Dreaming again with Adia

In this episode of It’s a Guy Thing, I sit down with my dear friend Adia for a heartfelt conversation about what it means to dream again.

We unpack the dreams, goals, and desires we’ve carried, the moments when life made those visions feel distant, and how the world can sometimes dilute the passion we once had. Together, we explore the process of reconnecting with purpose, rebuilding belief in yourself, and giving yourself permission to hope again.

Dreaming Again with Adia is a reminder that no dream is too far gone, no vision is too old, and no season of disappointment has the power to erase what was placed inside of you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Okay, hopefully it doesn't give me any issue this time.

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Take two.

SPEAKER_05 0:02

Take two. Uh hi guys, I'm Jules. And this is one of my really, really close friends, Audia. And today we are going to be talking about dreaming again and what that looks like, resurrecting your dreams for all of those creatives out there who, you know, want to do big things but feel like they have very little ability to do so. I feel like this is going to be a very beneficial, uplifting episode for you guys.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

I feel like it's cool because it's also coming from people who are learning it as well.

SPEAKER_05 0:40

Exactly. And we're like so young. And I feel like we have a tendency of being so hard on ourselves at such a young age. So just give me a two-minute rundown who you are, how you know me, how we met.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Okay. Um, hi, my name is Audia. I am me and Julian met as coworkers. We're still there. Okay, I don't know. I forgot. Okay, we work at Nordstrom. Cats out of the bag. Um, I've been there for almost uh three years this year, which is devastating.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

But um me too. I'm going on my third.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Yeah, I'm going on my third too. I've been there, but I started off as like an assistant and like all that bullshit.

SPEAKER_05 1:20

Um what was that like?

unknown 1:22

Awful.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

It was someone else's like little like dog, you know. And after doing that, I was like, well, you see all the money that people in sales can make. So I was like, oh my gosh, like I need to be a salesperson.

SPEAKER_05 1:36

I feel like being an assistant's really dehumanizing. It is, especially because of how much money they actually make. It's insane.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Yes, however, I think it taught me so much.

SPEAKER_05 1:48

That's true. You did tell me that.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

I think it really did like make me understand that like I don't even know, understand how like work is work for a reason, even like being that young. Like, I was 19 when I started, and I had never had a job like that. And here I was working with a bunch of like 50 year olds, and they don't give a damn. No, they don't care, they don't care if I'm having a hard day, they don't care if I'm like crying, they don't care if like my boss is triggering me. So I started doing that, and um, then I moved and then I went into like the real like big deal, it's not even a big deal, it's like such bullshit.

SPEAKER_05 2:25

Yeah, um, but they make you feel like they make you feel like it's like where you want to be.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Yeah, which to like like like the benefit of the doubt, like it was pretty good money.

SPEAKER_05 2:37

I feel like Nordstrom has a really great way of manipulating your way into like this is like where you want to be. Because at the end of the day, Nordstrom is like we've talked about this so many times, but like it's good money for what it is.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Yeah, it's just like the mental struggles of it, and also when you don't make the like certain amount that you're used to, you're like the potential of what I could have done, and that's when like the self-doubt comes in. Oh yeah, and it's like almost um like it makes you just pause and like just so sit feel like you're so still and it's like such an awful place to be in.

SPEAKER_05 3:15

It's mentally debilitating at times for sure.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

I feel like I've kind of detached myself a lot from it though.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

Like I don't know how to do that. I still am trying to figure out how to detach myself from that, and you know, you've told me several times, and I just mentally don't know how to like even comprehend the first steps of what that looks like.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Well, I think we also have an age gap, and like you're wanting to find something that's more of like long term and like has longevity to it, and I'm still figuring it out, you know. Um, and also I was just like so tired of feeling that way every day. And like I literally for like the first time, like this like year in January, I remember like early January, was like it felt like the first time I had like seen the light in like two years. Like I went on a trip with my friends in the desert. I was like posting all over Instagram, and it was like I literally cried so much on like my way back because I was like, this is the first time I felt like I've laughed in two years, smiled, or like any of that. But um, yeah, so I don't know, it's still like a process. Like, I feel like there's days I'll sit in my car and I'm just like fuck.

SPEAKER_05 4:28

Yeah, it just like gets so boring, and it does get really boring for sure.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

I actually was in therapy yesterday and I was that um it was really good, but she had told me because like my biggest struggle lately is like my room's a fucking pig's dye.

SPEAKER_05 4:42

Mine is too, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

My room, but like my room is a pig's dye, but it's not actually that bad. Like it's just clothes and like unpacking and stuff like that, and I haven't like got myself to do it, and like my car is kind of messy, and every week for like two years, room was perfectly clean, car was cleaned every Tuesday. That was always something that was in my routine.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

You know what? Me too. Yeah, I realized when I was younger, like before the car that I have now, I was very on top of it, always got it cleaned, always had it vacuumed, always had the payment on time.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

But my therapist was saying how I was telling her all this stuff is happening, then you know, all the stuff with like my family. She was saying how it's like a good thing sometimes when that happens because you don't feel like you need to control everything you feel out of control of. And I was like, hmm. Yeah, so I don't know. I feel like this like moment right now I'm in is just like really trying to let loose a little bit because I've been so uptight. And also when I was making a bunch of money, I got my happiness through like all of the things I was buying and all the dinners I was going to, and by a bunch of money, I mean like literally no money at all, but like to us.

