The Art of Relationships: From Cheating to True Connection

Justin and Stephen reflect on their recent Nashville adventures while diving into deeper conversations about relationships, spontaneity, and what it means to be truly seen by a partner.

• Nashville hangouts including affordable drinks at Melrose Billards versus the expensive cocktails at Harriet's
• Stephen's spontaneous moment jumping fences and dancing alone at construction sites as a way to embrace living in the moment
• Confronting infidelity and how Justin immediately called his girlfriend after discovering she cheated
• The unequal nature of love and how we give different levels of grace to different partners
• Finding partners who make you feel seen and appreciated through thoughtful gestures
• The power of small, meaningful gifts versus expensive presents that lack personal connection
• Discussion about the lack of guidance for women on how to be partners versus just independent individuals
• The internal conflict between wanting a deep, committed relationship versus enjoying independence

Transcript

Finding Fun in Nashville

Speaker 1 0:00

And we are back with another episode of Two for the Culture. I'm Justin Devante.

Speaker 2 0:05

I'm Stephen Ray.

Speaker 1 0:06

Yes sir, we're back.

Speaker 2 0:07

How you feeling. Yeah, I feel good. I feel good. What happened, yeah?

Speaker 1 0:13

yeah, we'll get straight into it. We had a good weekend. Yeah, hung out a little bit more, showed you a little bit more of Nashville.

Speaker 2 0:19

You did, you did.

Speaker 1 0:26

I love that place.

Speaker 2 0:26

Is it called Billards? Is that the one we went to the first night? Damn, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the one with the pool tables and the darts and all that stuff Right, right, right.

Speaker 1 0:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was Melrose Billards, where we got some affordable drinks.

Speaker 2 0:39

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.

Speaker 1 0:45

Yeah, no, you're guilty with the tequila water. Yeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 2 0:47

It's just you know easy.

Speaker 1 0:47

It's too easy. It gets you there.

Speaker 2 0:51

That shit ain't nothing bro. Yeah, exactly that shit $8. Well, there you know I mean every other place I went to except Harriet's. Okay, yeah, I still don't understand that. What? Why? My bill was $38 for two tequila and waters.

Speaker 1 1:08

It's just where you at, I don't.

Speaker 2 1:10

That still doesn't make sense, though, a tequila water. Yeah, not a drink, drink, yeah, that don't matter. I feel like when he asked me what type of tequila and I said, oh, it don't matter. Oh yeah, I think he fucked me, what type of tequila. And I said, oh, it don't matter oh I think, he fucked me over.

Speaker 1 1:26

Yeah, yeah, exactly, and he's just like you know what? I'm gonna give him the really really good, yeah, yeah yeah, but I don't think they ever do that yeah, no, so they do charge you more for the tequila you get right right yeah. So if you get don julio, you're gonna get, you're gonna pay more yeah, I feel like that's what happened, because that didn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 1:42

It was like $40 for two and it wasn't like a really really nice drink.

Speaker 1 1:47

Did you feel the drinks at all?

Speaker 2 1:48

Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, for sure I might like pregame a little bit before I go to a place and then just get literally a tequila water. That'll be $8, $8, $9, $10. Great time Then I just like cook and eat here, but I haven't really been cooking like that.

Speaker 1 2:07

No, that was fun.

Speaker 2 2:08

That was a very fun place. That was the first place, right.

Speaker 1 2:11

Yeah, so we went to Melrose Village, then we went to Hattie. You experienced Hattie B's for the first time.

Speaker 2 2:18

Yeah, definitely better than Popeye's. Definitely better than Popeye's.

Speaker 1 2:23

I was like, okay, cause you really like the grits, huh.

Speaker 2 2:27

I forgot about the grits.

Speaker 1 2:28

Yeah, that was random. That's what you ordered, though.

Speaker 2 2:32

Yeah, no, I know that I guess I'm just so used to Popeye's that like the sides is kind of like normal everywhere you go. It's like you're either going to get fries or a certain amount of things. But when I saw grits on there I was like oh shit, that's dope.

Speaker 1 2:47

Are you usually a breast guy?

Speaker 2 2:51

Uh, I fucked myself over. I was like really trying to think of a joke. Yeah, I got you yeah but um, yeah, I like titties. Uh, I do, but sometimes it be like Too much chicken. Yeah, yeah, that shit like Weigh me down a little bit. Okay. So I mean I like, what is it like? Flats drums.

Speaker 1 3:16

And then, well, I'm thinking Like you got drums, you got thighs, you got wings.

Speaker 2 3:22

Alright, I think I like, yeah, the brushes be like a lot of fucking chicken yeah, yeah, because I'm like what they call like a quarter leg.

Speaker 1 3:33

So that's the thigh and the leg that comes together oh, okay on one piece oh yeah exactly, and that's more because the thigh has more fat content, so it's more of a juicier chicken.

Speaker 2 3:47

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 3:48

So I definitely love thighs and legs, but I got the tenders. Do you feel like the mild was enough? You could have stepped up to medium.

Speaker 2 3:59

I don't remember it being spicy. No, I do remember it being a little spicier than Popeyes. So I don't. I think I'm cool, cuz any other time I had hot chicken. It's just like I turn red and start sweating and shit.

Speaker 1 4:17

I got you. Yeah, I mean yeah, but medium is just, I think it's a good level. But but if Popeye's spicy is too spicy for you, no. Okay, it's not.

Speaker 2 4:28

Mm-mm.

Speaker 1 4:29

You can step up to medium at Hattie B's Now. Medium at any other place may be a little much.

Speaker 2 4:34

Yeah, but Hattie B's is a good medium. Yeah, because I remember getting hot chicken at that other place that we went to and that shit was fucking hot.

Speaker 1 4:42

I think you went there by yourself. No, oh, you're talking about that bar place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was outside, oh yeah, and I was like I wouldn't have recommended that one.

