If He Wanted to, He Would Pt.1 with Hannah

In this episode of It’s a Guy Thing, I sit down with my friend Hannah for an honest conversation about the phrase “If he wanted to, he would” — and what it really means when it comes to dating, effort, communication, and emotional availability.

Together, we unpack the difference between genuine interest and mixed signals, consistency and excuses, patience and settling. We talk about how men show up when they’re intentional, why people sometimes hold onto potential instead of reality, and how to recognize when someone’s actions are telling you everything you need to know.

“If He Wanted To, He Would” is a conversation about self-worth, clarity, accountability, and learning to stop making excuses for someone who isn’t choosing you back.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of It's a Guy Thing. And I have a really, really sweet friend with me, and I am really excited for you to be here with me just because there's a lot of lore, I feel of early stages of when I was talking about this podcast with you. So just a little rundown who you are, your name, what you do, something fun about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Oh, how you know me too.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Oh, yeah, that's good. Hi, I'm Hannah. I am currently an EA for a consulting firm. Um, I'm super organized, so that's why I do what I do.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

That's right. You just got a new job.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

It's been super fun and very fits my personality so well. I really enjoy what like what I'm doing and I'm good at it. So it's like a perfect mix. I love it way more than my last job.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

I know. I think you said that you were like not like vibing with the last job.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Not at all. Especially because I got a new boss and she was so horrible. She, I like lost my spark completely at work. Like, I used to go in so excited to say hi to everyone, and then she became my new boss, and she was so just a stick up her butt to be kind. But yeah, she was so rude. I know Julianne because we used to work um both part-time at the UFC gym.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

That was actually an era.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

It was an era, and Julian both of us look so different. We look so different.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

I feel like no, we did look so different.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Yes, I remember the first one.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

I was gonna be a pygmy and be like, no, I was actually more different, but I looked different too. No, but you look different too.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Like you look different for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

The hair, yeah, the facial hair. But yeah, we used to work at ESC. And you were still in college?

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah, I was still in college. I was I started when I was a junior in college.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

That's wild.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

I know. Yeah, it was so fun. And then a fun fact about me is that I'm training for a marathon right now. Julian brought over a bottle of wine, and that's why I couldn't drink it because I am gonna fail if I let myself drink it.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

Well, then you can have a glass when you finish.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yes, exactly. So when are you when are you doing it? It's June 1st.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Okay, exciting. Is it here in San Diego?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Okay, cool. Cool. That's exciting.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

I know it is exciting.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

What made you want to do that?

SPEAKER_00 2:32

I've done it before. Actually, yeah. I did it with a former lover. And yeah, we did it two years ago together.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

That's cute. Well, now you can do it yourself and you can conquer.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

So, okay, first of all, you have been like such a supporter for like you believing in me with this like podcast. Oh, yes. And it was honestly the world to me. Because I remember like, what was it, like two years ago, where I randomly was just like in sunset cliffs in the morning. Never have I ever still have to this day, that was the last time I went in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Really? Yes. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

You know, because I don't know why I was like out there in the morning. I think it was just like wanting like space. Clear your mind. Exactly. Like I had woke up and there was just a lot of heaviness, and I was there seeing you. It was just like a breath of fresh air.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

No, it was so surprising. It was scary because it was like really early in the morning, like it's like something and it was dark a little, and then Julian comes up behind me in his car, and I'm like, who's coming up next to me in this car? And then it's Julian, which you don't live close to the coast. No, it's like why is he over here?

SPEAKER_02 3:48

I was still living with By State. By stay with Halston and Alex at the time. Today's episode, we this is the first part one of three. Of three. And if he wanted to, he would.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

If he wanted to, he would. He would. He would.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

He would. Because like if he didn't, is he serious about you?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Especially. Okay, we can get into it. I'll call your lead.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

Well, because some of the questions, okay, so when you sent me the questions from chat GPT, thank you, little chatty chat.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah, I love the chat. I love chat.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

But some of her questions will identify as her. Yours is a boy.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Mine's for sure a boy.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Okay, is that this? I feel like there's like lore behind like people actually like identifying their own chat GPT. I was listening to another podcast and she was like, oh yeah, mine's definitely a girl. And the other person was like, oh, mine's definitely a boy.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

You know, I think it depends on obviously the user and what kind of questions you ask it. I use it a lot for work and like measurements for like my food, which is like so weird. Like I literally take pictures because I don't have a scale, even though I need to measure my food. And so I'll put my hand next to a steak and be like, okay, how many ounces is this? And it gives it to me. Like I use it for everything. I used it at the gym today. Like um, I had it do my marathon training plan. Like, I use it all the time.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

And see, with me, I never use Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

You should use it. It's such a resource. And if you aren't waiting if you aren't using it, someone else is, and they're ahead of the game because they're using it and you're not.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

But I feel like I don't want it to like consume my life where I'm so dependent on the AI tool.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Dependency, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Because like, I don't know, I still get a little freaked out about like AI and like Okay, Black Mirror. I've never watched Black Mirror. Oh, really? Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

That'll freak you out.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

That's why I don't know if I want to watch it.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Because I heard it's all about like the future and like all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Yeah, it's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

So I'm just like, oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

I'm scared.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Yeah, that's understandable then. Okay, I get your perspective on the dependency thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

And I'm going back to school. Did I tell you?

SPEAKER_00 6:10

No. Yeah. No. Oh my gosh, that's so exciting.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Yeah, I am starting this summer.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Oh, yay.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

So I'm gonna start with two classes. Cool. And then fall, spring, obviously full time.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Okay, nice. Damn, that's that's a lot. It is a lot. Are you gonna work too?