SPEAKER_05 6:03

No, I completely get that because I feel like when there's like peak seasons at Nordstrom, and I always describe like because like working like alongside Chanel, like Chanel is like guarantee you're gonna make money, you know, like it's not cheap. And so whenever I have a really good day, I feel like I'm on top of the world. I feel like I my life's fulfilled, but then I have to realize I have to catch myself, like this doesn't bring fulfillment. Because then the next day when I don't do it, I'm already automatically disappointed because I've trained my mind to think like I was feeling fulfilled when I made six grand.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

I also feel like this isn't even like unique to Nordstrom, like I think it's just retail in general, like every retail chain.

SPEAKER_05 6:55

Well, I feel like it I feel like it can be unique to Nordstrom just because not a lot of places make commission like we do. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's what differentiates like people who work at Nordstrom versus like working at Hollister, working at Zara or working at HM. Like anything that's just straight up hourly is where it we are different, you know, and that's that's where you know the uncertainty comes in, you know, because you know, one day you feel like you are fulfilling the fruits of your labor. And I always say, like, oh, like everything that I just you know made, it's already gone. Because I got it like twelve hundred dollars in returns.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Yeah, the returns get you.

SPEAKER_05 7:42

The returns is what literally I feel like returns are like so debilitating.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Yeah, that part sucks. Well, now it's even like more aggressive because so aggressive. It's like in jewelry too. Like, I had like a $3,000 return the other day. I don't know. I like I uh I enjoy the aspect of like the department I'm in now because there's so much to do that I don't even think about it anymore. Like I'm genuinely just there. Like, and if I have a good sales day, like that's what it is. Like, I expect disappointment. Literally, like if you go and disappoint, you'll never get disappointed when it doesn't go your way. So I'll just be sitting there fixing the earrings, and hopefully someone walks up and asks to see Gucci necklaces.

SPEAKER_05 8:33

Like, it's literally like or wants to buy a Rolex that on a random Tuesday.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

But even then, like the what ifs and then the what-ifs if of it coming back.

SPEAKER_05 8:44

Well, the what-ifs only have to last for two weeks because those specifically only the Rolexes. No, but no, but those in specific are only a two-week time span.

SPEAKER_03 8:54

But even then, like it's so like I also just like think about it like we're selling something.

SPEAKER_05 9:00

Personally, for me, I've just realized how much I don't value materialistic things in that aspect, like yeah, especially working at Nordstrom, because before I was like always like, oh my gosh, like designer this, designer that. But when you're there every day, you genuinely don't even don't even care. You get like immune to it, get immune to it, and it's just like, okay, cool, like that's not impressive for me.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

I think the last time I was like infatuated with like purses and everything was when I went to Europe and I saw like how beautiful, like the quality of like real Italian loving, you know, and like that kind of stuff because it's so oversaturated. That's all you see. Get the next limited YSL bag that's a death, and it's like five grand. And I'm like, Do you know what I could do with five grand right now?

SPEAKER_05 9:43

No, literally, like I can do a lot of things with five grand right now that are actually gonna benefit me.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Benefit me, but some people deserve that, like they work their hiny off, and that's like I have to like try to like humble myself because I get these thoughts where I'm like, God, these people, but then I'm also like oh yeah, are just given it's just given to them. They're scammers at Nordstrom. There's so many scammers they just come in and buy and then they return the next day. They wear it once and then they freaking return it.

SPEAKER_05 10:11

Back to dreaming, back to dreaming.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

I don't know. I feel like I mean, you know, I've been in school off and on for the last few years, and I feel like I'm in a phase of my life too where I'm learning all of the fundamentals of like healthy relationships, like with people around you and with myself. I'm learning right now because I've had to teach them to myself. And so I'm in school until I find something else. That's just kind of what my motto is. I'm not gonna waste these few years, like, and I've also already spent three years in school, like I'm not going to throw that away. Um, and you shouldn't.

SPEAKER_05 10:49

You shouldn't throw that away.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

I ultimately I don't want to work for anyone. Like, I want to work for myself, but yeah. I I know I have what it takes. I know I have like the like entrepreneur like mindset. I've had like one since I was younger. I freaking sold lip balms at school for like five dollars.

SPEAKER_05 11:08

I used to sell can I used to go to Smart and Final, buy the big box of candy, and sell them. And sell them.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:15

Just to make money.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Yeah. And people bought them.

SPEAKER_05 11:17

And people bought them. And I it was starting to become a known thing of like, oh, like he's trying to like, he's selling candy. And yeah, a dollar.

SPEAKER_03 11:25

I think also something that like you and me are not willing to do is like not be intentional with what we plan on doing as like work, and like it needs to mean something.

SPEAKER_05 11:35

It needs to mean something. Always, it always needs to mean something.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

I was gonna go and be a real estate agent, and then I was like, I don't care about anything that these people have to do.

SPEAKER_05 11:44

My motive was just to make a shit ton of money. Yeah, but what's the like what's the what's the dream at that point?

