when they have shit to live for. I suppose.
Bucky:I mean that's yeah yeah yeah, and you can't.
Zack:It is the truth, man. When and when you really ain't got, you can have all the money in the world if you ain't got nobody to spend that shit with. Yeah, you know it's. It's just a, it's a, it's a terrible realization like see what it's it's.
Zack:It's a terrible thing to have to realize that, hey, man, everything that you know when they were, when my kids were alive, it's. I didn't think enough about what I was living for. I was always music, or you know, or something. You know what I'm saying living for another day but instead of future.
Zack:In a way, you thought there was a different future I mean, if I could have, if I could have them back there, well them back. Their lives would not even be close to the same. I mean it would be so, so much different. So I mean I'll sing at anybody's funeral. If I had a concert to go play, or somebody asked me to do, I would do a funeral. It's an honor, but I just can't hardly sit at home.
Earl:Yeah Well, there's different kinds of funerals, too Like.
Zack:I said that wasn't a bad one.
Earl:I mean, no, that's what I mean, Like I said, that's the thing that bothered you, though he did live a long life and he had all these things, yeah he had a great life, for whatever.
Bucky:I ain't saying why there's different people. He was blessed beyond his Beyond measure. Yeah, I mean he had. I believe.
Earl:Yeah, I think so in a lot of ways. Yeah, because a lot of. How many people?
Zack:Married 60 years. Oh, he's kind of sudden surprised. That's the way to go.
Earl:Fucking tomorrow 60,. That was crazy.
Bucky:That is crazy yeah, but that's you know. But yeah, no, the way it passed.
Earl:Yeah, as far as not looking at it coming at you for five, ten years.
Zack:I don't want that at all. And being sick going downhill. So I mean I try to find things to look forward to. So you know, that's why I said that I don't want to be famous. I want to write something or do something where everybody remembers the girls for. But the thing is, or I need to have a purpose.
Bucky:Oh, you got purpose, come on, no Well hey, I wrote this down earlier.
Earl:You can't just immediately know that Because there's something I heard at that.
Bucky:It's like we all, we don't want to be remembered. We just don't want to be forgotten.
Zack:That's exactly right.
Bucky:You know, I remember me and Earl you was talking about that Like, yeah, we don't want to be remembered, we just don't want to be forgotten. And the same way we like to say, Zach, with your girls.
Earl:Yeah.
Bucky:You know you don't want them forgotten, because other people you're never going to forget, because they're yours, you're the closest, but other people forget. Oh shit, yeah, you know what I mean.
Earl:Or you forget certain things. Yeah, they just forget.
Zack:Like, oh, that yeah, okay, so I have a defense mechanism because even before, just from loss okay or anything if something that hurts me, I will block that shit out, and so it is.
Zack:It's a it's a self it's a self defense mode and so because if it hurts you constantly, your mind will start fucking looking for ways to block that shit out. So you start to lose a little bit of things you know. It's like you know exactly what they sounded like or smelled, or you know. So now it's been long enough. Now that shit's just going to Fading away. Fading away, yep.
Bucky:That's what happens over time with people thoughts, memories and you know that's what I wrote. I wrote that down like we don't remember, we just don't want to be forgotten. So how do we, how do we do that? How do we try to not be forgotten?
Zack:well, I mean, it's why some people, some people want to be stars, right.
Bucky:That's how they want to be remembered. They want to be so big, like when you say their name.
Zack:Michael Jordan.
Bucky:Michael Jackson or Michael Jordan, everybody knows.
Zack:Michael Jordan, for sure, everybody, michael.
Bucky:Jackson Michael.
Zack:Jordan, yeah, so that's how some people want to do all that to not be forgotten.
Bucky:You know everybody, michael Jackson, michael Jordan, yeah, I mean. So that's how some people want to do all that to not be forgotten. You know, look at.
Zack:Babe Ruth. You see what I'm saying. She'll never be forgotten.
Bucky:Or they want to do something that changes the world. But people here in Chillicothe Texas Chillicothe, texas are going to be forgotten. When they're gone, maybe their family lives on, or part of their family, like you gotten. When they're gone, well, maybe their family lives on or part of their family, like you know, all our families are here, so you know, when our parents are gone, are we going to be the family that carries on and what are we going to do here? That's there's. That's another thing, you see what I'm saying, that's another thing that I get pissed off.
Zack:You know what I'm saying and get mad about you know it's just. Yeah, I'll be. You know that's just what it is.
Earl:That's your head thinking about it, though that's a fucking.