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Of course I have to.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

That is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

So I'm going for accounting.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Oh, nice. Oh my gosh, wait. That's super cool.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

I love math.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

You do.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

I love money.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Money, yes.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

And I like business.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Business.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

So, like, why not?

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Yeah. I didn't know you liked math like that. That's crazy. I did.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

I loved math when I was in like high school. And like I only took like one semester of like math in college because I didn't need to like do any other math. No. So that was cool.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

That is cool.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

But um, yeah, I'm going back to school, so I'm super excited. But related to Chat GPT, okay. I've never I the last time I was in school was pre-COVID.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

So like the whole Chat GPT era, that's not me. Like the whole like plagiarism, like ChatGPT, like doing your essays and stuff. Like, I don't know anything about that. Yeah. So like I don't want to become dependent where I'm just like, you know what? I'm just gonna tell have chat GPT like do my my fucking homework for me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Like I never did that. That was also after my time. Um, like we didn't have chat GPT when I was like a senior, but the year after it came out, and that's when people, all like my younger friends, were using it for school. But I think you will end up using it. I know for school to cheat.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Okay, well, there's there's like this oceanography class. Okay, like actually be so for real. Like, do you think I care about oceanography? Like, no.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

You could.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

No, I don't. Um never has it sparked an interest, and I don't think it'll ever spark an interest.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Why are you taking that class, huh?

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Because I forgot two general ed classes from when I was in school previously. Okay, that we can do that.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

So I was like, yeah, one ethnics class.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

I'm like, oh god.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

I'm like, oh no. And then a life science class.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Wait, these are the first two classes you're taking in the summer?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

No.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Oh, thank god.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Um I know. I'm like starting that's a rough start. No, one of them's like an econ class for my major.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Oh, nice, perfect. That's good. That'll be motivating.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

I had put down the objective is diving deep and dissecting what it really means to have a if he wanted to, he would attitude. I feel like you always see it like on like TikTok, Instagram, like, oh, if he wanted to, he would. And then it shows like the girl, like with like like this big bouquet of flowers. I think there was this girl who like went to like Australia or like somewhere in like Europe, and like her man literally, like this is kind of where I got the inspo of like to do this like series. Okay, her man apparently sent her like this big ass bouquet of flowers when she landed when he was in the States, and then so she made a video about it. She was a bit condescending about it, but like I could understand her whole concept about the video. Okay, and she was like, if he wanted to, he would, ladies. So don't settle for someone. Like, I just got flowers, I just landed um from my flight from wherever she was at, and I got these delivered to me. And I was like, Okay, cute gesture, but like I just feel like there's so much like to dissect because like people start comparing about like their current relationship, yeah, or like what they what the expectation is for their future relationship and their future partner. So, like, what you know, what does it mean to have an if you want a do he would attitude or a trait, you know? But before we can answer that question, I feel like we have to first understand like what is our current issue as to why men aren't displaying this to men or women. Yeah, you know, and so like for me, I feel like one reason that you won't find a guy that is giving you this trait or this, you know, very positive attitude is because you're not dealing with a man, you're dealing with a boy. You know, you're settling for immaturity, you don't you're settling for someone who you know can barely supply their own needs, let alone your own needs and your own wants. He can't he can't give you, you know, the picture perfect, like fantasy of like, oh, like look, ladies, like I have this and I have that because if he wanted to, he would. You know, like you're not getting that at all because you have a boy.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

You have a boy. Yeah, I completely agree. And they don't even know what they want for themselves. I think that people who provide that kind of mindset are they want a wife, they want a relationship, or maybe not okay, maybe not a wife, but they want a relationship and they know what it takes to invest into a true relationship. I think a big thing too is age. Like when men are like 25 and below, in my experience, right? I would say they majority of them are not in that mindset and they're not able to provide that mindset. And it's not that they're not able to, they just don't have the experience or the willpower to be like that.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

I think that's why intentionality is so important. We'll just like say guys specifically, like any man that's like 25 and under isn't really gonna provide that, but like also too, the way that I see it is like they have like the right and they're like in a way kind of warranted to really do like as they please, you know, because like they're young and like that's like their time to like have fun, live life to its fullest, you know, like if they want to really explore like something really crazy, like they have they're warranted to do so, right? But if you are gonna come across as like, oh, like I'm a lover boy, like I wanna settle down, but then you're doing the complete opposite, then it's time to like okay, yeah, let's reevaluate what our actual wants and our needs are because now you're just playing games. No, and I think that's what a lot of men love to do is they they want that, you know, connection.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Connection.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

Yeah, the idea of relationship, but they are kind of allowing their their youthful self, I guess you should say, to like be like tug-of-war, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Yeah, a thousand percent.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

That was one example as to why I feel like you know, we have settled for boys and not men.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

I think a lot of men, just our society in general, is becoming lazier. I know it's kind of like beaten.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

So lazy.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

So lazy. I know it's talked about all the time, but also social media is just like, oh, there's so many it's just like so gratifying and there's so many options. And another layer that I feel like, especially in San Diego, is that there's so many beautiful, at least for like the straight kind of relationships, like there's so many beautiful women in San Diego, like way more than attractive guys. So it's just like they have a plethora of women to choose from. So it's like I can have that selfish mindset for like a longer period of time in San Diego than like maybe in a small town where you get hitched, like it's like that in Miami, like everyone in Miami's so hot, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

So it's like location like kind of plays a role in that too. Yeah, because like if you go to Texas, like yeah, you'll find some attractive like men and women, but like as a whole, like as a whole, generalizing San Diego has really like attractive people.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yes, you know what I mean. For sure. No, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