SPEAKER_03 11:50

Because you're in the office seven days a week, and it's like I don't mind working hard, I'm just not willing to do it at someone else's mercy of like a yes or no. I want to be the one saying yes or no. Yeah, I don't want, you know, like my friend.

SPEAKER_05 12:04

I have a one of my best friends from Vegas. He he owns a lot of property in Vegas.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

Oh, yes, this one friend. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 12:14

Yes. And he always told me, because obviously he's very, very, very well off. And he's very humble about it. You would never know he's rich. And he always told me, he says, if you want to be a millionaire, you're not gonna be one working at nine to five.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:32

You'll never be a millionaire working at nine to five. The people that you're working for are the millionaires, but you'll never be one. You'll be stuck with this.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

Not really the people in management don't even make anywhere near that.

SPEAKER_05 12:44

No, and he put into perspective, he said, you know, you have a very Americanized job, you work nine to five, you make somewhat of a decent salary, you cap out, and there's no more room to grow.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:00

And essentially, you know, if you are someone in control of your own salary and your own income, you know, the the opportunities are endless of how much you can make. But it's just finding, well, how am I gonna do that? You know, how am I going to what am I going to do to get to that point?

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:25

What do I have to sell to get to that point? I remember, and this is when I was in the church. I remember I went to a conference. It was called Something Creativity. Like the create it was a creative conference. And I I went by myself. I went all the way to Reading. You've heard of Bethel music, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:47

Yeah. So I went to Bethel Church by myself.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 13:53

I was obsessed with this church. Still really loved that church. And um love their music, love the way they preached the gospel. At the time I was really, really, really into fashion. I was going to fashion school, I was in the fashion program, and um at the time I had dreams of working uh to be a buyer for Nordstrom.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Oh my goodness, I remember you telling me about this.

SPEAKER_05 14:22

And so I, you know, really wanted to get insight of like where I'm supposed to be, where I'm supposed to go, and just meeting all of these creative people really just awakened this fire in me to be like, okay, you know what? These people are just as hungry as I am. Like, I want to like like do this. And obviously, like I was like, well, I want to do this, like, if this is like the Lord's will, you know. And I um I kind of just went for it. It was an amazing experience. I went for four days, and at the time I I wanted to create my own uh clothing line first. And so I was getting insight on that, and I was getting vision of what I wanted to name it. I was getting um like revelation of you know what I wanted the clothing like to be about, its purpose, and I wanted it to like in a way have this like amalgamation of like my testimony with the brand itself. And I feel like during COVID everything just kind of went to shit, like everyone's like motives, everyone's dreams.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

You were a full-on adult when a COVID hit.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

Full on adult. I was 23. Or no, no, I'm so sorry. Well, I was 20.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

You're like 20 and 20. I was say it's like 17.

SPEAKER_05 15:43

Really?

SPEAKER_03 15:44

Damn. Yeah. Something that's really cool and like inspiring that like you do is like I love that you try everything. That's something I really struggle with is really putting myself out there. I'm like terrified of failure.

SPEAKER_05 15:59

Me too.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

And not even like terrified of failure, and like the like I just am like, what's the point? You know, it's gonna fail anyway. Because that's just like I was raised in that kind of uh, I don't know, negative mindset, and that's something my like me and my therapist not even to bring that up, but like I've been really trying to talk to her. I'm like, how do I just try things? Like, how do I just like detach myself from like just doing things and having fun? And if it fails, it fails. But I don't know how to do that, and I feel like I'm learning.

SPEAKER_05 16:32

I kind of re I kind of look at people's history of like how successful they are now, but I knew there was a story, and I knew that there was a lot of failure, and I knew there was a lot of like that's what everyone says.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

Like you like you have to try until you fail, and I feel like I have all the right things to say, and like I I know that I mean them all, and like I stand by them when it comes to myself though, oh my gosh, I can't apply any of it. But that's always been my purpose though. Like I was the one who said all the right things and did all the right things when I was like, you know, it's weird. It's like weird because I feel like I'm realizing why I am this like the way I am without trying to be like mean to myself about it. Like I'm really trying to unlearn the self hatred that's been like embedded in me for so long. And like it's like a really uh I don't even know how to describe it. It just like kind of leaves you staring off sometimes, like wow, I can't believe I think that stuff like way by myself. And then everyone around me is like, you know, you're so amazing, you're blah blah blah, like you don't believe it.

SPEAKER_05 17:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

I'm like, thanks.

SPEAKER_05 17:45

I feel like having people that are like-minded, it really helps to motivate you. Cause there are certain things that I that I go to you for specifically where I know I'm gonna get the advice that I need versus telling someone who is not gonna give me either what I want to hear or what I want, what I need. Yeah, like I come to you when it comes to like conversation about being uplifted about career or dreams or you know, because I think like I have really big aspirations, but I'm not trying to tell someone who's gonna have this realistic mindset of like how are you actually gonna do that? Like, you can't do that, like who's very like um complacent with understanding like a dreamer's perspective, you know? Like, I believe anybody can do what they want to do if they just actually start doing it, yeah, and if they believe they can, that's such a thing.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah, and I I feel like that's something I'm genuinely learning.

