Two for the Culture
Two for the Culture is brought to you be Steven Rey and Justin Devonte. This is the podcast for the ages! Both Steve and Justin has been friends for over a decade plus and will give you a genuine approach on news and culture with humor and love. I promise this will be one of your favorite podcasts that you will not get enough of!
Two for the Culture
Digging Deeper: The Power of Asking "Why?"
Justin and Ray dive deep into the purpose behind human connections and how relationships often serve as mirrors reflecting parts of ourselves that need attention or healing. They explore the spiritual dimensions of personal growth, sharing vulnerable stories about self-discovery through repeatedly asking "why" until reaching core beliefs that drive behavior.
• Ray shares how a brief connection with a spiritually-minded woman triggered a profound journey of self-reflection
• Discussion of "spiritual chills" and intuitive guidance that many people experience but rarely develop
• Exploration of a powerful self-reflection technique involving repeatedly asking "why" to uncover root beliefs
• Reflections on past relationships and how they served as vehicles for personal growth
• Thoughts on the balance between optimism and realism in romantic relationships
• Conversation about marriage expectations and the importance of knowing yourself before committing
• Insights into how connections that seem brief or insignificant can catalyze major life changes
Remember to subscribe and follow us on social media @TwoForTheCulture to join the conversation about spiritual growth and relationships.
And we are back for another episode of Two for the Culture. I'm Justin Devante Steven.
Speaker 2:Ray.
Speaker 1:Yes, sir, we're back.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's been longer than a week since I.
Speaker 2:It does feel like it's been longer than a week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, it definitely does I guess because we didn't really get to hang too much this weekend, it's because your daughter's birthday.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, my daughter's birthday. How was that? It was dope, it was dope. We, uh, you know, we chilled, we, uh uh, watched movies, we went to dave and buster's and then, um, you know, got her a few toys and then, after that, you know, she, she went with her mom and she did like the second part to her birthday okay, you know what she did uh, she went to, uh, some jumping place and she didn't know it, but a couple of her friends were there and uh, and she got more gifts there.
Speaker 2:So, um, she had a very, very eventful weekend and how old is she now?
Speaker 1:she's nine now, oh she getting old for her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, she's definitely getting older, so that's, that's dope, and she's just like growing. I was looking at my, uh, my, my photo album and just seeing, like even just simply a year ago, the difference in her height and her like, the, the structural changes of her face she has a new face every every.
Speaker 1:like four years I got you.
Speaker 2:So it's pretty cool to see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, does it feel like time's flying by?
Speaker 2:When I look at the photos, when I look at the photo album, it's like, yeah, like even when she was here, she's like developing, like her brain is just at a different level. So like I is just is, is, is, it's at a different level. So like I'm just chilling and I'm like which, uh, so what toy you want? And then she's scrolling on Amazon and she's like, hmm, I don't like this girl. Bye, get out of here, you know. And then, oh, I like this sleigh, love it, that it. I'm like this is a whole girl.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, it's not a baby or anything.
Speaker 2:So it's hilarious to chill with her and see her personality coming out now and starting to expand.
Speaker 1:So it's really dope, yeah, because the reason why I said that is because nine years ago, of course, that's when you had her, but then another nine years from now she'll be an adult. So, yeah, yeah, so, whoa, yeah. So now, thinking about that, it's like has time plied out, flied um, flown by since this time, since she was born? Then it's gonna be, you know, just as quick when she's an adult now oh my god, that was nine years ago.
Speaker 2:Wow, not 18. 18 is crazy yeah that's that's out of high school oh my god. And she got her early birthday, so she, she, probably she might be out by 17. Oh, that's what you're saying or late early late I don't know, she's younger than yeah, most of people yeah right, she'll be graduated by 17 because I graduated at 17.
Speaker 1:oh, okay, okay okay, yeah, you're 100, right, yeah and uh. So I was just thinking about parenthood, you know, and how quick that flies by. That's crazy. And you want more kids, right?
Speaker 2:I do. I want like at least two more. I mean, hopefully I find a wife. I don't know.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just thinking about how much older she'll be to them.
Speaker 2:You know, I thought about that earlier today.
Speaker 1:I was like you know if I want more kids.
Speaker 2:I kind of gotta have them now, like you don't got to, I don't have to, but I would prefer that because, yeah, I'm 33, so when they're 20, uh, 53, I'll be 53, and then, when they're 30, an actual adult. You know, 63, that's like a good age to to be. So I'd rather I don't know, I'd rather I would.
Speaker 1:I would have wanted it to play out like that, but I'm not right, right, and you know where's kissing there, she can watch her, your babies right yeah yeah, no, that'll be wild.
Speaker 2:That'll be wild. She'll have like a younger sibling. I can. I can probably see her mom getting married or some shit before I do.
Speaker 1:Okay, I mean who?
Speaker 2:knows Right, who knows? Do you want to be married?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, I'm just saying is there a requirement for you to be married and have kids? Yeah, okay, okay, so that's.
Speaker 2:I mean, requirement is pretty heavy, but I prefer yeah, right, strong prefer. Yeah, exactly yeah, strong prefer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, of course things don't happen the way they plan to Facts, yeah, but I'm just saying that's the goal is to get married, then have kids. You know, because some people are just like, hey, I'll have kids and you know, I'd never want to be married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I'd never want to be married. Yeah, yeah, hopefully I don't, hopefully I don't go down that way. I'm like in the middle right now. I feel like my soul wants a wife. I think I said before my soul wants a wife, but like I don't know man I'm not sure like, especially like being on my own and stuff, and it's like I don't gotta think too much about everything I'd love. I'd love a companion I'd love to like.
