Two for the Culture
Two for the Culture is brought to you be Steven Rey and Justin Devonte. This is the podcast for the ages! Both Steve and Justin has been friends for over a decade plus and will give you a genuine approach on news and culture with humor and love. I promise this will be one of your favorite podcasts that you will not get enough of!
Two for the Culture
What Happens When You Date Someone Who Already Has A Child
We weigh the realities of dating someone with a child, from time limits and discipline boundaries to co-parent dynamics, money, and leadership. Hard truths on accountability, deflection, expectations, and why mutual respect matters more than labels.
• stepping into a parented household and what changes
• where affection meets responsibility and budgets
• boundaries on discipline for non-parents
• mutual submission, leadership and clear standards
• generational shifts in family and authority
• accountability versus deflection during conflict
• dating games, costs and honest expectations
• single life freedom versus relationship structure
• co-parent respect, jealousy risks and separation
• discipline that builds trust and outcomes
• mentors, feedback and real growth
We are back with another episode of Two for the Culture. I'm Justin Devante. I'm Stephen Ray. Yes, sir. We are back. How are you doing?
SPEAKER_01:Doing well, man. Doing well. Um, yeah, I really be doing the same thing every weekend for real. I just have like a list of people that I call. Okay. And then if they answer, they answer. If they don't, they don't. But everybody slick answered this uh this time around.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so you just talking all weekend.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, bro. Uh it's it's just like a sense of community or something. It just makes me feel like um, you know, just being by myself all the time. It's just like it's it's it's a better um weekend for real. If I'm just like having good conversations with people that I that that I fuck with. So yeah, how about yourself?
SPEAKER_00:It was it was a good weekend. Um you know, I'm always doing the same thing. I don't think I did anything special um this weekend. So it's pretty much working, you know. We hung up for a little bit, yeah, like for an hour and a half, but yeah, yeah, yeah, for that long. Just stopped through.
SPEAKER_01:That was too funny.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was definitely wondering where that cookout charge came from.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. You just yeah, it's like I'm just taking the L. It is what it is. No, that's funny. But one of those conversations that you had, which was dope because when we talked on the phone, um, he was like, you know, I talked to Tate and his dad, you know. And then I was like, you know, it just reminded me of like, you know, the situation of how you know his dad took on two extra kids at 26, 27. Damn. Uh-huh. It's like how yeah, I know. You take so you have your own family, and then you take on two other kids, yeah. On top of that, and you're the sole provider, yeah, at that young of an age.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm I'm thinking, I'm like 24, 25. I mean, 25, that's that's when I mean basically when um uh Kaya was born, yeah. Around there, I couldn't imagine just like like being, I don't know. I I just couldn't imagine it at all.
SPEAKER_00:I know it's it's so much. You know, and you don't have any time to prepare for it. It's not like right, hey, I know I'm willingly taking this on. You know what I mean? Well, of course you're willing to take it on, but he's like, hey, I know it's not like adoption to where you're planning for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, this this accident, this a tragic accident happened, and I got two kids on my plate.
SPEAKER_01:That's crazy. Can't can you imagine yourself um doing that?
SPEAKER_00:Um, I can't imagine how I would handle it. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So um I just don't know how I'll be able to do it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's an immediate two other mouths to feed, clothe. Right. Everything that deals with it.
SPEAKER_00:Everything that I have my life before has to cease. You know what I mean? Like it's now I work a lot as it is now, but my expenses, things gotta go. Yeah. Very quickly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's things that I can no longer handle and take care of. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yep, credit card gone. You know, you know what I mean? Like little things like, hey, I ain't gonna worry about it, send it to collections. Send it to collections, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. There's no way I could I could uh maintain it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I couldn't imagine it. But um yeah, so is that kind of you you had touched on that one time about uh dating women with kids. Like, would you are you open to that?
SPEAKER_00:Um no, but I I would I do want to I want to stay on that one for a little bit. Uh huh. Uh for uh because I just it's super commendable. And when I didn't realize when I when I met um met him how I should have been like, dude, you know, you're a phenomenal man at a young age. Because he he he's come he's laid back. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He don't take anything, it seems like too serious, yeah, yeah. So I was like, dude, you know what I mean? I I need more guidance, you know what I mean? Like, how did you make it? Like, I I feel like when you say I talked to him, I was like, dang, I feel like I need to call him.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know what what what put that on my my heart to do that, but no, I definitely um damn, I don't know why I did that. Yeah, but I I I I set it up. Uh then Tate just told me um that that he would put him on the phone, and then I just basically I I can't remember verbatim what I said, but I was just like kind of thanking him for being him. Yeah, it was very quick. I mean, he always working, he's always in the chair, the barber. Yeah so um but yeah, hopefully that that made his day.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I think he should be. I don't know if he's appreciated a ton, but I feel like he should be appreciated more. You know what I mean? Hey bro, you you a key, you know what I mean? All right, greeted with a massage, all right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, for sure, man. He had his own shop and everything. I remember that at one point. It was called Esquires, uh and he had his face just like painted, like it was big, it was huge. That shit was dope. That was cool to see. Yeah, so he definitely, I mean, he he he about his business as well.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, yeah. No, that's that's super dope. But to back to what you mentioned. Uh-huh. Um, can I date a woman with a child? So I did it before. I don't I could possibly do it again. Yeah. But she has to be phenomenal, a phenomenal woman. I think I maybe mentioned before, but I'll expand on it a little bit. Uh, but I do want your um yes or no to you.
SPEAKER_01:Uh uh I'm open to it. Yeah. Okay. I feel like that's that's whack for me to say no and I got a kid.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But some some people do that. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, like uh when I do my old podcast, uh, one of my co-hosts had a child and he's like, no, I'm not dating another one with a child. Oh, for real? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I I just I mean as soon as I would hear myself say that, I just something seems off. Like literally because I have a child.