SPEAKER_05 18:57

A small example, when I was little, I got a Rubik's Cube, and I I didn't know how to solve a Rubik's Cube, and I was like, I'm gonna sol I'm gonna like literally take the time, research, practice, all the algorithms. And I remember my stepmom at the time, she specifically said, like, you got a Rubik's Cube, like you're not gonna be able to solve that.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

And then you made it your mission.

SPEAKER_05 19:22

And I literally made that my mission, not only to prove her wrong, but to prove myself that, like, well, no, I am gonna solve it because one, I'm motivated, I'm determined, and I'm very optimistic on you know, testing my own ability to do something, and I did. Yeah, I And she was quiet when I solved it. I said hello.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Of course she was. Like, hello? Of course she was. That's one thing too, is like one thing I've learned in working in this job too is that the adults are not adults. No, they are actual children, and that is something you have to like teach yourself not to let bother you and kind of adopt this. I don't give a damn. You know, my fair share of stories there, and like it should be called Nordstrom High.

SPEAKER_05 20:11

Yeah, like Nordstrom High School is it's literally a high school, and I've had my fair share of both. You've had my fair share.

SPEAKER_03 20:18

Not even saying that I'm innocent in all of them, but at the end of the day, I'm 19 or 20 or 21. These people are what, 25 and up?

SPEAKER_05 20:26

Like, no, these people are legit 30.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

Yeah, like it's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05 20:30

Yeah, they're legit like 30 years old.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

And this is the stuff no one tells you.

SPEAKER_05 20:34

No, no, of course they're not gonna tell you that. What would you have to say for men specifically who are struggling with this ability to tap into like, damn, like this is what I want to do, but I don't know where to start. I don't know the resources that I have, and I feel like everybody else is doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

I feel like one thing that a lot of men like struggle with too that like goes into that is it's okay to like learn your emotions and learn what they mean to you, and it doesn't make you any less manly, it doesn't make you, you know, all these things that like society like puts on you, and also women have their fair share of issues with that too. But I feel like with men they have to like really digest what they're feeling and what they want, and not what society says is like normal. You know, a lot of guys are supposed to be the provider, all these things and do the like nine to five things, and like what if that's something that they don't want to do? Like, what if they don't want to have a family? What if they want to, you know, like and that's totally fine, kind of like it's totally fine for a woman. But I just feel like something that a lot of men don't do is like realize how important their emotions are to them and how like it doesn't make you any less of like a man. Does that make sense? Yeah. I see like my boyfriend and he went to the Coast Guard for four years and he just got out and he's trying to like figure out what he wants to do with his life and it's been really hard for him because he's like, I'm supposed I was I had it all together. I did all these things, like I was supposed I'm supposed to be here, and I'm like, yeah, but you went away and you didn't think about anything for four years from your like 18 to now, and that is so crucial and important. Like, men can't just shut that off. It will lead into other things. That's why there's so many issues with like men being like abusive in certain ways because they don't know how to express their emotions and like effectively communicate when something's wrong.

SPEAKER_05 22:44

I feel like men have a tendency of abusing themselves too, yeah. Like mentally, and I feel like they let their egos get to them.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

That is like the problem is the egos that like come from men that come from like nothing, just come from pure insecurity.

SPEAKER_05 22:59

Their own securities is what keeps them back too. It's what holds them back from, you know, fulfilling like the true dream that they were like designed to do.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Yeah, you know, and almost like I don't want to say like submitting, but submitting to the fact that like they don't have control of situations and like I think it's more of just surrendering. Surrendering, surrendering to the fact that they don't have control and like not even saying that in a way of like men need control. I just feel like society has just put this like thing on them that they have to like be a certain way and do certain things.

SPEAKER_05 23:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

And hopefully this is making sense. Well, I just it's kind of an awkward topic to like talk about.

SPEAKER_05 23:46

Well, I think it's because it's talked a lot about in our brains, but not actually like vocalized.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:54

I love to I as we've been talking about this, all I can think about are like the men at my gym. Like the men at my gym, I feel like are very not only motivated to work out, but they're also really motivated to like help other people. Yeah, and how do they help other people? They help other people by their fitness journey, and that's exactly what like like I want to do, not enter the fitness journey, but like I want to help people, men specifically with their mental and emotional and psychological being, you know. And I think and I sit and ponder, it's like, okay, well, what is gonna make me different than everybody else? Because I don't want to be the you know, person that is emerging into a very saturated industry as the podcast, and talk about relationships, talk about dating.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

It's something different, and that's I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_05 24:50

It's it's at this point, like it's just another person talking about like you know, the same thing everybody else is.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

I think you have like a really cool idea, and like I really like it. I also think it's kind of like you want to see the change, be the change. If you want to talk about all the issues that there are with men, speak to the men who need help, speak to the ones who don't think about this kind of stuff, you know. And that's where like actual change happens.

SPEAKER_04 25:17

Right.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

And not even like something like it, not even like a way of like this needs to be change, but more of a way of like comfort. Everyone deserves that, you know. There's so many podcasts for women and struggling women, and like I love that. Well, yeah, but there's not that many for men.

