✌🏼 Why I Left AA and Built My Own Healing Path

😮‍💨 I tried to do it “the right way.” Meetings, sponsors, the 12 steps… and still? I didn’t get better. I got bitter.

In this episode, I’m sharing the truth about why I walked away from AA — and how I created a recovery path that was spiritual, sovereign, and actually worked for me. 💥 From heroin addiction and arrests to building a 6-figure spiritual business, I’m breaking down what it really takes to heal when the system doesn’t see you. 🌀

👀 We’re talking:
 💔 Why traditional recovery failed me
 ✨ How Human Design helped me rebuild my identity
 💪 The power of tough love, spiritual connection, and starting over
 📉 What NOT to do when you're trying to “get your life together”
 🔥 Turning your mess into your magnetism (and your marketing)

You are not broken. You’re becoming.
 And babe — your story is the strategy. 💋

🎁 Grab my FREE $0–$40K Spiritual Business System to learn how your Human Design unlocks your purpose, your paycheck, and your healing.
✨ Click the link in the show notes & let’s rewrite the rules. Mwah. 😘

💎 Wanna steal my step-by-step system that got me from $0–$40K in 6 months using Human Design + Skool click here

💋

Amanda

• 🧠 Masters in Positive Coaching Psychology
• ✨ 6x Credentialed Coach
• 🦄 Ex-Creative Marketing Director
• 🦉 4/6 Projector | Human Design + Simple Systems

🔮 Join Spiritual Biz Skool The perfect structure to hold your flow
3x your leads in 30 days w/ Human Design + Skool → Let’s Play

📿💎🪭 Let’s connect:

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"Your story is more powerful than any marketing tactic."