Speaker 2:Um, it just seems like a lot is lost you know when, once you, it's just got to be the right person that's all it is.
Speaker 1:Do you know what you're looking for? Well, I don't feel like you're really looking.
Speaker 2:You're not dating to marry right, uh, if I date anybody, it would be to, um, if I make anyone my girlfriend, I see like qualities of a wife in that person.
Speaker 1:It wouldn't be just to make that person a girlfriend well, I guess my question is wait and I understand that is that if you go on a date, the idea is like, hey, I'm looking to find my next companion, or is it just to go on a date because I want some companionship, because I feel like it's you know how we've been hanging out lately I feel like it's more like the companionship.
Speaker 2:Like I'm just looking to have somebody to hang with, more so than I'm looking to actually find a lifelong partner. Yeah, anytime, I've met a girl and we ended up actually dating it. That wasn't the intention at first. I just know what I like, so like I usually come into it in a way, you phrase that because that sounds for, for instance, um you, you're correct like in some way.
Speaker 2:I'm not necessarily looking for, so I'm very interested in connections like I feel like, uh, when you connect with somebody, it's a visual representation of a mirror of something about you, like yourself. If, if you understand what I'm saying, if I connect with somebody, there's something in them that I see that is mirroring from my energy.
Speaker 1:Okay, I've never um, not, no, and not only that is, I've not thought about that for myself.
Speaker 2:Not only that, I've not thought about that for myself, yeah, so I just think of it like that and certain connections are. It just kind of speaks to who you are at, whatever point of life you're at, for example, so when you get with somebody and by the time, unfortunately, if that relationship ends, then now y'all are at two different places. But in the beginning y'all were probably mirroring certain things. That was that y'all connected on. But you know, you might grow apart and all that type of shit to where y'all aren't like. You could grow out of something or be in two totally different places with somebody. But you know, when you first met them y'all were like there, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:You could grow out of something or be in two totally different places with somebody.
Speaker 1:But you know, when you first met them, y'all were like there. You know what I'm saying. I mean, I understand that part of it. But yeah, and you know now, as I get and I'm sure you probably feel somewhat similar is now that I get older, it's, you know, growing apart is, I'm not going to say, much more difficult, difficult, but it's like phases of your life and of course I can't speak to really the future. Whom I'm going to be, I would imagine now just be like a just a tier different from what I am now. But you know, like what I wanted at 18 is going. It's completely different than then, I wouldn't even say completely different, but it's different than I wouldn't out.
Speaker 2:I see the world differently right, I'm sure it's gonna be. They attract different people, you know same right, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know, I think when I was younger, I probably could have settled for I'm not gonna say anything, but I could have settled for less. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, anything, but I could have settled for less. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, like that you can have a certain amount of.
Speaker 2:Let's say you go to a place and you have a certain amount of women there. Let's say there's like it's ten women there and depending on what place you are in your life, you will attract instead of this one, it would be her instead of her it would be her. You know what? I'm saying yeah, so I just look at, I just look at connections, just like what is this for? Like what is? I look at everything as like, um, I don't know damn near.
Speaker 2:Like it's already written in a way just like, what is this connection for like? What is this for like? For instance, less say a while ago, I connected with a girl and she was like super spiritual, right, and nothing really went anywhere with that. But because she was so spiritual, after like talking to her for like a day or some, I um, um, um, all right, was to it. This happened last week, all right. So, um yeah, last week I I talked to somebody and super, super, duper spiritual, like erica badu type, looking do you like that?
Speaker 1:super super, duper, spiritual, like erica badu type looking. Do you like that? Uh, I like, I like pretty women. No, do you like the? The?
Speaker 2:spirituality of erica badu. I don't really know erica badu, so I I just said the look, the look of then I'm just saying going off the vibe.
Speaker 1:I don't really know. Erica badu, I'll answer the question. No, I don't like that but go.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't have a certain type but so she's like nature earthy nature, earthy tree hugger, literally.
Speaker 2:Yes, so, but she's very pretty, very, very pretty woman. But no, I just had a conversation with her. It didn't go anywhere, like nothing crazy and simply, it was just simply that right. And, like I said, I just look at everything, like connections are just, they're supposed to be there, like it's supposed to mirror something. You know, if I actually end up connecting with this person. So I talked to her for a second, we was on the phone for a little bit, whatever. It didn't really go anywhere at all. Boom, after that really haven't heard from her, even like hit her up at all after that. It's like a mutual thing, but uh, high by situation. But what I will say is, after I spoke to her, she, um, like I said, she was a very, very spiritual person, um way more connected to I don't know things than than.
Speaker 2:I am, and I started to get curious and right after I uh, uh talked to her the next day, I was like, damn, you know, I'll be looking up a lot of shit, and there are certain things with me that happen that I feel like kind of like supernatural or whatever.
Speaker 2:That feels like I'm connected to God and all this. So I just went down a rabbit hole. I went down a rabbit hole and then I ended up finding like better ways to connect, like better, better ways to meditate, better ways to um, to uh, uh, uh, strengthen that uh connection right with me personally. And then I started to implement those. Then, a day or two later, I started now the girl's gone, right, so now I'm just on this me thing. So then I started to implement those things and I started to go deeper within myself right, and I ain't telling anybody, but I'm not gonna go too too deep but uh, there are a lot of things that happened with me in past relationships and past like um, things that I didn't think was traumatic for me but was, and I was just trying to dive deeper into that and, uh, I just found ways to deal with those things?