SPEAKER_05 25:34

And I wanted w I my goal is for the women who listen. One, I'm sure they can relate to, you know, because I feel like this is a very like general topic, it's just dreaming again. Yeah, but I feel like women struggle to understand their their men.

SPEAKER_03 25:54

100%. It's been really weird for me because I went from dating women and uh I've been like off and on. Like my whole track record's been woman, women, man, woman, man.

SPEAKER_05 26:06

What am I feeling like this season?

SPEAKER_03 26:08

Like, I feel like no literally fall, fall, gay or not. But I think this is the first like person I've ever like genuinely loved, like with every inch of my being. Like, I adore this man. I want to understand him. Yeah, and I really do feel like I have done a really good job and not like deflecting and really taking accountability of like where I can be better and do better, and I'm proud of myself for that because I feel like that's not talked about today, it's not like a look in the mirror.

SPEAKER_05 26:45

It's so crazy because obviously, my mission is for men to one understand themselves, and I want women to understand men. So it if women understood their men, even if you know their men can't understand themselves, it can help them, you know, have that person to connect with. And because I remember when I was dating um my ex-girlfriend so long ago, she knew a lot about emotional, mental health, she knew a lot about like psychology and the way that men work and the way that women work and how we were designed. And in a way, at the time, like I took it as like, okay, well, I'm supposed to know these things, I'm supposed to lead us, and you're supposed to like submit to me type of deal. But when I look at it now, I'm just like, she was helping me, and she was the building blocks of where I am at today mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, because it was like it was a precursor of like what I was supposed to know in the now.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Yeah, my 100%.

SPEAKER_05 28:02

Because I was not in tune with anything. I suppressed a lot of feelings, I didn't process anything, I didn't know how to process anything.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

Well, it's not really like the common thing to do.

SPEAKER_05 28:14

It's not the common thing to do, and a lot of guys are just very like their brains are just kind of blanked, blinked out because they don't know where to start. Because they were taught that you don't need to.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

It's just so cool to like actually be able to like hear these words and like understand them rather than coming from like a um like yeah, yeah, yeah, kind of perspective, you know, because I feel like me growing up with like my issues with my dad and stuff, like I really had a hatred for men for a really long time. And I still think it's like kind of in me a little bit, but like not even purposely, just like that's what's embedded in like my trauma. But to like see the issues and like actually talk about them, and I don't know, I just really enjoy hearing about like what you had to say about it.

SPEAKER_05 29:08

I feel like if your emotional and mental health isn't stable, then it's gonna be very, very hard for you to comprehend or even sit down to process what you want to do in terms of like longevity.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Yeah. I feel like you also have to be like open to that idea in general. I saw this quote on Pinterest, it was like, ah, what if it doesn't? But uh what if it does? And just like really like rewiring your brain to that kind of mentality. It can be really hard with all of like the comparison that like I wish social media wasn't a thing as much as like I like it sometimes because you see all these 20-year-olds or 21-year-olds in their penthouse apartments and LA doing these like meaningless things, and they get all this money, and like I'm not even saying that from a Joe's point of view. Cool, I'm so happy for you. But then you sit here and you work your hiney off, and you're like, What am I doing wrong when you're not doing anything wrong? Yeah, you know, but I don't know. I feel like at the end of the day, everything that like I've been through, everything that where I've worked has all happened for a reason because I am really proud of who I am and like how hard I've worked to be this version of myself.

SPEAKER_05 30:29

I was just thinking about like like what motivates me to want to keep moving forward with like fulfilling like my own dreams.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

You just kinda have that in you. Like I feel like it's like that way or the highway.

SPEAKER_05 30:43

Obviously, like you were a big factor of why I, you know, felt really motivated to start dreaming again. But I have you ever heard of Christine Quinn? Um, she was one of the actresses on Selling Sunset, like that blonde scary.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Oh, yeah, I know who, like, I know.

SPEAKER_05 31:05

Do you know who she is, though?

SPEAKER_02 31:06

No, I don't know who she is, but I know the show.

SPEAKER_05 31:08

Okay, well, she's no longer on the show, but she made this book and she wrote a book about how to be a boss bitch. And pretty much it's a whole book about um how to, you know, start manifesting and dream again. What you like, and I always think back to like your childhood, like when we were children, we that's all we did was we dreamed about being a police officer, we dreamed about being a firefighter, we dreamed about, you know, whatever it may have been, you know, a nurse or you know, the more practical, you know, a lawyer, you know. Yeah, whatever. And I think as we get older, we had this tendency of losing that childlikeness in us.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:03

We allowed people's opinion to start dictating our decision making. We allowed the world's opinion of you can't do that, how are you gonna do that? We allowed their doubt to become our doubt. Yeah, and I think that that caused us to normalize ourselves in this very American way of living of nine to five, 401k, save it for yourself, like us um, what is it called? Um retirement. And it we just become in this rut of I'm not getting where I want to be.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

It's also like talked about like like graduating high school, you know, like you're gonna go to college and you're gonna go do this and you're gonna get a business degree, and then you're gonna go be an accountant, and then you're gonna or like a marketing or whatever it is, and um that's not everyone's dream. That's not everyone's dream. And don't get me wrong, like it that's why I have the thing, like if I don't have anything else going, I'm gonna do school until I have something else that's going to like push me. Yeah, I just I just I've never felt the need to like I need to go to school to be a doctor, I need to do this. You know, it's always just been more creative, and that goes with like my fashion, you know, like you I used to paint a lot, I used to do jewelry and all these kinds of things, and that was never like talked about where you can make something out of that, which is dumb.