Speaker 2 4:54

Yeah, I did not even get the spicy one, I got mild and that shit was fucking hot, oh, ok, yeah, yeah, there's no telling what's above that.

Speaker 2 5:04

I got you. No, that was fun. And then the Up Down place. That was a cool place. I'm surprised I haven't, like scrolled and you know, saw that pop up in my feed because I always save things for Nashville. So, yeah, harriet's was the next place that I wanted to go to, but yeah, I always save it and put it all in a folder for Nashville and that never popped up. I'm really surprised that place didn't pop up.

Speaker 1 5:32

So how would you rate Harriet's one to ten?

Speaker 2 5:34

Harriet's. I haven't fully experienced Harriet's, but I think I'm going to go For what it looks like. It looks like it's a fire place to go, you know, for the vibes and stuff. Vibe wise, I might give it like An 8.9, 8.9, oh wow.

Speaker 1 6:01

Even the pricing didn't take it down enough.

Speaker 2 6:03

That don't sit well with me. I feel like I feel like I got fucked over. Okay, so that's the only place ever that I paid $40 for two.

Speaker 1 6:11

So would you put it down To like a 7.5 then? No, oh, wow, 8.9, that's very high Cause. My experience with Harriet Was similar to yours, to where I was like this drink is a lot. It's not my vibe.

Speaker 2 6:24

What did you?

Speaker 1 6:24

get.

Speaker 2 6:25

I couldn't remember you, I couldn't remember it, yeah, so you got a real drink then. You got a real drink then.

Speaker 1 6:31

No, I'm not a real drinker, I'm not going to get no real drink. Right, right, arnold Palmer, old fashioned I'm going to get a tequila water or a high noon or something like that.

Speaker 2 6:45

Palmer, old Fashioned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to get a tequila water or a high noon or something like that Huh. I don't know Well shit. Maybe, that's just what it is. Yeah, but yeah, no, I mean, if I and I went at like 1 o'clock, 1, 2, or 3 o'clock, so like the vibes, didn't fully pick up yet it wasn't packed, okay, so how do you feel about?

Speaker 1 7:07

because I didn't join you when you went to harriot's how do you? Feel about going places yourself. Is that easy?

Speaker 2 7:13

um, it's easier now, uh, than it was before. Um, you know, it kind of just is what it is. It's just like you know. You realize like you got to get used to those type of things. Or I realize, like I told you yesterday, I was like you're my only friend here so I have to literally make myself go out. But I love energy, I love not being at the house, I love that. So, uh, it's not it's.

Speaker 2 7:51

It's gotten easier now that I know, to ask the bartenders what their name is and then I tell them my name. For some reason that makes the night way better. I don't know why, but that changed a lot. So if I'm just by myself and I don't say anything to anybody, then it's it's like I'm just an alcoholic at the bar, like that's what it feels like, because you're not doing anything except sitting there and um. But as soon as I'm like, uh, what's your name again, I was like, oh, I'm like last night I think his name was Ethan or some shit, and I was like Ethan and I was like, oh, stephen, stephen Ray. And then we shook up and then they start asking me questions. It happens like that every time and then you know, now I know the guy here or the woman here. So it's, you know, you gotta get used to being, I guess, by yourself if you don't have anybody no, I, I totally understand I literally jumped some gates yesterday.

Speaker 1 8:54

Okay, yeah so the ethan, the bartender where you was at, where did you go yesterday?

Speaker 2 9:01

uh, up the street by the soho house um, I don't know the name of it, but it's we passed by it.

Speaker 1 9:11

It's like on that little strip it was nothing like the amerigo spot you talking about the amerigo is a cafe right oh, I don't know. I think it's like americano or something like that right, that's a cafe okay, so how was the experience there?

Speaker 2 9:23

uh, I, I didn't really experience too much. I just sat there, got a tequila water and basically just dipped after that.

Speaker 1 9:34

But right, before that nice the vibe was cool.

Speaker 2 9:37

The vibe was cool, um, it was like it was kind of like a tucked away thing, not necessarily like the other tucked away spot, because most of these tucked away spots- in Nashville are actually lit. But you could just tell it's probably like 50% capacity every time type shit. So it's a chill vibe. But right before then Nashville's got like this construction and shit going on.

Speaker 2 10:06

And I had a conversation with somebody like a week ago and talking about being spontaneous. And then I have a few moments in my life of being like super spontaneous. But I can't really count, on one hand, like the amount of like, like crazy stories you know what I'm saying Like what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done, type thing, and I can't really count, on one hand, like how many times I did something like crazy spontaneous, and then I told him I was like I have a spontaneous spirit, but I guess it just depends on who I'm with. Like even when I'm with you, I'm like hey, bro, you trying to, you trying to uh.

Speaker 1 10:47

Hey, you talking about that one couple?

Speaker 2 10:49

Yeah, I was like let's walk up to the girl and say you didn't text me back.

Speaker 1 10:53

Yeah, with her man right there. Yeah, with her man right there, yeah.

Speaker 2 10:55

Yeah, I'll have those thoughts sometimes, like let's just do this or whatever. And I was talking to that person and I was like, damn, you know, being spontaneous, I kind of left that in the hands of the people that I'm with or like, or I told them, like you know, yeah, I can't be spontaneous. I have a spontaneous spirit, but it depends on who I'm with for it to be like a spontaneous night or some shit like that. Then I thought about it and I'm like, damn, if I keep living like that, I'll never do anything spontaneous until I find, like a woman who's ready to like, do anything or whatever. And last night I was walking before I got to that place and then, like, I walked past the gate and then I thought to myself I was like, damn if.

Speaker 1 11:59

I had a girl.