Transcript

00:05 I tried to do it the right way, I went to meetings, I got a sponsor, I worked the steps, and it never worked for me.
00:10 I didn't get better, I got bitter, because deep down, I could not accept the idea that I was powerless. I knew there had to be another way, and so, I left.
00:20 And I built one. I was first arrested for, for the first time when I was 18, and continued on that trajectory for quite a while.
00:30 By 2017, I'd been kicked out of my house, I was deep in a heroin addiction, got arrested three times in a single year.
00:36 Yeah. I have to learn things the hard way. I don't know if it's because I'm a tourist, I'm stubborn. And best believe, if you don't get the lesson, the universe will give you the lesson, and you don't want the universe to give you the lesson, it's better to change, but I, You know, I don't listen very
00:49 well. I've probably been to rehab seven different times. I tried everything. The system never saw me. And I feel like there's a number of reasons for that, but I know that I had undiagnosed ADHD.
01:03 I did not know how to feel my feelings and refused to feel them, which always works. And I, wanted to get better.
01:13 The problem was, up until 2017, I was leading two separate lives. It was like the Amanda who went to school, who got her master's degree, who had her shit together, and then there was the party Amanda that had this, what, it felt like a deep dark secret.
01:28 And I was able to maintain these two separate lives for quite a while. Most people, I don't think, would have assumed that what I was- going through.
01:37 It's not really, I mean, it's not really that hard to hide a pain pill addiction, but when you graduate onto heroin, now that's in a completely different story.
01:47 But I was able to get by, because I still kind of have my life together, but what happened was in 2017 when I finished my master's program, I had just lost my boyfriend and best friend.
02:00 And of five years. And even though we had started using together, and we had a lot of trauma bonding, I'm sure going on there, we, I still felt like he was the only person in the world who would ever understand and love me for who I really was.
02:16 And so when he died, and I finished my program, I never grieved it properly and all of a sudden I had all this free time.
02:23 I didn't have any structure. I- I'm sure, right? I didn't have any where to apply what I had learned in the program or to- structure creates freedom, okay?
02:34 And I- you're telling me I don't like structure. I don't like being told what to do, but I- I need a certain degree of it in my life for me to thrive.
02:41 I've since learned out- learned. and so I started spiraling into this chaos. Thank And throughout the- the ten years of my active addiction, really, I had been in and out of AA.
02:53 Like I said, rehabs, jails, everything. And nothing really worked for me. When I finally got arrested for the last time, I had- I got arrested with t********** charges, like big girl charges, and I definitely thought I was going to prison.
03:11 I thought- That my life was over, and thank God I had a good lawyer. Oh my God. Shout out to BC.
03:17 He actually just wrote me a letter- personal letter of recommendation, because I'm moving to Portugal, and because of my felonies in the background, actually never been convicted of a felony.
03:26 But anyways, cause it was on first offenders. He wrote me a letter at- about how I pulled myself together. I was- had a business, I was helping people, and it was just such a full s- s s- s- s- s- s-- s- s- s- s- s- s- s s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s s- s- s s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s-- 
04:09 s s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s-- s- s- s- s s- s- s-- s- s- s- s-- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s-- s s- s- s- s- s- s s- s- inside of me that was greater than all of these things.
05:19 And if I could just find her and connect with her, then, you know, things would get better. And thank God, the system in terms of being incarcerated and going to this 12 month program, it's just what it did, is it really put things in perspective for me and it gave me a place to dry out.
05:35 This was the you that you first time I had ever been clean for six months ever since I'd started using.
05:41 And so it, I really started to see what my life had become because I didn't have anything to numb out with.
05:47 And I remember watching this movie called broke down palace about these two girls who get arrested with a bunch of drugs in Thailand and they get stuck in this Thai prison for, I think, like, 10 years.
05:59 And. They're sleeping on concrete, it's raining, there's cockroaches, they're fighting over a little bit of rice and it was just, like, getting beat up and all of those things.
06:09 And jail in America is nothing like that. And even though I firmly believe that we have a huge incarceration problem, we just arrest people for everything instead of actually helping them.
06:19 Jail did help me. It helped put things in perspective and I realized everything that I had- I had to be grateful for.
06:25 I had a mom who loved me, I had a bed to sleep on, I had food to eat, I was safe, I was, you know, I was okay.
06:33 And I realized how much I had to be grateful for. And that I was never going to be able to help anybody else until I helped myself.
06:46 It was a real soul moment, you know. you know. And I believe that we come here to, as a soul, that before we come here, we're like, hey, I want to learn this, this, and this.
06:56 And there's no way to shortcut your process or to not make the mistakes, to not have the challenges, to not go through those things, because that's what builds your character.
07:07 That's what builds your strength. And so after going to this 12 month program, we're headed to- to go to AA every single day.
07:14 I, when I got out, I tried to go back, but I ended up getting on medication, assisted treatment, methadone, suboxone, and they shamed me for it.
07:27 I told my sponsor, I think, and she told everybody, and they wouldn't let me talk in meetings, they wouldn't listen to me, there was all these guys- f****** thirteenth step in me, you're- you're a prey.
07:39 As a woman, when you go in there as a young, attractive woman, all the guys look at you and they're just, like, fresh meat.
07:44 And they come up to you after the meeting and offer you cigarettes and rides, and they're just trying to f*** you.
07:50 And this whole time, I just felt like there was this overarching message of, you're broken, and I just refused to believe that.
08:00 Now, what actually helped me heal was my mom. She loved me, but she set real boundaries. There's such a thing as loving your child or your addict to death.
08:13 If you're always picking up the pieces and not letting them fall and feel the consequences of their actions, they are never going to get better.
08:23 So, when she kicked- Take a look. Me out of the house in 2017. It was because she said if she found anymore shit in my room, she was going to kick me out.
08:30 And she found stuff in there like two or maybe this was the third time. And she just, I remember her calling me and she said, Hey Amanda, I found all your stuff.
08:38 You got to come pick up your shit. You can't live here anymore. And my first response was, did you throw it away?
08:43 You didn't flush it, did you? And at this point she knew better than to flush my shit because like that was- Never going to work.
08:50 And she said, No, I didn't flush it. You just have to come get your stuff. And I said, Okay mom, it's okay.
08:55 Like, I completely understand. And so I came and all my stuff was sitting outside. It was in trash bags. And she was so upset because she didn't know if her daughter was going to die, get arrested.
09:05 I mean, I can't even imagine the pain she was going through. I was really numb through this whole time. But there was a part of me that had this instant clarity.
09:12 And she kicked me out that was like, It's cool mom. I get it. Because I knew that that's what I needed to get my shit together.