SPEAKER_00:You're right. No, I I think, yeah, if I had a child, it'd be different. It's like I'll feel exactly the same way you do, but that's not always the case. Um, yeah. But for me, the reason why is because I've tried it and that was an issue. Uh-huh. Um, how I see things to go is go is from my upbringing. Um, and I I see pro problems in certain areas. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's hard for me to sit back and why and just do nothing. Or even that's not my responsibility to do so. Because that's also not my child. Yeah. You know? So it's it's it's a delicate balance of you doing, hey, you doing just enough, but not doing too much. Because, you know, it's not your child, so it's not like you can truly discipline. Right. So that's off the table. But then you also gotta show favor to the child because you're like, how come you ain't doing, you know what I mean, showing no love? So so you gotta play that balance. And then you gotta you you also gotta, she has uh that person has a dependent that they have to rely on.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So she can't just come over your house and stay the night any night.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_00:You yeah, so you have to plan around that. And if she's not more than somebody who's not with a child, meaning if she's not bringing more to that table to compensate for all the things that you gotta do, then why is it worth it?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You see what I'm saying? You got so you gotta be.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, yeah, I was just um thinking about it, and uh the first thing that I want to say is I feel like it just as I always be saying, like it's sometimes that should just depend on the woman, like what type of um relationship uh it would be. But going off of your point, that is like a I I didn't think about it that I didn't think about it that far. Because now it kind of feels like you're being put in a place of you gotta be on your best behavior or something, versus like being a parent.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So it's like really you're um you're like a a a guidance counselor. Yeah, that's essentially what you are. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, you can take it or leave it, you know, but I'm here for you, but I can't at the end of the day, I can't do anything about what you, you know what I mean? Like I it's like I can't hit you upside the head. Yeah, right. So that's essentially what you're doing. He's like, hey, I can give guidance. Shut up, okay. You know, yeah, yeah. Please don't talk back to me. You know what I mean? Like, like, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It can only go so far.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's exactly. So um, that's why her attributes have to be stronger, or it could be a great child, you know, be very respectful, happy you're here, and and all those things may be true, but you still have the limited capacity of her as well. And that's the least of the factors. But if she's not realizing that that's the case, like, hey, I know I got a child, but hey, let me make it to you in this way. And that sounds a little bit weird. Let me clarify. And say, like, hey, you know, I understand that we can't spend a lot of time for each other, but when I have you here, I have you. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Let me do something special and make it worth it, not just being like, hey, it is what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I wonder how long it takes for if if um there's so many factors in it, but I do wonder how long it would take for new guy to get that type of control of the situation in terms of like the discipline and the um like kind of just being that father figure. I wonder how long it takes, or will it ever?
SPEAKER_00:It I think it's just depending on how you how you're raised. We come from an era of where the principal got to spank you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's wild.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, we came from an era to where the community raised you. So you you know, your your your mom's friends may whoop you if you act up. That ain't happening in this era. So back then, it could be, I don't want to say seamless, but we have, you know, we had uh men that my mom have dated that taken it very far far far. Um you know, we we got disciplined.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, for real?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But other men.
SPEAKER_01:Was it was it uh after like how much time passed?
SPEAKER_00:Uh I didn't really get in trouble like that. Yeah, yeah. But I would I couldn't tell you for sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. So I wouldn't know exactly the time frame. But you know, my mom was a disciplinary, so it's I'm sure it wasn't, you know, if she felt like you was acting up, then that it is what it is. You you deserve what you got. Yeah, so it's not like you know, it's not like I cut you come in and the man just coming in, just like, hey, I'm establishing the household, punching the chest. Yeah, yeah. Hey, you did this thing, you get a whooping. Yeah. So for us, it wasn't like I can't believe this man hit me. Yeah, it's more like, hey, we did break that window. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, so now let's try to hide, like tape it back together and see if we can make it hide it. Oh, yeah. But once you get caught, you're like, dang, you know? Uh-huh. And you'll try to weasel your way out of it. But outside of that, you know, we knew what we deserved, and I wasn't gonna come back to my real dad, like, hey dad, he hit me. I'm like, nah, bruh, you deserve what you got.
SPEAKER_01:Uh uh uh okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and you own we essentially owned it at the end of the day. Like, I mean, we didn't. I was more the person who's gonna be like, hey, you know what? She, if I didn't clean my room, and uh she my mom would say that, and that's why she maybe took it, she always was fair, but tried to be a little bit lighter in understanding. Was like, she's like, hey, you didn't clean your room. What I say would happen if you didn't clean your room. I'll get a whooping, so what's about to happen? I'm about to get a whooping. Like, okay, you know what I mean? But versus my brother and my sister. This is how she would say he's like, hey, make all the excuses in the world, you know, on why they didn't do what they did. Uh-huh. Yeah. So you will we'll have those excuses, but at the end of the day, it's the charge was a charge.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. We're not we're not mad at my mom for for whooping us. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you're talking about like the dude, though.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, or yeah, even the dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is what it is. Yeah, he that this is an era where you respect your elders.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So that's kind of how it goes. Yeah, now, yeah, you and the kid is on the same playing field.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I wonder how that that that that dynamic would be. Um, I feel like it's gonna happen. I feel like I could be wrong, but I do feel like just the way the world works, like I feel like I'm gonna end up dating somebody with a kid one day. Yeah, I just feel like maybe yeah. I I don't know why I feel like that, but I just I I don't know. I I can see it coming. Yeah. Plus we're like 30 something now, you know, like the odds are higher. The odds are higher.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but you can state somebody younger. You also date somebody younger as well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Uh um, I don't know. I don't know. I I just feel like if there's any even if I'm like scrolling, and then there's a girl who's pretty or whatever, but if that shit says like 22, like I just keep scrolling.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Because I just feel like that's not we're not mentally.
SPEAKER_00:I totally I yeah, I agree. Yeah, there's a certain age, so we're like 22, it's a little bit young. I think it's one of those things like you gotta be exceptional, 22-year-old, you know. Yeah, it is so I think it's kind of like similar. It's like, hey, if you got a child, you gotta be exceptional. If you young, you gotta be exceptional in that same same way. I don't I'm not gonna like completely rule it out, but if I'm like, say if I'm on a dating app, which I'm not, but if I was, then if I see she has a cat a child, there's no point. I'm swaying next, so it's not I'm not giving a chance. But if I'm meeting somebody and like I get to know 'em, like which first date, and then she mentions a child, it's like, okay, I'm not going to completely rule it out, but I'm not going to um, we're going to take some time to get to know each other. You know what I mean? And it's we're not, we're going to remain non-exclusive for a minute to make sure this is where because now I gotta see a lot more.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta see a lot more.