Another example that I feel that is our current issue is that we have found ourselves thinking that we're talking to single people, but they're really not single.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Okay, and so um some examples can be like, oh, you're talking to someone single, but they're the share a dog with their ex single. Yeah. Or they're the talking to multiple people single. It's the are you single but not ready to mingle because you're still healing from your breakup single?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Or is it the I'm the unemotional, unemotionally available single? And there's the type of single where it's like they want to have their cake and eat it too single.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Third.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

So there's so many different like types of singleness. So it's like when you go on a date, are you really single? Yeah, like what kind of single are you? Yeah, you know what I mean? So I think that can play a role as to why a single man isn't able to give this if he wanted to, he would, uh, trait to a woman because he's so preoccupied with his own things that he's dealing with still.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

You know, because he can't give her that in the full list, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Yeah, and I feel like, especially at our age, majority of people have had some type of experience with relationship, and so everyone has baggage, everyone has an ex, unfortunately, and so it's just like the reality is that's something you have to deal with, and you're lucky if you find someone who is farther away and farther healed from that past relationship, but it really comes down to I feel like it'd be nice if people were more honest with their current situation because then you go on a few dates and then it comes up later, and you're like, well, then you kind of justify it, like, well, I'm already seeing them, I already like them. It seems like like we click very well, like maybe I'll just try this out further and it ends up wasting your time.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

I totally feel that one.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Because you you feel like you're investing so much time, so it's not like okay, well, I don't really want to start over, so like what's gonna happen, you know? Yeah, having the talk is so like that's not fun. Having the talk is not fun. Yeah, I'm gonna do an episode about the talk.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

That is no.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Yeah, oh my god. The talk is not fun because that's like I always wanted to be initiated. I've always initiated a talk. Always.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

I think I have two.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Always have initiated talk. I've never had one guy not initiated, even with my current man. I still initiated it because I am very type A. I need to know what's going on, what we're doing. I'm very intentional. I don't like to like, I it's very black or white, yeah, you know, and like specifically like with this person I'm talking to now. I met him at a time where I wasn't looking at all.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

That's what they say. They get you. That's yeah, that's what they say.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

They say, Oh, he's gonna come when you're not looking. I'm like, whatever. But the last two times, that's how it's gone.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Okay, well, that's good.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

I was not looking, like genuinely, I have surrendered the idea of like I'm just going to fully focus on myself. You know, I was just about to launch uh the podcast, so I was like, not even, you know, but of course a man has needs.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

A man has needs.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

A man has needs. And so I'm like out and about living my life, and then I come across this really handsome man, and I'm like, okay, what is this? What is this? What is this? Hi. Yeah. Hi, how are you? And so then, you know, one thing leads to another, and it's like, okay, well, it's either you want something serious with me or you want to just like keep, you know, fucking around.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

I can go either way, but you're not gonna get, you know, everything.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

No. So I just wish that at some point it always seems like set one person initiates the conversation. I wish it was just like naturally, like, oh, like, we just want to be together. Like, would that be crazy? Like at the same time, like, why is there always someone who's like not like who's like lagging a little bit? You know what I mean? Like, you get there eventually, but it's like it would be nice if you guys like just equally wanted at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

Right, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

It's annoying.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

I believe in order for someone to be able to provide this, if he wanted to, he would trait for you. He has to know about your history and in a sense, like your autobiography of who you are as a person. Because just generalizing, yes, like he can get you flowers, he can pick you up for a date, he can open the car door, but those are very basic standards and basic needs. I was talking to one of my really close friends from work, and she was telling me that she does not like flowers at all. Oh and she's not really romantic. Oh, like she doesn't like Valentine's Day, and I'm like, oh, I'm like, cannot be mean. No way. So her man has to know like her needs, her wants, what she enjoys, what she doesn't enjoy, for him to provide his above and beyond, you know, because pretty much if you wanted to be wood is just a way of saying, This is me going above and beyond for you.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Yes, no, totally. And I think you're right, you're onto something when you say there, I think there are different levels of if you wanted to be win.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

So many different levels.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Yes. The first being at the very beginning, can he take you on a nice date? Like, and that's just he sees you when he like respects you, whether he only knows about you from your social media presence, which shows like your hobbies, obviously what you look like. Maybe if you go to the gym, if you're disciplined with your body, like and you take care of yourself, maybe your job, whatever. Um, so then in the very beginning, it's just like what flowers, a nice date. He opens the car door, he like respects you and listens to you and asks questions to get to know you better. That's like the first step, and like very easy, but men miss already miss it at the first mark.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

They the first mark, it's gone. It's gone. It's actually out the door. Yeah, it doesn't even exist. No, but those are the easy marks.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

And then once you get to know someone, it gets a little bit different because they're not the obvious, like cheesy kind of things that every girl wants somewhere different. Yes, maybe they want like food or like a meal cooked, which is also like a nice thing. But on the second level, then you have them getting to know you a little bit more and getting to know your likes and your wants and your needs. And that's when I think more vulnerable things come into play, like communication and how you like to be spoken to, your love language, stuff like that, when they actually get to know you, and it gets to a point where it's a more meaningful if he wanted to, he would because he knows you.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And that's the whole idea of like getting to know someone's like history and getting to know someone's life, because then the next step is now that he's done his research about you, now that he knows more about you, your wants, your needs, your desires, your aspirations, he's able to now provide you what he wants for you, but what you need from him.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

From him.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

So once you fully grasp that knowledge of someone's inner needs, you're now able to properly provide for them.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

Which is so important.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Mm-hmm. I think another aspect that is inevitable to talk about when we talk about these things, and again, this comes with experience and age. I think really understanding the like if he wanted to, he would. I, for example, my hairstylist got engaged like not too long ago to her now fiance, and she told me the story, and I see them as just like the perfect couple. Like they're so sweet, and he is so sweet. But he on like I don't know if it was her first birthday or maybe her second, it was probably her first, like birthday with him together. He didn't get her a gift, and they'd been together, like they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and didn't have a gift for her like on her birthday, but was like taking her to dinner, and it's like no, see, like I don't understand men's logic.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Like, how does that even like there's none? So how do you like not get a gift for like your partner?