Zack:Yeah.
Earl:I mean that's hard to get away from, but no you can't get away from it yeah, but you wouldn't have thought you'd be in a situation like this. You couldn't conceive that before you couldn't conceive that before.
Zack:Oh no, you know what I mean. But the thing is, you know that's not necessarily true either, because I'm going to tell you right now, I had a dream about it. I mean years before it happened.
Zack:It's like a fear. There is a fear, yeah, but there's a difference between fear and you know there's a constant fear and then there's a uh. Wake you up middle night dream. Yeah, and my mom is my mom, isn't? My mom used to wake me up in the middle night and say something's wrong with your dad, get dressed and wait for the telephone call. I mean, that is no shit. So, uh, it's uh. Uh. You start thinking about shit. You could have done different All sorts of shit you never stop.
Earl:Yeah, that's right. I never thought there's no end, so here's the deal.
Zack:No, I just need to just say all that shit. I ain't trying to say that and shit or to get everybody to listen to. You know this old, sad Look at this mother, listen to this fucking cry baby. Yeah, you know. You know what I mean. I ain't trying to be, and that's the one thing you don't want to be remembered for. Oh, you walk in Because I can walk in Walmart and people look at you like damn.
Zack:Same way I would look at lost both his kids. I'd be like God damn it, don't look, don't, look, don't say yeah, yeah ain't nothing like it. Ain't nothing like it. No, that's yeah. I've been stuck. I've been stuck right. That's aggravating the shit out of me too well that's the word ain't stuck. Yeah, it's a place that you're stuck. I'm trying. I can't get away from writing sad shit or writing about that, it's just.
Bucky:But hey, me and Earl, okay. So we thought about this, the funeral, and it's like man, it was tough and it would have been way cooler if you was up there playing them songs. But hey what? I always start thinking how about we ask Zach to play them when he comes tonight? Because when you play songs like that, I feel like it does change the mood. I think it changes your mood. Yeah, I mean, I mean, you know what I mean.
Zack:I really think, if you play that, are you still going to be as mad? I mean?
Bucky:I don't know. I don't know, I'm asking. That's why I'm asking.
Zack:I actually have a song that when I get mad I usually and it's a hymn that I usually play.
Bucky:Yeah, so sometimes do you do. I mean, you've got to find something that helps the smallest amount, whether it be a drink, I mean. I'm just saying a pill. I mean, you know like we've got to take vitamins, because you know you drink as much as I do. You've got to take vitamins. That's what I'm saying. Like we're deficient on some things. So in our old age we get deficient in these certain chemicals in our bodies and then we just go crashing down.
Zack:You know, that amazing grace, my chains are gone, that I do.
Bucky:Yeah.
Zack:You know I made that. I took that song and made it that well, we was talking about that.
Bucky:Your mom and dad did that too on a couple versions of different songs back in the day yeah, I was sitting in the.
Zack:I was sitting in the shop with my brother, my brother shane, and started playing. Of course it's a little different now than it was when I did it well, you have to go, but uh yeah, it is a that's it's powerful.
Bucky:I mean, that is powerful yeah, and that's why I was like I told her. I said I'm asking to play it or something, something. Because I mean like say, it don't matter what kind of mood you're in, I feel like it lifts your spirits. Well, it does. I mean that's all it does, there's no way around it. I mean, when you go to church sometimes that's how you feel.
Zack:Go to a P Diddy party.
Bucky:Well, your spirits don't get lifted.
Zack:You get taken down, spirits get pulled down.
Bucky:You forget about them, spirits, because you don't see nothing.
Earl:Oh boy.
Bucky:It's dark in there in the P Diddy party. You might hear somebody, but you'll never see nobody yeah you don't know who it is back there, but somebody's back there. Yeah, I'd be screaming.
Zack:Who's back?
Zack:there.
Bucky:Oh man, Get off from back there.
Zack:You know how many people woke up from a P Diddy party and said man, I had the worst dream. I turned around and looked and realized they're still there.
Bucky:I had the worst dream. You turn around and look and realize they're still there. Yeah, like damn it, that is just what I imagined. Oh goodness Boy, I'm glad I never was one of them.
Zack:Uh-uh Woo. They wouldn't have to worry about recording me, I would record it myself. This is my Uncle, jake, which could play anything what's his favorite song is probably one of my favorite songs, for sure.
Bucky:It's going to be everybody's favorite after you play it. That's nice.