SPEAKER_00:And I even said at the time with the person I did, I was like, after if I we don't make it, I'm not doing this again. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. It's just too, it's just too many variables, it's too difficult. You know, this is not a discussion, like I didn't plan this baby with you, so this is not a discussion on how we parenting. It's either I take it or leave it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I I get that. Yeah. So that that yeah, I just wonder how how much or that that whole dynamic, I kind of wondered that sometimes. Because, you know, like I had a kid, I have a kid, and I was in a long-term relationship, and there were definitely times where she would act up, like sometimes not even just act up for real. But at the time frame, I wasn't like uh in the same city as her, right? So I would see her uh like once a month type thing. And because of that, it would it would put me in a position of like letting some things just slide just because she don't see me often. You know what I'm saying? So like if she said something, or I I I don't know. Um like now it's different, you know, I'm basically like up the street or whatever. But there were times where she would she would probably get like a little annoying sometimes. This is this is rare, rare, rare. But um and the person who I was with, they were like, you know, you need to like, it's kind of like how you saying, just like overly, they grew up overly um like a uh uh uh just more of a strict environment. And even though I'm I'm kind of used to that too, that was a thing on on my side where she didn't really know she she wanted to like she wanted to to uh do more in terms of like the parenting thing, kind of how like how you saying, but she just like take a step back, like, all right, whatever. Uh I don't like that she's doing this one thing. Again, this is rare occasions, but uh I definitely was with someone and they felt that what you're saying.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and your the level of that is different because it's not like you had joint custody to where she's like, hey, I'm dealing with this a lot more. Yeah, her patience is is you know what I mean, it's it's gonna be way bigger than mine that has to deal with it full time. Yeah, yeah, because she she has a child full time, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dad sees on weekends or you know, like a holiday for a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But most of the time mine mine, so if this if something happens, you know, she got to immediately attend for that child. And that child, regardless, you know, good or bad, you know, you know, that changes her mood. And I gotta compensate for that too.
SPEAKER_01:Facts.
SPEAKER_00:Like, yeah, yeah. So if if a child's, you know, even in at the hospital, yeah, that's gonna be, you know, something's going wrong, you know, that's a full attention, which I don't mind that, but you know, now I gotta be the person to console if I'm not, you know, I can't have concerns in this moment. I have to wait off. Like, if we're not even doing well in a relationship, I gotta hold off. Yeah, yeah, how I feel, and that's that happened. You know what I mean? Like, like now I gotta my energy is already drained on the relationship in general. Now I gotta be here present on a drained relationship.
SPEAKER_01:Facts, yeah. Yeah, I did. Uh I read one time. Um, I mean, it kind of sort of ties in in it a little bit, but I I read one time that uh, and I could be definitely completely wrong, but I read one time that women who have single mothers, it's really um hard for them to submit. Like it's it's not it's not as easy as it is to submit to a man um when they're single mothers. And then it's because uh again, I could be completely wrong. So, you know, whoever's on the other side of this video, like, hell no, I love my man, my da-da-da. But um, you'll never be above the child, like ever. So yeah, I think so. Yeah, so that that that's just that's just what I meant. Like, if there wasn't a child there, then you know, it's just kind of like letting all the pressure and all that type of shit, usually it'll um be balanced out, like in a relationship. But uh yeah, I think it's like a harder shell or because I know how my mom treated me, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:And so I can understand um how that easily can happen, and I don't fault fault you for that. If you gotta be there for the child, uh I'm gonna be completely understanding. Um and you're gonna have your down days. But I'm saying you gotta you if you're going to have this, it's baggage, literally. Yeah. I know that's a negative connotation, but that's literally what it is, then you know what I mean. You gotta be strong, you gotta be carrying that baggage well. So if you're doing the regular things that a regular woman would do in a relationship on top of your baggage, that baggage is already slowing you down. So all your negative qualities on top of this, I might as well have a woman without a child because therefore I I don't now I'm forced to carry your baggage with you with with you on top of the negative qualities. Yeah, you see what I'm saying? So why? Why would I do that? Yeah, yeah. Like, I love myself a lot more than that. Like, why am I so that's why you have when you talk about the why is like, why am I doing this?
SPEAKER_01:Uh yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I'm we having problems as this is right now. Yeah, I started to not care. Like, that's and that's essentially what it was. It's like, yeah, I don't care to put in work anymore. Uh-huh. Because it's just not worth it. I don't see where I'm winning. Because now I'm a lot more stressful. I I'm carrying this weight on me as well. So, and that's just ultimately where I landed. And so I was like, it's not worth pursuing somebody with a child. Now, if I land on it, she's phenomenal. Fine. I'm not gonna be like, hey, you know what? You didn't check the box. You know what I mean? Like, it's it's never gonna be absolute in that way. But in terms of like it was this one um um one girl when we was at um what is that? Ducos. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I s I saw her from uh she went to MTSU. Um and I was already kind of talking to a lady next to me, but I remember like you know, she was still fine. Yeah, yeah. And then um and then I wound up coming across a Facebook child, I'm good. I'm good, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, no, I'm good. That's funny.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm starting to get used to hearing this women with children that it's not even like a surprise. Yeah. For real.
SPEAKER_00:I agree.
SPEAKER_01:Oh well. Oh well. Damn, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Nice to meet you. You know, we know they're like, hey, nice to meet you. Uh-huh. Congratulations. I'm sure you're a proud parent.
SPEAKER_01:Uh I'm sure they are. Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah, I I don't know. I just feel like this every year that passes is just more and more of a thing.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, I mean, as you get older, you're gonna come across. I will say that it's also a uh new day and era too, to where we're starting families later than ever as well.
SPEAKER_01:You think so? Yes, absolutely. Well, I mean uh actual together, like what do you mean? Like kids or families?