Speaker 1:Was it painful when you dove deep?
Speaker 2:Yes, it was like and before I go to the second part and actually like dive into this, what I set that up for was to tell you like sometimes speaking to somebody ain't about getting into a relationship with them. Sometimes it's just like like a connection that was supposed to happen, for something else to happen. So that's how I'd be looking at stuff sometimes. So, um, that's what I meant by it Ain't necessarily all about like, if I see a girl and I'm like, all right, am I going to marry you? Like it's more so, like what is this even about? Or why, how did how, why did we even connect in the first place? So that's just how I look at things. Now, second part now this is just something that I feel like everybody should do, right. So I sat down and I had these things where I felt like I went through certain things that I didn't know that was traumatic for real. But it's kind of like a rollover, like a snowball effect, like you go through something and then, for some reason, even if you forgive this person or even if you get through these things, there's this like, there's this like it's like the symptoms are still there. It's like the you got cured for covet, but you still can't taste or smell, right. So, and I didn't know why, I still had these things in my head, that was just still lingering. And then I was like, all right, I'm gonna deal with it. Because when I looked up the spiritual stuff, it said like, like to connect closer to you know, the divine spirit, whatever you have to deal with your traumas because that's like in your body, stuck there and in your cells. And I'm like all right, so let me try that. So I sat down and I feel like everybody should do this. I sat down and I was like why do I have these feelings? And then I feel like everybody should do this, bro, I sat down and I was like, why do I have these feelings? And then I'm like, okay, well, this person did this. And then you just keep asking yourself why and this ain't just no simple like thing, right, and you have to be completely honest with yourself because it's not going to work either other way. So I was like, okay, because they did this thing. Why did they do that thing? Well, because you did this thing. Why did they do that thing? Well, because you did that. Why did I do that? Oh, because I'm skipping over the stuff that's like meant for me. I'll tell you after the podcast and then I'll go to like the the root of everything, because I did blah, blah, blah. Why did you do blah, blah, blah?
Speaker 2:And then I was like because it was hard to like keep my word. Why was it hard to keep your word? Now I'm saying this fast to you, but this was really hard for me to get to every single level of this thing. So every time I asked me a question, it got, I got more emotional and I had to search, like, for the answer, the real answer, not like oh, I just got distracted, like why? Why are you getting distracted? Because I could stay on task. Why can you stay on task? Because I didn't what I say, I didn't what did.
Speaker 2:I say I didn't believe that I could stay on task. Why don't you believe that you can? You see how deep it's getting. It's not even about the issue. Now it's like me and I said so why? Why don't I feel by this time I'm crying? So I'm like, why don't I feel by this time I'm crying? So I'm like, why don't I feel that I can finish a task?
Speaker 2:And then it got to. I don't, but what is it? I don't think I'm strong enough to. Yeah, I don't think I'm strong. Now, every time it goes down, now it's taking longer for me. I was sitting there for like 40 minutes with myself, so, and then I got to. I don't believe I'm strong enough to do what I say, basically why I didn't believe in myself, why, why I didn't believe in myself, why and then it got to. It got all the way down to. I didn't believe in God or God's plan enough, and that was the last thing. And then I was like I was like boohooing at that point. It was just like I felt like I was like I was like boohooing at that point.
Speaker 2:It was just like I felt like I was talking to God himself, like, and it all came from me just saying hey to this girl, right, you see what I'm saying. So, like, some connections is just is meant for other things. So I'm just like open for that. But I think everybody should do that. I feel like I'm spiritually in a different place than, like probably the past I don't know however many years just from this past week alone, because I realized, like you can literally dig into yourself and it wasn't just that that traumatic experience or I don't want to put too much on the traumatic, but like, because people really be going through shit but, um, that experience, that kind of like, stayed with me. It was the surface level thing and I had to.
Speaker 2:When I got deeper into all of that and I like dealt with that and like cried about it and and let all that stuff out, it opened my mind up to many other things that happened in my life or many other setbacks that I did for myself, many other ways that I pulled myself down, and it just opened my mind to, oh shit, like this is all connected, everything is connected. It ain't just about that situation, it's just like there was something going on with me. So, yeah, yeah, that was that was. That was something that I went through last, yeah, like last week yeah, that's super dope.
Speaker 1:There it is. Yeah, that's a lot of self-reflecting, you know, yeah, I'm a self reflective person, not that I probably in some moments I've gotten deep with it, like trying to understand why my decision was that decision. I do that frequently, but maybe not keep on asking my question to that. Uh, keep on asking myself that question on why and why.
Speaker 2:But I'm like, why did I do?
Speaker 1:that like what made me answer behave in that manner that was like inappropriate yada, yada, um. So I do that, but maybe not into that death and I probably need to go there.
Speaker 2:I've never done, I've never done it I was telling other excuse me, other friends about that. That's um, this I've never done it, I just saw, I read it. I was just trying to figure out how to get closer to like, just be more spiritual and like try to, you know, get, get a better connection. And it said to do that and then I was like I'll try.
Speaker 1:I was kind of scared to do that. Yeah, it was like you can't lose this?
Speaker 2:Who's it? I don't know.