Speaker 2 12:00

I definitely would just say are you trying to go through here like to just to have a moment? You know what I'm saying? It was like some construction site, whatever rocks and all that shit around, and I was like why don't I just do these things by myself? And then I just like went. I just like fuck it. I went in there, started listening to Drake, started dancing in the middle of this field, and then I walked out of there and there was another construction site and I was like shit, I'm going to do it. And then I went in there it was like an abandoned building and did the same thing.

Speaker 1 12:39

So you started dancing by yourself.

Speaker 2 12:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:41

And how did you feel?

Speaker 2 12:44

Very fulfilled, okay, yeah. So yeah, and how do you feel? Very fulfilled? Okay, yeah, it was just like damn, like I I really I don't know. It's just like. Sometimes I feel like we all get so caught up in order and like, uh, just like across the street, like you see that place or whatever and this is at at eight o'clock, they're off work that that shit is vacant and like it could be a moment, you know where, you just chill.

Speaker 2 13:08

You could just be sitting on one of those fucking balconies that's not even fully developed yet and just think, you know, it felt like I was living, like you know. So, yeah, I like doing stuff like um, yeah, I like doing stuff like that. I like doing stuff like they said, you know, not going to jail, but but if it's like somewhere where I feel like if I run into somebody, then I just like, oh my bad, sorry, and I could just go home like I'd rather do that yeah, it just felt like.

Speaker 1 13:40

It felt like I was living. Oh well, that's really cool. I don't have that mentality yeah, yeah yeah, I just mind my business, doing what I'm doing, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you know, I feel like there's like karens, everywhere in the world, absolutely just my, just just my life. Hey, are you allowed to be up here? Yeah?

Speaker 2 14:03

what?

Speaker 1 14:04

yeah, you just run away yeah, yeah, I'm just like, I just mind my business and keep moving, because, yeah, you never know that's a fact.

Speaker 2 14:11

That is a fact, and that's what stopped me from doing that a lot. Um, you know, karma is real for me I always get caught in any anything I'm not supposed to be doing but I feel like I don't know small stuff like that, like if, if if you saw the places that I walked into, you'd be like nobody's going to be here.

Speaker 2 14:29

So, um, yeah, yeah, I definitely want to do things to just like enjoy life more, even if there's like it doesn't even look like it's an opportunity to. But it could be just a simple walk, but like I could actually make a moment here, even for myself. So yeah, I feel fulfilled.

Speaker 1 14:51

No, that's cool. Yeah, I would love to experience like I feel like you're freer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I feel very constricted, you know.

Speaker 2 15:03

Why you say that I don't know. Oh, you mean like, just in general, you feel like, I feel like, can you like I?

Speaker 1 15:09

feel like it sounds like freedom when I hear what you're saying.

Speaker 2 15:11

Right, right.

Speaker 1 15:12

It sounds like freedom and yeah like yeah, I would say like I'm not free, but I'm very bound to the environment. I'm in Right, yeah, yeah, and I sometimes don't feel like I have, just by the energy, you give that same thing.

Speaker 2 15:29

Yeah, yeah, which is weird.

Speaker 1 15:30

I mean, it is energy you give that same thing, yeah, yeah, which is weird. I mean it is it kind of is what it is. It's like yeah, I got a 20 year bed, ain't nothing really going to change on my end. So I might as well, make the best of it. It's like not depressing, it's just what it is.

Speaker 2 15:44

Yeah, no, for sure I was. And again, like I'm 50-50 on this thing. So you know, I have thoughts and shit like that, like when I'm with you, like hey, were you trying to steal this shit real quick? I'm definitely kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 16:04

But like half the time I do wonder like that could have been a moment. Yeah, no, I think I love the idea of like I want to take a risk for the fun of it.

Speaker 2 16:11

Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 16:11

Yeah, yeah, and I don't feel like I have that same. Well, I know I don't have that same mentality. I'm not sure exactly where that comes from, but it sounds fun.

Speaker 2 16:22

Yeah, yeah, and that's cool, that you know you put that.

Speaker 1 16:24

Because I'm going to say no every time because the risk ain't worth the reward. Yeah, because I'm going to say no every time Because the risk ain't worth the reward. Yeah, like whatever I'm going to be like, yeah, I'm going to steal this candy bar and at this point, do what with it? Just eat it. And now I got to hold this Thing of what I took.

Speaker 2 16:38

Right, right right.

Speaker 1 16:39

Or or even with that one dude, I was like you trying to get him to beat my ass. He's like bruh, you think he can beat your ass. I was like I'm pretty sure he can't, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. The thing is. What I'm really saying is I gotta ruin this man's day for a joke.

Speaker 2 17:01

Yeah, I feel like if I were to ever do something like that. I need to have a good ending.

Speaker 1 17:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 17:09

I'm just playing something, but um, that would have been fucking funny the idea of it.

Speaker 1 17:18

Things can go very wrong very quickly, like what if this man started crying? Oh my god, I just I slapped her Like there's a lot of things that could have went wrong.

Speaker 2 17:35

You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 17:36

And that's why I look at things in the highest degree, Like there's more wrong than just going right. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely Because he could have found it funny, but the odds of that happening are slim too, very slim.

Speaker 2 17:51

Yeah, yeah, very slim. I just, I just man, just in my head, just thinking about it, how they were and knowing like we both could have took this, yeah, I mean yeah, one hand behind our back type.

Speaker 2 18:00

But but it was just the thought of just going up to a random couple, say you, you didn't text me back. And then she's like I don't know you, oh, you don't know me now, and you just walk the fuck off. That's funny. But the only thing that would stop me from committing to that would be thinking that that shit's going to happen to me later, like in my life. Now I got a wife and this random fucking guy comes up to my table and says text me back.

Speaker 2 18:38

It don't matter what my girl says I'm that shit in my head now.