SPEAKER_00 22:55

I guess because he's like taking her to dinner, but this is the thing. For example, in my past relationships, I am a big gift person. I grew up like gifts both ways. Me giving gifts, I love giving gifts, but I also love to receive them. And one of my past partners, he did not his he was not giving anyone a gift like the whole year. I don't think he bought gifts for anyone for probably like seven years or something. And then I'm now in his life, and so that is something that I really have to communicate to him. Like, hey, this is important. Like, I don't want, I remember this was a big fight. Like, I didn't want just he got me like chocolates and flowers and a card and like other things, like for Valentine's Day, but I I wanted something more, which sounds silly, but if you know me, like this is an example where sometimes you have to tell them, and they're already stupid, they're already a boy, so they're already stupid.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

Men you have to be very direct with, yeah, and sometimes they don't even read the instruction manual that you've given them.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

No, no, no, no, at all. No, and it's like this is when you have to play the game of like, okay, you give them, you can communicate once or twice. That's what I think, and then you decide, all right. There's a point where it's like you know exactly what to do. If you wanted to, you really would. Because in the beginning, maybe you can give some leeway, and it's like, oh, I don't want just chocolates, flowers, a card, da-da-da-da. Me, I need a I need a diamond brace, or like I need something like different. And that's just an example for me of what I expect. Like, for some reason, gifts are really a big thing. Everything's a celebration, and I want gifts on certain days, and it has to be on the day, on my birthday, not the day after, not the day before, like on my birthday, on Valentine's Day, on whatever day.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Yeah. So sometimes you have to tell him, and sometimes like that's different than my past partners, like um how he was raised. Like, he wasn't giving anyone gifts. So that's something that I did have to like communicate to him, and eventually he did do it. But sometimes you have to let them know and communicate what your needs are. And then if he wanted to do it, he would. So sometimes I feel like they really are ignorant and just don't know, even though you would think you live in this world and you're like, what, 25 plus or whatever age you are around us? Like you would think they would know the right thing to do. You should get your girlfriend a a birthday present on her birthday. But I would say sometimes it's not that black and white, like don't ruin everything over like that. Like, give them some communication first.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

And just always keep in the back of your mind when in doubt, men are just always clueless. Clueless, clueless, yeah, clueless. That way you'll never be disappointed.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

No, it yeah, just clueless.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

I love how you mention like communicating like your needs and what you want, because sometimes I get in my head a lot about it being like not genuine and not allowing him to do it without you like asking him, you know, because I feel like there's like the fine line of like, you know, telling him, like, oh, I like these types of flowers, rather than him just getting you flowers. I was like talking to one of my best friends about how I had told my man that I wanted a promise ring, you know, and my friend was like, Well, wouldn't you want him to just get you a promise ring without you telling him?

SPEAKER_00 26:29

How would he know? How would he know? I know. Like, how would he know?

SPEAKER_02 26:35

And I'm like super like corny and romantic, and so like And maybe he's not, or maybe he hasn't been in the past. He is, but like again, he's a guy.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 26:46

Exactly. And so, like, why didn't you want that? I had to like tell him that. I tried not to get in my head about it because I was like, Well, now I just feel like I'm just like demanding like orders of like what I want from him, and at some point he just gets it for me. But that's just not the case, I don't think. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 27:05

I think no, yeah. I don't think there's anything wrong with ordering and like demanding like some things like you want. No, but I totally get the like no, you're so right. I it just hasn't been a long time since I've been in that mindset of someone not providing me something that I want.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

That's kind of like an early stage, I feel like, thing where they're not, you're like, okay, like and again, there's uh like my man, he's still learning so much about me. I'm learning so much about him. Yeah, you know, we're in the stage where it's like it's it's pretty serious, you know, and it's like to the point where we're both confident, like he's gonna be my boyfriend, I'm gonna be his boyfriend. And so like that's kind of like the stage that we're in. And so like we're like we're we're barely starting to get physical with each other. Oh nice, like actually, wait, that's crazy. It's been four months.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Yeah, we waited.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

We waited. I waited until marriage. That's crazy. That was that type of promise ring. Yeah, Nick Jonas promise ring.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

Wow, that's so cute. What an era. That was an era all right. What an era. But needless to say, I feel like a lot of women specifically, they get ahead of themselves way too early. Yeah. When they 'cause they create so many expectations in the beginning. And I feel like they allow their ego to get in the way and they're like this demeanor of like these are my standards and I will never settle. When really if you just talk to him about what you like, what you want, he'll be able to get it for you.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Because you're so you're she's so upset about him not getting you flowers on the first date.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Okay, yeah. I mean, that's an extreme, like, if you're mad at him for not getting you flowers, like if you're honestly call me like wrong for saying this, but like I feel like that's a Habibi mindset, like where you're just gonna be taken care of, like meh imagine, okay, ladies, like put yourself in the man's shoes. You're already buying the damn dinner, you're already buying the drinks, like, and you don't even know this person. Like, I've gone on many dates where people will buy me like the apps, the drinks, like the whole thing, and it's just like you don't even know me. What if I was crazy? What if I wasn't entertaining? What if I was mean? Yeah, like they're already doing a lot. So I think at that stage, maybe not ask for like too much and try and put yourself in the man's shoes. If he's being respectful and getting to know you and excited about getting to know you, like that should be enough, at least in the first day. At least for the first damn day. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