SPEAKER_00:Uh kids. Uh yeah. So you'll have that, you know, because most of the kids that's here, that's they're not planned. Yeah. Most of them. Yeah. And but now, like the our generations are delaying having kids than we ever had before, I think. I believe, yeah. Cause the the the and you see that in a lot of different places.
SPEAKER_01:No, what do you mean?
SPEAKER_00:Like, um, I for an example, like Japan or South Korea, they're having growth issues because um they're not the adults are not having kids like they used to.
SPEAKER_01:But I thought it was like a rule.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I thought it was a rule, like you can't have more than you're talking about China, and that's a uh like the that was to stop growth. But now they're paying that's no longer the rule, but they're paying the price for that because what happened was that um I think it was like the one child policy. Something. Um, and but what what was happening was in like that uh the son was supposed to take care of the family. So what they would do is if they had a daughter, they would get rid of that daughter by the means. And so now there's a discrepancy between men and women. And so now they can't, yeah, so now having trouble uh there's more men than women, or or or or it's roughly, but nonetheless, they're having uh productive issues, and then on top of other things, like you know, people are online more, so they're more in the house on top of that discrepancy between men and women, and you know, now they're having growth issues. Wow, yeah. So so but I I come across there's several ladies that you'll meet, they'll be in their 30s that don't have a child.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's I don't know, I just think it's more rare. Well, I don't want to.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, the older you're getting you're you're right, of course. Yeah, there's gonna be a difference between 18 in college. Facts. Yeah, versus you 30. Yeah, so yes, that's true. Yeah, but um, I don't think it's um I think it's different than when our parents were uh our age, then it's like, damn everybody, you know. Um I there was something that you mentioned that I do want to go back to. Oh, you talked about like the single parent being or uh the single mom being submissive.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I think that's just a um trouble in general. What do you mean? Because submissiveness has a negative connotation attack attached to it. How? Um because they it has like your under me connotation. Oh, like I gotta listen to exactly what you say. Okay, I think somebody taking that. That that I've dated enough to where using that word, now I pay what I do is I pair it. I'm sim and it says it in the Bible. Um I submit to you as you submit to me. Uh-huh. And so I so I pair it in that way, and it's more digestible. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't I don't I don't like I'm the man you submit to me.
SPEAKER_01:I I Yeah, I've never said that. Of course. To anyone. Yeah. Yeah. But I can tell the difference between um, I don't know, it's is is it's kind of biblical too. It's like women that want to be a wife like badly. Usually they or from from my experience, they are the ones that are just like super submissive. Like they they don't care. They want you to lead, they want you to do whatever, and then I got everything else, you know. Um, but I I don't know. Matt, maybe it just it doesn't have a choice but to harden their shell if they're like a single mother, I would assume. Yeah. That's a lot of pressure and a lot of, and you gotta be like I I could tell how a woman would be more in her masculine being like the head of the household for your child for your child.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And so I the overall example I agree with. So, right. I mean, you gotta be the mom and the dad. So you gotta be the disciplinary, yeah. So I I get the concept of that, but I think it happens way before even then. You think so? Yeah, yeah. I think that's because most of us grew in gr grew up in single parent households. So you're you're doing as you see. So you're doing as what your mom is doing. Oh uh. Yeah, so you're and you're you're uh kind of copying her moves, her style. You see how she she is, how disciplinary, you gotta be that way. You gotta be that hard, you know, you don't have you don't have that man in your life. So I so I see it way before it happens then.
SPEAKER_01:So it just you kind of like grow into this person or this learned traits versus um more experience wise.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. So yeah, so that happens then, and then you have the child. I I can see a double down attached to it. Um it just kind of all yeah, because what what kind of confuses me a little bit is that uh when some women have extensive dating history but still don't understand a man. Yeah. Oh, and what a man wants. Yeah, and it's quite simple. And I was like, how do you have how have you not gotten it yet?
SPEAKER_01:You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean it's it's it's I don't know. It seems like it's one and the same of you don't know what you're doing. That's why your dating history is so extensive.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but I uh where's where when are you gonna learn? Like, when are you gonna feel like, hey, regardless, if your dating history is extensive, it can't all be them. Yeah. That's literally even if it's all them, what's how how are you choosing? You know, you gotta question your your methods of what you're looking for. Yeah, so I'd rather you say, hey, this is what I like, and this is what comes with it, and I gotta live within that. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, hey, if you're dating massive cheaters and that's what you and apparently that's what you like, you gotta live like, hey, you know what? This is kind of what comes in my territory. Yes, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm giving a um Painting a very vague picture. But yeah, essentially.
SPEAKER_01:No, I know, I know. Um I've met people like that, like it's I don't know. Just not really knowing what they're doing, like at all. Um, or not even knowing themselves to the point, you know, where they'll wake up and say, I don't know why I just keep attracting the same man, and like, bless you, you know. So that that has happened. And I I do wonder, I'll be wondering going well, I'm kind of like hopping back and forth, but that whole have you um have you talked to somebody before and then they're like you well you remember I I had a conversation um uh uh uh and I was talking to you about it, and then she just said something like me, right? You remember I told you that? She was talking about this dude, and then she was like, Yeah, then you know, I met this faggot, and uh oh, yeah. Right, so yeah, you did tell me that. Yeah, so and then I I was thinking, like, you know, there are certain women who will say, like, yeah, you know, I can get a little spicy or I can get a little this sometimes or that sometimes. So I just really need to be with somebody who can deal with it. Do you have you heard like somebody say something like that before?
SPEAKER_00:I know what you're talking about, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So like for me, that's kind of one and the same of the other thing that we're talking about. About like, do you really do you even know yourself?