Speaker 1:Cause I've heard I've heard this before what you just said. I've heard it before, so that's why I asked that question yeah, um, uh, uh, um uh.
Speaker 2:Remember how I told you. Oh well, well, I got it from just looking up on google and it was a whole bunch of things that pop up, so it'd be reddit this, this, that other people telling their stories and things like that.
Speaker 2:And I told you um before how I said how, um, if I'm at like a crossroad or some shit, and I've been like this for a long time that if I go left or if I have a choice to either go left or right, I'm gonna like really think about that shit and there will be like some chill or something that happens. That I told you it feels like supernatural, that like, if I look to the right and I get some type of chill or whatever, I'm going right and I never knew why I had those things. And then, when I had that conversation with her, kind of like, I'm like, damn, I'll be going on rabbit holes about the grid going down and um, you know, astrology sometimes, or or earth and all this, I'm like I never did that for me, like that thing that that I feel. And then I'll start looking it up and I'm like it's a thing like there are many other people that have that thing and it's called spiritual chills and some people call it psychic chills and I was, you know, I don't know, like it's it.
Speaker 2:I just went down a rabbit hole with that. I don't know. I'm just a full, firm believer that that is not no normal shit. And I swear to God, when I was reading how to get closer and shit, you would have thought I was in an ice bath. It has never been when I sat there and I was meditating, my eyes meditating my eyes.
Speaker 2:I look like one of the monks, uh, and I was asking myself, like why? And trying to go deeper and deeper and deeper. I have never felt a chill that strong, ever so, like, there's this I'm connected to something, you know I'm saying so, I'm a firm believer in that shit now. But, um, yeah, it's not, it's it's. There are a lot of other people that have that and I feel like, uh, we just have to find ways to, um, tap into that, that intuitive spirit. You know, I feel like everybody got something and more people I mean some people have, you know, different ways of of feeling certain things or whatever.
Speaker 2:But uh, yeah, I don't think it's just like some random thing anymore, especially after sitting there and like that was the strongest random thing, random thing as in like yeah, you know, sometimes I feel like God be talking to me.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I feel like I got like really good intuition and, da-da-da-da, I feel like we need to like treat that shit like Harry Potter in a way, like you go to this school and you develop this task, you develop this power or whatever you know you want to call it. Like I feel like we should be doing that in this lifetime rather than just saying like, yeah, you know, sometimes I talk to God and da, da, da, da, da. Like how do you maximize that shit? You know?
Speaker 1:so that's like some type of shit I've been on lately. Okay, and you're spitting, yeah, okay, and um, you, you're spitting, yeah, uh. There's something I wanted to add to the conversation and it was, uh, when you talked about the uh free spirit lady that you met, um, and sometimes it's not um about, like, why she enter, why she entered my life, what was the purpose? Sometimes they're gonna be like, why is you into hers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz she's a, she's a being as well. So you know, you, she, you know there's also sometimes it she may not be able to, you know, lend to your growth that person, whoever, but you can maybe lend to theirs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's something I want to add that you know, like every person that enters your life could be in a learning lesson, but also you could be a learning lesson for them.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, uh, I definitely take that to um, I'm aware of that, which is why platforms like this I mean, the deeper I go with that stuff, most likely I will save some things for me, just to protect it, because I don't know where it's gonna go.
Speaker 2:But I am aware that at least you know, like we have we have conversations sometimes, um, but I do feel like I'm a vessel for something.
Speaker 2:So, like other friends I have, I will, like sit and talk to them and like tell them I'm only talking with one other person, like what I just said, uh, and I I said that to to him specifically to help him like, and whatever he got going on, and whoever, or platforms like this.
Speaker 2:You know, I feel like that's kind of what it's for as well, like the, the more, uh, I elevate mentally, spiritually, physically, like it's it's supposed to be on somewhat of a display, because how else, how else would I have known to do that if that shit wouldn't, if I wasn't able to look it up, you know, or it find me in my frequency or whatever I'm thinking right now. So, yeah, no, I definitely. I don't think I was much, for I didn't even talk to her about it because we really like, like I said, that was like a high by situation. But but for people I do, I am aware of that that I can possibly like change someone else's mindset or help do that. So I I do try to like give whatever information I can because, um, I'll be needing that shit are you, are you curious about her?
Speaker 1:not really, okay, I was just asking no, not really okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she, uh, she ain't gonna watch this but uh, yeah, she, uh, she. She went live Like one day and it was just like Nigga after nigga In the comments, and then she was like Just Y'all blow some kisses for me when I but before I leave, and it was just Hella, niggas blowing kisses and I was like I'm outta here, so why did that bother you?
Speaker 1:I'm not finna be one of these.
Speaker 2:I mean. So why did that bother you? I'm not going to be one of these.
Speaker 1:I understand that.
Speaker 2:We're just not.
Speaker 1:Why is that her fault?
Speaker 2:It ain't her fault.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just saying, like there's a certain, but it sounded like it was a clear turn off.
Speaker 2:It ain't got nothing to do with hers specifically, but I feel like you know some people you can have certain conversations with and it can benefit both of you, but it ends there.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, we don't know that, though we don't know God's plans. It's not like he just flipped you the script real quick so you can read over it Like oh, she ain't supposed to, she's supposed to stop right here. You know what I mean? Yeah, we don't know anything. That's a fact.
Speaker 2:That's why I said like I'm just very interested in like the connections in general, like what is this?
Speaker 1:for.