SPEAKER_05 33:36

Right. Like then and if your dream is to be a doctor, good for you. Literally bust your ass off in school, yeah, be a doctor. That is like because I need I need a doctor, obviously. So I need you to be my doctor.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Yeah, he does.

SPEAKER_05 33:51

I need you to be my nurse, you know. Like, like look at Rana. Yeah, we have a friend that also works with us, and she is busting her ass off like no other to be a nurse. And the whole nursing program, one that's gonna be me if something else comes along. That I feel like is the most arduous like program you could ever get into.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:16

It it looks one, terrifying, two, so complex, three, mentally draining.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

I wish I would have been able to do it during COVID. Like, imagine the schooling nurses had to do because one of my family friends, she went to nursing school during COVID and it was all online. Barely had to go into like classes and everything like that, and like, but that's such a cop-out, you know. But why? Yeah, that's literally a cop-out of me saying that. However, like, do you see how tired she looks just to go?

SPEAKER_05 34:47

And then she comes back from LA to work at Nordstrom and deal with customers.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

But she does it like a champ.

SPEAKER_05 34:55

But that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

She's also 27, right? That is true. Like, she's uh world away from like like this is she's used to this.

SPEAKER_05 35:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

I forget that I'm so young working with all of you guys, but uh Clarissa's the same age as me, too.

SPEAKER_05 35:13

So I just know that there needs to be some sort of shift in allowing people to know like your time is now. If you want to start that ban, start the ban. If you want to start that clothing line, start the clothing line. I feel like whatever you want to do, make sure it's the opposite of what people are doing. Yeah. That's the advice that I would give. Like, for me, like, starting this podcast, like, I didn't want to just join a trend of like, oh, I'm gonna start a podcast like everybody else. I wanted to do something that was what everyone wasn't doing. And I don't really feel like a lot of people are talking about men. No. If they are, they're dehumanizing men on how shitty they are.

unknown 35:58

Great.

SPEAKER_05 35:59

We acknowledge. Great, we acknowledge they're shitty, but like, what are we gonna do to change that?

SPEAKER_03 36:02

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why I said I was really liked your like perspective because like everyone's to talk about fuck men, fuck men, all this stuff, and it's like, yeah, a lot of them do suck. Where are we gonna like actually try to see why they suck? Because they don't all suck at all. I found myself the cutest, sweetest boy I've ever met in my life. And I'm so like in love with him and obsessed with him. And for the longest time I feared men and just thought they were just like this big issue.

SPEAKER_05 36:29

But you know what's crazy is I want the ones that quote unquote do suck, the quote unquote like ones that have been cheaters, the ones that have been, you know, deemed as like not good men. Yeah, it's those are the ones that I want to watch, that I want them to listen to this.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

100%. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying like start a new breed of humans.

SPEAKER_05 36:50

Like literally, like we're here to like revive, we're here to like awaken hope and knowing like okay, like yeah, you've done some pretty messed up things in life, but it's time to like get your ass up and like start doing better.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

What's the word reconciliation? Reconcilize reconciliation, reconciliation, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:10

Like it's time to reconcile all of the brokenness, exactly, and I feel like that, of course, 100% can be in alignment with your dreams, you know, whatever you want to do. Obviously, you need steady income, which is why we're still at Nordstrom in the meantime.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

Yeah, trying to get a job anywhere else is just like ridiculous. What is meant to be is meant to be. You're supposed to be here for a reason you wouldn't have gotten this inspired to do all this if you were living at your other apartment going out all the time, you know? Is that not like do you think that's crazy for me to say? Like, no, you had to come here to get inspired.

SPEAKER_05 37:47

It's crazy because, like, obviously, like I don't really go to church that much, like I used to. And even though my relationship with the Lord isn't how it used to be, I know exactly what he's doing.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:01

And I know him really well. And because I've built that bond with him, I knew exactly when I was moving back home, I knew exactly what was gonna happen. It was gonna be a pruning season for me. It was gonna be a season where I had to fully surrender this ego of like, okay, like obviously you don't want to be back at your mom's, but you know what? It's gonna benefit you.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

100%.

SPEAKER_05 38:26

I knew exactly what these six months were gonna look like for me. You know, and it was only gonna like benefit me later on when I tell the story of like how I started.