Speaker 1 18:41

Yeah, I would think that was for any man to do. That. I would feel like it would be a joke. Me personally, it's like you have the balls to come up to me and, regardless, y'all know what you are, if you think y'all are dating and I know where we at. So I was like do you have weight? How am I going to rationalize it very quickly? There's no way she can spend that much time with you when she's with me. So if you're spending that much time together, you know what it is, so you wouldn't come to me on that.

Speaker 2 19:17

That's how I would think that you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 19:19

So I knew it would be a joke. Otherwise you know you're the side chick or it was just a fling or whatever, and you wouldn't be bothered with it.

Speaker 2 19:28

You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 19:28

Yeah, if you legitimately came to it and thought it was something else, then it couldn't really be possible. And I'm just going out me and my own relationship, right yeah, now if we're on a first date, oh. Yeah, yeah, then that's a completely separate situation. Now I'm going to look like dang you like that.

Speaker 2 19:49

You know what I?

Speaker 1 19:49

mean but I'm not going to, I'm going to just let the situation play out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if he engages with me, he engages with me. If he puts his hands on her, then I'm going to have to defend her because she's in my care. Yeah, yeah yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah.

Speaker 2 20:11

Yeah, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 20:13

And then I'll leave it alone after that, Like okay, she's not worth messing with.

Speaker 2 20:19

No, I wouldn't want to ruin happy homes.

Speaker 1 20:23

That's fucked up, so you never slept with a married woman? No, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 20:28

Okay, so you never slept with a married woman? No, I don't think so. The only reason I say I don't think so Is just cause I'm pretty sure there's a woman out there that would lie.

Speaker 1 20:40

No, what's she say? I'm married and I wouldn't have sex with you. That's happened to me before, for real, yeah. I was like you should have kept that to yourself, cause now my conscience will. Yeah, it's a karma thing for me before, for real, yeah, um, I was like you should have kept that to yourself, because now I you know my conscience yeah, it's a karma thing for me.

Speaker 2 20:54

I mean, it's like I'm assuming that she would be attractive and I, like, would really want to type thing, but um, like I said, man, my karma be following me, so that that would be. Yeah, like if I felt like I would never get found out and all that type of shit. Like it sounds like one of those times. I want that one story that happened. That's like spontaneous, but I feel like this shit gonna follow me.

Speaker 1 21:24

I would be scared.

Speaker 2 21:24

I would be scared after I've done that after. I've done that, after I've done that, and then I'll have a wife eventually and the house and everything's in order. I'm going to be thinking about that one time that I smashed on a married woman and thinking damn, that could be my girl.

Speaker 1 21:42

What about if she was in a relationship?

Going Places Solo and Being Spontaneous

Speaker 2 21:45

What you saying, it's not as tied down, not as Like tied down, not as tied down. I mean, I've done it.

Speaker 1 21:58

Did you feel bad?

Speaker 2 22:00

No.

Speaker 1 22:00

Did your karma Come and attack you?

Speaker 2 22:03

No, it didn't. It didn't Not that you know of, I guess. I guess not that I know of.

Speaker 1 22:08

Maybe I did get got one time it could be manifested in another way, uh-huh then, the exact way you know you could have been robbed you know, all right, um no, I didn't feel bad about that at all.

Speaker 2 22:22

Okay, yeah she. I mean, they shouldn't have been together.

Speaker 1 22:27

Oh, that's how you justify it.

Speaker 2 22:32

Yeah, like she was not trustworthy, let's say that, okay, clearly not trustworthy.

Speaker 1 22:38

Yeah, would you have let him know?

Speaker 2 22:40

Would you want me to sit down and bring him a coffee?

Speaker 1 22:44

Write him an anonymous letter and stick it on the coffee. Now say that happened to you when you was in a relationship. A man wrote a anonymous letter and stick it on your wiper blade. It's like, hey, I feel really bad, but I'm having sex with your girl and she's being unfaithful to you In the worst way.

Speaker 2 23:06

He put in the worst way on there yeah yeah, she's sucking me off.

Speaker 1 23:13

Like her blowjobs are incredible. Does she do this thing like hey, yeah, yeah she. She has um a birthmark on her pelvis yeah, I was just thinking that.

Speaker 2 23:25

Yeah, I was like, what if this nigga said like yeah her tattoo on her lower back with the kitty, cat or some shit.

Speaker 1 23:31

Anytime she's about to nut, she makes this face matter of fact, here's the photo yeah, of course that would be wild yeah yeah, yeah, that's the same face. No, yeah, yeah, or he gives you the date that matches perfectly, when she wasn't around.

Speaker 2 23:49

Oh my God, yeah, yeah, when she went on the girl's trip.

Speaker 1 23:52

Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, there was no way he would do that. She really didn't go on the girl's trip. Right she actually was here with me and just allowed her to give it three days, and all her friends vouched for it. First of all, this nigga hate me no, no, but he's telling you.

Speaker 2 24:06

He's telling me too much at this point, but he felt bad.

Speaker 1 24:09

That's what you said. You felt bad, they needed to break up and he maybe felt that same way.

Speaker 2 24:15

No, he's trying to do me in, he's trying to kill me off at that point, oh my God, if I read a message like that. I'm about the relationship relationships I've been in, oh my god, that would. That would really me up that would hurt myself incredibly, oh god and I don't know who this man is. Do you know how many times you know? You know how many I'm like man, I'm mean mugging huh how does he know my car? This one.

Speaker 1 24:45

Well, I guess he knows where I stay, and he put it on the white blade maybe this is what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 24:49

We stay together. Maybe, Bro, I'm Every Every guy that I run into at my apartment. I'm looking at them in the eye for more than a second to see. If I see any, I'm probably gonna turn into a crazy man.

Speaker 1 25:07

Mm-hmm yeah.