Speaker 2:Because there are people that I've had conversations with and then like that shit dead for two years and then all of a sudden they pop back up and like, hey, what's going on? Now we're more friends than we were back then. So I I don't know, I'm not looking for anything, though but I was just saying how like the butterfly effect, basically okay.
Speaker 1:So how crazy it is to so why? Um crazy it is to so why? Why do you think that?
Speaker 2:bothered you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if we go into the wise in line?
Speaker 1:I know, no, I ain't in line, but nothing no, so you're saying you pretty much like I value myself more to to follow suit with what, what all the other men doing, but yeah, I'm not finna be the fifth one yeah, you don't have to do kisses, but you can still be interested in her because you know, for whatever reason, no, for sure, I just.
Speaker 1:I just wasn't gonna be in the seventh one, okay, like sending, but I feel like that was a turnoff in her to where you didn't want to reach out to her anymore no, we, I mean it's a hey and okay like I said, it's not, and this is a person you met here in Nashville. I didn't meet anybody okay, I'm after this free spirit lady you was talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I never met her.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, oh okay. No, it was just like some.
Speaker 2:Internet shit, yeah, just internet shit.
Speaker 1:Okay, I got you Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it wasn't nothing crazy All right Understood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no no, no no no, you know I like I don't know Some women.
Speaker 2:they're so beautiful, but like I don't know Not her specifically, but like anything that feels like you're. I don't know. I don't know her like that, so I don't even want to group that in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah I feel like it's just so much harder to meet somebody and get to know their spirit for real on the internet on the internet.
Speaker 2:Oh, um, yeah, for sure, not for sure, but I mean we had a conversation though. So, like we was like on the phone, so I, you know, I kind of like picked up on certain vibes and stuff, so it wasn't just like a so.
Speaker 1:So when you first talked to her, it was like, yeah, this probably ain't gonna last long actually yeah, and then she hit me up randomly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she hit me up randomly, and then that sparked like us uh speaking which sparked everything else okay so I don't know, so I don't know why. I don't know why she did it. She don't even follow me, so okay, what was she saying?
Speaker 1:hey, big head, what was it?
Speaker 2:no, it's just just just. Just. Hey, I don't know like something was funny. She sent it to me, okay, and it just start. It just sparked something okay, I got you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I understand, yeah, yeah so it wasn't. It wasn't that crazy okay, so do you treat um, are you like that with ladies who you see, see around is like hey she, she's so beautiful, she's probably getting a lot of other men's attention, so you won't move in that direction?
Speaker 2:no, anybody beautiful is getting hella attention. I don't think I ever want to see a girl's dm like ever, because that is just like kind of hurt your heart a little bit. So I'm good on that you know, the prettier the woman, the you got to multiply by 10 the or 100 of how much dms they got.
Speaker 1:She said that too.
Speaker 2:She was like I just get so many DMS and that it uh, and I'm like it's crazy, that's a different world for a pretty woman on social media yeah, it's that's kind of like it's too much.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's too. So do you? You feel like that messes up her head a little bit.
Speaker 2:You just mean like them in general.
Speaker 1:Like they're getting so much validation how? Can they put their stock into one person, knowing that there's so many other men that want them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to be like. Sometimes I'm just kind of I thought about that too. I was like man to see, you know, to get replies from certain people, sometimes over like the years. I thought about it. I'm like, you know, these people probably got so many goddamn messages and shit. My blue check must like help a little bit. And even that ain't enough Because I'll be going on some people's pages like oh, she's cute the game like this photo.
Speaker 2:Nick Cannon follows this girl. Da-da-da-da, Nick Cannon. First of all, he's knocking up everybody. But yeah, I'll see all that. I'm like, wow, it's that. I wouldn't say it's that easy. But when you're pretty on social media, you're automatically marketed to like everybody.
Speaker 1:I mean Nick. Nick Cannon gets a lot of money.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Fairly good looking guy Right With a huge amount of clout and is highly intelligent. So, yeah, that makes sense. It does, but yeah, so I that, um, we're all one of ones, right? There's nobody like us. Our dna is unique and different. Um, so it's just what you connect to. So that's why yeah yeah, I think we all can get stuck in that place of where it's like you know, dang she got. Why is she choosing me?
Speaker 1:but, at the same time is you offer something you're going to. Always. Any person is going to offer something different than what somebody else will. Yeah, because you have nobody grew up in your shoes. You have a different experience, a different mindset, so it's just what connects with you to that person why they may want to stick around or not. You know and and that's kind of the, the value that I know I bring is like hey I'm.
Speaker 1:I know I'm not going to be meant for everybody, not everybody, I'm not going to be desired by everybody, right? But I know the value that I do bring, I know the love that I do bring, I know the care that I do bring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know it. It ain't going to be for everybody, but I know there's. I was like I know I'm doing so much more. Yeah yeah, yeah, than the typical, so I can sleep at night at the end of the day, yeah no for a fact.
Speaker 2:That's definitely how I live. So that's why I say it Like nowadays definitely how I live. So that's why I said like nowadays. Anyway, I just be looking at connections kind of differently just like, what is this for?
Speaker 2:what is what is? And a couple previous connections that I had. I think that I was something for them. You know, like in um, certain certain aspects, um, but that's definitely how I think about it. I'm not like like, why did they pick me? I think maybe I was like that before, but yeah, nowadays it's it's more so. What is this? What is this for? What's the grand scheme? I think, because it's always something like. It's always something when I get to know somebody. It's deeper than just just like a simple conversation. It's always like some something that is that I self-reflect on, um, I get to know a person. They do a couple things in their life that I wish I could get better at, or, you know, it's always some reason for these, uh, connections and I do you think you're okay?