That's what I'm saying. But like, I I was watching this video of this guy, he was kind of one of the guys that like created the trend, like, Habibi, come to uh Mikonos, you know, like whatever. It was like all those like really like hot men or whatever. Yeah. And I remember he had this video, he's really cringy though, like honestly. But he had had this video, and it really like got me thinking because he was like, he lives in Miami, he has like girls that are like throwing themselves at him, you know what I mean? And he was saying, like, how he would tell a woman, let's do a coffee date, and they would get upset.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

And he was like Well, he's doing that to himself if he's presenting himself like this online, women are gonna expect like the most from him exactly.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Because they were like, Well, what about we go to this dinner place? And he was like, You what make he would say, What makes you think that you like should go on this dinner date with me? And you know, the girls are like, Well, because I'm you know this person, and he was like, Well, don't you just want to like get to know me like in a more like intimate setting, like a walk on the beach or like a coffee, and like pretty much like he just kind of felt like girls were just kind of using him for his money, which they likely were, which they likely were if the the type of girls that are throwing themselves at that type of guy, yeah, they're going for his money. That's true, but like in a way I kind of understood like his perspective, and I feel like a lot of men can like relate to that, but I also feel like men have to be careful on how they portray themselves in a certain way because then you're gonna attract women to seek only that one thing, yeah. For sure, you know, and they're not gonna really seek you, but they're gonna seek what you have, yeah. And so it's just about trying to like navigate and finding the right person. But the reason why I bring that up is because I feel like a lot of the times women love to point the finger at men all the time, but women don't really acknowledge the actions that they're providing because they allow their own ego to think like, oh, I'm the best of the best, and I provide the best. Like, okay, what are you providing? I I like to challenge women too. Yeah, like what are you bringing to the table? Like, yeah, I'm the provider, but what are you gonna do for me? Yeah, you know, and I think that's where I just become a little bit more traditional. I also have been experiencing or seeing a lot of men living in like their their fenboy era. Have you been hearing about that too?

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah, definitely men in their fanboy era, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

So I'm just like, I don't know how I feel about that either.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Yeah, I would say I'm pretty traditional, and this is kind of where I differ from what you're talking about. I don't really know or have a lot of friends who are in that mindset of like, he better buy me a drink. I'm gonna like, uh I do have friends who finesse men at the bar for drinks, but not in terms of like take me on a date, like take me, like fly me out and like do all these things for me and like expect kind of expecting it from them and not letting them offer it. I feel like that's a type of girl, like a different type of girl that I don't really interact with, if that makes sense. Like, I don't have a lot of experience online because I see that and I swipe. Yeah, probably because you work in Nordstrom.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Yeah, yeah, that's true. I think just like location, environment, people you like see, yeah, yeah, they're ruthless.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

And I think that's like yeah, I'm very unattracted to that. I think that's a stuck up way to live, but I teach their own. I know that's also a very cultural thing, like it's different culturally for some people, their family is like that. If especially if you come from a type of wealth that's backed behind culture that tells wealthy women you only go on dates where the guy is doing the absolute most for you. But I think I'm just super chill and like my idea. Obviously, it'd be nice if my man had money, but it's like he needs to be just for me, it's more of just like hard working and matches my values rather than like chasing after just the money. Obviously, he needs to be just one to have a job and like have his life set up and like goals and stuff like that, but like I never really feel like we're kind of on the same page. I think we're just coming from different like perspectives where I don't really agree with the those type of girls that you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Yeah, and it's just like it's so like nasty too, and it's like same same for like men too. Like if they're both doing it, it's just like for what for what?

SPEAKER_00 34:42

For what? Yeah, no, I I don't think that's conducive to a healthy start to a relationship. Not at all.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

No, not at all. So, how do you know when a man is willing to exude this type of attitude?

SPEAKER_00 34:57

I feel like you just know when he's excited about you, when he wants to hang out with you all the time, when he wants to like he makes plans and is not lazy because the majority of us, like, we're already working hard, like we're working out, we're we have our own schedule, and so it's like easy to be lazy. So when people are not lazy with you, I feel like that's when you know, like, oh, like they want to hang out with me. You can tell how people are over text if they're all like, oh, like it's Friday night, like they're probably bored, and they're like, Oh, hey, do you want to do something at like 4 p.m., 5 p.m.?

SPEAKER_02 35:33

That's a perfect example too, because I was just talking to my man about how like he says that he like is really bad at texting his friends, and I'm like, Well, I feel like you're really consistent with texting me. And he was like, Well, because it's you, yeah, like of course I'm going to like make sure that I text you consistently because he wants to, yeah, and he would do it if he wanted to, yeah, but like his friends, like of course he loves his friends, but it's just like I don't want to say priorities, but like I don't know if priorities is the right word, but like it's just different, you know. Like, yeah, he has like he has a man now that he has to like care to and give attention to, and he wants to give attention to uh some of the signs that you can tell is when he gives attention to you. Yeah, uh he plans things with you, like you said, he's texting you, um, he's calling you, uh, he tells you that he's thinking about you. Like those are really good signs of him showing you that he's willing to really want to be with you. Yeah, he's really intentional with him inviting you to be his friends.