Speaker 2 25:08

That dude be looking at everybody crazy. How about you?

Speaker 1 25:10

confront her about it. That's not an option.

Speaker 2 25:12

I don't know, that's a party.

Speaker 1 25:14

Or you're going to give it to yourself until you need to ambush her with it. I don't know.

Speaker 2 25:20

No, no, no, no. I would immediately confront her. Yeah, mm-hmm, I don't care what she's doing, she could be getting baptized.

Speaker 1 25:31

We're going to talk about this. Who is this man? You will wait. Huh, you will wait. If you know she's with her parents, you're going to call her immediately. Yeah, okay, oh God, oh.

Speaker 2 25:41

God, this girl cheated on me, this one girl cheated on me. She was at a family function.

Speaker 1 25:46

I called her about seven times I'm like we're gonna talk right now. I got you, yeah, you need to go outside, yeah, yeah, and did y'all talk about it?

Speaker 2 25:54

uh, yeah, well, I mean it was. It was like I was going in. I was going in, but I mean she, she cheated on me. So, uh, I remember calling her and it was like around Christmas time, so like she was around family and you know she was very, very, very family oriented. You hear everybody in the background having fun.

Speaker 1 26:18

And I'm just like Is this when you was a teenager?

Speaker 2 26:21

No, this is like two years a year ago. The one girl who always was messing up.

Speaker 1 26:26

Oh OK.

Speaker 2 26:27

Yeah, so she was. She was at her family function and then you know, I found out and I'm like I ain't getting enough information. But then she had to go to a family. It was christmas time, so like she had to- go over there.

Speaker 1 26:40

You're talking about your long-term relationship, right?

Speaker 2 26:42

the shorter term oh, okay, the most recent one yeah okay yeah, I got you, I was just trying to okay, uh-huh so when I found about you know when she's seeing me, I was like you know, uh, uh. It was the same day. She was going somewhere with her family and I was supposed to be there.

Speaker 1 27:00

Like.

Speaker 2 27:00

I was actually supposed to fly to her to be with her and then I basically canceled the flight and all that. And now she went. Now she showed up to this thing Where's your boyfriend at Now? She looks awkward and I'm calling her while she's there, like trying to get more information on this thing. And, yeah, she, I mean shout out to how she handled it Because, like I was not playing, I was definitely not playing.

Speaker 1 27:31

I was like so who this nigga?

Speaker 2 27:32

she's like oh, thank you, yeah, I'll just like. She's like she's really she handled that very well. Yeah, because she like she tried to show up, you know, and like be like uh, respectful toward me, but also like she's with her family yeah.

Speaker 1 27:49

So she got to be very uh positive facing in front of her family, in front of family.

Speaker 2 27:54

She gotta have a straight back. And uh huh, what do you did it? And they could tell. The people around could tell, like I was kind of going off on the phone because somebody like our uncle or something asked like who was that and I heard her it's like no, it's uh, it's fine. It's fine, it's all fine, and then uh, but I mean, I ain't give a fuck, it wasn't me and what I ain't fuck up.

Speaker 1 28:14

You did yeah, yeah, yeah and, but she, she said it too.

Speaker 2 28:18

She said it to her family. She was like no guys, he's cool, it was actually my fault, so I respected some part of that yeah but I, but I'm calling, I'm hitting you up.

Speaker 1 28:29

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 28:31

We're going to talk about this.

Speaker 1 28:32

You know I will be. It will be very on my mind, for sure. It will be very hard for me to think.

Speaker 2 28:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:41

To get off my mind.

Speaker 2 28:42

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 28:43

I know that feeling very well. I maybe would have delayed it a little bit. Maybe probably because I still wanna. I have that, I want to have the uh the right conversation that's not what I'm looking for, just more.

Speaker 1 29:03

I want them to look at me positive, possibly yeah, yeah the family their family, yeah, yeah so she cheated on you yeah, for sure, I think that she's in the wrong, but I still want to have that, that positive idea of me, that positive impression of who I am. Absolutely yeah, yeah. So I probably still would have delayed it a little bit yeah, um.

Speaker 2 29:24

No, yeah, I was seeing red that day. It had just happened?

Speaker 1 29:28

do you and do you think that you would have looking, looking back at it now? Would you have changed that or no?

Speaker 2 29:37

No.

Speaker 1 29:38

Okay.

Speaker 2 29:38

Only because, like I don't want to give you more time to think about how you're going to get out of this. Okay, I don't. No, I'm cutting all that off like, yeah, I'm gonna get the real, you like the real reaction. It just happened boom, because if I give you a couple days, you done thought about it too much okay, so I also.

Speaker 1 30:11

that relationship is a little hard for me to understand Because, after all the things, you're still willing to make it work.

Speaker 2 30:20

That was the main thing, that I was willing to make it work.

Speaker 2 30:26

Just because of um, just just because of other factors like the, the chief, first of all, I never got well I don't think I've ever gotten cheated on before so that shit was new to me on top of that, that situation where her cheating it was like well, I don't want to go too, too into detail, but you know like it was like other shit going on too, like with that whole situation, so I could be mad at her for something, but like there's another part of that story, that like there are bad people out there so like I, I understand.

Speaker 1 31:08

You see what I'm saying, like it was. I mean, I know the story, so, yeah, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 31:11

So there was a up and down to that, but you know I still was mad at her for putting herself in, whatever position.

Speaker 1 31:20

I think that she has a lot to blame with that for sure, oh right.

Speaker 2 31:24

But, but just to sum it up, though, that that only one situation, that the cheating situation, was the thing that I, um tried to look past because of the other factors, but everything else she was doing like that shit was killing everything off.

Speaker 1 31:43

Yeah, because in my mind and we can kind of flesh it out in real time is the fact that when leniency in a relationship and how much willing we're willing to look past in a sense because of the love you have for somebody and also what they do for you as well. Yeah, so yeah, I think that Would I be lenient Now In my you asking me. No, I'm thinking it Like would I be that lenient yeah?