Speaker 1:well, I'll answer my question. What I think is happening, I think that you're making a lot of connections. So that was I was gonna ask you do you think you're making a lot of connections? I'm gonna just say, I think that you're making a lot of connections, mm-hmm, and is there a reason why one of those are not sticking? Oh, out of the connections that I've had, yeah, um because, there's been a lot of conversations, a lot of exchanging numbers and you know I haven't seen.
Speaker 2:You know one just penetrate um I, I mean it's just like every now and then I mean.
Speaker 1:So you're making way more connections than any other average dude would let's calm down a little bit. No, I'm that's. That's the truth, doesn't matter you know, like. I think it was something like a man and I'm overstating the number. A man will never. An average man will never sleep more than seven women. I think that's like. I think I'm overstating the number.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I'm not out there.
Speaker 1:I'm just bringing that to set the stage. So if that's the case, then the amount of chances they have to exchange numbers are significantly less than what you had over the past, since you transitioned to a different setting.
Speaker 2:You talking about, like Raystall City? No, I was talking about here, yeah, yeah, the the past, since you um transitioned to a different setting. You're talking like, right, so?
Speaker 1:city. Uh, no, no, let's talk about here and yeah, yeah um yeah, for sure. So I'm just saying like, some of those connections is like okay, is it because you're at, not at a place to want something stronger? And that kind of it sets me to the original question of when I asked about like, are you dating to marry um?
Speaker 2:I mean I like. I said I like what I like. So when usually, when it comes to a point which is, it only happened twice in the past, maybe three but, two to three times in the past. What ten years that I? So I mean I was in a six year relationship, so that's six years off top just gone. It's a very long time. So gone as in not in a negative sense yeah. But, just like you know, like you skipped six years out of that alone.
Speaker 1:How do you feel about I'm sorry to cut it off and talk to something different how do you feel about six years in general? Like being in a relationship with somebody and it not be the ending that you wanted, do you? Is it like? Are you somewhat resentful of no like?
Speaker 2:damn I wish.
Speaker 1:This was at least four. You know what I?
Speaker 2:mean resentful of the amount of years.
Speaker 1:Well, because you got the six years, then you got healing yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, so you got that too yeah, yeah, and and if, if you really come to a place of healing, i'm'm sure it is at one point. I don't know if you're fully there, but no, I am Okay, I'm definitely there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, but.
Speaker 2:I'm not resentful of the time. You know that was a very transitional time period for me and I'm glad that happened then. And I'm glad that happened then Because if it happened later. Yeah, I just wouldn't want something like that to happen later. Like the amount of lessons that I learned in that relationship were just grand.
Speaker 2:Did you ever want to leave, leave her. Yeah, I was so committed that any time that I thought I just want to be to myself, I would talk myself out of it. Yeah, so if we, if we weren't in, if we weren't seeing eye to eye, if we, if, you know, if things just weren't going well, then you know, I would say these things to myself, like I'm in it till I'm out of it, and which means I'm fully in this. You know, I'm not gonna tell myself that I'm gonna break up with. I was just, I was that committed, uh, to the relationship that anytime, you know, those thoughts of how I say like your words become reality. It started then, like in that relationship and I would see, I would visually see, if one day I'm like I can't deal with this girl, that day would be that. And then there were days where I would wake up where I say I don't know if this shit going to work out and I'm like no Words are real.
Speaker 2:If I want this shit to work. It's going to work, and I would try five times harder that day, and that day would be a total different outcome. So when it came down to like man breaking up and all that, I would talk myself out of it and say something super positive to myself to uh, to, to, to like veer me back on the path of commitment yeah, and they people talk about.
Speaker 1:And that's where I don't. I disagree with the, the line of like words of affirmation, like just speaking into existence and like I feel like you're also blinding yourself to reality to a certain level. Like, yeah, you can't speak, you know you can't speak. Everything into existence, yeah, yeah, and that's just the nature of the beast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Some things just going to be roadblocks yeah, so it's not gonna be like everything's gonna be good as gold, as long as I think it is. Yeah, yeah, I mean. So I'm saying that to say it's like some, if I'm in prison, I'm in prison, I can't speak like I'm free you know, so you gotta lend yourself to the reality situation.
Speaker 1:If you know, I'm not saying that it's easy to say when it didn't work out, but it's also. I still want to live. I don't want to still live foolishly. I'm like, hey, this relationship is going to build, it's going to work I know it is and then you're still going to. You know you're still going to have the shortcomings of the person that maybe not match who you are.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, that's a fact. So I mean, yeah, there's always a sense of reality with that. But I visually see it all the time, all the time with multiple different relationships. There are things that are in girls' heads, that shit just plays out. There are things that people can get in a person's ear. That's all they think about. Boom, that's what the relationship is. So there is a line between being optimistic and just the reality of the situations. Y'all probably love each other differently. You probably you know.
Speaker 2:The harsh truth is like maybe there's somebody out there better for both of you. Yeah, so you know you gotta figure that out. Yeah, but I you know you got to figure that out too, yeah, but you know, life is just, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like you at some point? Did you see it coming Like, yeah, all the time. Okay, yeah, all the time. Throughout the whole thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know how many times that girl wanted to break up with me yeah, I got you. Yeah, Hell yeah, Like that shit was all the time and I sat myself too and went through that whole thing. You know the ending of that relationship. It ended exactly how I thought of myself, without saying too much about the end of the relationship, but everything that happened, that's exactly what.