Zack:Well, I'm so tired and so weary. But I must go along to the Lord. He calls me away to where the morning's so bright and the lamb is the light and the night is as fair as the day, the night is as fair as the day and there'll be peace in the valley for me someday. There'll be peace in this valley for me, lord. I pray there'll be no sadness, no sorrows, no troubles. I'll see There'll be peace in this valley for me, where the bear will be gentle and the wolves.
Zack:They'll be tame and the lion shall lay by the land, and the lion shall lay by the lamb, and then the beast from the wild Be led by a child and I'll be changed From this creature that I am and there'll be peace in the valley For me someday. There'll be peace in this valley for me, lord, I pray There'll be no sadness, no sorrows, no troubles. I'll see, there'll be peace in this valley for me. There'll be no sadness, no sorrows, no troubles. I'll see, cause there'll be peace in this valley for me, lord, for me Someday. For me, lord, for me someday.
Earl:You can play that one at my funeral too.
Bucky:Yeah, damn right, that's a good one, wow.
Zack:Yeah.
Bucky:What a yes, sir. That was pretty good. Can't go wrong with music. I did hear some feedbacks. Every time you pick up that guitar, it's like oh, on the yeah Podcast. Yeah, you know, music does stuff to people.
Zack:Might have to get away from. This one Got to be too hard on it, too hot. This one Got to be too hard on him, too hot on him. He said be too hard on him. What, yeah, he took that 16-day pill.
Bucky:Wait four hours you want to get on the stool. What do you want?
Zack:to do this will be hard. I just don't need those. Yeah, this is. I have a. I have a list of people that are supposed to sing at their funeral.
Bucky:Just because this song right here no, I probably wanted that mine then they want to do it too, though I don't even care what mine do, that won't. It won't matter, I'll be. I liked it, make it work.
Zack:It sounded good to me so the waves in grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, like me, cause I once Was lost. But now. Well, I'm found and I was blind.
Zack:But, now.
Zack:Well, I see. It was grace that taught my heart to fear, to fear and grace my fear relieved.
Zack:How precious did he get? That grace appeared near him. That grace appeared the hour I first believed. My chains are gone and I've been set free. My Lord, my Savior. He's ransomed me Like a flood His mercy, rains, unending love, amazing grace. And when we've been there ten thousand years, bright, shining and the sun, there's no less days To sing God's praise. Then, when we first Begone, as my chains Are gone and I've been Set free, lord, my and I've been set free, lord, my Savior. He's ransomed me Like a flood. His mercy, rains, unending love, amazing grace. And like a flood, his mercy and light the floor. His mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace, amazing grace. How sweet the sound.
Bucky:Yeah, hell yeah, badass. You can play that at my funeral twice if you want. I don't give a damn. Yes, that's a good one. Yes, sir, yep man, I feel that, oh yeah, gotta you got to.
Zack:You don't feel that you ain't alive yeah, uh, don't ask me how I've been hey, you should.
Bucky:Uh, you got a song about that, don't you? Maybe I'm trying to.
Zack:I just can't, I can't do it oh, yeah, you have.
Bucky:Yeah, you can't get it out, or what you can't get it out.
Zack:It's like being constipated.
Zack:You can't get that hey, I got pills for that, oh well I've been down, found the bottom of everybody in this town and it feels like there ain't no more angels around. So you can ask me if you think you wanna hear what I have to say. Just don't ask me how I feel.
Zack:And that's right back to that old sad shit, you know.
Bucky:Right. Well, yeah, you're right. Yeah, it ain't hard to get there now.
Zack:Y'all probably haven't even heard this song. And this song, man, I'm telling you, right now this song. I should sell this motherfucker.
Bucky:Hey, you can sell it. Sell it, bro. Sell it, it might be coming you never know you never know.
Zack:You need to stop right there. You're not the the only one. I felt that way, too. You need to think about what you're gonna say, cause trust me, baby words bruise too. So why'd you have to go insane? You wish you would've stayed, set my rain on fire. That's falling on me right now. That's falling on me right now. You've got me burning with a desire, a desire to put you out, cause you set my rain on fire. You need to stop right there. You're not the only one. I felt that way, too. Need to think about what you're gonna say, cause trust me, baby words bruise too. So why'd you have to go insane? You wish you would've stayed. It's like you set this rain on fire that's falling on me right now. You've got me burning with a desire, a desire to put you out, cause you set my rain on fire.
Bucky:Oh dude man.
Zack:I wrote a song that was so sad, dude. I changed the song up, dude, and wrote a song that I need to put out on July 4th. It's called Daddy's Go to War. But the original song was sad, dude, I was too sad, I didn't even want to do it.