SPEAKER_03 38:39

Yeah. You know, you know how many stories that I've heard of like those famous people that are like, I was broken and I went back home, or I was in a rehab facility, or all these things at like 24 or 23 or 27, you know, even like later. And then they make this freaking empire, and it's like uh Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:59

Well, also too, I think coming home was like a blessing in disguise, and this is something that I've talked to my grandpa about because you know, my family were there's just a lot of things going on, like with my sister and like my stepdad and health and well-being, and so I think that it's really good that I am here. Yeah, I love your even though I was like 20 minutes down the road before.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

You're like able to like take your sister to where she needs to go tonight, like those kinds of like bonding moments. Yeah, 100%. I feel like I'm going through the same thing right now. I left my family's house, like well, I left my dad's house with my sisters and everything like six years ago. And yeah, and I moved in with my mom and I didn't see them that often, and now I'm like getting to take Audrina and my little sister to dinner, and you know, help my sister and their part like their boyfriend, like all these things, and it's like it's so nice to be surrounded by that again. Even if it's like obviously it's not forever, like this isn't ideal, but like you live in a beautiful house. Things at least you're not going home to a shed. At least I'm not going home to a shed, you know. At least like we both have nice houses to go home to, and a place to go.

SPEAKER_05 40:14

No, literally. I'm just like, damn, like it's not rock bottom at all. I always think, too, about failure, how you told me we are supposed to struggle in our 20s. And that, like, there's some things that you say that just stick with me, and that's one of them because I think about that. I'm just like, whoa, like it's 100% acceptable and valid if you are struggling in your early 20s, mid-20s, late 20s is when I feel like you start to realize, like, okay, I no longer have to struggle like how I did before. My struggles are gonna be a little bit different, but it's gonna be a lot more, there's gonna be a lot more security there.

SPEAKER_03 40:59

You don't have this pressure on yourself. Well, that's what I've read in a lot of books. Like, I've seen a lot of people like because I read a lot of self-help books, and one of the books that I read, they said that, and it was like, your entire 20s is going to be you doubting yourself, you feeling like you're under this pressure, you comparing yourself to everyone, you doing all these things, and that's only heightened with social media, you know.

SPEAKER_05 41:22

Oh, social media is the most deceiving, yeah. Deceiving platform. Everything it's so crazy because I've even said this to people. I say my Instagram stories is where you're gonna see the cute pictures, and then my close friends is where you're gonna see the the crazy like memes and like um candid photos and whatnot.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

I don't know what I post, I post most random things.

SPEAKER_05 41:47

Really? Yeah, I'm dead. Yeah, not me. I post really like aesthetically pleasing photos.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

I've always been really bad at that. I mean, look at my outfits every day, like they're not aesthetic at all.

SPEAKER_05 42:00

I mean, it's it it gives really like schoolgirl vibes.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

It's me, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:05

It screams you actually.

SPEAKER_03 42:07

But everyone's been telling me I need to up my style.

SPEAKER_05 42:10

But like, I feel like you like I don't want to look old, but like your specific style is like I'm this cute little like schoolgirl vibe.

SPEAKER_03 42:18

Yeah, that's and I don't even do it in like any like specific like any intention behind it.

SPEAKER_05 42:23

I just love color and skirts and matching things, and I feel like my style has had its evolution for sure. Yeah, because you've told me that. You told me you said your style's way better than it was before. I'm like, damn, thanks. No, but like I felt that too.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

Well, I feel like you have uh like found how to make things like work and make them look really good, and they don't have to be like designer and all these kinds of things.

SPEAKER_05 42:54

Like you would have designer's so tacky to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

It's so tacky, but you used to wear like you know, I would see you with your designer things and like not even saying that in a bad way. I just feel like I like your style actually sucked. I love seeing you in clothes that make you feel comfortable. That's what it is. I love seeing things that make you feel confident, and that's the bottom line of it. Not what you wear. I don't give a fuck what you wear. Do you have anything else you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_05 43:21

Just like really giving men hope, really. Like my heart is like speaking to you. Yeah, I really want to give men hope of like they can do it. And they will do it.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

Mm-hmm. You'll do it. Thank you. I believe in you.

SPEAKER_05 43:37

Thank you. I really want to.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

I think you are.

SPEAKER_05 43:40

I am. But I don't necessarily want to be a public figure, but I want to be an influence to people. I know how to be an influence to people in my friend group and how that like really benefits them in a positive way. And so I want to be able to use that as my platform. for other people. Now I don't know where it would take me but I'm willing to ride the ride.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Don't get canceled.

SPEAKER_05 44:10

I know, seriously.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

I just want you to look at this as like this is what brings you joy, not what's going to bring you out of what's making you unhappy right now. And kind of use that like perspective. Don't give up on this because I believe you can do something really cool with this and I love the way you think I just don't want to see you get like sad when you don't get the reaction. But you know what? What if you do? You know like what if it takes off you know anything can happen. Just stay positive.

SPEAKER_05 44:45

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

And I'll be there to hold your hand when you don't feel like being positive.

SPEAKER_05 44:48

So thank God. How many walks to jewelry? You're like what now?

SPEAKER_01 44:54

I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_05 44:55

I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Why? Why?

SPEAKER_05 44:58

No literally. Anyway so I like to challenge people.

SPEAKER_04 45:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 45:05

So I have this thing called the challenger. And I want you to challenge essentially give these men homework on what they can do right now, today to start dreaming again for their big dreams for career. Even if it's like their dreams for a relationship, what can they do right now to start dreaming again?