09:20 And it wasn't going to be on her time. I was honestly the last person to know I was done using because I still thought I would go back to that life when I was in jail at first.
09:28 but this was, it did mark the beginning of the end. And, Thank God for her, for setting those boundaries, for loving me enough to let me fall, and to let me fail, and also to love me enough to support me no matter what.
09:46 And for being raised Buddhist, believing that I did have the power. I had the power to change everything because I believe that God source what is inside of all of us, and you are unlimited.
09:59 You have unlimited potential, unlimited power. There is nothing that can limit you except for yourself. You are your best friend in your own worst enemy.
10:07 And so, and she supported me through finding my own way. Because when I finally got out of that long term, rehab, it wasn't even a rehab, it was like, kind of a halfway house.
10:17 I had just gotten to a point where I was just like, I can't live this way anymore. And I did- try to go back to using a couple times, and I just remember being so paranoid and so scared, and I had- oh god, there's some stories about that.
10:31 But I just- I couldn't- I didn't want to rely on other people for the rest of my life. Because when you're in jail, you really learn who your friends are and who cares about you.
10:40 And the only person who was there for me through this whole thing was my mom. She never left me. She set those boundaries- and she believed in me enough to let me find my own way.
10:51 she drove me to the methadone clinics when I was on it for a while, and she just- she believed that I could change, and she always saw the person I was meant to be despite the pain and the suffering and the- the- yeah, that I had put her through, and thank god.
11:09 And so- Oh, little by little, I built my own model. Recovery became something personal. Spiritual. Sovereign. And I- I just started piecing my life together, so I started meditating, doing yoga, going for walks.
11:30 I got a dog, which that is such a- Talked about recovery method, because all of a sudden, when you have a dog who relies on you for everything, you gotta be home.
11:40 You can't be gone for days at a time. It's not like a cat. I get to- what doesn't work like that.
11:44 And I remember when I- I had moved back in with her after I was through all this treatment, and she had- we had been wanting to get a dog, and I was living in the basement there in the basement apartment.
11:54 And she had found a dog called, like, an Einstein dog online. It was an Aussie doodle. And she's showing me pictures when we're out to dinner one night, and she's like, I think we're gonna get one of these dogs.
12:03 And I was like, can I have one too? Mommy, get me a puppy! And she's like, no, we're gonna start with one, see how that goes.
12:10 And, you know, and then we'll see. Because I was still rebuilding that trust and relationship with her, so she had every right to do that.
12:17 Anyway, she got jacks- Bye bye. And, and he was such a big boy. Like, even as a puppy, he was a big boy, just like me.
12:24 I was a 10-pound baby. And, he was too big for her, and two rambunctious had too much energy. And so I was the one taking care of him.
12:31 And, I don't know, after a few weeks, she wanted to bring him back to the breeder and get, like, a different dog because he just had so much energy.
12:36 But him and I had already bonded, and he became mine. And so I just, I got a job. I started just doing something productive with my life.
12:47 And even though I never wanted to work for anybody else, I mean, that was never the vibe. I always knew I wanted to be my own boss and to help people and to be a coach and a teacher and a guide and a leader.
12:58 I wasn't in any position to be able to do that at first. So I just did what I could. I got a job in marketing, ended up becoming a marketing director, professional relationship director, outside sales, and all of these pieces starting, started adding up.
13:16 And there would have been no way for me to know how each of those pieces would become fundamental in what I do and how I help my clients now.
13:25 It was just all meant to be. And when I started, Sharing my story, everything opened up for me. It's like Brene Brown says that vulnerability is the only true path to connection.
13:41 I made my first ever podcast episode why I'm grateful I was a heroin addict. I'll link it below this, this episode here.
13:47 And I was so scared to share that story. I was so scared. Because I was like, my boss is gonna find out.
13:52 And then they're gonna find out I'm an imposter and a fraud and a terrible person. I'm gonna be fired. And it was like, I had to really hike, hike myself up and be like, man, how the f*** are they gonna find your podcast?
14:02 Nobody's gonna find it. Nobody cares. And the response from that episode and me sharing my story ever since has never been anything but positive.
14:13 How human design ties in- to all of this is that as a 4-6 self-projected projector, I was never going to heal quietly and sit in a corner and follow the rules.
14:24 I was never meant to do that. I had to live it, to feel it, to deeply speak it out loud and share the journey.
14:32 The first 30 years of my life as a sixth line were messy as f*** for a reason. That's what prop- to prepare your dared me to lead from a place of lived experience.
14:43 If you're a sixth line and you're talking from theory, theory, or teaching anything but your own experience, you are missing out on a huge paycheck potential.
14:53 That's what you're here to do. You do not have to follow the rules to be in recovery. You do not- What?
15:02 You don't to be powerless to be supported. And you don't have to be anonymous to be free. If I can go from being a heroin addict to CEO by telling the truth, why can't you?
15:18 You are the authority in your own healing. Your story does not make you weak. It makes you wise. In the moment I start- started stop-titing and started owning it.
15:29 My life and my business exploded. So, real talk. Owning your truth is the most powerful marketing strategy on the planet.
15:44 Because people can feel it when you're speaking from your soul versus reading a script someone else handed to you by me standing- up and saying, this is me, take it or leave it.
15:53 You become a magnet. I thought that my mess was my shame, but it turned out to be my superpower. My mess became my magnetism.
16:03 And guess what? Your mess is your magnetism too. The parts of your story that you think are too ugly, too weird, too much.
16:09 That's exactly what draws in your try. Because those bits make you who you are and nobody can copy- I'm I'm going to be that.
16:16 In a world full of photoshop, shop influencers and perfection and highlight reels, raw honesty is a breath of fresh f****** air.
16:24 Your story, all of it, is an asset, not a liability. When you own it, you stand out, you shine, you give other people permission to be real, too.
16:34 I mean, look at us here right now. I'm literally turning some of the darkest, messiest chapters of my- life into a lesson for you.
16:40 That's alchemy. That's magic. And it is available to anyone who's willing to own their story and share it. So if this resonated with you, if you're sitting here nigh like, girl, you are reading my diary, then I want to invite you to grab my zero to 40k spiritual business system step by step that is linked
16:59 below this episode. It's free, it's potent, and it is the exact step by step blueprint that I use to go from jail to 20k months using human design and school.
17:20 You don't need another funnel. You just need a system that actually feels good to run. So click the link in the show notes and let's get your biz built around your energy, not someone else's strategy.
17:32 And if this episode hits you in the gut in the best possible way, slide into my DMs over on Instagram and tell me what part lit you up.
17:40 I'm not just a voice in your headphones. I am a real human and I would love to hear your story.
17:45 You are not behind. You are becoming and your voice, it's about to change lives. I love you. Mwah.