SPEAKER_00 36:41

Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Family, like those are getting more like deeper, uh deeper in. He gives you gifts and he's consistent with you. Consistency. Consistency is huge. Yeah, he's vulnerable with you. Oh, that's a good one. Once they're vulnerable with you, you got them locked down.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Yeah, no, that's so true. They're 100% really good ones. I like the consistency and vulnerability.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

Which brings you into his daily life. Like, let's go to the gym together.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Yeah. Maybe something else. I hate going to the gym with a partner. I with anyone, I hate going to the gym with someone else.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

I literally have been not begging, but like I've asked my man, like, I want to go to the gym with him so bad, but he like gave me a time frame because he says he's really shy. And like, he's like, I'm so shy, and like I'm nervous to work out next to you. I'm like, God. Yeah, but I get that.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

But some things are just not other people's things, but daily life in general, yes.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

For sure. So, like those are things that I feel like women and men should just look out for just to like see, is this man willing to be with me, slash, is he giving me if he wanted to, he would.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

I feel like you just know, especially. Again, this comes with age, I feel like, which is like so crazy. Where we're like way older than when we met. But it is true, like you just know intuitively, like, are they into me? Are they not? At this point, you just you just kind of know. Right. Because you've done it, you've experienced people who are not into you, who aren't responding to you, who are like laggy, uh, I hate a lag.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Oh, I hate a lag.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

In my very limited or just like limited recent dating, I just call them out now. I'm like, you're lagging, this isn't gonna work. You're lagging, bye.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Yeah, and the thing that like bothers me the most about a lagger is that everyone's phone is glued to their hands.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:28

They see it. Yes, yes, it's yes, you're busy, you're busy. We get it, you're busy. But if you I don't think, and this is just like a rule of thumb for me, don't go on a dating app unless you're intentionally wanting to like actually go on dates with people.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

And you know what's crazy is all those different, those five different types of single people. That's what I feel like 80% of dating apps is those people who are fake single. Yeah, maybe not fake single, but like no mean single or struggling single or like ho single or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

So I'm so glad that I'm not on any dating apps right now because I just I'm not either honestly, good for you. Focus on your marathon.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Yeah, just struggling.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

No, it's just like it's not greener on the other side at all.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

That's one thing you have taught me. It is non-greener on the other side.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

It really is not. Like, I'm not saying to settle.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

It's always circumstantial with your situation and current circumstance, but just remember in the back of your mind, grass is non-greener on the other side all the time.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

So, like, take that in consideration about how you're gonna make your next move. What are the dangers of holding onto this mindset too strictly?

SPEAKER_00 39:43

The Habibi mindset. Oh, wait, okay, I remember now. Wait, it's coming to me so close of like, oh, oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so I would say when I am a little bit stricter is like, and more in that mindset of like, I'm hot shit. Like, I shouldn't, I'm not gonna give them the time of day, is when they're not giving effort. Like, if the effort isn't there, if the consistency isn't there in the beginning, you can tell, you can feel it out, and that's when it's like, okay, I have a lot to offer. I'm an amazing person, I have extreme discipline. That's when your like sense of self-worth comes in, and not like ego. There's a difference between understanding and respecting your self-worth and having an ego where you're like, give me flowers, give me this, like, buy me this, find me out, da da da. And then just knowing I deserve someone who's gonna give me consistent communication, who's not going to not respond to me on a Saturday night when we were chatting all day. And yeah, that's when I think the if he wanted to he, he would really comes in, and not in a black and white sense, but there's a difference. Cause obviously, in the sense of like, you didn't buy me flowers on the first date, it's not black and white, like if you wanted to, he would. It's more like, all right, let's look at this, let's look at the circumstance here. Not being consistent, not communicating is like a way like stronger and more important if you wanted to compare to like flowers on the first date. You know, you have to be a little bit realistic and understand the circumstance. So answering the question, it could be dangerous if you're saying if you wanted to, you wouldn't digging it down like in every situation to the grave, it's just like you're gonna self-sabotage every single relationship you have because you have this extreme expectations of everything you want him to do in your head, especially in my experience as a woman, like women are just more thoughtful, women are just more intentional, more thoughtful. I mean, there's always the men who are too, but in my experience, it's just yeah, yeah. Really?

SPEAKER_01 41:47

Like him.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

Hi. But in my experience, it's just like they're not gonna meet all your needs. And although I can't really think of any needs that I haven't met from my ex-partners right now.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

Actually, me. Us being total techniques right now. No, but I I met all his needs. That's kind of including my craziness. That's his need. He needs that, he needs he needs to be a little crazy. He needs me to be a little crazy because then he gets too comfortable. I'm just okay, that's just delusional.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

That kind of made sense to me.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

Play cards.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Yeah, I know it did. But anyway, I'm sure there are things like that I had to learn. I don't know why I can't think of them on the top of my head. Like, that's maybe like a lack of self-awareness. But like, I'm sure there are things that I also had to learn, and he could have written me off. Like, if she wanted to, she would. You know, I can't think of any, but I'm sure there was.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

On both sides.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

My would be comparison.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Okay, go further.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Because what your man is giving you, it's not what I need for my man. And I feel like a lot of days, especially on social media.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

Oh, you're referencing the question like the black and white, why that's dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 43:08

Yeah. Okay. Like they generalize, oh, look what my man did for me. Ladies, if he wanted to, he would. And then the girl gets all pissed off at her boyfriend because he's like, Oh, why aren't you doing that for me? Well, do you really need that? Is that what you really want from it?

SPEAKER_00 43:23

Is that what you want?

SPEAKER_02 43:25

Is that what you genuinely want from me? Or is it because you saw and thought it was cute?

SPEAKER_00 43:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

So the root of all of that is you just want your man to be more romantic with you. So, what is it that you you like that's romantic that your man could do for you?

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Yes, what is it that you like? Because that girl probably communicated with him, like, I love flowers, I love flowers, I love flowers.

SPEAKER_02 43:46

It can be like, Oh, I want him to, you know, put rose petals in the bathtub for me and get a bath for me when I come home from work and I can decompress. You know, something like that. Like, wait, that was actually really thoughtful.