Bucky:Yeah, you had to.
Zack:But you got to get right there. Well, he got his own worst day and it nearly broke his heart. The sad thing is he knew the worst was yet to come. So when he had to go home and tell his little girls that he's got to go to a foreign land, it'll break his heart to see them cry and it'll tear him up inside. It's something he's got to do. He hopes they understand, because daddy's going to war. Daddy's going to war. Then he thinks of how his dad Did two tours of Vietnam but he never got to come back home.
Zack:But he knew he was a hero Cause he died for his country and God. But he'll never forget the man's last words. He said Sometimes you gotta lose so you can win. Stand up and be a man and fight for those who can't defend themselves. Times you gotta lose so you can win. Times you gotta lose so you can win.
Zack:Stand up and be a man and fight for those who can't defend themselves. Sometimes you gotta give to receive. You see, this price of freedom ain't free. Something I've gotta do, don't you understand? Your daddy's going to war. Your daddy's going to war. And before he boards the plane, well, he kisses them one last time, wipes away their tears and says please don't cry. Sometimes you gotta lose so you can win. Stand up and be a man and fight for those who can't defend themselves. Sometimes you gotta give to receive. You see, this price of freedom ain't free. There's something we've gotta do. Hope you understand, cause daddy's going to war, daddy's going to war, your daddy's going to war. Sometimes you gotta give, sometimes you gotta give. You gotta give, you gotta give. Sometimes you gotta give to receive. You see, this price of freedom ain't free. It's something we've gotta do, please understand, cause daddy's going to war and daddy's going to war.
Zack:In the back of that motherfucker I used to have, the solo was Star Spangled Banner.
Zack:Oh yeah.
Zack:It's a whole lot better when you can remember the whole thing at one time.
Bucky:Yeah, I like that one Like them. All Got to give to receive sometimes, right? Yep, no man, that shit put you in the mood, though I ain't gonna lie. It just kind of In the mood, not that kind of mood. I didn't take a pill, I was just saying I wrote songs, man, because I come home and got nothing.
Zack:She's mad as s*** that, so I wrote a song about her.
Bucky:About her or, yeah, about the whole situation.
Earl:Yeah.
Zack:And then I wrote another song because she's mad as f***.
Bucky:Sounds like you got a lot of them.
Zack:Yeah, I come home at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning.
Bucky:That sometimes will get you in trouble.
Zack:You always find a way To put me in my place and I get mad and say there's things that don't mean any way. Just like the time I told you I don't care if you stay, don't care if you stay. So, hey baby, let's not fight tonight. Hey baby, we can make this right. Put down that old suitcase and let me take you back to the place where we first met and to the time you can't forget let's do more. Hey baby, I said hey baby. Hey baby, I said hey baby. I know that our lives have changed, but we can get back to that place when we were young and in love. Nothing stood in our way. Just like the time your old man said there ain't no downgrade. Then we ran away. So, hey baby, let's not fight tonight. Hey baby, let's do them all. Hey baby short version I said hey baby.
Zack:P Diddy Party.
Bucky:P Diddy Party.
Zack:So if you want to think, y'all can write, help me out with several songs, let's see, I think I'll hop a train and I'll look back and maybe buy a plane ticket to where you're at, whatever it'll take, baby, just to get to you, cause there's nothing but miles between us. That ain't gonna stop me now. That ain't gonna stop me now.
Zack:I even slap a kid off his truck.
Zack:I don't know.
Zack:I can't fucking think about this, I'll even ride with a serial killer. I thought about that when I said that truck.
Bucky:That's pretty good I was.
Earl:I was on my way to this killer guy.
Zack:Oh, now with a, with a, with a pulled pork sandwich on my mind, I'm coming across this little bitty old place right past the Deku County line.
Zack:He said come on in.
Zack:My name is Bucky. He tried to sell me a nut, a buck nut. He said you know, I got a buck nut, I got a squirrel nut.
Zack:I got something squirrely inside. Come on, charlie. Squirrely buck nuts, come on in.
Earl:I got buck nuts, I got like squirrely and so on.
Zack:Come on, charlie, squirrely button nuts.
Earl:Come on, nuts, squirrely button nuts.
Zack:Come on in, I got button nuts for all sorts of people Got squirrely button nuts, got regular button nuts, got fucking calf button nuts.
Bucky:We just got nuts.
Zack:Got nuts. It's like a. What is that old Amaj commercial?
Bucky:Oh, come on, come on.