Speaker 2 32:24

You can't?

Confronting Cheating in Relationships

Speaker 1 32:25

I want to say that I agree, but in the past, when I was very young and naive, I feel like I was yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just saying, like it's weird in a way, because both of them are your girlfriend, you're going to give more grace to one versus the other. Yeah, and why is that? Yeah?

Speaker 2 32:57

and why is that? Like um, like it's. It's like I want, it's like dang you love ain't equal for real, it ain't yeah, yeah, yeah and yeah, it's, it's, it's strange.

Speaker 1 33:02

Somehow I want the math to work. You know what I? Mean but it's like I'm gonna love. Unfortunately, I'm gonna love her more than I love her, even though they're both with my. You know what I mean? They both were my girlfriend at one point. But somebody like like you see, these relationships that you know um, you have monogamous and then you have a I forgot what the polygamy polyamous relationship. There's no way he can love them both equally.

Speaker 2 33:32

You think so?

Speaker 1 33:34

You think that's possible? I don't know how we're saying it is like, yeah, you're going to love one more than the other, Like there's more grace you gave for so-and-so than you have for another.

Speaker 2 33:46

Right, this is different.

Speaker 1 33:55

I don't know and so and then, but I wouldn't do that again though, yeah, so we would you be surprised? How would you feel if you wasn't the person she loved the most?

Speaker 2 34:04

if I wasn't the person that she loved the most, how would I feel now?

Speaker 1 34:10

Like okay, so say you really absolutely love your next girlfriend, Right? We just talked about how the love aren't equal. You're going to love your old girlfriend versus new, just vice versa, or whatever.

Speaker 2 34:25

Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 34:26

How love is not equal, just vice versa, or whatever. Uh-huh, how love is not equal. And you say I don't know if you would ever say, or if it ever came out that she actually loved her ex-boyfriend more than she does love you. But even though she can't be with him because of whatever reason, you just know that.

Speaker 2 34:46

I think that's facts. Okay, you're cool with living in that world.

Speaker 1 34:49

Okay, you're cool with living in that world. Huh, you're cool with living in that world, Knowing that you're kind of like you can never get the love.

Speaker 2 34:59

I think that's natural, though, right.

Speaker 1 35:01

Okay.

Speaker 2 35:05

Because if I think about it, girlfriend number whatever like her versus the girl that I was with for six years and wanted to marry. I mean how you gonna get close to that yeah, but I feel like your past relationship.

Speaker 1 35:26

You love more than your girlfriend in six years. There's no, that's impossible.

Speaker 2 35:29

Your past relationship you love more than your girlfriend in six years? There's no, that's impossible.

Speaker 1 35:32

That's. I think that I get what you're saying. You're like why did he?

Speaker 2 35:38

let this happen and this nigga stayed. This nigga's crazy. I get that, but no, the other girl was a very deep, very real, like love. We couldn't figure it out. You know what I'm saying it wasn't necessarily the best. All the time there were ups and downs and we didn't. I don't think we properly loved each other how we should have in certain areas and stuff, but to be with someone for six years, it's like that shit was real.

Speaker 1 36:20

You know what I'm saying, so for, that situation.

Speaker 2 36:25

There was love there, but it seemed like it was more of like a drug than it being react, Like what real love is, like the ups and downs, the I'm looking at your fucking attitude but I'm gonna stay with your ass and I'm like did it? Like? There's this, it's so, it's so much more. Um, I say value in those long term relationships and I get what you're saying as being my homie and seeing me do it. But yeah, that relationship, it definitely felt like a drug.

Speaker 1 36:58

Because one more one. You seem more interested to see how she's doing versus the other.

Speaker 2 37:05

Um, yeah, sort of, but like at the same time it's like there's a lot of un, there's a lot of things that I didn't get to like with her, or there's there there layers of her that I didn't get to the other girl. I know every nook and cranny of this woman.

Speaker 1 37:26

You know I'm saying so, you saying there's still opportunity to work on.

Speaker 2 37:34

It's not necessarily opportunity, it just was like a I don't know man. It's just like a damn near like I was like a kid in a candy store with her, but the other one I knew the business from the ground up.

Speaker 1 37:54

Does that make sense? Yeah?

Speaker 2 37:55

got you. Yeah, so the ups and downs of the business, that is, but in that one I'm not even paying attention to what's what, anything that deals with this place. It's just like oh, I like candy, candy's here, oh damn, you know. And how I was being treated. First of all, I have to say, women that treat a man, it's only a certain, it's only a certain type of women out there that will treat a man like a king bro, just make you feel like intentionally, like want to do, like wakes up, wants to be this type of person. She just had a whole bunch of other shit going on, but that's why I gave her leniency and again, like there were variables within certain things.

Speaker 2 38:39

Yeah, yeah. So it wasn't like I just liked her more, it just was. I was really enjoying that time and being like praised, like you walk in a room, you just feel like you know let me cook you something. Let me give you a massage.

Speaker 1 38:57

Let me, let me let me, oh, yeah, it's just yeah, yeah, right I mean, yeah, that's great yeah I mean, that's true. You know, I've never had that I didn't have.

Speaker 2 39:07

It was a fairy tale. Before I saw it, I'm like, no, that is out there. That is really really out there. So I can see the desire to want yeah.

Speaker 1 39:17

Because you feel them wanting to be with you and want to see you happy and want to see you successful.

Speaker 2 39:21

I feel extremely seen as something that I didn't have.

Speaker 1 39:26

I mean shout out to everyone I've been with but like it was never like that before, I never experienced that before.

Speaker 2 39:32

I never experienced that before. To be on that level.