SPEAKER_00 43:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:59

Wait, I just Of a great idea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

Another good idea that I would love for a lover to do like handwritten notes. I love that. I'm a big handwritten notes person. Maybe I'm just like thinking of all the cute things I do. I'm dead.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

Well, because, well, we're perfect. Okay, let me not.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

That's what I'm getting from this episode. Wow, I'm amazing. Maybe you should not close those girls. Mean, and where's my bouquet? My thousand dollar bouquet.

SPEAKER_02 44:26

No, actually. But um, yeah, okay, so like what are some what are some personal experiences you have had that would make others hopeful in their current or future interactions with men?

SPEAKER_00 44:41

With reference to the if he wanted to, he would. Yeah. I think the biggest thing that I would encourage other people to is build their self-worth and their self-trust with themselves. Because realistically, at this point, if you're around like 24 years old, you have the experience and you're 24? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

Actually? Still? I feel like you've been 24 for like three years.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

No, I know. Wait, what? No, I'm 26.

SPEAKER_02 45:11

You have to be older. Like, actually.

SPEAKER_00 45:13

No, I turned 24 in November.

SPEAKER_02 45:14

No. Oh my god, you know why? Because we I think I was with you when we celebrated your 21st.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

You were. I was like, you literally knew we were.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

Where did we go?

SPEAKER_00 45:23

We went to Ketch and then we went to Mavericks and Throatspirs.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

Right. And then everyone got an argument.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

As it as it goes.

SPEAKER_02 45:33

As it literally goes. I said, okay, bye, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

And then you dropped me off at the guy I was talking to.

SPEAKER_02 45:39

House. I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

And we didn't tell anyone. Oh my god, we did it.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

I'm a real one for that.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

You really like that. I love that story actually. Because no one else wanted me to go. And I was like, Julian, can you take me?

SPEAKER_02 45:52

That's right. You did. And I said, baby, I got you. I'll keep a secret.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

That was amazing.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Because honestly, I would want to do the same thing. And I would want someone real to like not say anything. And you know how the girls are. The girls are like catty, like, don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 46:08

It's my birthday.

SPEAKER_02 46:09

But for good reasons too. But like, it's also your birthday.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

It's also my birthday. Let me do what I want.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

Do you remember when I took Hannah, uh, not Hannah, you're Hannah. When I took Halston to that pilot's house back in the day.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

Um, did he live in Crumpoint?

SPEAKER_02 46:21

We were all together. It was me, you, Jalen. We were at Shore Club. It was like uh Farouk and Alex were there. Everyone was there. And we had did a um duck dive brunch.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

Oh. And um You took Oh, was it really close though? It was on Crown Point. Where he lived. It was close kind of. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

And we were, it was not not Super Bowl, but like I remember the weekend after.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Because I went to duck dive two and three weekends in a row, and one of them was Super Bowl, and I always get them confused. But no, I'm on the same page. I know one of these weekends.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

And it was like it was like when they still lived at the apartment.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

And I remember some guy was staring at Halston, and Jalen was the one that was like the clocking in. The um, she was clocking in.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Instaator.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

And then she was the one that was the wingwoman. Oh no. Because she went up to him and was like, hey, like, like my friend likes you, like, what's your deal? He's a stud, you know. And I just remember like her saying, like, I want to go to his house. Like, I was like, I'll get you to his house. And they did. And I did.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

Nice. That's a real friend, honestly. You gotta play it out.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Yeah, for sure. Because I would want a friend to do that for me.

SPEAKER_00 47:41

No, right.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

You know, right. What are some experiences that you've had where you're like, oh my god, that's so cute, that's so thoughtful. Like, I didn't think you would actually do that.

SPEAKER_00 47:49

Well, I think the biggest thing is like my the guy that I was talking to, I who I dated, and he wasn't a gift giver, like, he didn't buy anyone gifts like all year. And then I told him this is really important to me. Like, I need a gift on the day. Like, you're we're not going somewhere else to get a gift after together. Like, you need to get one before. And then he did it every single time after that, and got stuff like on the day, and wrote a card, a handwritten card, and did all those things that like I wanted. And then, in terms of some random hope, I went on like a date semi recently, and he didn't even know me. And he picked me up, he opened the door, he was super sweet, and I was not excited to go on that date. I was just like, eh, like I was so like before. Yeah, and then it was amazing, and he was super confident, and then I was like getting shy in the car because I was like, damn, like I should have curled my hair, I should have like looked a little bit better because I thought I was like really attracted to him because I just I don't know, I just wasn't expecting it. And then he took me to a nice restaurant, and then he got us rounds of drinks and appetizers and dinners and like a dessert and stuff like that. It is true a lot of the time, like there's seven billion plus people here. What one man won't do, especially if you ask him like over and over and over again, another man will. He really will. And I didn't even know that person at all. And he treated me like a princess right from the start and was so interested in me, and like asking me questions was extremely intentional. And honestly, that is I could tell immediately that he was a genuine single person. Yes, of course, he's probably like dating other people, but like he was an intentional, like I am looking forward to like getting to know you and am actually single.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Yeah, this was a long time ago. This is probably around like three years ago. I was talking to this guy on the podcast. I ref reference him as Arizona Boy, but that's a little too ahead of their time because that episode's gonna be published after this episode.