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Like, why I I just don't see that being an attractive thing. Like, as soon as I hear that, I'm like, oh, whatever you're downplaying, it's way bigger than that. Like, if if somebody said, Um, yeah, you know, uh, I'll just be in a mood sometimes, and I um, you know, some some days I'm good, some days I'm not, but you know, that that's just a part of me, and I just need to be with somebody who can balance that out for me. Like, why aren't you balanced out? You know what I'm saying? I I feel like it's not attractive at all. If I say, Yeah, you know, I just got anger issues sometimes, and so I just need to be with a soft girl. Bro, I'm a maniac. So I I don't know. Like I that that just it just came to me. Like, I don't understand. I I wonder if some people think they're being open and just vulnerable. Um, but in reality, like, at least for me anyway, as soon as I hear something like that, I'll automatically, it's like a turnoff for me.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I I and I agree with that that point. Uh-huh. Um, because for me, it's like, yeah, that's not something I'm willing to handle. Yeah. Uh the thing I would ask next, is this something you're working on and trying to work on? Or is this just you and whoever got to come has to come in with it? Because otherwise, I'll just gonna view it as a turnoff and uh it's like, hey, thanks. You know, shake your head. It was nice to meet you, but it's just not gonna work. Because if that's if that's your requirements, that's your requirements. Yeah. It's not illegal to be an asshole, right? It's not illegal to be a bitch, a jerk. Uh-huh. So if that's who you want to be, fine. But you gotta accept you as long as you're willing to accept that. Like, hey, you know what? I just gotta be with the insecure guy who just loves me for being beautiful. Right. Yeah, yeah, and and I can have my way with them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, okay. That's that's not me. Yeah. But as long as you know where you're at. So hey, I have no, so even if you was like, bruh, hey, I'm a dick, I need to meet somebody who lets me get my dick shit off. Yeah. Like, okay, well, hey, those are gonna be you're that's gonna reduce the people that you're gonna meet that's willing to put up with that, but that's what you're searching for, and that's just a part of your standards, right? And that's just I appreciate the honesty. Yeah, it's just when you find out, like, oh, you thought you were sweet for real.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, I do, uh, there is a sense of I'm glad you told me that. Yeah, yeah. That saves a lot of time.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. Thank you for being honest. I appreciate honesty, yeah. But but it's the ones that that think they're really nice, but they're not. Yeah, and that's when I'm like, bruh, this ain't even what I signed up for. You know, all right, I I gotta plan my exit because this ain't gonna work for me. You gotta, I'm here to for you. If you want to try to work on things, if I bring your attention and then you throw it on me, like I'm the issue. Yeah, I'm like, what? Like, yeah, I have my own issue. Don't get me wrong. But we how you how you um uh what is the word I I use? Um, because I have I know somebody who does this well. Um it's more of a distracting text me. I'm missing the term that manipulator? Like we're no no, it's like um when um it's it's just like when you're saying, hey, hey, you did this wrong, and then I come, and I'm saying that to you, you did this wrong, and then um you come back to me. But so but deflecting, yes, deflecting technique, yeah, exactly. Yeah, so I hate that shit on everything, yeah. Like I somebody I know is the queen of that. Like, hey, she's you did this wrong, but uh Josh did this, uh-huh, and and it'll be far worse. And then now you you focus on Josh behavior, you know what I'm like like dang, you know, Josh beat his woman. Yeah, like dang, he, you know what I mean? Right. I guess what you did ain't that bad. We need to talk to Josh. Yeah, yeah. So the the deflecting is I seen it, I I know how to counter it.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:Like, nah, we ain't talking about Josh, we on you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um I know, I know people who still get that shit off. Oh, yeah. If I'm like, no, we're here. Why? Yeah, that I don't know. I I be feeling like women are definitely smarter than men. Cause I don't be knowing how uh uh uh over my my span of dating and shit, I don't know how I be in some of these arguments because I know I'm right before we even start arguing. And then like I'll see it happen. I'll I'm like, she about to deflect. She bet I could write this shit all down. I'm still in this in this whole argument. So I don't like that shit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but uh I I don't I don't like it at all. Yeah. Um, but nonetheless, I I was like, hey, we it's just never gonna be about you. That's what and I use this, oh, so you're perfect? So you're saying you don't do anything wrong. Because that's essentially it's you've never did anything wrong in this relationship, because apparently it's all me. Is and and when you put it like that, and you you add that sarcasm, uh sarcasticness attached to it, then it kind of like, yeah, I do every time I do you say something wrong, I can't be perfect. That's impossible. Right. Because only Jesus was perfect, yeah. So yeah, so it has some type of it penetrates just a little bit, but if you're like I said, if I'm willing to help you work on things, and because you're coming to me, I'm the person who's gonna be receptive. I may think I'm going to push back, is what I tell people. It's like, hey, I want to know if I if there's things I need to work on, and there's things that I hear, it's like, you know what? I thought it through, and you're right. Actually, that is actually an issue. Um, and I don't like how when I handle that. Those are conversations that I've literally had. That's it. Um, so I hold myself accountable. If you're unwilling to do the same, then I know it's already telling me this relationship is probably not gonna work.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Because I'm not gonna be in a long-lasting relationship to where we're only addressing my problems and not yours. And I gotta, and I gotta be okay with that. Yeah, I I don't I when we talk about equality, equally yoked, I want to be able, we want to both be able to critique each other. It may not feel good at that moment, right? But I'm like, you know, three months, you don't even do that thing anymore. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So I I I get that though. No, that's that's something that um I depending on the person, and then depending on how well y'all know each other, I think I think it's easier said than done in the beginning of a relationship. But like as it goes on and they know you, that shit hard. That shit is hard to like like you said, you have a technique or whatever, and then you don't okay, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna structure it like this or that. But after they know you for real, they just they know exactly how to like bob and weave and move and shit, depending on who you're with. Yeah, but I feel like I could be wrong, but I feel like every woman has that skill that like they can figure out a way to like deflect, move, and all that type of shit if they choose to do it, right?
SPEAKER_00:And it went I remember trying to like sugarcoat and be very nice and sweet. How I present it. I was like, I think we should you know do it this way, or I I'm having issues trying to figure you out in this manner, and then she's like, nah, it's on you. All right, I tried to be nice. You need to work on this thing, yeah. Click, you know, like it wouldn't be like that direct, but essentially, like, no, I'm not going for that. Either you're gonna have to fix this or we're gonna have issues, it's just not gonna work. Or yeah, or it'll be times to where I'll just be direct to where it's like, hey, you know what? I try to be nice. I gotta actually work, I gotta pay these bills off. Sorry, I can't, I can't be negotiate at this moment, it's just gonna be what it is.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's the fact that I mean, excuse me. Yeah, but no, that shit just definitely depends.