Speaker 1 39:38

If somebody's willing to cook for you, that's something, but that seems like a completely different level.

Speaker 2 39:46

That level was crazy. I never experienced that shit.

Love Isn't Equal: Relationship Dynamics

Speaker 1 39:48

I think that's just like not to be on my Red Pill stuff, but that's like more you get, the more independent route of women, especially black women, how they grow up, and so I don't really blame them for going like, hey, I can do without a man.

Speaker 1 40:11

But you also lose a lot of submissiveness in that yeah, yeah yeah, so you, so you ain't really gonna see that, because now it's like I ain't doing that for you exactly. Yeah, yeah, and think I do a lot of that too In my current relationship. If I saw a lot of dishes in the sink, I'm going to wash it. You're right If there's a thing that I see that like hey, how old is that? Iron. You know, yeah, the iron is like old.

Speaker 2 40:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1 40:57

I can get you a new one. Yeah yeah, so it's like I do a lot of that. I mean, I don't want to speak for every single man, but they had an opportunity to see where the thing that needs to be fixed in the house or something, and I was like we do that too.

Speaker 1 41:12

That's why I was telling my relationship was like I want I submit to you as you submit to me. I want to see you happy, yeah, so I'm going to try to do the thing that makes you happy, even sometimes if it's a detriment to myself.

Speaker 2 41:26

I do it for the smile, yeah.

Speaker 1 41:30

I do for the gratefulness of it. Now you can tell me. But there's another thing of feeling it like yeah, I appreciate it, like, yeah, like, but there's a difference between that and you say I can't believe you did this for me exactly, and that's why I stuck my ass around how could I even pay you back for this thing?

Speaker 2 41:52

that's why I had to learn that. How could I even pay you back for this thing? That's why I had to learn that shit I'm like damn. When you don't have, when you're in lack thereof, you don't really know the potential of what things can be, for example, like what you just said. There's a girl that I was with that, where she'll be like I said I'm sorry. There's a girl that I was with that where she'll be like I said I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 42:13

And then there's another one who will give me a whole not saying I need this, but like a whole thought out paragraph, no, no, no conversation leading to it to where I'm like my feelings are hurt, or you know me me saying but you didn't even say sorry or that, with none of that, and there's a girl who actually just like lay that shit all out.

Speaker 2 42:41

so, yeah, like some people are just more intentional and I do feel like I don't know how it's like this, but I feel like there isn't. Maybe it's like this on both sides, but I feel like there's a shortage of women teaching Girls how to be, how to treat a man and like be like a wife. You know, you're like a woman can teach a woman how to be a woman. A man could teach a man how to be a man, but not necessarily like a wife. You know, yeah, like a woman can teach a woman how to be a woman, a man could teach a man how to be a man, but not necessarily like a husband. You know, I'm saying so and I noticed that and which is why I like it's a lot of cases, just like what you just said, how you don't even feel, seen you, you don't remember.

Speaker 2 43:29

You know I'm saying like, feeling like I'm, I know for a fact, I'm seen here, and I feel like that that has a lot to do with women raising women, yeah, so that is the thing, right?

Speaker 1 43:43

yeah, so I I totally agree, like I think the I don't know. I'm not a woman, so I don't know where the lack of guidance comes from.

Speaker 2 43:53

Yeah, I thought about it. It's got to be the only thing. Because they can't learn that from a man. They can give suggestions I can suggest to Kaya or my daughter, I can suggest to her what it feels like being a man and what I like, what makes me happy from a woman or a wife. But they need to see that, they literally need to, like see that shit happen. It's like it's like reading a book on being a man. You gotta, you gotta see that shit.

Speaker 1 44:25

You know, or experience certain things that let you know, like, how to be you know yeah right, like I was even telling my sister, I was like, if you, if you like that, because she was talking about this a while ago, she's talking about a man that she liked at the time. I was like, what have you did for him? I was like I can't do anything for him, but showing consideration goes a long way. If he likes to smoke weed, just give him a, a nice asterisk mm-hmm, that beat us bro yeah, give a nice one like hey, I saw this, I was thinking about you.

Speaker 1 45:00

Or you don't have to say I saw this, you would like hey, you was on my mind, I was, you know, you got. You got a lot of things, mm-hmm, but at least want to. I know you like to smoke, so I just wanted to get you an ashtray. Or you're like hey, I got you a bottle, I know this is your favorite you're just on my mind and I want to give this to you that's my whole week right there exactly that goes a long way.

Speaker 1 45:26

That didn't cost that much for you to do, just saying hey, I'm thinking about you, I love you. Potentially, if you're on that level, here's this thing for you to do just saying hey, I'm thinking about you, I love you. Potentially, if you're on that level, um, here's this thing for you. Yeah, it's, it's the thoughtfulness yeah it's sometimes even thoughtfulness.

Speaker 1 45:40

It was hey, hey, I don't have any money, I would love to do something for you, or if I and okay, it's long distance hey, you just was on my mind. I hope you have a great day.

Speaker 2 45:51

I wish I could see you yeah, no, that's that I definitely put a lot of thought into um women that I'm either dating or pursuing a lot of thought, like down to the point of if I'm speaking to a woman and like learning her, like I have a file or folder like on her, like her favorite color place she wants to go and this and that, so when that type of stuff is reciprocated, first of all I'm amazed cause I didn't know there are other people out there like that, or I I didn't.

Speaker 2 46:26

I haven't experienced a lot of people that are like that. So, um, no, that that a lot of people that are like that, so, um, no, that. That that is something though, that that effort of putting it in, um, or putting putting in effort, um. I still remember, like gifts that were given to me from previous women, like it's birthday or christmas or whatever, and you know, one would get me clothes and then another one would get me a notebook, because they knew that I like to write music and it's just like that shit was two dollars, yeah, and that shit like like really, oh damn, yeah, my shit died, but yeah, it really.