Earl:Sometimes you feel like a nut.
Zack:Sometimes you feel like a nut.
Bucky:There you go.
Zack:Sometimes you don't Bullshit. Oh man, george got nuts.
Zack:I caught a ride with a serial killer one time. He said I take you to get a good place to eat.
Bucky:Right past the DQ County line.
Earl:I know it's going to be my last meal. Serial killer, I took me one of them pills and I was part of a county heart. He said take this. He said take this.
Zack:I didn't know what you were talking about.
Bucky:Take this pill and shove it.
Zack:He said next thing I know I roofied myself.
Bucky:Ended up at my own P Diddy party.
Zack:Oh, I guess that's about it.
Bucky:Ended up making my own P Diddy party. Oh, good story about that shit. Ended up making a.
Earl:P Diddy party. Did you know it was too late by the time you knew it?
Zack:Yeah, I said Margaret don't look, but it was too late. He done run through the frozen food, taking the croakers. Yeah they call him the street.
Zack:Fast thing on two feet. I remember you said that album Fucking over and over Bruce. Stevens. Hell yeah, he said, corey, how did you get that Harley Up on that high dive boy? Harley up on high dive? That's a Johnny Hendrix thing right there. I can see Johnny Hendrix Putting Harley on high dive. Hey Me and Earl. I love Johnny. D Was my bud. When I was a kid the mistakes we made when we was kids. Sometimes you only get to make one of them.
Bucky:Yeah, what'd I have you write down.
Earl:Oh, you want me to write what down? No, what I had you write down earlier, before Zach got here.
Bucky:Remember, I told you to write down that no, no, no, no, no, oh all that shit Much of it One down.
Zack:No, no, no, no no.
Zack:Oh, all that shit One day.
Bucky:Gone. Yep, that's what I wrote down that earlier. We don't know how much time we have left.
Earl:No, Talk about day minute to minute.
Bucky:We might not make it tomorrow. May not make it. If you may not make it, if you wait, it's too late. We talked about that. If you wait, it's too late, I don't know.
Zack:I want you to know. I thought I'd see you tonight, but you're too damn stubborn.
Zack:To see wrong from right.
Zack:So where did you go? You've been here all of my life. I guess it got too hot and you just couldn't handle the fire. But you're not the first to know and you won't be the last. There's a long list of has-beens Waiting down at the pass.
Zack:So when you figure it out. I'm not white trash. They won't let you on this train that I'm on. It'll be moving too fast. It was 1992. Well, I promised her the world. She promised me the moon, but she couldn't take in my life and the drugs. So she listened to the voices, packed her bags and headed back home. But she's not the first, you know, and she won't be the last. There's a long list of has-beens. Waiting down at the pass.
Zack:So when you figure it out. I'm not white trash. They won't let you on this train that I'm on. They'll be moving too fast.
Earl:Brandon Ryder. Brandon Ryder, well, you edited a verse moving too fast.
Zack:Brandon Ryder. Brandon Ryder, well, you added a verse, you customized it. It's the same thing I do with Brandon Ryder was a bad son of a bitch.
Bucky:Yeah, that's old. He wasn't around all that long, right, that's when he was younger.
Zack:When I met him he was a fucking I'll tell you who else is a douchebag dude, and that is oh, he's real popular. He's still popular. His parents are a lawyer, Just name somebody.
Bucky:Donahue, yeah, casey.
Zack:Donahue oh yeah, casey Donahue. His band was, so I opened up for him. His band was, so I opened up for him. His band was so fucking cool dude.
Earl:His dad was a lawyer and shit Both of them. Yeah, what's Randy Rogers was?
Zack:His dad was a preacher and his mom was a school teacher or some shit. Randy Rogers, bad motherfucker, yes.
Earl:Yeah, but I mean that's what he's got some. He was a. His dad was a preacher dude. He writes all that shit. Hey, how many instruments does he play On the recordings? He plays all that shit. His live band is not even what he records with he's got a songwriting deal. Where he has to, he plays the fiddle and all that shit he's got to put out so many songs a week Does he?
Zack:Yeah, but he plays all them fucking instruments on the bus because he opened up for him at this deal for the ranch Wade Bowen.
Earl:Wade Bowen. Yeah, yeah, but no, randy Rogers is like rats. I mean all the different pieces of music for the different instruments and shit.
Bucky:Well, you know, it is basketball. Bad time Drinking, yeah.
Earl:That's when you drink all day 10.
Bucky:From the start In the AMs. Yeah, that funeral, funeral it's hard. I know it was man.