SPEAKER_00:And like I said, you hey, that we didn't sign a contract, you can leave anytime. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh I ain't nobody keeping you here.
SPEAKER_00:That's how it is. Hey, you hey, I'll miss you, I love you, but at the end of the day, hey, if you feel like there's a need for you to you can find better, then I'm happy for you. Uh Kevin Gates said it the best. Please and blessings on your journey. I couldn't have said it any better, Kevin Gates. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:He definitely he be coming through with quotes for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he don't even care, bro. He just be on I I I I just love the man energy. Yeah, yeah, I feel you. He don't care.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:This man clearly like just finished smashing some girl with that, he'll just go on IG Live, just just air little booty. So you gotta just digle him out. You gotta she right there, she don't give a fuck. Yeah, it's too funny, yeah. But um but nah, I wonder, yeah, I wondered that um what I was bringing up uh uh uh that kind of got us into all this, is do people like actually know that that's not like a uh an attractive thing when they say it's usually I haven't heard men do it again. I don't date men, so that makes sense. But uh, but I I just see it more clearly like like from women.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I think, yeah, and I think that, and I'm happy they do it, and I you're not gonna see a lot with men because you know, they we have we be wanting coochie. Yeah, you know like yeah, we ain't gonna come and like hey bruh, I be cheating my ass. You know what I mean? Like so, like I don't want to say we're just liars, yeah, but we I think we lie more than uh well no, I think people know that. I don't know. Let me not try to play the statistics because I don't know, but I I when I talk to guys, I was like, Brad, they just liars, bruh. They ain't shit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so yeah, yeah, but I mean more so like playing the game. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, to to to to end up doing that versus them, yeah, it's it's different. It is different. We definitely have um, or clearly like a lot of guys, just simply that's just the motive. Like, let me get the draws and I gotta be whatever she needs me to be till I can. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, exactly. So that does make sense to you. And that's the woo game. Uh-huh. Yeah, and I feel like that in a way that's what you're supposed to play. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to do all the things, like you're supposed to give the flowers, you're supposed to do this and that, you know. So those are already things you set up to where it's like, I gotta even even though you like I know she loves flowers, I'm gonna get her flowers. Um, but it's like bruh, that's not really in the budget to do so. Yeah, but I gotta do the thing, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So it's like you always have to do what makes her happy in spite of yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, right. So essentially what I'm kind of in talk ourselves.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so so that manifests its way in different ways. So then you become a liar naturally because you can't say how you feel, yeah, because you're gonna scare the coochie away. I mean, yeah, yeah, or or she's gonna be mad and that ruin the day. Yeah, yeah, it could be a and so it's gonna constantly, man's face, it's gonna get bigger, yeah, because you can't be who you wanna be, essentially.
SPEAKER_01:And then no, we ain't going here.
SPEAKER_00:We we going to just you know, it's this uh expensive restaurant again because I know she ain't gonna appreciate you know the dive bar. We gotta go to the Instagram place. Yeah, yeah. Cause I remember one thing, um like how I took you to the uh the the Billard spot.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm a wide already knew you was talking about. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So I took you there. I could I can't take girls there like that. Uh-huh. Um, well, I'll speak direct. F all the yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I was dating, I I told her about the time I was uh that we went there, and she's like, but you now you're going everywhere, you know, like you know, when we had our little breakup. And then I'm like, yeah, cuz I know you ain't gonna like it. So why would I take you there? And then not only that, that's also I gotta pay for you and me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So everything's not the same. So yeah, it's yeah, so I know you ain't gonna like it and it's double. That's like, of course, yeah, I'm on a break. I'm gonna I'm gonna hang out with my dog. Yeah, yeah. That's like I was like, yeah, Steve ain't gonna care about that. I'm not also on Steve's time. He's a grown man. If we gotta leave, we gotta leave. If he wants to stay, he can stay.
SPEAKER_01:Facts.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so so I have to. There's a whole thing of taking you somewhere. Because I gotta worry about how you feel. If you're having fun, you know, yeah, worry about the scenery. Yeah, everything's more expensive. It doesn't that that doesn't quite. So she's like, you just count me out. We went to this one place, we didn't stay but 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_01:And because the vibe was off.
SPEAKER_00:The the I mean it was like a country spot, it wasn't a great place, but it just was more to my point. Uh-huh. Like, I gotta take you to the places that are, you know, got the lights, the Instagram, butterflies, you know what I mean? That you take the murals, that you I gotta do all that because I know that's what you like.
SPEAKER_01:That's funny. That's that's definitely a part of it. I I was on uh I was on the phone with uh uh my homie Broderick. You know, half of my friends are married with kids. Yeah. So and he he he's he's married, um, and he he has a kid. And then we were just talking, and uh it was just clear, like there's there's so many pros and cons on like both sides of like the the the the being in a relationship and all that, and then not because like even even myself now I'm single and shit, but like sometimes it's like damn, like on those like long days and shit, you just just just a woman's touch in general, like it would just calm everything down. And I be thinking about that shit sometimes, and then there's the other side of it, which is like it adds a lot to your life too, you know, that sometimes we won't really be wanting to deal with, uhKA shit. I I could I don't know. Uh if you want to get some fries or some shit somewhere, like that shit could be a fun time. But I gotta go to this certain place just so like she'll be happy then, you know, which makes us have a great night, but also I ain't want to spend that much and I ain't wanna it's like it's so much to to to to to deal with that.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:So uh I just thought about that. I'm like, damn, like it's it's being single is cool and free and all that, but the love thing, that's that's different.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I think it's just yeah, I agree. I think that there's a lot of ways a relationship is very fulfilling. Um being somebody you can confide in is great, you know, that loves you for who you are is absolutely amazing. Um You sound like you just about to say, but fuck all that. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just you're you're you're recently coming out of a relationship, yeah. Right, right.