SPEAKER_00 49:51

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

So but that's his reference. Okay. And I was talking to this guy, and we had opposite schedules. He was in college still, and I was working at Home Depot. And I remember when he would go to sleep is when I was getting up for work. So he would call me as my alarm clock, like to wake me up and to say good morning and good night. It was it was like super cute because he's like, Okay, I'm gonna go to bed now. And then while I was at work is when he would text me and like, I'm up now. Um, but I just thought it was really cute because you know, it's three o'clock in the morning and he's waking me up for work. Yeah, you know, he was intentional with you know, making sure that he called me on time on the dot almost every day to wake me up and tell me good morning.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

And it's inconvenient for him.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

That makes it even more he was doing homework all night until three o'clock. He wants to go to bed. He's like delusional, he knows falling asleep, you know. But he did it. Yeah, and I thought it was really cute. No, that is cute, and then and hopeful, very hopeful. Yeah, because some someone would do that for you.

SPEAKER_00 51:01

Yeah, someone would do that for you.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

And but my most recent experience was I was at Chili's with my man.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

Nice. I love chilies, I love chilies, but I always like eat like 4,000 calories there, so it's just like really but it's like so good, it's so fun. Triple dipper, amazing.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

Love triple dipper. Love triple dipper. If you haven't had chilies, you've never lived.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

Yeah, I agree. Especially if you're American, then you you're dead. You're already dead. If you haven't had it, that is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 51:31

No, for sure. But, anyways, we were at Chili's and he had leaned over and he was like, Can I tell you something? I was like, Yeah. And he was like, I was at work the other day, and I was like scrolling through your Instagram to find like my favorite photo of you. And I was like, Oh. And then he was like, Yeah, because I made it my wallpaper. Oh, that is so so we I really I literally went, like, I was so like in shock.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

I would I would be in shock.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Because there's like a like a a big ass picture of being you because it's me. Like so zoomed in, I was like, that is so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Oh my gosh, but honestly, this is so bad. But it's like, oh, only only a gay man would do that. Like, I could not even imagine a straight man actually doing that. I can you can for sure. Maybe that's like me to say, but I'm just like it's not, but like I think hard to come by. I think we're supposed to be helpful. Me. It's fake.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

No, no, yeah. I think maybe because maybe just I haven't experienced that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:38

But just know that it it can be for you too. Um and just for that, just for that, um you're the listener. I'm the listener. You're the listener, the interviewee, you're all of it today. Just for that, I'm manifesting that the next person that you're with is going to do that.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

I hope so. I really hope so.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

No, they're actually gonna do it. Like, I'm manifesting that.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

Okay, I'm excited.

SPEAKER_02 53:04

Cool. After every episode, I love I love to challenge people.

SPEAKER_00 53:08

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

I've challenged you and you've challenged me. And so I like to do what I call the challenger. So I have two different categories for this challenger. So for the people that are in relationships, I would encourage you to sit down with you and your partner and ask them what does it mean to you to have if he wanted to, he would, attitude. And sit, listen, analyze their response. If their response aligns with what they've done for you, then it means they fully have grasped the understanding of how to provide your needs, your wants, desires, etc.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 53:54

But if they sit and struggle, contemplate, and don't really know how to answer it, maybe that could be an opportunity to really reflect and maybe dissect, okay, maybe this is why we're struggling a little bit if that's the case, or maybe I haven't shared enough of myself to this person for them to, you know, give me like what I want and need.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

Or let them know directly.

SPEAKER_02 54:18

Or let them know directly. And so it's just a good opportunity to like get to know your partner and get get that reassurance too.

SPEAKER_00 54:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:27

And then for the I want you to sit down and write down a list of things that you dream of having for your future partner to do for you. Dreams are meant to be a reality, but dreams are also meant to be realistic. So don't be delusional about it. Like, I'm not gonna like write on my list, like I expect a you know G WAG. A G Wag on First Day. First day, first day. You know what I mean? Like be realistic with who you are as a person, be fun with it, be authentic, but and like use that as like a tool to really be hopeful and to bring clarity of what you really want. Cause sometimes people don't really need know what they really want until they write it down.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

Yeah, no, a thousand percent.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Writing down brings a lot of clarity, organization of the thoughts, um, being able to uh vocalize what you're really thinking on paper. Yeah. Uh so that helps a lot. So those are my challenges. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

Yay. I'm gonna do that second challenge. You should challenge. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

You should.

SPEAKER_00 55:31

I feel like especially now, I just spend so much time work working or like working out. Like that fills up so much of my day. Taking time to like set aside and like journal and actually like blocking time to think for myself and write down stuff is so helpful and so needed just to like actually take time to think and reflect and be a little bit more self-aware and plan out what I want for myself, not just in terms of work, not just in terms of like fitness, but like emotionally check in with myself and see what I want.

SPEAKER_02 56:02

Yeah, for sure. That's good. This was fun.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

Yeah, it was super fun.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

This is literally what we would have done at Nordstrom.

SPEAKER_00 56:08

No, right.

unknown 56:09

I know.

SPEAKER_00 56:10

I shop at Goriana all the time, and I would just always come and say hi to Julian at his job. Like, like, oh, look at the new piece of jewelry I just bought.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

I love when you come. I love when my friends visit me at work.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

Yeah, no, it's super fun. Just now. Well, and now I have a Goriana at Fashion Valley, which is a little bit closer to me, but I love UTC way more. So if it's on the weekend, I'll go to UTC. If it's during the week, I'll go to Fashion.

SPEAKER_02 56:33

Well, thank you so much for joining me on this episode. It means a lot.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

I loved it, it was so fun.

SPEAKER_02 56:41

I'm gonna have you on again.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

Oh, that's great.

SPEAKER_02 56:45

Because we love to yap.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

I love yap both of us. Yap.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

We yapped for two hours at my store the other time.

SPEAKER_00 56:51

Yeah, I'll do it again.

SPEAKER_02 56:54

Same. Thank God. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and I'll see you guys later.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Bye.