SPEAKER_03 45:27

I feel like something I would challenge like a somebody to do like a guy to do is like reflect on when is the last time you felt sadness and genuinely process that emotion. And like sit with it. And not in a way and not in like a sadness of like a business thing or like anything like that. Like something that really did hurt you and why it hurts and why you like it it happened kind of thing. Right. Even if it doesn't make sense like but that's kind of difficult because like what if it's like with a death or something like just really think when was the last time you were sad and why it was significant to you. And how would that motivate them to I feel like it would help identify like what they're feeling more and able to communicate it rather than just like push it to the side. So when something like you feel sadness or you feel some sort of like anger or something instead of just acting on the emotions identify what that feeling is.

SPEAKER_05 46:44

I feel like the action of that emotion would be self-doubt.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:49

Or it would be rejection. Rejection I can't do this or I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

Hopefully that was good.

SPEAKER_05 46:55

I don't know that's what I would like say I feel like that's a like more of a like a a deep rooted like that's why I said it's psychological like because it's all deep like everything's deep rooted in psychological digging to the root of like why they're in the position that they're at.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

Yeah it's not talked about to do that.

SPEAKER_05 47:16

So it may not sound like something that is gonna like bring them out into like motivate them.

SPEAKER_03 47:24

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 47:25

I but it it is I think it is the root of solving some underlying issues before you could even be motivated.

SPEAKER_03 47:32

The people who want to do that will do that though. Of course the people who want to be motivated like I feel like there's so many reasons why to be motivated I could say you know we have air on our lungs all the cliche things but like when you start looking and yeah exactly those are things that are true but when you start looking at yourself in a deeper manner and that way you're able to breathe deeper.

SPEAKER_05 47:58

Right.

SPEAKER_03 47:59

I feel like I wish I could tell that to the my dad you know like those kinds of things where he is the way he is because of not looking in his emotions not feeling the things he didn't want to feel and so he felt like and he just reacted so much out of anger and stuff like that. And I felt like feel like those kinds of deep rooted things are so important to learn and if you're here watching this like that may not be the most inspiring thing but it will have you thinking right it will like actually make you think and you may not want to think about it.

SPEAKER_05 48:36

That's my advice I always like to say and this is something that I got from a worship leader she said you can only heal what you're willing to feel. Yeah that has stuck with me for literally years she said I remember her saying that in a podcast like back in like 2018.

SPEAKER_03 49:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:01

And that still sticks to me to this day and it has kept me alive at some points because you've you've seen my really dark days of like what's the point and that's why I'm I take healing so serious and I find it to be a gift and you even told me you said feeling is a gift.

SPEAKER_03 49:28

It is a gift.

SPEAKER_05 49:29

That's another another audio quote that I love so much.

SPEAKER_03 49:33

I feel like that's why I said that too and my advice is like it's so good to feel it's so good to feel it sucks.

SPEAKER_05 49:43

It's like sometimes because you don't want to feel that because you've been in positions where you weren't able to feel and you've had to train your mind to feel like yeah I felt numb I felt numb for so long I didn't know how to cry like I didn't know any of these things.

SPEAKER_03 49:59

I didn't know what made me sad.

SPEAKER_05 50:01

I just wanted control well the plus side for any guy who is struggling with feeling like they're in a rut of career or um feeling like they don't know the direction they should go in a relationship or with like a family member if you're feeling some sort of way that's already a win yeah because some people don't and they go their whole lives without acknowledging like these deep feelings so if you're feeling some sort of way that's already a plus that's already a plus because you've one have been tapping into your emotions it may not be you know the way that you want it to be but just know that you are on the right track.

SPEAKER_04 50:49

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 50:50

And so I think for me my challenger would to sit down and I love to write everything down. Write down what your biggest aspirations are like what you want to do. Like I have some crazy things on my like like manifestation like list. I start off with things that I have now and things that I have manifested that I have now yeah things that I have prayed for that I have now and I'm grateful for that because I feel like gratitude is the gateway to his glory. So being grateful for what you have now and then what are you going to excel in not what you're gonna strive for. We don't need to strive we just need to start excelling in what we want we start claiming it as oh we are we're we have this I don't see it but I'm going to see it. Yeah so start writing down like what you do want how are you going to get there and if you don't know how you're gonna get there then just write down what you what you're gonna manifest. When you write it down on paper you're already going to start feeling the motivation you're already going to start feeling fulfilled because you're gonna start training your mind like oh like I can do this and if I'm gonna write something as crazy as you know being in um a Gucci show or helping set up a Gucci fashion show then I'm gonna do that. Exactly and then go to Milan and find yourself a cute Italian man and maybe he's in the fashion industry.

SPEAKER_00 52:31

Spain Spain huh Spain remember Spain Spain I love Spain.

SPEAKER_05 52:37

Can't wait for you to go back there oh I'm going back single oh god singles crazy it's beautiful single is beautiful singleness is a gift too it is the gift that's for another topic another topic I'll literally title it Singleness is a gift 100% well I hope you guys enjoyed this podcast and I'll see you guys in the next one.

SPEAKER_03 53:06

Thank you for coming yeah I'm so happy to be here I hope it was actually good I don't know if I said like I feel like I don't know I hope it was actually helpful.

SPEAKER_05 53:13

Oh yeah it was helpful.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

Okay cool.

SPEAKER_05 53:15

You're the best thank you love you