SPEAKER_00:I think what what I was trying to do was say all the things that I appreciated about a relationship. I didn't want to add a butt to it. Yeah. Because I mean, being single is you and yourself. I got of course you got your own responsibility, like you're single, but you still have a child. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, so it's not really all about you or even myself, because I take care of my grandmother. So it's I I get there's a I there's a lot of my life that I lend to other people. But um, yeah, but I d I want to say the great things about a relationship though, because there is a as much as I, you know, am and uh newly single, there is um things that I think you know would would make me excited about getting to another one. Um and you know, the the the loving you, the appreciating you who you are, the one who's gonna push you, even though you don't really want to be pushed. It's like you know, just having that gym trainer in all aspects, essentially. Just like for your mental. It's like, hey, look you you're gonna they're gonna make you better. Um and it sucks sometimes. It's like ah, I gotta look, you know, that mirror. Yeah, yeah. The things that you feel like is inside, they see that. Yeah, facts. Yeah, yeah. So so yeah, so now I gotta now I gotta work on this thing because it's noticeable. I thought I hid it. Yeah, yeah. So uh that um yeah, it there it's an upgrade element to it as well. There's there's no doubt about it.
SPEAKER_01:Um my life definitely has more structure when I'm in a relationship.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like automatic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, everything matters more. Like I gotta I don't everything, everything just kind of matters. It's got a different level of um uh I don't even like like getting up and going to work and all this type of shit. Like if you know you have a good day or a a day that you actually feel like being like the man or whatever at work, we have that, but like to have somebody, you know, that loves you and shit, and then that you're at work and you're like, damn, I really want to go to this place and like make them have sometimes we want to go, you know. I I gotta work to to to do this, so it's just like more of a responsibility that kind of makes things um that are usually you don't really care too much about it it brings a different meaning to it. So for instance, like if I'm making tacos here, is it's different when I'm making it with my my woman. You know what I'm saying? Like the the even the meal itself is different because now it's like a it's a thing everything matters a little bit more.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, getting loved on feels great. Yeah. Having somebody that appreciates like when you are appreciated, feels amazing. That's an ego boost. Like, yeah, like if somebody is truly happy, like I can't believe I found you, makes you feel the world. It makes you want to, and that was the part of where I wish I could have um penetrated a little bit more. That's like hey, when when I get that positive affirmation, it what makes me want to do more. Yeah, yeah, to receive that. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, hey, when I'm happy and when I feel like I'm appreciated, I'm going to I'm reciproc I'm gonna reciprocate that same energy to you. Yeah, but when I get my energy sucked out, I it makes me want to pull away.
SPEAKER_01:You're right.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so like that that feel good, that possible affirmation is like a magnet. Like, uh oh, I want more of that, I want to get closer.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um so so this is just a lot of great things that you know that you uh miss out when you're single. Um and somebody who's gonna take care of you when you're sick. Yeah, yeah, that's really feels good. Like, hey, she cares about my well-being.
SPEAKER_01:Right, yeah. Someone who like actually cares and knows you, you know what I'm saying? Not like no casual dating. I ain't talking about that. I'm saying like that that you actually feel like that that's your person or whatever. That's that's that's different. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. So it does make me miss it like a little bit, but not yet. Not yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:For me, not yet, but yeah, those are the things I do appreciate. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um you think we did it? Um this was great. Like, I I had like a little one. It was kind of, but how this presented, I just like, oh my goodness, this is a great topic. Yeah, because I have so much experience in it. Uh, so now that I've I guess kind of closing out a little bit, is uh now that I brought, you know, my my situation, how I feel about uh dating a lady with kids, does that change your position at all? Because it's gonna be tough, like I understand that you having a child, but for a man, it's not gonna be the same.
SPEAKER_01:It's not. Um yeah, it's definitely not gonna be the same. Uh that's one thing that I think about it's the the the the the dynamic of a woman with kids and the father. Like, I be thinking about that more than what you said. Clearly, because I haven't been in your shoes, so like you would know more about that. But I think I usually when I think about that, it goes that route. So like I'm wondering, you know, um how these interactions are going to be, you know. I'm saying is it now it's just like two men around a kid, it just something just doesn't feel um I don't know. It's some some something kind of like plucks with me a little bit when it comes to that. So hopefully if I do end up dating someone with kids, that like their situation is good, but like I guess I just fear well not fear, but I I I think about their shit ended up being my shit too. So like if she's mad at the baby daddy, da da da da da now you're my girl. So now it's like I I'm gonna wanna protect you in some some form, even emotionally, but like now y'all shit is my shit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I feel I feel that I I was able to separate her feelings of what they got going on, because that's their rel they they they have a bond tied to each other forever. Yeah. So y'all gonna you being emotionally upset at him uh for whatever reason, that's y'all's thing, that's y'all's relationship, because y'all, even though y'all may be not, you know, uh romantically tied to each other, y'all still gonna have emotionally tied because y'all y'all share a bond, y'all care about y'all's child well being. So if she's frustrating you because he's not, you know, he's skipping out for the weekend or he's not doing what it's supposed to, that's y'all's thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, everything else, if yeah, I mean y'all keep that over there, y'all argue with each other over there, you know, and that's fine with me. Like, yeah, I don't need to uh so I think that's an easy separation now. If he if there's some jealous things that he and he's coming at you sideways about something, or you know, or maybe there's a talk between, you know, parent, you know, parenting and how he thinks to handle.
SPEAKER_01:I think it just it just seems like it's just a lot to deal with.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. So I I think that's just depends on like hey, you know what? I because at the end of the day, like what I said to my nephews, because my nephew my sister dates a guy, and um they maybe didn't respect him at some point, but what I was telling them, I was like, hey, if somebody breaks in the house, he has to protect y'all. Right. So y'all at least need to respect that. And that's why, and that's if I was a parent, or yeah, if I was a parent and there's a guy in my household who's a good dude, or uh that's um with my my baby mama or whatever, then um I'll at least appreciate him like, you know what, you know, um I'll have a conversation like, hey, I appreciate you for you know, because that is your responsibility when I'm not there, and I can at least respect you on that. Yeah. But that would be a conversation that I would want to have, and I was open to that if that was the case. Because who is this man? Fix. Yeah, yeah. So that you want to have some type of info because we have a relationship here. You're right. That's my child I love, and that's who's gonna be behind them the most of the time. And and that child may like him more than me. Right. Yeah, yeah, because we are different men at the end of the day. Yeah, so you know what I mean? So it's it's all a game because now that the uh baby father may be jealous of the man just for the simple tech like, dude, why is my kid always talking about this guy?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:So it's a it's a lot of it's just so much you have to kind of grap grapple with, yeah. That it's like, is it worth it? That's why I said that's why I lean on she has to be phenomenal because there's a lot more than just hey, I have a child. I'm like yeah, yeah, that means a lot. So hey, you gotta compensate for that in some type of way.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So, and that's like, hey, some things that what you may be able to get away when you don't have a child, you can't get away with here. At least with me. That's my standard. Like I said, you can find somebody else who's willing to put up with that, fine.