Speaker 1:I thought about myself.
Speaker 2:Well, I just had to tell you after certain ways it played out, I had to think about it. I'm like, damn, it's like you go to a basketball game and you didn't prepare for the basketball game. You ain't hooped in two weeks. But these people on the other team, they've been training every day and then you see them and you actually might be the same, you might have the same skill as them. They actually needed to keep up with you, but because you see them, then you're like, once you get in your head, you're like, damn, they are so much stronger than me. You're going to play weaker. There's so much yeah.
Speaker 1:so once you finally lose, the game like you've been lost before you even got on the court and you know there's a lot of truth and that's what people say. You're playing to the level of your competition as well. It's like if you know some people. You know if they're going against a weak team, they don't play as hard, or yeah um, but it actually you saying that?
Speaker 1:um just thought about why I have my own struggles in the relationship. Is is and I want to see if you you agree with me on your relationship. Is that? Do you feel like your partner doesn't dig deep within themselves enough the times that she was in it, like the long-term relationship? Um?
Speaker 1:dig deep enough um, like just about themselves and self-reflect, and like wondering, because you, it's like the times that you know, you're like, hey, I feel like she wants to give up all the time you know or whatever, sometimes I I can like apply to my own relationship and be like are you, are you willing to go deep enough into yourself and to figure out who you truly are?
Speaker 2:I think there are certain points with everybody where you're gonna have to meet that version of yourself. So even where I am today, I wasn't. When I was with her, you know, like me sitting there and trying to figure out where is this trauma coming from? Where I didn't go that deep back then. Plus, I wasn't even taking care of myself for real, to even like get to the point of even doing it and I think it was the same thing, sort of on.
Speaker 2:Well, she was taking better care of herself, but, um, yeah, I think we both, yeah, we, we both were uh, um it it was different for both sides, but she could have done better and I could have done better with that of reflecting and figuring that out, you know.
Speaker 2:But again, like in that that span of my life, that's something that I recently had to, you know, like figure out why why? Because there were many things that I could have improved on and just didn't, mm. And I knew what was wrong. I knew exactly what was wrong. I knew, you know, the things that I needed to improve on. It was like right there, it was just blatant and I just would not get to the point of getting there and again, like, a lot of that was taking care of myself and, um, being true, true to myself. So I think everybody just has to get to a certain point with that. That could be age, that could be traumatic events that could be you know you walk outside, see god himself, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But, um, yeah and yeah, in that relationship we both had a hard time, on both sides, to like correct those things on a deep level, of getting to the point of being that person that we needed to be for ourselves, which would reflect to the other person.
Speaker 1:Understood. We got one more conversation cuz I yeah, yeah, no, exactly, because at some point I was like I haven't talked about my whole mom my own weekend. But I was like man, my stuff is not important compared to the conversation, but but I'm it was alright, we can talk about next one. Yeah, it was actually cool, though, but the last one Because we were talking about marriage and relationships Is Halle Berry.
Speaker 2:First husband yeah.
Speaker 1:His name was David Justice. I wasn't familiar with him. He's a baseball Former baseball player but he divorced Halle Berry Because she didn't cook or clean. Yeah.
Speaker 2:How do Hearing?
Speaker 1:that baseball player but he divorced have a berry because she didn't cook or clean. Yeah, how do you hearing that? Do you think that's? But I'm sure there's more context to it. Uh-huh, but just off of that, how does that? Does that sound crazy to you, or? Is that like.
Speaker 2:I wonder what the cleaning situation was yeah, I don't know if it's like a, you didn't clean the whole house, or your side of the bed looks crazy, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, yeah, you know, your room looks fucking wild, or there's tissue on in the bathroom floor, like you know. I don't know what that was, but I kind of see it two ways. Like I don't know, some things can just be like done with a maid, right, right. So like I grew up my mom didn't cook all the time and so I don't even look for that in a woman. You know it's nice, it's a cherry on top, but I never experienced the home cooked meal every single day. So like, if she say she don't feel like cooking, I get it, I get it, I don't eat it, you know. So, um, but the, the, the, I don't know it's a toss-up. I don't know exactly fully what he meant, how you feel about it um, I, there's a lot of things that I can.
Speaker 1:That I think about is um, I still, I'm on the same fence as you as in terms of, like, okay, what is cleanliness and what does that look like? Yeah, um, but as far as cooking and cleaning, she's halliburton, so she can't afford everything, you, that you can afford, so why does she need to cook her clean, like I? I? I can understand, if you know, if she's a stay-at-home mom, I'm like, okay, what do you bring it to the table? But if you can, if she can purchase, like at the end of the day, it's time efficiency. If she's making a lot of money, then that's dedicating her time to cooking and cleaning. It's just like inefficient to what she got going on too like cooking in preparation takes a very long time, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's not just no thing that you can just pop in the oven for 15 minutes and it's done. No, that's hours.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think maybe that's just his love language.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and why didn't you know that Like at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:You kind of blame yourself for that too, and I'm not saying that he didn't. But yeah, if cooking, if that's what matters to you most, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it depends. He may not have truly known himself, but I think those are very hard standards, and and then I'll have to listen to interview, because that that's an absolute for you. You're a baseball player. You play a hundred and something games a year. A hundred and something, yeah, games a year. So how often are you at home? Why is this an absolute?