Thoughtfulness and Being Seen

Speaker 2 47:18

It really we still going. Yeah, I mean, we can keep going.

Speaker 1 47:21

It's just like do it with the audio Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, but Sorry, I should turn it off.

Speaker 2 47:26

Yeah, you might as well just turn it off.

Speaker 1 47:31

But no, that's actually pretty, pretty dope though, Like it's literally the little things Mm-hmm, and it's the stuff I can't and that's what I. That's what I want to. I was like I want to make the relationship work.

Speaker 2 47:48

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 47:54

It's just that it don't feel. You know it doesn't feel like I'm equally yoked in it. Yeah, and that's. You know my battle. Yeah, yeah, that's my personal battle.

Speaker 2 48:00

I gotta maybe properly communicate that um because, it's like I want to get to that next thing, but here's where it's at for me, yeah, and because I feel like there is better yeah, yeah, that, um, that's one thing that I appreciate from that relationship that I was talking about, the most recent, the most recent one is that it happened like I can actually see how something can I can actually. I got to experience a relationship where, even though she was definitely fucking tripping, but like I don't have that feeling that like I'm doing all this or like you know, I'm not seeing or I'm not um, this and that and it's, it's. It's it's like you know, I'm not seen or I'm not this, and that it's just. It's like you said, like an equally yoked thing.

Speaker 2 48:56

That shit is special, that shit is like it's got to be rare. I mean, clearly, I feel like there's a lot of men who say this, exactly what you said, which is why it's a thing of sometimes, when men talk about different. It's a thing of sometimes, when men talk about different, um, different, uh, cultures, cultural backgrounds of women, and they'd be like you know, you know these type of women, they know how to treat that man right, and because there's a lack thereof, so it's a very interesting, very interesting concept, um, but I am very happy that I was able to experience that shit because now you know what to really look for.

Speaker 2 49:38

Now you know what actually you don't have to make the excuse of like this is not real. It's definitely real, it's definitely out there. It's just like you gotta find that person, yeah.

Speaker 1 49:58

So that sucks yeah, sucks yeah. And you know, and there's a lot of wives that I see, are doing their odor mm-hmm. But why is that? See, do it right, mm-hmm? Like that's kind of what I'm chasing, you know. Like that's, that's where you know. I want to be here to theoretically not train, but to see you be the, the wife that I want to want to see, and I'm not saying I'm asking for a lot, but I want you got to meet me somewhere.

Speaker 1 50:24

Yeah, you gotta be in your this in your own way I gotta feel that, like hey, you know what there's um. In your own way. I gotta feel that, like hey, you know what there's um, there's a, there's a step up level, and she's actually doing that, whether she can or not. Maybe it just ain't gonna mesh. But yeah yeah, so it's just yeah, it's, it's, it's.

Speaker 1 50:44

Relationships are challenging um, because I also see some people's relationship and I'm like I'm glad I'm not in that yeah yeah, yeah, that's not gonna really work for me, and I wouldn't be surprised if he cheating yeah yeah, it's like because there's. Yeah, I was like, but then she may be doing a lot of things, right? Right or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But I was like, yeah, that relationship ain't gonna work for me because I put a lot into mine and I want to feel that same way it's been brought to you.

Speaker 2 51:15

Yes.

Speaker 1 51:16

Yeah, and that's kind of where I'm at with it.

Speaker 2 51:19

Yeah, no, that is a fact. Yeah, there are actually people out there that will do that. It's crazy. It's crazy. I still remember getting in the car with a girl and I didn't have a flower for a rose.

Speaker 2 51:38

And then she gave me one when I got in the car and that shit just made my heart melt. I'm like no way, you know, there's no way. They out there, though they out there, though they out there. Hopefully I can, you know, experience something you know. That makes me feel kind of like that feeling that I had.

Speaker 2 52:04

That's definitely something, but I'm always like 50-50 on just I don't know, bro, Sometimes most times I know my soul wants a wife, like I told you, like every time when shit gets quiet, there's no emotion, I'm not going out and all this, and then it's just like silent. I'm like damn. I could really like, I want to like love somebody you know, and then the other 50% is shit. And the other 50% is shit. Or I could just keep coming up and just keep raising my status and success level and get better and better at being by myself and I just might have relationships that might last four months, a couple of years, this, that and I don't know. Go about my life like that. I just like love different people at different times. So I'm always like like 50-50 on it.

Speaker 2 53:03

So yeah, I get it, though. Then the Bible is telling niggas with like hella wives and shit. Where are we supposed to be doing for?

Speaker 1 53:14

real, I don't know, yeah, but who's to say, that's fulfilling too?

Speaker 2 53:20

it's right, right. Yeah, a real love is definitely more fulfilling than just like that surface level. Your ego is being stroked and you know you got a couple girls or whatever. Or, like I said, the difference between the the first girl we were talking about and then the long-term relationship I was in, it's just like, though the long one had way more ups and downs, left, right, diagonals. It felt real. It was actually real. That's different.

Speaker 1 54:01

I wonder why polygamy is illegal. Why is it illegal though?

Speaker 2 54:10

That makes me feel like we're supposed to be doing it.

Speaker 1 54:11

I can understand it, frowned upon, but illegal illegal though. That makes me feel like we're supposed to be doing it. You know what I'm saying. I can understand it frowned upon, but illegal is weird to me.

Speaker 2 54:19

That doesn't make sense. Why would it be illegal? I'm just thinking like money wise. The man would be even more fucked over For real. Which is like good for the economy.

Speaker 1 54:37

You know, I just don't understand that. It don't make any sense.

Speaker 2 54:43

That's something to think about.

Speaker 1 54:46

But I think we did it. Well, this is two for the culture. We'll be back.

Speaker 2 54:50

Alright.