SPEAKER_01:That's you. That's why, yeah, that's that's that's a lot. That's a lot to even like think about. Um, because I definitely, yeah, if uh uh uh I mean it's inevitable, you know, eventually Kyle's mom, she's gonna be dating, or she probably has or whatever, but if something were to get serious, then I definitely would want to have just some type just just to be aware, you know, uh of what's going on. But still, that's literally the what I'm thinking. Like if I feel like that, then the other whoever I'm dating, they gotta feel like that. So it's just I don't know. It's just it's it's it's it's just more steps that you have to um make sure that you're ready for when you signing up for it. So I I I don't know. It just seems like I mean the way the cards are looking right now, again, I I see more and more women uh not pregnant but have kids already. So, you know, I'll I'll meet that whenever I um or if I end up dating someone with kids. But it it is something to think about. It is, it's like um, yeah, especially like you know, like actually caring about that person and caring about the dynamic of the household and all that type of shit. Like it's it's it's just a bigger responsibility to to sign up for. And I do I do be thinking, I don't I don't know, um about that masculine shit though. Yeah, every every woman ain't the same. Every woman ain't the same. But um I do something doesn't really f I I I completely understand it, but something doesn't fully sit well knowing that I'll never be as important to the girl than her child. It just feels I don't something about that makes me feel like I'll never like reach a certain level. Because if I have a child with someone, then it's uh God, husband, uh what is it? God, you know, God, um husband, wife, kids. Yeah, right. But it ain't gonna be in that order. I I think. But I I'm almost kind of judging you if you do have it in that order. You know what I'm saying? Like, why am I more important than your kid?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, but to be in that position, that's something about that doesn't like it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think because the idea that I believe um is because that's the leader of the household, that's the one who's gonna make the decision. You know, he's the protector. So you gotta, if he this is a person who's gonna protect the house, he's gonna die for us. Then hey, he needs hey, he needs to be above, and I don't want to say above us, essentially, but he he needs to be that head and he needs to lead. So if I'm choosing him to be my mate, then I ultimately have to be fine about the decision making uh his decision-making skills. And if he says, hey, I may not feel like he needs to be in timeout for that, but if he feels like he is, all right, you know what I mean? Yeah, because this is ultimately a decision that could probably and I know we're going over time a little bit, but what I ultimately land at because we it was um it was really more it was I I'll use an example of my nephew, um and um he's was young. I think I've told the story on the podcast, but pretty much I had spanked him because he was being disrespectful at his c age, and then when I when he got mad, he got around his my sister and then he kicked me. Like, oh well, you're getting another one. Yeah, yeah. So, but now but then uh my ex-girlfriend at the time was like, What if he hates you? And I said, Oh well. Like, oh well, you know what I mean? Because as long as you're respect there, who cares? Because what I'm not is like I'm your uncle, I wish the best for you. When I spanked him, I hated doing it. It did not feel good. That's the last thing I want to do is put pain into my into my uh nephew. Um, but I gotta do what needs to be done, whether I feel good about it or not. Yeah, because something can be the life or death of him. And if there's no respect there, if he doesn't trust me to give him guidance, if yeah, then then I'm failing in a way. So, but then what happened when we went to DC? Uh Cameron's like, where's Justin at? You know, and then I looked at her like, yeah, that's how it goes. Kids need discipline, they respect it at the end of the day, and I and I'm tripling down on that. Yeah, yeah. They don't respect parents that don't give them discipline. I know that for a fact. So they're gonna run over you and not care, and that's not gonna be best because they're gonna think they can run over everybody else in their life too, and not respect their elders, even though the elders wish the best for them. And so now they're going off of their parents' advice, and their peers don't know anything, they haven't experienced life. So they're telling you how to do things and what you should do. That's not going to work. Yeah, that's why you get experienced people right around you, that's why you get mentor. I got a mentor I lean for guidance. What they say, oh geez. Yeah, get somebody who's been through some things that can tell you something.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Yeah, so I feel like I need a mentor.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, for sure. I I I I highly recommend it. It's I can't tell you how important mine has been to me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just somebody who's like, hey, because we all need that. Yeah. Like, I yearn for it, you know. Yeah, yeah. I was like, okay, yeah. Somebody who I can just who can say, hey, you know what? I my friend, if they didn't go through it, hey, I got a friend who's been the exact same way. And if you don't get this fixed, this can happen. Yeah. The Bible says this. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, oh my goodness, I never saw it in that way. Oh, things there is light at the end of the tunnel. You know, I may be down and out right now, but all I have to do is, you know, push through it and I'll become a better man. Yeah, so it's like a a a million reasons on why.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So I think it's worth it. I I highly recommend to man, woman, please get you a mentor if you can. Please open up, get guidance, get feedback, honest feedback. Right. Because a lot of people have yes men and women around them who just tell them how it is. Or not tell them. Exactly. They just said, Oh, it's him. Oh, you need to get rid of that. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I can't believe it's like, okay, you need somebody like, okay, so what what did you do to cause it that handle that way? Okay, so it's it's both of y'all. Or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So those conversations definitely help for sure. Uh to not be surrounded by the yes, ma'am. Absolutely. But I I do want to stop before it. Yeah, I got you. Yeah. All right.
SPEAKER_00:Well, this is two for the culture. Yeah. No, I was gonna say, but I was like, damn, what podcast is this? It is two for the culture. We'll be back. We love y'all. All right. Peace.