Zack:That's why I don't like going to any but I don't like going to any of them, but no, I just want to go to mine. That's about it. The next one I want to go to is mine on the wall.
Earl:I didn't want, I'd probably be two people, I don't care.
Zack:Yeah, I don't have to be that I mean I, I mean I would care if I was still alive, but being that I'd be dead, I won't care. But uh, I'll be where I want to be, but if, but if everybody y'all know ain't there, I'm gonna be a mad son bitch if I ever have to come back on y'all's bitch asses. No, I just you know, then I think sometimes I think you know my girls, my girls. Did either one of y'all even go to the funeral?
Earl:Yeah, oh, y'all did go.
Zack:Yeah, I don't remember.
Bucky:I ain't never seen so many, I had to stand up.
Zack:I'd never seen so many people.
Bucky:I was, me and Anthony.
Zack:We were standing up by the door, you know, there was the signing books. Two complete signing books were completely full.
Earl:Yeah, probably a lot of people didn't sign in.
Zack:Yeah, and you know that gym that holds fire limits is like 1,500.
Zack:Seating 1,500.
Zack:Yeah, it was way full. It was like way more than that. Yeah, you know, there was people there that I didn't ever think would be there, and there's people that weren't there that I thought would have been there.
Bucky:That's a funeral. Yeah, like I say, some people can't handle them. Oh, that was terrible. That's why some people are just like hell. No, yeah, yeah, that was man, that was. I mean, drapes was pretty damn rough too, man, man.
Zack:That's the only thing, that's the worse, you know what I don't know.
Earl:You don't want to see more than one casket. No, anytime there's more than one, yeah that's.
Bucky:I mean, yeah, one is bad enough, you start adding numbers bro. That's so oh yeah, Hell yeah when he told me to hurry up Today.
Zack:No, at the funeral.
Bucky:Oh.
Zack:Because I pushed the caskets out.
Earl:Not today.
Bucky:I pushed the caskets out. I think he passed away. Oh yeah, yeah.
Zack:And he told me for one thing, but still, it don't make up for it yeah.
Zack:Saturday, I started drinking about 10 o'clock this morning Went to a funeral with my friends there. My friends there Hit hard. Knocked me down, so I.
Zack:Thought I'd hit it hard back.
Zack:Now I don't make Much sense Wasting away again In an abandoned hospital In Chillicothe, Texas. It's not Margaritaville.
Bucky:But it's haunted.
Zack:But it's haunted. That makes up for it, don't it yeah?
Zack:If I get tired of being haunted by these people, I'll just go down to Luz Barbecue and eat a buck nut.
Zack:You really shouldn't have left that in that deal. Dude, what you might not, Somebody listening to that podcast is probably never going to eat another buck nut again. I thought about that after because it was funny.
Bucky:Yeah, I was okay with it.
Zack:Because when I said, you know, you just sit back there laughing your ass off every time somebody orders one, I thought, oh man, damn, they're going to be looking.
Bucky:Yeah, they're going to be listening. Now they're going to be wanting them more. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully, I hope I hope Some of them damn buck nuts they talking about. For some reason no females never come in that movie. It's probably that pill he took. Tonight. We're going to say goodbye for the Be Easy podcast and we will be talking to you soon, but until then, I'm Bucky, this is Earl, I'm Zach.
Zack:We are the Be Easy podcast and we will see you later. And I had to take a step back Cause, I swear I didn't recognize my own face.
Zack:So I asked that man there in the mirror, just how he ended up this way and with the cry in his voice and the tear in his eyes. I heard every word the man had to say. He said I lost my wife and I couldn't stop getting high and the lights caught up with me and when she left she took the only thing that meant anything to me, and with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine. This year she turned three. You better grab ahold of something, for something grabs ahold of you and don't ask a question If you can't take the truth, cause I'm just a reflection of you. He said I'm just a reflection of you. Oh Lord, well, I could see the desperation in his eyes. Each deep breath it took for him to breathe and every word he said hit home with me.
Zack:I felt like a blind man could now see. And then, the more I stared, the more I realized that the man standing there in front of me, hell, he was just a reflection of me. I said just a reflection of me, me, you see, I lost my wife. I couldn't stop getting high and the lights caught up with me, and when she left she took the only thing that meant anything to me, and with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine. This year she turned three. You better grab a hold of something close, something, rather hold you. I said it might be a reflection of you.
Zack:Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, for the first time in a long time today.
Zack:And I had to take a step back Cause, I swear, I didn't recognize my own fate.