Speaker 2:yeah, it sounds like, I don't know like he either grew up. He either grew up, and that's that, that was the thing, or, um, that's one of his uh, his love languages. I think that's kind of what that is.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you think, going back on the other stuff we was talking about, do you think it's easy for couples to dive deeper, to find that inner thing that we were talking about, of um, trying to be better on both sides? Do you think one side is usually like?
Speaker 1:yes yeah well, well, I'm and that's partially untrue, because I know men that don't uh, just really dig deep in themselves at all- and they're very selfish and yeah, so they don't realize they're as much of a problem as anybody else is. So but and it's kind of unfair because I have a lot of friends that look within themselves and yeah, so I'm looking at it at a different angle and I know women that are too, but they're all the women that I mean I speak to. They're older.
Speaker 2:They've been in relationships.
Speaker 1:Most of them are married or been married, so it's just completely different.
Speaker 2:Do they say that they had to do that type of stuff, like later in life or compared to your age? Um?
Speaker 1:I don't know the answer to that question, um, but then I, I learned, I see, you know, my own relationship and her friends is like I don't, it doesn't feel like most of them do that. Um, I could be completely wrong in that, but yeah, yeah, I don't, you know, it's kinda you know it's it's. I feel like it should be more self reflection Than what I see. But then again, I don't know, I don't know him like that and I don't have that conversation With him like that. So I, I literally Probably I'm just guessing and what, how there's you know. You, probably I'm just guessing, and what, how there's. You know you can see how people move. You know you can see somebody. Hey, he looked drunk, but maybe he just you know, what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, maybe he just um whatever you know, maybe he just got his own different shoes or something you know what I mean. Yeah, but and that's what it is. It's like they just how they move. Doesn't look like as much self-reflection on this side, but I, I truly don't know um, and and then I feel like it should feed off more. Yeah, like there's a level of we kind of feed off on each other it was like hey, you know what you should move like, or you should, you like.
Speaker 1:we check each other in a way like no, that, no, that's not good for you, or you shouldn't be doing that, or you should try this. I mean, we talk about it on the podcast all the time and it could be a lot of not doing that, of not checking your own friends to where it could be that too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do feel like, when I really truly think about it, I only have those certain type of conversations with certain people. Yeah, so, and then I plus I have to know somebody for a while, damn near to um, or has to be, a certain type of of energy within me and the, the person I'm talking to, to even be able to speak about those things.
Speaker 2:So maybe some people do do that, because I've heard that before of people saying you know, I'm working on myself, I'm dead. But sometimes I feel like people just like throw that out there, just throw that, saying out there you know, like you know, we're gonna usually like single women after a breakup. That's the first thing that I kind of hear is, like you know, I've just been working on myself, I've and I just don't know what that truly means. But it depends on the person.
Speaker 1:It depends on the person yeah, and in terms of if we can kind of close here soon. But in back to that positive affirmation thing is like I take when I speak to people I just kind of speak humbly in a sense Like maybe if I'm talking a lot it can maybe get arrogant or confidence, or it seems like he knows a lot, but I try to be like, make myself less than Like, but I speak, I think highly of myself in my mind. Yeah, yeah, so I'll be like you know I'm dumb, you know, or I'll say something like that. And to me they were like you know you're supposed to speak, you know yourself into existence King, I'm like I don't be that deep with it because I know how much I value myself in my mind.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, but humbly, I'll try to come off humble. Like hey, you know, it may be the night. I'll say a lot Like maybe this is the naive side of me, maybe it's because I don't have a lot of experience, and then I'll state my point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You're just saying like you kind of do that for yourself, but not.
Speaker 1:No, I do that for other people, so they don't feel like.
Speaker 2:I'm stepping on toes or boundaries, right? No, I'm saying you do the affirmation, that type of ordeal, like more for yourself but not like in, like you're not going to a table and saying like I'm a king. Yeah, you might leave the table and be like these niggas like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in a sense innocence. Yeah, pretty much, yeah, yeah yeah, I kind of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm here in there with that, but yeah yeah, because I would like bro.
Speaker 1:Bro, why am I? Why do I care about their opinions? Yeah, like I. It's a um, it's a saying in the Game of Thrones. Yeah, but that was a Game of Thrones reference. It's like a lion, doesn't worry about the opinions of a sheep. Oh right, yeah, so that was a Game of Thrones reference, which is a phenomenal saying, because that's very true A lion ain't going to worry about how a sheep feels about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a lion. Why would you care?
Speaker 1:yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah and I, and I just kind of take that mantra with me a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that is a good one. Um yeah, so I heard something else like that too I forgot the other one, but that in my mind.
Speaker 1:But I try to be humble and be like, yeah, you know yeah, that's what?
Speaker 2:uh, yeah, that's what it reminded me of. Chris brown used to dance battle people and then eventually he stopped dance battling people because he's like, why the fuck am I?
Speaker 1:I'm chris brown yeah, and he said something like that yeah, so which, which makes sense.
Speaker 2:It's like you know, you got this, this type of uh, thought process and and way of thinking like why even?
Speaker 1:why even do?
Speaker 2:that, so I agree with that all right.
Speaker 1:I feel like we did it yeah all right, well, this is two for the culture. We'll be back. We'll be back, yes, sir.